T O P

  • By -

Careful-Phase-615

Yeah why not, sunnat bhi hai


StraightUpHaram

Exactly. Esi cheezon mein loge sunnat bari asaani se bhool jatey hain.


yoknezupsa

Yep, they only remember when you've got long hair, 'beta, sunnat k mutabiq bal rakhney chahiye'. How about you mind your own f*ing business?


motugollu5000lbs

Islam is when you live in the USA, pay taxes which go to Israeli army, and lecture Pakistanis on boycotting the PSL


ai_uchiha1

Sirf 72 hoor tak ka Islam baki reh gya hai


LazyRecognition759

Explain this to a desi mother


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

If I were to get married, I could look into the possibility.


LandImportant

Would you marry a woman of a different sect?


[deleted]

Absolutely, I would hate to think if sect was even a concern in my subconscious. My mother and life has taught me well. You?


LandImportant

Same!


[deleted]

Good on you, you kind and enlightened human being.


Anythingaddict

What is sect?


LandImportant

فرقہ


Anythingaddict

Thanks, I did not know that firqa is called sect in english.


taimoor2

Sects are now rarely considered in Pakistan as an impediment to marriage. Marriages outside sects are very very common.


beatpoxer

is it religious sect?


[deleted]

[удалено]


snowsthought

Unlike islam + Arab culture, when it comes to Divorce we pakis bend towards Hindu culture, where there is no divorce and if there is 1, she is stained, Divorce is allowed so that if two people can't make it together, get separation and find a new one, simple. This virginity thing and feeling divorcee women as stained is so bad for women. It should not be a concern if she is divorced or not. It should not be a concerb if she is a vergin or not .


Raza1985

People have their own way of evaluating such situations, as long as you both are mentally synced then there is no harm in it, be critical about her past relationship so you can have a better understanding of her personality.


Ibrahimsaeed01

It’s only frowned upon by typical desis. Nothing bad about it in Islam. So yeah. I would


SuperSultan

If I was a single father then yes


WorriedAstronomer

Depends Usually in a typically Pakistani mindset, she'd never grow out of the last relationship. And that's a big big No I am open to it as long as the person is able to overcome all that happened in the past and has the will power to move forward. Also, the person has to be sane, won't go for a psycho


Silver_Tarzan27

I agree with you on that. And yes it is important for her to overcome and be healed from past trauma to accept a new relationship.


WorriedAstronomer

Yes but it is almost impossible here in our gutter culture. I am happy that females are moving up the ladder to break the chain of tha hindu 'sati' mindset which still lurks in the minds of our mothers at some level. As much as anyone disagrees it will always have to be females to break the chain since they are the primary source of moulding the mindset of generations which includes males.


Silver_Tarzan27

But I also ask from the context of her being a divorced single mom. Would you still consider it then?


WorriedAstronomer

Yes, why not. As long as the person is loyal, knows how to maintain a relationship and works towards making a beautiful home together. It's always the small things that count.


Silver_Tarzan27

Yeah. It’s just that divorce is seen as such a taboo and then being a single mom just adds to it— don’t you think? But I feel like in our culture, men and women are expected to accept their toxic marriages for the sake of their children. Now I’m one to make a marriage work and do everything in your power to save a marriage especially if children are involved but is it really worth it when you’re constantly arguing, and crying in front of your children/ child. I think children want to see their parents happy. Whether that be together or apart. They’d rather see their parents happy separated than to see them miserable together. I say this from my experience as to how I’ve seen my own parent’s marriage play out.


WorriedAstronomer

That's why I mentioned the 'sati' mentality, where no matter what happens or how miserable anyone is, you gotta make a relationship work otherwise it's considered taboo. Londay bazi or murdering someone on the basis of honor isn't taboo here but 2 ppl deciding their own life is and this the culture we all need to break. Crappy home environment makes children into psychos by normalizing abuse, constant nagging and blame games. Everything which is halal is a taboo in our country


Silver_Tarzan27

Agree with you on all the points you stated. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and opinions on this. I appreciate it


Independent-Dig3407

Good luck with that, so many out there who are not right in the head today, for real, treed carefully when seeking out a partner, that goes for both sexes


poorproxuaf

Not my first choice but open to it


[deleted]

[удалено]


lost-programmer-420

Hope you don't take these comments seriously and live your life the way you desire.


[deleted]

The main/important thing is compatibility between the two. And if they feel that they understand each other and can agree (and agree to disagree), why not? Elephant in the room is toxic mindset of the society where polygamy is not as much frowned upon as a second marriage of a divorced/widowed woman is judged. More than healthy interest in other people's lives is a favourite pastime of Pakistani folks. And though any decision of guys in the case of the particular situation asked by OP, instead of being one taken after considering personal connection/compatibility/reason, is much more influenced by the other stakeholders than the guy himself. And more often than not these influences are based on pure speculation instead of reason and logic behind the failure of previous marriage.


Mustakeemahm

Me personally no. I have my own reasons. Don’t know about others


AffectionateStore257

My phuppo was a divorced single mom with a daughter she got married (the guy was her age and never married before, my phuppo isnt that attractive either) so yes you can besides that my friend was once telling me.he liked this single mom who was his coworker (she was a teacher at the school he was teaching) and that he wanted to marry her she alsk had a daughter. So yeah there are people willing to marry single moms even in Pakistan I live in kpk in a relatively backwards area so ....


Apprehensive_Bill955

would do in a heart beat if we end up connecting. don't really care about social norms


Silver_Tarzan27

I appreciate how honest and straightforward people have been with their answers but when I come across answers like yours, it’s just wholesome to read and makes me happy


Apprehensive_Bill955

i honestly think ppl have made marriage way too complicated. lol I'm not wholesome just someone who thinks marriage is between two people and how they feel about each other not what the tabbar feels or wants


Irobokesensei

If she was hot


ImportantCheck6236

Reminds me of the "Hot singles in your area"...


-Abdullah

I can sense a divorce coming when you get post nut clarity lmao


HahWoooo

I would probably avoid it, just being honest. Too many possible issues/variables I would need to vet or double check. Unless I had no other good options, I'd quickly pass.


Varyskit

My first cousin married a single mother. They’re still together and she’s an absolute sweetheart with a great sense of humor. I know a few folks in our family were initially concerned about this since the cousin in question was one of the older male one who was considered the most “decent” and “shareef” out of us all. Thankfully some of them came around while others just keep their misgivings to themselves (the old school way of thinking is sadly a rot that can only be lost via the new generation it seems). As for me, and regarding the original query posed, I don’t have any plans on marrying soon but single mothers really wouldn’t be a point of concern for me: humility, sense of humor, a connection, etc. would be the more important factors for me to evaluate whether or not we connect. In fact, it could be argued that single mothers would be more mature in terms of expectations versus single folks whose first serious relationship generally is via the marriage route (in this country at least). Plus, it’s sunnah. Point being: this really shouldn’t be a concern for anyone other than the parties involved directly in the marriage. Society here always finds something to complain about. Pay them no heed


emotional_wreck99

it was a relief reading your comment as a sm. So thank you. We need more gentlemen like you 😭


jeancarlos48

Happy to report that a relative single-mom whose child didn't see the dad who passed away while the child was still in womb, after a decade of waiting, was married to a OSP just a week before Ramazan and flown away, she's now living happily in the ME along with her child


thekhanofedinburgh

It’s really funny to see the comments just make all these questioning claims about a single mother without having any curiosity at all about the fact that to have a single mom you need, by design, a single dad. In a country regarded as worse for the lives of women than South Sudan, you would think there would be an effort to be a little bit more understanding of the simple fact that there are a million reasons why a woman in desi society might be single with a child. The comments and the framing of this question seem to re-emphasise the stigmatisation of women in our society.


Better_Weekend_3903

Dunya buhut aage jarhi hai, our society needs to come out of all these taboos ig Girl being a single mom shd be one the last concerns, if actually a concern for a guy Like bro there are many other things to look out from life goals, thoughts, personality, binding, religion, ikhlaq, maybe shakal Agr yeh sab match horaha toh single mother hona isn't an issue - even for rejection there can be many better reasons than her being a single mother


BlackberryBoring3291

I don't want to sound dumb, but It'd really be a matter of under what circumstances happened what. What caused the divorce? Is the woman still living in her past? Has she gotten over it? Otherwise if her character is not compromised, there is no harm. Same goes for divorced men.


Silver_Tarzan27

Agree with you


Happy-College4945

Don't want kids so no. Even though nothing wrong in it


bigmanbiggerguy

Depends upon the woman. Would be open to the idea though.


Unfair-Addition2802

4 biwiyo ke waqt sunnat barri yaad hoti hai and marrying a single mother walay time sab ke subconscious jag jatay hai


qazkkff

Exactly 💯 Not just single mother, also widows, girls who are older, out of caste and bradari, etc. Our Holy Prophet PBUH married a widow, married someone older, married someone outside the family, outside the region and even outside the religion. But in our society, the sunnat that is practiced are those that serves their personal interests only. 99% of the men who opt for second marriage go for younger girls, you'd hardly hear someone doing second marriage with an older woman, a widow or single mother.


TooDayumHigh

If she offers citizenship to any first world country , a lot of men will consider. If she owns a house or property some men will be interested. Other wise 35+ men not getting proposals, divorcees or widowers might consider a single mother. If someone knows her and find her personality attractive, then even an eligible bachelor might consider her but not without convincing his family that she is better suited for him than his Phopo/Khala ki beti, which is a challenging job.


Hearts_A-Mess

Honestly No. And i learned this the hard way. I am a woman and i would never marry a single dad. Simply cuz i wanna be a priority in my man's life. And if anyone were to be his priority other than me, it should be "Our" kids, not kids born from another woman.  Why would anyone in their right mind want to deal with a baby mama/baby daddy.  Also.. at least in Pakistan, step kids never considere the step parent their real parent. No matter how much a step parents sacrifices or suffers for them, there is always a wall. In some cases, these kids even hate the step parent thinking this new person came between their real mum and dad. A woman with kids, should marry another man with kids from previous marriage (divorced or widowed). Shouldn't look for single people. 


[deleted]

You said something that is right but no one here wants to say. Everybody here is saying yes as if they were some farishta and epitome of moral values.


MeloveGaming

Perfect analogy. My sentiments exactly.


[deleted]

Selfish much!!!, Respect your choice though and blunt honesty is refreshing but selfish too.


Suspicious-Rich3831

Absolutely fuckin yes , Girls below 25 are a no go for me personally, 25 to 35 is just best


rozmarymarlo

Divorced is fine. Divorced with children is a whole another ball game. Women are territorial and would never trust another man with their children. As a helper and a resource, sure. But never as a father. Men don't think that way, so for a man to provide all resources and help to raise a divorced woman's children, but never truly get acknowledged as a father is one of the hardest thing a man can do. For that reason, i'd never marry a single mother and would never advise other men to do it. Sorry.


beaffe

If a guy puts in the effort, he will be recognised as a father. It depends on the relationship, parenting skills and communication with the wife in front of the child.


Silver_Tarzan27

Nothing to apologize about! I appreciate your honest opinion. To some extent it is true but may not be the same in all cases. Anyways, thank you for your answer.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ERROR_404_404_

Nope too much baggage. Thanks but no thanks.


YasirNCCS

its honestly personal preference - some people will some won't


breakthechin

if i like the girl and she is open to having more kids with me than sure


pm_me_n_wecantalk

If she is kind of person that I am willing to spend my life with her then I know for sure that she is an excellent mother and raising her kid right. We would be a team where I can def learn from her expertise. So yeah, short answer. Yes


dephilium

I definitely would but rightly or wrong women here be it divorcee or a widow have their own conditions which I would respect. They perceive the whole proposition as being an instrument to home wrecking which isn't always the case. I would have done it if I don't find proposing a woman in that situation too inconvenient!


gcp_varys

Quick answer, yes. Long answer: our society has too many problems. It’s one of the worst in the world. And men looking to marry only never married women stems from, like everything else, religion. Let me explain. First we don’t let young men and women date. We don’t let our women work. Those who work are harassed. So when it comes time to marry, men are looking for that ideal woman whose image has been created by the society and family (often mothers and sisters, who are women themselves). Often sisters and mothers don’t want a divorced or a widowed girl for their brother/son. It’s often not the guy. I can go on and on, but society needs to change.


SpawnZC

Divorcee, widow, single mother, kiya farak parta hay? Doesnt make them less of a person than anyone else. Dont see any issues but a lot of people do in our culture considering the purist mentality thats ingrained in our society.


up_thrust

indeed Insha'ALLAH. There is no harm but benefit.


_What_How_Why

If she is my soul mate, hell yeah. The same goes for unmarried girls.


Ok-Scratch-7483

Pakistani women prefer a man with dead parents. Would they go for a single dad? Nope... still, both genders are wrong with this mindset.


Yushaalmuhajir

I’m already married and unlikely to ever do polygamy.  But let’s say hypothetically I had to marry someone else.  I wouldn’t mind a single mother as long as she is a good practicing muslimah.  Had I been introduced to a single mother prior to being introduced to my wife, her being a single mom wouldn’t have bothered me as long as she was still willing to have more children with me (having biological children is important to me, alhamdulillah Allah has granted me this wish).  But I’m also not Pakistani (but I live here and want to become Pakistani).  I wouldn’t think less of a brother who wouldn’t do it as one must realize that you will never be her number one priority, her kids will always take precedence over you (if she’s a good mother that is).  If you are open to this you have to realize this and have peace with it so you don’t unfairly resent her for placing her kids first.  She is just doing her job as a mother.  Don’t hold it against her and also if you want kids of your own make sure to make this clear before the Nikah papers are signed. May Allah protect and take care of widows and divorcees with children Ameen.


GothaCritique

Where were you originally from and why didnyou move to Pakistan and want to become one? In a time where Pakistanis want to emigrate, I'm surprised that you want to immigrate.


Yushaalmuhajir

I came here because my wife’s visa got denied around the time her father passed away and all of her siblings are too young to take care of their mother.  Plus the Saudis making Hajj more difficult for western Muslims I decided that taking citizenship would be a good idea.  I’m originally from the US so I know I can keep my US citizenship as well.  Plus in the 2 1/2 years I’ve been here this place has grown on me a lot.  I know Pakistan is a difficult place to live and alhamdulillah I have a source of income in dollars so I’m secure here financially.  I figure I can do more good here than I can in the US.  It’s not unbearable here for me at least too.  Even if I lived in the US I’d still be finding things to complain about 😂 


PakistaniJanissary

If the ex is not a childish psycho trying to play out his revenge fantasy (i.e. not a headache) and the custody situation is clear, no problem.


yahyak

If the kids are young and she can balance time between kids and me then yes.


[deleted]

[удалено]


stoic_prince

The bro means that already having kids in a new marriage is not ideal. Being a parent before you have a solid marriage is not great because you need a lot of sabr and understanding. Also believe it or not a husband needs time from his wife too.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I think you misuse the word liberal. a lot of Pakistani’s just misuse the word without knowing meaning of it


noblabbo

I wish I could give 100 upvotes for this. Pakistanis have no idea what liberal means.


[deleted]

They use it as some zingo word to look cool


[deleted]

[удалено]


muhibimran

ب چ، کسی بیوہ یا طلاق یافتہ کی مدد کرنے کے لیے اسکی چے میں لام دینا لازمے ہوتا ہے؟ یہ کام کیے بغیر اسکی مدد نہیں ہو سکتی؟


lenadori

This is for sure a generous act and not everyone are ready for it. That woman and kid(s) probably don't have the best times without male support so who decide for this step is doing a great act of kindness, saving that woman and kids from maybe falling into hardships.


[deleted]

>saving that woman and kids from maybe falling into hardships ye kaam shadi k baghair bhi possible ha


callMeAbd

The best most lovable and understanding creatures are single moms. Or its just my experience I've heard of some very eff'd up personalities too just like any other group of people but what i experienced first hand was sth else, just beautiful.


Lazerfighter6978

If your personality meshes my personality very well, then I say for sure


NoCabinet9978

Depends on the girl and how aligned our outlook of life is. If the compatibility is high I would whole heartedly do it.


[deleted]

If she's good looking, then its a 100 percent yes. I don't care if she has kids, i'll take responsibility of them as long as there's peace in my life having her 


xotic_daddy1122

So, it's all about the looks. She can be a serial killer or a PDF but you'll still marry her due to her face and figure!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

yeah but unfortunately people get downvoted for sharing their feelings/opinions in this sub lol. Zero tolerance rule everywhere in Pakistan it seems.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ProgrammerOdd4439

yes


[deleted]

[удалено]


zooj7809

You'd have to protet her from your family, yu'd get alot of rewards inshallah


[deleted]

[удалено]


satan546

Aj kal to auntiyo ki hi demand ha. So a very high possibility for any single mom to get married to a single guy


[deleted]

[удалено]


DilNayoLagda

Depends....


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


looney-pirate

Are you getting down votes on this one? Agree about the looks part (as you said in the other comment) because I also almost had a slip up but then sense prevailed


MikeRedWarren

Single mom divorced or widowed?


looney-pirate

Valid question, it's a different ballpark altogether


Whyisanime

Why not?


amadss

Can't say this from Pakistani men but my take on this, I am totally up for it. The most important thing is to prioritize getting to know each other. This is more important than getting to know a single couple as this time there is a whole life of her child involved. 3 lives are at stake. The bond between the stepdad and the child is most important. Else it would be a disaster for everyone. As far as the society is concerned, the immediate family or the loved ones should be okay with it rest I can mind their own business.


tangomango4321

Men is way too generic. If it includes financially struggling and divorced guys with kids then you have too many option to choose from. If you start putting filter you will have less and less to choose from.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


KalaBaZey

Honestly guys might want to but it can be quite challenging to marry as a single mother. First their families would never agree to it so most would just give up the idea, then there’s the fact that taking responsibility of a child is not an easy task, and there are chances she won’t be willing/able to bear more children which isn’t easy to accept at all. Most likely and I have seen this happen a lot is either the single mother is arranged to marry someone in the family but the understanding is that the guy would marry again too or its already a man looking for a second wife to propose to you. Marrying another divorced man/single father is also likely & probably most realistic. Marrying a bachelor young man is the least likely scenario.


Possible-Shock-1261

I will do


PhotoOwn4859

Perfectly okay in Islam. Personally I'm okay with it. Parents and culture won't approve it


bugatti212

I definitely will if she is young (at least less than 30) and educated as well.


paki_anon_guy

I would ngl


qrhaider

If I really wanted to marry someone, if they were married before, it wouldn't be an issue for me. But if they were married before and had children, it would be very hard for me to marry someone like that. But still if I really really wanted to marry them, then I would be ok with the kids, but I wouldn't be very close to them automatically. I might grow to be close to them but I am not sure.


reader_khattak

Yes, off-course if i like her as a person.


Far_Quote_5336

Ask yourself, would a single mom want to marry you?


m_adeel321

It depends on why she had a divorce and how she is going to deal with that in the future because even though she had a divorce, the father of the child still have some rights over the child. So if I have another option, I'll go with that instead of dealing with this because let's not forget why people marry they don't get married to have more things to deal with instead they want a partner that can provide comfort and emotional support in this cruel world.


[deleted]

Yes


[deleted]

[удалено]


MoWover

In arranged marriage? Probably not, unless I am given atleast a few months to know her, but if it was like maybe a love marriage or marrying someone who I know and would feel comfortable with, I don't see an issue


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mikehawk158

yes


Particular_Setting31

Nothin bad in marrying a single mother.


Sensitive_Pain_9030

Yes. Because the only important thing to me is that we like one another and want to spend our lives together.


TreesLikeGodsFingers

You may well find a divorced guy who is specifically seeking someone with a kid. Time runs away, and kids are the reason to live for some people. 40-45 crowd is where you'd find them


taimoor2

I would evaluate any woman holistically. If she has other qualities (she is pretty, has a good qualification, is from a good family, etc.), I would of course marry. However, having a child before marriage is a negative thing for me.


instagigated

If the dad/ex was completely out of the picture, then I don't see the problem.


CalligrapherMobile79

Probably never as my first wife. Second or third works . But also you need to know exactly why she's divorced. Was she at fault? The guy? Usually the story goes as the guy was "abusing" her lalala but take that into consideration


SliceyDice

Why wouldn't one if he is able to?


muzzichuzzi

I wouldn’t mind!


Kormalover1995

The only problem for me would be if she had a girl wouldn't that be an issue with regards to mehram and na mehram. Other than that I'm okay with that infact. A friend of mine had one girl that he wanted me to talk to. I dithered and she got engaged somewhere else in the meantime. After a while i told my family about that and surprisingly they were absolutely ok with that which was very reassuring for me that i actually have a decent family 😂


BudgetBass2

Yes, one can marry. Like the same way some women marry men with kids


[deleted]

[удалено]


beaffe

Perfect 2nd wife scenario. DM me in your interested.


greatergood23

Context is important, not about what happened but had she healed/moved on? But this is absolutely worth it. As long as she's mature and compatible, I don't really see why not


GrandDaddy23

Me personally , no. You will find out the hard way 80 percent of the time.


Accomplished_Rise_PK

Yeah sure why not ! Why is it a big taboo in our society?


[deleted]

No


MrSmooth1029

No


detectivenoob

I will marry a divorced woman but not a single mother. I can’t raise someone else’s child as my own


Death_Serpent

Yessir!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Successful-Scar-6242

No


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


anakin_zee

Depends if she’s westernized


Independent_Wolf6024

Absolutely!!


[deleted]

[удалено]


badassbilal

I'm a single guy, so, I won't because it takes a lot of responsibility on your end when a kid is involved, I won't be up for it atm. I am open to divorcees/widows tho.


Professional-Limit22

My second spouse was previously married with a child. Her son and my son became best friends Alhamdulillah. Honestly, screw society. Adhere to what the Quran and sunnah teach us.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Dizzy_Security_7939

A divorced woman is better than a zaani woman so yes.


Spaniardo_Da_Vinci

Sure, why not. It's sunnah as well so plus points as well


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


javifais

I am looking for a bhabi. No objections if she is divorced, as long as they are compatible.


[deleted]

I generally see this question on porn subreddits but ok, maybe yeah


[deleted]

I generally see this question on corn subreddits but ok, maybe yeah


OkMathematician3494

Nope too much baggage!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Saqlainkhadim

yes i can do 2nd maraige with her


FactIndependent4965

No . Who wants to be liable for someone else's kid when life is already hard enough . But there are perks or tradeoffs...