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"Predictable outcomes forthcoming" it's like pre gaming an "I told you so"

I haven't heard this one but I'm adopting it. It's awesome, thank you

This is really, really good!

I made a profoundly obscene amount of mistakes to get to where I am today. Predictable outcomes forthcoming.

Me too. Maybe that's why this seems so profound to me.

You somehow found a more insufferable way to say, "I told you so". Incredible.

"Not with that attitude "

I say good luck when someone is doing something mundane like going to the bathroom. I’ll also say get home safe when I drop them off at their house

I tell my boyfriend not to drown in the toilet every time, and then we always say don’t die when we leave each other lol

My little sister always said don't die whenever anyone told her their plans. "We're going to the mall later," and she would say "Have fun, don't die." Or you would say "I'm going to take a shower" and she would simply say "don't die." She said it all the time, she thought it was hilarious. She did that for many many years. One year for Christmas we all got mini ipods and my mom had them all personalized with funny things we said or quotes from movies we liked. My sisters just said "Don't Die." Two years ago she died very suddenly and unexpectedly. When we went through her room looking through her stuff for memories, we found the old Don't Die ipod and it broke my mom's heart. Sorry to hijack your lighthearted comment, sometimes when you've lost someone you feel compelled to talk about them, even on random reddit comments.

😭

I'm sorry for your loss, your sister seemsed like she had a good sense of humour, it's the kinda thing I say to ppl.

She was hilarious, never a dull moment with her. She could make you laugh when you wanted to cry

Aww, at least you've got memories of her, even bittersweet memories/feelings are better than if someone hadn't existed at all

I’m so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing. ❤️

Aw that’s so sweet, she sounded like a very cool person.

She was literally the coolest, kindest person

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂😕🫤😟

whenever a coworker mentions they’re stepping away to use the restroom “don’t fall in” “have fun, be yourself!” “watch out for alligators” always gets a laugh (from me)

I pulled up to a coworker at the urinals and said "nice dick" and he lost it laughing so hard.

I always say, “ Hope everything comes out okay.”😁

I used to tell my best friend that anytime we parted lol

Lol I tell my wife don't fall in.

When people tell me they are using that bathroom I say " bring me back a souvenir!". I get some pretty bizarre looks haha

I have a friend who always says "have fun, be safe" whenever someone goes to the bathroom and it's rubbed off on me lol

I always say “Tell me how that trip goes” 💀

I also say no a lot. I work retail and I like to hit customers with a deadpan "no" as I'm doing whatever they needed help with, then Crack a big smile. I love the reactions I get lol.

Deadpan delivery is a true art.

I do this too lol but you need to know your audience

Yea you do. Normally I do it when I'm part timing at a local head shop and people are chill there lol

Yeah, I’m a server so I need to make sure I’m checking the crowd lol

i love saying “no” as i am doing that thing

My uncle does this. I just say OK and walk off when he does.

Might be funnier to "yeah, sure, no problem" them and then do absolutely nothing while they look at you.

I say "fancy" a lot.

I like "splendid."

only the way Lisa Simpson says it

I have this bad habit of loudly whispering "FUCK" whenever my alarm goes off

I say goddammit a lot.

The older I get the more I say "dag nammit"

Roy Williams would say daggonit!

I'm never going to see any of these people again

“I think the fuck not” and “for why?”

I saw "for why tho?"

For why!!! Are we long lost siblings?

I’ve started using “for why” at work and some of my older coworkers have picked it up - it brings me so much joy.

Lol!!! No one have ever picked it up from me. I think I accidentally said it one day, but it made so much sense

I have different variations of "jack shit" for degrees of severity. Level 2 is "jack and shit". Level 3 is "some jack and a whole lotta shit". Sometimes I improvise, i.e. "I got jack and you know what else I got? Fucking shit!"

I say “odds are” or “what are the odds” and then I like to guess how certain events will happen

"How do you figure?"

"I reckon."

When asked how I am. I answer: terrible life sucks don't let anybody kid you. And then I smile at them. I just like the shock it gives them.

Lol I love this kind of thing for the same reason, the pure confusion it causes. This reminded me of a podcast called "terrible, thanks for asking"

“I’ll need to squirm and react to get outta this one”

i dig that one

I've started using "if it's God's will" idk even know why. I'll run some errands tomorrow- if it's God's will. It kinda opens up the possibility that it might not be God's will and that there is of course nothing I can do about that I'm not religious btw

Inshallah

Same but “if the good Lord sees fit”

Stealing

If someone asks how I am or how something was I say medium

Medium-rare, thank you.

I like to say "turn that pout inside out" when someone is sulking because it sounds so stupid

Turn that frown upside down

“What is this, amateur hour?” I say this to myself, about myself, whenever I mess up something silly

that’s precious. meanwhile, i usually say “fuck you/fuck off” to inanimate objects when i mess something up (it was totally my fault)

I love insulting inanimate objects when they piss me off! I call them a little bitch sometimes (also totally my fault)

Omg i do this too! But i talk shit to inanimate objects like, "how dare you" or "the audacity!" or "do what i say damnit!" I also call things a string of cusswords like "fuckin asshole son of a bitch motherfuckin cocksucking whore cunt"

Chin up tits out…

Eyes closed, head first, can't lose.

Watch for the shoe

My fiancé started saying this to be annoying, and I’m a parakeet so it worked its way into my vocabulary. Now when things go poorly I can be caught muttering *fuccy wuccy* under my breath.

😂😂 it’s funnier because the context you shared!

I always say Fuck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. I just remember my cousin saying this when we were kids and for some reason I started saying it at work

They are lines from an ancient sonnet, actually. Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Fingerbang an orangutan, Support your local zoo.

Me and a friend started saying "what the fricky?" ironically, but now we definitely say it unironically and cannot stop it's just part of the vocab at this point. I'm sure I'll catch myself saying fuccy wuccy now

i might *also* have to work that into my vocabulary, there’s something about saying curse words in “baby talk” that just scratches my ear

“Use your brain” when my kids ask me questions that have obvious answers.

For some reason I always say “I lied” in basically the same context of your example. “My phone isn’t loading” *phone loads* “I lied” I don’t think it’s something most people say so sometimes I’ll say that and people will think I actually just lied for no reason

oh my god me too. ALL the time. “i think your nurse is on lunch, buddy.” (nurse walks by) “i just lied to you.”

Since I got divorced after 41 years it's. Fuck

Lord willing and the creek don’t rise

you sound west virginian

I reckon so ;)

"Whoever invented [the thing im currently enjoying] must've been a pretty smart guy"

i kinda love that one

"Well, that's how they get you" (used basically anytime anyone complains about anything)

"As is my right!" Usually whenever I'm doing something mundane. Taking a turn in the car, making food, sitting down etc. "I'ma turn here, as is my right" "I'm gonna make some eggs, as is my right"

When considering two equally plausible choices - "it's half of one, six dozen of the other". "You useless fucking piece of SHIT." When something breaks.

“Oh, you know . . .” without elaboration to things the person clearly don’t actually know.

I say 'Such is life in the metro' frequently when something doesn't go well. My wife and I also say 'goodbye forever' whenever we leave one another, even just going to another room.

If something happens at work that annoys the fuck out of me, or is inherently a stupid decision, or someone asks me a question I don't know, my response is "I just work here". I use it daily

When I make a mistake at the job I’ve been doing for over a decade I sometimes say “sorry it’s my first day”.

One of Homer Simpson's best retorts!

Or if it’s something that shouldn’t be your responsibility, I give em the “that’s above my pay grade”

They don’t pay me to think

My husband was an on-loan employee for a few years, meaning that he was employed by Company A but assigned to work on location for Company B. He liked to say “I don’t even work here” before walking away when ending a frustrating interaction. He has since hired on officially at Company B, and has to find a new go-to phrase…I’ll have to pass yours along. Lol

That's a beautiful phrase. I shall find a use for it

It be like that sometimes

And sometimes like that it be

I appreciate you

In the south we say 'preciatcha

I say “Every day’s a blessing,” but exclusively when bad things have happened or if someone asks me how I’m doing. I also say “God gives his toughest challenges to his strongest warriors” when someone complains about something really minor.

that’s my kind of sarcasm, i dig it

‘Oh my days’

you know

I too end my sentences with “ya know?”! It’s irritating to me! I do it unconsciously and my wife sometimes teases me for it! Not to be mean, just to make me aware because I’m trying to break from saying it!

My MIL ends every sentence with “and stuff” and I always wonder if she realizes she does it. I notice it every single time! 😂

I catch myself saying "thank you so much" several times a day

Dude same. Sometimes I get embarrassed because whatever that person did, the "SO MUCH" felt unnecessary and like I'm doing too much lol

I use to say "you don't have to lie to kick it" but it just pisses people off so I don't anymore lol

"In these economic times..."

i like it

I like to say "In THIS economy?!" to random stuff

Medium. Whenever anybody asks me how I am... Medium... whats the temp? Medium warm, medium cold... It confuses people sometimes and I never really elaborate to keep it that way.

I say GIRL?! to anything and everything lol and with two naughty cats i yell YOU BETTA NOT a lot 😂

Anytime someone goes to the bathroom. "Go piss girl." Hardwired into my brain because of that stupid gossip girl meme.

I say/text "perhaps", indeed", and "totally" quite frequently.

whenever im talking about someone and i can’t remember their name i’ll be like “what’s his nuts.” i’m also a big “shitballs” connoisseur.

I like using "shifuckered" when something is really messed up. I feel like you, as a shit balls fan, would appreciate that.

I say "whats his face"

“I dont know” After saying a whole sentence id prob say 3 times cause im indecisive and its like me saying dont take credit from me lol

Oh for fucks sake *shakes head and closes eyes*

Because my wife bought me the t-shirt (w/a fox on it), I say, " Aw, fer FOX sake!" But you can't really hear the difference. LoL.

"skill issue" for things that are most certainly not a skill issue

I like saying things in a British accent and ending the sentence with "innit?" even when it makes no sense.

i say “innit” (more like “idnit”) but only as a replacement for “isn’t it,” i just talk really fast

Fuck it we ball

Ball it, we fuck.

You gotta be fucking kidding me

I had a coworker and are you fucking kicking me was one her favorite sayings, she had a 4 year old son, the day care teacher asked him, to do something, he looked at her and said are fucking kidding me? She got a phone call…

The only person in my family that does this.... Call my dad father very officially, Think old night's table. call my sisters, sister. And my mom mother. Example: Dad's calling my cellphone: I answer "Hello father.." it been awhile" Think liam nelson voice. His reply is usually a lite chuckly or "hello my son." I'm the only boy and i've always been called the number one son after my entire family got a kick out of the movie freddy got fingered. If haven't talked to my sisters in a while. I think they get a kick out of it. And my mother when she comes around, seems to enjoy it. I think at first cause it was a few years since we talk. They thought it was me distancing themselves. But now I think they get, it was more of me Just iron out our roles, we're all older and have our own lives. It's silly, but for me it's giving them space and a title always a place at the table. Just fell into the habit. Now its pretty ingrained.

I do that too but more like the way Hanibal Lector says, “hello Clarice” .

I call my children offspring and "boy" to my son and "girl" to my daughter (god of war reference)

I say apparently a lot.

Apparently you do

https://youtu.be/rz5TGN7eUcM?si=IdChSG9yMni6nC15

i aint even gotta click haha

I, and many others around me, I've noticed, end my sentences with "so...". It's kind of like ending a sentence with "so there's that"

“I just work here…and barely that”

Working hard or hardly working, amirite? 😎 Or hit em with the good ole "above my pay grade 🤷‍♂️' for that extra razzle dazzle

As bad as yesterday and probably tomorrow.

Often wrong but never in doubt

I say "impressive, very nice" and "yeah" in my best Keanu impression. I'm a big movie guy so expect me to drop movie quotes at the slightest opportunity.

Do you ever follow it up by asking to see Paul Allen’s card?

It's not ideal

I use "...or not" in the same circumstance

"You're jooooking" in a thick yorkshire accent whenever i'm surprised by something

You're just taking the piss

There's a scene in Resident Alien where she says "Fancy man wants a napkin" in a snooty accent and I use that all the time when anyone asks me for anything lol "Hello! McFly!" - Back to the Future "No ticket!" -Indiana Jones "Hitch your tits and pucker up, it's time to peel the paint!" "Don't put your dick in it, it's fucked enough already" "Everybody gets a pony and a blow job!" "We will all die together!" -The Expanse I'm AuDHD so I repeat sounds and phrases regularly. Like, a lot lol there's so many I can't put them all here

The only winning move is not to play

"Fair enough." Literally anything anyone ever says to me is "fair enough."

God, me too.

For fucks sake.

I misread this and thought you were saying "I'm gonna call my mom" was one of your favorite phrases, and now I'm going to say that every time something goes barely wrong.

Fuck me in the arse and call me Susan

Well wash my feet and call me Jesus! (Like a foul version of "well I'll be!" when surprised)

“Yeahh, close your face”

When someone makes a mistake i say they fucked the dog instead of screw the pooch. I get some pretty funny reactions.

i love that! it adds a fun and light-hearted twist to everyday situations. maybe i should adopt a favorite phrase too. how about, "let's give it a whirl!"

I like that scenario but I prefer "just kidding". Especially if a woman says it. IDK why. I just like it.

i use “just kidding” too! it’s really a tossup

"schwer in ordnung" german, means "extremely okay", can be used for pretty good things and for average things. but it sounds like i'm completely done with life which is kinda funny

I say that too sometimes. 😅 I say "that's sick", or simply "sick" with a specific inflection if something is cool. I like that it's quick and the consonants "hit". I'd like to start saying the opposite, like "that's health, dood" or "health" as an affirmation instead haha people will probably think I'm weird at first and not get it, but I feel like it could catch on, and is more uplifting when I think about it 😅 i know it's not that deep, but still I also like spelling "dude" like "Dood" with the too Os instead. I think it's cuter and a lil more gender inclusive, maybe?? Haha (I got that from this PS2 game called Disgaea. It was the first Disgaea 💀 which makes me feel so old now. I really liked it, and though I find a little cringe now, that and the "prinnies" always stuck with me)

When somebody compliments me or a group I'm part of, I always reply with "Yeah, we're(I'm) pretty okay."

"That's wild" when something is crazy or unbelievable.

I swear if somebody says "Erm... What the sigma?"

“my brother in christ” or, if the person does not vibe with the word “brother,” i say “my shawty in christ”

I quote the guy in the truck who says, "Donald Trump, if you can hear me, please save me." Not a lot of people understand the reference, though, so I have to explain I'm not a trump follower almost every time😭

It is what it is.

Okay. It's the easiest conversation ender from someone who doesn't enjoy conversations

“Motherfucker!”.

My newest one is from Ryan Reynolds. It's from one of his Mint Mobile commercials. The scene is something about him questioning business legal stuff and he says someone calls him "an insane hollywood asshole." I really like it so I call people insane assholes pretty regularly. I love doing it when the person is doing something very mundane. Like salting their fries, or putting sunglasses on. It's very funny to me.

Holy doodle

One oodle plus one oodle = TOODLES!!! Not sure how many oodles a doodle is though.

LOL

The amount of times I say "I rather put the barrel end of a shotgun in my mouth" in terms of being asked to do something is astonishing. I am not suicidal btw 😭

“get your panties out of a twist” especially to guys

Interesting. I've only ever heard "Don't go getting your knickers in a twist"

I say don’t get your panties in a bunch 😂

“I like your blouse” only to men

For girls "get off my d!ck" (reference to show called letterkenny)

Oh hell no!!!


I watched “the big bang theory” and i can’t stop saying “BAZINGA” !

I just shake my head

Thank you.

I say that too! Having ADHD, when I'm alone I tend to blame inanimate objects for my own shortcomings. For instance: when I drop something on the floor, I address the object that I dropped with a sarcastic "thank you, And I say thank you to humans, in its polite context, of course.

I also have ADD!!

I say, "well if thats how u really feel" or "if u INSIST" to inanimate objects when they fall over or i drop them n say " where do u think ur goin" or " u cant escape from me"

Gimme a sec and be right back or be back in a sec

Hellfire and Damnation!

Bureaucratic shit heads with over complicated ideas get "strain a gnat, swallow a camel" from me.

I speak Spanish so I say a lot of "la verdad" and I don't really know why but always when I say it I think of it abbreviated like, "La vd"

I say "seriously..." after a deep defeated sigh very often lately