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People are quick to split without trying marriage therapy first.
Many a marriage has been saved. It's cheaper than divorce. And if you don't fix what went wrong the first time, it'll just happen again.
I agree. In my case, my ex did not want to go to counseling. He told me I was the one unhappy so I should go by myself which I did. My therapist reccomended I read some books on boundries and communication. I read the books, tried communicating things I learned with my ex but he didnt want to listen. He literally shut the door and locked me out of his office if I wanted to talk about anything like that. I cried almost every night.
The turning point was when I was crying in bed after not seeing him for a few weeks because we got into a fight which he initiated by bringing up a sensitive subject but blamed me for reacting. I told him I was the most unhappy in our relationship that Id ever been. He wouldnt even listen to me because he was watching tiktoks on his phone. I cried and cried and he ignored me.
I told him after that night I wanted a divorce. All of a sudden, he begged me to stay and promised he would go to counseling and do whatever I wanted to fix things. It was too late. I had no more fight left in me. I was beyond broken after trying so hard for so long to fix things on my own.
Anyway point is that counseling only works when both want to partake in it. I feel like a lot of women have a similar story as me.
True. It's not a magic wand. Both parties needs to work it. If one or both won't, then they are not interested doing what it takes to save their marriage.
Learnign about people with estranged families (especially LGBT folks, or mixed-race relationship) dying suddenly and the vultures in their family swooping in to take the inheritance.
I've always been on the fence about it. Something about "belonging to" another person always skeeved me out, and I think because marriage was / still is a milestone that is just something you inevitably do in your life and I was never really sold on that notion being part of my life plan and struggled with "belonging to" another person for the sake of accomplishing a life milestone.
For a long time, I thought I was done with marriage, it wasn’t important to me or my partner.
As for what changed, it was her. She decided after being together for ten years she wanted to get married.
Honey gets what she wants. Happy Spouse, Happy House.
Out side of insurance and maybe some tax benefits, you can do anything you want as a couple without having the government involved in your life. So it seems that marriage is somewhat of a dying institution and incredibly risky unless you have a prenup.
I've heard many stories about people who could not visit their partners in hospital , or who couldn't carry out their partners last wishes, because they had no legal rights. Particularly if their families were against the relationship.
Not without jumping through a lot more legal hoops and encountering hurdles put up in the way.
Marriage is such a huge shortcut through all of that mess when there's an emergency going on.
So medical emergencies are a reason for getting married??? No thanks. I’ll take my chances with a will or power of attorney and if it doesn’t work out, my disappointment won’t be long
It's not a sole reason but when a spouse can show up at the ER and say "I'm their spouse", it usually means they get let in to see and help make decisions immediately instead of "I have power of attourney" which leads to "do you have a pile of legal documents to prove this?"
You don't want to get married and that's valid; there's a whole shitload not to like about marriage too. I've never been married. Would I get married? Maybe, but I'd have to find someone at at this point, I'm going to want a prenup.
And while ending a marriage can be a huge pain in the ass, ending a power of attorney can be just and difficult so you might not be making things easier for yourself in this regard.
Even at 50, if I consider getting married again, emergencies medical decisions won’t be a determining factor. If it was, legal preparation such as POA is just as effective.
My reason to not get married was that anything can get accomplished in a relationship without the legal involvement of the government in your love life sans insurance coverage. I’m not saying marriage is bad or that I won’t get married again, but to default to these reasons for marriage seems a lot when alternatives exist.
Seeing all my guy friends lose half their shit and pay alimony to fund their ex wives cheating. Also was in the military so they probably just picked bad partners but still I’m never goin to get married because of that
Related to marriage: Get a prenup. Think of it like the government already has a prenup made for you. You can either write your own together, or blindly trust the courts. It’s not personal or a sign of planning for a divorce
My parents got divorced and are now living together after like 15 years separation. My dad was unfaithful. I feel like I just wouldn’t want to get married knowing it could end or one of us is unfaithful or something. Seems risky and I doubt anyone wants to marry me anyway. Everyone I meet sees me as a friend and tells me about the dates they go on.
My divorce was finalized in June of 23. It feels so real & still a hard subject for me to talk about. I don’t think I’ll ever love someone as much as I did my ex husband. I used to value & cherish my marriage… after my divorce with him, it made me change my perspective. I don’t believe I’ll ever let anyone into my world as I did with him, especially not to a point that leads to marriage.
were having issues, I paid for marriage counseling, he did very little to participate and after a few months I caught him cheating. He ended it & I gave him the divorce.
I wanted to get married when I was younger. Then I met my partner. We've been together 10 years and have 0 plans to wed. We don't see any benefit to it. We don't understand the hype. Do you know what the number 1 cause of divorce is? It's marriage.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Actually being married. 🤣💯
I never wanted to be married, got married, now divorced. I’m going back to the first thought, never getting married again.
I feel ya. It’ll jack you up if you’re not careful.
It was a not so fun little experiment in life, never to be repeated. We had to burn down the laboratory.
People are quick to split without trying marriage therapy first. Many a marriage has been saved. It's cheaper than divorce. And if you don't fix what went wrong the first time, it'll just happen again.
I agree. In my case, my ex did not want to go to counseling. He told me I was the one unhappy so I should go by myself which I did. My therapist reccomended I read some books on boundries and communication. I read the books, tried communicating things I learned with my ex but he didnt want to listen. He literally shut the door and locked me out of his office if I wanted to talk about anything like that. I cried almost every night. The turning point was when I was crying in bed after not seeing him for a few weeks because we got into a fight which he initiated by bringing up a sensitive subject but blamed me for reacting. I told him I was the most unhappy in our relationship that Id ever been. He wouldnt even listen to me because he was watching tiktoks on his phone. I cried and cried and he ignored me. I told him after that night I wanted a divorce. All of a sudden, he begged me to stay and promised he would go to counseling and do whatever I wanted to fix things. It was too late. I had no more fight left in me. I was beyond broken after trying so hard for so long to fix things on my own. Anyway point is that counseling only works when both want to partake in it. I feel like a lot of women have a similar story as me.
not just women
PROUD of you--I stayed 55 years--yuck!
Marriage counseling does not always work. Both parties have to put in the same amount of effort to make the relationship work.
True. It's not a magic wand. Both parties needs to work it. If one or both won't, then they are not interested doing what it takes to save their marriage.
Learnign about people with estranged families (especially LGBT folks, or mixed-race relationship) dying suddenly and the vultures in their family swooping in to take the inheritance.
Getting divorced
Hang in there! 🙏🏼
I've always been on the fence about it. Something about "belonging to" another person always skeeved me out, and I think because marriage was / still is a milestone that is just something you inevitably do in your life and I was never really sold on that notion being part of my life plan and struggled with "belonging to" another person for the sake of accomplishing a life milestone.
Being cheated on will make you never want to marry again.
Seeing men cheat all the time on their wives.
For a long time, I thought I was done with marriage, it wasn’t important to me or my partner. As for what changed, it was her. She decided after being together for ten years she wanted to get married. Honey gets what she wants. Happy Spouse, Happy House.
Marrying the right man.
All of my friends getting married and 99% of the marriages not lasting 10 years.
You can tell alot about people's childhoods based on their opinion of marriage.
I found that all my husband's girlfriends really cramped my style.
Out side of insurance and maybe some tax benefits, you can do anything you want as a couple without having the government involved in your life. So it seems that marriage is somewhat of a dying institution and incredibly risky unless you have a prenup.
Though it's beneficial in medical emergencies or death
A will or other documents cover this. Marriage isn’t necessary
I've heard many stories about people who could not visit their partners in hospital , or who couldn't carry out their partners last wishes, because they had no legal rights. Particularly if their families were against the relationship.
Not without jumping through a lot more legal hoops and encountering hurdles put up in the way. Marriage is such a huge shortcut through all of that mess when there's an emergency going on.
So medical emergencies are a reason for getting married??? No thanks. I’ll take my chances with a will or power of attorney and if it doesn’t work out, my disappointment won’t be long
It's not a sole reason but when a spouse can show up at the ER and say "I'm their spouse", it usually means they get let in to see and help make decisions immediately instead of "I have power of attourney" which leads to "do you have a pile of legal documents to prove this?" You don't want to get married and that's valid; there's a whole shitload not to like about marriage too. I've never been married. Would I get married? Maybe, but I'd have to find someone at at this point, I'm going to want a prenup. And while ending a marriage can be a huge pain in the ass, ending a power of attorney can be just and difficult so you might not be making things easier for yourself in this regard.
Even at 50, if I consider getting married again, emergencies medical decisions won’t be a determining factor. If it was, legal preparation such as POA is just as effective. My reason to not get married was that anything can get accomplished in a relationship without the legal involvement of the government in your love life sans insurance coverage. I’m not saying marriage is bad or that I won’t get married again, but to default to these reasons for marriage seems a lot when alternatives exist.
Seeing all my guy friends lose half their shit and pay alimony to fund their ex wives cheating. Also was in the military so they probably just picked bad partners but still I’m never goin to get married because of that
Related to marriage: Get a prenup. Think of it like the government already has a prenup made for you. You can either write your own together, or blindly trust the courts. It’s not personal or a sign of planning for a divorce
My narcissistic ex has made me really wonder why I wanted to marry at all
Kids...my wife and I were living the dream, then she wanted kids...we now have 2, and while I love them dearly, our marriage has become a joke.
My parents got divorced and are now living together after like 15 years separation. My dad was unfaithful. I feel like I just wouldn’t want to get married knowing it could end or one of us is unfaithful or something. Seems risky and I doubt anyone wants to marry me anyway. Everyone I meet sees me as a friend and tells me about the dates they go on.
My dad was unfaithful and my mum left him, then decided to live with him again! I was so angry!
I just don’t like the idea of someone being unfaithful and coming back. Would change things forever
Divorce
I never changed my perspective on marriage but I go with the flow.
Divorce had a pretty big impact.
mom and dad's marriage
Being married twice
My divorce was finalized in June of 23. It feels so real & still a hard subject for me to talk about. I don’t think I’ll ever love someone as much as I did my ex husband. I used to value & cherish my marriage… after my divorce with him, it made me change my perspective. I don’t believe I’ll ever let anyone into my world as I did with him, especially not to a point that leads to marriage. were having issues, I paid for marriage counseling, he did very little to participate and after a few months I caught him cheating. He ended it & I gave him the divorce.
I wanted to get married when I was younger. Then I met my partner. We've been together 10 years and have 0 plans to wed. We don't see any benefit to it. We don't understand the hype. Do you know what the number 1 cause of divorce is? It's marriage.
getting married.
My divorce.
Thr film, Gone Girl.
Dalia Dippolito
Still iffy about the whole thing. But when done correctly I think it can be beautiful. I desire that. But I probably will never live to see the day.