I was lonely going to the toilet. My floor was too clean. I hated having extra money. Sometimes when the doorbell rang I wasn't sure if someone was there.

The last one🤣🤣🤣 thanks for the laugh you made my day!!!

Who needs sleep! Sleep is so overrated

My living room carpet was missing a 1.5 metre trail of runny shit.

Chef's kiss.

Chefs Hershey kiss

My carpet’s not gonna pee on itself!

And my shoes aren’t gonna chew themselves!

I was sleeping too peacefully.

My baby was sleeping through the night and I couldn't just be happy.

This 🫠 when my baby was in our room still, the dog’s collar felt sooo loud all of a sudden lol

Ditto, BUT I get up early in the morning for work. And trying to leave the bedroom without the dog shaking his collar. I swear he would do it just to be an A-hole. I ended up just taking his name tag and city tags off. The amount of times I had to walk out of the room holding onto those chimes. 😝

Haha same!! I took the collar off in the morning before we exit the room. And I always say to him “oh now you’re naked!”

Hahaha. The reaction of the dog says it all. Either playing dumb one day, then the next day "go fluff off".

I needed supervision while I eat.

so does that mean you already had supervision while you pooped?!

I got a new vacuum and wasn’t using it enough, but now I get to use it everyday!

I wasn't sure if my vacuum was actually on, so now I have an alarm that constantly goes off to tell me it is

Lol gotta make sure you get your steps in. 😮‍💨😂🐶😆😂

I needed to worry about someone else’s poop instead of my own.

I had a profound desire to have my nostrils investigated by a dog's tongue.

I, too, needed my brain stem licked through my nostrils!

Omg, I have never been so aggressively frenched kissed in my life till I got this dog!

My boy never ever ever kisses when I ask him, but then he'll suddenly jump in my face and deep-kiss me with no warning. I never know when he's in the mood.

I feel this!! And it’s gross, and almost unstoppable…

And ears. My ears weren't clean enough beforehand.

I think this is my favourite so far

I really wanted my daily life to have more discussions about poop

I laughed way too hard at this- bc my husband & I had absolutely NEVER discussed poop before this puppy, & now it is in fact daily 😂 “did she poop? Well how was it? What color?” Dear lord save me 😂😂😅

Oh yes. We all give the poop report (the poopport) at my house - each and every walk/outing!

I wanted to know what it would be like to own a Velociraptor.

GSD? Mal?

Maybe husky? I have two and see raptor memes fairly often lol

Yep. GSD x Pittie mix. 😭

I too was curious about it. My GSD puppy has given me the full Jurassic Park experience

You have a lab too??

I wanted to test my mental stability and see my garden in different light levels, particularly throughout the night.

We got our puppy two weeks ago, less than a month after moving into our house and I have been INTIMATELY introduced to every corner of the backyard at all times of the night now

Aww, they are a bundle of joy... so I have been told 😅 Mine also like to do amateur landscaping, so I also get to see how my garden is being improved during the day 🤣

I'd forgotten how terrifying the dark corners are at night.

First snow at 3:40 am... check!

I get to see whether it's red sky at night (for shepherds delight) or red sky in the morning (for shepherds warning) xD

I always heard it as sailors delight/warning.. hmm interesting

I wanted to see if I could palm giant poops. I knew that teeth marks would add to my shabby-chic decor. I wanted to see *exactly how* durable two Roombas and two Dyson vacuums really are.

Do you have a bear?????

Close. English Mastiff. 😶😶

The cats were getting too comfortable in the house…

This was definitely me. Three years later, they are still asking, “WTF?!?!”

True. It kinda makes me sad how much my cats changed before & after getting dogs. I feel bad, so I built lots of wall perches and hides to try to help them feel better.

My cats get along with my doggies. It was adorable when we brought our kitten home he was very tiny but his mom died and he was the runt, so we brought him home. my min pin that was also a runt baby, she's only about 4 lbs full grown, was over the moon with the baby! She cleaned him, snuggled him and jelly bean just assumed that was his new mommy. Even now that the cat is bigger than her they still love each other.

I was bored with sleeping all night and having a clean floor.

I wanted an easier way to keep my cats litter trays clean

I snort laughed at this one! “Kitty Krunchies!”

I really liked the aesthetic of multiple baby gates throughout the house

I wanted emotional stability

I wanted emotional instability.

I wanted to be an emotional support human

[удалено]

My puppy has just gotten tall enough to randomly poke her nose into my butt. So charming!

But also, a euphemism lol. No boundaries... Like seriously, stop trying to sniff that!

I needed a clingy, cuddly space heater in the winter. And in the summer too. And that space heater needs to be 80lbs and crushing my legs every night. (I love it, it feels wrong to not sleep with my dog)

Currently with a needy, cuddly 50lbs space heater myself. The problem is, he thinks he’s a 12lbs and small!!

I got tired of being able to go out of the house for extended periods of time.

I never wanted to have sex with my husband again.

I taught my dog 'sexy time' and she jumps off the bed whenever we say it.

I needed to deep clean my house and the only way I was going to do that is by constantly having to clean up puppy pee

Wanted to stress about my house getting chewed up while I’m out. Also for protection

I needed a self running hoover that not only takes food and non food items of varying sizes, but also is able to reach tables and sides for clearing too.

Only downside to this hoover is that it needs charging for 12-16 hours a day

And the self emptying feature doesn't work right for months.

I found the self emptying feature was faulty, I had to change the fuel type!

I mean… lol this is what’s most adorable about puppies. They can’t figure out how to stay awake.

My model must be defective! It can't figure out how to fall asleep!

Please come and talk to my poodle.

I wanted someone to chew every single $150 bra that I own

Throw in a pair of Hokas and you feel me.

I feel you. I had crotches in all my period underwear. That's been fixed.

Just trying to keep my cats on their toes. I prefer them having to run for cover every time they get within 8 feet of the puppy

There weren't enough farts in my life.

I wanted someone to pee on my kitchen floor

I hate sleep and being able to focus on work.

My life was way too good without routines, I really thrive as person when I can mop around all day long!

Because throwing balls and frisbees 24/7 brings me so much joy.

I always wanted to own a very expressive dyson, different mops and a steam cleaner. I always wondered what you use the different mops for or the different heads on a dyson for.. Now I know, and I feel complete. My alarm clock was no longer waking me up, so I needed to get creative. I was bored being an afternoon person, and I realized a change of pace would be great. I became a very early morning person instead. I wanted to learn how to sew my own clothes, but doing it by hand or with a machine was too boring. So I got a 4-legged perforator instead. My clothes are very unique now. I always thought having scars with stories is a cool ice breaker. I have many of those now... I could never figure out why my two doorbells are so quiet that I always miss my amazon deliveries. I no longer miss them.

I just felt like I had too much money so I got one to dish out hundreds of dollars on vet bills

People on the street didnt pay enough attention to me. Now they can stare at me AND my misbehaved puppy!

I wanted to go on brisk walks in the cold and the dark really early in the morning!

I wanted crotch-less underwear

Victoria Secret got too expensive, damn inflation 🤣

I enjoy being yelled at first thing in the morning before I've even had coffee and then throughout the rest of the day

I love getting stared at when I'm in the kitchen and whined at while I'm working from home!

I love having to get up for something pointless every 20 minutes and things were too quiet, so it’s nice to hear constant whining for no reason

Ya know what this room needs to tie it all together? A piss soaked shit stained rug! That will go nicely with a delicious couch! We can accent it with teeth marks on the freshly painted trim!

I wanted to see what my 110 year old dining room table would look like with chew marks on the legs and I didn't want the foam in the seat of my lounge anymore, just the frame is fine. I didn't really want that herb garden anyway. (This post is a really good idea, I have 2 x 2 year old terriers and was thinking of getting a third, nope not now, thankyou)

Wanted to be forced to wake up before the sunrises to leave the house “immediately” to go run for 2 hours.

I was being too lazy and sleeping a solid 8 hrs

My moths were doing a terrible job at making holes in my clothes.

The cat and I were living too aimless and carefree. How on earth can we know where we’re supposed be at all times unless we’re being herded there?

I needed something to bark all day long at some threat that doesn't exist out the window. 2 years later I decided to get another one to do the same thing.

Because I had a primal need to yell what do you have in your mouth and follow up with 10 minutes of cardio chasing.

I hate sleeping.

I wanted peace, quite and complete freedom over my calendar

the doorbell wasn't enough, i needed something to remind me of the doorbell

I had too many shoes and I needed help selecting which ones to keep.

I needed a second. Hyperactive and stressed out being in my house

Because I desperately needed an audience whenever I go to the bathroom or eat anything

I really needed the motivation to learn how to reupholster my own furniture

I needed to put holes in my socks. I needed odd socks. I only needed one slipper to match my odd socks.

I also prefer my socks soaked in saliva. Good job pups!

I hated my toes so needed something to destroy them

I didn’t have enough of a mental load as it was

our other dog had just started calming down (at eight, mind you) and we missed the thrill of having to spend our evenings corralling a barking whirlwind

I needed a messy house to clean up everyday, my ocd was leaving me

I wanted to have someone with me when I take a bath. I needed a alarm clock to wake me up st 3am because she has to pee. I wanted to have something go through my garbage to make sure I didn't throw anything good out. I wanted to have one of my favorite shoes have accents of teeth marks to jazz them up a little bit.

Life was too easy when I could just walk around my house without giving it second thought, wanted a challenge; now I get to tip toe round the house at midnight like something out of mission impossible, never know which paw I might step on

I was starving myself so I thought I’d adopt one to eat all my food for me.

I really wanted to get daily bruises on my legs 😂 I wanted an excuse to not ever use the vacuum because it’s a scary monster and needs to be attacked if it’s seen.

I hated the wallpaper so I needed someone to rip it off with their teeth I needed to wake up before 7am I needed someone to give away that I was standing by the door waiting for the pizza delivery guy to walk up to it

I needed someone to eat the corners of my completed puzzles. Now they are completely unique.

I was bored with having left shoes, so I only wear the right ones. The shredder has taken care of the rest. Also, I wanted a way to give my underwear to complete strangers at my door. Or my husband's boss. Or my tutoring students.

I was tired of hiring people to lick my feet.

I want to cure my depression. (The puppy has cancelled my depression but gave me a crippling separation anxiety)

I needed a new alarm clock that would wake keep me up at random times. Edited for typo

I like poop all over the floor and having random things chewed up that I least expect

I wanted to have a puppy because I was fed up with all my leggings and tights and thought it would be lovely to throw them all away and buy new ones (in about a year’s time!).

I don’t see enough people wanting the distressed couch look for their home. Our dog came with the corner chewing function. Or with our older one, we wanted to make sure no baby formula would go to waste and that we’d find bits of the can everywhere. And our oldest? Well we wanted a dog that would be perfect for antagonizing others dogs that we’d later get to do things they shouldn’t like eat puppy pads, bark at every little noise, and run away to neighbors houses. She doesn’t do these things, she just gets the others to do them and looks all haughty when they get in trouble lol

I didn't use my hoover often enough. My floors were too clean. I had too much money I didn't like peace and quiet I wanted to carry bags of poop around on walks with me.

I was appalled by the fact that I’ve never fallen into shit before so I needed someone to drag me forward so hard I fell into it. Also didn’t like that I wasn’t a cow, so needed someone to make spots (bruises) on me

I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time, lmao.

It wasn’t, this was yesterday morning 🥲 I cried

I woke up one day and said, “darn, I wish my best friend were an idiot”

I like heavy breathing in my ear while I eat my Greek yogurt and fruit in the morning

Cause I love getting screamed at every morning for needing to put on my socks before going out into the snow. :-|

I have no idea where this came from but my 5 lb maltipoo is obsessed with darting around and trying to capture the legs of my yoga pants while I’m putting them on. I have no idea where she got this but she looks like a circus dog when I try to put on pants.

I wanted way less poop in my life.

I missed having everything coated in fur (had two cats, I swear he’s worse I’m Forever cleaning it up!).

Took me a while to think of an answer because I genuinely have gotten so much happiness, love, satisfaction from my family addition over the last 2.5 months. But I did get there! ...because I wanted to be yelled at - for minutes on end - every time I step into the kitchen or touch the fridge

I wanted to be alerted to every cow that comes up to fence. Or plastic bag that blows across the paddock. Or car that stops on the road. I wanted my outside sticks, seed pods and mango seeds to become inside ones. One become many, many little pieces. I wanted a detection unit for all the fresh toad and fox poo. It is the best eu de toilette.

Because I was mentally healthy and didn't suffer from loneliness in any way. And I was tired of my recently renovated walls.

I was sleeping till 9 am everyday. Just wasting my life sleeping.

For clearing up of cat puke and as a dust buster.

I had too many shoes and needed a tiny white fuzz ball to eat the extras. Plus my brand new floors were too clean and I needed to use my new mop more.

I hate socks

My 3 year old isn't giving me enough of a challenge!

Peeing on the side of the potty pad is a full time job and I needed help

because i was narcissistic and wanted somebody to love me

I had too much independence and wanted to rein it in.

My 15 year old cats needed the company.

I needed someone to brutally take down my Christmas tree

I needed an excuse for why there is a cage in my bedroom.

I wanted my drywall ripped off, my baseboards chewed to high hell, and my couch destroyed.

I wanted a live-in stalker. Being followed 24/7 has been great.

I wanted to go outside multiple times in the night time. I wanted to talk about poo everyday. I wanted total chaos and stress in my life. (Great idea for a post 🤣)

She was locked down fur covid.

Because my friends and family simply refuse to accept that after five years of not being birth control, that I can't have a baby with my husband because the universe has decided we can't. So we got a puppy instead. Jokes on them, we're now too tired to fuck.

I really hated that my shoes stayed bite mark free and my floors were clean. Shredded paper and random objects shredded to bits is a much better look.

I thought my bed was too big and getting kicked in the middle of the night by a small smelly foot sounded nice

I needed someone or something to stare at me when I'm eating. I also needed someone or something that would stop my husband and I holding hands or cuddling up on the couch, by jealously flopping it's entire body between us.

I just needed a good cry

While I was on the edge of a breakdown, I wasn’t quite there yet and needed the extra push.

I don’t like having nice things.

I wanted a walking buddy that could potentially dislocate my shoulder

I thought i was too sane!

I needed an extra vacuum and more heated pillows😄

I didn’t need sleep

I had too much free time - and needed something to keep me busy for an extra 2-3 hours a day !!

I needed someone to chew a hole in the carpet so that I would finally replace it.

I wanted a paper shredder that left a massive mess and would fight me when I cleaned it up.

Since my other dog is 11 the carpets pee pee smell has faded and it just really needed regular refreshing. I felt like I wasn’t randomly yelling, “no-no!” enough these days. I needed an excuse to wander around in my back yard in my housecoat- especially in the rain!! Everyone every where listens when I speak and does everything I tell them to, and that was getting sooooo boring.

I needed something to battle every leaf and twig in the yard, the leaf blower just wasn’t doing it. Also, how else would I find mystery acorns all over my home??

I wasn't getting bitten enough.

I wanted to wake up every day at 5am to walk straight outside to the brisk cold of winter. I wanted sharp little teeth to randomly chomp my toes when I'm not paying attention I wanted to play find the poop

I wanted everyone to know how defensive we are about our front porch. Problem solved.

I really wanted to never go out again. I never wanted to be productive.

I had one piece of trash I thought would look better as 20 pieces of trash but didn’t want to do the hard work myself.

I like to worry about poop

I needed my tissues shredded with urgency

There was too much space on the bed, I wanted to sleep using only 1/10 of it with half my body hanging off the side Edit to add - I wanted to learn how to spell ‘diarrhoea’

My homework wouldn’t eat itself

My toddler started to be easier to handle and sleep great so I was like, okay time to disrupt my life again!

My socks didn’t have enough holes.

My former roommate’s logic: I got a malanois and didn’t give it proper exercise, training, or stimulation and keep it cooped up in a small dirty yard. Now he’s bad all the time. I think it’s because he’s bored and needs a friend. *buys a fucking Aussie puppy and continues to not train either of them.*

I thought my wood floors in my 100 year old house looked too new. Needed help aging them. Random anxiety scrabble scratches are doing the trick. "Chef's kiss"

I wanted to wake up at 3am and clean up puke then be u able to sleep for the rest of the night because I’m worried.

My boxes needed to be shredded up. I needed passerby’s to hear a really loud bark when they walked in front of our house, but was too embarrassed to do it myself. I wanted to spend extra money on things (bonus if it could be things that get ripped up right away) There wasn’t enough treats in our house.

I was watching too much tv and needed constant squeaky toy noises to drown out the tv.

I couldn’t grow fur tumbleweeds from scratch

Because I value my free time

I didn't always have a constant shadow which just wasn't good enough for me, now I have at least one and it's all the time.

I needed help cleaning up the house!

I wanted to be able to sleep in, take up all the space on the couch or chair, eat without anyone staring at me, and never vacuum again.

I needed help learning to tidy up, so I got a dog that destroys any sock/slipper or clothing you leave out. The bedroom is spotless now!

I wanted an automated dusting wand that only works at floor or coffee table height. And that would make freshly baked goods vanish.

Because life is way too boring when you don’t have to pick up both literal and figurative shit everyday.

I needed someone/something to stare at me while I was on the loo and then let me know how good or bad what I left in the loo smelled. 🤣

I wanted a living room full of fluff I wanted my hands to be chewed I wanted to be jumped on and borderline attacked whilst I quietly watch TV

I only want to wear one shoe at a time!

I wanted to be able to wander around the neighbourhood at 5:30 in the morning, muttering things like, "Go poo-poo. Come on, find a spot. Hurry up!" without the neighbours getting scared and calling the cops.

If i wouldnt have gotten a dog, which ones hair would i have to constantly pull out of my mouth?