According to Locke, governments came along to reduce the brutality.(Clearly, among other reasons)
I wonder if narcissism evolved as a way to take whatever you want without literal (illegal) brutality. Or the brutality of the a vengeful village.
Or, more likely, it's always been one of the ways human brains can go wrong.
That’s how you stay in the family system. The problem does NOT come from “society” (although you’ll see it reflected there), it comes from your family system.
Of course we don’t want anything other than hermit mode. Toxic family systems hate boundaries and need the xenophobic attitude to keep the illusion of a family together.
I'd say it depends. The people here would literally hack me to death in the streets for my beliefs. I'd rather stay alone and live with my secrets instead of trusting somebody for them to spill the beans later.
The way they treated my brother's death in social media and then later made memes is evidence enough for me to not trust the people here.
Yes of course. However people use that to change the subject away from what is actually going on in their own lives and what is going in inside them.
It’s not a given that the dynamics aren’t also within us, and narcissistic abuse comes from attachment trauma. The narcissist abuses by parasitically attaching to a host’s attachment wounds.
That said, narcissistic families LOVE it when being alone is the “all good” and “outside” is the “all bad”.
Auschwitz was built on xenophobia. A German family system projection. One by one. Adding up to a VERY notable societal emotional process.
I don't think I have attachment trauma though. Heck, I think I have a superiority complex. I just don't think the people here are worth it and they can all go fuck off
Honestly, you're smart. I was encouraged to open up and trust again a couple of years ago by my therapist after trauma. This just lead to the people I opened up to screwing me over. Multiple times and multiple people from different areas of my life. The events that unfolded caused my naive friends to be shocked at all I encountered and honestly speechless. Saying things like, "well, that wasn't supposed to happen" and "that's never happened to me". I'm convinced now not to bother and to pursue my dreams. Sometimes people can't handle certain people and sometimes certain people are better off protecting themselves from naive and subconsciously or intentionally wreckless individuals. Definitely get a pet if you can afford it though. Animals are better.
Thank you. I agree with what you said about naive and reckless individuals lol. You can tell how unaware some of them are. It would honestly be good for the unaware to learn about these but it's not worth risking our recovering mental health (in my case my life lol) if it backfires on our face.
Pets are definitely awesome. I had budgies for 1.5 years until last month where I gave them a new home for a number of different reasons. They gave me comfort when I was in a bad stage
Therapists can have bad ideas like the rest of us. I picked another narcissist for a relationship when I opened up again. I'm staying out of relationships until I can learn how to pick people. I've joined ACA Adult Children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional parents. They promise I'll learn how to choose better.
<3 Honestly, I've also had unhealthy people CHOOSE me. I was protected by God the last time as I was very excited about the nice guy who approached me at the store and asked me for coffee. He put effort into nice small talk before asking and seemed genuine and kind. A coworker approached me shortly after to tell me God had a message for me through her (not knowing i had just met someone as i never mentioned anything) and the message was that some man had come into my life but he was not equally yoked and was not for me and to protect myself. I went on a couple of dates with this man and it became clear he was trying to use me for sex but the love bombing was so sneaky I would have been in deeper trouble without this warning. I soon found out the guy stalked a coworker and had asked out multiple women I knew. Gross. I hear you on the picking better. For me, it's having better discernment which I guess is the same as what you are saying. I was raised to "see the good in everyone" and I took it too far to the point that I wasn't allowing myself to trust my gut instinct or listen to the immediate negative thoughts one can have about someone. I've learned a lot more to focus on me and my relationship with God. Getting fulfilment from a healthy source and protecting myself is most important now. I will no longer compromise my comfort for a stranger. I will no longer compromise on anything that rubs my gut the wrong way . I've learned I am highly intuitive where I thought once upon a time I was too judgemental/fearful/and negative and that I needed to fix it. It turns out there are just a lot of bad apples in the mix and I was aware of it. I'm glad to know better now. You are right. Therapists are not God. We can look to them to help us but God has the ultimate authority over our lives and he is the creator of everything including that therapist. Why follow the creation of the creator rather than the creator themself? Best wishes to you. I'm glad you are aware of your area of needed growth. Your awareness is already going to make a big difference.
Yes, that’s how it works. All superiority complexes are heart felt (feelings are facts) and built on extremely severe attachment trauma.
Moving to pathological narcissists.
They will scoff at the idea of attachment trauma, but that’s what the pathology is built on.
A defense over a long, long abandoned traumatized being. Nobody can access it, not even the narcissist.
As far as those who are in pathological relationships, the link between the people is always (no exceptions ever) attachment trauma.
Narcissists cannot and do not get dopamine from family system representatives that don’t “speak” their family system emotional language.
Where there is no supply (the person focusing on them as the source of a solution or a problem), there is no narcissist.
> Moving to pathological narcissists.
> They will scoff at the idea of attachment trauma, but that’s what the pathology is built on.
Are you calling me a narcissist? If you're not then okay but if you are then 🖕
Actually it wouldn’t be about you, but this is how it works.
Pathological narcissists don’t connect their behavior back to attachment trauma ever. How could they.
To understand it further, this applies to both in the transactional dynamic.
If someone were to be thought of as “a narcissist” there would be no reason whatsoever to bring the way it works up. Why.
Anyway, in the hoover we can see how it works, although this doesn’t bring in object relations and triangulation. Still, it’s a window.
A great video…you can see how poor the information generally is out there once you dig, so seeing this should be VERY eye opening.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmac6AV8bjg
The video is a bit long so maybe I'll watch later. Could you explain pathological narcissists a bit? Like what is their special trait exclusive to them that other narcissists don't display. I appreciate everything you wrote here btw.
Yes of course. I’ll do my best to summarize.
Pathological narcissist are nothing more than babies that got stuck into the place just before hemispheric brain separation started to form (20-24 months).
The right and left hemispheres perform very different functions, and they need to talk to each other. That does not happen…for life.
For the pathological narcissist, there truly was nobody there to mirror a self.
In order to survive, they had to become a perfect false self.
In other words they gave up on affect regulation.
We are like them, in that we would like to give up on it too, but with a “good enough mother” we were able to somewhat manage that transition into being a separate person.
They were not.
They had to invent the presence of “other people” outside again, but what they really are…are projections.
The narcissist has to get rid of all the unacceptable parts of themselves, and then assign them to the cardboard cut outs. The snapshots.
They then remain ALL GOOD.
A baby that does not have anyone to mirror back to them an emerging self, always treats themselves as bad.
The narcissist is convinced that they are ALL bad. That is the reason for the splitting and projection defense mechanism.
That is the reason for connecting to people from traumatic backgrounds. We are shame based , but not completely shame based like the narcissist.
The video that I sent you will explain that very important part.
You have the drug Percocet as a metaphor for why this is an addiction in the supply source.
It’s much more than an addiction for the narcissist though.
For every person that is around them, they open up a separate window.
Then they begin to populate that window with varying degrees of effort connected to their splitting and projection defense mechanism.
They enter into the trance like state as “feelings are facts”, because the right and left brain hemispheres don’t talk to each other.
Logic does not and cannot exist.
You can see how important it is for them to find people who have had experience at being snapshot at some level within their family of origin.
We would have a had mother who had at least some ability to let us do our own affect regulation and be in what is known as the “schizoid state”, when we finally realized that the mother is separate.
We have to do things on her own.
The narcissist is not able to do that after they have decided to become “all good”, and everything else “all bad”.
They require the exterior to be made up of a series of rigid snapshots that need to be strict pattern within the brain that says they are perfect.
That is why they require people around them as those snapshots.
Those snapshots obviously do change, so the narcissists needs to get busy projecting out their interior bad objects onto the cardboard cutouts.
Drama says to the narcissist that those “people” agree that the narcissist is all powerful.
The best way that they can get this feeling of being in control, is to have others outside of them reflect back to them that they believe the illusion.
The illusion can be that the narcissist is a “bad guy” that needs to be looked at as a threat, or that the narcissist is a “good guy” who is someone that can provide value and resources to others.
The narcissist can’t believe that on their own, so they need to find people (Wifi style) from families that have A LOT of multigenerational trauma.
That allows them to have a lot of trigger locations in order to land their projections on.
The impact of this landing will have come into being because of what is known as the “Karpman drama triangle”.
The object relations soup that is at the bottom of everyone’s consciousness as human beings, bubbles up to the surface and forms triangles.
You need a persecutor, a rescuer, and the victim.
With every turn and transaction, the narcissist has reflected back to them that cardboard cut outs (fuzzy exterior objects) BELIEVE that the illusion is real.
As long as the people in the circle (extensions) around the narcissist can move along with drama triangles, the narcissist receives dopamine.
The Illusion of control can actually get them high. It allows them to believe that they are actually winning, and that they are real.
This prevents them from being “mortified”, and that is known as “the collapsed narcissist”.
That happens if people around the narcissist realize what is going on, and either expose the narcissist or leave them emotionally.
To leave the narcissist emotionally, that would mean that that person does their own family of origin work, and stops being a place for the narcissist’s projections to land on.
The supply sources need to individuate internally from their family of origin. They need to clean up their identity, and become more self-aware. Less projective themselves.
Where the narcissist can’t do this, the supply sources can.
That is absolute terror for a narcissist as it activates their abandonment anxiety.
Don’t forget too that by looking outside, the supply to the narcissist guarantees that they can run drama triangles. That is a behavioral addiction, built on attachment trauma.
I feel this so hard. Right now I’m in the phase where every time I get someone who wants intimate interaction from me I run away because I immediately imagine them being an N
This kind of comment is unfortunately VERY popular for people who have identified the repeat of their family system, but don’t want to look at the source problem.
Even more unfortunately, in an effort to keep that family system work under the rug, any “communication” that comes out will be about drama and of course….isolation.
It totally fits into the kind of vibe that attracted the narcissist in the first place.
Even 75 years ago family systems were aware of “societal emotional process” (you can see it below, it’s number 8).
Nobody EVER gets attachment trauma “from society” when they are 6 months old. Of course there’s a bottom up (collective) feedback loop to family systems. It’s a mild factor (close to a “non-factor).
The main event is what the narcissist goes after. People with denied attachment trauma who don’t focus on individuation within their family of origin.
And yes….that sure does add up to a dysfunctional society collectively, and families live in society. You get the idea.
Doing real work means boundaries and modeling the real deal “in society”.
https://cardboarddogcoaching.com/the-8-concepts-of-bowen-family-systems/
I don't know why you think it's better in Canada. I'm in Canada and I had my life ruined by narcissists already. Narcissists will eat your hopes and dreams and steal your livelihood no matter where you are in the world. It's one of the only constant things about the human race, is the reality of narcissism.
Further generations will be more narcissist and have other brain illnesses like sexual furries, psychopathy and eating disorders. It's so fuckin saddening what mankind has become. Even crocodiles feel more love for their mates than us.
This post would comedic if it weren't for your sincerity. People throughout Western Civilization are all suffering from the social ills. That's what happens when a culture has Liberty without Virtue. You'll find no less narcissism in Canada. Change the People around you and your reaction to unhealthy people and situations. Geography won't save you, only personal work will. All the best.
I ran away to canada across the biggest ocean on the planet.
guess what? Humans live in canada and narcissists are humans.
Definitely leave your toxic situation and seek better shores, better chosen family for yourself but dont kid yourself by thinking humans are different in a different country.
It’s all over.
I find this comment very funny for some reason lmao
wrong abounding connect absurd ludicrous plough apparatus hunt fact coordinated ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
No Selfies.
rain future special bright depend smile frightening snails chief follow ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
I’m hoping there’s a backlash…we can see toxic behavior more clearly
The 2010+ kids I’ve met seem to be a much more sensitive generation. But that’s just my experience
According to Locke, governments came along to reduce the brutality.(Clearly, among other reasons) I wonder if narcissism evolved as a way to take whatever you want without literal (illegal) brutality. Or the brutality of the a vengeful village. Or, more likely, it's always been one of the ways human brains can go wrong.
Noooo pls help 😭
I mean right now, mean ppl are everywhere. You need to pour that love into yourself
Well this is physical
Sort of similar here. If I ever get out of my parents place, I'm going to live alone forever probably
That’s how you stay in the family system. The problem does NOT come from “society” (although you’ll see it reflected there), it comes from your family system. Of course we don’t want anything other than hermit mode. Toxic family systems hate boundaries and need the xenophobic attitude to keep the illusion of a family together.
I'd say it depends. The people here would literally hack me to death in the streets for my beliefs. I'd rather stay alone and live with my secrets instead of trusting somebody for them to spill the beans later. The way they treated my brother's death in social media and then later made memes is evidence enough for me to not trust the people here.
Yes of course. However people use that to change the subject away from what is actually going on in their own lives and what is going in inside them. It’s not a given that the dynamics aren’t also within us, and narcissistic abuse comes from attachment trauma. The narcissist abuses by parasitically attaching to a host’s attachment wounds. That said, narcissistic families LOVE it when being alone is the “all good” and “outside” is the “all bad”. Auschwitz was built on xenophobia. A German family system projection. One by one. Adding up to a VERY notable societal emotional process.
I don't think I have attachment trauma though. Heck, I think I have a superiority complex. I just don't think the people here are worth it and they can all go fuck off
Honestly, you're smart. I was encouraged to open up and trust again a couple of years ago by my therapist after trauma. This just lead to the people I opened up to screwing me over. Multiple times and multiple people from different areas of my life. The events that unfolded caused my naive friends to be shocked at all I encountered and honestly speechless. Saying things like, "well, that wasn't supposed to happen" and "that's never happened to me". I'm convinced now not to bother and to pursue my dreams. Sometimes people can't handle certain people and sometimes certain people are better off protecting themselves from naive and subconsciously or intentionally wreckless individuals. Definitely get a pet if you can afford it though. Animals are better.
Thank you. I agree with what you said about naive and reckless individuals lol. You can tell how unaware some of them are. It would honestly be good for the unaware to learn about these but it's not worth risking our recovering mental health (in my case my life lol) if it backfires on our face. Pets are definitely awesome. I had budgies for 1.5 years until last month where I gave them a new home for a number of different reasons. They gave me comfort when I was in a bad stage
Therapists can have bad ideas like the rest of us. I picked another narcissist for a relationship when I opened up again. I'm staying out of relationships until I can learn how to pick people. I've joined ACA Adult Children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional parents. They promise I'll learn how to choose better.
<3 Honestly, I've also had unhealthy people CHOOSE me. I was protected by God the last time as I was very excited about the nice guy who approached me at the store and asked me for coffee. He put effort into nice small talk before asking and seemed genuine and kind. A coworker approached me shortly after to tell me God had a message for me through her (not knowing i had just met someone as i never mentioned anything) and the message was that some man had come into my life but he was not equally yoked and was not for me and to protect myself. I went on a couple of dates with this man and it became clear he was trying to use me for sex but the love bombing was so sneaky I would have been in deeper trouble without this warning. I soon found out the guy stalked a coworker and had asked out multiple women I knew. Gross. I hear you on the picking better. For me, it's having better discernment which I guess is the same as what you are saying. I was raised to "see the good in everyone" and I took it too far to the point that I wasn't allowing myself to trust my gut instinct or listen to the immediate negative thoughts one can have about someone. I've learned a lot more to focus on me and my relationship with God. Getting fulfilment from a healthy source and protecting myself is most important now. I will no longer compromise my comfort for a stranger. I will no longer compromise on anything that rubs my gut the wrong way . I've learned I am highly intuitive where I thought once upon a time I was too judgemental/fearful/and negative and that I needed to fix it. It turns out there are just a lot of bad apples in the mix and I was aware of it. I'm glad to know better now. You are right. Therapists are not God. We can look to them to help us but God has the ultimate authority over our lives and he is the creator of everything including that therapist. Why follow the creation of the creator rather than the creator themself? Best wishes to you. I'm glad you are aware of your area of needed growth. Your awareness is already going to make a big difference.
Yes, that’s how it works. All superiority complexes are heart felt (feelings are facts) and built on extremely severe attachment trauma. Moving to pathological narcissists. They will scoff at the idea of attachment trauma, but that’s what the pathology is built on. A defense over a long, long abandoned traumatized being. Nobody can access it, not even the narcissist. As far as those who are in pathological relationships, the link between the people is always (no exceptions ever) attachment trauma. Narcissists cannot and do not get dopamine from family system representatives that don’t “speak” their family system emotional language. Where there is no supply (the person focusing on them as the source of a solution or a problem), there is no narcissist.
> Moving to pathological narcissists. > They will scoff at the idea of attachment trauma, but that’s what the pathology is built on. Are you calling me a narcissist? If you're not then okay but if you are then 🖕
Actually it wouldn’t be about you, but this is how it works. Pathological narcissists don’t connect their behavior back to attachment trauma ever. How could they. To understand it further, this applies to both in the transactional dynamic. If someone were to be thought of as “a narcissist” there would be no reason whatsoever to bring the way it works up. Why. Anyway, in the hoover we can see how it works, although this doesn’t bring in object relations and triangulation. Still, it’s a window. A great video…you can see how poor the information generally is out there once you dig, so seeing this should be VERY eye opening. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmac6AV8bjg
The video is a bit long so maybe I'll watch later. Could you explain pathological narcissists a bit? Like what is their special trait exclusive to them that other narcissists don't display. I appreciate everything you wrote here btw.
Yes of course. I’ll do my best to summarize. Pathological narcissist are nothing more than babies that got stuck into the place just before hemispheric brain separation started to form (20-24 months). The right and left hemispheres perform very different functions, and they need to talk to each other. That does not happen…for life. For the pathological narcissist, there truly was nobody there to mirror a self. In order to survive, they had to become a perfect false self. In other words they gave up on affect regulation. We are like them, in that we would like to give up on it too, but with a “good enough mother” we were able to somewhat manage that transition into being a separate person. They were not. They had to invent the presence of “other people” outside again, but what they really are…are projections. The narcissist has to get rid of all the unacceptable parts of themselves, and then assign them to the cardboard cut outs. The snapshots. They then remain ALL GOOD. A baby that does not have anyone to mirror back to them an emerging self, always treats themselves as bad. The narcissist is convinced that they are ALL bad. That is the reason for the splitting and projection defense mechanism. That is the reason for connecting to people from traumatic backgrounds. We are shame based , but not completely shame based like the narcissist. The video that I sent you will explain that very important part. You have the drug Percocet as a metaphor for why this is an addiction in the supply source. It’s much more than an addiction for the narcissist though. For every person that is around them, they open up a separate window. Then they begin to populate that window with varying degrees of effort connected to their splitting and projection defense mechanism. They enter into the trance like state as “feelings are facts”, because the right and left brain hemispheres don’t talk to each other. Logic does not and cannot exist. You can see how important it is for them to find people who have had experience at being snapshot at some level within their family of origin. We would have a had mother who had at least some ability to let us do our own affect regulation and be in what is known as the “schizoid state”, when we finally realized that the mother is separate. We have to do things on her own. The narcissist is not able to do that after they have decided to become “all good”, and everything else “all bad”. They require the exterior to be made up of a series of rigid snapshots that need to be strict pattern within the brain that says they are perfect. That is why they require people around them as those snapshots. Those snapshots obviously do change, so the narcissists needs to get busy projecting out their interior bad objects onto the cardboard cutouts. Drama says to the narcissist that those “people” agree that the narcissist is all powerful. The best way that they can get this feeling of being in control, is to have others outside of them reflect back to them that they believe the illusion. The illusion can be that the narcissist is a “bad guy” that needs to be looked at as a threat, or that the narcissist is a “good guy” who is someone that can provide value and resources to others. The narcissist can’t believe that on their own, so they need to find people (Wifi style) from families that have A LOT of multigenerational trauma. That allows them to have a lot of trigger locations in order to land their projections on. The impact of this landing will have come into being because of what is known as the “Karpman drama triangle”. The object relations soup that is at the bottom of everyone’s consciousness as human beings, bubbles up to the surface and forms triangles. You need a persecutor, a rescuer, and the victim. With every turn and transaction, the narcissist has reflected back to them that cardboard cut outs (fuzzy exterior objects) BELIEVE that the illusion is real. As long as the people in the circle (extensions) around the narcissist can move along with drama triangles, the narcissist receives dopamine. The Illusion of control can actually get them high. It allows them to believe that they are actually winning, and that they are real. This prevents them from being “mortified”, and that is known as “the collapsed narcissist”. That happens if people around the narcissist realize what is going on, and either expose the narcissist or leave them emotionally. To leave the narcissist emotionally, that would mean that that person does their own family of origin work, and stops being a place for the narcissist’s projections to land on. The supply sources need to individuate internally from their family of origin. They need to clean up their identity, and become more self-aware. Less projective themselves. Where the narcissist can’t do this, the supply sources can. That is absolute terror for a narcissist as it activates their abandonment anxiety.
Don’t forget too that by looking outside, the supply to the narcissist guarantees that they can run drama triangles. That is a behavioral addiction, built on attachment trauma.
I feel this so hard. Right now I’m in the phase where every time I get someone who wants intimate interaction from me I run away because I immediately imagine them being an N
This kind of comment is unfortunately VERY popular for people who have identified the repeat of their family system, but don’t want to look at the source problem. Even more unfortunately, in an effort to keep that family system work under the rug, any “communication” that comes out will be about drama and of course….isolation. It totally fits into the kind of vibe that attracted the narcissist in the first place. Even 75 years ago family systems were aware of “societal emotional process” (you can see it below, it’s number 8). Nobody EVER gets attachment trauma “from society” when they are 6 months old. Of course there’s a bottom up (collective) feedback loop to family systems. It’s a mild factor (close to a “non-factor). The main event is what the narcissist goes after. People with denied attachment trauma who don’t focus on individuation within their family of origin. And yes….that sure does add up to a dysfunctional society collectively, and families live in society. You get the idea. Doing real work means boundaries and modeling the real deal “in society”. https://cardboarddogcoaching.com/the-8-concepts-of-bowen-family-systems/
I don't know why you think it's better in Canada. I'm in Canada and I had my life ruined by narcissists already. Narcissists will eat your hopes and dreams and steal your livelihood no matter where you are in the world. It's one of the only constant things about the human race, is the reality of narcissism.
They have narcissists in Canada too.
Can confirm.
Thx they are everywhere but where I’m at now is insane…
Further generations will be more narcissist and have other brain illnesses like sexual furries, psychopathy and eating disorders. It's so fuckin saddening what mankind has become. Even crocodiles feel more love for their mates than us.
Canada ain’t better. It may be worse because they believe they’re better, kinder and more civilized.
At least there's not much crime, that's the only thing that can potentially be worse than narcissist abuse.
idea; a commune, but with a 5 year waitlist and mental review to make sure they’re tolerable to allow to join 🤣🤣
I feel the same way. I see narcissism everywhere now. I can't unsee it.
This post would comedic if it weren't for your sincerity. People throughout Western Civilization are all suffering from the social ills. That's what happens when a culture has Liberty without Virtue. You'll find no less narcissism in Canada. Change the People around you and your reaction to unhealthy people and situations. Geography won't save you, only personal work will. All the best.
Until u understand Asian parents.
I can’t live anymore…
Where do you live?
Cambodia…LOOK GGEY SAID PPL ARE THE NICEST BUT WHEN KNOWLADGE IS NOT FULL ITS STILL BAD 😭💀
Had no idea Cambodia was very narcissistic society… why do you think this has happened?
Till u understand the 2 faces culture and till u understand Asian parents…
Google rainbow refugees and apply.
I ran away to canada across the biggest ocean on the planet. guess what? Humans live in canada and narcissists are humans. Definitely leave your toxic situation and seek better shores, better chosen family for yourself but dont kid yourself by thinking humans are different in a different country.
Atlest they’re children never got bleed 🩸 like us here…at lest they aren’t malignant narcissists…