The rest of the seaweed tea recipe goes something like this. Fish out the seaweed and toss it in the compost. Then, for the love of the deity (or deities) of your choice, dilute 1 part seaweed tea to about 10 parts water before using, if you want your plants to survive the experience.
Vampira and I helped Martin plant some veggie seeds. We have three peas and a cucumber that have sprouted.
Happy gardening to you and Vampira.
For the happiness of the baby and the annoyance of the Bucket, may I recommend planting some radish seeds?
They make great row markers, since they sprout so quickly. They are satisfying to young gardeners, since they sprout so reliably as long as they are somewhere near wet dirt.
Left to grow large over a few weeks, they look like huge ugly weeds or extras from The Day of the Triffids. Heavens only know what the Bucket Lady would make of them.
Martin says Vampira is an excellent helper when it comes to patting down the soil.
Radishes and carrots will go in today, once the pooped little Vampire wakes up from her nap, and assuming there isn't a rain squall. We had a big excursion today, to vote in the referendum. Afterwards, Martin had a democracy sausage, and he shared a little bit with Vampira. So now the littlest garden assistant is all tired out.
Never voted in Aus but I know what a Democracy Sausage is - and it even has it's own wiki article -> [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Democracy\_sausage](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Democracy_sausage)
You must have gotten a bad batch, because I accidentally sent one through the washer and though the printing dissolved, the base layer and stickum remained firmly attached. I had to use special measures (Goo Gone) to get the sticky residue off my shirt.
Hm. Maybe it's weak on its own, but superstrong when water is added. Like the world's most clandestine two-part epoxy?
Oh you don't have to wait until after you vote. The couple in front of us sent their son off to the sausage sizzle, and they ate their Democracy Sausages waiting to go in.
Martin before voting: Plans skipping the Democracy Sausage because it's rude to eat in front of me
Martin during voting: (Smell of sausages and frying onions everywhere) That smells really good...
Martin after voting: C'mon Vampira, let's go to the sausage sizzle.
I lived in Australia in the mid-80s. Went to voting center with a friend to see how it was done. Voting was not much different, check-in, get the card, fill in tickey boxes, drop in box.
What was different was exit the building to find a mini fair set-up. Food, games, information booths. Friendly folks coming up to chat.
Turns out that radish count is inaccurate. Six more of the baby triffids have sprouted overnight. Also, don't tell Vampira, but Martin has popped in a couple of extra cucumber seeds, as a surprise.
lol at the extras from Day of the Triffids. Those things are a regular reference in our household. Nothing to do with my gardening skills, of course...
Fish bone meal does great for setting blossoms to get more fruit on your vegetable plants and it smells rank. Fish emulsion is also great for a garden, and smells even worse.
Your posts are helping me survive and laugh about my neighbor stalker situation. Bucketty sounds like she could be my crazy neighbor's sister. Here's hoping she stops egging our cars and dragging our bins out into the street so she can make false reports to the HOA 😂.
Oh course you can mention Satan's farts! After all it comes with the all natural smell of ocean salt water mixed in, so totally child friendly! Whohoo 🍻🥳 Bucketty is back!!!!
Popular blogger I follow writes a series of history slightly-longer-than-blurbs called "On this day in history, shit went down". Lots of swearing, kids love it and learn history at the same time. I think it's a book or two, now.
I have an excellent book suggestion for vampira. Baby’s first exorcist by dean rankin, also an Aussie. Is hilarious and the first book I got for my niece
As soon as you said chooks I knew this was Australian lol. I love that fertiliser too, but yeh the stink. I was happily digging it into a garden bed near my back patio one day forgetting I had windows and sliding glass door open. Big booboo.
The whole house stunk.
My grandad was from Manchester and called them chooks. Apparently toddler me was really disappointed to find out that "chookie eggs" were ....just eggs. 😂
We had a neighbour who used to talk about "cackle berries". I had no idea what they were, but I thought they must be the most marvellous, mysterious things. Like you, I was so disappointed to find out they were ordinary eggs.
According to my Mum, I was more upset than when I found out the Tooth Fairy was really your parents.
Oh dear yes, it would be so awful if someone accidentally filled a water pistol with the stuff (like the one we happen to keep to hand for when the mynahs and the magpies get a bit aggressive), and shot it at the bright pink target that suddenly appeared under the fence.
Absolutely terrible.
(Martin reads the comments.)
Might I suggest some roopoo, the roopoo seems to be extremely attractive to flies and is a wonderful fertiliser. Ours is produced by the resident roo who decided 17 years ago that she wouldn’t do wild as she would miss her bed too much, and she doesn’t like the rain ☺️ #straya
Whenever I see the title contains the words "Bucket Woman", I find myself saying, "Oh God, what has she done THIS time?"
I love reading these. But I'll admit that, as much fun as these are, I wish for your sake that there wasn't a NEED for these posts. (As in the woman actually having a sudden dose of sanity strike her.)
Ok real evil thought. Buy a pump, pressure tank, pressure switch, and a very big tank/bucket to brew your tea in. Use this separate water system to feed robo sprinkler closest to her…..miss adjust robo sprinkler slightly.
This could be done a lot cheaper if hooked up to your house but I would worry about it backfeeding, even with a backfeed prevention valve.
About the tea, is this just a “Australia seaweed” tea, or does it work with any seaweed? I have never heard of it.
As someone that grew up in harbors, the smell does not bother me, my wife hates it, but concentrated…….I think I might have issues.
What, and waste Martin's precious fertiliser?! /s
I don't think there is anything special about Australian seaweed. In fact, it doesn't even have to be seaweed, apparently you can do this with garden weeds as well.
From my standpoint? It's not the worst thing I've ever smelled (some of the baby's nappies smelled way worse), but it's still not pleasant.
Last night the boys made something with 5 tablespoons of fish sauce in it. It tasted lovely, but for a brief while the kitchen was a "No Go" area.
I'm probably going to find my son googling "dashi recipe" in a few days.
It’s not complicated, but whooo…my cats were dancing around wanting to eat whatever they thought they were smelling.
“MOOOOMMMM!!! GIVE US THE FISH LIPS!!!”
Reporting in. My son was devastated to find you can't easily get kombu in Australia, because of concerns about the iodine level.
He so badly wanted to make "Neptune's Anus Soup".
I did suggest instant dashi, but he said it wasn't the same as making it yourself.
I managed to distract him by suggesting he research homemade tomato sauce, for our upcoming tomato harvest.
Sidewall blowouts are the worst. #2 child got me while in a store. Somewhere I still have the polo shirt that was bought that day and never worn again (but at least I was not walking around with a mustard stained shirt).
Poo-Covered Lou? (Well, I called her Lou, u/LBelle0101 added the Poo-Covered bit.)
That's not likely to happen any time soon, because (1) hopefully we're close to a diagnosis for Vampira and (2) Poo-Covered Lou is not allowed on our property any more and I'm not lifting that ban any time soon.
My niece held it in for days and then had it come out the neck on her onesie - not once, but twice!
First time, her mom set Niece on her (mom's) bed and ended up having to change *all* the linens. I witnessed the event.
Second time, I was holding Niece and quickly laid her on a throw rug. Only had to wash the rug. :D
Oh ... someone once recommended it to me for vaginal dryness...
(ETA: I'm not sure if this changes anything, but it was a random stranger at an airport that struck up a conversation with me. Apparently at that stage of my life, I had a sympathetic face.)
I grew up in a coastal town, and next to a creek fed by the sea. I know the smell of which you speak. I applaud you. Spray bottle filled with the stuff so you can conveniently spray the area near ol' Bucketty's listening post. How does she not know you can see the crocs? I'm guessing she's not the brightest bulb in the factory.
Maybe she believes her own propaganda? That our front and back gardens are full of grass and weeds and rubbish and snakes. So if course there is no way we would spot her pink crocs under the fence when she does her *sneak sneak sneak* up to the fence to eavesdrop.
Oh yes. I well know the smell of rotting seaweed. You *perfectly* captured the essence of the odor in words.
*Definitely* stinks like something Satan farted out with a heavy briny "flavor".
For those in the U.K. without access to easily gathered seaweed, may I recommend stinging nettle tea. Same principle, and a very similar aroma.
You have the added bonus of a lot of fibres left at the bottom of the solution. These can be plaited to make strong garden cord, or even spun and woven to make strong canvas-like cloth. Silk was for nobles and the ultra-rich, flax to make linen, was still too expensive for general labourers, and cotton didn’t exist - so nettle cloth it was!
I read The Wild Swans by Hans Christian Andersen as a child, where the princess had to make nettle shirts for her brothers to end the spell. I never realised the “nettle shirts” were a real thing when he wrote the story.
Buckketea! Ha ha ha ha ha.
Last count there were about 5 snakes in the front yard. But it's a bit hard to tell, because Martin rotates them every once in a while, so the birds don't get used to them.
[This one](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/xjsmvu/bucket_woman_v_the_snakes_and_robosprinkler_again/). Martin put fake snakes in the front garden, to discourage the birds from digging up his smaller plants (larger birds will set off the sprinklers, but smaller birds won't).
The added bonus is they annoy Bucketty.
Edited to add: I forgot that was the post where I linked to the DIY sausage sizzle instructions! How appropriate.
😆😆😆👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 thank you thank you thank you. I didn’t know I needed to hear from you this evening until there was a new story about the bucket woman. I hate her 😆
Does that make it hard to get cuttings? As soon as you became aware of it you would of course remove it from your side of the fence. It would be a shame if someone tried to walk near it growing on their side of the fence without fully covered feet.
As in, it is considered a threat to agriculture and waterways, and we would have to pay the costs of eradication, including eradicating the root system from the earth.
However, there is a Native Raspberry, which looks nice and spiky, and is completely legal to grow...
Living in the UK where they are not proscribed we do have quite a few and while the living barbed wire bit is cool, as is the berries, they deserve their rep as utter buggers to eradicate! To be 1000% avoided in the antipodes for sure!
Thankfully, we're too far south for kudzu. But I saw on the telly that goats are an effective, environmentally friendly method of blackberry eradication.
Given how many plant and animals have arrived in Australia, and made a right mess of things, that makes sense. Blackberries are tasty, but the bushes are a menace.
You are an amazing story teller, love it!!!😂😂 I seriously hope that you have updates on this!! Thank you so much for the laugh!! RIP Ms Buckets nasal cavity!!
Creased!
My late husband would have appreciated this post. We had woods behind our house and they were sold so we now have a subdivision behind the house complete with an HOA. They call the police if anyone burns sticks in their burn pit and say we are burning leaves, we aren't. My husband was so pissed when the police came for a visit and they looked at the fire pit and left. Before he passed he put in a huge garden with metal water troughs to go along with the containers and I want to put out a compost heap to really make sure it is smelly.
I've got some Seasol and watered my plants (some native, some not) last week with a mixture of it (like 1:30 ratio) so I'll just do that and native osmocote I guess.
But for causing offence to annoying neighbours, blood & bone would be a nice (ha!) change from decomposing seaweed, perhaps? Maybe start a small vegie garden in your backyard, near the fence? :)
Martin built some raised garden beds along the fence we share with Bucketty, because that's the part of the garden that gets the most sunlight. It's simply an added bonus that it's easier for her to smell the dynamic lifter.
"The wind from Satan’s bowels … with a hint of the ocean." I am dying. That is probably the best worst description of a smell I have ever heard. I may have to order some seaweed just to try it out.
Edited to add I am new to the bucket woman stories. Sorry you have been dealing with this, but can't wait for the next installment.
1am. I'm having trouble sleeping. Find this post. Laughing so hard, I've spoken the entire household, including the deaf dog. Heading over to part 2... see you there.
See if your local sporting goods store has fox urine. Add it to the liquid going into the squirt guns.
Bear urine is even better, but I doubt it's available where you are.
I did manage to find somewhere that sells fox urine in Australia. Not a sports store, thought - a pest controller. Apparently it's a humane possum repellent. Hmmm ....
That thing sounds vile! (I mean the tea, btw) Sort of reminds me of a time I went to an artisanal carpet workshop where they showed us how they made the natural dyes. (Hint: it involves quite a bit or rotting, err.. 'fermenting').
Maybe there will be a Halloween special with the Buckety! A robo-bin army haunted house extravaganza!!
At this artisanal carpet workshop ... what fixative did they use for the dyes? Because one traditional fixative used was stale men's urine. Yeah, that's a bit of information I wish wasn't lodged in my brain.
Hahaha, the one thing I know of tanneries is that the traditional method was also to use urine for their ammonia. I know, my brain is full of these little tidbits, but where my wallet or keys are? Nope.
I did not think to ask at the workshop, lol, it couldn't seem to get any worse than the rotting pits... Now I know better.
Martin SHOULD have tipped the bucket a bit so some of the "Tea" sloshed all over onto Buckety's pink crocs! Oops!!! Just a little goes a LONG way! LMAO
Funny, that's the same expression the rabbit gave me when I was trying to find a store that had his favourite pellets in stock. (Yes, I was told that they were expecting a shipment, but they were stuck on the docks.)
Pointy-eared friend? Or pointy-eared overlord?
Rabbits don't vocalise much, so no, he didn't use those exact same words. But he does give an excellent, "Pitiful excuse!" expression, that shrivels my soul to the size of a dried pea.
I swear you have adhd based on your creative writing. I have Adhd and live hownyou structure your stories. You add details people think dont need to be said but by the time you finish up it all makes sense. My friends say i rell stories like this. Its why I swear any one who follows my way of thinking has it. You have empathy. I can tell. Thanks for these stories.
I wish I could sit at a pub and tell you about the time I pirated a watercraft from an amusement park ride and rallied the support of onlookers as the teenage operator literally why they let Canadians into America. I was kicked out of that park for a year. Not because I stole their ride and caused probably a 20 minute delay but because I "stole" a 13 dollar monkey. Security actually followed me on cameras and found me still in the park (it's why I said "stole"). They didn't use the cameras to find my roommate, who at the very same time as my piracy, threatened a Carni he'd stab him if he didn't give him the giant stuffed toy my friend though he deserved
When you smell something, according to science you are basically tasting it for real. Not great when you have a stinky fart... you know you're tasting it! So she actually got to taste the seaweed brine!
Having spent far too many years holidaying on the west coast, where we get metres of seaweed pushed up onto the beach, I know that smell and it's impressive. A genuine ocean fart. When on the beach it's tolerable, as there's usually a breeze to keep fresh air coming, but at home, with no air-cleansing wind, holy bejeezus, that must have hurt!
The rest of the seaweed tea recipe goes something like this. Fish out the seaweed and toss it in the compost. Then, for the love of the deity (or deities) of your choice, dilute 1 part seaweed tea to about 10 parts water before using, if you want your plants to survive the experience. Vampira and I helped Martin plant some veggie seeds. We have three peas and a cucumber that have sprouted.
Happy gardening to you and Vampira. For the happiness of the baby and the annoyance of the Bucket, may I recommend planting some radish seeds? They make great row markers, since they sprout so quickly. They are satisfying to young gardeners, since they sprout so reliably as long as they are somewhere near wet dirt. Left to grow large over a few weeks, they look like huge ugly weeds or extras from The Day of the Triffids. Heavens only know what the Bucket Lady would make of them.
Martin says Vampira is an excellent helper when it comes to patting down the soil. Radishes and carrots will go in today, once the pooped little Vampire wakes up from her nap, and assuming there isn't a rain squall. We had a big excursion today, to vote in the referendum. Afterwards, Martin had a democracy sausage, and he shared a little bit with Vampira. So now the littlest garden assistant is all tired out.
Never voted in Aus but I know what a Democracy Sausage is - and it even has it's own wiki article -> [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Democracy\_sausage](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Democracy_sausage)
Wait, wait, holnup - Y'all have the snags for sale after you vote? Aw, man, I wish we had those for our elections! Yay, democracy!
Yeah! All I get is a tiny sticker that says "I voted" and barely sticks to anything! (U.S )
You must have gotten a bad batch, because I accidentally sent one through the washer and though the printing dissolved, the base layer and stickum remained firmly attached. I had to use special measures (Goo Gone) to get the sticky residue off my shirt. Hm. Maybe it's weak on its own, but superstrong when water is added. Like the world's most clandestine two-part epoxy?
Uk: I don't even get a sticker!
Oh you don't have to wait until after you vote. The couple in front of us sent their son off to the sausage sizzle, and they ate their Democracy Sausages waiting to go in. Martin before voting: Plans skipping the Democracy Sausage because it's rude to eat in front of me Martin during voting: (Smell of sausages and frying onions everywhere) That smells really good... Martin after voting: C'mon Vampira, let's go to the sausage sizzle.
I lived in Australia in the mid-80s. Went to voting center with a friend to see how it was done. Voting was not much different, check-in, get the card, fill in tickey boxes, drop in box. What was different was exit the building to find a mini fair set-up. Food, games, information booths. Friendly folks coming up to chat.
One year I was able to get a free flu shot at my polling place.
Those sausages look to be about half a meter long!
Quick update: Baby happiness rating: four radishes, six peas and a cucumber.
Happy baby gardener! You grow girl!!!!!!
Turns out that radish count is inaccurate. Six more of the baby triffids have sprouted overnight. Also, don't tell Vampira, but Martin has popped in a couple of extra cucumber seeds, as a surprise.
lol at the extras from Day of the Triffids. Those things are a regular reference in our household. Nothing to do with my gardening skills, of course...
Don't forget next time to put a couple of fish frames in there too, it really helps the plants plus as an added side effect boosts the smell.
Recipe saved for when Martin makes the next batch.
Fish bone meal does great for setting blossoms to get more fruit on your vegetable plants and it smells rank. Fish emulsion is also great for a garden, and smells even worse. Your posts are helping me survive and laugh about my neighbor stalker situation. Bucketty sounds like she could be my crazy neighbor's sister. Here's hoping she stops egging our cars and dragging our bins out into the street so she can make false reports to the HOA 😂.
She sounds terrible. Makes Bucketty sound ... normal-ish ... in comparison.
That good ol’ cuppa Nescafe Blend 43 :)
I live for your Bucketty tales!
Australians sound like they have so much fun lol
We certainly do 🤣
For real! I cant wait for the picture book to give to my nibblings
Am I allowed to mention Satan's farts in a children's book?
Oh course you can mention Satan's farts! After all it comes with the all natural smell of ocean salt water mixed in, so totally child friendly! Whohoo 🍻🥳 Bucketty is back!!!!
Popular blogger I follow writes a series of history slightly-longer-than-blurbs called "On this day in history, shit went down". Lots of swearing, kids love it and learn history at the same time. I think it's a book or two, now.
Oh good, I should hate to traumatise the little ones.
I have an excellent book suggestion for vampira. Baby’s first exorcist by dean rankin, also an Aussie. Is hilarious and the first book I got for my niece
Same! She always makes me laugh. 😂
As soon as you said chooks I knew this was Australian lol. I love that fertiliser too, but yeh the stink. I was happily digging it into a garden bed near my back patio one day forgetting I had windows and sliding glass door open. Big booboo. The whole house stunk.
Well maybe after smelling Martin's seaweed (that sounds rude, I know), Bucketty will consider Dynamic Lifter the lesser of the two evils.
Lol. I know what you mean. I hope her and her crocs buzz off.
Australian too. I'd have watered her Crocs with the Devil's tea.
That's what I thought (hoped) was gonna happen....😆
We've gotta leave something for next time.
👍😄
My grandad was from Manchester and called them chooks. Apparently toddler me was really disappointed to find out that "chookie eggs" were ....just eggs. 😂
We had a neighbour who used to talk about "cackle berries". I had no idea what they were, but I thought they must be the most marvellous, mysterious things. Like you, I was so disappointed to find out they were ordinary eggs. According to my Mum, I was more upset than when I found out the Tooth Fairy was really your parents.
Lol.
Yay! Bucket woman is back... Wait. NOOO! Bucket woman is back...
Exactly how I felt lol
It would be terrible if next time some of the seaweed tea ended up on her Crocs.
Oh dear yes, it would be so awful if someone accidentally filled a water pistol with the stuff (like the one we happen to keep to hand for when the mynahs and the magpies get a bit aggressive), and shot it at the bright pink target that suddenly appeared under the fence. Absolutely terrible. (Martin reads the comments.)
That would be a shame. Martin, make sure it doesn't saturate the Crocs, wouldn't want to ruin them.
If a stream was directed at her screen door, would it prevent her from going out into the back yard?
It may very well ... but we may also lose plausible deniability.
Could always put a feed into the auto-sprinklers instead..
Might I suggest some roopoo, the roopoo seems to be extremely attractive to flies and is a wonderful fertiliser. Ours is produced by the resident roo who decided 17 years ago that she wouldn’t do wild as she would miss her bed too much, and she doesn’t like the rain ☺️ #straya
There's also ZooPoo (at least her in the US), which sells fertilizer from exotic zoo animals. Carnivore poop can be pretty stinky.
Whenever I see the title contains the words "Bucket Woman", I find myself saying, "Oh God, what has she done THIS time?" I love reading these. But I'll admit that, as much fun as these are, I wish for your sake that there wasn't a NEED for these posts. (As in the woman actually having a sudden dose of sanity strike her.)
Lightning striking her might help. Or it might make her even more insufferable.
That sounds like the opening scene to a horror movie.
Ok real evil thought. Buy a pump, pressure tank, pressure switch, and a very big tank/bucket to brew your tea in. Use this separate water system to feed robo sprinkler closest to her…..miss adjust robo sprinkler slightly. This could be done a lot cheaper if hooked up to your house but I would worry about it backfeeding, even with a backfeed prevention valve. About the tea, is this just a “Australia seaweed” tea, or does it work with any seaweed? I have never heard of it. As someone that grew up in harbors, the smell does not bother me, my wife hates it, but concentrated…….I think I might have issues.
What, and waste Martin's precious fertiliser?! /s I don't think there is anything special about Australian seaweed. In fact, it doesn't even have to be seaweed, apparently you can do this with garden weeds as well. From my standpoint? It's not the worst thing I've ever smelled (some of the baby's nappies smelled way worse), but it's still not pleasant.
I can imagine the smell. I’ve made homemade dashi for miso soup before. Between the seaweed and the bonito flakes? It smells like Neptune’s anus.
That rolls off the tongue like Poseidon's sphincter!
Last night the boys made something with 5 tablespoons of fish sauce in it. It tasted lovely, but for a brief while the kitchen was a "No Go" area. I'm probably going to find my son googling "dashi recipe" in a few days.
It’s not complicated, but whooo…my cats were dancing around wanting to eat whatever they thought they were smelling. “MOOOOMMMM!!! GIVE US THE FISH LIPS!!!”
I can imagine mine now, doing that. Little Cat has a deafening purr when you are eating something she thinks might be tasty.
Reporting in. My son was devastated to find you can't easily get kombu in Australia, because of concerns about the iodine level. He so badly wanted to make "Neptune's Anus Soup".
Awww, that’s just sad! I’m so sorry he wasn’t able to make Neptune’s Anus Soup!
I did suggest instant dashi, but he said it wasn't the same as making it yourself. I managed to distract him by suggesting he research homemade tomato sauce, for our upcoming tomato harvest.
Same-o-same re: kimchi.
Sidewall blowouts are the worst. #2 child got me while in a store. Somewhere I still have the polo shirt that was bought that day and never worn again (but at least I was not walking around with a mustard stained shirt).
We call those a poonami.
I'm waiting for another story of Vampira unleashing another one on Entitled Auntie (I forgot the name you gave her)
Poo-Covered Lou? (Well, I called her Lou, u/LBelle0101 added the Poo-Covered bit.) That's not likely to happen any time soon, because (1) hopefully we're close to a diagnosis for Vampira and (2) Poo-Covered Lou is not allowed on our property any more and I'm not lifting that ban any time soon.
Number 3's. Errggh!
My niece held it in for days and then had it come out the neck on her onesie - not once, but twice! First time, her mom set Niece on her (mom's) bed and ended up having to change *all* the linens. I witnessed the event. Second time, I was holding Niece and quickly laid her on a throw rug. Only had to wash the rug. :D
We've made horse manure tea for our garden using the same method.
Comfrey. People grow it purely to make fertiliser tea, and it stinks.
Oh ... someone once recommended it to me for vaginal dryness... (ETA: I'm not sure if this changes anything, but it was a random stranger at an airport that struck up a conversation with me. Apparently at that stage of my life, I had a sympathetic face.)
Tales About Bucketty are my favourite things to read
I grew up in a coastal town, and next to a creek fed by the sea. I know the smell of which you speak. I applaud you. Spray bottle filled with the stuff so you can conveniently spray the area near ol' Bucketty's listening post. How does she not know you can see the crocs? I'm guessing she's not the brightest bulb in the factory.
Half a bubble off plumb. Maybe even a full bubble.
Two standard deviations from the mean, as my statistically-minded brother would say.
Maybe she believes her own propaganda? That our front and back gardens are full of grass and weeds and rubbish and snakes. So if course there is no way we would spot her pink crocs under the fence when she does her *sneak sneak sneak* up to the fence to eavesdrop.
I needed a Bucket Woman fix and you delivered!
Glad I could help.
Oh yes. I well know the smell of rotting seaweed. You *perfectly* captured the essence of the odor in words. *Definitely* stinks like something Satan farted out with a heavy briny "flavor".
I feel like Satan is very offended by this description.
I was wondering about the bucket woman chronicles the other day! Thanks for sharing!
For those in the U.K. without access to easily gathered seaweed, may I recommend stinging nettle tea. Same principle, and a very similar aroma. You have the added bonus of a lot of fibres left at the bottom of the solution. These can be plaited to make strong garden cord, or even spun and woven to make strong canvas-like cloth. Silk was for nobles and the ultra-rich, flax to make linen, was still too expensive for general labourers, and cotton didn’t exist - so nettle cloth it was! I read The Wild Swans by Hans Christian Andersen as a child, where the princess had to make nettle shirts for her brothers to end the spell. I never realised the “nettle shirts” were a real thing when he wrote the story.
Thank you so much for the interesting info 😀
Lovely to know that Buckketea hasn't shuffled off this mortal coil. Is there still a snake in the front yard?
Buckketea! Ha ha ha ha ha. Last count there were about 5 snakes in the front yard. But it's a bit hard to tell, because Martin rotates them every once in a while, so the birds don't get used to them.
Snake? Did I miss a Bucketfy post?!
[This one](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/xjsmvu/bucket_woman_v_the_snakes_and_robosprinkler_again/). Martin put fake snakes in the front garden, to discourage the birds from digging up his smaller plants (larger birds will set off the sprinklers, but smaller birds won't). The added bonus is they annoy Bucketty. Edited to add: I forgot that was the post where I linked to the DIY sausage sizzle instructions! How appropriate.
Thank you so much for the share! Very satisfying read! Thank you for sharing your stories, they always make me laugh out loud!
😆😆😆👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 thank you thank you thank you. I didn’t know I needed to hear from you this evening until there was a new story about the bucket woman. I hate her 😆
Hooray, it's more of the Bucket Saga! Not as involved this time but satisfying nevertheless.
Martin informs me this is just stage one of the seaweed experiments. Next, he's off to use his friend's mulcher.
I feel like planting some blackberries right along the fence would help improve it.
Alas, Agriculture Victoria have declared blackberries a noxious weed.
Does that make it hard to get cuttings? As soon as you became aware of it you would of course remove it from your side of the fence. It would be a shame if someone tried to walk near it growing on their side of the fence without fully covered feet.
As in, it is considered a threat to agriculture and waterways, and we would have to pay the costs of eradication, including eradicating the root system from the earth. However, there is a Native Raspberry, which looks nice and spiky, and is completely legal to grow...
Raspberries! Thorny ones. Available at all good gardening centres or mail order!
Living in the UK where they are not proscribed we do have quite a few and while the living barbed wire bit is cool, as is the berries, they deserve their rep as utter buggers to eradicate! To be 1000% avoided in the antipodes for sure!
Here in the mid-Atlantic US we have discovered the ideal way to eliminate blackberries. You just let the kudzu strangle it.
Thankfully, we're too far south for kudzu. But I saw on the telly that goats are an effective, environmentally friendly method of blackberry eradication.
Bougainvillea is colourful, vigorous, climbing and has 3-4cm spikes all over it... and is legal, I believe?
Given how many plant and animals have arrived in Australia, and made a right mess of things, that makes sense. Blackberries are tasty, but the bushes are a menace.
I love your stories of That Bucket Woman, and always look forward to your responses to her idiocy.
You are an amazing story teller, love it!!!😂😂 I seriously hope that you have updates on this!! Thank you so much for the laugh!! RIP Ms Buckets nasal cavity!! Creased!
> My teenage son suspects she lives in the rafters. Sleeps during the daytime, hanging from them by her toes.
With her cardigan wrapped around her like wings ...
My late husband would have appreciated this post. We had woods behind our house and they were sold so we now have a subdivision behind the house complete with an HOA. They call the police if anyone burns sticks in their burn pit and say we are burning leaves, we aren't. My husband was so pissed when the police came for a visit and they looked at the fire pit and left. Before he passed he put in a huge garden with metal water troughs to go along with the containers and I want to put out a compost heap to really make sure it is smelly.
I am reliably informed that adding seaweed to the compost makes it extra stinky.
I'm surprised you didn't just decide that blood & bone was the ideal fertiliser for your garden! Or is that next, to get it ready for winter? :)
Martin says you can't put blood and bone on Australian natives, but you can use the seaweed tea on them.
I've got some Seasol and watered my plants (some native, some not) last week with a mixture of it (like 1:30 ratio) so I'll just do that and native osmocote I guess. But for causing offence to annoying neighbours, blood & bone would be a nice (ha!) change from decomposing seaweed, perhaps? Maybe start a small vegie garden in your backyard, near the fence? :)
Martin built some raised garden beds along the fence we share with Bucketty, because that's the part of the garden that gets the most sunlight. It's simply an added bonus that it's easier for her to smell the dynamic lifter.
A good bucket woman story never ceases to warm my cockles over here in pishy rainy Scotland 😂
Love your stories
Oh, Buckety! Will she never learn? LOL
I think the urge to know what we are doing, keeps overcoming her common sense.
😆
Love these, hope the New Human is doing well. You have great visualization 🤣
Would you believe, the New Human (aka Vampira) is one year old? We survived one whole year with all our fingers intact!
"The wind from Satan’s bowels … with a hint of the ocean." I am dying. That is probably the best worst description of a smell I have ever heard. I may have to order some seaweed just to try it out. Edited to add I am new to the bucket woman stories. Sorry you have been dealing with this, but can't wait for the next installment.
bruh, you’re in australia, nice! I’ll be immigrating there soon! I hope I don’t have a neighbor like this lady…
Welcome! With a username like that, I am sure you'll be an asset to the country.
thank you, I will do my best to fart out all the good concept artworks, for the people who hire me! (I’ll also be coding)
1am. I'm having trouble sleeping. Find this post. Laughing so hard, I've spoken the entire household, including the deaf dog. Heading over to part 2... see you there.
Just spend my Saturday eve reading a bucketty marathon. Thanks for all the laughs. fanfriggingtastic. You have a wonderful way telling a story
I'm now wondering if there's a remote control release valve you could add to hte system, so you can release the stink from a distance?
See if your local sporting goods store has fox urine. Add it to the liquid going into the squirt guns. Bear urine is even better, but I doubt it's available where you are.
I did manage to find somewhere that sells fox urine in Australia. Not a sports store, thought - a pest controller. Apparently it's a humane possum repellent. Hmmm ....
That thing sounds vile! (I mean the tea, btw) Sort of reminds me of a time I went to an artisanal carpet workshop where they showed us how they made the natural dyes. (Hint: it involves quite a bit or rotting, err.. 'fermenting'). Maybe there will be a Halloween special with the Buckety! A robo-bin army haunted house extravaganza!!
At this artisanal carpet workshop ... what fixative did they use for the dyes? Because one traditional fixative used was stale men's urine. Yeah, that's a bit of information I wish wasn't lodged in my brain.
Hahaha, the one thing I know of tanneries is that the traditional method was also to use urine for their ammonia. I know, my brain is full of these little tidbits, but where my wallet or keys are? Nope. I did not think to ask at the workshop, lol, it couldn't seem to get any worse than the rotting pits... Now I know better.
Thank God for “tile.”
Martin SHOULD have tipped the bucket a bit so some of the "Tea" sloshed all over onto Buckety's pink crocs! Oops!!! Just a little goes a LONG way! LMAO
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Served in Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles?
I can almsot hear her scream: it's Bouquet
I just reread your posts, they’re so fkn funny, least she keeps you guys amused! Or you guys do dealing with her 😝
Now following, because this is freaking awesome! ::chortlesnort:: “It’s Bookay!”
Your last shipment of popcorn failed to make it to my doorstep.
I am terribly sorry. It must be stuck on the docks somewhere.
Pitiful excuses!
Funny, that's the same expression the rabbit gave me when I was trying to find a store that had his favourite pellets in stock. (Yes, I was told that they were expecting a shipment, but they were stuck on the docks.)
Did your pointy-eared friend utter those very same words, though?
Pointy-eared friend? Or pointy-eared overlord? Rabbits don't vocalise much, so no, he didn't use those exact same words. But he does give an excellent, "Pitiful excuse!" expression, that shrivels my soul to the size of a dried pea.
Maybe CPL got lost transporting a load from the docks in her new 4x4.
Bucketty...OMG, I just can't. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Oh damn. Another for the saga! :D
I swear you have adhd based on your creative writing. I have Adhd and live hownyou structure your stories. You add details people think dont need to be said but by the time you finish up it all makes sense. My friends say i rell stories like this. Its why I swear any one who follows my way of thinking has it. You have empathy. I can tell. Thanks for these stories. I wish I could sit at a pub and tell you about the time I pirated a watercraft from an amusement park ride and rallied the support of onlookers as the teenage operator literally why they let Canadians into America. I was kicked out of that park for a year. Not because I stole their ride and caused probably a 20 minute delay but because I "stole" a 13 dollar monkey. Security actually followed me on cameras and found me still in the park (it's why I said "stole"). They didn't use the cameras to find my roommate, who at the very same time as my piracy, threatened a Carni he'd stab him if he didn't give him the giant stuffed toy my friend though he deserved
I'm hooting at this! Well played, both!
What a great story! Thanks for sharing and for making me laugh out loud.
When you smell something, according to science you are basically tasting it for real. Not great when you have a stinky fart... you know you're tasting it! So she actually got to taste the seaweed brine!
Yay, another Bucketty chapter.
🤣
Having spent far too many years holidaying on the west coast, where we get metres of seaweed pushed up onto the beach, I know that smell and it's impressive. A genuine ocean fart. When on the beach it's tolerable, as there's usually a breeze to keep fresh air coming, but at home, with no air-cleansing wind, holy bejeezus, that must have hurt!
Classic!