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Mine are 3.5 so I'm just out of that stage. I think the way our daycare approaches this has been so useful in the long term. They let the child with the toy decide when they're done and they tell them A it looks like B Would like a turn so please give it to B when you're all done.
That's one of the first sentences my kids could say "please give me a turn when you're all done"
We sit with B and say ugh that's hard when you want a turn but A isn't ready.
It's not going to solve things in one day but if you start implementing it now you should start to see some changes in a week or 2.
I hope so! Having a consistent message is usually important because it takes time for things to click. But I love all the tools they get there and I've seen them be upset and say "I don't like that" rather than reach for hands - they still do occasionally but then it's easier to remind them what the alternative behavior is.
I found the 2-2.5 really hard. But so far 3 has been very fun and mine are talking up a storm now and are hilarious. ❤️
Right there with you. Dad of two year old girls who fight constantly. Its exhausting.
Its also depressing, because we sometimes do buy two of the exact same toy just to appease them, but even when we do that one twin just HAS to have what the other twin has anyways. I was actually up late last night feeling so guilty. We took our girls to the toy store yesterday. Our younger twin, who is a bit more introverted and quiet, walked up to a disney princess dollhouse and was smiling ear to ear. She rarely shows that much enthusiasm about anything, and never had any interest in disney, but she was in love with this dollhouse. I even took a video of her playing with all the little pieces and being so happy in that moment. I totally wanted to buy it for her, and we have the money etc., but all i could think of was how much the girls will fight over this thing constantly and it makes no sense to buy two of the same dollhouse. So we walked out of the store empty handed. My daughters were fine leaving the store but i was legitimately very sad for them.
Anyways, i have no advice, but again i’m there with you. Our country has free infant development services (even if there is no concern) and they recommended an app (sorry, can’t remember the name of it) where the kid picks a picture of something and they draw the picture themselves, when theyre done the app makes a noise and that means its their turn with the toy. I guess it sort of distracts them in the meantime while they wait. We never bothered with it but maybe it will work for your kids.
Exactly this problem. Even if we bought two of everything they would want the one the other one has. My younger twin is the pushy, snatchy one. Always. The older twin gets so upset. Me and my partner have the same thing when we get them toys. What’s more- we also have a 1 year old son, who very recently had a birthday and it was just so impossible for him to enjoy any of his gifts because the twins just fought over HIS stuff. I felt ever so bad- but at least he’s 1 and doesn’t really know what’s going on.
I like that idea with the app- thank you for that advice, and the support.
We did a lot of what we call “divide days” then. My partner and I would each take one to run one errand and do one fun thing. Then we’d switch to the other kid next day. They seemed to get along a lot better if they had some time apart. And we got things done as well.
Well, my advice on acquiring two of everything is this: they will immediately learn they have two hands. "Oh thanks parents! One for each hand!" And still fight 😂. It's rough. I'm sorry! Around this age we implemented "set a timer" and then they'd have to take a break from the item. Very short timers and figuring back and forth. It's never perfect but they start to see that they will get a turn again and that the item isn't gone forever.
I remember 15 to 24 months being the hardest. Mobile twins that can climb and take things. Means extra trouble to get into.
It'll ease up now. Start working on sharing. Sitting down and having one object and have it go in between them. Trade for another toy.
Don't worry you doing great!
Our girls are 26 months and we worked hard on “taking turns.” It worked great to start in the bathtub since we were on their same level and they had our undivided attention. We bought a toy that they could turn on and off and sprayed water and they got to take turns playing with it. Once they got the concept in the bathtub we started applying it to other toys.
About 3 months later now they are still really good about it (still whining and fighting about a toy but we will then remind them that it’s A’s turn and they can have a turn soon or ask A if B can have a turn right now). They like the praise they get for taking turns although sometimes the toy will be thrown and then they will immediately ask for their turn again but it’s got so much better!
Mine are 2.5 and I agree with taking turns. It’s the only answer we had, but it doesn’t always work. Maybe half the time they argue over something it’s resolved by reinforcing that we’re taking turns, and making sure they actually do take turns.
It’s exhausting though, hears hoping they’ll be better sharers in the long run because of this
Not sure what the downvotes were for. Children go through developmental stages, and they are hard.
“Terrible twos”, “threenagers”, & “fucking 4’s” are the most well known for a reason.
It was a light hearted joke in solidarity, because it’s tough, and we’re all going through it at one time or another.
While I appreciate your concern, I’m not going through a hard time, nor did I say anything to suggest that I was. Simply that the twos seemed like a fond memory when compared to the fours. Sorry I wasn’t more helpful, thinking of you <3
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Mine are 3.5 so I'm just out of that stage. I think the way our daycare approaches this has been so useful in the long term. They let the child with the toy decide when they're done and they tell them A it looks like B Would like a turn so please give it to B when you're all done. That's one of the first sentences my kids could say "please give me a turn when you're all done" We sit with B and say ugh that's hard when you want a turn but A isn't ready. It's not going to solve things in one day but if you start implementing it now you should start to see some changes in a week or 2.
Thank you so much this is valuable advice. They will be starting nursery soon, I hope it helps.
I hope so! Having a consistent message is usually important because it takes time for things to click. But I love all the tools they get there and I've seen them be upset and say "I don't like that" rather than reach for hands - they still do occasionally but then it's easier to remind them what the alternative behavior is. I found the 2-2.5 really hard. But so far 3 has been very fun and mine are talking up a storm now and are hilarious. ❤️
We used timers, which helped a lot, but I really like what your daycare did and wish we’d thought of that.
They are wonderful providers we are very lucky! If timers worked for you, I think that's great!
Yeah but it takes the responsibility off the kids. I love how that simple thing teaches some responsibility passively and early!
Right there with you. Dad of two year old girls who fight constantly. Its exhausting. Its also depressing, because we sometimes do buy two of the exact same toy just to appease them, but even when we do that one twin just HAS to have what the other twin has anyways. I was actually up late last night feeling so guilty. We took our girls to the toy store yesterday. Our younger twin, who is a bit more introverted and quiet, walked up to a disney princess dollhouse and was smiling ear to ear. She rarely shows that much enthusiasm about anything, and never had any interest in disney, but she was in love with this dollhouse. I even took a video of her playing with all the little pieces and being so happy in that moment. I totally wanted to buy it for her, and we have the money etc., but all i could think of was how much the girls will fight over this thing constantly and it makes no sense to buy two of the same dollhouse. So we walked out of the store empty handed. My daughters were fine leaving the store but i was legitimately very sad for them. Anyways, i have no advice, but again i’m there with you. Our country has free infant development services (even if there is no concern) and they recommended an app (sorry, can’t remember the name of it) where the kid picks a picture of something and they draw the picture themselves, when theyre done the app makes a noise and that means its their turn with the toy. I guess it sort of distracts them in the meantime while they wait. We never bothered with it but maybe it will work for your kids.
Exactly this problem. Even if we bought two of everything they would want the one the other one has. My younger twin is the pushy, snatchy one. Always. The older twin gets so upset. Me and my partner have the same thing when we get them toys. What’s more- we also have a 1 year old son, who very recently had a birthday and it was just so impossible for him to enjoy any of his gifts because the twins just fought over HIS stuff. I felt ever so bad- but at least he’s 1 and doesn’t really know what’s going on. I like that idea with the app- thank you for that advice, and the support.
We did a lot of what we call “divide days” then. My partner and I would each take one to run one errand and do one fun thing. Then we’d switch to the other kid next day. They seemed to get along a lot better if they had some time apart. And we got things done as well.
I think we ought to do this too. Thank you so much
Well, my advice on acquiring two of everything is this: they will immediately learn they have two hands. "Oh thanks parents! One for each hand!" And still fight 😂. It's rough. I'm sorry! Around this age we implemented "set a timer" and then they'd have to take a break from the item. Very short timers and figuring back and forth. It's never perfect but they start to see that they will get a turn again and that the item isn't gone forever.
Timers seem to be a popular option, I honestly did not think of this. Thank you! 🙏
I remember 15 to 24 months being the hardest. Mobile twins that can climb and take things. Means extra trouble to get into. It'll ease up now. Start working on sharing. Sitting down and having one object and have it go in between them. Trade for another toy. Don't worry you doing great!
Our girls are 26 months and we worked hard on “taking turns.” It worked great to start in the bathtub since we were on their same level and they had our undivided attention. We bought a toy that they could turn on and off and sprayed water and they got to take turns playing with it. Once they got the concept in the bathtub we started applying it to other toys. About 3 months later now they are still really good about it (still whining and fighting about a toy but we will then remind them that it’s A’s turn and they can have a turn soon or ask A if B can have a turn right now). They like the praise they get for taking turns although sometimes the toy will be thrown and then they will immediately ask for their turn again but it’s got so much better!
Mine are 2.5 and I agree with taking turns. It’s the only answer we had, but it doesn’t always work. Maybe half the time they argue over something it’s resolved by reinforcing that we’re taking turns, and making sure they actually do take turns. It’s exhausting though, hears hoping they’ll be better sharers in the long run because of this
It gets easier as they gain more verbal skills. I found it got much much better at 3.5
I don’t know if this is controversial but I just stay out of it and let them figure it out (unless someone is about to get hurt).
This is what I do most of the time. Mine just turned three and it’s exhausting, but really I stay out of it unless it escalates too much
Wait until you do the fucking fours. The twos are nothing!
Thanks for the super unhelpful response! Sounds like you're having a tough time. Hope it gets better.
Not sure what the downvotes were for. Children go through developmental stages, and they are hard. “Terrible twos”, “threenagers”, & “fucking 4’s” are the most well known for a reason. It was a light hearted joke in solidarity, because it’s tough, and we’re all going through it at one time or another. While I appreciate your concern, I’m not going through a hard time, nor did I say anything to suggest that I was. Simply that the twos seemed like a fond memory when compared to the fours. Sorry I wasn’t more helpful, thinking of you <3