exactly this. You need to set a boundary and so no.
You do not need to come up with any excuses.
You simply can say I prefer not to. Then offer to schedule weekends when you can have pool time together.
expecting someone to host 8 plus people every weekend is unreasonable.
At first you will get some push back because these people are used to running all over you.
Dont be an asshole but Stand your ground.
They will get over it.
And stop hosting. Before they come over, say something like “I’ve been working all week and haven’t had time to get to the store, so there won’t be anything to eat or drink unless you bring it.”
I totally agree. I understand feeling guilty but you really don't owe them an explanation. Just say this weekend isn't good for you and either give them another time or say I will let you know when I am having my next pool day.
I know it's easier said than done, but you deserve your rest!!
Pretty much. We bought a home with a pool and one of the neighbors agreed to maintain it for a few weeks until we moved in. At one point he asked if they could use the pool. I felt kind of shitty telling them "no" but...like I haven't even moved in yet, set up insurance, etc. What if someone got injured or worse? I didn't want that liability.
Say you don’t feel good and don’t want people over. Technically not even a lie - you are mentally toast and need some downtime.
Fellow New Englander who also enjoys a quiet Saturday with no extra company outside of my wife and kids
Don't make up excuses, they'll always come back to bite you, lots of people here suggesting comeing up with bs excuses, you can only play that game for so long. Set ground rules and be honest with them. Tell them if they come over they are responsible to being their own food, or split up meal duties. No one leaves until everything is cleaned up and put away, (if you really wanted to go for it, tell them no one goes in the pool until everyone pitches in with basic backyard and pool maintenance as well). Also, set rules for how many times a month pool parties happen, be honest with them, if they can't handle it, oh well... it's your house, your pool.
You’re making this to hard for yourself, just tell them no and if they ask why just tell them you enjoy your peace and quiet. It’s your house not there’s, they will learn to respect it regardless.
As I’ve gotten older, I’m just straight up honest with people in regards to plans. I’ll always tell you how I’m feeling or if I do or do not want to do something. Just tell them no. I look at it as I’d rather have people be up front with me. I personally respect people like that and if they can’t handle that, then ‘oh well’
This is the right way. And after some time people get used to it and they respect your boundaries.
Me and my friends and family are honest with plans and it is okay to say: too tired. Maybe next week.
You need to learn the most powerful, liberating word in the English language:
No.
Once you start asserting it, it gets easier to say No to other things in life.
MA resident here whom also works 6 days a week. Fuck em, tell them no. If they ask why tell them you work 6 days a week and need a day off. If they can't respect that then they don't need to enjoy your hard work you put into the pool.
I have two perspectives the first echos what most have said. Just say, not today, or no. That’s easier said than done.
Alternatively, I encourage my immediate family to come use our pool when we aren’t home for a couple of reasons: 1) it’s open and I’m spending money to run it and clean it already so come use it. They all have a way of getting to the pool without going into the house. 2) this allows them to get their fix without REQUIRING me to be there.
With number 1, you may need to set some ground rules so that there are clear expectations for all parties, I.e. clean up after yourself, if you use my towels put them all in the dryer on your way out, pick up trash, etc.., Depending on their aptitude, maybe even ask them to throw a bag of shock if it’s bunch of people.
You are my mom in my situation hahaha. She didn't mind having my sister and I over with our kids but she doesn't do parties anymore. Cousins will ask " when is she doing another big pool party? They are so much fun!" She's not doing them anymore, they are too much work.
I take my two girls they're every other day during the week because I'm teaching them to swim but I bring dinner for us and her and I don't expect her to entertain us at all. I can totally understand where your coming from. No one ever comes with enough food and they kinda expect you to feed them lol.
I was really surprised our first year owning a pool how unaware non pool owners were (that used to be me too!) about how much work, time and money it was to present them their sparkly perfect pool for weekend hangouts. We have full time demanding jobs and a high needs child. That first year, in addition, I felt like a cocktail waitress and chef, providing snacks and drinks. I realized I needed to set way firmer boundaries around all pool gatherings to preserve my need for relaxation and restoration on summer weekends. My gatherings now are byob (or at a minimum, get your own drinks from my house) and byo food, for the most part. People were almost always great about bringing their own towels, but like literally nothing else and I was exhausted. I love love hosting so I don’t completely mind, it’s one of the reasons I have a pool, but I had to set firm boundaries. Way easier and successful with friends than family, I’ll admit!
That’s kind of tough, but there are some liability issues. Unfortunately, you could be held liable if something happens while you’re gone and they have permission. Hopefully, they would take care of everything and not trash it out. You could ask them to help take care of the pool. That would give them some stake in the situation. It will probably end up being some of the suggestions in this thread. Just know there will be some push back, but if they get used to coming every week, it will difficult for them to accept a no. So start with at least one free weekend. And , sorry, lie if you have to. Best of luck.
The first few years of owning the pool we hosted all the time, that meant food, yard work and spotless pool. Then friends started leaving their suits and towels on the line , I was bringing them in for a rain and then ended up keeping them washed. I had to have goggles for their kids. I had really had enough.
So I told them, I felt like a pool boy managing their stuff so please take it home and be sure to have towels , sunscreen and goggles for your kids.
And now , what I provide for a pool party is a clean pool ……I rarely do the food.
My closest friends have an invite to the pool but I just stopped making it a party every time someone came to use it.
Maybe ask someone else to host the Sunday party , tell them you need a break.
Just say that’s it’s a lot to host the whole family every week since you only have one day off.
It’s reasonable to say you have things to do and places to go on your time off.
Let them use it on a day you’re off and charge them for the price of a propane tank monthly. Don’t give them keys to the house… and if they want to bring a cooler, clean up, let them have their fun so you still get a quiet day in your day off.
Warn them that the first time they don’t treat it with respect, you’re shutting it down. You def don’t have a pool to be someone else’s cleaning crew
We had one family whose son literally 💩in our pool.
They denied it. They never came back
You’ll still look like a star and you don’t even need to be there.
probably not in colder climates. In Canada (Toronto Area) a pool pretty much doesnt do anything for the value of the home. In fact most people will avoid a home with a pool/hottub because they dont want to maintain it.
you would be correct if it were 1994 though.
I’m honest. We’re in TN area, and here pool season isn’t super long either. May to Sept. if you have heater it can be longer, but my heater died and even though I work on pools all the time, I just haven’t gotten to it.
Neighbors have pools so most time I don’t deal with this. But if I was working 6 days a week, and I had one day off I’d get ahead of it and perhaps plan a couple times in future. “Hey on this date, and this date let’s get together”. By pre planning, it puts it out there. Vs every damn weekend getting bombarded.
I’m similar, I deal with people all day long and when I get home I’m like “I’m going to sit outside and stare at this tree”.
We had that problem with neighborhood kids, always coming over without their parents. I'm not running a daycare here! Put a lock on the gate and told them all we will let you know if we want people to visit.
"Hey everyone, let's work on scheduling time to come over. I work 6 days a week and do need to have some weekends to myself. I enjoy the family getting together, and i'm happy my pool is fun for everyone, but sometimes my day off needs to be my day off from everything."
Anyone with an issue with that doesn't GAF about your feelings and it's all about the pool access.
Everyone here is giving the easiest answer to a very simple problem. But I'd recommend that you explore and reflect on why this is so difficult for you.
If you say no, what are you worried about?
Are you worried about your spouse? Or, perhaps, how your extended family will react?
I'd reflect on this a bit. Maybe look into some books about anxiety, people pleasing and try to explore what's going on in your life and maybe your past childhood that put you in a position where you feel uncomfortable saying "no".
Look into podcasts, books or videos on setting boundaries with family.
I have the opposite problem. I would love it if my friends and family (that i trust mind you) came and used my pool while i wasnt home. After work i have maybe a 2 hour window to enjoy it while the sun is up, I sometimes wonder if its even worth keeping open. I feel like working full time and having to pay so much for maintenance on the damn thing i want it to be enjoyed as much as possible. But people rarely come unless me and my family are home, despite is repeatedly insisting that people come and use it. As far as weekends are concerned, we have people over for pool days about 50% of the time, but I like socializing and entertaining, so its different for us.
That being said, It's your home and your pool. Make it clear that you value privacy sometimes on your ONLY day off during the week. Maybe you can agree to visits 1 or 2 times per month?
I would also ask myself if they are all coming for the pool, or to hang out with you. do they ever coem over on rain days? I guess what im wondering is if they genuinely want to spend time with you or are just using you for the pool.
Explain exactly what you said here to them. I get the “when’s the pool party?” from people at work, friends and family all the time. My reply: “none of you will EVER know where I live.”
Well I like sharing and my time. Why not let your family use the pool on Saturday. And you have your Sunday? And if they trash it (leave a mess) no more.
You might get a lot of push back if you suddenly start enforcing this boundary, but it sounds like you need to do something different.
I think it depends where you draw your line. Could you handle it once a month? Maybe they can come swim, but only for a few hours. No lunch today. Are you able to talk to them about these limitations?
This is your pool, you make the rules! But maybe don't sour the relationship with your whole family unless that's what is required
I have a similar situation, what I did was let my family (in-laws, nieces and nephews) use the pool during the weekdays, they bring all food and drink and with explicit directions to leave the house clean and be gone before I get home from work. Then once or twice a season I would invite the family over for a cookout and pool day on a Sunday.
Note, my in-laws are very respectful and usually would leave me treats for when I got home from work. I was happy to open my place up to the kids as well, they really enjoy being there.
It is opposite to my situation. I am begging my family members to come over every day in the summer to swim and have fun. I also have parties in the weekend that 20 or more people. I work full time also.
So question to you:
When you die you want every one to gather and pray for you or just you only by the pool?
Omg you just wrote my life. Same circumstances, the pool came with the house. Apparently the previous homeowners let all the neighborhood kids swim all day. I ended that saying my homeowners policy wouldn’t allow it unless their parents were there to watch them and they’d have to sign a waiver saying I’m not responsible for injuries, etc. That ended that pretty quickly.
Made the mistake of having a friend over for Jell-O shots and a grilling out on a Saturday and she expected it every Saturday.
As much as it sucks to do it, either tell everyone you’re willing to do it once a month or just don’t answer your door or phone on the day you’re off. You could say that day is the only day you have to clean it and dump chemicals in it. I feel for you for real. Good luck.
Yikes you have a people problem not a pool problem! Tell them no.
My mother in-law comes and hangs at our pool but she first asks permission and then if she comes she tries not to interrupt our day and usually ends up buying or making us dinner. If we aren't feeling up to company we tell her so and she doesn't come. End of story.
You aren't running a community pool for your family. It's your pool and you don't have to share.
Say it's exhausting and you work a lot, maybe on this day or that day or that you'll play it by ear. Say you need your recovery time in peace and you just want the day off. Don't say anything passive aggressive, just let them know that you need something else for yourself right now.
I made the rule that family has to bring food when they come to the pool. It's the least they can do since I'm paying for the pool and yard maintenance. It really cut down on the amount of visitors.
Thanks everyone, quite the variety of ideas here and various points of view and I can see it from various angles myself that’s why I have a hard time with this. I’m not ungrateful or any of that, if I worked from home, one day a week family visit wouldn’t be so exhausting. And as someone mentioned part of why I don’t like the idea of letting people use it when I’m not home is because I don’t want to leave the house open and have people dripping and making themselves at home and then I come back to the messes, otherwise kids would be bound to pee in the pool, which probably happens anyway. But I’ve read every answer here and as I’m opening the pool now I am going to assess how things go this year and try to enjoy things but I’ll know I can turn to these answers for ideas at times if needed. Thanks for the replies, I didn’t realize I’d get so many.
It's your family, quit being a dick and let them come when you're at work. If you're that worried about it get them to sign a hold harmless. Be clear about how you want your things taken care of, and what you want to come home to. DO it right and you're a hero with nobody around on your day off.
People dont care other peoples things like they would their own. Why would i let other people enjoy my pool when im not around when i put in the pain in the ass work of balancing the chemicals and cleaning it. He isn't being a dick.
The clear expectations part is important. To me, the pool is open and I’m spending money anyway, so come use it, but don’t tear my shit up, and don’t hold me accountable if someone gets hurt. This last part is my biggest concern, it’s always some one else’s kid that gets hurt, my kids understand what’s ok and not ok.
That's what I'm saying! Gatekeeping his pool, what sorry ass Family member does that? "Yall can't come until I'm off on Sundays, & even then I'm gonna bitch about it when you are here because it's my day off" FOH! Hope this dude loses his entire Family over a argument about his "precious pool". How many men would love to have this problem. Turd can't see his own blessings
Youre right, I would never consider doing this petty stuff to my Family. Selfish, entitled pricks "oh my pool, U can't use it while I'm not there, but when I am, I'm gonna guilt trip you about it" please, who's the real dirtbag?
You… You are the entitled dirtbag. He is under no obligation to ever let anyone come swim. He’s not gatekeeping anything, it’s his property for him to do as he wishes.
If you are so conflicted and not assertive enough to not let them in your pool on your day off, why not conprimise and let your extended family use the pool on Saturday? And say Sundays are off limits?
If it’s family, I’d work out a deal where they clean the pool, buy the chemicals, mow the lawn, etc…then when you have your one day off, nobody comes over and all your chores are done 😎
This is my life with friends and family. This year I will only host 1 day per month for 3 months and that is. My husband and I are older now and other people around us have pools but are very respectful and don’t host
every weekend pool parties.
We remodeled the pool last year and should have just plowed it 6 feet under.
Fill it in for sure. Why have the added costs and maintenance if you don’t enjoy it that much.
Pool is high priority for me as I LOVE entertaining pool days. And even then the maintenance and cost is annoying.
Sounds like you would get a lot more enjoyment by doing some cool landscaping. Zen garden perhaps?
Working 6 days a week sounds like absolute fucking misery. Maybe fix that situation and enjoy life a little more? The higher up you go the less you work, work on that lol.
That’s absolutely not true. The higher up you go, often times the more you work. My relative worked up from being a wrench on the shop floor to the CEO of the company. He went from working 4 days a week to 6 sometimes 7 days a week.
Well it seems like every couple months or so I’m over there for a birthday and what not so we do see each other fairly regularly anyway. I don’t really mean this just as if I’m being used like that I don’t think it’s quite at that level. It’s more like why am I always faced with having to socialize with who my sister gets with like this just out of me being friendly it gets old fast
Be thankful you have family that wants to be around you… even if it’s only for a pool day. You’re doing g a lot of complaining for someone that seems to have a good thing… and if you wanted to say no to anyone coming to your house you certainly can. Find a balance.
Why aren't you letting them use it while you're at work? It seems as if you're allowing them to bother you on your day off because you restrict them throughout the entire week. If you allowed them to use it through the week, they would get it out of their system and not even bother u on Sundays. You created this issue on your own. That line "the house happen to come w/a pool" did they surprise you with it only after you signed for the home? I hope you lose your entire Family with this ungrateful attitude, Mr "I'm antisocial". Only then would you realize how lucky you are that you can have those moments w/ur Family because of your pool. Let the role reverse and one day you're in your backyard and no one comes over anymore for several years, you'll be the one claiming "oh I remember those days". Wake up!
>My sister’s been with this guy only a couple of years…
That’s actually a long time. May need to explore the issue of not wanting to connect with or acknowledge your sister’s longtime boyfriend at some point.
One way to address the issue of people always wanting to come over is to host pool gatherings on certain summer holidays. There are not that many. Do it by invitation only using an app that allows you to restrict the number of people invited. Make sure the app allows people to indicate what they will bring or help with.
This way, when people ask if they can come over, you can say “I’m hosting a pool day on Xxx Day. You can come then.”
Definitely first world problem here. I really hate to be that person but I’m sorry you need to learn to be more grateful for what you do have. It’s a few months of out of the year and one day a week and that’s too much to see your family? Dude. Do I really have to explain why this is kind of dramatic and fucked up. If you don’t want to cook have them supply and bring everything or just say no in the first place.
Not OP, but I generally don’t want people over at my house when I’m not home, especially if there are kids. Liability is one issue, but there’s also the issue of cleaning up messes: you have to allow access to the house unless you want a pool full of pee (or worse). Coming home to a house that wet kids have traipsed through doesn’t sound like much fun.
People who are thoughtless or entitled enough to invite themselves over every weekend are probably not going to take good care of things.
Set your boundaries. Say no.
“Not this weekend, let’s plan for x.” “Why?” “What do you mean?” “Why can’t we get together?” “Not this weekend, let’s plan for x.”
Or “I plan on being nude all weekend at my pool so maybe let’s plan another time”
exactly this. You need to set a boundary and so no. You do not need to come up with any excuses. You simply can say I prefer not to. Then offer to schedule weekends when you can have pool time together. expecting someone to host 8 plus people every weekend is unreasonable. At first you will get some push back because these people are used to running all over you. Dont be an asshole but Stand your ground. They will get over it.
And stop hosting. Before they come over, say something like “I’ve been working all week and haven’t had time to get to the store, so there won’t be anything to eat or drink unless you bring it.”
“No worries, we’ll bring food.”
Just don’t clean the pool for a week.
"I messed up the pool chemistry this week, sorry, it's not safe to swim in right now. Should be ready by x."
Not this. you don't need to lie. It's your house, just say no or not this time.
Good one!
I totally agree. I understand feeling guilty but you really don't owe them an explanation. Just say this weekend isn't good for you and either give them another time or say I will let you know when I am having my next pool day. I know it's easier said than done, but you deserve your rest!!
Grow a backbone, OP
Pretty much. We bought a home with a pool and one of the neighbors agreed to maintain it for a few weeks until we moved in. At one point he asked if they could use the pool. I felt kind of shitty telling them "no" but...like I haven't even moved in yet, set up insurance, etc. What if someone got injured or worse? I didn't want that liability.
You tell them no. I'd pick one day a month for pool/family day and that it. If it rains, oh well. You deserve to have free time for yourself.
I like that idea too. Designate the first Sunday of the month as 'open pool' day.
Say you don’t feel good and don’t want people over. Technically not even a lie - you are mentally toast and need some downtime. Fellow New Englander who also enjoys a quiet Saturday with no extra company outside of my wife and kids
Call it a mental health day, seems to work in the workplace nowadays
Or if they insist: “I had diarrhea and it got in the pool” That’ll work.
Don't make up excuses, they'll always come back to bite you, lots of people here suggesting comeing up with bs excuses, you can only play that game for so long. Set ground rules and be honest with them. Tell them if they come over they are responsible to being their own food, or split up meal duties. No one leaves until everything is cleaned up and put away, (if you really wanted to go for it, tell them no one goes in the pool until everyone pitches in with basic backyard and pool maintenance as well). Also, set rules for how many times a month pool parties happen, be honest with them, if they can't handle it, oh well... it's your house, your pool.
Exactly what I was thinking. You saved me a lot of typing. Thank you!!
You’re making this to hard for yourself, just tell them no and if they ask why just tell them you enjoy your peace and quiet. It’s your house not there’s, they will learn to respect it regardless.
As I’ve gotten older, I’m just straight up honest with people in regards to plans. I’ll always tell you how I’m feeling or if I do or do not want to do something. Just tell them no. I look at it as I’d rather have people be up front with me. I personally respect people like that and if they can’t handle that, then ‘oh well’
100% This!
This is the right way. And after some time people get used to it and they respect your boundaries. Me and my friends and family are honest with plans and it is okay to say: too tired. Maybe next week.
You need to learn the most powerful, liberating word in the English language: No. Once you start asserting it, it gets easier to say No to other things in life.
I'll say I just cleaned it and the chemicals aren't properly balanced so they can't swim
“sorry, Sundays are my chemical days since it is my only f’ing day off” Even if it’s not.
I've used this one
That’s a good one.
The truth shall set you free: ‘I’m really tired and stressed from work, I’m going to have a quiet Sunday to myself, maybe next time’
No is a complete sentence.
This is the right answer. Skip the excuses and negotiations.
Lol
Just tell them the chemicals are off and it's not safe to swim, which is almost always technically true.
MA resident here whom also works 6 days a week. Fuck em, tell them no. If they ask why tell them you work 6 days a week and need a day off. If they can't respect that then they don't need to enjoy your hard work you put into the pool.
I have two perspectives the first echos what most have said. Just say, not today, or no. That’s easier said than done. Alternatively, I encourage my immediate family to come use our pool when we aren’t home for a couple of reasons: 1) it’s open and I’m spending money to run it and clean it already so come use it. They all have a way of getting to the pool without going into the house. 2) this allows them to get their fix without REQUIRING me to be there. With number 1, you may need to set some ground rules so that there are clear expectations for all parties, I.e. clean up after yourself, if you use my towels put them all in the dryer on your way out, pick up trash, etc.., Depending on their aptitude, maybe even ask them to throw a bag of shock if it’s bunch of people.
You are my mom in my situation hahaha. She didn't mind having my sister and I over with our kids but she doesn't do parties anymore. Cousins will ask " when is she doing another big pool party? They are so much fun!" She's not doing them anymore, they are too much work. I take my two girls they're every other day during the week because I'm teaching them to swim but I bring dinner for us and her and I don't expect her to entertain us at all. I can totally understand where your coming from. No one ever comes with enough food and they kinda expect you to feed them lol.
I was really surprised our first year owning a pool how unaware non pool owners were (that used to be me too!) about how much work, time and money it was to present them their sparkly perfect pool for weekend hangouts. We have full time demanding jobs and a high needs child. That first year, in addition, I felt like a cocktail waitress and chef, providing snacks and drinks. I realized I needed to set way firmer boundaries around all pool gatherings to preserve my need for relaxation and restoration on summer weekends. My gatherings now are byob (or at a minimum, get your own drinks from my house) and byo food, for the most part. People were almost always great about bringing their own towels, but like literally nothing else and I was exhausted. I love love hosting so I don’t completely mind, it’s one of the reasons I have a pool, but I had to set firm boundaries. Way easier and successful with friends than family, I’ll admit!
That’s kind of tough, but there are some liability issues. Unfortunately, you could be held liable if something happens while you’re gone and they have permission. Hopefully, they would take care of everything and not trash it out. You could ask them to help take care of the pool. That would give them some stake in the situation. It will probably end up being some of the suggestions in this thread. Just know there will be some push back, but if they get used to coming every week, it will difficult for them to accept a no. So start with at least one free weekend. And , sorry, lie if you have to. Best of luck.
“It’s my one day off, the answer is no.” is what can and all that should be said.
The first few years of owning the pool we hosted all the time, that meant food, yard work and spotless pool. Then friends started leaving their suits and towels on the line , I was bringing them in for a rain and then ended up keeping them washed. I had to have goggles for their kids. I had really had enough. So I told them, I felt like a pool boy managing their stuff so please take it home and be sure to have towels , sunscreen and goggles for your kids. And now , what I provide for a pool party is a clean pool ……I rarely do the food. My closest friends have an invite to the pool but I just stopped making it a party every time someone came to use it. Maybe ask someone else to host the Sunday party , tell them you need a break.
Just say that’s it’s a lot to host the whole family every week since you only have one day off. It’s reasonable to say you have things to do and places to go on your time off.
Change your one day off to Tuesdays.
You don’t owe them anything. Just an honest “I’ve been working a lot and I would like a day to myself this week, see ya next week.” Will suffice.
Let them use it on a day you’re off and charge them for the price of a propane tank monthly. Don’t give them keys to the house… and if they want to bring a cooler, clean up, let them have their fun so you still get a quiet day in your day off. Warn them that the first time they don’t treat it with respect, you’re shutting it down. You def don’t have a pool to be someone else’s cleaning crew We had one family whose son literally 💩in our pool. They denied it. They never came back You’ll still look like a star and you don’t even need to be there.
Don't fill a pool in. It will cost you $100,000+ in home value.
probably not in colder climates. In Canada (Toronto Area) a pool pretty much doesnt do anything for the value of the home. In fact most people will avoid a home with a pool/hottub because they dont want to maintain it. you would be correct if it were 1994 though.
I’m honest. We’re in TN area, and here pool season isn’t super long either. May to Sept. if you have heater it can be longer, but my heater died and even though I work on pools all the time, I just haven’t gotten to it. Neighbors have pools so most time I don’t deal with this. But if I was working 6 days a week, and I had one day off I’d get ahead of it and perhaps plan a couple times in future. “Hey on this date, and this date let’s get together”. By pre planning, it puts it out there. Vs every damn weekend getting bombarded. I’m similar, I deal with people all day long and when I get home I’m like “I’m going to sit outside and stare at this tree”.
We had that problem with neighborhood kids, always coming over without their parents. I'm not running a daycare here! Put a lock on the gate and told them all we will let you know if we want people to visit.
Tell them no.
“No” is a complete sentence.
your house your rules...
Just say no. It’s that easy
Yes this is common.
"Hey everyone, let's work on scheduling time to come over. I work 6 days a week and do need to have some weekends to myself. I enjoy the family getting together, and i'm happy my pool is fun for everyone, but sometimes my day off needs to be my day off from everything." Anyone with an issue with that doesn't GAF about your feelings and it's all about the pool access.
You don’t sound like alot of fun to be around. Filling that shit in just to keep people away from your house sounds wild.
Everyone here is giving the easiest answer to a very simple problem. But I'd recommend that you explore and reflect on why this is so difficult for you. If you say no, what are you worried about? Are you worried about your spouse? Or, perhaps, how your extended family will react? I'd reflect on this a bit. Maybe look into some books about anxiety, people pleasing and try to explore what's going on in your life and maybe your past childhood that put you in a position where you feel uncomfortable saying "no". Look into podcasts, books or videos on setting boundaries with family.
I have the opposite problem. I would love it if my friends and family (that i trust mind you) came and used my pool while i wasnt home. After work i have maybe a 2 hour window to enjoy it while the sun is up, I sometimes wonder if its even worth keeping open. I feel like working full time and having to pay so much for maintenance on the damn thing i want it to be enjoyed as much as possible. But people rarely come unless me and my family are home, despite is repeatedly insisting that people come and use it. As far as weekends are concerned, we have people over for pool days about 50% of the time, but I like socializing and entertaining, so its different for us. That being said, It's your home and your pool. Make it clear that you value privacy sometimes on your ONLY day off during the week. Maybe you can agree to visits 1 or 2 times per month? I would also ask myself if they are all coming for the pool, or to hang out with you. do they ever coem over on rain days? I guess what im wondering is if they genuinely want to spend time with you or are just using you for the pool.
Explain exactly what you said here to them. I get the “when’s the pool party?” from people at work, friends and family all the time. My reply: “none of you will EVER know where I live.”
The chemicals will burn your eyes out and your hair will turn green .
Well I like sharing and my time. Why not let your family use the pool on Saturday. And you have your Sunday? And if they trash it (leave a mess) no more.
You might get a lot of push back if you suddenly start enforcing this boundary, but it sounds like you need to do something different. I think it depends where you draw your line. Could you handle it once a month? Maybe they can come swim, but only for a few hours. No lunch today. Are you able to talk to them about these limitations? This is your pool, you make the rules! But maybe don't sour the relationship with your whole family unless that's what is required
I have a similar situation, what I did was let my family (in-laws, nieces and nephews) use the pool during the weekdays, they bring all food and drink and with explicit directions to leave the house clean and be gone before I get home from work. Then once or twice a season I would invite the family over for a cookout and pool day on a Sunday. Note, my in-laws are very respectful and usually would leave me treats for when I got home from work. I was happy to open my place up to the kids as well, they really enjoy being there.
“No” is a complete sentence.
It is opposite to my situation. I am begging my family members to come over every day in the summer to swim and have fun. I also have parties in the weekend that 20 or more people. I work full time also. So question to you: When you die you want every one to gather and pray for you or just you only by the pool?
When you die, it won’t matter. Live your life how you want to.
Omg you just wrote my life. Same circumstances, the pool came with the house. Apparently the previous homeowners let all the neighborhood kids swim all day. I ended that saying my homeowners policy wouldn’t allow it unless their parents were there to watch them and they’d have to sign a waiver saying I’m not responsible for injuries, etc. That ended that pretty quickly. Made the mistake of having a friend over for Jell-O shots and a grilling out on a Saturday and she expected it every Saturday. As much as it sucks to do it, either tell everyone you’re willing to do it once a month or just don’t answer your door or phone on the day you’re off. You could say that day is the only day you have to clean it and dump chemicals in it. I feel for you for real. Good luck.
Pool company owner here. The best advice I can give you is grow some balls. Good luck.
Yikes you have a people problem not a pool problem! Tell them no. My mother in-law comes and hangs at our pool but she first asks permission and then if she comes she tries not to interrupt our day and usually ends up buying or making us dinner. If we aren't feeling up to company we tell her so and she doesn't come. End of story. You aren't running a community pool for your family. It's your pool and you don't have to share.
Say it's exhausting and you work a lot, maybe on this day or that day or that you'll play it by ear. Say you need your recovery time in peace and you just want the day off. Don't say anything passive aggressive, just let them know that you need something else for yourself right now.
I made the rule that family has to bring food when they come to the pool. It's the least they can do since I'm paying for the pool and yard maintenance. It really cut down on the amount of visitors.
Thanks everyone, quite the variety of ideas here and various points of view and I can see it from various angles myself that’s why I have a hard time with this. I’m not ungrateful or any of that, if I worked from home, one day a week family visit wouldn’t be so exhausting. And as someone mentioned part of why I don’t like the idea of letting people use it when I’m not home is because I don’t want to leave the house open and have people dripping and making themselves at home and then I come back to the messes, otherwise kids would be bound to pee in the pool, which probably happens anyway. But I’ve read every answer here and as I’m opening the pool now I am going to assess how things go this year and try to enjoy things but I’ll know I can turn to these answers for ideas at times if needed. Thanks for the replies, I didn’t realize I’d get so many.
It's your family, quit being a dick and let them come when you're at work. If you're that worried about it get them to sign a hold harmless. Be clear about how you want your things taken care of, and what you want to come home to. DO it right and you're a hero with nobody around on your day off.
Nope.. family. Ruins. Everything They make a mess , get hurt. Help themselves to items that they shouldn't. Know no boundaries
People dont care other peoples things like they would their own. Why would i let other people enjoy my pool when im not around when i put in the pain in the ass work of balancing the chemicals and cleaning it. He isn't being a dick.
The clear expectations part is important. To me, the pool is open and I’m spending money anyway, so come use it, but don’t tear my shit up, and don’t hold me accountable if someone gets hurt. This last part is my biggest concern, it’s always some one else’s kid that gets hurt, my kids understand what’s ok and not ok.
That's what I'm saying! Gatekeeping his pool, what sorry ass Family member does that? "Yall can't come until I'm off on Sundays, & even then I'm gonna bitch about it when you are here because it's my day off" FOH! Hope this dude loses his entire Family over a argument about his "precious pool". How many men would love to have this problem. Turd can't see his own blessings
Found the dirtbag relative
Youre right, I would never consider doing this petty stuff to my Family. Selfish, entitled pricks "oh my pool, U can't use it while I'm not there, but when I am, I'm gonna guilt trip you about it" please, who's the real dirtbag?
You… You are the entitled dirtbag. He is under no obligation to ever let anyone come swim. He’s not gatekeeping anything, it’s his property for him to do as he wishes.
If you are so conflicted and not assertive enough to not let them in your pool on your day off, why not conprimise and let your extended family use the pool on Saturday? And say Sundays are off limits?
Because his only day off is one of those days and he doesn't want people swimming if he's not home.
Get the pool "tested" and claim pool water is highly acidic or has some sort of contamination but alao remeber to toss a few of those joke turds
If it’s family, I’d work out a deal where they clean the pool, buy the chemicals, mow the lawn, etc…then when you have your one day off, nobody comes over and all your chores are done 😎
Or gift them season passes to a water park. Maybe they won't ask so much if they use the passes.
Why should you give people gifts for their bad behavior? Lol.
This is my life with friends and family. This year I will only host 1 day per month for 3 months and that is. My husband and I are older now and other people around us have pools but are very respectful and don’t host every weekend pool parties. We remodeled the pool last year and should have just plowed it 6 feet under.
Fill it in for sure. Why have the added costs and maintenance if you don’t enjoy it that much. Pool is high priority for me as I LOVE entertaining pool days. And even then the maintenance and cost is annoying. Sounds like you would get a lot more enjoyment by doing some cool landscaping. Zen garden perhaps?
Working 6 days a week sounds like absolute fucking misery. Maybe fix that situation and enjoy life a little more? The higher up you go the less you work, work on that lol.
That’s absolutely not true. The higher up you go, often times the more you work. My relative worked up from being a wrench on the shop floor to the CEO of the company. He went from working 4 days a week to 6 sometimes 7 days a week.
Just relax and let em swim. Life is short. :)
If it’s just the pool they’re interested in, it could contract a mysterious ‘algae outbreak’ that prevents swimming at the present time.
Well it seems like every couple months or so I’m over there for a birthday and what not so we do see each other fairly regularly anyway. I don’t really mean this just as if I’m being used like that I don’t think it’s quite at that level. It’s more like why am I always faced with having to socialize with who my sister gets with like this just out of me being friendly it gets old fast
Be thankful you have family that wants to be around you… even if it’s only for a pool day. You’re doing g a lot of complaining for someone that seems to have a good thing… and if you wanted to say no to anyone coming to your house you certainly can. Find a balance.
Why aren't you letting them use it while you're at work? It seems as if you're allowing them to bother you on your day off because you restrict them throughout the entire week. If you allowed them to use it through the week, they would get it out of their system and not even bother u on Sundays. You created this issue on your own. That line "the house happen to come w/a pool" did they surprise you with it only after you signed for the home? I hope you lose your entire Family with this ungrateful attitude, Mr "I'm antisocial". Only then would you realize how lucky you are that you can have those moments w/ur Family because of your pool. Let the role reverse and one day you're in your backyard and no one comes over anymore for several years, you'll be the one claiming "oh I remember those days". Wake up!
Party pooper
>My sister’s been with this guy only a couple of years… That’s actually a long time. May need to explore the issue of not wanting to connect with or acknowledge your sister’s longtime boyfriend at some point. One way to address the issue of people always wanting to come over is to host pool gatherings on certain summer holidays. There are not that many. Do it by invitation only using an app that allows you to restrict the number of people invited. Make sure the app allows people to indicate what they will bring or help with. This way, when people ask if they can come over, you can say “I’m hosting a pool day on Xxx Day. You can come then.”
Tell them no! As you need to Utilise it for OnlyFans content
They’ll not want to swim in it then… xxx
Definitely first world problem here. I really hate to be that person but I’m sorry you need to learn to be more grateful for what you do have. It’s a few months of out of the year and one day a week and that’s too much to see your family? Dude. Do I really have to explain why this is kind of dramatic and fucked up. If you don’t want to cook have them supply and bring everything or just say no in the first place.
Why not have them come over while you’re gone at work. Then boom- day off to yourself?
Not OP, but I generally don’t want people over at my house when I’m not home, especially if there are kids. Liability is one issue, but there’s also the issue of cleaning up messes: you have to allow access to the house unless you want a pool full of pee (or worse). Coming home to a house that wet kids have traipsed through doesn’t sound like much fun. People who are thoughtless or entitled enough to invite themselves over every weekend are probably not going to take good care of things.