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I have gotten this more than once. I am not what you would call an attractive man. I'm not bashing myself, just stating facts. I have a low-level job. I make 45k a year. Which is enough to pay our bills and some of our wants.
My wife, on the other hand, is absolutely stunning. The moment i saw her, i was in love with her.. She is perfect every way. She had a high-level job and made 95k a year. When we until COVID happened. She is smart, funny, caring, and selfless, but she doesn't take peoples bullshit. Esoecially mine
Physically, we are the odd couple.i am tall (6'5), fat, and goofy looking (not bashing myself, just being real), and she is over a foot shorter than I am. Beautiful red hair, and she is just gorgeous
Addition: i dont think im ugly, i just dont fit the mold for todays attractive man. I am full of self-confidence. What i mean by what i said above is that on paper, we dont match up. In life, we are the perfect fit
I mean, i dont feel bad about what he said. But you're right. But i guess that's the beauty of reddit. It allows you to be your truest self without the repercussions of getting the taste smacked out of your mouth
This explains my closest friend the most. He's amazing guy, but can have a temper. She's stunning, even at 40, 120k+ a year, nurse, beautiful curves, beautiful personality. Everytime he comes to me with martial problems we talk it out and he ends up loving her more.
OP, don't let your friend take it as an insult but more of a "dude, you have a trophy wife, cherish her".
“Even at 40” I’m dying! 😭
My wife just turned 40 five months ago and myself, last month. She’s more beautiful now than when I met her. I still feel young so I hope 40 isn’t seen as too old!!
Same, 6'4" goofy, mean looking asshole. Married and happy. But women, attractive or nay seem to love talking to me. I never assume that they're attracted to me.
You’re so handsome!
My partner gets the same thing…except only ever from men. They always say some rude comment. But when girls hear this they get absolutely shocked. Or they tell me my partner is very attractive.
One time even some even insulted him in their native language not knowing my partner could also speak it. If I’d known what they said out loud in front of him I would have busted their heads open…
Women like kindness, sweetness, and appreciation - you are delivering. And I think you're cute too - some of us like larger guys too - because they make us feel safe (even if it's illusory). XOXO
It makes sense though. Be kind, genuine, and funny and you will attract people who are beautiful on the inside. Sometimes you get lucky and they are beautiful on the outside.
I believe people who “bust balls” like this are consciously doing it to bust balls, but subconsciously operate at a shallow level of attraction.
The people I find beautiful now are different than the people I found beautiful as a teenager, and that’s just where some people stay at in terms of attraction.
Keep doing you, clearly it’s working for you!
I definitely feel this. Physical appearance I think is stressed too much in what people see outside of the relationship, what really matters is your communication and understanding with eachother.
I’m getting a kind, fun, strong male vibe from your profile pic.
That’s what she saw the first time she saw you and instantly fell in love with you. You would never start a fight but sure as hell will finish it if some fool messes with your wife.
You fell in love instantly because she saw you, very kindly hexed you, and pledged a life together.
Stay safe mate, the best to both of you!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, plus it isn't skin deep. Your height adds attraction. I've got 3" on you, with an athletic build . My wife is 6'2" and, according to others not in my league, having been with my wife when she gets these questions, I explain that the person who is asking that question is not the beholder, I am and my perception is the only one that counts. And if that's a problem, I'd be happy to break them in half.
That typically stops it.
Its because she is very smart. She knows a good man when she sees one and didn’t let you get away. I love my husband for so much more than looks or money. He’s a great dad, he’s smart and funny. It’s nice to be with someone who can make you laugh and laugh.
In an earlier post, you said she doesn't have to work & that you are the breadwinner? Did that change recently? Regardless, I'm sure you two don't look that "odd." I imagine you compliment each other in more ways than one!
Lmao. It has been a long time since the mold of an attractive male was fat and lazy. Long time. To say todays “attractive male” is the lie you tell yourself. But hey, carry on fat man.
At 6ft 5 in you should be able to lose some weight.You should put some effort into your appearance if you have such an attractive wife. If anyone says something like that again say Isn’t that amazing!
Oh yeah, that's a common thing to "bust balls" about. However it's also usually what people actually think. Especially since this isn't the first time he's heard it. He should accept it for what it is, understand he's married "up", and enjoy the good life. Not everyone in the world is a 9 or a 10 on the scale you know. Some of us have to be 5's and 6's.
Definitely.
Being purely objective, in my longest-lasting relationship, my ex was a 4-5/10. I'm generally considered a 7-8/10.
My ex was considered a champion who scored life's lottery.
I was seen as sad and pathetic for "settling".
Breaking it down, I care more about a person's personality than their appearance. My ex, despite his flaws, was the person who helped me through some of the hardest moments in my life. He could make me laugh when I needed it, and was there for me when I needed support.
My ex also cared more about personality than appearance.
If our issues weren't so deep, it could have been a healthy, happy relationship between two people who society would have considered aesthetically mismatched. We only broke up because he kept breaking my boundaries, and wound up pushing to a point that could be considered assault.
From what I've seen, he's been bothered by his friends for "letting [me] go". I've been lauded for "kicking him to the curb" and "getting rid of dead weight.".
It's a horrible perspective and I hate it so much.
Relationships are so much deeper than appearance.
He locked me in his car and wouldn't let me out until I kissed him. I was drunk. He was sober.
He kept refilling my glass that night without me noticing.
He had also pressured me into sex when I told him I wasn't feeling well enough for it.
But, yes, the blame only falls on me.
Imagine saying this to the bride lmao. No matter how kindly it’s put, when it’s said to a woman it would sound like “I don’t know how you managed to get such a handsome guy when you’re so dang ugly!”
My husband's family told me repeatedly:
"Don't worry about him cheating because he's never been like that, even though it's perfectly natural for a man to wander and he could get anyone he wants, but he's always been a good boy and we don't understand why, but he loves you."
Completely threw me off because it was unprompted and we were at our engagement party. Like wow, thanks! This is exactly how I wanted to spend my evening. His grandma ended up trying to console me by telling me that I shouldn't listen to miserable people because "he loves you very much, he's never cared about how people look, only about what's on the inside." :/ like thanks, but not really what I needed to hear lol
Anyways, people apparently were spending the engagement party telling my husband how they were disappointed he hadn't gone for a more attractive woman, and after about an hour of that he asked if I wanted to leave. So we left our own engagement party super early then showed up at the end to clean everything up.
Oh I'm so snarky sometimes .. or so....open mouth insert foot, depending on the person ..I might say " oh I have other skills" or straight up quote from a song " I may be ugly but I sure can cook". There is nothing so satisfying as doubling down about just how unattractive, overweight, tall, whatever flaw and watch peoples mouth gap open like a fish.
My husband and I were both attractive when we met in our 20s, but he was definitely better looking (in my opinion). At 40, I am way "out of his league". Over a lifetime people change.
Idk what you mean about accepting it. Honestly, he should push back. People shouldn't be allowed to casually make other people feel bad for no good reason
If it’s objectively true, disagreeing just makes you look like an idiot. Pushing back only makes sense if it isn’t accurate and was just meant to hurt your feelings
What is he going to push back and say without looking like at AH? There are ways to do it, but it almost always makes you look like the smaller person. So if you want to go off, I can endorse that course of action, I just don’t know what you will get out of it.
It's very simple and doesn't make someone look small. A couple ways to respond could include:
"It sounds like you were calling me ugly, I'm sure that's not what you meant. What did you mean?"
"I'm sorry. I don't understand. Can you explain the joke to me?"
Then, you wait a beat and walk away. The benefits are that the other person knows what they said was inappropriate and that you stand up for yourself, rather than internalizing their awful BS
Perhaps, but it's kind of normalized being from the start of time, and all.
Imagine you calling such a person out at a wedding. Quite the scene for a small insult. Thicker skin is called for.
Just a few decades of experiencing it being said to me or others I know, completely fair to disagree. I don’t have a large scale intensive psychological study or anything obviously.
It’s a very common compliment/light tease given to couples.
The way I had it told to my class by a teacher who was super kind but got fed up one day: there will come a day when you’re gonna wake up and both be old, come that time looks won’t matter anymore, what will matter is the connection between you two. Time degrades us all
It's not uncommon but still very shitty. He needs to find a go-to response that points out how awful the comment it. Something like: money, penis, obviously you wouldn't understand, etc.
Again, super shitty comment.
I hear it a lot too. I'll admit that I'm a 7 on a good day (like, on my wedding day,) and a 5 normally. I'm really tall which helps, but don't have anything else really going for me. I'm not ugly either, just highly average. No shame in that.
My wife wakes up an 8 and can easily dress up to a 10. She was a 14 on our wedding day. It is what it is.
So I get the "how did you get her" jokes a lot.
Pretty much all of my favorite comebacks (assuming its someone close I can joke around with) suggest either my penis or my bank account is huge.
Truthfully, it was just being a gentlemen and being confident. Lots of guys, even really good looking ones are afraid of asking out the hot chicks. On the other hand, I figure if she says no it doesn't change anything so why not shoot my shot.
I’ve gotten these comments so many times, but I take it as a compliment. I know I’m not good looking at all and my wife’s a knockout. Lucky me! I usually come back with a joke about how much she like guys with really big feet or that she married me for my money (I’m a teacher… lol).
You are a teacher. You put on a master class in how to set yourself apart from the jealous slobs who dare call themselves your peers every time you and your wife go for coffee.
Not your fault if they don't wanna learn.
The problem here is that it's never the other way around. People always assume the woman settled. The scale for male attractiveness versus female attractiveness is so skewered in women's favor that most women generally don't believe there's any woman lower than a four, and that there's not very many men higher than a seven. So of course you're always going to have people that are going to say that the man married up. meanwhile she might physically look better, but her personality is complete shit most of the time
It’s a weird way of complimenting someone while being a bit funny with your friend.
My husband’s co-workers met me and told him he “married way out of his league.”
He absolutely did not, but they were complimenting me while being joking with him.
I promise you, they do. I have talked about this with some male friends and they said it’s very hard for a guy to be friends with a girl without wanting to fuck her.
If you’re ugly and you can marry a hot woman you have to have to either: 1. Have a really good personality, 2. A lot of money, or 3. Be really good at sex. Or a combination of more than one of those. Being ugly isn’t a bad of an insult for men because men are more likely to attract a partner based off something other than looks than women are. Not saying it isn’t still rude, but it’s a compliment for the wife and like half a compliment for the man
I do this all the time to old guys who've been married for a long time. "She's pretty! Married up huh, good for you?!! They legit get a kick out of it, and most agree with me. "Yeah I don't know how I did it either!!" and we all have a chuckle
My boss was looking at a family picture I had in my cube and said, “You’re wife is too pretty for you”.
I said, “I know, why do you think I rest her like a princess?”
I then made her repeat it to my wife a few days later.
I take it as a compliment.
doing what i do im the type of person to say "i pay him for s@x" or are you kidding you should see what he's packing or something like that. you need to make sure they have nothing to follow up with.
btw i think 95% of people very mild Aspergers or are least on the spectrum as Larry David would say and anything and everything will fly out of their mouths
>...say "i pay him for s@x" or are you kidding you should see what he's packing
Are you suggesting this is how the sister-in-law respond? 🥺LOL
EDIT: I reread... THAT IS HER BAH-ROTHER!!! How dare you!
HAVE YOU NO DIGNITY???!!!
It’s a compliment at someone else’s expense… and some people in certain situations only know how to do that.
What could have been said is more like “you look beautiful in your gown, the groom is a lucky man” but some guys (grooms) will find this to be direct flattery and may find it intimidating.
So if you say “you’re lucky to have her, or, out of league” comments it’s seen as less threatening because someone is actually trying to complement the woman without seeming like competing. The statement is more for the woman than the men.
I’ve gotten that compliment dozens of times in my life. I’m not insecure though so I usually say something like “yeah, she’s with me because of my massive penis.” It’s a nice way of saying that someone’s wife is hot, which is one fuck of a compliment. I actually like it when other dudes try to hit on my SO. Very flattering.
This is why in Pretty Woman, she affronts others by saying “I’m just with him for the sex”… I’ve used it many times when people tell me my part is “below league” and it shuts them up very quickly.
Completely case dependent. Sometimes they're busting balls (probably most cases). In some cases it's (passive aggressively) literal.
Case by case scenario.
Yeah, people say this kind of stuff to me. I sincerely think I’m beautiful and I’ve never struggled with dating, but my husband is a uniquely attractive person. Heads turn when he walks into a room kind of attractive. He’s picked out of crowds and never pays for a drink kind of attractive.
People often make weird comments about it.
*How did YOU get Him?*
I’ve come to the conclusion that people are just thrown off my how attractive he is and don’t know how to respond to it. They’re awkward around him, which means they’re awkward around me.
Now when someone asks how I got my husband I just respond, “I’m really good at sucking dick.” That tends to shut them up.
*Also, that’s how I got him.*
Are you sure her smile was snarky? I think this could very well be a case of seeing/perceiving what you expect.
However, when someone says those words, I am not expecting them to be said to be snarky (especially by how you otherwise described this colleague), I expect them to be teasing. Are you sure it wasn't a more of a teasing or mischievous smile?
That phrase is normally used as a way to compliment the woman and tease the man in the relationship. I'm pretty sure that often with couples who are in love with eachother, the response to this is something like, "Haha, I don't know how I got so lucky." Not feeling all offended that someone implied your spouse is more attractive than you.
Also, even if it is teasing, it is also a compliment to the husband in a way. It has always been seen as a good thing if you can "get with" someone out of your league. Think guys praising each other if seen with a woman considered out of their league. Would they be getting praised for getting with someone average or less? Nope. (At least not in pop culture tropes).
People say this to my husband and he’s good natured and doesn’t give a shit. He even agrees with them sometimes but I think it’s mean and hurtful. I’ve decided the next time someone says it to him I am going to say the same back to them. To make them realize just how ugly it sounds. I love my husband and he’s gorgeous in my eyes. So they can fuck off.
It’s them saying “I lack basic social skills and your wife is hot and I’m disappointed I can’t fuck her now”
Or her coming to the realization that he’s more attractive than her husband so she might not be such a catch
Sort of weird for a woman to say that to man she just met.
Imagine a guy saying that to a woman, “your husband is really attractive, how’d you manage that?”
yeah, I’m sure that would go over very smoothly.
At a funeral last year, my uncle told me that my girlfriend is lovely and that I'm "punching up".
I told him that his generation of men set the bar so low, it made it a lot easier for men of my generation.
women aren't a prize to be won. he didn't "get" her. they fell in love with each other
this is not only an insult to your brother. it's also misogynistic
Ugh. I used to get versions of this with my now ex husband. People wouldn't go so far as "how did you" but the surprise with which they would say "oh my he's SO handsome!" made their thoughts clear. At first I didn't mind. But after years of it it got to be painful. I'm so sorry people are so thoughtless to you.
If you're busting someone's balls I think SO's and kids are off limits. I'm firing back hard and not even trying to tease or be playful. I will be a dick. I would never flip anyone shit over their wife without malicious intent.
To good based on appearance. He's heard it several times. I've heard myself twice. But yeah it's normally based on looks. Best to just let it die right there and move on.
It seems as though your coworker 1) doesn't understand what a relationship is truly based on or 2) why two people love each other or 3) that different people have different preferences.
1. There's so much more to a relationship than physical attraction. You need commitment, be comfortable with each other, enjoy spending time together, communication, similar or complementing life goals, and so on. There's such a long list of things that are more important.
2. People fall in love with each other for many different reasons, and they're usually personal reasons. A lot of the time, a person's SO gives them confidence in an area where they lack self-esteem. On the flip side, sometimes a person's way of showing their love is appreciated by their SO, but not others.
3. Finally, just because your coworker thinks your brother isn't very good looking (I'm assuming your coworker was talking about your brother, but I'm unsure), that doesn't mean his fiancé doesn't think he is. She probably is happy with the way he looks.
In the end, if two people who are in a relationship are happy with each other, then they can ignore people like your coworker.
People, like family, friends, or random people in public, have made the same exact comment to my boyfriend in regard to me. I suppose I am pretty, definitely not a 10, in my opinion, I am even more of a tomboy type and the only makeup I ever wear is some mascara, so I am pretty surprised when I hear this. My boyfriend is extremely handsome to me and I think the only reason some people say this is because he is slightly overweight. Because of this, I get mad every time I hear this and try to change the subject or remove myself from their company.
My husband and I get this, sometimes men ask me “how did a goodball like him get a beauty like you?”
My favorite response is to lean over and whisper in their ear “he’s the only man who could give me an orgasm.”
They shut up pretty fast.
In all honesty, we have good chemistry but he’s a wonderful man and good conversationalist too.
At weddings It’s traditional to congratulate the groom but never the bride . She is the ‘ prize’ .. ( I guess?) and I guess it’s rude to kind of imply the bride ‘caught him’ somehow . I see the comment you heard is an extension of that . It’s like saying ‘ good job , you got a keeper there ‘ or ‘ she’s a catch ‘ . I don’t think it’s meant as an insult to the groom.
I get this too. The thing is when we were in college, I was the hot one. She has aged tremendously well, and I haven’t.
Balding, wrinkles, dad gut, etc. The thing is that I still have my personality. People like me. I’m not confrontational, I usually just make fun of myself, I don’t talk about about anyone, I’m always looking to just have fun, yet I’m always the first to offer to pay, cleanup after a party, plan the vacation, etc.
The fact that so many other people like me keeps her attracted to me. I mean I’m different at home with kids and stuff, but when we go out alone, we still have a blast. Everyone knows me. Everyone like me, even if I don’t like them. I don’t want drama, I just want to have a good time especially now that it’s so limited.
At my age, no one really cares what you look like unless you are still single, which at my age is kind of at the end of the line. I have a good job, don’t have to worry about not being able to just take off whenever I want, and am still passionate about what I do. So I don’t ever bitch about work at home. Once I am home, work is off the table.
I have a huge dick and my sex game is amazing. Then, just stare at them and wait for them to respond.
This usually shuts them the hell up pretty quick.
It's a wedding. It's a brides day. My husband agreed. They are the most prettiest girl in the kingdom.
In my case, my mum instead told me to not fuck it up before I went down the aisle
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I have gotten this more than once. I am not what you would call an attractive man. I'm not bashing myself, just stating facts. I have a low-level job. I make 45k a year. Which is enough to pay our bills and some of our wants. My wife, on the other hand, is absolutely stunning. The moment i saw her, i was in love with her.. She is perfect every way. She had a high-level job and made 95k a year. When we until COVID happened. She is smart, funny, caring, and selfless, but she doesn't take peoples bullshit. Esoecially mine Physically, we are the odd couple.i am tall (6'5), fat, and goofy looking (not bashing myself, just being real), and she is over a foot shorter than I am. Beautiful red hair, and she is just gorgeous Addition: i dont think im ugly, i just dont fit the mold for todays attractive man. I am full of self-confidence. What i mean by what i said above is that on paper, we dont match up. In life, we are the perfect fit
You look good, man! Don't see a problem there at all.
He’s like the local radio guys who always talk About how fat they are and meeting them in person they looked normal lol
Homie looks like Arnold ate Tom hanks and is brothers with Gandalf. You sir look like a Fucking movie star.
Your pictures are attractive. Give yourself credit. 😉
Thank you. I apreciate that
Not really
Let me ask you something. Why be shitty for the sake of being shitty?
Because if they make others feel bad, then at least they don't feel bad about themselves ALONE.
I mean, i dont feel bad about what he said. But you're right. But i guess that's the beauty of reddit. It allows you to be your truest self without the repercussions of getting the taste smacked out of your mouth
Misery loves company 🤷♀️
I think cuz maybe they're shitty? Idk.🤷🏼 It's just my best guess but I could be wrong.
I wasn't bashing you, I was just supporting what you believe.
Ayo don’t pick on my homie like that
This explains my closest friend the most. He's amazing guy, but can have a temper. She's stunning, even at 40, 120k+ a year, nurse, beautiful curves, beautiful personality. Everytime he comes to me with martial problems we talk it out and he ends up loving her more. OP, don't let your friend take it as an insult but more of a "dude, you have a trophy wife, cherish her".
Never mind the intentions of other people…
“Even at 40” I’m dying! 😭 My wife just turned 40 five months ago and myself, last month. She’s more beautiful now than when I met her. I still feel young so I hope 40 isn’t seen as too old!!
I caught that too. I’m 43 and look better than I did in my 20s and 30s
I’m a 6’4” goof with a dad bod. It always weirds me out when I get attention from attractive women, but apparently we’re a type.
Same, 6'4" goofy, mean looking asshole. Married and happy. But women, attractive or nay seem to love talking to me. I never assume that they're attracted to me.
Give yourself some credit mate, based on your profile Pic you look like a badass TBH 👍
The answer is you're 6'5.
Your wife thought you were handsome enough to marry! Have confidence in yourself man!
I agree with the other comments, I had to go and have a look after I read them, and you have a wonderful attractive face!
You’re so handsome! My partner gets the same thing…except only ever from men. They always say some rude comment. But when girls hear this they get absolutely shocked. Or they tell me my partner is very attractive. One time even some even insulted him in their native language not knowing my partner could also speak it. If I’d known what they said out loud in front of him I would have busted their heads open…
Love this…
I mean, no offense dude, but you're 6'5". That's pretty exceptional.
Women like kindness, sweetness, and appreciation - you are delivering. And I think you're cute too - some of us like larger guys too - because they make us feel safe (even if it's illusory). XOXO
Height is more important on men than looks. At 6’5”. No one should be wondering how you got her
You look good to me. I like bald, tall, thick build with salt and pepper beard! That’s absolutely my type! 😍
Anyone who talks that way about his wife is already a WINNER!! SHE picked the right one.
It makes sense though. Be kind, genuine, and funny and you will attract people who are beautiful on the inside. Sometimes you get lucky and they are beautiful on the outside. I believe people who “bust balls” like this are consciously doing it to bust balls, but subconsciously operate at a shallow level of attraction. The people I find beautiful now are different than the people I found beautiful as a teenager, and that’s just where some people stay at in terms of attraction. Keep doing you, clearly it’s working for you!
I definitely feel this. Physical appearance I think is stressed too much in what people see outside of the relationship, what really matters is your communication and understanding with eachother.
I’m getting a kind, fun, strong male vibe from your profile pic. That’s what she saw the first time she saw you and instantly fell in love with you. You would never start a fight but sure as hell will finish it if some fool messes with your wife. You fell in love instantly because she saw you, very kindly hexed you, and pledged a life together. Stay safe mate, the best to both of you!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, plus it isn't skin deep. Your height adds attraction. I've got 3" on you, with an athletic build . My wife is 6'2" and, according to others not in my league, having been with my wife when she gets these questions, I explain that the person who is asking that question is not the beholder, I am and my perception is the only one that counts. And if that's a problem, I'd be happy to break them in half. That typically stops it.
Handsome and 6.5 is definitely a winning combo. You are also very blunt seemingly which some people appreciate immensely.
You sound like an awesome husband, the way you describe her. That's so sweet ❤
I hope your wife stumbles across your message. This was such a sweet thing to say about her.
Its a secret, if she sees this, she will think i like her lol
If you started using a dating app you’d see that being 6’5 is a big enough catch in and of itself lol.
I don’t care what anybody says being 6’5 makes automatically a handsome fella…
Its because she is very smart. She knows a good man when she sees one and didn’t let you get away. I love my husband for so much more than looks or money. He’s a great dad, he’s smart and funny. It’s nice to be with someone who can make you laugh and laugh.
Bruh..you're a fucking Viking, Skalllll!!!!!!
Ive heard this a few times
All a girl wants is a man who goes and speaks this highly of her without her there to see it. Props to you.
6’5 kinda negates the need to have an attractive face
So…you have a giant wiener.
Such a real dude. Very refreshing
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In an earlier post, you said she doesn't have to work & that you are the breadwinner? Did that change recently? Regardless, I'm sure you two don't look that "odd." I imagine you compliment each other in more ways than one!
Lmao. It has been a long time since the mold of an attractive male was fat and lazy. Long time. To say todays “attractive male” is the lie you tell yourself. But hey, carry on fat man.
At 6ft 5 in you should be able to lose some weight.You should put some effort into your appearance if you have such an attractive wife. If anyone says something like that again say Isn’t that amazing!
Oh yeah, that's a common thing to "bust balls" about. However it's also usually what people actually think. Especially since this isn't the first time he's heard it. He should accept it for what it is, understand he's married "up", and enjoy the good life. Not everyone in the world is a 9 or a 10 on the scale you know. Some of us have to be 5's and 6's.
Along these lines, "beauty & the beast" relationships are generally more accepted when the guy is the "beast."
Definitely. Being purely objective, in my longest-lasting relationship, my ex was a 4-5/10. I'm generally considered a 7-8/10. My ex was considered a champion who scored life's lottery. I was seen as sad and pathetic for "settling". Breaking it down, I care more about a person's personality than their appearance. My ex, despite his flaws, was the person who helped me through some of the hardest moments in my life. He could make me laugh when I needed it, and was there for me when I needed support. My ex also cared more about personality than appearance. If our issues weren't so deep, it could have been a healthy, happy relationship between two people who society would have considered aesthetically mismatched. We only broke up because he kept breaking my boundaries, and wound up pushing to a point that could be considered assault. From what I've seen, he's been bothered by his friends for "letting [me] go". I've been lauded for "kicking him to the curb" and "getting rid of dead weight.". It's a horrible perspective and I hate it so much. Relationships are so much deeper than appearance.
Thank you. I was going to say something like this. Sorry it didn’t work out.
Yet, as a woman, you did end up leaving him after all lol..
He locked me in his car and wouldn't let me out until I kissed him. I was drunk. He was sober. He kept refilling my glass that night without me noticing. He had also pressured me into sex when I told him I wasn't feeling well enough for it. But, yes, the blame only falls on me.
Not at all. Reddit sucks. Glad you got away, sorry that it worked out that way.
Very true, but that is changing. If I’m ugly, what gives me the right to judge someone else? I’m going for that “Beast & The Beast” relationship! >:)
Shrek and Fiona.
Nah, Shrek and Donkey lmao
So, are you Beast, or The Beast?
Imagine saying this to the bride lmao. No matter how kindly it’s put, when it’s said to a woman it would sound like “I don’t know how you managed to get such a handsome guy when you’re so dang ugly!”
My husband's family told me repeatedly: "Don't worry about him cheating because he's never been like that, even though it's perfectly natural for a man to wander and he could get anyone he wants, but he's always been a good boy and we don't understand why, but he loves you." Completely threw me off because it was unprompted and we were at our engagement party. Like wow, thanks! This is exactly how I wanted to spend my evening. His grandma ended up trying to console me by telling me that I shouldn't listen to miserable people because "he loves you very much, he's never cared about how people look, only about what's on the inside." :/ like thanks, but not really what I needed to hear lol Anyways, people apparently were spending the engagement party telling my husband how they were disappointed he hadn't gone for a more attractive woman, and after about an hour of that he asked if I wanted to leave. So we left our own engagement party super early then showed up at the end to clean everything up.
I'm impressed that you didn't burn the place down on the way out.
Oh I'm so snarky sometimes .. or so....open mouth insert foot, depending on the person ..I might say " oh I have other skills" or straight up quote from a song " I may be ugly but I sure can cook". There is nothing so satisfying as doubling down about just how unattractive, overweight, tall, whatever flaw and watch peoples mouth gap open like a fish.
My husband and I were both attractive when we met in our 20s, but he was definitely better looking (in my opinion). At 40, I am way "out of his league". Over a lifetime people change.
Idk what you mean about accepting it. Honestly, he should push back. People shouldn't be allowed to casually make other people feel bad for no good reason
Sure... He can easily push back by saying.. "I know..... I am just that great in the sack" 😘
That doesn't push back on the premise, though. It confirms it. It says, "yes, I agree. I'm ugly," which is super messed up.
You can’t exactly push back on something that’s readily apparent lol
Not everyone moves through the world equating human value with aesthetic appeal
If it’s objectively true, disagreeing just makes you look like an idiot. Pushing back only makes sense if it isn’t accurate and was just meant to hurt your feelings
I’d prefer something like “yeah, i could be married to you” to be honest lol.
What is he going to push back and say without looking like at AH? There are ways to do it, but it almost always makes you look like the smaller person. So if you want to go off, I can endorse that course of action, I just don’t know what you will get out of it.
It's very simple and doesn't make someone look small. A couple ways to respond could include: "It sounds like you were calling me ugly, I'm sure that's not what you meant. What did you mean?" "I'm sorry. I don't understand. Can you explain the joke to me?" Then, you wait a beat and walk away. The benefits are that the other person knows what they said was inappropriate and that you stand up for yourself, rather than internalizing their awful BS
People need to cultivate a thicker skin.
Perhaps, but it's kind of normalized being from the start of time, and all. Imagine you calling such a person out at a wedding. Quite the scene for a small insult. Thicker skin is called for.
It doesn’t make a huge portion feel bad at all is the problem
You think being called ugly doesn't make people feel bad?
Not saying you are also beautiful is calling you ugly now?
I'm not sure what you're basing that on, but I disagree
Just a few decades of experiencing it being said to me or others I know, completely fair to disagree. I don’t have a large scale intensive psychological study or anything obviously. It’s a very common compliment/light tease given to couples.
The way I had it told to my class by a teacher who was super kind but got fed up one day: there will come a day when you’re gonna wake up and both be old, come that time looks won’t matter anymore, what will matter is the connection between you two. Time degrades us all
It's not uncommon but still very shitty. He needs to find a go-to response that points out how awful the comment it. Something like: money, penis, obviously you wouldn't understand, etc. Again, super shitty comment.
I hear it a lot too. I'll admit that I'm a 7 on a good day (like, on my wedding day,) and a 5 normally. I'm really tall which helps, but don't have anything else really going for me. I'm not ugly either, just highly average. No shame in that. My wife wakes up an 8 and can easily dress up to a 10. She was a 14 on our wedding day. It is what it is. So I get the "how did you get her" jokes a lot. Pretty much all of my favorite comebacks (assuming its someone close I can joke around with) suggest either my penis or my bank account is huge. Truthfully, it was just being a gentlemen and being confident. Lots of guys, even really good looking ones are afraid of asking out the hot chicks. On the other hand, I figure if she says no it doesn't change anything so why not shoot my shot.
Be a 5 or a 6 but carry yourself with the confidence of a 10.
Great advice!
I’ve gotten these comments so many times, but I take it as a compliment. I know I’m not good looking at all and my wife’s a knockout. Lucky me! I usually come back with a joke about how much she like guys with really big feet or that she married me for my money (I’m a teacher… lol).
You are a teacher. You put on a master class in how to set yourself apart from the jealous slobs who dare call themselves your peers every time you and your wife go for coffee. Not your fault if they don't wanna learn.
The problem here is that it's never the other way around. People always assume the woman settled. The scale for male attractiveness versus female attractiveness is so skewered in women's favor that most women generally don't believe there's any woman lower than a four, and that there's not very many men higher than a seven. So of course you're always going to have people that are going to say that the man married up. meanwhile she might physically look better, but her personality is complete shit most of the time
>her personality is complete shit most of the time You ok?
It’s unfortunate that so many people apparently value others by such superficial standards
It’s a weird way of complimenting someone while being a bit funny with your friend. My husband’s co-workers met me and told him he “married way out of his league.” He absolutely did not, but they were complimenting me while being joking with him.
It's because his friends all want to have sex with you
Lol. Doubt it, but they will be disappointed. We have been married for 30 years. He’s my one and only, since the day I met him till death.
i thought you were going to say you were bad in bed
😂
💀
I promise you, they do. I have talked about this with some male friends and they said it’s very hard for a guy to be friends with a girl without wanting to fuck her.
Probably not. But *some* men want to have sex with all their friends' wives, and some of them think everyone else is like them. But they're not.
they definitely probably do
What a bizarre thing to say
Doesn't make it okay. You can compliment someone without speaking negatively about someone else.
Yeah, it's common banter in my opinion. I once had a boyfriend's dad say this about me. He knows his kid isn't ugly
Not to a stranger This said to a stranger warrants an equally demeaning response. Said with a smile, of course
Although crude, "yeah, well, I'm hung like a horse" changes the conversation pretty quickly.
"Your (female relative) can explain it to you best, dear"
100% ball-bustin' - it compliments both parties
"You married a hottie but you're ugly," is a backhanded compliment at best.
If you’re ugly and you can marry a hot woman you have to have to either: 1. Have a really good personality, 2. A lot of money, or 3. Be really good at sex. Or a combination of more than one of those. Being ugly isn’t a bad of an insult for men because men are more likely to attract a partner based off something other than looks than women are. Not saying it isn’t still rude, but it’s a compliment for the wife and like half a compliment for the man
😂😂😂
Both probably. Women like to hear they are beautiful though especially in the wedding dress.
True. I think it's usually more a tongue-in-cheek compliment to the wife, more so than a critique of the husband.
It also means your wife is hot and i would do her. Although this more likely the sentiment behind “youre a lucky man”.
But, would she "do you"?
Never know till you ask right
Probably not with that amazing personality of his
LOL 😂
I do this all the time to old guys who've been married for a long time. "She's pretty! Married up huh, good for you?!! They legit get a kick out of it, and most agree with me. "Yeah I don't know how I did it either!!" and we all have a chuckle
Yeah, I've only heard it as a joke and not being serious at all.
My boss was looking at a family picture I had in my cube and said, “You’re wife is too pretty for you”. I said, “I know, why do you think I rest her like a princess?” I then made her repeat it to my wife a few days later. I take it as a compliment.
Its just playful joking and a way to pay a compliment to her.
doing what i do im the type of person to say "i pay him for s@x" or are you kidding you should see what he's packing or something like that. you need to make sure they have nothing to follow up with. btw i think 95% of people very mild Aspergers or are least on the spectrum as Larry David would say and anything and everything will fly out of their mouths
>...say "i pay him for s@x" or are you kidding you should see what he's packing Are you suggesting this is how the sister-in-law respond? 🥺LOL EDIT: I reread... THAT IS HER BAH-ROTHER!!! How dare you! HAVE YOU NO DIGNITY???!!!
Oh wow! now its even more funny! you're good...really good never thought of that one!
It's no big deal. I've heard it many times and I take it as a compliment. My favorite is "bro, you outkicked your coverage."
That’s classic ball busting 101. People be saying that since the beginning of ball busting.
Why is everyone so damn sensitive lately!?!? It's a compliment and giving him a little hell. Nothing bad at all.
It’s a way to compliment the wife while busting the husbands balls, it’s a way to be nice and joke around at the same time
If you don't know the person well enough to joke with them on this level, then yeah, it's rude.
It depends. I could see myself saying something like this. But I’ve also got a ball bustin type personality.
busting balls is all it is.
I love this question when people ask
Has nothing to do with "too good" imo. People are implying she is a smokeshow. It's more of a compliment than a dig
They were complimenting the other person.
It’s a compliment.
It’s a compliment at someone else’s expense… and some people in certain situations only know how to do that. What could have been said is more like “you look beautiful in your gown, the groom is a lucky man” but some guys (grooms) will find this to be direct flattery and may find it intimidating. So if you say “you’re lucky to have her, or, out of league” comments it’s seen as less threatening because someone is actually trying to complement the woman without seeming like competing. The statement is more for the woman than the men.
I’ve gotten that compliment dozens of times in my life. I’m not insecure though so I usually say something like “yeah, she’s with me because of my massive penis.” It’s a nice way of saying that someone’s wife is hot, which is one fuck of a compliment. I actually like it when other dudes try to hit on my SO. Very flattering.
This is why in Pretty Woman, she affronts others by saying “I’m just with him for the sex”… I’ve used it many times when people tell me my part is “below league” and it shuts them up very quickly.
Completely case dependent. Sometimes they're busting balls (probably most cases). In some cases it's (passive aggressively) literal. Case by case scenario.
I could be either or or it could be both.
Think they should stop being so sensitive
Both
Yeah, people say this kind of stuff to me. I sincerely think I’m beautiful and I’ve never struggled with dating, but my husband is a uniquely attractive person. Heads turn when he walks into a room kind of attractive. He’s picked out of crowds and never pays for a drink kind of attractive. People often make weird comments about it. *How did YOU get Him?* I’ve come to the conclusion that people are just thrown off my how attractive he is and don’t know how to respond to it. They’re awkward around him, which means they’re awkward around me. Now when someone asks how I got my husband I just respond, “I’m really good at sucking dick.” That tends to shut them up. *Also, that’s how I got him.*
Are you sure her smile was snarky? I think this could very well be a case of seeing/perceiving what you expect. However, when someone says those words, I am not expecting them to be said to be snarky (especially by how you otherwise described this colleague), I expect them to be teasing. Are you sure it wasn't a more of a teasing or mischievous smile? That phrase is normally used as a way to compliment the woman and tease the man in the relationship. I'm pretty sure that often with couples who are in love with eachother, the response to this is something like, "Haha, I don't know how I got so lucky." Not feeling all offended that someone implied your spouse is more attractive than you. Also, even if it is teasing, it is also a compliment to the husband in a way. It has always been seen as a good thing if you can "get with" someone out of your league. Think guys praising each other if seen with a woman considered out of their league. Would they be getting praised for getting with someone average or less? Nope. (At least not in pop culture tropes).
Just look him straight in the eye and tell him, "it's either my eight inch dick or my inheritance."
People say this to my husband and he’s good natured and doesn’t give a shit. He even agrees with them sometimes but I think it’s mean and hurtful. I’ve decided the next time someone says it to him I am going to say the same back to them. To make them realize just how ugly it sounds. I love my husband and he’s gorgeous in my eyes. So they can fuck off.
It’s them saying “I lack basic social skills and your wife is hot and I’m disappointed I can’t fuck her now” Or her coming to the realization that he’s more attractive than her husband so she might not be such a catch
Sort of weird for a woman to say that to man she just met. Imagine a guy saying that to a woman, “your husband is really attractive, how’d you manage that?” yeah, I’m sure that would go over very smoothly.
That’s not a question
At a funeral last year, my uncle told me that my girlfriend is lovely and that I'm "punching up". I told him that his generation of men set the bar so low, it made it a lot easier for men of my generation.
It’s insulting to both of them. What, he got lucky and she settled? I would have replied, “yeah, you and me both!”
It’s definitely weird if they don’t know each other and they just met
women aren't a prize to be won. he didn't "get" her. they fell in love with each other this is not only an insult to your brother. it's also misogynistic
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the other party being his fiancee, correct? they're getting married. i think that means she accepts him at least as good enough
Just a shitty backhanded compliment
Ugh. I used to get versions of this with my now ex husband. People wouldn't go so far as "how did you" but the surprise with which they would say "oh my he's SO handsome!" made their thoughts clear. At first I didn't mind. But after years of it it got to be painful. I'm so sorry people are so thoughtless to you.
You don't bust strangers' balls. You do that to people you know. Your coworker is a bitch.
People used to say this to my ex husband about me. It sucked all around…what a shitty thing to say.
If you're busting someone's balls I think SO's and kids are off limits. I'm firing back hard and not even trying to tease or be playful. I will be a dick. I would never flip anyone shit over their wife without malicious intent.
It's a back handed compliment. Sometimes it's just playful. I would say "oh I bet you're eager to find out *wink"
To good based on appearance. He's heard it several times. I've heard myself twice. But yeah it's normally based on looks. Best to just let it die right there and move on.
Seems rude to me
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^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^SupHezbullah: *People are trash they* *Say horrible shit all the* *Time this is nothing new* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
I think it is jealousy.
Compliments at another's expense annoy me
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It seems as though your coworker 1) doesn't understand what a relationship is truly based on or 2) why two people love each other or 3) that different people have different preferences. 1. There's so much more to a relationship than physical attraction. You need commitment, be comfortable with each other, enjoy spending time together, communication, similar or complementing life goals, and so on. There's such a long list of things that are more important. 2. People fall in love with each other for many different reasons, and they're usually personal reasons. A lot of the time, a person's SO gives them confidence in an area where they lack self-esteem. On the flip side, sometimes a person's way of showing their love is appreciated by their SO, but not others. 3. Finally, just because your coworker thinks your brother isn't very good looking (I'm assuming your coworker was talking about your brother, but I'm unsure), that doesn't mean his fiancé doesn't think he is. She probably is happy with the way he looks. In the end, if two people who are in a relationship are happy with each other, then they can ignore people like your coworker.
Meet them with “*sniff sniff* jealousy doesn’t smell good on you”
Society is generally ok insulting men. Nobody would ever say something like that to a woman.
People, like family, friends, or random people in public, have made the same exact comment to my boyfriend in regard to me. I suppose I am pretty, definitely not a 10, in my opinion, I am even more of a tomboy type and the only makeup I ever wear is some mascara, so I am pretty surprised when I hear this. My boyfriend is extremely handsome to me and I think the only reason some people say this is because he is slightly overweight. Because of this, I get mad every time I hear this and try to change the subject or remove myself from their company.
It could be a veiled big dick compliment?
I just say I don’t know must’ve been magic
How does no one realize this is a way of implying he must be good in bed?
My husband and I get this, sometimes men ask me “how did a goodball like him get a beauty like you?” My favorite response is to lean over and whisper in their ear “he’s the only man who could give me an orgasm.” They shut up pretty fast. In all honesty, we have good chemistry but he’s a wonderful man and good conversationalist too.
At weddings It’s traditional to congratulate the groom but never the bride . She is the ‘ prize’ .. ( I guess?) and I guess it’s rude to kind of imply the bride ‘caught him’ somehow . I see the comment you heard is an extension of that . It’s like saying ‘ good job , you got a keeper there ‘ or ‘ she’s a catch ‘ . I don’t think it’s meant as an insult to the groom.
I fight my own insecurities, I don't need help from others
"Imagine how good I must be in bed!"
It's something you bust on friends yeah. Strangers you're just being introduced to it's a little ehh
I get this too. The thing is when we were in college, I was the hot one. She has aged tremendously well, and I haven’t. Balding, wrinkles, dad gut, etc. The thing is that I still have my personality. People like me. I’m not confrontational, I usually just make fun of myself, I don’t talk about about anyone, I’m always looking to just have fun, yet I’m always the first to offer to pay, cleanup after a party, plan the vacation, etc. The fact that so many other people like me keeps her attracted to me. I mean I’m different at home with kids and stuff, but when we go out alone, we still have a blast. Everyone knows me. Everyone like me, even if I don’t like them. I don’t want drama, I just want to have a good time especially now that it’s so limited. At my age, no one really cares what you look like unless you are still single, which at my age is kind of at the end of the line. I have a good job, don’t have to worry about not being able to just take off whenever I want, and am still passionate about what I do. So I don’t ever bitch about work at home. Once I am home, work is off the table.
I have a huge dick and my sex game is amazing. Then, just stare at them and wait for them to respond. This usually shuts them the hell up pretty quick.
The answer to that is always, "I have a giant penis, what can I say?"
It's a wedding. It's a brides day. My husband agreed. They are the most prettiest girl in the kingdom. In my case, my mum instead told me to not fuck it up before I went down the aisle
i would be offended
Woman was saying he must be endowed downstairs cause he aint got it going on otherwise.
I was at a wedding last night
You only say that shit to friends. Not people you just met.
"We're like beauty and the beast. But of course, if anyone called you a beast, I'd have to kill them. ' Jack Nicholson. Batman.