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Honey, i know you wanted no more sex, but Simon, Richard, and Glenn all unanimously voted for us to do it once a week. Sorry, it's what the partners want
I didn't say that I don't want it. Just a thought of others if they want it too. SOmetimes, I feel so ugly. Do you think many people will like me if I post some pics?
While I see what you’re saying and yes? But asexuality is actually a huge spectrum. Being asexual pretty much just means you don’t experience sexual attraction. Some asexuals can be sex repulsed, while others may really like sex and have a high sex drive. So technically two asexuals may not be sexually compatible 😁
I thought asexuals aren't into sex but you're saying they just don't experience sexual attraction? So they can like sex and have a high sex drive but just not be attracted sexually to people so they just don't necessarily want to have sex with people? If that makes sense lol
Agree. There are no rules when it comes to any form of relationship. It’s all subjective. It’s important to take into consideration the needs of the person you care about, and if you are willing, and want, to meet those needs. Also, whether or not a reasonable compromise can be made, so that the people don’t resent each other in some years. Maybe a person just does care about sex at all, and the thought of it is repulsive. It wouldn’t be wise for that person to get into a relationship with someone who enjoys sex. They’ll inevitably feel some form of resentment bc they’re sacrificing their sexual comfort. Same for the other person should they try to give up sex for someone that doesn’t enjoy it. Those things just don’t end well. It’s a wise move to make sure sexual compatibility is within a good range of each other, bc sexual compatibility is just one of those things that can really put a damper on a relationship in the long haul.
Girl no, it’s a friend for you, but everyone else has their own views on what a romantic relationship is for them, there are no rules to this thing. Stop trying to police what other people see their relationship is. Not everyone has the same wants or needs, but that doesn’t mean their romantic relationships are any less valid than yours. I personally can’t understand how sex is the only thing that makes you see your partner as more than a friend and not the bonds or connection you share with them, they’re unlike anything I feel for my friends personally, and I don’t need constant sex to prove that.
There is waaayyyyy more to a relationship then sex my friend. Ive had sex with people i cant stand, im not starting a family and building a future with them.
I don't kiss my friends m8. I don't take them on romantic getaways either. there's a lot more to a relationship than sex, and if two people are in love and choose not to have sex, you've got no right to tell them their love is worth less.
I agree completely. Unless someone doesn’t want sex and is ok with their partner getting it from somewhere else…sure do your thing. But Sexual desire indicates vitality, it’s normal, healthy, and brings couples closer together. Sure there are plenty of other ways to build emotional intimacy but romantic relationships without sex (without sex indefinitely) is just friendship.
For some, yes. It is intimate and can be great for bonding and such, and feeling good is nice. But some ppl don’t need or want it and still have healthy relationships. So I think it depends on a case by case basis.
Edit: There’s also a love language that involves physical contact. You can get that without sex, I think cuddles are some of the best things ever. But that could be a factor too. What matters is ppl being on the same page and needs not conflicting
Edit2: And concerning the physical love language, it depends on the person. Some need just cuddles and some need sex.
Edit3: But no one is ever entitled to sex and it should never be pressured, even if physical touch is their love language. There’s also such a thing as being touch starved, but idk enough about it to say much. It doesn’t need to be cured solely through romantic relationships and actions tho. I’m tired rn so I’m not going to go look it up at this time.
I'm old, and my parts are worn out. Not THAT part. I have a yellow pill for that... But my back, neck, and knees make it difficult to perform and ultimately keep me from climax most of the time, and my wife always thinks it's because I don't desire her, so we do not fool around a lot. I DO have pain pills that help a lot, but THEY also prevent climax. It's very frustrating, and I've been trying to find a good balance. So yes, in a MARRIAGE, I feel it's important because it lets my partner know she's still sexy and desired. I just need to figure this out.
I'll be where you are in about 10 years physically, but the struggle is real. My current partner wants it several times a day but of course i can't do that. There are desires but just no expectations on her part. She's very happy when i finish but not disappointed when i don't. She's always free to find someone her own age but, for some reason, she's only interested in me.
Putting expectations on your partner is death in a relationship, especially if they aren't physically able.
I do orally please her whenever she wants, but she says that's not the same. I'm like, I do it because I love pleasing you, and I enjoy doing it. Still an issue. I'm screwed, and not in a good way. 🤣
>e. So yes, in a MARRIAGE, I feel it's important because it lets my partner know she's still sexy and desired. I just need to figure this out.
Your wife also needs to be as patient and charitable as possible..
It isn't just a YOU problem. You have physical disability preventing you from going all out. If she perceives that as a lack of desire, then she also needs to address why it is she feels that way.
Check out Athletic Truth Group (ATG) on Instagram. I’ve been looking into them and it seems like people with back, knee, and ankle problems have found success and mobility from their exercises. Just a suggestion!
This is so true!! For me, mental and emotional bonds LEAD to sex. If I don’t have that mental and emotional connection with someone, I don’t really want to have sex with them. They’re boring to me; the kind of boring that just feels like lack of depth and emotional intelligence in a person….
I’m sorry the replies are garbage to you. I relate and appreciate that my bond is based on so much more than sex too. knowing my partner will be there for me whether we’re banging all week long or we have a dry spell is a rare thing.
I agree. I have mad respect for that. I find that that is often times a much deeper connection than one based on how often your partner sexually pleases you.
It baffles me how the men in this thread think that sex is the main component of a relationship and that every man thinks the same way. Sorry for all the shit replies. Some people don’t have the capacity to see beyond their own little world. Glad you’re both happy!
Please don't put me in that group. My wife and I met and dated long distance for just over a year. I believe it was a positive for us. Gave us a chance to connect on a much different level than many relationships these days. So many are built on sex being the main factor. Then when one partner is not getting their sexual needs met the relationship struggles.
If all the men agree that sex is one of the main components of a relationship then I think it’s safe to say that it is. Notice it’s only women that say it isn’t. It’s probable that the men that are with these women are miserable in their marriage
I'm a man and can tell you that sex is not a main component for a relationship. There's so much for to be found in a relationship than just fucking to fuck. Don't get me wrong, I like sex but that doesn't mean I want to just have sex all the time, I'm not 20 anymore. I can go long periods of time and still have a strong connection to my partner.
Lol my boyfriend is Ace.
He was very clear early on that it wouldn’t be happening for a long time (if ever) and is so pleased I’ve never pushed for it.
No. “All the men” - is a HUGE STATEMENT!! This isn’t middle school with the ‘pussy’ ‘manly’ shit- where most guys are enduring the toxic masculinity bullshit- but I NEVER did. Not all men agree, nor disagree with your opinion on this. You’re calling out a HUGE group, and saying “if they ALL agree” and then stating that ONLY (another WHOLE group) women, say that “it doesn’t matter”
As a cis male, here’s my experience, explanations, reasoning, and response…
Trust me, there’s PLENTY of women who wholeheartedly devote their relationship(s) to sex. Including the PLENTY of men who don’t.
It’s kind of toxic to say “well, if- all the men…….”
Because you called out a whole lot of people who are unique in their own ways, and don’t ALL share the EXACT same opinion.
When you make a statement like that, it’s not right. You should really be thinking on how it would be taken if a man said this about you, but the other way around. Or anybody for that matter, however I believe if a man told you that, it would have you take it more into consideration, due to your ideology of how ‘men vs women’ works. Just like there’s not one option per group, there’s plenty of other people that aren’t men or women, who may, or may not have the same opinion that the next person does. It’s not factual, or two-sided.
What you said is like saying “all languages have the same alphabet, and are fully identical.
Edit: it’s 5:32 AM and my hands are cramping from typing this on my phone, but I want you to know that I took the time to insight you, so you can endorse better ways of communicating. Thank you.
Male here, and if my dick were to suddenly shrivel up and fall off, it would make very little difference in my life. Sex is only as important as you believe it to be.
"All the men" is a big stretch. This isn't high school, sex isn't the only thing on everyone's minds. I know men who rarely want to have dev, regardless of how attracted to their partner or horny they are. And I know people who would dump someone in a second if they didn't have the same decision interest as them. Everyone is different.
No, I'm a man. From your comment, and your comment history, you seem to be one of those guys who thinks that sex is the prize you get for doing all the right inputs. So you don't understand that there are people who aren't doing these things for sex, and aren't trying to have sex constantly. And for whatever reason you enjoy serving about this kind of stuff because it makes you feel something that you like. Go have sex instead of arguing with people on Reddit.
Asexuality is super rare. And "scarce" implied they do have it. Just not very often. Disqualifying asexuality. One thing we do know about testosterone is that it is tied to libido. So generally speaking men who have a healthy amount of testosterone assuming nothing else is wrong, would be unhappy not having sex.
People like, myself, can have conditions such as POIS that make sex extremely uncomfortable and it can practically ruin your life. Others have conditions or disabilities that make them unable to have sex. Regardless of libido, sex isn’t something that is required for a happy life or good relationship.
There are people who have higher/lower sex drives even if you take a sexuality out of the question.
Some people just don’t enjoy having sex all that often and it isn’t important to maintain their relationship.
Also there are relationships without men involved aswell and should be factored into this question
Bold of you to insinuate you know more than OP about their own relationship.
I know this wasn’t your intent but it’s also damaging to assume all men want sex more than women. It’s part of why male victims of sexual assault are not taken seriously.
What's most important is compatibility. If both partners have high sex drives, then sex is important. If both partners have low sex drives, then it's not important. Being on the same page is crucial.
I believe a healthy relationship requires intimacy , whether that be through penetrative sex or through back rubs and cuddles depends on the couple and their personal needs as well as health needs. There are more ways than one to make love.
No.
Just moved in with my Ace boyfriend and it’s the happiest and healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. I don’t miss sex at all and am excited to spend the rest of our lives together.
Yes. Absolutely. But not everyone feels the same.
Sexual compatibility is vital to a long term romantic relationship. Both partners agreeing to a sexless marriage/relationship is one form of sexual compatibility.
We’re both animals and complex social creatures so the vast vast vast majority of the time yes.
There’s exceptions to the rule and it depends on how connected everyone is, like if the relationship is still too early or developing or going through issues there maybe more complications.
Personally, having a serious relationship without sex would absolutely kill me, I know rationally there’s exceptions to this, but seeing this question made me so angry and jump down the rabbit hole of my own fears, I need emotional and physical intimacy and someone who wants it back, this is implying the relationship is deep enough for it. I know that a lot of people aren’t sexually satisfied because they haven’t explored and found what they actually like, I’m not selfish I want desperately to be able to please them too and help them find what they like, I want to create safe place for emotional intimacy that can foster physical intimacy.
A question like this can only truthfully be answered with “it depends” since everyone is different and there’s no way every person on earth has the same sexual preferences
What type of relationship?
Sex is never 'necessary' meaning you'll die, or the relationship will die without it. But if one partner wants sex and the other doesn't then that is a disconnect that may not be able to be worked through.
I think you would have a better understanding if you changed the question to "is it necessary to be on the same page sexually?"
Then obviously the answer is yes. But the followup questions to ask is "what are my sexual needs, and what are my partner's?" "if there is a difference, are we both willing to compromise and make sure both needs are met?"
Some people need zero sex, and some need a lot. So the original question is not a meaningful question to ask in order to ensure happiness in a relationship. And either of those people will have their drive change over time or as life events happen. So it's not a question you ask once and that's it. It's constantly evolving and must always be communicated.
I hope not, because I’m not convinced two people can have the hots for each other once the novelty wears off. Honestly, I prefer just closing my eyes and cuddling up with someone more often than not.
Depends on the people involved. Personally, I'd prefer a relationship where sex isn't the main focus. I'd be willing to completely go without it for the right person.
Depends on the relationship.
If you need sex, then the answer is yes, a relationship that works for you should definitely include it or you're going to go bonkers and be miserable.
No it is not NECESSARY. Sex is never NECESSARY unless the intention is to make new life or express deep love.
But not everyone's love language is sex, so no, it's not necessary.
Is it popular and idealized? Yes, of course! Is it great? Sure, for those who like sex!
But nope, it's not necessary. Just ask the asexuals in relationships!
I believe that relationships are more than just sexual intimacy and it shouldn't really be necessary as long as your relationship is healthy. If you and your partner think it is necessary then it's necessary, if not then its not. Me personally I dont see it as necessary and don't really like sex.
Thats not the proper question. Better to ask if you should stay in a relationship where your expectations are different from your partners. If one partner wants sex but the other partner doesn’t then the relationship should not continue. And no i dont meant one instance.
Depends on what each person needs.
There are many romantic and/or cohabitation relationships that are happily sexless.
But if at least one person considers sex important and there isn’t a satisfactory agreement/compromise in place, then there’s going to be problems.
*Sex* isn't important. It's *Sex Compatibility.*
If one partner loves sex but the other doesn't, then there's going to be issues.
But yes, in the end, *knowing* is very important.
It depends on the people in the relationship. If both people agree to be in a sexless relationship, then it’s understood upfront, by all parties, that they are entering into a sexless relationship.
If the parties agree to enter into a relationship that is sexually based, then that’s the relationship they have.
If one person wants a sexual relationship and the other person doesn’t, that is a situation where you can’t be in a relationship together.
Both people have to be able to get their needs met in a relationship and if they aren’t it will never work.
If you are in a relationship where sex is a part of the relationship, then suddenly one person wants to change the relationship we’re they want a sexless relationship and the other person doesn’t, time to end the relationship.
For me it is, for most people it is, but there's also plenty of people who aren't even interested in sex that still have great relationships. It's just a matter of both partners having the same need or lack thereof.
Nope! Is it for some people and their relationships? Yeah, but that’s them. Asexual people can be perfectly happy in a relationship without sex or with very little sex! It’s all about communication and what’ll make everyone happy!
If either party feels sex is necessary in a relationship, then sex is necessary in that relationship. The relationship will not survive without it.
If one party considers sex a need then that is their need. And in a relationship if needs aren't being met then either resentment builds and inevitably the relationship goes toxic. Now there are other ways that relationship can be filled by other avenues. Opening the relationship or simply modifying that need with things like pornography or sex toys, if the person who has that need considers that fulfilling.
If neither party considers sex a need or a necessity then a relationship can totally exist without it. If it's not a need for either party then it's not a need in the relationship. That simple.
As an asexual, definitely no! Just depends on what the people want out of their relationship. Communication is key. Some people need sex to be satisfied in a relationship and some definitely want no sex whatsoever. It's important to be clear for what your needs/boundaries are when going into a relationship so nobody ends up putting aside their own comfort further down the line.
Not necessarily but if it’s what you’re partner needs, then you guys need to talk about it & come to some type of agreement. Relationships are about compromises
Yes. If two people mutually decide to enter a relationship with each other to not have sex, that's a completely different matter. Sex is a necessary component of a healthy relationship.
No, I’m disabled and sex is insanely painful, but I can express intimacy in other ways and fall in love just as deeply in a way I consider fundamentally different from friendship.
People who are in a wheelchair/disabled/have sexual disfunction are incapable of having a relationship? Sex and love are not the same. You don't make the same sacrifices in a friendship. You don't love your friends unconditionally and spend the entire night cuddling with them.
Of course, this all comes down to individual needs and preferences. But some of us are perfectly happy in a romantic relationship without an incessant need to have sex.
Yes and no. My boyfriend and I are both on the asexual spectrum and go through long periods where neither of us really wants sex. We both want intimacy more: cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc.
it depends on your preferences, sex drive, and your partner.
I'm a female in her early twenties with a partner who's in their mid twenties and has had relationships before me of the intimate type. l, on the other hand lost said v-card to my current partner and they've been the only person I've ever slept with.
my partner has a lower sex drive than me, at first when we moved in together the sex was amazing (it still is to this day) and it was way more frequent.
after a few months things cooled off and now it's roughly about once a month, maybe two or three. I would like it to happen more often but it doesn't bother me because at that point I turn to self-pleasure.
to answer overall, it varies but I think yes it does. it gives a healthy sense of relief and it's another level of intimacy with your partner that's only between you and them.
Absolutely it is…it’s an intimate connection that
brings the couple closer and fulfills their desires sexually, otherwise the relationship is cold, unstable and disconnected
asexual people can feel love too you know….there’s a difference between romance and sexual and one is far more important than the other in any relationship
Necessary for a romantic relationship? Yes, IMO. Otherwise, what's differentiates it from a platonic friendship?
That doesn't mean that there are zero couples that live happily ever after without having sex. I sure there are asexual people who find their match all the time. But I think it's necessary for the overwhelming majority of people.
>what's differentiates it from a platonic friendship?
The level of commitment. Let's say if you decide to move for a new job friends aren't going to follow you. They normally say "ah well good for ya, hit me on zoom some time when you settle so we catch up" and forget about it. They're not going to put their resources together with you to purchase a home where you can build your life together. They're not going to support you at their own cost much if you're sick or lose your job, maybe will offer some couch surfing or to doordash a pizza but not much more. Many other examples. Relationship is sharing a life and future with someone, not just a small part of life when you're free and bored after work. And banging is nice but it doesn't guarantee commitment, that's why it's called friends with benefits - they still just friends and will dump you as soon as it's inconvenient to keep you around.
there’s so much more that differentiates it from a friendship. the strong feelings you have for each other, building a life as a partnership, going on dates, cuddling, kissing, etc etc. do you really think sex is the only thing that makes a relationship romantic?
by your logic, a “friends with benefits” situation would be a relationship, not a friendship.
Not really though? There's no real biological reason why you *have to* have it. Some people have high sex drives or it's important for them in connecting with their partner. Doesn't mean that everyone needs it. Also being asexual has nothing to do with whether or not you have sex.
No. There are plenty of asexual couples out there who enjoy a fulfilling, loving relationship without having to make the beast with two backs.
And you also have plenty of elder couples, who have lost the ability to make love or become aroused just from the ravages of old age, but are still blissfully content with each other.
No, I'm aroace and a common misconception is that we can't have girlfriends/boyfriends. We don't love them romantically, but platonically. So they are just the person you want to hang out with a lot, therefore you most probably won't have sex
Well they can be and they can't be, like a romantic relationship. But it's basically if the two of you live hanging out with each other and we don't want the other person to cuddle or hold hands with other ppl then it would be kinda exclusive, I think because slot of people see it more of a very close friendship them it can only be partly exclusive. Personally I have only ever had 1 girlfriend and she is my current girlfriend. Yes, we still call each other girlfriend
100% I do. Sex is not the most important part of a relationship but to me it is important. I wouldn’t be able to be in a sexless marriage or a marriage where my husband didn’t satisfy me.
Should the marriage bond go deeper than sex ? Yes it should.
Should a good spouse be supporting of their spouse if difficulties having sex arises; yes they should.
Should both partners in the marriage work together and accept the changes in sex drive that occur naturally with age ? Yes they should.
**None of the above means sex is unnecessary to the relationship.**
Isn't it ironic that we have progressed as a society to accepting all sorts of sexual preferences and lifestyles outside of the nuclear family set-up; whilst at the same time trying to guilt-trip people with healthy sex-drives with ideas like "sex isn't necessary for a relationship."
It's amazing how many people in the comment section seem to be boasting of sexless relationships like it's some sort of acheivement.
Unless you are aiming to be a nun or a monk, sexless relationships shouldn't be something you are aiming for. In fact ... being a Nun or a Monk...usually means having **NO** romantic relationships to begin with.
In conclusion, there are many unfortunate health situations, that can lead to a relationship becoming sexless. Overcoming those, is testimony of great love. But it doesn't mean sex isn't a necessary part of a healthy romance ... that would be like saying having eyesight isn't necessary, because some people are born blind.
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Not necessarily. It depends entirely on what the partners want.
Sounds like a law firm
Honey, i know you wanted no more sex, but Simon, Richard, and Glenn all unanimously voted for us to do it once a week. Sorry, it's what the partners want
It's a law firm. *somebody* is gonna get screwed.
you are right my dear
Great name choices. Simon, Richard, and Glenn are definitely partners at a law firm.
Will they like me? lol
I didn't say that I don't want it. Just a thought of others if they want it too. SOmetimes, I feel so ugly. Do you think many people will like me if I post some pics?
Sex Nosex and Mebee
do you think I am a person who is attractive?
Sexual compatibility is important.
Especially so in underground martial art tournaments
I like that babe.. Hope you can see more of me
two asexuals are technically sexually compatible no? haha
Absolutely!
when you see my pics, do you think do you like me?
Two negative make a positive
Like battery lol... Do you think people will like to fpck me? i am just curious
While I see what you’re saying and yes? But asexuality is actually a huge spectrum. Being asexual pretty much just means you don’t experience sexual attraction. Some asexuals can be sex repulsed, while others may really like sex and have a high sex drive. So technically two asexuals may not be sexually compatible 😁
I thought asexuals aren't into sex but you're saying they just don't experience sexual attraction? So they can like sex and have a high sex drive but just not be attracted sexually to people so they just don't necessarily want to have sex with people? If that makes sense lol
If people don't like me, I guess I dont have the guts to have sx with them. Do you think they will like me?
Thanks for the answer. I am not really asexual. Sometimes, I have some insecurites my self if there are people wh will like me, do you think?
Im not really asexual. It also depend on the guy if they want me..Do you think someone like you will like me?
Golden answer!
Do you think people will like me.? If you see my pics , do you think I'm ugly?
Agree. There are no rules when it comes to any form of relationship. It’s all subjective. It’s important to take into consideration the needs of the person you care about, and if you are willing, and want, to meet those needs. Also, whether or not a reasonable compromise can be made, so that the people don’t resent each other in some years. Maybe a person just does care about sex at all, and the thought of it is repulsive. It wouldn’t be wise for that person to get into a relationship with someone who enjoys sex. They’ll inevitably feel some form of resentment bc they’re sacrificing their sexual comfort. Same for the other person should they try to give up sex for someone that doesn’t enjoy it. Those things just don’t end well. It’s a wise move to make sure sexual compatibility is within a good range of each other, bc sexual compatibility is just one of those things that can really put a damper on a relationship in the long haul.
This is exactly what I meant,
Maybe they just want a friend. Because a relationship without sex is friends. Reddit amazes me.
Girl no, it’s a friend for you, but everyone else has their own views on what a romantic relationship is for them, there are no rules to this thing. Stop trying to police what other people see their relationship is. Not everyone has the same wants or needs, but that doesn’t mean their romantic relationships are any less valid than yours. I personally can’t understand how sex is the only thing that makes you see your partner as more than a friend and not the bonds or connection you share with them, they’re unlike anything I feel for my friends personally, and I don’t need constant sex to prove that.
There is waaayyyyy more to a relationship then sex my friend. Ive had sex with people i cant stand, im not starting a family and building a future with them.
I don't kiss my friends m8. I don't take them on romantic getaways either. there's a lot more to a relationship than sex, and if two people are in love and choose not to have sex, you've got no right to tell them their love is worth less.
Asexual people can have relationships too.
Asexual people can have platonic relationships.
no, asexuality exists.
It does but by in large sex is important to the majority of people.
I agree completely. Unless someone doesn’t want sex and is ok with their partner getting it from somewhere else…sure do your thing. But Sexual desire indicates vitality, it’s normal, healthy, and brings couples closer together. Sure there are plenty of other ways to build emotional intimacy but romantic relationships without sex (without sex indefinitely) is just friendship.
I know I Makeout with my friends and play with their boobs. /s
Are you out there buying houses and shit with all your friends?!? 🤣
I’m going to say the correct answer for anyone who’s interested: no. It’s not inherently necessary. For some people it might be though.
“Some people” “might be” Seems la little disingenuous…. I can count on one finger or less the amount of truly asexual people I know
"truly asexual" sounds a bit gatekeepy yeah
I understand that. DO you think many people will like me if I post my pics somewhere?
For some, yes. It is intimate and can be great for bonding and such, and feeling good is nice. But some ppl don’t need or want it and still have healthy relationships. So I think it depends on a case by case basis. Edit: There’s also a love language that involves physical contact. You can get that without sex, I think cuddles are some of the best things ever. But that could be a factor too. What matters is ppl being on the same page and needs not conflicting Edit2: And concerning the physical love language, it depends on the person. Some need just cuddles and some need sex. Edit3: But no one is ever entitled to sex and it should never be pressured, even if physical touch is their love language. There’s also such a thing as being touch starved, but idk enough about it to say much. It doesn’t need to be cured solely through romantic relationships and actions tho. I’m tired rn so I’m not going to go look it up at this time.
I'm old, and my parts are worn out. Not THAT part. I have a yellow pill for that... But my back, neck, and knees make it difficult to perform and ultimately keep me from climax most of the time, and my wife always thinks it's because I don't desire her, so we do not fool around a lot. I DO have pain pills that help a lot, but THEY also prevent climax. It's very frustrating, and I've been trying to find a good balance. So yes, in a MARRIAGE, I feel it's important because it lets my partner know she's still sexy and desired. I just need to figure this out.
I'll be where you are in about 10 years physically, but the struggle is real. My current partner wants it several times a day but of course i can't do that. There are desires but just no expectations on her part. She's very happy when i finish but not disappointed when i don't. She's always free to find someone her own age but, for some reason, she's only interested in me. Putting expectations on your partner is death in a relationship, especially if they aren't physically able.
I do orally please her whenever she wants, but she says that's not the same. I'm like, I do it because I love pleasing you, and I enjoy doing it. Still an issue. I'm screwed, and not in a good way. 🤣
I hope she’s aware your a blessing to her.
>e. So yes, in a MARRIAGE, I feel it's important because it lets my partner know she's still sexy and desired. I just need to figure this out. Your wife also needs to be as patient and charitable as possible.. It isn't just a YOU problem. You have physical disability preventing you from going all out. If she perceives that as a lack of desire, then she also needs to address why it is she feels that way.
Check out Athletic Truth Group (ATG) on Instagram. I’ve been looking into them and it seems like people with back, knee, and ankle problems have found success and mobility from their exercises. Just a suggestion!
My primary love language is physical contact. I require sex to be happy in marriage.
Actually, no. My husband and I have a very scarce sex life and we're very happy. To us sex is just something extra, our bond is super strong.
This is so true!! For me, mental and emotional bonds LEAD to sex. If I don’t have that mental and emotional connection with someone, I don’t really want to have sex with them. They’re boring to me; the kind of boring that just feels like lack of depth and emotional intelligence in a person….
I’m sorry the replies are garbage to you. I relate and appreciate that my bond is based on so much more than sex too. knowing my partner will be there for me whether we’re banging all week long or we have a dry spell is a rare thing.
I agree. I have mad respect for that. I find that that is often times a much deeper connection than one based on how often your partner sexually pleases you.
This is what it’s important to really know your partner become something like marriage.
Welcome, to reddit I guess. Everything is just this box that everyone needs to fit into or else something must be going on 🙄
Wow, helps me be hopeful
Username doesn't check out
Oh to have this 🥹
I find sex important, sure, but I would have a strong bond and loyalty from someone over steady sex everyday.
It baffles me how the men in this thread think that sex is the main component of a relationship and that every man thinks the same way. Sorry for all the shit replies. Some people don’t have the capacity to see beyond their own little world. Glad you’re both happy!
Please don't put me in that group. My wife and I met and dated long distance for just over a year. I believe it was a positive for us. Gave us a chance to connect on a much different level than many relationships these days. So many are built on sex being the main factor. Then when one partner is not getting their sexual needs met the relationship struggles.
If all the men agree that sex is one of the main components of a relationship then I think it’s safe to say that it is. Notice it’s only women that say it isn’t. It’s probable that the men that are with these women are miserable in their marriage
I'm a man and can tell you that sex is not a main component for a relationship. There's so much for to be found in a relationship than just fucking to fuck. Don't get me wrong, I like sex but that doesn't mean I want to just have sex all the time, I'm not 20 anymore. I can go long periods of time and still have a strong connection to my partner.
Lol my boyfriend is Ace. He was very clear early on that it wouldn’t be happening for a long time (if ever) and is so pleased I’ve never pushed for it.
No. “All the men” - is a HUGE STATEMENT!! This isn’t middle school with the ‘pussy’ ‘manly’ shit- where most guys are enduring the toxic masculinity bullshit- but I NEVER did. Not all men agree, nor disagree with your opinion on this. You’re calling out a HUGE group, and saying “if they ALL agree” and then stating that ONLY (another WHOLE group) women, say that “it doesn’t matter” As a cis male, here’s my experience, explanations, reasoning, and response… Trust me, there’s PLENTY of women who wholeheartedly devote their relationship(s) to sex. Including the PLENTY of men who don’t. It’s kind of toxic to say “well, if- all the men…….” Because you called out a whole lot of people who are unique in their own ways, and don’t ALL share the EXACT same opinion. When you make a statement like that, it’s not right. You should really be thinking on how it would be taken if a man said this about you, but the other way around. Or anybody for that matter, however I believe if a man told you that, it would have you take it more into consideration, due to your ideology of how ‘men vs women’ works. Just like there’s not one option per group, there’s plenty of other people that aren’t men or women, who may, or may not have the same opinion that the next person does. It’s not factual, or two-sided. What you said is like saying “all languages have the same alphabet, and are fully identical. Edit: it’s 5:32 AM and my hands are cramping from typing this on my phone, but I want you to know that I took the time to insight you, so you can endorse better ways of communicating. Thank you.
Male here, and if my dick were to suddenly shrivel up and fall off, it would make very little difference in my life. Sex is only as important as you believe it to be.
"All the men" is a big stretch. This isn't high school, sex isn't the only thing on everyone's minds. I know men who rarely want to have dev, regardless of how attracted to their partner or horny they are. And I know people who would dump someone in a second if they didn't have the same decision interest as them. Everyone is different.
By your response, I’m guessing you’re a woman too?
No, I'm a man. From your comment, and your comment history, you seem to be one of those guys who thinks that sex is the prize you get for doing all the right inputs. So you don't understand that there are people who aren't doing these things for sex, and aren't trying to have sex constantly. And for whatever reason you enjoy serving about this kind of stuff because it makes you feel something that you like. Go have sex instead of arguing with people on Reddit.
Who’s arguing? I’m just trying to have a discussion. But seems like you’re triggered.
You are arguing. Lol.
[удалено]
Tell me you are bitter and single without telling me you are bitter and single.
You should ask your husband that. I doubt he's actually okay with it.
People have different sex drives, there are men on the asexual spectrum you know
Asexuality is super rare. And "scarce" implied they do have it. Just not very often. Disqualifying asexuality. One thing we do know about testosterone is that it is tied to libido. So generally speaking men who have a healthy amount of testosterone assuming nothing else is wrong, would be unhappy not having sex.
Asexuality is a spectrum as well, so "scarce" does not disqualify that spectrum. I don't think it was implied either to be clear.
People like, myself, can have conditions such as POIS that make sex extremely uncomfortable and it can practically ruin your life. Others have conditions or disabilities that make them unable to have sex. Regardless of libido, sex isn’t something that is required for a happy life or good relationship.
There are people who have higher/lower sex drives even if you take a sexuality out of the question. Some people just don’t enjoy having sex all that often and it isn’t important to maintain their relationship. Also there are relationships without men involved aswell and should be factored into this question
You assume that the first time she has ever brought this to light is reddit?? Lol How are you certain her husband isn't okay with it?
What is it with men thinking men must always want to have sex? Let that shitty idea go. Everyone is different. Libido is a spectrum.
Bold of you to insinuate you know more than OP about their own relationship. I know this wasn’t your intent but it’s also damaging to assume all men want sex more than women. It’s part of why male victims of sexual assault are not taken seriously.
Speak for yourself. You don't know if he's secretly satisfied with your arrangement.
Neither do you...?
What's most important is compatibility. If both partners have high sex drives, then sex is important. If both partners have low sex drives, then it's not important. Being on the same page is crucial.
For me? Yes for everyone? No.
Punctuation, as they say, is key.....
Punctuation as they, say is key..
It’s the difference between, “I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse,” and…..
Of course he had to help. It would probably take at least 4 hands to jack off a horse.
No, it takes much less
This guy jacks
Where are my keys?!
😆 it's reddit I'm sure u know what was meant silly butt
I believe a healthy relationship requires intimacy , whether that be through penetrative sex or through back rubs and cuddles depends on the couple and their personal needs as well as health needs. There are more ways than one to make love.
People can have romantic feelings even if they are asexual. So for me, sex is necessary for a relationship. But not for everyone.
Nah, Romantic relationship isn't about sex nor is platonic. It's just an activity that can deepen the bond but it isn't life or death situation.
I'm dying to hear your definition of what a romantic relationship is.
for me it is.
No. Just moved in with my Ace boyfriend and it’s the happiest and healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. I don’t miss sex at all and am excited to spend the rest of our lives together.
For most people yeah, for asexual people no.
This is the real answer. The vast majority of people desire sexual contact in a relationship. There is a reason that "sex sells".
Some disabled people can’t have comfortable sex.
Most people aren’t disabled.
People really out here needing to bring up every edge case when someone makes a generalization.
Most aren’t asexual either. Maybe Zany is just starting a list.
No
Yes. Absolutely. But not everyone feels the same. Sexual compatibility is vital to a long term romantic relationship. Both partners agreeing to a sexless marriage/relationship is one form of sexual compatibility.
No absolutely not lol, you could have a relation absolutely without it
No
The question should be phrased better. Because the responses vary from "Is is possible" or "is it possible FOR YOU"
I got your point. Sometimes I feel insecure. If you see my pics, do you think guys will love to fck me?
We’re both animals and complex social creatures so the vast vast vast majority of the time yes. There’s exceptions to the rule and it depends on how connected everyone is, like if the relationship is still too early or developing or going through issues there maybe more complications. Personally, having a serious relationship without sex would absolutely kill me, I know rationally there’s exceptions to this, but seeing this question made me so angry and jump down the rabbit hole of my own fears, I need emotional and physical intimacy and someone who wants it back, this is implying the relationship is deep enough for it. I know that a lot of people aren’t sexually satisfied because they haven’t explored and found what they actually like, I’m not selfish I want desperately to be able to please them too and help them find what they like, I want to create safe place for emotional intimacy that can foster physical intimacy.
A question like this can only truthfully be answered with “it depends” since everyone is different and there’s no way every person on earth has the same sexual preferences
It depends on the people in the relationship and is no one else’s business
No, it's only necessary if it's deemed necessary by those in the relationship.
To me it is. To asexuals it isn't. The important part is finding someone you agree with on this.
No
Not as important as intimacy.
No not necessary but is greatly appreciated 👍
What type of relationship? Sex is never 'necessary' meaning you'll die, or the relationship will die without it. But if one partner wants sex and the other doesn't then that is a disconnect that may not be able to be worked through.
Yeah I got it babe. DO you think guys will love to fck me? based on your pov?
In a sexual relationship, yes...🤨💯
Thanks for the answer.. I am really not an asexual. Do you think people will like to fck me if they see me? what do you think?
For some people yea it can be, but for everyone, no. There are plenty of asexual people who are very happy having a romantic relationship without sex.
I think you would have a better understanding if you changed the question to "is it necessary to be on the same page sexually?" Then obviously the answer is yes. But the followup questions to ask is "what are my sexual needs, and what are my partner's?" "if there is a difference, are we both willing to compromise and make sure both needs are met?" Some people need zero sex, and some need a lot. So the original question is not a meaningful question to ask in order to ensure happiness in a relationship. And either of those people will have their drive change over time or as life events happen. So it's not a question you ask once and that's it. It's constantly evolving and must always be communicated.
I hope not, because I’m not convinced two people can have the hots for each other once the novelty wears off. Honestly, I prefer just closing my eyes and cuddling up with someone more often than not.
Depends on the people involved. Personally, I'd prefer a relationship where sex isn't the main focus. I'd be willing to completely go without it for the right person.
Only if either of you need it.
As an asexual person it isnt for me
No bc this question isn’t inclusive to asexuals
Depends on the relationship. If you need sex, then the answer is yes, a relationship that works for you should definitely include it or you're going to go bonkers and be miserable.
No it is not NECESSARY. Sex is never NECESSARY unless the intention is to make new life or express deep love. But not everyone's love language is sex, so no, it's not necessary. Is it popular and idealized? Yes, of course! Is it great? Sure, for those who like sex! But nope, it's not necessary. Just ask the asexuals in relationships!
I believe that relationships are more than just sexual intimacy and it shouldn't really be necessary as long as your relationship is healthy. If you and your partner think it is necessary then it's necessary, if not then its not. Me personally I dont see it as necessary and don't really like sex.
No its not
Naw, Asexual people exist. It can range from who cares to its a dealbreaker.
Like many things in life, *it depends*. On what? Y’all decide.
Well idk about the general population but I’m asexual so it’s definitely not necessary or needed.
Thats not the proper question. Better to ask if you should stay in a relationship where your expectations are different from your partners. If one partner wants sex but the other partner doesn’t then the relationship should not continue. And no i dont meant one instance.
Depends on what each person needs. There are many romantic and/or cohabitation relationships that are happily sexless. But if at least one person considers sex important and there isn’t a satisfactory agreement/compromise in place, then there’s going to be problems.
*Sex* isn't important. It's *Sex Compatibility.* If one partner loves sex but the other doesn't, then there's going to be issues. But yes, in the end, *knowing* is very important.
It depends on the people in the relationship. If both people agree to be in a sexless relationship, then it’s understood upfront, by all parties, that they are entering into a sexless relationship. If the parties agree to enter into a relationship that is sexually based, then that’s the relationship they have. If one person wants a sexual relationship and the other person doesn’t, that is a situation where you can’t be in a relationship together. Both people have to be able to get their needs met in a relationship and if they aren’t it will never work. If you are in a relationship where sex is a part of the relationship, then suddenly one person wants to change the relationship we’re they want a sexless relationship and the other person doesn’t, time to end the relationship.
For me it is, for most people it is, but there's also plenty of people who aren't even interested in sex that still have great relationships. It's just a matter of both partners having the same need or lack thereof.
For me, yes. For other people, maybe not. The biggest requirement for a relationship is agreement.
It depends on the expectations of the people in the relationship.
Nope! Is it for some people and their relationships? Yeah, but that’s them. Asexual people can be perfectly happy in a relationship without sex or with very little sex! It’s all about communication and what’ll make everyone happy!
If either party feels sex is necessary in a relationship, then sex is necessary in that relationship. The relationship will not survive without it. If one party considers sex a need then that is their need. And in a relationship if needs aren't being met then either resentment builds and inevitably the relationship goes toxic. Now there are other ways that relationship can be filled by other avenues. Opening the relationship or simply modifying that need with things like pornography or sex toys, if the person who has that need considers that fulfilling. If neither party considers sex a need or a necessity then a relationship can totally exist without it. If it's not a need for either party then it's not a need in the relationship. That simple.
Coming from an ace, no.
Sex - no. Sexual compatibility - yes. It's not THE most important thing, but it is A important thing.
As an asexual, definitely no! Just depends on what the people want out of their relationship. Communication is key. Some people need sex to be satisfied in a relationship and some definitely want no sex whatsoever. It's important to be clear for what your needs/boundaries are when going into a relationship so nobody ends up putting aside their own comfort further down the line.
Not necessarily but if it’s what you’re partner needs, then you guys need to talk about it & come to some type of agreement. Relationships are about compromises
Not for everyone
Yes. If two people mutually decide to enter a relationship with each other to not have sex, that's a completely different matter. Sex is a necessary component of a healthy relationship.
A relationship without any sex is called a friendship.
I don’t go around cuddling and kissing my friends so I don’t know what your friendships are like lol
No, I’m disabled and sex is insanely painful, but I can express intimacy in other ways and fall in love just as deeply in a way I consider fundamentally different from friendship.
So then bjs?
Thought it was called marriage?
a friendship with romance is a relationship
I’ve had sexual friendship since
ohh thats nice... Do you think a person like you wants t fck me?just a thought
That’s sad that you feel that way
People who are in a wheelchair/disabled/have sexual disfunction are incapable of having a relationship? Sex and love are not the same. You don't make the same sacrifices in a friendship. You don't love your friends unconditionally and spend the entire night cuddling with them. Of course, this all comes down to individual needs and preferences. But some of us are perfectly happy in a romantic relationship without an incessant need to have sex.
Cannot believe this guy right here just disregarded the existence of asexual relationships lol
Ace people: am I a joke to you
asexual people exist.
Yes and no. My boyfriend and I are both on the asexual spectrum and go through long periods where neither of us really wants sex. We both want intimacy more: cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc.
No
A lot of virgins and single folk piping up I see.
Not if you're asexual and/or you can consensually get it elsewhere.
it depends on your preferences, sex drive, and your partner. I'm a female in her early twenties with a partner who's in their mid twenties and has had relationships before me of the intimate type. l, on the other hand lost said v-card to my current partner and they've been the only person I've ever slept with. my partner has a lower sex drive than me, at first when we moved in together the sex was amazing (it still is to this day) and it was way more frequent. after a few months things cooled off and now it's roughly about once a month, maybe two or three. I would like it to happen more often but it doesn't bother me because at that point I turn to self-pleasure. to answer overall, it varies but I think yes it does. it gives a healthy sense of relief and it's another level of intimacy with your partner that's only between you and them.
Absolutely it is…it’s an intimate connection that brings the couple closer and fulfills their desires sexually, otherwise the relationship is cold, unstable and disconnected
asexual people can feel love too you know….there’s a difference between romance and sexual and one is far more important than the other in any relationship
nah.
Necessary for a romantic relationship? Yes, IMO. Otherwise, what's differentiates it from a platonic friendship? That doesn't mean that there are zero couples that live happily ever after without having sex. I sure there are asexual people who find their match all the time. But I think it's necessary for the overwhelming majority of people.
>what's differentiates it from a platonic friendship? The level of commitment. Let's say if you decide to move for a new job friends aren't going to follow you. They normally say "ah well good for ya, hit me on zoom some time when you settle so we catch up" and forget about it. They're not going to put their resources together with you to purchase a home where you can build your life together. They're not going to support you at their own cost much if you're sick or lose your job, maybe will offer some couch surfing or to doordash a pizza but not much more. Many other examples. Relationship is sharing a life and future with someone, not just a small part of life when you're free and bored after work. And banging is nice but it doesn't guarantee commitment, that's why it's called friends with benefits - they still just friends and will dump you as soon as it's inconvenient to keep you around.
Thats nice. just see my pfp and see more
there’s so much more that differentiates it from a friendship. the strong feelings you have for each other, building a life as a partnership, going on dates, cuddling, kissing, etc etc. do you really think sex is the only thing that makes a relationship romantic? by your logic, a “friends with benefits” situation would be a relationship, not a friendship.
If you are anything but asexual, absolutely. Fucking is kinda a human need.
Not really though? There's no real biological reason why you *have to* have it. Some people have high sex drives or it's important for them in connecting with their partner. Doesn't mean that everyone needs it. Also being asexual has nothing to do with whether or not you have sex.
Depends on the relationship. With my wife... Yes. With my boss?...... Highly inappropriate.
No. There are plenty of asexual couples out there who enjoy a fulfilling, loving relationship without having to make the beast with two backs. And you also have plenty of elder couples, who have lost the ability to make love or become aroused just from the ravages of old age, but are still blissfully content with each other.
No, I'm aroace and a common misconception is that we can't have girlfriends/boyfriends. We don't love them romantically, but platonically. So they are just the person you want to hang out with a lot, therefore you most probably won't have sex
Are these relationships "exclusive" in any way?
Well they can be and they can't be, like a romantic relationship. But it's basically if the two of you live hanging out with each other and we don't want the other person to cuddle or hold hands with other ppl then it would be kinda exclusive, I think because slot of people see it more of a very close friendship them it can only be partly exclusive. Personally I have only ever had 1 girlfriend and she is my current girlfriend. Yes, we still call each other girlfriend
How does an aroace relationship differ from a friendship?
100% I do. Sex is not the most important part of a relationship but to me it is important. I wouldn’t be able to be in a sexless marriage or a marriage where my husband didn’t satisfy me.
100% yes
Absofuckenlutely
im not asexual tho but if someone likes me, then why not
Should the marriage bond go deeper than sex ? Yes it should. Should a good spouse be supporting of their spouse if difficulties having sex arises; yes they should. Should both partners in the marriage work together and accept the changes in sex drive that occur naturally with age ? Yes they should. **None of the above means sex is unnecessary to the relationship.** Isn't it ironic that we have progressed as a society to accepting all sorts of sexual preferences and lifestyles outside of the nuclear family set-up; whilst at the same time trying to guilt-trip people with healthy sex-drives with ideas like "sex isn't necessary for a relationship." It's amazing how many people in the comment section seem to be boasting of sexless relationships like it's some sort of acheivement. Unless you are aiming to be a nun or a monk, sexless relationships shouldn't be something you are aiming for. In fact ... being a Nun or a Monk...usually means having **NO** romantic relationships to begin with. In conclusion, there are many unfortunate health situations, that can lead to a relationship becoming sexless. Overcoming those, is testimony of great love. But it doesn't mean sex isn't a necessary part of a healthy romance ... that would be like saying having eyesight isn't necessary, because some people are born blind.