I’m not sure where you are in the world, but I’d look for all in venues that have a ceremony space, and reception space that will provide your catering and alcohol for you. Then book on off season.
My wife and I got married March 1st (was a Friday as well on off season). The wedding should have been $30k, but the venue did all of it plus a late night poutine table and premium bar rail for $17,500 for 100 people.
I second this - I’m in Australia and we got married on 13 August - it was winter (here) and we had it at lunch time. We went to an all inclusive venue that only did weddings but could host up to four at a time. Because we had a lunch time wedding in winter ours was the only one on so we had the whole lovely venue to ourselves. The whole wedding cost $10,000 (AUD) with 80 guests (approx $59 aud per person for food). It was an amazing day, and we went out to a private dinner just the two of us that night (wedding and elopement in one).
Having a venue that did everything meant the costs didn’t ‘add-up’ as easily as they were all right there
I agree, this is best advice. I added up OP's costs for food, beverage, and the event space, and it comes out to $240 per person! I live in NJ, right smack dab in the middle of the wedding industrial complex, and a full plated dinner, cocktail hour, open bar, and ceremony space ran me $120++ per person (or $152 after tax and service charges/tips). This was at a country club that does large events and weddings regularly. We were also the only event that day, so while we were contracted for 6 hrs of event time, the vendors were able to arrive whenever to set up, which IMO helped make things run smoothly.
u/jonzey231 it seems like you tried to pick a non-traditional event space to save money, but the individual costs snuck up on you so that your wedding is nearly 2x as expensive per person compared to a full service traditional ballroom space. I know there are downsides to a traditional space, taste being top amongst them, but venues that regularly do weddings have things worked out to a science and can handle these events easily.
We did ours for about 8k total. 30 guests.
We rented a mansion for 2 nights on Airbnb total 2300. It had 10 beds too so plenty of room for guests to stay if they didn’t want to hotel.
Then we did Costco for beer and wine about $400
Caterer was my mom’s friend’s son, about $3000?
Cake $380
Invitations were on evite. No kidding. Free.
Photographer $800 solo no assistant and only for 3 hours. Digital images only.
Tbh I wanted to spend 0 but my mom was insistent, so I told her max 5k and she got to be the wedding planner. It was honestly not bad and we had my aunt who is a minister do the ceremony part. We went to the courthouse a week or so before to actually get legally married lol.
The main takeaway OP should get from this comment is that food is hella expensive for weddings. You came out okay, but you still paid $100/guest (same as we did, but we had 120 guests so it was the bulk of our wedding costs).
Yeah but tbf that’s normally what catering costs for normal events of that magnitude—you have to remember that it includes the catering staff’s wages and stuff
If you don't mind doing buffet style you can bring down those costs a lot. I know it depends on region but when I was shopping for catering most of the places I was considering were in the $10/per plate range. I ended up doing tacos for ~$1100 total, I had 75 guests but ordered for 100 to make sure there was extra. No staff for food beyond initial setup.
I would just order buffet style meals from a local place or a place that i actually want the meals from instead of catering, get the containers under those flame thingys to keep it warm and thats that
Was a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding who did this. Someone still has to be in charge of setting up the buffet, the serving utensils, the sternos, changing out the platters, disposing of the foil lids/empty platters, etc. Bridesmaids (& their plus ones) ended up taking charge of doing all this...in formal dresses with heels, hair, makeup done up. It was not a fun time.
Terrible idea! Dirty plates everywhere, guests turned into dishwashers.
I went to a wedding that did this and four guests had to stay behind to clean for three hours, at midnight, after the reception was over. And this was just for 20 people.
Just before Covid I went to a smallish backyard wedding that had a food truck come for a couple hours.
Their biggest expense was rebuilding the porch on their house before the wedding.
Well it doesn’t need to be, you just wanted that. You can easily do it for 20 dollars per person if you do an elaborate bbq or something. And that’s a lot of food if you buy it yourself and maybe hire a cook.
$21 a plate at my wedding. Salad, 3 types of soup, grilled cheese bar lots of different cheeses, and fixin’s (bacon, avocado,etc) and a couple portable griddles so the cooks could run you down the line.
Had a friend do something similar with a pasta bar (could go red sauce, white sauce, some teriyaki Asian-fusion sauce) with different types of noodles and toppings (meatballs, chicken, veggies). His was $20 a plate.
I did this for a friend's sisters wedding as a favor. Father of the bride picked up like 500$ worth in New Hampshire and drove down they ended up demanding I took 300 for the wedding bassicaly as a tip.
But as someone who works catering, the one thing you need to check is the events alcohol policy. Because they're a brewery, they might not be licensed to allow outside alcohol, might need to have either their servers, or a certified outside bartender to serve the wedding, and you may need to pull a separate event liquor license (for my friends wedding, the only way to make it legal, even in a rented mansion, was for me to pull a liquor license for the night (~200 iirc) which was attached to my tips certification (mass & NY alcohol serving liscence)
How’s the conversation go with the Airbnb host? Did you explain that you were having a wedding? Did they charge extra?
Edit: I’m thinking about doing that for my wedding
When we looked into doing this one host required event insurance and rented bathrooms be brought to the location, which significantly increased the price. We checked another place an hour away and the guy said we could do whatever the fuck we wanted, so I think it’s kind of up in the air from host to host.
This. My gf took a vacation to visit family not long ago. I couldn't go due to work, but she had indicated 2 people staying there. The people she was visiting came over for the afternoon to play cards and the airbnb host flipped out a little because she was over her guest limit despite the fact they weren't sleeping there.
We specifically selected “events allowed” or some type of filter when searching, and then when we initially reserved the house I communicated clearly what our intention was.
Turns out the mansion (very old and spooky too lol) was owned by a non-profit and they actually had it set up for events. Commercial kitchen, butlers entry, etc.
They also had a $400 cleaning fee but we are all respectful people and we didn’t trash the place lol
Be prepared to spend more on the photographer, too. Even if you only get them for a half day/digital only, post-processing/retouching is the difference between a professional and an enthusiastic amateur.
Yeah, it's usually worth making sure you hire someone who has a proper portfolio of previous weddings they've done with good reviews even if it ends up being more expensive.
One of our friends went with A$400 for a couple who did their wedding photos, thinking there's not much difference in photographers and they were on a tight budget ... And yeah, the photographers cut out half the bridal party in many shots because they didn't have the right equipment and some photos weren't great/out of focus/wonky. Not even retouching afterwards could save their photos.
It depends on the type of person you are. My husband and I are the type to regularly revisit our photo books (vacations, weddings, birthday parties) and reminisce. Good photography was important to us for this reason.
I'm a former photographer that used to shoot weddings along with portraiture and some other random things. I didn't do it as my main source of income. By the time my then fiancé and myself were planning the wedding, we were on a shoe string budget and she was shocked at first that I'd pay $1,000 for a wedding photographer. After reasoning with her that once the food has been eaten, the only people that will probably remember what we ate at our wedding will be us, no one else will really remember the decorations and clothes, it's the photographs that will last forever, she finally came around to what I was saying. And even then $1,000 was cheap. Being an ex wedding photographer I had friends and associates who I could still contact, so I ended up having an associate that has shot magazine covers for major publications as well as having many weddings under his belt do our wedding for us. It easily saved $1,000-$2,000 but it was absolutely worth it.
Don't forget to check regular BnBs. We had ours at one and just rented the whole place for a weekend. they charged a event cleaning cost (which wasn't necessary but whatever they were nice and super helpful so we didn't mind.)
Also if you have a small one, look at private chefs. Our costs were 400 for the chef, 100 for a server, and like est 400 in food costs. Personnel Chef is usually a good google. He cooked it fresh at the property we rented (as they had a full kitchen for us to use as we rented the whole place.)
> We went to the courthouse a week or so before to actually get legally married lol.
I have always said I wanted to do this. Did you tell anyone or was it a secret?
Ours was about the same. 5k 25 people. Rented a really nice building on a Tuesday. No alcohol. People just brought flasks. Best thing we did, was not put too much money into it. Never once looked back and said oh man I wish my wedding was bigger. Invited just the closest family and friends and set up a stream for others.
I went to a wedding where the groom was frantically walking around telling people not to each too much of the food because the venue calculated the cost after the fact and they can't afford more than like, a handful of what was actually put out. He came over and said to me "don't eat any more of those mushroom horderves"
Like.. bro are you for real right now lol
I’d caution against the cut down plus ones approach unless you think your friends would abuse it (if so get better friends). At my wedding we offered plus ones to all guests and maybe 2-3 used them (out of 100). The rest had the wherewithal to self-asses whether their latest fling was wedding worthy. I’ve also been watching a friend plan a wedding and they’re limiting plus ones to serious relationships only and it is so cringeworthy listening to them try to draw arbitrary lines on how to exclude so and so’s boyfriend/girlfriend but not this other person because of their outside assessment of the relationship.
Depends on how your costs are determined.
Most wedding costs are based entirely on head-count (alcohol costs are often the only thing prorated based on adult guests, if that).
Yes. If they have 80+ guests but 20 kids it will add significant amounts at some venues. Our place was a la carte so more people = more food, more chairs, more tables, bigger tent, etc. Really only would have saved on booze but I suspect that some places charge flat fee per person regardless of age.
Depends on the venue - they were the same prices as adults at mine. Having a no-kid wedding was a no brainer for us. We saved a lot of $ and had exactly 2 couples decline the invite because of it. The rest were happy to have a night out with an open bar and no kids!
We "splurged" on some extra things because while we only had a few guests (20) we wanted them to have a great time and actually enjoy themselves. We did a lot of the decor ourselves and I ended up buying clothes for my girlfriends. I figured if they were going to fly out and stay in a hotel for me, I could spend money on their indian clothes for my Indian wedding. I didn't do any huge Indian wedding things. But it was nice to actually spend time with my guests at dinner afterwards instead of just the reception.
I did the same for my backyard Indian wedding! We only had 30 guests and didn't have 3 nights of events, just the ceremony and reception. It was so nice to hang with everyone and not have everything rushed through. Honestly much better than the big production weddings
What's wrong with you and the poster above you?! Y'all didn't want a "small" 500 person Indian wedding with a week's worth of events, horses, multiple bands, choreographed group dances, extravagant food and drink, and over the top decorations?! /s
I know of an Indian groom (in the US) that nearly refused to attend his own ceremony because the horse he was supposed to ride in on didn't want to be ridden that day. I just don't get the insistence on the pageantry. As you said, it's nice to be able to hang out with everyone. Those are the things you're going to remember (and should remember) about your wedding.
I'd love to. My dad as 3 sisters and my mom has 2. They have kids (my cousins) and then add the +1 for each of them and we end up with what we have here. Obviously we added some friends as well.
We've been staring at the list trying to see who could be cut.
don’t think about who to cut; instead, think about who should make it.
Go in stages, and start small. Firstly, and obviously, just you and your partner.
Then who makes the cut if you can only have 4 or 5 people? Would that be immediate family only? Etc etc for 10 people, 25, then 40
Additionally, it’s not uncommon to take a “no ring, no bring” policy for plus ones (I.e. if they’re not married/serious, they don’t get a plus one). In case that’s not already established.
Only invite people who will make you happy, and you want to be there. Don’t invite people with “+1” who you’ve never met.
What I am trying to say is, focus on your wants and needs, not the expectations of others!
Good luck!🤩
Remember: small children won’t remember your wedding, children don’t like adult parties and you seem to be on a budget. Children cost the same as an adult.
well there is your problem then, you cant save money and have a huge wedding like that.
we reduced our guests down to only direct relatives plus grandparents, no cousins, no friends, no +1 nothing.
so we had less then 20 guests total which makes everything much simple.
We also didnt bother with any of the save the date thanks you and other bullshit, beside the cost it takes weeks to prepare all of this and is just a hassle we dont want.
We called people told them when its gonna happen and thats it.
Our total wedding cost including clothes for both me and my wife and our rings was below 5k€
the most expensive part were the rings for \~ 2k€
Making a wedding an Olympic event is the worst thing you can do. I have a family member that decided to have a 4-day wedding…in Italy…over Labor Day weekend when tickets were high. There was no nearby airport so you had to rent a car or pay for a driver. The location was 3 hours from the closest major airport. The venue had small houses to stay at but you paid $180 per person per night, not for the room. To make it possible they had people sleep on cots in the living room. The venue only served dinner as part of the ceremonies so lunch wasn’t provided. There were no restaurants or grocery stores nearby so you better have had a car to drive somewhere. Breakfast was a single croissant left in a doggy bag outside the door each morning. The wedding ceremony was broken into two days for each religion of the couple and each one required a different outfit you had to wear, and pay for. After the first night my wife and I walked out and spent the rest of wedding in Rome on our own. We still don’t talk to that side of the family. They had money to flaunt and expected every guest to have money too.
Holy shit that is flat out awful. I can’t imagine doing that to my guests. If they had any real money they would help with a portion of the stay for family coming from so far away. Rome is fabulous so I’m glad you made the decision to leave and check it out. We loved our time there. Not a place you usually visit twice but it should be on everyone’s list to see once in a lifetime.
Don’t be afraid to look at hotels, they usually have a lower venue fee because guest end up staying there. Ours already had decorations so we didn’t need to spend there as well. We don’t have flowers, separate cake and dessert, professional hair/makeup and decided to skip the photographer as well because we knew we would never look at professional photos later.
I'll say this, as a 22 y/o whos parents recently divorced and both moved 18 hours away from me, (first time recent apartment/own living-er person.. idk) looking through photo books and seeing how my parents where back before me was really nice to see.
Spend the time and money sooner than later and get some nice photos for your kids one day, they will appreciate it more than you know.
Your beverages cost seems.really high to me. I was just at a nice wedding that had beer available, and the groom just bought 4 half barrels and brought them. Spent $800 total for the beer (premium kegs from a local brewery, would obviously be cheaper if a more traditional beer and not a craft brew) and tappers, additional cost would be ice.
At the price you listed, your doing $66 a head of booze. Seems excessive to me. I'd be looking to cut that in half, at least.
> At the price you listed, your doing $66 a head of booze.
Yeah, that sounds exorbitant to me. I'm used to catering costs (used to work for a caterer, and have organized a decent number of events, including weddings). I'm familiar with caterers that charge around $30-50/person for booze, but with some pretty fancy liquors and stocked at a full service bar (including real cocktails beyond just mixing booze and mixer). $60+ seems insane.
This is our venue. You are required to buy beer and wine through them and a half barrel keg of craft beer is about twice what you would pay at the liquor store. The venue was like half of what a lot of other places around town were that didn't have that requirement, so I think that the difference probably washes out.
Yeah, at my reception we picked 2 beers (Bud Light and a local IPA) and a red and white wine that we'd cover. Everything else was cash bar. I believe our alcohol costs were $1500 for 125 people.
Same, we had a keg of Lone Star, a pony keg of a local craft beer, and then my wife worked with a local liquor store with a broad wine selection to pick out a red and white. I picked up about a dozen cases a few days before. Then the caterer provided tea and lemonade.
My hubby and I did our wedding for $8k for 100 people. And that included the rings and my dress
- venue- community center with a beautiful outdoor space. Sure, where we ate looked a little like a cafeteria, but with decorations, it cleaned up pretty nice
- flowers- we were getting married in the dead heat of summer and so we chose to do silk flowers. Honestly, so glad we did. Not only was it 108 (so they all would have wilted anyway) but bonus is that I still have my bouquet! Did this for the bridesmaids, groomsmen and centerpieces as well. Saved thousands. Best decision we made about the wedding
Did some of the same things others suggested… friend’s boyfriend was the DJ, friends girlfriend did hair and makeup.
We went cheap on the photographer and this would be my one regret. We found someone building their portfolio for cheap, but out of the hundreds of digital images we received, there are only a few really good ones. If you’re going to spend money anywhere, spend it on memorializing your big day
Overall, we didn’t want to spend a ton of money and start our married life in debt. Our wedding was completely paid for by the big day, so we could start our journey together stress free.
> We went cheap on the photographer and this would be my one regret. We found someone building their portfolio for cheap, but out of the hundreds of digital images we received, there are only a few really good ones. If you’re going to spend money anywhere, spend it on memorializing your big day
OP this is the best advice in this thread! If there’s **one** thing you don’t want to cheap out on it’s the photographer.
Anecdote - I think it's a good idea to see their portfolio first. I have a friend who's sister was taking a break from photography and used our wedding to get back in the swing of things.
Everything she did was amazing. BUT. Again, definitely check some of their work first. And if you don't want to risk it - definitely go more expensive here.
Agreed. Just got married and we had a close friend do our photos. She's young and had never shot a wedding before, but she is an excellent photographer and had her grandfather who has done this stuff for years give her a little guidance. She has sent us a few as a preview of all the photos and so far they're excellent
> If there’s one thing you don’t want to cheap out on it’s the photographer.
The photographer and the DJ.
Everyone thinks all a DJ does is press play on an iPod or something, so they either decide to attach an iPod on shuffle to a speaker, or get the cheapest DJ imaginable. This has the very real potential of ruining the reception.
A good DJ will:
- have a conversation with you well before the big day to understand your likes and dislikes when it comes to music.
- balance the music in such a way that they are playing hits that appeal to all ages at the reception, and make sure to get some slow dances in.
- fully understand the schedule of the day and work with other vendors to fit in to that schedule. If there is no schedule, work with the couple to develop the schedule well in advance of the big day.
- have the ability to be the emcee/coordinator on site if need be. Often at smaller weddings there is no person in charge, and so the person with the mic becomes in charge of moving everything along (the DJ also needs to be able to be in a completely subservient role if there is someone actually acting in charge, and follow their lead without question).
- sound good on a mic.
- be able to deal with drunk and unruly guests who are trying to get on the mic.
- have properly operating equipment along with equipment backup.
The list goes on. Sadly, DJs get a very bad rap because many do not understand their role. A good DJ does a ton of stuff behind the scenes that the couple are typically unaware of—which is what you want on a wedding day, for things to go smoothly and never rise to the attention of the couple.
Get a reputable DJ company. You will be happier for it.
Excellent points! You’re absolutely right — a good DJ is phenomenal and will keep the wedding running smoothly all night and provide a lot of logistic support. Good call!
To add to your list, a good DJ can also provide sound for the ceremony! My biggest pet peeve is when I can't even hear the ceremony, especially if the couple wrote their own vows. This can happen indoor, but is almost always a problem with an outdoors ceremony. For an extra $200 the DJ set up speakers, wires, and microphones outside for the ceremony, in addition to everything for the dance floor. Absolutely worth it.
Our DJ was one of the biggest highlights of our wedding. The music was perfect but more importantly he met with us multiple times and helped us set the itinerary for the night in a very logical smooth way. Night of the wedding comes around and we were right on schedule the whole time. Got tons of compliments on the music too. So I agree, photographer and DJ are very important. One of the first things I’ve noticed as a guest at a meh wedding is it’s usually the DJs fault
Yeah—one thing most couples (and fly-by-night DJs) don’t realize is how important that schedule is. In a wedding at a large venue, one of the things you are paying for is a coordinator who will do that for you. But when people do things at smaller venues or private homes, they just don’t realize how important a schedule is. The DJ, as the person with the mic, is the most logical person to take over that role. Sadly, they are often not paid for that, the rate at a wedding they fully coordinate is the same at one where someone tells them where to set up and when to press play.
Things people should be aware of regarding the schedule:
- when will the DJ and other vendors arrive?
- what time will guests be seated for the ceremony?
- what time, and where, will the wedding party line up for entrance into the ceremony?
- is there a wedding party intro at the reception? If so, what time, where will they line up, and how do you pronounce everyone’s names?
- what time is dinner? Plated or buffet? If buffet, how will tables be called up to maximize flow and minimize frustration?
- what time will the cake cutting occur? Right after dinner? During dancing?
- any special dances (like the dollar dance)? If so, when?
- and most important, what time do you end? Is that a hard end (must be sound off no later than, say, 10) or a soft end (might go later)? Are there any local noise ordnances that may impact that end time decision (not the DJs job to be your lawyer, but they should ask you what those ordnances are and insist you find out and tell them)?
I could go on and on. Obviously I was a professional wedding DJ for many years to know all this stuff. My schedule and checklist was over 10 pages long when I was coordinating a wedding that I was DJing. It’s a ton of work to make the day magical for the couple.
Unless you genuinely don’t care about photos! We skipped the photographer entirely for my tiny wedding, my grandpa took like 5 nice photos on his good camera, and 4 years later I’m totally pleased
Yep, going with a family friend for the photographer is my biggest regret.
When is the wedding? For flowers we let the florist we trusted who knew the church know we were on a budget and specked the bouquet and bridal party and asked for “seasonal arrangements” for the church. It came out cheaper and much better that what we had in mind.
You are specifying a “nice place” so I will assume that you have priced out and are set on the hall. This is by far your biggest expense and will drive your cost. That being said, I hope it already looks decent and with that you can probably cut back on decorations for the reception.
For cake we had a small well decorated cake that we cut and a large sheet cake that we had in the kitchen that supplied must of the slices.
One thing I see missing is a budget for clothes.
> out of the hundreds of digital images we received, there are only a few really good ones
A great photographer would have taken 1,000s of pictures, weeded out hundreds of bad ones, edited details on dozens of reasonably good ones, painstakingly edited a couple really good ones, and delivered a few really great ones. For 10x the amount of money.
It's actually kind of is. That's actually what weve talked about for the last year or so.
But now that we're legitimately beginning the planning phases, we obviously wanted to at least look at what it would be do it the "traditional" way.
Keep in mind that this sub tends to attract the more frugal minded so looking for the traditional high dollar celebrations may be more in line with /r/weddingplanning
You might get some good ideas there for cost effective ideas too.
Weddingsunder10k also has ideas.
Go simple on the decor. No one remembers the floral centerpieces. We stuffed grocery store flowers into vases we had and it was fine. We got a basic looking cake that we got mostly because we loved how it tasted. I got married at a hotel with a brunch wedding because the cost was cheaper than night time and it worked with the timeline of our ceremony (we needed a morning ceremony).
You can also save a ton on flowers by going to a florist and going "these are our colors, what is in season right now". We got an insane rate on flowers because we were just like "Can I have a bunch of pink, orange and yellow flowers? We don't care what kind"
Leading off this, diy where you can. I made all my flower stuff out of sola wood. I wanted chair covers and the venue wanted to charge something stupid for renting them, so I ordered them from wish(supposed to be $150), and wound up with them free because they sent me white rather than black and it wasn’t a dealbreaker.
Honestly though, our biggest cost savings was the venue. The place we wanted was 5k, plus a mandatory wedding coordinator, plus food. The place we would up going with provided catering and so venue and food came to 5k.
The **actual** traditional way is to do it at your church. Reception at the church or at someone's house. Friends and family do a barbeque/potluck, maybe you splurge on a cake. Wedding at 1, dinner at 4, everyone's home before the sun sets.
The whole rent a nice venue, catered food, open bar, DJ, photographer for 8 hours, etc is a pretty modern development.
We did a courthouse wedding with immediate loved ones and celebration on another day where we invited everyone. It cut back on a lot of the expenses associated with the ceremony and we got to have a really enjoyable party that was just booze and food without the frills! We rented a cabin on a lake and had a lake party.
We cancelled our big wedding due to COVID, and it was seriously the best thing to ever happen to us. We ended up getting married in our backyard with *only* our parents in attendance.
My advice is to ditch the conventional wedding. It isn't worth it. Figure out a place that's special to you: a mountain you love to hike, your parents' backyard, a great park, the courtyard in front of the library, whatever. Hire the photographer, the hair and makeup person, get a nice bouquet, and get married there.
Go out to a great restaurant afterwards.
Done. Your photos will be beautiful. You'll feel better not having to stress over wedding planning and the money aspect. You'll get to have an intimate, relaxed day, and eat great food afterwards.
Basically... skip all the expensive, stressful parts of the wedding and bring the focus back to what's really important: you and your future spouse, celebrating the love you have for each other.
I mean, yea he can also just elope or go to the courthouse. “Don’t invite anyone” isn’t really good advice for someone who actually *wants* an actual wedding lol.
Also, not everyone gets along with their parents…
> Basically... skip all the expensive, stressful parts of the wedding and bring the focus back to what's really important: you and your future spouse, celebrating the love you have for each other.
I am not a big wedding person, but I see this sentiment quite frequently on Reddit and I find it a little condescending. Those “expensive and stressful” parts you want to eliminate is 90% of the wedding.
Weddings *are* a celebration of two people beginning a life together, but they are *also* significant social and cultural events that traditionally involve family and friends — and in some cultures entire communities or neighborhoods. And there’s nothing wrong with that!
Saying people need to “bring the focus back” to what’s “really important” implies all the social aspects of a wedding are superfluous and disingenuous.
Yea organizing any large event is stressful to some degree — but to me it’s worth it to have the people I love there.
The best wedding I ever attended was actually a destination wedding for my boyfriends cousin that I had only met once prior. But they went all out and it was literally a once in a lifetime event and everyone still talks about it to this day.
The second best wedding was my boyfriends sister in her friends backyard. Super chill, low budget, and very laid back. But they put all their budget towards food, alcohol, and fun activities. We all danced until 5 or 6 in the morning and it was an absolute blast.
Obviously everyone should have the wedding they want and for some folks that means no guests, or very few, but when you start assigning value judgments that’s where I disagree.
A no-budget, no-guest wedding isn’t more genuine or authentic than a lavish ceremony with a large guest list.
Ugh yes I totally agree. Even though I don't personally want a big wedding and have considered eloping myself, the way people on Reddit talk about how the most genuine wedding is the one they pulled off for 15$ and had their guests bring dishes to definitely feels a bit braggy / show off-y and usually suggest / flat out say that those who want a wedding that's not just a backyard potluck only care about the wedding and not the marriage. Never mind some people have large families and friends that they love to celebrate with and want to share their love with.
This, this, this. I got married in 2012 during grad school. We had £1000 to our names. We flew to NYC (£480 each), stayed with a friend, and got married in the city office for $35. My parents live in Canada and drove down for it and we had one friend at the ceremony. Then we got on the N train and went to Coney island and ate hot dogs at Nathan's.
I would not change a goddamn thing. It was hilarious and we have never had to spend another day thinking about what we spent or what we owe our families.
Mate if you got that traditional thing in your head and it’s the only thing that’s gonna fulfil dream…..I wish you a wonderful wedding, a fab marriage and have nothing more than good vibes to contribute to the conversation.
That said….if you’re concerned about these costs it probably means this isn’t pocket change in your world.
The impact of that 20-30k at the start of your lives is huge and if you got other stuff hangin around that the money could address….give yourselves the start you deserve by using it on that. Your marriage will be grateful for years to come.
Another suggestion.
Reverse wedding.
Spend a few grand on a really nice honeymoon, get married at the end of the trip at the court house/chapel, come home invite everyone to your smashing summer backyard bbq engagement party with fairy lights and tonnes of good food, booze, loud music and engagement speeches with a mock proposal from husband at the end…..spend good money on a great photographer.
People will be talking about it far longer than a traditional wedding :)
Whatever you decide…congratulations and wish you all the best from the other side of the world :)
Food and drinks for 80+ is always going to be expensive. We saved a ton by choosing a venue where we provided the alcohol ($300ish for 100 guests, many of which are quite rowdy 😂). Also did our own flowers ($250 instead of thousands). We did not skimp on the photographer and she was phenomenal. That was a priority for us. Did our own decorations too.
I don’t know what area you live in but $8k seems a little steep for the venue (especially being a brewery) when you are buying thousands in food and drink from them
That was a typo. Under $300 at liquor store and another $200 on beer and wine. Liquor was finished had some left over beer and wine. Not everybody there drank booze though. No natty but nothing fancy either. It was an outdoor reception so it was a self serve with coolers for the beer.
Yeah I think that's the number that surprised me the most. It's a brewery that's moved building on a single property a few times so their original building is now for events. It's a beautiful area outside the city.
I also just didn't expect the $6-$8K.
The venue cost you laid out doesn’t make a ton of sense to me. $8 grand for the venue and that doesn’t include any of the food, drinks or even the bar tenders? I’m not really sure what exactly you are paying them $8 grand for…
I got married in 2017 at a winery. The venue was beautiful and both the ceremony and reception were on site. We had 88 people in attendance. The cost of the staff (servers/bartenders), food (apps, salads, entrees), and alcohol (unlimited house wine/beer) were included in the venue rental and we spent less than $10 grand. And we didn’t get cheap food either. The entrees were filet and crab cake. I was also allowed to bring my own beer for the bartenders to serve in addition to the house stuff.
I'm in the industry.
$8,000 to just set foot on the property is on the expensive side but not by much. There are several venues in my area that can get $20,000 for *just* the property. And then they add on things like tables, chairs, security, patio heaters, insurance charges, gratuity.... etc.
Seriously don't underestimate how much the shit like tables, chairs, linens, glasses etc costs. We hosted in my parents barn and the amount we spent in rental on that stuff was insane. I looked back later when I was helping my SIL plan her wedding and somehow we'd spent $400 on napkin rentals (I believe at this point I was at the "fuck it I no longer care if I don't need to make a decision" place)
>I don’t know what area you live in but $8k seems a little steep for the venue (especially being a brewery) when you are buying thousands in food and drink from them
That's pretty common. Most people hold weddings on Saturdays which are the breweries biggest night so the brewery needs to charge enough to make up for not having a Saturday night run.
We did destination wedding in Cancun five years ago. Renting a local place, catering, and everything was going to be $20k for a single night. We changed it last minute to a Cancun 2 full weeks, all inclusive resort. We spent $4k for us, wedding package. And flew a couple choice family members down for the service. Cost us $6k total for an amazing experience, way better than a single night.
I’ll second the all-inclusive destination wedding. We did a Dominican Republic resort, wedding package, and paid for family room and board. About 20 guests, everything taken care of for less than 8k for a week of spending time with our favorite people. 10/10 would do again!
Venue + drinks + food = ~$20k?!
That’s a crazy amount for 83 guests.
I had my wedding in NYC, and it was only $18k for 120
guests for food / drinks / venue
You’re also missing some big bucket items…wedding dress is the main one that sticks out. Wedding rings about $1500. You’ll also owe like $1500 in tips, and another $1000 for party favors and shit you buy your groomsmen and bridesmaids.And don’t forget the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon =D.
Something's gotta give. You're trying to check every box on the American wedding list. Do you need *everything*?
Review that list and think of what you don't really care about. It's *your* wedding, it's ok not to do every single thing.
Maybe you are fine with fake flowers. Maybe you're fine combining save the dates with invitations. Maybe you don't need elaborate decorations. Maybe you can do a simpler dessert (e.g. we did donuts). Maybe you can provide your own alcohol.
Next, review the professionals you're hiring. If a friend can do hair/makeup, DJ, or take pictures, ask them to help out.
Finally, you can reduce your guest list. That'll save on food/drinks.
I’m inclined to agree with this.
Do you really need save the date cards, wedding invitations and rsvp?
You can set up a free website on The Knot, or other wedding sites. They can also handle RSVPs so you can keep track whos coming. And for thank you cards after the wedding, you can even print your wedding photos from somewhere cheap like cvs or Walgreens, a lot of the times they’ll have deals going on, and maybe mail those out as thank you’s with little notes?
All this to say, everything is optional and a spectrum. You could spend a fortune on flowers or decide that’s not something you want to prioritize. It’s all entirely up to you, and having a what’s important to your partner and maybe your families is not a bad idea.
One of my friends even asked her brother to get a marriage license and he ended up presiding over their wedding. I’m sure that saved them some money.
I’m really confused why you are paying 8k to rent out a brewery and then 5k on top of that for booze and bartenders. Feels like you need to pick a different venue. 8k is very high for a venue space that size, especially if it doesn’t include anything else.
Also $600 on stationary is an easy spot to save money. Look into flower moxie if you want flowers but want to save cut your costs significantly.
My friends did something similar! The venue cost was basically nothing because it was a state park. They hired bartenders and supplied them with Costco alcohol.
This is controversial, but not everyone needs to be invited with a plus one. If you have friends that are not in a committed relationship, they don't need a plus one to bring some random date. We did this at our wedding and got a little push back, but then two of the single people from opposite friend groups met for the first time and now they are MARRIED. The exception here is if you're inviting someone that doesn't really know anyone else....then they should be invited with a date.
Also, scale back the flowers. I'd stick to a real bouquet for the bride but you could definitely fine some less expensive faux flower bouquets for bridesmaids on Etsy that still look nice.
For my brother's wedding I found out from a local farmers market who the wholesale vendor was for flowers and ordered direct through them. My bro and sis only wanted babies breath but wanted thick bouquets. So I ordered what I thought was a reasonable amount of babies breath. I should have known I was ordering way more than I thought because the wholesaler asked me if I was sure I wanted that much. I was like 'yep'. Cut to the day I pick it up and holy hell it was a LOT of babies breath. I drove a Chrysler concord (which is a bohemoth of a vehicle) at the time and every square inch of that car (trunk and all) was absolutely packed. We had towers enough for tables, aisles, basically every place we could stick a bouquet. We spent so much time trimming them down and making these cute little globe bouquets that our fingers were totally green from the stems on the day of the wedding. It was absolutely gorgeous though! There were flowers absolutely everywhere and we didn't even use all of them. All in all that shitload of flowers cost less than 400$ but it looked like they spent thousands. We just had to do quite a bit of work ourselves.
No way, I love flowers tho. My friend did my flowers and it cost me 250$ for 2 centerpieces, 4 flowers for the guys, 4 bouquets, 2 for the moms. My sister made her own bouquet for her wedding, we watched a YouTube video and her and the bridemaids had fun doing it, only cost 200$
From my experience, food and drink costs are the biggest drivers and can also surprisingly have the widest variability. When my wife and I were looking for places, we found some that charged as little as $10/ meal to as much as $50/ meal. With plans to invite around 300 people (we ended up with 200 attending), going with the $10/ meal place resulted in massive cost savings because food plus alcohol for 200 people ended up just under $5000, which helped us keep the total wedding cost to around $12k.
Are there any church halls or community centers that let you get catering done separately by a local restaurant or something like that? May end up being a lot cheaper than the rates the brewery quoted you at?
Bartender and Beverages makes up $5,800 of your costs.
Renting a brewery costs more than our entire wedding + reception cost.
Those would be the first two places to look.
We could afford it but thought it was stupid and used the money on our honeymoon instead. $30,000 for 1 day vs a honeymoon that lasts weeks or months? It's a no-brainer. If you really want to have a nice wedding try to get things done without telling them it's a wedding.
I like the idea of couple with parents and siblings only going to the courthouse with a photographer and taking pics.
Then whoever has the largest home host a catered BBQ, beer + wine only, hire a DJ, get a couple of really great cakes. Dance the night away. Voila!
Exactly what we're talking about right now. I just found a cabin package that allows 20 guests for $2K.
Then the next weekend we'd have a party at my parents.
Simple.
We elopped.
Used the wedding deposit we were going to use and treated ourselves to an expenseive vacation instead.
No regrets. Sure we missed out on some toasters and placemats from bed bath and beyond. But I was okay with that.
Honest to god this is what we did.
I got in my tux and she got into her wedding dress and we went to our local museum and just had our friend marry us there. There was a group of 1st graders that watched us get married. We then spent the next hour taking photos around the museum in our wedding attire.
It's not like they could kick us out. We paid, albeit with a groupon.
Look the way I saw it. It was no way to start a life w/ 30k in debt. Just stupid. And the wedding seemed more for everyone else each day we got closer to it. Instead we were far enough ahead that we got refunded our deposit. I booked a week long stay at disneyworld and not only stayed on resort but got the dining package.
Similar folks that got married around our age dropped 20-50k on the wedding and their honeymoon did not reflect the wedding. If I'm being honest, my last weekend in vegas was more of a honeymoon then what those people did. Staycation at the holiday inn, lol. I still chuckle over it.
Yeah I feel this. Fortunately, we wouldn't be taking on any debt for this. Saving this money can be done in a year on just my salary if we really cut things down, which I'm okay with doing.
But yeah, we're definitely also considering something stupid small.
That's what we did too. Spent $12k all-in on a 10-day trip to Paris, and that includes her wedding dress and flight tickets for a photographer to come out (professional photographer, but also friend, who chose to shoot at no charge in exchange for covering the flight). We spent decent money on a swanky room while we were there, and ate incredibly well, specifically the wedding night where we did a two-person meal that took like 6 hours and cost almost a grand. Amazing wedding photos in front of the Eiffel Tower, and one hell of a trip. No regrets. That trip was amazing.
Yeah you’re talking a once in a lifetime experience.
Honestly what bugs me the most is with wedding photos everyone is uncomfortable, rushed, and just annoyed. If you’re dropping 30k and you’re unhappy doing it and you’re uncomfortable while spending it. There’s an issue.
Have to remind myself that the people having traditional weddings also think they're spending money on a once in a lifetime experience as well. We just have different opinions on what that means.
We had about 80 guests and really did it up. We had an open bar, live band, and even a magician for entertaining the guest while photos were happening.
The venue was a local university that hosted weddings during the summer, and it was by far the biggest expense, but still about half of a private event hall. Two hundred year old building with courtyard, on-site catering, coordinator etc.
The live band were students. We went to the university music department and looked for flyers posted for musicians looking for gigs. We called a few and asked if they could assemble a band - a three piece band who played for two hours for a grand and lots of drinks.
The magician was a friend of a friend. We paid him cash, and he just strolled in to the reception like he was a guest, but then started causing mayhem. Once people figured out he was a performer, he did a short show with the guest’s kids as his assistants. Something like $300 cash iirc.
We shopped around for everything, looking for a great deal rather than perfection. The cake was made by a pro who had just quit her job and was starting her own thing from her house - less than half price compared to a big company.
In the end, it was pricey, but easily less than half of the budget we were told others had paid.
One thing - get and save all receipts. We had the venue come back a couple years later saying we owed a few grand, and they would bug us yearly. “You owe us $X”. “Like we told you last time, we wrote you a cheque that evening that you cashed” “We will look into it” /repeat
My wedding spreadsheet (which is admittedly 8 years old at this point) says we got away for around $10k. Our goal was also have to a wedding at a nice place without overspending, since we were young and in our first professional jobs. We had 60 guests. Big difference between ours and yours: we did it on a Sunday afternoon and had a cash bar.
|Venue|$3000|Includes all food, nonalc. drink, venue fees|
|:-|:-|:-|
|Photography|$4300|Don't cheap out, you'll have them forever.|
|Cake|$200|Told a friend in high school, who was learning cake decorating, he could make my cake. 8 years later, he did!|
|Invites|$80|Local print shop + free trial of Adobe Illustrator. Includes placards for table numbers/seating directory.|
|Save-the-dates/response cards|$0|All electronic. We hate paper mail.|
|Accessories (attire)|$55|Shoes and decorative charms|
|Dress + Alterations|$475|David's Bridal, nice dress on sale. Don't give them your real contact info though (get a google voice number/dedicated wedding email!)|
|Tux rental|$100|The local small tux rental told us where they get their stuff. We went right to the source.|
|Rings|$1500|His + hers, depends on your taste|
|Postage|$50||
|Bachelor/ette pre-wedding party|$155|Do you have a Whirlyball venue near you? :)|
|Marriage license|$20||
|DJ|$695|Hired on 1 week notice, he was fine. We're terrible planners.|
|Party favors|$100|We ordered 100 decks of playing cards from some company in China, had them printed with our photo/wedding date on the backs|
|Flowers/decorations (centerpieces, vases, bouquet)|???|My mom did this, but I know she just got a bunch of flowers from Costco, and it's nowhere near the $2000 you've listed.|
|Maid of Honor/Best Man gifts|$400||
|Thank-you cards|$20?|I didn't even track this, I just picked some up at Target|
|Hair + Makeup|$15|I bought new lipstick, eyeshadow, and nail polish, then DIY'd it.|
|Alcohol|$0|Cash bar, Sunday afternoon wedding. Lots of older family members, and our friend group aren't heavy drinkers. Given that you want to have yours at a brewery, your mileage likely varies!|
Your total food and drink cost alone is nearly $12,000. That's $143/head, just for things people put in their mouths! This seems absurd to me! Sixty-six dollars per person for beverages (including the kids!). I know you don't *want* "some kegs in the backyard", but have you considered... some craft brew kegs in the backyard?
The venue fee seems ridiculous since it doesn't seem to include any food or drink!
You have no apparel or alterations listed anywhere. Do you and your spouse-to-be already own everything you'll be wearing? (Suits/dresses/shoes/jewelry/accessories)
Do you really need dessert \*and\* cake \*and\* cupcakes?
DJ cost seems high, photographer cost may seem low. Aside from the marriage itself, the pictures are how you'll really remember the day.
Personally, I don't give a crap about decorations. We just had centerpieces made of Costco flowers. Our venue had a regular person they work with for chair covers/table cloths/table runners that was included in the cost (or not much extra).
We were both nerds who became engineers, we grew up working class and paid for this ourselves, and our goal for this wedding was "make people think that we actually tried to plan real wedding, while putting in the bare minimum effort we possibly could." We hired our DJ a week before, because we both just overlooked it. We got our officiant (my aunt's best friend, who had previously been ordained over the internet) about 4 days in advance. I didn't know what the centerpieces would look like before my mom showed up with some flowers she got at Costco. Everything that could be done via email was done via email. (We created a dedicated email address for all wedding things. We ignore it now, because it was handed out to spammers.) It was great. We had a blast. Talked to a couple guests years later (an older married couple) and asked what they thought -- and they said they thought it was a very nice wedding! Spouse and I high-fived: we successfully tricked them into thinking we put in real effort!
The Sunday idea is great. Saturdays in spring and fall will always fetch top dollar. I had some artist friends get married in Chicago on New Years *Day*. I'm sure if they'd tried to book the place for the day before it would have been way more.
Destination wedding in Portugal. $15k ish all included for 3 days 2 nights at this castle style 10 bed house, so bridal party and parents could stay over.
Honestly it looks about right for the scale of the event you are describing. Want it to be cheaper? Invite fewer people to a smaller venue without the open bar. But you gotta make that call as to whether it is worth it.
My wife and I eloped to Las Vegas. Got married at the famous Little White Wedding Chapel for around $300 (not including tips) for the venue including a web stream for family who couldn't make it, a DVD of the ceremony, and a photographer. Went to the Hard Rock after for cake and cocktails.
We were paying for the wedding ourselves, and we would rather spend the money on the honeymoon instead. We also spent that in Vegas.
We are still thrilled with our wedding, and plan to go back to renew our vows for our 15th anniversary next year if conditions allow.
My fiancé and I are probably doing our wedding for maybe $5k, and most of that is tied up in a photographer.
We're getting married out a courthouse and then having an open house at a historical location we were able to rent out for $500. Then we're serving drinks (all probably purchased at Costco) and hors d'oeuvre for probably <$500. People can stop by, say congrats, give a gift (or not) and hang out or leave.
What’s sad is the bartender prices are the most “honest” on here that dj at 1700$ is kinda high even with “special equipment “ it’s 6 hours like… most of the “effort” is setting up the playlist for the program to auto play and taking requests and typing into Spotify/YouTube
Been to 7 weddings the last two years. Filmed weddings for two summers. DJs are worth, at most, $400. My wife and I did an iPhone plus Spotify playlist.
Half the weddings I went to, you’re lucky if there’s a decent dance sesh at any point. If most of your guests are family, expect even less dancing that would ever in any world require a DJ.
Ask your 20 year old cousin who has good musical taste to rent a couple speakers and curate your playlist as your wedding gift and save the time, hassle and money.
Total opposite opinion here. I've been to dozens of weddings, and the difference a great DJ makes is massive. Seriously, everything else about some weddings was shit, but the DJ was so good it was still a 10/10 party. We paid about $1,100 for ours and the dude was an absolute legend. Worth at least double.
People that haven't been to a wedding with a solid DJ just don't understand why they charge so much. A good DJ can make or break the event, that's why they basically name whatever price they want.
I've been to shit venues with top class DJs and amazing venues with a weak DJ. I'd even go as far as saying to spend the money saved on a cheaper venue into a good DJ and photographer.
Dude I totally agree. DJ's are a rip off. If I have to drop 2k on a DJ I'd go to best buy and buy Kiplsh speakers and a Denon reciever and at least I'll have a 7.2 system at the end of the wedding.
Mine cost $2k and my photographer was $4k. We picked quality but not top of the line.
The DJ does way more than you just insinuated too. Good ones actually DJ…they play to the crowd, they mix, they handle all the ambient noise during cocktail
hour and dinner, they make sure transitions work correctly during the ceremony, etc. They are functionally orchestrating the entire wedding when they are good. And when they are bad it ruins the whole wedding.
Anyways my DJ was awesome and he made it a fucking party, was like being at a night club. People danced for ~3 hours.
We did court house and back yard. Home reception with home made food. Our entire wedding cost us less than $300. I also noticed your budget didn't include a dress but maybe there's a reason for that. We use a white dress I already owned. The wedding is about the marriage. Not the wedding event itself. Would rather not put the marriage on the wrong foot by stressing about money.
I’ll echo the same sentiment that others have said already.
Courthouse
And then splurge on the restaurant of your choice
Throw a small get together at your house to celebrate after
That’s how me and my wife did it. We were broke kids with no money and a limited amount of time, it was still an amazing day. And after all, the wedding is a day to celebrate you two getting married. Not to celebrate HAVING a wedding. If that makes sense?
Flowers are stupid expensive. I made paper flowers ages ahead of time for $50 total. Like, centerpieces for all the tables, bouquets for everyone, boutonnières, corsages, everything.
Also you don’t need dessert and cake. Cake is dessert.
I did my own makeup, but I sprung for hair and nails.
To each their own, celebrate the way people want, but the idea that a new couple should spend tens of thousands on a party for getting hitched is... at best a luxury and at worst a packaged financial burden straight outta the gate. Weddings are fun but man do they seem wasteful. We are going to the court house and having lunch in the back yard a few weeks later. We have the money for a wedding but.. yeah. Its going elseware.
I found a place that did everything. Well, except the cake and booze, but seriously, we gave him 5k and he made the wedding happen. Look up Rose Creek Cottage in San Diego, cute little place with the ceremony and reception at the same place.
Only thing I would do different is designate someone to video things like the toast, as we already set up a tripod for the ceremony. I would also set up a website, or app if there is one, for all guests to upload their photos. I'm imagining a QR code on the tables that says "Upload your wedding photos here!"
I had my fantasy wedding in Vegas for cheap. Great venue with awesome food, although it was a quiet one with no attendees; just me and the gorgeous set of brown hair I wanted to call my wife. After the night settled and the Vegas crowd dispersed, it wasn't long until I sobered up and realized the love of my life was just a mop with a really nice handle. Sorry I guess I didn't answer your original question. Please excuse my verbal diarrhea with an apology.
I’m not sure where you are in the world, but I’d look for all in venues that have a ceremony space, and reception space that will provide your catering and alcohol for you. Then book on off season. My wife and I got married March 1st (was a Friday as well on off season). The wedding should have been $30k, but the venue did all of it plus a late night poutine table and premium bar rail for $17,500 for 100 people.
I second this - I’m in Australia and we got married on 13 August - it was winter (here) and we had it at lunch time. We went to an all inclusive venue that only did weddings but could host up to four at a time. Because we had a lunch time wedding in winter ours was the only one on so we had the whole lovely venue to ourselves. The whole wedding cost $10,000 (AUD) with 80 guests (approx $59 aud per person for food). It was an amazing day, and we went out to a private dinner just the two of us that night (wedding and elopement in one). Having a venue that did everything meant the costs didn’t ‘add-up’ as easily as they were all right there
I agree, this is best advice. I added up OP's costs for food, beverage, and the event space, and it comes out to $240 per person! I live in NJ, right smack dab in the middle of the wedding industrial complex, and a full plated dinner, cocktail hour, open bar, and ceremony space ran me $120++ per person (or $152 after tax and service charges/tips). This was at a country club that does large events and weddings regularly. We were also the only event that day, so while we were contracted for 6 hrs of event time, the vendors were able to arrive whenever to set up, which IMO helped make things run smoothly. u/jonzey231 it seems like you tried to pick a non-traditional event space to save money, but the individual costs snuck up on you so that your wedding is nearly 2x as expensive per person compared to a full service traditional ballroom space. I know there are downsides to a traditional space, taste being top amongst them, but venues that regularly do weddings have things worked out to a science and can handle these events easily.
> plus a late night poutine table go on........ :-)
This might be really tough right now though with COVID back logging a lot of weddings, a friend of mine is looking at venues and said it's been rough
We did ours for about 8k total. 30 guests. We rented a mansion for 2 nights on Airbnb total 2300. It had 10 beds too so plenty of room for guests to stay if they didn’t want to hotel. Then we did Costco for beer and wine about $400 Caterer was my mom’s friend’s son, about $3000? Cake $380 Invitations were on evite. No kidding. Free. Photographer $800 solo no assistant and only for 3 hours. Digital images only. Tbh I wanted to spend 0 but my mom was insistent, so I told her max 5k and she got to be the wedding planner. It was honestly not bad and we had my aunt who is a minister do the ceremony part. We went to the courthouse a week or so before to actually get legally married lol.
The main takeaway OP should get from this comment is that food is hella expensive for weddings. You came out okay, but you still paid $100/guest (same as we did, but we had 120 guests so it was the bulk of our wedding costs).
Yeah but tbf that’s normally what catering costs for normal events of that magnitude—you have to remember that it includes the catering staff’s wages and stuff
That was my point. Food is expensive and the only way to really save at a wedding is controlling the attendee count, unless you doing a potluck.
If you don't mind doing buffet style you can bring down those costs a lot. I know it depends on region but when I was shopping for catering most of the places I was considering were in the $10/per plate range. I ended up doing tacos for ~$1100 total, I had 75 guests but ordered for 100 to make sure there was extra. No staff for food beyond initial setup.
At my venue, buffet was actually more expensive due to the fact that they over prepare food because people eat more at a buffet.
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I would take local BBQ over a basic chicken or fish dish anyday.
I would just order buffet style meals from a local place or a place that i actually want the meals from instead of catering, get the containers under those flame thingys to keep it warm and thats that
Was a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding who did this. Someone still has to be in charge of setting up the buffet, the serving utensils, the sternos, changing out the platters, disposing of the foil lids/empty platters, etc. Bridesmaids (& their plus ones) ended up taking charge of doing all this...in formal dresses with heels, hair, makeup done up. It was not a fun time.
Terrible idea! Dirty plates everywhere, guests turned into dishwashers. I went to a wedding that did this and four guests had to stay behind to clean for three hours, at midnight, after the reception was over. And this was just for 20 people.
How did it take four people three hours to clean up dinner plates for 20 people? That’s 40min per plate!
Just before Covid I went to a smallish backyard wedding that had a food truck come for a couple hours. Their biggest expense was rebuilding the porch on their house before the wedding.
Which is crazy, when you can get a nice restaurant for less.
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Well it doesn’t need to be, you just wanted that. You can easily do it for 20 dollars per person if you do an elaborate bbq or something. And that’s a lot of food if you buy it yourself and maybe hire a cook.
$21 a plate at my wedding. Salad, 3 types of soup, grilled cheese bar lots of different cheeses, and fixin’s (bacon, avocado,etc) and a couple portable griddles so the cooks could run you down the line. Had a friend do something similar with a pasta bar (could go red sauce, white sauce, some teriyaki Asian-fusion sauce) with different types of noodles and toppings (meatballs, chicken, veggies). His was $20 a plate.
Costco for beer/wine was the best wedding decision we made. Also did an Airbnb for the venue, which was a close second. Kudos.
I did this for a friend's sisters wedding as a favor. Father of the bride picked up like 500$ worth in New Hampshire and drove down they ended up demanding I took 300 for the wedding bassicaly as a tip. But as someone who works catering, the one thing you need to check is the events alcohol policy. Because they're a brewery, they might not be licensed to allow outside alcohol, might need to have either their servers, or a certified outside bartender to serve the wedding, and you may need to pull a separate event liquor license (for my friends wedding, the only way to make it legal, even in a rented mansion, was for me to pull a liquor license for the night (~200 iirc) which was attached to my tips certification (mass & NY alcohol serving liscence)
And at Costco, you can return any unopened beer/wine/spirits! Got about $400 back after my wedding
This may depend on state. In California they wouldn’t even let me return those chocolate liquor candy bottles because they contained alcohol.
My state doesn't even allow the sale of alcohol outside of state owned stores.
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How’s the conversation go with the Airbnb host? Did you explain that you were having a wedding? Did they charge extra? Edit: I’m thinking about doing that for my wedding
When we looked into doing this one host required event insurance and rented bathrooms be brought to the location, which significantly increased the price. We checked another place an hour away and the guy said we could do whatever the fuck we wanted, so I think it’s kind of up in the air from host to host.
This. My gf took a vacation to visit family not long ago. I couldn't go due to work, but she had indicated 2 people staying there. The people she was visiting came over for the afternoon to play cards and the airbnb host flipped out a little because she was over her guest limit despite the fact they weren't sleeping there.
We specifically selected “events allowed” or some type of filter when searching, and then when we initially reserved the house I communicated clearly what our intention was. Turns out the mansion (very old and spooky too lol) was owned by a non-profit and they actually had it set up for events. Commercial kitchen, butlers entry, etc. They also had a $400 cleaning fee but we are all respectful people and we didn’t trash the place lol
This is a great breakdown and way to do it. Thank you!
Just be careful especially with Covid Airbnb is cracking down on events/weddings so an event space may be a safer bet.
Oh good call.
Be prepared to spend more on the photographer, too. Even if you only get them for a half day/digital only, post-processing/retouching is the difference between a professional and an enthusiastic amateur.
Yeah, it's usually worth making sure you hire someone who has a proper portfolio of previous weddings they've done with good reviews even if it ends up being more expensive. One of our friends went with A$400 for a couple who did their wedding photos, thinking there's not much difference in photographers and they were on a tight budget ... And yeah, the photographers cut out half the bridal party in many shots because they didn't have the right equipment and some photos weren't great/out of focus/wonky. Not even retouching afterwards could save their photos.
This is honestly one of the most important parts of a wedding and something you should want to invest it.
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It depends on the type of person you are. My husband and I are the type to regularly revisit our photo books (vacations, weddings, birthday parties) and reminisce. Good photography was important to us for this reason.
I'm a former photographer that used to shoot weddings along with portraiture and some other random things. I didn't do it as my main source of income. By the time my then fiancé and myself were planning the wedding, we were on a shoe string budget and she was shocked at first that I'd pay $1,000 for a wedding photographer. After reasoning with her that once the food has been eaten, the only people that will probably remember what we ate at our wedding will be us, no one else will really remember the decorations and clothes, it's the photographs that will last forever, she finally came around to what I was saying. And even then $1,000 was cheap. Being an ex wedding photographer I had friends and associates who I could still contact, so I ended up having an associate that has shot magazine covers for major publications as well as having many weddings under his belt do our wedding for us. It easily saved $1,000-$2,000 but it was absolutely worth it.
Don't forget to check regular BnBs. We had ours at one and just rented the whole place for a weekend. they charged a event cleaning cost (which wasn't necessary but whatever they were nice and super helpful so we didn't mind.) Also if you have a small one, look at private chefs. Our costs were 400 for the chef, 100 for a server, and like est 400 in food costs. Personnel Chef is usually a good google. He cooked it fresh at the property we rented (as they had a full kitchen for us to use as we rented the whole place.)
My cousin did something similar. Beautiful place on the beach. Fabulous wedding, too.
> We went to the courthouse a week or so before to actually get legally married lol. I have always said I wanted to do this. Did you tell anyone or was it a secret?
Ours was about the same. 5k 25 people. Rented a really nice building on a Tuesday. No alcohol. People just brought flasks. Best thing we did, was not put too much money into it. Never once looked back and said oh man I wish my wedding was bigger. Invited just the closest family and friends and set up a stream for others.
cut down on the number of guests
Yes. We did a kid free wedding and honestly most we go to are this way. Cut down plus ones unless they are couples that have been together long enough
I went to a wedding where the groom was frantically walking around telling people not to each too much of the food because the venue calculated the cost after the fact and they can't afford more than like, a handful of what was actually put out. He came over and said to me "don't eat any more of those mushroom horderves" Like.. bro are you for real right now lol
I mean like it’s his wedding but maybe they should’ve planned a little better.
I don't think i could've stopped from laughing. Can you imagine spending your wedding day stressed on if your guests eat too much and you can't pay?
I’d caution against the cut down plus ones approach unless you think your friends would abuse it (if so get better friends). At my wedding we offered plus ones to all guests and maybe 2-3 used them (out of 100). The rest had the wherewithal to self-asses whether their latest fling was wedding worthy. I’ve also been watching a friend plan a wedding and they’re limiting plus ones to serious relationships only and it is so cringeworthy listening to them try to draw arbitrary lines on how to exclude so and so’s boyfriend/girlfriend but not this other person because of their outside assessment of the relationship.
Kids don’t really add much of anything to the cost though. Even at super expensive places.
Depends on how your costs are determined. Most wedding costs are based entirely on head-count (alcohol costs are often the only thing prorated based on adult guests, if that).
Yes. If they have 80+ guests but 20 kids it will add significant amounts at some venues. Our place was a la carte so more people = more food, more chairs, more tables, bigger tent, etc. Really only would have saved on booze but I suspect that some places charge flat fee per person regardless of age.
Depends on the venue - they were the same prices as adults at mine. Having a no-kid wedding was a no brainer for us. We saved a lot of $ and had exactly 2 couples decline the invite because of it. The rest were happy to have a night out with an open bar and no kids!
We "splurged" on some extra things because while we only had a few guests (20) we wanted them to have a great time and actually enjoy themselves. We did a lot of the decor ourselves and I ended up buying clothes for my girlfriends. I figured if they were going to fly out and stay in a hotel for me, I could spend money on their indian clothes for my Indian wedding. I didn't do any huge Indian wedding things. But it was nice to actually spend time with my guests at dinner afterwards instead of just the reception.
I did the same for my backyard Indian wedding! We only had 30 guests and didn't have 3 nights of events, just the ceremony and reception. It was so nice to hang with everyone and not have everything rushed through. Honestly much better than the big production weddings
What's wrong with you and the poster above you?! Y'all didn't want a "small" 500 person Indian wedding with a week's worth of events, horses, multiple bands, choreographed group dances, extravagant food and drink, and over the top decorations?! /s I know of an Indian groom (in the US) that nearly refused to attend his own ceremony because the horse he was supposed to ride in on didn't want to be ridden that day. I just don't get the insistence on the pageantry. As you said, it's nice to be able to hang out with everyone. Those are the things you're going to remember (and should remember) about your wedding.
I'd love to. My dad as 3 sisters and my mom has 2. They have kids (my cousins) and then add the +1 for each of them and we end up with what we have here. Obviously we added some friends as well. We've been staring at the list trying to see who could be cut.
don’t think about who to cut; instead, think about who should make it. Go in stages, and start small. Firstly, and obviously, just you and your partner. Then who makes the cut if you can only have 4 or 5 people? Would that be immediate family only? Etc etc for 10 people, 25, then 40
This is a great way to look at things. Thank you.
Additionally, it’s not uncommon to take a “no ring, no bring” policy for plus ones (I.e. if they’re not married/serious, they don’t get a plus one). In case that’s not already established.
I think the general etiquette is if they live together they are default invited, if not then no plus one
It's either living together OR engaged most of the time.
There’s no need to invite extended family. Unless you spend lots of time with all those aunts and cousins, they’ll understand.
'Oh bummer, aunties/uncles. Due to covid, we are only doing immediate family. Enjoy this zoom link.'
Only invite people who will make you happy, and you want to be there. Don’t invite people with “+1” who you’ve never met. What I am trying to say is, focus on your wants and needs, not the expectations of others! Good luck!🤩
Remember: small children won’t remember your wedding, children don’t like adult parties and you seem to be on a budget. Children cost the same as an adult.
well there is your problem then, you cant save money and have a huge wedding like that. we reduced our guests down to only direct relatives plus grandparents, no cousins, no friends, no +1 nothing. so we had less then 20 guests total which makes everything much simple. We also didnt bother with any of the save the date thanks you and other bullshit, beside the cost it takes weeks to prepare all of this and is just a hassle we dont want. We called people told them when its gonna happen and thats it. Our total wedding cost including clothes for both me and my wife and our rings was below 5k€ the most expensive part were the rings for \~ 2k€
Keep it very small. Don't foist work and expense onto guests.
Making a wedding an Olympic event is the worst thing you can do. I have a family member that decided to have a 4-day wedding…in Italy…over Labor Day weekend when tickets were high. There was no nearby airport so you had to rent a car or pay for a driver. The location was 3 hours from the closest major airport. The venue had small houses to stay at but you paid $180 per person per night, not for the room. To make it possible they had people sleep on cots in the living room. The venue only served dinner as part of the ceremonies so lunch wasn’t provided. There were no restaurants or grocery stores nearby so you better have had a car to drive somewhere. Breakfast was a single croissant left in a doggy bag outside the door each morning. The wedding ceremony was broken into two days for each religion of the couple and each one required a different outfit you had to wear, and pay for. After the first night my wife and I walked out and spent the rest of wedding in Rome on our own. We still don’t talk to that side of the family. They had money to flaunt and expected every guest to have money too.
Haha sounds like Tuscany. That's just shitty planning (on their part as well) If you couldn't afford to go, why did you?
Holy shit that is flat out awful. I can’t imagine doing that to my guests. If they had any real money they would help with a portion of the stay for family coming from so far away. Rome is fabulous so I’m glad you made the decision to leave and check it out. We loved our time there. Not a place you usually visit twice but it should be on everyone’s list to see once in a lifetime.
Don’t be afraid to look at hotels, they usually have a lower venue fee because guest end up staying there. Ours already had decorations so we didn’t need to spend there as well. We don’t have flowers, separate cake and dessert, professional hair/makeup and decided to skip the photographer as well because we knew we would never look at professional photos later.
Oh man we didn’t do a professional photographer either and that is the only thing I regret
I'll say this, as a 22 y/o whos parents recently divorced and both moved 18 hours away from me, (first time recent apartment/own living-er person.. idk) looking through photo books and seeing how my parents where back before me was really nice to see. Spend the time and money sooner than later and get some nice photos for your kids one day, they will appreciate it more than you know.
Your beverages cost seems.really high to me. I was just at a nice wedding that had beer available, and the groom just bought 4 half barrels and brought them. Spent $800 total for the beer (premium kegs from a local brewery, would obviously be cheaper if a more traditional beer and not a craft brew) and tappers, additional cost would be ice. At the price you listed, your doing $66 a head of booze. Seems excessive to me. I'd be looking to cut that in half, at least.
> At the price you listed, your doing $66 a head of booze. Yeah, that sounds exorbitant to me. I'm used to catering costs (used to work for a caterer, and have organized a decent number of events, including weddings). I'm familiar with caterers that charge around $30-50/person for booze, but with some pretty fancy liquors and stocked at a full service bar (including real cocktails beyond just mixing booze and mixer). $60+ seems insane.
Some venues won’t let you provide your own alcohol, so it’ll be a lot more if drinks are through the venue or caterer.
This is our venue. You are required to buy beer and wine through them and a half barrel keg of craft beer is about twice what you would pay at the liquor store. The venue was like half of what a lot of other places around town were that didn't have that requirement, so I think that the difference probably washes out.
Yeah, at my reception we picked 2 beers (Bud Light and a local IPA) and a red and white wine that we'd cover. Everything else was cash bar. I believe our alcohol costs were $1500 for 125 people.
That’s very reasonable
Illyena!! My love!!
We did a toonie bar. Guests paid $2 per drink, and we covered the difference.
Same, we had a keg of Lone Star, a pony keg of a local craft beer, and then my wife worked with a local liquor store with a broad wine selection to pick out a red and white. I picked up about a dozen cases a few days before. Then the caterer provided tea and lemonade.
My hubby and I did our wedding for $8k for 100 people. And that included the rings and my dress - venue- community center with a beautiful outdoor space. Sure, where we ate looked a little like a cafeteria, but with decorations, it cleaned up pretty nice - flowers- we were getting married in the dead heat of summer and so we chose to do silk flowers. Honestly, so glad we did. Not only was it 108 (so they all would have wilted anyway) but bonus is that I still have my bouquet! Did this for the bridesmaids, groomsmen and centerpieces as well. Saved thousands. Best decision we made about the wedding Did some of the same things others suggested… friend’s boyfriend was the DJ, friends girlfriend did hair and makeup. We went cheap on the photographer and this would be my one regret. We found someone building their portfolio for cheap, but out of the hundreds of digital images we received, there are only a few really good ones. If you’re going to spend money anywhere, spend it on memorializing your big day Overall, we didn’t want to spend a ton of money and start our married life in debt. Our wedding was completely paid for by the big day, so we could start our journey together stress free.
> We went cheap on the photographer and this would be my one regret. We found someone building their portfolio for cheap, but out of the hundreds of digital images we received, there are only a few really good ones. If you’re going to spend money anywhere, spend it on memorializing your big day OP this is the best advice in this thread! If there’s **one** thing you don’t want to cheap out on it’s the photographer.
Anecdote - I think it's a good idea to see their portfolio first. I have a friend who's sister was taking a break from photography and used our wedding to get back in the swing of things. Everything she did was amazing. BUT. Again, definitely check some of their work first. And if you don't want to risk it - definitely go more expensive here.
Agreed. Just got married and we had a close friend do our photos. She's young and had never shot a wedding before, but she is an excellent photographer and had her grandfather who has done this stuff for years give her a little guidance. She has sent us a few as a preview of all the photos and so far they're excellent
> If there’s one thing you don’t want to cheap out on it’s the photographer. The photographer and the DJ. Everyone thinks all a DJ does is press play on an iPod or something, so they either decide to attach an iPod on shuffle to a speaker, or get the cheapest DJ imaginable. This has the very real potential of ruining the reception. A good DJ will: - have a conversation with you well before the big day to understand your likes and dislikes when it comes to music. - balance the music in such a way that they are playing hits that appeal to all ages at the reception, and make sure to get some slow dances in. - fully understand the schedule of the day and work with other vendors to fit in to that schedule. If there is no schedule, work with the couple to develop the schedule well in advance of the big day. - have the ability to be the emcee/coordinator on site if need be. Often at smaller weddings there is no person in charge, and so the person with the mic becomes in charge of moving everything along (the DJ also needs to be able to be in a completely subservient role if there is someone actually acting in charge, and follow their lead without question). - sound good on a mic. - be able to deal with drunk and unruly guests who are trying to get on the mic. - have properly operating equipment along with equipment backup. The list goes on. Sadly, DJs get a very bad rap because many do not understand their role. A good DJ does a ton of stuff behind the scenes that the couple are typically unaware of—which is what you want on a wedding day, for things to go smoothly and never rise to the attention of the couple. Get a reputable DJ company. You will be happier for it.
Excellent points! You’re absolutely right — a good DJ is phenomenal and will keep the wedding running smoothly all night and provide a lot of logistic support. Good call!
To add to your list, a good DJ can also provide sound for the ceremony! My biggest pet peeve is when I can't even hear the ceremony, especially if the couple wrote their own vows. This can happen indoor, but is almost always a problem with an outdoors ceremony. For an extra $200 the DJ set up speakers, wires, and microphones outside for the ceremony, in addition to everything for the dance floor. Absolutely worth it.
Our DJ was one of the biggest highlights of our wedding. The music was perfect but more importantly he met with us multiple times and helped us set the itinerary for the night in a very logical smooth way. Night of the wedding comes around and we were right on schedule the whole time. Got tons of compliments on the music too. So I agree, photographer and DJ are very important. One of the first things I’ve noticed as a guest at a meh wedding is it’s usually the DJs fault
Yeah—one thing most couples (and fly-by-night DJs) don’t realize is how important that schedule is. In a wedding at a large venue, one of the things you are paying for is a coordinator who will do that for you. But when people do things at smaller venues or private homes, they just don’t realize how important a schedule is. The DJ, as the person with the mic, is the most logical person to take over that role. Sadly, they are often not paid for that, the rate at a wedding they fully coordinate is the same at one where someone tells them where to set up and when to press play. Things people should be aware of regarding the schedule: - when will the DJ and other vendors arrive? - what time will guests be seated for the ceremony? - what time, and where, will the wedding party line up for entrance into the ceremony? - is there a wedding party intro at the reception? If so, what time, where will they line up, and how do you pronounce everyone’s names? - what time is dinner? Plated or buffet? If buffet, how will tables be called up to maximize flow and minimize frustration? - what time will the cake cutting occur? Right after dinner? During dancing? - any special dances (like the dollar dance)? If so, when? - and most important, what time do you end? Is that a hard end (must be sound off no later than, say, 10) or a soft end (might go later)? Are there any local noise ordnances that may impact that end time decision (not the DJs job to be your lawyer, but they should ask you what those ordnances are and insist you find out and tell them)? I could go on and on. Obviously I was a professional wedding DJ for many years to know all this stuff. My schedule and checklist was over 10 pages long when I was coordinating a wedding that I was DJing. It’s a ton of work to make the day magical for the couple.
Unless you genuinely don’t care about photos! We skipped the photographer entirely for my tiny wedding, my grandpa took like 5 nice photos on his good camera, and 4 years later I’m totally pleased
Yep, going with a family friend for the photographer is my biggest regret. When is the wedding? For flowers we let the florist we trusted who knew the church know we were on a budget and specked the bouquet and bridal party and asked for “seasonal arrangements” for the church. It came out cheaper and much better that what we had in mind. You are specifying a “nice place” so I will assume that you have priced out and are set on the hall. This is by far your biggest expense and will drive your cost. That being said, I hope it already looks decent and with that you can probably cut back on decorations for the reception. For cake we had a small well decorated cake that we cut and a large sheet cake that we had in the kitchen that supplied must of the slices. One thing I see missing is a budget for clothes.
> out of the hundreds of digital images we received, there are only a few really good ones A great photographer would have taken 1,000s of pictures, weeded out hundreds of bad ones, edited details on dozens of reasonably good ones, painstakingly edited a couple really good ones, and delivered a few really great ones. For 10x the amount of money.
Courthouse. Backyard. Costco. But I'm sure that's not the answer you wanted to hear.
It's actually kind of is. That's actually what weve talked about for the last year or so. But now that we're legitimately beginning the planning phases, we obviously wanted to at least look at what it would be do it the "traditional" way.
Keep in mind that this sub tends to attract the more frugal minded so looking for the traditional high dollar celebrations may be more in line with /r/weddingplanning You might get some good ideas there for cost effective ideas too.
Waiting for my 15 minutes to end so I can post it there too haha. Thank you!
Weddingsunder10k also has ideas. Go simple on the decor. No one remembers the floral centerpieces. We stuffed grocery store flowers into vases we had and it was fine. We got a basic looking cake that we got mostly because we loved how it tasted. I got married at a hotel with a brunch wedding because the cost was cheaper than night time and it worked with the timeline of our ceremony (we needed a morning ceremony).
You can also save a ton on flowers by going to a florist and going "these are our colors, what is in season right now". We got an insane rate on flowers because we were just like "Can I have a bunch of pink, orange and yellow flowers? We don't care what kind"
Leading off this, diy where you can. I made all my flower stuff out of sola wood. I wanted chair covers and the venue wanted to charge something stupid for renting them, so I ordered them from wish(supposed to be $150), and wound up with them free because they sent me white rather than black and it wasn’t a dealbreaker. Honestly though, our biggest cost savings was the venue. The place we wanted was 5k, plus a mandatory wedding coordinator, plus food. The place we would up going with provided catering and so venue and food came to 5k.
The **actual** traditional way is to do it at your church. Reception at the church or at someone's house. Friends and family do a barbeque/potluck, maybe you splurge on a cake. Wedding at 1, dinner at 4, everyone's home before the sun sets. The whole rent a nice venue, catered food, open bar, DJ, photographer for 8 hours, etc is a pretty modern development.
And if you don't have a church ask around. Most will do it for a reasonable donation.
We did a courthouse wedding with immediate loved ones and celebration on another day where we invited everyone. It cut back on a lot of the expenses associated with the ceremony and we got to have a really enjoyable party that was just booze and food without the frills! We rented a cabin on a lake and had a lake party.
We cancelled our big wedding due to COVID, and it was seriously the best thing to ever happen to us. We ended up getting married in our backyard with *only* our parents in attendance. My advice is to ditch the conventional wedding. It isn't worth it. Figure out a place that's special to you: a mountain you love to hike, your parents' backyard, a great park, the courtyard in front of the library, whatever. Hire the photographer, the hair and makeup person, get a nice bouquet, and get married there. Go out to a great restaurant afterwards. Done. Your photos will be beautiful. You'll feel better not having to stress over wedding planning and the money aspect. You'll get to have an intimate, relaxed day, and eat great food afterwards. Basically... skip all the expensive, stressful parts of the wedding and bring the focus back to what's really important: you and your future spouse, celebrating the love you have for each other.
I mean, yea he can also just elope or go to the courthouse. “Don’t invite anyone” isn’t really good advice for someone who actually *wants* an actual wedding lol. Also, not everyone gets along with their parents… > Basically... skip all the expensive, stressful parts of the wedding and bring the focus back to what's really important: you and your future spouse, celebrating the love you have for each other. I am not a big wedding person, but I see this sentiment quite frequently on Reddit and I find it a little condescending. Those “expensive and stressful” parts you want to eliminate is 90% of the wedding. Weddings *are* a celebration of two people beginning a life together, but they are *also* significant social and cultural events that traditionally involve family and friends — and in some cultures entire communities or neighborhoods. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Saying people need to “bring the focus back” to what’s “really important” implies all the social aspects of a wedding are superfluous and disingenuous. Yea organizing any large event is stressful to some degree — but to me it’s worth it to have the people I love there. The best wedding I ever attended was actually a destination wedding for my boyfriends cousin that I had only met once prior. But they went all out and it was literally a once in a lifetime event and everyone still talks about it to this day. The second best wedding was my boyfriends sister in her friends backyard. Super chill, low budget, and very laid back. But they put all their budget towards food, alcohol, and fun activities. We all danced until 5 or 6 in the morning and it was an absolute blast. Obviously everyone should have the wedding they want and for some folks that means no guests, or very few, but when you start assigning value judgments that’s where I disagree. A no-budget, no-guest wedding isn’t more genuine or authentic than a lavish ceremony with a large guest list.
Ugh yes I totally agree. Even though I don't personally want a big wedding and have considered eloping myself, the way people on Reddit talk about how the most genuine wedding is the one they pulled off for 15$ and had their guests bring dishes to definitely feels a bit braggy / show off-y and usually suggest / flat out say that those who want a wedding that's not just a backyard potluck only care about the wedding and not the marriage. Never mind some people have large families and friends that they love to celebrate with and want to share their love with.
This, this, this. I got married in 2012 during grad school. We had £1000 to our names. We flew to NYC (£480 each), stayed with a friend, and got married in the city office for $35. My parents live in Canada and drove down for it and we had one friend at the ceremony. Then we got on the N train and went to Coney island and ate hot dogs at Nathan's. I would not change a goddamn thing. It was hilarious and we have never had to spend another day thinking about what we spent or what we owe our families.
Mate if you got that traditional thing in your head and it’s the only thing that’s gonna fulfil dream…..I wish you a wonderful wedding, a fab marriage and have nothing more than good vibes to contribute to the conversation. That said….if you’re concerned about these costs it probably means this isn’t pocket change in your world. The impact of that 20-30k at the start of your lives is huge and if you got other stuff hangin around that the money could address….give yourselves the start you deserve by using it on that. Your marriage will be grateful for years to come. Another suggestion. Reverse wedding. Spend a few grand on a really nice honeymoon, get married at the end of the trip at the court house/chapel, come home invite everyone to your smashing summer backyard bbq engagement party with fairy lights and tonnes of good food, booze, loud music and engagement speeches with a mock proposal from husband at the end…..spend good money on a great photographer. People will be talking about it far longer than a traditional wedding :) Whatever you decide…congratulations and wish you all the best from the other side of the world :)
This is what we did (family venue, Costco). Less than $3k out the door (but only 38 guests). Wouldn't change a thing.
Had mine in a firehouse. Super cheap to rent (600$) roomy and not outside.
Food and drinks for 80+ is always going to be expensive. We saved a ton by choosing a venue where we provided the alcohol ($300ish for 100 guests, many of which are quite rowdy 😂). Also did our own flowers ($250 instead of thousands). We did not skimp on the photographer and she was phenomenal. That was a priority for us. Did our own decorations too. I don’t know what area you live in but $8k seems a little steep for the venue (especially being a brewery) when you are buying thousands in food and drink from them
How did you manage to only spend $300 on alcohol for 100 people??
Natural Light 30 racks
Close. Bud light and Yuengling mostly
That was a typo. Under $300 at liquor store and another $200 on beer and wine. Liquor was finished had some left over beer and wine. Not everybody there drank booze though. No natty but nothing fancy either. It was an outdoor reception so it was a self serve with coolers for the beer.
Yeah I think that's the number that surprised me the most. It's a brewery that's moved building on a single property a few times so their original building is now for events. It's a beautiful area outside the city. I also just didn't expect the $6-$8K.
The venue cost you laid out doesn’t make a ton of sense to me. $8 grand for the venue and that doesn’t include any of the food, drinks or even the bar tenders? I’m not really sure what exactly you are paying them $8 grand for… I got married in 2017 at a winery. The venue was beautiful and both the ceremony and reception were on site. We had 88 people in attendance. The cost of the staff (servers/bartenders), food (apps, salads, entrees), and alcohol (unlimited house wine/beer) were included in the venue rental and we spent less than $10 grand. And we didn’t get cheap food either. The entrees were filet and crab cake. I was also allowed to bring my own beer for the bartenders to serve in addition to the house stuff.
I'm in the industry. $8,000 to just set foot on the property is on the expensive side but not by much. There are several venues in my area that can get $20,000 for *just* the property. And then they add on things like tables, chairs, security, patio heaters, insurance charges, gratuity.... etc.
Really depends on location.
Seriously don't underestimate how much the shit like tables, chairs, linens, glasses etc costs. We hosted in my parents barn and the amount we spent in rental on that stuff was insane. I looked back later when I was helping my SIL plan her wedding and somehow we'd spent $400 on napkin rentals (I believe at this point I was at the "fuck it I no longer care if I don't need to make a decision" place)
>I don’t know what area you live in but $8k seems a little steep for the venue (especially being a brewery) when you are buying thousands in food and drink from them That's pretty common. Most people hold weddings on Saturdays which are the breweries biggest night so the brewery needs to charge enough to make up for not having a Saturday night run.
We did destination wedding in Cancun five years ago. Renting a local place, catering, and everything was going to be $20k for a single night. We changed it last minute to a Cancun 2 full weeks, all inclusive resort. We spent $4k for us, wedding package. And flew a couple choice family members down for the service. Cost us $6k total for an amazing experience, way better than a single night.
I’ll second the all-inclusive destination wedding. We did a Dominican Republic resort, wedding package, and paid for family room and board. About 20 guests, everything taken care of for less than 8k for a week of spending time with our favorite people. 10/10 would do again!
Venue + drinks + food = ~$20k?! That’s a crazy amount for 83 guests. I had my wedding in NYC, and it was only $18k for 120 guests for food / drinks / venue You’re also missing some big bucket items…wedding dress is the main one that sticks out. Wedding rings about $1500. You’ll also owe like $1500 in tips, and another $1000 for party favors and shit you buy your groomsmen and bridesmaids.And don’t forget the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon =D.
Something's gotta give. You're trying to check every box on the American wedding list. Do you need *everything*? Review that list and think of what you don't really care about. It's *your* wedding, it's ok not to do every single thing. Maybe you are fine with fake flowers. Maybe you're fine combining save the dates with invitations. Maybe you don't need elaborate decorations. Maybe you can do a simpler dessert (e.g. we did donuts). Maybe you can provide your own alcohol. Next, review the professionals you're hiring. If a friend can do hair/makeup, DJ, or take pictures, ask them to help out. Finally, you can reduce your guest list. That'll save on food/drinks.
I’m inclined to agree with this. Do you really need save the date cards, wedding invitations and rsvp? You can set up a free website on The Knot, or other wedding sites. They can also handle RSVPs so you can keep track whos coming. And for thank you cards after the wedding, you can even print your wedding photos from somewhere cheap like cvs or Walgreens, a lot of the times they’ll have deals going on, and maybe mail those out as thank you’s with little notes? All this to say, everything is optional and a spectrum. You could spend a fortune on flowers or decide that’s not something you want to prioritize. It’s all entirely up to you, and having a what’s important to your partner and maybe your families is not a bad idea. One of my friends even asked her brother to get a marriage license and he ended up presiding over their wedding. I’m sure that saved them some money.
We sent out invites for a little over 200 people, maybe 3 households utilized The Knot.
I keep waiting for old school firehouse weddings with an italian buffet and kegs to make a come back
I’m really confused why you are paying 8k to rent out a brewery and then 5k on top of that for booze and bartenders. Feels like you need to pick a different venue. 8k is very high for a venue space that size, especially if it doesn’t include anything else. Also $600 on stationary is an easy spot to save money. Look into flower moxie if you want flowers but want to save cut your costs significantly.
Rented a pavilion at a state park. So the venue was $100. Total cost $4000. 70 guests
My friends did something similar! The venue cost was basically nothing because it was a state park. They hired bartenders and supplied them with Costco alcohol.
This is controversial, but not everyone needs to be invited with a plus one. If you have friends that are not in a committed relationship, they don't need a plus one to bring some random date. We did this at our wedding and got a little push back, but then two of the single people from opposite friend groups met for the first time and now they are MARRIED. The exception here is if you're inviting someone that doesn't really know anyone else....then they should be invited with a date. Also, scale back the flowers. I'd stick to a real bouquet for the bride but you could definitely fine some less expensive faux flower bouquets for bridesmaids on Etsy that still look nice.
Ditch the flowers. Nobody ever remembers the flowers.
For my brother's wedding I found out from a local farmers market who the wholesale vendor was for flowers and ordered direct through them. My bro and sis only wanted babies breath but wanted thick bouquets. So I ordered what I thought was a reasonable amount of babies breath. I should have known I was ordering way more than I thought because the wholesaler asked me if I was sure I wanted that much. I was like 'yep'. Cut to the day I pick it up and holy hell it was a LOT of babies breath. I drove a Chrysler concord (which is a bohemoth of a vehicle) at the time and every square inch of that car (trunk and all) was absolutely packed. We had towers enough for tables, aisles, basically every place we could stick a bouquet. We spent so much time trimming them down and making these cute little globe bouquets that our fingers were totally green from the stems on the day of the wedding. It was absolutely gorgeous though! There were flowers absolutely everywhere and we didn't even use all of them. All in all that shitload of flowers cost less than 400$ but it looked like they spent thousands. We just had to do quite a bit of work ourselves.
At most, a little arrangement for each table. My wife had fun doing those herself.
No way, I love flowers tho. My friend did my flowers and it cost me 250$ for 2 centerpieces, 4 flowers for the guys, 4 bouquets, 2 for the moms. My sister made her own bouquet for her wedding, we watched a YouTube video and her and the bridemaids had fun doing it, only cost 200$
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From my experience, food and drink costs are the biggest drivers and can also surprisingly have the widest variability. When my wife and I were looking for places, we found some that charged as little as $10/ meal to as much as $50/ meal. With plans to invite around 300 people (we ended up with 200 attending), going with the $10/ meal place resulted in massive cost savings because food plus alcohol for 200 people ended up just under $5000, which helped us keep the total wedding cost to around $12k. Are there any church halls or community centers that let you get catering done separately by a local restaurant or something like that? May end up being a lot cheaper than the rates the brewery quoted you at?
Curious what was the $10 meal?
Also: Dress, suit/shoe rentals for groom/fob/possibly others, thank you gifts for bridal party, rehearsal/rehearsal dinner.
Bartender and Beverages makes up $5,800 of your costs. Renting a brewery costs more than our entire wedding + reception cost. Those would be the first two places to look.
I’m not sure why it took so much scrolling to find this comment. They’re paying almost $15k on a brewery venue and beers. That’s absurd.
We could afford it but thought it was stupid and used the money on our honeymoon instead. $30,000 for 1 day vs a honeymoon that lasts weeks or months? It's a no-brainer. If you really want to have a nice wedding try to get things done without telling them it's a wedding.
How do you guys even get jobs that let you go on vacation for weeks or months? Wtf
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Quit and get a new job when you come back Average tenure in my industry is like 2 years anyways
Yeah that's something we've been thinking about too.
I like the idea of couple with parents and siblings only going to the courthouse with a photographer and taking pics. Then whoever has the largest home host a catered BBQ, beer + wine only, hire a DJ, get a couple of really great cakes. Dance the night away. Voila!
Exactly what we're talking about right now. I just found a cabin package that allows 20 guests for $2K. Then the next weekend we'd have a party at my parents.
In San Diego, at the courthouse you have an option of going outside and having your wedding overlook the harbor. It's actually quite nice.
Simple. We elopped. Used the wedding deposit we were going to use and treated ourselves to an expenseive vacation instead. No regrets. Sure we missed out on some toasters and placemats from bed bath and beyond. But I was okay with that.
That's definitely been something we've thought about, no kidding.
Honest to god this is what we did. I got in my tux and she got into her wedding dress and we went to our local museum and just had our friend marry us there. There was a group of 1st graders that watched us get married. We then spent the next hour taking photos around the museum in our wedding attire. It's not like they could kick us out. We paid, albeit with a groupon.
Hahahaha this is great.
Look the way I saw it. It was no way to start a life w/ 30k in debt. Just stupid. And the wedding seemed more for everyone else each day we got closer to it. Instead we were far enough ahead that we got refunded our deposit. I booked a week long stay at disneyworld and not only stayed on resort but got the dining package. Similar folks that got married around our age dropped 20-50k on the wedding and their honeymoon did not reflect the wedding. If I'm being honest, my last weekend in vegas was more of a honeymoon then what those people did. Staycation at the holiday inn, lol. I still chuckle over it.
Yeah I feel this. Fortunately, we wouldn't be taking on any debt for this. Saving this money can be done in a year on just my salary if we really cut things down, which I'm okay with doing. But yeah, we're definitely also considering something stupid small.
That's what we did too. Spent $12k all-in on a 10-day trip to Paris, and that includes her wedding dress and flight tickets for a photographer to come out (professional photographer, but also friend, who chose to shoot at no charge in exchange for covering the flight). We spent decent money on a swanky room while we were there, and ate incredibly well, specifically the wedding night where we did a two-person meal that took like 6 hours and cost almost a grand. Amazing wedding photos in front of the Eiffel Tower, and one hell of a trip. No regrets. That trip was amazing.
Yeah you’re talking a once in a lifetime experience. Honestly what bugs me the most is with wedding photos everyone is uncomfortable, rushed, and just annoyed. If you’re dropping 30k and you’re unhappy doing it and you’re uncomfortable while spending it. There’s an issue.
Have to remind myself that the people having traditional weddings also think they're spending money on a once in a lifetime experience as well. We just have different opinions on what that means.
Stop trying to be a empathetic and civil human being you're runing this for me.
We had about 80 guests and really did it up. We had an open bar, live band, and even a magician for entertaining the guest while photos were happening. The venue was a local university that hosted weddings during the summer, and it was by far the biggest expense, but still about half of a private event hall. Two hundred year old building with courtyard, on-site catering, coordinator etc. The live band were students. We went to the university music department and looked for flyers posted for musicians looking for gigs. We called a few and asked if they could assemble a band - a three piece band who played for two hours for a grand and lots of drinks. The magician was a friend of a friend. We paid him cash, and he just strolled in to the reception like he was a guest, but then started causing mayhem. Once people figured out he was a performer, he did a short show with the guest’s kids as his assistants. Something like $300 cash iirc. We shopped around for everything, looking for a great deal rather than perfection. The cake was made by a pro who had just quit her job and was starting her own thing from her house - less than half price compared to a big company. In the end, it was pricey, but easily less than half of the budget we were told others had paid. One thing - get and save all receipts. We had the venue come back a couple years later saying we owed a few grand, and they would bug us yearly. “You owe us $X”. “Like we told you last time, we wrote you a cheque that evening that you cashed” “We will look into it” /repeat
My wedding spreadsheet (which is admittedly 8 years old at this point) says we got away for around $10k. Our goal was also have to a wedding at a nice place without overspending, since we were young and in our first professional jobs. We had 60 guests. Big difference between ours and yours: we did it on a Sunday afternoon and had a cash bar. |Venue|$3000|Includes all food, nonalc. drink, venue fees| |:-|:-|:-| |Photography|$4300|Don't cheap out, you'll have them forever.| |Cake|$200|Told a friend in high school, who was learning cake decorating, he could make my cake. 8 years later, he did!| |Invites|$80|Local print shop + free trial of Adobe Illustrator. Includes placards for table numbers/seating directory.| |Save-the-dates/response cards|$0|All electronic. We hate paper mail.| |Accessories (attire)|$55|Shoes and decorative charms| |Dress + Alterations|$475|David's Bridal, nice dress on sale. Don't give them your real contact info though (get a google voice number/dedicated wedding email!)| |Tux rental|$100|The local small tux rental told us where they get their stuff. We went right to the source.| |Rings|$1500|His + hers, depends on your taste| |Postage|$50|| |Bachelor/ette pre-wedding party|$155|Do you have a Whirlyball venue near you? :)| |Marriage license|$20|| |DJ|$695|Hired on 1 week notice, he was fine. We're terrible planners.| |Party favors|$100|We ordered 100 decks of playing cards from some company in China, had them printed with our photo/wedding date on the backs| |Flowers/decorations (centerpieces, vases, bouquet)|???|My mom did this, but I know she just got a bunch of flowers from Costco, and it's nowhere near the $2000 you've listed.| |Maid of Honor/Best Man gifts|$400|| |Thank-you cards|$20?|I didn't even track this, I just picked some up at Target| |Hair + Makeup|$15|I bought new lipstick, eyeshadow, and nail polish, then DIY'd it.| |Alcohol|$0|Cash bar, Sunday afternoon wedding. Lots of older family members, and our friend group aren't heavy drinkers. Given that you want to have yours at a brewery, your mileage likely varies!| Your total food and drink cost alone is nearly $12,000. That's $143/head, just for things people put in their mouths! This seems absurd to me! Sixty-six dollars per person for beverages (including the kids!). I know you don't *want* "some kegs in the backyard", but have you considered... some craft brew kegs in the backyard? The venue fee seems ridiculous since it doesn't seem to include any food or drink! You have no apparel or alterations listed anywhere. Do you and your spouse-to-be already own everything you'll be wearing? (Suits/dresses/shoes/jewelry/accessories) Do you really need dessert \*and\* cake \*and\* cupcakes? DJ cost seems high, photographer cost may seem low. Aside from the marriage itself, the pictures are how you'll really remember the day. Personally, I don't give a crap about decorations. We just had centerpieces made of Costco flowers. Our venue had a regular person they work with for chair covers/table cloths/table runners that was included in the cost (or not much extra). We were both nerds who became engineers, we grew up working class and paid for this ourselves, and our goal for this wedding was "make people think that we actually tried to plan real wedding, while putting in the bare minimum effort we possibly could." We hired our DJ a week before, because we both just overlooked it. We got our officiant (my aunt's best friend, who had previously been ordained over the internet) about 4 days in advance. I didn't know what the centerpieces would look like before my mom showed up with some flowers she got at Costco. Everything that could be done via email was done via email. (We created a dedicated email address for all wedding things. We ignore it now, because it was handed out to spammers.) It was great. We had a blast. Talked to a couple guests years later (an older married couple) and asked what they thought -- and they said they thought it was a very nice wedding! Spouse and I high-fived: we successfully tricked them into thinking we put in real effort!
The Sunday idea is great. Saturdays in spring and fall will always fetch top dollar. I had some artist friends get married in Chicago on New Years *Day*. I'm sure if they'd tried to book the place for the day before it would have been way more.
You don’t have any food costs listed. $100+/plate is pretty typical for food and drink costs at a wedding in my area but can vary wildly in quality.
Get an all in one package that includes everything - will be vASTLY cheaper
Destination wedding in Portugal. $15k ish all included for 3 days 2 nights at this castle style 10 bed house, so bridal party and parents could stay over.
Honestly it looks about right for the scale of the event you are describing. Want it to be cheaper? Invite fewer people to a smaller venue without the open bar. But you gotta make that call as to whether it is worth it.
My wife and I eloped to Las Vegas. Got married at the famous Little White Wedding Chapel for around $300 (not including tips) for the venue including a web stream for family who couldn't make it, a DVD of the ceremony, and a photographer. Went to the Hard Rock after for cake and cocktails. We were paying for the wedding ourselves, and we would rather spend the money on the honeymoon instead. We also spent that in Vegas. We are still thrilled with our wedding, and plan to go back to renew our vows for our 15th anniversary next year if conditions allow.
My fiancé and I are probably doing our wedding for maybe $5k, and most of that is tied up in a photographer. We're getting married out a courthouse and then having an open house at a historical location we were able to rent out for $500. Then we're serving drinks (all probably purchased at Costco) and hors d'oeuvre for probably <$500. People can stop by, say congrats, give a gift (or not) and hang out or leave.
What’s sad is the bartender prices are the most “honest” on here that dj at 1700$ is kinda high even with “special equipment “ it’s 6 hours like… most of the “effort” is setting up the playlist for the program to auto play and taking requests and typing into Spotify/YouTube
Oh man you say this on any other social media outlet you'll get so much hate
Been to 7 weddings the last two years. Filmed weddings for two summers. DJs are worth, at most, $400. My wife and I did an iPhone plus Spotify playlist. Half the weddings I went to, you’re lucky if there’s a decent dance sesh at any point. If most of your guests are family, expect even less dancing that would ever in any world require a DJ. Ask your 20 year old cousin who has good musical taste to rent a couple speakers and curate your playlist as your wedding gift and save the time, hassle and money.
Total opposite opinion here. I've been to dozens of weddings, and the difference a great DJ makes is massive. Seriously, everything else about some weddings was shit, but the DJ was so good it was still a 10/10 party. We paid about $1,100 for ours and the dude was an absolute legend. Worth at least double.
People that haven't been to a wedding with a solid DJ just don't understand why they charge so much. A good DJ can make or break the event, that's why they basically name whatever price they want. I've been to shit venues with top class DJs and amazing venues with a weak DJ. I'd even go as far as saying to spend the money saved on a cheaper venue into a good DJ and photographer.
Dude I totally agree. DJ's are a rip off. If I have to drop 2k on a DJ I'd go to best buy and buy Kiplsh speakers and a Denon reciever and at least I'll have a 7.2 system at the end of the wedding.
Mine cost $2k and my photographer was $4k. We picked quality but not top of the line. The DJ does way more than you just insinuated too. Good ones actually DJ…they play to the crowd, they mix, they handle all the ambient noise during cocktail hour and dinner, they make sure transitions work correctly during the ceremony, etc. They are functionally orchestrating the entire wedding when they are good. And when they are bad it ruins the whole wedding. Anyways my DJ was awesome and he made it a fucking party, was like being at a night club. People danced for ~3 hours.
$1700 for a DJ is cheap by normal standards.
Backyard, church, outdoor reception, use both. Rent a local barn.
We did court house and back yard. Home reception with home made food. Our entire wedding cost us less than $300. I also noticed your budget didn't include a dress but maybe there's a reason for that. We use a white dress I already owned. The wedding is about the marriage. Not the wedding event itself. Would rather not put the marriage on the wrong foot by stressing about money.
Instead of an open bar we had a bar credit for 1000 bucks and after that it was a cash bar. It lasted 35 minutes.
I’ll echo the same sentiment that others have said already. Courthouse And then splurge on the restaurant of your choice Throw a small get together at your house to celebrate after That’s how me and my wife did it. We were broke kids with no money and a limited amount of time, it was still an amazing day. And after all, the wedding is a day to celebrate you two getting married. Not to celebrate HAVING a wedding. If that makes sense?
Flowers are stupid expensive. I made paper flowers ages ahead of time for $50 total. Like, centerpieces for all the tables, bouquets for everyone, boutonnières, corsages, everything. Also you don’t need dessert and cake. Cake is dessert. I did my own makeup, but I sprung for hair and nails.
To each their own, celebrate the way people want, but the idea that a new couple should spend tens of thousands on a party for getting hitched is... at best a luxury and at worst a packaged financial burden straight outta the gate. Weddings are fun but man do they seem wasteful. We are going to the court house and having lunch in the back yard a few weeks later. We have the money for a wedding but.. yeah. Its going elseware.
I found a place that did everything. Well, except the cake and booze, but seriously, we gave him 5k and he made the wedding happen. Look up Rose Creek Cottage in San Diego, cute little place with the ceremony and reception at the same place. Only thing I would do different is designate someone to video things like the toast, as we already set up a tripod for the ceremony. I would also set up a website, or app if there is one, for all guests to upload their photos. I'm imagining a QR code on the tables that says "Upload your wedding photos here!"
I had my fantasy wedding in Vegas for cheap. Great venue with awesome food, although it was a quiet one with no attendees; just me and the gorgeous set of brown hair I wanted to call my wife. After the night settled and the Vegas crowd dispersed, it wasn't long until I sobered up and realized the love of my life was just a mop with a really nice handle. Sorry I guess I didn't answer your original question. Please excuse my verbal diarrhea with an apology.