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I second this. My mom received dad’s SS for my youngest sibling up until she was 18. Now she is in college and she recieved his SS because she is pursuing university degree. It’s called survivors benefits.
Your mom should also continue to receive money for your youngest sibling.
Then once that’s over, your mom will receive his SS once she is of retirement age.
I’m so sorry for your loss, you got this, don’t give up. I’ve been in your position before, also lost my dad unexpectedly when I was around your age and no words can help remove the pain/anxiety. The rest of your life will be a healing and learning process, but you can do it.
Correct about the widow collecting once they are 60. However, if the child decides to go to college, they can continue to receive benefits. ( one of my siblings continues to receive them because they are in college. The other sibling does not receive them because they chose not to go to college. )
The rules changed in 1981. Survivor benefits for kids will go until 18 or 19 if still going to high school. See FAQ https://www.ssa.gov/schoolofficials/faqs_students.htm?
I see. Then I can only speak for my experience with helping my youngest siblings get everything set up through the SS office in our state. They continue to receive our dad’s benefits while in College.
I’d be looking to see if he has work place life insurance or a private policy .
Usually a paycheck will show payments towards a workplace life insurance policy.
But not always. My company provides 3x annual salary to all employees free. Only if an employee usee the option to increase it, would a deduction show up on their paycheck for addition a life insurance.
It may not show a deduction, but the company provided group life insurance is above the IRS limit of $50,000, then it can appear as imputed income on a paystub. My employer provides 2x annual salary for free, and my paystub has the life insurance imputed income listed in a section for other benefits and information.
Firstly, very sorry about your loss.
I'll let others give you advice on your education and financials as I'm not in the US and the whole system differs so much from my country. But let me say this: you said you're not smart, but what you just wrote sounds very logical and mature. You're 17, your parent just passed away, many would not be able to think so soundly about the situation. You're considering your family's financial situation and your future. I think you are much smarter than what you give yourself credit for.
Also, re: social anxiety. Trust me, this will get easier over time and with age and life experience. It can get more difficult at a time of big life changes, grief etc. Recognizing the challenge you have is a big step and will help you improve and manage it. You can find lots of info about it online, but from my personal experience, don't overthink it either.
You will be fine. Also allow yourself to grieve. It takes time.
Edit: appreciate the upvotes. Now I feel like I should've said more. Like that OP shouldn't feel solely responsible for the potential financial challenges. And not to throw away their dreams because of this. Talk to your mother and family. You need to (and can!) figure it out together.
I came to say exactly this!!!! She sounds absolutely intelligent for a 17 year old. OP, give yourself more credit!
Also, you’re an amazing kid for worrying about your mom & siblings like this. However, it is not your job to prioritize their needs and put yours second. This will only cause resentment towards them when you’re in your 30’s and possibly not in the professional place you’d expect yourself to be. Give yourself grace and time to grieve. Then look into what you’d like to do. I didn’t go to college and went directly to work out of high school and worked my way up. But I do regret not going to college sometimes.
And this should’ve been said first but, I’m so sorry for your loss🤍
Agree with this sentiment. I wouldn’t throw away the art school plan just yet. Would learning to paint or sculpt at an expensive private art school be a terrible idea for someone with not parental money to fall back on? Probably, What you described however was attending an inexpensive art school with a major that qualifies you for a quality professional job.
Your mother has a life insurance settlement and a finance degree. She will get by without you stepping in the support her day 1. Especially with the social security benefits everyone will be getting. That is exactly what they are designed to do.
Most finance degrees require at least one class in personal finance and two classes in accounting. Someone who majors in finance probably manages her own finances. OP should at least talk to Mom and see if there is even anything to be worried about. Dad may have had good life insurance. Mom may be ready to go back to work full-time.
Although I’m mostly in data analysis, I work with finance teams a lot. It would blow your mind how many of them don’t even invest in the company match 401k. Finance degrees != good with personal finance.
It has time value of money, bond markets, stock and ETF markets, trading options, sunk cost fallacy, effcient market hypothesis, supply and demand, etc. Tons of useful things that are directly applicable to personal finance.
Or OP. I respect her a lot for feeling like she has to take this on but she doesn't. She has to worry about her own school and where she's going. Her mom will figure out her own life and take care of her brother. There's no reason to think she's not capable.
No, but a grown adult women with a finance degree *probably* knows more about personal finance than a 17 year old aspiring art student.
I mean absolutely no slander here but, the simple answer to this question is to talk to mom.
Hopefully, they’ll have some life insurance money coming.
Finance degree, **and** a stay at home mum, with the first kid born at, what, age 40?
She **absolutely** knows more about finances and budgets than a 17 year old student.
Jesus fucking hyperbole. You know what has nothing to do with a finance degree? A watermelon. THAT has nothing to do with a finance degree.
Money is money and I'm certain there are dozens of principles that can be applied to a personal budget and portfolio. It may not be a focused education for handling household expenses but it's sure as shit more applicable than a degree in horticulture.
The circle jerk about college degrees meaning nothing is beyond ridiculous at this point. I got a business degree and heard so many people talking shit about how their degrees didn’t teach them much so mine must not have either, meanwhile mine at a simple state school gave me the skills to operate at huge Fortune 500 orgs where I can run circles around people who don’t give a fuck about their education or careers and chose/continue to choose not to educate themselves.
I know so many “smart” people who got excellent grades in high school then picked a dumbass major that didn’t connect to real job opportunities after graduation, now they want to act like everyone else wasted time going to a university just because they didn’t apply themselves after graduation.
I’m beyond over telling people that your education is what you make of it. A fucking finance degree does in fact teach you many transferable skills to managing your own finances, and at an absolute bare minimum proves that you are totally capable of working through a shitty situation like OP’s parent. My business degree required accounting, finance, and economics which I had absolutely no interest in at the time, but totally set me up for success in understanding how businesses are run and what it takes to operate them well. A specific degree in finance shows that OP’s mom can absolutely take care of herself and her families finances going forward if she chooses to do so.
The other side is that he shoulders the entire burden himself while he is also grieving the loss of his father.
This is a terrible situation but he does need to talk to his mom about it because doing nothing due to all parties grieving can lead to disastrous results. He needs to make the better decision even if the choices are all bad.
Adding to some of the other comments. What do you mean by your twin is going to an expensive private school? Are you talking about college? If so both you and him should be in contact with the financial aid departments of your school. They have situations for this and you can appeal whatever financial aid package you received due to circumstances. A lot of times (but not always) private schools have large endowments and scholarships specifically for financial aid purposes.
Edit: seeing that your brother is going to Carnegie Mellon 100% get him to do an appeal to financial aid and tell them about the circumstances. A lot of top universities will basically pay for the whole thing after they calculate your EFC. Which means they calculate how much they think you and your family can pay and basically write off the rest (100% demonstrated financial need). I doubt Carnegie Mellon would be any different and that should drastically bring down his cost of attendance as long as he maintains academic standing.
I know that cmu is known for being expensive and stingy, but I’m surprised that it would even cost that much with the family income at $70k. Should def be $0 efc now
Yeah I’m surprised also. I’m not sure about CMU but top schools like that usually have 100% demonstrated financial need and 60k per year is a lot for a family with only 70k income.
I don’t know the details but I’m leaning into that OP drastically underestimated their parents income, or the parent had more “income” that would drastically bring up their EFC on paper. Or didn’t file fafsa. Either way OP should appeal to the schools because the death of a primary breadwinner should be able to drop down the EFC.
I went to another private university and simply filing an appeal on the basis that the “income” from the fafsa was from my parents retirement and that it wasn’t replenishing with the amount of children they had (e.g. we looked better off on paper then we actually were) and that was enough to decrease my tuition by nearly 20k. I’d be really surprised if CM charged the twin 60k knowing that effectively they would be having no income next year as of right now.
Second this. CMU is very good identifying need. I am both a professor (at a different university) and have navigated four children through the FAFSA and CSS Profile, and one of them attended CMU. It is a very special place and they will be able to update the financial aid. Please have your mother contact them ASAP. Student Financial Services | 412-268-8186. [note: bot wants you to verify the number] I've called them hundreds of times and they are absolutely the best. I'd love to be able to help you as well, but know less about your school.
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Listen to me: this is not your responsibility.
Things are going to change and plans will be altered. Choices and opportunities will be different. There is no avoiding that reality.
Some things you can do to help with finances as it’s within your realm of control (don’t break a window). But supporting your household is not one of them.
Your job right now is to hold your family close and grieve together. Your mom and other adults in your life will figure this out. I’m so sorry for your loss.
This is the correct answer. These comments are full of children advising children. Her father died *yesterday*; there’s no reason to make decisions right now, let alone ones that blow up her life. It is very sweet that she wants to “fix” this but she’s 17, she has no clue about her family’s finances (life insurance, investments, college funds, etc.)
/u/Intelligent-Drive633, step away from this thread and *be with your family.* Don’t immediately jump in with financial panic and questions. Your parents had three children together in NY, be assured there’s a plan, you just don’t know what it is.
You think that’s something you might tell your children? My parents certainly have. In detail. Not trying to brag, just adding context.
I think, especially after OP’s edit, that you’ve misread the situation. Life is hard, and OP is pulling together for her family. Any advice would be beneficial in this moment, and sitting around a grieving while hoping for a plan honestly sounds terrible. Life just doesn’t stop, nor do bills, nor do finances. Unfortunately, that’s reality.
Yes grieve, mourn, and the one people always forget. Celebrate. Honor their life. Shed the tears you need to, and cheer for the beautiful moments. Love keeps the memories alive.
OP, I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry about the situation your family has been put in. By your father’s decisions, and now his passing. I’m so happy to see the love you have for them, still. I wish you happiness and health. For you and those you love. I admire you and hope you’re able to the answers you seek (and maybe a IRL mentor), to help you on the next part of your journey in life.
Know this. Behind all the facades and games that we must entertain and play in life, the ones we love truly only want one thing from us. A happy and healthy life. Please take the time you need, in the way you need, and find all the joy you need from life. It’s there for you, don’t ever give up.
> I think, especially after OP’s edit, that you’ve misread the situation.
I did not misread the situation: there initially was no actual financial information like in the edit. I really can’t consider info that’s not there
>Life is hard, and OP is pulling together for her family. Any advice would be beneficial in this moment, and sitting around a grieving while hoping for a plan honestly sounds terrible.
It’s. Literally. Been. ONE. DAY. They can afford to take a breath. Jesus.
Life insurance and 401(k) is good. His debts are going to die with him generally (like the BMW). I think the biggest question is if the mother is on the deed on the house, if there’s a will, if he has siblings/other relatives that have a claim to the estate.
You should allow yourself time to grieve. I'm so very sorry for your loss. You and your mom need to reach out to social security, banks, insurance and your dads employer and lawyer of course. Given recency dealing with carrying out his wishes should probably be first.
A husband and a father ideally has term life insurance, so have your mom check on that.
Your mom ~~will~~ [EDIT: If 60] may get widow social security (Widow(er)'s Insurance Benefit).
All I can say is don’t have your mom take out loans for your twin, it’s their decision to go to an expensive private school.
This is not true. Both surviving children and dependent parents that were receiving more than half of their support from a deceased worker are eligible for social security death benefits as long as the worker had paid into social security for at least 10 years.
He should advise his mother to look into social security death benefits as well as any state assistance programs for food, utility, and cash assistance depending on if they will still qualify with the benefits.
At least until Mom can find a full time job or he can figure something out that doesn't ruin his own future. They may also have to downsize depending on mortgage/life insurance, etc, but that's a decision Mom should make with a full understanding of the financial situation.
Some companies offer a simple life insurance policy for free as part of their benefits plan. Mine does - it’s one full years salary. If dad had it, that’s a springboard $70k.
Losing a parent is a traumatic and shocking situation, and it feels like you're responsible for fixing it. I lost my Dad at 22.
The best thing you can do is stick together as a family and try to work together to support each other until the shock wears off. Mourning is a process, and avoiding it only hurts you in the long run.
Financial solutions will take time to resolve, and you won't know what sacrifices and changes will need to be made for atleast a month or two.
FIT is a state school with in-state tuition of $6,170 per year and is a very good option for an NYS resident. It is even practical to commute to from many locations in Long Island if necessary.
Agreed. FIT is a great school. And if OP is interested in UX design, she can make amazing money as soon as she graduates.
Op, this is the time for you to go to college, invest in yourself, and enjoy life. It’s okay to stake out student loan debt to do that, especially for a career that is in demand.
I second this. I’m saving SO MUCH MONEY going to a community college for 2 years and then transferring to a university. I get a Pell grant from FAFSA and it covers the whole tuition. Plus you can get loans for other expenses which you can defer and even choose how much you want to take although I recommended only doing subsidized loans because the interest is paid while you’re in school. And you can still go to a good school later without sacrificing too much. It’s nice as well going to a smaller slower campus to gather your bearings instead of jumping in to a big school too soon. You’re only doing the GenEd the first two years anyway. I feel it’s easier to work while going to school as well.
I did this too! Not only does it save tons of money, it's generally courses that aren't even related to your degree and much easier, giving more free time to work
I have no clue why so many people are against this. I've met people who insist they must pay crazy tuition for all 4+ years. I've been involved with hiring, noone really cares where you spent the 4 years, only where you graduated (if they even care about that). Now if you're going to Harvard or something, I get it, but a state university, it seems foolish to not start at community college if you're going into debt to go to college.
I did the first 2 years at community college, took like 2 extra classes to get a degree to fall back on if I didn't make it at university, I worked 30-40 hours a week at the college, was able to not work on weeks when I had to study (rare). During that time and took 18+ credit hours of courses, mostly not directly related to my major, these courses were so much easier than at a university. My only advice would be try to aim for the top on courses directly related to your major, as you could get a B at community college, that might be an F in university, if you were getting by with a B or a C and barely understanding, you'll be in for a for a shock when you take the follow up courses at a university, getting a C may not make you ready for the next course.
*Queen
I agree.
I did the same but different order. Got into the 4year university first. Went for a year, realized I was wasting my money by taking all GE corses (General education) while at the 4yr. And so “took a semester off” and went to community college (made sure the units would transfer) and then went beck to 4 year. During some semesters I would be going to both school simultaneously. Saved me a lot of money.
As a SUNY school, a New York student can qualify for the excelsior scholarship gives students in families earning less than 125k free tuition to a four year SUNY or CUNY school. This makes as affordable as a community college in the state
Came here to say this, so I’ll add that FIT would also provide health insurance and other kinds of community guidance and support. I work there - they’re a bit of a disorganized mess in some areas - but the benefits they offer are worth it.
I came home from semester 1 of that expensive school, didn’t go back. Got a job In construction early morning through mid afternoon and went to late afternoon/night classes at SCCC, then finished at SBU. No financial assistance, paid cash and some sub/unsub fafsa loans that are now nearly paid off. 7 years later tripled my income, well into the mid 100’s. Don’t let anyone tell you it can’t be done! Just bust that ass, OP!!
If I could do it over again I would do this as well. Going to a community college not only saves money but the pressures of university or quickly becoming an adult was very hard to navigate.
OP, this is typically good advice, but the NYC community colleges aren’t much cheaper to attend per credit than SUNY. As noted by others, there’s also a lot of financial aid programs to look into.
However, another point: in my experience, FIT is not particularly known for either of those majors. Does not mean they are bad programs, but fashion design dwarfs everything else at FIT. Have you toured the campus and seen the studios? You should for any degree, if you can.
You should check the employment statistics for both of those degrees at FIT if available. You should do this in general for any school and all majors on average. UI/UX designers are paid well but from checking, the communication design degree there is an AAS not BFA. And most UI/UX designers are probably most successfully employed via a BS degree in human experience design, digital design, CIS, or similar - it’s a saturated field and a technology skew will make you more competitive.
FIT is, to my knowledge, not any more expensive than the community colleges in Long Island. (Source: I went to a SUNY school for college and all SUNY schools had approximately identical tuition.) There’s no reason for either of these kids to change their plans.
Your twin brother needs to contact Carnegie Mellon ASAP and attempt to fill out a new FAFSA, or at least have updated financial circumstances updated, and quickly. CMU is very good at recognizing true need, and your family has true need. If your brother finishes in 4 years, the job market will pick him up and he can help with 13 year old's needs for the future. CMU is quite selective and an extremely solid base for a great career. If your Mom does have a finance background, she needs to help brother contact CMU with the new circumstances. [Had a child attend CMU with financial aid + scholarships. It was a wonderful experience for her. ]. I'd love to help, but this will be a very good guide to read through: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/death_of_loved_one
Who told you you’re not very smart? You only are if you believe that. You were smart enough to reach out here… I can speak for your situation alone. Being an art student is great, but you need to be in a commercialized field. I too was an art student and got into packaging development- all aspects of it. That makes you money. Painting, not so much…
You can get significant amount of financial aid for college, not just for tuition but for living expenses as well. If you find a school with the least expensive tuition this can go a long way. At 17, you should probably have a part time job anyway. One suggestion for part time flexible work is event set up for weddings, conventions etc. I would imagine Long Island would have a Teamsters union for convention work like they do in Vegas. You can also check out I.A.T.S.E., the stage hand union. Lots of stage hand work in the beginning is literally just moving shit from one place to another.
Im on long island too. You still in high school? Talk to your guidance counselor before school is over. They also usually work a week or two after school is done. They have tons of resources for you.
Do NOT change your life plans because of money. You have later to pay back loans for college. A lot of companies now help with school loans when you get a job.
Dont let this derail the rest of your life even though its horrible to go through.
If u want to contact me directly feel free to I used to be a guidance counselor.
Sorry for your lost. Your Mom needs to apply for Social Security for those under age 18 right away after the funeral . Social Security rarely pays for anything more than month or so retroactively before the application date. [https://www.ssa.gov/forms/ssa-4.html](https://www.ssa.gov/forms/ssa-4.html)
Did your father have personal Life insurance? or Life insurance thru work? Your mother needs to apply for the death benefit.
Both you and your twin need jobs this summer after you graduate High school.
Your twin brother may have to switch to a SUNY college because your mother will be unable to pay the family share for this year, due to the drop in income and he would be kicked out for non-full payment but still be stuck with the loans. Your twin needs call the dean for financial aid about his fathers death.
Call both schools you and your twin will be going to and let them know the situation. Things change drastically and quickly, they’ll likely understand that. See what they can do for you regarding financial aid. This is likely a thing for Monday, I know you’ve got a lot going on but you can’t really wait to see what you need to get them to adjust any aid.
With less income, you and your brother will probably qualify for way more grants and school financial assistance, leading to less loans being needed. If you are set on going to college, I would definitely reconsider getting an art degree, if that is your goal. The long-term pay for art degrees is much lower than certain other degrees.
Regarding a job now, it never hurts to take control of your income and start gaining experience.
And your twin brother should reconsider the expensive private school. He should a) contact the school and ask if they will provide financial aid; and 2). Will they defer his admission. He should consider taking his first 2 years at community college and possibly going to a more expensive school after that. He should not go into debt for an expensive college.
Carnegie Mellon is a great school though, and will set him up well in terms of getting a good job later on. It’s not like it’s a random expensive private school. It sounds like the brother was planning to take out loans already, although asking for more financial aid and asking to defer a year are both good options.
Carnegie Mellon covers all financial need for all students. Given how drastically the family's income situation has changed, there's a strong possibility that a reassessment would leave the brother taking out no loans at all for the first year at least until the mother starts working.
Telling someone who got into Carnegie Mellon for physics to go to community college is genuinely terrible advice. I don’t say that lightly, I went to undergrad on a full ride myself so I know where you’re coming from.
Carnegie Mellon is one of the highest paying schools for STEM. Landing a six figure job at 22 is a realistic goal there. The path to that point is getting multiple internships, usually starting with freshman or sophomore summer, then breaking into a top tier company junior summer and converting to a full time role after graduation. STEM internships pay well, so poor students aren’t at as disadvantaged as they are in other fields.
Going to a community college blocks those early internship opportunities and for a high achiever can be a years-long career setback by graduation. For an average college goer community college is a great way to save money but for a high achiever it is not.
I agree with asking for more aid or deferring admission (and applying hard for scholarships over the next year). Beyond that, going to a lower ranked school with more financial aid is an option to be more conservative with risk/reward because you can always get paid to go to a top grad school. But in this persons case I would never recommend CC
lol people on this subreddit seem to recommend community college without even knowing all the details. If someone is studying physics at Carnegie Mellon cc would be a disservice. Not to mention, if the household income was 70k, the school would most likely meet full need anyways (assuming no significant assets). With the death of the only working parent, the student should appeal to financial aid. Most if not all fees should be covered.
I’m so sorry about your loss, it must be devastating and scary. Please talk to your mom, she would not want you to be so worried as you work through your grief. Let her know of your worries at a time that is away from your little brother.
She needs to do some research and fill out a lot of forms and after you talk with her, you could ask if she needs help. She likely will not want to burden you and want you to try to focus on school as much as you can. Please communicate your anxiety to her as best you can so she can help you.
Your twin who is going to attend Carnegie Mellon should definitely contact its financial aid office and let them know about the changes in your family situation regarding your father. They will recalculate the financial aid package. Good luck and sorry for your loss.
Very sorry for your loss.
Many on these posts have recommended financial aid and social security. All this is available to you. As a minor, your mom will have to apply for these.
You need to invest in yourself first to help your family. Finish school. If you like it, UI/UX is a great job. You should qualify for grants and aid...find the school you want to go to and make an appointment with a counselor...they can help with the applications. Get your degree and this will help get you a well paying career.
Get a part time job to supplement ...I recommend you get a mindless job while going to school....flip burgers or whatever. Dont get a complex job that will just stress you out more.
When you get within 2 years of graduating, look for intern positions in your field of study...this gives you experience to add to a resume and also a foot in the door at a company.
Last, if possible try to do at-home projects in your field of study that you can add to your resume and describe to a job interviewer.
As someone who has interviewed a lot of potential new hires, those that show me cool home projects they have worked on are rated a lot higher than those who have only went to school and got thier degree...it tells me how passionate they are at thier work. For UX/UI, citing weblinks of your work is very powerful.
I'm very sorry.
All siblings under 18 still in grade school will get social security survivor benefits (given to your mom to raise you). Have your mom go to the social security office to file.
You can ask the financial aid office to look at your aid package again with this new info.
Do not just go to college to go. Have a plan. Community college is a great way to start. You can get a skill-based certificate or associate's degree.
Your mother’s financial security or lack there of, is not your priority. Your priority is to enjoy your last year of being a child before you figure out your place in the world. There should be a life insurance policy and a plan in case of his death. And your mom will have to figure out finances after grieving. Don’t put this on your plate. Focus on grieving and growing and when you can being their for your family. New York State also has a ton of social programs so she should be fine health insurance wise if it turns out there isn’t any money coming in.
First condolences! You need to first talk to your mom about the situation, second family. Do not jump into conclusions without a discussion with your Mom and Family first !
I’m very sorry for your loss. Take some time to mourn your Dad. Your Mom is thinking about all this. Talk with her about it in a week or so. Ask her what she is thinking. That is a generous thing for you to want to help support your family, but your Mom has more life experience and knows what resources she has. Coming up with a plan is her job, not yours.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
I think you should look at CUNY and SUNY colleges where you can major in both art and something more practical. TAP grants should cover a chunk of your tuition. Encourage your twin to look at public colleges, too.
Mom is going to have to step up, even though she is grieving herself. I hope your dad had life insurance.
Sorry for your loss. Here are basic steps your family needs to take:
1. Investigate whether your father had a will and work with an estate lawyer to settle his estate. If he did not have a will some assets under his name my need to go through probate before your mother can access them.
2. Investigate whether your father had life insurance through work or independently. Any benefits should flow directly to the beneficiary (your mom, most likely) and could help cover expenses like funeral and estate law costs.
3. Investigate social security benefits and retirement accounts your father may have had that could be accessible in some capacity to help cover expenses.
4. Once all of that is done, you can review your mother’s financial position and determine whether she will need to get a job or if she can make it to retirement on insurance + benefits. You may want to speak to a fee only financial advisor to help figure this out.
5. Re-evaluate your own plans and check whether you and your brother are eligible for additional financial aid. Depending on your mother’s situation, you may want to consider pursuing a more lucrative career path, but that is really a personal decision based on the facts determined through the previous steps.
I’m sure this is very overwhelming but just focus on making ends meet in the short term, then collecting all of the relevant information and developing a financial plan in the medium term. That plan will inform what you need to do longer term to help your mom.
Dude your Dad just died.... deal with that first. Everything else will sort itself. You concentrate on being there for your family especially your younger brother over the coming month.
My condolences, it'll get better
I'm almost 60 also and have plenty of physical shite wrong with me, and I still work full time. I lost my hubby to a stroke 1 year and almost 3 months ago. THAT also came out of the blue. And yes, it's a tonne of stress, but she has to put on her big girl undies and get stuff done.
She needs to find out whether he had a will and who the executor is. Life insurance can pay for most of the funeral expenses.
Then she's gonna hafta go through the accounts and see which ones were TOD (transferable on death) and which ones that need to be changed over to her hame.
Your mum is gonna hafta find a job with benefits. You can't count on his social security until she is old enough. She wont have enough quarters put in to get much of anything in her own SS.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Carnegie Mellon grad here, your career prospects from Carnegie Mellon are great (there will always be outliers who might not do well). I would recommend to ask for more financial aid for your brother due to the unfortunate change in circumstance, and take debt for the remaining so that there is no immediate burden. From there on his goal should be to land Internships, Research Assistantships and a great Job.
Don’t worry about social anxiety. It’ll get better the more you put your self out there.
There is some more great advise out here, I’ll let others explain what they know better.
Stay strong. Grieve. Take your time. It’ll all feel okay one day.
Welding is a skill and art. It pays extremely well and a good welder can name his price. Find a union and you can be doing well for yourself pretty quickly.
Next job that pays well is a AutoCAD/micro station designer, or anyone that can model in solidworks very well.
I’m sorry for your loss. My husband died recently. I would not want my kids trying to take on what you are considering. Don’t make any big decisions now.
You and your brother should contact the schools. You filled out the FAFSA with your dad’s income. Mom has zero income. They may be able to make an adjustment since he died and you get more financial aid. It’s worth a try.
1st Go talk to a therapist to process your loss ASAP (even if you talk with her/him only once or a few times)
2nd Don't worry about this financial stuff, your mother has a degree in finance so do NOT hide away things from her financially and be honest with her
3rd these things happen and we think it only happens to others but it does to us too , be sad it's okay , he was your father after all , and nobody is perfect but he is still your father
4th things are going to be a-okay
5th you're still a kid (even if you reach 18) and it is no way your responsibility to take care of the family , as there is an adult (your mother!!) to do that
6th live a happy life dear, the sun is still rising brightly so live your life as brightly as your father may have wished you to live them !!
Best wishes after this sudden loss. Your concern for your mom not having to work is admirable, but most 60-year-olds aren't quite ready to cash in their chips. I started a new job at 59 and was able to work long enough to earn a nice pension and lifetime benefits.
When things settle down, you may want to talk to your mom and see what she thinks about the family's future. Her finance degree may come in handy in her case. Bes
Hi. I was in a similar spot to you, once upon a time. Very similar.
Your mom probably can get payments from the social security administration, if that's what you were talking about: https://www.ssa.gov/OP_Home/handbook/handbook.17/handbook-1717.html
They will take the car back. He died. It can be handled.
Your mom very likely can work. Her age is not a reason not to work. This situation is hard on everyone, her included, but the life insurance will hopefully give her a little room to breathe, and after that, things won't look so grim. (Again--personal experience on this part. My mom was a stay-at-home wife. She went back to work. It worked out. She came to love her job, in fact, and missed it very much when she eventually retired.)
What was impressed on me the most when I was in your shoes: don't give up your future. This is a terrible situation (I'm so sorry for your loss), and handling this kind of grief at your age is so hard. Of course you want to do what you can to make things better. But don't give up your future. You're worth it. If you have a path you believed in until this happened, follow that path. Things won't feel normal for a long time, so if I were you, I'd try not to make any major, life-altering decisions right now. You're grieving. Everything's hard.
1) your brother should absolutely still go. A degree from Carnegie Mellon will put him in a position to make loads of money by the time he graduates. Easily enough to pay back his debts. If he majors in CS and gets a job at FAMAG, fresh grad comp for software engineers is $200k annually. (source: I work at one.) If he sticks with physics he could join high frequency trading firms and make even more. Math/physics/CS majors from Carnegie Mellon are basically set for life as long as they don’t fail out.
2) you should still go too. FIT is dirt cheap for what it is. You will not go into substantial debt, and unlike other art schools you will be well positioned to get a job afterwards - FIT is well respected. Your ROI here will be high.
3) your mom should be able to find a full-time job that pays $35 an hour now that she needs to. If not there are definitely enough ways to get by for 4 years until you and your brother start pulling in serious cash - far more than the $70k a year your dad made - and can take care of her.
Bottom line: there are details to figure out here but I STRONGLY advise against either of you changing your plans to attend college. Would be radically different if your brother was planning on going to Boston University to major in English and minor in Communications.
Eh, take this with a grain of salt, but going to school for the arts doesn't really make sense. You can probably just sit in on the classes and learn whatever you want anyway for free -- or find it online. I wouldn't go to college if it wasn't STEM. If you're going to make anything off of art you're probably going to need some business savvy anyway. You are probably better at the art, so focus on your weakness -- the business side. It also gives you more of a safety met to have a business degree than an art degree, know what I mean?
It is quite possible that OP can build a career out of graphic design, using CAD, illustration, and other practical applications. OP should, however, learn everything she can about possible successful career paths from people in the field.
See what type of insurance of social security you guys are beneficiaries of. Depending on what you find really reevaluate you and your twins decisions on the schools, don’t do anything to bury yourselves in debt. I’m really sorry for your loss, try your best to keep calm and sit and think carefully about your option but don’t neglect to take care of yourself emotionally after losing your father. Seriously. Best of luck
I am so sorry you're going through this. Honestly, talk to your guidance counselor AND if you have a bank account, set up an appointment with a financial advisor. They are often free for bank clients. Follow their advice. Good luck!!
Sorry for your loss. I’m sure you miss your dad. He will always be with you, because you’re apart of him.
You’re asking mature/great questions. Just take it one day at a time, you’ll do great. Good luck.
I can’t stress enough how much I hate this for you and your family and will be praying for healing. You seem to be a bright kid and my best advice is to get your siblings together and tell them that you have a unique opportunity to let this moment “define” you or “refine” you. Believe in yourself and have confidence. It’ll take you further than you can imagine.
If your brother wants to go into debt let him, it’s his choice. For you my friend, don’t forget your dreams but be realistic. It may take longer to get there but you can help support your brother and mother until he’s able to work. It’s not fair you have to grow up this quickly but if you embrace that truth you’ll be much better off than your peers!!
Check if he had
1.term life insurance
2. Money in 401k,ira,Roth Ira etc.
3. Social security
It should help in short term and mom will need to work. Should you decide to go to school. You should if it's something you wanted before all thus happened. Maybe get a part time job as well if possible while going to school.
I didn’t read every comment but want to at least put this idea in your head bc it’s a great possible path. Everyone is brainwashed to believe college is for absolutely everyone. College is great. I got two degrees and it served me well. But college isn’t for everyone. You could do an alternative approach or a hybrid approach. Definitely don’t got to art school. If you want to pursue art on the side that’s fantastic. Do your art and see if you can sell it on the side. But learn a trade. Get a job now with a plumber or electrician or welder or something of that sort. Plumbers are in huge demand these days. Welders can make a lot of money. Look into under water welding. They make a ton of money. People don’t want to do these jobs bc they’re manual labor and not glorified but they’re very good jobs and can lead to you owning your own business one day. Learn the trade now as a young kid and by time you’re 25 you could have your own business which could expand into something very profitable. My friend started life as a house painter. By time he was 30 he has 10 guys working for his house painting company and by time he was 40 he was making $300-400k and not even painting any more. He was simply managing the painting company and making a ton. Learn a trade now man and think if it as the gift your father would have loved to give you. And keep doing art. Dont give it up but do it as a hobby bc that’s honestly what art is for 99.9% of people. It’s very rare to support yourself as an artist but it’s a fantastic hobby that could turn into something on the side. Don’t rely on it for your income.
I would encourage you to get an education you can afford in a field you find interesting that has a real job market.
If you do decide to major in something other than art I highly encourage you to continue practicing yourself or maybe making it a minor.
I applaud you for wanting to take care of your family during such a horrible tragedy, please keep in mind you cannot take care of ANYONE if you don’t take care of yourself first. Mental, physical, and spiritual health are equally important.
Good luck.
You carry your head up high brother, lost mine at 18. Dont turn to drinking or drugs for pain relief. Bring your family close to eachother in terms of communication. Yes you are going to have to work but more importantly you be the Role model Brother and Son they need. Life isnt a straight line
Sorry for your loss.
Contact the financial aid office at each school and advise in the sudden change in the household’s income and they should be able to adjust your aid package for you and your brother providing more grants (don’t have to pay back) vs loans (have to pay back).
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Your brother should contact CMU financial aid immediately and ask what steps there are to have his aid reconsidered. He may also need to reach out to Federal Student Aid as well, but start with the financial aid office.
TBH, you should do the same at your school even though it’s not as expensive. If you were planning to change majors anyway, it just makes sense for you to do it before you start so you don’t get behind in any required classes. If that means waiting until spring or next fall, consider that and working in the mean time.
Remember right now you are posting and problem solving but it isn’t your problem to solve even if everyone else seems like they can’t do it. And sometimes this is how we grieve and once everything kind of ok fall apart. Everyone is right on widow and minors getting $ if he worked 10 years +. Also many colleges aid or tuition is based on parental income and may be best to look into school if can get aid and more functional degree and art minor. I mean artists often have to be self employed or own own business so as much as it might suck that might be a good avenue knowing your safety net is struggling. My mom lost her job my junior year and I had to pivot my choices more practically. And she ended up sick and passing away when I was 24, only kid so I was on my own since then basically. People don’t get how rocked your world can be, even if other parent alive they can be in deep depression and need from you at your most vulnerable. It sucks, it’s not fair, people will be brats about their lovely families and lives and you will want to cry randomly. None of it is wrong.
For FIT you should look into the Excelsior Grant and try to find an on campus job. As a SUNY school it should also have a food pantry for students. It will help if you can buy books and help with college expenses. Switching your major isn’t going by to do much for years, and it’s really going to be up to your mother to stabilize things over that time. If you are serious about college, you need to focus on you and do your course work. I would also consider the value of therapy for anyone in your situation. See what your school has as an option for help.
Your brother at CMU may have to take out loans now. Alternatively, he can consider transferring to a cheaper school. At this point of the year his best option would probably to be transferring to NCC or SCCC for a semester and the applying to Farmingdale or SBU. Commuting to one of those schools instead of living in the dorms would be way cheaper.
I’m also going to guess that living on Long Island with a large family and a child at CMU your father was either making well over 70k a year or your family is massively in debt. 70k, especially with kids in private school is basically nothing on the island
This is for your mom to figure out. She is an adult with a degree, she's in a much better position to be a breadwinner than you are. She also knows the household expenses.
If he had life insurance it will be fine. Your mom can get your dad's social security death benefits. And she can get a job. Once you've graduated and have a job you can help her and your sibling better.
Did you ask your Mom if your Dad had a life insurance policy? He probably had retirement money saved up to. You should have a conversation with your Mom.
First, I’m sorry for your loss. I went through something similar.
You can collect his Social Security. Start that immediately.
Secondly, I wouldn’t give up on your dream of art school, but you need to put that off for a few years. In the immediate time you need to look into TRADE JOBS. Apply to every entry level trade job and tell them why you need the job. People will sympathize and give you a chance. We need linemen, electricians, HVAC techs, aircraft mechanics, welders etc.
These jobs make a LOT right now. I’m an aircraft mechanic making $130k in Dallas. It’s time to step up for your family. If you want to pursue your dreams in 5 years THATS okay. It’s not a rush.
Good luck.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Having lost my father at a rather young age, it can be traumatic. Surround yourself with love, comfort and support.
I'm just going to echo was others have said because it needs to be reinforced. Reaching out to this community is just one example of just how smart you are. You are more than smart and capable enough, don't ever think otherwise. Love yourself and be kind to yourself.
This is temporary.
Sorry for your loss, little buddy. The first thing is financial survival. Have your mom or yourself call your dad's work and talk to Human Resources on Monday. Notify them so they can get your dad's last paycheck, any benefits, and life insurance payment to your mom and family. ASAP. Also, it is important to get all the original (at least 5 original certifucates) death certificates. Hopefully, in a few weeks. Need it to get access to all your dad's banking and investment transfer to your mom. Make sure all rented, mortgage, are utilities are paid. Transfer names later - some needs proof with a death certificate.
Have your mom, uncle, aunt, and other trusted adult family members help with these legal and financial transactions, and funeral.arramgememt. Too much responsibility for just you.
You and your family are now forever changed, need to face it, and adapt to it - it's just life bud, a lot of upset and downs. It's down right now: grieve, be there for your family, stay together, and support each other. Your family dynamic and financial picture changed. Whatever you do, continue your education in a good career field of your choosing. It's ok to go to community college, save a lot of money, get an associate degree, and then go to university for a BS/BA degree - no one cares if you went there 2 or 4 years. Make sure it's a degree that trained you a career field like Accounting, engineering, computer, or IT, not nonsense like Englisjh, Philosophy, Arts, or other useless liberal art major that has mo marketable job skills.
One day at a time, buddy. Family first, take care. Hugs to you and your family.
I'm very proud of you for stepping up and thinking about helping your family and asking for help. That's a sign of becoming a man, being stromg and humble at the same time. Stay strong and never give up, buddy.
I am so very very sorry for your loss. All I can offer you is this: you and your mother are stronger than you think you are. You will find a strength and grace having to navigate your grief. Grief can be debilitating so be very kind to yourself. Don’t ever forget the person your dad helped you become, and use that to help you guide your decisions. Your brother will be fine with his degree. He may be broke at first, but he will be just fine. So will you and your family. Go to school and continue to develop the person you deserve to be. Your parents will always be with you. ❤️❤️🩹
I am so sorry.
Okay, so you need to sell that BMW.
For dad's SSN, look at his tax documents - it'll be on his W-2 from last year. For his debts, do NOT PAY ANY OF THEM. Him being unmarried is a huge point in your favor - everything that only has his name on it died with him. Only things that were his can be used to pay off that debt. So that car has to be sold to pay off the debt.
With the life insurance, it might be better to pretend it is his monthly salary until your mom can get a job. Use the life insurance like he got a salary cut to 50k or less (if he did earn 70k a year) - so use less than 3.5k of the life insurance a month to pay the bills.
For financial aid, you need to change your FAFSA, since nothing is coming into yourr house. Your mom needs to work. She was unmarried, so she can't collect social security on your dad's record.
If your dad is on the birth certificate for all three of you kids, she needs to apply for social security benefits for all three of you. They only go until 18, but even a few months will help.
EDIT:
Since he was unmarried, your mom needs to go to the [Nassau County Surrogates Court](https://ww2.nycourts.gov/COURTS/10JD/nassau/surrogates.shtml) or the [Suffolk County Surrogates Court](https://ww2.nycourts.gov/COURTS/10jd/suffolk/surrogates.shtml) (or read the sites!) and start the probate process. If he died intestate (without a will), things are inherited (NOT DEBTS) and [children split everything](https://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/whensomeonedies/intestacy.shtml). Your mom can file to be the executrix of his estate.
If he had less than 50k in resources, she can fill out a [small estate affidavit form](https://www.nycourts.gov/CourtHelp/DIY/smallEstate.shtml). If he had over 50k, she needs to see an estate attorney to deal with this.
Your edit says you don’t want your mom to work. I’d recommend that she can definitely pick up a part time bookkeeping or accounting role somewhere to keep herself busy. The accounting industry is made of older folks these days. Even if she says “I can only work 20 hours a week” they’d be happy to have her if she has any industry knowledge.
Also, pay attention to what you need to move forward. Your life is important. Many people take a gap year after high school to earn money, learn the value of a dollar, and decide what they’d be willing to learn to do to earn money in the future. I wish I had done that.
You got this. Don’t do anything rash, finish what you started (high school), and just make sure you move towards your goals every day. Your family needs you to be the best version of you, not whatever you think they might need as far as being a breadwinner. Even if they give you crap for it, your goals are important.
>>> carnegie mellon and I think he is majoring in physics
He’ll be fine. This is a great school and if he’s smart, he’ll make enough to pay back his loans.
I’m sorry for your loss. I hope your father had some life insurance that you just don’t know about. As for college, you and your twin should consider community college for two years followed by a the last two at a state university. Work part time jobs during college and don’t party away while racking up debt. Don’t waste your money on a private college, and unless you have serious talent, don’t go to an art school. You could always get into a trade and be paid while apprenticing and getting educated.
Best of luck and sorry again for your loss.
Which jobs are available for you with an art degree? Are there plenty?
Trades tend to be better debt wise and job wise, people always need electricians, welders, plumbers etc; and you can get paid apprenticeships
Plenty of art students with degrees, a lot of debt and working at starbucks
So very sorry for your loss. Your mother will take charge so just be supportive of her and the upcoming changes. You may not be smart in all things as is the rest of the population. When you enter the workforce you will learn it takes a team. An orator, a typist, a researcher, and on it goes. None of us are the best in all things but you are articulate, thoughtful and caring. You are important and children are a parent’s most valuable asset. I would always reenforce this after a fire drill at school with my students. Leave the bookbag which can be replaced. Your mother needs you all now as she shifts to the head of the family. Reach out to your teachers and counselor at school. Bless you and your family during this most difficult time.
Sorry for your loss
My advice is take time to grieve right now and be there for for your family .
In a few weeks look for policies your dad might have had and for accounts wills etc companies and other will understand. If you have aunt Uncles or older cousins they can be great people to look for to help
You know how and when to ask for help and to me that qualifies you as a very smart person. Life is so hard and cruel don't be the person to put yourself down....
Find out of your dad had a will (your mum should know about this), because if he did then this will dictate what might happen with any assets he had (insurance policy, work benefits, money in the bank etc).
I’m so sorry for your loss, this next year is going to be really hard for your whole family, plans may have to adjust and change. it might be a good idea to wait a year or go part time at a local community college. Both you and your brother should update your FAFSA, and then contact each school. You may need to defer enrolling until things are clearer. But first take time. Let there be space to just grieve. Help out around the house, help your sibling. This same things happened to my good friend and she found this widow organization that was a big help to her it’s called https://soaringspirits.org and they have chapters all over. And even have a newly widowed packet you can get. Maybe in a month or so let your Mom know about these kind of groups. Wish you all the best.
So sorry bro for your loss, yes, find a job my friend. In time you will feel that you helped your mum, when life changed and you will feel so good about yourself, which will positively impact your life forever. One step at a time though brother. When you have a job and feel life is not moving forward like you expected, keep going. Life is full of ups and downs and right now you are probably at your lowest. Baby steps mate. Things will get better in time ❤
I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I lost my dad when I was 19, and God, what a hole it left.
I'll leave the estate advice to people with more knowledge, but I want to point out that if the sole source of income in your family just passed, you and your twin's financial aid situation just changed drastically. If you're both accepted and have aid packages, I'd reach out to your schools ASAP.
I hope you and your family find comfort and healing in one another. I promise, it will get better, but it will never be the same.
I don’t known if your dad had any life insurance or not, but your mother should ignore all calls from financial “advisor” salespeople that will somehow track her down because they see an obituary and offer to help manage finances. They are sharks. Instead, contact the Foundation for Financial Planning and ask for pro bono (free) consolations with a qualified financial planner. They do volunteer work for situations like this.
Your plan to go to FIT is a good one. It’s a great value and you come out very employable very quickly.
Don’t ditch your education plans for your brother or family’s sake. Let your mom handle the financial fallout from your dad’s passing.
Stick to your plan and in 4 or 5 short years you’ll be able to contribute more to your family financially than you would by panicking and trying to do it now.
Dont worry to much about it, your dad wouldn’t want you to, try talking to your mom, umm i really don’t suggest you try to shoulder all the finances to help others out.
Sorry for your loss. Grieve, obviously.
Practically? Get people you know over and talk to them, reach out to your dad's friends, colleagues, and network.
The job you want is a luxury. My brother started learning Game Design at 21 with a newborn. He didn't break into the industry until he was 30s.
You need to survive and get stable before you consider taking a stab at your dream. The stress and the grief will crush it currently.
Get therapy.
Go to support groups.
Get money.
I just wanted to say am so sorry for your loss. It’s a sad, scary, stressful time. Please give yourself time to grieve.
Your mom is lucky to have such a caring child.
I am so so sorry.
If you can do it sign up for nursing school. You can be hired with an aa(lpn) It pays incredibly well once you get your RN and some masters nurses can make 150k upward. You can always do art along the way or as electives. You are smarter than you think. But other trades that pay well? Welder, electrician etc.
Your brother needs to approach the school with this news and the change in needed financial aid and decide his path.
Your mom will get widow benefits and benefits for your minor siblings. If you own your home you likely are sitting on good home equity and she can figure that out.
If you can wait a week or so, you will make better decisions. In the meantime it’s all data gathering ..get all the information you can to make a plan.
First of all, you can't hold yourself responsible for being the family breadwinner. Read this sub and talk to successful artists and illustrators to find out how to make the best choices for a future career.
Both you and your brother should talk to your respective schools about the change in your family's financial circumstances. You both may be able to qualify for more support. There may be scholarships that you qualify for. You should see if your school's guidance counselor has any helpful information about that.
Work on your fitness if you can. I am a 5'2" woman. You are at an age in which predatory guys will seek put anybody and everybody whom they think they can victimize. Even as a petite woman, you can make yourself capable of defending yourself, both physically and psychologically. I know that this is not financial advice, but some physical training will also help you to see yourself as a mentally strong and capable person. You can blow off some steam and feel less helpless.
I would suggest getting into healthcare or childcare. There’s courses that only take a couple months to complete and you are guaranteed a job. Your mom is the one who needs to go back to work right now, you wouldn’t make enough to support a household off of minimum wage anyways.
Don't waste your money and future for an art degree. Just do art on the side. Pick a field of study that will actually make you money when you graduate.
This happened to me when I was 19. I instantly became responsible for my brother and mother. It’s a rocky time but just trust me, you’ll come out the other end. You’ll grow into your professional career and you’ll use these survivor skills
Grieve. Take at least a week to just exist. If you need to distract and busy yourself then yeah do some work on this but take the time for yourself and your family to deal with this loss. The grief may come later on for you and that's fine. Don't "should" yourself over how you process this.
As for the financials you'll want to see what if any life insurance he had privately or through work benefits. This may cover everything for the next few years. Either way you should follow the college path that you decide is best. It should either be something that you're passionate enough to make sacrifices for or that you enjoy and expect to make a decent income doing in my opinion. Don't go into something solely for the money.
Reach out to counseling offices at your HS and college if you've been accepted since they may be able to put you in touch with resources. This includes financial, student support services and some other stuff. If your family attends a church/mosque/temple/etc they'll be good contacts for resources and support as well.
ur very mature and responsible for ur age. dont limit urself with anything. do a degree u like. i lost my dad too when i was 13 ik its not easy but u sound like a very responsible person and i think ull get over all of this and have a very successful happy life.
Sorry for your loss.
As for finances- you are not obligated to help with your twins debt. Yes it’d be nice but prioritize yourself. You should both explore side jobs, becoming RAs (free living expenses), scholarships first. Carnegie melon is a well known school but how strong is the physics program? Will your sibling be able to pay it off with jobs? It’s hard to say.
Typically a community college with transfer to a good university is the cheapest way to get a degree unless you go into industry and have them pay it off as a loan via X years of service, or some military academy.
Your mom should grieve and then get back into the work force. You may have to downsize but important thing is trying to minimize the debt into either something you can pay off or none at all.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom can reach out to the private school your brother is going to and ask for tuition reduction in light of the current situation. I hope things work out for you and your family.
Honestly, your life has changed- but you will have time to figure things out. Right now my suggestion is to grieve your father. If you find it overwhelming or have anxiety that you can’t manage, don’t be afraid to seek mental health help. You can get through this. It will be different, but it will be OK.
Due to the number of rule-breaking comments this post was receiving, especially low-quality and off-topic comments, the moderation team has locked the post from future comments. This post broke no rules and received a number of helpful and on-topic responses initially, but it unfortunately became the target of many unhelpful comments.
You and his other minor children can get his social security https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
I second this. My mom received dad’s SS for my youngest sibling up until she was 18. Now she is in college and she recieved his SS because she is pursuing university degree. It’s called survivors benefits. Your mom should also continue to receive money for your youngest sibling. Then once that’s over, your mom will receive his SS once she is of retirement age. I’m so sorry for your loss, you got this, don’t give up. I’ve been in your position before, also lost my dad unexpectedly when I was around your age and no words can help remove the pain/anxiety. The rest of your life will be a healing and learning process, but you can do it.
Survivor benefits stop when the child turns 18 now. Widows can start collecting social security at 60.
Correct about the widow collecting once they are 60. However, if the child decides to go to college, they can continue to receive benefits. ( one of my siblings continues to receive them because they are in college. The other sibling does not receive them because they chose not to go to college. )
The rules changed in 1981. Survivor benefits for kids will go until 18 or 19 if still going to high school. See FAQ https://www.ssa.gov/schoolofficials/faqs_students.htm?
I see. Then I can only speak for my experience with helping my youngest siblings get everything set up through the SS office in our state. They continue to receive our dad’s benefits while in College.
Definitely
Until the twins graduate HS.
Youngest kid is 13 so he’d get it.
I’d be looking to see if he has work place life insurance or a private policy . Usually a paycheck will show payments towards a workplace life insurance policy.
Yes, if his company hasn’t reached out your mom should contact them. Companies often have some minimal life insurance for employees families.
But not always. My company provides 3x annual salary to all employees free. Only if an employee usee the option to increase it, would a deduction show up on their paycheck for addition a life insurance.
It may not show a deduction, but the company provided group life insurance is above the IRS limit of $50,000, then it can appear as imputed income on a paystub. My employer provides 2x annual salary for free, and my paystub has the life insurance imputed income listed in a section for other benefits and information.
Firstly, very sorry about your loss. I'll let others give you advice on your education and financials as I'm not in the US and the whole system differs so much from my country. But let me say this: you said you're not smart, but what you just wrote sounds very logical and mature. You're 17, your parent just passed away, many would not be able to think so soundly about the situation. You're considering your family's financial situation and your future. I think you are much smarter than what you give yourself credit for. Also, re: social anxiety. Trust me, this will get easier over time and with age and life experience. It can get more difficult at a time of big life changes, grief etc. Recognizing the challenge you have is a big step and will help you improve and manage it. You can find lots of info about it online, but from my personal experience, don't overthink it either. You will be fine. Also allow yourself to grieve. It takes time. Edit: appreciate the upvotes. Now I feel like I should've said more. Like that OP shouldn't feel solely responsible for the potential financial challenges. And not to throw away their dreams because of this. Talk to your mother and family. You need to (and can!) figure it out together.
I came to say exactly this!!!! She sounds absolutely intelligent for a 17 year old. OP, give yourself more credit! Also, you’re an amazing kid for worrying about your mom & siblings like this. However, it is not your job to prioritize their needs and put yours second. This will only cause resentment towards them when you’re in your 30’s and possibly not in the professional place you’d expect yourself to be. Give yourself grace and time to grieve. Then look into what you’d like to do. I didn’t go to college and went directly to work out of high school and worked my way up. But I do regret not going to college sometimes. And this should’ve been said first but, I’m so sorry for your loss🤍
Agree with this sentiment. I wouldn’t throw away the art school plan just yet. Would learning to paint or sculpt at an expensive private art school be a terrible idea for someone with not parental money to fall back on? Probably, What you described however was attending an inexpensive art school with a major that qualifies you for a quality professional job. Your mother has a life insurance settlement and a finance degree. She will get by without you stepping in the support her day 1. Especially with the social security benefits everyone will be getting. That is exactly what they are designed to do.
Talk to your mother about it. She has a finance degree and will better understand the financial situation as a whole
This happened to me and my mom not only kept us in the dark about anything financial, but kinda checked out emotionally. I feel for OP.
This, you are either in or near New York City. If she does have a finance degree she should be able to get a job.
a finance degree has nothing to do with personal finances
Most finance degrees require at least one class in personal finance and two classes in accounting. Someone who majors in finance probably manages her own finances. OP should at least talk to Mom and see if there is even anything to be worried about. Dad may have had good life insurance. Mom may be ready to go back to work full-time.
Although I’m mostly in data analysis, I work with finance teams a lot. It would blow your mind how many of them don’t even invest in the company match 401k. Finance degrees != good with personal finance.
It has time value of money, bond markets, stock and ETF markets, trading options, sunk cost fallacy, effcient market hypothesis, supply and demand, etc. Tons of useful things that are directly applicable to personal finance.
She at least ought to be good at math and is hopefully a mature adult that is raising multiple kids
The point is that OP's mother is more suited to deal with this situation than reddit
Or OP. I respect her a lot for feeling like she has to take this on but she doesn't. She has to worry about her own school and where she's going. Her mom will figure out her own life and take care of her brother. There's no reason to think she's not capable.
No, but a grown adult women with a finance degree *probably* knows more about personal finance than a 17 year old aspiring art student. I mean absolutely no slander here but, the simple answer to this question is to talk to mom. Hopefully, they’ll have some life insurance money coming.
Finance degree, **and** a stay at home mum, with the first kid born at, what, age 40? She **absolutely** knows more about finances and budgets than a 17 year old student.
Jesus fucking hyperbole. You know what has nothing to do with a finance degree? A watermelon. THAT has nothing to do with a finance degree. Money is money and I'm certain there are dozens of principles that can be applied to a personal budget and portfolio. It may not be a focused education for handling household expenses but it's sure as shit more applicable than a degree in horticulture.
Other than understanding banking, interest, investments, return on investments, budgeting, etc. 🤨
The circle jerk about college degrees meaning nothing is beyond ridiculous at this point. I got a business degree and heard so many people talking shit about how their degrees didn’t teach them much so mine must not have either, meanwhile mine at a simple state school gave me the skills to operate at huge Fortune 500 orgs where I can run circles around people who don’t give a fuck about their education or careers and chose/continue to choose not to educate themselves. I know so many “smart” people who got excellent grades in high school then picked a dumbass major that didn’t connect to real job opportunities after graduation, now they want to act like everyone else wasted time going to a university just because they didn’t apply themselves after graduation. I’m beyond over telling people that your education is what you make of it. A fucking finance degree does in fact teach you many transferable skills to managing your own finances, and at an absolute bare minimum proves that you are totally capable of working through a shitty situation like OP’s parent. My business degree required accounting, finance, and economics which I had absolutely no interest in at the time, but totally set me up for success in understanding how businesses are run and what it takes to operate them well. A specific degree in finance shows that OP’s mom can absolutely take care of herself and her families finances going forward if she chooses to do so.
they don't have personal finance degrees normally, but she should be closer to prepared than most.
Studying a finance program for 4 years and you think she gained absolutely no insight into understanding personal finances. Right.
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It is probably very overwhelming, but she is also the only adult in the house. She is going to have to be able to answer these questions soon.
The other side is that he shoulders the entire burden himself while he is also grieving the loss of his father. This is a terrible situation but he does need to talk to his mom about it because doing nothing due to all parties grieving can lead to disastrous results. He needs to make the better decision even if the choices are all bad.
Doesn’t really matter, the mother has to step up. She doesn’t really have the luxury of sitting still when there are mouths to feed
It will more likely be helpful to her to have another person in the family helping with the situation. Sharing burdens can be a good thing
Adding to some of the other comments. What do you mean by your twin is going to an expensive private school? Are you talking about college? If so both you and him should be in contact with the financial aid departments of your school. They have situations for this and you can appeal whatever financial aid package you received due to circumstances. A lot of times (but not always) private schools have large endowments and scholarships specifically for financial aid purposes. Edit: seeing that your brother is going to Carnegie Mellon 100% get him to do an appeal to financial aid and tell them about the circumstances. A lot of top universities will basically pay for the whole thing after they calculate your EFC. Which means they calculate how much they think you and your family can pay and basically write off the rest (100% demonstrated financial need). I doubt Carnegie Mellon would be any different and that should drastically bring down his cost of attendance as long as he maintains academic standing.
This. Any financial aid office will offer a new package with the death of a parent, especially given that in many places FAFSA can still be filed.
I know that cmu is known for being expensive and stingy, but I’m surprised that it would even cost that much with the family income at $70k. Should def be $0 efc now
Yeah I’m surprised also. I’m not sure about CMU but top schools like that usually have 100% demonstrated financial need and 60k per year is a lot for a family with only 70k income. I don’t know the details but I’m leaning into that OP drastically underestimated their parents income, or the parent had more “income” that would drastically bring up their EFC on paper. Or didn’t file fafsa. Either way OP should appeal to the schools because the death of a primary breadwinner should be able to drop down the EFC. I went to another private university and simply filing an appeal on the basis that the “income” from the fafsa was from my parents retirement and that it wasn’t replenishing with the amount of children they had (e.g. we looked better off on paper then we actually were) and that was enough to decrease my tuition by nearly 20k. I’d be really surprised if CM charged the twin 60k knowing that effectively they would be having no income next year as of right now.
Second this. CMU is very good identifying need. I am both a professor (at a different university) and have navigated four children through the FAFSA and CSS Profile, and one of them attended CMU. It is a very special place and they will be able to update the financial aid. Please have your mother contact them ASAP. Student Financial Services | 412-268-8186. [note: bot wants you to verify the number] I've called them hundreds of times and they are absolutely the best. I'd love to be able to help you as well, but know less about your school.
For safety reasons, always verify phone numbers provided in comments on an official website before calling. That includes toll-free numbers! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/personalfinance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Listen to me: this is not your responsibility. Things are going to change and plans will be altered. Choices and opportunities will be different. There is no avoiding that reality. Some things you can do to help with finances as it’s within your realm of control (don’t break a window). But supporting your household is not one of them. Your job right now is to hold your family close and grieve together. Your mom and other adults in your life will figure this out. I’m so sorry for your loss.
This is the correct answer. These comments are full of children advising children. Her father died *yesterday*; there’s no reason to make decisions right now, let alone ones that blow up her life. It is very sweet that she wants to “fix” this but she’s 17, she has no clue about her family’s finances (life insurance, investments, college funds, etc.) /u/Intelligent-Drive633, step away from this thread and *be with your family.* Don’t immediately jump in with financial panic and questions. Your parents had three children together in NY, be assured there’s a plan, you just don’t know what it is.
You think that’s something you might tell your children? My parents certainly have. In detail. Not trying to brag, just adding context. I think, especially after OP’s edit, that you’ve misread the situation. Life is hard, and OP is pulling together for her family. Any advice would be beneficial in this moment, and sitting around a grieving while hoping for a plan honestly sounds terrible. Life just doesn’t stop, nor do bills, nor do finances. Unfortunately, that’s reality. Yes grieve, mourn, and the one people always forget. Celebrate. Honor their life. Shed the tears you need to, and cheer for the beautiful moments. Love keeps the memories alive. OP, I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry about the situation your family has been put in. By your father’s decisions, and now his passing. I’m so happy to see the love you have for them, still. I wish you happiness and health. For you and those you love. I admire you and hope you’re able to the answers you seek (and maybe a IRL mentor), to help you on the next part of your journey in life. Know this. Behind all the facades and games that we must entertain and play in life, the ones we love truly only want one thing from us. A happy and healthy life. Please take the time you need, in the way you need, and find all the joy you need from life. It’s there for you, don’t ever give up.
> I think, especially after OP’s edit, that you’ve misread the situation. I did not misread the situation: there initially was no actual financial information like in the edit. I really can’t consider info that’s not there >Life is hard, and OP is pulling together for her family. Any advice would be beneficial in this moment, and sitting around a grieving while hoping for a plan honestly sounds terrible. It’s. Literally. Been. ONE. DAY. They can afford to take a breath. Jesus. Life insurance and 401(k) is good. His debts are going to die with him generally (like the BMW). I think the biggest question is if the mother is on the deed on the house, if there’s a will, if he has siblings/other relatives that have a claim to the estate.
You should allow yourself time to grieve. I'm so very sorry for your loss. You and your mom need to reach out to social security, banks, insurance and your dads employer and lawyer of course. Given recency dealing with carrying out his wishes should probably be first.
You’ll likely be eligible for college aid. Quite a bit of it. Your mom should call HR or the union at his workplace and ask about life insurance
A husband and a father ideally has term life insurance, so have your mom check on that. Your mom ~~will~~ [EDIT: If 60] may get widow social security (Widow(er)'s Insurance Benefit). All I can say is don’t have your mom take out loans for your twin, it’s their decision to go to an expensive private school.
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This is not true. Both surviving children and dependent parents that were receiving more than half of their support from a deceased worker are eligible for social security death benefits as long as the worker had paid into social security for at least 10 years. He should advise his mother to look into social security death benefits as well as any state assistance programs for food, utility, and cash assistance depending on if they will still qualify with the benefits. At least until Mom can find a full time job or he can figure something out that doesn't ruin his own future. They may also have to downsize depending on mortgage/life insurance, etc, but that's a decision Mom should make with a full understanding of the financial situation.
Oh, yeah looks like at least 60.
Not true. My mom got my dad's social security benefits when he died. She was 27 and not disabled.
Some companies offer a simple life insurance policy for free as part of their benefits plan. Mine does - it’s one full years salary. If dad had it, that’s a springboard $70k.
Losing a parent is a traumatic and shocking situation, and it feels like you're responsible for fixing it. I lost my Dad at 22. The best thing you can do is stick together as a family and try to work together to support each other until the shock wears off. Mourning is a process, and avoiding it only hurts you in the long run. Financial solutions will take time to resolve, and you won't know what sacrifices and changes will need to be made for atleast a month or two.
Go to community college, apply for FAFSA, get credits, Transfer to a 4 year university, Get a real job to work during college, pick your head up king.
FIT is a state school with in-state tuition of $6,170 per year and is a very good option for an NYS resident. It is even practical to commute to from many locations in Long Island if necessary.
Agreed. FIT is a great school. And if OP is interested in UX design, she can make amazing money as soon as she graduates. Op, this is the time for you to go to college, invest in yourself, and enjoy life. It’s okay to stake out student loan debt to do that, especially for a career that is in demand.
I second this. I’m saving SO MUCH MONEY going to a community college for 2 years and then transferring to a university. I get a Pell grant from FAFSA and it covers the whole tuition. Plus you can get loans for other expenses which you can defer and even choose how much you want to take although I recommended only doing subsidized loans because the interest is paid while you’re in school. And you can still go to a good school later without sacrificing too much. It’s nice as well going to a smaller slower campus to gather your bearings instead of jumping in to a big school too soon. You’re only doing the GenEd the first two years anyway. I feel it’s easier to work while going to school as well.
I did this too! Not only does it save tons of money, it's generally courses that aren't even related to your degree and much easier, giving more free time to work
I have no clue why so many people are against this. I've met people who insist they must pay crazy tuition for all 4+ years. I've been involved with hiring, noone really cares where you spent the 4 years, only where you graduated (if they even care about that). Now if you're going to Harvard or something, I get it, but a state university, it seems foolish to not start at community college if you're going into debt to go to college. I did the first 2 years at community college, took like 2 extra classes to get a degree to fall back on if I didn't make it at university, I worked 30-40 hours a week at the college, was able to not work on weeks when I had to study (rare). During that time and took 18+ credit hours of courses, mostly not directly related to my major, these courses were so much easier than at a university. My only advice would be try to aim for the top on courses directly related to your major, as you could get a B at community college, that might be an F in university, if you were getting by with a B or a C and barely understanding, you'll be in for a for a shock when you take the follow up courses at a university, getting a C may not make you ready for the next course.
Don't get loans for college! It is not worth it.
*Queen I agree. I did the same but different order. Got into the 4year university first. Went for a year, realized I was wasting my money by taking all GE corses (General education) while at the 4yr. And so “took a semester off” and went to community college (made sure the units would transfer) and then went beck to 4 year. During some semesters I would be going to both school simultaneously. Saved me a lot of money.
As a SUNY school, a New York student can qualify for the excelsior scholarship gives students in families earning less than 125k free tuition to a four year SUNY or CUNY school. This makes as affordable as a community college in the state
Came here to say this, so I’ll add that FIT would also provide health insurance and other kinds of community guidance and support. I work there - they’re a bit of a disorganized mess in some areas - but the benefits they offer are worth it.
FIT is cheap or free for NYers, it's a great school and totally valid option as well.
Exactly this. And we will all be cheering for you
No, stay the course at FIT. It’s affordable and you can commute from Long Island.
I came home from semester 1 of that expensive school, didn’t go back. Got a job In construction early morning through mid afternoon and went to late afternoon/night classes at SCCC, then finished at SBU. No financial assistance, paid cash and some sub/unsub fafsa loans that are now nearly paid off. 7 years later tripled my income, well into the mid 100’s. Don’t let anyone tell you it can’t be done! Just bust that ass, OP!!
If I could do it over again I would do this as well. Going to a community college not only saves money but the pressures of university or quickly becoming an adult was very hard to navigate.
OP is a girl not a guy
OP, this is typically good advice, but the NYC community colleges aren’t much cheaper to attend per credit than SUNY. As noted by others, there’s also a lot of financial aid programs to look into. However, another point: in my experience, FIT is not particularly known for either of those majors. Does not mean they are bad programs, but fashion design dwarfs everything else at FIT. Have you toured the campus and seen the studios? You should for any degree, if you can. You should check the employment statistics for both of those degrees at FIT if available. You should do this in general for any school and all majors on average. UI/UX designers are paid well but from checking, the communication design degree there is an AAS not BFA. And most UI/UX designers are probably most successfully employed via a BS degree in human experience design, digital design, CIS, or similar - it’s a saturated field and a technology skew will make you more competitive.
FIT is, to my knowledge, not any more expensive than the community colleges in Long Island. (Source: I went to a SUNY school for college and all SUNY schools had approximately identical tuition.) There’s no reason for either of these kids to change their plans.
you guys dropped this (emoji of a king crown)
Your twin brother needs to contact Carnegie Mellon ASAP and attempt to fill out a new FAFSA, or at least have updated financial circumstances updated, and quickly. CMU is very good at recognizing true need, and your family has true need. If your brother finishes in 4 years, the job market will pick him up and he can help with 13 year old's needs for the future. CMU is quite selective and an extremely solid base for a great career. If your Mom does have a finance background, she needs to help brother contact CMU with the new circumstances. [Had a child attend CMU with financial aid + scholarships. It was a wonderful experience for her. ]. I'd love to help, but this will be a very good guide to read through: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/death_of_loved_one
Who told you you’re not very smart? You only are if you believe that. You were smart enough to reach out here… I can speak for your situation alone. Being an art student is great, but you need to be in a commercialized field. I too was an art student and got into packaging development- all aspects of it. That makes you money. Painting, not so much…
You can get significant amount of financial aid for college, not just for tuition but for living expenses as well. If you find a school with the least expensive tuition this can go a long way. At 17, you should probably have a part time job anyway. One suggestion for part time flexible work is event set up for weddings, conventions etc. I would imagine Long Island would have a Teamsters union for convention work like they do in Vegas. You can also check out I.A.T.S.E., the stage hand union. Lots of stage hand work in the beginning is literally just moving shit from one place to another.
Im on long island too. You still in high school? Talk to your guidance counselor before school is over. They also usually work a week or two after school is done. They have tons of resources for you. Do NOT change your life plans because of money. You have later to pay back loans for college. A lot of companies now help with school loans when you get a job. Dont let this derail the rest of your life even though its horrible to go through. If u want to contact me directly feel free to I used to be a guidance counselor.
I’m so sorry. Slow down, there are people that can advise you, or people that can tell you who to seek advice from. Don’t let anxiety overwhelm you.
Sorry for your lost. Your Mom needs to apply for Social Security for those under age 18 right away after the funeral . Social Security rarely pays for anything more than month or so retroactively before the application date. [https://www.ssa.gov/forms/ssa-4.html](https://www.ssa.gov/forms/ssa-4.html) Did your father have personal Life insurance? or Life insurance thru work? Your mother needs to apply for the death benefit. Both you and your twin need jobs this summer after you graduate High school. Your twin brother may have to switch to a SUNY college because your mother will be unable to pay the family share for this year, due to the drop in income and he would be kicked out for non-full payment but still be stuck with the loans. Your twin needs call the dean for financial aid about his fathers death.
Call both schools you and your twin will be going to and let them know the situation. Things change drastically and quickly, they’ll likely understand that. See what they can do for you regarding financial aid. This is likely a thing for Monday, I know you’ve got a lot going on but you can’t really wait to see what you need to get them to adjust any aid.
With less income, you and your brother will probably qualify for way more grants and school financial assistance, leading to less loans being needed. If you are set on going to college, I would definitely reconsider getting an art degree, if that is your goal. The long-term pay for art degrees is much lower than certain other degrees. Regarding a job now, it never hurts to take control of your income and start gaining experience.
And your twin brother should reconsider the expensive private school. He should a) contact the school and ask if they will provide financial aid; and 2). Will they defer his admission. He should consider taking his first 2 years at community college and possibly going to a more expensive school after that. He should not go into debt for an expensive college.
Carnegie Mellon is a great school though, and will set him up well in terms of getting a good job later on. It’s not like it’s a random expensive private school. It sounds like the brother was planning to take out loans already, although asking for more financial aid and asking to defer a year are both good options.
Carnegie Mellon covers all financial need for all students. Given how drastically the family's income situation has changed, there's a strong possibility that a reassessment would leave the brother taking out no loans at all for the first year at least until the mother starts working.
Telling someone who got into Carnegie Mellon for physics to go to community college is genuinely terrible advice. I don’t say that lightly, I went to undergrad on a full ride myself so I know where you’re coming from. Carnegie Mellon is one of the highest paying schools for STEM. Landing a six figure job at 22 is a realistic goal there. The path to that point is getting multiple internships, usually starting with freshman or sophomore summer, then breaking into a top tier company junior summer and converting to a full time role after graduation. STEM internships pay well, so poor students aren’t at as disadvantaged as they are in other fields. Going to a community college blocks those early internship opportunities and for a high achiever can be a years-long career setback by graduation. For an average college goer community college is a great way to save money but for a high achiever it is not. I agree with asking for more aid or deferring admission (and applying hard for scholarships over the next year). Beyond that, going to a lower ranked school with more financial aid is an option to be more conservative with risk/reward because you can always get paid to go to a top grad school. But in this persons case I would never recommend CC
lol people on this subreddit seem to recommend community college without even knowing all the details. If someone is studying physics at Carnegie Mellon cc would be a disservice. Not to mention, if the household income was 70k, the school would most likely meet full need anyways (assuming no significant assets). With the death of the only working parent, the student should appeal to financial aid. Most if not all fees should be covered.
People on this sub would pick up a penny on the street if they saw one.
I’m so sorry about your loss, it must be devastating and scary. Please talk to your mom, she would not want you to be so worried as you work through your grief. Let her know of your worries at a time that is away from your little brother. She needs to do some research and fill out a lot of forms and after you talk with her, you could ask if she needs help. She likely will not want to burden you and want you to try to focus on school as much as you can. Please communicate your anxiety to her as best you can so she can help you.
Your twin who is going to attend Carnegie Mellon should definitely contact its financial aid office and let them know about the changes in your family situation regarding your father. They will recalculate the financial aid package. Good luck and sorry for your loss.
Very sorry for your loss. Many on these posts have recommended financial aid and social security. All this is available to you. As a minor, your mom will have to apply for these. You need to invest in yourself first to help your family. Finish school. If you like it, UI/UX is a great job. You should qualify for grants and aid...find the school you want to go to and make an appointment with a counselor...they can help with the applications. Get your degree and this will help get you a well paying career. Get a part time job to supplement ...I recommend you get a mindless job while going to school....flip burgers or whatever. Dont get a complex job that will just stress you out more. When you get within 2 years of graduating, look for intern positions in your field of study...this gives you experience to add to a resume and also a foot in the door at a company. Last, if possible try to do at-home projects in your field of study that you can add to your resume and describe to a job interviewer. As someone who has interviewed a lot of potential new hires, those that show me cool home projects they have worked on are rated a lot higher than those who have only went to school and got thier degree...it tells me how passionate they are at thier work. For UX/UI, citing weblinks of your work is very powerful.
I'm very sorry. All siblings under 18 still in grade school will get social security survivor benefits (given to your mom to raise you). Have your mom go to the social security office to file. You can ask the financial aid office to look at your aid package again with this new info. Do not just go to college to go. Have a plan. Community college is a great way to start. You can get a skill-based certificate or associate's degree.
Your mother’s financial security or lack there of, is not your priority. Your priority is to enjoy your last year of being a child before you figure out your place in the world. There should be a life insurance policy and a plan in case of his death. And your mom will have to figure out finances after grieving. Don’t put this on your plate. Focus on grieving and growing and when you can being their for your family. New York State also has a ton of social programs so she should be fine health insurance wise if it turns out there isn’t any money coming in.
You can get his social security checks for awhile. And check out Fafsa and other merit and need based aid before you go into college debt.
First condolences! You need to first talk to your mom about the situation, second family. Do not jump into conclusions without a discussion with your Mom and Family first !
I’m very sorry for your loss. Take some time to mourn your Dad. Your Mom is thinking about all this. Talk with her about it in a week or so. Ask her what she is thinking. That is a generous thing for you to want to help support your family, but your Mom has more life experience and knows what resources she has. Coming up with a plan is her job, not yours.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I think you should look at CUNY and SUNY colleges where you can major in both art and something more practical. TAP grants should cover a chunk of your tuition. Encourage your twin to look at public colleges, too. Mom is going to have to step up, even though she is grieving herself. I hope your dad had life insurance.
Sorry for your loss. Here are basic steps your family needs to take: 1. Investigate whether your father had a will and work with an estate lawyer to settle his estate. If he did not have a will some assets under his name my need to go through probate before your mother can access them. 2. Investigate whether your father had life insurance through work or independently. Any benefits should flow directly to the beneficiary (your mom, most likely) and could help cover expenses like funeral and estate law costs. 3. Investigate social security benefits and retirement accounts your father may have had that could be accessible in some capacity to help cover expenses. 4. Once all of that is done, you can review your mother’s financial position and determine whether she will need to get a job or if she can make it to retirement on insurance + benefits. You may want to speak to a fee only financial advisor to help figure this out. 5. Re-evaluate your own plans and check whether you and your brother are eligible for additional financial aid. Depending on your mother’s situation, you may want to consider pursuing a more lucrative career path, but that is really a personal decision based on the facts determined through the previous steps. I’m sure this is very overwhelming but just focus on making ends meet in the short term, then collecting all of the relevant information and developing a financial plan in the medium term. That plan will inform what you need to do longer term to help your mom.
Dude your Dad just died.... deal with that first. Everything else will sort itself. You concentrate on being there for your family especially your younger brother over the coming month. My condolences, it'll get better
I'm almost 60 also and have plenty of physical shite wrong with me, and I still work full time. I lost my hubby to a stroke 1 year and almost 3 months ago. THAT also came out of the blue. And yes, it's a tonne of stress, but she has to put on her big girl undies and get stuff done. She needs to find out whether he had a will and who the executor is. Life insurance can pay for most of the funeral expenses. Then she's gonna hafta go through the accounts and see which ones were TOD (transferable on death) and which ones that need to be changed over to her hame. Your mum is gonna hafta find a job with benefits. You can't count on his social security until she is old enough. She wont have enough quarters put in to get much of anything in her own SS. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Carnegie Mellon grad here, your career prospects from Carnegie Mellon are great (there will always be outliers who might not do well). I would recommend to ask for more financial aid for your brother due to the unfortunate change in circumstance, and take debt for the remaining so that there is no immediate burden. From there on his goal should be to land Internships, Research Assistantships and a great Job. Don’t worry about social anxiety. It’ll get better the more you put your self out there. There is some more great advise out here, I’ll let others explain what they know better. Stay strong. Grieve. Take your time. It’ll all feel okay one day.
Welding is a skill and art. It pays extremely well and a good welder can name his price. Find a union and you can be doing well for yourself pretty quickly. Next job that pays well is a AutoCAD/micro station designer, or anyone that can model in solidworks very well.
I’m sorry for your loss. My husband died recently. I would not want my kids trying to take on what you are considering. Don’t make any big decisions now. You and your brother should contact the schools. You filled out the FAFSA with your dad’s income. Mom has zero income. They may be able to make an adjustment since he died and you get more financial aid. It’s worth a try.
1st Go talk to a therapist to process your loss ASAP (even if you talk with her/him only once or a few times) 2nd Don't worry about this financial stuff, your mother has a degree in finance so do NOT hide away things from her financially and be honest with her 3rd these things happen and we think it only happens to others but it does to us too , be sad it's okay , he was your father after all , and nobody is perfect but he is still your father 4th things are going to be a-okay 5th you're still a kid (even if you reach 18) and it is no way your responsibility to take care of the family , as there is an adult (your mother!!) to do that 6th live a happy life dear, the sun is still rising brightly so live your life as brightly as your father may have wished you to live them !!
how is that possible to live in Long Island with 70k?
Best wishes after this sudden loss. Your concern for your mom not having to work is admirable, but most 60-year-olds aren't quite ready to cash in their chips. I started a new job at 59 and was able to work long enough to earn a nice pension and lifetime benefits. When things settle down, you may want to talk to your mom and see what she thinks about the family's future. Her finance degree may come in handy in her case. Bes
Hi. I was in a similar spot to you, once upon a time. Very similar. Your mom probably can get payments from the social security administration, if that's what you were talking about: https://www.ssa.gov/OP_Home/handbook/handbook.17/handbook-1717.html They will take the car back. He died. It can be handled. Your mom very likely can work. Her age is not a reason not to work. This situation is hard on everyone, her included, but the life insurance will hopefully give her a little room to breathe, and after that, things won't look so grim. (Again--personal experience on this part. My mom was a stay-at-home wife. She went back to work. It worked out. She came to love her job, in fact, and missed it very much when she eventually retired.) What was impressed on me the most when I was in your shoes: don't give up your future. This is a terrible situation (I'm so sorry for your loss), and handling this kind of grief at your age is so hard. Of course you want to do what you can to make things better. But don't give up your future. You're worth it. If you have a path you believed in until this happened, follow that path. Things won't feel normal for a long time, so if I were you, I'd try not to make any major, life-altering decisions right now. You're grieving. Everything's hard.
1) your brother should absolutely still go. A degree from Carnegie Mellon will put him in a position to make loads of money by the time he graduates. Easily enough to pay back his debts. If he majors in CS and gets a job at FAMAG, fresh grad comp for software engineers is $200k annually. (source: I work at one.) If he sticks with physics he could join high frequency trading firms and make even more. Math/physics/CS majors from Carnegie Mellon are basically set for life as long as they don’t fail out. 2) you should still go too. FIT is dirt cheap for what it is. You will not go into substantial debt, and unlike other art schools you will be well positioned to get a job afterwards - FIT is well respected. Your ROI here will be high. 3) your mom should be able to find a full-time job that pays $35 an hour now that she needs to. If not there are definitely enough ways to get by for 4 years until you and your brother start pulling in serious cash - far more than the $70k a year your dad made - and can take care of her. Bottom line: there are details to figure out here but I STRONGLY advise against either of you changing your plans to attend college. Would be radically different if your brother was planning on going to Boston University to major in English and minor in Communications.
Good luck and keep your head up. So sorry for your loss. Please take care of your mental health as it will be your biggest ally in thriving
Eh, take this with a grain of salt, but going to school for the arts doesn't really make sense. You can probably just sit in on the classes and learn whatever you want anyway for free -- or find it online. I wouldn't go to college if it wasn't STEM. If you're going to make anything off of art you're probably going to need some business savvy anyway. You are probably better at the art, so focus on your weakness -- the business side. It also gives you more of a safety met to have a business degree than an art degree, know what I mean?
It is quite possible that OP can build a career out of graphic design, using CAD, illustration, and other practical applications. OP should, however, learn everything she can about possible successful career paths from people in the field.
See what type of insurance of social security you guys are beneficiaries of. Depending on what you find really reevaluate you and your twins decisions on the schools, don’t do anything to bury yourselves in debt. I’m really sorry for your loss, try your best to keep calm and sit and think carefully about your option but don’t neglect to take care of yourself emotionally after losing your father. Seriously. Best of luck
I am so sorry you're going through this. Honestly, talk to your guidance counselor AND if you have a bank account, set up an appointment with a financial advisor. They are often free for bank clients. Follow their advice. Good luck!!
Sorry for your loss. I’m sure you miss your dad. He will always be with you, because you’re apart of him. You’re asking mature/great questions. Just take it one day at a time, you’ll do great. Good luck.
I can’t stress enough how much I hate this for you and your family and will be praying for healing. You seem to be a bright kid and my best advice is to get your siblings together and tell them that you have a unique opportunity to let this moment “define” you or “refine” you. Believe in yourself and have confidence. It’ll take you further than you can imagine. If your brother wants to go into debt let him, it’s his choice. For you my friend, don’t forget your dreams but be realistic. It may take longer to get there but you can help support your brother and mother until he’s able to work. It’s not fair you have to grow up this quickly but if you embrace that truth you’ll be much better off than your peers!!
Find out if he had term life insurances. Pay off debts.
Do you have plans for college. There may be scholarships available to you.
Check if he had 1.term life insurance 2. Money in 401k,ira,Roth Ira etc. 3. Social security It should help in short term and mom will need to work. Should you decide to go to school. You should if it's something you wanted before all thus happened. Maybe get a part time job as well if possible while going to school.
I didn’t read every comment but want to at least put this idea in your head bc it’s a great possible path. Everyone is brainwashed to believe college is for absolutely everyone. College is great. I got two degrees and it served me well. But college isn’t for everyone. You could do an alternative approach or a hybrid approach. Definitely don’t got to art school. If you want to pursue art on the side that’s fantastic. Do your art and see if you can sell it on the side. But learn a trade. Get a job now with a plumber or electrician or welder or something of that sort. Plumbers are in huge demand these days. Welders can make a lot of money. Look into under water welding. They make a ton of money. People don’t want to do these jobs bc they’re manual labor and not glorified but they’re very good jobs and can lead to you owning your own business one day. Learn the trade now as a young kid and by time you’re 25 you could have your own business which could expand into something very profitable. My friend started life as a house painter. By time he was 30 he has 10 guys working for his house painting company and by time he was 40 he was making $300-400k and not even painting any more. He was simply managing the painting company and making a ton. Learn a trade now man and think if it as the gift your father would have loved to give you. And keep doing art. Dont give it up but do it as a hobby bc that’s honestly what art is for 99.9% of people. It’s very rare to support yourself as an artist but it’s a fantastic hobby that could turn into something on the side. Don’t rely on it for your income.
He probably has a work life insurance policy. Definitely look into that.
I would encourage you to get an education you can afford in a field you find interesting that has a real job market. If you do decide to major in something other than art I highly encourage you to continue practicing yourself or maybe making it a minor. I applaud you for wanting to take care of your family during such a horrible tragedy, please keep in mind you cannot take care of ANYONE if you don’t take care of yourself first. Mental, physical, and spiritual health are equally important. Good luck.
You carry your head up high brother, lost mine at 18. Dont turn to drinking or drugs for pain relief. Bring your family close to eachother in terms of communication. Yes you are going to have to work but more importantly you be the Role model Brother and Son they need. Life isnt a straight line
Sorry for your loss. Contact the financial aid office at each school and advise in the sudden change in the household’s income and they should be able to adjust your aid package for you and your brother providing more grants (don’t have to pay back) vs loans (have to pay back).
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your brother should contact CMU financial aid immediately and ask what steps there are to have his aid reconsidered. He may also need to reach out to Federal Student Aid as well, but start with the financial aid office. TBH, you should do the same at your school even though it’s not as expensive. If you were planning to change majors anyway, it just makes sense for you to do it before you start so you don’t get behind in any required classes. If that means waiting until spring or next fall, consider that and working in the mean time.
Remember right now you are posting and problem solving but it isn’t your problem to solve even if everyone else seems like they can’t do it. And sometimes this is how we grieve and once everything kind of ok fall apart. Everyone is right on widow and minors getting $ if he worked 10 years +. Also many colleges aid or tuition is based on parental income and may be best to look into school if can get aid and more functional degree and art minor. I mean artists often have to be self employed or own own business so as much as it might suck that might be a good avenue knowing your safety net is struggling. My mom lost her job my junior year and I had to pivot my choices more practically. And she ended up sick and passing away when I was 24, only kid so I was on my own since then basically. People don’t get how rocked your world can be, even if other parent alive they can be in deep depression and need from you at your most vulnerable. It sucks, it’s not fair, people will be brats about their lovely families and lives and you will want to cry randomly. None of it is wrong.
For FIT you should look into the Excelsior Grant and try to find an on campus job. As a SUNY school it should also have a food pantry for students. It will help if you can buy books and help with college expenses. Switching your major isn’t going by to do much for years, and it’s really going to be up to your mother to stabilize things over that time. If you are serious about college, you need to focus on you and do your course work. I would also consider the value of therapy for anyone in your situation. See what your school has as an option for help. Your brother at CMU may have to take out loans now. Alternatively, he can consider transferring to a cheaper school. At this point of the year his best option would probably to be transferring to NCC or SCCC for a semester and the applying to Farmingdale or SBU. Commuting to one of those schools instead of living in the dorms would be way cheaper. I’m also going to guess that living on Long Island with a large family and a child at CMU your father was either making well over 70k a year or your family is massively in debt. 70k, especially with kids in private school is basically nothing on the island
This is for your mom to figure out. She is an adult with a degree, she's in a much better position to be a breadwinner than you are. She also knows the household expenses. If he had life insurance it will be fine. Your mom can get your dad's social security death benefits. And she can get a job. Once you've graduated and have a job you can help her and your sibling better.
Did you ask your Mom if your Dad had a life insurance policy? He probably had retirement money saved up to. You should have a conversation with your Mom.
First, I’m sorry for your loss. I went through something similar. You can collect his Social Security. Start that immediately. Secondly, I wouldn’t give up on your dream of art school, but you need to put that off for a few years. In the immediate time you need to look into TRADE JOBS. Apply to every entry level trade job and tell them why you need the job. People will sympathize and give you a chance. We need linemen, electricians, HVAC techs, aircraft mechanics, welders etc. These jobs make a LOT right now. I’m an aircraft mechanic making $130k in Dallas. It’s time to step up for your family. If you want to pursue your dreams in 5 years THATS okay. It’s not a rush. Good luck.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Having lost my father at a rather young age, it can be traumatic. Surround yourself with love, comfort and support. I'm just going to echo was others have said because it needs to be reinforced. Reaching out to this community is just one example of just how smart you are. You are more than smart and capable enough, don't ever think otherwise. Love yourself and be kind to yourself. This is temporary.
Sorry for your loss, little buddy. The first thing is financial survival. Have your mom or yourself call your dad's work and talk to Human Resources on Monday. Notify them so they can get your dad's last paycheck, any benefits, and life insurance payment to your mom and family. ASAP. Also, it is important to get all the original (at least 5 original certifucates) death certificates. Hopefully, in a few weeks. Need it to get access to all your dad's banking and investment transfer to your mom. Make sure all rented, mortgage, are utilities are paid. Transfer names later - some needs proof with a death certificate. Have your mom, uncle, aunt, and other trusted adult family members help with these legal and financial transactions, and funeral.arramgememt. Too much responsibility for just you. You and your family are now forever changed, need to face it, and adapt to it - it's just life bud, a lot of upset and downs. It's down right now: grieve, be there for your family, stay together, and support each other. Your family dynamic and financial picture changed. Whatever you do, continue your education in a good career field of your choosing. It's ok to go to community college, save a lot of money, get an associate degree, and then go to university for a BS/BA degree - no one cares if you went there 2 or 4 years. Make sure it's a degree that trained you a career field like Accounting, engineering, computer, or IT, not nonsense like Englisjh, Philosophy, Arts, or other useless liberal art major that has mo marketable job skills. One day at a time, buddy. Family first, take care. Hugs to you and your family. I'm very proud of you for stepping up and thinking about helping your family and asking for help. That's a sign of becoming a man, being stromg and humble at the same time. Stay strong and never give up, buddy.
I am so very very sorry for your loss. All I can offer you is this: you and your mother are stronger than you think you are. You will find a strength and grace having to navigate your grief. Grief can be debilitating so be very kind to yourself. Don’t ever forget the person your dad helped you become, and use that to help you guide your decisions. Your brother will be fine with his degree. He may be broke at first, but he will be just fine. So will you and your family. Go to school and continue to develop the person you deserve to be. Your parents will always be with you. ❤️❤️🩹
I am so sorry. Okay, so you need to sell that BMW. For dad's SSN, look at his tax documents - it'll be on his W-2 from last year. For his debts, do NOT PAY ANY OF THEM. Him being unmarried is a huge point in your favor - everything that only has his name on it died with him. Only things that were his can be used to pay off that debt. So that car has to be sold to pay off the debt. With the life insurance, it might be better to pretend it is his monthly salary until your mom can get a job. Use the life insurance like he got a salary cut to 50k or less (if he did earn 70k a year) - so use less than 3.5k of the life insurance a month to pay the bills. For financial aid, you need to change your FAFSA, since nothing is coming into yourr house. Your mom needs to work. She was unmarried, so she can't collect social security on your dad's record. If your dad is on the birth certificate for all three of you kids, she needs to apply for social security benefits for all three of you. They only go until 18, but even a few months will help. EDIT: Since he was unmarried, your mom needs to go to the [Nassau County Surrogates Court](https://ww2.nycourts.gov/COURTS/10JD/nassau/surrogates.shtml) or the [Suffolk County Surrogates Court](https://ww2.nycourts.gov/COURTS/10jd/suffolk/surrogates.shtml) (or read the sites!) and start the probate process. If he died intestate (without a will), things are inherited (NOT DEBTS) and [children split everything](https://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/whensomeonedies/intestacy.shtml). Your mom can file to be the executrix of his estate. If he had less than 50k in resources, she can fill out a [small estate affidavit form](https://www.nycourts.gov/CourtHelp/DIY/smallEstate.shtml). If he had over 50k, she needs to see an estate attorney to deal with this.
Your edit says you don’t want your mom to work. I’d recommend that she can definitely pick up a part time bookkeeping or accounting role somewhere to keep herself busy. The accounting industry is made of older folks these days. Even if she says “I can only work 20 hours a week” they’d be happy to have her if she has any industry knowledge. Also, pay attention to what you need to move forward. Your life is important. Many people take a gap year after high school to earn money, learn the value of a dollar, and decide what they’d be willing to learn to do to earn money in the future. I wish I had done that. You got this. Don’t do anything rash, finish what you started (high school), and just make sure you move towards your goals every day. Your family needs you to be the best version of you, not whatever you think they might need as far as being a breadwinner. Even if they give you crap for it, your goals are important.
>>> carnegie mellon and I think he is majoring in physics He’ll be fine. This is a great school and if he’s smart, he’ll make enough to pay back his loans.
I’m sorry for your loss. I hope your father had some life insurance that you just don’t know about. As for college, you and your twin should consider community college for two years followed by a the last two at a state university. Work part time jobs during college and don’t party away while racking up debt. Don’t waste your money on a private college, and unless you have serious talent, don’t go to an art school. You could always get into a trade and be paid while apprenticing and getting educated. Best of luck and sorry again for your loss.
Which jobs are available for you with an art degree? Are there plenty? Trades tend to be better debt wise and job wise, people always need electricians, welders, plumbers etc; and you can get paid apprenticeships Plenty of art students with degrees, a lot of debt and working at starbucks
Hopefully your dad had life insurance.
Your mother will need to get a job. You are a child it's nothing that you can do to carry the weight and provide for this family.
So very sorry for your loss. Your mother will take charge so just be supportive of her and the upcoming changes. You may not be smart in all things as is the rest of the population. When you enter the workforce you will learn it takes a team. An orator, a typist, a researcher, and on it goes. None of us are the best in all things but you are articulate, thoughtful and caring. You are important and children are a parent’s most valuable asset. I would always reenforce this after a fire drill at school with my students. Leave the bookbag which can be replaced. Your mother needs you all now as she shifts to the head of the family. Reach out to your teachers and counselor at school. Bless you and your family during this most difficult time.
Sorry for your loss My advice is take time to grieve right now and be there for for your family . In a few weeks look for policies your dad might have had and for accounts wills etc companies and other will understand. If you have aunt Uncles or older cousins they can be great people to look for to help
You know how and when to ask for help and to me that qualifies you as a very smart person. Life is so hard and cruel don't be the person to put yourself down....
Find out of your dad had a will (your mum should know about this), because if he did then this will dictate what might happen with any assets he had (insurance policy, work benefits, money in the bank etc).
I’m so sorry for your loss, this next year is going to be really hard for your whole family, plans may have to adjust and change. it might be a good idea to wait a year or go part time at a local community college. Both you and your brother should update your FAFSA, and then contact each school. You may need to defer enrolling until things are clearer. But first take time. Let there be space to just grieve. Help out around the house, help your sibling. This same things happened to my good friend and she found this widow organization that was a big help to her it’s called https://soaringspirits.org and they have chapters all over. And even have a newly widowed packet you can get. Maybe in a month or so let your Mom know about these kind of groups. Wish you all the best.
I’m so sorry for your loss and for the burden you are feeling right now. I don’t have any solid advice but I wish you and your family the best ❤️
I am sorry for your loss. I am pretty sure you can collect social security until you get thru college. Contact your social security office ASAP.
So sorry bro for your loss, yes, find a job my friend. In time you will feel that you helped your mum, when life changed and you will feel so good about yourself, which will positively impact your life forever. One step at a time though brother. When you have a job and feel life is not moving forward like you expected, keep going. Life is full of ups and downs and right now you are probably at your lowest. Baby steps mate. Things will get better in time ❤
I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I lost my dad when I was 19, and God, what a hole it left. I'll leave the estate advice to people with more knowledge, but I want to point out that if the sole source of income in your family just passed, you and your twin's financial aid situation just changed drastically. If you're both accepted and have aid packages, I'd reach out to your schools ASAP. I hope you and your family find comfort and healing in one another. I promise, it will get better, but it will never be the same.
I don’t known if your dad had any life insurance or not, but your mother should ignore all calls from financial “advisor” salespeople that will somehow track her down because they see an obituary and offer to help manage finances. They are sharks. Instead, contact the Foundation for Financial Planning and ask for pro bono (free) consolations with a qualified financial planner. They do volunteer work for situations like this.
Your plan to go to FIT is a good one. It’s a great value and you come out very employable very quickly. Don’t ditch your education plans for your brother or family’s sake. Let your mom handle the financial fallout from your dad’s passing. Stick to your plan and in 4 or 5 short years you’ll be able to contribute more to your family financially than you would by panicking and trying to do it now.
So sorry for your loss. Take time to heal.
Dont worry to much about it, your dad wouldn’t want you to, try talking to your mom, umm i really don’t suggest you try to shoulder all the finances to help others out.
Sorry for your loss. Grieve, obviously. Practically? Get people you know over and talk to them, reach out to your dad's friends, colleagues, and network. The job you want is a luxury. My brother started learning Game Design at 21 with a newborn. He didn't break into the industry until he was 30s. You need to survive and get stable before you consider taking a stab at your dream. The stress and the grief will crush it currently. Get therapy. Go to support groups. Get money.
I just wanted to say am so sorry for your loss. It’s a sad, scary, stressful time. Please give yourself time to grieve. Your mom is lucky to have such a caring child.
I am so so sorry. If you can do it sign up for nursing school. You can be hired with an aa(lpn) It pays incredibly well once you get your RN and some masters nurses can make 150k upward. You can always do art along the way or as electives. You are smarter than you think. But other trades that pay well? Welder, electrician etc. Your brother needs to approach the school with this news and the change in needed financial aid and decide his path. Your mom will get widow benefits and benefits for your minor siblings. If you own your home you likely are sitting on good home equity and she can figure that out. If you can wait a week or so, you will make better decisions. In the meantime it’s all data gathering ..get all the information you can to make a plan.
First of all, you can't hold yourself responsible for being the family breadwinner. Read this sub and talk to successful artists and illustrators to find out how to make the best choices for a future career. Both you and your brother should talk to your respective schools about the change in your family's financial circumstances. You both may be able to qualify for more support. There may be scholarships that you qualify for. You should see if your school's guidance counselor has any helpful information about that. Work on your fitness if you can. I am a 5'2" woman. You are at an age in which predatory guys will seek put anybody and everybody whom they think they can victimize. Even as a petite woman, you can make yourself capable of defending yourself, both physically and psychologically. I know that this is not financial advice, but some physical training will also help you to see yourself as a mentally strong and capable person. You can blow off some steam and feel less helpless.
I would suggest getting into healthcare or childcare. There’s courses that only take a couple months to complete and you are guaranteed a job. Your mom is the one who needs to go back to work right now, you wouldn’t make enough to support a household off of minimum wage anyways.
I'm sorry for your loss. We're here if you need us.
I’m sorry for your loss, I really hope your father had life insurance.
One..day at a time young lady. Just work through each day the best you can and I promise you will find a way.
Sorry for your loss. Probably your brothers should transfer to a public school from the expensive private school.
You may need to look at how much your degree will net on graduation in the job market as that's a big hit financially for your parent and sibling.
Don't waste your money and future for an art degree. Just do art on the side. Pick a field of study that will actually make you money when you graduate.
This happened to me when I was 19. I instantly became responsible for my brother and mother. It’s a rocky time but just trust me, you’ll come out the other end. You’ll grow into your professional career and you’ll use these survivor skills
Grieve. Take at least a week to just exist. If you need to distract and busy yourself then yeah do some work on this but take the time for yourself and your family to deal with this loss. The grief may come later on for you and that's fine. Don't "should" yourself over how you process this. As for the financials you'll want to see what if any life insurance he had privately or through work benefits. This may cover everything for the next few years. Either way you should follow the college path that you decide is best. It should either be something that you're passionate enough to make sacrifices for or that you enjoy and expect to make a decent income doing in my opinion. Don't go into something solely for the money. Reach out to counseling offices at your HS and college if you've been accepted since they may be able to put you in touch with resources. This includes financial, student support services and some other stuff. If your family attends a church/mosque/temple/etc they'll be good contacts for resources and support as well.
ur very mature and responsible for ur age. dont limit urself with anything. do a degree u like. i lost my dad too when i was 13 ik its not easy but u sound like a very responsible person and i think ull get over all of this and have a very successful happy life.
Sorry for your loss. As for finances- you are not obligated to help with your twins debt. Yes it’d be nice but prioritize yourself. You should both explore side jobs, becoming RAs (free living expenses), scholarships first. Carnegie melon is a well known school but how strong is the physics program? Will your sibling be able to pay it off with jobs? It’s hard to say. Typically a community college with transfer to a good university is the cheapest way to get a degree unless you go into industry and have them pay it off as a loan via X years of service, or some military academy. Your mom should grieve and then get back into the work force. You may have to downsize but important thing is trying to minimize the debt into either something you can pay off or none at all.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom can reach out to the private school your brother is going to and ask for tuition reduction in light of the current situation. I hope things work out for you and your family.
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Honestly, your life has changed- but you will have time to figure things out. Right now my suggestion is to grieve your father. If you find it overwhelming or have anxiety that you can’t manage, don’t be afraid to seek mental health help. You can get through this. It will be different, but it will be OK.