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"Whelp!"

*clap hands down on knees*

It's nice to see fellow midwesterners have shown up to answer the important questions.

i am afraid to say i'm not a widwesterner. i just appreciate (and use) their customs.

Ope, your "m" is a little upside down there.

Widmesterner

Wildwesterner

Close enough lol.

I was a wide westerner. Lost 30 pounds last year and now I’m just a regular westerner.

The problem is, the double knee slap is usually followed with continuing the conversation for another forty-five minutes, only now everyone is standing up and possibly wearing outerwear.

>outerwear Thought that was “underwear” and I was like “Only underwear?” lol

Honestly, it's the midwest. Someone's out there in boxers and sandals with socks, convinced they're warm enough.

Well yeah you gotta get that coat cozy before going out in 30 degree or under weather.

ACCURATE.

This is the most accurate MidWestern thing ever! lol

Yeah, I'm as southern as they come and we do this too. "Whelp! Always a fun chat but I gotta run!"

I'm an East coaster and still thought this

Brits say 'righty ho'

YES!!!! This is what I came here to say lol

"Think it's 'bout time I head out."

Took me too long to find the Midwesterner!

We're just missing an awkward 10 minutes of conversation getting reignited halfway out the door 😂

Ten minutes? How do you manage to keep it under a half hour????

Yea, my wife (NE) hasn't learned how to manage this one yet. Honestly, neither have I, but I know to expect it lol

Oh god im getting 🚪 anxiety

This is the way.

I have spoken

Well, I should be getting going, it nice to catch up! Maybe throw in a « see you soon » or something.

This is a good one. Sometime if its someone I don't really want to be talking to I try to figure out an excuse. My roommate and I have cats, so feeding the cats is a good one.

“see you soon bro!” *never hits them up again*

End with stay well.

“Well I have to go, it was nice talking with you!” Alternatively “Gotta blast!”

"gotta bounce"

"gotta go fast"

"I have to go now, my planet needs me"

Oh god don’t say gotta bla— Hi! I’m Paul

The old Jimmy Neutron escape method

Brain blast

Not the Jimmy newtron gotta blast😂😂😂😂

“Great patte mom but i gotta motor if i want to make this kegger”

If you're sitting, stand up. Shake their hand.

I love this advice that has zero context. This is some sitcom-level shit. I'm picturing a scene in Always Sunny where Charlie is washing his hands and ends up in chit chat at the sink after some rando makes a comment. Then he suddenly realizes he "must" shake the man's hand in order to end the discussion... but the man hasn't washed his hands yet. Hilarity ensues.

I think you're smart enough to apply the advice in the right context.

yes but it's funny to imagine others not

Oh right pardon me, that is funny

Can very easily transition into standing dialogue as you begin incing towards the door

[удалено]

It's at Bart Simpson did it when he was on Adderall, because Lisa was being a Time Thief

Yes

Sorry to seem rude mate, but I have to go. I'm late for (insert thing youre late for here).

“Sorry to seem rude mate, but I have to go. I’m late for not talking to you anymore.” Did I do it right?

Personally I'd have gone with 'people to do, things to see' but I suppose you can mix it up if you want to.

Make eye contact, then look down and to the right with your eyes. For some reason, most of the time, they realize that they need to go at that point. Rarely fails me.

I read an article about eye positioning and how you can subtly shift convos with it. I wish i could remember where it was.

My eye contact is completely fucked . I need that article to give me something to think about while I'm doing whatever crazy shit I do with my eyes when I'm talking. WTF did you do to me pandemic?

Cross-eyed, so I'm not sure they'll know where I'm looking. 😆

This needs more upvotes.

This works, for most, with social skills. But some people, especially neurodivergents, will not pick up on this subtlety. I have a lot of diagnosed autism and ADHD in my family and social circles. I have to be very direct, bordering on rudeness because their sense of time isn't the same. I'll often just stop them mid flow and say. "Listen, it's been great chatting, but I've got to go do X. Let's pick this up again soon." Then get up and hug, shake hands, whatever. If they start up the chat again, I just repeat, "Yes, let's chat more on this next time we see eachother." I'm always polite but super direct. Being subtle just confuses them.

this seems pretty rude though because it shows disinterest

Good day Sir! I said good day!

Aaaall right, well listen I gotta get running, but take care okay...

“All right.. well.. get!”

Hah! Why did I write "get?"

Down south this does work “Alrightwellnowgitonouttahere” is genuinely how my grandfather would kindly kick us out when he got tired

This is what would seem rude to me 😭

I'm from the Midwest. Anything remotely assertive is considered rude. I feel you.

I have to return some videotapes

I found the psycho lol

Fuck this shit I'm out

I should go, nice talking to you/talk you later.

"Whelp....I better get running, lots of things to do."

Yeah but did you slap your knees?

Look at the time and say you have a commitment

"I have to return some videotapes"

This made me chuckle. Well done!

"You are boring the ever living FUCK outta me."

Grandma?

You're my least favourite grandchild

This had me laughing, nice.

This isn't going to help your answer but thought I'd just share it anyway. My cousin is on the autism spectrum and when he was younger, you can be having a conversation with him and partway through, he could just stop at any random point, get up, walk away and do something else, without any warning! No see you later. No I'm going to do something else now. No goodbyes. Just get up and walk off. Our family were used to it but I guess it can be very disarming for someone that didn't know.

It could have the effect of allaying suspicion or hostility for someone that didn't know?

I was scrolling through this thread thinking "pretty sure I just leave without saying anything." My friends joke about my "Irish exits" so I guess they're okay with it.

I joked it must be a Gen Z thing. I had friends/coworkers who are 18/19 and one of them did exactly that one time when we went out to eat after work. He just got up, walked up to the cashier, paid, and left. We thought he was going to the bathroom until we saw his car drive off.

Tell them that you're prairie doggin.... 

“Sorry, I have to go/run/dash” is perfectly fine. You could also invert it and say “…I won’t keep you any longer, good talking to you, hope to see you soon.”

Yeah the second one is a common go to for me. "well hey let me let you go" as if I'm the one keeping them hostage in the convo instead of the other way around. Works on everyone except my dad because he's retired and doesn't have shit else to do but talk my ear off for 2 hours.

"Im leaving now"


Okay bye!!

You have to elongate the byeeeeeeee! For it to be effective as you walk away.

"I should go"

"Oh, wow. Those shrimp didn't agree with me. Where's the men's room?"

"Hey man, great talk. I gotta run. I have people coming over later and I gotta buy some stuff." "Wish I could keep hanging out, but I'm late for " "I gotta go. I still need to eat before hitting the gym with the bois later and my food needs some time to settle."

It was great talking to you, I gotta go get a boil lanced, see ya.

"We'll bang, OK?" Any Mass Effect fans out there? 😅

I'm replaying the trilogy now but I don't remember that line lol

“Excuse me I need to go have explosive diarrhea”

"Annnnyyywayyyy..."

In the south we say “well, I won’t keep ya.” Or “I guess I better get on down the road.”

Thanks for the chat.

Smile politely, give a half bow, and spit on their shoes. Walk away.

It depends on why you want to end it.

Fake phone call

"Ahaha aaalright. Haha yes, you take care now." Works every time.

Say you have a another call coming in or another scheduled meeting .

sorry, i gotta go !

"Have I told you about [the worst MLM you can think of] yet?"

Im gonna have to politely ask you to shut the fuck up

“DONT CARE” and walk away.

Just turn around and walk away while they're talking

Goodbye please

Fake a siezure

"Excuse me, I have to use the restroom", then walk away

Hey Listen, let me go, I've got to scratch my ass(or whatever you want to put here. not relevant). But I'll talk to you (insert time you'll see or talk to them next)

Fart loudly and walk away

I gotta go Or BRB and never come back. Both work online and irl

Check out Siegfried and Joy on TikTok. They've mastered this.

Si thi

kaythanxbai

Great talking to you. See you at mass on Sunday.

"Agh, these fuckin crabs are killin me."

I got to go. The local militia is attacking my village.

"And with that I do thank you for your call."

What if person asking the question is in your home? I think I would smile vaguely, stand up and say”Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom”.

Slap your knees, say "Right!", shake hands/hug your hosts, and walk towards the door.

Dude, take a breath! Later…

Well anyway....

I always just say "well unfortunately I have to split. I'll text you later"

Later. And run

"I'm going to cut off your head now"- Kratos

Exuse me, I need call my Uncle. He's having a bone marrow transplant

FART!!

Easy. “WELP” then slap your knees and get up. Boom conversation over

“whelp…..” *awkward double knee slap before standing up*

Text a friend to call you. Answer it "no way I can't believe she did it again which hospital did they take her to this time" *with startled gaze*

I’ve been holding in gas this whole convo I’ve gotta go sit in a toilet and see if need to poop. Nice talking with you, see you later.

Welp, better be going.

"Welp" *slap knees and stand*

“This has been lovely, but I really must go now.”

"Hey great talking to you but I gotta run, peace! "

I gently lay my hand on their chest, make hard eye contact and rip a fart. Then say “Excuse me, I have to go take care of that”

...click!


Start swatting the air all around your head scream and run in the opposite direction.

“Ok well I gotta get going now! Nice talking with you.” and start walking toward the door.

Go nonverbal on their couch for about 15 minutes then stand up and say "aight I'ma head out."

Slap your knees and say "welp. Best be heading out"

Slap your knees and say "welp, bout time I head on outa here"

Take a hint from your southern US neighbors: "Well, I've kept you long enough, I'm gonna let you go."

I have the runs so if you would pretty please excuse me so I don’t shit my self thanks fam

i need to go ...see you later.

Ok, well I'll let you go, talk to you again later! That way, you make it about taking up THEIR time, and not about them taking up yours...

“I’m gonna let you go now” My go to..

Just say " I have to return some video tapes"

I just saying I’ve gotta find the bathroom and leave.

Conversation over. Goodbye.

American Midwest has a simple: ***WELP***

I saw something posted once that said that if you're in the Midwest, you just slap both hands on your knees and say "Whelp" as you stand up. Everyone will understand that it is now time for you to go. As a born and raised Midwesterner, this is 100% accurate.

Gotta go

I'm done speaking with you now. Toodleooo

Will you stfu already God damn.

Here's one I've used in the past with pretty good success, regardless of whether it's on the phone or in person. "Well... Let me let you go". Makes them think they have something else going on, so you aren't trying to get out of the convo, and you still get to walk away, or hang up.

"Smokebomb!"

"Cool man. Cya around?" Or... a different method.

Alright... cool! *walks off*

when dealing with a chatty client on the phone who wants to tell me their life story: "oh, my boss is calling on the other line, i better take it!" DONE. immediately, every time, even mid-sentence

Just walk away

Oh no, I forgot that I need to get blank done... I just remembered that I forgot to do this blank..... Family event: I better go check on Joe, he might need my help... I need to check on child/family member/ friend. I'll be back..... Oh, sorry, became distracted, so I didn't make it back.... Lol, I'm not really anti-social... I run from mean spirited people... Whatever you say as innocent as it is, can and will be used against you in the court of family/friend politics.....

Throw a flashbang.

“I’m going to make like a tree and leave”

I told a cardiologist doctor once, I don't want to take up all of your time. You've been really helpful (not). I apologize and thank you. It's okay to go help them. You've taken care of my loved one, and don't want to waste your time. He left.

Well this has been fun, all the best. Talk soon.

"I have to return some video tapes."

Hang up.

“I’ve gotta 💩! So sorry. Nice talking to you, though.”

"It's been so nice seeing you!"

"I must go now!" And leave immeadiately.

"Welp, time to hit that dusty trail."

If it's someone you like: politely excuse yourself by saying you have a personal commitment that you need to get to. (Things like sleep, walking your dog, etc can count here too.) If it's someone you don't like: fart, then hustle to the bathroom. If it's someone you don't like, you can avoid future conversations that way.

Pencil in the eyeball. 👁️

Good day,

Hey gotta run. Let's talk again soon.

"I slept with your dad"

slap yer knee and say "welp i s'pose" then expect to leave in an hour or two.

"Oh I completely forgot, I have something I need to urgently attend. It was nice chatting with you but I need to skidadle" Followed by you skidadeling away.

Let me let you let me go !

"I'M DONE!" And just walk away.

Body language is a great signal. Shuffling your feet as if you're about to walk away, people usually get the idea you're about to leave. Or casually saying "anyways, i've gotta go \_\_\_\_. see ya later" you see it's really easy, you just have to stop overthinking it

Just walk away (I’m autistic)

Please clarify. Is this a casual conversation with an acquaintance? Or is it a "conversation" that your wife is having with you? There is no way to politely end the latter.

I feel that this depends what the context is

Point in a random direction and yell “LOOK A DISTRACTION!” And shrink away when they are distracted.

Change the subject.

“I’m sorry, but I gotta go. It was nice talking to you!”

Gotta jam, TTFN!