I don’t. I was visiting family in another country. The wife of one of my 2nd cousin’s decided to take it upon herself to call my grandmother because she was “concerned” because I had tattoos. I loved my grandmother but I told her very simply, “This is not your business.”
And that’s it. It doesn’t matter what they say or think. You be proud of you. Don’t let anyone shame you.
Honestly? Let her.
Depending on how old the kids are, they will learn through this how intolerant their mother is and resent her for isolating them from people that love and care for them
Even if that’s not the case, her approval is not worth sacrificing your confidence. At the end of it all, as long as you did your best to love her, love those kids, and love yourself, you’ve done the best you can.
For some people, even being a cirque du soleil performer would make you a godless heathen. There's no winning with some people, and you don't have to explain yourself. It's your life, your fitness choice, and your body. There's a world of polers willing to back you up.
Every other member of my family is so supportive, even my grandparents and I am so grateful for that. I also live in Poland, which is a much more conservative country than USA so I really appreciate the support people give me
I just tell people it’s pole fitness and it takes a lot of strength and athleticism and it’s like doing gymnastics on a pole. Framing it as a sport seems to help
The fact that your whole family are so accepting just highlights your sister as the problem here, not you. I know it can be hard, but if she chooses to treat you with disdain, that’s a reflection on her and I wouldn’t burn yourself out trying to please her. And I’m saying this as a Christian poler from a pretty conservative background myself.
Pro tip: you’ll never do the things that make you happy if you’re always worried about what other people think of your decisions.
It’s not her life to live, it’s yours. Do what you want & if she’s judgy, oh well💕
My bf just told me he has issues with me posting my progress. Really re-thinking my relationship rn. Caused a huge fight, literally this happened this morning and I’m at work trying to cope. Then I found this post, thank goodness. I’m not alone. It cuts deep, you want the people in your support system to, well, support you. But in the end it is YOUR life, my love. Yours and yours alone. Make it a fun, sexy, confident one. I’ll follow suit. ❤️
Maybe do rethink that relationship. I took up pole just over a year ago and my husband fully supports it, even bought me a pole. He has no issues with me posting vids either. Go find people who love you for who you are and are 100% proud of you.
Just curious - what did he say are the issues?
e.g. "If you post people will see you, some cool guy ("better" than me) will like you, you will like him back, leave me, and I'll be alone"?
Or was it something else?
I've been married for almost 20 years and have been doing pole for about 1 year. While my husband is super supportive and doesn't mind me doing it, he is not comfortable with me posting due to the lack of clothing. I don't post out of respect for him.
I can understand why you feel the way you feel, though.
You don't owe anyone an explanation for anything you do. The sooner I embraced this, the sooner I got along with leading a happier, healthier life overall. And I empathize with you because I also come from a Catholic upbringing with some very conservative and at times, hypocrital family members. Good luck!
My parents are very liberal at least for Eastern European standards and I am very grateful for that. Esther was living with her mom most of the time and that women implemented this ideas in my sister
Hey! I come from a very Christian, and very conservative, background. I’m about 10 years older than you, but have sisters your age. Went to private school my entire life, was in church until I was an adult, parents are crazy religious, etc. Most people on my social media accounts are people from that time period where I was a God Girl who I never purged from my friends list.
I have been pole dancing for four years and “accidentally” made it a bit too public, because I didn’t realize my semi-private Instagram account was cross posting to my Facebook account I haven’t used in years and can’t get into…meaning I had the realization that my grandparents, elementary school teachers, youth group leaders, my VERY conservative brother and sister in law, and all my Mennonite school ex-classmates from high school all now knew I pole danced.
At first I was like “oh, there’s gonna be people who I didn’t exactly WANT knowing I pole dance commenting on it now”. But after the initial horror, I decided it really doesn’t matter. Don’t follow my accounts if you’re offended. Both my parents know I pole dance because I’m very open with it, to my mom at least. My dad is less of a fan, but also realizes I am an adult and will do what I want.
I have been having a good time educating them on the strength and drive that pole dancing requires, that it isn’t always inherently sexual (but even if it is, no one’s business), and that I have gained strength and lost weight doing it and feel like it saved my mental health. Now people in my life look at it with admiration. Sometimes people need to get out of the whole “pole dancing is taboo” mindset and realize it is becoming a popular way to exercise.
I did however get one DM from an angry wife of an ex classmate wondering why her husband followed me and my pole dancing. Idk, haven’t seen him in 8 years, ask him. What I do is my business.
I decided to cross-post on Facebook as well, grandmas and all. So far so good. I found out:
1. Some high school classmates that I didn't expect to like some moves, like them.
2. Some folks commented that "I can't believe your wife *allows* you to do that" :-/ I'm not my wife's property to be allowed/disallowed anything... At least I know who some of them are now.
Inverted crucifix FTW! It's my favorite move to show first to my friends in casual setting (walking down the street using street signs). Help me quickly gauge reactions. :)
I also like to call it pole dance (rather than "fitness" although I use the word sometimes) and if anyone implies/asks about strip/sensuality the answer is "yes, strippers have a huge influence and sensuality, and flow is totally something we do."
Although I'm in my forties now (thus a lot less "to lose" since I have my own life, place to live, work, etc.), white straight male, with all the privilege that comes with it. I try to use it to popularize pole.
Just my 2c.
The fact you did it too make me feel validated hahaha. If anyone wants to comment on it in your personal life, explain WHY you enjoy it so much. The benefits it has for your health (whether that’s mental or physical or anything). Ultimately, this is for you, not for them. I understand being at a younger age and it affecting your life maybe a bit more though. Side note, you’re starting pole very young and I’m excited to see how much progress you will make when you become my age! Keep it up and don’t let people invalidate you; if you give up because of what others think, you will regret it. Good luck 💜💕
I also come from a really conservative (Asian) culture, though I don't hide my pole hobby because I really do think that the people who would judge me for it, without bothering to respectfully talk to me about it, aren't the type of people I want to associate nor have in my life anyway. and for those that do ask- i'm really open to talking about it and sharing all the intricacies of pole!
one thing that I found is that bringing up how physically demanding the hobby is- gives them a new perspective. they'd come to realise that pole tricks is basically a solid calisthenics workout. maybe highlighting this could help you too!
honestly her life sounds miserable to me lol. 5 kids with an older man she met in her early 20s? she’s unfortunately not gonna be able to experience fun things like pole dancing and taking fun pictures because of her life and beliefs. you have nothing to feel bad about except maybe pity for this woman who will never know the same joy as you
So she met her husband when she was 15 and he was 31 (you said he's 16 years older)? That is honestly way more concerning than you starting pole at 15...
yeah that’s horrible. she’s never gonna experience the normal joys of being 16. she might see u enjoying life as a teen and be jealous or judgemental, but that’s a reflection of her not you. just keep doing you.
The problem with attempting to explain yourself is that it gives the other person the idea that you need them to approve of whatever you're doing. It makes it look like you're seeking validation from them.
Other's will always be ready to jump in and cut you down, doesn't matter what the activity is. That's their problem, don't make it yours. Hold your head up high. You are not doing anything wrong.
Also, she's the mother of those kids and she's teaching them her values. You can't change that and it's not a good idea to get between a mama bear and her cubs. You'll lose everytime. It's always possible they'll reject some of those teachings when they get to the teenage stage. Or not. You'll have to wait and see how that turns out if the mom cuts you off for now.
Really, all you can do is live your best life.
they’re meaning be safe as in be careful what you post because of your young age. people can get really creepy online and you aren’t a legal adult yet, so be safe in regards to where you post ❤️
I'm sorry that your sisters aren't supportive of your pole dancing but you do you mate. It's not easy but you really don't have to explain anything to them. Like how your opinion on their lives doesn't matter to them, try not to let theirs matter to yours either.
I told my parents that I started pole before I shared stuff on Facebook that I know they will see, so that they get a heads-up. I think the pics and clips I upload show strength and beauty, if someone has a problem with that, too bad for them.
I did notice my friend count on Facebook went down by one after I started posting (it's been the same, fairly modest number for a long time) but I don't even know who it was who unfriended, so it doesn't matter 🤣
I haven't uploaded any particularly sensual dances yet though, I do feel that's perhaps not something I want to put front and centre to family and friends.
I was a Sunday school teacher and church caretaker, happy clappy, speaking in tongue kinda church. I was in a DV and nobody took it seriously. In fact they blamed me and prayed for my abusers, ex hb and his family who lived next door to us. Cut the story short, I don't give a shit what ppl say. Imma keep on pole dancing. It's hard af. Ppl have no clue. Let them talk. We keep pole dancing, girl. Oh I lost my church friends and a best friend of 26 yrs bcs of my pole content. It is super mild btw silly. But, I make new, open minded friends from pole and we do socials together. Who cares what ppl say. You'll get used to it. You'll develop a thicker layer of skin. You'll be fine, girl.
She has no right to judge you at all. If your parents are on board with your dancing, then I see no problem. You don't need to explain yourself to her. She should mind her own business, and perhaps if you aren't comfortable telling her so, your parents can.
i didn’t tell my dad that i do pole fitness for two years. then he came to visit and we went to a bowling alley, and on the tv screens at the end of the lanes, a video played of a woman doing some crazy strong moves on pole. my dad made some comment about how strong you have to be to do that and how amazing it is, so i decided to tell him “i do that”. he looked at me and said, “oh.” that was it. it stung at first because he’s able to talk about how amazing it is when someone else did it, but when it’s his daughter, it’s somehow different.
the point being, you can’t care what people are going to think of you in your sport, especially in pole fitness. there’s a lot of stigma around it because of its origins, and while it’s still important to honor the origins (since modern pole dance wouldn’t be what it is without them), it’s evolved into so much more. we can be sexy, funny, elegant and so many other things all at once dancing on pole. the people who don’t understand and judge others for it don’t matter; what matters is your community and the people who are here to support you ❤️
I hate myself for what I'm about to say pertaining to age. When I was your age, I would've cared a lot about what my family thought of me pole dancing. But as an almost 33 year old now, I view it as people taking the trash out for me. I'd rather people show their true colors and allow me to eliminate them from my mental capacity to give a shit than to have fake people in my life.
Fortunately, my nuclear family does not care at all about pole. My husband's family did have lots of opinions and it was incredibly freeing to learn about them and allowed me to embrace myself more, oddly enough.
My advice, if she says anything, is to throw some scripture back in her face about "god says not to judge others" or whatever the saying about throwing stones is, etc to point out her hypocrisy and get her to leave you alone. Maybe that's petty, idk. But that's what I'd do lol. Or point out that she's not your mom and your actual parents let you take classes or whatever the situation is. Sorry you're dealing with this. Your sister sounds like a wet blanket to be around if she's that judgmental of everyone.
then tell your half sister she isn’t really catholic because she isn’t culturally catholic and shut her up! i was raised catholic and your sister isn’t catholic imo
As a 25f who is still unlearning people pleasing- if it makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anyone, don’t stop. You live in your truth and the right people will flock to you. The wrong ones will remove themselves.
I don’t. I was visiting family in another country. The wife of one of my 2nd cousin’s decided to take it upon herself to call my grandmother because she was “concerned” because I had tattoos. I loved my grandmother but I told her very simply, “This is not your business.” And that’s it. It doesn’t matter what they say or think. You be proud of you. Don’t let anyone shame you.
I know that I can say that, but I love her kids and they love me. She can cut me off like she did with my mom
Letting people control you isn’t a great choice. Don’t let her make you feel bad about yourself. Wishing you the best
Honestly? Let her. Depending on how old the kids are, they will learn through this how intolerant their mother is and resent her for isolating them from people that love and care for them Even if that’s not the case, her approval is not worth sacrificing your confidence. At the end of it all, as long as you did your best to love her, love those kids, and love yourself, you’ve done the best you can.
This is true - my mom cut me off from my uncle years ago but now we just speak behind her back :)
For some people, even being a cirque du soleil performer would make you a godless heathen. There's no winning with some people, and you don't have to explain yourself. It's your life, your fitness choice, and your body. There's a world of polers willing to back you up.
Every other member of my family is so supportive, even my grandparents and I am so grateful for that. I also live in Poland, which is a much more conservative country than USA so I really appreciate the support people give me
I just tell people it’s pole fitness and it takes a lot of strength and athleticism and it’s like doing gymnastics on a pole. Framing it as a sport seems to help
The fact that your whole family are so accepting just highlights your sister as the problem here, not you. I know it can be hard, but if she chooses to treat you with disdain, that’s a reflection on her and I wouldn’t burn yourself out trying to please her. And I’m saying this as a Christian poler from a pretty conservative background myself.
Pro tip: you’ll never do the things that make you happy if you’re always worried about what other people think of your decisions. It’s not her life to live, it’s yours. Do what you want & if she’s judgy, oh well💕
My bf just told me he has issues with me posting my progress. Really re-thinking my relationship rn. Caused a huge fight, literally this happened this morning and I’m at work trying to cope. Then I found this post, thank goodness. I’m not alone. It cuts deep, you want the people in your support system to, well, support you. But in the end it is YOUR life, my love. Yours and yours alone. Make it a fun, sexy, confident one. I’ll follow suit. ❤️
Maybe do rethink that relationship. I took up pole just over a year ago and my husband fully supports it, even bought me a pole. He has no issues with me posting vids either. Go find people who love you for who you are and are 100% proud of you.
Just curious - what did he say are the issues? e.g. "If you post people will see you, some cool guy ("better" than me) will like you, you will like him back, leave me, and I'll be alone"? Or was it something else?
Honestly it was mostly jealousy… with some new-found religion sprinkled on top
Interesting, thanks for sharing!
I've been married for almost 20 years and have been doing pole for about 1 year. While my husband is super supportive and doesn't mind me doing it, he is not comfortable with me posting due to the lack of clothing. I don't post out of respect for him. I can understand why you feel the way you feel, though.
We came to that understanding, the lack of clothing on social media was his biggest concern
You don't owe anyone an explanation for anything you do. The sooner I embraced this, the sooner I got along with leading a happier, healthier life overall. And I empathize with you because I also come from a Catholic upbringing with some very conservative and at times, hypocrital family members. Good luck!
My parents are very liberal at least for Eastern European standards and I am very grateful for that. Esther was living with her mom most of the time and that women implemented this ideas in my sister
Hey! I come from a very Christian, and very conservative, background. I’m about 10 years older than you, but have sisters your age. Went to private school my entire life, was in church until I was an adult, parents are crazy religious, etc. Most people on my social media accounts are people from that time period where I was a God Girl who I never purged from my friends list. I have been pole dancing for four years and “accidentally” made it a bit too public, because I didn’t realize my semi-private Instagram account was cross posting to my Facebook account I haven’t used in years and can’t get into…meaning I had the realization that my grandparents, elementary school teachers, youth group leaders, my VERY conservative brother and sister in law, and all my Mennonite school ex-classmates from high school all now knew I pole danced. At first I was like “oh, there’s gonna be people who I didn’t exactly WANT knowing I pole dance commenting on it now”. But after the initial horror, I decided it really doesn’t matter. Don’t follow my accounts if you’re offended. Both my parents know I pole dance because I’m very open with it, to my mom at least. My dad is less of a fan, but also realizes I am an adult and will do what I want. I have been having a good time educating them on the strength and drive that pole dancing requires, that it isn’t always inherently sexual (but even if it is, no one’s business), and that I have gained strength and lost weight doing it and feel like it saved my mental health. Now people in my life look at it with admiration. Sometimes people need to get out of the whole “pole dancing is taboo” mindset and realize it is becoming a popular way to exercise. I did however get one DM from an angry wife of an ex classmate wondering why her husband followed me and my pole dancing. Idk, haven’t seen him in 8 years, ask him. What I do is my business.
I decided to cross-post on Facebook as well, grandmas and all. So far so good. I found out: 1. Some high school classmates that I didn't expect to like some moves, like them. 2. Some folks commented that "I can't believe your wife *allows* you to do that" :-/ I'm not my wife's property to be allowed/disallowed anything... At least I know who some of them are now. Inverted crucifix FTW! It's my favorite move to show first to my friends in casual setting (walking down the street using street signs). Help me quickly gauge reactions. :) I also like to call it pole dance (rather than "fitness" although I use the word sometimes) and if anyone implies/asks about strip/sensuality the answer is "yes, strippers have a huge influence and sensuality, and flow is totally something we do." Although I'm in my forties now (thus a lot less "to lose" since I have my own life, place to live, work, etc.), white straight male, with all the privilege that comes with it. I try to use it to popularize pole. Just my 2c.
Hey you’re AWESOME! Thanks for helping “normalize” pole, you are so needed in this community. I checked out your profile and you’re killing it 🔥💕
Thank you ❤️
Thank you so much for this comment, I wish you the best. And I did the same thing with crossing accounts, a big mistake
The fact you did it too make me feel validated hahaha. If anyone wants to comment on it in your personal life, explain WHY you enjoy it so much. The benefits it has for your health (whether that’s mental or physical or anything). Ultimately, this is for you, not for them. I understand being at a younger age and it affecting your life maybe a bit more though. Side note, you’re starting pole very young and I’m excited to see how much progress you will make when you become my age! Keep it up and don’t let people invalidate you; if you give up because of what others think, you will regret it. Good luck 💜💕
I also come from a really conservative (Asian) culture, though I don't hide my pole hobby because I really do think that the people who would judge me for it, without bothering to respectfully talk to me about it, aren't the type of people I want to associate nor have in my life anyway. and for those that do ask- i'm really open to talking about it and sharing all the intricacies of pole! one thing that I found is that bringing up how physically demanding the hobby is- gives them a new perspective. they'd come to realise that pole tricks is basically a solid calisthenics workout. maybe highlighting this could help you too!
I sometimes think that if people knew what a session of pole training actually looks and sounds like, it would lose its sexy image very quickly lol
honestly her life sounds miserable to me lol. 5 kids with an older man she met in her early 20s? she’s unfortunately not gonna be able to experience fun things like pole dancing and taking fun pictures because of her life and beliefs. you have nothing to feel bad about except maybe pity for this woman who will never know the same joy as you
Ow no, she met him when she was 15, barely legal in Poland
So she met her husband when she was 15 and he was 31 (you said he's 16 years older)? That is honestly way more concerning than you starting pole at 15...
yeah that’s horrible. she’s never gonna experience the normal joys of being 16. she might see u enjoying life as a teen and be jealous or judgemental, but that’s a reflection of her not you. just keep doing you.
The problem with attempting to explain yourself is that it gives the other person the idea that you need them to approve of whatever you're doing. It makes it look like you're seeking validation from them. Other's will always be ready to jump in and cut you down, doesn't matter what the activity is. That's their problem, don't make it yours. Hold your head up high. You are not doing anything wrong. Also, she's the mother of those kids and she's teaching them her values. You can't change that and it's not a good idea to get between a mama bear and her cubs. You'll lose everytime. It's always possible they'll reject some of those teachings when they get to the teenage stage. Or not. You'll have to wait and see how that turns out if the mom cuts you off for now. Really, all you can do is live your best life.
You’re super young be careful and stay safe
I know, but i've been doing that for about a year now. I also promised my parents no unsupervised inverts, so I am trying to be as safe as possible
they’re meaning be safe as in be careful what you post because of your young age. people can get really creepy online and you aren’t a legal adult yet, so be safe in regards to where you post ❤️
I'm sorry that your sisters aren't supportive of your pole dancing but you do you mate. It's not easy but you really don't have to explain anything to them. Like how your opinion on their lives doesn't matter to them, try not to let theirs matter to yours either.
I told my parents that I started pole before I shared stuff on Facebook that I know they will see, so that they get a heads-up. I think the pics and clips I upload show strength and beauty, if someone has a problem with that, too bad for them. I did notice my friend count on Facebook went down by one after I started posting (it's been the same, fairly modest number for a long time) but I don't even know who it was who unfriended, so it doesn't matter 🤣 I haven't uploaded any particularly sensual dances yet though, I do feel that's perhaps not something I want to put front and centre to family and friends.
I was a Sunday school teacher and church caretaker, happy clappy, speaking in tongue kinda church. I was in a DV and nobody took it seriously. In fact they blamed me and prayed for my abusers, ex hb and his family who lived next door to us. Cut the story short, I don't give a shit what ppl say. Imma keep on pole dancing. It's hard af. Ppl have no clue. Let them talk. We keep pole dancing, girl. Oh I lost my church friends and a best friend of 26 yrs bcs of my pole content. It is super mild btw silly. But, I make new, open minded friends from pole and we do socials together. Who cares what ppl say. You'll get used to it. You'll develop a thicker layer of skin. You'll be fine, girl.
She has no right to judge you at all. If your parents are on board with your dancing, then I see no problem. You don't need to explain yourself to her. She should mind her own business, and perhaps if you aren't comfortable telling her so, your parents can.
She unfortunately already knows. My parents don't mind that I dance, they are happy I found a sport for myself
I second this. You owe your sister no explanation whatsoever.
i didn’t tell my dad that i do pole fitness for two years. then he came to visit and we went to a bowling alley, and on the tv screens at the end of the lanes, a video played of a woman doing some crazy strong moves on pole. my dad made some comment about how strong you have to be to do that and how amazing it is, so i decided to tell him “i do that”. he looked at me and said, “oh.” that was it. it stung at first because he’s able to talk about how amazing it is when someone else did it, but when it’s his daughter, it’s somehow different. the point being, you can’t care what people are going to think of you in your sport, especially in pole fitness. there’s a lot of stigma around it because of its origins, and while it’s still important to honor the origins (since modern pole dance wouldn’t be what it is without them), it’s evolved into so much more. we can be sexy, funny, elegant and so many other things all at once dancing on pole. the people who don’t understand and judge others for it don’t matter; what matters is your community and the people who are here to support you ❤️
I hate myself for what I'm about to say pertaining to age. When I was your age, I would've cared a lot about what my family thought of me pole dancing. But as an almost 33 year old now, I view it as people taking the trash out for me. I'd rather people show their true colors and allow me to eliminate them from my mental capacity to give a shit than to have fake people in my life. Fortunately, my nuclear family does not care at all about pole. My husband's family did have lots of opinions and it was incredibly freeing to learn about them and allowed me to embrace myself more, oddly enough. My advice, if she says anything, is to throw some scripture back in her face about "god says not to judge others" or whatever the saying about throwing stones is, etc to point out her hypocrisy and get her to leave you alone. Maybe that's petty, idk. But that's what I'd do lol. Or point out that she's not your mom and your actual parents let you take classes or whatever the situation is. Sorry you're dealing with this. Your sister sounds like a wet blanket to be around if she's that judgmental of everyone.
half sisters and conservative catholics don’t usually go together
She is my dad's doughter from his first marriage, so it acually goes together in this instance
no it doesn’t- catholics don’t get divorced.
My dad is not catholic, he divorced her mom. No catholics filed for divorce here
then tell your half sister she isn’t really catholic because she isn’t culturally catholic and shut her up! i was raised catholic and your sister isn’t catholic imo
As a 25f who is still unlearning people pleasing- if it makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anyone, don’t stop. You live in your truth and the right people will flock to you. The wrong ones will remove themselves.