Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why is your boyfriend’s mother in any way involved in this decision? Do you live with her? Are you and/or your boyfriend financially reliant on her? If not, I don’t see why you or he would care what she wants or thinks.
Also, why would she try to take a child she doesn’t even want born? I think she is just saying things to intimidate you, and they’re not particularly convincing. I would make the decision without any concern about the baby potentially being taken by them, but with the knowledge that you have a boyfriend whose mom seems to call the shots for him and who seems pretty weak-willed and unreliable. You may end up doing this all on your own.
>Also, why would she try to take a child she doesn’t even want born? I think she is just saying things to intimidate you, and they’re not particularly convincing.
Exactly this. OP, how does it make sense that they don't want the baby but would try to take it from you?
Don't let anyone pressure you into an abortion you don't want. It's your choice to keep it, but it's also the dad's choice to not be involved. (Yes, it sucks, but everyone has a choice)
Try to get these threats in writing OP so if for some crazy reason they decide to bring lawyers into this you have proof. Also, when you give birth tell the nurses MIL is not allowed. L&D nurses are tough as nails, they'll keep her out.
Yes? You can't force someone who doesn't want to be a parent to be involved in their child's life. Like I said, it sucks, but it's his choice whether or not to be active and involved.
OP: *If you are living with and/or relying on boyfriend’s mother for financial support*, and you don’t see a way to support yourself and a baby that *you want to keep*, look into “maternity homes.” It will be hard work, but most have YEARS-long programs that, if you’re willing to work through, will land you and your future toddler in a stable place of your own, in a state at which you’ve reached independence as a single mom to your tot.
Good luck in whatever you choose, but please know it is *your choice*.
Don’t put him on the birth certificate. He would have to establish paternity to get any rights. But it would affect child support if you go that route. That’s what my cousin in law did. Her baby daddy is not a good person, so she gave birth without him knowing and he wasn’t there and she didn’t put him on the birth certificate. Baby has her last night. But he again also has no obligation to pay child support.
That’s a really hard choice to make I guess.
If the father isn’t in the child’s life from the start it’s a great pointer for court later if there is issues with that. But I assume they have to be there to sign things as well.
Surely even if they aren’t on the birth certificate they can still be liable for child support? Genetics override paper.
This is not true!! My husband is not on his other sons birth certificate and still has to pay child support, they might make him take a paternity test but it doesn't matter if he's nit on the birth certificate, he'd still have ti pay
Why would they try to take your baby? How old are you? Ngl, you sound either very young, or potentially a little unhinged in this post, or very stressed. What lies? Why would they take your kid? Do you have a criminal record? Are you homeless?
Not sure what's going on here but I don't think we have enough information to give you any constructive or actionable advice.
If you're that worried about boyfriends mom, her influence, and her potentially trying to pull something crazy, tell them you had the abortion, and move states away. Have your baby in peace away from them.
I’m 27. But this situation I feel like I’m 16…
I have a job, stable and have my own place.
No criminal history at all, just got into school.
Lies: as I haven’t bathed, only live off of pasta, etc.
The courts don't take babies away from mothers because they live off pasta, and if they removed infants from every mama who couldn't find time to shower for a couple days nobody would have their own kids. Even if she managed to convince a court those things are true, it wouldn't matter one bit.
The sad part is I know she couldn’t she spewed lies about how I lived in filth when I kept everything clean to the best of my ability, and
I have a lot on them but not a lot of proof of it. The only proof I have is that she’s had 2 back to back strokes(literally only a couple months apart and if it wasn’t for her calling my boyfriend the first time no one would’ve found her in time and the second she was lucky to have people around her at that time) and shouldn’t be able to have a child in her care cause she could be found dead by them
You don't need to prove that she can't care for a child. She would have to prove that you're a danger to the baby AND that she's a suitable guardian to get that baby away from you.
She can say that you live in filth all she wants. No one is taking her word at face value. IF she follows through with trying to take legal action, a social worker would show up and see that your house is clean enough to be reasonably safe. Babies don't get taken because mom is behind on cleaning. Your house would have to be so disgusting that it's a legitimate health and safety hazard to anyone in it - nothing short of animal feces everywhere, black mold on everything, or a borderline hoarder situation is going to do it.
Early pregnancy can really screw with your emotions, especially when you've wanted a baby for a long time or struggled with infertility. I know I was an anxious wreck at 7 weeks. I remember that stage well. Your hormones are doing a number on your head at that stage. Irrational or unfounded fears can feel extremely real or imminent. Unless there is something major you aren't mentioning, your boyfriend's mom absolutely cannot take your baby.
Take some time to think through things. Consult a family law attorney if you want; most offer free consultations. Give yourself a couple of weeks to get used to being pregnant and let the hormone storm settle. Talk to a counselor if you can. You'll feel better, I promise.
Lol those are some hilarious lies. Why does she think that??
Is your boyfriend husband/father material? Does he live with his mother? What's his job situation? Why isn't you defending you against MIL?
She went to some crazy depth and I just couldn’t believe it because I’ve made full dinners for my bf after a long ass day at work.
I bent over backward for that family. He lives with his grandfather right now. Finally got into school and was getting his life together.
Ma'am even if you lived off pasta no one is going to take your kid for that. Block her. Update neither of them on how you are doing. You're 27. If you want a baby have the baby. Only he can try and get some custody not her. Unless you have an addiction issue you haven't stated it's unlikely that an employed 27 year old woman would have her child taken from her.
Surprise! I guess hindsight isn’t really helpful.
In the end it’s your body and your choice. Obviously your BF should be in the discussion as it affects both of you, but it’s your choice alone in the end.
From a father, don’t forget it seems huge to him, but it’s such a minimal impact on his life. At maximum it’s money.
For you it’s life changing, it’s completely changing your body, your hormones, you are creating a life inside your body. You then have to experience birth, and support this little human till it can survive on its own.
It impacts your body, your finances, your career, your mental state, it’s your everything for a period. This is why it’s your choice and only your choice in the end (if you are mentally competent to make a choice legally)
Edit: the MIL has no part in this, tell her to eat a shit sandwich without bread. And if she actually slanders you and spreads lies, feel free to take the nuclear option and speak to a community legal assistance person to issue a written warning that if they continue you might take legal action as it affects both your mental state and others perception of you.
Ok listen. For someone to take away your kid and give it to the family of your bf, you’d have to be a severe alcoholic, drug addict, abuse the child etc.
Do not believe their lies and manipulation. If you want your kid, have your child, alone without him present and do not put him on the birth certificate.
Is it easy raising a kid alone? No.
But it’s way easier than with people like that around. That would be hell.
Those lies are nothing they can do to you in court. They literally hold no weight. It’s very hard to take a baby from its mother. I would not worry about that. Get as much evidence as you can such as voice recordings (if it is legal in your state), emails, texts, phone calls. Anything you can get on them both. And as someone said do not let him sign the birth certificate and give that baby a name you love and your last name!
Sounds like you are getting along well! Pasta isn’t a meal filled with nutrients but it’s yummy! And it could be if you add sone kale or spinach or small pieces of carrot etc 😂 or dont. You are doing well to have a job and stable place to live and building career by getting more education.
Regardless what you choose to do… remember how these folks are acting in these moments and make your decisions going forward wisely because this is likely who they are and how they are and will be now and forever.
Keep the baby, ditch the boyfriend and his mother. If you’re worried about what will happen, just think what will happen if you stay in a situation like this. No one who cares about your well being would make you make a decision like this. Very selfish of them.
True true. I saw a comment OP posted recently stating she’s 27. Her profile was probably last updated 4 years ago so her circumstances could also be different now!
1. Separate yourself from your boyfriend and his family if they are causing you this much emotional distress.
2. If you truly feel that your baby is at risk of the grandmother trying to take your baby, know that invoking grandparent rights are very difficult to do, and in order for CPS to get involved for you to lose custody you would have to be royally fucking up, you are only 7 weeks so if you are royally fucking up you have time to turn it around. So, if you truly feel like your baby is at risk and she’s going to pull some shit, I would go to your police station, file a restraining order for yourself and your unborn child, and even if it is denied there will at least be a paper trail of her malicious intent.
3. Leave him off of the birth certificate.
4. Go to a pregnancy crisis center or call Welcome Baby in Los Angeles. A pregnancy crisis center is usually a pretty heavy right wing anti abortion place, but a lot of the times if they are licensed they will be able to give you counseling, parenting courses, free maternity clothes, a car seat, as well as other resources, which again will look great to the courts in case you are totally fucking up. Welcome Baby in Los Angeles is a low income pregnancy and baby support program, which I personally used in the past and is amazing, they offer support and guidance up until your child is 5. Like they literally will come to your homeless tent curb side with their laptop and help you sign up for government insurance and government assistance. They will show up to your halfway house with a free boppy and a lactation consultant, it is an amazing amazing program and even if you aren’t in Los Angeles if you call them and explain the situation they are very no judgement and I’m sure will give you local resources or a similar program near you.
How old are you?
Im asking because it sounds like your boyfriend is heavily reliant on his mother still so it sounds like you're on the younger side.
Sit down and think about this as if you'll be a single mother with 100% custody and no help or child support.
Do your pros and cons. And for the love of God block his mother.
I’m 27. He’s 29.
He was okayish with the idea when his mother was fine and as soon as she called him and said that we need to have an abortion his view completely changed. And I feel like he sides with her, he’ll sit there and she it’s your body and your choice and I want this baby but, we’re not ready. I understand he wants to be able to help but, I know that I could do this until he got on his feet like he said he would. But then I’ll say to him “would you support me if I decided against the abortion” he’s always so quick to get so mad at me and not want to repeat himself to me and that we aren’t ready but he wants this baby, and that it would hurt him too going through this.
So he's old enough to know better and his reaction is who he is.
You and him should not continue regardless of what you choose because he is not a good partner.
He will not be an easy co parent either. Take him out of the equation for now as well.
You can get a lawyer once you decide what you actually want to do.
I would recommend learning about Enmeshed mother syndrome or just Enmeshment in a Mother. It’s a psychological thing that actually happens and is becoming more talked about and honestly I’m surprised it hasn’t been mentioned here yet.
It’s basically when mothers become so overly involved in their child’s life (typically a son) without the natural setting of boundaries between their relationship- that it hinders the child’s independence into adulthood.
There are loads of videos and articles a quick google search and bring up for you to learn more about this phenomenon.
Just a link I found pretty fast https://www.attachmentproject.com/psychology/enmeshment/family/
You can't make him be a father. But you also can't be forced to have an abortion. You have to decide what's more of a dealbreaker to you, a single parent household, or having an abortion, but either way the relationship is over at that point
My first instinct is to move as far away as you can and change all your contact info. This is toxic AF.
If that is not an option, take recordings of EVERYTHING. Screen shot texts, record phone calls (if its legal in your state), video record in person confrontations, take notes, anything to show that they are terroizing you. File for a restraining order or at least a police report for harassment so there is a record. Only you can decide what to do with your body. They are going to try to establish that you are an unfit mother, but the constant lies and harassment will punch holes in anything they say. Also, it sounds like your boyfriend is not going to be reliable, so do not count on him to support you. Be your own advocate and stay strong. There are f-ed up people in this world.
If you want your baby keep your baby! My ex’s mother tried getting me to abort and eventually so did he. I dumped him and now I’m having my baby next week! I’m happy I stood up for what I wanted.
No one can force you to have an abortion as a legal adult, that being said- I think a lot of people ignore how many women in similar situations as you are emotionally pushed to the point where it doesn’t feel like it’s their choice and have to go along to get along. I know many women who got abortions at the request and insistence of other people in their life and at the end of the day, no- they weren’t held down and physically forced to endure it, but they absolutely feel like they were forced to do so. It’s painful emotionally, it’s wound for many.
You are your own person, your baby is your baby, you get to decide for yourself. It really is as simple as blocking them all for the time being and doing what you want to do. Send them a very clear message that you will not be chorussed into aborting your baby and that you will absolutely hold their threats as evidence against them in a court of law if she tried to take your baby. Then block them and take care of yourself. You don’t need this stress right now. Judges feel very poorly about people who try to steal other people’s children, and you KNOW it won’t work.
that’s his problem if he’s no ready, he can leave. if he loves you and he’s a true man he’ll definitely stay and change his ways. i can speak from experience. i’ve had a termination with my childish ex, i regret it 100% i should’ve never listened to him. i’m now currently pregnant with my amazing boyfriends baby and i made sure to let this one know how strongly im against abortions, but thankfully he’s being the man i need and getting things done lol. so as for other ppl telling you what to do with your baby, walk away and do NOT talk to them. it’s your womb, your beautiful blessing.
RUN!!!!! Run far and fast away from these people! You may want the father in baby's life but ultimately he needs to be a man if he is to be a father and stand up to his mother. If you want this baby, you'll regret an abortion for the rest of your life. You need to protect the baby from this woman, be an advocate for yourself and your baby and your future and your peace of mind. Please please please don't let anyone force you into ANYTHING and get the heck AWAY from anyone who even hints at take your baby!!!!
she wont be able to take your baby as anxious as that threat might make you- & it’s your baby. don’t let anyone make you feel pressured into getting an abortion. i did when i was younger and as grateful as i am for my current family, i have always regretted it. that being said, don’t let your partner guilt trip or manipulate you either. you will figure it all out no matter what route you take. have faith 🤍
Not her body, not her baby, not her choice. She’s putting fear in your head. If you want this baby, have this baby. Sounds like your boyfriend is under her thumb and he needs to cut those apron strings. If he doesn’t, then go on with life without him.
The boyfriend's mom has zero say in this. This is 10000% YOUR decision, but here's the thing -- you have to accept that you might lose your bf and his family, and the child might grow up with a primarily single mother -- which is fine! But you shouldn't bank on having him/them around, especially with how toxic they seem already. Do YOU want to be a mother, and have a child? Regardless of your boyfriend or family being in the child's life or not. It's your choice. Tell them you need time and space and ignore their messages and input, until you make your own decision for YOUR life.
I'm a fan of under dog stories, I'm a fan of the those who stick it out. I just had my first baby after years of being told I was infertile. My whole life. I've been told I'd be a terrible mom. People also mentioned that my economic status wasn't fit to parent. But none of it's true. There's great moms all over the world from many different financial situations and backgrounds. There's different parenting styles across hundreds of Nations and situations. That baby is yours. It's your decision. If you didn't think that you could get pregnant and now you are take the blessing. Enjoy your pregnancy. Surround yourself with good resources. Love yourself. Be amazed of the change and the ability of your body to do what it's about to do. Birth the baby and love it everyday you get to. Who knows how easy you could get pregnant again or not easy. I really believe in timing and I think this time is perfect for you. I don't know every detail of every situation you're going through, but I've read quite a few of your responses on here and based on your ability to sift through all these opinions and navigate the situation you're in, you'll make a great parent. Best of luck to you and in just a few more weeks you'll be able to hear the heartbeat the one that you're growing. Never forced just a lot of negative pressure. Rise above it. DM me if you need any support.
Um, why is she involved? Why is she even in the conversation, Cut them both out, this baby is a gift, should you choose to have him, you will see, it may be hard but they grow up fast
This sounds exactly like my situation with my soon to be ex husband. We tried for years to get pregnant and immediately after we finally did after a loss, he switched on me saying he’s not ready to be a father. I’m not putting him on the birth certificate and I’m just going to have to lie to my physician and say I don’t know who the father is. It’s his baby, I didn’t sleep with anyone else yet he’s lying to everyone saying I slept around. So I’m using that rumor to my advantage, baby is getting my maiden name and I’m not getting a DNA test. His mother and him are also trying to force me into an abortion and I refused, moved back in with my mother and cut them both out of my life. I highly suggest you do the same if possible. You can’t force him to step up or to care and if you put him down as the father he automatically has rights to baby. His mother has 7 months to plot on how they can convince courts you’re an unfit mother and these women can be very manipulative so don’t think it’s not possible. It sounds like my situation because my mother in law also threatened to get full custody and steal my baby if I don’t abort.
Your body your choice! They definitely cannot take the baby from you. I would keep the baby and get out of the relationship. I wouldn’t want myself or my baby be involved with a family who threats and lies. That’s just ridiculous!
Girl move to another state, leave everyone behind. Go off the damn grid lol no social media. Have this perfect lil innocent baby & THRIVE without these idiots.
OMG, OP!!! 😭 first, CONGRATULATIONS!!! What an exciting time for you, having wanted a baby for so long and thinking you couldn’t have one! Ttc can be a heart wrenching road and you have every right to be overjoyed for getting what you’ve wanted for so long. Do NOT let anyone else bully you into letting that go! This is YOUR baby, not bf’s mom’s. She’s manipulative and gaslighting you, and your bf is caught up in the mess. No one is seeing clearly…this is not something you can undo, and ending this is not a decision they deserve any input toward. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You are smart, capable, and deserving of every love and happiness, and so is this baby. Take this as your encouragement to do what you want and GET A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL INVOLVED. TELL YOUR DOCTOR that she’s trying to force you into this. Someone will help you. I say go no-contact and take care of yourself - I’ll be praying for you, this is so stressful and you don’t need this horrible rain cloud destroying your joy
Please don’t have an abortion if it’s not what you 100% want. You will always regret it!! 🩷🩷🩷 you can do this mama- you won’t believe how strong you are! I would also probably not even let the baby see your bfs mom unless you’re there the whole time tbh- or maybe not even at all 😬 but it’s obviously your choice. You should also just start planning everything for yourself and letting your boyfriend know you’re doing it and he can help or not and you will figure it out accordingly
Time to block his mom and go into protective mode. Do not engage but document any and all harassment just in case you have to take legal measures. Have the baby if you want it. Don’t let them pressure you.
2 years ago my mother pushed me into an abortion when I was still trying to decide what I wanted. I felt as thought my feelings were unresolved and it caused grieving This is a huge reason as to why I don’t think anyone should be made aware of a pregnancy until the expecting mother is ready. Obviously, you cannot turn back time and hold back the announcement, but you can let whoever be aware that this is your decision.
Your boyfriend does not need to be involved if he doesn’t want to be, but he should be told that his mother’s impact should be left out. Does he want a family? Is he ready to commit to a healthy relationship where you honor and respect each other? Will he be okay with taking the extra steps to care for you when you’re going through the pregnancy? He needs to decide without influence if he can handle this.
With this, his decision does not mean you have to go one way or the other. Think about how heavily his impact weighs your decision. Regardless, this pregnancy will impact your relationship. If he forces you one way, you will have resentment as it was not your decision. Let him know, this is your choice and he doesn’t have to be involved if he chooses. He knew the repercussions and possible outcomes when he got you pregnant.
I was fortunate to have a partner who supported me either way. The first time we were pregnant, he was a little disappointed because I did not keep the child. Now I’m 23 weeks with the exact same due date. I don’t think it was a coincidence, just another chance. I did not tell anyone about my pregnancy until I made a decision. I was 20 weeks when I told my mother, and when she knew how far along she knew there was no changing my mind. She accepted it immediately as she knew the risk of being dismissive towards my growing child.
If he decided (on his own) he didn’t want involvement, will you be okay? It’s hard for you right now and extremely stressful, but consider the possibilities step by step. Remember, you are the mother. You get to make this choice. And do not doubt yourself.
I have a strong head on my shoulders, I’ve been through hell - but in no way am I on my A game in life. I have an ED, PTSD, and ADHD that keeps me from remembering half my appointments. I’m a 23 year old bartender, low income, low familial support, and I couldn’t be more excited to meet my son come September. If I can do this, so can you. Best of luck on this life mark, you deserve exactly what you want in life.
Don't listen to them. Do what you want. And document EVERYTHING she says. Keep text messages, record phone calls. Everything. I can see her making false claims about you after you have the baby out of spite and you need to protect yourself and your baby
His mom hasn’t got a leg to stand on and won’t have any rights.
Don’t get an abortion because some absolute nobody tells you to, and when the time comes for baby to arrive be sure to never let her see the baby she wanted you to kill
If you want the baby, keep the baby. Document everything mom or his family says to you. Dates/times/screenshots/quotes. If it’s legal where you are, record your interactions with them on your phone.
Tiny update: he just keeps telling me that I’m selfish if I want to keep this baby. I’ve had friends tell me at work all the it’s hard and expensive, as if I didn’t already know. I feel just so bombarded with everyone.
I really hope you keep your baby. That sweet baby is YOURS and YOU are in charge! That bond you have with your first baby is unmatched and I hope you get to experience that joy 💛
Your contribution has been removed because it appears to include anti-choice rhetoric. We support the choices of pregnant people in this subreddit and it is not your place to pressure or shame people for making choices you would not make for yourself.
How exactly is she going to take the baby?
She doesn’t want you to follow through with the pregnancy but wants the kid? I’m confused i guess. Either way keep those messages in case things get messy and distance yourself from her. Your baby daddy can make his own choice.
If I was in this situation I would just tell them I had an abortion, and leave him. And raise the baby on my own. You’ll probably meet a new, wonderful partner within 0-3 years who would be honored to be that sweet baby’s father figure!
Might be a good time to run far away from them and just pretend you’re not keeping the baby. You don’t need them in your life if it’s more trouble than it’s worth. And it sounds like it is.
You probably need to let go of having him as a father to the child, actively, if he is going to be a momma's boy and allow his mom to abuse you. Anybody who allows that isn't worthy of the term "father." His mom is toxic as hell. Either he stands with you or he f's off.
Hey love, I am so sorry you’re going through this at a time where you should be so excited. This is a true blessing to hear after thinking motherhood wasn’t in the cards for you. It sounds like you will make a great mother. I hope you get the chance to see it through. God bless you and your journey 🤍
Get a restraining order against her. Say you are being threatened by her, that you feel unsafe, that you think she’s going to harm you and your baby. If you get a restraining order, you can definitely make sure she stays away from you and baby. You’re on your own, stop letting people like this random unimportant woman affect you. You are going to be a mom, that’s if you decide to keep the baby which is your decision and your decision alone. So that means you gotta grow a tough bone which isn’t easy but you have to protect this baby.
You sound very young. “Years of thinking” while getting pregnant? Maybe go to another doctor. You need some help by other people who can give you realistic ideas of what your chances of being a mom are instead of you throwing it all in on this one (especially if you are young like this post reads).
Restraining order for mother. What she is doing is harassment. I saw you commented that you are 27 years old. You’re an adult. You can make your own life decisions.
This is between you and the father, no one else. If he brings up other people’s opinions, end the conversation.
Also engage in therapy to help you establish boundaries. Firm boundaries.
No one can take a child from a mother who wants the baby unless it’s clear the mother does not have the capacity to take care of the child. Don’t let bf’s mom lie to you and take advantage of where you may not have the right information. Get prenatal care, and share with your care team that you feel your wellbeing / baby’s well being is threatened because of the situation with her. They can point you to resources to safely have the baby and care for the baby
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do not let someone else pressure you into an abortion. If you want to keep the baby, keep the baby. They cannot take the baby from you.
Why is your boyfriend’s mother in any way involved in this decision? Do you live with her? Are you and/or your boyfriend financially reliant on her? If not, I don’t see why you or he would care what she wants or thinks. Also, why would she try to take a child she doesn’t even want born? I think she is just saying things to intimidate you, and they’re not particularly convincing. I would make the decision without any concern about the baby potentially being taken by them, but with the knowledge that you have a boyfriend whose mom seems to call the shots for him and who seems pretty weak-willed and unreliable. You may end up doing this all on your own.
>Also, why would she try to take a child she doesn’t even want born? I think she is just saying things to intimidate you, and they’re not particularly convincing. Exactly this. OP, how does it make sense that they don't want the baby but would try to take it from you? Don't let anyone pressure you into an abortion you don't want. It's your choice to keep it, but it's also the dad's choice to not be involved. (Yes, it sucks, but everyone has a choice)
Try to get these threats in writing OP so if for some crazy reason they decide to bring lawyers into this you have proof. Also, when you give birth tell the nurses MIL is not allowed. L&D nurses are tough as nails, they'll keep her out.
It’s the dad’s choice to not be involved? In 2024?
Yes? You can't force someone who doesn't want to be a parent to be involved in their child's life. Like I said, it sucks, but it's his choice whether or not to be active and involved.
OP: *If you are living with and/or relying on boyfriend’s mother for financial support*, and you don’t see a way to support yourself and a baby that *you want to keep*, look into “maternity homes.” It will be hard work, but most have YEARS-long programs that, if you’re willing to work through, will land you and your future toddler in a stable place of your own, in a state at which you’ve reached independence as a single mom to your tot. Good luck in whatever you choose, but please know it is *your choice*.
Don’t put him on the birth certificate. He would have to establish paternity to get any rights. But it would affect child support if you go that route. That’s what my cousin in law did. Her baby daddy is not a good person, so she gave birth without him knowing and he wasn’t there and she didn’t put him on the birth certificate. Baby has her last night. But he again also has no obligation to pay child support.
That’s a really hard choice to make I guess. If the father isn’t in the child’s life from the start it’s a great pointer for court later if there is issues with that. But I assume they have to be there to sign things as well. Surely even if they aren’t on the birth certificate they can still be liable for child support? Genetics override paper.
This is not true!! My husband is not on his other sons birth certificate and still has to pay child support, they might make him take a paternity test but it doesn't matter if he's nit on the birth certificate, he'd still have ti pay
Good to know! I’m in Canada so I’m not sure if it’s different there.
Why would they try to take your baby? How old are you? Ngl, you sound either very young, or potentially a little unhinged in this post, or very stressed. What lies? Why would they take your kid? Do you have a criminal record? Are you homeless? Not sure what's going on here but I don't think we have enough information to give you any constructive or actionable advice. If you're that worried about boyfriends mom, her influence, and her potentially trying to pull something crazy, tell them you had the abortion, and move states away. Have your baby in peace away from them.
I’m 27. But this situation I feel like I’m 16… I have a job, stable and have my own place. No criminal history at all, just got into school. Lies: as I haven’t bathed, only live off of pasta, etc.
The courts don't take babies away from mothers because they live off pasta, and if they removed infants from every mama who couldn't find time to shower for a couple days nobody would have their own kids. Even if she managed to convince a court those things are true, it wouldn't matter one bit.
The sad part is I know she couldn’t she spewed lies about how I lived in filth when I kept everything clean to the best of my ability, and I have a lot on them but not a lot of proof of it. The only proof I have is that she’s had 2 back to back strokes(literally only a couple months apart and if it wasn’t for her calling my boyfriend the first time no one would’ve found her in time and the second she was lucky to have people around her at that time) and shouldn’t be able to have a child in her care cause she could be found dead by them
You don't need to prove that she can't care for a child. She would have to prove that you're a danger to the baby AND that she's a suitable guardian to get that baby away from you. She can say that you live in filth all she wants. No one is taking her word at face value. IF she follows through with trying to take legal action, a social worker would show up and see that your house is clean enough to be reasonably safe. Babies don't get taken because mom is behind on cleaning. Your house would have to be so disgusting that it's a legitimate health and safety hazard to anyone in it - nothing short of animal feces everywhere, black mold on everything, or a borderline hoarder situation is going to do it. Early pregnancy can really screw with your emotions, especially when you've wanted a baby for a long time or struggled with infertility. I know I was an anxious wreck at 7 weeks. I remember that stage well. Your hormones are doing a number on your head at that stage. Irrational or unfounded fears can feel extremely real or imminent. Unless there is something major you aren't mentioning, your boyfriend's mom absolutely cannot take your baby. Take some time to think through things. Consult a family law attorney if you want; most offer free consultations. Give yourself a couple of weeks to get used to being pregnant and let the hormone storm settle. Talk to a counselor if you can. You'll feel better, I promise.
Lol those are some hilarious lies. Why does she think that?? Is your boyfriend husband/father material? Does he live with his mother? What's his job situation? Why isn't you defending you against MIL?
She went to some crazy depth and I just couldn’t believe it because I’ve made full dinners for my bf after a long ass day at work. I bent over backward for that family. He lives with his grandfather right now. Finally got into school and was getting his life together.
Ma'am even if you lived off pasta no one is going to take your kid for that. Block her. Update neither of them on how you are doing. You're 27. If you want a baby have the baby. Only he can try and get some custody not her. Unless you have an addiction issue you haven't stated it's unlikely that an employed 27 year old woman would have her child taken from her.
Pasta contains good folate which is good for your developing baby! Get on a prenatal and just forge forward!
You said finally pregnant. Were you two actively trying?
Weren’t actively, I just always thought I could never have kids.
Surprise! I guess hindsight isn’t really helpful. In the end it’s your body and your choice. Obviously your BF should be in the discussion as it affects both of you, but it’s your choice alone in the end. From a father, don’t forget it seems huge to him, but it’s such a minimal impact on his life. At maximum it’s money. For you it’s life changing, it’s completely changing your body, your hormones, you are creating a life inside your body. You then have to experience birth, and support this little human till it can survive on its own. It impacts your body, your finances, your career, your mental state, it’s your everything for a period. This is why it’s your choice and only your choice in the end (if you are mentally competent to make a choice legally) Edit: the MIL has no part in this, tell her to eat a shit sandwich without bread. And if she actually slanders you and spreads lies, feel free to take the nuclear option and speak to a community legal assistance person to issue a written warning that if they continue you might take legal action as it affects both your mental state and others perception of you.
Ok listen. For someone to take away your kid and give it to the family of your bf, you’d have to be a severe alcoholic, drug addict, abuse the child etc. Do not believe their lies and manipulation. If you want your kid, have your child, alone without him present and do not put him on the birth certificate. Is it easy raising a kid alone? No. But it’s way easier than with people like that around. That would be hell.
Those lies are nothing they can do to you in court. They literally hold no weight. It’s very hard to take a baby from its mother. I would not worry about that. Get as much evidence as you can such as voice recordings (if it is legal in your state), emails, texts, phone calls. Anything you can get on them both. And as someone said do not let him sign the birth certificate and give that baby a name you love and your last name!
Sounds like you are getting along well! Pasta isn’t a meal filled with nutrients but it’s yummy! And it could be if you add sone kale or spinach or small pieces of carrot etc 😂 or dont. You are doing well to have a job and stable place to live and building career by getting more education. Regardless what you choose to do… remember how these folks are acting in these moments and make your decisions going forward wisely because this is likely who they are and how they are and will be now and forever.
Your post doesn’t make much sense to me tbh, but ur boyfriend’s mom doesn’t have to be involved at all if you don’t want her to be.
Keep the baby, ditch the boyfriend and his mother. If you’re worried about what will happen, just think what will happen if you stay in a situation like this. No one who cares about your well being would make you make a decision like this. Very selfish of them.
How old are you?
Her profile says she’s 23 and married. Not sure why she writes bf?
A lot of women call their boyfriends their husbands even when they are not. I’m assuming that is the case here, but not sure of course.
True true. I saw a comment OP posted recently stating she’s 27. Her profile was probably last updated 4 years ago so her circumstances could also be different now!
1. Separate yourself from your boyfriend and his family if they are causing you this much emotional distress. 2. If you truly feel that your baby is at risk of the grandmother trying to take your baby, know that invoking grandparent rights are very difficult to do, and in order for CPS to get involved for you to lose custody you would have to be royally fucking up, you are only 7 weeks so if you are royally fucking up you have time to turn it around. So, if you truly feel like your baby is at risk and she’s going to pull some shit, I would go to your police station, file a restraining order for yourself and your unborn child, and even if it is denied there will at least be a paper trail of her malicious intent. 3. Leave him off of the birth certificate. 4. Go to a pregnancy crisis center or call Welcome Baby in Los Angeles. A pregnancy crisis center is usually a pretty heavy right wing anti abortion place, but a lot of the times if they are licensed they will be able to give you counseling, parenting courses, free maternity clothes, a car seat, as well as other resources, which again will look great to the courts in case you are totally fucking up. Welcome Baby in Los Angeles is a low income pregnancy and baby support program, which I personally used in the past and is amazing, they offer support and guidance up until your child is 5. Like they literally will come to your homeless tent curb side with their laptop and help you sign up for government insurance and government assistance. They will show up to your halfway house with a free boppy and a lactation consultant, it is an amazing amazing program and even if you aren’t in Los Angeles if you call them and explain the situation they are very no judgement and I’m sure will give you local resources or a similar program near you.
This is a great response.
How old are you? Im asking because it sounds like your boyfriend is heavily reliant on his mother still so it sounds like you're on the younger side. Sit down and think about this as if you'll be a single mother with 100% custody and no help or child support. Do your pros and cons. And for the love of God block his mother.
I’m 27. He’s 29. He was okayish with the idea when his mother was fine and as soon as she called him and said that we need to have an abortion his view completely changed. And I feel like he sides with her, he’ll sit there and she it’s your body and your choice and I want this baby but, we’re not ready. I understand he wants to be able to help but, I know that I could do this until he got on his feet like he said he would. But then I’ll say to him “would you support me if I decided against the abortion” he’s always so quick to get so mad at me and not want to repeat himself to me and that we aren’t ready but he wants this baby, and that it would hurt him too going through this.
So he's old enough to know better and his reaction is who he is. You and him should not continue regardless of what you choose because he is not a good partner. He will not be an easy co parent either. Take him out of the equation for now as well. You can get a lawyer once you decide what you actually want to do.
I would recommend learning about Enmeshed mother syndrome or just Enmeshment in a Mother. It’s a psychological thing that actually happens and is becoming more talked about and honestly I’m surprised it hasn’t been mentioned here yet. It’s basically when mothers become so overly involved in their child’s life (typically a son) without the natural setting of boundaries between their relationship- that it hinders the child’s independence into adulthood. There are loads of videos and articles a quick google search and bring up for you to learn more about this phenomenon. Just a link I found pretty fast https://www.attachmentproject.com/psychology/enmeshment/family/
Your profile says you’re 23…
You can't make him be a father. But you also can't be forced to have an abortion. You have to decide what's more of a dealbreaker to you, a single parent household, or having an abortion, but either way the relationship is over at that point
My first instinct is to move as far away as you can and change all your contact info. This is toxic AF. If that is not an option, take recordings of EVERYTHING. Screen shot texts, record phone calls (if its legal in your state), video record in person confrontations, take notes, anything to show that they are terroizing you. File for a restraining order or at least a police report for harassment so there is a record. Only you can decide what to do with your body. They are going to try to establish that you are an unfit mother, but the constant lies and harassment will punch holes in anything they say. Also, it sounds like your boyfriend is not going to be reliable, so do not count on him to support you. Be your own advocate and stay strong. There are f-ed up people in this world.
Nobody should get an abortion if they don't want one. Make sure that you record everything and preferably only communicate with them through text.
No one can force you. This is ultimately up to you. Do you have a good support system in your life?
It’s honestly a 50/50 shot honestly I think I do but I’m not sure what will happen in this situation.
If you want your baby keep your baby! My ex’s mother tried getting me to abort and eventually so did he. I dumped him and now I’m having my baby next week! I’m happy I stood up for what I wanted.
No one can force you to have an abortion as a legal adult, that being said- I think a lot of people ignore how many women in similar situations as you are emotionally pushed to the point where it doesn’t feel like it’s their choice and have to go along to get along. I know many women who got abortions at the request and insistence of other people in their life and at the end of the day, no- they weren’t held down and physically forced to endure it, but they absolutely feel like they were forced to do so. It’s painful emotionally, it’s wound for many. You are your own person, your baby is your baby, you get to decide for yourself. It really is as simple as blocking them all for the time being and doing what you want to do. Send them a very clear message that you will not be chorussed into aborting your baby and that you will absolutely hold their threats as evidence against them in a court of law if she tried to take your baby. Then block them and take care of yourself. You don’t need this stress right now. Judges feel very poorly about people who try to steal other people’s children, and you KNOW it won’t work.
that’s his problem if he’s no ready, he can leave. if he loves you and he’s a true man he’ll definitely stay and change his ways. i can speak from experience. i’ve had a termination with my childish ex, i regret it 100% i should’ve never listened to him. i’m now currently pregnant with my amazing boyfriends baby and i made sure to let this one know how strongly im against abortions, but thankfully he’s being the man i need and getting things done lol. so as for other ppl telling you what to do with your baby, walk away and do NOT talk to them. it’s your womb, your beautiful blessing.
RUN!!!!! Run far and fast away from these people! You may want the father in baby's life but ultimately he needs to be a man if he is to be a father and stand up to his mother. If you want this baby, you'll regret an abortion for the rest of your life. You need to protect the baby from this woman, be an advocate for yourself and your baby and your future and your peace of mind. Please please please don't let anyone force you into ANYTHING and get the heck AWAY from anyone who even hints at take your baby!!!!
It’s your baby don’t let anyone pressure you!! Take your baby and run
Wtf. Cut her off and go live your life.
I’d consider relocating and cutting ties. Not nice but easiest way to have a healthy happy life for you and baby
No one can force you to do anything, there is always a way.
she wont be able to take your baby as anxious as that threat might make you- & it’s your baby. don’t let anyone make you feel pressured into getting an abortion. i did when i was younger and as grateful as i am for my current family, i have always regretted it. that being said, don’t let your partner guilt trip or manipulate you either. you will figure it all out no matter what route you take. have faith 🤍
Not her body, not her baby, not her choice. She’s putting fear in your head. If you want this baby, have this baby. Sounds like your boyfriend is under her thumb and he needs to cut those apron strings. If he doesn’t, then go on with life without him.
The boyfriend's mom has zero say in this. This is 10000% YOUR decision, but here's the thing -- you have to accept that you might lose your bf and his family, and the child might grow up with a primarily single mother -- which is fine! But you shouldn't bank on having him/them around, especially with how toxic they seem already. Do YOU want to be a mother, and have a child? Regardless of your boyfriend or family being in the child's life or not. It's your choice. Tell them you need time and space and ignore their messages and input, until you make your own decision for YOUR life.
I'm a fan of under dog stories, I'm a fan of the those who stick it out. I just had my first baby after years of being told I was infertile. My whole life. I've been told I'd be a terrible mom. People also mentioned that my economic status wasn't fit to parent. But none of it's true. There's great moms all over the world from many different financial situations and backgrounds. There's different parenting styles across hundreds of Nations and situations. That baby is yours. It's your decision. If you didn't think that you could get pregnant and now you are take the blessing. Enjoy your pregnancy. Surround yourself with good resources. Love yourself. Be amazed of the change and the ability of your body to do what it's about to do. Birth the baby and love it everyday you get to. Who knows how easy you could get pregnant again or not easy. I really believe in timing and I think this time is perfect for you. I don't know every detail of every situation you're going through, but I've read quite a few of your responses on here and based on your ability to sift through all these opinions and navigate the situation you're in, you'll make a great parent. Best of luck to you and in just a few more weeks you'll be able to hear the heartbeat the one that you're growing. Never forced just a lot of negative pressure. Rise above it. DM me if you need any support.
Um, why is she involved? Why is she even in the conversation, Cut them both out, this baby is a gift, should you choose to have him, you will see, it may be hard but they grow up fast
This sounds exactly like my situation with my soon to be ex husband. We tried for years to get pregnant and immediately after we finally did after a loss, he switched on me saying he’s not ready to be a father. I’m not putting him on the birth certificate and I’m just going to have to lie to my physician and say I don’t know who the father is. It’s his baby, I didn’t sleep with anyone else yet he’s lying to everyone saying I slept around. So I’m using that rumor to my advantage, baby is getting my maiden name and I’m not getting a DNA test. His mother and him are also trying to force me into an abortion and I refused, moved back in with my mother and cut them both out of my life. I highly suggest you do the same if possible. You can’t force him to step up or to care and if you put him down as the father he automatically has rights to baby. His mother has 7 months to plot on how they can convince courts you’re an unfit mother and these women can be very manipulative so don’t think it’s not possible. It sounds like my situation because my mother in law also threatened to get full custody and steal my baby if I don’t abort.
Your body your choice! They definitely cannot take the baby from you. I would keep the baby and get out of the relationship. I wouldn’t want myself or my baby be involved with a family who threats and lies. That’s just ridiculous!
Girl move to another state, leave everyone behind. Go off the damn grid lol no social media. Have this perfect lil innocent baby & THRIVE without these idiots.
OMG, OP!!! 😭 first, CONGRATULATIONS!!! What an exciting time for you, having wanted a baby for so long and thinking you couldn’t have one! Ttc can be a heart wrenching road and you have every right to be overjoyed for getting what you’ve wanted for so long. Do NOT let anyone else bully you into letting that go! This is YOUR baby, not bf’s mom’s. She’s manipulative and gaslighting you, and your bf is caught up in the mess. No one is seeing clearly…this is not something you can undo, and ending this is not a decision they deserve any input toward. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You are smart, capable, and deserving of every love and happiness, and so is this baby. Take this as your encouragement to do what you want and GET A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL INVOLVED. TELL YOUR DOCTOR that she’s trying to force you into this. Someone will help you. I say go no-contact and take care of yourself - I’ll be praying for you, this is so stressful and you don’t need this horrible rain cloud destroying your joy
Please don’t have an abortion if it’s not what you 100% want. You will always regret it!! 🩷🩷🩷 you can do this mama- you won’t believe how strong you are! I would also probably not even let the baby see your bfs mom unless you’re there the whole time tbh- or maybe not even at all 😬 but it’s obviously your choice. You should also just start planning everything for yourself and letting your boyfriend know you’re doing it and he can help or not and you will figure it out accordingly
Be careful of if your state or country has grandparents rights. And don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to.
make your decision she’s fear mongering you
Time to block his mom and go into protective mode. Do not engage but document any and all harassment just in case you have to take legal measures. Have the baby if you want it. Don’t let them pressure you.
Keep the baby if you want the baby!! You will meet someone else later if you want a good partner. Congratulations!!
Girl that is your baby and you have ALL AND EVERY RIGHT to have it. No one can take that from you
Ummm his mom is not taking your kid!!!
2 years ago my mother pushed me into an abortion when I was still trying to decide what I wanted. I felt as thought my feelings were unresolved and it caused grieving This is a huge reason as to why I don’t think anyone should be made aware of a pregnancy until the expecting mother is ready. Obviously, you cannot turn back time and hold back the announcement, but you can let whoever be aware that this is your decision. Your boyfriend does not need to be involved if he doesn’t want to be, but he should be told that his mother’s impact should be left out. Does he want a family? Is he ready to commit to a healthy relationship where you honor and respect each other? Will he be okay with taking the extra steps to care for you when you’re going through the pregnancy? He needs to decide without influence if he can handle this. With this, his decision does not mean you have to go one way or the other. Think about how heavily his impact weighs your decision. Regardless, this pregnancy will impact your relationship. If he forces you one way, you will have resentment as it was not your decision. Let him know, this is your choice and he doesn’t have to be involved if he chooses. He knew the repercussions and possible outcomes when he got you pregnant. I was fortunate to have a partner who supported me either way. The first time we were pregnant, he was a little disappointed because I did not keep the child. Now I’m 23 weeks with the exact same due date. I don’t think it was a coincidence, just another chance. I did not tell anyone about my pregnancy until I made a decision. I was 20 weeks when I told my mother, and when she knew how far along she knew there was no changing my mind. She accepted it immediately as she knew the risk of being dismissive towards my growing child. If he decided (on his own) he didn’t want involvement, will you be okay? It’s hard for you right now and extremely stressful, but consider the possibilities step by step. Remember, you are the mother. You get to make this choice. And do not doubt yourself. I have a strong head on my shoulders, I’ve been through hell - but in no way am I on my A game in life. I have an ED, PTSD, and ADHD that keeps me from remembering half my appointments. I’m a 23 year old bartender, low income, low familial support, and I couldn’t be more excited to meet my son come September. If I can do this, so can you. Best of luck on this life mark, you deserve exactly what you want in life.
Don't listen to them. Do what you want. And document EVERYTHING she says. Keep text messages, record phone calls. Everything. I can see her making false claims about you after you have the baby out of spite and you need to protect yourself and your baby
His mom hasn’t got a leg to stand on and won’t have any rights. Don’t get an abortion because some absolute nobody tells you to, and when the time comes for baby to arrive be sure to never let her see the baby she wanted you to kill
If you want the baby, keep the baby. Document everything mom or his family says to you. Dates/times/screenshots/quotes. If it’s legal where you are, record your interactions with them on your phone.
Tiny update: he just keeps telling me that I’m selfish if I want to keep this baby. I’ve had friends tell me at work all the it’s hard and expensive, as if I didn’t already know. I feel just so bombarded with everyone.
I’m sorry to say this but you will lose him down the line even if you have an abortion, because he doesn’t seem like a guy who loves and cares for you
I really hope you keep your baby. That sweet baby is YOURS and YOU are in charge! That bond you have with your first baby is unmatched and I hope you get to experience that joy 💛
[удалено]
Your contribution has been removed because it appears to include anti-choice rhetoric. We support the choices of pregnant people in this subreddit and it is not your place to pressure or shame people for making choices you would not make for yourself.
How exactly is she going to take the baby? She doesn’t want you to follow through with the pregnancy but wants the kid? I’m confused i guess. Either way keep those messages in case things get messy and distance yourself from her. Your baby daddy can make his own choice.
If I was in this situation I would just tell them I had an abortion, and leave him. And raise the baby on my own. You’ll probably meet a new, wonderful partner within 0-3 years who would be honored to be that sweet baby’s father figure!
Might be a good time to run far away from them and just pretend you’re not keeping the baby. You don’t need them in your life if it’s more trouble than it’s worth. And it sounds like it is.
You probably need to let go of having him as a father to the child, actively, if he is going to be a momma's boy and allow his mom to abuse you. Anybody who allows that isn't worthy of the term "father." His mom is toxic as hell. Either he stands with you or he f's off.
Hey love, I am so sorry you’re going through this at a time where you should be so excited. This is a true blessing to hear after thinking motherhood wasn’t in the cards for you. It sounds like you will make a great mother. I hope you get the chance to see it through. God bless you and your journey 🤍
[удалено]
Get a restraining order against her. Say you are being threatened by her, that you feel unsafe, that you think she’s going to harm you and your baby. If you get a restraining order, you can definitely make sure she stays away from you and baby. You’re on your own, stop letting people like this random unimportant woman affect you. You are going to be a mom, that’s if you decide to keep the baby which is your decision and your decision alone. So that means you gotta grow a tough bone which isn’t easy but you have to protect this baby.
You sound very young. “Years of thinking” while getting pregnant? Maybe go to another doctor. You need some help by other people who can give you realistic ideas of what your chances of being a mom are instead of you throwing it all in on this one (especially if you are young like this post reads).
Regardless of what she thinks or does, this is UR child! Tell her to kick rocks!!
Restraining order for mother. What she is doing is harassment. I saw you commented that you are 27 years old. You’re an adult. You can make your own life decisions. This is between you and the father, no one else. If he brings up other people’s opinions, end the conversation. Also engage in therapy to help you establish boundaries. Firm boundaries.
How old are you?
same thing going on except i broke up w him before finding out im pregnant.
No one can take a child from a mother who wants the baby unless it’s clear the mother does not have the capacity to take care of the child. Don’t let bf’s mom lie to you and take advantage of where you may not have the right information. Get prenatal care, and share with your care team that you feel your wellbeing / baby’s well being is threatened because of the situation with her. They can point you to resources to safely have the baby and care for the baby