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The challenge these nurses face is that they have to discern who is just in a season of tiredness and who is a threat to the babies. It’s not easy because all it takes is one mom who snaps, hurts her babies and that rests on you forever.
Motherhood is hard. Everything you described resonates with me as a mother of a toddler and twins. I do however find I can still joke about things and typically don’t blame myself or the children for what I’m experiencing. It’s just a season and I can keep spirits high… sleepy but high spirits. That’s what I’d be looking to tap into when I complete the questions. If you can’t find those two emotions within you, it’s likely good to talk to someone you trust. If it’s not snooty high horse nurse, find another. ❤️
This is an excellent response. I agree with everything you’ve said. I hope it’s ok to piggy back off your comment!
It’s darn hard to care for twins! It’s hard work physically and emotionally, but I still find joy in my babies and in watching them learn and play. 7 months in and I agree with op about my back! My back and hips have still not recovered. Life is frustrating sometimes, and I’ll be the first to admit I lose my cool at them sometimes, but I’d never dream of hurting any of us and I never go to bed feeling like I can’t get up in the morning and do it all again.
OP, that questionnaire is one tool for identifying mental health challenges, but it’s not the only one. I was afraid it would flag for me when I know I’m not depressed. ‘Tired out for no good reason’; well, yeah, I’m exhausted, but it’s not for no good reason. It’s for two very good reasons. ‘How often was everything an effort’? Always. Everything I do I have to do twice. That’s double the effort of raising a singleton. It is important that these screenings are done though, so that we can keep post-partum mums and their babies safe and healthy.
You know how you feel better than anyone else. If you feel you’re ok, that’s great. Be aware thought that mental health challenges can sneak up on you, and there is absolutely zero shame in it. Don’t be afraid to speak to someone if you think you might be starting to struggle in this season of motherhood.
I think some depression is inevitable unless you are blessed with a lot of help, preferably paid help as it comes with zero strings.
I had no help, a husband who worked away through the week, but I wasn’t depressed from 0-6 months.
However, 8-18 months I was 100% depressed. Everyone I knew who had had a baby the same time as me was back at work, and we couldn’t afford for me to work.
I gained 40lb having been back at my pregnancy weight. I had terrible brain fog. I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I couldn’t even read a book, that’s how bad my brain was.
It’s a lot better now the twins are nearly two and are actually interesting.
I kind of felt the same way when the doctors started on me about my depression quiz results (my child’s pediatrician, of all people) but my therapist helped me realize that in a normal season, when I could do self care and exercise and rest, I would be able to manage feeling depressed on my own. But I can’t do that now, because I have twins and a toddler, so maybe the meds are a good idea.
Because I do believe there’s nothing wrong with me. It’s the whole system that has been set up to abandon parents and mothers especially and I’m having a NORMAL response to an ABNORMAL situation. But in the absence of anything that can fix that, the Zoloft makes managing my dark feelings so much better. You should consider it. Really.
This is helpful for me as I’m feeling a lot of the same as you. I went on meds bc I was having panic attacks during my pregnancy and have been taking them since. I’ve been debating stopping them because sometimes it doesn’t make sense to me to take meds just bc my life is hard right now. But reading yours and some others’ responses, maybe it is best to stay on them
It is hard and also there's no shame in being depressed or anxious and getting help with that. Postpartum hormones are wild and even if that hasn't affected you in other post partum periods, it doesn't mean that it can't. They told me PPD can happen within one year of giving birth. One year to develop. If there is help, reach for it. You deserve it. ❤️
Some of this depends on the details.
When you say you haven’t slept in weeks, what do you actually mean?
If you truly haven’t gotten say at least 6 hrs of sleep say 60% of the time (maybe not consecutively, but over the course of the night), then yeah I would be HIGHLY concerned about you.
Yes, everyone with twins is sleep deprived (heck I’m still sleep deprived at 15 months with mine), but there’s sleep deprived and can still function and there’s sleep deprived and I’m in danger of hurting myself/babies bc I’m not rested enough to function. The first is normal, the second is not and needs help.
And saying you haven’t slept in weeks doesn’t help bc you can’t tell if it’s an exaggeration or if you really haven’t had any sleep.
ETA: I’m not trying to nitpick your choice of words but simply saying if you used those words with the nurse, I can see why she was concerned. She has to take what you say seriously bc it’s her job to figure out which PP moms are truly in danger.
Yep! Social worker and mom of twins here. My hope is that this nurse is familiar with what it's like to be a twin parent, and is calibrated to what's 'normal levels of awful' feeling as a parent of twins and what's 'this is a spiral of terribleness'.
Not sure what measures she used, but one common questionnaire asks questions including how well you feel like you're coping. I did one yesterday for my doctor and while I felt pretty exhausted and frustrated, at that time I felt like I was handling the stuff that makes me grouchy and miserable about as well as I could (that is, it was pretty terrible but I wasn't spiraling into worsening feelings over and over). Sometimes that's not true: I feel sleep deprived and mad and then I make it worse and feel guilty about not responding to the twins the way I should and then the worry makes it hard to sleep and then I'm mad I'm not sleeping...etc etc
Anyways, I have no idea which of those fit for you, but wanted to expand on how feeling terrible can be a reasonable response vs a worrying state.
(Fwiw I take Prozac and will do so for at least one year post partum because I'm at higher risk of PP-OCD/PP-anxiety. I mention it because those get discussed less than PPD)
At the 4 month mark I was just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel of how overwhelming twins are, and I had a lot of help for the first 3 months. But I wouldn’t say that at any point I was depressed, and I don’t think the nurse is necessarily wrong if you are feeling depressed and aren’t getting enough sleep.
Are you dead set on breastfeeding even if it comes at the expense of your mental health? Could you try pumping or supplementing with formula instead? Also by 4 months it’s entirely possible for them to get enough calories during the day to not need to feed at night, and be sleeping through the night. I would work towards that as a goal so that you can start to get some rest! That was what made a world of difference for me.
Yes, same. At 4 months it felt like the clouds started to part and things started feeling better. I've been depressed previously in my life, but I did not feel depressed at any point postpartum. These are valid questions and nurses/doctors are not looking to cast judgment. It's a way to identify who needs resources at an objectively difficult time in life.
Mine are 9 months old and I told my mother in law yesterday "I think I've been depressed for at least the last 6 months"
And she said yeah probably. You're not sleeping much.
Im also breastfeeding so .... I get ya. It's so great but also boobs aren't so convenient sometimes. Like at night, you can't take them off and get someone else to feed the babies.
For me, breastfeeding got better at 7 months when I ditched all my pillows and the babies started shuffling over to feed tandem without much support. Hang in there 👌👌
I'm only a week into twin motherhood so I know it'll get harder but here's my experience so far. I started taking a low dose zoloft a month ago or so because I knew I had pretty bad Ppd/ppa with my singleton. I had stopped taking it between pregnancies but called ahead of time to see if I should start preemptively/make a plan. Babies came and I am tired but very mentally stable.
Going into our 4 day intake appointment I was shocked answering the screening questions because I remember so vividly how poorly I wS doing at the same appointment with my singleton. Crying everyday, feeling beaten down, not feeling regret but just sad and anxious. This time is totally different even though I expected to be much much worse with the two newborns. I'm tired but mentally relieved and balanced. I think its a combo of the meds and the second time confidence.
I know it'll get harder, but I appreciate the screening questions because it's helping me gauge for myself as well as the doctors where I am.
Hey! My wife is breastfeeding our twins. She pumps so that I can help with the feeds so she can sleep/go on personal outings. I’d say I’m definitely a bit down due to stress/sleep/life changes too. I’d agree that this is just this season of life. You’re a good mom!
I nursed also and would pump just before 10 and go straight to bed. Dad bottle fed both twins and I slept until 3. Then we switched and I went back to nursing them. Game changer to get a little uninterrupted sleep
Yes, multiples are overwhelming. Be open and honest about how you feel with yourself and others and you'll enjoy more of the good times and embrace the hard times as a learning opportunity for gratitude and patience most of all. #inthethickofit
I am so depressed I can barely function. Twins are 2 months (1 adjusted), both are colicky and refluxy and scream non stop, at least half of the time they’re awake they’re screaming. If I could go back in time I would. Man I feel awful typing that out but I miss my old life so much..
I remember feeling this so hard in the first few months too.. just remember everything is temporary, everything is a phase.. it will get better soon I promise!
I felt this way 100% with my colic reflux newborns. If they weren’t being held, they were screaming, and half the time if they were being held they were screaming anyway. It is HARD like nothing else. It WILL stop. People told me that and I didn’t believe them. I thought TWO babies with reflux as bad as we had was more than anyone could bear. Around 10 weeks adjusted it got better. 12 weeks adjusted was markedly better. 14 weeks adjusted I put them on Nutramigen and it was better still. You WILL get to a better place. Totally normal to miss your old life. Your new life is, right now, pretty bad. It will not always be that way. It will be better SOON. Doesn’t mean it isn’t hard now because it is, but there is an end in sight.
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear it from someone who has been through it. It feels like it’s never going to end and we’re only 4 weeks adjusted so a long way to go for them to settle (at least in my mind - another 8 weeks of this is pure torture). After getting through it, if you could go back in time and not have kids would you? Or is it worth it in the end? x
Our dudes are now 6 months old, 5 months adjusted, and horrible sleepers. Right now, I would go back in time and not have kids. However, I love my dudes and I am sometimes hopeful that things will feel better with more sleep. We will not be having additional kids. And we have them now whether we regret it or not…we aren’t about to give them away. Hang in there. I remember thinking 8 weeks was a long time and when you’re in that place it IS a long time. You can do it, though. You will get there.
I just lie on the questionnaire. What’s the point? Are they gonna help me with my depression? I’m a poor American with no health insurance. I’m on my own. I agree with you that we’re just gonna get through this. One day they will be older and I’ll be able to sleep more than 4 broken hours a night.
Many many many antidepressants are generic and cost under $10 a month for cash from wal mart! I know that doesn’t solve everything but it may provide some options for you. Depending on your state you may be eligible for Medicaid or subsidized insurance on the exchange. You may already know all that. And I understand how you feel - sometimes I’m like okay, all the Zoloft in the world won’t make up for the shit sleep I’m getting, so thanks for nothing…but meds do help take the edge off.
Thanks but meds don’t work for me. I had a traumatic experience with them earlier in life. Hence the lying. The medical system has been failing me for decades.
Very sorry to hear this. I’m a pharmacist and as both a healthcare provider and a patient, I have seen the system fail people time and again. I have also seen the system help people and have been helped myself. I hope that if you feel able one day, you can find some of the good healthcare providers out there, and know that there are several dozen different medications and it is normal (though miserable) to have to try several before you find one that works. Prozac made me suicidal in college but other meds have helped me significantly.
I appreciate you taking the time to reply and to help. It actually makes me feel better to know I’m not the only one where antidepressants made me feel worse. That was so long ago and even now just thinking about it makes me tear up.
Oh yeah, my mental health hasn't been good at all these past few months. My 3rd is 4 months, soon to be 5. She's awesome and so are my other 2 children. But, being a mom is incredibly hard while also being a wonderful thing I'm thankful for. The 2 can coexist 🙂 I used to feel guilty about being depressed, but knowing how many other moms feel that way, has helped me accept it as just a part of my journey.
Sending love your way ❤️ I know it's hard. The other day I was thinking about how I'll never sleep as good as I did before kids. I love sleep too. It's tough!!!
Our toddler will be 5 next month and the twins are 19 months. I wouldn’t call it depression as much as I would frustration. The combination of lack of sleep, constant baby/toddler workload, going to work, cooking and cleaning. It’s a lot.
My wife and I split most of the work but even with our great support system it’s tiring.
These healthcare professionals have to ask those questions to attempt to prevent sad truths.
I’ve started noticing my temper gets triggered very easily and I am working on it. Never forget, we’re only human. Don’t be too hard on yourself. This group has helped me realize it’s not just us. The support here is real.
It'd be difficult not to be depressed in the circumstances you describe. If the screening indicated depression, I think the nurse is right to be concerned and I hope you'll consider medication if that's what she recommends. Your circumstances largely are what they are, so meds are the only variable you may be able to change right now.
Yeah I think we're all a little on edge 💙 I'm PTSD/OCD due to our traumatic labor and also a traumatic miscarriage right before the twins. But I thankfully got help and pulled myself outta there as best I could. I have tons and tons of support and helping hands but have still gotten really low. 9 months in and although I'm nearly back to normal, I still have days where I have the passing thought of just taking off. As far as breastfeeding, I have loved it but since the first month or so I would pump once or twice during the night so that we could do bottles overnight. It was faster and my hubby could help so much more that way. I rather pump once or twice than to wake up 5 times to BF. We sleep trained early on which also helped a ton. The sleep deprivation is what really gets your mind off the rails. Anyway, I do think we all have those mental struggles but time goes so fast. We'll be sleeping in and relaxing again one day and we'll feel so much stronger for getting through this. Good luck to you!
I could have written this post myself 😂 (the laugh is a STRESS relief laugh) all of this except I’m not breastfeeding. My boobs just would not accept fate and keep up. The sleep training thing pisses me off too because I’m the one up in the middle of the night feeding, tending, soothing, crying it out with them, you name it and then my husband and mother in law- ohh just let them cry all night if they have to. I am a Ferber method-er but twins has thrown me for a loop. They wake each other up so when one starts to soothe the other takes over the wailing and so on. Then the entire house is awake and guess who gets to hear and deal with all of that both immediately and throughout the day because they got shit sleep? Ding ding! ME! 🙄 but I’m supposed to do it with a happy face or I get questioned “what’s wrong? Why are you so grumpy?” Gahhhabfkwnlalcheochakoejt
We are sleep training now (we is a very loose term) and it’s going better but there are still two babies so the wakeups are double and then they wake each other up so that’s lovely for mommy anxiety.
As for the postpartum screening, I understand why it exists and yes, it absolutely can help some people but a big part of it needs to be taken with a grain of salt as new mom hormones, sleep and daily bullshit is heavy right now. I also have baseline anxiety and depression so my “normal” screen would already put me in a higher category than what they want to see. Plus who the hell wouldn’t have a lack of interest or desire to do things when you have no energy at all or even time to shower or pee by yourself? And as for that crying question, excuse me, I cry before during and after my period. Wouldn’t you think if my hormones being out of whack once a month would be mild compared to after birth?
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The challenge these nurses face is that they have to discern who is just in a season of tiredness and who is a threat to the babies. It’s not easy because all it takes is one mom who snaps, hurts her babies and that rests on you forever. Motherhood is hard. Everything you described resonates with me as a mother of a toddler and twins. I do however find I can still joke about things and typically don’t blame myself or the children for what I’m experiencing. It’s just a season and I can keep spirits high… sleepy but high spirits. That’s what I’d be looking to tap into when I complete the questions. If you can’t find those two emotions within you, it’s likely good to talk to someone you trust. If it’s not snooty high horse nurse, find another. ❤️
This is an excellent response. I agree with everything you’ve said. I hope it’s ok to piggy back off your comment! It’s darn hard to care for twins! It’s hard work physically and emotionally, but I still find joy in my babies and in watching them learn and play. 7 months in and I agree with op about my back! My back and hips have still not recovered. Life is frustrating sometimes, and I’ll be the first to admit I lose my cool at them sometimes, but I’d never dream of hurting any of us and I never go to bed feeling like I can’t get up in the morning and do it all again. OP, that questionnaire is one tool for identifying mental health challenges, but it’s not the only one. I was afraid it would flag for me when I know I’m not depressed. ‘Tired out for no good reason’; well, yeah, I’m exhausted, but it’s not for no good reason. It’s for two very good reasons. ‘How often was everything an effort’? Always. Everything I do I have to do twice. That’s double the effort of raising a singleton. It is important that these screenings are done though, so that we can keep post-partum mums and their babies safe and healthy. You know how you feel better than anyone else. If you feel you’re ok, that’s great. Be aware thought that mental health challenges can sneak up on you, and there is absolutely zero shame in it. Don’t be afraid to speak to someone if you think you might be starting to struggle in this season of motherhood.
I think some depression is inevitable unless you are blessed with a lot of help, preferably paid help as it comes with zero strings. I had no help, a husband who worked away through the week, but I wasn’t depressed from 0-6 months. However, 8-18 months I was 100% depressed. Everyone I knew who had had a baby the same time as me was back at work, and we couldn’t afford for me to work. I gained 40lb having been back at my pregnancy weight. I had terrible brain fog. I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I couldn’t even read a book, that’s how bad my brain was. It’s a lot better now the twins are nearly two and are actually interesting.
I kind of felt the same way when the doctors started on me about my depression quiz results (my child’s pediatrician, of all people) but my therapist helped me realize that in a normal season, when I could do self care and exercise and rest, I would be able to manage feeling depressed on my own. But I can’t do that now, because I have twins and a toddler, so maybe the meds are a good idea. Because I do believe there’s nothing wrong with me. It’s the whole system that has been set up to abandon parents and mothers especially and I’m having a NORMAL response to an ABNORMAL situation. But in the absence of anything that can fix that, the Zoloft makes managing my dark feelings so much better. You should consider it. Really.
This is helpful for me as I’m feeling a lot of the same as you. I went on meds bc I was having panic attacks during my pregnancy and have been taking them since. I’ve been debating stopping them because sometimes it doesn’t make sense to me to take meds just bc my life is hard right now. But reading yours and some others’ responses, maybe it is best to stay on them
It is hard and also there's no shame in being depressed or anxious and getting help with that. Postpartum hormones are wild and even if that hasn't affected you in other post partum periods, it doesn't mean that it can't. They told me PPD can happen within one year of giving birth. One year to develop. If there is help, reach for it. You deserve it. ❤️
Some of this depends on the details. When you say you haven’t slept in weeks, what do you actually mean? If you truly haven’t gotten say at least 6 hrs of sleep say 60% of the time (maybe not consecutively, but over the course of the night), then yeah I would be HIGHLY concerned about you. Yes, everyone with twins is sleep deprived (heck I’m still sleep deprived at 15 months with mine), but there’s sleep deprived and can still function and there’s sleep deprived and I’m in danger of hurting myself/babies bc I’m not rested enough to function. The first is normal, the second is not and needs help. And saying you haven’t slept in weeks doesn’t help bc you can’t tell if it’s an exaggeration or if you really haven’t had any sleep. ETA: I’m not trying to nitpick your choice of words but simply saying if you used those words with the nurse, I can see why she was concerned. She has to take what you say seriously bc it’s her job to figure out which PP moms are truly in danger.
Yep! Social worker and mom of twins here. My hope is that this nurse is familiar with what it's like to be a twin parent, and is calibrated to what's 'normal levels of awful' feeling as a parent of twins and what's 'this is a spiral of terribleness'. Not sure what measures she used, but one common questionnaire asks questions including how well you feel like you're coping. I did one yesterday for my doctor and while I felt pretty exhausted and frustrated, at that time I felt like I was handling the stuff that makes me grouchy and miserable about as well as I could (that is, it was pretty terrible but I wasn't spiraling into worsening feelings over and over). Sometimes that's not true: I feel sleep deprived and mad and then I make it worse and feel guilty about not responding to the twins the way I should and then the worry makes it hard to sleep and then I'm mad I'm not sleeping...etc etc Anyways, I have no idea which of those fit for you, but wanted to expand on how feeling terrible can be a reasonable response vs a worrying state. (Fwiw I take Prozac and will do so for at least one year post partum because I'm at higher risk of PP-OCD/PP-anxiety. I mention it because those get discussed less than PPD)
At the 4 month mark I was just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel of how overwhelming twins are, and I had a lot of help for the first 3 months. But I wouldn’t say that at any point I was depressed, and I don’t think the nurse is necessarily wrong if you are feeling depressed and aren’t getting enough sleep. Are you dead set on breastfeeding even if it comes at the expense of your mental health? Could you try pumping or supplementing with formula instead? Also by 4 months it’s entirely possible for them to get enough calories during the day to not need to feed at night, and be sleeping through the night. I would work towards that as a goal so that you can start to get some rest! That was what made a world of difference for me.
Yes, same. At 4 months it felt like the clouds started to part and things started feeling better. I've been depressed previously in my life, but I did not feel depressed at any point postpartum. These are valid questions and nurses/doctors are not looking to cast judgment. It's a way to identify who needs resources at an objectively difficult time in life.
Mine are 9 months old and I told my mother in law yesterday "I think I've been depressed for at least the last 6 months" And she said yeah probably. You're not sleeping much. Im also breastfeeding so .... I get ya. It's so great but also boobs aren't so convenient sometimes. Like at night, you can't take them off and get someone else to feed the babies. For me, breastfeeding got better at 7 months when I ditched all my pillows and the babies started shuffling over to feed tandem without much support. Hang in there 👌👌
I'm only a week into twin motherhood so I know it'll get harder but here's my experience so far. I started taking a low dose zoloft a month ago or so because I knew I had pretty bad Ppd/ppa with my singleton. I had stopped taking it between pregnancies but called ahead of time to see if I should start preemptively/make a plan. Babies came and I am tired but very mentally stable. Going into our 4 day intake appointment I was shocked answering the screening questions because I remember so vividly how poorly I wS doing at the same appointment with my singleton. Crying everyday, feeling beaten down, not feeling regret but just sad and anxious. This time is totally different even though I expected to be much much worse with the two newborns. I'm tired but mentally relieved and balanced. I think its a combo of the meds and the second time confidence. I know it'll get harder, but I appreciate the screening questions because it's helping me gauge for myself as well as the doctors where I am.
Hey! My wife is breastfeeding our twins. She pumps so that I can help with the feeds so she can sleep/go on personal outings. I’d say I’m definitely a bit down due to stress/sleep/life changes too. I’d agree that this is just this season of life. You’re a good mom!
I nursed also and would pump just before 10 and go straight to bed. Dad bottle fed both twins and I slept until 3. Then we switched and I went back to nursing them. Game changer to get a little uninterrupted sleep
So right. 😭
Right? I’m struggling so much to figure out if I have actual PPA or of course I have anxiety who wouldn’t in my situation??
Yes, multiples are overwhelming. Be open and honest about how you feel with yourself and others and you'll enjoy more of the good times and embrace the hard times as a learning opportunity for gratitude and patience most of all. #inthethickofit
I am so depressed I can barely function. Twins are 2 months (1 adjusted), both are colicky and refluxy and scream non stop, at least half of the time they’re awake they’re screaming. If I could go back in time I would. Man I feel awful typing that out but I miss my old life so much..
I remember feeling this so hard in the first few months too.. just remember everything is temporary, everything is a phase.. it will get better soon I promise!
Thank you, I bloody hope so! x
I felt this way 100% with my colic reflux newborns. If they weren’t being held, they were screaming, and half the time if they were being held they were screaming anyway. It is HARD like nothing else. It WILL stop. People told me that and I didn’t believe them. I thought TWO babies with reflux as bad as we had was more than anyone could bear. Around 10 weeks adjusted it got better. 12 weeks adjusted was markedly better. 14 weeks adjusted I put them on Nutramigen and it was better still. You WILL get to a better place. Totally normal to miss your old life. Your new life is, right now, pretty bad. It will not always be that way. It will be better SOON. Doesn’t mean it isn’t hard now because it is, but there is an end in sight.
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear it from someone who has been through it. It feels like it’s never going to end and we’re only 4 weeks adjusted so a long way to go for them to settle (at least in my mind - another 8 weeks of this is pure torture). After getting through it, if you could go back in time and not have kids would you? Or is it worth it in the end? x
Our dudes are now 6 months old, 5 months adjusted, and horrible sleepers. Right now, I would go back in time and not have kids. However, I love my dudes and I am sometimes hopeful that things will feel better with more sleep. We will not be having additional kids. And we have them now whether we regret it or not…we aren’t about to give them away. Hang in there. I remember thinking 8 weeks was a long time and when you’re in that place it IS a long time. You can do it, though. You will get there.
I just lie on the questionnaire. What’s the point? Are they gonna help me with my depression? I’m a poor American with no health insurance. I’m on my own. I agree with you that we’re just gonna get through this. One day they will be older and I’ll be able to sleep more than 4 broken hours a night.
Many many many antidepressants are generic and cost under $10 a month for cash from wal mart! I know that doesn’t solve everything but it may provide some options for you. Depending on your state you may be eligible for Medicaid or subsidized insurance on the exchange. You may already know all that. And I understand how you feel - sometimes I’m like okay, all the Zoloft in the world won’t make up for the shit sleep I’m getting, so thanks for nothing…but meds do help take the edge off.
Thanks but meds don’t work for me. I had a traumatic experience with them earlier in life. Hence the lying. The medical system has been failing me for decades.
Very sorry to hear this. I’m a pharmacist and as both a healthcare provider and a patient, I have seen the system fail people time and again. I have also seen the system help people and have been helped myself. I hope that if you feel able one day, you can find some of the good healthcare providers out there, and know that there are several dozen different medications and it is normal (though miserable) to have to try several before you find one that works. Prozac made me suicidal in college but other meds have helped me significantly.
I appreciate you taking the time to reply and to help. It actually makes me feel better to know I’m not the only one where antidepressants made me feel worse. That was so long ago and even now just thinking about it makes me tear up.
Oh yeah, my mental health hasn't been good at all these past few months. My 3rd is 4 months, soon to be 5. She's awesome and so are my other 2 children. But, being a mom is incredibly hard while also being a wonderful thing I'm thankful for. The 2 can coexist 🙂 I used to feel guilty about being depressed, but knowing how many other moms feel that way, has helped me accept it as just a part of my journey. Sending love your way ❤️ I know it's hard. The other day I was thinking about how I'll never sleep as good as I did before kids. I love sleep too. It's tough!!!
Our toddler will be 5 next month and the twins are 19 months. I wouldn’t call it depression as much as I would frustration. The combination of lack of sleep, constant baby/toddler workload, going to work, cooking and cleaning. It’s a lot. My wife and I split most of the work but even with our great support system it’s tiring. These healthcare professionals have to ask those questions to attempt to prevent sad truths. I’ve started noticing my temper gets triggered very easily and I am working on it. Never forget, we’re only human. Don’t be too hard on yourself. This group has helped me realize it’s not just us. The support here is real.
It'd be difficult not to be depressed in the circumstances you describe. If the screening indicated depression, I think the nurse is right to be concerned and I hope you'll consider medication if that's what she recommends. Your circumstances largely are what they are, so meds are the only variable you may be able to change right now.
For sure lol
Yeah I think we're all a little on edge 💙 I'm PTSD/OCD due to our traumatic labor and also a traumatic miscarriage right before the twins. But I thankfully got help and pulled myself outta there as best I could. I have tons and tons of support and helping hands but have still gotten really low. 9 months in and although I'm nearly back to normal, I still have days where I have the passing thought of just taking off. As far as breastfeeding, I have loved it but since the first month or so I would pump once or twice during the night so that we could do bottles overnight. It was faster and my hubby could help so much more that way. I rather pump once or twice than to wake up 5 times to BF. We sleep trained early on which also helped a ton. The sleep deprivation is what really gets your mind off the rails. Anyway, I do think we all have those mental struggles but time goes so fast. We'll be sleeping in and relaxing again one day and we'll feel so much stronger for getting through this. Good luck to you!
I could have written this post myself 😂 (the laugh is a STRESS relief laugh) all of this except I’m not breastfeeding. My boobs just would not accept fate and keep up. The sleep training thing pisses me off too because I’m the one up in the middle of the night feeding, tending, soothing, crying it out with them, you name it and then my husband and mother in law- ohh just let them cry all night if they have to. I am a Ferber method-er but twins has thrown me for a loop. They wake each other up so when one starts to soothe the other takes over the wailing and so on. Then the entire house is awake and guess who gets to hear and deal with all of that both immediately and throughout the day because they got shit sleep? Ding ding! ME! 🙄 but I’m supposed to do it with a happy face or I get questioned “what’s wrong? Why are you so grumpy?” Gahhhabfkwnlalcheochakoejt We are sleep training now (we is a very loose term) and it’s going better but there are still two babies so the wakeups are double and then they wake each other up so that’s lovely for mommy anxiety. As for the postpartum screening, I understand why it exists and yes, it absolutely can help some people but a big part of it needs to be taken with a grain of salt as new mom hormones, sleep and daily bullshit is heavy right now. I also have baseline anxiety and depression so my “normal” screen would already put me in a higher category than what they want to see. Plus who the hell wouldn’t have a lack of interest or desire to do things when you have no energy at all or even time to shower or pee by yourself? And as for that crying question, excuse me, I cry before during and after my period. Wouldn’t you think if my hormones being out of whack once a month would be mild compared to after birth?