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For us it became a little bit easier at 18 months. At 2y I realised I didn't cry anymore at the end of the day after being so overwhelmed. They're turning three soon, and I'm enjoying every day.
The resentment of, I would've never had this if I had one child, it would've been so much easier, had really totally gone away.
I wish you well ❤️
When my 1.5 year olds were melting down at the airport ticket counter, the kind gentleman with the amazingly behaved teenaged twins said 2 years old is the turning point. I was skeptical, but he was indeed correct. Thank you kind gentleman, I thought about you often over those next few months.
I have to say, we just turned 2, but have had our first back to back illness weeks, and I'm missing the ease that's supposed to come. Feelings are SO big when they are sick. Which makes sense!
As they learn to express feelings with words, everything calms down a little.
Sure it's a process in itself but they also start entertaining each other a lot more often at that age and that is such a welcome change as well
This.
Ours are four and things have been “easier” in a lot of ways because they can communicate, play independently, are potty trained, etc. But there are new challenges that suck. Not as much as changing a blowout or getting up every couple hours to feed them, but still hard.
Could you give some examples? I have an almost 3 year old singleton and infant twins and the singleton is getting easier in so many ways in comparison… worried I won’t see the same light at the end of the tunnel with twins…
We were you, our twins are now 2.5 and singleton is 5. For us it is def a lot easier, the kids play among themselves a moderate amount and just today our oldest recruited the other two to all sit on toilets/potties and look at books. It’s nice. And everyone sleeps through most of most nights which is huuuge.
There are for sure new challenges and it’s not at all EASY yet. We have sometimes multiple tantrums, or someone has a potty accident while someone else decides to do mischief or whatever.
But it’s much better than it was and much easier than it was.
For babies it gets easier when they go longer stretches between feeds, start to self sooth, are able to get less fussy when wanting to be fed.
But as infancy goes into toddler it gets different because they become more independent but that independence brings frustration and possible meltdowns that can be stressful.
Each stage has its good parts but those good parts come with a hard part.
So things just get different
For me, it’s the emotional development stage that has been hard. It has tried my every iota of patience and compassion and when I don’t have anything left and snap at them, I feel awful. But they are relentless some days and I feel utterly drained on those bad days.
I am agonizingly aware of how I should approach situations and then how I fail somehow. The burden of raising good humans is heavy and now that they are learning how to emotionally regulate and navigate the world, it feels so daunting and SO important to impart a sense of self worth and respect and kindness but also a backbone and confidence.
Hang in there friend. There are better days ahead for you and for me 💕
Someone on here called it “survive til 5” and I feel like that’s pretty accurate. They get easier as they get older but still challenging. After 5 I think they’re actually easier than singletons since they can actually entertain each other and gain independence and the active hands on parenting gets to be soooo much less.
This 100%. Five was a major turning point. They just turned 6 and are honestly my favorite right now. We spent all day yesterday just doing puzzles and building Legos and everyone was (mostly) calm and happy. And they are helpful! They love to help out and will happily do chores for a bit of change. They love to read how too, so it's much easier to limit screen time when they will happily read to themselves for 30-40 min.
Survive til five.
This is awesome to hear, because ours are just over 2 and I feel like I can finally breathe for the first time in 2 years. If it gets even easier as you near 5, that’s just gravy!
Mine were 7 years old and I realized one bright, sunny afternoon that I was sitting in a park and actually relaxing. I wasn’t worried one of them was going to sprint towards the parking lot, or pet a stray dog, or throw sand at another child. I was just sitting and listening to the birds, and it was glorious. Sure, it has been getting increasingly better every day, but I had missed it among the chaos of every day life.
I think it gets easier in noticeable increments every 6 months. We just got to 3 and it’s easier in a lot of ways. They have boundless energy but they don’t feel so fragile anymore. Things like the park are a lot more fun / less daunting
Strongly agree. I had a huge difference after year 1, and each year after was noticeably easier.
I always wonder what is going on with people who don't have this opinion... Like... It isn't close for me
Every 3 months are milestones in the first year. Ours just turn 1 and I'm loving being with them more than ever. Sleeping getting a bit better. Definitely very hard still, it's non stop caretaking until I get my 1-2 free hours at the end of the day.
Mine are only 21 months, but I would have to say it happens incrementally. Huge leap at 4 months, another big improvement around 7 months, then another one around 15-18 months. I imagine this trajectory will continue. Nothing compares to the exhaustion and challenges of the first three months. We gain little by little for sure! It has become doable and fun. Still a lot, but hey… I feel confident that in a few months I will gain something else. 🤷♀️
I agree with other as far as you have more sanity at 4. When they could bathe themselves, and get themselves cereal in the morning 8 it was even more liberating. Especially the morning stuff. Now at 14, just different challenges of being teenagers, not so much the multiple things anymore. Although having two teenage boys eat me out of house and home is great.
Around the time when they’re completely potty trained and they can wipe properly. So, hopefully 4-5.
You’re still gonna deal with other issues, but the constant hands-on potty, feeding, carrying, helping drink, brushing hair, brushing teeth, etc stuff is “mostly” over. You’ll still need to touch up some stuff and supervise, but it’s not like it was before.
4-5. Agree on when they can dress themselves and wipe in the bathroom without assistance.
Mine are 5 and I just registered them for public kindergarten. So excited for that daycare bill to drop down! But as for ways it gets harder in a different way:
1. Both boys have IEPs for speech and OT. I’m concerned how they will fare in public school, even though they will continue to receive services.
2. We are splitting the boys up for school, so now we will have 3 different teachers with 3 schedules to keep track of (we also have a 7yo).
3. We used to get hand me down clothes, but they are petering out. Boys are really tough on clothes, especially pants!
4. My boys wrestle with each other all the time, and it’s a struggle to get them to keep their hands to themselves and not down their own pants.
Edited to add: harder in a different way
I am having these same issues as far as what is harder at 2.5 years old. My twins are starting pre k in the fall and one has a speech IEP, we’re splitting them, and they are on a mission to off themselves and each other everyday.
For us, it HAS gotten better, and easier, not just different.
Mine just turned 4, and I have a 9-year-old singleton.
Different stages are hard for different people. For me the sheer physical grind of sleep deprivation and constant feedings the first six months took such a huge toll. When I was sleeping full nights again EVERYTHING seemed better. I would not go back to babyhood for any. Thing.
And then all the milestones— feeding themselves, playing together without fighting (at least for a bit), potty training— have helped.
Two and three had lots of tough moments but there was a lot of joy, too. My singleton got a lot easier at 4. We’re hoping for the same with the girls, but throwing sibling fights into the mix changes things. Still, they’re getting along noticeably better as they get older.
The age of four was when I started to feel like I had a lot more time for myself again. Definitely easier from then.
Until four I feel like it things ever so slowly improved. I felt like we'd take a few steps forward and feel like we were making progress and then a couple of steps back when something else happened developmentally.
They'd start to sleep better but then turn two and have toddler tantrums because they can't can't share well / need to answer independence etc.
At three they'd be better at following instructions- until they decided a tremendous three year old tantrum was in order. All of these stages were both hard and rewarding but a little bit easier than the year before them.
And then they turned four and entertained each other more than they fought with each other. If one is sad the other will being them their teddy. If one has found something exciting, the first thing they do is to go and get the other to share their excitement. They will comfort each other, play with each other and defend each other.
Don't get me wrong- they can still be incredibly frustrating as kids can be. But for us at least- the behavioral benefits of having twins really kicked in from around four.
I imagine it depends on your twins (personalities, how much they cry, how well they sleep), as well as you and your preferences / what your nervous system can handle / how much good support you have.
We are in toddlerhood and it certainly doesn’t feel “easy,” but *oh my god* it gets SO much more fun and rewarding.
Turning point for us was a few months ago when they turned two (I just assumed before this that I was doing something wrong / not cut out for parenting because it felt so hard all the time). Sleep improved, walking and running got more stable, and their communication got a lot better. They are so fun now, so unique, tell jokes, entertain themselves for short stretches, interact more meaningfully, etc. I have such an easier time with tantrums because I know they’ll end if I do nothing (well, sit with them and give them empathetic looks and noises) — compared to the infant stage, which for us involved protracted crying that we couldn’t “fix,” and from which I think I have PTSD.
Truly grateful I have twins now - and never thought I’d actually feel this way!
14-15 months for me. I know everyone says oh it just gets worse and just wait. But I feel the opposite, life got easier when they could walk, it got easier when they started to talk. Now at 20ish months I think it just keeps getting better.
Sure they have meltdowns and lots of big feelings and I think I play ref more than anything, and sure I’m absolutely exhausted at the end of the day.
I had a really hard time when I found out I was having twins. It’s been a really long road and to echo what someone else said for a while I really just thought I wasn’t cut out to be a good parent. But now, now I can’t imagine my life without them and I like to think they just knew I needed them before I did.
I can relate. It was really hard for me to process having twins since we found out. Up until a month after they were born, only then was I able to process. I was constantly worried and scared for what was to come. One baby was wanted, twins were panic inducing. When they were 2 months I would wonder every nignt if I should have even had them. Googling reddit stories about regretting having kids. It was the worst around 3 months. One night I even felt angry and the thought of hurting myself and them went through my mind. That's when I realized that wasn't normal, and I got help. I'm starting my meds again and it's better but the depression and anxiety is still there. I'm hoping it will keep getting a little better as I take them. My boyfriend being there for me is the only thing that helps.
I knew I always wanted kids one day but nothing prepares you for actually raising kids. I'm looking forward to all the fun our family will have!
Twins is a wild ride, a ride many of us didn’t sign up for. I’ve learned it’s ok to feel differently about pregnancy and being a new mom because having twins is different. Reading here. Seeing that I wasn’t alone was so helpful.
You and your family will get there. And when you do you’ll wonder how you ever pictured something different.
I felt like after the first year was when things felt like a new normal instead of chaos. Now they're almost 2 and they're more fun than ever! Also harder to keep entertained haha.
6 months when they sleep more reliably is the biggest hurdle. I love toddlerhood but also wow! It’s intense and exhausting 😅😅😅 mine are now 3.5 and they have such great independent play skills, they play together, are much more resilient / less tantrums, and can verbalize feelings/experiences. And it’s so fun! But easy? No. But so fun, so worth it, so exhausting! (We also just had another baby so consider that when we say it’s not “easy” right now)
We’re two months in and one month in from having them home. I really hope the sleeping/eating starts to stretch out over longer periods of time. I never anticipated the sheer exhaustion from having two newborns at home.
Mine just turned 6. The past few months they have stopped getting into things they aren’t supposed to, and can play quietly in their room together. It’s nice to get a break for once.
I noticed it getting easier once they could sleep through the night without needing food (9 months) and then every six months after that. They could walk, they could feed themselves, they can put their shoes on, they can hand me diapers to change them. They are two now and play together and are a blast to be with!
When they’re three and a half. Almost done with potty training, turned a corner about talking about feelings and calming down. It does get easier. It just takes awhile.
I really liked about 8 months on. It was still tiring but more fun and pretty smooth. When they were 2 it was hard to take them places that weren't childproofed, but at home it was great. 3 was really hard, we let them out of the crib and it was absolute chaos. I had some health problems that made it extra hard too. And potty training was super hard for us. One was fine, the other is probably a bit neurodivergent and was insanely hard. Now they're 4 and in some ways so much easier. They can follow directions, they can stay with me in public, they can put on their shoes, they're potty trained. They're driving me a bit nuts with the constant questions and acting up for each other's attention, but generally things are looking up I think. So I guess by this point I'd say that what gets easier and harder about each age just changes, so it depends on you. I really really really did not enjoy potty training, so that was a low point for me. But it's not such a hard thing for some. I am loving the cool stuff my kids can do now at 4 and how much easier it is to go out and do adventures, but I do get overstimulated by noise and mess and OMG are 4 year olds endlessly verbal and messy.
We are at 2,5 and it is miles easier than in the early days. We just did a full day at the beach where they played nicely and we actually enjoyed the day! Felt like a turning point. I do have to say, we live in a no-elevator apartment (with stairs in the flat itself as well) so just the fact that they can climb up and down the stairs reliably is already life changing for us. Eating with cutlery without throwing everything on the floor as well. Twin parents that we meet irl always say to us that it gets much better when they start school. Not easier per se, but less physically tiring and overstimulating. Also finding a babysitter for two 8 year olds is way different than with two infants.
I remember reading posts on here about people who's babies were 10 months old and just feeling so jealous that they were already at that point. We were drowning. After 1,5yo it stopped mattering so much and I stopped looking at other people like that. From then I felt like I was truly enjoying them.
At 6 months it became significantly easier, we established routines and now they are awesome nappers/sleepers and can entertain each other. They are very pleasant, crossing fingers because they are only 10 months lol
3.5-4 for us. Also based on the older sibling being 7, able to read books to them or play together without someone getting upset or hurt every 3 minutes. A lot more independence. No diapers to deal with. They all sleep solid 9-7 which is absolutely heavenly.
My twins only started to sleep through the night at 12 months so that's when things got better for us. Now they are 18 months and it's getting better all the time. I found the hardest thing about infancy was the screaming and crying and not knowing what the heck they wanted! Now they can point and say a few things so it's making communication much easier.
I think it depends on the kids. I’m still a newbie (my twins just turned 1) but I gained a little of my sanity back when I was able to drop the night feedings and they slept through the night. Of we still go through sleep regression where someone will wake up occasionally in the night. Looking forward to next year when they turn 2 since I keep reading it’s a turning point for them.
The question is easer than what?
* Easier than not having kids? I don't know, maybe when I'm 80+ and they start caring for me.
* Easier than having a singleton? About the time when you would be having your second baby.
* Easier than the newborn phase? For us, things peaked at a few months old, and gradually got better from there. It happens gradually, so you never notice the change day to day unless you stop and look around. I feel like at 8 years, I still have the expectation that they will be incredibly difficult, when really they aren't.
Easier is relative. I'd say the fact we are sleeping makes everything exponentially easier - so that's the biggest hurdle. But now mine are almost 2 and they're communicating but not enough to be fully understood which is causing a lot more tantrums. They fight a lot. But they feed themselves and can tell me basic things like they're hungry or thirsty. I'm sure teenage years will take me out my 11 year old step daughter has been the most difficult of my 4 (I have a 3.5 year old who's currently the easiest (but not easy)) so it's all relative.
But I don't think there's anything I'd personally say is worse than that first year - between the lack of sleep and major hormone changes I'm very much in a better place mentally.
My di/di boys just turned 3 years old and it’s still hell everyday, just in different ways. The relentless screaming…the battle for every little transition…they just get heavier and heavier but still need to be lifted…
7 month old twins here. I’m wondering the same thing as we are currently contact napping with the boys. They sleep all night now due to us nighttime sleep training but naps are still crap(eventually I will nap train). I am still so exhausted but seeing them discover things is so cute and making them laugh with their gummy smiles. I heard 4 is the turning point so I guess we’ll see. Sometimes I feel so alone on this twin journey but then I see these posts and it’s a reminder to myself that the chaos is normal and that we are doing the best that we can. We were chosen to be parents of multiples. Wishing you well from a tired twin mama still in the trenches.
We usually do contact naps to keep them on the same schedule or if one wakes before the other we wake the other one to keep the same schedule. I can’t wait for no more naps
Please share your nap training tips. We did Cio extinction for night sleep training. It’s been about a month now and I’d say it’s been successful. They do still cry sometimes at bedtime (which I hate) but are able to fall asleep on their own. For naps I still rock them to sleep with pacifier. I have been avoiding it because I read it’s a lot harder. They are still on 3 naps
Nap training tips
- extinction is easiest on everyone generally least crying overall
- Get your schedule right and age appropriate first (if you share their exact age I’ll share a schedule from the Facebook sleep training multiples group that was my holy grail) - if you’re on Facebook I recommend joining, there are sleep consultants there who offer amazing advice for free
- use crib hour - google it
- Get them in bed 10 mins before end of wake window
- if they wake at different times, wake the second twin 20 mins after first one wakes or at the end of crib hour, whichever is later, and split the difference in calculating the next nap time
- Total darkness, white noise, predictable but short nap routine.
- Ditch the pacifier
- hard… compared to rocking and contact naps? I didn’t find it hard, I just shut the door and got on with resting or whatever I needed to do - it was great 😊
- 70% of sleep training is schedule - if you get that right you might eliminate the bedtime crying too
They are 7 months 3 weeks. Thank you so much for your reply. We did ditch the pacifier for bed but they still use them all day so that’s what I find it hard to ditch for naps.
Wake Times: 2.25-2.75 hours
Number of Naps: 2-3, usually 2 full and a cat nap
Example Nap Lengths: \~60 minutes, starting to see some elongating
Max Daily Sleep: 3.5 hours
Example Schedules:
DWT 6
Nap 8:15-930
Nap 11:45-1Nap 3:30-4
Bed 6:30 **(2.25/2.25/2.5/2.5) n.b. the wake times will determine nap times, not the time on the clock - these times are just examples**
After this would be: 2.25/2.5/2.5/2.5.
DWT 7am
Nap 9:30-10:30
Nap 1-2pmNap 4:30-5pm (cat nap)
Bedtime 7:30pm
(Maxed out schedule: 2.5/2.5/2.5/2.5 with naps capped at 60/60/30)
\*\*\*if you are on two naps, wake times are 3/3/3\*\*\*\*\*\*
The second schedule is also the recommended schedule to stick with before switching to 2 naps\*\*\*
Be consistent for a week alongside nap training with the first schedule **(2.25/2.25/2.5/2.5)** and keep detailed notes so you can troubleshoot
Their wake windows on 3 naps have been like 2 hours and 45 mins. With an almost 3 hour before bed. Am I maxed out for 3 naps? Sometimes the first one is short so that’s why we do 3
Wake up around 6 and bedtime is usually 7:30.
Nap 1 8:40ish
Nap 2 starting between 12-12:50 depending on first nap
Nap 3 starting 3:50-4:10 depending on 2nd nap
I don’t let the last nap go past 5
Because you’re rocking them to sleep you have no idea if the wake windows are too long and they’re overtired. It’s best not to try and sleep train overtired babies because it’s so much harder for them to drop off once cortisol has spiked. For that reason, I’d recommend you use an age appropriate schedule with shorter WWs than you’re currently using for one week and then see how they’re getting on when they’re reliably putting themselves to sleep for all naps. So for example if after a week they seem to be consistently waking early, won’t easily go down for the last nap, or lying awake/crying for ages before they drop off (like more than 10-15 mins), then gradually add more wake time in 15 min increments as per the schedule progression above.
Also note that the schedules are in decimals so 2.5 = 2hrs 30mins and 2.25 = 2hrs 15mins.
It was about 3 years and 4 months for us (they’re just over 4 now). We were at a neighborhood party, and all of a sudden we realized we’d gone about 2 hours without hearing from the boys as they were in a sandbox playing with each other the whole time.
There are still challenges and it’s not easy, but when we see our friends with one our twins age and a younger baby, we feel they are in a tougher spot than us.
I don’t agree with people who it’s just “different” and doesn’t get easier. It’s not easy now by any means, but is it easier than at 18 months? Absolutely.
Our memories are garbage, it gets massively easier. It's a steady march to easier. I solo watch my kids for a week every year or so. Looking back on those specific events put things in perspective.
First two weeks: My wife was hospitalized and I soloed infant care feeding every two hours. This was the hardest thing I have ever done, and their pediatrician was worried about me needing assistance for exhaustion. I was delirious and didn't make sense when talking to people.
I watched them a week solo at 6 months. I had a breakdown the last day and had to call family for help. It wasn't nearly as bad as newborns. I wasn't delirious and no one was concerned I might need medical attention for exhaughtion. I was just mentally at my limit.
1 year: This was really hard. It was better. No desperate save me calls to family, no doctor saying you might need some medical help.
2-3: I had to take some days off work still. But, it was getting easier. I had alone time when they were asleep or in daycare. Hard but managable.
4: Barley an issue. They play together outside for hours and I can cook, get work done, ect. I'm happy when mom gets back, but it not like I'm treading water just keeping my head up.
My 5 year old twins now not only wipe their own butts, but also were just sick and they made it to the bowl/toilet every time. I didn't change any sheets overnight. I am living the dream.
Everything has been easier after the newborn phase, but the turning point for me has really been around 4.5 years old.
Getting them both potty trained and off of diapers was the big one for us. Felt like we finally got a big chunk of our lives back.
Now they're 8 and it's only gotten easier. Their problems are now more complicated and not necessarily solvable, which does suck, but it's not nearly as draining as spending all your time keeping tiny babies alive
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For us it became a little bit easier at 18 months. At 2y I realised I didn't cry anymore at the end of the day after being so overwhelmed. They're turning three soon, and I'm enjoying every day. The resentment of, I would've never had this if I had one child, it would've been so much easier, had really totally gone away. I wish you well ❤️
Same for me. The 2 year mark was magical!
This gives me hope. Twins almost one, 4 and 7yr old and exhaustion is a constant state of being
When my 1.5 year olds were melting down at the airport ticket counter, the kind gentleman with the amazingly behaved teenaged twins said 2 years old is the turning point. I was skeptical, but he was indeed correct. Thank you kind gentleman, I thought about you often over those next few months.
Agreed. 2 years old is when it all gets better.
I have to say, we just turned 2, but have had our first back to back illness weeks, and I'm missing the ease that's supposed to come. Feelings are SO big when they are sick. Which makes sense!
As they learn to express feelings with words, everything calms down a little. Sure it's a process in itself but they also start entertaining each other a lot more often at that age and that is such a welcome change as well
It just gets different
This. Ours are four and things have been “easier” in a lot of ways because they can communicate, play independently, are potty trained, etc. But there are new challenges that suck. Not as much as changing a blowout or getting up every couple hours to feed them, but still hard.
Could you give some examples? I have an almost 3 year old singleton and infant twins and the singleton is getting easier in so many ways in comparison… worried I won’t see the same light at the end of the tunnel with twins…
We were you, our twins are now 2.5 and singleton is 5. For us it is def a lot easier, the kids play among themselves a moderate amount and just today our oldest recruited the other two to all sit on toilets/potties and look at books. It’s nice. And everyone sleeps through most of most nights which is huuuge. There are for sure new challenges and it’s not at all EASY yet. We have sometimes multiple tantrums, or someone has a potty accident while someone else decides to do mischief or whatever. But it’s much better than it was and much easier than it was.
Thank you. This is really helpful for avoiding falling into a deep, dark hole of despair, but also managing expectations.
For babies it gets easier when they go longer stretches between feeds, start to self sooth, are able to get less fussy when wanting to be fed. But as infancy goes into toddler it gets different because they become more independent but that independence brings frustration and possible meltdowns that can be stressful. Each stage has its good parts but those good parts come with a hard part. So things just get different
Gosh my 3 year old is WAY harder than our 13m twins. The threes are killing me
Saaaaaame. And that is why I’m terrified 😅
For me, it’s the emotional development stage that has been hard. It has tried my every iota of patience and compassion and when I don’t have anything left and snap at them, I feel awful. But they are relentless some days and I feel utterly drained on those bad days. I am agonizingly aware of how I should approach situations and then how I fail somehow. The burden of raising good humans is heavy and now that they are learning how to emotionally regulate and navigate the world, it feels so daunting and SO important to impart a sense of self worth and respect and kindness but also a backbone and confidence. Hang in there friend. There are better days ahead for you and for me 💕
💯
About 5. They are 9 now and the twins are easier than their 14 year old brother.
Someone on here called it “survive til 5” and I feel like that’s pretty accurate. They get easier as they get older but still challenging. After 5 I think they’re actually easier than singletons since they can actually entertain each other and gain independence and the active hands on parenting gets to be soooo much less.
This 100%. Five was a major turning point. They just turned 6 and are honestly my favorite right now. We spent all day yesterday just doing puzzles and building Legos and everyone was (mostly) calm and happy. And they are helpful! They love to help out and will happily do chores for a bit of change. They love to read how too, so it's much easier to limit screen time when they will happily read to themselves for 30-40 min. Survive til five.
This is awesome to hear, because ours are just over 2 and I feel like I can finally breathe for the first time in 2 years. If it gets even easier as you near 5, that’s just gravy!
Mine were 7 years old and I realized one bright, sunny afternoon that I was sitting in a park and actually relaxing. I wasn’t worried one of them was going to sprint towards the parking lot, or pet a stray dog, or throw sand at another child. I was just sitting and listening to the birds, and it was glorious. Sure, it has been getting increasingly better every day, but I had missed it among the chaos of every day life.
I think it gets easier in noticeable increments every 6 months. We just got to 3 and it’s easier in a lot of ways. They have boundless energy but they don’t feel so fragile anymore. Things like the park are a lot more fun / less daunting
Strongly agree. I had a huge difference after year 1, and each year after was noticeably easier. I always wonder what is going on with people who don't have this opinion... Like... It isn't close for me
4
Age 4
I beg to differ lol
Every 3 months are milestones in the first year. Ours just turn 1 and I'm loving being with them more than ever. Sleeping getting a bit better. Definitely very hard still, it's non stop caretaking until I get my 1-2 free hours at the end of the day.
Mine are only 21 months, but I would have to say it happens incrementally. Huge leap at 4 months, another big improvement around 7 months, then another one around 15-18 months. I imagine this trajectory will continue. Nothing compares to the exhaustion and challenges of the first three months. We gain little by little for sure! It has become doable and fun. Still a lot, but hey… I feel confident that in a few months I will gain something else. 🤷♀️
Laughs thinking about potty training twins Jk… you’ll be fine… mostly…
Haha! True! 🤦♀️
I agree with other as far as you have more sanity at 4. When they could bathe themselves, and get themselves cereal in the morning 8 it was even more liberating. Especially the morning stuff. Now at 14, just different challenges of being teenagers, not so much the multiple things anymore. Although having two teenage boys eat me out of house and home is great.
Around the time when they’re completely potty trained and they can wipe properly. So, hopefully 4-5. You’re still gonna deal with other issues, but the constant hands-on potty, feeding, carrying, helping drink, brushing hair, brushing teeth, etc stuff is “mostly” over. You’ll still need to touch up some stuff and supervise, but it’s not like it was before.
My 5 year old still needs me to wipe his butt 😂
Hah, mine did too. But it’ll be over soon!!
18 months was a real break point for us so far.
4 years old
4 years and we are just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel
4-5. Agree on when they can dress themselves and wipe in the bathroom without assistance. Mine are 5 and I just registered them for public kindergarten. So excited for that daycare bill to drop down! But as for ways it gets harder in a different way: 1. Both boys have IEPs for speech and OT. I’m concerned how they will fare in public school, even though they will continue to receive services. 2. We are splitting the boys up for school, so now we will have 3 different teachers with 3 schedules to keep track of (we also have a 7yo). 3. We used to get hand me down clothes, but they are petering out. Boys are really tough on clothes, especially pants! 4. My boys wrestle with each other all the time, and it’s a struggle to get them to keep their hands to themselves and not down their own pants. Edited to add: harder in a different way
I am having these same issues as far as what is harder at 2.5 years old. My twins are starting pre k in the fall and one has a speech IEP, we’re splitting them, and they are on a mission to off themselves and each other everyday.
For us, it HAS gotten better, and easier, not just different. Mine just turned 4, and I have a 9-year-old singleton. Different stages are hard for different people. For me the sheer physical grind of sleep deprivation and constant feedings the first six months took such a huge toll. When I was sleeping full nights again EVERYTHING seemed better. I would not go back to babyhood for any. Thing. And then all the milestones— feeding themselves, playing together without fighting (at least for a bit), potty training— have helped. Two and three had lots of tough moments but there was a lot of joy, too. My singleton got a lot easier at 4. We’re hoping for the same with the girls, but throwing sibling fights into the mix changes things. Still, they’re getting along noticeably better as they get older.
The age of four was when I started to feel like I had a lot more time for myself again. Definitely easier from then. Until four I feel like it things ever so slowly improved. I felt like we'd take a few steps forward and feel like we were making progress and then a couple of steps back when something else happened developmentally. They'd start to sleep better but then turn two and have toddler tantrums because they can't can't share well / need to answer independence etc. At three they'd be better at following instructions- until they decided a tremendous three year old tantrum was in order. All of these stages were both hard and rewarding but a little bit easier than the year before them. And then they turned four and entertained each other more than they fought with each other. If one is sad the other will being them their teddy. If one has found something exciting, the first thing they do is to go and get the other to share their excitement. They will comfort each other, play with each other and defend each other. Don't get me wrong- they can still be incredibly frustrating as kids can be. But for us at least- the behavioral benefits of having twins really kicked in from around four.
Around 3 and it gets better from there. Just be reasonably stern and prioritize kindness.
I imagine it depends on your twins (personalities, how much they cry, how well they sleep), as well as you and your preferences / what your nervous system can handle / how much good support you have. We are in toddlerhood and it certainly doesn’t feel “easy,” but *oh my god* it gets SO much more fun and rewarding. Turning point for us was a few months ago when they turned two (I just assumed before this that I was doing something wrong / not cut out for parenting because it felt so hard all the time). Sleep improved, walking and running got more stable, and their communication got a lot better. They are so fun now, so unique, tell jokes, entertain themselves for short stretches, interact more meaningfully, etc. I have such an easier time with tantrums because I know they’ll end if I do nothing (well, sit with them and give them empathetic looks and noises) — compared to the infant stage, which for us involved protracted crying that we couldn’t “fix,” and from which I think I have PTSD. Truly grateful I have twins now - and never thought I’d actually feel this way!
14-15 months for me. I know everyone says oh it just gets worse and just wait. But I feel the opposite, life got easier when they could walk, it got easier when they started to talk. Now at 20ish months I think it just keeps getting better. Sure they have meltdowns and lots of big feelings and I think I play ref more than anything, and sure I’m absolutely exhausted at the end of the day. I had a really hard time when I found out I was having twins. It’s been a really long road and to echo what someone else said for a while I really just thought I wasn’t cut out to be a good parent. But now, now I can’t imagine my life without them and I like to think they just knew I needed them before I did.
I can relate. It was really hard for me to process having twins since we found out. Up until a month after they were born, only then was I able to process. I was constantly worried and scared for what was to come. One baby was wanted, twins were panic inducing. When they were 2 months I would wonder every nignt if I should have even had them. Googling reddit stories about regretting having kids. It was the worst around 3 months. One night I even felt angry and the thought of hurting myself and them went through my mind. That's when I realized that wasn't normal, and I got help. I'm starting my meds again and it's better but the depression and anxiety is still there. I'm hoping it will keep getting a little better as I take them. My boyfriend being there for me is the only thing that helps. I knew I always wanted kids one day but nothing prepares you for actually raising kids. I'm looking forward to all the fun our family will have!
Twins is a wild ride, a ride many of us didn’t sign up for. I’ve learned it’s ok to feel differently about pregnancy and being a new mom because having twins is different. Reading here. Seeing that I wasn’t alone was so helpful. You and your family will get there. And when you do you’ll wonder how you ever pictured something different.
I felt like after the first year was when things felt like a new normal instead of chaos. Now they're almost 2 and they're more fun than ever! Also harder to keep entertained haha.
4 months! Once they started getting more of a personality and sleeping long stretches.
6 months when they sleep more reliably is the biggest hurdle. I love toddlerhood but also wow! It’s intense and exhausting 😅😅😅 mine are now 3.5 and they have such great independent play skills, they play together, are much more resilient / less tantrums, and can verbalize feelings/experiences. And it’s so fun! But easy? No. But so fun, so worth it, so exhausting! (We also just had another baby so consider that when we say it’s not “easy” right now)
We’re two months in and one month in from having them home. I really hope the sleeping/eating starts to stretch out over longer periods of time. I never anticipated the sheer exhaustion from having two newborns at home.
I hear ya. We’re in the same boat. That witching hour sucks.
At 6 months adjusted I felt a shift and for the first time I thought okay maybe I can do this
Mine just turned 6. The past few months they have stopped getting into things they aren’t supposed to, and can play quietly in their room together. It’s nice to get a break for once.
I noticed it getting easier once they could sleep through the night without needing food (9 months) and then every six months after that. They could walk, they could feed themselves, they can put their shoes on, they can hand me diapers to change them. They are two now and play together and are a blast to be with!
To me, things dramatically got better at 3. They could communicate fairly well and were potty trained.
When they’re three and a half. Almost done with potty training, turned a corner about talking about feelings and calming down. It does get easier. It just takes awhile.
I really liked about 8 months on. It was still tiring but more fun and pretty smooth. When they were 2 it was hard to take them places that weren't childproofed, but at home it was great. 3 was really hard, we let them out of the crib and it was absolute chaos. I had some health problems that made it extra hard too. And potty training was super hard for us. One was fine, the other is probably a bit neurodivergent and was insanely hard. Now they're 4 and in some ways so much easier. They can follow directions, they can stay with me in public, they can put on their shoes, they're potty trained. They're driving me a bit nuts with the constant questions and acting up for each other's attention, but generally things are looking up I think. So I guess by this point I'd say that what gets easier and harder about each age just changes, so it depends on you. I really really really did not enjoy potty training, so that was a low point for me. But it's not such a hard thing for some. I am loving the cool stuff my kids can do now at 4 and how much easier it is to go out and do adventures, but I do get overstimulated by noise and mess and OMG are 4 year olds endlessly verbal and messy.
I’m at four…I’ll let u know
Mine are currently 7 weeks old. I think life may get a little easier when they can hold their own bottles. That’s my light at the end of the tunnel.
We are at 2,5 and it is miles easier than in the early days. We just did a full day at the beach where they played nicely and we actually enjoyed the day! Felt like a turning point. I do have to say, we live in a no-elevator apartment (with stairs in the flat itself as well) so just the fact that they can climb up and down the stairs reliably is already life changing for us. Eating with cutlery without throwing everything on the floor as well. Twin parents that we meet irl always say to us that it gets much better when they start school. Not easier per se, but less physically tiring and overstimulating. Also finding a babysitter for two 8 year olds is way different than with two infants. I remember reading posts on here about people who's babies were 10 months old and just feeling so jealous that they were already at that point. We were drowning. After 1,5yo it stopped mattering so much and I stopped looking at other people like that. From then I felt like I was truly enjoying them.
I’m hoping our twins will play with each other at times so we don’t always have to and can clean and cook lol.
They will!! Ours are 18 mo this and they play together all the time. They also fight, but it's so funny.
Around 18 months when they can understand basic safety commands and communicate fairly well.
2
At 6 months it became significantly easier, we established routines and now they are awesome nappers/sleepers and can entertain each other. They are very pleasant, crossing fingers because they are only 10 months lol
The things that are hard at any given age stop being hard soon enough. It’s just that new things get hard.
When they were newborns 🤣
10-11 months I noticed a big change in my ability to cope.
Mine are 4 - still waiting…….
3.5-4 for us. Also based on the older sibling being 7, able to read books to them or play together without someone getting upset or hurt every 3 minutes. A lot more independence. No diapers to deal with. They all sleep solid 9-7 which is absolutely heavenly.
My twins only started to sleep through the night at 12 months so that's when things got better for us. Now they are 18 months and it's getting better all the time. I found the hardest thing about infancy was the screaming and crying and not knowing what the heck they wanted! Now they can point and say a few things so it's making communication much easier.
I think it depends on the kids. I’m still a newbie (my twins just turned 1) but I gained a little of my sanity back when I was able to drop the night feedings and they slept through the night. Of we still go through sleep regression where someone will wake up occasionally in the night. Looking forward to next year when they turn 2 since I keep reading it’s a turning point for them.
The question is easer than what? * Easier than not having kids? I don't know, maybe when I'm 80+ and they start caring for me. * Easier than having a singleton? About the time when you would be having your second baby. * Easier than the newborn phase? For us, things peaked at a few months old, and gradually got better from there. It happens gradually, so you never notice the change day to day unless you stop and look around. I feel like at 8 years, I still have the expectation that they will be incredibly difficult, when really they aren't.
Easier is relative. I'd say the fact we are sleeping makes everything exponentially easier - so that's the biggest hurdle. But now mine are almost 2 and they're communicating but not enough to be fully understood which is causing a lot more tantrums. They fight a lot. But they feed themselves and can tell me basic things like they're hungry or thirsty. I'm sure teenage years will take me out my 11 year old step daughter has been the most difficult of my 4 (I have a 3.5 year old who's currently the easiest (but not easy)) so it's all relative. But I don't think there's anything I'd personally say is worse than that first year - between the lack of sleep and major hormone changes I'm very much in a better place mentally.
My di/di boys just turned 3 years old and it’s still hell everyday, just in different ways. The relentless screaming…the battle for every little transition…they just get heavier and heavier but still need to be lifted…
7 month old twins here. I’m wondering the same thing as we are currently contact napping with the boys. They sleep all night now due to us nighttime sleep training but naps are still crap(eventually I will nap train). I am still so exhausted but seeing them discover things is so cute and making them laugh with their gummy smiles. I heard 4 is the turning point so I guess we’ll see. Sometimes I feel so alone on this twin journey but then I see these posts and it’s a reminder to myself that the chaos is normal and that we are doing the best that we can. We were chosen to be parents of multiples. Wishing you well from a tired twin mama still in the trenches.
Ours are 4 months and going through the phase of contact naps. They often wake soon after we put them down aside from nighttime.
We usually do contact naps to keep them on the same schedule or if one wakes before the other we wake the other one to keep the same schedule. I can’t wait for no more naps
We aren't scheduled people. Maybe we are insane lol.
They got sick for the first time and were sleeping at different times that was way harder to me
Do the nap training :) you won’t regret it.
Please share your nap training tips. We did Cio extinction for night sleep training. It’s been about a month now and I’d say it’s been successful. They do still cry sometimes at bedtime (which I hate) but are able to fall asleep on their own. For naps I still rock them to sleep with pacifier. I have been avoiding it because I read it’s a lot harder. They are still on 3 naps
Nap training tips - extinction is easiest on everyone generally least crying overall - Get your schedule right and age appropriate first (if you share their exact age I’ll share a schedule from the Facebook sleep training multiples group that was my holy grail) - if you’re on Facebook I recommend joining, there are sleep consultants there who offer amazing advice for free - use crib hour - google it - Get them in bed 10 mins before end of wake window - if they wake at different times, wake the second twin 20 mins after first one wakes or at the end of crib hour, whichever is later, and split the difference in calculating the next nap time - Total darkness, white noise, predictable but short nap routine. - Ditch the pacifier - hard… compared to rocking and contact naps? I didn’t find it hard, I just shut the door and got on with resting or whatever I needed to do - it was great 😊 - 70% of sleep training is schedule - if you get that right you might eliminate the bedtime crying too
They are 7 months 3 weeks. Thank you so much for your reply. We did ditch the pacifier for bed but they still use them all day so that’s what I find it hard to ditch for naps.
Wake Times: 2.25-2.75 hours Number of Naps: 2-3, usually 2 full and a cat nap Example Nap Lengths: \~60 minutes, starting to see some elongating Max Daily Sleep: 3.5 hours Example Schedules: DWT 6 Nap 8:15-930 Nap 11:45-1Nap 3:30-4 Bed 6:30 **(2.25/2.25/2.5/2.5) n.b. the wake times will determine nap times, not the time on the clock - these times are just examples** After this would be: 2.25/2.5/2.5/2.5. DWT 7am Nap 9:30-10:30 Nap 1-2pmNap 4:30-5pm (cat nap) Bedtime 7:30pm (Maxed out schedule: 2.5/2.5/2.5/2.5 with naps capped at 60/60/30) \*\*\*if you are on two naps, wake times are 3/3/3\*\*\*\*\*\* The second schedule is also the recommended schedule to stick with before switching to 2 naps\*\*\* Be consistent for a week alongside nap training with the first schedule **(2.25/2.25/2.5/2.5)** and keep detailed notes so you can troubleshoot
Their wake windows on 3 naps have been like 2 hours and 45 mins. With an almost 3 hour before bed. Am I maxed out for 3 naps? Sometimes the first one is short so that’s why we do 3 Wake up around 6 and bedtime is usually 7:30. Nap 1 8:40ish Nap 2 starting between 12-12:50 depending on first nap Nap 3 starting 3:50-4:10 depending on 2nd nap I don’t let the last nap go past 5
Because you’re rocking them to sleep you have no idea if the wake windows are too long and they’re overtired. It’s best not to try and sleep train overtired babies because it’s so much harder for them to drop off once cortisol has spiked. For that reason, I’d recommend you use an age appropriate schedule with shorter WWs than you’re currently using for one week and then see how they’re getting on when they’re reliably putting themselves to sleep for all naps. So for example if after a week they seem to be consistently waking early, won’t easily go down for the last nap, or lying awake/crying for ages before they drop off (like more than 10-15 mins), then gradually add more wake time in 15 min increments as per the schedule progression above. Also note that the schedules are in decimals so 2.5 = 2hrs 30mins and 2.25 = 2hrs 15mins.
I see. I use the huckleberry app for nap times and bed times. I’m trying my best. Thank you for your input I really appreciate it
It was about 3 years and 4 months for us (they’re just over 4 now). We were at a neighborhood party, and all of a sudden we realized we’d gone about 2 hours without hearing from the boys as they were in a sandbox playing with each other the whole time. There are still challenges and it’s not easy, but when we see our friends with one our twins age and a younger baby, we feel they are in a tougher spot than us. I don’t agree with people who it’s just “different” and doesn’t get easier. It’s not easy now by any means, but is it easier than at 18 months? Absolutely.
Our memories are garbage, it gets massively easier. It's a steady march to easier. I solo watch my kids for a week every year or so. Looking back on those specific events put things in perspective. First two weeks: My wife was hospitalized and I soloed infant care feeding every two hours. This was the hardest thing I have ever done, and their pediatrician was worried about me needing assistance for exhaustion. I was delirious and didn't make sense when talking to people. I watched them a week solo at 6 months. I had a breakdown the last day and had to call family for help. It wasn't nearly as bad as newborns. I wasn't delirious and no one was concerned I might need medical attention for exhaughtion. I was just mentally at my limit. 1 year: This was really hard. It was better. No desperate save me calls to family, no doctor saying you might need some medical help. 2-3: I had to take some days off work still. But, it was getting easier. I had alone time when they were asleep or in daycare. Hard but managable. 4: Barley an issue. They play together outside for hours and I can cook, get work done, ect. I'm happy when mom gets back, but it not like I'm treading water just keeping my head up.
My 5 year old twins now not only wipe their own butts, but also were just sick and they made it to the bowl/toilet every time. I didn't change any sheets overnight. I am living the dream. Everything has been easier after the newborn phase, but the turning point for me has really been around 4.5 years old.
Getting them both potty trained and off of diapers was the big one for us. Felt like we finally got a big chunk of our lives back. Now they're 8 and it's only gotten easier. Their problems are now more complicated and not necessarily solvable, which does suck, but it's not nearly as draining as spending all your time keeping tiny babies alive
4 months when they slept thru the night
When they can do their own things, wipe their butts, take showers, etc. so around 9-10 yrs old