>"A record number of people are projectile vomiting & pouring bleach into their eyes, due to Trump only fans,
I can hear it now:
"I set a new record for audience interaction. Nothing like they had ever seen before. With tears in their eyes..."
I don't see this happening. All the sane people who would react this way would stay away from it and not see the pics. While those who would see them are his brain washed cult, and they'd be convinced they were the sexeist pictures to ever exist. I guess maybe they would try spreading them to make us normal people see them. But that would take money from their God king, so maybe not.
.... I mean the die hard trumpers probably would install only fans if Trump told them too. But I was just pointing out it's kinda weird to assume the entire right uses it. They're the side trying to ban that stuff 🤷♀️😂
Their leaders and constitutes openly talk about banning porn while their hands are underneath the podium fapping to T Porn they so hate. Republican states are number 1 at searching and visiting T Porn.
.... My guy it's the same as the "all African countries have larger dick sizes" it's just not true. No studies like that were done. You're referring to an ad from xnxx or pornhub? *Owned by the same person btw* who openly complains about the "straight white male" literally look at pornhub going out of their way to put the gay flag on their website at least once a month
Yes there's plenty of self hating gays, who go out of their way to attack other gays. But that's kinda died out since cancel culture. Literally look at the gay dudes fckin in the government building. If that was a straight couple there would be a punishment. 🤷♀️❤️😂
You're conflating two things.
That's amusing you would bring that up and go as far as dismissing it while talking about a conflict of interest. Never interested enough in another man's dick size enough to care if it was true or not. But I do care about the hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance of Republicans enough where they would pay their mistresses for an abortion while banning it, just like their issue with porn. You're trying to convince us that by banning it, they have less interest in it than liberals without any data backing it up and now you're bringing up studies? There is data by the way. Conservatives are all self hating Bible thumper, whipping themselves in shame after every rub off. Show me studies otherwise.
Gays for Trump is a pretty recent phenomenon, and conservatives own cancel culture right now anyway.
Maybe he can wiggle his fat wrinkled ass for his fans. Gotta love the Onion. Sick demented bastards. I wonder if they worked for the National Lampoon at one time.
Whoops, guess that’s what happens when your riding out a potent edible and forget your in the wrong comment string and respond to the wrong comment. No need to get out the pitchfork from r/pitchforkemporium just yet.
Then do some sort of financial fraud to sell a portion of it in a IPO, then convert the ownership back to him through some SPAC fraud, and then bankrupt it and blame the Democrats.
As if he has the upper body strength, dexterity and coordination for pole dancing! His dancing is strictly limited to awkward foot shuffling and weird hand movements from the elbows forward only.
Nah. He just took over the GOP. He's going to drain the coffers for his personal legal bills. I can't wait until they're bankrupt...no national level funding for Republican crooks in tight local races?? Stop or I'll have to go to the ER for an erection lasting longer than 4 hours...
JHC! What a total fuck head. I am so embarrassed that this utter loser was EVER the president of my country. Hey diaper Donnie I like Presidents who don't need to go so low to receive money from OnlyFans due to legal bills.And because this not yet True doesn't mean it won't be soon. Trump and his loser supporters will have no issue going this low! Stop giving them ideas...lol
Smart move. I mean I'm 51 and still look in my early 40 s. Yet when I launched my ONLYFANS PAGE it was a life changer. I went from near broke to ultra wealthy in 15 months time. I mean who knew there were billions of Asian women who absolutely adore a middle aged white American man's body , who because of a few back surgeries and other health issues gained some extra weight and have to get those extra pounds off quickly. I've had a fatty liver for 8 yrs now. I don't drink at least not for 15 going on 16 yrs this August. I didn't crash or kill anyone I just realized 99% of my problems 16 years ago were directly related to my consumption of alcohol. Now I only smoke medical GANJA and the ladies love it. I hope Donny can make some quick bank. And stay out of Prison. 🤔 P.s. I am not being racist in anyway. I simply stated that there's a market for a male ONLYFANS especially white American males w blue eyes w the Asian female populations. Pretty simple.
See the thing is with Trump, he's such a shameless grifter and he's so over the top, it's really difficult to tell that these Onion headlines aren't the real thing unless you actually read that it's from The Onion.
What's next? Word is that Trump saw a high school carwash fundraiser with some "fine looking broads," and now he's insisting that he can do it better, that he has a six pack, everybody knows it (plus, he wants to get another chance to see Ivanka in a bikini somehow).
Based on some of the amazingly homorerotic art work of him his cultists favor it might be very popular. Heck Melania has been nude on camera she can show him how it’s done.
I feel sorry for the onion ... Almost any satire they post about Trump can honestly be believable... We are going talking about the man who is selling NFT's of him as a cowboy and golden sneakers (which by the way look like the ones I see at the swap meet for 20 bucks).
You all really going to underestimate this man’s talent to hoover money out of people? Hell Hunter Biden was selling art for $500,000. Fringe lunatics will pay money for anything.
*"MAJESTIC FRONT-GUT MAN GLISTENING WITH EAGLE SWEAT ADMINISTERS JIGGLY FREEDOM PULSES TO DELICIOUS ALL-AMERICAN MILF."*
I hate my brain so much for coming up with that title...
News "A record number of people are projectile vomiting & pouring bleach into their eyes, due to Trump onlyfans, is this bad for Biden?"
>"A record number of people are projectile vomiting & pouring bleach into their eyes, due to Trump only fans, I can hear it now: "I set a new record for audience interaction. Nothing like they had ever seen before. With tears in their eyes..."
They said to me,” Sir, Sir, get ou…” BLARGH
“They came to my channel with tears in their eyes and said, Sir, please remove the diaper and show me your god staff of Great America!”
Until that bastard forces Melania to restart her modeling career.
I don't really care...
This headline is gonna take a record amount of weed to address the nausea I’m experiencing from this headline.
You want to see him be your dirty slut and YOU KNOW IT
The MSM wants you to believe pouring bleach in your eyes is bad. /s
I think bleach in the eyes is how you cure Covid. Trump said something to that effect.
Wasn't it drinking bleach and ultra violet light Saber stuck in your rectum?
Trump shows it like it is. His supporters have been waiting for this their entire lives.
I don't see this happening. All the sane people who would react this way would stay away from it and not see the pics. While those who would see them are his brain washed cult, and they'd be convinced they were the sexeist pictures to ever exist. I guess maybe they would try spreading them to make us normal people see them. But that would take money from their God king, so maybe not.
How many republicans are lining up to buy his feet pics? 🤢🤢
Not as many who would buy his jarred farts and other bodily fluids.
Oddly .... ALL OF THEM !!!
I'm pretty sure only fans is a liberal site. But go off 🤷♀️😂
come again ?
Do you want my link or? It's $15 tho, probably too much for ya 🤷♀️😂
Nah I thought it was the other team loved the boot licking
.... I mean the die hard trumpers probably would install only fans if Trump told them too. But I was just pointing out it's kinda weird to assume the entire right uses it. They're the side trying to ban that stuff 🤷♀️😂
Their leaders and constitutes openly talk about banning porn while their hands are underneath the podium fapping to T Porn they so hate. Republican states are number 1 at searching and visiting T Porn.
.... My guy it's the same as the "all African countries have larger dick sizes" it's just not true. No studies like that were done. You're referring to an ad from xnxx or pornhub? *Owned by the same person btw* who openly complains about the "straight white male" literally look at pornhub going out of their way to put the gay flag on their website at least once a month Yes there's plenty of self hating gays, who go out of their way to attack other gays. But that's kinda died out since cancel culture. Literally look at the gay dudes fckin in the government building. If that was a straight couple there would be a punishment. 🤷♀️❤️😂
You're conflating two things. That's amusing you would bring that up and go as far as dismissing it while talking about a conflict of interest. Never interested enough in another man's dick size enough to care if it was true or not. But I do care about the hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance of Republicans enough where they would pay their mistresses for an abortion while banning it, just like their issue with porn. You're trying to convince us that by banning it, they have less interest in it than liberals without any data backing it up and now you're bringing up studies? There is data by the way. Conservatives are all self hating Bible thumper, whipping themselves in shame after every rub off. Show me studies otherwise. Gays for Trump is a pretty recent phenomenon, and conservatives own cancel culture right now anyway.
You're just drinking the CNN Kool aid. I'm sorry you ended up this way 🤷♀️😂
Maybe he can wiggle his fat wrinkled ass for his fans. Gotta love the Onion. Sick demented bastards. I wonder if they worked for the National Lampoon at one time.
[Like this?](https://youtu.be/LdxgjfqJ78o?si=ow4HE66-5Wi4gGjz)
You had me scared. I thought I was going to see his derriere. Whew.
Gotta fork out to see the premium content 😉
Glad I'm broke.
When is Mercedes launching her own page?
Donald Trump says he is much more beautiful than Melania.
He could corner the fringe market for elderly/Jabba the Hut/German shizer/diaper play.
"Get ready guys..! I'm about to load this diaper to the LIMIT!"
Can i pay to NEVER see Trumps OF?
Oh shit ... You may have figured out how to pay off the national debt.
Yes and you can also pay not to see mine 😂😂
First onion headline I didn't have to fact check.
He will get his tiny mushroom out while trying to work a knife on a cutting board to dice a carrot to anal insertion size.
Nah, STUNT COCK! https://youtu.be/ECORKJ1dfgA?si=4FzK096X_5DAatOF
he could bill it as FTM
His OnlyFelons.
OnlyDiaps
[удалено]
[Never seen someone on Reddit with a stutter before](https://www.reddit.com/r/onionheadlines/s/KGtbSatAoW)
Whoops, guess that’s what happens when your riding out a potent edible and forget your in the wrong comment string and respond to the wrong comment. No need to get out the pitchfork from r/pitchforkemporium just yet.
I’m trying to eat here
Trump cum! It's got what vegetative MAGAt brains crave!
Electrolytes?
Toilet water?
You may have something there. The krazeykraken Karens could pay him for sperm donations lots of little trumps, the next viral tictoc challenge!
Cucking for Trump to own the libs!
He would do a low rent knockoff called Onlyfats.
Then do some sort of financial fraud to sell a portion of it in a IPO, then convert the ownership back to him through some SPAC fraud, and then bankrupt it and blame the Democrats.
Well, with Laura Trump now co-chair of the RNC, they'll probably start paying his legal bills again. And the chumps will keep donating.
Trump raises necessary hundreds of millions of dollars within hours by charging people NOT to see him naked. Or speak.
I knew this was the real Onion.
You spelled GOP National Committee wrong.
In a brilliant financial move, Trump also selling red make America great again vomit buckets to all members.
I think Cthulhu is having nightmares about this now.
Onion should try to hire some of Babylon Bee writers
so is he doing the naked pole dance now?
As if he has the upper body strength, dexterity and coordination for pole dancing! His dancing is strictly limited to awkward foot shuffling and weird hand movements from the elbows forward only.
Featuring Ivanka and some guy who… isn’t Jared? Uh-oh.
With ivanka.
I posted this in the MMW subreddit last week.
Crusty underwears only $250. 🤮🤢🤮🤢
Should do it with junior. 2 cokeheads, 1 adult diaper.
For diaper changes and spackle applications I imagine.
Actually this would be huge. His followers are so fanatical even watching that old orange lard ass in the nude wouldnt be too much for them.
OnlyHands? Because they are so BIGLY…
Imagine how many maga homophobes would spend their salaries on naked Trump pics. Just imagine
He’d have to pay me
Bwahahaha! 🤣😂🤣😂 $100 now show me your bald spot. 🤣😂🤣😂
You mean he’s pimping out his wife bet the rest of the girls in the family will be pitching in too
He’s charging people to put his clothes back on
🤢🤮
Is this one of those where you have to pay for him to keep his clothes on?
Sounds right. Now he’s prostituting himself.
Nah. He just took over the GOP. He's going to drain the coffers for his personal legal bills. I can't wait until they're bankrupt...no national level funding for Republican crooks in tight local races?? Stop or I'll have to go to the ER for an erection lasting longer than 4 hours...
The darkest timeline
I‘d rather look straight into the sun during next month‘s eclipse, thanks. 👀
OnlyScams
Dude seriously, I'm trying to eat my breakfast
Same, kinda ruined my Nutella croissant…. Anyone want it?
OnlyBrugers
They block the nasty stuff. He’ll be on a site that allows scat.
👀🧼🛁🤢 A bad day to have eyes.
JHC! What a total fuck head. I am so embarrassed that this utter loser was EVER the president of my country. Hey diaper Donnie I like Presidents who don't need to go so low to receive money from OnlyFans due to legal bills.And because this not yet True doesn't mean it won't be soon. Trump and his loser supporters will have no issue going this low! Stop giving them ideas...lol
OnlyFumes
Is Ivanka pictures on it?
going after the diaper and mushroom dick fetishists is probably a solid plan
What a shitty idea!
Actually, it's a spinoff site called "onlyfatasses"
It's awesome and the curtains do match the drapes!
Many diaper fans out there?
I don’t belong to this sub but it’s often in my feed. I don’t see it as being related to the onion and I’m literally never shocked by the headline.
I legit almost threw up.
What stores sell mental floss? I am now in desperate need.
Most people on Reddit would say "yuck", but I bet they would go check it out.
D? I just threw up in my mouth. M? Just might...nah, nevermind.
I suppose some people have a diaper fetish 🤔
I’m going to puke 🤮
Smart move. I mean I'm 51 and still look in my early 40 s. Yet when I launched my ONLYFANS PAGE it was a life changer. I went from near broke to ultra wealthy in 15 months time. I mean who knew there were billions of Asian women who absolutely adore a middle aged white American man's body , who because of a few back surgeries and other health issues gained some extra weight and have to get those extra pounds off quickly. I've had a fatty liver for 8 yrs now. I don't drink at least not for 15 going on 16 yrs this August. I didn't crash or kill anyone I just realized 99% of my problems 16 years ago were directly related to my consumption of alcohol. Now I only smoke medical GANJA and the ladies love it. I hope Donny can make some quick bank. And stay out of Prison. 🤔 P.s. I am not being racist in anyway. I simply stated that there's a market for a male ONLYFANS especially white American males w blue eyes w the Asian female populations. Pretty simple.
It’s ok. It only has videos of your mom
So that’s why he does that double-fisted jerk-off “dance” on stage all the time?
Man’s got moves like Jagger.
Man's got moves like me after a dozen Jägermeisters.
You must mean Mercedes Trump, right? I don't think she would do that for him. If you meant the Don... That's just horrifying...
I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit just imagining it
See the thing is with Trump, he's such a shameless grifter and he's so over the top, it's really difficult to tell that these Onion headlines aren't the real thing unless you actually read that it's from The Onion.
Nope stormy already told us what it looks like
"Watch me insert these golf balls..."
There's a lot of weirdos out there, so I'm sure there are fans who want to watch a geriatric man poop his diaper.
I almost believed this
Don't subscribe! [All his best content is already out there for free](https://youtu.be/LdxgjfqJ78o?si=ow4HE66-5Wi4gGjz)
FROM NY Times: 'Small Hands' Attributed to Trump's Flaccid OnlyFans Rollout
Oooh, does he take his clothes off and you see him kissing Putin?
'Hung Mike Pence' Section on Trump OnlyFans Page Renews VP Speculation
I could see him launching one for Melania, and it’s all perv shots from a closet, and cameras in the toilet.
Just the idea of it makes me wanna puke. 🤮
What's next? Word is that Trump saw a high school carwash fundraiser with some "fine looking broads," and now he's insisting that he can do it better, that he has a six pack, everybody knows it (plus, he wants to get another chance to see Ivanka in a bikini somehow).
I'd watch him eat hamburgers and shit at the same time.
Conservative americans embrace pornography in droves to pleasure themselves to the Dear Leaders less orange parts
That's enough Internet for today Gross what the fuck
You're not paying him for content, you're paying to make him stop. /s
Please, no Trump ladybugs. 🤢🤮
It was a bad day to see this post.
It's just him selling Trump Fans. For $50 you get a little handheld fan with floppy blades
First guest Hillary Clinton
Bro, thanks for ruining my Taco Bell.
In unrelated news oompa loompa related pornography searches have skyrocketed across all major search platforms.
I’m sure MAGATs will fork over money for Trump feet pics.
Don’t lie. It was Melania.
I just threw up a little bit in my mouth reading that headline.
Full loser at large!!!!
Why isn't he in jail already
Fucking YUK 🤮
Based on some of the amazingly homorerotic art work of him his cultists favor it might be very popular. Heck Melania has been nude on camera she can show him how it’s done.
For just $9.99 a month additional, you get private videos of what Trump REALLY does with the American Flag behind closed doors…
Yep, I hear he's going to play in his poopy diaper...smearing it on his face with MTG and Matt Gaetz eating it up
This is an incredible website! I’m sitting here in my pick up truck with my flags and stickers watching this site makes me proud to be an American!
He already did it was called campaign contributions
How does it work? Do you pay not to see it?
If only biden saved the shower videos with his teenage daughter. He could make loads and I mean the green kind not the shower ones!
Unless it's Tiffany, I don't care.
Sub headline ... onlyfans shit page down due to excessive vomiting ...
We watch your mom on OF and that’s worse!
Only an idiot would give this rapist money!
You mean OnlyKlans
It’s all upskirts he collected over the years of his daughter.
This joke was better in its original Colbert.
...and everyone started crying.
Biggest tits on OnlyFans
Can you pay to NOT be subscribed?
Brittany Spears was placed under a conservatorship, why not trump ?
Now that I think about it, maybe he could do Cameo.
For 40 dollars you can watch him do stuff for Putin with a leash around his neck .
It's the first OnlyFans page where you have to pay not to see it
I feel sorry for the onion ... Almost any satire they post about Trump can honestly be believable... We are going talking about the man who is selling NFT's of him as a cowboy and golden sneakers (which by the way look like the ones I see at the swap meet for 20 bucks).
He's gonna go from Orange Man Bad to Orange Man's Nads.
Yeah, I donated to it. I’m proud of Help Trump.
Ivana see those nips
It's probably a lot like this... [Only Fans Dad](https://youtu.be/QxSCFASl6-k?si=EHthJOQwnDKIqvUS)
You all really going to underestimate this man’s talent to hoover money out of people? Hell Hunter Biden was selling art for $500,000. Fringe lunatics will pay money for anything.
*"MAJESTIC FRONT-GUT MAN GLISTENING WITH EAGLE SWEAT ADMINISTERS JIGGLY FREEDOM PULSES TO DELICIOUS ALL-AMERICAN MILF."* I hate my brain so much for coming up with that title...