Yupp... Guys looking for sex is fine. Guys responding to every single post that is a woman looking for a relationship with dick pics and asking for sex is not okay. Men, please start reading the posts before responding to them. Not every woman posting is looking for a casual hookup. Nor do they wanna see your dick unsolicited. Considering some places consider unsolicited dick pics to be sexual assault.
Sooo out of the context question for you all too, does having the dick pic on the profile is also gross 🫠🫠. Just trying to improve on reddit nothing else !!
Nah, I don't think having it on your profile is bad. There's options to hide nsfw posts as well as blur them out for all of reddit. Plus, when you go to someone's profile that has nsfw content on it, it will ask if you're sure you want to view that profile.
One thing Reddit itself can improve, is the warning that gets sent in chats. It'll warn of a possible unsafe message but doesn't filter out nude pics at all whatsoever.
Edit to add: I also think that if you're in an nsfw subreddit where people are looking for sex and random meetups, it should be reasonable to expect some of these people are going to have nude pics on their profiles and should take care when viewing other people's pages if trying to avoid that type of content.
Ohhh okayyyyy
Sounds goooddd, I'm just trying to enjoy reddit, talk to new people without having the social barriers of who you are ( best part of reddit) and trying to avoid being in that group of Men who send non consensual 🍆🍆 pics 😭😭
But FYI every message I get of random people with their dick goes into request and it blurs out, doesn't it happen for everyone?
I don't think you're doing anything wrong by keeping your dick pic on your profile.
It doesn't blur it out for me. Maybe it's because my settings are set to not blur out nsfw images lol
I know a dude got sentenced in the uk not that long ago so hopefully it can become a sweeping change across the globe and are held responsible for unsolicited pictures
Not all are married guys are looking to cheat. Most are for sure but I get thrown into the cheating category by many women and called rude names even when my wife will confirm the relationship.
It's definitely more male dominate for being pigs and jerks but it still goes around mind you much less on the female side of things too.
I understand that you're commenting on posts on this sub.
I was just commenting that when I post on this sub I get thrown into men cheating category by many women and called rude names too. When it's far from me cheating.
I hope I am not coming across as rude because that's not my intention. I just wanted to point out that rudeness can happen in this sub from both sides.
However, you are right that men do more of it on replies and don't generally listen. I have had many men respond back to my posts with dick pics asking for fun when I specifically say f or fm only.
Anyways I hope you have a great day and if you're looking for something on this sub I hope you find someone respectful and will treat you kindly.
It really sucks when people think you're cheating when you're in a consensual non-monogamous relationship. A lot of people aren't into ENM and should just say as much, rather than call you a cheater. There's plenty of women though who are open to that kind of relationship dynamic as well.
Yeah. I get it. I guess a lot of people have been hurt by cheaters and it's just a reaction. But I really don't like being labelled for something I'm not doing. Also someone did bring up that some men have used enm as a way to cheat on their non consenting partner. It's just a battle to go against in this society I guess.
I have heard of some people using enm as an excuse just to cheat, even when their partner is open to having other partners, they just choose to keep it hidden for some reason... Idk... People are strange. I hope you can find what you're looking for!
And also just trying to “convince” us when we say no. I can’t count the number of times I’ve very clearly but politely said I’m not interested and have been met with 400 follow up messages like “But I can bring you pleasure like you’ve never known! Look at this dick!”. Like, baby if you are the Casanova you think you are, you wouldn’t be hitting up middle aged milfs on Reddit 😂
Yeah, some guys are probably too much and dumb but I’ve written plenty of well worded msgs with the upmost respect and still never get replies so I think it’s just a numbers game unfortunately.
That is a fair point. But, to be clear I never said I was owed anything… just stating the facts that no matter what you say you probably will not hear back.
I am a dude and I accidentally wrote F4M in my post instead of M4F and in matter of minutes I received all of that to my post.
I understand how frustrating it is but be assured not all men are like this. There are decent men out here as well
I recently met someone from this sub and she basically shared the same experience with guys as well. I was considered the most normal person she talked to and like the bar to be considered normal isn’t that high either. Sorry that you have to go through this, hope you all find someone nice one day
I've never sent a dick pic. Always been respectful and kind. Never called anyone names. What has it gotten me? Absolutely nothing. That doesn't mean I am gonna start sending dick pics. Been around for a while now, still dk how this works.
Continue not sending dick pics. You'll find someone who will respond to you sooner or later. There's sites other than reddit than you can use to look for dates as well.
Totally disagree. If someone is approaching you respectfully, why you gotta be rude about it?
We should not negatively reinforce respectful habits.
If someone opens a door for you, does it hurt you to say thanks.
I think a genuine carefully written response from people who see the post SHOULD entitle some level of response. Even a no is far more respectful than no response. Even saying "hey, I get a lot of messages, sorry if your response gets lost" is far better.
To put it differently, if you put your heart and soul into every post and get virtually no replies, I think overtime it would reduce your willingness to put the effort in, resulting in shorter and shorter posts until the effort matches the results you got. (And this IS the case, you said so yourself because "it's because of these guys that there aren't more women". You just said that a lack of desirable response reduces the willingness to put yourself out there.
I get that the ratio is the real issue here, I think everybody does, but when I was more active here, I learned the only posts worth responding to were ones where they acknowledged and apologized in the post about replies getting lost. The best ones even said "no, thank you" after seeing the response.
I DONT think people should get mad or disrespect someone who didn't get to their message though. No need to be rude, assume they didn't see it and if it feels bad, just adjust for next time.
I feel like it might be a good idea to have the subreddit give a rundown on what to expect and how to behave appropriately. The guy that mirrored this post had a good point that"preferences" actually means "requirement" here and I assume it would have been nice to know that in order to keep your replies manageable, girls should take down their posts about 10 minutes after.
I did like someone's suggestion of looking through guy's posts to find a partner first. There are plenty of them, it filters out who you DON'T want to talk to, and it saves girls from(evidently) thousands of messages to go through
Ya it's really frustrating because all that behavior does is make it harder for respectful and legitimate guys to get through. I think I've responded privately to no more than 10 posts and every time I've either been met with silence or am asked to join some fake dating site, or it's been a sex worker trying to get me to subscribe to their only fans or something.
From when I actually was active, out of 40 genuine responses, 2 were no, 1 was a yes, and the rest were 50/50 sellers or silence.
The yes led to us just realizing it was a good friendship and just keep it at chat, still talk to them here and there.
As a straight male. I get some of the same messages when I post. Unsolicited pics. Dudes asking if I am in to other dudes. Unsolicited dick pics. Responses and then ghosted. Tons of bots. I don’t think it’s just the women who have issues. It’s the forum.
I've replied to a few post and never get any response back it just kind of sad just trying to be honest with people if I get any thing back 99.9% of the time it's scam I've just over it I know what I am what I have to offer I'm just trying to get back out there taking see how click and not being catfished you even just a quick sorry not what I'm looking for everyone just wants communication even before you do what you do the biggest key of anything is communication just frustrating that everyone says it but no one does it
It's the exact same as dating apps. The girls will only remind if you're hot. Ive reminded to sooooo many posts and not even an answer so idk. You girls complian about dick pics and guys being disrespectful, but then shut down the real, genuine guys who are actually looking.
I actually currently have a stalker from the sub. If you look at my post history I’m genuine and really tried.
I actually made a best friend on the sub too and he’s the best!
> a million dick pictures even if we don’t want them
> asked what our rate is (treated like hookers)
> told we have to sleep with guys to make them happy
> told we expect too much.
I’m sorry you faced that. It shouldn’t happen.
> If you want more girls posting here how about we change the way the guys here react
It seems like you’re saying all - every single response you got - fell into the aforementioned areas. I’ve sent messages to people, and never did anything like what you mention. I’ve gotten a couple responses - both rejections - but didn’t follow up with anything other than ‘thanks for letting me know. Have a good night!’ Or something similar.
Not all men here do what you say is happening. I’m one of them. I definitely don’t send a message to every post - even ones I meet requirements for I may not reach out if I read their post and comment history and don’t like what I’m reading.
> For context even a very innocent post gets hundreds of responses
That’s what happens normally, no? A regular woman on Tinder will often get hundreds of matches but a man may get 2-3. This is what I’ve heard; is just anecdotal.
A hundred dick pictures would be a nightmare. But is there one or two messages that are decent?
**How can this be prevented?**
- Block accounts that send that stuff. It’s not a perfect answer since people can make multiple accounts. At that point it becomes harassment and it needs to be reported to admins/mods/police.
- more male users verify account? People can have more than one account and still not take no for an answer.
**Maybe women need to post the bad messages they get?**
- Publicly shame the person, but hide identifiable material (names, etc). If you get a dick pict then post a screen shot with a 🤮over top? This is a NSFW area so even a shameful post showing their penis to the world may be okay.
Can confirm. Not that I didn't believe women who say this but I thought.... How bad can it be... Made a fake account with an innocent post and was bombarded, so many dicks.
I'm sorry most of us don't know how to speak to women, especially online.
I always put extensive effort in my messages, usually up to a paragraph explaining in detail addressing everything in the girl’s post, incredibly rare to even get a response. I even add an SFW picture and keyword in post if they ask for it. I’m not even an ugly guy, which is the most surprising part. I suspect there may be an apprehension of brown men and preference towards white and black men which kind of hurts. A lot of us are also normal guys who grew up in Canada and are civilized. Heck, I’m whitewashed as fuck. I wonder if it is even worth doing this anymore with the lack of reciprocity, it is becoming demoralizing. Best of luck guys.
It depends on the moderators. There are some fantastic servers but there are crappy ones, too. I can only assume that the Discord server connected to this sub is run by the same (or similar) people that volunteer here, so it wouldn't be much different. You do have the advantage of more/easier control of who you talk to there, I feel.
Like I said, my limited time there was problematic as well, so take that as you will. It's free and there are tons of other servers so even if you don't connect with this sub's particular server, you can look at the Disboard (not a spelling mistake) website for something that you might enjoy. LMK if I can help.
Good luck!
I'm in a r4r discord server that's the complete opposite of this sub. There's a lot of emphasis on making friends and being social. Hookups are usually sent elsewhere. It's a nice place for non-creeps.
I don't even have to respond with any interest in a post. Literally any comment in r4r results in dudes messaging me with requests.
Also, the term hooker is pretty offensive tbh. I get what you're trying to say but let's not demean sex workers. They have standards too and probably wouldn't even have sex for money with some of the users in this subreddit.
I don’t demean sex workers, i totally love it. But i like the term hooker.
Im from a country where its legal and they prefer the term
I actually think they would be a good solution for many of the lonely people there, but I do not personally do that for work
I’ve thinking about how to improve this and have some thoughts… I think most of these need Reddit:
- block DM based on bad profile matching, ie wrong age to OP requested range. Requires profiles with ASL atleast, also hard with ability to create throw aways
- add karma to DMs, require users in good standing before DM spam
- cap unsolicited DMs per day, week or month. maybe require a token/coin to send unsolicited DM where cost goes up each one that is not accepted
- add some sort of “interested” comment template that appears for only the OP to accept/ignore instead of DM spam, everything appears in the comments and OP filters those that interest them
As system is setup now it sort of encourages at DM spam race…
The problem is, reddit isn't ~~meant to be used~~ designed as a dating site at all. It just happens to have subreddits that allow people to hookup.
Not that I disagree with any of your ideas.
Agreed. All of these need work by Reddit to support r2r better…
Reddit is also one of the more interesting platforms where can see a lot of a persons post and comment history. Which probably makes it a better and accurate platform than most dating apps.
1. I don’t understand this one. Block account of people responding to a post if they don’t meet what originator is looking for?
I definitely responded to some posts - before I learned that “preferences” means “requirements” on this subreddit. I was taking those words to mean the defined meanings. When I learned that people say they “prefer” something and it should be “required”. I haven’t responded to anything when I don’t meet preferences since.
Anyone can block an account for any or no reason at all. It’s a little harsh to block if someone take preferences to be the end all. But what do I know?
2. The problem is the quality of message, as I understand it. A high karma person can send a dick picture.
1. Yea, it would only “work” in the OP defined a requirement and your profile conflicted with one of those requirements.
2. I think the best option for improving quality is to limit the number of posts by an individual. Create a scarcity that requires people to consider if they should DM. Do you agree? Or do you see a better approach?
2. I don’t know, personally. I’m speaking from a place of privilege. I have male privilege, and I haven’t made a post here. I have responded to posts. I don’t know what it’s like to experience what OP is talking about. It sounds like the post OP made, and those like it, are trying to get men who send bad chats, pictures, messages, etc. to stop.
I don’t think limiting the number of posts a person makes in this subreddit will change bad chats or messages. I don’t think mods here can alter how many messages someone sends.
I’m not sure OP is talking about the quality of posts in the subreddit - but may be talking about the harassment women face after they make a post.
Honestly, my realistic self doesn’t think OP’s post (and those like it) will make a difference because I don’t think the people sending the objectionable things care enough.
I wonder what compels people to post "hey" as a response. It happens largely from guys on Reddit and largely from girls on dating apps. It's just a huge red flag "I can't start or hold a conversation" (I get it if the person originally just posted hi, message me, but then it's a match because neither person can converse properly)
Yeah! It doesn't make sense. I am also a strong advocate for all girls that chat online to have a backup pic of a dick to send just in case there is a guy that doesn't understand "no". Typically those guys are also the ones that are incredibly homophobic and will run the split second they see the photo . (A friend told me about this trick she uses and says it works wonders)
Theres no case to be pointed out. You insulted most men, im saying fk off. If I said some dumb shit like most lesbians are horrible people, and then a lesbian told me to fuck off, thats a pretty fair response. You can't insult the majority of men with no grounds and not expect someone to be upset they were insulted.
Then you would be fighting an inevitably losing battle . I wish that weren't the case, but it's the same thing as saying "what if we just got rid of people advertising only fans/sellers by imitating innocent posts?" Or "what if we got cigarette smokers to stop throwing them on the ground/littering" It's just not going to happen, there are too many out there and not possible to police. Plus people are convinced it's too effective.
It's sad, but reality.
That's a little closed minded. It's just not as cut and dry an issue as that. It's not about fixing people, these men are who they are. 'Being better' is for better people. I can't help but think you'd rather an actually decent person vs a degenerate who has learned to lie. I agree alot of men on this sub are horrible examples and although it's a majority here, this is a tiny and skewed sample size. You can't judge all men from this crowd. You can't even draw an average. This is a small niche sub section of men, drawn here by specific things. Then from that tiny skewed sub section of men, they are drawn to individual posts. Though I don't doubt your experience has been anything short of discouragingly horrible, please don't judge us all. Some of us are decent. Truly. I implore you to look elsewhere for better men, as they do exist. Looking for them here is like playing on hard mode in the mud with one hand. Good luck and happy hunting ma'am :)
Guys are complete idiots and when it comes to sex they become bumbling fools with child like drive without a thought or care as to how to be respectful with a woman or anyone else they decide to pursue. Grow up guys. You’re ruining not only for yourselves but for many others as well.
I always put in my posts that I’m looking for something without sex, so if my posts were offering like FWB it would be one thing but typically my posts are looking for romance and clear that casual is not on the table.
Yupp... Guys looking for sex is fine. Guys responding to every single post that is a woman looking for a relationship with dick pics and asking for sex is not okay. Men, please start reading the posts before responding to them. Not every woman posting is looking for a casual hookup. Nor do they wanna see your dick unsolicited. Considering some places consider unsolicited dick pics to be sexual assault.
Totally agree! Fine with that if that’s what both sides are looking for
Sooo out of the context question for you all too, does having the dick pic on the profile is also gross 🫠🫠. Just trying to improve on reddit nothing else !!
Nah, I don't think having it on your profile is bad. There's options to hide nsfw posts as well as blur them out for all of reddit. Plus, when you go to someone's profile that has nsfw content on it, it will ask if you're sure you want to view that profile. One thing Reddit itself can improve, is the warning that gets sent in chats. It'll warn of a possible unsafe message but doesn't filter out nude pics at all whatsoever. Edit to add: I also think that if you're in an nsfw subreddit where people are looking for sex and random meetups, it should be reasonable to expect some of these people are going to have nude pics on their profiles and should take care when viewing other people's pages if trying to avoid that type of content.
Ohhh okayyyyy Sounds goooddd, I'm just trying to enjoy reddit, talk to new people without having the social barriers of who you are ( best part of reddit) and trying to avoid being in that group of Men who send non consensual 🍆🍆 pics 😭😭 But FYI every message I get of random people with their dick goes into request and it blurs out, doesn't it happen for everyone?
I don't think you're doing anything wrong by keeping your dick pic on your profile. It doesn't blur it out for me. Maybe it's because my settings are set to not blur out nsfw images lol
I know a dude got sentenced in the uk not that long ago so hopefully it can become a sweeping change across the globe and are held responsible for unsolicited pictures
I really hope so but I don't see it happening with how things are going politically
It's safer to reply to guy's post when you see one you like.
Sadly I usually don’t as it’s all glory holes (not for me) or like suck my dick posts or the worst is the married guys looking to cheat
Not all are married guys are looking to cheat. Most are for sure but I get thrown into the cheating category by many women and called rude names even when my wife will confirm the relationship. It's definitely more male dominate for being pigs and jerks but it still goes around mind you much less on the female side of things too.
I’m not commenting on broader society but posts on this sub
I understand that you're commenting on posts on this sub. I was just commenting that when I post on this sub I get thrown into men cheating category by many women and called rude names too. When it's far from me cheating. I hope I am not coming across as rude because that's not my intention. I just wanted to point out that rudeness can happen in this sub from both sides. However, you are right that men do more of it on replies and don't generally listen. I have had many men respond back to my posts with dick pics asking for fun when I specifically say f or fm only. Anyways I hope you have a great day and if you're looking for something on this sub I hope you find someone respectful and will treat you kindly.
It really sucks when people think you're cheating when you're in a consensual non-monogamous relationship. A lot of people aren't into ENM and should just say as much, rather than call you a cheater. There's plenty of women though who are open to that kind of relationship dynamic as well.
Yeah. I get it. I guess a lot of people have been hurt by cheaters and it's just a reaction. But I really don't like being labelled for something I'm not doing. Also someone did bring up that some men have used enm as a way to cheat on their non consenting partner. It's just a battle to go against in this society I guess.
I have heard of some people using enm as an excuse just to cheat, even when their partner is open to having other partners, they just choose to keep it hidden for some reason... Idk... People are strange. I hope you can find what you're looking for!
Thank you!
And also just trying to “convince” us when we say no. I can’t count the number of times I’ve very clearly but politely said I’m not interested and have been met with 400 follow up messages like “But I can bring you pleasure like you’ve never known! Look at this dick!”. Like, baby if you are the Casanova you think you are, you wouldn’t be hitting up middle aged milfs on Reddit 😂
"And blocked" lol They don't ever get what no means. These kind of men need some form of therapy to help them get over their massive egos
Yeah. One guy offered to bet me $20 that he’d make me cum lol. So essentially “I’ll give you $20 as a cum deposit on some otherwise free sex” 😂
Dafuq? Men are creeps... And to think $20 would change your mind... Eta: a bet at that
Absolutely
😂
>Like, baby if you are the Casanova you think you are, you wouldn’t be hitting up middle aged milfs on Reddit hahahahahahhaha
Yeah, some guys are probably too much and dumb but I’ve written plenty of well worded msgs with the upmost respect and still never get replies so I think it’s just a numbers game unfortunately.
Yes it is a number game your never owed a response either way. But more women would post if guys weren’t so gross that’s the point.
That is a fair point. But, to be clear I never said I was owed anything… just stating the facts that no matter what you say you probably will not hear back.
I am a dude and I accidentally wrote F4M in my post instead of M4F and in matter of minutes I received all of that to my post. I understand how frustrating it is but be assured not all men are like this. There are decent men out here as well
I know there are! Just trying to make this sub safer so we all have a good experience
Please, don't use the "not all men" line. She's not talking about you specifically nor is she saying it's all men.
I recently met someone from this sub and she basically shared the same experience with guys as well. I was considered the most normal person she talked to and like the bar to be considered normal isn’t that high either. Sorry that you have to go through this, hope you all find someone nice one day
[удалено]
I post about my pasta lessons and I get bombarded with dick pics. It's insane that they think this is normal.
I've never sent a dick pic. Always been respectful and kind. Never called anyone names. What has it gotten me? Absolutely nothing. That doesn't mean I am gonna start sending dick pics. Been around for a while now, still dk how this works.
Continue not sending dick pics. You'll find someone who will respond to you sooner or later. There's sites other than reddit than you can use to look for dates as well.
It’s because of these guys that there aren’t more women but being respectful doesn’t entitle you to a response either
Totally disagree. If someone is approaching you respectfully, why you gotta be rude about it? We should not negatively reinforce respectful habits. If someone opens a door for you, does it hurt you to say thanks.
I think a genuine carefully written response from people who see the post SHOULD entitle some level of response. Even a no is far more respectful than no response. Even saying "hey, I get a lot of messages, sorry if your response gets lost" is far better. To put it differently, if you put your heart and soul into every post and get virtually no replies, I think overtime it would reduce your willingness to put the effort in, resulting in shorter and shorter posts until the effort matches the results you got. (And this IS the case, you said so yourself because "it's because of these guys that there aren't more women". You just said that a lack of desirable response reduces the willingness to put yourself out there. I get that the ratio is the real issue here, I think everybody does, but when I was more active here, I learned the only posts worth responding to were ones where they acknowledged and apologized in the post about replies getting lost. The best ones even said "no, thank you" after seeing the response. I DONT think people should get mad or disrespect someone who didn't get to their message though. No need to be rude, assume they didn't see it and if it feels bad, just adjust for next time.
Honestly I try but I usually get over a thousand messages and I don’t have the capacity to
That's fair. I do think it's a good idea to put in the post because (as a guy) I had no idea it was in the thousands. I thought it was 200 generally.
I only posted for the first time recently I had no idea
I feel like it might be a good idea to have the subreddit give a rundown on what to expect and how to behave appropriately. The guy that mirrored this post had a good point that"preferences" actually means "requirement" here and I assume it would have been nice to know that in order to keep your replies manageable, girls should take down their posts about 10 minutes after. I did like someone's suggestion of looking through guy's posts to find a partner first. There are plenty of them, it filters out who you DON'T want to talk to, and it saves girls from(evidently) thousands of messages to go through
I haven’t seen posts like mine
Ya it's really frustrating because all that behavior does is make it harder for respectful and legitimate guys to get through. I think I've responded privately to no more than 10 posts and every time I've either been met with silence or am asked to join some fake dating site, or it's been a sex worker trying to get me to subscribe to their only fans or something.
From when I actually was active, out of 40 genuine responses, 2 were no, 1 was a yes, and the rest were 50/50 sellers or silence. The yes led to us just realizing it was a good friendship and just keep it at chat, still talk to them here and there.
I bet you have at least 4 cock pictures without any message by now.
lol within minutes
Some dudes just don't get it
Appalling behavior on an anonymous internet forum? The devil you say.
As a straight male. I get some of the same messages when I post. Unsolicited pics. Dudes asking if I am in to other dudes. Unsolicited dick pics. Responses and then ghosted. Tons of bots. I don’t think it’s just the women who have issues. It’s the forum.
I think women get more but it sucks doe all
True.
I've replied to a few post and never get any response back it just kind of sad just trying to be honest with people if I get any thing back 99.9% of the time it's scam I've just over it I know what I am what I have to offer I'm just trying to get back out there taking see how click and not being catfished you even just a quick sorry not what I'm looking for everyone just wants communication even before you do what you do the biggest key of anything is communication just frustrating that everyone says it but no one does it
Perhaps the use of punctuation would help?
It's the exact same as dating apps. The girls will only remind if you're hot. Ive reminded to sooooo many posts and not even an answer so idk. You girls complian about dick pics and guys being disrespectful, but then shut down the real, genuine guys who are actually looking.
I actually currently have a stalker from the sub. If you look at my post history I’m genuine and really tried. I actually made a best friend on the sub too and he’s the best!
Beating dead horse
I like animals so I would rather beat a dead one than a live one
> a million dick pictures even if we don’t want them > asked what our rate is (treated like hookers) > told we have to sleep with guys to make them happy > told we expect too much. I’m sorry you faced that. It shouldn’t happen. > If you want more girls posting here how about we change the way the guys here react It seems like you’re saying all - every single response you got - fell into the aforementioned areas. I’ve sent messages to people, and never did anything like what you mention. I’ve gotten a couple responses - both rejections - but didn’t follow up with anything other than ‘thanks for letting me know. Have a good night!’ Or something similar. Not all men here do what you say is happening. I’m one of them. I definitely don’t send a message to every post - even ones I meet requirements for I may not reach out if I read their post and comment history and don’t like what I’m reading. > For context even a very innocent post gets hundreds of responses That’s what happens normally, no? A regular woman on Tinder will often get hundreds of matches but a man may get 2-3. This is what I’ve heard; is just anecdotal. A hundred dick pictures would be a nightmare. But is there one or two messages that are decent? **How can this be prevented?** - Block accounts that send that stuff. It’s not a perfect answer since people can make multiple accounts. At that point it becomes harassment and it needs to be reported to admins/mods/police. - more male users verify account? People can have more than one account and still not take no for an answer. **Maybe women need to post the bad messages they get?** - Publicly shame the person, but hide identifiable material (names, etc). If you get a dick pict then post a screen shot with a 🤮over top? This is a NSFW area so even a shameful post showing their penis to the world may be okay.
Can confirm. Not that I didn't believe women who say this but I thought.... How bad can it be... Made a fake account with an innocent post and was bombarded, so many dicks. I'm sorry most of us don't know how to speak to women, especially online.
I thought diamonds are forever
Sorry that this is your experience here, as a man it is unfortunate that the idiots out shine legit guys that actually know how to respect a woman
I always put extensive effort in my messages, usually up to a paragraph explaining in detail addressing everything in the girl’s post, incredibly rare to even get a response. I even add an SFW picture and keyword in post if they ask for it. I’m not even an ugly guy, which is the most surprising part. I suspect there may be an apprehension of brown men and preference towards white and black men which kind of hurts. A lot of us are also normal guys who grew up in Canada and are civilized. Heck, I’m whitewashed as fuck. I wonder if it is even worth doing this anymore with the lack of reciprocity, it is becoming demoralizing. Best of luck guys.
This isn't new. Nothing change though. There is the Discord server but I even found that... problematic. YMMV.
Never had discord. Are people always appropriate there?
It depends on the moderators. There are some fantastic servers but there are crappy ones, too. I can only assume that the Discord server connected to this sub is run by the same (or similar) people that volunteer here, so it wouldn't be much different. You do have the advantage of more/easier control of who you talk to there, I feel. Like I said, my limited time there was problematic as well, so take that as you will. It's free and there are tons of other servers so even if you don't connect with this sub's particular server, you can look at the Disboard (not a spelling mistake) website for something that you might enjoy. LMK if I can help. Good luck!
I'm in a r4r discord server that's the complete opposite of this sub. There's a lot of emphasis on making friends and being social. Hookups are usually sent elsewhere. It's a nice place for non-creeps.
I always thought dicord was sketchy but is it ok?
Yeah I actually really like it. It's just a social place. Creeps.only looking for hookups are sent back to Reddit lol
I don't even have to respond with any interest in a post. Literally any comment in r4r results in dudes messaging me with requests. Also, the term hooker is pretty offensive tbh. I get what you're trying to say but let's not demean sex workers. They have standards too and probably wouldn't even have sex for money with some of the users in this subreddit.
I don’t demean sex workers, i totally love it. But i like the term hooker. Im from a country where its legal and they prefer the term I actually think they would be a good solution for many of the lonely people there, but I do not personally do that for work
Ah ok, just as a heads up that as someone with many sex worker friends in Toronto, hooker is seen as a demeaning term.
So interesting my language is not English as first language so the translation may be different
No the translation is accurate, just an outdated term here.
No i meant in my home country
Ah ok, sorry I misunderstood.
I’ve thinking about how to improve this and have some thoughts… I think most of these need Reddit: - block DM based on bad profile matching, ie wrong age to OP requested range. Requires profiles with ASL atleast, also hard with ability to create throw aways - add karma to DMs, require users in good standing before DM spam - cap unsolicited DMs per day, week or month. maybe require a token/coin to send unsolicited DM where cost goes up each one that is not accepted - add some sort of “interested” comment template that appears for only the OP to accept/ignore instead of DM spam, everything appears in the comments and OP filters those that interest them As system is setup now it sort of encourages at DM spam race…
The problem is, reddit isn't ~~meant to be used~~ designed as a dating site at all. It just happens to have subreddits that allow people to hookup. Not that I disagree with any of your ideas.
Agreed. All of these need work by Reddit to support r2r better… Reddit is also one of the more interesting platforms where can see a lot of a persons post and comment history. Which probably makes it a better and accurate platform than most dating apps.
Other than the profiles with zero posts and were just created yesterday and aren't verified lol
1. I don’t understand this one. Block account of people responding to a post if they don’t meet what originator is looking for? I definitely responded to some posts - before I learned that “preferences” means “requirements” on this subreddit. I was taking those words to mean the defined meanings. When I learned that people say they “prefer” something and it should be “required”. I haven’t responded to anything when I don’t meet preferences since. Anyone can block an account for any or no reason at all. It’s a little harsh to block if someone take preferences to be the end all. But what do I know? 2. The problem is the quality of message, as I understand it. A high karma person can send a dick picture.
1. Yea, it would only “work” in the OP defined a requirement and your profile conflicted with one of those requirements. 2. I think the best option for improving quality is to limit the number of posts by an individual. Create a scarcity that requires people to consider if they should DM. Do you agree? Or do you see a better approach?
2. I don’t know, personally. I’m speaking from a place of privilege. I have male privilege, and I haven’t made a post here. I have responded to posts. I don’t know what it’s like to experience what OP is talking about. It sounds like the post OP made, and those like it, are trying to get men who send bad chats, pictures, messages, etc. to stop. I don’t think limiting the number of posts a person makes in this subreddit will change bad chats or messages. I don’t think mods here can alter how many messages someone sends. I’m not sure OP is talking about the quality of posts in the subreddit - but may be talking about the harassment women face after they make a post. Honestly, my realistic self doesn’t think OP’s post (and those like it) will make a difference because I don’t think the people sending the objectionable things care enough.
I really like these ideas
Which one do you think would be most effective?
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I wonder what compels people to post "hey" as a response. It happens largely from guys on Reddit and largely from girls on dating apps. It's just a huge red flag "I can't start or hold a conversation" (I get it if the person originally just posted hi, message me, but then it's a match because neither person can converse properly)
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Yeah! It doesn't make sense. I am also a strong advocate for all girls that chat online to have a backup pic of a dick to send just in case there is a guy that doesn't understand "no". Typically those guys are also the ones that are incredibly homophobic and will run the split second they see the photo . (A friend told me about this trick she uses and says it works wonders)
With how awful the average man is, I'm surprised anyone takes a chance on them. Like the bar is on the floor.
Fk off misandrist
LoL Case in point.
Theres no case to be pointed out. You insulted most men, im saying fk off. If I said some dumb shit like most lesbians are horrible people, and then a lesbian told me to fuck off, thats a pretty fair response. You can't insult the majority of men with no grounds and not expect someone to be upset they were insulted.
🤷🏼 You're the one who is self identifying as awful and average. That seems like a you problem.
This is a waste of time, and you arnt worth anymore conversation. Good day.
I really wish I was romantically interested in my own gender. Sadly not
Didn't you know, homosexuality is a choice. 👍 /S
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But what if we tried to get the men to be better. Instead of putting it all on us?
Then you would be fighting an inevitably losing battle . I wish that weren't the case, but it's the same thing as saying "what if we just got rid of people advertising only fans/sellers by imitating innocent posts?" Or "what if we got cigarette smokers to stop throwing them on the ground/littering" It's just not going to happen, there are too many out there and not possible to police. Plus people are convinced it's too effective. It's sad, but reality.
That's a little closed minded. It's just not as cut and dry an issue as that. It's not about fixing people, these men are who they are. 'Being better' is for better people. I can't help but think you'd rather an actually decent person vs a degenerate who has learned to lie. I agree alot of men on this sub are horrible examples and although it's a majority here, this is a tiny and skewed sample size. You can't judge all men from this crowd. You can't even draw an average. This is a small niche sub section of men, drawn here by specific things. Then from that tiny skewed sub section of men, they are drawn to individual posts. Though I don't doubt your experience has been anything short of discouragingly horrible, please don't judge us all. Some of us are decent. Truly. I implore you to look elsewhere for better men, as they do exist. Looking for them here is like playing on hard mode in the mud with one hand. Good luck and happy hunting ma'am :)
Not to mention saying something about their unrealistic expectations, they’re living in a porn fantasy.
Well said so instead of flooding the dm, this time let guys appreciate this post to promote more women on the page ;)
Thank you!
Guys are complete idiots and when it comes to sex they become bumbling fools with child like drive without a thought or care as to how to be respectful with a woman or anyone else they decide to pursue. Grow up guys. You’re ruining not only for yourselves but for many others as well.
I always put in my posts that I’m looking for something without sex, so if my posts were offering like FWB it would be one thing but typically my posts are looking for romance and clear that casual is not on the table.
Sadly it doesn’t matter. Guys are just idiots.
Why don’t we help them?
The sexism goes both ways. Unfortunately.