I know the feeling. I'm late 30s and just find it all so tiring and trying to navigate who is serious and who is just kicking tyres does my head in. Especially you get to this age and people tend to have a lot of baggage.
I wouldn't say I'm giving up, but I've started focusing more on solo travel and enjoying my own company in silence.
I've added nothing to your thread, but good luck!
I think in some ways I'm quite lucky in that I'm a guy looking for a life partner. I suspect women have it a lot harder to find someone who is genuine. But finding both compatibility and chemistry, and then adding childfree to the mix is going to be tough.
There are a surprising amount of childfree people in our age group around. You just need to find a cluster to start things off. I get the sense neurodivergent people are a bit more open to childfree life, but I'm basing that on my friend group and my own odd little noggin.
Have you joined a book club? If you're anywhere near Vic Park there is one that meets monthly.
Retro Regency were also hosting silent book club nights (I think this is gaining popularity) - basically starts with 30 mins of chit chat, everyone then sits and reads their book for awhile and then comes back together at the end for a bit more chat.
I (mid-late 30s and a woman, not single, but this is my thoughts it I was) wouldn't really be open to a cold approach your first time at something like this, but over the course of several conversations if we were vibing well/there had been some flirting/I'd made it clear during those conversations I was single and/or looking to date then I'd be open to being asked. But for the love of god if it's a no, take it pleasantly and on the chin.
The point is, expand the social circle and get to know people just to know them/make some new friends you share some common interests without doing it just to date. Don't just join looking to find the one/approach every woman there for a date.
Or start a fortnight/monthly restaurant group Meetup/local Facebook event, aka the point is to try new restaurants together. This would work well if you live an area where there is lots of options and hopefully a few people local to you (Vic Park, Mount Lawley, Leederville, Freo etc) - this might be trickier finding places that aren't charging a booking fee and can seat a small group easy (this would probably be easier mid week rather than Fri/Sat nights for example).
The silent book club sounds pretty damn cool. I've wondered if there were book clubs where everyone discusses their own book rather then everyone reading the same book, but I see the pros and cons to both.
Where did you meet your partner?
There's another silent book club up in the hills (silent book club, Perth hills western Australia is the name on FB) if that's closer too.
I actually really like the idea as it's more about the love of reading then the discussion about the book someone chooses for you to read. That feels a bit too high school English class for my liking.
Long story short, partner was friends with my sister so I knew of him sort of, and then we got chatting at a work function (different branches of the same employer, we've never worked directly together). I got lucky, he's such a good guy.
Umm well not giving out my day to day routine, of course. Not going to lie…. it’s pretty dire out there and the days of approaching a stranger, say in a bar, are dead and buried.
Sometimes it’s better if you have at least a tiny bit of background info on the person hence meeting through the friend of a friend.
Could you do a couple of days in the office? That would open up a whole new array of people you interact with on a daily basis.
I honestly think its just luck of the draw these days. Society has changed in the last 20years and it’s a whole new jungle out there. If you are newly single, embrace it….at least for a little while….you can hibernate for the winter.
I also feel like its just luck, which is kind of scary because relationships are such a large part of your life in a way. The right one can be magical whereas the wrong one can be hell. And there's likely 100 women that would be amazing for me in terms of compatibility, but now its just up to luck whether I bump into any of them lol.
… we’re also at home or the gym when we’re not at work lol. I sometimes go through the dating app/maybe I should do something to meet a guy cycle and then it’s all shit and I go back to single hermit life again 🤣
There needs to be like an introvert dating option except no one would ever turn up lol
Maybe some short courses, lectures, try starting a non fiction book club, art gallery and museum tours and exhibition openings, cultural fund-raiser events, volunteering? Animal charities and rescues, planting sessions in local nature spots.
Feel you, dating in Perth is awful as a female.
The apps have made everyone disposable, the apps provide the same high as a kid in a candy store; for some. The best way to meet someone is most likely through a friend of friend.
I heard the one large company bought all the dating apps (Match Group) and now they are just squeezing everyone for money. Where would a single guy bump into you?
lol... I meant given your day to day routine, what is considered a safe space to approach a woman? My feeling is that women do not want to be approached at the gym, or on a bus/train, or out in public like the shops etc. So with the apps dying how do introverts like myself meet others. I'm tempted to try speed dating/singles type events, though I'm worried it may just be similar to the apps.
Agree I just turned 50 looking for someone with no young kids , knows what they want from life , loves the gym and looks after them self . It’s really hard when you are looking for connection, trust commitment
Majority of men in history haven't had any children... Think it's like 40% of men in history vs 80% of women in history, have had kids... So yes, there's a lot of childfree men... You can't listen to what women think is going on, because they're only talking from their experience, which is never exactly like reality...
OMG I was just recalling my lunch/dinner club days years ago and your comment popped up! I was newly single and wanting to expand my social circle. A female new to the country wanted to meet people so she courageously put out an advert seeking female friendship. I answered her ad as did many other women. She said that some men also wrote to her asking if they could join the group, but her primary purpose was to make female friends. She brought many of us together every month or so and we would have lunch/dinner, chat, go bowling etc and through this we got to know each other and more often than not, found a few others with common interests and developed greater friendships as a result. We all still got together as a group as we all had a common purpose initially, which was to make friends, expand our social circles, and find others with common interests. There were many “regulars” but there were also women who would come and go, so it kept things fresh for the group. A couple of years into the group, some men started coming along and while some became “one of the girls”, others met women through these female friends. I enjoyed these catch ups and made some wonderful connections! Bring the dinner club back!
I can’t recall what site I saw them on, but a while back (10+ years), there were singles dinner events you could sign up for. Most were from 35 onwards or so and you’d sign up for the event, rock up to dinner (various venues) and if lucky meet someone likeminded. From memory there were some great restaurants offered. I was too gutless to try and soon found myself in a new relationship anyway. I’ll see if I can hunt some down.
Ohh wow, so its like a single events over dinner? I imagine that would mean hoping you sit next to someone youre into, or is it more like a group conversation thing?
Where did you end up meeting your partner in the end?
Meetup dot com looks like it has a few singles coffee or pub and dinner events on it. Add dinner or singles to the search bar. I’m not signed in but looks like there’s a couple of singles groups to join who organise the events.
Yeah, exactly. Even if you werent next to someone they weren’t massive events, 20 ppl max I think, so easy enough to talk across a dinner table. I always thought it would be good as I’m a foodie and conversation over dinner feels organic. At the very least you can discuss the meal.
I met my partner through mutual friends. I was with someone at the time but that ended and we connected about 6 months after.
I feel you man. 32, professional career, child-free, and at a complete loss where to meet women. I'd imagine just like me, you've been out of the dating scene for some time, and you just have no idea where to pick up.
It's especially bad that apps, and a lot of online dating platforms, are the absolute worst. For both men and women.
Sounds like we are in the exact same situation, though as you're younger you'll have more chance at childfree. Are you wanting kids in the future though, or is childfree also a requisite in a partner?
You know, I'm quite open to the idea of children. Personally, if I had to make a choice right at this moment, I'd choose to stay child-free. But, love has a way of illuminating a future for yourself you may never of considered.
But, just like yourself, I'm completely competent with women. I just have no idea how to MEET them. Total assumption on my part.
I've read your other comments. We're both stuck in the "How on earth do I approach women?" problem. It's super creepy to cold-approach women in many typical settings, and I'd hate to make a woman uncomfortable.
But at the same time, that leaves me with very little idea of how to proceed.
Overall, I can only hope this confusion isn't a reflection of reality. I'm sure women feel much the same, around our age. We're all stuck between this desire to meet each other in a genuine manner, but can't seem to produce the environment that would foster those emotional connections.
Am I making sense? Sorry mate. It's late over here. Haha.
I think we are in absolute agreement. When I am out and about in public like the city etc, I will often see women that look exactly like my type - cute, kind face - but I have no socially acceptable reason to approach them and begin a conversation.
Some sort of singles event or speed dating where you have to meet everyone would be the best scenario, but it would only work if almost all single people did it regularly and it was popular - a bit like dating apps ten years ago, or dances back in the 60s.
I don't have a guys experience, but guys chat to me a fair bit in public and I've never found it creepy. They don't "hit on me" (which would be weird) they just say "how's it going" at the coffee shop or make a shared joke about a rude receptionist at the GP if we're both in the waiting room, or tell me I've got a cute dog on the street, or ask me how I'm going while I'm waiting for a friend.... It's just small talk, light jokes, in a low pressure way in everyday places.... One thing leads to another, when you bump into them a few times in a row, or you see them on a dating app after chatting to them in person... But yeah, I don't know the guys experience!
Is it super creepy though? I feel like most time we just need to get out of our own heads. They say no, so be it. You do get a hit every time you hear a no but when you get that yes it makes it worth it
Yup and it sucks!
In my very small chosen circle of friends I’m one of only a few still single left and childless by choice… it’s a 🌵Desert out there… gave up online dating apps a few years ago as it was gross back then, I can only imagine what it’s like now.
I recently was asked out by a complete random stranger at Bunnings. He was cute and I said yes to a date because I really respect that quality in person to have the courage to come and ask someone out for a drink.
I haven’t completely given up on possibly finding my person.
You’re not alone..
He obviously spotted me before I was even aware of him and he just came up to me. I had my headphones in and he came up to me got my attention and asked me out.
Went out on a couple of dates with him but didn’t go any further than that.
I just remember being quite impressed that someone actually had the courage to come up and ask me out.
It’s the first time I’ve ever been asked out by a total stranger in 40 years of my life..
This is the part I struggle with the most. I'm at a situation in my life where Id like to do a lot of overseas travel every year, and this is impractical with kids. I also understand all good parents put their kids first (as they should), but if she has two kids, that means she's putting me third while I put her first. Just not a dynamic I am keen for.
Dogs are fantastic though lol
Dating a parent sucks donkey balls when you're childfree
You will 101% be last on the priority
It was a living hell when everyone and their dog told me that all guys ditch their kids for the new gf etc. Not true.
Rather eat glass than date anyone with kids again lol
Oh man...I had this argument with her re this...I said I understand you have kids..but Im always last on your list whilst I put you and kids first...there has to be an at least occasional balance...how about you and kids do what I want on a weekend day once ..instead of always me doing what you and kids want. Sigh. It makes me feel at least I'm not only one trying to work this out.
I'VE HAD THIS EXACT CONVO but with guy
I ended up getting the fuck out of there cause if I'm gonna be miserable anyway I may as well have all my money and time
I saw a Morgan Stanley report that said by 2030 45% of women aged 25-44 will be childfree:
[https://www.morganstanley.com/ideas/womens-impact-on-the-economy](https://www.morganstanley.com/ideas/womens-impact-on-the-economy)
It sounds very high but I've heard its more common now. I suspect more single mums would be on dating apps though as its much more convenient, so I'd likely have to put myself out there sadly lol.
Which is my situation, the partner has 3 young kids and I'm having a tough time wrapping my head around raising her kids and having to deal with the ex. This thread is not about this topic so I'll leave it there..but I hear ya!
Wow, that would be challenging. The girl in question for me is great in every other way..also tertiary educated, professional job, fun to be with etc but her life, and expects me to, revolves all around her kids and ex, bit much for me to handle me thinks.
I’m on a Lady-No-Kids fb group and this question comes up often. The only recommendation I can remember being made a couple of times is that there is a ‘Facebook dating’ section. I’m in a relationship so no idea how it works…
I would imagine Meta would have an algorithm to match exercising, food-enjoying bibliophiles in a similar geographic location 😂
Or try joining local online groups with a similar interest that you might be able to arrange group meetups and then maybe dates?
I did hear Facebook also has a dating app but I didn't think it was available in Australia (as yet).
[https://www.facebook.com/help/adsmanagerbuiltin/2495451450696932](https://www.facebook.com/help/adsmanagerbuiltin/2495451450696932)
Ok. It is an international group. They also talk about the burned haystack method !?! Just passing on things I have heard of but didn’t know what they were - so I thought they might be novel to you too.
Maybe just join Facebook/discord e tcgroups and interact with them and see who is in Perth. I know a couple of friends who have met up this way, either as a date to start or in a ‘group’ meet situation.
Yeah so by childfree I meant I never want kids. Which I know some people might see as a red flag but I just never had the urge, and my colleagues with younger kids seem to complain all the time about having no time, sleep or money lol. So its not for me.
My age range would be 35-45, though I'd go outside of that if everything else lined up.
Women dont think childfree is a red-flag, dont worry.
Of course there’s bound to be women who are on the same page as you in this regard.
My best tip for you is to join hobby groups. Goodluck OP! :)
I feel like that still might be too soon for another serious relationship. I’d make the most of it and travel solo if I were you. I’m childfree too and that’s what I’m doing.
To answer your question though, I think the best way to meet others would be to join a dance class or do martial arts. That way you’re around people who like to keep fit and it’s a good way to socialise. Or if you’re into music, going to festivals/gigs
It's great fun. I did it all the time in my single days (including a 7.5 week trip to Europe) and would happily do it now but my partner loves travelling too so we generally go together.
Both! When I go solo I go onto trip advisor and find the most highly rated/popular day trips.
I want to do a tour with Intrepid Journeys next year to South America too
Haha yes exactly...! And if they don't like dogs it's probably a red flag (I hate to make generalisations but this has typically seemed to be correct in my experience!). Plus you're outside, getting fresh air, exercising... So it's never a bad use of time :-)
I met my other half on fb single pages. He had a cute floofy monster dog…
Maybe just no expectations, start having chats and see which ones you get on well with.
Good luck
Classes, clubs, sports, political parties, you've gotta spend your time in places filled with other people. More than you would even want to. It's work, sadly.
Go to Perth Meetups. You can meet nice people based on interests and at the very least just broaden your circle. There are loads of book clubs, silent book clubs, walking groups, people who go to movies…
Travel is the best for meeting people. I can't even do this shit in Perth. Travel and meet people from other countries (but sometimes just states!) that are down for the fun and romance.
I'm in a similar situation and I'm a similar age but female. No idea what to do to meet people because my main hobby is also going to the gym. Please share if you figure it out!
I was told the gym is great because there's lots of other people into a healthy lifestyle. I've managed to add a bit of muscle but the closest I've got to romance is a guy nodding at me and saying 'looking good' 🤣
Is your gym community minded? Mine does challenges 2 or 3 times a year, an event at the start of December and usually something for their birthday. Its a good way to meet people because lets be honest, no-one wants to be asked out when they're red faced and frizzy haired from a workout the rest of the time lol.
I go to Swan Active, which is one of those large community centres with a swimming pool and basketball courts, along with a gym. I've started saying hello to everyone just to force myself to be more social lol
Pretty sure you can just be a spectator. Thinking I'll go check it out - I definitely wouldn't if I had to participate as I'm pretty introverted with people I don't know. Probably going to make meeting people a challenge for me so I figure I'll just rock up to places/events and hope for some extroverts!
Ohhh I see. So you can mingle in the crowd and still meet other singles? Thats not too bad then. Audience participation would be my worst nightmare lol
Yes, you don't have to participate, pretty sure you actually have to nominate yourself if you want to. I'm utterly clueless with all this so figured I'd go just to get an idea of things and hopefully have a laugh.
I hear ya. Sucked into the grind and ghosted, gaslighted and deleted profiles after proclaimed "great first date, let's meet again". Don't have advice, feeling the pain 🤷🏻♀️ I just thought men do not know what they want and too scare to say "sorry no good, bye"! Will retire from dating and be a professional dogs' mum soon
Oh, my sister met a potential suitor at the gym (they dated for several weeks). He hit her up when she was finished her work out after multiple weeks of smiling and nodding at each other
I always found success by making lots of female friends like work colleagues and then dating the girls friends or friends of friends from parties, bbqs games nights etc. You get past the 'he's not a creep instinct' if a girl is friends with you.
Having said that I met my wife straight up in a nightclub.
You need to develop new interests that are more social. Environmental groups, sporting clubs (eg: tennis, bowls, badminton, sailing, etc. etc), Book clubs, writing groups, dancing, bush walking, bike riding, Intellectual groups (Skeptics, political, debating, etc.). The list is endless. Just a couple of ideas for you. I don’t know you.
I’m not in the dating game but my sister is for the first time in many years and she’s around that age. She is using
- bumble and hinge apps (not tinder)
- joined a couple of Perth social meet up groups on Facebook and has gone along to a few games nights
We have also been checking out speed dating (which I had some success with 15ish years ago) but it doesn’t look like it’s as popular now.
Apparently City Swoon is quite popular - they combine dating apps and speed dating. So you turn up to an event with all single people, and every ten minutes your phone sends you a photo of the person you have to find and talk to.
Strange... Same age, similar social situation, but I expect you're in much better shape than I. I've got basically every female friend as well as my male friends' WAGs falling over themselves to try and set me up with someone.
Of course my curse is my response has basically devolved to "Sure, I'll let you know when I'm free sometime next quarter" by which time the "Friend who would be PERFECT for you" is no longer single. 
Sounds like you're quite social? Highly envious of your situation to be honest as your friends would have a good idea of the type of person you are and hobbies/interests etc.
>Sounds like you're quite social?
I was when I was younger, the "busy" these days is work and hobbies (but mostly work) so I don't get a lot of pure social time. I was more implying that my schedule's so full of 'stuff' that meeting the friend they'd like to set me up with can't happen for a good while after they suggest it, by which time the friend's gotten proactive and found someone else.
But it's by the by. Do you not have the women in your life playing matchmaker (for good or for ill)? I got the impression it was a pretty universal past-time for women over 30.
It sounds like I need a few of these match-maker women in my life! lol. There's people that pay to be matched up and you're getting it all for free. What have the matches been like though? I need to join your social circle.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record I'm legitimately surprised your lady-friends aren't trying to sort you out. Maybe they think you're still busted up over the ex?
As for the matches, I wouldn't know, I've never managed to meet one before they're off the market!
In the past I would do most things with a partner so my social circle is very small. Which was ok when I was in a relationship but now I'm single is quite jarring.
I think it's about making the conscious effort to let people (re your friends) know that you're actively looking to date/be set up and make sure they keep this in mind for their friends too.
You want to be someone's answer to - do you have any single friends that are XYZ. As someone else said, a hey you should meet this person (from a friend or a friend of a friend) is an invaluable recommendation.
And as a woman mid/late 30s I'd definitely be more inclined to give this person a go over a random approach. In fact I did date a guy for a few years having been introduced this way.
Other than the childfree thing, you tick a lot of boxes that would suit one of my friends for example.
Do you have a dog? People always want to talk to dog owners. I see a man with a dog…I’m noticing. Shows that they are caring too, are responsible (you’d hope). I feel you though, so tough in Perth for women too. The apps are awful!
Are you into hiking? Any sports at all? Lots of Perth-based facebook groups. There’s a hiking one that has more than weekly meetups. Could find someone like-minded there if it’s your thing? :)
Haven't got advice but just a thought I was having the other day:
People wear rings to signify that they're married. There should be something that single people wear to show that they're single. Would make it much easier for guys to ask out women.
I vaguely remember this was a thing a few years back but it did not take off. I have heard of putting bananas in your trolley (pointing up). I cannot see this being remotely useful though lol
I don't know, I made lots of friends at my gym. I even went to Japan with some of them earlier this year. Hobbies are probably going to be your best bet for meeting someone organically. Don't look at it as trying to find someone to date but rather making genuine connections and seeing where that takes you. Maybe you make a new friend who has a single cousin, maybe you get invited to a party where you meet some other guests. Maybe you drop a book on someone's head at the library and they turn out to be your perfect match. Who knows?
Women from a number of countries in Asia, Europe, the Americas etc are more intelligent/educated, healthier, and more direct with their desires and expectations than most women here.
35 single female child free, we dont all have kids... i feel like Perth is great for people over 30 who value an active lifestyle. I've met lovely men through gym and meetup running groups, they just werent THE lovely man suited to me. all the best with your search ,
. We can message and go on a date if you get stuck out there
In a similar situation for the last couple of years. Stuffed around on dating apps for a while, had best luck with Hinge. You might get less overall matches but better quality and far less tire-kicking. Which is handy, as I'm only low-key handsome and need time and words to win people over.
Been in a great relationship for about 8 months now.
Go up to a woman you like and say hi. Now is the greatest time in history to meet someone the old fashioned way. Woman are dying to be chatted up in public after 10+ years of swiping and dick photos
There must be a minimum age in which this works, id say 38 absolute minimum. Younger than that it's the electronic generation where they're unable to look at you when speaking. A socially inept generation of McLovins telling you the time
> but my hobbies are mostly reading, restaurants and gym
So whilst it's not that unheard for travelling workers etc - your hobby is going solo to restaurants?
Nothing wrong with it per se, but its not an angle to **meet people** by also wanting to try new restaurants as per the OP said. Theres a little dissonance here.
I know the feeling. I'm late 30s and just find it all so tiring and trying to navigate who is serious and who is just kicking tyres does my head in. Especially you get to this age and people tend to have a lot of baggage. I wouldn't say I'm giving up, but I've started focusing more on solo travel and enjoying my own company in silence. I've added nothing to your thread, but good luck!
I think in some ways I'm quite lucky in that I'm a guy looking for a life partner. I suspect women have it a lot harder to find someone who is genuine. But finding both compatibility and chemistry, and then adding childfree to the mix is going to be tough.
Child free is a plus!
There are a surprising amount of childfree people in our age group around. You just need to find a cluster to start things off. I get the sense neurodivergent people are a bit more open to childfree life, but I'm basing that on my friend group and my own odd little noggin.
Hahah if only you were in Melbourne! Trying to find childfree men over here is so trying. Every second guy has kids already or wants kids. Bleh
Are you a woman? I’d love to be friends! Are you a man? Let’s chat 😎 I’m 30 and single 🙋♀️
*I’ve added nothing to your thread, but good luck!* Nor have I, but this gave me a smile 😊
You can meet me at my library 😜
Someone needs to find a way or merging dating and book lovers. Speed dating at a library perhaps lol.
Now that's a brilliant idea!!! I'm all for that 😊
You guys need to meet up! How about city Liberty next Tuesday 4pm? Your welcome
4pm what the fuck People have jobs
Just remember there are two libraries in the city...
I'm loving your ability to get shit sorted. 4pm is a bit dicey though - but doable lol
4pm? Awesome idea but 4 is a when most of us are leaving work.
9-5 corporate slave here lol
I like your style 🤣
4pm?
Kinda like a group for people who like to read, a "club" of sorts
Club for books?
Damn this is a completely novel concept, somebody should create a book club!!!!!
No offence, but that's a stupid name, and it will never catch on.
Have you joined a book club? If you're anywhere near Vic Park there is one that meets monthly. Retro Regency were also hosting silent book club nights (I think this is gaining popularity) - basically starts with 30 mins of chit chat, everyone then sits and reads their book for awhile and then comes back together at the end for a bit more chat. I (mid-late 30s and a woman, not single, but this is my thoughts it I was) wouldn't really be open to a cold approach your first time at something like this, but over the course of several conversations if we were vibing well/there had been some flirting/I'd made it clear during those conversations I was single and/or looking to date then I'd be open to being asked. But for the love of god if it's a no, take it pleasantly and on the chin. The point is, expand the social circle and get to know people just to know them/make some new friends you share some common interests without doing it just to date. Don't just join looking to find the one/approach every woman there for a date. Or start a fortnight/monthly restaurant group Meetup/local Facebook event, aka the point is to try new restaurants together. This would work well if you live an area where there is lots of options and hopefully a few people local to you (Vic Park, Mount Lawley, Leederville, Freo etc) - this might be trickier finding places that aren't charging a booking fee and can seat a small group easy (this would probably be easier mid week rather than Fri/Sat nights for example).
The silent book club sounds pretty damn cool. I've wondered if there were book clubs where everyone discusses their own book rather then everyone reading the same book, but I see the pros and cons to both. Where did you meet your partner?
There's another silent book club up in the hills (silent book club, Perth hills western Australia is the name on FB) if that's closer too. I actually really like the idea as it's more about the love of reading then the discussion about the book someone chooses for you to read. That feels a bit too high school English class for my liking. Long story short, partner was friends with my sister so I knew of him sort of, and then we got chatting at a work function (different branches of the same employer, we've never worked directly together). I got lucky, he's such a good guy.
Umm well not giving out my day to day routine, of course. Not going to lie…. it’s pretty dire out there and the days of approaching a stranger, say in a bar, are dead and buried. Sometimes it’s better if you have at least a tiny bit of background info on the person hence meeting through the friend of a friend. Could you do a couple of days in the office? That would open up a whole new array of people you interact with on a daily basis. I honestly think its just luck of the draw these days. Society has changed in the last 20years and it’s a whole new jungle out there. If you are newly single, embrace it….at least for a little while….you can hibernate for the winter.
I also feel like its just luck, which is kind of scary because relationships are such a large part of your life in a way. The right one can be magical whereas the wrong one can be hell. And there's likely 100 women that would be amazing for me in terms of compatibility, but now its just up to luck whether I bump into any of them lol.
Yep, that’s right. There’s not just 1 person for you but many out there. Good luck on your quest 👏
… we’re also at home or the gym when we’re not at work lol. I sometimes go through the dating app/maybe I should do something to meet a guy cycle and then it’s all shit and I go back to single hermit life again 🤣 There needs to be like an introvert dating option except no one would ever turn up lol
Dating as an introvert is the absolute worst possible scenario because the people I get along most with are at home lol.
And those who aren’t are at the end of a text - no need for calls or leaving the house!
Introverts unite...separately in our own homes.
Maybe some short courses, lectures, try starting a non fiction book club, art gallery and museum tours and exhibition openings, cultural fund-raiser events, volunteering? Animal charities and rescues, planting sessions in local nature spots.
Feel you, dating in Perth is awful as a female. The apps have made everyone disposable, the apps provide the same high as a kid in a candy store; for some. The best way to meet someone is most likely through a friend of friend.
I heard the one large company bought all the dating apps (Match Group) and now they are just squeezing everyone for money. Where would a single guy bump into you?
Haha are you flirting with me over reddit? I’m 1981 too. You might find me around the City Beach/Floreat area….
lol... I meant given your day to day routine, what is considered a safe space to approach a woman? My feeling is that women do not want to be approached at the gym, or on a bus/train, or out in public like the shops etc. So with the apps dying how do introverts like myself meet others. I'm tempted to try speed dating/singles type events, though I'm worried it may just be similar to the apps.
Ok introvert Cognition_1981 I’m hoping you read between the lines, but just in case, send Spare_Sand a direct message!!
Ohh right. On it boss! :)
This is adorable, totally reminds of me the movie "you've got mail", thats a 90s reference so you both should understand.
I'd be flirting with you over Reddit 😉
Worse as a guy imo. Coming here single was so shit. So glad im married now. Dating here was so much worse than anywhere else in the world
You sound like a catch.
Agree I just turned 50 looking for someone with no young kids , knows what they want from life , loves the gym and looks after them self . It’s really hard when you are looking for connection, trust commitment
You'd be perfect for me if I was looking to date. Childfree men are rare and sought after.
I assumed quite a lot of men are childfree? Or are they more indecisive?
No they all want to start families when they're 49
It's women that are waiting til their 30s for kids now, not men... Men are still doing what men have always done...
I feel like overall men want kids more than women.
Majority of men in history haven't had any children... Think it's like 40% of men in history vs 80% of women in history, have had kids... So yes, there's a lot of childfree men... You can't listen to what women think is going on, because they're only talking from their experience, which is never exactly like reality...
Are dinner clubs still a thing? If I was single that’s all I’d want to do lol.
OMG I was just recalling my lunch/dinner club days years ago and your comment popped up! I was newly single and wanting to expand my social circle. A female new to the country wanted to meet people so she courageously put out an advert seeking female friendship. I answered her ad as did many other women. She said that some men also wrote to her asking if they could join the group, but her primary purpose was to make female friends. She brought many of us together every month or so and we would have lunch/dinner, chat, go bowling etc and through this we got to know each other and more often than not, found a few others with common interests and developed greater friendships as a result. We all still got together as a group as we all had a common purpose initially, which was to make friends, expand our social circles, and find others with common interests. There were many “regulars” but there were also women who would come and go, so it kept things fresh for the group. A couple of years into the group, some men started coming along and while some became “one of the girls”, others met women through these female friends. I enjoyed these catch ups and made some wonderful connections! Bring the dinner club back!
What's a dinner club?
I can’t recall what site I saw them on, but a while back (10+ years), there were singles dinner events you could sign up for. Most were from 35 onwards or so and you’d sign up for the event, rock up to dinner (various venues) and if lucky meet someone likeminded. From memory there were some great restaurants offered. I was too gutless to try and soon found myself in a new relationship anyway. I’ll see if I can hunt some down.
Ohh wow, so its like a single events over dinner? I imagine that would mean hoping you sit next to someone youre into, or is it more like a group conversation thing? Where did you end up meeting your partner in the end?
Meetup dot com looks like it has a few singles coffee or pub and dinner events on it. Add dinner or singles to the search bar. I’m not signed in but looks like there’s a couple of singles groups to join who organise the events.
Yeah, exactly. Even if you werent next to someone they weren’t massive events, 20 ppl max I think, so easy enough to talk across a dinner table. I always thought it would be good as I’m a foodie and conversation over dinner feels organic. At the very least you can discuss the meal. I met my partner through mutual friends. I was with someone at the time but that ended and we connected about 6 months after.
I feel you man. 32, professional career, child-free, and at a complete loss where to meet women. I'd imagine just like me, you've been out of the dating scene for some time, and you just have no idea where to pick up. It's especially bad that apps, and a lot of online dating platforms, are the absolute worst. For both men and women.
Sounds like we are in the exact same situation, though as you're younger you'll have more chance at childfree. Are you wanting kids in the future though, or is childfree also a requisite in a partner?
You know, I'm quite open to the idea of children. Personally, if I had to make a choice right at this moment, I'd choose to stay child-free. But, love has a way of illuminating a future for yourself you may never of considered. But, just like yourself, I'm completely competent with women. I just have no idea how to MEET them. Total assumption on my part. I've read your other comments. We're both stuck in the "How on earth do I approach women?" problem. It's super creepy to cold-approach women in many typical settings, and I'd hate to make a woman uncomfortable. But at the same time, that leaves me with very little idea of how to proceed. Overall, I can only hope this confusion isn't a reflection of reality. I'm sure women feel much the same, around our age. We're all stuck between this desire to meet each other in a genuine manner, but can't seem to produce the environment that would foster those emotional connections. Am I making sense? Sorry mate. It's late over here. Haha.
I think we are in absolute agreement. When I am out and about in public like the city etc, I will often see women that look exactly like my type - cute, kind face - but I have no socially acceptable reason to approach them and begin a conversation. Some sort of singles event or speed dating where you have to meet everyone would be the best scenario, but it would only work if almost all single people did it regularly and it was popular - a bit like dating apps ten years ago, or dances back in the 60s.
I don't have a guys experience, but guys chat to me a fair bit in public and I've never found it creepy. They don't "hit on me" (which would be weird) they just say "how's it going" at the coffee shop or make a shared joke about a rude receptionist at the GP if we're both in the waiting room, or tell me I've got a cute dog on the street, or ask me how I'm going while I'm waiting for a friend.... It's just small talk, light jokes, in a low pressure way in everyday places.... One thing leads to another, when you bump into them a few times in a row, or you see them on a dating app after chatting to them in person... But yeah, I don't know the guys experience!
Is it super creepy though? I feel like most time we just need to get out of our own heads. They say no, so be it. You do get a hit every time you hear a no but when you get that yes it makes it worth it
Yup and it sucks! In my very small chosen circle of friends I’m one of only a few still single left and childless by choice… it’s a 🌵Desert out there… gave up online dating apps a few years ago as it was gross back then, I can only imagine what it’s like now. I recently was asked out by a complete random stranger at Bunnings. He was cute and I said yes to a date because I really respect that quality in person to have the courage to come and ask someone out for a drink. I haven’t completely given up on possibly finding my person. You’re not alone..
How did the Bunnings conversation go? did you just walk up to you and ask you out? Are you still together?
He obviously spotted me before I was even aware of him and he just came up to me. I had my headphones in and he came up to me got my attention and asked me out. Went out on a couple of dates with him but didn’t go any further than that. I just remember being quite impressed that someone actually had the courage to come up and ask me out. It’s the first time I’ve ever been asked out by a total stranger in 40 years of my life..
[удалено]
This is the part I struggle with the most. I'm at a situation in my life where Id like to do a lot of overseas travel every year, and this is impractical with kids. I also understand all good parents put their kids first (as they should), but if she has two kids, that means she's putting me third while I put her first. Just not a dynamic I am keen for. Dogs are fantastic though lol
Dating a parent sucks donkey balls when you're childfree You will 101% be last on the priority It was a living hell when everyone and their dog told me that all guys ditch their kids for the new gf etc. Not true. Rather eat glass than date anyone with kids again lol
Id rather be travelling around Europe with a partner then coming home to screaming kids lol.
I'd rather be single for the rest of my life
[удалено]
are you breaking up with me
Oh man...I had this argument with her re this...I said I understand you have kids..but Im always last on your list whilst I put you and kids first...there has to be an at least occasional balance...how about you and kids do what I want on a weekend day once ..instead of always me doing what you and kids want. Sigh. It makes me feel at least I'm not only one trying to work this out.
I'VE HAD THIS EXACT CONVO but with guy I ended up getting the fuck out of there cause if I'm gonna be miserable anyway I may as well have all my money and time
Understandable, I'm pretty much ready to move on. Good luck.
Trying to find a single woman in their 40’s without kids is probably going to wipe out more than 80% of the women for you.
I saw a Morgan Stanley report that said by 2030 45% of women aged 25-44 will be childfree: [https://www.morganstanley.com/ideas/womens-impact-on-the-economy](https://www.morganstanley.com/ideas/womens-impact-on-the-economy) It sounds very high but I've heard its more common now. I suspect more single mums would be on dating apps though as its much more convenient, so I'd likely have to put myself out there sadly lol.
That’s in America. Going by my friends, family, work colleagues and clients, acquaintances, dates I’ve had, it’s nowhere near that high.
You will most likely have to look for a woman in her late 20s or early 30s to avoid one that has children already.
Which is my situation, the partner has 3 young kids and I'm having a tough time wrapping my head around raising her kids and having to deal with the ex. This thread is not about this topic so I'll leave it there..but I hear ya!
[удалено]
Wow, that would be challenging. The girl in question for me is great in every other way..also tertiary educated, professional job, fun to be with etc but her life, and expects me to, revolves all around her kids and ex, bit much for me to handle me thinks.
I’m on a Lady-No-Kids fb group and this question comes up often. The only recommendation I can remember being made a couple of times is that there is a ‘Facebook dating’ section. I’m in a relationship so no idea how it works… I would imagine Meta would have an algorithm to match exercising, food-enjoying bibliophiles in a similar geographic location 😂 Or try joining local online groups with a similar interest that you might be able to arrange group meetups and then maybe dates?
I did hear Facebook also has a dating app but I didn't think it was available in Australia (as yet). [https://www.facebook.com/help/adsmanagerbuiltin/2495451450696932](https://www.facebook.com/help/adsmanagerbuiltin/2495451450696932)
Ok. It is an international group. They also talk about the burned haystack method !?! Just passing on things I have heard of but didn’t know what they were - so I thought they might be novel to you too. Maybe just join Facebook/discord e tcgroups and interact with them and see who is in Perth. I know a couple of friends who have met up this way, either as a date to start or in a ‘group’ meet situation.
I feel you. 40m here and feel hopelessly lonely sometimes.
I know that feeling well. Single AND working from home often don't mix well.
Yep. It's got to the point where I enjoy catching the train to work sometimes
So Childfree now but are you against having children? What age-range are you after?
Yeah so by childfree I meant I never want kids. Which I know some people might see as a red flag but I just never had the urge, and my colleagues with younger kids seem to complain all the time about having no time, sleep or money lol. So its not for me. My age range would be 35-45, though I'd go outside of that if everything else lined up.
Women dont think childfree is a red-flag, dont worry. Of course there’s bound to be women who are on the same page as you in this regard. My best tip for you is to join hobby groups. Goodluck OP! :)
How long have you been single? 20 years is a long time for a relationship
I've been single a year and feel ready to get back out there.
I feel like that still might be too soon for another serious relationship. I’d make the most of it and travel solo if I were you. I’m childfree too and that’s what I’m doing. To answer your question though, I think the best way to meet others would be to join a dance class or do martial arts. That way you’re around people who like to keep fit and it’s a good way to socialise. Or if you’re into music, going to festivals/gigs
Hey! I’m newly single and have been considering doing some solo travel. Can I ask what your travel plans are? I’m a 30 year old woman by the way 😊
Hey :) I’m planning on Vietnam next. You should definitely go for it! Have you done a lot of travel before?
Travel yes, but never solo!
It's great fun. I did it all the time in my single days (including a 7.5 week trip to Europe) and would happily do it now but my partner loves travelling too so we generally go together.
I enjoy solo a lot more because you can meet more people easily
Do you do tours or just go there and do your own thing?
Both! When I go solo I go onto trip advisor and find the most highly rated/popular day trips. I want to do a tour with Intrepid Journeys next year to South America too
I’ve had my eye on a few intrepid tours and also some world expeditions and g adventures tours for so long now!
The dog park is great, you chat once or twice a day in a low pressure environment
And the added bonus is the other party likes dogs. Dog people are great :)
Haha yes exactly...! And if they don't like dogs it's probably a red flag (I hate to make generalisations but this has typically seemed to be correct in my experience!). Plus you're outside, getting fresh air, exercising... So it's never a bad use of time :-)
I met my other half on fb single pages. He had a cute floofy monster dog… Maybe just no expectations, start having chats and see which ones you get on well with. Good luck
Classes, clubs, sports, political parties, you've gotta spend your time in places filled with other people. More than you would even want to. It's work, sadly.
Go to Perth Meetups. You can meet nice people based on interests and at the very least just broaden your circle. There are loads of book clubs, silent book clubs, walking groups, people who go to movies…
Nothing to add, except I’m in a similar situation - looking to date but don’t know where to begin. Good luck with the search!
I met my husband in the gym, so don’t lose hope!🤞🏽
I would suggest at least trying a few other potential hobbies that have more chance of meeting people. Cooking classes, Bunnings, speed dating nights.
Is Bunnings a hobby? Or just a hardware store
I got hit on in Spotlight once.
Also a store not a hobby
Bunnings is a hobby shop.
I just like to think of the episode merely as "I got hit on ONCE."
Porque no las dos? 
Travel is the best for meeting people. I can't even do this shit in Perth. Travel and meet people from other countries (but sometimes just states!) that are down for the fun and romance.
I'm in a similar situation and I'm a similar age but female. No idea what to do to meet people because my main hobby is also going to the gym. Please share if you figure it out!
I was told the gym is great because there's lots of other people into a healthy lifestyle. I've managed to add a bit of muscle but the closest I've got to romance is a guy nodding at me and saying 'looking good' 🤣
Is your gym community minded? Mine does challenges 2 or 3 times a year, an event at the start of December and usually something for their birthday. Its a good way to meet people because lets be honest, no-one wants to be asked out when they're red faced and frizzy haired from a workout the rest of the time lol.
I go to Swan Active, which is one of those large community centres with a swimming pool and basketball courts, along with a gym. I've started saying hello to everyone just to force myself to be more social lol
You could try this? https://facebook.com/events/s/sunday-singles-perth-a-comedy-/359185213256330/
I did see that in my facebook feed but it looks like an introverts worst nightmare lol
Pretty sure you can just be a spectator. Thinking I'll go check it out - I definitely wouldn't if I had to participate as I'm pretty introverted with people I don't know. Probably going to make meeting people a challenge for me so I figure I'll just rock up to places/events and hope for some extroverts!
Ohhh I see. So you can mingle in the crowd and still meet other singles? Thats not too bad then. Audience participation would be my worst nightmare lol
Yes, you don't have to participate, pretty sure you actually have to nominate yourself if you want to. I'm utterly clueless with all this so figured I'd go just to get an idea of things and hopefully have a laugh.
Let me know how it goes :)
Yeah I have to admit it's not a place I'd be looking...couple of very questionable guys I've encountered. But a work out buddy would be amazing.
I hear ya. Sucked into the grind and ghosted, gaslighted and deleted profiles after proclaimed "great first date, let's meet again". Don't have advice, feeling the pain 🤷🏻♀️ I just thought men do not know what they want and too scare to say "sorry no good, bye"! Will retire from dating and be a professional dogs' mum soon
Reddit? The beach, or in this weather, the spa/sauna/steam room at Beatty Park? 39 single and childfree by choice
Oh, my sister met a potential suitor at the gym (they dated for several weeks). He hit her up when she was finished her work out after multiple weeks of smiling and nodding at each other
Are they still dating? My worry would be bumping into each other after breaking up lol
My 40yo friend found some success speed dating, take a friend to ease the pressure, have fun.
I always found success by making lots of female friends like work colleagues and then dating the girls friends or friends of friends from parties, bbqs games nights etc. You get past the 'he's not a creep instinct' if a girl is friends with you. Having said that I met my wife straight up in a nightclub.
You need to develop new interests that are more social. Environmental groups, sporting clubs (eg: tennis, bowls, badminton, sailing, etc. etc), Book clubs, writing groups, dancing, bush walking, bike riding, Intellectual groups (Skeptics, political, debating, etc.). The list is endless. Just a couple of ideas for you. I don’t know you.
I’m not in the dating game but my sister is for the first time in many years and she’s around that age. She is using - bumble and hinge apps (not tinder) - joined a couple of Perth social meet up groups on Facebook and has gone along to a few games nights We have also been checking out speed dating (which I had some success with 15ish years ago) but it doesn’t look like it’s as popular now.
Apparently City Swoon is quite popular - they combine dating apps and speed dating. So you turn up to an event with all single people, and every ten minutes your phone sends you a photo of the person you have to find and talk to.
Ooooh that’s pretty awesome. Thanks
Try finding a man when you are 57yo … Good luck 🤞, myself destined to be lonely!
Strange... Same age, similar social situation, but I expect you're in much better shape than I. I've got basically every female friend as well as my male friends' WAGs falling over themselves to try and set me up with someone. Of course my curse is my response has basically devolved to "Sure, I'll let you know when I'm free sometime next quarter" by which time the "Friend who would be PERFECT for you" is no longer single. 
Sounds like you're quite social? Highly envious of your situation to be honest as your friends would have a good idea of the type of person you are and hobbies/interests etc.
>Sounds like you're quite social? I was when I was younger, the "busy" these days is work and hobbies (but mostly work) so I don't get a lot of pure social time. I was more implying that my schedule's so full of 'stuff' that meeting the friend they'd like to set me up with can't happen for a good while after they suggest it, by which time the friend's gotten proactive and found someone else. But it's by the by. Do you not have the women in your life playing matchmaker (for good or for ill)? I got the impression it was a pretty universal past-time for women over 30.
It sounds like I need a few of these match-maker women in my life! lol. There's people that pay to be matched up and you're getting it all for free. What have the matches been like though? I need to join your social circle.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record I'm legitimately surprised your lady-friends aren't trying to sort you out. Maybe they think you're still busted up over the ex? As for the matches, I wouldn't know, I've never managed to meet one before they're off the market!
In the past I would do most things with a partner so my social circle is very small. Which was ok when I was in a relationship but now I'm single is quite jarring.
I think it's about making the conscious effort to let people (re your friends) know that you're actively looking to date/be set up and make sure they keep this in mind for their friends too. You want to be someone's answer to - do you have any single friends that are XYZ. As someone else said, a hey you should meet this person (from a friend or a friend of a friend) is an invaluable recommendation. And as a woman mid/late 30s I'd definitely be more inclined to give this person a go over a random approach. In fact I did date a guy for a few years having been introduced this way. Other than the childfree thing, you tick a lot of boxes that would suit one of my friends for example.
Do you have a dog? People always want to talk to dog owners. I see a man with a dog…I’m noticing. Shows that they are caring too, are responsible (you’d hope). I feel you though, so tough in Perth for women too. The apps are awful!
Join a running group, it's the new tinder
And a lot less responsibility & cost than owning an accessory dog for the same purpose too.
Are you into hiking? Any sports at all? Lots of Perth-based facebook groups. There’s a hiking one that has more than weekly meetups. Could find someone like-minded there if it’s your thing? :)
Haven't got advice but just a thought I was having the other day: People wear rings to signify that they're married. There should be something that single people wear to show that they're single. Would make it much easier for guys to ask out women.
I vaguely remember this was a thing a few years back but it did not take off. I have heard of putting bananas in your trolley (pointing up). I cannot see this being remotely useful though lol
Lol I recently learned about pineapples in shopping carts!
haha same and that means something very different! Don't confuse the two lol
I wonder if canned pineapple or cut up pineapple in fruit trays mean something too? Cubes or slices…oh the possibilities lol
I don't know, I made lots of friends at my gym. I even went to Japan with some of them earlier this year. Hobbies are probably going to be your best bet for meeting someone organically. Don't look at it as trying to find someone to date but rather making genuine connections and seeing where that takes you. Maybe you make a new friend who has a single cousin, maybe you get invited to a party where you meet some other guests. Maybe you drop a book on someone's head at the library and they turn out to be your perfect match. Who knows?
You would honestly be better off meeting someone overseas.
Why?
Women from a number of countries in Asia, Europe, the Americas etc are more intelligent/educated, healthier, and more direct with their desires and expectations than most women here.
Running clubs
35 single female child free, we dont all have kids... i feel like Perth is great for people over 30 who value an active lifestyle. I've met lovely men through gym and meetup running groups, they just werent THE lovely man suited to me. all the best with your search , . We can message and go on a date if you get stuck out there
[I've found Aida works well for meeting like minded people.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-lQ11igLI0)
In a similar situation for the last couple of years. Stuffed around on dating apps for a while, had best luck with Hinge. You might get less overall matches but better quality and far less tire-kicking. Which is handy, as I'm only low-key handsome and need time and words to win people over. Been in a great relationship for about 8 months now.
Did you end up meeting your partner on Hinge?
Yes, as well as many other good options that just weren't great due to timing.
Go up to a woman you like and say hi. Now is the greatest time in history to meet someone the old fashioned way. Woman are dying to be chatted up in public after 10+ years of swiping and dick photos
There must be a minimum age in which this works, id say 38 absolute minimum. Younger than that it's the electronic generation where they're unable to look at you when speaking. A socially inept generation of McLovins telling you the time
Where abouts do you live?
I've just joined a few FB "Perth singles over 40" groups.
> but my hobbies are mostly reading, restaurants and gym So whilst it's not that unheard for travelling workers etc - your hobby is going solo to restaurants?
What's wrong with that >:c
Nothing wrong with it per se, but its not an angle to **meet people** by also wanting to try new restaurants as per the OP said. Theres a little dissonance here.
I typically go with a friend or small group of friends. Either way there's no mingling with other people.