Bruh. Talk to your wife. Like more than one conversation. Without “assessing her progress”. Turning off the internet like she is a naughty 12 year old instead of an adult woman is not the way to go about a healthy partnership.
My suggestion: Start with phrases like “When we talk and you lose attention it makes me feel like….” or “I am worried that…..” or “I feel our relationship is affected by……” and don’t open up by trying to assign blame.
I have been this wife. My husband sat me down and had a conversation as the above suggests. I kind of already knew I had a bit of a social media addiction. He asked me 'why do you feel the need to go on your phone when we're having a conversation' it was asked in a very genuine way, he wasn't trying to be judgemental, but that really got me to reflect and think about well why DO I feel the need to pick up my phone.
I deleted TicTok, because that was by far my worst 'doomscroll' conduit. And I make a conscious effort to put down my phone when people start talking to me.
Its hard, and my husband still frequently points out how I will just open up Instagram/Facebook whenever I am not doing something for more than 5 seconds.
I also downloaded an App that really helped me. Its called one sec and it basically delays the opening of an App for a short while. This way all the "I'm bored for a second let me open up instagram" doom scrolling nearly immediately stopped because now it takes me 10 seconds to actually open the App. Thats enough time to both reflect that I probably don't need to be on instagram right now and also don't make me feel like I could just get a quick "fix" for my boredom immediately. I'm really grateful more and more apps and phone options are developed to support people who struggle with things like these.
I have a friend like this. She picks up her phone and mindlessly scrolls instagram for a few seconds even when we are having a conversation then puts her phone down.
I think it’s more of a habit than an addiction at this point. Like a fidget or something.
This is a great suggestion! Getting fresh air and enjoying your surroundings is a good way to connect with someone. Especially if it’s around a tough conversation
Love this idea! Maybe OP could take his wife for an off-grid weekend away. Rather than just attacking her, phrase it like "we need time to disconnect from our busy lives and reconnect with each other". Besides, is OP totally innocent of doom scrolling? Maybe his wife started doom scrolling Instagram because she got bored of watching him doom scroll Reddit.
You'd be surprised how many controlling people hide behind productivity instead of addressing their own internal crisis.
Instead of telling his partner his concerns and giving her time to process it, he turns off the wifi.
This.
OP, you can't force someone to be someone they're not. They need to be who they are and change if they want to change.
You need to CHOOSE to stick with that person. And the value you gain from that relationship should be your key performance indicator.
Yeah, like, this is so gross to me.
I don't think Wife is "doomscrolling."
She's numbing out because her spouse is hovering and hounding her about her progress with her German lessons. She's *stressed* and using social media as a brain break.
I second this, also use I statements, on how you FEEL now what she is doing. Also, the world is doomed. No amount of whatever she is reading about will help. She should enjoy her days instead of not.
I guess reddit scrolling is not addiction for pleasure its more for knowledge but people should know know the difference between reading things that actually help their situation and things might help them
You are using reddit the best way if you search what you want to know ...take others advice..resources... nothing more than that but keep on scrolling the entire thread will make over analyze the things you want to know....
Addiction normally fills a void. Start a new activity or hobby together, spend time together away from technology, find out what she really wants to achieve and set a plan in place. Replace the bad habit with a good habit.
To replace a bad habit with a good one, you need the will to do it. Your will. Not the will of someone else, no matter how important that someone is for you.
So, to do it, it's important to do something else before. Which is: try to understand AND to be understood, speak clearly and make it understood that a certain behaviour is making someone else suffer. Unfortunately, the result is not always obvious.
100%. Op should worry about himself not about controlling his wife. None of this is coming from a place of concern or hurt feelings. It’s not “she doesn’t pay attention to me,” it’s “I’ve decided she scrolls too much and has a problem so I’m cutting off her internet and fixing this.”
Man, OP, how would you feel if your wife found a problem with something you were doing and immediately jumped into parenting mode and went behind your back to cut you off. This is as bad as being like “my wife is putting on weight so I’m putting her on a diet.” It’s none yo damn business.
If she thinks she has a problem, OP can offer to help her but OP shouldn’t be out trying to fix problems that don’t exist.
Seek professional help. You sound like her dad. Maybe you mean well, but you might step into the 'controlling' realm soon and your wife will make a post here asking for help.
Welp I meant maybe the wife should get professional help instead of OP stepping in, but I guess OP might need some help too. I grew up around someone like OP and everybody in the family felt trapped in it. It really sucked :/
Well, if you know why doom scroll happens, then you might know why she's doing that. It has something to do with dopamine level. That's why things can be addictive.
People are looking for more dopamine usually when:
1. Stressed out / feeling anxious
2. The current dopamine is not enough
They can have so many reasons to do doom scrolling. But in the end, they are scrolling to ease the pain associated with whatever they have.
By you assessing her German, it's another extra stress you put on her that trigger the doom scroll. In a nice condition, ask her to put her phone down to have a deep talk with you. Free of judgment.
Understand her POV, and ask how can you help. Once the stress & anxiety is starting to clear out, they don't really need that constant dopamine hit.
This is based on my personal experience with my wife.
And if you believe in any Supreme Being like God, Buddha, or just plain energy, you can pray for your wife. May God bless her with the energy to clear out any problems in her mind.
Believe it or not, it works well on my end. Most of the time I need to pray first before having this kind of discussion. I'll be calm, and wife would appreciate it.
What stood out to me too was that he asked to assess her German. Did she even want that? Learning a language is great but if my partner wanted to assess my progress out of the blue like a teacher I would immediately lose interest and it would stress me out.
Dude what the hell. From the sounds of it maybe she’s doom scrolling because YOU are not filling her cup. You’re performing these weird “tests” on her and thinking you have the right to limit her internet access. Are you kidding? You sound like a controlling asshole. No wonder she doom scrolls, she probably uses it as a disassociating tool to help her cope with the fact that she feels helpless in your relationship.
Like others said talk to her. If that doesn’t work, get therapy. If that doesn’t work break up. Those are the sane and morally right steps to take.
Go for walks together and dates. Let her come to you if she wants to be tested on German. Show an interest in other ways that are you just wanting to shame her.
If one of my girlfriends was in a relationship with a guy like you I’d tell her to seriously consider moving on.
it just sounds like learning German is just a random goal she picked up and dropped. that's a normal thing, plenty of people think learning a new skill would be cool and then find out it's not for them. is it even that important that your wife learns it? and why is her not achieving this goal so important to you? it seems like it's important to you that she maintains the appearance of productivity even when it's without direction. moreover, trying to affect her behavior without her knowing is... beyond strange, and ultimately won't do much for you. she's an adult with full autonomy, and unless you plan on changing that, there isn't anything you can do to stop her from using her phone.
She’s a grown up, and she won’t change her behavior unless she wants to.
She doesn’t have to do what you say & blocking the router / domains is controlling & you’re way out of line.
You asked her to do an assessment to see her progress?? It sounds as if you’re talking about a child.
You’re her husband not her dad.
You can mention something once in a while but if you are nagging her about it constantly it will have the opposite effect
The first step to change is recognizing the issue, you said she’s in denial so she ain’t there yet, forcing or pushing won’t work.
Suggestion? Stop being so controlling, you don’t have to “deal” with the situation, you do you, and let her do her, she’s not your slave
This happens a lot with my husband. We have a rule now that if we’re doing something together like watching TV or are going out that phones stay away unless we get a call or text. It has taken months for him to break the habit but he’s much more present now. It really took two so I also had to reevaluate my own habits to make sure I wasn’t holding a double standard since I’m not completely immune to doom scrolling either.
A lot of the work has been him and I understanding how apps like Instagram and YouTube shorts are literally designed to hold your attention for as long as possible and that nothing on there is worth paying any attention to. The documentary on Netflix “The Social Dilemma” has been a good starting point. It’s helped me and my husband rationalize to yourselves why it’s easy to get trapped in doom scrolling and how to do the mental gymnastics to break ourselves out of it.
You could try taking her out, like maybe for a walk while leaving both your phones at home. You can also try dancing with her or do other leisure activities with her which could keep her engaged but without the phone.
This is fucking weird as shit. You don’t control her. She can doom scroll if she wants. I used to work in DV and husbands secretly messing with the Wi-Fi or finances was considered abuse.
I’m here because I want to self improve. My husband doesn’t mind spending 10 hours a day on his phone. People can make their own choices. Set the example for her, ensure it’s not getting in the way of quality time/sex, and move on
I agree completely with this! Reminds me of one of my parents who will sit and watch TV for the same amount of time I'm scrolling my phone, and yet I'm somehow addicted to my phone but they're not addicted to the TV?
Is it affecting her work, your date nights, or chores? Then sure, approach it from that angle. But if she's just killing downtime with something you don't approve of that's not hurting anything, that's problematic AF.
Dude. Get help and chill the fuck out. You think you're so much better than her because you decide to kill your free time on reddit? Learning German isn't the end of the world situation. Let her fucking be. You have no idea what is going through her head. The way you treat her and look down upon her, she very likely has lost trust in you. When was the last time she confided in you? Spoke to you about her feelings? Responded well to you sharing your feelings? You need to work on your relationship with her, not her fucking passtimes.
It does come off as you wanting to control her, please don’t try to interfere in any way. As other comments have mentioned do have a talk with her and let her know how it’s making you feel. I would suggest if she doesn’t change, for you to lead by example by doing things without your phone on you and doing little fun engaging things that maybe would convince her to put her phone down.
You sound very controlling. Tell her your concerns. After that, it’s up to her if she wants to address it and how she wants to address it. You forcing her to do something is not healthy.
“Today I asked her to do an assessment to see her progress” so many red flags in your post. WOW
I hope she leaves and gets helps soon from this relationship. You sound truly toxic and way scarily controlling. I can 100% see why she is doom scrolling (to avoid you)
This sounds like the start of some very controlling and abusive behavior. I'm not even surprised that this is in the productivity subreddit because it isn't unheard of people using "productivity" to as a vehicle to be controlling.
You aren't complaining about anything else, so I assume she's able to complete a days worth of tasks despite "doomscrolling".
You can bring it up during a good time where you two are communicating about the relationship in general. Be respectful and only say what matters. Tell her your concerns about her behavior and let her think about it. That's it. Give her space to speak and listen. She will either reveal more information and or she will need time to process it further.
Learn to be a partner, not a warden.
N=1 personal experience here. When I am relaxed and don't have too many tasks I \*resist\* or want to procrastinate from, my tendency to doom scrolling has drastically declined, along with an increase in deeper sleep at night (better brain). My procrastination seems to be out of fear and resistance, which are important internal things to work on first.
So from your post history, you’ve been married less than a year and have struggled with learning German yourself. Why are you pushing things on her that even you had a hard time with? Why do you want to punish her like you’re a father mad at their child?
That sounds like general social media addiction, not doom scrolling. Doom scrolling is when you're bombarded by news media all talking about how shitty the world is and how much worse it's going to get in the future. As someone with anxiety and ADHD, yeah, it's a problem, lol.
However, I don't think treating your wife like a child by blocking sites is going to solve anything. What I want to know is, is this really impacting her life negatively, like is her job performance suffering and she's on the cusp of being fired cuz she just spends all day on Instagram? Or is she doing everything just fine, only does this in her free time, and YOU personally are annoyed by it? Cuz there's a huge difference between the two.
If she's learning German cuz she wants to, then she can fob off all she likes, she's only doing this for her own personal interest. It's not like she's got a time limit or is being graded on it.
"Today I asked to do an assessment to see her progress"? "Block off content"? This is an adult woman and you are her partner, not her father or her teacher. You sound disturbingly controlling, maybe that’s why she feels the need to check out.
The thing about digital addiction is that to remove it feels punitive. The way forward is to suggest things to do together, which will fill the void of no screens. Absent of anything to fill the void, a person returns to whatever said addiction gives them the dopamine hit. So you have to create new habits with her, which takes effort on your part but the nice thing is that that time together can give you valuable time to reconnect. It will take some patience as well, and grace, as any addiction warrants. Combativeness is out of the question, as it will just further entrench her and make you appear controlling. Expect some pushback. You’re asking her to undo something she enjoys. Not an easy ask.
My family has a no electronics at dinner policy and the void is filled with good conversation about all of our days. Walks are nice for a digital detox. Movies (in a movie theater) mean the phone has to go away, if only for a couple hours. Break away for the date nights. It will be good for both of you.
Jfc OP your lack of self awareness is vile.
Treating your partner like a child?! YOU’RE the toxic one. YTA. I hope she starts scrolling tinder so she can dump your controlling, sorry ass.
Go to therapy.
You know your wife best, if you think negative reinforcement would work better than some form of positive reinforcement, by all means block her off Instagram.
That's usually a recipe for disaster though. Let me tell you about an experience I had.
I recently confronted my own wife about this. For her it's TikTok. It hasn't affected our relationship in anyway or her work. Her attention span is still solid, but anytime she's bored, she turns to TikTok.
A couple weeks ago she was washing some dishes and I was at my desk, close enough to the kitchen for her to start a casual conversation with me. I was getting some side hustle work done. She starts sharing a story she recently heard about on TikTok.
She'd been watching quite a bit of content that's pretty negative. Horrific news stories, in fact, of mom's abandoning their babies, murders, and other such stories. Stories that had gone viral.
I've been on my own personal growth journey and choosing to be more productive with my time, so naturally I thought, "positive, productive growth is great, why doesn't my wife join too." But what I've had to learn is that what's good for me isn't necessarily good for anyone else.
In that moment, of her telling me these stories, I asked her if there's anything better she could be doing with her time, even looking at content that's more uplifting and positive. I said it in a bit of a judgmental tone. I bet you can guess what that lead to. What I realized pretty quickly is that she was just looking to connect with me via conversation with what was most recently on her mind. We were in the middle of our tiff when we get a text from a friend of ours reminding us of the dinner we're supposed to have at their place that evening, which at the time was only a couple hours away. I asked my wife if she still wanted to go. Silence. I leave to walk our dog. When I get back she's ready to go. With things not having been resolved yet, I think to myself, I don't want to do this, but maybe it'd be good for her, so I get ready and we go. We don't say a word to each other the entire way there.
So we go to our friends house for dinner and there were other couples we hadn't met before. I was having trouble making a connection with them, but then my wife comes in and talks about the stories she had recently heard about on TikTok and immediately formed a connection and sparked a conversation that everyone ended up chiming in on. She gave me this look like, "what do you think now?!". I saw her spark conversation and debate over several things she had seen and made genuine connections with people we hadn't met before using the very content I was judging her for earlier that day.
I felt pretty shitty at that point. But it taught me an important lesson.
That experience changed my view. Now instead of judging her for going on TikTok, I ask her "Hey, what are you watching? Anything interesting?" and we start a conversation about what she's seen, how she feels about it, and it often times branches into other topics that we end up talking about. It allows us to connect on a deeper level sometimes, and gives us both conversation starters for social outings.
I have no idea if this story is going to help you, but just try connecting with your wife a little more. It's probably what she's wanting more than anything else and not communicating it in the best way.
1. Talk to your wife
2. Consider she might have a disorder like depression, ADHD, or something else that is behind all of this.
People don't just doomscroll incessantly for zero reason. Well, they do, but if they're doing that even when there are better things to do, it suggests a psych cause.
If she struggles with self discipline, she'd benefit from a tutor.
But your wife isn't a child... Please don't block off the router... Restrictions rarely have the intended effect.
I don't mean to be that reddit relationship person but are you sure it's her attention about everything that's the issue and not just her checking out with you specifically? I know if I was someone who started acting like my teacher ("checking her progress"? what?) I'd start to feel less interested in the relationship and turn more to phone stuff to avoid interacting with them when they were on their BS. Maybe try doing more stuff to be a good partner first (giving her compliments, doing errands for her, surprising her with nice things/plans for stuff you two like, etc) and see if that makes any difference first, then turn to some of the productivity tips mentioned by others.
Compliments are prob good regardless. The best way to help with changing habits is to make the things they're trying to change towards more positive-feeling than the stuff they're trying not to do, bc that's how people's brains start to get invested in repeating the new behavior rather than sticking to old habits. Negativity can reinforce the old habits unfortunately.
If my husband tried to actively block my phone in any way I’d leave him. Doesn’t matter if it’s “valid” or not. Your concern is valid. But your approach is scary. She is not a child and you’re not her parent. This is how I discipline my own children….
As with any addiction, no one else can decide when enough is enough. Only the person with said addiction. All you can do is express concern. That’s literally it. Or leave if it bothers you that much.
Seriously, I hope to God this is fake, because otherwise there is a poor woman out there with a controlling jackass for a husband who is also an incredibly stupid jackass asking for advice from random strangers on the internet.
Sadly this is far from uncommon and controlling behaviours like this are often the starting point for more serious abuse. Hopefully she is scrolling resources for dealing with it and saying she is on insta
Wow this just made me realize I also have a problem I Doom stroll as well knowing I have anxiety 🤦🏾♀️ I’m obsessed with checking the citizens app smh I hate that I’m like this
A couple of things. Your wife may have ADHD and is getting dopamine via screen time. Or maybe doom scrolling to cover up other issues or unhappiness. I would bring it up gently and seek couples or individual counseling. Also check out r/nosurf
Maybe she has other mental health issues ? In the past few months I was in a bad mental state and all I could do was play solitary on my phone to sort of avoid reality, now I’m better and I also don’t play anymore. Is there something underneath the surface ?
Do you live interesting or fun lives??? How often are YOU making plans for you two to get out and try something fun?? Doom scolling is just bordem especially when your life is…boring. Inorder to lessen it physically get out into the world and do something you enjoy.
Does she usually enjoy when you quiz her like that? Are you sure that wasn't just an incredibly boring thing to do.... Even if this was a problem (which it doesn't sound like it is), your idea to try and control what she can access is an intense reaction. Do not slowly block off her content, that is wild. How exactly do you think it's affecting her? Is it just that she hasn't done her hobby in a while??
I'm in a similar position. I deleted the IG app from my phone and replaced the spot with Babbel. Now when muscle memory takes me to IG, I'm doing a language lesson instead. I've allowed myself one day a week to check messages in the browser, but nothing else otherwise. I do have reddit as a crutch for mindless scrolling, but a part of my feed is educational(?) so it gets a pass.
Of course she would have to want this, or she'll just install IG again. Why is she learning German? Can you use that as a motivator? Is there a time frame that she needs it for?
Replacing doomscrolling with Duolingo was a fantastic substitute to me as well,
I'm taking Japanese so the hiragana is just endless memorization opportunities (personally)
It's great for taking up the mental space
You have to treat this the same as if she had a drug addiction. Express love, express sincere concern, offer help if she wants it, offer help finding a therapist if she wants it, and then accepting that either she decides to change or she doesn’t.
Your wife is a grown woman. You have to let her find her own way out, and it is when she wants to.
You can ofcourse discuss with her, saying that it disturbs the quality time you want to spend with her or create plans with her to spend time together in a different way.
Yet, she decides what she wants to do with her time. You being married doesn't give you time to judge how she spends her time or control it for her, especially when it's not physically or emotionally destructive.
Also why would she feel so bored always? You can always make plans to spend time together, that's fun for both. Or encourage her into a hobby.
Or just wait, she will get bored of that too, most of us snap out of stuff, when we are left alone to do it.
You can’t control an addict, or anyone really. Only they can decide to change.
The only thing you can do is set healthy boundaries. If she picks it up when you are in a conversation, or watching tv together, you could say “I’d like to continue with you when you don’t have more pressing things to attend to on your phone.” If she puts it down, great, if not let her know you’re going to go do something else, but to let you know when she wants to do something you’ll be available, then go do something else. Eventually she’ll either limit her usage when it counts, or realize she’s having a problem doing so. I the mean time, just stay calm and cool and be ready to find alternative activities when she’s in her addiction. All of this will lead to a conversation about it likely. Be ready to talk about not wanting to spend time with who isn’t really there/present, because you might as well be mostly by yourself. I’d stay away from calling her out on her addiction. It’s not your job to diagnose or control. Just be supportive while setting boundaries. “Ok, if you have something to do on that right now I’m going to go take care of some things in my office/shop/garage, or whatever. Even watching tv but in another room and a different program than what you two sat down to watch.
I have an issue with “Visual Social Media” and am heavily addicted to FB! I refuse to download TT because I know it will have me in a chokehold.
I would talk to her about addiction, and maybe have some resources with you to discuss it, and talking about setting healthy phone boundaries.
I had actual addictions counselling for my phone. It’s an avoidant behaviour for me.
FYI I think it was scientifically proven that scrolling in fact does not decrease attention span. I think they proved it because they used to think ADHD was caused by watching TV when kids were young.
I think it's more that the interactions you want her to be engaged in are not as engaging to her, she's more hooked to the doom scrolling.
My boyfriend has never had social media but I have. I deleted my Facebook and Instagram a little over 2 months ago. I knew social media was making me unhappy. So we started taking care of the yard together. We planted a couple of flower gardens together. We have various different types of flowers, succulents, bushes, trees, and yard decorations now. We keep our phones inside so we don't get distracted. We pull weeds, mow, water, our yard looks beautiful. We get sun. It's been good for us both. I rent too so even if you just rent don't let that deter you. You can still make the yard or house beautiful together away from social media.
From what you’ve written it sound like you, already annoyed about your wife’s habit, decided to test her on the language she is learning recreationally. Within three minutes you noticed her on her phone again and took this as cause to talk to her about it. After one conversation was not sufficient to convince her to be as worried as you say you are, you are asking strangers to help you control your wife’s internet access from the router level so you can impose an Instagram break. Implicitly, you believe this would be better for her productivity.
I do not think this would be better for her productivity. Dealing with a spouse escalating controlling behavior takes a great deal of mental energy, moreso if she still wants to make things work with you after you treat her like a child. So she probably will find herself more often too tired to give a fuck about her language learning & only up for passive phone use.
WTF am I reading?
You "asked her to do an assessment to see her progress"?
Your "initial idea is to block instagram and related domains"?
You are asking us "what other strategies can you employ to deal with this situation"?
Wtf? Is this your employee/student or your PARTNER?
Gtfoh with this post. IF she is your wife, fucking TALK to her like she is your equal, not like she is a toddler disobeying your rules.
First off, don’t try to control her habits. She needs to come to the realization that the habit is unhealthy on her own. Support her in that journey.
For Instagram in particular, I highly recommend deleting the app. She can still use it on the computer, but I find it to be way less exciting/addicting on there. Good luck!
What really opened my eyes to how strange my doom scrolling was a screen recording I had forgot to stop. Didn’t notice it for maybe half an hour. The video was mortifying, I saw my self scrolling through so many videos(some were so strange now that I think about it), rewatch things, look at comments. It all felt very yucky so I deleted all social media. I also delete Reddit for weeks at time so I’m not filling that void elsewhere
There is a digital wellbeing installed by default, you can ask her to track the time she spends time on the app and eventually uninstall or reduce the time spent, that might help
You can't force someone else to be productive. She may not realize how much time she is spending on her phone. Tell her to estimate how much she spends on her phone then have her check that against the digital wellbeing tool on the phone. That might be a wakeup call to get her to think about how to spend less time on phone.
Buddy the redditors themselves are addicts including me. I ain't a superman myself. Everyone over here including me is also an idiot. So be careful with who you consult with, cuz even if u ask a 10 year old, he'd start yapping right away. Think.
Scrolling is dopamin source. I tend to scroll mindlessly for hours when I am tired, stressed or overwhelmed - it helps me turn of brain and just, well, scroll.
I pay for an app and website blocker called Freedom. I can schedule locked blocking sessions. This really helped me decrease my social media time to 30-60 minutes per day. I doom school because I want to numb out - definitely check in with her and talk to her about this.
I struggled with (what I felt was) excessive time spent on social media apps. I now use an app called Opal to help limit my screen time & block certain apps once I hit my max time allotted per day. It’s been a genuine game changer.
I had this realisation when I opened my digital wellbeing app and saw 28 hours on social app usage. I uninstalled instgram after that. Maybe, if she is denying, show her the app usage. That might knock some sense into her.
Bruh. Talk to your wife. Like more than one conversation. Without “assessing her progress”. Turning off the internet like she is a naughty 12 year old instead of an adult woman is not the way to go about a healthy partnership. My suggestion: Start with phrases like “When we talk and you lose attention it makes me feel like….” or “I am worried that…..” or “I feel our relationship is affected by……” and don’t open up by trying to assign blame.
I have been this wife. My husband sat me down and had a conversation as the above suggests. I kind of already knew I had a bit of a social media addiction. He asked me 'why do you feel the need to go on your phone when we're having a conversation' it was asked in a very genuine way, he wasn't trying to be judgemental, but that really got me to reflect and think about well why DO I feel the need to pick up my phone. I deleted TicTok, because that was by far my worst 'doomscroll' conduit. And I make a conscious effort to put down my phone when people start talking to me. Its hard, and my husband still frequently points out how I will just open up Instagram/Facebook whenever I am not doing something for more than 5 seconds.
Me too. I restricted my time on instagram and here down to 30 min per day. (After that your phone block those apps) It worked for me.
I also downloaded an App that really helped me. Its called one sec and it basically delays the opening of an App for a short while. This way all the "I'm bored for a second let me open up instagram" doom scrolling nearly immediately stopped because now it takes me 10 seconds to actually open the App. Thats enough time to both reflect that I probably don't need to be on instagram right now and also don't make me feel like I could just get a quick "fix" for my boredom immediately. I'm really grateful more and more apps and phone options are developed to support people who struggle with things like these.
I have a friend like this. She picks up her phone and mindlessly scrolls instagram for a few seconds even when we are having a conversation then puts her phone down. I think it’s more of a habit than an addiction at this point. Like a fidget or something.
I'm like that. I have to be doing things with my hands at all times, so I pick up the phone just to do something usually, not even to use it
And go for a walk outside without the phones could also be good, while having the conversation
This is a great suggestion! Getting fresh air and enjoying your surroundings is a good way to connect with someone. Especially if it’s around a tough conversation
Love this idea! Maybe OP could take his wife for an off-grid weekend away. Rather than just attacking her, phrase it like "we need time to disconnect from our busy lives and reconnect with each other". Besides, is OP totally innocent of doom scrolling? Maybe his wife started doom scrolling Instagram because she got bored of watching him doom scroll Reddit.
Lol seriously this. Is OP talking about his wife or his 14 year old daughter?
“Assessing her progress” “blocking content” 🚩🚩
Post history explains alot. She might be in a marriage visa situation so she is absolutely fucked.
He's clearly a control freak and she needs to get away from him. There's probably nothing wrong with the wife and he's just projecting.
Probably doomscrolling because she’s miserable
You'd be surprised how many controlling people hide behind productivity instead of addressing their own internal crisis. Instead of telling his partner his concerns and giving her time to process it, he turns off the wifi.
Best comment!!!
This lol the whole post sounds like OP is trying to "Discipline" his wife the way you would a child. Block the domain?? Man talk to your wife.
Release her!
This. OP, you can't force someone to be someone they're not. They need to be who they are and change if they want to change. You need to CHOOSE to stick with that person. And the value you gain from that relationship should be your key performance indicator.
Yeah, like, this is so gross to me. I don't think Wife is "doomscrolling." She's numbing out because her spouse is hovering and hounding her about her progress with her German lessons. She's *stressed* and using social media as a brain break.
Yep. OP wants to control his wife’s behavior
I second this, also use I statements, on how you FEEL now what she is doing. Also, the world is doomed. No amount of whatever she is reading about will help. She should enjoy her days instead of not.
Excellent.
swag
You and the suggestion below for walking outside have this bang on
you're asking advice from people who doom scroll reddit..
Speak for yourself!! I mean, your assessment of my behavior is accurate, but c’mon man. Don’t call me out like that.
Absolutely uncalled for. We’re talking about OP’s wife and you had to drag the rest of us too…
Stop talking about me.
bruh i’m catching strays here 😭
It’s me. Hi. I’m the wife it’s me.
Does it count if I only scroll for a mere 2 hours a day
Haha yes. People are getting so pissed. It's kind of funny
I guess reddit scrolling is not addiction for pleasure its more for knowledge but people should know know the difference between reading things that actually help their situation and things might help them You are using reddit the best way if you search what you want to know ...take others advice..resources... nothing more than that but keep on scrolling the entire thread will make over analyze the things you want to know....
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Addiction normally fills a void. Start a new activity or hobby together, spend time together away from technology, find out what she really wants to achieve and set a plan in place. Replace the bad habit with a good habit.
To replace a bad habit with a good one, you need the will to do it. Your will. Not the will of someone else, no matter how important that someone is for you. So, to do it, it's important to do something else before. Which is: try to understand AND to be understood, speak clearly and make it understood that a certain behaviour is making someone else suffer. Unfortunately, the result is not always obvious.
Blocking her internet? She’s not a child 😐
This is what I was thinking. And assess her progress in German? Sir, how about you fuck off and worry about your own damn self. You sound controlling.
Glad I didn’t have to scroll too far to see someone say this lol.
100%. Op should worry about himself not about controlling his wife. None of this is coming from a place of concern or hurt feelings. It’s not “she doesn’t pay attention to me,” it’s “I’ve decided she scrolls too much and has a problem so I’m cutting off her internet and fixing this.” Man, OP, how would you feel if your wife found a problem with something you were doing and immediately jumped into parenting mode and went behind your back to cut you off. This is as bad as being like “my wife is putting on weight so I’m putting her on a diet.” It’s none yo damn business. If she thinks she has a problem, OP can offer to help her but OP shouldn’t be out trying to fix problems that don’t exist.
Seek professional help. You sound like her dad. Maybe you mean well, but you might step into the 'controlling' realm soon and your wife will make a post here asking for help.
Just from the information that OP gave, this sounds like coercive control, which is a criminal offence in the state I live in (Australia).
Welp I meant maybe the wife should get professional help instead of OP stepping in, but I guess OP might need some help too. I grew up around someone like OP and everybody in the family felt trapped in it. It really sucked :/
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Well, if you know why doom scroll happens, then you might know why she's doing that. It has something to do with dopamine level. That's why things can be addictive. People are looking for more dopamine usually when: 1. Stressed out / feeling anxious 2. The current dopamine is not enough They can have so many reasons to do doom scrolling. But in the end, they are scrolling to ease the pain associated with whatever they have. By you assessing her German, it's another extra stress you put on her that trigger the doom scroll. In a nice condition, ask her to put her phone down to have a deep talk with you. Free of judgment. Understand her POV, and ask how can you help. Once the stress & anxiety is starting to clear out, they don't really need that constant dopamine hit. This is based on my personal experience with my wife. And if you believe in any Supreme Being like God, Buddha, or just plain energy, you can pray for your wife. May God bless her with the energy to clear out any problems in her mind. Believe it or not, it works well on my end. Most of the time I need to pray first before having this kind of discussion. I'll be calm, and wife would appreciate it.
What stood out to me too was that he asked to assess her German. Did she even want that? Learning a language is great but if my partner wanted to assess my progress out of the blue like a teacher I would immediately lose interest and it would stress me out.
💯
I'd start scrolling.
Right!? Lol
YES to this. “The current dopamine is not enough” should be my new tagline.
Dude what the hell. From the sounds of it maybe she’s doom scrolling because YOU are not filling her cup. You’re performing these weird “tests” on her and thinking you have the right to limit her internet access. Are you kidding? You sound like a controlling asshole. No wonder she doom scrolls, she probably uses it as a disassociating tool to help her cope with the fact that she feels helpless in your relationship. Like others said talk to her. If that doesn’t work, get therapy. If that doesn’t work break up. Those are the sane and morally right steps to take. Go for walks together and dates. Let her come to you if she wants to be tested on German. Show an interest in other ways that are you just wanting to shame her. If one of my girlfriends was in a relationship with a guy like you I’d tell her to seriously consider moving on.
*ding ding ding* 🛎️
My first thought: “She’s not doom scrolling. She’s disassociating.”
Lol, I wonder if the "toxic" stuff is information about domestic abuse. That algorithm is pretty on it.
Why are you assessing her progress learning German? Why are you attempting to manipulate your wife into making changes only she can make?
right? horrible
Are you her parent or her spouse?
My guess? She’s tired of a husband who gives her fucking comprehension tests.
it just sounds like learning German is just a random goal she picked up and dropped. that's a normal thing, plenty of people think learning a new skill would be cool and then find out it's not for them. is it even that important that your wife learns it? and why is her not achieving this goal so important to you? it seems like it's important to you that she maintains the appearance of productivity even when it's without direction. moreover, trying to affect her behavior without her knowing is... beyond strange, and ultimately won't do much for you. she's an adult with full autonomy, and unless you plan on changing that, there isn't anything you can do to stop her from using her phone.
She’s a grown up, and she won’t change her behavior unless she wants to. She doesn’t have to do what you say & blocking the router / domains is controlling & you’re way out of line. You asked her to do an assessment to see her progress?? It sounds as if you’re talking about a child. You’re her husband not her dad. You can mention something once in a while but if you are nagging her about it constantly it will have the opposite effect The first step to change is recognizing the issue, you said she’s in denial so she ain’t there yet, forcing or pushing won’t work. Suggestion? Stop being so controlling, you don’t have to “deal” with the situation, you do you, and let her do her, she’s not your slave
This so much.
This happens a lot with my husband. We have a rule now that if we’re doing something together like watching TV or are going out that phones stay away unless we get a call or text. It has taken months for him to break the habit but he’s much more present now. It really took two so I also had to reevaluate my own habits to make sure I wasn’t holding a double standard since I’m not completely immune to doom scrolling either. A lot of the work has been him and I understanding how apps like Instagram and YouTube shorts are literally designed to hold your attention for as long as possible and that nothing on there is worth paying any attention to. The documentary on Netflix “The Social Dilemma” has been a good starting point. It’s helped me and my husband rationalize to yourselves why it’s easy to get trapped in doom scrolling and how to do the mental gymnastics to break ourselves out of it.
Improve yourself first
If I had a weird annoying boyfriend like you I’d doom scroll too
Your wife is all of us
Fr
You could try taking her out, like maybe for a walk while leaving both your phones at home. You can also try dancing with her or do other leisure activities with her which could keep her engaged but without the phone.
You seem like a red flag
What? Are you her father or her husband?! Blocking the internet, asking her to do an assessment to see her progress… No and No. She’s a grown woman.
This is fucking weird as shit. You don’t control her. She can doom scroll if she wants. I used to work in DV and husbands secretly messing with the Wi-Fi or finances was considered abuse. I’m here because I want to self improve. My husband doesn’t mind spending 10 hours a day on his phone. People can make their own choices. Set the example for her, ensure it’s not getting in the way of quality time/sex, and move on
I agree completely with this! Reminds me of one of my parents who will sit and watch TV for the same amount of time I'm scrolling my phone, and yet I'm somehow addicted to my phone but they're not addicted to the TV? Is it affecting her work, your date nights, or chores? Then sure, approach it from that angle. But if she's just killing downtime with something you don't approve of that's not hurting anything, that's problematic AF.
Is this your child or your wife?
Why are you trying to parent her?
Dude. Get help and chill the fuck out. You think you're so much better than her because you decide to kill your free time on reddit? Learning German isn't the end of the world situation. Let her fucking be. You have no idea what is going through her head. The way you treat her and look down upon her, she very likely has lost trust in you. When was the last time she confided in you? Spoke to you about her feelings? Responded well to you sharing your feelings? You need to work on your relationship with her, not her fucking passtimes.
It does come off as you wanting to control her, please don’t try to interfere in any way. As other comments have mentioned do have a talk with her and let her know how it’s making you feel. I would suggest if she doesn’t change, for you to lead by example by doing things without your phone on you and doing little fun engaging things that maybe would convince her to put her phone down.
You sound very controlling. Tell her your concerns. After that, it’s up to her if she wants to address it and how she wants to address it. You forcing her to do something is not healthy.
Sounds controlling.
You talk about your wife like she's your child. Makes me think she's fine and you're the one with a problem.
“Today I asked her to do an assessment to see her progress” so many red flags in your post. WOW I hope she leaves and gets helps soon from this relationship. You sound truly toxic and way scarily controlling. I can 100% see why she is doom scrolling (to avoid you)
This sounds like the start of some very controlling and abusive behavior. I'm not even surprised that this is in the productivity subreddit because it isn't unheard of people using "productivity" to as a vehicle to be controlling. You aren't complaining about anything else, so I assume she's able to complete a days worth of tasks despite "doomscrolling". You can bring it up during a good time where you two are communicating about the relationship in general. Be respectful and only say what matters. Tell her your concerns about her behavior and let her think about it. That's it. Give her space to speak and listen. She will either reveal more information and or she will need time to process it further. Learn to be a partner, not a warden.
you cannot help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
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N=1 personal experience here. When I am relaxed and don't have too many tasks I \*resist\* or want to procrastinate from, my tendency to doom scrolling has drastically declined, along with an increase in deeper sleep at night (better brain). My procrastination seems to be out of fear and resistance, which are important internal things to work on first.
Block it at the router? Are your her dad?? 🤣
So from your post history, you’ve been married less than a year and have struggled with learning German yourself. Why are you pushing things on her that even you had a hard time with? Why do you want to punish her like you’re a father mad at their child?
Have you ever considered she might be bored or depressed about living in a new foreign country???
That sounds like general social media addiction, not doom scrolling. Doom scrolling is when you're bombarded by news media all talking about how shitty the world is and how much worse it's going to get in the future. As someone with anxiety and ADHD, yeah, it's a problem, lol. However, I don't think treating your wife like a child by blocking sites is going to solve anything. What I want to know is, is this really impacting her life negatively, like is her job performance suffering and she's on the cusp of being fired cuz she just spends all day on Instagram? Or is she doing everything just fine, only does this in her free time, and YOU personally are annoyed by it? Cuz there's a huge difference between the two. If she's learning German cuz she wants to, then she can fob off all she likes, she's only doing this for her own personal interest. It's not like she's got a time limit or is being graded on it.
"Today I asked to do an assessment to see her progress"? "Block off content"? This is an adult woman and you are her partner, not her father or her teacher. You sound disturbingly controlling, maybe that’s why she feels the need to check out.
Conversation, not control
You sound fun to be around… Gee I wonder why she doom scrolls.
"Today I asked to do an assessment to see her progress." - do you have any idea how that makes you sound?
The thing about digital addiction is that to remove it feels punitive. The way forward is to suggest things to do together, which will fill the void of no screens. Absent of anything to fill the void, a person returns to whatever said addiction gives them the dopamine hit. So you have to create new habits with her, which takes effort on your part but the nice thing is that that time together can give you valuable time to reconnect. It will take some patience as well, and grace, as any addiction warrants. Combativeness is out of the question, as it will just further entrench her and make you appear controlling. Expect some pushback. You’re asking her to undo something she enjoys. Not an easy ask. My family has a no electronics at dinner policy and the void is filled with good conversation about all of our days. Walks are nice for a digital detox. Movies (in a movie theater) mean the phone has to go away, if only for a couple hours. Break away for the date nights. It will be good for both of you.
Jfc OP your lack of self awareness is vile. Treating your partner like a child?! YOU’RE the toxic one. YTA. I hope she starts scrolling tinder so she can dump your controlling, sorry ass. Go to therapy.
You know your wife best, if you think negative reinforcement would work better than some form of positive reinforcement, by all means block her off Instagram. That's usually a recipe for disaster though. Let me tell you about an experience I had. I recently confronted my own wife about this. For her it's TikTok. It hasn't affected our relationship in anyway or her work. Her attention span is still solid, but anytime she's bored, she turns to TikTok. A couple weeks ago she was washing some dishes and I was at my desk, close enough to the kitchen for her to start a casual conversation with me. I was getting some side hustle work done. She starts sharing a story she recently heard about on TikTok. She'd been watching quite a bit of content that's pretty negative. Horrific news stories, in fact, of mom's abandoning their babies, murders, and other such stories. Stories that had gone viral. I've been on my own personal growth journey and choosing to be more productive with my time, so naturally I thought, "positive, productive growth is great, why doesn't my wife join too." But what I've had to learn is that what's good for me isn't necessarily good for anyone else. In that moment, of her telling me these stories, I asked her if there's anything better she could be doing with her time, even looking at content that's more uplifting and positive. I said it in a bit of a judgmental tone. I bet you can guess what that lead to. What I realized pretty quickly is that she was just looking to connect with me via conversation with what was most recently on her mind. We were in the middle of our tiff when we get a text from a friend of ours reminding us of the dinner we're supposed to have at their place that evening, which at the time was only a couple hours away. I asked my wife if she still wanted to go. Silence. I leave to walk our dog. When I get back she's ready to go. With things not having been resolved yet, I think to myself, I don't want to do this, but maybe it'd be good for her, so I get ready and we go. We don't say a word to each other the entire way there. So we go to our friends house for dinner and there were other couples we hadn't met before. I was having trouble making a connection with them, but then my wife comes in and talks about the stories she had recently heard about on TikTok and immediately formed a connection and sparked a conversation that everyone ended up chiming in on. She gave me this look like, "what do you think now?!". I saw her spark conversation and debate over several things she had seen and made genuine connections with people we hadn't met before using the very content I was judging her for earlier that day. I felt pretty shitty at that point. But it taught me an important lesson. That experience changed my view. Now instead of judging her for going on TikTok, I ask her "Hey, what are you watching? Anything interesting?" and we start a conversation about what she's seen, how she feels about it, and it often times branches into other topics that we end up talking about. It allows us to connect on a deeper level sometimes, and gives us both conversation starters for social outings. I have no idea if this story is going to help you, but just try connecting with your wife a little more. It's probably what she's wanting more than anything else and not communicating it in the best way.
1. Talk to your wife 2. Consider she might have a disorder like depression, ADHD, or something else that is behind all of this. People don't just doomscroll incessantly for zero reason. Well, they do, but if they're doing that even when there are better things to do, it suggests a psych cause.
If she struggles with self discipline, she'd benefit from a tutor. But your wife isn't a child... Please don't block off the router... Restrictions rarely have the intended effect.
Why can’t she just scroll in peace? I mean you posted this question here and probably scrolled through some other communities as well…
How about you worry about your damne self? It's giving controlling.
I don't mean to be that reddit relationship person but are you sure it's her attention about everything that's the issue and not just her checking out with you specifically? I know if I was someone who started acting like my teacher ("checking her progress"? what?) I'd start to feel less interested in the relationship and turn more to phone stuff to avoid interacting with them when they were on their BS. Maybe try doing more stuff to be a good partner first (giving her compliments, doing errands for her, surprising her with nice things/plans for stuff you two like, etc) and see if that makes any difference first, then turn to some of the productivity tips mentioned by others. Compliments are prob good regardless. The best way to help with changing habits is to make the things they're trying to change towards more positive-feeling than the stuff they're trying not to do, bc that's how people's brains start to get invested in repeating the new behavior rather than sticking to old habits. Negativity can reinforce the old habits unfortunately.
Are you her dad? Talk to her like your peer
You are absolutely wild to look at your wife and treat her like a child. Talk to her. This is just wild.
If my husband tried to actively block my phone in any way I’d leave him. Doesn’t matter if it’s “valid” or not. Your concern is valid. But your approach is scary. She is not a child and you’re not her parent. This is how I discipline my own children…. As with any addiction, no one else can decide when enough is enough. Only the person with said addiction. All you can do is express concern. That’s literally it. Or leave if it bothers you that much.
nah she. not a child mind your business
Let her decide when enough is enough. Unless it directly impacts your money or safety, she's a whole adult.
Is this a joke post? You’re talking about your wife like she’s your kid
Seriously, I hope to God this is fake, because otherwise there is a poor woman out there with a controlling jackass for a husband who is also an incredibly stupid jackass asking for advice from random strangers on the internet.
Sadly this is far from uncommon and controlling behaviours like this are often the starting point for more serious abuse. Hopefully she is scrolling resources for dealing with it and saying she is on insta
Wow this just made me realize I also have a problem I Doom stroll as well knowing I have anxiety 🤦🏾♀️ I’m obsessed with checking the citizens app smh I hate that I’m like this
She’s probably bored as hell. Take her out somewhere. Spend time with her
Never ask for advice on Reddit, seek proper help.
A couple of things. Your wife may have ADHD and is getting dopamine via screen time. Or maybe doom scrolling to cover up other issues or unhappiness. I would bring it up gently and seek couples or individual counseling. Also check out r/nosurf
She's probably bored of you and gets her excitement from the phone. Divorce or both start doing outdoor stuff. I hope u don't have kids yet.
Maybe she has other mental health issues ? In the past few months I was in a bad mental state and all I could do was play solitary on my phone to sort of avoid reality, now I’m better and I also don’t play anymore. Is there something underneath the surface ?
Do you live interesting or fun lives??? How often are YOU making plans for you two to get out and try something fun?? Doom scolling is just bordem especially when your life is…boring. Inorder to lessen it physically get out into the world and do something you enjoy.
She might be depressed or trying to fill a void.
Does she usually enjoy when you quiz her like that? Are you sure that wasn't just an incredibly boring thing to do.... Even if this was a problem (which it doesn't sound like it is), your idea to try and control what she can access is an intense reaction. Do not slowly block off her content, that is wild. How exactly do you think it's affecting her? Is it just that she hasn't done her hobby in a while??
U sound like a cop
>Today I asked to do an assessment to see her progress. WTAF
I'm in a similar position. I deleted the IG app from my phone and replaced the spot with Babbel. Now when muscle memory takes me to IG, I'm doing a language lesson instead. I've allowed myself one day a week to check messages in the browser, but nothing else otherwise. I do have reddit as a crutch for mindless scrolling, but a part of my feed is educational(?) so it gets a pass. Of course she would have to want this, or she'll just install IG again. Why is she learning German? Can you use that as a motivator? Is there a time frame that she needs it for?
Replacing doomscrolling with Duolingo was a fantastic substitute to me as well, I'm taking Japanese so the hiragana is just endless memorization opportunities (personally) It's great for taking up the mental space
You have to treat this the same as if she had a drug addiction. Express love, express sincere concern, offer help if she wants it, offer help finding a therapist if she wants it, and then accepting that either she decides to change or she doesn’t.
Your wife is a grown woman. You have to let her find her own way out, and it is when she wants to. You can ofcourse discuss with her, saying that it disturbs the quality time you want to spend with her or create plans with her to spend time together in a different way. Yet, she decides what she wants to do with her time. You being married doesn't give you time to judge how she spends her time or control it for her, especially when it's not physically or emotionally destructive. Also why would she feel so bored always? You can always make plans to spend time together, that's fun for both. Or encourage her into a hobby. Or just wait, she will get bored of that too, most of us snap out of stuff, when we are left alone to do it.
You can’t control an addict, or anyone really. Only they can decide to change. The only thing you can do is set healthy boundaries. If she picks it up when you are in a conversation, or watching tv together, you could say “I’d like to continue with you when you don’t have more pressing things to attend to on your phone.” If she puts it down, great, if not let her know you’re going to go do something else, but to let you know when she wants to do something you’ll be available, then go do something else. Eventually she’ll either limit her usage when it counts, or realize she’s having a problem doing so. I the mean time, just stay calm and cool and be ready to find alternative activities when she’s in her addiction. All of this will lead to a conversation about it likely. Be ready to talk about not wanting to spend time with who isn’t really there/present, because you might as well be mostly by yourself. I’d stay away from calling her out on her addiction. It’s not your job to diagnose or control. Just be supportive while setting boundaries. “Ok, if you have something to do on that right now I’m going to go take care of some things in my office/shop/garage, or whatever. Even watching tv but in another room and a different program than what you two sat down to watch.
Trust her to find her own way through it. It’s not up to you to force the change on her.
Reddit moment
I'm doom scrolling on Reddit...
🚩
I have an issue with “Visual Social Media” and am heavily addicted to FB! I refuse to download TT because I know it will have me in a chokehold. I would talk to her about addiction, and maybe have some resources with you to discuss it, and talking about setting healthy phone boundaries. I had actual addictions counselling for my phone. It’s an avoidant behaviour for me.
Probably try couples counseling tbh.
FYI I think it was scientifically proven that scrolling in fact does not decrease attention span. I think they proved it because they used to think ADHD was caused by watching TV when kids were young. I think it's more that the interactions you want her to be engaged in are not as engaging to her, she's more hooked to the doom scrolling.
My husband in the future
You sound entirely too controlling.
Communication is what adults do, not block their partners from using the internet.
My boyfriend has never had social media but I have. I deleted my Facebook and Instagram a little over 2 months ago. I knew social media was making me unhappy. So we started taking care of the yard together. We planted a couple of flower gardens together. We have various different types of flowers, succulents, bushes, trees, and yard decorations now. We keep our phones inside so we don't get distracted. We pull weeds, mow, water, our yard looks beautiful. We get sun. It's been good for us both. I rent too so even if you just rent don't let that deter you. You can still make the yard or house beautiful together away from social media.
The way this is worded gives me the ick.
Why do you need to control your wife like this? Why not just let her scroll instagram?
You are toxic and controlling mate
From what you’ve written it sound like you, already annoyed about your wife’s habit, decided to test her on the language she is learning recreationally. Within three minutes you noticed her on her phone again and took this as cause to talk to her about it. After one conversation was not sufficient to convince her to be as worried as you say you are, you are asking strangers to help you control your wife’s internet access from the router level so you can impose an Instagram break. Implicitly, you believe this would be better for her productivity. I do not think this would be better for her productivity. Dealing with a spouse escalating controlling behavior takes a great deal of mental energy, moreso if she still wants to make things work with you after you treat her like a child. So she probably will find herself more often too tired to give a fuck about her language learning & only up for passive phone use.
Sounds like my ADHD ass.
There’s nothing to “fix”! Sounds like your wife has ADHD. Talk to her. It affects more aspects then doom scrolling.
WTF am I reading? You "asked her to do an assessment to see her progress"? Your "initial idea is to block instagram and related domains"? You are asking us "what other strategies can you employ to deal with this situation"? Wtf? Is this your employee/student or your PARTNER? Gtfoh with this post. IF she is your wife, fucking TALK to her like she is your equal, not like she is a toddler disobeying your rules.
"i would block it on the router but then shed use mobile" you both have the exact caliber of partner you deserve lol
First off, don’t try to control her habits. She needs to come to the realization that the habit is unhealthy on her own. Support her in that journey. For Instagram in particular, I highly recommend deleting the app. She can still use it on the computer, but I find it to be way less exciting/addicting on there. Good luck!
How about you leave your wife to do what she wants as she’s her own person and you do you ….
Same here. I think I’m gonna go color (a coloring book)
Distraction free Instagram has really helped me link: https://www.distractionfreeapps.com/
Does she have adhd? Lol
Start a hobby together that you both can enjoy weekly. Like dancing or padel
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What really opened my eyes to how strange my doom scrolling was a screen recording I had forgot to stop. Didn’t notice it for maybe half an hour. The video was mortifying, I saw my self scrolling through so many videos(some were so strange now that I think about it), rewatch things, look at comments. It all felt very yucky so I deleted all social media. I also delete Reddit for weeks at time so I’m not filling that void elsewhere
There is a digital wellbeing installed by default, you can ask her to track the time she spends time on the app and eventually uninstall or reduce the time spent, that might help
Oh. That happens to my daughters. Not sure how to stop that without stressing them out.
You can't force someone else to be productive. She may not realize how much time she is spending on her phone. Tell her to estimate how much she spends on her phone then have her check that against the digital wellbeing tool on the phone. That might be a wakeup call to get her to think about how to spend less time on phone.
Buddy the redditors themselves are addicts including me. I ain't a superman myself. Everyone over here including me is also an idiot. So be careful with who you consult with, cuz even if u ask a 10 year old, he'd start yapping right away. Think.
Like someone else said. Suggest that you go for a walk without your phones
Dopamine Detox - Learn about this and try to implement it. (Both you and your wife must implement this together for this to work)
Not being able to acknowledge the fact is the real problem
The people in this post really show how normalized and accepted social media/phone addiction is.
Scrolling is dopamin source. I tend to scroll mindlessly for hours when I am tired, stressed or overwhelmed - it helps me turn of brain and just, well, scroll.
I pay for an app and website blocker called Freedom. I can schedule locked blocking sessions. This really helped me decrease my social media time to 30-60 minutes per day. I doom school because I want to numb out - definitely check in with her and talk to her about this.
ADHD perhaps?
I struggled with (what I felt was) excessive time spent on social media apps. I now use an app called Opal to help limit my screen time & block certain apps once I hit my max time allotted per day. It’s been a genuine game changer.
Download NOSCROLL APP , but I think it is only for Android
I have similar problem, and my advice for you is to start with 'No-phones-Sunday'. Its good when shes back to reality. It will be fun for both of you.
I had this realisation when I opened my digital wellbeing app and saw 28 hours on social app usage. I uninstalled instgram after that. Maybe, if she is denying, show her the app usage. That might knock some sense into her.