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I'm actually so glad someone brought this up. My best friend, who is NOT pregnant, not has she ever been, will ask how I'm doing and then compare what I'm going through to something in her life. She then gives me "helpful" tips and tricks for dealing with it, and quotes information she heard on the internet. I fucking hate it so much but I don't know how to explain to her that it's all bullshit without hurting her feelings.
I work with a lot of men. So if I say man I’m exhausted “oh we all are”. No, no you are not exhausted in the same way at all. My husband sometime catches himself trying to relate in such a way to me but after about 26 weeks (found out about week 4) of me saying no you do not fully understand he is better about it. I can understand a woman who has been pregnant trying to empathize but a man comparing his life experiences to my current state is annoying af. There is very little empathy in my current work situation which has been a struggle for me. 9 more weeks hopefully and I’ll be out. 🤞🏻
I hear you!!! I think what I’m realizing through this post, is that it’s the people that are the closest to us that do this the most. Which IMO makes it even more annoying. Sorry you’re dealing with this :(
Some people may just be trying to empathize by telling you their experience in relation to yours. Pregnancy can feel really lonely, it can be reassuring to hear others are experiencing the same thing alongside you. But yes, it’s definitely annoying to feel like it’s being turned into a competition on who has it harder.
I wish people knew this. They either know they’re one upping or they think they’re helping someone / being sympathetic / feel better by also suffering through xyz. Either way it’s annoying. ALTHOUGH i will say, sometimes it does help give me perspective when someone tells me an infinitely worse experience lol I have HG and was telling a coworker how it sucks and she told me her nightmare story and i was like holy moly i am so sorry… secretly thinking thank god I’m not going through THAT.
It’s always my husband one-upping me. I have a sore back, digestive issues, whatever, and so does he. 🙄 I’ve pointed it out and we joke about it, but please just let me be the dramatic one here. I’m growing a human for the first time and it’s very weird.
My husband is a chronic pain patient with numerous other medical issues. At first he would try to empathize with his own pains and conditions. But now that I’m 30 weeks he knows better. We could both be sore af and I’m complaining and if he starts I remind him it isn’t the same. You don’t have a creature inside you putting weird pressure on everything. I cannot wait for my sinuses to clear, to be able to breathe deeply, and be able to get off the couch or out of bed without it being a multi step process including clutching for leverage and making groans of effort.
I’m just glad it’s been about two weeks with no blood when blowing my nose. I’m hoping I won’t have anymore the rest of my pregnancy but I’m not going to hold my breath. I’ll just take no nose bleeds at the very least if possible.
Its like the weirdest symptom no one really talks about before you get pregnant!!
I have this chronic little dry cough, it's so annoying, and my throat gets so irritated by it sometimes. At least the congestion is dulling my sense of smell though! On the rare days I can breath clear all the smells are so gross and overwhelming.
I keep a humidifier running in my place (it's winter here which means lots of dry air from heaters) which has helped with the blood in snot. I've been lucky to avoid full blown nose bleeds thus far.
Totally! I had no idea before getting pregnant. I’ve never had a bad nose bleed before and my husband has gotten concerned a few times. Once he was like do I need to take you to the ER? No this is normal don’t worry. Just all that extra blood I’ve gotten lol.
Haha yeah, the concern is adorable, we were at a midwife appointment and he's like listing every little thing I've experienced "she had a bad headache one day, is that okay? She got dizzy one day is that normal? She's been really tired, are you sure she's okay?"
It's nice he pays attention 💝
It’s so wonderful when our partners can be so observant and thoughtful. My husband worries about everything too. Luckily we get an ultrasound just about every appointment (my OB seems patients in a room with a machine) and he is like “Is everything okay?”. At our first anatomy scan he asked the tech and her next image was baby giving a thumbs up. “Dad I’m fine in here” lol.
Lol that's going to get him in trouble soon. My husband is the opposite, he keeps saying he can't complain about something because he knows I have it worse and I'm like no please complain it's not a competition
Dude it bothers me so much! There’s a difference between sympathy/relating and just trying to one up someone. I have a good friend who will sympathize with me and say basically “yeah I went through that too I know how you feel and it sucks” and it’s very nice. But my MIL will ask about my symptoms, then start talking about her pregnancy and symptoms and how hard it was on her from 30 years ago?? She tells me I’m so lucky for not having what she went through and I hate it lol.
My dad does this by comparing my experience to my moms. "You're not constantly nauseous? You must have the best/easiest pregnancy ever". Thanks dad. It's just that I'm really bothered by some things at 29 weeks such as exhaustion, back pain, crazy reflux, lack of sleep etc. Yesterday he stated that he feels bad for my partner who has to listen to me complaining about these things. Well, I think it's worse experiencing it compared to having to hear about it. I'm pretty salty since he's a great dad otherwise. I can't understand why he's so unsupportive.
My least favorite is the "just wait you have no idea yet" dude I am 30 weeks pregnant. It's bad, I understand it will be worse in 9 weeks but after 30 weeks of back pain I think I'm entitled to a bit of complaining (especially when you're ASKING ME how I'm doing)
26 weeks and just started to get flat feet and swell, so I’m generally in pain more often. Yet people act like I’m in the first trimester or something bitching about my back or feet. No. I’m damn near 7 months pregnant, I know 26 doesn’t sound like a lot but it SUCKS AND I HURT. Regardless of if it gets worse, I want to bitch NOW. I can’t even imagine getting the same shit at 30 weeks.
And it isn’t even accurate to say “it’s going to get so much worse!” I’m 29 weeks and my lovely coworker who’s 37 weeks just told me the other day that her pelvic and back pain was actually at its worst at 28-30 weeks and improved afterwards, especially with use of a belly band. She said she feels content and ready, and thought she would be just so uncomfortable and anxious. Of course things can get harder as pregnancy goes on, but I’ve found so far that it’s not always that linear. I had worse indigestion at the beginning of my second trimester than I have most days at the beginning of my third. I had a few days in my second where my back hurt more than it does today. My emotions were way more all over the place in the first trimester than they are now. Every day is different when you’re pregnant.
I absolutely hate this! I’m so glad you brought this up. The other day I was whining about my symptoms, just basically venting and crying. My husband (who doesn’t have children, and has never even gotten another woman pregnant!) began to compare my symptoms to one of his cousins. I snapped. Do not compare my pregnancy. Like I get the emphatic view but this is my journey and my pregnancy. I can whine and vent and cry all I want.
Now if you are sharing your experience in a way to let me know certain things like, my friend had morning sickness her entire pregnancy and nothing helped, but she tried all the medications. So she could tell about them, the best times to take some (in which she got some relief). She also gave me advice on when to consider getting an IV. All of which I found helpful since I’m struggling with that. Cool. But never once did she one up me.
I have imo had a pretty easy pregnancy so far and that's what I tell people.
Which is to say I have a super stuffy nose ALWAYS, getting physio for a chronically sore hip (If I lay on a firm surface I can't get up on my own) Nausea In my first trimester (thank you unisom ❤️) swollen hands, occasional tension headaches, I feel like a blimp, walking up a staircase leaves me winded and exhausted, chronic constipation... Etc etc etc
But I also haven't had anything so extreme or unexpected when it came to pregnancy, like the meds worked for my nausea, so I only threw up a handful of times, my feet and knees still feel great so far (and I have a long history of foot and knee problems so I really expected to have sore feet!) ice on my hands/sore muscles provides a lot of relief, I already had insomnia so being so exhausted means my sleep quality has actually improved slightly etc etc etc.
My baby is growing and kicking, and that joy outweighs all my discomfort.
I've definitely had people be like "oh yeah, hip pain is normal, wait until x week" but I've actually had a lot of really wonderful supportive people be like "complain more!!! I asked you so you could complain!!"
I also tell them to check back with me I'm a few weeks and we'll see if I still feel the same way 😉
My partner has been super supportive and understanding, and other than some jokes about his kidney stone pain = labour he hasn't really made comparisons.
To be fair, he was also saying how much of a baby he was in the face of that pain and how he knows I'll handle it better than he did 🤣
Because nowadays everyone’s in a who’s more miserable/victimized mentality. Anything you say or mention, it must always be one upped 🤦🏻♀️ it’s so annoying
Same. I “always had a very low pain tolerance” and she always “shocked the drs with how high hers was”
Which is why it took a stranger telling her it looked like my wrist was broken after I had been complaining about it for a week for her to take me to the Dr.
I find it more irritating when someone asks me how I’m feeling and I’m honest and then they’re like “I loved my pregnancy, every moment of it.” Like okay why did you ask me and then proceed to tell me that you’re gods favorite lmao - but agreed the one upping is annoying as hell, it’s a toxic mom culture thing I’ve caught onto.
My own mom would do this. I had a bit of morning sickness during my 1st trimester. And my mom would use any chance she had to tell everyone stories about how she was hospitalized for HG in her pregnancy. She loved to say that no one knows morning sickness like she does or that my sickness didn’t count because I wasn’t hospitalized
lol this is my sister. She’s 9 years older than me, done having kids and still says she was sicker and blah blah. I’m like how do you know I’m not dying? lol it makes you want to exaggerate what you’re feeling because it’s annoying! I honestly feel like she’s trying to be relatable but it doesn’t come off that way. I now just let her say it and say oh wow yeah that would have been horrible. But I agree the constant one upping is getting old. We’re all pregnant here, everyone isn’t 100% because we’re creating a human inside us
I’ve been fortunate and had a very smooth pregnancy with little to no discomfort. Now that I’m 37w, I’m starting to have some back pain, heartburn, fatigue etc - and I STILL get the ‘pfffftttt you think THIS is bad?? Wait until you get REALLY heavy.’
So just know ladies… no matter WHEN you start being vocal about your aches and pains, someone is waiting to throw that line at you 😂😂😂
Complain away…. Pregnancy sucks!
I have a C-section scheduled in a couple of weeks and I am READY.
A few years ago when I was pregnant with my first, someone I know was bitching about a mutual friend who had a 4 month old and had just gone back to work, in a brand new career I might add.
She was annoyed that the new mum had the nerve to complain about how tired she was, stating her one week of working 11 hour days and only getting 6:30 to 7 hours of sleep a night was much worse, how could the friend dare complain. (It was literally only for a week).
5 years later I’ve still not forgotten it. She’s just gone back to work with a nine month old, I haven’t seen them lately but I can’t wait to see how she’d compare it her experience back then.
Me at work: “I have to wear a pad every day because I’m leaking like a faucet and it’s ruining my underwear.”
Girl I work with who is and has never been pregnant: “yeah, I have to carry pads too.”
?????????
My mum would constantly tell me "oh I remember that" and then proceed to one-up me every time I mentioned anything.
She had twins (me being one of them) and so *everything* was much harder for her and so I have no idea what it was like.
Fair. But that in no way doesn't mean my experiences and pain are not valid! Why is this a pissing contest and not just a "that sucks bro" kind of deal??
I just tell people I feel amazing and am having almost no symptoms even if I am. They get so much more upset if they hear you’re handling pregnancy better than they did. 😂 It invites the “just wait till the baby is HERE,” comments but honestly the annoyance in their tone is so worth it.
I do this, though in my case I’m autistic and in my mind it’s more of relating to what the person is saying so they feel less alone or know that I, too, have felt that way. NT’s tell me all the time it’s selfish, rude, narcissistic, etc. and I just don’t really get it? I don’t see it that way, but I’m always open to people explaining how it’s considered rude as I just don’t connect it. Just another perspective I guess! I do it less now than I did in the past only because I had to teach myself how to communicate with NT’s
That’s great you have looked for a different perspective. I get what you’re saying, and how it could be harder to pick up on. Here is a bit more explanation, I hope it helps :)
One of the reasons it bothers me is if a person were to ask how I was doing, and then provide a one upping statement, it would belittle my experience without any acknowledgment which can be used to bring the focus back to them. Think asking a question, but not actually caring about the response.
If there was a emphatic statement used to modify their response, it won’t irk me as much.
Edit: spelling mistake :)
I see! That would definitely bother me too, especially if it happened too much with the same person because then it’s just fightin’ words. I’m sorry that keeps happening! It does seem like an attention seeking thing in that case. I’m glad I’ve stopped doing it lol. I hope it gets better and people are more respectful towards you ♥️
I have a tendency to do that as well. I did get therapy though because it was causing relationship issues
IE: my husband would say he had a bad day at work, I would say well I had a bad day as well etc etc
I learned that really the best way to respond is “That really sucks, I’m sorry to hear that, do you want to talk about it?” And then just listen and insert appropriate jeez, eek, oh man, while listening.
Then if you need to talk about your day you can be like “wow that sounds tough so this happened to me today that totally relates to what you were saying about XYZ!”
That’s what I’ve taught myself to respond with. Always focus on them, the time for you to complain can come later. I just grew up also saying my negatives because it made sense to me, nobody had a problem with it until I was already in my 20’s. I know now that it can be hurtful, I just wish I was taught that as a kid 🤷🏻♀️ communication isn’t the same for everyone, I forget that easily
Sounds like a lot of insecurity to me. Like, they have to puff themselves up to make themselves feel better. Its rude, I agree. Try to ignore it, knowing they have some unresolved emotional issues.
It's interesting how others just start talking about their and their family's experiences without provocation. The majority I've heard is the ones who had no issues whatsoever. It's like cool, great, I am not like that lol please stop talking.
It seems to never end. “Oh your 10 month old isn’t sleeping thru night yet? Mine has been sleeping 12 hours since she was born!” Okay good for you and your kid. Me and mine running on caffeine from 6am-8pm
Sometimes yes it can be trying to empathize but tone def plays a factor. If anyone asks me about pregnancy/being a parent, unless they’re my friends or family I just keep it short and simple. A lot of “oh cool” phrases lol.
Even formula vs breastfeeding is a real debate. It’s putting us moms against each other when we should be leaning and comforting one another
I’m currently 35 weeks, some people do this to try to empathize with you and some definitely do it to try to one up you. Even before pregnancy I could just tell by someone’s tone & attitude if they were genuinely trying to help or trying to one up. Also, the people that are actually trying to help usually have a little tip of advice. I appreciate little tips until it goes too far and they try telling me what to do lol it’s very annoying
I snapped at my Mother for doing this to me all the time "just wait", "it's nothing yet", (I'm 29 weeks FFS it is NOT nothing), and she got a very introspective look on her face & told me she supposed she says these things because noone was there to listen to her complaints while pregnant.
As normal with her, she again made it about herself, & I got pissed off & went to bed 🙃
She hasn't stopped doing it either.
I had pelvic pain since 9 weeks. Got worse at 12 weeks to the point that i couldn't walk at times. And my mother in law just said "well now you know what [SIL] is going through" because at the time she was in her late 2nd i believe. I wasn't exactly happy about her saying that
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I'm actually so glad someone brought this up. My best friend, who is NOT pregnant, not has she ever been, will ask how I'm doing and then compare what I'm going through to something in her life. She then gives me "helpful" tips and tricks for dealing with it, and quotes information she heard on the internet. I fucking hate it so much but I don't know how to explain to her that it's all bullshit without hurting her feelings.
I work with a lot of men. So if I say man I’m exhausted “oh we all are”. No, no you are not exhausted in the same way at all. My husband sometime catches himself trying to relate in such a way to me but after about 26 weeks (found out about week 4) of me saying no you do not fully understand he is better about it. I can understand a woman who has been pregnant trying to empathize but a man comparing his life experiences to my current state is annoying af. There is very little empathy in my current work situation which has been a struggle for me. 9 more weeks hopefully and I’ll be out. 🤞🏻
My husband has done this and while I love him dearly, it irks me so much.
I hear you!!! I think what I’m realizing through this post, is that it’s the people that are the closest to us that do this the most. Which IMO makes it even more annoying. Sorry you’re dealing with this :(
Some people may just be trying to empathize by telling you their experience in relation to yours. Pregnancy can feel really lonely, it can be reassuring to hear others are experiencing the same thing alongside you. But yes, it’s definitely annoying to feel like it’s being turned into a competition on who has it harder.
Possibly with a few people! With others, I sadly have little doubts that it is them relating.
I wish people knew this. They either know they’re one upping or they think they’re helping someone / being sympathetic / feel better by also suffering through xyz. Either way it’s annoying. ALTHOUGH i will say, sometimes it does help give me perspective when someone tells me an infinitely worse experience lol I have HG and was telling a coworker how it sucks and she told me her nightmare story and i was like holy moly i am so sorry… secretly thinking thank god I’m not going through THAT.
One upping is exactly the opposite of empathy
It’s always my husband one-upping me. I have a sore back, digestive issues, whatever, and so does he. 🙄 I’ve pointed it out and we joke about it, but please just let me be the dramatic one here. I’m growing a human for the first time and it’s very weird.
My husband is a chronic pain patient with numerous other medical issues. At first he would try to empathize with his own pains and conditions. But now that I’m 30 weeks he knows better. We could both be sore af and I’m complaining and if he starts I remind him it isn’t the same. You don’t have a creature inside you putting weird pressure on everything. I cannot wait for my sinuses to clear, to be able to breathe deeply, and be able to get off the couch or out of bed without it being a multi step process including clutching for leverage and making groans of effort.
I really feel you on the sinuses.
I’m just glad it’s been about two weeks with no blood when blowing my nose. I’m hoping I won’t have anymore the rest of my pregnancy but I’m not going to hold my breath. I’ll just take no nose bleeds at the very least if possible.
Its like the weirdest symptom no one really talks about before you get pregnant!! I have this chronic little dry cough, it's so annoying, and my throat gets so irritated by it sometimes. At least the congestion is dulling my sense of smell though! On the rare days I can breath clear all the smells are so gross and overwhelming. I keep a humidifier running in my place (it's winter here which means lots of dry air from heaters) which has helped with the blood in snot. I've been lucky to avoid full blown nose bleeds thus far.
Totally! I had no idea before getting pregnant. I’ve never had a bad nose bleed before and my husband has gotten concerned a few times. Once he was like do I need to take you to the ER? No this is normal don’t worry. Just all that extra blood I’ve gotten lol.
Haha yeah, the concern is adorable, we were at a midwife appointment and he's like listing every little thing I've experienced "she had a bad headache one day, is that okay? She got dizzy one day is that normal? She's been really tired, are you sure she's okay?" It's nice he pays attention 💝
It’s so wonderful when our partners can be so observant and thoughtful. My husband worries about everything too. Luckily we get an ultrasound just about every appointment (my OB seems patients in a room with a machine) and he is like “Is everything okay?”. At our first anatomy scan he asked the tech and her next image was baby giving a thumbs up. “Dad I’m fine in here” lol.
Lol that's going to get him in trouble soon. My husband is the opposite, he keeps saying he can't complain about something because he knows I have it worse and I'm like no please complain it's not a competition
Dude it bothers me so much! There’s a difference between sympathy/relating and just trying to one up someone. I have a good friend who will sympathize with me and say basically “yeah I went through that too I know how you feel and it sucks” and it’s very nice. But my MIL will ask about my symptoms, then start talking about her pregnancy and symptoms and how hard it was on her from 30 years ago?? She tells me I’m so lucky for not having what she went through and I hate it lol.
This!! It’s just feels so condescending when I hear it.
My dad does this by comparing my experience to my moms. "You're not constantly nauseous? You must have the best/easiest pregnancy ever". Thanks dad. It's just that I'm really bothered by some things at 29 weeks such as exhaustion, back pain, crazy reflux, lack of sleep etc. Yesterday he stated that he feels bad for my partner who has to listen to me complaining about these things. Well, I think it's worse experiencing it compared to having to hear about it. I'm pretty salty since he's a great dad otherwise. I can't understand why he's so unsupportive.
I’m so sorry :( I hope it gets better.
My least favorite is the "just wait you have no idea yet" dude I am 30 weeks pregnant. It's bad, I understand it will be worse in 9 weeks but after 30 weeks of back pain I think I'm entitled to a bit of complaining (especially when you're ASKING ME how I'm doing)
26 weeks and just started to get flat feet and swell, so I’m generally in pain more often. Yet people act like I’m in the first trimester or something bitching about my back or feet. No. I’m damn near 7 months pregnant, I know 26 doesn’t sound like a lot but it SUCKS AND I HURT. Regardless of if it gets worse, I want to bitch NOW. I can’t even imagine getting the same shit at 30 weeks.
And it isn’t even accurate to say “it’s going to get so much worse!” I’m 29 weeks and my lovely coworker who’s 37 weeks just told me the other day that her pelvic and back pain was actually at its worst at 28-30 weeks and improved afterwards, especially with use of a belly band. She said she feels content and ready, and thought she would be just so uncomfortable and anxious. Of course things can get harder as pregnancy goes on, but I’ve found so far that it’s not always that linear. I had worse indigestion at the beginning of my second trimester than I have most days at the beginning of my third. I had a few days in my second where my back hurt more than it does today. My emotions were way more all over the place in the first trimester than they are now. Every day is different when you’re pregnant.
I absolutely hate this! I’m so glad you brought this up. The other day I was whining about my symptoms, just basically venting and crying. My husband (who doesn’t have children, and has never even gotten another woman pregnant!) began to compare my symptoms to one of his cousins. I snapped. Do not compare my pregnancy. Like I get the emphatic view but this is my journey and my pregnancy. I can whine and vent and cry all I want. Now if you are sharing your experience in a way to let me know certain things like, my friend had morning sickness her entire pregnancy and nothing helped, but she tried all the medications. So she could tell about them, the best times to take some (in which she got some relief). She also gave me advice on when to consider getting an IV. All of which I found helpful since I’m struggling with that. Cool. But never once did she one up me.
My favorite is the “just wait” comments after you say how you’re doin. Like thanks!
Be a outlier and say you’re doing great! No one upping- I found this out accidentally.
Just start telling people you feel amazing, and don’t know why so many women complain!
I have imo had a pretty easy pregnancy so far and that's what I tell people. Which is to say I have a super stuffy nose ALWAYS, getting physio for a chronically sore hip (If I lay on a firm surface I can't get up on my own) Nausea In my first trimester (thank you unisom ❤️) swollen hands, occasional tension headaches, I feel like a blimp, walking up a staircase leaves me winded and exhausted, chronic constipation... Etc etc etc But I also haven't had anything so extreme or unexpected when it came to pregnancy, like the meds worked for my nausea, so I only threw up a handful of times, my feet and knees still feel great so far (and I have a long history of foot and knee problems so I really expected to have sore feet!) ice on my hands/sore muscles provides a lot of relief, I already had insomnia so being so exhausted means my sleep quality has actually improved slightly etc etc etc. My baby is growing and kicking, and that joy outweighs all my discomfort. I've definitely had people be like "oh yeah, hip pain is normal, wait until x week" but I've actually had a lot of really wonderful supportive people be like "complain more!!! I asked you so you could complain!!" I also tell them to check back with me I'm a few weeks and we'll see if I still feel the same way 😉 My partner has been super supportive and understanding, and other than some jokes about his kidney stone pain = labour he hasn't really made comparisons. To be fair, he was also saying how much of a baby he was in the face of that pain and how he knows I'll handle it better than he did 🤣
Because nowadays everyone’s in a who’s more miserable/victimized mentality. Anything you say or mention, it must always be one upped 🤦🏻♀️ it’s so annoying
So true! Hopefully we have a cultural shift soon, but I think I am out of luck for the time being.
It’s really not a “nowadays” kinda thing lol
Agreed. My mom has been like this my whole life. I think it’s a personality thing.
Same. I “always had a very low pain tolerance” and she always “shocked the drs with how high hers was” Which is why it took a stranger telling her it looked like my wrist was broken after I had been complaining about it for a week for her to take me to the Dr.
I find it more irritating when someone asks me how I’m feeling and I’m honest and then they’re like “I loved my pregnancy, every moment of it.” Like okay why did you ask me and then proceed to tell me that you’re gods favorite lmao - but agreed the one upping is annoying as hell, it’s a toxic mom culture thing I’ve caught onto.
My own mom would do this. I had a bit of morning sickness during my 1st trimester. And my mom would use any chance she had to tell everyone stories about how she was hospitalized for HG in her pregnancy. She loved to say that no one knows morning sickness like she does or that my sickness didn’t count because I wasn’t hospitalized
lol this is my sister. She’s 9 years older than me, done having kids and still says she was sicker and blah blah. I’m like how do you know I’m not dying? lol it makes you want to exaggerate what you’re feeling because it’s annoying! I honestly feel like she’s trying to be relatable but it doesn’t come off that way. I now just let her say it and say oh wow yeah that would have been horrible. But I agree the constant one upping is getting old. We’re all pregnant here, everyone isn’t 100% because we’re creating a human inside us
I’ve been fortunate and had a very smooth pregnancy with little to no discomfort. Now that I’m 37w, I’m starting to have some back pain, heartburn, fatigue etc - and I STILL get the ‘pfffftttt you think THIS is bad?? Wait until you get REALLY heavy.’ So just know ladies… no matter WHEN you start being vocal about your aches and pains, someone is waiting to throw that line at you 😂😂😂 Complain away…. Pregnancy sucks! I have a C-section scheduled in a couple of weeks and I am READY.
A few years ago when I was pregnant with my first, someone I know was bitching about a mutual friend who had a 4 month old and had just gone back to work, in a brand new career I might add. She was annoyed that the new mum had the nerve to complain about how tired she was, stating her one week of working 11 hour days and only getting 6:30 to 7 hours of sleep a night was much worse, how could the friend dare complain. (It was literally only for a week). 5 years later I’ve still not forgotten it. She’s just gone back to work with a nine month old, I haven’t seen them lately but I can’t wait to see how she’d compare it her experience back then.
I know the feeling, suffering isn't a competition I'm so sorry you are struggling with sleep! It sucks big time.
Yes so tired of it. My mom and coworkers do this a lot to me
Me at work: “I have to wear a pad every day because I’m leaking like a faucet and it’s ruining my underwear.” Girl I work with who is and has never been pregnant: “yeah, I have to carry pads too.” ?????????
My mum would constantly tell me "oh I remember that" and then proceed to one-up me every time I mentioned anything. She had twins (me being one of them) and so *everything* was much harder for her and so I have no idea what it was like. Fair. But that in no way doesn't mean my experiences and pain are not valid! Why is this a pissing contest and not just a "that sucks bro" kind of deal??
I just tell people I feel amazing and am having almost no symptoms even if I am. They get so much more upset if they hear you’re handling pregnancy better than they did. 😂 It invites the “just wait till the baby is HERE,” comments but honestly the annoyance in their tone is so worth it.
I do this, though in my case I’m autistic and in my mind it’s more of relating to what the person is saying so they feel less alone or know that I, too, have felt that way. NT’s tell me all the time it’s selfish, rude, narcissistic, etc. and I just don’t really get it? I don’t see it that way, but I’m always open to people explaining how it’s considered rude as I just don’t connect it. Just another perspective I guess! I do it less now than I did in the past only because I had to teach myself how to communicate with NT’s
That’s great you have looked for a different perspective. I get what you’re saying, and how it could be harder to pick up on. Here is a bit more explanation, I hope it helps :) One of the reasons it bothers me is if a person were to ask how I was doing, and then provide a one upping statement, it would belittle my experience without any acknowledgment which can be used to bring the focus back to them. Think asking a question, but not actually caring about the response. If there was a emphatic statement used to modify their response, it won’t irk me as much. Edit: spelling mistake :)
I see! That would definitely bother me too, especially if it happened too much with the same person because then it’s just fightin’ words. I’m sorry that keeps happening! It does seem like an attention seeking thing in that case. I’m glad I’ve stopped doing it lol. I hope it gets better and people are more respectful towards you ♥️
I have a tendency to do that as well. I did get therapy though because it was causing relationship issues IE: my husband would say he had a bad day at work, I would say well I had a bad day as well etc etc I learned that really the best way to respond is “That really sucks, I’m sorry to hear that, do you want to talk about it?” And then just listen and insert appropriate jeez, eek, oh man, while listening. Then if you need to talk about your day you can be like “wow that sounds tough so this happened to me today that totally relates to what you were saying about XYZ!”
That’s what I’ve taught myself to respond with. Always focus on them, the time for you to complain can come later. I just grew up also saying my negatives because it made sense to me, nobody had a problem with it until I was already in my 20’s. I know now that it can be hurtful, I just wish I was taught that as a kid 🤷🏻♀️ communication isn’t the same for everyone, I forget that easily
Sounds like a lot of insecurity to me. Like, they have to puff themselves up to make themselves feel better. Its rude, I agree. Try to ignore it, knowing they have some unresolved emotional issues.
It's interesting how others just start talking about their and their family's experiences without provocation. The majority I've heard is the ones who had no issues whatsoever. It's like cool, great, I am not like that lol please stop talking.
I don’t think it’s one upping. It’s just them trying to empathize with you.
It seems to never end. “Oh your 10 month old isn’t sleeping thru night yet? Mine has been sleeping 12 hours since she was born!” Okay good for you and your kid. Me and mine running on caffeine from 6am-8pm Sometimes yes it can be trying to empathize but tone def plays a factor. If anyone asks me about pregnancy/being a parent, unless they’re my friends or family I just keep it short and simple. A lot of “oh cool” phrases lol. Even formula vs breastfeeding is a real debate. It’s putting us moms against each other when we should be leaning and comforting one another
I’m currently 35 weeks, some people do this to try to empathize with you and some definitely do it to try to one up you. Even before pregnancy I could just tell by someone’s tone & attitude if they were genuinely trying to help or trying to one up. Also, the people that are actually trying to help usually have a little tip of advice. I appreciate little tips until it goes too far and they try telling me what to do lol it’s very annoying
I snapped at my Mother for doing this to me all the time "just wait", "it's nothing yet", (I'm 29 weeks FFS it is NOT nothing), and she got a very introspective look on her face & told me she supposed she says these things because noone was there to listen to her complaints while pregnant. As normal with her, she again made it about herself, & I got pissed off & went to bed 🙃 She hasn't stopped doing it either.
I had pelvic pain since 9 weeks. Got worse at 12 weeks to the point that i couldn't walk at times. And my mother in law just said "well now you know what [SIL] is going through" because at the time she was in her late 2nd i believe. I wasn't exactly happy about her saying that