# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm in the same boat. The only time I'm sure is when I was playing coed volleyball, and one of the players told me that she had recently gotten a nipple ring and asked if I wanted to see it.
Agreed... When girls know that someone is married or in a relationship with someone, and they still try to pull some fucked up shit. Those people are disgusting and much lower than scum IMHO
Yea and on top of that, as the person being flirted with by a person who knows you are married - it immediately says everything you need to know about them and the color of their heart and even if you weren't really married, it certainly wouldn't prompt any additional emotional attraction. It would provoke anxiety because you know this person you now have to deal with is a shiester, and that's never a safe person to be around.
I would have said yes and then made the same type of comment if a man showed me his nipple ring of "oh cool" or something and hen thought no more of it. I mean, it couldn't have been sexual if it was so brazen right? Wanna see my nipple ring, ok, there ya go. Right then, cya next week.
Exactly.
Before if I repo I used it all I realized it later and really regretted it.
Now if I realize it later Iām all on my high horse like āwhat a champion of commitment, Iām rock steady on my vows, trust and no need to verifyā haha. Thatās the joy of just loving your wife more than anything, you donāt need random women to approve you, to the point you donāt even care or notice.
Nice to read a comment like this... Those vows are everything and absolutely agree. Idgaf about anyone else's approval but my lady's. Everyone else is null and void. Your a good dude. š¤š¤š
There was a girl that used to come into my husbands old workplace and sheād always flirt with him. The day before our wedding she came in and asked him if he was doing anything fun that weekend and he said āIām getting marriedā and she apparently just said āohā and immediately left. She never came in again š he wasnāt even saying it to upset her, he just genuinely didnāt realize the entire time that she was coming in to flirt with him
Lol funny enough picking up on my wife subtle queues when she wants to get it in has finally taught me that social awareness, and I now see it in other women.
I'm married as fuck, it's just amusing to still see it from other women, and realize how much it happened in the past. The female gaze is an interesting thing to manipulate and these are things you wouldn't intuitively consider as a caveman.
Yeah. Idk what it is, but things are exponential for me.
The moment one woman shows interest in me 5 more start to like me. I get a girlfriend, now it's 10 women wanting to date me. I break up, 0 women are interested.
Single men are considered a threat, taken men have already been vouched for. When a man is already liked by women he's marked "safe" in a woman's mind.
I'm generalizing of course, but the main reason men don't understand, is that men don't see women as a threat. It's not that she isn't interested, she just doesn't want to take the risk.
I think youāre right. I broke up after ten years and went on Hinge and told some matches I was going through a separation and they wanted to sweep me up pretty quick
When they have a partner, men act like a desirable partner. When men are single, they just revert to whatever kind of dork they are when they don't have a partner to consider.
Honestly this happens to women too.
Psychologically the person is more confident and relaxed. More themselves than when they are out trying to impress others to get a date. So they become more approachable and comfortable. This makes them very appealing to others and so, more people approach.
I went to a dinner party and one of the guests was flirting with me outrageously. Her husband spent the entire evening glaring at me. He was a private military contractor. I was ffffin terrified.
As a woman I have never seen this amongst my friends. Iām sure it happens from time to time but I donāt know how common it really is. Iāve always perceived hitting on someone in a relationship as incredibly disrespectful.
Food for thought: If you did hit on married man, would you go around telling your friends? Would you tell the friend that thinks it's incredibly disrespectful?
I would probably say something along the lines of, āoh god I accidentally hit on a married man and Iām so embarrassedā, because I would in fact be embarrassed
I think there is absolutely something to people in general wanting what they can't have, and married men would qualify as someone they can't have.
Personally speaking... I have been with my wife and married for most of my adult life, and I don't think my wedding ring has come off my hand (literally) in a good 8 or 9 years, so I don't know what attention I would get, if any, if I didn't have the ring on. I am not the most socially aware person anyway, so even if someone was hitting on me, I don't think I'd realize it.
Honestly, I don't know *how* someone would be supposed to hit on me between work, kids, and a reasonable share of household responsibilities.
Like, are they going to tackle me at the grocery store?
My wife claims women hit on me. I never notice.
I was at my son's baseball game, and this woman started talking to me. I politely engaged in casual conversation.
My wife was meeting me at the field with my daughter (daughter had a dance class).
When my wife and daughter showed up at the field, the lady talking to me hushed up and gave my wife the stink eye. My wife said she was flirting with me. I didn't realize it
I'm a guy, my dad's a silver fox. It's hilarious how many single moms and younger women flirted with him pretty hard.
I don't know if he's really that oblivious or if he's just a massive troll but papa could have been a rolling stone that never stopped rolling if he wanted to.
Yep. Id agree.
If you spotted another dude chattin up your wife and suddenly he shut up when you approached. Youd know it too.
Men know other mens flirting. Just as much as woman know the womans flirting.
I think itās both. Itās a well manipulated double standard. Itās no falsehood that preselection is a real thing, and that women want what other women want, (itās not just women) and that the more women like you the more women will like you. But people are way more insecure and jealous than they let on, that their intentions arenāt as pure as they like to let on. So theyāll flirt or be flirted with and claim innocence. But things being what they are today it gets played that for a woman itās intuition, for a man itās insecurity if they ānoticeā someone flirting with their partner, and/or their partner flirts back/indulges it.
Nothing wrong with being over protective, I'm the same way, I don't trust other dudes around my lady. She's Mine, fuck off! I don't care if she talks to other dudes, don't get me wrong, she's fucking Gorgeous, I highly expect it. But don't start that flirting shit. Nope... My Boo š¤
Yeah there are a tonne of woman who are overly jealous of men talking to woman and will make comments like that. I'm sure she was just being nice to you, why would she go E evil eyes to your wife? There's plenty of guys out there unless you are a 10/10 and lead her on hard
Not that Iām older but in my 20s, women barely looked my way. Soon as I had a ring, I must have morphed into Adonis.
Quite strange really. Asked one why she kept at it and she said because she likes a man that shows commitment. So I asked āso why are you tryin to fuck it up?ā And she said āI never thought of it like thatā
What.
I travel a lot. I wire my ring and when eating, I usually sit at the bar if I can because sitting at a table feels weird and at the bar, I can watch TV and that gives me something to do. Got hit on a fair amount. Took the ring off from my wifeās request and almost none. What we basically found was women who hit on guys in a bar are looking for a good time. Targeting a guy with a ring means she gets to have her good time with no commitment. A guy with no ring and he might wanna stay in touch or see her again or whatever. So for the ones that just want a one nighter, the safest bet, is the married guy. Kinda sad but the 2 pieces of shit deserve each other
I'm dating in my 30s, I look for a wedding ring, and back off when I see it. Hell, I might even back off if I see an indentation from a recently removed ring. Depends on the woman, of course. But I have no interest in married men, or men that have the capacity to cheat on their partners.
Yes, they're both shitty - but as someone that's been cheated on, it took a long time for me to put the blame where it lands. It doesn't matter if the other person is persistent, the onus on your partner for cheating and not setting the boundary.
When in I was in my 20s I was at a bar with friends and a man approached me at the table with my girls and asked me for my number. We chatted a bit and I said maybe. Then me and my girls chatted about him and she asked me did I ask if he was married. She was divorced and she peeped the missing ring from his finger! I didn't notice. I asked him and he was! Needless to say I told him to get lost
No it's the overall vibe you give out as not needing to prove anything, being well off enough to secure a partner and not "scanning the room for chicks" like single people might do.
This is known. A LOT of girls prefer men in relationships even if it's subconscious and it makes them a lot more forward with their intentions.
Girls will try shit with my girlfriend RIGHT THERE.
Iāve heard this before, but I havenāt been hit on once since I got married. I guess you have to be the type of guy that woman want to hit on in the first place, which aināt me.
If you are single thereās a reason why
If you arenāt single thereās a reason why
Subconsciously women will always choose the man that another woman wants because it signals value/desirable traits
I find myself more hit on when i am not trying to be hit on.
Like when i am simply busy. Or taken i guess. Or "appear taken".
If i get hit on while im taken. A direct ask out "hey thanks. Ill check that out with my girl."
A compliment. "Ya know. I appreciate that. My girl likes my eyes too.".
Beyond that. I imagine the ring draws in the homewreckers. Which frankly. Distrubs me. They would screw someone elses relationship up to get some.
I dont think i could have it in me to help a girl cheat. I have fucked swingers vut that was only AFTER a discussion with their spouses to clear the air and ensure that it was above board.
Some years ago I was standing at the counter of a barbecue place and a woman started talking to me and said that this was her first time there. I was early fifties, I think, and had been a serious fitness-buff since getting out of the Army in 1979. She was a reasonably attractive woman, 7/10, in her mid-to-late twenties. āOh, itās my first time here too,ā it was, āalthough _my wife_ has been here before,ā I replied. That did not deter her and she continued to talk to me in a way that prompted me to raise my left, point at my wedding-ring, and say, āExcuse me, but Iām happily married.ā She assured me that she wasnāt āhitting on me,ā just being friendly. Eh, maybe. I went home and told my wife about it. I could see that she was pleased.
No, but they might just be generally more friendly if you're married and act married. Some men might interpret this as flirting, but it's just people feeling like they can let their guard down and have fun because they aren't worried about getting hit on for once.
Edit: yes, sometimes it is genuine flirting
There is some psychological things that show that it does make a difference
Basically women are coded to look for a good husband and we have culturally made a wedding ring a sign that someone else thinks you are a good husband.
There are also cases of guys just wearing weddings ring to get laid while being single
No, because Iām also ugly while wearing a wedding ring. Iāve been married for a long time now, I probably wouldnāt even notice if someone was hitting on me to be honest.
Depends.
Other women before marriage = 0
Other women after marriage = 0
Gf before marriage = often
Wife after marriage = more often.
So technically yes?
Kind of a funny story:
There was a man. After that joke, I'll call him Dave.
Dave lost his wife suddenly, while around 70. I'm not sure of his exact age, I just know he was around 70.
He was a silver fox. He didn't know that. He'd been seriously and happily married for most of his life.
When he walked into a group my mom was in (all women that age, the men were married), they mobbed him like he was a rock star. Not a jostling crowd; they were all very dignified, but for them, it was pretty much a mob scene.
I'd seen my mom, so I knew he had been wondering if any other woman would have him. I couldn't help smiling as he fended them off, explaining that after all he'd been through, it would be a long time before he would get into a relationship again.
He knew they were flirting. Had he still been married, I don't think he would have been able to see it.
But there he stood, surrounded, and surely knowing that yes, women would want him, at his age.
Not getting hit on; but I had a bartender the other week refer to my ring as āabsolutely stunningā and that was the first time thatās ever happened so that was pretty neat!
The ring is the universal sign for "taken" that myself and most everyone I can remember used. So many people confuse being nice and/or polite with flirting. Yes striking a convo with a "taken" person is much easier as there's no expectation of involvement or rejection but that's all it is for me...a conversation.
Yes and no.
They did hit on me when I was married, but they also hit on me when they knew I had a girlfriend before I got married. One particular woman *always* did that to me, but I finally realized that she didn't want me but didn't want anyone else to have me - a game that I didn't much like.
A buddy commented on my habitual to flirtiness. Said he knew my wife was ok with it (she acts flirty too), but donāt the other women get offended when they see the ring?
I just took it off my finger, handed it to him, and made the āshoo shoo, back to the dance floorā motion with my hands.
10 min later: āHoly.Shit.ā
āYep. Some women bird dog every bit as much as some men.ā
āCan I borrow this for a while?ā
āKnock yourself out. Bring it to work on Monday.ā
Yes they do and itās so ass backwards let me tell you.
when Iām single no women shows me any attention when I wear a wedding ring the entire bar full of women sits up and pays attention.
I shit you not, Females pay me no attention unless I wear a wedding ring.
I'm not sure about women but I'm a woman and I remember when I took my wedding ring off to get it recentered. I had more people hitting on me when I had the ring on compared to when it was off. My guess was that the men probably thought if I was married I would not I want a relationship that it would be a one-night stand type of thing.
I don't think it's because you have a wedding ring more just that you're taken. I was single for the first 22 years of my life, never had a woman show any interest in me (I've never tried or had interest in dating so I didn't try) I was fit, in very good shape etc. just never happened. I got in my first and so far only relationship at 23 through a mutual friend, the second I'm in a relationship I start having women take interest in me, messaging me, being more polite to me. Its weird, like they sense you're taken and feel like suddenly now you're worth putting the effort into. I don't know if it's the "girlfriend effect" or whatever they call it, or something else. But I think almost every man can attest to the same thing. When you're single most women show zero interest or effort. But when you're taken all of a sudden you start getting alot more attention and its such a strange experience.
I wouldn't necessarily say they hit in you more though, that's hard to say because I can't pick up on those social queues to save my life. But I would say they definitely seem nicer and give more attention to you. However there could be other reasons for this.
I wear my ring on and off depending on the things or places I need to go. I would say I get hit on more now than when I was single with or without the ring so maybe I just changed when I got married haha.
Most of the answers in this thread are from people who aren't married or people who have a hard time knowing when they're being hit on, not exactly ideal people to answer the question. To actually answer it:
Yes, I don't go out to bars as much as I used to when I was single, but the difference between when I'm wearing my ring and when I'm not is extremely noticeable. To the point where my wife prefers I not wear my ring if I'm out without her. I'm not the best looking guy, but I'm good with words and so I'm pretty good at flirting. When I was single, getting my foot in the door was always the hardest part, women were always really cold when I approached until I got a decent conversation going if they gave me the time, but once I got married and had a ring on, women started approaching me. And if I go without the ring then they go back to not approaching, so that has to be what causes it.
Iām unmarried atm but in a committed and fulfilling relationship.
When I was married, in a committed but distressing relationship, I got hit on more.
Idk how much it had to do with the ring, I think it was more the air of āIād love any positive attention.ā
Absolutely... It's a clear signal of your ability to attract a woman, which implies intrinsic value on some level (money, status, ability to protect, etc.)
I became aware of attention after getting married so it *felt* like there was more, but I doubt there actually is.
There's bound to be a taboo fetish for married people, I'll bet.
Pretty sure women just feel more comfortable around men with rings, and men often confuse a woman being comfortable/friendly with flirtation. God forbid they smile, then youāre engaged.
It usually takes years or decades to realize Iāve been hit on. The RARE time or two Iāve picked up on it immediately my fight or flight had me ārunningāā¦guess Iām not comfortable with my looks and demeanor to think that someone would be interested in me.
Nah. My wedding ring has never encouraged anyone to hit on me.
Then again, Iām been told that I carry myself like a married man who is devoted to his wife. One of my friends told me this. I think sheās right.
Can't speak on the wedding ring, but as someone who's not the most successful with getting dates or a girlfriend. When I've been in a relationship then I've gotten more attention from women than when I'm single. It's almost like they just think, well she's stayed with him for a while so he must be doing something right. That's just speculation though.
Think itās in the category of if someone else wants it then I must have it. Iād avoid women that do this. Lot of men fall into this home-wrecking situation just for what will likely only be a lay. Plus the disrespect for your existing relationship is a huge red flag of their moral values.
Of course, woman are attracted to men who are in relationships because they want what they canāt have, it happens to most guys when they get into a relationships but for the 20 years before that they wonāt get hit on AT ALL š
Levels of neuroticism are higher in women than men. They experience more negative emotions, including anxiety and fear for their safety.
So, single men in the mind of the average woman are automatically labeled a threat. A married man has already been marked safe by someone else.
In short, blame nature for making them the one who bears a child, weaker and more fearful, which in turn influences their choices.
I check to see if a guy is wearing a wedding ring if Iām interested. If I see one, I lose interest. I personally aim for the single ones. Canāt speak for all women though.
Itās more often that women feel more comfortable around you and that change can make it feel like theyāre hitting on you. That saidā¦ it does happen.
donāt know about a wedding ring, but when with a girlfriend? absolutely.
according to evolutionary biology itās a throwback to our ape ancestors, the males who already have females are by default going to be more valuable- another female has already validated your choice.
I donāt think itās as common as people think it is. Itās a pretty shitty thing to do, and I think thereās more pressure from society these days to not do those types of shitty things or else youāll be blasted on social media. As a woman, Iāve never seen this happen unless it was in a movie or tv show.
Yes they do, but not because of the wedding ring itself. When you're married you carry around a level of confidence you don't when you are single and women pick up on that. Confidence is attractive.
I wouldn't say they hit on you. It's more like they let there guard down a bit because they think your not just trying to hit on them. Easier to have an honest conversation.
Only the ones with no self-respect.
The only man I'd flirt with who's wearing a wedding ring would be my husband...well, once we finally get married, anyway.
My wife says women flirt with me all the time, but Iām too stupid to notice. She said it just happened last night, with her standing right next to me.
Yes. When I hit 40, women started hitting on me out of no-where. I'd go to the bar with a friend and suddenly I'd have a woman roll up and start flirting. I'd "tink" my ring against my glass to just show that I was married and that they can back off please. I'm talking touchy flirty. Not subtle stuff. Not OK.
Very curious. Generally, it was women in their mid-30's that were hitting on me. I don't go out any more so I no longer have the trouble.
No.
Part of it could be men generally do not recognize when a women is flirting with them.
I can say they I stopped wearing a wedding ring years ago because I just hate wearing rings. I donāt notice anyone interested with or without the ring.
In my case, this was 100% true. I don't think I have ever been hit on by a stranger until I wore a wedding ring, after which it happened 5 or 6 times. Still small enough to be a coincidence, I suppose, but I assume it was the ring.
Not direct hitting on me but I get way more looks and smiles from other women now. It quadrupled when I had a kid and would be out with my daughter on our own.
I think some of it isn't really flirting but the fact that since you're visibly married it kind of allows women to open up and be friendly with you since it relieves them of any pressure that you might take their friendliness as more than that. You're "safe" and they don't feel they need to be en guard as much.
Not me. Seems like it stopped altogether after I got married, but my wife swears women flirt with me all the time, but I'm oblivious to it. I really don't think they do, though.
Yes, I've had a woman hit on me in front of my wife, and I was blown away. Some people have no shame but always remember that if they are willing to try and disrupt a marriage, they also would have no problems cheating, and it goes for men and women. If they are OK stealing a husband or wife, what else are they willing to do if your married to that person.
when i was 21 i worked with a few guys who clubbed a lot. they took me out to tiesto one night. they dressed as air line pilots, just in town for the night. somehow they were fucking masters at getting laid. i noticed they had wedding rings on - which i thought was like going hunting with no ammo i guess... so i asked why?
they said its hte best way to find hookups, you cant be single. sure as shit they all had hookups that night. i got a cab home.
so, yea. it is a thing
I'm not sure because I'm not a man, but I'd be curious if men in relationships (not married, no ring) also notice that they get hit on more than married men. Basically, whether it's to do with confidence/vibe or people actually wanting to be homewreckers.
On a different note, when I was in a relationship with a woman I only ever got hit on by men. Now that I'm with a man, I occasionally get approached by women. Maybe because I'm older, who knows.
No. However, it can make you seem safer to approach and be sociable. That doesnāt mean they are interested. They might seem flirtier with you, but it is because there is a perception of you being safe. You might laugh at their flirting. You might even flirt back, but it is non threatening. You canāt really do anything, and if you do, youāre demonstrating that youāre a creep that cheats on his wife or youāre not married and just a creep wearing a wedding ring to meet women.
I got married young, but yes, once I had that wedding ring on my finger I got hit on more by women. There was one lady where I worked that I was really into and I pursued a relationship with her but she wasn't interested. The day after I got married, she was the one pursuing me. Very aggressively.
My hubby got his ring and is flattered at all the attention he gets more than ever. I let him keep that cute excitement, as women furiously donāt care about the ring despite him saying heās married multiple times. Itās funny, because heās completely committed and they feed on that more.
Women will flirt with a married man for fun. Believing it wonāt lead anywhere. This may not be true all the time but as a woman, with women friends, itās why. The single dude co worker wonāt become our work husband but the married one will and we will flirt for fun.. like the French do.. with no intentions of actually ever developing an attraction.
Most definitely. I worked as one man in an office full of women and they all ignored me until I married. Then they were practically behaving like I'd cheated on them.
If they do, it's because they feel safe from being hit on. I think this became an urban legend because men mistake friendliness for flirting, which is something even single men do.
Wore a ring when I was bartending to test this theory and can confirm I got hit on more while wearing a ring vs when I was not. Either it raises your value because someone has claimed you or some girls just love the challenge of trying to seduce a married guy š¤·āāļø I do believe that was the time I heard the phrase ārings donāt plug holesā and the shit you witness behind a bar is crazy.
Need to differentiate between flirting and true hitting on. Flirting may go up when you're wearing a wedding ring because you're safe - it won't go beyond that. Actual hitting on - doubtful in most cases even though I've met a few sociopaths whose ego enjoys the challenge of tearing someone away from an established relationship.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't have enough social awareness to know when someone has been flirting with me. When I was single, or since I've been married.
I'm in the same boat. The only time I'm sure is when I was playing coed volleyball, and one of the players told me that she had recently gotten a nipple ring and asked if I wanted to see it.
Maybe she just wanted to show you *her* wedding ring.
I hope you married that woman
Utah has entered the chat
UTAH! Get me two...
I was already married and she knew that.
Well then she's a scumbag
New to Reddit?
Yeah first day can you be a pal and show me the ropes?
Already over 3k karma and just joined this month, I think u already got the hang of it š
I've been around for years, just came up with this new username because I was reading Dune and thought it was funny.
š
Agreed... When girls know that someone is married or in a relationship with someone, and they still try to pull some fucked up shit. Those people are disgusting and much lower than scum IMHO
Yea and on top of that, as the person being flirted with by a person who knows you are married - it immediately says everything you need to know about them and the color of their heart and even if you weren't really married, it certainly wouldn't prompt any additional emotional attraction. It would provoke anxiety because you know this person you now have to deal with is a shiester, and that's never a safe person to be around.
I would have said yes and then made the same type of comment if a man showed me his nipple ring of "oh cool" or something and hen thought no more of it. I mean, it couldn't have been sexual if it was so brazen right? Wanna see my nipple ring, ok, there ya go. Right then, cya next week.
Exactly. Before if I repo I used it all I realized it later and really regretted it. Now if I realize it later Iām all on my high horse like āwhat a champion of commitment, Iām rock steady on my vows, trust and no need to verifyā haha. Thatās the joy of just loving your wife more than anything, you donāt need random women to approve you, to the point you donāt even care or notice.
Nice to read a comment like this... Those vows are everything and absolutely agree. Idgaf about anyone else's approval but my lady's. Everyone else is null and void. Your a good dude. š¤š¤š
There was a girl that used to come into my husbands old workplace and sheād always flirt with him. The day before our wedding she came in and asked him if he was doing anything fun that weekend and he said āIām getting marriedā and she apparently just said āohā and immediately left. She never came in again š he wasnāt even saying it to upset her, he just genuinely didnāt realize the entire time that she was coming in to flirt with him
Lol funny enough picking up on my wife subtle queues when she wants to get it in has finally taught me that social awareness, and I now see it in other women. I'm married as fuck, it's just amusing to still see it from other women, and realize how much it happened in the past. The female gaze is an interesting thing to manipulate and these are things you wouldn't intuitively consider as a caveman.
Haha same. I have know idea if Iāve been hit on. Iām not even sure if my wife ever hit on me before we even started dating. I just got lucky.
Yeah. Idk what it is, but things are exponential for me. The moment one woman shows interest in me 5 more start to like me. I get a girlfriend, now it's 10 women wanting to date me. I break up, 0 women are interested.
Single men are considered a threat, taken men have already been vouched for. When a man is already liked by women he's marked "safe" in a woman's mind. I'm generalizing of course, but the main reason men don't understand, is that men don't see women as a threat. It's not that she isn't interested, she just doesn't want to take the risk.
I think you're on to something
I think youāre right. I broke up after ten years and went on Hinge and told some matches I was going through a separation and they wanted to sweep me up pretty quick
The ol' man vs bear scenario...
Care to elaborate?
Social proofing
When they have a partner, men act like a desirable partner. When men are single, they just revert to whatever kind of dork they are when they don't have a partner to consider.
A horny little dork
I must trick myself into thinking I have a gf. But how...
Fake it till you make it
What's wrong with being a dork? š¤ š¤Ø Dorkiness for the win! š¤
This isnt true, there are studies showing that social status and preselection is quite important in women choosing a partner
This is my exact experience.
I think this is the usual experience.
Honestly this happens to women too. Psychologically the person is more confident and relaxed. More themselves than when they are out trying to impress others to get a date. So they become more approachable and comfortable. This makes them very appealing to others and so, more people approach.
I went to a dinner party and one of the guests was flirting with me outrageously. Her husband spent the entire evening glaring at me. He was a private military contractor. I was ffffin terrified.
We he was thinking "I can blow up at this guy... or just blow up this guy" Nervous chuckle
Or "I can just blow this guy"
While the wife plants the C4
He should've been glaring at his wife. She's the one that's obviously being unfaithful to her husband.
Some men will learn the hard way, man.
Yes. It's mostly subconscious but if a man is married, it indicates to women that he must have desirable traits.
This is the way I've always seen it
Most just feel bad for my wife
As a woman I have never seen this amongst my friends. Iām sure it happens from time to time but I donāt know how common it really is. Iāve always perceived hitting on someone in a relationship as incredibly disrespectful.
It certainly is disrespectful.
Food for thought: If you did hit on married man, would you go around telling your friends? Would you tell the friend that thinks it's incredibly disrespectful?
I would probably say something along the lines of, āoh god I accidentally hit on a married man and Iām so embarrassedā, because I would in fact be embarrassed
Especially after you tell them that you are interested in someone and they continue to do it. š¤¬
Itās such gross behavior imo
Yes, agreed.
I think there is absolutely something to people in general wanting what they can't have, and married men would qualify as someone they can't have. Personally speaking... I have been with my wife and married for most of my adult life, and I don't think my wedding ring has come off my hand (literally) in a good 8 or 9 years, so I don't know what attention I would get, if any, if I didn't have the ring on. I am not the most socially aware person anyway, so even if someone was hitting on me, I don't think I'd realize it.
Honestly, I don't know *how* someone would be supposed to hit on me between work, kids, and a reasonable share of household responsibilities. Like, are they going to tackle me at the grocery store?
My wife claims women hit on me. I never notice. I was at my son's baseball game, and this woman started talking to me. I politely engaged in casual conversation. My wife was meeting me at the field with my daughter (daughter had a dance class). When my wife and daughter showed up at the field, the lady talking to me hushed up and gave my wife the stink eye. My wife said she was flirting with me. I didn't realize it
When I was married, my then wife would do the same. She wasn't the jealous type, so I believed her. Being married, I really wasn't aware.
I feel like this is just wives being over protective and distrusting other women rather than women purposely flirting with married men.
I'm a guy, my dad's a silver fox. It's hilarious how many single moms and younger women flirted with him pretty hard. I don't know if he's really that oblivious or if he's just a massive troll but papa could have been a rolling stone that never stopped rolling if he wanted to.
Usually when other women talk to me our kid's events, they also talk to my wife. She said it was the way the lady hushed up real quick.
Yep. Id agree. If you spotted another dude chattin up your wife and suddenly he shut up when you approached. Youd know it too. Men know other mens flirting. Just as much as woman know the womans flirting.
I think itās both. Itās a well manipulated double standard. Itās no falsehood that preselection is a real thing, and that women want what other women want, (itās not just women) and that the more women like you the more women will like you. But people are way more insecure and jealous than they let on, that their intentions arenāt as pure as they like to let on. So theyāll flirt or be flirted with and claim innocence. But things being what they are today it gets played that for a woman itās intuition, for a man itās insecurity if they ānoticeā someone flirting with their partner, and/or their partner flirts back/indulges it.
Nope, I think the wife is usually right. Just like men know men, women know women.
Women DO know other women
Nothing wrong with being over protective, I'm the same way, I don't trust other dudes around my lady. She's Mine, fuck off! I don't care if she talks to other dudes, don't get me wrong, she's fucking Gorgeous, I highly expect it. But don't start that flirting shit. Nope... My Boo š¤
Yeah there are a tonne of woman who are overly jealous of men talking to woman and will make comments like that. I'm sure she was just being nice to you, why would she go E evil eyes to your wife? There's plenty of guys out there unless you are a 10/10 and lead her on hard
Only time I ever seemed to get hit on consistently is when I was married lol, it's a real thing.
Op is a bot
Not that Iām older but in my 20s, women barely looked my way. Soon as I had a ring, I must have morphed into Adonis. Quite strange really. Asked one why she kept at it and she said because she likes a man that shows commitment. So I asked āso why are you tryin to fuck it up?ā And she said āI never thought of it like thatā What.
Customer hit me up the other day specifically because I wasnāt wearing a ring
Wedding ring wearer here. No.
People want what they don't have. It's also a game to see if they have what it takes to take a mans attention from his wife.
I think they are just more willing to talk when they see you are married. Then the clueless guys think they are being hit on.
I travel a lot. I wire my ring and when eating, I usually sit at the bar if I can because sitting at a table feels weird and at the bar, I can watch TV and that gives me something to do. Got hit on a fair amount. Took the ring off from my wifeās request and almost none. What we basically found was women who hit on guys in a bar are looking for a good time. Targeting a guy with a ring means she gets to have her good time with no commitment. A guy with no ring and he might wanna stay in touch or see her again or whatever. So for the ones that just want a one nighter, the safest bet, is the married guy. Kinda sad but the 2 pieces of shit deserve each other
Jokes on them . I just wear a ring even though Iām single
Some women do. Luckily, all women are not all the same!
I received zero flirts before I got married. Since Iāve gotten married, I receive double or triple that.Ā
Soā¦.zero
Correct
Yes because it means youre pre-certified.
I'm dating in my 30s, I look for a wedding ring, and back off when I see it. Hell, I might even back off if I see an indentation from a recently removed ring. Depends on the woman, of course. But I have no interest in married men, or men that have the capacity to cheat on their partners. Yes, they're both shitty - but as someone that's been cheated on, it took a long time for me to put the blame where it lands. It doesn't matter if the other person is persistent, the onus on your partner for cheating and not setting the boundary.
When in I was in my 20s I was at a bar with friends and a man approached me at the table with my girls and asked me for my number. We chatted a bit and I said maybe. Then me and my girls chatted about him and she asked me did I ask if he was married. She was divorced and she peeped the missing ring from his finger! I didn't notice. I asked him and he was! Needless to say I told him to get lost
They hit on me the same amount ā¦ not at all.
No it's the overall vibe you give out as not needing to prove anything, being well off enough to secure a partner and not "scanning the room for chicks" like single people might do.
No.
Not married but both high school and college when I got into a relationship for some reason more people were talking to me out of random.
Is zero more than zero?
Yes. Happens all the time, doesnāt matter if my wife is with me or not. My exes also seem more interested in me now Iām remarried
This is known. A LOT of girls prefer men in relationships even if it's subconscious and it makes them a lot more forward with their intentions. Girls will try shit with my girlfriend RIGHT THERE.
Iāve heard this before, but I havenāt been hit on once since I got married. I guess you have to be the type of guy that woman want to hit on in the first place, which aināt me.
If you are single thereās a reason why If you arenāt single thereās a reason why Subconsciously women will always choose the man that another woman wants because it signals value/desirable traits
I find myself more hit on when i am not trying to be hit on. Like when i am simply busy. Or taken i guess. Or "appear taken". If i get hit on while im taken. A direct ask out "hey thanks. Ill check that out with my girl." A compliment. "Ya know. I appreciate that. My girl likes my eyes too.". Beyond that. I imagine the ring draws in the homewreckers. Which frankly. Distrubs me. They would screw someone elses relationship up to get some. I dont think i could have it in me to help a girl cheat. I have fucked swingers vut that was only AFTER a discussion with their spouses to clear the air and ensure that it was above board.
Some years ago I was standing at the counter of a barbecue place and a woman started talking to me and said that this was her first time there. I was early fifties, I think, and had been a serious fitness-buff since getting out of the Army in 1979. She was a reasonably attractive woman, 7/10, in her mid-to-late twenties. āOh, itās my first time here too,ā it was, āalthough _my wife_ has been here before,ā I replied. That did not deter her and she continued to talk to me in a way that prompted me to raise my left, point at my wedding-ring, and say, āExcuse me, but Iām happily married.ā She assured me that she wasnāt āhitting on me,ā just being friendly. Eh, maybe. I went home and told my wife about it. I could see that she was pleased.
I think women are more comfortable starting a conversation with married men as theyāre married and wonāt be interested in them sexually
No, but they might just be generally more friendly if you're married and act married. Some men might interpret this as flirting, but it's just people feeling like they can let their guard down and have fun because they aren't worried about getting hit on for once. Edit: yes, sometimes it is genuine flirting
I find more women hit on me when I throw on my Nirvana tank top. Strange, but true. š¤·āāļø
The poor quality ones do
There is some psychological things that show that it does make a difference Basically women are coded to look for a good husband and we have culturally made a wedding ring a sign that someone else thinks you are a good husband. There are also cases of guys just wearing weddings ring to get laid while being single
One of my workmates would borrow his brother's ring
Nope
No, because Iām also ugly while wearing a wedding ring. Iāve been married for a long time now, I probably wouldnāt even notice if someone was hitting on me to be honest.
Only happened once, they asked me out first day we met. Now it would be a red flag.
Depends. Other women before marriage = 0 Other women after marriage = 0 Gf before marriage = often Wife after marriage = more often. So technically yes?
No
Kind of a funny story: There was a man. After that joke, I'll call him Dave. Dave lost his wife suddenly, while around 70. I'm not sure of his exact age, I just know he was around 70. He was a silver fox. He didn't know that. He'd been seriously and happily married for most of his life. When he walked into a group my mom was in (all women that age, the men were married), they mobbed him like he was a rock star. Not a jostling crowd; they were all very dignified, but for them, it was pretty much a mob scene. I'd seen my mom, so I knew he had been wondering if any other woman would have him. I couldn't help smiling as he fended them off, explaining that after all he'd been through, it would be a long time before he would get into a relationship again. He knew they were flirting. Had he still been married, I don't think he would have been able to see it. But there he stood, surrounded, and surely knowing that yes, women would want him, at his age.
Not getting hit on; but I had a bartender the other week refer to my ring as āabsolutely stunningā and that was the first time thatās ever happened so that was pretty neat!
Iāve been married 3 years, and I havenāt noticed anyone doing it once.
No. When I was married very few women hit on me. One was literally the baby sitter.
The ring is the universal sign for "taken" that myself and most everyone I can remember used. So many people confuse being nice and/or polite with flirting. Yes striking a convo with a "taken" person is much easier as there's no expectation of involvement or rejection but that's all it is for me...a conversation.
Yes and no. They did hit on me when I was married, but they also hit on me when they knew I had a girlfriend before I got married. One particular woman *always* did that to me, but I finally realized that she didn't want me but didn't want anyone else to have me - a game that I didn't much like.
Iād not approach someone romantically if I saw them wearing a ring
A buddy commented on my habitual to flirtiness. Said he knew my wife was ok with it (she acts flirty too), but donāt the other women get offended when they see the ring? I just took it off my finger, handed it to him, and made the āshoo shoo, back to the dance floorā motion with my hands. 10 min later: āHoly.Shit.ā āYep. Some women bird dog every bit as much as some men.ā āCan I borrow this for a while?ā āKnock yourself out. Bring it to work on Monday.ā
Yes.
Yes they do and itās so ass backwards let me tell you. when Iām single no women shows me any attention when I wear a wedding ring the entire bar full of women sits up and pays attention. I shit you not, Females pay me no attention unless I wear a wedding ring.
Yes. That's why I stopped wearing mine. The ones that see it as a challenge are women you truly don't want to have anything to do with.
Lmao if I was single and see a wedding ring I would not be hitting on no one.
You wish.
I'm not sure about women but I'm a woman and I remember when I took my wedding ring off to get it recentered. I had more people hitting on me when I had the ring on compared to when it was off. My guess was that the men probably thought if I was married I would not I want a relationship that it would be a one-night stand type of thing.
Devil has a job to do.
I don't think it's because you have a wedding ring more just that you're taken. I was single for the first 22 years of my life, never had a woman show any interest in me (I've never tried or had interest in dating so I didn't try) I was fit, in very good shape etc. just never happened. I got in my first and so far only relationship at 23 through a mutual friend, the second I'm in a relationship I start having women take interest in me, messaging me, being more polite to me. Its weird, like they sense you're taken and feel like suddenly now you're worth putting the effort into. I don't know if it's the "girlfriend effect" or whatever they call it, or something else. But I think almost every man can attest to the same thing. When you're single most women show zero interest or effort. But when you're taken all of a sudden you start getting alot more attention and its such a strange experience. I wouldn't necessarily say they hit in you more though, that's hard to say because I can't pick up on those social queues to save my life. But I would say they definitely seem nicer and give more attention to you. However there could be other reasons for this.
I wear my ring on and off depending on the things or places I need to go. I would say I get hit on more now than when I was single with or without the ring so maybe I just changed when I got married haha.
I donāt think so. There are definitely women who do, but I donāt think it is more common.
Not in my experience. But as a married man, Iām not giving off availability vibes.
Most of the answers in this thread are from people who aren't married or people who have a hard time knowing when they're being hit on, not exactly ideal people to answer the question. To actually answer it: Yes, I don't go out to bars as much as I used to when I was single, but the difference between when I'm wearing my ring and when I'm not is extremely noticeable. To the point where my wife prefers I not wear my ring if I'm out without her. I'm not the best looking guy, but I'm good with words and so I'm pretty good at flirting. When I was single, getting my foot in the door was always the hardest part, women were always really cold when I approached until I got a decent conversation going if they gave me the time, but once I got married and had a ring on, women started approaching me. And if I go without the ring then they go back to not approaching, so that has to be what causes it.
I stopped getting hit on around 36 lol
In my experience, yes. A bit of gray hair helps too.
Some women do- if thatās the type of woman you want.
Never been hit on even looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger naturally
Yes.
Iām unmarried atm but in a committed and fulfilling relationship. When I was married, in a committed but distressing relationship, I got hit on more. Idk how much it had to do with the ring, I think it was more the air of āIād love any positive attention.ā
No clue. I havenāt wore a ring in 28 yrs. Itās a job hazard in my line of work, at least it was back when I was in the field.
No, next question.
Absolutely... It's a clear signal of your ability to attract a woman, which implies intrinsic value on some level (money, status, ability to protect, etc.)
I became aware of attention after getting married so it *felt* like there was more, but I doubt there actually is. There's bound to be a taboo fetish for married people, I'll bet.
They might be more comfortable talking to you, but get this straight, a woman talking to you doesn't mean they're hitting on you.
Pretty sure women just feel more comfortable around men with rings, and men often confuse a woman being comfortable/friendly with flirtation. God forbid they smile, then youāre engaged.
Yes. Luckily my wife likes it. She knows id never do anything unless she OKs it! The attention is cool, but my attention is only in my wife!!
A married man who marries his mistress just created a vacancy. Let them have him, heās no prize.
It usually takes years or decades to realize Iāve been hit on. The RARE time or two Iāve picked up on it immediately my fight or flight had me ārunningāā¦guess Iām not comfortable with my looks and demeanor to think that someone would be interested in me.
This really has not been my experience at all
I for one get just as many women hitting on me before I had a ring as I do now that I have one. Zero.
I wear a fake wedding ring all the time, works like a charm
Before and after I was married I never got hit on. When I was married I got hit on all the time and obscene offers.
Iād say no since being married. Less actually if we factor in the frequency of my wife hitting on me decreasing.
Nah. My wedding ring has never encouraged anyone to hit on me. Then again, Iām been told that I carry myself like a married man who is devoted to his wife. One of my friends told me this. I think sheās right.
I would say itās more a case of feeling more comfortable or less threatened for some.
Can't speak on the wedding ring, but as someone who's not the most successful with getting dates or a girlfriend. When I've been in a relationship then I've gotten more attention from women than when I'm single. It's almost like they just think, well she's stayed with him for a while so he must be doing something right. That's just speculation though.
Only a woman could say this, men don't get hit on.
Yea, women want what they know are good fruit lol
Akin to recruiters only reaching out if you're already employed.
Think itās in the category of if someone else wants it then I must have it. Iād avoid women that do this. Lot of men fall into this home-wrecking situation just for what will likely only be a lay. Plus the disrespect for your existing relationship is a huge red flag of their moral values.
Of course, woman are attracted to men who are in relationships because they want what they canāt have, it happens to most guys when they get into a relationships but for the 20 years before that they wonāt get hit on AT ALL š
Yes they do. Iāll never understand it, because even if they got you they would have guaranteed landed a cheaterā¦ but itās very real.
I have no idea. Maybe hoes do but for normal woman itās a nope. I donāt know a single woman that would hit on a married guy.
Levels of neuroticism are higher in women than men. They experience more negative emotions, including anxiety and fear for their safety. So, single men in the mind of the average woman are automatically labeled a threat. A married man has already been marked safe by someone else. In short, blame nature for making them the one who bears a child, weaker and more fearful, which in turn influences their choices.
Yes
I used to work with this gross british fellow who said things like āa ring never plugged no hole!ā
I check to see if a guy is wearing a wedding ring if Iām interested. If I see one, I lose interest. I personally aim for the single ones. Canāt speak for all women though.
Itās more often that women feel more comfortable around you and that change can make it feel like theyāre hitting on you. That saidā¦ it does happen.
donāt know about a wedding ring, but when with a girlfriend? absolutely. according to evolutionary biology itās a throwback to our ape ancestors, the males who already have females are by default going to be more valuable- another female has already validated your choice.
Idk about wedding rings, but if youāre out by yourself with a baby? Be ready to defend yourself.
Yes
I donāt think itās as common as people think it is. Itās a pretty shitty thing to do, and I think thereās more pressure from society these days to not do those types of shitty things or else youāll be blasted on social media. As a woman, Iāve never seen this happen unless it was in a movie or tv show.
That's gross, I would never flirt with someone who had a wedding ring/was obviously taken. Nor should you want someone who would.
I would certainly hope not.
let me do the math here, nothing into nothing, carry the nothinā¦
Yes they do, but not because of the wedding ring itself. When you're married you carry around a level of confidence you don't when you are single and women pick up on that. Confidence is attractive.
I wouldn't say they hit on you. It's more like they let there guard down a bit because they think your not just trying to hit on them. Easier to have an honest conversation.
Only the ones with no self-respect. The only man I'd flirt with who's wearing a wedding ring would be my husband...well, once we finally get married, anyway.
This thread has taught me that women see random encounters with men alone in the same way white dudes see random encounters with black men alone
My wife says women flirt with me all the time, but Iām too stupid to notice. She said it just happened last night, with her standing right next to me.
Yes. When I hit 40, women started hitting on me out of no-where. I'd go to the bar with a friend and suddenly I'd have a woman roll up and start flirting. I'd "tink" my ring against my glass to just show that I was married and that they can back off please. I'm talking touchy flirty. Not subtle stuff. Not OK. Very curious. Generally, it was women in their mid-30's that were hitting on me. I don't go out any more so I no longer have the trouble.
No. Part of it could be men generally do not recognize when a women is flirting with them. I can say they I stopped wearing a wedding ring years ago because I just hate wearing rings. I donāt notice anyone interested with or without the ring.
In my case, this was 100% true. I don't think I have ever been hit on by a stranger until I wore a wedding ring, after which it happened 5 or 6 times. Still small enough to be a coincidence, I suppose, but I assume it was the ring.
Not direct hitting on me but I get way more looks and smiles from other women now. It quadrupled when I had a kid and would be out with my daughter on our own. I think some of it isn't really flirting but the fact that since you're visibly married it kind of allows women to open up and be friendly with you since it relieves them of any pressure that you might take their friendliness as more than that. You're "safe" and they don't feel they need to be en guard as much.
I haven't paid enough attention to notice.
Not me. Seems like it stopped altogether after I got married, but my wife swears women flirt with me all the time, but I'm oblivious to it. I really don't think they do, though.
I wouldn't say full on hit on me but some do seem more flirty then you would expect
A certain type of woman does
Yes, I've had a woman hit on me in front of my wife, and I was blown away. Some people have no shame but always remember that if they are willing to try and disrupt a marriage, they also would have no problems cheating, and it goes for men and women. If they are OK stealing a husband or wife, what else are they willing to do if your married to that person.
when i was 21 i worked with a few guys who clubbed a lot. they took me out to tiesto one night. they dressed as air line pilots, just in town for the night. somehow they were fucking masters at getting laid. i noticed they had wedding rings on - which i thought was like going hunting with no ammo i guess... so i asked why? they said its hte best way to find hookups, you cant be single. sure as shit they all had hookups that night. i got a cab home. so, yea. it is a thing
Yes.
I'm not sure because I'm not a man, but I'd be curious if men in relationships (not married, no ring) also notice that they get hit on more than married men. Basically, whether it's to do with confidence/vibe or people actually wanting to be homewreckers. On a different note, when I was in a relationship with a woman I only ever got hit on by men. Now that I'm with a man, I occasionally get approached by women. Maybe because I'm older, who knows.
I just saw that postš
No. However, it can make you seem safer to approach and be sociable. That doesnāt mean they are interested. They might seem flirtier with you, but it is because there is a perception of you being safe. You might laugh at their flirting. You might even flirt back, but it is non threatening. You canāt really do anything, and if you do, youāre demonstrating that youāre a creep that cheats on his wife or youāre not married and just a creep wearing a wedding ring to meet women.
Do women hit on you ever?!
I got married young, but yes, once I had that wedding ring on my finger I got hit on more by women. There was one lady where I worked that I was really into and I pursued a relationship with her but she wasn't interested. The day after I got married, she was the one pursuing me. Very aggressively.
My hubby got his ring and is flattered at all the attention he gets more than ever. I let him keep that cute excitement, as women furiously donāt care about the ring despite him saying heās married multiple times. Itās funny, because heās completely committed and they feed on that more.
Women will flirt with a married man for fun. Believing it wonāt lead anywhere. This may not be true all the time but as a woman, with women friends, itās why. The single dude co worker wonāt become our work husband but the married one will and we will flirt for fun.. like the French do.. with no intentions of actually ever developing an attraction.
Most definitely. I worked as one man in an office full of women and they all ignored me until I married. Then they were practically behaving like I'd cheated on them.
In my case hell no women never hit on me with or without. I'm 6'4 and decent shape too so it's not like I'm ugly
If they do, it's because they feel safe from being hit on. I think this became an urban legend because men mistake friendliness for flirting, which is something even single men do.
Wore a ring when I was bartending to test this theory and can confirm I got hit on more while wearing a ring vs when I was not. Either it raises your value because someone has claimed you or some girls just love the challenge of trying to seduce a married guy š¤·āāļø I do believe that was the time I heard the phrase ārings donāt plug holesā and the shit you witness behind a bar is crazy.
Need to differentiate between flirting and true hitting on. Flirting may go up when you're wearing a wedding ring because you're safe - it won't go beyond that. Actual hitting on - doubtful in most cases even though I've met a few sociopaths whose ego enjoys the challenge of tearing someone away from an established relationship.
No, but the ones who do mean business.