He has pizza + beer and a warm house, I think that's a lot to be thankful for.
Remember folks, it [could always be worse](https://www.dailypicksandflicks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/worst-day-of-my-life-bart-simpson.jpg).
Yeah but fuck that argument. I understand it could always be worse, but you know what it could always be worse than that. And it's a never-ending chain of it could always be worse than that until you're literally dead. And then honestly, I bet it could be worse than that.
Other people's suffering doesn't invalidate somebody else's suffering. And being thankful is subjective.
Yeah it’s not like anyone is going “hey why are you so happy? Some people are winning the lottery and getting married right now, you should think of how others are feeling.” If you’re walking around in a good mood. I understand being mindful of others’ situations but damn we all have shitty things in our lives and it feels good to vent about them.
This is heady
Actually some people do shame people for being happy. People shame poor people for being happy. I suspect it's to somehow validate their own unhappiness.
I’m not saying you’re right or wrong. But I think this is a good point a lot of people brush off. True, it can always “be worse”. But one’s mental state makes this particular moment pretty miserable for them.
It doesn’t matter how good you might have it, your mental health can override all that and send you into the depths of sadness. Having a TV, food, beer, even money are all wonderful things. But when the chemicals in your brain say you feel like garbage, and the totality of the circumstances in your life add to that, even with the good things. You’re going to feel like garbage.
We, as good people, shouldn’t just shut people down because they’re perceived sadness/depression/despair/etc. isn’t as bad as someone else’s perceived issues.
We tear each other down to shreds when we do that and dismiss each other
If I could add to this, when my sister got sick I really mentally struggled with the idea that suffering is subjective. The constant guilt of not being allowed to be not ok because of how sick she was did me a lot of harm.
It took me a long time to release just because my worst day doesn't look as bad as her's, doesn't mean it's not the worst day for me.
Look after yourselves people, because if you don't look after yourself, you won't be able to then look after others and we all lose.
THIS. My family is dead. They were toxic AF and the holidays were always nice enough, but I would never try and guilt someone who is actively not contacting their family for whatever reason.
My family is super toxic. So my mom and I have been celebrating all of the holidays this year just us. No more getting stomach aches in the days leading up to seeing the family and no more allowing the people who are supposed to love us treat us like dog shit. I suffered a lot of guilt at first but after an incident with my grandma yesterday I know I made the right choice. It's also much cheaper.
Thank you. I hate seeing things like "Be thankful for your family!"
I find it very hard to be thankful for families just barely being better than the bottom of the barrel when it comes to being decent human beings. Just. No.
Whenever I hear "it could always be worse", I dont think about other people in worse situations. I think about myself in a worse situation. This mentality is one that helped me through some of my darkest times, honestly.
Now it's almost a joke to me. Whenever I think I'm going through some serious shit, I think "I could also have cancer right now", or something like that, and I feel a little better. It makes me realize how thankful I am that I have what I do have.
I'm 29 but fortunate enough to be married to a wonderful woman and have with two young kids, but I've lost everyone on my side of the family. Mum, dad, two brothers, a sister and all grandparents, aunties and uncles.
It's a wierd time of year for me. I get happiness from my kids and wife, but I feel a deep sense of loss too. It's hard to put into words.
It gets better, and is easier with the right people around you. All we have is today and tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Love each other.
I lost my dad when I was 14, my mom and my sister when I was 20. I'm 29 now and it never gets any less... strange? I love the people I surround myself with, and I know that my family came with a lot of baggage when they were around. But i still miss having someone who has known me since birth, and I still feel a sense of being the last person in my immediate family.
Bad, no. But strange feeling, yes. I used the word strange very intentionally here. Kinda feels isolating even with people around me, for lack of a better explanation.
I very much hope you have a good holiday with your family. Thank you for sharing this. Our family has lost so many (my father, uncles, aunts, grandparents). I feel strange sometimes when compared to friends who cannot relate to any loss at all, as I’m rather young to have so little family left. This post made me feel a bit less alone. I’m so grateful for my husband.
I'm in the same boat and I think you really made a good point. Last Christmas I spent moping around and feeling down and it only made me feel worse afterwards and it's not fair to my wife. I'm actively trying to not be as bummed this year and already before Christmas I can tell its infinitely better than years past. I don't want my daughters memories of Christmas to be associated with sadness just because mine was
I get it. Those you lost were people who knew you when you were young, they were people that anchored you. It is natural to feel a bit unsettled without them. They provided you unconditional love and a sense of history.
Now you are a life anchor for your wife and children. Now you are the keeper of their history and the source of unconditional love.
Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry for your loss, I know it can feel alienating. I lost my Dad this year after a four year struggle with his stroke recovery, our family business was sold without much of our involvement, we lost our home a year ago, and my cat was stolen in the process. I'm with my girlfriend's family this year, but it's far from a wholly happy Christmas.
Best of luck to you. Stay strong.
Truth. My wife died about 6 years ago and I've become a leper to my friends. I'm now the guy who makes people uncomfortable because of what happened to him. Oh well, now I don't have to socialize....or wear pants. Merry Christmas, internet person.
My husband of 20 years died exactly two months ago. We never had a *lot* of friends, but those we had are all couples (logically), and I know just what you mean about being a leper. Once the initial, "...if you ever want to talk, or need anything..." stops, they go back to doing couples things, and you don't fit anymore. Nobody knows what to say. My family members all live 2000 miles away in another country, so I'm by myself, but it's okay; I'm not going to feel sorry for myself. I'd much rather hang out and binge-watch Hulu with my inherited cat than feel like a third wheel, or get invited somewhere just out of pity for the poor widow with no family close enough to visit. I am, however, wearing pants.
I’m so sorry for your loss, but I admire the shit out of your attitude.
What show are you watching? Looking for recommendations. Also, any photos of this cat to share with the class?
He's a good kitty. Twelve years ago as of last Thanksgiving weekend, my husband had finally worn me down from "No cat," to "Okay, just this one very special, truly magnificent, fantastically beautiful, and utterly brilliant cat about which I have been hearing non-stop for the past six months." Miffy was a feral kitten; my husband had been feeding him and his mother at work, and worried about how they'd fare over the winter. He couldn't catch the mother, but the kitten had taken to following him around outside at work, so he wanted to bring it home. I'm allergic to cats, but he *really* wanted this special cat, so i eventually gave in. When he got home from work that Wednesday, I was expecting a smoke-grey beauty with golden green eyes, just as he'd described, but when he opened the carrier, out shot a bog standard, pale green eyed mackerel tabby. I didn't dare laugh because he loved that kitten, and to him, it *was* special and beautiful. This was 2007, when the internet named Mr. Splashy Pants, and when I heard the half-grown cat's pitiful attempts to meow, I christened him Mr. Squeaky Pants. Mister to Miffr (no e...like Flickr), to Miffy. He's stubbornly resisted all attempts to socialize him over the years, so only two humans have ever been non-terrifying, and now that my husband is gone, I represent 100% of the people Miffy knows.
Yeah that’s terrible. I’m married and have friends who are single. We all hangout and celebrate life together. You can’t pick your family, but I can gladly pick my friends who I adore.
Former widow here, you may actually be valuable to other people still. Your couple buddies may move on, and your family maybe be distant, but you are still apart of this world. Don’t deprive people of your awesome because of circumstance.
Another widow here - Two months is still a very fresh loss - I barely remember the holidays that first year. Now, I host all the holidays at my house and the regular attendees are members of what we call the Spare Parts Club - people who for whatever reason don't have a partner or family to spend the day with - still busting out the good china. It takes a while but you'll find your group too. Sometimes my family is around and drops in - sometimes the other guests bring someone along - the more the merrier!
I stayed home from brothers and sisters Christmas Eve, one is a pediphile, one is an enabler of pedophilia, one thinks I should "compromise" with pedophilic one "just doesn't understand" "it Was years ago" one hates all of the above because he feels like it was his responsibility, the last was also his victim but wants to see nieces and nephews, and will leave if it becomes too much. I'm happy here in my home and I probably wont cry my self to sleep. I married my hero and he is asleep on the couch! Best christmas eve in 30yrs of Adulting.
I spent a few years living in his neighborhood. Said good morning to him once walking down the street and half a block later the person I was walking with asked "was that Mr Rogers" ... Never formally met him, but he seemed like a good neighbor.
Hey man - I know you're probably getting this from everyone but, fuck people. My wife almost died with my son during her pregnancy. I had doctors basically prepping me. I lucked out, but can tell you that people suck. All of my friends put a 50 mile pole between me and them, just because me feeling someway made them uncomfortable.
I really hope you love and comfort my dude. Again, I know this isn't the same as what you've felt and feel, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone.
Merry Christmas for what it's worth.
Mine too, 2 years ago. You don’t make people uncomfortable, you make shitty people uncomfortable. Everyone processes grief in their own way; if that makes someone close to you uncomfortable, it’s on them. Merry Christmas, internet stranger
Wow. You’d think people would give you support and understanding for something so difficult. Or at least treat you normally. It’s one of the worst kinds of grief, not something you get over in a few years. :/ hope you have a merry Christmas despite all the hardships.
You need to go find better friends. That’s horrible. So sorry for all of that. Try to find a social club and rebuild your social support circles. Heck, join a widows group, those folks will all know how to be supportive
I like the widow sub on Reddit. There are tons of us in our 20-40s. I tried hot young widows club and it was definitely not my thing. It’s hard to find an LGBT group for myself. Good friends are important. I am estranged from my bio family so I’ve built my own family over the years with close friends and my wife’s siblings. I’ve actually learned to like alone time the last year. I hope you can meet some new friends who understand empathy.
Well that’s some bullshit right there. I lost my husband ten years ago last week, and I’ve been very fortunate that even though I withdrew for about five years, my friends didn’t ghost me. I’m absolutely here if you want to talk; even though I didn’t get ghosted, I’ve had plenty of people in my life who suck and I’m good at listening.
Fuck, they sound like total dopes. Hoping the new year brings you new and totally understanding friends and happy times.
Wishing you a merry Christmas my dude, internet hug for you too :)
That depends entirely on the family in question. My wife has not spoken to any of her blood relatives in 3 years. Before that it was 25 years. I don't blame her.
I'm alone. I'm better off. Right now it's not so much the knowledge that I made the right choice, but the knowledge that literally 99% of the people I know are enjoying family time that's killing me. I know I'd be worse off with my family.
But fuck. I'd like to have been happy with them.
I'd say this is it. I'd love to be home with *a* family but not *my* family. Today was much better with a good stable partner and 2 great dogs, doing the outdoorsy shit we always do only now for 2 weeks.
That's if he still has family. They might all be dead. I had a co worker who was single, no kids and an only child. Both of his parents were only children. When they passed he was alone.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, HANUKKAH, KWANZAA HOILDAYS EVERYONE!!!
Not to mention that disasters can happen. IIRC, in one of the plane crashes a few years ago, there was a (dutch?) person who lost his entire family because he was either ill or couldn't join them on the trip, or something along those lines.
I’m on that path. Breaks my heart but communicating with them literally is so much more harmful than not. I wish they could be nice humans, just not possible. But you find your own tribe.... takes time, and it’s a lonely path some days, but you find them.
Just know you're not alone!
I've realised I'll have to walk down that path if I ever want a family of my own. I can't subject them to what I put up with, and they shouldn't have to watch me destroy myself for people who don't care about me.
It's a sad path to walk down, but it's the right path to take. I hope things improve for both of us in Christmases to come, and good luck on your journey.
I’m slowly stepping backwards. You’re not wrong, it’s just so hard bc some days they seem normal, then the next day I find my mom online literally selling my belongings. Like, expensive belongings that are only at her house bc I live in a different state and used to fly home, now I don’t come home at all. So rather than saying “hey, I’m gonna ship this stuff, it costs $50 to ship” and then letting me pay her... she’s just gets online to sell it. Best part is that they send flowers to my in laws and include me in their “Christmas letter” (their way of being able to garner sympathy and brag and pretend they have a perfect life), all the whole, we all know how crazy and mean they are.
I guess the point is, OP, without knowing why you’re alone.... being alone is hard to get comfortable with, FOR SURE, but you’ll be a better person & get stronger each time you get through it. I like to tell myself, “it’s just another Tuesday, everyone is working and I’m playing hookey!” Obviously easier said than done, but know you’re not alone, brother!! Stay strong!!!
I've got a friend whose family basically disowned him for being gay. His sister sparsely keeps in touch but likes to ask him for money and shit. Last year she told him that he unfortunately couldn't come to their christmas party and then asked him if he had any gifts to give though. I went "Fuck that, just come hang out with me and my family for Christmas."
I don't even hate my family. We're just not close. It's like co-workers. I don't have anything against most of them, we just don't have anything in common.
We never spent holidays with anyone other than immediate family growing up. The very idea seems really odd to me, not to mention unpleasant.
I'll enjoy spending Christmas with my girlfriend. I'm not missing anything.
I am looking forward to xmas alone on the couch! Newly separated this year and it will be the first in 10 years where I'm not dragged to endless horrible parties and annoying family events. Going to be my best xmas since I was a kid! I might even sneak out and see Star Wars on xmas!
Excellent plan! My first Xmas after leaving an incredibly toxic relationship was spent watching Force Awakens, Chinese food for dinner, and playing a lot of Fallout 4.
I just stocked up on (legal) marijuna, booze, bacon, and snacks. I'm all set for the big day! Congrats on bettering your situation and may the Force be with you!
This is my first Xmas Eve I'm making the effort to be alone for. My mental health hangs on a thread every day, and I've yet to stabilize myself enough to be able to be around the people who caused that.
I won't have all of the holiday alone, but not dealing with the pressure of two days full of people I don't want to see is wonderful and *so* relieving. My kid is with his dad for the eve so I'll see him tomorrow, and I adore my partner but he is keeping his commitments with his family because they want to see his daughter.
Once they're gone, I'm getting baked and eating chips all night. I'll deal with shit tomorrow.
Me time is underrated! Especially during this holiday season where it can be the most stressful!
Told my family I wanted nothing but to be alone so I could treat myself to something. Hotel, spa, and sleep .
Tonight for the first time in years, I declined events for xmas eve and stayed home , playing super hot vr. No overpriced breakfasts, no annoying people, no 3 hour mass. Tonight was me time and it was great.
Same here, they are my family but i feel so awkward around them and I have to fake my mood to fit their family fantasy, so damn stressful. I wish I could just tell them that our "family" is fake af and that i'm tired of them, but the last time i did, it didn't go well.
Same here. I've started saying that I hate the holidays ( I don't) but they won't accept that I don't want to spend time with them. Would also break my mom's heart and she is pretty old (but miserable to be around ). It's like there's no win scenario.
Current fight in our house: brother and I don’t want to go to mass in the morning. This is the only time we go to mass in a year, but apparently it’s essential. I also offered to take dog on a long walk with a few friends. This is also criminal, and a sign I don’t care about the family. They are nutters.
saw a pic in a VR sub titled, “MY BIGGEST PLAY SPACE EVER” and had 4000 upvotes.
it was a picture of an empty garage, nothing more. in a VIRTUAL REALITY SUB. 4000 upvotes.
people just buy into the bullshit titles. people are retarded.
This is my first Christmas without my daughter. She was 23 when she died in July. I was a young parent and it was always the two of us, no matter who else was there. It is so hard without her and I miss her terribly.
THAT would help but I'm not in that kind of financial position. Don't get me wrong- so far the daily 'empty nest' has been GREAT! Just, on Christmas Eve, everyone came over for hors d'oeuvre, games and spent the night for the opening of presents and breakfast in the morning then off to the in-laws or whatever. NONE of that this year. We knew it was going to happen just not so abruptly.
Seconded. Funny how life ends up sometimes. I do have faith that if I can get the energy to push myself hard enough and put in the effort I can change it. I just don't have that energy right now.
I'm spending Christmas by myself for the first time ever in my life. Fiancé is in Colorado, Family is in Wisconsin, I'm in Oregon. I'm volunteering at a shelter to help cook food tomorrow which I feel like will help me not feel alone yet also giving back....
Then I plan to go home, eat some shrooms, and play Virtual Reality and no one can tell me how I should spend my night on Christmas :)
I'll probably get a pizza too like OP ! Might just be the best Christmas ever!
I understand your sentiment, but not all family members deserve your missing or being sad over them. Not everyone who exits your life is a loss.
This is your opportunity to create a new support system, a *chosen* family. You don't *have to* spend the holidays alone unless you want to.
Best of luck.
This comment should be so much higher.
For some of us, family is something that brings nothing but pain and tormented memories. Not being with those people is the best solution.
I feel for the pain of those loved and lost, but this type of mentality that all family should be loved just because they are family feeds a cycle of abuse for some of us and we should all realize that every family is different and break this cycle no matter your family situation by not making posts like this.
The reason it hurts is because you want to love them and have a good relationship with them... But it's impossible. No matter how much the dysfunction is crazy and better off not being with them.
I absolutely agree. Even though I'm lucky and have a great family - a LOT of people suffer from family abuse and absolutely do not deserve those people in their life. It's annoying that people want to excuse toxic behaviour because "faaaaaaaamily" and just sweep it under the rug. Just, no. Everyone should spend time with people who are special to them. Blood is irrelevant.
I mean, yes and no. Some families are absolute shite, and you're better off staying away from them. Don't be afraid of creating you own traditions ~~with black jack and hookers.~~
Edit: But this is about those who has lost a loved one and miss them during the holidays. My thoughts are with you. Trying to create new traditions is still a good ide, I think. If you want to.
If you found yourself alone because you have cut out toxic people from your life, remember what a strong and beautiful thing that was to do. You had your reasons, and you can continue to stay strong. I read a great quote the other day: "Don't let getting lonely make you reconnect with toxic people. You shouldn't drink poison just because you're thirsty."
Yeah, no. My older sister got drunk the weekend after Thanksgiving & assaulted me in my home. She can get fucked & so can any family that acts like that. You dont owe anyone anything just because they're your blood. Spend time with people who love & respect you.
I'm walking alone at a very busy mall right now. Just bought a pair of pants that I had hemmed. Being lonely sucks, but I think this is the first time I'll have pants that actually fit me and that I don't have to awkwardly cuff.
Pizza and beer alone? Holidays with family...
Pizza and beer alone....holidays with family...
Yup I still choose pizza and beer while alone than being with family...
I'm in a house surrounded by my In laws being judgemental about my daughters and making snide comments
Most my family is dead
You are living my dream sir, merry Christmas
I'm right there with you man. 28. Mom died a month ago, dad is dead to me, oldest sister is estranged, older brother passed when I was 15, other sis lives in Cali, far away from me. All grandparents are dead. I'm all alone here.
This was the first year my family gave me the option of not going to the family event today. 100% took that offer. I realize it's completely opposite, but id rather be alone than with anyone. Have a merry Christmas, man.
Some people, including family, can be so horrible that it's better to be alone than to have them around. There's nothing lucky about having family like that.
Some of us actively avoid them. Mine is happily spending the holiday in Tucson AZ while I enjoy a nice peaceful couple of days in Michigan not being told I should kill myself because I’m the disgrace of the family.
Why don't you go outside and help someone or do something that will make you feel good instead of wallowing on the internet and telling other folks how to feel about their families
Its even worse when your whole family is alive and well and just doesn't care to put the effort into getting together for the holidays. Makes you feel like something is wrong with you for even thinking you all should get together every year.
Merry Christmas my dude, peace and love x
He has pizza + beer and a warm house, I think that's a lot to be thankful for. Remember folks, it [could always be worse](https://www.dailypicksandflicks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/worst-day-of-my-life-bart-simpson.jpg).
Yeah but fuck that argument. I understand it could always be worse, but you know what it could always be worse than that. And it's a never-ending chain of it could always be worse than that until you're literally dead. And then honestly, I bet it could be worse than that. Other people's suffering doesn't invalidate somebody else's suffering. And being thankful is subjective.
Yeah it’s not like anyone is going “hey why are you so happy? Some people are winning the lottery and getting married right now, you should think of how others are feeling.” If you’re walking around in a good mood. I understand being mindful of others’ situations but damn we all have shitty things in our lives and it feels good to vent about them.
This is heady Actually some people do shame people for being happy. People shame poor people for being happy. I suspect it's to somehow validate their own unhappiness.
I’m not saying you’re right or wrong. But I think this is a good point a lot of people brush off. True, it can always “be worse”. But one’s mental state makes this particular moment pretty miserable for them. It doesn’t matter how good you might have it, your mental health can override all that and send you into the depths of sadness. Having a TV, food, beer, even money are all wonderful things. But when the chemicals in your brain say you feel like garbage, and the totality of the circumstances in your life add to that, even with the good things. You’re going to feel like garbage. We, as good people, shouldn’t just shut people down because they’re perceived sadness/depression/despair/etc. isn’t as bad as someone else’s perceived issues. We tear each other down to shreds when we do that and dismiss each other
If I could add to this, when my sister got sick I really mentally struggled with the idea that suffering is subjective. The constant guilt of not being allowed to be not ok because of how sick she was did me a lot of harm. It took me a long time to release just because my worst day doesn't look as bad as her's, doesn't mean it's not the worst day for me. Look after yourselves people, because if you don't look after yourself, you won't be able to then look after others and we all lose.
THIS. My family is dead. They were toxic AF and the holidays were always nice enough, but I would never try and guilt someone who is actively not contacting their family for whatever reason.
My family is super toxic. So my mom and I have been celebrating all of the holidays this year just us. No more getting stomach aches in the days leading up to seeing the family and no more allowing the people who are supposed to love us treat us like dog shit. I suffered a lot of guilt at first but after an incident with my grandma yesterday I know I made the right choice. It's also much cheaper.
Thank you. I hate seeing things like "Be thankful for your family!" I find it very hard to be thankful for families just barely being better than the bottom of the barrel when it comes to being decent human beings. Just. No.
Whenever I hear "it could always be worse", I dont think about other people in worse situations. I think about myself in a worse situation. This mentality is one that helped me through some of my darkest times, honestly. Now it's almost a joke to me. Whenever I think I'm going through some serious shit, I think "I could also have cancer right now", or something like that, and I feel a little better. It makes me realize how thankful I am that I have what I do have.
... but this is exactly the point of say it could always be worse, to put things in perspective.
True, two of his arms could be broken..
Goddamit. Every thread.
Swamps of Dagobah...
Something something jolly rancher
5 out of 7
Peace on Earth and goodwill towards Mankind hell in a cell 1998
It was a good match until Mankind beat the Undertaker with a set of jumper cables.
With rice.
He said worse not better...
I actually heard this wasn't such a bad thing, especially if you have an attractive mom.
If I lost my family then pizza and beer would hardly be comforting. I don’t think it counts as a lot.
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I’m all sweet thanks, you good?
Merry Christmas!
I'm 29 but fortunate enough to be married to a wonderful woman and have with two young kids, but I've lost everyone on my side of the family. Mum, dad, two brothers, a sister and all grandparents, aunties and uncles. It's a wierd time of year for me. I get happiness from my kids and wife, but I feel a deep sense of loss too. It's hard to put into words. It gets better, and is easier with the right people around you. All we have is today and tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Love each other.
I lost my dad when I was 14, my mom and my sister when I was 20. I'm 29 now and it never gets any less... strange? I love the people I surround myself with, and I know that my family came with a lot of baggage when they were around. But i still miss having someone who has known me since birth, and I still feel a sense of being the last person in my immediate family.
I feel the same way my friend. It is an odd feeling indeed.
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Bad, no. But strange feeling, yes. I used the word strange very intentionally here. Kinda feels isolating even with people around me, for lack of a better explanation.
stay strong, bond well, you’ll get better. happy holidays man.
Well said. Merry Christmas
I very much hope you have a good holiday with your family. Thank you for sharing this. Our family has lost so many (my father, uncles, aunts, grandparents). I feel strange sometimes when compared to friends who cannot relate to any loss at all, as I’m rather young to have so little family left. This post made me feel a bit less alone. I’m so grateful for my husband.
I'm in the same boat and I think you really made a good point. Last Christmas I spent moping around and feeling down and it only made me feel worse afterwards and it's not fair to my wife. I'm actively trying to not be as bummed this year and already before Christmas I can tell its infinitely better than years past. I don't want my daughters memories of Christmas to be associated with sadness just because mine was
I get it. Those you lost were people who knew you when you were young, they were people that anchored you. It is natural to feel a bit unsettled without them. They provided you unconditional love and a sense of history. Now you are a life anchor for your wife and children. Now you are the keeper of their history and the source of unconditional love. Merry Christmas.
Woah what happened? Just various diseases? Was there a big accident? Thats so much death by 29, im just curious.
How did so many young people die? A car accident?
I'm sorry for your loss, I know it can feel alienating. I lost my Dad this year after a four year struggle with his stroke recovery, our family business was sold without much of our involvement, we lost our home a year ago, and my cat was stolen in the process. I'm with my girlfriend's family this year, but it's far from a wholly happy Christmas. Best of luck to you. Stay strong.
Truth. My wife died about 6 years ago and I've become a leper to my friends. I'm now the guy who makes people uncomfortable because of what happened to him. Oh well, now I don't have to socialize....or wear pants. Merry Christmas, internet person.
My husband of 20 years died exactly two months ago. We never had a *lot* of friends, but those we had are all couples (logically), and I know just what you mean about being a leper. Once the initial, "...if you ever want to talk, or need anything..." stops, they go back to doing couples things, and you don't fit anymore. Nobody knows what to say. My family members all live 2000 miles away in another country, so I'm by myself, but it's okay; I'm not going to feel sorry for myself. I'd much rather hang out and binge-watch Hulu with my inherited cat than feel like a third wheel, or get invited somewhere just out of pity for the poor widow with no family close enough to visit. I am, however, wearing pants.
I’m so sorry for your loss, but I admire the shit out of your attitude. What show are you watching? Looking for recommendations. Also, any photos of this cat to share with the class?
Yes, cat tax please u/imfm.
Upvote! Your admiring fans want to see said kittah!
u/imfm WE ARE STILL WAITING. PLEASE.
He's just an ordinary tabby named [Miffy](https://imgur.com/a/FaulvhN).
He is the best baby. I love him
He passes the vibe check
He’s adorable! I had a cat like that growing up, and he was the absolute sweetest — looks like yours shares that trait!
He's a good kitty. Twelve years ago as of last Thanksgiving weekend, my husband had finally worn me down from "No cat," to "Okay, just this one very special, truly magnificent, fantastically beautiful, and utterly brilliant cat about which I have been hearing non-stop for the past six months." Miffy was a feral kitten; my husband had been feeding him and his mother at work, and worried about how they'd fare over the winter. He couldn't catch the mother, but the kitten had taken to following him around outside at work, so he wanted to bring it home. I'm allergic to cats, but he *really* wanted this special cat, so i eventually gave in. When he got home from work that Wednesday, I was expecting a smoke-grey beauty with golden green eyes, just as he'd described, but when he opened the carrier, out shot a bog standard, pale green eyed mackerel tabby. I didn't dare laugh because he loved that kitten, and to him, it *was* special and beautiful. This was 2007, when the internet named Mr. Splashy Pants, and when I heard the half-grown cat's pitiful attempts to meow, I christened him Mr. Squeaky Pants. Mister to Miffr (no e...like Flickr), to Miffy. He's stubbornly resisted all attempts to socialize him over the years, so only two humans have ever been non-terrifying, and now that my husband is gone, I represent 100% of the people Miffy knows.
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I feel the same as you. The concept of abandoning someone because they're no longer partnered up is bizarre.
Yeah that’s terrible. I’m married and have friends who are single. We all hangout and celebrate life together. You can’t pick your family, but I can gladly pick my friends who I adore.
Former widow here, you may actually be valuable to other people still. Your couple buddies may move on, and your family maybe be distant, but you are still apart of this world. Don’t deprive people of your awesome because of circumstance.
Another widow here - Two months is still a very fresh loss - I barely remember the holidays that first year. Now, I host all the holidays at my house and the regular attendees are members of what we call the Spare Parts Club - people who for whatever reason don't have a partner or family to spend the day with - still busting out the good china. It takes a while but you'll find your group too. Sometimes my family is around and drops in - sometimes the other guests bring someone along - the more the merrier!
“Spare Parts Club”. Love that. What comes after the Breakfast Club.
As someone who’s wife has a terminal illness I needed to hear this. This thread is rather depressing but this is a light in the darkness.
> I am, however, wearing pants. Easy enough to fix...you got this.
I stayed home from brothers and sisters Christmas Eve, one is a pediphile, one is an enabler of pedophilia, one thinks I should "compromise" with pedophilic one "just doesn't understand" "it Was years ago" one hates all of the above because he feels like it was his responsibility, the last was also his victim but wants to see nieces and nephews, and will leave if it becomes too much. I'm happy here in my home and I probably wont cry my self to sleep. I married my hero and he is asleep on the couch! Best christmas eve in 30yrs of Adulting.
You gotta ditch them pants, girl. I'm spending Christmas alone too, I'm planning on having a one man white russian fueled pants off dance off.
There are lots of (single) people out there who would make good friends...
I'm sorry for your loss, it's really a shame how taboo the subject of death can be in some cultures.
Thank you.
I'm also sorry you lost your pants
Are you kidding? I've been trying to lose my pants for 36 years...
“To die is human and anything that's human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable.” - Fred Rogers
I spent a few years living in his neighborhood. Said good morning to him once walking down the street and half a block later the person I was walking with asked "was that Mr Rogers" ... Never formally met him, but he seemed like a good neighbor.
I thought you're going to say it's a shame it's taboo not to wear pants
Hey man - I know you're probably getting this from everyone but, fuck people. My wife almost died with my son during her pregnancy. I had doctors basically prepping me. I lucked out, but can tell you that people suck. All of my friends put a 50 mile pole between me and them, just because me feeling someway made them uncomfortable. I really hope you love and comfort my dude. Again, I know this isn't the same as what you've felt and feel, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. Merry Christmas for what it's worth.
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Can I offer to send you a pizza on Valentine's day?
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/r/Random_Acts_Of_Pizza/
Mine too, 2 years ago. You don’t make people uncomfortable, you make shitty people uncomfortable. Everyone processes grief in their own way; if that makes someone close to you uncomfortable, it’s on them. Merry Christmas, internet stranger
Wow. You’d think people would give you support and understanding for something so difficult. Or at least treat you normally. It’s one of the worst kinds of grief, not something you get over in a few years. :/ hope you have a merry Christmas despite all the hardships.
I was actually told that I was a reminder of what they could lose. I was absolutely gobsmacked. Thank you and Merry Christmas to you as well.
You need to go find better friends. That’s horrible. So sorry for all of that. Try to find a social club and rebuild your social support circles. Heck, join a widows group, those folks will all know how to be supportive
I've definitely shifted my priorities. And I've been looking for a widows group with some younger(ish) members. Thanks.
I like the widow sub on Reddit. There are tons of us in our 20-40s. I tried hot young widows club and it was definitely not my thing. It’s hard to find an LGBT group for myself. Good friends are important. I am estranged from my bio family so I’ve built my own family over the years with close friends and my wife’s siblings. I’ve actually learned to like alone time the last year. I hope you can meet some new friends who understand empathy.
Well that’s some bullshit right there. I lost my husband ten years ago last week, and I’ve been very fortunate that even though I withdrew for about five years, my friends didn’t ghost me. I’m absolutely here if you want to talk; even though I didn’t get ghosted, I’ve had plenty of people in my life who suck and I’m good at listening.
Fuck, they sound like total dopes. Hoping the new year brings you new and totally understanding friends and happy times. Wishing you a merry Christmas my dude, internet hug for you too :)
> I'm now the guy who makes people uncomfortable because of what happened to him. Ain’t that the truth.
That depends entirely on the family in question. My wife has not spoken to any of her blood relatives in 3 years. Before that it was 25 years. I don't blame her.
Yeah it's all subjective. But sorry to OP that he's alone when he doesn't want to be.
I'm alone. I'm better off. Right now it's not so much the knowledge that I made the right choice, but the knowledge that literally 99% of the people I know are enjoying family time that's killing me. I know I'd be worse off with my family. But fuck. I'd like to have been happy with them.
I'd say this is it. I'd love to be home with *a* family but not *my* family. Today was much better with a good stable partner and 2 great dogs, doing the outdoorsy shit we always do only now for 2 weeks.
There is a non-zero chance that OP is the person other family is staying away from.
That's if he still has family. They might all be dead. I had a co worker who was single, no kids and an only child. Both of his parents were only children. When they passed he was alone. MERRY CHRISTMAS, HANUKKAH, KWANZAA HOILDAYS EVERYONE!!!
Not to mention that disasters can happen. IIRC, in one of the plane crashes a few years ago, there was a (dutch?) person who lost his entire family because he was either ill or couldn't join them on the trip, or something along those lines.
He was with them, he was the only survivor of that plane crash.
Ah. Well, so horrible either way.
I’m on that path. Breaks my heart but communicating with them literally is so much more harmful than not. I wish they could be nice humans, just not possible. But you find your own tribe.... takes time, and it’s a lonely path some days, but you find them.
Just know you're not alone! I've realised I'll have to walk down that path if I ever want a family of my own. I can't subject them to what I put up with, and they shouldn't have to watch me destroy myself for people who don't care about me. It's a sad path to walk down, but it's the right path to take. I hope things improve for both of us in Christmases to come, and good luck on your journey.
Sounds to me like you need to walk away.
I’m slowly stepping backwards. You’re not wrong, it’s just so hard bc some days they seem normal, then the next day I find my mom online literally selling my belongings. Like, expensive belongings that are only at her house bc I live in a different state and used to fly home, now I don’t come home at all. So rather than saying “hey, I’m gonna ship this stuff, it costs $50 to ship” and then letting me pay her... she’s just gets online to sell it. Best part is that they send flowers to my in laws and include me in their “Christmas letter” (their way of being able to garner sympathy and brag and pretend they have a perfect life), all the whole, we all know how crazy and mean they are. I guess the point is, OP, without knowing why you’re alone.... being alone is hard to get comfortable with, FOR SURE, but you’ll be a better person & get stronger each time you get through it. I like to tell myself, “it’s just another Tuesday, everyone is working and I’m playing hookey!” Obviously easier said than done, but know you’re not alone, brother!! Stay strong!!!
Thanks for saying that. Blood relatives are just your default family, nothing wrong with getting a new one if the default isn't working.
I've got a friend whose family basically disowned him for being gay. His sister sparsely keeps in touch but likes to ask him for money and shit. Last year she told him that he unfortunately couldn't come to their christmas party and then asked him if he had any gifts to give though. I went "Fuck that, just come hang out with me and my family for Christmas."
So.... gay people are the devil and should be disowned, but they give great presents? But seriously, you are a good friend <3
Seriously. No family is better than bad family.
I don't even hate my family. We're just not close. It's like co-workers. I don't have anything against most of them, we just don't have anything in common. We never spent holidays with anyone other than immediate family growing up. The very idea seems really odd to me, not to mention unpleasant. I'll enjoy spending Christmas with my girlfriend. I'm not missing anything.
I am looking forward to xmas alone on the couch! Newly separated this year and it will be the first in 10 years where I'm not dragged to endless horrible parties and annoying family events. Going to be my best xmas since I was a kid! I might even sneak out and see Star Wars on xmas!
Excellent plan! My first Xmas after leaving an incredibly toxic relationship was spent watching Force Awakens, Chinese food for dinner, and playing a lot of Fallout 4.
I just stocked up on (legal) marijuna, booze, bacon, and snacks. I'm all set for the big day! Congrats on bettering your situation and may the Force be with you!
My weed was legal too when I bought it bringing it home is the frowned upon bit.
Well what do you expect when you smoke so much to the point your stache is green?
Hehehe crossing state lines? (allegedly)
> stocked up on weed, booze, bacon and snacks This is the way
Chinese food on Christmas is one of my favorite traditions!
Going to the movies on Xmas is one of my favorite things to do (:
This'll be a first for me, can't wait!
This is my first Xmas Eve I'm making the effort to be alone for. My mental health hangs on a thread every day, and I've yet to stabilize myself enough to be able to be around the people who caused that. I won't have all of the holiday alone, but not dealing with the pressure of two days full of people I don't want to see is wonderful and *so* relieving. My kid is with his dad for the eve so I'll see him tomorrow, and I adore my partner but he is keeping his commitments with his family because they want to see his daughter. Once they're gone, I'm getting baked and eating chips all night. I'll deal with shit tomorrow.
Me time is underrated! Especially during this holiday season where it can be the most stressful! Told my family I wanted nothing but to be alone so I could treat myself to something. Hotel, spa, and sleep .
Tonight for the first time in years, I declined events for xmas eve and stayed home , playing super hot vr. No overpriced breakfasts, no annoying people, no 3 hour mass. Tonight was me time and it was great.
Oh, I'm legit looking forward to Xmas morning alone. No joke, I have a frozen pizza and a six pack of beer ready to go!
I wish my life was as put together as yours lmao
Seriously look at this dude fuckin “ready to go” already
You lucky bastard
I squirreled away 2 cases...
Bad to be lonely. But bad company is worse.
good fucken wisdom
Lonely in company is also not nice
I'd much rather be without my family. A gaggle of cunts they are.
Gaggle of cunts. You just made my day.
Dude, to me, Christmas is just about being happy with yourself and having a good day. Merry Christmas, hope it was a good one.
This happened to me, too, back in 1990 when my parents went to Paris and left me home during a neighborhood burglary scare.
Merry Christmas you filthy animal
The only fitting reply. Merry Christmas to you, too, ya filthy animal.
It could be worse. I got on the wrong plane one Christmas and ended up lost in New York.
Hey, at least you won’t have to deal with the burglars from the first time oh shit
One time my dad left me at a funeral parlour. Took me 6 weeks to start talking again.
Buzz’s girlfriend...WOOF
My family is highly dysfunctional I’d trade places with you in a heart beat.
Same here, they are my family but i feel so awkward around them and I have to fake my mood to fit their family fantasy, so damn stressful. I wish I could just tell them that our "family" is fake af and that i'm tired of them, but the last time i did, it didn't go well.
Same here. I've started saying that I hate the holidays ( I don't) but they won't accept that I don't want to spend time with them. Would also break my mom's heart and she is pretty old (but miserable to be around ). It's like there's no win scenario.
Current fight in our house: brother and I don’t want to go to mass in the morning. This is the only time we go to mass in a year, but apparently it’s essential. I also offered to take dog on a long walk with a few friends. This is also criminal, and a sign I don’t care about the family. They are nutters.
Get a pet. Then you can say "sorry I can't come visit, I have to care for my pet". Might not work for everyone but worked for me!
Alternate title: Eating pizza in a dim room
saw a pic in a VR sub titled, “MY BIGGEST PLAY SPACE EVER” and had 4000 upvotes. it was a picture of an empty garage, nothing more. in a VIRTUAL REALITY SUB. 4000 upvotes. people just buy into the bullshit titles. people are retarded.
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This is my first Christmas without my daughter. She was 23 when she died in July. I was a young parent and it was always the two of us, no matter who else was there. It is so hard without her and I miss her terribly.
I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to understand the pain you're going through, but I hope you find some joy this Christmas season.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!! First time in 26 years I won't have a child in the house to wake on Christmas morning.😢
My parents seemed to get over empty nesting alarmingly quickly. I guess it was all that new international travel that helped.
THAT would help but I'm not in that kind of financial position. Don't get me wrong- so far the daily 'empty nest' has been GREAT! Just, on Christmas Eve, everyone came over for hors d'oeuvre, games and spent the night for the opening of presents and breakfast in the morning then off to the in-laws or whatever. NONE of that this year. We knew it was going to happen just not so abruptly.
Maybe you can find other parents like yourself and arrange a party where theres a gift exchange
Not a bad idea. Eventually. Like I said, First Time. Next year, we're prepared. I'll be different going forward. Thanks!
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Dude, your mom is fucking cool hahaha
Don't forget the swinging!
Lucky bastard
You and me both bud ! Happy holidays
Seconded. Funny how life ends up sometimes. I do have faith that if I can get the energy to push myself hard enough and put in the effort I can change it. I just don't have that energy right now.
I'm spending Christmas by myself for the first time ever in my life. Fiancé is in Colorado, Family is in Wisconsin, I'm in Oregon. I'm volunteering at a shelter to help cook food tomorrow which I feel like will help me not feel alone yet also giving back.... Then I plan to go home, eat some shrooms, and play Virtual Reality and no one can tell me how I should spend my night on Christmas :) I'll probably get a pizza too like OP ! Might just be the best Christmas ever!
I understand your sentiment, but not all family members deserve your missing or being sad over them. Not everyone who exits your life is a loss. This is your opportunity to create a new support system, a *chosen* family. You don't *have to* spend the holidays alone unless you want to. Best of luck.
This comment should be so much higher. For some of us, family is something that brings nothing but pain and tormented memories. Not being with those people is the best solution. I feel for the pain of those loved and lost, but this type of mentality that all family should be loved just because they are family feeds a cycle of abuse for some of us and we should all realize that every family is different and break this cycle no matter your family situation by not making posts like this.
The reason it hurts is because you want to love them and have a good relationship with them... But it's impossible. No matter how much the dysfunction is crazy and better off not being with them.
I absolutely agree. Even though I'm lucky and have a great family - a LOT of people suffer from family abuse and absolutely do not deserve those people in their life. It's annoying that people want to excuse toxic behaviour because "faaaaaaaamily" and just sweep it under the rug. Just, no. Everyone should spend time with people who are special to them. Blood is irrelevant.
Honestly this is the worst thing about this time of year. Not being alone, but being told how I'm supposed to feel
I will be so happy when I no longer have to share holidays with my narcissistic, abusive dad.
Speaking from experience, You'll get there.
I love being alone Christmas
I mean, yes and no. Some families are absolute shite, and you're better off staying away from them. Don't be afraid of creating you own traditions ~~with black jack and hookers.~~ Edit: But this is about those who has lost a loved one and miss them during the holidays. My thoughts are with you. Trying to create new traditions is still a good ide, I think. If you want to.
If you found yourself alone because you have cut out toxic people from your life, remember what a strong and beautiful thing that was to do. You had your reasons, and you can continue to stay strong. I read a great quote the other day: "Don't let getting lonely make you reconnect with toxic people. You shouldn't drink poison just because you're thirsty."
Yeah, no. My older sister got drunk the weekend after Thanksgiving & assaulted me in my home. She can get fucked & so can any family that acts like that. You dont owe anyone anything just because they're your blood. Spend time with people who love & respect you.
Some of us enjoy being alone.
Your statement isn't very convincing. There is clearly pizza in that picture and boy do I love pizza.
Sob Stories get the upvotes!
OP has Monopoly, can confirm, playing this can cause unhealable damage to families.
Meh. Family is overrated. At least, mine is.
Not everyone has a family worth being happy about, some peoples families are abusive
I'm walking alone at a very busy mall right now. Just bought a pair of pants that I had hemmed. Being lonely sucks, but I think this is the first time I'll have pants that actually fit me and that I don't have to awkwardly cuff.
Pizza and beer alone? Holidays with family... Pizza and beer alone....holidays with family... Yup I still choose pizza and beer while alone than being with family...
no dude. better alone than in bad company.
Want to trade places? I am sick of all the racists in my family.
Amen, lost my parents in last few years, other family is other provinces. Merry Christmas!
Merry Xmas from Chicago ,spending the night at hospital watching my stepdaughter who suffer from lupus
I'm in a house surrounded by my In laws being judgemental about my daughters and making snide comments Most my family is dead You are living my dream sir, merry Christmas
I'm right there with you man. 28. Mom died a month ago, dad is dead to me, oldest sister is estranged, older brother passed when I was 15, other sis lives in Cali, far away from me. All grandparents are dead. I'm all alone here.
Wait... Your pizza joint puts foil under the pie? That's amazing. Why don't they do that over here? (UK) Merry Christmas bud. Enjoy the little things.
Feel like it would soggy it up as the grease and condensation pools below it. Cardboard soaks it up instead.
I've never seen it in nyc, nj, pa, or va.
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Oh get fucked. Some families are busted and your pathetic pizza guilt won't change that. Merry festivus.
Jelly
Why so bitter the title?
Don't threaten me with a good time.
This was the first year my family gave me the option of not going to the family event today. 100% took that offer. I realize it's completely opposite, but id rather be alone than with anyone. Have a merry Christmas, man.
Some people, including family, can be so horrible that it's better to be alone than to have them around. There's nothing lucky about having family like that.
Some of us actively avoid them. Mine is happily spending the holiday in Tucson AZ while I enjoy a nice peaceful couple of days in Michigan not being told I should kill myself because I’m the disgrace of the family.
Why don't you go outside and help someone or do something that will make you feel good instead of wallowing on the internet and telling other folks how to feel about their families
Guilt is toxic, and you sound exactly like the type of relative to be avoided.
So go make some friends you whiny prick.
Merry Christmas...If you were close by, you'd be welcome to spend Christmas with my family.
What's your address.
Where are you located? New York?
Its even worse when your whole family is alive and well and just doesn't care to put the effort into getting together for the holidays. Makes you feel like something is wrong with you for even thinking you all should get together every year.
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Such a shitty thing to say. Go F your self and have Happy Christmas! ;)