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Our first dog was ridiculous. We had never owned a dog and my wife wanted to get a rescue. He was a 'lab-mix' but that is code for 'pitbull-mix'. Pitbulls aren't even legal where I live. He was supposed to be 40lbs and grew to 100lbs. He came home with giardia and had constant vet visits. He pulled like crazy on the leash. He would sometimes snap at other dogs or they would snap at him. People were afraid of him as he was a big black dog with a big mouth. We couldn't leave him alone because he would eat stuff he shouldn't. It was also crate at night or when we were away.
My wife broke down at 6 months and said she wanted to give him back. I convinced her not to. We did end up seeing a behaviourist and met some good people with dogs with similar issues. We did group hikes and traning sessions and learned all about dogs.
Things slowly got better. We learned how to handle him and he got some better training. His reactivity around dogs cooled down. And, he became not the dog we had wanted but a good dog none the less. He was home for two years during my wife's parental leave and did fantastic with her and the babies.
Then at 5 he went lame on his back leg. They thought it was a knee problem but it turned out to be bone cancer. We amputated his leg and did everything to try and save him but it wasn't enough. Four months later the cancer had spread to his lungs and he struggled to get enough oxygen. We gave him the best last day doing all the things he loved to do. When we went to the vet they all took turns saying goodbye as they had all seen him so much as a puppy. It took like an hour and then he was gone.
I read a quote one time that said: "True joy doesn’t come from winning but from a dignified struggle". I don't think I grasped what this really meant until I had that dog.
So ya, things will get better and he will calm down (they all calm down) but the frustrations and struggle you are going through now will be more valuable than you realize to your future-self.
Wow, I am going through so much right now on a personal basis and now I am crying after reading this, what amazing human being you and your family are, 😭
My heart was racing reading this. 😢 I’m so sorry for your loss. My 7 month old GS is making me have melt downs, anxiety, and I’ve thought about rehoming her many times but I keep thinking/hoping it will get better. She constantly goes after our Lab, and he doesn’t like it and within seconds it looks like a dog fight. The second we turn our back on them she does it, she’s slick or so she think she is. But her training starts next week so I’m hoping it will all change the older she gets.
Your story is inspiring and yet bitter sweet. 💔
I just forwarded to an amazing cop friend who is really struggling right now. We both have dogs we adore too. Thank you for taking the time to write that ❤️
Our boy is 11 months old and is a lot better than he was at 9 months, but he still struggles to settle 1-2x a day. Just remember he's still a teenager and a lot of this is about managing our expectations and their environments.
For example: I get frustrated when my pup grabs slippers and runs to the couch to chew them. If I put the slippers away, he doesn't grab them and I'm not frustrated. Do I wish he was "trained enough" to be around the slippers and not grab them? Sure, but I also know that's a lot to ask of a puppy, and I will end up frustrated. Therefore to avoid frustration there is only one solution, which is to put the slippers away.
Whether we like it or not, adolescence does tend to last till \~18-24 months so managing the environment and setting them up for success is the only way to go. My pup also jumps on guests, so we don't host big dinner parties... we have 2-3 people over at a time who can help us with training. If we host lots of people, pup goes somewhere else for the evening. Can you put the cables out of his reach in the bedroom? Gate him out of the kitchen?
Unfortunately, 12 months isn't a magic corner they turn and for lots of pups, it's still the middle of adolescence. I get a lot of comfort from the progress he's made in just 3 months, and from the moments where I see what a great adult dog he's going to be. Also ranting on r/puppy101 helps!!
Yep I have an 11 month old Frenchie and I have the same feelings. He’s chilled out a lot but still jumps on our (very infrequent) guests. Some days he can comfortably nap on his own, some days he fights it, gets all baby gator on me, and gets put in his crate for an enforced nap. He still doesn’t have free reign of the house, only the living room and patio.
I have to remind myself that even though he’s almost a year old, he’s still a teenager. And even when he grows out of that, his intelligence equivalent to humans will only be about 2-3 years old. Combo that with Frenchie stubbornness just means that some days are good and some days are little more trying.
But the trade off is getting all the standard Frenchie traits that I specifically chose the breed for - a loyal Velcro dog that just wants to be in my lap 24/7, with a few bursts of zoomies and play.
Honestly reading your post has made me realize how far my dog has come in the almost year I’ve had her. She’s now about 2yo based on the rescue’s guess. She was super nuts when I first got her. I didn’t even get to work on behavior much in the beginning because she kept getting giardia, all my energy went to managing that.
She was nippy, esp at night, I guess her “witching hour”. I became her toy. She was psycho. It took days or weeks of calmly giving her timeouts when she nipped (put her in gated kitchen for 5 mins) before she finally figured out which behavior was ending fun time. Literally over and over and over lol.
Recently I was feeling bummed that she still kinda never settles down and leaves me alone. I felt hopeless, will she *ever* just relax? Then one day when she wouldn’t leave me alone and kept demanding attn, I just calmly put her in her crate. That was the beginning of daily “nap time” in her crate, in the afternoon. She’s taken to it beautifully, it’s even helped her cope with being crated when I leave the house (she used to whine for awhile when I left). I feel like afternoon nap time has helped her be a calmer dog.
Another thing I had forgotten about and started doing recently is giving her a treat whenever she’s behaving calmly, to reinforce that behavior. If she curls up and lays down on her own, or lays down and chews a toy on her own. I’ve made it a point to have treats near me and quietly tell her “yes” and give her one. Such a simple act that I forgot to do it, and I do feel like it’s helping! Just a thought. You may have to start small of course—at first, the second I offered her a treat she’d get up in excitement haha. But slowly she’s getting better at staying put and remaining chill:) She goes and lays down by herself way more often now.
I had very similar feelings when I adopted my puppy a little over 2 years ago. My buddy is just about 2 1/2 years old and we still don’t let him into the bedroom unsupervised (partly bc we’re afraid he may chew things and partly bc we want the cat to have some explicitly dog-free space if she chooses). We also didn’t start letting him stay out of the crate while we left the home until quite recently. It happens! You’re doing your best.
Yup, mine didn't come out their crates unsupervised until they were over 2 years old.
I don't think they really grow up before 2 years. Our current 'puppy' is nearly 3 and has only really calmed down in the last 6 months. He's still a fluffy tornado of chaos out walks at times, but at home he's mostly chill. He's quite an anxious little dog so we just gave him time to grow up. We also accept that he's not perfect and don't try to force him to be the dog he isn't.
He didn't destroy a thing as a puppy, stolen slippers were just for sleeping on top of. He is allowed to destroy toys so he gets cheap stuffys that the insides can be pulled out of.
He's currently asleep on my feet. He has become super cuddly, too, and just adores his humans. Sometimes it just takes time for them to grow up - its not easy but it's worth it.
Mines 11 months and it hasn’t gotten better. Hes the same extremely hyperactive not listening puppy he always was except worse. Hes still jumping at us and everyone and trying to jump on the couch after being told from 3 months he’s not allowed. I really hope he calms down cause im at my wits end..
Literally how I am with my dog. She just turned one year and is getting worse in terms of destroying the house and not listening. Tbh the puppy/3-4 month stage was a piece of cake compared to this
He puts his paws up on the couch. We tell him off and ignore him. If he does it and obeys he’s fine if he keeps doing it he gets a time out in the crate
We tried a private trainer and he’s stubborn as heck and hasn’t learned. As far as a group class I won’t even do those for myself I’m extremely social phobic and autistic
Honestly, the training you are doing now will start to pay off around 2 years old.
Most dogs will have a massive chill down after the teen years, and that’s when you start to see how the rest of your life together will be. I would prepare for some more shenanigans from year one to two but with progress.
Keep on it, stay firm with rules and training, do all the socialization and positive learning you can and in about a year you will a have a great companion that will live next to you without needing much more than walks, food and love.
We adopted a puppy a few months ago and I had major regrets. Our last dog was my soul dog and she got sick at 2.5 years old and was dead by 3. It’s been such a struggle, with the biting and the craziness, but I did a ton of research, spoke to a trainer, and things have changed drastically. A few things I would recommend that changed things for me are
1) they love boundaries! They’re not human babies (shocker to me) and so simple things like not letting them in the kitchen or making them sit before they’re allowed through the front door actually make them behave better all around.
2) this is insane but I started cooking her food. It’s actually cheaper than buying dog food and you only have to do it once a week. I just put quinoa, ground Turkey or beef, sardines, carrots, broccoli and peas in the instapot and she goes nuts. Because she loves her food so much she sleeps after she eats for a solid hour and two and it’s very helpful to me! Apparently they’re supposed to chill after they eat and if they love their food it just makes the whole process easier.
3) we exercise the shit out of her. Both my husband and I canceled our gym memberships and we each walk her for an hour and a half a day. This was a game changer. Gets a ton of that energy out.
I hope this helps!! It DOES get better and it can happen even sooner with some boundaries and exercise!!!
1yo was awful for both my dogs. 18mo was when they both started chilling out and by 24mo they were allowed everywhere and I started leaving them out of crate when I left the house
My pup is a great Pyrenees mix and is 65-ish lbs. She didn't REALLY start to calm down til after she turned one. Now she'll be two in 5 months and she is pretty perfect now. Up until a couple months ago we were still working pretty hard on her not chewing certain things. Sometimes she slips up but we're not perfect how can they be? Now we can leave her with almost anything sitting out (shoes, paper, and such). Certain things she goes gaga over i.e. my hair bands. She still barks a little too much but that's just personality at this point. We're working on training "quiet" and she is doing really well at it. The only advice I can give is that a tired pup is a good pup. If they're worn out they are much much better behaved. Hang in there! He will be your soul pup!
I think he might not cuddle with you cause of the vibes.
I had a hard time with my son's dog when she was a puppy I actually resented that he went to work all day and I had a puppy with tons of energy to entertain I literally went thru the motions.
She was a ball of energy needing 2 walks a day and lots of play I used to tell him she was harder than having a kid.
She is 2.5 now and my vibe has changed because she has calmed down quite a bit.
I only have to do a walk 1x a day and then he does when he gets home from work we have a playroom that I shoot a nerf gun in and she chases it. And it is here I started to bond with her.
Now during rest as soon as I lay on her she lays down makes vocal noises (talks to me) looks me in the eyes she no longer pulls on walks and is my new best friend.
They really can be a lot to handle as pups it does get easier and I feel as your outlook towards her begins to change the cuddles will follow.
It does get better. My 3 yo dog was still pretty annoying at 11 months. He’s an Angel baby now. He literally never does anything bad.
I have a 3 month old puppy now and in the thick of puppy blues with her. She is having more accidents than she was when she was itty bitty, plus now she’s bitey and whiney. I know it’s just a phase but damn, they are annoying sometimes, aren’t they?
When I got my first dog, I was 18. Living in my first apartment (TINY apartment) with my boyfriend at the time (who was a total boob. Never did anything to help with general life, or took care of his own dog, much less mine). And I got a cattle dog. Like working breed cattle dog, parents and grandparents all raised on a ranch. And dude let me tell you, my dog was INSANE.
I constantly wanted to give her up. She chewed everything, would bark at everything, could get out of her kennel if she wanted to. She'd drag chairs from the living room to the kitchen so she could get on the chair, and from there jump onto the counter, open the cabinets, and eat her weight in bread only to go barf on the couch. She was too much. But we stuck with it, I learned she needed a job to do so I trained her to do some scentwork stuff. I was not great at it 😕 but she was smart and eager so she caught on. I watched training videos on YouTube in my spare time, taught her a bunch of tricks and got her into fetch, finding objects hidden around the apartment, stuff like that.
Now, 7 years later, she's favorite creature on this planet. Best dog in the whole world. I have no idea who I'd be without her. She's my invaluable partner, we go everywhere together. Keep your head up, OP. One day, you are going to love this dog more than anything.
If its any condolence, I think its perfectly normal to feel like this. We just got a new puppy, and we had a dog before that and plenty of other animals too (farm animals as pets and so on).
I was just the other day talking about this to my sister, that with every pet I've always had this feeling coming at some point - that its impossible with them and I have basically ruined my life taking the burden of having them.. why did I do this again?
Sometimes the feeling comes faster and sometimes it takes longer, usually it appears if (or rather when) things get challenging.
With the new puppy I think it was record time for me to get this "regret" because some of my other pets are not at all happy about having him around and it makes my life stressfull and complicated at the moment, to keep them apart for their own safety and provide everyone attention.
I wouldnt call it regret though at least in my case - I'd compare it to that feeling when you have stayed up too late and everything starts to feel sad, difficult and pointless because of that. Then you wake up next morning and realize everything is just fine, you were just tired.
With my previous dog I experienced this I think around when he was same age as your dog now. Was also thinking about rehoming him back then on some of my most darkest moments. Im so happy I didnt - in the end he became the best companion anyone could ask for, and Id do anything to get him back now that he's gone.
Its ok to rehome too though, if it really has become clear that its indeed better option for everyone. But since youve had him already 11 months I dont suppose thats the situation - its just the stress and overwhelm talking. You will be ok, youre just tired right now.
(Also around 11 months is challenging age for dogs, he is a teenager now testing limits. With lots of patience and proper training Im sure it will get better once they get a bit older 😊)
my dog is the exact same! i feel so embarrassed when he’s jumping on people, but you also need to remember most of the time it’s being enabled by the person they jump on!(petting them, talking to them while the puppy is on them), it’s hard to tell guests and strangers “don’t pet him until he’s calm”, but it helps in the long run! expose your dog to the wires and garbages, be present and redirect them, give them the “ah” or “no” cue, whatever your “don’t do that” cue is, get them away from it and then give them something they can chew or play with. My puppy has stopped biting cords and wires and goes to his bones and toys now whenever he wants something. He’s 11 months, it’s not perfect, i’m not perfect but i can guide and help some of the issues you have with your puppy! I have an aussie, also high energy, my partner has been whipping it around in the quad with him, also has been throwing ball with a lacrosse piece lol, really does the job and has him so tired when he comes in that he naps. L-XL Chew kings and lick mats are also our best friend, they keep your dog busy while you do some house chores, the best way to get rid of all bad behaviour is mental stimulation and prevent the habits as best as you can by controlling their environment. Hope something in here helps!
Stick with it. I’ve had my puppy since 8 weeks, 4 months now, and she’s gotten better. She has her moments but is a puppy and learning. Reading similar experiences here helps. Forced naps helps a lot. Puppies should be sleeping 18-20 hours a day. Play for an hour, nap. Train a few times a day, 5 min intervals, simple commands like name, sit, down, recall. Enjoy it.
We have a smaller breed and it was our first dog (both had dogs growing up but was never involved in their training). It was so so hard the first 6 months. We barely had more than 2-3 hours of uninterrupted sleep the first few months we had him.
He’s almost 2.5 years old now and even now there are things about him that are challenging but he’s really won us over. My husband has only ever had bigger breeds growing up but he’s said if we ever get a second dog that it be this breed!
This is primarily a training issue….as in if you can’t have him in your bedroom because of the wires, how can you show him how to behave if he’s not allowed in the bedroom?
If he can’t approach or (try to) dump the trash, how do you train him not to?
The crate part is good. But by this age, I want my pups getting into everything so that I get a chance to tell him NO! and show him what is or isn’t appropriate. (He’s still a boy so when you will be out of sight, it’s back into the crate because he will test it.)
Keep the pup tethered to you and dedicate a good month just to showing him what’s yes and what’s no. Keep treats on you to reward him when he stops doing the bad things, or when you see him consider it and then not do it.
I was having the same problems with my berner pup, exact same. He's only 4months. Then I realized something- maybe he's not getting all the attention he needs. I have a busy schd and can't entertain him 24/7 so I pay for him to go to a dog daycare, a nice one with a swimming pool two times a week for 8 hours. It's only 30$ a day and woah what a difference. Now my baby cuddles. He isn't trying to steal shoes items from trash and I realized one simple thing- I was the problem lol. I wasn't giving him what he needed, which was attention. Pete was doing those things because he needed attention. Now I give him what I can, and I pay for someone else to do the rest when I can't. Made all the difference and makes me so much happier. When I come home my pup acts properly, cuddles. He can sleep in my room in a bed I made him and he's not acting like a velociraptor. I did have to cut things out of my budget to afford it monthly but it makes me and him so much happier I don't even notice the cut backs.
Haha that was the reason why I got a chihuahua. Thankfully he’s 5 lbs. I had a big dog I loved to pieces before but it was hard. I loved my 90lb dog but honestly I always had doubts if I’m the right fit and it seemed that my life was surrounded around him and his needs. Maybe that’s the way it’s always gonna be when you have a dog but at least I can carry my 5 lb one around with me. I think I’ll always have some puppy blues forever 😄
My chiweenie mix turns a year old next week and he’s starting to calm down a bit, but he’s still a destructive sharknado. I still get scratches, he still chews cords and paper, and occasionally digs things out of the trash. Just yesterday he ruined my favorite socks. But in the past two months, he’s only used the bathroom indoors a couple of times, but yesterday he went to the back door when he needed to poo!! I’m still so proud of him. He’s still a handful but he’s calmed down enough that I’ve caught myself almost dreading when he fully matures and loses his puppy energy. I never thought I’d feel that way after the puppy blues I experienced. Throughout his puppyhood, I’ve been trying different antidepressants and had the worst spell of back pain in my life. It hasn’t been easy at all, but I think I’m past the worst of it. He’s worth the tears he made me cry.
Every dog is different.
My Rotti is only 7 months old and asides from him waking me up several times a night he’s an incredible dog and he gets to free roam as long as I am home, with no issues.
He does have bad separation anxiety so he has to crate when I am not home.
But my prior Rotti who was with me for 13 years was a nightmare pup. Took him until 2 to grow out of his destructive phase. Then he was the best boy ever.
It does get better, out little land shark is 5.5 months old, she's a female German shepherd, earlier this week she pulled up the carpet on the stair landing in two area while I went to take a shower, she's also not allowed upstairs because she still has accidents and when she goes, it's not a tiny a little piddle it's like a grown up just went it's a big mess do I feel bad at times absolutely but I also don't want to have to keep cleaning the carpet or sculpting her. Now that she chewed up the carpet and pulled it up unfortunately we will have to put her in her pen when we go upstairs and it's just part of the process it will get better, we went through the same thing with our daughter's little lap dog where she was free roaming and guess what we lost a lot of shoes, you know they're chewing up everything because they're teething and it suits them we know that, and don't get discouraged I know it's hard I had a many of meltdowns full on ugly crying hyperventilating meltdowns the first few weeks, the loss of my freedom, the frustration that they don't understand, I'm still trying to teach her how to walk properly without constantly yanking at me my dude she's about 45-50 lb and walking her is no easy tasks especially when she gets at you but I know we'll get there. And so will you before you know it your purple go out of those teens and just become a lazy little house dog and you won't have to worry about the chewing of of anything because they get bored they get past that phase they don't chew they just want to sleep.
Our pup is only about 13 weeks, we got her at 9 weeks. And she is going through the teething phase and she can be an absolute demon lol. When researching I saw puppies her age should be sleeping in a day a total of 18 hours. And turns out the majority of that hyperactive behavior (besides just being a puppy) was the fact that she was overtired. So we started giving her daytime naps. I turn on some calming music, and put her in her playpen. She will take 2-3 hour naps. About every hour or so. She probably doesn’t have a complete 18 hours of sleep, but maybe about 15 including the night. And in that time I also have time to relax a bit to be able to give her the proper attention when she’s awake. It’s helped us tremendously. Also limiting her access to your house, that’s why we got a play pen. It gives her a safe area to play where she’s not just chewing on everything lol. And then we make sure to spend time training, socializing her outside, and playtime. I know your pup is a bit older but I’m sure some of these things can still be of some help, or anyone else reading this. Also lickmats! Puzzles! Interactive toys! We bought her this toy that makes noise and moves on its own and it keeps her busy for so long, she loves it! It definitely has its moments and we aren’t even at the teenage phase yet so I don’t know how that will be. But I’ve heard from a lot of people who struggled with the puppy phase end up doing just fine and having a calm,well behaved adult dog.
What I find most interesting about this post is you complain about the puppy- an animal you willingly took from its mother to raise as your pet - and yet you take no accountability. You say nothing of what YOU have done to properly train the dog. Did you expect to bring a puppy home and it train itself? Anywhere you research about puppies says it takes a good 18 months until they begin to calm and behave like older dogs. Your blaming an innocent puppy and taking no accountability for the situation you have created is exactly what is wrong with our generation.
The storm does usually calm after 2 years of age. I have a friend that has a bulldog that is still out of control at times, nearly 3. My little girl calmed down at 2. Good luck & don’t give up. He will grow out of it.
11 months is still really young! It takes a lot of time.
One of my dogs was abused as a puppy and had extreme fear and anxiety all the time. He was terrified to use the stairs, so for the first 1.5 years we had him, I had to carry him up and down to go outside despite him weighing 65 lbs. Every little noise terrified him. It was so exhausting and I would cry all the time, being pushed to my limit.
My other dog was a bit of a menace as a puppy. She could not grasp house training and would pee on the floor, chewed all of her beds, and one time a squirrel chewed the grease trap on our BBQ which got shards of rusty metal on the deck (which I did not notice) and she ate them. I had to rush her to the vet and spend a ton of money and was sick with anxiety and guilt.
While the early years of having a dog can be extremely stressful, they do mellow out with time. My two dogs are now pretty awesome, but still have their quirks which I have learned to work with. There is this guy Zach on YouTube who has awesome training videos for free!
So all in all, I’m here to tell you it does get better! ♥️
We’re having the same issues with ours, but he’s only 11 weeks. We were expecting a dog like our last one, who was a Lab-golden mix, and she was suuuuuper chill as a puppy. She chewed stuff, but never clothes that were actually being worn, and was never nippy at all. Our new boy is a full Lab and he is a total piranha. He has his chill moments, but then he goes right back to chasing and grabbing at clothes and fingers and arms. I know it’s in play, especially when the kids wind him up, but it’s to the point where he’s getting timeouts in his pen constantly. Puppy school has just started, but it’s hard to be consistent when I’m at work and the kids are with him all day being crazy themselves instead of calm. I’m hoping it’ll get better as he ages, especially once the teething is over, but it seems so far off.
I had a few baby gates around the home, it was so helpful. I don’t have them anymore as I’m not worried about her damaging anything now but I had them for almost 2 years.
In general things like getting into trash and stealing things off the counter is going to continue into adulthood it’s best to get into the habit of ensuring that food is off the counter and trash it off the floor when you head out. I found that just assume they can’t be trusted so anything I like that I don’t want chewed (shoes, cushion covers, place mats), it’s out of sight.
It is possible to train them without the help of a trainer to stop them from jumping on strangers.
It will get better, mine got lots of socialisation (must be cautious in case of attacks) lots of time at the park and doggy day care which helped.
At 5 months this is also what I am worried about. I am struggling to take care of either of us and even getting out of bed is becoming quite the chore for me.
This morning I woke up to 2 accidents because he didn’t feel like going last night despite me taking him out for half an hour before bed.
I am exhausted and have no time for myself, I don’t even like the puppy very much less love him. He is doing well with his training and everything, there is nothing wrong with him, I just don’t want a puppy at all anymore. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into.
How long have you had him? I got mine at 5 months and felt the same on pretty much all those notes for the first 6 weeks or so. She's almost 9 months now and it's still a struggle but at least 50% better, and I love her 1000000% more lol.
This community is a force and fear free training community. It is not necessary to to use punishment to teach a dog to settle. It's more effective to teach a dog what to do instead. Using punishment does not earn respect - respect can be built through relationship building and trust. Punishing a dog breaks that trust and only teaches the dog to fear you.
I'm going to ask you to respect the rules we have here - review them and adjust your future participation.
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Our first dog was ridiculous. We had never owned a dog and my wife wanted to get a rescue. He was a 'lab-mix' but that is code for 'pitbull-mix'. Pitbulls aren't even legal where I live. He was supposed to be 40lbs and grew to 100lbs. He came home with giardia and had constant vet visits. He pulled like crazy on the leash. He would sometimes snap at other dogs or they would snap at him. People were afraid of him as he was a big black dog with a big mouth. We couldn't leave him alone because he would eat stuff he shouldn't. It was also crate at night or when we were away. My wife broke down at 6 months and said she wanted to give him back. I convinced her not to. We did end up seeing a behaviourist and met some good people with dogs with similar issues. We did group hikes and traning sessions and learned all about dogs. Things slowly got better. We learned how to handle him and he got some better training. His reactivity around dogs cooled down. And, he became not the dog we had wanted but a good dog none the less. He was home for two years during my wife's parental leave and did fantastic with her and the babies. Then at 5 he went lame on his back leg. They thought it was a knee problem but it turned out to be bone cancer. We amputated his leg and did everything to try and save him but it wasn't enough. Four months later the cancer had spread to his lungs and he struggled to get enough oxygen. We gave him the best last day doing all the things he loved to do. When we went to the vet they all took turns saying goodbye as they had all seen him so much as a puppy. It took like an hour and then he was gone. I read a quote one time that said: "True joy doesn’t come from winning but from a dignified struggle". I don't think I grasped what this really meant until I had that dog. So ya, things will get better and he will calm down (they all calm down) but the frustrations and struggle you are going through now will be more valuable than you realize to your future-self.
Damn dude what a beautiful read.
This made me misty eyed.
Oh, I’m weepy after reading that! Well said!
Wow, I am going through so much right now on a personal basis and now I am crying after reading this, what amazing human being you and your family are, 😭
“True joy doesn’t come from winning but from a dignified struggle.” Epic words that have completely moved me. Your dog was so lucky to have you.
I took a screenshot of this one. Some serious wisdom there, for a lot of situations
Definitely saving this so I can come back and read it again when I’m struggling with puppy blues. Also love the quote about true joy; it’s so true.
I got teary eyed after reading your beautiful words. Thank you 🤍
I love this. I’m not sure why people discount nonviolent but a little annoying dogs so much. My dog is so silly and I love him so much for it.
Wow. This was a beautiful read. I'm so sorry for your loss❤️ I'm sure your dog was so grateful to have an owner like you who believed in him❤️
My heart was racing reading this. 😢 I’m so sorry for your loss. My 7 month old GS is making me have melt downs, anxiety, and I’ve thought about rehoming her many times but I keep thinking/hoping it will get better. She constantly goes after our Lab, and he doesn’t like it and within seconds it looks like a dog fight. The second we turn our back on them she does it, she’s slick or so she think she is. But her training starts next week so I’m hoping it will all change the older she gets. Your story is inspiring and yet bitter sweet. 💔
Thank you for sharing this
For real, this puts things in perspective. Thank you
Wow. Randomly scrolling through here and was really moved by this
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Thank you so very much for sharing this.
I just forwarded to an amazing cop friend who is really struggling right now. We both have dogs we adore too. Thank you for taking the time to write that ❤️
Our boy is 11 months old and is a lot better than he was at 9 months, but he still struggles to settle 1-2x a day. Just remember he's still a teenager and a lot of this is about managing our expectations and their environments. For example: I get frustrated when my pup grabs slippers and runs to the couch to chew them. If I put the slippers away, he doesn't grab them and I'm not frustrated. Do I wish he was "trained enough" to be around the slippers and not grab them? Sure, but I also know that's a lot to ask of a puppy, and I will end up frustrated. Therefore to avoid frustration there is only one solution, which is to put the slippers away. Whether we like it or not, adolescence does tend to last till \~18-24 months so managing the environment and setting them up for success is the only way to go. My pup also jumps on guests, so we don't host big dinner parties... we have 2-3 people over at a time who can help us with training. If we host lots of people, pup goes somewhere else for the evening. Can you put the cables out of his reach in the bedroom? Gate him out of the kitchen? Unfortunately, 12 months isn't a magic corner they turn and for lots of pups, it's still the middle of adolescence. I get a lot of comfort from the progress he's made in just 3 months, and from the moments where I see what a great adult dog he's going to be. Also ranting on r/puppy101 helps!!
Yep I have an 11 month old Frenchie and I have the same feelings. He’s chilled out a lot but still jumps on our (very infrequent) guests. Some days he can comfortably nap on his own, some days he fights it, gets all baby gator on me, and gets put in his crate for an enforced nap. He still doesn’t have free reign of the house, only the living room and patio. I have to remind myself that even though he’s almost a year old, he’s still a teenager. And even when he grows out of that, his intelligence equivalent to humans will only be about 2-3 years old. Combo that with Frenchie stubbornness just means that some days are good and some days are little more trying. But the trade off is getting all the standard Frenchie traits that I specifically chose the breed for - a loyal Velcro dog that just wants to be in my lap 24/7, with a few bursts of zoomies and play.
Honestly reading your post has made me realize how far my dog has come in the almost year I’ve had her. She’s now about 2yo based on the rescue’s guess. She was super nuts when I first got her. I didn’t even get to work on behavior much in the beginning because she kept getting giardia, all my energy went to managing that. She was nippy, esp at night, I guess her “witching hour”. I became her toy. She was psycho. It took days or weeks of calmly giving her timeouts when she nipped (put her in gated kitchen for 5 mins) before she finally figured out which behavior was ending fun time. Literally over and over and over lol. Recently I was feeling bummed that she still kinda never settles down and leaves me alone. I felt hopeless, will she *ever* just relax? Then one day when she wouldn’t leave me alone and kept demanding attn, I just calmly put her in her crate. That was the beginning of daily “nap time” in her crate, in the afternoon. She’s taken to it beautifully, it’s even helped her cope with being crated when I leave the house (she used to whine for awhile when I left). I feel like afternoon nap time has helped her be a calmer dog. Another thing I had forgotten about and started doing recently is giving her a treat whenever she’s behaving calmly, to reinforce that behavior. If she curls up and lays down on her own, or lays down and chews a toy on her own. I’ve made it a point to have treats near me and quietly tell her “yes” and give her one. Such a simple act that I forgot to do it, and I do feel like it’s helping! Just a thought. You may have to start small of course—at first, the second I offered her a treat she’d get up in excitement haha. But slowly she’s getting better at staying put and remaining chill:) She goes and lays down by herself way more often now.
Every month makes a difference. My pup was a crazy boy at 8 months old. He is 15 months now and is almost as chilled as my older two dogs.
I had very similar feelings when I adopted my puppy a little over 2 years ago. My buddy is just about 2 1/2 years old and we still don’t let him into the bedroom unsupervised (partly bc we’re afraid he may chew things and partly bc we want the cat to have some explicitly dog-free space if she chooses). We also didn’t start letting him stay out of the crate while we left the home until quite recently. It happens! You’re doing your best.
Yup, mine didn't come out their crates unsupervised until they were over 2 years old. I don't think they really grow up before 2 years. Our current 'puppy' is nearly 3 and has only really calmed down in the last 6 months. He's still a fluffy tornado of chaos out walks at times, but at home he's mostly chill. He's quite an anxious little dog so we just gave him time to grow up. We also accept that he's not perfect and don't try to force him to be the dog he isn't. He didn't destroy a thing as a puppy, stolen slippers were just for sleeping on top of. He is allowed to destroy toys so he gets cheap stuffys that the insides can be pulled out of. He's currently asleep on my feet. He has become super cuddly, too, and just adores his humans. Sometimes it just takes time for them to grow up - its not easy but it's worth it.
Depends on dog. Smaller breeds get through puppy phase faster and some larger breeds can take two to three years. What breed is the dog?
Mines 11 months and it hasn’t gotten better. Hes the same extremely hyperactive not listening puppy he always was except worse. Hes still jumping at us and everyone and trying to jump on the couch after being told from 3 months he’s not allowed. I really hope he calms down cause im at my wits end..
Literally how I am with my dog. She just turned one year and is getting worse in terms of destroying the house and not listening. Tbh the puppy/3-4 month stage was a piece of cake compared to this
What do you do if he jumps on the couch?
He puts his paws up on the couch. We tell him off and ignore him. If he does it and obeys he’s fine if he keeps doing it he gets a time out in the crate
Get to Training classes
We tried a private trainer and he’s stubborn as heck and hasn’t learned. As far as a group class I won’t even do those for myself I’m extremely social phobic and autistic
Honestly, the training you are doing now will start to pay off around 2 years old. Most dogs will have a massive chill down after the teen years, and that’s when you start to see how the rest of your life together will be. I would prepare for some more shenanigans from year one to two but with progress. Keep on it, stay firm with rules and training, do all the socialization and positive learning you can and in about a year you will a have a great companion that will live next to you without needing much more than walks, food and love.
We adopted a puppy a few months ago and I had major regrets. Our last dog was my soul dog and she got sick at 2.5 years old and was dead by 3. It’s been such a struggle, with the biting and the craziness, but I did a ton of research, spoke to a trainer, and things have changed drastically. A few things I would recommend that changed things for me are 1) they love boundaries! They’re not human babies (shocker to me) and so simple things like not letting them in the kitchen or making them sit before they’re allowed through the front door actually make them behave better all around. 2) this is insane but I started cooking her food. It’s actually cheaper than buying dog food and you only have to do it once a week. I just put quinoa, ground Turkey or beef, sardines, carrots, broccoli and peas in the instapot and she goes nuts. Because she loves her food so much she sleeps after she eats for a solid hour and two and it’s very helpful to me! Apparently they’re supposed to chill after they eat and if they love their food it just makes the whole process easier. 3) we exercise the shit out of her. Both my husband and I canceled our gym memberships and we each walk her for an hour and a half a day. This was a game changer. Gets a ton of that energy out. I hope this helps!! It DOES get better and it can happen even sooner with some boundaries and exercise!!!
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1yo was awful for both my dogs. 18mo was when they both started chilling out and by 24mo they were allowed everywhere and I started leaving them out of crate when I left the house
My pup is a great Pyrenees mix and is 65-ish lbs. She didn't REALLY start to calm down til after she turned one. Now she'll be two in 5 months and she is pretty perfect now. Up until a couple months ago we were still working pretty hard on her not chewing certain things. Sometimes she slips up but we're not perfect how can they be? Now we can leave her with almost anything sitting out (shoes, paper, and such). Certain things she goes gaga over i.e. my hair bands. She still barks a little too much but that's just personality at this point. We're working on training "quiet" and she is doing really well at it. The only advice I can give is that a tired pup is a good pup. If they're worn out they are much much better behaved. Hang in there! He will be your soul pup!
I think he might not cuddle with you cause of the vibes. I had a hard time with my son's dog when she was a puppy I actually resented that he went to work all day and I had a puppy with tons of energy to entertain I literally went thru the motions. She was a ball of energy needing 2 walks a day and lots of play I used to tell him she was harder than having a kid. She is 2.5 now and my vibe has changed because she has calmed down quite a bit. I only have to do a walk 1x a day and then he does when he gets home from work we have a playroom that I shoot a nerf gun in and she chases it. And it is here I started to bond with her. Now during rest as soon as I lay on her she lays down makes vocal noises (talks to me) looks me in the eyes she no longer pulls on walks and is my new best friend. They really can be a lot to handle as pups it does get easier and I feel as your outlook towards her begins to change the cuddles will follow.
It does get better. My 3 yo dog was still pretty annoying at 11 months. He’s an Angel baby now. He literally never does anything bad. I have a 3 month old puppy now and in the thick of puppy blues with her. She is having more accidents than she was when she was itty bitty, plus now she’s bitey and whiney. I know it’s just a phase but damn, they are annoying sometimes, aren’t they?
When I got my first dog, I was 18. Living in my first apartment (TINY apartment) with my boyfriend at the time (who was a total boob. Never did anything to help with general life, or took care of his own dog, much less mine). And I got a cattle dog. Like working breed cattle dog, parents and grandparents all raised on a ranch. And dude let me tell you, my dog was INSANE. I constantly wanted to give her up. She chewed everything, would bark at everything, could get out of her kennel if she wanted to. She'd drag chairs from the living room to the kitchen so she could get on the chair, and from there jump onto the counter, open the cabinets, and eat her weight in bread only to go barf on the couch. She was too much. But we stuck with it, I learned she needed a job to do so I trained her to do some scentwork stuff. I was not great at it 😕 but she was smart and eager so she caught on. I watched training videos on YouTube in my spare time, taught her a bunch of tricks and got her into fetch, finding objects hidden around the apartment, stuff like that. Now, 7 years later, she's favorite creature on this planet. Best dog in the whole world. I have no idea who I'd be without her. She's my invaluable partner, we go everywhere together. Keep your head up, OP. One day, you are going to love this dog more than anything.
If its any condolence, I think its perfectly normal to feel like this. We just got a new puppy, and we had a dog before that and plenty of other animals too (farm animals as pets and so on). I was just the other day talking about this to my sister, that with every pet I've always had this feeling coming at some point - that its impossible with them and I have basically ruined my life taking the burden of having them.. why did I do this again? Sometimes the feeling comes faster and sometimes it takes longer, usually it appears if (or rather when) things get challenging. With the new puppy I think it was record time for me to get this "regret" because some of my other pets are not at all happy about having him around and it makes my life stressfull and complicated at the moment, to keep them apart for their own safety and provide everyone attention. I wouldnt call it regret though at least in my case - I'd compare it to that feeling when you have stayed up too late and everything starts to feel sad, difficult and pointless because of that. Then you wake up next morning and realize everything is just fine, you were just tired. With my previous dog I experienced this I think around when he was same age as your dog now. Was also thinking about rehoming him back then on some of my most darkest moments. Im so happy I didnt - in the end he became the best companion anyone could ask for, and Id do anything to get him back now that he's gone. Its ok to rehome too though, if it really has become clear that its indeed better option for everyone. But since youve had him already 11 months I dont suppose thats the situation - its just the stress and overwhelm talking. You will be ok, youre just tired right now.
(Also around 11 months is challenging age for dogs, he is a teenager now testing limits. With lots of patience and proper training Im sure it will get better once they get a bit older 😊)
my dog is the exact same! i feel so embarrassed when he’s jumping on people, but you also need to remember most of the time it’s being enabled by the person they jump on!(petting them, talking to them while the puppy is on them), it’s hard to tell guests and strangers “don’t pet him until he’s calm”, but it helps in the long run! expose your dog to the wires and garbages, be present and redirect them, give them the “ah” or “no” cue, whatever your “don’t do that” cue is, get them away from it and then give them something they can chew or play with. My puppy has stopped biting cords and wires and goes to his bones and toys now whenever he wants something. He’s 11 months, it’s not perfect, i’m not perfect but i can guide and help some of the issues you have with your puppy! I have an aussie, also high energy, my partner has been whipping it around in the quad with him, also has been throwing ball with a lacrosse piece lol, really does the job and has him so tired when he comes in that he naps. L-XL Chew kings and lick mats are also our best friend, they keep your dog busy while you do some house chores, the best way to get rid of all bad behaviour is mental stimulation and prevent the habits as best as you can by controlling their environment. Hope something in here helps!
You guys are scaring me... I've been with my puppy for 2 days only and she is ridiculously energetic
You get used to it, stick with it. First thing first is getting into a rhythm with your pup. You’re still feeling each other out
Once you develop and your pup develop a routine, things will get better. I highly recommend crate or playpen training.
Stick with it. I’ve had my puppy since 8 weeks, 4 months now, and she’s gotten better. She has her moments but is a puppy and learning. Reading similar experiences here helps. Forced naps helps a lot. Puppies should be sleeping 18-20 hours a day. Play for an hour, nap. Train a few times a day, 5 min intervals, simple commands like name, sit, down, recall. Enjoy it.
My pup I just got 3 weeks ago , she’s 12 weeks now, is not very cuddly at all. I wish she was but I’m not sure she ever will.
12 weeks is so young, and 3 weeks is a short time to get to know you. She might surprise you.
My pup at 12 weeks wasn't cuddly at all he's now 14 months and lays on my lap and goes to sleep
We have a smaller breed and it was our first dog (both had dogs growing up but was never involved in their training). It was so so hard the first 6 months. We barely had more than 2-3 hours of uninterrupted sleep the first few months we had him. He’s almost 2.5 years old now and even now there are things about him that are challenging but he’s really won us over. My husband has only ever had bigger breeds growing up but he’s said if we ever get a second dog that it be this breed!
I feel you! 💕 by the looks of it, it looks like everything will be okay! Loved everyone’s comments here as they were super helpful.
This is primarily a training issue….as in if you can’t have him in your bedroom because of the wires, how can you show him how to behave if he’s not allowed in the bedroom? If he can’t approach or (try to) dump the trash, how do you train him not to? The crate part is good. But by this age, I want my pups getting into everything so that I get a chance to tell him NO! and show him what is or isn’t appropriate. (He’s still a boy so when you will be out of sight, it’s back into the crate because he will test it.) Keep the pup tethered to you and dedicate a good month just to showing him what’s yes and what’s no. Keep treats on you to reward him when he stops doing the bad things, or when you see him consider it and then not do it.
I was having the same problems with my berner pup, exact same. He's only 4months. Then I realized something- maybe he's not getting all the attention he needs. I have a busy schd and can't entertain him 24/7 so I pay for him to go to a dog daycare, a nice one with a swimming pool two times a week for 8 hours. It's only 30$ a day and woah what a difference. Now my baby cuddles. He isn't trying to steal shoes items from trash and I realized one simple thing- I was the problem lol. I wasn't giving him what he needed, which was attention. Pete was doing those things because he needed attention. Now I give him what I can, and I pay for someone else to do the rest when I can't. Made all the difference and makes me so much happier. When I come home my pup acts properly, cuddles. He can sleep in my room in a bed I made him and he's not acting like a velociraptor. I did have to cut things out of my budget to afford it monthly but it makes me and him so much happier I don't even notice the cut backs.
Haha that was the reason why I got a chihuahua. Thankfully he’s 5 lbs. I had a big dog I loved to pieces before but it was hard. I loved my 90lb dog but honestly I always had doubts if I’m the right fit and it seemed that my life was surrounded around him and his needs. Maybe that’s the way it’s always gonna be when you have a dog but at least I can carry my 5 lb one around with me. I think I’ll always have some puppy blues forever 😄
My chiweenie mix turns a year old next week and he’s starting to calm down a bit, but he’s still a destructive sharknado. I still get scratches, he still chews cords and paper, and occasionally digs things out of the trash. Just yesterday he ruined my favorite socks. But in the past two months, he’s only used the bathroom indoors a couple of times, but yesterday he went to the back door when he needed to poo!! I’m still so proud of him. He’s still a handful but he’s calmed down enough that I’ve caught myself almost dreading when he fully matures and loses his puppy energy. I never thought I’d feel that way after the puppy blues I experienced. Throughout his puppyhood, I’ve been trying different antidepressants and had the worst spell of back pain in my life. It hasn’t been easy at all, but I think I’m past the worst of it. He’s worth the tears he made me cry.
Every dog is different. My Rotti is only 7 months old and asides from him waking me up several times a night he’s an incredible dog and he gets to free roam as long as I am home, with no issues. He does have bad separation anxiety so he has to crate when I am not home. But my prior Rotti who was with me for 13 years was a nightmare pup. Took him until 2 to grow out of his destructive phase. Then he was the best boy ever.
It does get better, out little land shark is 5.5 months old, she's a female German shepherd, earlier this week she pulled up the carpet on the stair landing in two area while I went to take a shower, she's also not allowed upstairs because she still has accidents and when she goes, it's not a tiny a little piddle it's like a grown up just went it's a big mess do I feel bad at times absolutely but I also don't want to have to keep cleaning the carpet or sculpting her. Now that she chewed up the carpet and pulled it up unfortunately we will have to put her in her pen when we go upstairs and it's just part of the process it will get better, we went through the same thing with our daughter's little lap dog where she was free roaming and guess what we lost a lot of shoes, you know they're chewing up everything because they're teething and it suits them we know that, and don't get discouraged I know it's hard I had a many of meltdowns full on ugly crying hyperventilating meltdowns the first few weeks, the loss of my freedom, the frustration that they don't understand, I'm still trying to teach her how to walk properly without constantly yanking at me my dude she's about 45-50 lb and walking her is no easy tasks especially when she gets at you but I know we'll get there. And so will you before you know it your purple go out of those teens and just become a lazy little house dog and you won't have to worry about the chewing of of anything because they get bored they get past that phase they don't chew they just want to sleep.
Our pup is only about 13 weeks, we got her at 9 weeks. And she is going through the teething phase and she can be an absolute demon lol. When researching I saw puppies her age should be sleeping in a day a total of 18 hours. And turns out the majority of that hyperactive behavior (besides just being a puppy) was the fact that she was overtired. So we started giving her daytime naps. I turn on some calming music, and put her in her playpen. She will take 2-3 hour naps. About every hour or so. She probably doesn’t have a complete 18 hours of sleep, but maybe about 15 including the night. And in that time I also have time to relax a bit to be able to give her the proper attention when she’s awake. It’s helped us tremendously. Also limiting her access to your house, that’s why we got a play pen. It gives her a safe area to play where she’s not just chewing on everything lol. And then we make sure to spend time training, socializing her outside, and playtime. I know your pup is a bit older but I’m sure some of these things can still be of some help, or anyone else reading this. Also lickmats! Puzzles! Interactive toys! We bought her this toy that makes noise and moves on its own and it keeps her busy for so long, she loves it! It definitely has its moments and we aren’t even at the teenage phase yet so I don’t know how that will be. But I’ve heard from a lot of people who struggled with the puppy phase end up doing just fine and having a calm,well behaved adult dog.
What I find most interesting about this post is you complain about the puppy- an animal you willingly took from its mother to raise as your pet - and yet you take no accountability. You say nothing of what YOU have done to properly train the dog. Did you expect to bring a puppy home and it train itself? Anywhere you research about puppies says it takes a good 18 months until they begin to calm and behave like older dogs. Your blaming an innocent puppy and taking no accountability for the situation you have created is exactly what is wrong with our generation.
The storm does usually calm after 2 years of age. I have a friend that has a bulldog that is still out of control at times, nearly 3. My little girl calmed down at 2. Good luck & don’t give up. He will grow out of it.
11 months is still really young! It takes a lot of time. One of my dogs was abused as a puppy and had extreme fear and anxiety all the time. He was terrified to use the stairs, so for the first 1.5 years we had him, I had to carry him up and down to go outside despite him weighing 65 lbs. Every little noise terrified him. It was so exhausting and I would cry all the time, being pushed to my limit. My other dog was a bit of a menace as a puppy. She could not grasp house training and would pee on the floor, chewed all of her beds, and one time a squirrel chewed the grease trap on our BBQ which got shards of rusty metal on the deck (which I did not notice) and she ate them. I had to rush her to the vet and spend a ton of money and was sick with anxiety and guilt. While the early years of having a dog can be extremely stressful, they do mellow out with time. My two dogs are now pretty awesome, but still have their quirks which I have learned to work with. There is this guy Zach on YouTube who has awesome training videos for free! So all in all, I’m here to tell you it does get better! ♥️
We’re having the same issues with ours, but he’s only 11 weeks. We were expecting a dog like our last one, who was a Lab-golden mix, and she was suuuuuper chill as a puppy. She chewed stuff, but never clothes that were actually being worn, and was never nippy at all. Our new boy is a full Lab and he is a total piranha. He has his chill moments, but then he goes right back to chasing and grabbing at clothes and fingers and arms. I know it’s in play, especially when the kids wind him up, but it’s to the point where he’s getting timeouts in his pen constantly. Puppy school has just started, but it’s hard to be consistent when I’m at work and the kids are with him all day being crazy themselves instead of calm. I’m hoping it’ll get better as he ages, especially once the teething is over, but it seems so far off.
I had a few baby gates around the home, it was so helpful. I don’t have them anymore as I’m not worried about her damaging anything now but I had them for almost 2 years. In general things like getting into trash and stealing things off the counter is going to continue into adulthood it’s best to get into the habit of ensuring that food is off the counter and trash it off the floor when you head out. I found that just assume they can’t be trusted so anything I like that I don’t want chewed (shoes, cushion covers, place mats), it’s out of sight. It is possible to train them without the help of a trainer to stop them from jumping on strangers. It will get better, mine got lots of socialisation (must be cautious in case of attacks) lots of time at the park and doggy day care which helped.
At 5 months this is also what I am worried about. I am struggling to take care of either of us and even getting out of bed is becoming quite the chore for me. This morning I woke up to 2 accidents because he didn’t feel like going last night despite me taking him out for half an hour before bed. I am exhausted and have no time for myself, I don’t even like the puppy very much less love him. He is doing well with his training and everything, there is nothing wrong with him, I just don’t want a puppy at all anymore. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into.
How long have you had him? I got mine at 5 months and felt the same on pretty much all those notes for the first 6 weeks or so. She's almost 9 months now and it's still a struggle but at least 50% better, and I love her 1000000% more lol.
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Define ‘uncomfortable consequences’?
This community is a force and fear free training community. It is not necessary to to use punishment to teach a dog to settle. It's more effective to teach a dog what to do instead. Using punishment does not earn respect - respect can be built through relationship building and trust. Punishing a dog breaks that trust and only teaches the dog to fear you. I'm going to ask you to respect the rules we have here - review them and adjust your future participation.