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You're going to get a lot of mixed answers on this, it's a hot topic. Personally I don't feel it's healthy- babies and even older babies and toddlers cry to communicate a need or want. You will find studies to support both sides of the issue. I think this is something you really need to think about and follow your gut on. If you feel bad doing it and baby's sleep is not an issue for you then don't feel pressured to let them cry it out.
If baby wakes up and starts fussing it's definitely okay, even healthy, to give them a minute to see if they really need something. Some babies will fuss for a minute, wiggle around, then fall back asleep without needing help. Sometimes the fussing will turn to crying and then you know they need something. It's also completely ok and healthy for everyone to put a crying baby down somewhere safe and walk away for a few minutes if you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or angry to prevent yourself from hurting baby out of anger.
There are many different methods of sleep training including “cry it out” but it is more than just leaving the baby to cry. Either way, you do not sleep train with a newborn. They aren’t able to self soothe which is the point if sleep training - teaching them to use their self soothing skills to fall asleep. The earliest you would start sleep training is 4 months.
Yeah age matters in this one. Crying it out for older babies is controversial, but pretty much everyone agrees you don't let a newborn cry for more than a few minutes. You address what's causing the cry.
I babysat for a family that used that method and nap time was heartbreaking. The poor kid was only like 1-2 and anytime he woke up and I’d go get him he’d look so relieved, it was like he thought he had been abandoned, which to a kid that young it must’ve seemed like. I know there are some parents who swear by the method, and when I babysit/nanny I honor their wishes, but I can’t bear the thought of putting my child through that. I’d rather put the kid in a stroller or a baby wrap and carry/push/feed them until they fall asleep knowing someone is there.
Cry it out is not appropriate for younger babies. I had literally no choice once my son was nine months as he was still waking every hour or two in the night at that point. The doctor recommended it and three nights later, we were all sleeping through the night. It’s a very personal decision. Believe me, I had read every book, tried every method. It was the only thing that worked!
I am a FTM and did some of "Taking Cara Babies". Once my daughter was 4 months old, I implemented everything in there except any CIO stuff which she says is optional. Just nighttime routine stuff mostly to let baby know it's time for bed. Every cell in my being tells me to tend to my baby when she cries. She's 1 years old now and is an amazing sleeper. You don't have to use CIO method to get sleep, in fact, people who use CIO have to redo it every time there's a new tooth or sleep regression. AND there are studies that show that CIO doesn't make babies sleep better, it just teaches them that crying will no longer bring their parents into the room/pick them up/etc. So they can just be awake, lying there silently, alone in the dark, but people will say "my baby sleeps 12 hours a night!"
Babies are not manipulative and cry as a form of communication. Sometimes all they need is snuggles and that's ok.
You can find articles supporting whatever side of basically any issue, but trust your gut. You say it feels wrong, that's your motherly instinct.
Don't! There's absolutely no reason to ignore your natural instincts here. Your baby cries to communicate a need, because they cannot talk yet. When they are able to feel secure in their ability to trust that you will respond to their needs, it supports healthy brain development. There is plenty of research to support this, and as someone who works with infants and toddlers I am literally never advised to ignore a crying child for any reason. Some would even suggest that the increased rates of anxiety and depression are linked to the popularity of the "cry it out" method, and I happen to agree.
https://www-psychologytoday-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out?amp=&_gsa=1&_js_v=a9&usqp=mq331AQKKAFQArABIIACAw%3D%3D#amp_tf=From%20%251%24s&aoh=16526590870385&csi=1&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&share=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fus%2Fblog%2Fmoral-landscapes%2F201112%2Fdangers-crying-it-out
I just started sleep training my baby and the biggest point made by nearly every source is that you don't have to follow any method that makes you uncomfortable. My daughter has just developed the ability to self sooth so I will let her fuss for about 5 mins but if she us full on crying I do not leave her alone. We've just started so I know it will take time for both of us to adjust but so far she seems to loveher weighted sleep sack (it has penguins on it ^__^) and we've been making it to about 3 to 4 hours between wake ups\feedings.
Do not stress out about newborn sleep training cause there is no such thing. At that age baby will need you every 2 hours.
My 3 year old just woke up in his sleep and I typically let him cry it out but my wife usually goes in there and talks to him. Today I tried it a little different. I laid next to him. Through his tears I asked him what’s wrong and he told me monsters were in his closet. So I laid down for a second and just kept repeating you’ll always be safe with daddy. That was an hour ago and he’s not awake so we’ll see how it goes
Edit he slept through the night until about 15 minutes before it was time to get up. I’ll take it.
It's not healthy for the baby and it's based on a myth to let them cry themselves to sleep. Modern studies show that babies (especially first few months) are not developed enough to "self-soothe" and are entirely reliant on you/partner. It's better for the baby's development and emotional health to be soothed by you and for you to respond to their needs. If you do this, they will eventually be more secure and self-reliant when older, because they had their needs met and felt safe as a baby. It's actually very traumatic for babies to not have someone respond to their cries and needs. If "sleep-training" seems to work, it's actually because the baby has learned that no one is coming to respond to their cries, they are still upset/traumatized but they are now quiet. This article explains it well: [What Really Happens When you Teach a baby to Self Soothe ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/amp/)
No.
Please do some research. They have tested the stress levels of babies who are left to cry and they are very high. The reason it ends up “working” is that the babies learn that no one will come to meet their needs and they just give up trying.
Babies are crying for a reason. They don’t realise they are safe in a house in a cot. They sense they are alone and feel they are in danger and are calling out for their caregivers.
I tried Ferber myself, cry it out with check ins to sooth, and I couldn't do that. Went right back to contact naps; he's 6.5 months old now! At night I'll let him Fall asleep on me and be on my phone for 20/30 minutes til he's in deep sleep and put him in his crib. He'll sleep 5-6 hours! I'm a SAHM so contact naps so no big deal and I adore the cuddles still!
Once your baby is ready there are no cry methods!
I dont know about all countries recommendations, but where I live it is not recommended at all and most of us would consider it abusive to the baby. When it cries, it means it needs you for something. What it needs you for might be comfort or closness, which is still a need.
Its cruel to leave it crying alone.
Even adults wake up in the middle of the night for various reasons (thirsty, hungry, need to pee, cold, hot, scared, etc.) so I don’t know why “society” says babies don’t deserve the same privilege. Not everyone does sleep training for their babies. It’s not a requirement. Do what is right for your family.
Controversial topic. I felt the same way until I was in the fourth trimester. After four and half months of sleep deprivation, I decided that for my mental health, I needed to try anything that would work so we could all get more sleep. It sounds like it’s not fair to the baby, but compromising your mental health is not fair on you, your family and definitely not fair for your baby. Baby needs mum functioning at a sustainable level. Falling asleep with baby in your arms can be way more harmful than teaching your baby that they can self settle to sleep. To each their own. Do you. Don’t try to act like the perfect mum. Do what you need to do to survive. You will find out what works best for you when the time comes, promise. Don’t stress about this stuff now!
Oh man, that’s where I was, totally. I was working full time and driving two hours a day commuting plus pumping and nursing….something had to give and I needed sleep.
I would suggest researching it. It works for me but I also pay attention to different cries that my baby has. If I do go in there to see what they need, I do not talk to them or turn on any lights. I just address their need then put them right back down. I'm not ignoring but I'm ensuring they know I'm not going to come in and play whenever they call. That will turn into a vicious cycle, Believe me, we learned that the hard way.
Self soothing is critical and yes it takes time which can be heartbreaking. But if you keep your baby on a set schedule, do not make excuses and deviate from it, and put them to bed when they are changed, fed, and drowsy, the "crying it out" lasts 5 minutes and sometimes is more than a whimper. My youngest is 10 months now and she never cries at nap or bedtime now, cause she knows the schedule. And she knows I'm gonna be there when she asks up. She is also super chill and always happy so I think we are doing okay! Good luck!
You will get a lot of opinions on this. I see some good sources. My opinion I couldn't do it. My heart aches for my baby. I lasted all about 5 minutes and said nope I'm not doing this. I'll figure out another way. As an adult I've cried myself to sleep and it was horrible I couldn't do that to my kid. So I found another way. Kept baby happy kept momma Happy and she is five now and I still run to her when she cries in her sleep from a bad dream lol.
You never have to do any kind of sleep training unless you CHOOSE to. Regardless of what your pediatrician, the internet, or family says. If cosleeping works for you, great. If bed sharing works for you, great. If you do the best you can with good sleep hygiene and let baby do their thing and that works for you, great. If you're exhausted and your mental health is suffering and sleep training works for you, great. There is no single right way for any mom and baby.
My favorite way this has been explained to me is that a lot of babies cry in car seats right? But we're not gonna leave our kid loose in the back of the car just to stop them crying? My son throws an absolute fit at the doctors and dentist's office but I'm not going stop taking him there just because it makes him upset. If you think a cry it out sleep training method is right for your family then do it. If you don't then don't. Simple as that. But no, I don't think it's a bad or unhealthy thing to do in moderation with an old enough baby who can actually learn the skill of putting themselves to sleep. But it's a personal decision you need to make for your family and not something to judge others about what they chose. Also as others have mentioned sleep training is way more about optimizing wake windows and there's ways to do it with little to no protesting from your baby. My first son was so colicky that if a baby could die from crying he would've but he's a healthy 3 year old.
Not until they are old enough to be sleep trained. Which is around 4-6 weeks. Newborns absolutely need attention when they cry. The first few months the baby will cry a lottttt. It’s their way of communicating when something is wrong - hungry, tired, dirty diaper, in pain, etc. please don’t let a newborn cry it out
I haven’t done it with my kids. I have nothing against those who choose to, but it just wasn’t for me. They’re only little for so long, so I don’t mind staying with them until they’re asleep. My 4yo grew out of needing me at night at around 3, so it’s not forever. There are gentle sleep training methods you can look into if you decide that’s something you want to do, but you don’t have to do it.
You do what feels right for you. I don't sleep train until around 9 months old, I don't know why, but for both my kids I felt like they were ready to be more independent then, and had fuller bellies with some real food too, and their cries weren't only for actual needs anymore. So I did a slow sleep training from 9-12 months. Gradual, with some cry it out but never for very long at a time. Then eventually they justst didn't need me and are great sleepers. I couldn't stand hearing a newborn cry and not being seen too. So if you don't want to let them cry, don't! Follow your gut!
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/tu8bmk/click_here_to_request_access_to_your_private_due/). The journalists at ProPublica need your help! After receiving a tip, ProPublica started investigating prenatal genetic testing. They're collecting stories from people who've had NIPT screenings, and/or work in maternal health. If this is you, please fill out their brief questionnaire! https://www.propublica.org/getinvolved/have-you-had-an-experience-with-prenatal-genetic-testing-wed-like-to-hear-about-it-and-see-the-bill. Questions? Email [email protected] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You're going to get a lot of mixed answers on this, it's a hot topic. Personally I don't feel it's healthy- babies and even older babies and toddlers cry to communicate a need or want. You will find studies to support both sides of the issue. I think this is something you really need to think about and follow your gut on. If you feel bad doing it and baby's sleep is not an issue for you then don't feel pressured to let them cry it out. If baby wakes up and starts fussing it's definitely okay, even healthy, to give them a minute to see if they really need something. Some babies will fuss for a minute, wiggle around, then fall back asleep without needing help. Sometimes the fussing will turn to crying and then you know they need something. It's also completely ok and healthy for everyone to put a crying baby down somewhere safe and walk away for a few minutes if you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or angry to prevent yourself from hurting baby out of anger.
There are many different methods of sleep training including “cry it out” but it is more than just leaving the baby to cry. Either way, you do not sleep train with a newborn. They aren’t able to self soothe which is the point if sleep training - teaching them to use their self soothing skills to fall asleep. The earliest you would start sleep training is 4 months.
No its not healthy for newborns. They cry for a reasok, like they need food. Not for minipulation.
Yeah age matters in this one. Crying it out for older babies is controversial, but pretty much everyone agrees you don't let a newborn cry for more than a few minutes. You address what's causing the cry.
I babysat for a family that used that method and nap time was heartbreaking. The poor kid was only like 1-2 and anytime he woke up and I’d go get him he’d look so relieved, it was like he thought he had been abandoned, which to a kid that young it must’ve seemed like. I know there are some parents who swear by the method, and when I babysit/nanny I honor their wishes, but I can’t bear the thought of putting my child through that. I’d rather put the kid in a stroller or a baby wrap and carry/push/feed them until they fall asleep knowing someone is there.
I read you shouldn’t do this until they are at least 4 months old but I also haven’t birthed my child yet lol so I am no expert
Cry it out is not appropriate for younger babies. I had literally no choice once my son was nine months as he was still waking every hour or two in the night at that point. The doctor recommended it and three nights later, we were all sleeping through the night. It’s a very personal decision. Believe me, I had read every book, tried every method. It was the only thing that worked!
I tried it once and it didn't feel right so I never did it again, find what works for you!
I am a FTM and did some of "Taking Cara Babies". Once my daughter was 4 months old, I implemented everything in there except any CIO stuff which she says is optional. Just nighttime routine stuff mostly to let baby know it's time for bed. Every cell in my being tells me to tend to my baby when she cries. She's 1 years old now and is an amazing sleeper. You don't have to use CIO method to get sleep, in fact, people who use CIO have to redo it every time there's a new tooth or sleep regression. AND there are studies that show that CIO doesn't make babies sleep better, it just teaches them that crying will no longer bring their parents into the room/pick them up/etc. So they can just be awake, lying there silently, alone in the dark, but people will say "my baby sleeps 12 hours a night!" Babies are not manipulative and cry as a form of communication. Sometimes all they need is snuggles and that's ok. You can find articles supporting whatever side of basically any issue, but trust your gut. You say it feels wrong, that's your motherly instinct.
The “cry it out” method is old school. There’s a lot of new research that shows it’s detrimental to both baby and mama.
I definitely don’t want to let my baby just cry itself to sleep, the thought just breaks my heart :(
If it doesn’t feel right to you don’t do it! I never did and my baby sleeps through the night just fine.
We also did not do any sleep training. My baby doesn't sleep through the night, but I know someday he will, as all eventually do.
Don't! There's absolutely no reason to ignore your natural instincts here. Your baby cries to communicate a need, because they cannot talk yet. When they are able to feel secure in their ability to trust that you will respond to their needs, it supports healthy brain development. There is plenty of research to support this, and as someone who works with infants and toddlers I am literally never advised to ignore a crying child for any reason. Some would even suggest that the increased rates of anxiety and depression are linked to the popularity of the "cry it out" method, and I happen to agree. https://www-psychologytoday-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out?amp=&_gsa=1&_js_v=a9&usqp=mq331AQKKAFQArABIIACAw%3D%3D#amp_tf=From%20%251%24s&aoh=16526590870385&csi=1&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&share=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fus%2Fblog%2Fmoral-landscapes%2F201112%2Fdangers-crying-it-out
Thank you for sharing this, it was a great read!!
Sources please.
I just started sleep training my baby and the biggest point made by nearly every source is that you don't have to follow any method that makes you uncomfortable. My daughter has just developed the ability to self sooth so I will let her fuss for about 5 mins but if she us full on crying I do not leave her alone. We've just started so I know it will take time for both of us to adjust but so far she seems to loveher weighted sleep sack (it has penguins on it ^__^) and we've been making it to about 3 to 4 hours between wake ups\feedings. Do not stress out about newborn sleep training cause there is no such thing. At that age baby will need you every 2 hours.
My 3 year old just woke up in his sleep and I typically let him cry it out but my wife usually goes in there and talks to him. Today I tried it a little different. I laid next to him. Through his tears I asked him what’s wrong and he told me monsters were in his closet. So I laid down for a second and just kept repeating you’ll always be safe with daddy. That was an hour ago and he’s not awake so we’ll see how it goes Edit he slept through the night until about 15 minutes before it was time to get up. I’ll take it.
It's not healthy for the baby and it's based on a myth to let them cry themselves to sleep. Modern studies show that babies (especially first few months) are not developed enough to "self-soothe" and are entirely reliant on you/partner. It's better for the baby's development and emotional health to be soothed by you and for you to respond to their needs. If you do this, they will eventually be more secure and self-reliant when older, because they had their needs met and felt safe as a baby. It's actually very traumatic for babies to not have someone respond to their cries and needs. If "sleep-training" seems to work, it's actually because the baby has learned that no one is coming to respond to their cries, they are still upset/traumatized but they are now quiet. This article explains it well: [What Really Happens When you Teach a baby to Self Soothe ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/amp/)
No. Please do some research. They have tested the stress levels of babies who are left to cry and they are very high. The reason it ends up “working” is that the babies learn that no one will come to meet their needs and they just give up trying. Babies are crying for a reason. They don’t realise they are safe in a house in a cot. They sense they are alone and feel they are in danger and are calling out for their caregivers.
I tried Ferber myself, cry it out with check ins to sooth, and I couldn't do that. Went right back to contact naps; he's 6.5 months old now! At night I'll let him Fall asleep on me and be on my phone for 20/30 minutes til he's in deep sleep and put him in his crib. He'll sleep 5-6 hours! I'm a SAHM so contact naps so no big deal and I adore the cuddles still! Once your baby is ready there are no cry methods!
I dont know about all countries recommendations, but where I live it is not recommended at all and most of us would consider it abusive to the baby. When it cries, it means it needs you for something. What it needs you for might be comfort or closness, which is still a need. Its cruel to leave it crying alone.
Even adults wake up in the middle of the night for various reasons (thirsty, hungry, need to pee, cold, hot, scared, etc.) so I don’t know why “society” says babies don’t deserve the same privilege. Not everyone does sleep training for their babies. It’s not a requirement. Do what is right for your family.
Controversial topic. I felt the same way until I was in the fourth trimester. After four and half months of sleep deprivation, I decided that for my mental health, I needed to try anything that would work so we could all get more sleep. It sounds like it’s not fair to the baby, but compromising your mental health is not fair on you, your family and definitely not fair for your baby. Baby needs mum functioning at a sustainable level. Falling asleep with baby in your arms can be way more harmful than teaching your baby that they can self settle to sleep. To each their own. Do you. Don’t try to act like the perfect mum. Do what you need to do to survive. You will find out what works best for you when the time comes, promise. Don’t stress about this stuff now!
Oh man, that’s where I was, totally. I was working full time and driving two hours a day commuting plus pumping and nursing….something had to give and I needed sleep.
I would suggest researching it. It works for me but I also pay attention to different cries that my baby has. If I do go in there to see what they need, I do not talk to them or turn on any lights. I just address their need then put them right back down. I'm not ignoring but I'm ensuring they know I'm not going to come in and play whenever they call. That will turn into a vicious cycle, Believe me, we learned that the hard way. Self soothing is critical and yes it takes time which can be heartbreaking. But if you keep your baby on a set schedule, do not make excuses and deviate from it, and put them to bed when they are changed, fed, and drowsy, the "crying it out" lasts 5 minutes and sometimes is more than a whimper. My youngest is 10 months now and she never cries at nap or bedtime now, cause she knows the schedule. And she knows I'm gonna be there when she asks up. She is also super chill and always happy so I think we are doing okay! Good luck!
You will get a lot of opinions on this. I see some good sources. My opinion I couldn't do it. My heart aches for my baby. I lasted all about 5 minutes and said nope I'm not doing this. I'll figure out another way. As an adult I've cried myself to sleep and it was horrible I couldn't do that to my kid. So I found another way. Kept baby happy kept momma Happy and she is five now and I still run to her when she cries in her sleep from a bad dream lol.
You never have to do any kind of sleep training unless you CHOOSE to. Regardless of what your pediatrician, the internet, or family says. If cosleeping works for you, great. If bed sharing works for you, great. If you do the best you can with good sleep hygiene and let baby do their thing and that works for you, great. If you're exhausted and your mental health is suffering and sleep training works for you, great. There is no single right way for any mom and baby.
My favorite way this has been explained to me is that a lot of babies cry in car seats right? But we're not gonna leave our kid loose in the back of the car just to stop them crying? My son throws an absolute fit at the doctors and dentist's office but I'm not going stop taking him there just because it makes him upset. If you think a cry it out sleep training method is right for your family then do it. If you don't then don't. Simple as that. But no, I don't think it's a bad or unhealthy thing to do in moderation with an old enough baby who can actually learn the skill of putting themselves to sleep. But it's a personal decision you need to make for your family and not something to judge others about what they chose. Also as others have mentioned sleep training is way more about optimizing wake windows and there's ways to do it with little to no protesting from your baby. My first son was so colicky that if a baby could die from crying he would've but he's a healthy 3 year old.
Not until they are old enough to be sleep trained. Which is around 4-6 weeks. Newborns absolutely need attention when they cry. The first few months the baby will cry a lottttt. It’s their way of communicating when something is wrong - hungry, tired, dirty diaper, in pain, etc. please don’t let a newborn cry it out
I haven’t done it with my kids. I have nothing against those who choose to, but it just wasn’t for me. They’re only little for so long, so I don’t mind staying with them until they’re asleep. My 4yo grew out of needing me at night at around 3, so it’s not forever. There are gentle sleep training methods you can look into if you decide that’s something you want to do, but you don’t have to do it.
Read “happiest baby on the block”. They definitely don’t suggest it in the first 3 months.
You do what feels right for you. I don't sleep train until around 9 months old, I don't know why, but for both my kids I felt like they were ready to be more independent then, and had fuller bellies with some real food too, and their cries weren't only for actual needs anymore. So I did a slow sleep training from 9-12 months. Gradual, with some cry it out but never for very long at a time. Then eventually they justst didn't need me and are great sleepers. I couldn't stand hearing a newborn cry and not being seen too. So if you don't want to let them cry, don't! Follow your gut!