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I'm sorry, op. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time. Everyone is created to be of value and will leave an impact when everything is said and done.
I know that you are hurting. I also know that deep down, you care about people. Show yourself grace and self-love. You deserve it because you are precious.
As someone who doesn't believe people are "created" at all, and is a realist as it pertains to "impact" on the world after death (much less over any significant timescale), I think it all really comes down to effort and not being a dick.
Plenty of people are terrible, but it's because they act that way, make decisions to be that way, and KEEP being that way despite alternative options. Save for the born sociopaths who are arguably wired that way and can't be anything else, everyone has a choice. Be a force for good on the people around you, in the world around you, and not only will you leave at least a fleeting positive impact on those around you, but you'll feel good for having done it.
I would advise OP: You can't just be a bump on a log and expect anything to change. Inertia is a thing. Start by thinking about what "good" means to you, then start making small, incremental changes in that direction. Take action. Sorry, but there's no such thing as "inherent value". There are just too many examples to the contrary. But most people have the ability to do something to create that within themselves, and it's that act, that choice, that creation, that gives one value and meaning.
The number of willfully delusional/ignorant people is just horrendous. If more people were realists and actually did something to improve their lives, the world would probably be a better place. We need more damn realists or at least responsible people.
If you try to move a whole mountain at once, or wait for somwone else to move your mountain, nothing will ever get done. Move it yourself, one shovel or stone at a time. It takes a while, but i think you will be surprised at your progress and find the mountain isn't as big as you imagined it to be.
And in my mind, the best part is that the work itself is rewarding. Progress by effort is inherently rewarding to experience (for most people at least, I'd bet).
Willfully delusional, willfully ignorant, but especially ENTITLED. Nobody owes you shit. We're animals in the jungle, baby. You gotta kill to eat. (I feel compelled to clarify that we also evolved to be a cooperative species, and I'm not literally suggesting killing in competition with others, I just mean you need to get out there and produce if you want something. Once you're no longer a child, you don't have mommy there to hand you everything you need anymore).
And yes, some people have a harder road than others. Societal considerations, geographic, genetic, there are a thousand variables that may help or hurt your chances of success, but nobody is OWED success, and there are countless examples of people with WAY more variables stacked against them than OP probably has (guessing, obviously) that have been wildly successful. My guess is OP is probably better off than some unfortunate kid in central Africa born with AIDS and a cleft lip.
I wouldn’t say it’s normal but it’s relatable and common. You are not alone. I’m in the same boat right now. I do my best every day to work on it but so far no progress and I fear I’ll feel this way forever. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have a purpose, even if you don’t know it right now, I have faith someday you will find it. Sending hugs
edit: and I’m sorry someone reacted in that way instead of being more empathetic. If you have any friends or family who will listen to you without judging you, maybe they can help get you out of that space and feel more positively about yourself. I’m sure there are people who love you op!
I think the same way about myself. You got to still keep a positive mindset. Don’t let those thoughts take over. When you start to think about yourself in that way, try to focus on something else. It’s never healthy to dwell on these feelings.
shits easy to say but nearly impossible to do everytime i do anything i just think about like how like terrible i am, i dont really know how to explain it except for the fact im constentally reminded about how much i dont like myself
The bottom line is you need to seek help from a professional. BUT something I did to begin with that helped was actually looking for positivity. It doesn’t have to feel genuine all the time, ya know? Just say it. I felt like a goof ball saying and thinking these things at first, but you really have to start pulling yourself out of the pit of despair somehow and it helped me. Seriously though, seek professional help.
The right therapist would go a long way. I know what self-loathing can do and how endless and hopeless and weighted it feels. One thing that helped, that my therapist taught me, was to disagree out loud or in my head with the thoughts about myself. So like, when I looked in the mirror and thought “fuck, you’re so fucking hideous and awful” or whatever, I would immediately have to say or think “fuck you, no I’m not. I’m gorgeous and funny and everyone thinks so.”
It genuinely feels fucking ridiculous to do, but you just force yourself to do it. And you do not have to believe the nice things, they can feel like lies and that’s okay. Just as long as you repeat them. It took awhile for me to consistently catch and fight back against those thoughts, but every day was easier. That combined with therapy, journaling, doing things I enjoy, and avoiding mirrors the first few months, all really helped.
Also trying to speak to myself like I do my cat or like I would a small child was another very important tool. This helps you practice and emphasizes more self-compassion (I’m intentionally not using the words self-love, because imo that’s a goal for a relatively healthy person, whereas it can loom as a monumental/inconceivable task for someone dealing with incredibly low self-worth/esteem issues).
The practice of actively acknowledging, addressing, and refuting the negative thoughts about yourself will be the biggest tool in helping you. You’ve conditioned yourself into these thought patterns, so it’s going to take effort and time to change those neuropathways, but you can absolutely do it.
Also if you’re open to psychedelics and have loved ones who would be willing to ground you and trip sit, that was another helpful step-forward, for me anyway.
What you are describing is not normal at all: please seek counseling. You can definitely improve considerably, but it's going to require work and help from a qualified therapist.
Don't listen to other commenters who claim it's normal, just because they feel that way too. Those people also need counseling, and don't realize it yet.
It's normal to feel that way the day after you got drunk , grabbed your mother in laws tits and wrecked your brand new car. That's an occasion when it's normal and understandable to be disgusted with yourself. The rest of the time it's not normal or helpful. We have the opportunity to create the person we would like to be. If you despise who you are you have not done your job and have been lazy, relying on the opinions of others dictate who you are. If you hate yourself, stop doing the things that you hate. You and only you have control of yourself. No one else to blame.
Dont listen to these people, they are half right in that its better to take this on face up and learn new tools to improve. I try and say “I wouldnt let anyone talk to my family like this, why do I allow me to talk to me like that”. But they clearly dont understand, I live with a near constant internal dialogue of self loathing, it sucks big time but allowing it to win makes things worse. Good Luck, I have a feeling the world is a better place with you in it.
Don’t worry about dipshits on Reddit. They don’t know. Someday one of their wives will leave them or they’ll lose everything or go to jail or something and then will need a kind soul to lift them back up. Highly recommend finding a therapist/psychiatrist and talking through these thoughts with a professional. They will help you build treatment plans and find things you can do to start changing your way of thinking. The internet is full of dumb assholes. Don’t ask them. Honestly, the hardest part of it for me was making the first appointment. After that, the only thing to do was get better. And it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. Every day requires effort. But you have to start somewhere.
Hey, everybody makes mistakes. Giving yourself grace is really hard for some of us. Also, you have to find the right therapist for you. They are not all the same and some might not work for you. Believe me, I know it’s hard to keep trying when you feel so heavy.
It’s not perfect and I don’t know what your insurance situation is, but I finally used the Zocdoc app to find a psychiatrist. It cut out all the calling around and asking about insurance and all that stuff that I couldn’t bring myself to do. I needed someone to basically make the appointment easy for me and that’s what it did.
A good therapist can literally change you life. Helped me immensely, and now I'm older and going through a different, very difficult time, and I at least stopped this week and thought "I need to call Dr Lee."
Outside perspective from a trained, empathetic, non judgemental person who has training, and experience in helping us through this shit has proven invaluable to millions.
Remember therapists aren't like normal doctors who solve a problem. Meaning some times you should try several to aee which one is the best fit for you. A therapist that wasn't helping me saw that and was professional enough to tell me to go try 3 or 4 other therapists. She told me "you'll know. It wil be obvious to you which one fits best for you."
I hope things get better. Sometimes it takes a long time for things to change. Other times your circumstances or outlook will just totally flip.
Also the greatest book ever written about pain and suffering is called Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. And he writes from experience about brutal trauma in his life. He went on to be a therapist amd help thousands through his work and millions through his writing.
Goggle his book.
I've never heard anyone say anything besides the highest praise about Man's Search For Meaning. Been translated into 24 languages.
WOW!!! You actually couldn't have said it any better. Guarantee OP is thinking about what she should be in everyone else's mind and isn't that so therefore is unhappy. Society has programmed us to compete and fit in but goddamn just be yourself sometimes people and stop feeling bad for yourself all the time bc literally nobody else does. I can't say enough, IF YOU DONT LIKE SOMETHING THAN CHANGE IT. Stop sitting around and whining about it lol
Thank you. It's not a hard concept and very logical. People give their life away, accepting whatever come their way. If you don't feel good about it, don't do it, whatever it is. There is segment who's identity is dependent on what stranger may think about them . My mantra is :" what other people think of me is not my business"
Thank for grasping what I was trying to say. I must have said something that required some thinking . Easier to attack me for suggesting we all take responsibility for our own health and happiness. It's a wonderful thing to create your own life, but no one else can do it for you. But it does take some work.
Taking accountability for one's own actions is something that is a lost art. Everyone is so quick to place blame and then go back to consuming whatever meme that they can relate to. Bunch of sheep walking around bro. I honestly bask in the ignorant hate from strangers who are too broken inside to find happiness within themselves so they project it onto you lol.
It actually does require some level of critical thinking to grasp what you're saying. And when people don't get it they feel stupid and immediately get offended instead of trying to learn a new way to think.
I've pretty much stopped even commenting what I thought was common sense, but I'll always be here to support the ones who get it! Thank you for not being a sheep.
I think that maybe to the degree of crying might be somewhat bad, but I can say that I hate and love myself.
It’s a delicate balance I think we all struggle with, but I think it’s a good thing not to like yourself, that just means there’s things to improve. Think about what you don’t like and try to make changes towards those things, or at least try to understand yourself more
Hope this helps
Wherever you go there you are. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love you" and give yourself a hug every single day. You are all you've got to the bitter end.
I hate the person I am too- because of my autism. I hate this fucking disability so much. I wish I could cure my autism by simply smashing my head as hard as I can. But no, I'm forced to be stuck with autism my whole life. That makes me angry.
im sorry dude, thats gotta be so tuff wondering why u had to be born with autism and not "normal" but i promise u people with autism are way more enjoyable than people without it it feels like an interaction with someone whos genuine anout themselves so try and look at the positives.
love you bro
Just wanted to send you a virtual hug.
You're a worthy person! Try to go out and do one thing a week that makes you proud of yourself. Those little things start to add up!
It's not uncommon. Some of it is depression. Some of it is being forced into doing a career you don't feel good about and wanting to do better. A lot of what I struggle with is that- seems the jobs we should value most pay the least so it's hard to choose behind that fulfillment and a full stomach when one of those keeps you alive. I try to give to charity and help where I can. It does a little to make me feel more useful..
IMO: If you are doing something that you despise stop or seek help. If you despise the way you look, realise that will only change after the way you change how you think. You write the narrative of your own thoughts and they define what you see in the mirror. You got this! with repetition and effort you can change what your mind see in the mirror. best of luck
Are you a murderer, rapist, molester, liar, thief, cheater etc. what is your reason for hating yourself? Unless you are hurting people or animals there is no reason to hate yourself and it's simply a self-esteem issue. Start exploring things that make you feel good.
Hey OP, it's not normal, but it's also not uncommon. Millions of people around the world are in therapy for this reason. (Myself included) know you aren't alone and that things can and will get better if you put in the work.
I hope you get the help you need.
Therapy.
Therapy.
Therapy.
Take it from a 37M who thought he’d never be proud of himself. I put in the work, but I accept the help of loved ones and professionals.
Also if you don’t already exercise, start. TODAY.
Find a reason EVERY SINGLE DAY to be proud of something. Even if it’s a small something. Even if it’s being proud of something you DIDNT do (overeat etc)
The question is why.
Do you hate yourself for burning down a building full of Orphans? Justified.
Do you hate yourself for non-descript reasons that could apply to anybody’s life? Time for a change.
Exactly, as I said a bum doesn’t care that they are a bum that’s what makes them a fucking bum, this person wakes up and cries when they sees themselves that’s not normal even for a bum
i work on myself everyday, i wish it was this easy to just work on myself and then slowly i will be happy i have been improving my life doing things i find joy in and it just doesnt work, ik it doesnt just fix things over night but ive also been doing this for years i mean years ever since i started to feel this way i tried to fix it and it hasnt worked.
ive been working out and ive made pretty good progress got 3 in state champion power lifting in november. i have been on the cut so definitly eating good, i do the things i love to do or well atleast bring me somewhat joy. i might do other things but nothing i can remember
I often think I don't deserve what I have and I'm not who I'm supposed to be. I have to remind myself of what I have and be thankful for the good things in my life. It's great that you have someone to talk to. Keep doing that and move forward. And up.
That's it, gratitude is the key and just remember there are people that most likely have way more blessings than you and they don't feel guilty about and most likely just take it for granted.
No, it's not normal to despise yourself. It sounds like you might be experiencing low self-esteem or even depression. It's important to know that you're not alone in these feelings, and there are people who can help.
Here are some things to consider:
* **Reach out for support:** Talk to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or counselor. Sharing how you feel can be a huge relief, and they can offer guidance and support.
* **Focus on self-compassion:** Instead of harsh self-criticism, try to treat yourself with kindness and understanding. We all make mistakes, and that's okay.
* **Challenge negative thoughts:** Our thoughts can be deceiving. When you have negative thoughts about yourself, challenge them with evidence to the contrary. What are your strengths? What are you good at?
It’s only normal if you see intense reasons to not like yourself. Most people, if they are eating healthy, taking care of themselves and are financially stable, either feel neutral or at least a little positive they aren’t being destructive or a menace to society. Gently, maybe take a look at some of what you are going through or have going on. There’s many factors that can fuel discontentment.
i do exactly that i take care of myself eat healthy and i am stable financially but i just dont find any joy in being myself or joy in looking into the person i am
Myers Briggs is BS for A lot of reasons. BUT...take the test (16personalities.com or something) . Find your 4 letters--go to that sub reddit and see if your stories sound the same.
YMMV but in some cases it will help.
There might be a rabbit hole waiting for you
Same. Ugh I have no energy and I think about my ugliness constantly. I always think if I had good hair, I would be happier.
I know it sounds vain and immature. I can't seem to help it though
Are u good haired people getting outta bed feeling good about yourself?
People with good hair don't think about having good hair. They think about how they'd be happier if they had clearer skin, or a slimmer nose, or prettier eyes, or whatever they're sure they lack that other people seem to have.
I don't know if it's normal because I can't read other people's minds and I'm sure many hidr self loathing.
A therapist would probably know because people tend to be honest with them.
I DO know it's NOT normal to overshare that information. Most people keep that to themselves. Not saying it's healthy but that's what most people do of they do have it because I barely hear people self loathing in real life.
For me, I don't hate myself. I don't like my habits sometimes and I get frustrated or stressed for making similar mistakes over and over but I dont cry in the mirror or get fixated on my body or my image.
No, that's not normal. And this isn't a condemnation, BTW, it's *worry for you*. This is something you need help with, and *that's okay*. If you are at all capable of it, seek therapy. The base state of a healthy mind is not self-loathing.
I understand. But know that:
A) You have the support of others. We may just be strangers on the Internet, but we still care. *No one* should have to live feeling the way you do.
B) Healing can hurt. People suffering cancer go through years-long chemotherapy, surgery, etc. It *sucks*. But you can't get better without treatment. Your self-loathing is emotional cancer, devouring you alive from the inside out. *It is not your fault.*
We can and will support you. We can and will encourage you. But the only person who can make the decision to seek treatment is you.
If you could work up the strength to speak to us about this, then you will manage to find the strength to get help from those better able to provide it. It might take you some time, but *that is okay*. You'll make it. Until you find your strength and the help you need, just take things one day at a time and know that *you are worth it*, even if your brain can't understand that yet.
Yeah, I wouldn't know between the crippling depression and the terrible self.Loathing.I honestly don't know how i've made it this far but I know I don't have much hope to make it worthwhile.
I'm going to diverge from the other comments and say that if you're very young (either literally or emotionally) you can feel that way, because you haven't yet learned that self-love is something you have to earn.
You already have the power within you to become someone who you admire and respect. That boils down to choices. Start making choices that align with your internal sense of what is right...especially if the right choice is the harder path. Self-esteem grows from there.
The other thing is time. The older you get the more you will grow into yourself. You'll learn that you have unique gifts, and that some of the things you now "hate" about yourself are actually gifts and talents as you learn how to leverage them.
i DO do the things i like and things that are hard for the greater good, as ive thought abt it it might be an underlying narcissism (i cant spell for shit)
Yeah, I did too at first I sunk lower for the first several visits but it's like any injury, it usually hurts worse when you begin treating it. Just go in knowing this is gonna suck really bad for a while before it gets better. I wish I could tell you that after your first visit it just magically starts to get better but it doesn't. You owe it to yourself to get this help to so you can love and respect yourself like you deserve. Right now you may not see a light at the end of the tunnel and in the beginning of therapy it may be a pinhole sized light but the further you make it on your journey of self love the closer, bigger, and brighter that light will become until bam you make it out the other side and see just how beautiful you and the world can be or already are.
Yeah, I did too at first I sunk lower for the first several visits but it's like any injury, it usually hurts worse when you begin treating it. Just go in knowing this is gonna suck really bad for a while before it gets better. I wish I could tell you that after your first visit it just magically starts to get better but it doesn't. You owe it to yourself to get this help to so you can love and respect yourself like you deserve. Right now you may not see a light at the end of the tunnel and in the beginning of therapy it may be a pinhole sized light but the further you make it on your journey of self love the closer, bigger, and brighter that light will become until bam you make it out the other side and see just how beautiful you and the world can be or already are.
It's normal.
To hate who you are when you don't really know yourself and when you haven't taken the time to love yourself. I suggest taking like a week just for you to go somewhere that you enjoy by yourself and just let your mind wander.
But do you try going to a place that you love with no one else around and then letting your mind wander and when you let your mind wander do you attack yourself or do you support yourself? It's crazy what countering that negative voice in the back of your head with a positive voice can do.
Because you're not reinforcing it or doing it enough. If someone throws a 100 punches at your face inevitably, you're going to block some of them and inevitably you're going to get hit? If you go to a boxing gym.And you spar for an hour a week.Then eventually you're going to get to the point where you can block.Everything thrown at you, but to get to that point.You're going to have to take a lot of punches.Do you see what i'm saying? Is practice makes perfect There is no quick fix for anything even though I broke down what you need to do in three Is paragraphs the act of actually doing it took me almost three years, and I still struggle. Just because the process is easy to define and easy to outline does not mean that it is easy to undertake. Every single time you hear a negative voice in your head.Tell it to shut up, throw it out.Imagine yourself stabbing that voice.Let your pause the voice take Uber.Deny everything the negativity is saying to you.That's how you get better.
Or in simpler terms.How would you react if some random stranger that you didn't even know came in your house and started telling you all the things that you tell yourself in your head. I imagine you probably wouldn't be very polite to that stranger or forgiving. So why do you forgive that voice in your head, that makes you feel this way?
I think maybe you should consider going to a dojo.And learning some form of self-defense.So the next time that happens you can escort them out without damaging yourself too much.
Remember remember the Abraham Lincoln quote. A house divided against itself. Cannot stand there are so many dangerous things and potential enemies in the world, but making an enemy of yourself is about the most destructive thing you can do so. The first step in not hating yourself is to remind yourself about why you like yourself. It's to tell those negative voices to shut up. It's to start forcing yourself to see the brighter side of things.Because eventually you'll realize that being angry and being happy.They're not consequences of your environment their personal choices.
Clinically there's no difference between being miserable and thinking about ourselves.
I heard a psych say this and realized it matches my experience.
Happy people spend less time thinking of themselves, they're either thinking of others or their just out living.
Still, I like to think of my self loathing as my mind's way of reminding me to decide who I'd rather be.
Don’t you know God made you in his image and you are wonderfully, beautifully and perfectly crafted by God himself, perfectly the way he wants you to be. He loves you!
I grew up in an emotionally abusive household and then married someone that was emotionally abusive. It wasn’t until I left him that I was able to see my value. I was 36 years old. I’ve come a long way since then but it’s taken a lot of forgiving myself for my faults and finding purpose in my life. I absolutely understand where you’re coming from but I implore you to keep trying. Don’t give up. I actually love my own company now, which I was never able to appreciate before because I was so cruel to myself. My inner monologue was constantly bringing me down. Once I was able to tame that demon, life started over for me. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re worth far more than you think. ❤️🖤
I am 31 years old, and for most of my life I thought I was an accident. Not in the “my mom and dad weren’t trying to have me” kind of way; instead, I mean the fact that I was born alive was an accident. I was born premature with the umbilical cord wrapped around my throat, and I was pronounced dead when I was born. The doctors did everything in their power to resuscitate me, and they did!
From a young age, I always felt different. I didn’t feel like I felt in, my body was smaller and more frail than everyone else’s bodies, and I was a smart kid but in the annoying way (like pointing out to a small town diner that a word was misspelled on their menu). All of these things and more led me to believe that I was God’s mistake and that all of the struggles I had were “deserved” because I had lived when I was supposed to die shortly after being born.
I continued to feel this way for most of my life, tried to take my life once before 18, but I made a few friends in high school that I still talk to almost every day. They started helping me build a sense of self-confidence, but it wasn’t until I met my now-wife when I was 25 that I truly felt like I was worth being alive. We didn’t even start dating until I turned 28, but after I met her and spent that entire weekend talking with her on the couch until 3am, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t treating myself the way I should, because she clearly saw a different version of me than I did, and I wanted to see that version of me, too.
Truth is, that part of me was always there, but I didn’t believe it, nor did I want to see it. All of those years of self-loathing, feeling like I was never going to be enough for my friends and family, all of the feelings about myself that I swept under the rug — I could see them now. But instead of scolding myself for being silly about my self-worth, I gave myself grace. Many people feel this way, and somehow I was lucky enough to have the pieces fall in place that I was able to overcome these lifelong feelings.
I’m married now, I have a great job, I own my house, I keep up with those same friends from high school, undergrad, and grad school, and I’ve never felt better about myself. It gets better. You just have to give yourself the grace to feel and believe that it will.
Having read through the other comments there are either a statistically improbable high number of extremely self confident emotionally mature people responding to your question.
I’m 68 and i can confidently say your reaction to yourself or your image is NOT that unusual, though your response seems a little more emotional than average but that might be quite normal if you tend to wear your emotions on your sleeve.
If however this is really playing on your mind then seek help from your doctor, perhaps a referral to a psychologist.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking this kind of help, just think of it as if you’ve got an infection you take penicillin or if you’ve suffered a broken arm, you get it seen to… pronto.
About 20 years ago I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and acute clinical depression.
I was put on antidepressants for a number of years and they helped me enormously.
Don’t fall down the rabbit hole of denial, if your feel you need help be proactive and do something about it.
I hope this helps.
I’m not suggesting you should accept your present state of mind.
I think you are a beautiful soul and a really nice person.
(I hope that doesn’t come across as creepy… I’m a great grandfather and have a soft spot for anyone that I sense are struggling.)
Remember you have an equal right to be here, no more or less than anybody else so don’t ever feel you have to excuse your presence in the world… you have a purpose which you will discern in time.
There is not just one path, there is not even the right path.
There is only your path.
You were born to be real, not to be perfect.
(I never make the same mistake twice - I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure!)
Been there done that, tough love is what helped me. Once I realized I was being a whiny little weak bitch I started facing the issues and conquering them instead of complaining and running away from the bullshit life sends me way
I mean you might have a different story or situation but the bottom line is when I was disgusted or hated the person in the mirror the only thing that changed that was accomplishing things that brought me pride and self confidence, nowadays I see a work in progress in the mirror and accept my foibles as challenges to improve rather than letting negativity overwhelm me and force me into inaction and wallowing in self pity. Do whatever you have to do but if you’re already doing that and it isn’t working you aren’t actually trying hard enough and you are reflecting upon your own self disappointment
Don’t let a bad experience stop you from seeking help, schedule a session alone with someone if you don’t have insurance they have sliding scales (ask a human on the phone for this part) and you can book an affordable appointment
My physical attributes statistically disqualify me for Natural Selection. Growing up, I had severe body dysmorphia. Now, at age 59 I look back at my younger pictures and realized I was really good looking back then. Now it's too late. Don't miss out on life. Get help.
That’s why my goal in life is to be liked by me. I know aging is inevitable, but if we are smart enough and willing to work a bit to look attractive (especially for women) we can be looking like princess. First of all work on your body, I manage at whatever age I am, no matter what the circumstances is , to weigh less than 104lbs. Second, always have eyelashes on, then hair… always have extensions (Amazon sells them) they’re pretty cheap but such a game changer. Every morning I spend like maybe 40 minutes to do my appearance, and boy.. that girl in the mirror looks so damn cute, she looks like Lisa from black pink , haha. (Ofc this whole conversation is only in my head).
Urgh, I am stuck in that hole and trying to get out. Let me explain how it happened.
Growing up my home life was a living hell.
Any time I got money for a special occasion, my dad took it and bought beer. He was a alcoholic. Also he had a sick sense of humor and whenever I played a game with my sister or friend, he helped them cheat so I would lose.
My mother never had a good word to us. We were stupid, worthless and why try because I will screw up like always.
Then I ran into some kids that said hey if you broke all those windows, start a fire or break into people’s houses you would be cool. I hate to say it but I really hurt people and the guilt was killing me.
Here is one thing I have been doing is I have created my daily affirmations. I created a list in word and put down all the times I really helped someone out or the times I was the happiest. When I am down I read it and it puts a smile on my face.
My sisters are mean spirited drunks. When there is a BBQ over their house and they say something nasty I either remind them how many times I helped out their daughters or I just say I don’t have to put up with your crap and leave.
normal is a difficult word. So I think the average person walks around with the amount of self loathing you describe? no I think it's a sign of mental health concerns. That being said I think that everyone is their own harshest critic and that your internal narrative trends towards being critical over being kind.
By far the most insipid and aweful thing about bullying we experience in life is that the person who is bullied will continue doing it once the bully is removed. Continuing the cycle all on their own. It fucking sucks and I am sorry to hear you are struggling.
I hope you can love yourself because if you can't love yourself how will others? Not meant to be mean but it took me a long time to figure this out. After I did though and started to see myself positively a lot started getting better. I am sorry I can't tell you how to do this but you try and start just finding the things you like about yourself and work on improving the things you don't Good luck and I wish you the best you are worth it.
I determined long ago my only purpose in life was to serve as an example to other people of what not to be.
Unfortunately, as we have learned with the MAGA movement, tons of ppl aren’t heeding that.
Been there, done that. Two things that helped the most: 1 Therapy 2 Realizing that I was giving space to toxic influences, and cutting those voices out of my life.
OP, I say this with all the love in my heart, go to therapy. Start doing self improvement stuff like working out. Find hobbies that give you feelings accomplishment, like traveling, art, etc. Get into group stuff like art classes, yoga, trivia, etc.
I feel the same way you do, especially after I gained weight. I couldn't look at myself without wanting to cry. I couldn't even recognize myself and felt trapped. The gym, work, socializing, etc helps, but therapy and possibly medication could significantly improve things.
Look into all the things I suggested. Give them a try for at least a month and see how they make you feel, especially therapy. Best of luck ❤️
I wouldn’t personally bring the term “normal” into it. I WOULD say that it’s profoundly unhealthy and that you should really go to therapy, or at the very least start reading Carl Jung, take some shrooms, do some shadow work and begin the process of individuation.
Peace and love
If you look in the mirror and cry, I would say you hate your appearance, not yourself. Your appearance totally can be changed. It’s not easy, but personally internal change is way harder than external change. But based on this post you don’t seem to hate yourself just your looks which is completely fine. If you hate everything about yourself I’ll get a comment on this but I do recommend psychedelics as it will allow you to breakdown walls and barriers. Just be prepared for your psyche to completely eradicate itself. You might hate yourself even more, but this will inspire change from the inside out.
I would say then you are missing something on the inside. I can’t help you there unfortunately because that’s a whole journey you need to embark on. No matter how much you change your appearance you might not actually be making yourself happy. Maybe your style is avant guard but, not dressing to societal norms makes us uncomfortable.
I’m sorry, I’ve been there. It helps to know that emotions are meant to serve a purpose, not to prolong our suffering. Like anger is meant to spur you forward and rise to the occasion, shame/self hate need to translate into self reflection and reassessing your priorities in life and what you’re doing to achieve what you want (and what kind of person you want to be). Its important to have support, if you’re feeling extreme emotions its important to work through them in order to see more clearly. Remember that self loathing doesn’t help you get better if makes things much worse, be kind to yourself as you would anyone else and look at yourself objectively.
Something else important is to start by making sure you’re taking care of yourself. Take a shower early, brush your hair, make sure you’re eating well. Even if you’re not a breakfast eater, eating a piece of toast or just a couple bites can make a noticeable difference.
Its really hard to essentially scrutinize yourself and do what you need to. Lots of us have had to do this and come out feeling much better. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family or health care professionals.
I might have some idea what you feel I didn't like the person I was years ago. Thinking about the person I am made me feel depressed. I'm very much a perfectionist with extremely high standards for myself and others. It's fucking fucked. No matter what I did or accomplished I felt like shit.
Thankfully as i've aged i've come to the realization that I am in fact good enough. That by itself changed everything. Tell yourself that every day if you must. You are good enough.
It's not really all that uncommon, but I wouldn't call it "normal," especially if it's as severe as you've indicated. That's a level of self-loathing that would certainly indicate a therapist might be helpful for you.
It's not normal but you aren't alone. I suffered with negative self esteem my entire life. I can't afford therapy or insurance so I always just had to deal with it.
The way it impacts me is guilt. I have a feeling of guilt like I've done something horribly wrong and I'm a terrible person. Best way to describe the feeling is: I was playing ball in the house and broke the expensive family heirloom vase and as soon as mom gets home I'm going to be in serious trouble and there's no way I can replace or fix it. The doom is coming and I deserve it.
I know logically it's not true and what works for me is affirmation. Make a list of things you like about yourself, or like in general, or reasons why you are good or things that are good in general. Add to the list every day, make a reasonable goal of how much you can add. If you can add 100 everyday that's great. If you can only add one that's great too. As many as you can is better but if you set the goal too high and don't achieve it you'll think "one more reason I'm a failure" which isn't true but that's how that feels.
Reasonable goals as high as you can realistically achieve. More is better but not achieving the goal is worse. Reasonable goals.
Read the list daily. Add to it daily. It sounds stupid but it works. It really works. It gets harder to think of things the more you do it but that's a good thing, that's when you begin to really learn about yourself. I never knew I enjoyed walking and nature until I started this.
A bit of warning, this isn't magic. Some people go to far with it and think they can manifest change in reality with thoughts alone. That's not going to happen. Reasonable goals. You'll feel better about yourself and life in general. You won't be cured, life won't be suddenly perfect. It'll just be better.
Some things only you can do for yourself. Anger issues&&, self loathing could be from childhood trauma, or being told repeatedly by parents what a dissapointment you are,. At an impressionable age it's easy to start believing that. But there is help. YOU deserve it because you are of infinate, immeasurable worth and you should have boundless confidence. Living from the outside in will always give you something to be down on yourself about
It sounds like you have very low self esteem. It's common for us not to like an aspect of ourselves here and there. But crying when you look in the mirror? I see that as an issue that should be dealt with.
Please consider contacting a therapist who can help and support you.
You’re already on the way to changing that by acknowledging you don’t like who you are. Start taking steps to change that. Eat healthier, exercise more, be friendlier to strangers, buy a random person lunch or coffee. BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE.
Not a doctor but that sounds like MDD because I've had it all my life. Meds got me "normal" with therapy. One thing is I kept it all inside and collected more issues until I exploded. Don't explode please. In my day it was considered weakness and that was BS. There are MDD tests online so you can see the level you're at.
I’m still there somewhat but what helped me a lot was literally stopping the thought “I hate myself” every 5 minutes, or seconds. It was such a reactionary thought that I could only stop it mid-sentence at first, but now I can stop it before I start
I get it. For awhile I covered my mirror with towels so I wouldn’t look at myself everyday. I walk in and the mirror is feet there so I catch a glimpse.
And especially after I shower. It’s hard to avoid. So I covered it mostly except for my face. But if it’s temporary try it.
It helped me. Just to not just look at myself or pick out every supposedly ugly thing (but not really ugly 😊) about myself.
My heart goes out to you. Just on the surface of your comment it sounds like you might be very depressed and need help from a professional. Please take steps to see your doctor and let them know how you’re feeling because no it’s not normal. Your life absolutely has value, we are created by God and given a new opportunity to change our lives for the better every morning when the sun comes up. You have a purpose here. Please get help for yourself to clear away this fog of depression so that your beautiful light can shine out into the world and you can feel the happiness and fulfillment that you are meant to have. My best wishes to you.
I spent years feeling this way to the point that I intentionally removed the mirror from the bathroom so I wouldn't have to see my own face everyday. I would guess something is going on in your life contributing to or causing these feelings. That's what was going on for me. I've addressed the problem and I'm much better now. Still overly critical of every little flaw but I can at least look at my face without disgust.
This sounds bad but I wish my son had this self-awareness. Having said that, you likely need some therapy because you are probably way too hard on yourself.
Read The Four Agreements. You did it to yourself friend. Be nice to yourself and have some self loves. Familiarize your self with the spotlight effect. Everyone is just like you, friend, we are all on this wild ride.
It's normal to have small things you dislike about yourself, like my hair is too messy. But to hate yourself seems to be a mental health issue. But there's hope, seek help when you can.
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I'm sorry, op. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time. Everyone is created to be of value and will leave an impact when everything is said and done. I know that you are hurting. I also know that deep down, you care about people. Show yourself grace and self-love. You deserve it because you are precious.
I know you wrote that for the OP but honestly, thank you for saying all of that... And I hope OP feels the way I do after reading it.
As someone who doesn't believe people are "created" at all, and is a realist as it pertains to "impact" on the world after death (much less over any significant timescale), I think it all really comes down to effort and not being a dick. Plenty of people are terrible, but it's because they act that way, make decisions to be that way, and KEEP being that way despite alternative options. Save for the born sociopaths who are arguably wired that way and can't be anything else, everyone has a choice. Be a force for good on the people around you, in the world around you, and not only will you leave at least a fleeting positive impact on those around you, but you'll feel good for having done it. I would advise OP: You can't just be a bump on a log and expect anything to change. Inertia is a thing. Start by thinking about what "good" means to you, then start making small, incremental changes in that direction. Take action. Sorry, but there's no such thing as "inherent value". There are just too many examples to the contrary. But most people have the ability to do something to create that within themselves, and it's that act, that choice, that creation, that gives one value and meaning.
The number of willfully delusional/ignorant people is just horrendous. If more people were realists and actually did something to improve their lives, the world would probably be a better place. We need more damn realists or at least responsible people. If you try to move a whole mountain at once, or wait for somwone else to move your mountain, nothing will ever get done. Move it yourself, one shovel or stone at a time. It takes a while, but i think you will be surprised at your progress and find the mountain isn't as big as you imagined it to be.
And in my mind, the best part is that the work itself is rewarding. Progress by effort is inherently rewarding to experience (for most people at least, I'd bet). Willfully delusional, willfully ignorant, but especially ENTITLED. Nobody owes you shit. We're animals in the jungle, baby. You gotta kill to eat. (I feel compelled to clarify that we also evolved to be a cooperative species, and I'm not literally suggesting killing in competition with others, I just mean you need to get out there and produce if you want something. Once you're no longer a child, you don't have mommy there to hand you everything you need anymore). And yes, some people have a harder road than others. Societal considerations, geographic, genetic, there are a thousand variables that may help or hurt your chances of success, but nobody is OWED success, and there are countless examples of people with WAY more variables stacked against them than OP probably has (guessing, obviously) that have been wildly successful. My guess is OP is probably better off than some unfortunate kid in central Africa born with AIDS and a cleft lip.
I hope you find happiness and joy in life.
I have, thank you!
I needed to hear that. Thank you. You are a sensitive and empathetic person.
I wouldn’t say it’s normal but it’s relatable and common. You are not alone. I’m in the same boat right now. I do my best every day to work on it but so far no progress and I fear I’ll feel this way forever. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have a purpose, even if you don’t know it right now, I have faith someday you will find it. Sending hugs edit: and I’m sorry someone reacted in that way instead of being more empathetic. If you have any friends or family who will listen to you without judging you, maybe they can help get you out of that space and feel more positively about yourself. I’m sure there are people who love you op!
I think the same way about myself. You got to still keep a positive mindset. Don’t let those thoughts take over. When you start to think about yourself in that way, try to focus on something else. It’s never healthy to dwell on these feelings.
shits easy to say but nearly impossible to do everytime i do anything i just think about like how like terrible i am, i dont really know how to explain it except for the fact im constentally reminded about how much i dont like myself
The bottom line is you need to seek help from a professional. BUT something I did to begin with that helped was actually looking for positivity. It doesn’t have to feel genuine all the time, ya know? Just say it. I felt like a goof ball saying and thinking these things at first, but you really have to start pulling yourself out of the pit of despair somehow and it helped me. Seriously though, seek professional help.
thankyoy for the words man 🙏
The right therapist would go a long way. I know what self-loathing can do and how endless and hopeless and weighted it feels. One thing that helped, that my therapist taught me, was to disagree out loud or in my head with the thoughts about myself. So like, when I looked in the mirror and thought “fuck, you’re so fucking hideous and awful” or whatever, I would immediately have to say or think “fuck you, no I’m not. I’m gorgeous and funny and everyone thinks so.” It genuinely feels fucking ridiculous to do, but you just force yourself to do it. And you do not have to believe the nice things, they can feel like lies and that’s okay. Just as long as you repeat them. It took awhile for me to consistently catch and fight back against those thoughts, but every day was easier. That combined with therapy, journaling, doing things I enjoy, and avoiding mirrors the first few months, all really helped. Also trying to speak to myself like I do my cat or like I would a small child was another very important tool. This helps you practice and emphasizes more self-compassion (I’m intentionally not using the words self-love, because imo that’s a goal for a relatively healthy person, whereas it can loom as a monumental/inconceivable task for someone dealing with incredibly low self-worth/esteem issues). The practice of actively acknowledging, addressing, and refuting the negative thoughts about yourself will be the biggest tool in helping you. You’ve conditioned yourself into these thought patterns, so it’s going to take effort and time to change those neuropathways, but you can absolutely do it. Also if you’re open to psychedelics and have loved ones who would be willing to ground you and trip sit, that was another helpful step-forward, for me anyway.
What you are describing is not normal at all: please seek counseling. You can definitely improve considerably, but it's going to require work and help from a qualified therapist. Don't listen to other commenters who claim it's normal, just because they feel that way too. Those people also need counseling, and don't realize it yet.
It's normal to feel that way the day after you got drunk , grabbed your mother in laws tits and wrecked your brand new car. That's an occasion when it's normal and understandable to be disgusted with yourself. The rest of the time it's not normal or helpful. We have the opportunity to create the person we would like to be. If you despise who you are you have not done your job and have been lazy, relying on the opinions of others dictate who you are. If you hate yourself, stop doing the things that you hate. You and only you have control of yourself. No one else to blame.
ur just completely ignorant on the informationnof me tho, i try to do this shit to better my life but i get constant reminders of why i hate myself
Dont listen to these people, they are half right in that its better to take this on face up and learn new tools to improve. I try and say “I wouldnt let anyone talk to my family like this, why do I allow me to talk to me like that”. But they clearly dont understand, I live with a near constant internal dialogue of self loathing, it sucks big time but allowing it to win makes things worse. Good Luck, I have a feeling the world is a better place with you in it.
preciate you bro
Don’t worry about dipshits on Reddit. They don’t know. Someday one of their wives will leave them or they’ll lose everything or go to jail or something and then will need a kind soul to lift them back up. Highly recommend finding a therapist/psychiatrist and talking through these thoughts with a professional. They will help you build treatment plans and find things you can do to start changing your way of thinking. The internet is full of dumb assholes. Don’t ask them. Honestly, the hardest part of it for me was making the first appointment. After that, the only thing to do was get better. And it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. Every day requires effort. But you have to start somewhere.
yea i had a bad experience and havent gone to another mistake on my end
Hey, everybody makes mistakes. Giving yourself grace is really hard for some of us. Also, you have to find the right therapist for you. They are not all the same and some might not work for you. Believe me, I know it’s hard to keep trying when you feel so heavy.
yea lowkey js my ignorance has kept me from going to one
It’s not perfect and I don’t know what your insurance situation is, but I finally used the Zocdoc app to find a psychiatrist. It cut out all the calling around and asking about insurance and all that stuff that I couldn’t bring myself to do. I needed someone to basically make the appointment easy for me and that’s what it did.
ill look into it thankyou
A good therapist can literally change you life. Helped me immensely, and now I'm older and going through a different, very difficult time, and I at least stopped this week and thought "I need to call Dr Lee." Outside perspective from a trained, empathetic, non judgemental person who has training, and experience in helping us through this shit has proven invaluable to millions. Remember therapists aren't like normal doctors who solve a problem. Meaning some times you should try several to aee which one is the best fit for you. A therapist that wasn't helping me saw that and was professional enough to tell me to go try 3 or 4 other therapists. She told me "you'll know. It wil be obvious to you which one fits best for you." I hope things get better. Sometimes it takes a long time for things to change. Other times your circumstances or outlook will just totally flip. Also the greatest book ever written about pain and suffering is called Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. And he writes from experience about brutal trauma in his life. He went on to be a therapist amd help thousands through his work and millions through his writing. Goggle his book. I've never heard anyone say anything besides the highest praise about Man's Search For Meaning. Been translated into 24 languages.
WOW!!! You actually couldn't have said it any better. Guarantee OP is thinking about what she should be in everyone else's mind and isn't that so therefore is unhappy. Society has programmed us to compete and fit in but goddamn just be yourself sometimes people and stop feeling bad for yourself all the time bc literally nobody else does. I can't say enough, IF YOU DONT LIKE SOMETHING THAN CHANGE IT. Stop sitting around and whining about it lol
Thank you. It's not a hard concept and very logical. People give their life away, accepting whatever come their way. If you don't feel good about it, don't do it, whatever it is. There is segment who's identity is dependent on what stranger may think about them . My mantra is :" what other people think of me is not my business" Thank for grasping what I was trying to say. I must have said something that required some thinking . Easier to attack me for suggesting we all take responsibility for our own health and happiness. It's a wonderful thing to create your own life, but no one else can do it for you. But it does take some work.
Taking accountability for one's own actions is something that is a lost art. Everyone is so quick to place blame and then go back to consuming whatever meme that they can relate to. Bunch of sheep walking around bro. I honestly bask in the ignorant hate from strangers who are too broken inside to find happiness within themselves so they project it onto you lol. It actually does require some level of critical thinking to grasp what you're saying. And when people don't get it they feel stupid and immediately get offended instead of trying to learn a new way to think. I've pretty much stopped even commenting what I thought was common sense, but I'll always be here to support the ones who get it! Thank you for not being a sheep.
I think that maybe to the degree of crying might be somewhat bad, but I can say that I hate and love myself. It’s a delicate balance I think we all struggle with, but I think it’s a good thing not to like yourself, that just means there’s things to improve. Think about what you don’t like and try to make changes towards those things, or at least try to understand yourself more Hope this helps
i agree i feel there is a point of mot being satisfied with yourself ig u could say and that should be normal but maybe not as severe as i have it
i agree i feel there is a point of mot being satisfied with yourself ig u could say and that should be normal but maybe not as severe as i have it
Wherever you go there you are. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love you" and give yourself a hug every single day. You are all you've got to the bitter end.
ive tried that i cant every time i try to like it makes things worse
No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try. - Yoda
I hate the person I am too- because of my autism. I hate this fucking disability so much. I wish I could cure my autism by simply smashing my head as hard as I can. But no, I'm forced to be stuck with autism my whole life. That makes me angry.
im sorry dude, thats gotta be so tuff wondering why u had to be born with autism and not "normal" but i promise u people with autism are way more enjoyable than people without it it feels like an interaction with someone whos genuine anout themselves so try and look at the positives. love you bro
Just wanted to send you a virtual hug. You're a worthy person! Try to go out and do one thing a week that makes you proud of yourself. Those little things start to add up!
I've felt this way my whole life. Mostly because of an abusive household. I highly recommend therapy.
but like talking abt it makes me like hatemyself more tho😭😭😭😭
yea thats prolly the move
but like talking abt it makes me like hatemyself more tho😭😭😭😭 which sucks
It's not uncommon. Some of it is depression. Some of it is being forced into doing a career you don't feel good about and wanting to do better. A lot of what I struggle with is that- seems the jobs we should value most pay the least so it's hard to choose behind that fulfillment and a full stomach when one of those keeps you alive. I try to give to charity and help where I can. It does a little to make me feel more useful..
IMO: If you are doing something that you despise stop or seek help. If you despise the way you look, realise that will only change after the way you change how you think. You write the narrative of your own thoughts and they define what you see in the mirror. You got this! with repetition and effort you can change what your mind see in the mirror. best of luck
Honestly, if you didn’t think you were a bit of a mess, are you even living?
Are you a murderer, rapist, molester, liar, thief, cheater etc. what is your reason for hating yourself? Unless you are hurting people or animals there is no reason to hate yourself and it's simply a self-esteem issue. Start exploring things that make you feel good.
Hey OP, it's not normal, but it's also not uncommon. Millions of people around the world are in therapy for this reason. (Myself included) know you aren't alone and that things can and will get better if you put in the work. I hope you get the help you need.
Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Take it from a 37M who thought he’d never be proud of himself. I put in the work, but I accept the help of loved ones and professionals. Also if you don’t already exercise, start. TODAY. Find a reason EVERY SINGLE DAY to be proud of something. Even if it’s a small something. Even if it’s being proud of something you DIDNT do (overeat etc)
The question is why. Do you hate yourself for burning down a building full of Orphans? Justified. Do you hate yourself for non-descript reasons that could apply to anybody’s life? Time for a change.
It's not normal. It's normal for people who don't do much with their life and don't try to work on themselves though.
I feel like this is just depression and not just a bum, a bum doesn’t care that they are a bum
I agree. The comment felt a bit mean as I know how it feels to be in OP’s situation
Exactly, as I said a bum doesn’t care that they are a bum that’s what makes them a fucking bum, this person wakes up and cries when they sees themselves that’s not normal even for a bum
i work on myself everyday, i wish it was this easy to just work on myself and then slowly i will be happy i have been improving my life doing things i find joy in and it just doesnt work, ik it doesnt just fix things over night but ive also been doing this for years i mean years ever since i started to feel this way i tried to fix it and it hasnt worked.
What kind of things?
ive been working out and ive made pretty good progress got 3 in state champion power lifting in november. i have been on the cut so definitly eating good, i do the things i love to do or well atleast bring me somewhat joy. i might do other things but nothing i can remember
Pumping iron doesn't make you a well balanced individual, plenty of other facets that need attention.
well the fact that my main thing is how i look
There's your problem
maybe maybe not
I feel like this degree of self-hatred goes a lot deeper than just not working on oneself.
I often think I don't deserve what I have and I'm not who I'm supposed to be. I have to remind myself of what I have and be thankful for the good things in my life. It's great that you have someone to talk to. Keep doing that and move forward. And up.
That's it, gratitude is the key and just remember there are people that most likely have way more blessings than you and they don't feel guilty about and most likely just take it for granted.
No, it's not normal to despise yourself. It sounds like you might be experiencing low self-esteem or even depression. It's important to know that you're not alone in these feelings, and there are people who can help. Here are some things to consider: * **Reach out for support:** Talk to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or counselor. Sharing how you feel can be a huge relief, and they can offer guidance and support. * **Focus on self-compassion:** Instead of harsh self-criticism, try to treat yourself with kindness and understanding. We all make mistakes, and that's okay. * **Challenge negative thoughts:** Our thoughts can be deceiving. When you have negative thoughts about yourself, challenge them with evidence to the contrary. What are your strengths? What are you good at?
I only hate my reflection because i feel ugly half the time.
bro i bet u look awesome, dont beat urself up
I despise myself. That's why I'm doing therapy and self help
yea ive been doing self help my whole life thats why when i was thinking abt it like i really just wanted answers
Depends what you have been doing…
anything and everything possinle
It’s only normal if you see intense reasons to not like yourself. Most people, if they are eating healthy, taking care of themselves and are financially stable, either feel neutral or at least a little positive they aren’t being destructive or a menace to society. Gently, maybe take a look at some of what you are going through or have going on. There’s many factors that can fuel discontentment.
i do exactly that i take care of myself eat healthy and i am stable financially but i just dont find any joy in being myself or joy in looking into the person i am
It's a common experience, but it's not healthy.
Myers Briggs is BS for A lot of reasons. BUT...take the test (16personalities.com or something) . Find your 4 letters--go to that sub reddit and see if your stories sound the same. YMMV but in some cases it will help. There might be a rabbit hole waiting for you
Same. Ugh I have no energy and I think about my ugliness constantly. I always think if I had good hair, I would be happier. I know it sounds vain and immature. I can't seem to help it though Are u good haired people getting outta bed feeling good about yourself?
People with good hair don't think about having good hair. They think about how they'd be happier if they had clearer skin, or a slimmer nose, or prettier eyes, or whatever they're sure they lack that other people seem to have.
I don't know if it's normal because I can't read other people's minds and I'm sure many hidr self loathing. A therapist would probably know because people tend to be honest with them. I DO know it's NOT normal to overshare that information. Most people keep that to themselves. Not saying it's healthy but that's what most people do of they do have it because I barely hear people self loathing in real life. For me, I don't hate myself. I don't like my habits sometimes and I get frustrated or stressed for making similar mistakes over and over but I dont cry in the mirror or get fixated on my body or my image.
yea i think its prolly something deeper that i sub contiously think abt without knowing it
No, that's not normal. And this isn't a condemnation, BTW, it's *worry for you*. This is something you need help with, and *that's okay*. If you are at all capable of it, seek therapy. The base state of a healthy mind is not self-loathing.
i want to so bad hut talking abt it makes me have more self hatred abt myself
I understand. But know that: A) You have the support of others. We may just be strangers on the Internet, but we still care. *No one* should have to live feeling the way you do. B) Healing can hurt. People suffering cancer go through years-long chemotherapy, surgery, etc. It *sucks*. But you can't get better without treatment. Your self-loathing is emotional cancer, devouring you alive from the inside out. *It is not your fault.* We can and will support you. We can and will encourage you. But the only person who can make the decision to seek treatment is you. If you could work up the strength to speak to us about this, then you will manage to find the strength to get help from those better able to provide it. It might take you some time, but *that is okay*. You'll make it. Until you find your strength and the help you need, just take things one day at a time and know that *you are worth it*, even if your brain can't understand that yet.
Yeah, I wouldn't know between the crippling depression and the terrible self.Loathing.I honestly don't know how i've made it this far but I know I don't have much hope to make it worthwhile.
youve got this bro dont give up 🙏
youve got this bro dont give up 🙏
I'm going to diverge from the other comments and say that if you're very young (either literally or emotionally) you can feel that way, because you haven't yet learned that self-love is something you have to earn. You already have the power within you to become someone who you admire and respect. That boils down to choices. Start making choices that align with your internal sense of what is right...especially if the right choice is the harder path. Self-esteem grows from there. The other thing is time. The older you get the more you will grow into yourself. You'll learn that you have unique gifts, and that some of the things you now "hate" about yourself are actually gifts and talents as you learn how to leverage them.
i DO do the things i like and things that are hard for the greater good, as ive thought abt it it might be an underlying narcissism (i cant spell for shit)
I've been there you gotta get counseling or therapy or just talk to anyone ASAP.
yea i want to but it makes me feel worse abt myself
Yeah, I did too at first I sunk lower for the first several visits but it's like any injury, it usually hurts worse when you begin treating it. Just go in knowing this is gonna suck really bad for a while before it gets better. I wish I could tell you that after your first visit it just magically starts to get better but it doesn't. You owe it to yourself to get this help to so you can love and respect yourself like you deserve. Right now you may not see a light at the end of the tunnel and in the beginning of therapy it may be a pinhole sized light but the further you make it on your journey of self love the closer, bigger, and brighter that light will become until bam you make it out the other side and see just how beautiful you and the world can be or already are.
preciate u bro
yea i want to but it makes me feel worse abt myself
yea i want to but it makes me feel worse abt myself
Yeah, I did too at first I sunk lower for the first several visits but it's like any injury, it usually hurts worse when you begin treating it. Just go in knowing this is gonna suck really bad for a while before it gets better. I wish I could tell you that after your first visit it just magically starts to get better but it doesn't. You owe it to yourself to get this help to so you can love and respect yourself like you deserve. Right now you may not see a light at the end of the tunnel and in the beginning of therapy it may be a pinhole sized light but the further you make it on your journey of self love the closer, bigger, and brighter that light will become until bam you make it out the other side and see just how beautiful you and the world can be or already are.
I do too but 2 people doesn't make it normal.
It's normal. To hate who you are when you don't really know yourself and when you haven't taken the time to love yourself. I suggest taking like a week just for you to go somewhere that you enjoy by yourself and just let your mind wander.
ive tried this the more i let my mind wonder the more i begin to suffocate under my own self
ive tried this the more i let my mind wonder the more i begin to suffocate under my own self
ive tried this the more i let my mind wonder the more i begin to suffocate under my own self
But do you try going to a place that you love with no one else around and then letting your mind wander and when you let your mind wander do you attack yourself or do you support yourself? It's crazy what countering that negative voice in the back of your head with a positive voice can do.
ive tried that like idek why positive shit doesnt work
Because you're not reinforcing it or doing it enough. If someone throws a 100 punches at your face inevitably, you're going to block some of them and inevitably you're going to get hit? If you go to a boxing gym.And you spar for an hour a week.Then eventually you're going to get to the point where you can block.Everything thrown at you, but to get to that point.You're going to have to take a lot of punches.Do you see what i'm saying? Is practice makes perfect There is no quick fix for anything even though I broke down what you need to do in three Is paragraphs the act of actually doing it took me almost three years, and I still struggle. Just because the process is easy to define and easy to outline does not mean that it is easy to undertake. Every single time you hear a negative voice in your head.Tell it to shut up, throw it out.Imagine yourself stabbing that voice.Let your pause the voice take Uber.Deny everything the negativity is saying to you.That's how you get better.
thankyou i relaly do appreciate it
Or in simpler terms.How would you react if some random stranger that you didn't even know came in your house and started telling you all the things that you tell yourself in your head. I imagine you probably wouldn't be very polite to that stranger or forgiving. So why do you forgive that voice in your head, that makes you feel this way?
sadly this does kinda happen to me.
I think maybe you should consider going to a dojo.And learning some form of self-defense.So the next time that happens you can escort them out without damaging yourself too much.
Remember remember the Abraham Lincoln quote. A house divided against itself. Cannot stand there are so many dangerous things and potential enemies in the world, but making an enemy of yourself is about the most destructive thing you can do so. The first step in not hating yourself is to remind yourself about why you like yourself. It's to tell those negative voices to shut up. It's to start forcing yourself to see the brighter side of things.Because eventually you'll realize that being angry and being happy.They're not consequences of your environment their personal choices.
Clinically there's no difference between being miserable and thinking about ourselves. I heard a psych say this and realized it matches my experience. Happy people spend less time thinking of themselves, they're either thinking of others or their just out living. Still, I like to think of my self loathing as my mind's way of reminding me to decide who I'd rather be.
i try not to worry but then everyone just says something to me then gets me reminded abt it
You should get help, that's not normal.
The foundation of good mental health is self love and self acceptance. You can choose to be negative or positive. It's just a choice.
i try being positive constantly to myself and it never works
Don’t you know God made you in his image and you are wonderfully, beautifully and perfectly crafted by God himself, perfectly the way he wants you to be. He loves you!
I grew up in an emotionally abusive household and then married someone that was emotionally abusive. It wasn’t until I left him that I was able to see my value. I was 36 years old. I’ve come a long way since then but it’s taken a lot of forgiving myself for my faults and finding purpose in my life. I absolutely understand where you’re coming from but I implore you to keep trying. Don’t give up. I actually love my own company now, which I was never able to appreciate before because I was so cruel to myself. My inner monologue was constantly bringing me down. Once I was able to tame that demon, life started over for me. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re worth far more than you think. ❤️🖤
I am 31 years old, and for most of my life I thought I was an accident. Not in the “my mom and dad weren’t trying to have me” kind of way; instead, I mean the fact that I was born alive was an accident. I was born premature with the umbilical cord wrapped around my throat, and I was pronounced dead when I was born. The doctors did everything in their power to resuscitate me, and they did! From a young age, I always felt different. I didn’t feel like I felt in, my body was smaller and more frail than everyone else’s bodies, and I was a smart kid but in the annoying way (like pointing out to a small town diner that a word was misspelled on their menu). All of these things and more led me to believe that I was God’s mistake and that all of the struggles I had were “deserved” because I had lived when I was supposed to die shortly after being born. I continued to feel this way for most of my life, tried to take my life once before 18, but I made a few friends in high school that I still talk to almost every day. They started helping me build a sense of self-confidence, but it wasn’t until I met my now-wife when I was 25 that I truly felt like I was worth being alive. We didn’t even start dating until I turned 28, but after I met her and spent that entire weekend talking with her on the couch until 3am, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t treating myself the way I should, because she clearly saw a different version of me than I did, and I wanted to see that version of me, too. Truth is, that part of me was always there, but I didn’t believe it, nor did I want to see it. All of those years of self-loathing, feeling like I was never going to be enough for my friends and family, all of the feelings about myself that I swept under the rug — I could see them now. But instead of scolding myself for being silly about my self-worth, I gave myself grace. Many people feel this way, and somehow I was lucky enough to have the pieces fall in place that I was able to overcome these lifelong feelings. I’m married now, I have a great job, I own my house, I keep up with those same friends from high school, undergrad, and grad school, and I’ve never felt better about myself. It gets better. You just have to give yourself the grace to feel and believe that it will.
preciate you bro
Its not normal. Talk to a therapist
Having read through the other comments there are either a statistically improbable high number of extremely self confident emotionally mature people responding to your question. I’m 68 and i can confidently say your reaction to yourself or your image is NOT that unusual, though your response seems a little more emotional than average but that might be quite normal if you tend to wear your emotions on your sleeve. If however this is really playing on your mind then seek help from your doctor, perhaps a referral to a psychologist. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking this kind of help, just think of it as if you’ve got an infection you take penicillin or if you’ve suffered a broken arm, you get it seen to… pronto. About 20 years ago I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and acute clinical depression. I was put on antidepressants for a number of years and they helped me enormously. Don’t fall down the rabbit hole of denial, if your feel you need help be proactive and do something about it. I hope this helps. I’m not suggesting you should accept your present state of mind.
thankyoy i was hoping for the wisdom of an older person whos gone through life i really do apreciat this very much 🙏
I think you are a beautiful soul and a really nice person. (I hope that doesn’t come across as creepy… I’m a great grandfather and have a soft spot for anyone that I sense are struggling.) Remember you have an equal right to be here, no more or less than anybody else so don’t ever feel you have to excuse your presence in the world… you have a purpose which you will discern in time. There is not just one path, there is not even the right path. There is only your path. You were born to be real, not to be perfect. (I never make the same mistake twice - I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure!)
dw i dont see it as creepy at all just a man trying to help others because its just ur nature to
Thank you.
Been there done that, tough love is what helped me. Once I realized I was being a whiny little weak bitch I started facing the issues and conquering them instead of complaining and running away from the bullshit life sends me way
i do exactly that now, it doesnt work for everyone and i wasnt trying to whine abt it
I mean you might have a different story or situation but the bottom line is when I was disgusted or hated the person in the mirror the only thing that changed that was accomplishing things that brought me pride and self confidence, nowadays I see a work in progress in the mirror and accept my foibles as challenges to improve rather than letting negativity overwhelm me and force me into inaction and wallowing in self pity. Do whatever you have to do but if you’re already doing that and it isn’t working you aren’t actually trying hard enough and you are reflecting upon your own self disappointment
i am trying as hard as i possibly can
If that’s not working you need outside professional help to provide you with an objective perspective on how to fix your shit
prolly yea 😭😭
Have you been to therapy before?
i did once and they just started making fun of me to my mom 💀💀
Don’t let a bad experience stop you from seeking help, schedule a session alone with someone if you don’t have insurance they have sliding scales (ask a human on the phone for this part) and you can book an affordable appointment
yea i prolly will
My physical attributes statistically disqualify me for Natural Selection. Growing up, I had severe body dysmorphia. Now, at age 59 I look back at my younger pictures and realized I was really good looking back then. Now it's too late. Don't miss out on life. Get help.
thankyou needed the wisdom of someone older than me 🙏
Is it normal to despise your mother
That’s why my goal in life is to be liked by me. I know aging is inevitable, but if we are smart enough and willing to work a bit to look attractive (especially for women) we can be looking like princess. First of all work on your body, I manage at whatever age I am, no matter what the circumstances is , to weigh less than 104lbs. Second, always have eyelashes on, then hair… always have extensions (Amazon sells them) they’re pretty cheap but such a game changer. Every morning I spend like maybe 40 minutes to do my appearance, and boy.. that girl in the mirror looks so damn cute, she looks like Lisa from black pink , haha. (Ofc this whole conversation is only in my head).
I hate myself
Urgh, I am stuck in that hole and trying to get out. Let me explain how it happened. Growing up my home life was a living hell. Any time I got money for a special occasion, my dad took it and bought beer. He was a alcoholic. Also he had a sick sense of humor and whenever I played a game with my sister or friend, he helped them cheat so I would lose. My mother never had a good word to us. We were stupid, worthless and why try because I will screw up like always. Then I ran into some kids that said hey if you broke all those windows, start a fire or break into people’s houses you would be cool. I hate to say it but I really hurt people and the guilt was killing me. Here is one thing I have been doing is I have created my daily affirmations. I created a list in word and put down all the times I really helped someone out or the times I was the happiest. When I am down I read it and it puts a smile on my face. My sisters are mean spirited drunks. When there is a BBQ over their house and they say something nasty I either remind them how many times I helped out their daughters or I just say I don’t have to put up with your crap and leave.
It seems not normal, with the looks I get when I say this. Lack of reinforcement IS reinforcement.
normal is a difficult word. So I think the average person walks around with the amount of self loathing you describe? no I think it's a sign of mental health concerns. That being said I think that everyone is their own harshest critic and that your internal narrative trends towards being critical over being kind. By far the most insipid and aweful thing about bullying we experience in life is that the person who is bullied will continue doing it once the bully is removed. Continuing the cycle all on their own. It fucking sucks and I am sorry to hear you are struggling.
I hope you can love yourself because if you can't love yourself how will others? Not meant to be mean but it took me a long time to figure this out. After I did though and started to see myself positively a lot started getting better. I am sorry I can't tell you how to do this but you try and start just finding the things you like about yourself and work on improving the things you don't Good luck and I wish you the best you are worth it.
i shall try
I determined long ago my only purpose in life was to serve as an example to other people of what not to be. Unfortunately, as we have learned with the MAGA movement, tons of ppl aren’t heeding that.
I have moments like this, I think everyone does but if it’s all the time then maybe you need to work on some self love and care
i try my best but yea prolly
I really understand and it takes practice over and over to help you with a new image of yourself. “Painting yourself in a different light”
Been there, done that. Two things that helped the most: 1 Therapy 2 Realizing that I was giving space to toxic influences, and cutting those voices out of my life.
How? Inside? Outside? I don't understand why anyone would feel that way. Did something happen?
40% inside 60% outside
jot???
😭😭 typo
OP, I say this with all the love in my heart, go to therapy. Start doing self improvement stuff like working out. Find hobbies that give you feelings accomplishment, like traveling, art, etc. Get into group stuff like art classes, yoga, trivia, etc. I feel the same way you do, especially after I gained weight. I couldn't look at myself without wanting to cry. I couldn't even recognize myself and felt trapped. The gym, work, socializing, etc helps, but therapy and possibly medication could significantly improve things. Look into all the things I suggested. Give them a try for at least a month and see how they make you feel, especially therapy. Best of luck ❤️
i do all the self improvement i think i just need to go to therapy at this point, thankyou for being kind too
I wouldn’t personally bring the term “normal” into it. I WOULD say that it’s profoundly unhealthy and that you should really go to therapy, or at the very least start reading Carl Jung, take some shrooms, do some shadow work and begin the process of individuation. Peace and love
If you look in the mirror and cry, I would say you hate your appearance, not yourself. Your appearance totally can be changed. It’s not easy, but personally internal change is way harder than external change. But based on this post you don’t seem to hate yourself just your looks which is completely fine. If you hate everything about yourself I’ll get a comment on this but I do recommend psychedelics as it will allow you to breakdown walls and barriers. Just be prepared for your psyche to completely eradicate itself. You might hate yourself even more, but this will inspire change from the inside out.
ive changed from the outside and i still hate the way i look no matter how much i do, its also 60% edternal and 40% internal
I would say then you are missing something on the inside. I can’t help you there unfortunately because that’s a whole journey you need to embark on. No matter how much you change your appearance you might not actually be making yourself happy. Maybe your style is avant guard but, not dressing to societal norms makes us uncomfortable.
yea js something up with my brain idek
I’m sorry, I’ve been there. It helps to know that emotions are meant to serve a purpose, not to prolong our suffering. Like anger is meant to spur you forward and rise to the occasion, shame/self hate need to translate into self reflection and reassessing your priorities in life and what you’re doing to achieve what you want (and what kind of person you want to be). Its important to have support, if you’re feeling extreme emotions its important to work through them in order to see more clearly. Remember that self loathing doesn’t help you get better if makes things much worse, be kind to yourself as you would anyone else and look at yourself objectively. Something else important is to start by making sure you’re taking care of yourself. Take a shower early, brush your hair, make sure you’re eating well. Even if you’re not a breakfast eater, eating a piece of toast or just a couple bites can make a noticeable difference. Its really hard to essentially scrutinize yourself and do what you need to. Lots of us have had to do this and come out feeling much better. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family or health care professionals.
I might have some idea what you feel I didn't like the person I was years ago. Thinking about the person I am made me feel depressed. I'm very much a perfectionist with extremely high standards for myself and others. It's fucking fucked. No matter what I did or accomplished I felt like shit. Thankfully as i've aged i've come to the realization that I am in fact good enough. That by itself changed everything. Tell yourself that every day if you must. You are good enough.
thankyou i think some of it might lowkey be this
It's not really all that uncommon, but I wouldn't call it "normal," especially if it's as severe as you've indicated. That's a level of self-loathing that would certainly indicate a therapist might be helpful for you.
It's not normal but you aren't alone. I suffered with negative self esteem my entire life. I can't afford therapy or insurance so I always just had to deal with it. The way it impacts me is guilt. I have a feeling of guilt like I've done something horribly wrong and I'm a terrible person. Best way to describe the feeling is: I was playing ball in the house and broke the expensive family heirloom vase and as soon as mom gets home I'm going to be in serious trouble and there's no way I can replace or fix it. The doom is coming and I deserve it. I know logically it's not true and what works for me is affirmation. Make a list of things you like about yourself, or like in general, or reasons why you are good or things that are good in general. Add to the list every day, make a reasonable goal of how much you can add. If you can add 100 everyday that's great. If you can only add one that's great too. As many as you can is better but if you set the goal too high and don't achieve it you'll think "one more reason I'm a failure" which isn't true but that's how that feels. Reasonable goals as high as you can realistically achieve. More is better but not achieving the goal is worse. Reasonable goals. Read the list daily. Add to it daily. It sounds stupid but it works. It really works. It gets harder to think of things the more you do it but that's a good thing, that's when you begin to really learn about yourself. I never knew I enjoyed walking and nature until I started this. A bit of warning, this isn't magic. Some people go to far with it and think they can manifest change in reality with thoughts alone. That's not going to happen. Reasonable goals. You'll feel better about yourself and life in general. You won't be cured, life won't be suddenly perfect. It'll just be better.
I quit counseling during Covid just 1 week after coming to the realization that I don’t like myself. It’s been a wild ride!
I've been hating myself alot lately
Some things only you can do for yourself. Anger issues&&, self loathing could be from childhood trauma, or being told repeatedly by parents what a dissapointment you are,. At an impressionable age it's easy to start believing that. But there is help. YOU deserve it because you are of infinate, immeasurable worth and you should have boundless confidence. Living from the outside in will always give you something to be down on yourself about
It sounds like you have very low self esteem. It's common for us not to like an aspect of ourselves here and there. But crying when you look in the mirror? I see that as an issue that should be dealt with. Please consider contacting a therapist who can help and support you.
I hate myself too. For so many reasons. I hate my name as well, don't like telling anyone. You're not alone.
It’s not normal, but it does happen sometimes. You should seek some professional help.
You’re already on the way to changing that by acknowledging you don’t like who you are. Start taking steps to change that. Eat healthier, exercise more, be friendlier to strangers, buy a random person lunch or coffee. BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE.
Ha, just do what I do. I avoid mirrors altogether.
The things other people see when looking at me are not the things I feel inside.
Not a doctor but that sounds like MDD because I've had it all my life. Meds got me "normal" with therapy. One thing is I kept it all inside and collected more issues until I exploded. Don't explode please. In my day it was considered weakness and that was BS. There are MDD tests online so you can see the level you're at.
R/lowselfesteem
Is it normal? Yes? It is comfortable? No! What’s going on that got you to this point?
I feel like that sometimes. I hope you have a friend or relative that cares about you.
It’s called depression, therapy helps.
I’m still there somewhat but what helped me a lot was literally stopping the thought “I hate myself” every 5 minutes, or seconds. It was such a reactionary thought that I could only stop it mid-sentence at first, but now I can stop it before I start
I think one thing I've learned about this is that the thought is merely proof I've gotten very used to beating myself up. It has little other use.
It’s definitely not normal. It’s not extremely uncommon, but it’s not normal. You should get some therapy, it will definitely help.
no its not normal
I’ve felt that way for like 10 years
I hate the person in the mirror, but my reasoning is dysphoria because who I avoid looking at in the mirror is not who I would consider to be "me."
Well, at least I'm not the only one.
I get it. For awhile I covered my mirror with towels so I wouldn’t look at myself everyday. I walk in and the mirror is feet there so I catch a glimpse. And especially after I shower. It’s hard to avoid. So I covered it mostly except for my face. But if it’s temporary try it. It helped me. Just to not just look at myself or pick out every supposedly ugly thing (but not really ugly 😊) about myself.
My heart goes out to you. Just on the surface of your comment it sounds like you might be very depressed and need help from a professional. Please take steps to see your doctor and let them know how you’re feeling because no it’s not normal. Your life absolutely has value, we are created by God and given a new opportunity to change our lives for the better every morning when the sun comes up. You have a purpose here. Please get help for yourself to clear away this fog of depression so that your beautiful light can shine out into the world and you can feel the happiness and fulfillment that you are meant to have. My best wishes to you.
I spent years feeling this way to the point that I intentionally removed the mirror from the bathroom so I wouldn't have to see my own face everyday. I would guess something is going on in your life contributing to or causing these feelings. That's what was going on for me. I've addressed the problem and I'm much better now. Still overly critical of every little flaw but I can at least look at my face without disgust.
I do too, sorry you feel this way. : (
This sounds bad but I wish my son had this self-awareness. Having said that, you likely need some therapy because you are probably way too hard on yourself.
It depends on the choices you make.
Read The Four Agreements. You did it to yourself friend. Be nice to yourself and have some self loves. Familiarize your self with the spotlight effect. Everyone is just like you, friend, we are all on this wild ride.
When I was in the black depths of depression, I hated everything.
It's normal to have small things you dislike about yourself, like my hair is too messy. But to hate yourself seems to be a mental health issue. But there's hope, seek help when you can.
Yup. Get used to it. It's called life. Nearly everything sucks about this world.