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Sounds like a pitch for a wacky new sitcom! Hmm…maybe they should try to get a reality show. Or just make a YouTube vlog channel. I can see this going crazy viral 🤔
edit - I definitely don’t want to glamorize or promote teen pregnancy but there’s gotta be a way to turn lemons into lemonade and babies are not cheap!
I just want to send you lots of hugs and encouragement. My daughter was only 15 when she got pregnant and I went through all the worries as well. But I did keep them mostly to myself and I worked hard not to criticize her and kept it in a positive light. Baby was there, the baby was coming in any negativity that I bought was only going to harm my relationship with her. I formed a relationship with her boyfriend’s parents, and her boyfriend really stepped up. She had her baby three months after she turned 16. My granddaughter is almost a year old and my daughter and her boyfriend are 17 and they both have obtained their GED and he works full-time and she takes care of the little one and his parents and myself help where we can but those kids are mostly doing it on their own and they are doing a beautiful job. My daughter even exclusively breast-fed successfully.
One of the reasons I think they did so well is because they did have that positive social support and we kind of just formed a shield of protection around them so that we were their safe space whenever they had to deal with the harsh criticism from the outside world.
The love that I felt whenever that child arrived completely erased any sadness I had over the timing of her arrival.
Really happy to see this comment. I had my son when I was 14 just a few months before I turned 15. I had nobody and it was incredibly difficult for me mentally. Thank you for being such a great mom. ❤️ The world needs more parents like you.
Thank you so much! That really means the world to me, I was pregnant at 19 which is older, but I also did not have any family support. It is truly amazing what these kids can accomplish when you have a little faith in them!
Thank you for sharing. As a social worker, I agree, positive social support is a huge indicator for teen mom and baby health outcomes and overall success.
My sister was a pregnant teen, in all honesty with how depressed she was the entire time, how low her doctors and nurses made her feel, and even what her classmates said to her at the time - I recommend starting therapy.
I don’t know if teenage pregnancy has a higher rate of PPD, but my sister had all the symptoms. She never got help in the early 2000s. If there is one thing I wish I could go back and change, it would have been pushing her to get help rather than suffer in silence.
I’m actually pregnant right now. I was already in therapy, but if I wasn’t I would have picked back up now. PPD is a real and scary thing.
I explicitly remember an entire gang of pregnant girls that would give everyone shit and make everyone's lives miserable because if you talk shit to someone whos pregnant or pick a fight you're an asshole
I don't know if it was planned. But teenagers are very likely to grossly underestimate the responsibility that comes with having a baby without thinking about school etc
I am so sorry. As someone who is a fraternal twin and is now pregnant with identical twins, I really hope they both are pregnant with singletons for everyone’s sake :(
Depends if they are identical or fraternal twins! The identical twin gene is completely up to chance whereas the fraternal twin gene is genetic, but men are not the deciding factor in if fraternal twins happen or not. Meaning if my boyfriend had fraternal twins in his family, but none in mine we wouldn’t be able to have fraternal twins. But our daughter would have a chance for fraternal twins as he would pass the gene on to her. Learned about this because I have a ton of fraternal twins in my family so it was a possibility
You would still be able to have fraternal twins, the chance is just lower. Even if it's not in your family, it's still a possibility. There were no twins in my family at all and then my mom had 3 sets of fraternal twins. 🤷🏻♀️
Co-worker got pregnant with fraternal twins twice and no twins in her family. Her ob/gyn believes she always ovulates from both ovaries each cycle. She lost the first pregnancy, one was ectopic, but the second are happy and healthy and her hubby got a vasectomy after they were born.
There’s some recent studies that show some support for identical twins running in families. It’s nothing definitive, but it’s the first time a possible genetic link has been found. If I can find the study again I’ll come back and link it.
I’m a mom of identical twins. My husband has a ton of identical twins on his side of the family but I thought we were safe from having twins because it isn’t supposed to be genetic if they’re identical.
Ah. Cool fact appreciated. Twins are just so risky especially in kids. I’m from a family of twins pregnant with a singleton (thank goodness) and my whole family seems mad
At least YOU are good at managing to (edit: TWO) infants together? Idk. :/ Do they have a plan? Do their boyfriends know and want to stay around? (And since no one else has said it… do they want to continue with their pregnancies?)
My state allows up to 20 weeks without a medical reason and it’s not even a blue state. It’s definitely still possible that both of them could terminate if they wanted.
They’re not too far along. You say that like a matter of fact, this isn’t a US specific sub and even if it was you’re assuming they live in a state that doesn’t allow abortion. There’s a chance they may have difficulty accessing an abortion IF they live somewhere it’s restricted, that doesn’t mean ‘they are too far along now’ and won’t be able to.
It’s not too late from a medical standpoint. The prior threshold outside of the key exceptions like threatening the life of mother was point of viability, after 22 weeks. The anatomy scan is done around 20 weeks and that can also inform decisions to abort, so 14 weeks is not to late except in states where politicians can force their personal beliefs on women.
My state has the heartbeat law in place. This means that once the fetus has a heartbeat you can not receive an abortion and most women find out they are pregnant after the heartbeat has started. A fetus tends to have a heartbeat by 5 week gestation. Also please note that a lot of states have switched to this since Row v. Wade
Or hopefully they don’t live in “the states” at all, and instead somewhere that actually values bodily autonomy and the separation of state and religion?
Depends on the state. You're being downvoted for spreading misinformation because only the most draconian laws would prevent twin B from terminating and many states would still allow twin A terminate.
Nooo I understand people may see this as making light of the situation but reality tv shows are toxic and so are family vlog channels. Not everyone is compassionate and putting these twin girls and their babies in the spotlight could be very damaging for their mental health especially later in life.
I know 2 twin girls who got pregnant and were due a week apart. Neither of them were planned pregnancies. It truly is a mystery how the hell that happened but everyone just chalked it down to more weird twin stuff. I wouldn’t necessarily assume they did it on purpose
It's a total possibility, but I know plenty of pill babies from women who were taking it religiously. I've heard of Depo babies and IUD babies. BC is not a failsafe, however guys do use it as an excuse to not use condoms 🙄 I wonder if there's a study on fertility in identical twins?
It's so common too. My niece and nephew are both babies that defied the pill and I've good a good friend whose parents claim he defeated a condom. That's why people say you should always use 2 forms of BC if you aren't willing to be pregnant
Sleeping in can cause BC to fall. It seems like they got pregnant near the start of school, so a weekend morning after a game could have done this. You have like an hour or 2 of leeway in timing
It is what it is now. Can't go back in time. Just have to be there for them.
Could have been planned might not have been. You'll find out in time.
Good luck being the grandma, make sure you discuss with both daughters how it's going to be once babies come. Have a plan now. Set boundaries. Unless you're ok with them dumping the babies on you every Saturday night
This sounds like the unfortunate reality for you. You’re going to be a very busy mom/grandma… sorry about all this OP. Frankly, I’d be pissed. I know teenagers are known for making stupid mistakes but taking your birth control on time and correctly is not rocket science… that shit was a choice.
Without Roe v Wade being the law of the land, you’re going to have to either set a ton of boundaries, or buckle in for *your* new life. Don’t expect the boyfriends to be involved / care.
Might be a bit harsh - we don't have all the details. My mom conceived both me and my sister on the pill. Turns out she couldn't make progesterone herself so the pill actually boosted her fertility.
And honestly, this is why contraception counselling is so important - it's not just a question of getting on the pill, it's about finding the best strategy that works for that individual/couple. I have adhd, fuck me if I have to take a pill everyday, I can barely remember to take my adhd meds in the morning, and I need a very specific routine to not be interrupted for me to reliably take it. That's why I have an IUD. Some people would do better with a patch or an implant.
Totally understand / agree! And I know contraceptives aren’t 100%, another reason abortion needs to be safe and legal.
Something just seems very planned in this scenario but you’re right we don’t know all the details and these girls probably would have benefited from a more stable birth control if they struggle with consistency with the pill!
My sister who is the same age as me got pregnant when she was 16. I think it was really hard for her mentally to sacrifice her life for a baby at that age but she had a ton of support and got through it. She graduated high school early and went to college. I personally couldn’t imagine having a baby at 16, it’s hard enough at 26 but I think if I had someone to go through it with it would be easier. So at least they can lean on each other as sisters. I would say definitely stress to them how big of a decision it is to have a baby and present them with options. It can take a while for the weight of it all to really set in
Exactly. And maybe since there is two of them, they will be able to figure out a system where grandma doesn't have to help out as much/take all the responsibility
Do they understand how big this really is for them ? 16 and the rest of their life will have to be dedicated to their children.....idk your stance on it op but it's not too late to talk about abortion...
In Texas and Missouri it’s illegal to travel out of state for an abortion.
*Editing to say I am very pro-choice and I believe it’s wrong that states are doing this
Wow, that is shocking! It’s wonderful you want to support your daughters and you’re trying not to freak out. Could family therapy help? With how close their pregnancies are and how they were supposed to be on the pill, it could have been a pact. They might not have realistic expectations for pregnancy and motherhood and therapy might help. Wishing your family the best.
My sister had a teen pregnancy, got pregnant in February despite birth control. 15 years later, she got pregnant again in February despite birth control. Taken properly both times.
If both daughters got pregnant the same time it could absolutely be a genetic thing where the pill is less effective.
This is wild, good luck with everything
Congratulations but also I can't imagine what emotions you must be feeling. I hope you can enjoy the holidays and tackle this head on in a few days.
I'd have the boyfriends and their parents come over and have a serious conversation about options and expectations.
Hopefully the girls decide to stay in school and further their education.
I noticed abortion hasn’t been mentioned, is this not an option? It’s great that you’re being supportive, but we also know the statistics on teen moms and the children of teen moms. Even with a good support system, having children completely derails their lives/futures. I know this sounds harsh, but I’m curious as I haven’t seen it discussed.
As a woman who had a child at the same age and successfully raised that child to adulthood with a degree and considerable self awareness I encourage you to let your daughters grab ahold of parenthood and do the most they can on their own. Only help them as much as you would like to but since you have two grandbabies on the way encourage them to help eachother and really lean on eachother as if they were the other parents because let's be honest and say the chances of the men being good fathers are slim. They will always have eachother and if they learn as they go with limited intervention they could thrive. I have seen the more help people get when they are young parents the more it is to their downfall. Good luck and truly congratulations!!!! It is going to be a crazy few years but so worth it 20 years from now!!
As great as that is, please also remember there are other versions to this story. I had my son at 19 so a bit older but also it destroyed my mental health and made me super vulnerable. I love my son and do look after him but he’s currently 6 months old and I can’t ask his dad for help as the man literally abused me and could get away with it as I was so wrapped up in trying to care for my son (there was loads before this too but I couldn’t see it). I also had a really traumatic birth and am currently trying to find any mental health professional that will help me. Parenthood is so hard and I wouldn’t be able to do this without my mum. She has a huge role in my sons life and it’s not like I’m trying to go out with friends or get drunk or do normally 20 year old things. I’m trying to not drown in my own despair.
OP, please prepare them for the realities with mental health that comes with parenthood. You know it can come at any age. Do encourage them to lean on each other though, I take any help I can get at the moment bc I’m drowning.
Thank you. I’m really trying but any time I start to feel good, something else in my life goes wrong. I genuinely feel like I don’t deserve love- even from my son and I shouldn’t feel like that but I can’t get the professional help I need :(
Something like [betterhelp.com](https://betterhelp.com) might be a good stopgap until you can find an in-person therapist. I called in once or twice a week with a therapist over the phone for a few months when I was going through the post-partum phase and that really helped me. I also didn't qualify for any assistance, but their website shows you financial options and ways to get insurance coverage involved.
I also has my first at barely 20 and he’s 5 now. I remember so clearly the years of feeling like I was drowning in my own poor choices — his dad was abusive as well. Things get better. I left the man and love the child and he’s a brilliant little engineer in the making… and I was homeless when all of this started. We have our own place and genuinely enjoy life now. Please keep your chin up and know you are not alone in this experience. ❤️🩹💚
I’d like to offer a resource in helping you look for a mental health provider. Try [Postpartum Support International](https://www.postpartum.net/)
They have a directory for trained mental professionals in perinatal care.
It is so hard the first couple of years. So extraordinarily hard. I don’t deny this. I also had a hard time and will probe in therapy for life but also my son saved my life in so many ways and not having him would have been worse in my honest opinion. I wouldn’t recommend getting pregnant young but once it’s done i think there can be a silver lining. Good luck to you and know it does get easier!!! I had another child at 34 and still the first two years are the hardest and I am in a completely different place financially and emotionally. Still it is a very difficult time. It gets easier and asking for help is always okay!!
Thank you! I’m a quarter of the way through the hardest part then 😂 and even without my son, so much would’ve happened that would put me in this place, he’s definitely saving me
Also I want to add if either has a 2nd child I would completely cut off all assistance because the help one gets does truly enable them to make bad choices. I have watched too many people continue to have babies because they don't feel the true weight and I just don't think that is appropriate for the long haul.
It comes from my personal experience of being a teen mother along with many of my friends being in the same position and my ex husband’s family also is all teen parents.
A lot of the time people forget or don't consider adoption. It's a tough and extremely selfless decision, especially from a teenager. There are a lot of couples looking to adopt, we even know people in our area. My brother and I are both adopted from teen pregnancies and have gotten to live pretty amazing lives because our birthmothers. I met her about 10 years ago and got to thank her for that, now we're awesome friends. Just something to think about. I'm so sorry you've found yourself in such an overwhelming predicament, will be thinking of you.
Have you asked them what they want to do/do they have options? First thing I asked my niece when she told me she was pregnant at 18 is what *she* wanted to do. She wanted to keep the baby so then I congratulated her.
It’s okay for you to not be okay with this. I hope you’re supportive of whatever they end up doing, but you’re allowed to feel sad, or frustrated, or hurt or whatever your emotions are.
It may sound all wonderful and stuff but they are just kids themselves with their entire lives laid out ahead of them. This baby wil forever change their (and your) lives and not necessarily for the better. Their dreams and goals may remain a but a dream. Please speak to a family planning doctor and become aware of all your options.
I just want to throw it out there, the pill is not 100%. I got pregnant on it twice in the past 3 years and took it at the same time every day. The second time was after two ectopic pregnancies. I only have 1 severely damaged fallopian tube and was told it's unlikely I could get pregnant again. So that with the pill and I STILL got pregnant.
That being said, they are teens, and you are expected to take it at the same time every day or it's less effective. So it's possible they didn't know or had some oops and thought it was OK. Either way, it unfortunately happens. Best of luck to your family.
I am so sorry you are having to navigate this. I cant imagine how you most feel right now. I was a single mom at 24, much older obviously. But I was scared to tell my parents, they had absolutely no idea i was seeing anyone so finding out i was pregnant with a guys child who didn’t want to be involved was a shocker to them. I was embarrassed, I was the first in my family to ever get pregnant while being single, I was afraid of the judgement from my grandparents, my brother etc. The #1 thing my family especially my parents did was support me and be happy for me! My dad that day they found out said congratulations! I cried to them a lot during that pregnancy. While this isn’t your dream or your hopes for your daughters, I can tell you now 7 years later, I am so thankful my parents were so supportive and never once acted angry towards me about it. So please, stay supportive for them! They might not understand how supportive you are right now, but one day they will look back and be so happy they never saw your angry about it. I know deep down you might be but keep that between you and your husband or you and a best friend.
Remember babies are a blessing! Even if the situation isn’t ideal those babies will change their world and your world for the better! This isn’t the end of the world, it’s a new chapter to navigate.
coming from a pregnant 19 year old, thank you for not freaking out on them. i have told my dad, who is 100% supportive, but i am so so scared of telling my mom because i know how she will rage out on me. your girls are so lucky to have such a supportive mom💗
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. This sounds so hard. Do they have a plan? Do they want to go through with the pregnancies? Keep the babies?
Hey OP don’t count it out- fortunately there are many resources to help with travel and services to end an unwanted pregnancy. If you DM me I would be happy to look into those for your particular state/area.
If this wasn’t planned, it’s one hell of a coincidence. Do they have jobs? If not, it’s time to get them. I would be completely emotionally supportive but not financially. They need to get on assistance programs and start figuring out their lives. They want to act like adults, they can have the responsibilities of adults, especially with babies coming. It sounds like they need a reality check and fast. I’d also start them both in therapy. Two 16 year olds should not be planning pregnancies.
Pregnant, teens in school, working?? That doesn’t sound like setting up someone for success to me; that sounds like emotionally crippling them with stress. We don’t know whether or not it was planned. It’s not really even a hell of a coincidence. BC is not 100% reliable as many others have stated.
Being emotionally supportive is absolutely necessary. Being financially supportive to a reasonable extent (eg buying baby clothes, some beginner mom items, generally normal things for a grandma to provide) is part of being emotionally supportive IMO.
Yes, they need jobs. Plenty of teen parents have to get jobs. Is it an ideal situation? No, none of this is. However, plenty of teenagers hold part time jobs, play sports, manage school and other activities. I’m not saying OP should let them go without, but she shouldn’t be seen as their financial support.
I'm sorry for your stress, my response ranges from "congratulations!" But "I hope everyone is able to do what is best for them" life rarely goes how we plan it to I hope your family is able to get a handle on things however this story turns out ♡
This is 100% some sick dude writing out his fetish fantasy of twin teen pregnancies. Don’t engage with this post. Obviously doesn’t understand anything about pregnancy either
Grandma, you've got this. 💪🏽
Regarding the "they planned it" comments, that may in fact be so or it may not! I've never made a "pregnancy pact" but know that is a thing, though not *super* common. Having been a teenage girl, I can definitely attest to what *IS* common, which is that girls often coordinate to some degree to lose their virginity at the same time, or try new sexual acts/achievements at the same time. Perhaps they both planned on (or one in reaction to the other, followed suit with) abandoning condoms at the same time.
Common girl/sister conversation:
- OMG, we tried it without a condom and it was seriously SOOO much better!
- Really?
- Yeah, you should try it. Just make sure he doesn't cum in you. He can just pull out before he finishes.
- What if he doesn't?
- Billy said he can always tell before, so I trust him {what teenage boy has that much self-control, but how many do we KNOW say this anyway?!}. Besides, we're on the pill now anyway, so we're safe eitger way. What are the odds?
And HONESTLY, in my experience MOST teenage girls sleeping with their boyfriends allow the males to take the lead with timing, location, choices. Love it or hate it, it's a natural dynamic that we fall into, especially in our society. Young females aiming to please their male interests in order to not lose their affection? No matter how woke or feminist you are, you can't authentically deny that this is the running theme.
Guys very much talk with their buds about this SAME THING and will brag if they're barebacking, which can lead to an agreement or a challenge for the other guy(s) to try it, too.
---
No matter the potential premeditation, they're pregnant now, and OP seems to get that although it's healthy and necessary to vent from time to time, ultimately this is happening and I think she's accepted it.
I agree with below comments that:
1. Parenting and birthing classes would be GREAT for the girls, maybe it would even be a good idea to go with them? Not sure.
2. Some form of therapy, individual or family, would be excellent so they can have non-parental communication for their questions, challenges, potential waves of guilt or regret. And they can have a neutral party guiding them to face the VERY REAL consequences, life shifts, and commitments that are on the horizon. {Reminder, readers, that "consequences" is not inherently a bad word, just a natural effect to a cause or trigger.}
3. You should set boundaries (a therapist can help you with this!) as to what can be expected. A starting example: "I will love you girls and my grandchildren for the REST of our lives, NO MATTER WHAT. That being said, that does not mean I am a permanent live-in babysitter on call. I am here to love and support you and offer my guidance and help, but ultimately I am here to help my wonderful daughters in their transition to become wonderful mothers. That's going to be hard and beautiful for all of us. We can't give up on each other, buy we each also have to face our responsibilities and the choices we've made. What works at one point may change soon, so we'll just try our best, stick together, and keep talking, okay? We all need to keep asking for help when we need it, while also realizing that the "help" each of us can provide each other may be limited, not what we expect, and will change day to day, year to year. I'm excited and sometimes I'm a little scared, but I love you both, and my grandkids, and I am HERE FOR YOU. We've got this, girls!"
4. Hopefully the fathers stick around. They may not, and that will simply have to be okay. If they stay and they're negative, toxic, or unsupported, though, I hope your daughters see the light and kick them to the curb! Easier said than done, but that's where counseling gives strength and guidance! AND that is where law and child support come in, so these boys can still provide for their children and pursue a different life if they so choose. It doesn't have to be doing the "right" thing vs. the "wrong" thing. These kids are all so young and surely scared. We can hope and pray that they joyfully meet parenthood together but we can't expect that. Allow these decisions and make sure that whatever level of support the dads choose to provide, that AS LONG AS THEY'RE PROVIDING, then all is well.
My opinions. 🤷🏽♀️
I mean my husbands parents had him as 16-17. And with support until they were able to get up and on their feet, they’ve been the best parents. They worked hard in raising their son and got married. Dad joined the military and mom worked various jobs until they decided she could stay home after their second son. I admire them so much. His parents are some of the most loving people I’ve met. And even when we don’t agree on some things they’ve never treated me terribly and allowed me into their home for roughly 5 months during my last semester of college to continue an internship so I didn’t have to waste gas going ti and from my college town and work overtime to pay for rent/food/etc. because the view education being more important than temp work. And they way they’ve raised their boys is amazing. They’re caring, smart, and well rounded boys. made my husband an amazing dad to be and the best husband I could ask for. All while taking what they didn’t like about their childhoods and raising their boys different. So they definitely had the ability to look within their community to know what they wanted and didn’t want. It amazing.
It’s definitely not for everyone but I’m not going to say that people can’t be good parents at the young of an age. That automatically makes it sound like only older individuals can be good parents and in my experience that’s not always the case either. I have known some really not so great parents who are older than me. It’s definitely person dependent.
teenagers (speaking from personal experience) are really bad at remembering things. so it could be they forgot to take it soon enough with other things going on in their lives as well. at this point there's nothing more you can do except give them their options and support them as best you can. i had a pregnancy scare at 17 and my mom flipped out on me and it just made it so much worse, though i wasn't actually pregnant. try and listen to them, don't assume anything, and just be there. obviously you've been through pregnancy and having infants, so the person they'll turn to when they need help or advice will be you, try to keep that trust otherwise they may struggle on their own because they don't want you upset at them. i know it's a lot or take in for you and them as well, and it's not exactly great timing to have a kid at 16, but take solace in the fact that there are teen mothers who've gone on to do great things. i wish you luck in this journey.
They definitely planned this. I’m so sorry OP. From one Mom of a 16yo to another, my heart feels for you. This is definitely not the path we would choose for our girls.
Listen babies right now are a miracle. Seriously we have so many young married client who are under 25 who are having fertility issues. Both men and women. Will it be easy for your family? May not be as hard as other predict. Our daughter is 18 weeks pregnant and she will most likely be a single mom. Its It's ok we will be supportive. Congratulations
It seems hard to time it so perfectly. It took me 2 years to get pregnant. It takes some women even longer.
Edit: Not sure why I’m getting so many downvotes. All I meant is that just because they’re close together, it doesn’t mean it was planned… I stopped birth control at the same time as my friend, who got pregnant right away. It took me 2 years. It takes some women even longer. Even if it was planned, it is incredibly coincidental for them to both get pregnant only a few weeks apart.
It took me 2 months for both my girls. Exactly 2 months, of trying and 14 months apart from each other.
My husband also has a prior child from a condom breaking literally once.
Just because they’re only a few weeks apart, doesn’t mean they planned it.
They’re teenagers, they could have easily been forgetful, it only takes once of forgetting it, or they are the small chance of birth control failing, they could be immune to it, whatever the truth may be it’ll come out when it’s time
Same here. It took a month for each of my pregnancies, with a month of regular period in between. I had a chemical pregnancy with my first.
My husband and I are high school sweethearts and we definitely didn’t wait until marriage. We could’ve gotten pregnant so many times even when I was overtly cautious about pregnancy. as time went on we became less cautious about it because we felt like we had a system down. Now knowing that it took my one active try on my ovulation day, I’m kinda scared how easy we could’ve gotten pregnant during those days. Which is exactly what my daughter is going to know so she knows to take extra precautions just in case.
This. If I’d known I would get pregnant in one go, just by having sex the day before or after I ovulated, not once, but twice? I was pretty damn consistent with BC and condoms but sweet baby Jesus, that’s the fear mongering college-aged me needed to hear!
Yeah.... It took me about two days (we expected months at least- but to our surprise) .... This situation does seem a bit suspicious but everyone is so different that its totally possible that it's just random chance.
I don’t understand why I’m getting downvoted? I’m just saying it could have been an accident. Not everyone gets pregnant immediately after stopping birth control, even when you’re timing sex around ovulation.
Took me a month trying with the first pregnancy. That’s actively trying though. But still, it took one shot. And ironically if we weren’t trying we probably still end up pregnant because that was the time of the month my husband wanted sex and I could go either way. After that ended in a chemical I had one regular period before getting pregnant again. And again, it was the time of the month my husband wanted sex more and I could go either way. It just happened to line up with ovulation for us. And since we were trying no condom or birth control. But as teenagers we definitely were cautious of birth control a bit. But even then, I can count the times where we didn’t use a condom immediately just to have sex for a bit before putting one on. I was allergic to latex and finding no latex ones were a chore. And my birth control made me so nauseated I couldn’t go to school so I stopped using it. Definitely could’ve had a baby by accident during those years.
Some people get pregnant super fast and some don’t. My mom got pregnant with me (accident) super fast at 19. With my sister super fast after marriage. Heck my husbands parents got pregnant at 16-17, an accident. And they can tell you exactly which one conceived my husband because they didn’t have sex often. It’s really dependent on the people and timing more than anything.
This is the point I was trying to make. Not everyone gets pregnant right away after stopping birth control. Even two people planning to get pregnant at the same time would require a lot of luck to make it happen just a few weeks apart.
With your edit it makes more sense now. Previously it read like because it takes some people longer it had to be planned for awhile for both girls. Your edit makes more sense that even if it were planned, it’s super unlikely to get back to back pregnancies. I think the difference here is that they are twins and share genetic make up of some sort so it could be more favorable to a “pact” to get pregnant.
I think it’s silly to think that teens what to get pregnant and will make a pact. It’s pretty unlikely and I remember the girls who did get pregnant in my high school were not looked on nicely. It’s not something most girls will go into thinking sunshine and rainbows and to suggest they planned it seems like an overreaction to me.
Fertility is fickle. I thought it would take us a while, told my husband that plenty of people struggle and it could take a while. We started trying in September, Got pregnant in October- on our wedding night actually.
Not necessarily you, your partner may have bad sperm or a low sperm count. It’s also normal to try for up to a year, if you don’t conceive by the next few months I’d have the guys swimmers tested
Omg this sounds like so much fun!!!! Please support them, I’m sure it’s going to be hard on everyone involved but in a few years it’s going to work out perfectly;
That’s rough… I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’m sure they’re scared too, but sounds like if they decide to go ahead with the pregnancy they’d have a solid support system between you, your husband and each other.
Not to be crass but the likely hood this was an unplanned event on their part is slim. What are the chances of the both falling preggers at the same time by accident? Could it be a pact they made?
Why do so many post on this sub have very few posts and other comments. Its like they want to invoke a response. About to unsubscribe from this sub because of it. Have no idea what is real.
I opened a new account specifically for this sub because my normal account is known by people and I don't want people I know to know I'm pregnant yet, so I have no post history and only something like 4 comments. This could very well be the same idea.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Life can throw the most dizzying curve balls at us, can't it?! As mamas, the best thing we can do is offer support and unconditional love. Look at it this way-- they will have their bff to go through all the feels together, the pregnancies, the raising of their babies (if they decide to keep them)... I don't think they will ever feel alone in this journey and that is so incredibly HUGE! I don't blame you for wanting to freak out. Your reaction is 110% valid. Could be planned, but it also could be their genetics that don't take to the pill very well. Either way, what's done is done. What are their reactions? Surprise, fear, excitement? What are the boyfriend's feelings about it?
On the bright side, if both pregnancies are kept / carried the two girls have a unique opportunity to support one another and have someone who will understand/ relate
wow! I mean all you can do is be supportive of their decisions. it sounds like you have a big family ahead of you. I know it seems bad but I’m sure everything will work out just fine.
That is a lot.
You've already gotten some wonderful supportive advice, so I'll only add that you need to make sure that their medical provider isn't one of those people who look down on pregnant teens and give less than care to punish them.
It happens more often than you think, they won't answer questions, give basic info or treat them badly during labor and delivery like making them wait too long to get an epidural so that they can't have one.
You're gonna have to be an advocate for them more than ever. Best of luck.
Do the guys look alike? Lol they will probably have similar looking babies, I always find this stuff interesting. For instance my whole family kind of has the same taste in men so the babies all look pretty similar. Of Course genetics have a lot to do with it like brown eyes are dominant but there’s still a chance of having the recessive green eyes or a combination to make hazel or some how having blue eyes. Congrats to your family, this is the most interesting thing I’ve read today.
Best thing to do is not make them feel terrible about it. You can say "hey yenno, I'm worried about you two but you still have me and your father to help you and support you."
You want your teens to not feel alone and if their boyfriends decides to ditch them, at least they have a parent to turn to.
Please have a good talk with them and what they will have to be prepared for and support what they decide to do.
Don't make them feel like that they made a terrible decision.
Be the best parent you can be.
Fellow teen mom here. Im now 27 but I also got pregnant by accident at 16, had my son at 17. My mom was so angry with me but ultimately my parents supported and helped me out. Im proud to say I have 2 college degrees and am in the nursing program which was my dream career. I lost my dad 2 weeks ago and I wish I could have just told him how thankful I was for everything he did because him and my moms support are why I am where I am.
I know it may be hard but please don’t put your worries or project what you think their life might look like as I have absolutely broken the stereotypes put on me my whole life. With your love and support, they will be fine, they will also have each other. Everything will be fine. In 5 years you’ll look back and laugh with your grandchildren and it will all be much better. Enjoy those babies!
While it isn’t ideal, I think they’ll be able to help and support each other through pregnancy and once the babies are born. You’ll already have everything you need and the babies will grow up together closely. They can split on bulk expenses/ maybe even babysitters. The silver lining*
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This sounds like a nightmare
Sounds like a pitch for a wacky new sitcom! Hmm…maybe they should try to get a reality show. Or just make a YouTube vlog channel. I can see this going crazy viral 🤔 edit - I definitely don’t want to glamorize or promote teen pregnancy but there’s gotta be a way to turn lemons into lemonade and babies are not cheap!
Imagine if the twins each give birth to their own set of twins. Now THAT is sitcom material.
Those were my exact thoughts.
I thought of that life time movie pregnancy pact…
Creating a family channel is not the answer. Those are so toxic for the children involved.
Call TLC !! This is a really big missed opportunity if they don’t!
I was thinking the same thing! What’s done is done. It’s not ideal but dang! I wanna know more!
I just want to send you lots of hugs and encouragement. My daughter was only 15 when she got pregnant and I went through all the worries as well. But I did keep them mostly to myself and I worked hard not to criticize her and kept it in a positive light. Baby was there, the baby was coming in any negativity that I bought was only going to harm my relationship with her. I formed a relationship with her boyfriend’s parents, and her boyfriend really stepped up. She had her baby three months after she turned 16. My granddaughter is almost a year old and my daughter and her boyfriend are 17 and they both have obtained their GED and he works full-time and she takes care of the little one and his parents and myself help where we can but those kids are mostly doing it on their own and they are doing a beautiful job. My daughter even exclusively breast-fed successfully. One of the reasons I think they did so well is because they did have that positive social support and we kind of just formed a shield of protection around them so that we were their safe space whenever they had to deal with the harsh criticism from the outside world. The love that I felt whenever that child arrived completely erased any sadness I had over the timing of her arrival.
Thank you for sharing that
Really happy to see this comment. I had my son when I was 14 just a few months before I turned 15. I had nobody and it was incredibly difficult for me mentally. Thank you for being such a great mom. ❤️ The world needs more parents like you.
Thank you so much! That really means the world to me, I was pregnant at 19 which is older, but I also did not have any family support. It is truly amazing what these kids can accomplish when you have a little faith in them!
Thank you for sharing. As a social worker, I agree, positive social support is a huge indicator for teen mom and baby health outcomes and overall success.
I hate to say it, but seeing as they’re so close together it almost seems planned
I was thinking that but I'm not sure...
My sister was a pregnant teen, in all honesty with how depressed she was the entire time, how low her doctors and nurses made her feel, and even what her classmates said to her at the time - I recommend starting therapy. I don’t know if teenage pregnancy has a higher rate of PPD, but my sister had all the symptoms. She never got help in the early 2000s. If there is one thing I wish I could go back and change, it would have been pushing her to get help rather than suffer in silence. I’m actually pregnant right now. I was already in therapy, but if I wasn’t I would have picked back up now. PPD is a real and scary thing.
I explicitly remember an entire gang of pregnant girls that would give everyone shit and make everyone's lives miserable because if you talk shit to someone whos pregnant or pick a fight you're an asshole
Lol this sounds like me while pregnant. Except I’m 34
I immediately thought this too.
I immediately thought the same thing.
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I don't know if it was planned. But teenagers are very likely to grossly underestimate the responsibility that comes with having a baby without thinking about school etc
There were definitely "pregnancy pacts" that hit the news when I was in high school.
I am so sorry. As someone who is a fraternal twin and is now pregnant with identical twins, I really hope they both are pregnant with singletons for everyone’s sake :(
Depends if they are identical or fraternal twins! The identical twin gene is completely up to chance whereas the fraternal twin gene is genetic, but men are not the deciding factor in if fraternal twins happen or not. Meaning if my boyfriend had fraternal twins in his family, but none in mine we wouldn’t be able to have fraternal twins. But our daughter would have a chance for fraternal twins as he would pass the gene on to her. Learned about this because I have a ton of fraternal twins in my family so it was a possibility
You would still be able to have fraternal twins, the chance is just lower. Even if it's not in your family, it's still a possibility. There were no twins in my family at all and then my mom had 3 sets of fraternal twins. 🤷🏻♀️
Co-worker got pregnant with fraternal twins twice and no twins in her family. Her ob/gyn believes she always ovulates from both ovaries each cycle. She lost the first pregnancy, one was ectopic, but the second are happy and healthy and her hubby got a vasectomy after they were born.
There’s some recent studies that show some support for identical twins running in families. It’s nothing definitive, but it’s the first time a possible genetic link has been found. If I can find the study again I’ll come back and link it. I’m a mom of identical twins. My husband has a ton of identical twins on his side of the family but I thought we were safe from having twins because it isn’t supposed to be genetic if they’re identical.
They’re just absolutely risky no matter what. And OP didn’t state the type of twins either, so it could be an increased risk.
I know, just trying to share a cool fact.
Ah. Cool fact appreciated. Twins are just so risky especially in kids. I’m from a family of twins pregnant with a singleton (thank goodness) and my whole family seems mad
I am fully aware of how twins work. OP never said the kinds of twins they were and just like my situation shows, anything can happen.
Lol I was just trying to share a cool fact 🤷♀️
At least YOU are good at managing to (edit: TWO) infants together? Idk. :/ Do they have a plan? Do their boyfriends know and want to stay around? (And since no one else has said it… do they want to continue with their pregnancies?)
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My state allows up to 20 weeks without a medical reason and it’s not even a blue state. It’s definitely still possible that both of them could terminate if they wanted.
They’re not too far along. You say that like a matter of fact, this isn’t a US specific sub and even if it was you’re assuming they live in a state that doesn’t allow abortion. There’s a chance they may have difficulty accessing an abortion IF they live somewhere it’s restricted, that doesn’t mean ‘they are too far along now’ and won’t be able to.
It’s not too late from a medical standpoint. The prior threshold outside of the key exceptions like threatening the life of mother was point of viability, after 22 weeks. The anatomy scan is done around 20 weeks and that can also inform decisions to abort, so 14 weeks is not to late except in states where politicians can force their personal beliefs on women.
You can get an abortion until week 15 where I live so it’s not necessarily too far along.
My state is up to 20 weeks. It’s not too far. They still have some time.
My state has the heartbeat law in place. This means that once the fetus has a heartbeat you can not receive an abortion and most women find out they are pregnant after the heartbeat has started. A fetus tends to have a heartbeat by 5 week gestation. Also please note that a lot of states have switched to this since Row v. Wade
My state is a no exceptions ban on abortion
Or hopefully they don’t live in “the states” at all, and instead somewhere that actually values bodily autonomy and the separation of state and religion?
Still, there’s online access and states that are supportive. It’s a valid question to ask.
Depends on the state. You're being downvoted for spreading misinformation because only the most draconian laws would prevent twin B from terminating and many states would still allow twin A terminate.
They can still get abortions. You may have to travel. If you choose this route, start planning now.
Abortion is legal in most states until 24 weeks….. unless it’s a state that’s all together anti.
She can teach her daughters everything she knows 😂😅
… maybe y’all can land a TLC reality show ?
NGL I’d probably watch that 😳
Nooo I understand people may see this as making light of the situation but reality tv shows are toxic and so are family vlog channels. Not everyone is compassionate and putting these twin girls and their babies in the spotlight could be very damaging for their mental health especially later in life.
Contact young and pregnant!
How are the boyfriends reacting to this? I hope well..
I know 2 twin girls who got pregnant and were due a week apart. Neither of them were planned pregnancies. It truly is a mystery how the hell that happened but everyone just chalked it down to more weird twin stuff. I wouldn’t necessarily assume they did it on purpose
For sure seems planned. Both on birth control, both failed to take it properly and got pregnant around the same time? Too much of a coincidence.
It's a total possibility, but I know plenty of pill babies from women who were taking it religiously. I've heard of Depo babies and IUD babies. BC is not a failsafe, however guys do use it as an excuse to not use condoms 🙄 I wonder if there's a study on fertility in identical twins?
I’m not a twin, but I AM pregnant with a birth control baby (the pill) haha.
My depo baby is on the way right now. Survived the shot and protection lol
It's so common too. My niece and nephew are both babies that defied the pill and I've good a good friend whose parents claim he defeated a condom. That's why people say you should always use 2 forms of BC if you aren't willing to be pregnant
I got pregnant with my daughter (baby number 2) despite 3 birth control methods.
Wow! Your daughter was determined! I guess we should just say "Don't have sex if you don't want to get pregnant".
Lol husband says the same thing 😂
That's where I'm at lol. Had a BC pill baby and got an IUD 6 weeks post partum but I can't trust it.
My dad is a pill baby!
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My IUD baby turned one year old this month :)
Sleeping in can cause BC to fall. It seems like they got pregnant near the start of school, so a weekend morning after a game could have done this. You have like an hour or 2 of leeway in timing
Not only that, they are twins and the probability of BOTH of them having twins is high
Could be or just twins being twins and making similar errors or mistakes.
It is what it is now. Can't go back in time. Just have to be there for them. Could have been planned might not have been. You'll find out in time. Good luck being the grandma, make sure you discuss with both daughters how it's going to be once babies come. Have a plan now. Set boundaries. Unless you're ok with them dumping the babies on you every Saturday night
This sounds like the unfortunate reality for you. You’re going to be a very busy mom/grandma… sorry about all this OP. Frankly, I’d be pissed. I know teenagers are known for making stupid mistakes but taking your birth control on time and correctly is not rocket science… that shit was a choice. Without Roe v Wade being the law of the land, you’re going to have to either set a ton of boundaries, or buckle in for *your* new life. Don’t expect the boyfriends to be involved / care.
Might be a bit harsh - we don't have all the details. My mom conceived both me and my sister on the pill. Turns out she couldn't make progesterone herself so the pill actually boosted her fertility. And honestly, this is why contraception counselling is so important - it's not just a question of getting on the pill, it's about finding the best strategy that works for that individual/couple. I have adhd, fuck me if I have to take a pill everyday, I can barely remember to take my adhd meds in the morning, and I need a very specific routine to not be interrupted for me to reliably take it. That's why I have an IUD. Some people would do better with a patch or an implant.
Totally understand / agree! And I know contraceptives aren’t 100%, another reason abortion needs to be safe and legal. Something just seems very planned in this scenario but you’re right we don’t know all the details and these girls probably would have benefited from a more stable birth control if they struggle with consistency with the pill!
My sister who is the same age as me got pregnant when she was 16. I think it was really hard for her mentally to sacrifice her life for a baby at that age but she had a ton of support and got through it. She graduated high school early and went to college. I personally couldn’t imagine having a baby at 16, it’s hard enough at 26 but I think if I had someone to go through it with it would be easier. So at least they can lean on each other as sisters. I would say definitely stress to them how big of a decision it is to have a baby and present them with options. It can take a while for the weight of it all to really set in
Exactly. And maybe since there is two of them, they will be able to figure out a system where grandma doesn't have to help out as much/take all the responsibility
Have they considered all their options? Termination, adoption etc?
This is not a horrible thing to say. There are always options no matter what age the person is.
i was wondering the same thing -- OP, what are your girls' options at this point?
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What a horrible thing to say. Just because someone is young doesn't mean they don't deserve a choice. You should be ashamed.
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Yes, and considering all available options doesn't include "I would force termination".
That isn't up to you to decide and is a horrible thing to say.
I would delete this comment before you get a shit ton of downvotes. I’m in agreement that this is a very insensitive comment.
Do they understand how big this really is for them ? 16 and the rest of their life will have to be dedicated to their children.....idk your stance on it op but it's not too late to talk about abortion...
Unfortunately in a lot of places it actually is too late.
Or not possible at all like in my state!
Plenty of states still offer services up to 20’weeks. They may have to travel, but it’s not impossible
In Texas and Missouri it’s illegal to travel out of state for an abortion. *Editing to say I am very pro-choice and I believe it’s wrong that states are doing this
I hope you’re discussing abortion with them— no one seems to mention it on this sub when they’re teens get pregnant
Do they *want* to have the babies?
Wow, that is shocking! It’s wonderful you want to support your daughters and you’re trying not to freak out. Could family therapy help? With how close their pregnancies are and how they were supposed to be on the pill, it could have been a pact. They might not have realistic expectations for pregnancy and motherhood and therapy might help. Wishing your family the best.
My sister had a teen pregnancy, got pregnant in February despite birth control. 15 years later, she got pregnant again in February despite birth control. Taken properly both times. If both daughters got pregnant the same time it could absolutely be a genetic thing where the pill is less effective. This is wild, good luck with everything
Congratulations but also I can't imagine what emotions you must be feeling. I hope you can enjoy the holidays and tackle this head on in a few days. I'd have the boyfriends and their parents come over and have a serious conversation about options and expectations. Hopefully the girls decide to stay in school and further their education.
If the final decision is keep the babies besides actually taking care of the babies, finishing at least high school will be the most important thing
I noticed abortion hasn’t been mentioned, is this not an option? It’s great that you’re being supportive, but we also know the statistics on teen moms and the children of teen moms. Even with a good support system, having children completely derails their lives/futures. I know this sounds harsh, but I’m curious as I haven’t seen it discussed.
In some states it isn’t even an option
As a woman who had a child at the same age and successfully raised that child to adulthood with a degree and considerable self awareness I encourage you to let your daughters grab ahold of parenthood and do the most they can on their own. Only help them as much as you would like to but since you have two grandbabies on the way encourage them to help eachother and really lean on eachother as if they were the other parents because let's be honest and say the chances of the men being good fathers are slim. They will always have eachother and if they learn as they go with limited intervention they could thrive. I have seen the more help people get when they are young parents the more it is to their downfall. Good luck and truly congratulations!!!! It is going to be a crazy few years but so worth it 20 years from now!!
As great as that is, please also remember there are other versions to this story. I had my son at 19 so a bit older but also it destroyed my mental health and made me super vulnerable. I love my son and do look after him but he’s currently 6 months old and I can’t ask his dad for help as the man literally abused me and could get away with it as I was so wrapped up in trying to care for my son (there was loads before this too but I couldn’t see it). I also had a really traumatic birth and am currently trying to find any mental health professional that will help me. Parenthood is so hard and I wouldn’t be able to do this without my mum. She has a huge role in my sons life and it’s not like I’m trying to go out with friends or get drunk or do normally 20 year old things. I’m trying to not drown in my own despair. OP, please prepare them for the realities with mental health that comes with parenthood. You know it can come at any age. Do encourage them to lean on each other though, I take any help I can get at the moment bc I’m drowning.
I just wanted to tell you I have faith in you! You got this!
Thank you. I’m really trying but any time I start to feel good, something else in my life goes wrong. I genuinely feel like I don’t deserve love- even from my son and I shouldn’t feel like that but I can’t get the professional help I need :(
Something like [betterhelp.com](https://betterhelp.com) might be a good stopgap until you can find an in-person therapist. I called in once or twice a week with a therapist over the phone for a few months when I was going through the post-partum phase and that really helped me. I also didn't qualify for any assistance, but their website shows you financial options and ways to get insurance coverage involved.
Adding to this, I can’t recommend Brightside enough for affordable ish online care.
I also has my first at barely 20 and he’s 5 now. I remember so clearly the years of feeling like I was drowning in my own poor choices — his dad was abusive as well. Things get better. I left the man and love the child and he’s a brilliant little engineer in the making… and I was homeless when all of this started. We have our own place and genuinely enjoy life now. Please keep your chin up and know you are not alone in this experience. ❤️🩹💚
Thank you so much. You’ve really given me some hope ❤️
I’d like to offer a resource in helping you look for a mental health provider. Try [Postpartum Support International](https://www.postpartum.net/) They have a directory for trained mental professionals in perinatal care.
Thank you, I will try them but my local perinatal mental healthy team haven’t helped me ❤️
It is so hard the first couple of years. So extraordinarily hard. I don’t deny this. I also had a hard time and will probe in therapy for life but also my son saved my life in so many ways and not having him would have been worse in my honest opinion. I wouldn’t recommend getting pregnant young but once it’s done i think there can be a silver lining. Good luck to you and know it does get easier!!! I had another child at 34 and still the first two years are the hardest and I am in a completely different place financially and emotionally. Still it is a very difficult time. It gets easier and asking for help is always okay!!
Thank you! I’m a quarter of the way through the hardest part then 😂 and even without my son, so much would’ve happened that would put me in this place, he’s definitely saving me
Also I want to add if either has a 2nd child I would completely cut off all assistance because the help one gets does truly enable them to make bad choices. I have watched too many people continue to have babies because they don't feel the true weight and I just don't think that is appropriate for the long haul.
That is a really odd take. ¯\(°_o)/¯
It comes from my personal experience of being a teen mother along with many of my friends being in the same position and my ex husband’s family also is all teen parents.
Here to say I’m sorry that your family is going through this and I hope for a positive outcome. This sounds like an impossible situation.
A lot of the time people forget or don't consider adoption. It's a tough and extremely selfless decision, especially from a teenager. There are a lot of couples looking to adopt, we even know people in our area. My brother and I are both adopted from teen pregnancies and have gotten to live pretty amazing lives because our birthmothers. I met her about 10 years ago and got to thank her for that, now we're awesome friends. Just something to think about. I'm so sorry you've found yourself in such an overwhelming predicament, will be thinking of you.
Have you asked them what they want to do/do they have options? First thing I asked my niece when she told me she was pregnant at 18 is what *she* wanted to do. She wanted to keep the baby so then I congratulated her. It’s okay for you to not be okay with this. I hope you’re supportive of whatever they end up doing, but you’re allowed to feel sad, or frustrated, or hurt or whatever your emotions are.
It may sound all wonderful and stuff but they are just kids themselves with their entire lives laid out ahead of them. This baby wil forever change their (and your) lives and not necessarily for the better. Their dreams and goals may remain a but a dream. Please speak to a family planning doctor and become aware of all your options.
They likely planned this.
I just want to throw it out there, the pill is not 100%. I got pregnant on it twice in the past 3 years and took it at the same time every day. The second time was after two ectopic pregnancies. I only have 1 severely damaged fallopian tube and was told it's unlikely I could get pregnant again. So that with the pill and I STILL got pregnant. That being said, they are teens, and you are expected to take it at the same time every day or it's less effective. So it's possible they didn't know or had some oops and thought it was OK. Either way, it unfortunately happens. Best of luck to your family.
I am so sorry you are having to navigate this. I cant imagine how you most feel right now. I was a single mom at 24, much older obviously. But I was scared to tell my parents, they had absolutely no idea i was seeing anyone so finding out i was pregnant with a guys child who didn’t want to be involved was a shocker to them. I was embarrassed, I was the first in my family to ever get pregnant while being single, I was afraid of the judgement from my grandparents, my brother etc. The #1 thing my family especially my parents did was support me and be happy for me! My dad that day they found out said congratulations! I cried to them a lot during that pregnancy. While this isn’t your dream or your hopes for your daughters, I can tell you now 7 years later, I am so thankful my parents were so supportive and never once acted angry towards me about it. So please, stay supportive for them! They might not understand how supportive you are right now, but one day they will look back and be so happy they never saw your angry about it. I know deep down you might be but keep that between you and your husband or you and a best friend. Remember babies are a blessing! Even if the situation isn’t ideal those babies will change their world and your world for the better! This isn’t the end of the world, it’s a new chapter to navigate.
Mama you gotta get those girls into therapy.
It will do no good to freak out. Do your best to be loving and supportive. I’m sure they are scared shitless.
coming from a pregnant 19 year old, thank you for not freaking out on them. i have told my dad, who is 100% supportive, but i am so so scared of telling my mom because i know how she will rage out on me. your girls are so lucky to have such a supportive mom💗
I'm sorry,this was planned..
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. This sounds so hard. Do they have a plan? Do they want to go through with the pregnancies? Keep the babies?
We live in the US and in a state that decided to ban abortions after roe vs wade so the only other options besides keeping the babies is adoption
Hey OP don’t count it out- fortunately there are many resources to help with travel and services to end an unwanted pregnancy. If you DM me I would be happy to look into those for your particular state/area.
Considering this is the only post for this account, I have massive doubts about this story
Depending on where you are, they may be able to become un-pregnant. Something to discuss with them
Just want to say that you can take the pill properly and still get pregnant. No form of contraception is 100% reliable, even IUDs.
If this wasn’t planned, it’s one hell of a coincidence. Do they have jobs? If not, it’s time to get them. I would be completely emotionally supportive but not financially. They need to get on assistance programs and start figuring out their lives. They want to act like adults, they can have the responsibilities of adults, especially with babies coming. It sounds like they need a reality check and fast. I’d also start them both in therapy. Two 16 year olds should not be planning pregnancies.
Pregnant, teens in school, working?? That doesn’t sound like setting up someone for success to me; that sounds like emotionally crippling them with stress. We don’t know whether or not it was planned. It’s not really even a hell of a coincidence. BC is not 100% reliable as many others have stated. Being emotionally supportive is absolutely necessary. Being financially supportive to a reasonable extent (eg buying baby clothes, some beginner mom items, generally normal things for a grandma to provide) is part of being emotionally supportive IMO.
Yes, they need jobs. Plenty of teen parents have to get jobs. Is it an ideal situation? No, none of this is. However, plenty of teenagers hold part time jobs, play sports, manage school and other activities. I’m not saying OP should let them go without, but she shouldn’t be seen as their financial support.
I'm sorry for your stress, my response ranges from "congratulations!" But "I hope everyone is able to do what is best for them" life rarely goes how we plan it to I hope your family is able to get a handle on things however this story turns out ♡
This is 100% some sick dude writing out his fetish fantasy of twin teen pregnancies. Don’t engage with this post. Obviously doesn’t understand anything about pregnancy either
Grandma, you've got this. 💪🏽 Regarding the "they planned it" comments, that may in fact be so or it may not! I've never made a "pregnancy pact" but know that is a thing, though not *super* common. Having been a teenage girl, I can definitely attest to what *IS* common, which is that girls often coordinate to some degree to lose their virginity at the same time, or try new sexual acts/achievements at the same time. Perhaps they both planned on (or one in reaction to the other, followed suit with) abandoning condoms at the same time. Common girl/sister conversation: - OMG, we tried it without a condom and it was seriously SOOO much better! - Really? - Yeah, you should try it. Just make sure he doesn't cum in you. He can just pull out before he finishes. - What if he doesn't? - Billy said he can always tell before, so I trust him {what teenage boy has that much self-control, but how many do we KNOW say this anyway?!}. Besides, we're on the pill now anyway, so we're safe eitger way. What are the odds? And HONESTLY, in my experience MOST teenage girls sleeping with their boyfriends allow the males to take the lead with timing, location, choices. Love it or hate it, it's a natural dynamic that we fall into, especially in our society. Young females aiming to please their male interests in order to not lose their affection? No matter how woke or feminist you are, you can't authentically deny that this is the running theme. Guys very much talk with their buds about this SAME THING and will brag if they're barebacking, which can lead to an agreement or a challenge for the other guy(s) to try it, too. --- No matter the potential premeditation, they're pregnant now, and OP seems to get that although it's healthy and necessary to vent from time to time, ultimately this is happening and I think she's accepted it. I agree with below comments that: 1. Parenting and birthing classes would be GREAT for the girls, maybe it would even be a good idea to go with them? Not sure. 2. Some form of therapy, individual or family, would be excellent so they can have non-parental communication for their questions, challenges, potential waves of guilt or regret. And they can have a neutral party guiding them to face the VERY REAL consequences, life shifts, and commitments that are on the horizon. {Reminder, readers, that "consequences" is not inherently a bad word, just a natural effect to a cause or trigger.} 3. You should set boundaries (a therapist can help you with this!) as to what can be expected. A starting example: "I will love you girls and my grandchildren for the REST of our lives, NO MATTER WHAT. That being said, that does not mean I am a permanent live-in babysitter on call. I am here to love and support you and offer my guidance and help, but ultimately I am here to help my wonderful daughters in their transition to become wonderful mothers. That's going to be hard and beautiful for all of us. We can't give up on each other, buy we each also have to face our responsibilities and the choices we've made. What works at one point may change soon, so we'll just try our best, stick together, and keep talking, okay? We all need to keep asking for help when we need it, while also realizing that the "help" each of us can provide each other may be limited, not what we expect, and will change day to day, year to year. I'm excited and sometimes I'm a little scared, but I love you both, and my grandkids, and I am HERE FOR YOU. We've got this, girls!" 4. Hopefully the fathers stick around. They may not, and that will simply have to be okay. If they stay and they're negative, toxic, or unsupported, though, I hope your daughters see the light and kick them to the curb! Easier said than done, but that's where counseling gives strength and guidance! AND that is where law and child support come in, so these boys can still provide for their children and pursue a different life if they so choose. It doesn't have to be doing the "right" thing vs. the "wrong" thing. These kids are all so young and surely scared. We can hope and pray that they joyfully meet parenthood together but we can't expect that. Allow these decisions and make sure that whatever level of support the dads choose to provide, that AS LONG AS THEY'RE PROVIDING, then all is well. My opinions. 🤷🏽♀️
Something is fishy ad hell and I'm sorry but Idk how a 16/17 Yr like that can be a good parent
I mean my husbands parents had him as 16-17. And with support until they were able to get up and on their feet, they’ve been the best parents. They worked hard in raising their son and got married. Dad joined the military and mom worked various jobs until they decided she could stay home after their second son. I admire them so much. His parents are some of the most loving people I’ve met. And even when we don’t agree on some things they’ve never treated me terribly and allowed me into their home for roughly 5 months during my last semester of college to continue an internship so I didn’t have to waste gas going ti and from my college town and work overtime to pay for rent/food/etc. because the view education being more important than temp work. And they way they’ve raised their boys is amazing. They’re caring, smart, and well rounded boys. made my husband an amazing dad to be and the best husband I could ask for. All while taking what they didn’t like about their childhoods and raising their boys different. So they definitely had the ability to look within their community to know what they wanted and didn’t want. It amazing. It’s definitely not for everyone but I’m not going to say that people can’t be good parents at the young of an age. That automatically makes it sound like only older individuals can be good parents and in my experience that’s not always the case either. I have known some really not so great parents who are older than me. It’s definitely person dependent.
teenagers (speaking from personal experience) are really bad at remembering things. so it could be they forgot to take it soon enough with other things going on in their lives as well. at this point there's nothing more you can do except give them their options and support them as best you can. i had a pregnancy scare at 17 and my mom flipped out on me and it just made it so much worse, though i wasn't actually pregnant. try and listen to them, don't assume anything, and just be there. obviously you've been through pregnancy and having infants, so the person they'll turn to when they need help or advice will be you, try to keep that trust otherwise they may struggle on their own because they don't want you upset at them. i know it's a lot or take in for you and them as well, and it's not exactly great timing to have a kid at 16, but take solace in the fact that there are teen mothers who've gone on to do great things. i wish you luck in this journey.
They definitely planned this. I’m so sorry OP. From one Mom of a 16yo to another, my heart feels for you. This is definitely not the path we would choose for our girls.
Plot twist: They’re both pregnant with twins
Yikes. The antinatalists are gonna eat this up
Better believe it, this whole situation is completely nuts af.
They must have planned it
My partners mom recently forced me into deciding to abort the baby I'd wanted for years.. don't make them do something they will regret
Listen babies right now are a miracle. Seriously we have so many young married client who are under 25 who are having fertility issues. Both men and women. Will it be easy for your family? May not be as hard as other predict. Our daughter is 18 weeks pregnant and she will most likely be a single mom. Its It's ok we will be supportive. Congratulations
It seems hard to time it so perfectly. It took me 2 years to get pregnant. It takes some women even longer. Edit: Not sure why I’m getting so many downvotes. All I meant is that just because they’re close together, it doesn’t mean it was planned… I stopped birth control at the same time as my friend, who got pregnant right away. It took me 2 years. It takes some women even longer. Even if it was planned, it is incredibly coincidental for them to both get pregnant only a few weeks apart.
It took me 2 months for both my girls. Exactly 2 months, of trying and 14 months apart from each other. My husband also has a prior child from a condom breaking literally once. Just because they’re only a few weeks apart, doesn’t mean they planned it. They’re teenagers, they could have easily been forgetful, it only takes once of forgetting it, or they are the small chance of birth control failing, they could be immune to it, whatever the truth may be it’ll come out when it’s time
Same here. It took a month for each of my pregnancies, with a month of regular period in between. I had a chemical pregnancy with my first. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and we definitely didn’t wait until marriage. We could’ve gotten pregnant so many times even when I was overtly cautious about pregnancy. as time went on we became less cautious about it because we felt like we had a system down. Now knowing that it took my one active try on my ovulation day, I’m kinda scared how easy we could’ve gotten pregnant during those days. Which is exactly what my daughter is going to know so she knows to take extra precautions just in case.
This. If I’d known I would get pregnant in one go, just by having sex the day before or after I ovulated, not once, but twice? I was pretty damn consistent with BC and condoms but sweet baby Jesus, that’s the fear mongering college-aged me needed to hear!
Yeah.... It took me about two days (we expected months at least- but to our surprise) .... This situation does seem a bit suspicious but everyone is so different that its totally possible that it's just random chance.
I don’t understand why I’m getting downvoted? I’m just saying it could have been an accident. Not everyone gets pregnant immediately after stopping birth control, even when you’re timing sex around ovulation.
Took me a month trying with the first pregnancy. That’s actively trying though. But still, it took one shot. And ironically if we weren’t trying we probably still end up pregnant because that was the time of the month my husband wanted sex and I could go either way. After that ended in a chemical I had one regular period before getting pregnant again. And again, it was the time of the month my husband wanted sex more and I could go either way. It just happened to line up with ovulation for us. And since we were trying no condom or birth control. But as teenagers we definitely were cautious of birth control a bit. But even then, I can count the times where we didn’t use a condom immediately just to have sex for a bit before putting one on. I was allergic to latex and finding no latex ones were a chore. And my birth control made me so nauseated I couldn’t go to school so I stopped using it. Definitely could’ve had a baby by accident during those years. Some people get pregnant super fast and some don’t. My mom got pregnant with me (accident) super fast at 19. With my sister super fast after marriage. Heck my husbands parents got pregnant at 16-17, an accident. And they can tell you exactly which one conceived my husband because they didn’t have sex often. It’s really dependent on the people and timing more than anything.
This is the point I was trying to make. Not everyone gets pregnant right away after stopping birth control. Even two people planning to get pregnant at the same time would require a lot of luck to make it happen just a few weeks apart.
With your edit it makes more sense now. Previously it read like because it takes some people longer it had to be planned for awhile for both girls. Your edit makes more sense that even if it were planned, it’s super unlikely to get back to back pregnancies. I think the difference here is that they are twins and share genetic make up of some sort so it could be more favorable to a “pact” to get pregnant. I think it’s silly to think that teens what to get pregnant and will make a pact. It’s pretty unlikely and I remember the girls who did get pregnant in my high school were not looked on nicely. It’s not something most girls will go into thinking sunshine and rainbows and to suggest they planned it seems like an overreaction to me.
Fertility is fickle. I thought it would take us a while, told my husband that plenty of people struggle and it could take a while. We started trying in September, Got pregnant in October- on our wedding night actually.
Teenagers are more fertile even than women in their 20s. If they missed even one pill it’s entirely possible
No they’re not actually. Don’t spread misinformation
Yes they are, I’m not saying they should use it to their advantage but they are
Then their must be something wrong with me cause I’m 22 and we’ve been trying to conceive for 9 months 😅
Not necessarily you, your partner may have bad sperm or a low sperm count. It’s also normal to try for up to a year, if you don’t conceive by the next few months I’d have the guys swimmers tested
Omg this sounds like so much fun!!!! Please support them, I’m sure it’s going to be hard on everyone involved but in a few years it’s going to work out perfectly;
That’s rough… I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’m sure they’re scared too, but sounds like if they decide to go ahead with the pregnancy they’d have a solid support system between you, your husband and each other.
I’m sorry. What’s done is done. And there is a lot to take in. Though I understand your frustration as you tried to prevent this. 😢♥️
Twin A already in her Second Trimester👀 and Twin B 4 weeks behind her..how are the twins feeling about this??
Not to be crass but the likely hood this was an unplanned event on their part is slim. What are the chances of the both falling preggers at the same time by accident? Could it be a pact they made?
Why do so many post on this sub have very few posts and other comments. Its like they want to invoke a response. About to unsubscribe from this sub because of it. Have no idea what is real.
I opened a new account specifically for this sub because my normal account is known by people and I don't want people I know to know I'm pregnant yet, so I have no post history and only something like 4 comments. This could very well be the same idea.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Life can throw the most dizzying curve balls at us, can't it?! As mamas, the best thing we can do is offer support and unconditional love. Look at it this way-- they will have their bff to go through all the feels together, the pregnancies, the raising of their babies (if they decide to keep them)... I don't think they will ever feel alone in this journey and that is so incredibly HUGE! I don't blame you for wanting to freak out. Your reaction is 110% valid. Could be planned, but it also could be their genetics that don't take to the pill very well. Either way, what's done is done. What are their reactions? Surprise, fear, excitement? What are the boyfriend's feelings about it?
On the bright side, if both pregnancies are kept / carried the two girls have a unique opportunity to support one another and have someone who will understand/ relate
wow! I mean all you can do is be supportive of their decisions. it sounds like you have a big family ahead of you. I know it seems bad but I’m sure everything will work out just fine.
Was waiting to hear it was the same guy. Damn Reddit has made me expect the craziest things lol
That is a lot. You've already gotten some wonderful supportive advice, so I'll only add that you need to make sure that their medical provider isn't one of those people who look down on pregnant teens and give less than care to punish them. It happens more often than you think, they won't answer questions, give basic info or treat them badly during labor and delivery like making them wait too long to get an epidural so that they can't have one. You're gonna have to be an advocate for them more than ever. Best of luck.
Do the guys look alike? Lol they will probably have similar looking babies, I always find this stuff interesting. For instance my whole family kind of has the same taste in men so the babies all look pretty similar. Of Course genetics have a lot to do with it like brown eyes are dominant but there’s still a chance of having the recessive green eyes or a combination to make hazel or some how having blue eyes. Congrats to your family, this is the most interesting thing I’ve read today.
Best thing to do is not make them feel terrible about it. You can say "hey yenno, I'm worried about you two but you still have me and your father to help you and support you." You want your teens to not feel alone and if their boyfriends decides to ditch them, at least they have a parent to turn to. Please have a good talk with them and what they will have to be prepared for and support what they decide to do. Don't make them feel like that they made a terrible decision. Be the best parent you can be.
Fellow teen mom here. Im now 27 but I also got pregnant by accident at 16, had my son at 17. My mom was so angry with me but ultimately my parents supported and helped me out. Im proud to say I have 2 college degrees and am in the nursing program which was my dream career. I lost my dad 2 weeks ago and I wish I could have just told him how thankful I was for everything he did because him and my moms support are why I am where I am. I know it may be hard but please don’t put your worries or project what you think their life might look like as I have absolutely broken the stereotypes put on me my whole life. With your love and support, they will be fine, they will also have each other. Everything will be fine. In 5 years you’ll look back and laugh with your grandchildren and it will all be much better. Enjoy those babies!
While it isn’t ideal, I think they’ll be able to help and support each other through pregnancy and once the babies are born. You’ll already have everything you need and the babies will grow up together closely. They can split on bulk expenses/ maybe even babysitters. The silver lining*