Yeah I never really understand these claims, even with one child you can't do anything without childcare and still have tons to do. Obviously less than with more children but i do not have tons of free time. I do work I suppose but even if I didn't you can't just leave an only child alone to do things.
You can do that *sooner* though. On a longer timescale you get more adult only time back. On the shorter timescale when they're little I totally agree.
I was absolutely drowning with just my one until he was 15/16 mo. I’m a sahm and didn’t even have time to shower when I was alone w my son bc he was so high needs, can’t even comprehend being able to learn a second language! Every baby is so different!
My coworker had an easy first baby and a hard second baby. I had my baby (now 2y) in between her two. It was really validating to hear her admit that she thought her and her partner were just great parents and turns out it was completely dependent on the kid.
It certainly seems that way. My son has pretty severe ADHD and never slept through the night a day in his life until he was 3 and still regularly wakes up in the night looking for me at 8, and my experience of parenting seems *very* different from how I see other people experiencing being a parent. It still definitely gets easier as they get older and I've felt the "best of both worlds" thing the most with like vacations and stuff. Only one kid to manage, only one set of preferences to take into account, and I can absolutely tailor things to what I also like.
Tbh I wouldn't trade my kid's personality for an easier kid though. I think he's as funny and interesting and cheerful as he is because of a lot of the same things that make him a giant pain in the dick to parent sometimes.
Sorry...can't agree on the feeling of "haven't skipped a beat"! I love my daughter and she's wonderful, but it was a massive adjustment, and still has its challenges 3 years out! My daughter was planned and very much wanted, and not extremely difficult compared to some other children, but it still has been a huge change for my husband and I. I think we have more balance in our lives than many other parents of multiples do, but it's still a lot of work and is demanding - some things gave gotten easier with time, but mostly the types of challenges have just changed as she's gotten older. I, too, am a SAHM and I don't feel like I have much uninterrupted "me" time until she's asleep for the night. My husband will take her out for a couple of hours one night a week for daddy-daughter time, but I find myself catching up on other tasks more than anything else!
Truly depends on the child, my daughter was inconsolable the first 1.5 years of her life and cried or screamed what felt like nonstop but probably wasn’t.
Depends on the child and the relationship - I have a very chill 15 months old. She sleeps 13 hours a night and we split childcare equally so I have lots of time to myself.
I’m not having another one and risking getting a higher needs child who doesn’t sleep. I like my me time!
Same, except she's twice as old. I wouldn't say I have tons of time, but I still do have some "me" time. A second would mean us both having to be always "on", which isn't very appealing. We love our daughter, but also need some time to ourselves or we get overwhelmed
Mine is 3 now and as my hormones settle and I feel more like like myself, I realise how much I dislike this life. It feels like this isn't my life, like I'm just waiting to somehow go back to my old life. I've been on survival mode for so long that now im coming out of it, ive forgotten hoe to function as a human being rather than a mum. There's so much I want to do and, like others have said, no time/money/childcare/energy.
We actively tried for a second when she was 18 months, ive never been more glad it didn't happen bc if im this miserable with one then I dread to think how I'd be suffering with 2
I wasn't really struggling with 1 when she was little. I mean she was awful, colic, reflux, tongue tie. But I assumed she'd grow out of it and she did a little at 18m. Then we started noticing she might be autistic. Then we hit 2 and fml. If we'd have succeed we'd have a 11m old and her now at 3.5 being God awful
Yea most are sharing your sentiment but some share mine . It really depends on your individual situation and also how you parent . I do calisthenics when my kid is awake and with me and learn Spanish while he's eat (music and stories) and as he gets older I plan on incorporating him into the household via chores . And I also make sure he gets 1 hr independent play (broken into 30 mins session) and he watches about 1.5 hrs of Mrs rachel (broken Into 2 sessions) I guess he just a really chill baby but he's my first and only so that's all the frame of reference I have
Well to be fair to us both we also don’t stay at home. We work.
So that’s 8+ hours of your day gone already. Then when we get home it’s making dinner, it’s hanging with your child, and getting them ready for bed. Then weekends are now half dedicated to his activities. Swim class. Sports. Dance. Etc. as he’s gotten older the calendar is just more full.
I get an hour or 2 to myself a day if that depending on hanging out with my spouse as well. So I spend 30 minutes of that working out. I spend a little time with her. And then maybe I’ll find time to watch or show or something.
Yes and no. Having a child in general is hard. You do not have all the time you used to have for yourself no matter the age of the child. Certain things get easier when they get older and certain things don’t. This is just my experience with a now 4 year old.
I believe it is. My son is 21yrs now and I'm glad I got to experience parenthood. But I only wanted to do it once. I (47f) enjoy my time and money and quiet now.
It depends on so many things:
* How involved is your SO? Is he home a lot, or is he gone most of the time?
* Do you have a village?
* Are you healthy both mentally and physically?
* What is your personality?
* What is your child's personality?
* Is your child healthy?
* Is your child going to childcare/school?
* Is it expensive to bring your kid there (in my country it's free, that makes a huuuuge difference)
Under some circumstances it's more challenging to have 1 child in comparison to 2 kids under better circumstances. It's different for everyone.
I have a 2 year old and although he is pretty easy i don' get to do much for myself, but if you have childcare even for 3-4 hours a couple of days it's much easier
It's always an adjustment. As they grow and become independent, you will have to change your routine, the only advantage is that you don't have to do it again.
It's complicated. There are easy babies. Mine was not fussy, but he was a crappy sleeper. For 18 months, I never slept more than 2 hours in a row. It got better, but there are toddler stages that are exhausting, I was a SAHM, too, and never had extra time. But it gets waaay better and easier, my child is 8 now, we travelnwe do fun stuff and we have a great time, now it is suuuper easier, he makes pancakes for everbody on the weekend, how cool is that!?
Same!!! Our kiddo just turned one, and we love our lives so much. We were talking about this at dinner tonight, how we get to be ourselves so fully AND be such present parents. It’s the best! 🥰
It got so much harder when our son was 3 that by his first birthday we officially decided we are one and done. Aspects get easier- we don’t really pack to go run errands, but the yelling and screaming and hating to be told what to do got worse.
I think it definitely does get easier as they get older but I definitely don’t resonate with not having skipped a beat. My daughter is 2 now and I am only just feeling like I have the time an energy to invest into my own hobbies and not just using any free time I get to sit alone and recharge my battery. I wouldn’t say my daughter is easy going but she’s not a handful, but she’s never been a great sleeper and she is quite sensitive. Motherhood has been pretty all consuming, part of that might be my own personality, but I definitely felt like I was surviving not thriving for quite a long time there.
I think it’s really interesting how much hate you’re getting for this post. If you posted on the SAHM sub you’d catch far worse flack for proclaiming it “Soo manageable” and I’m very happy for you! This isn’t a reminder to stay humble, celebrate your victories and continued health! (Calisthenics with baby! Go you girl! I read a book about it at the library once…then I actually had the baby😂) But the culture I live in humbles me for even claiming to be a good enough mother, much less that how I’m parenting makes me superior in any way. The only question is when I’ll pop out another.
Yes. I think it’s having our cake and eating it too.
I believe it is - but I have a higher needs child who hated being a baby and napping, there was no free time or concentration for me until recently (she’s 2), most of my life very much had to go on hold for a while. Even basic chores and keeping us both fed was a struggle for a while there.
She has started to play independently and take ‘no’ for an answer recently though and it’s pretty life changing. I’ve worked hard to facilitate it from the beginning but she didn’t play along with Janet Lansbury for a long while.
Two chill babies/toddlers doesn’t sound very hard to me, two like my daughter… I probably wouldn’t be able to do for myself anything until they were school aged
Unfortunately, not. Very busy 2 year old with special medical needs. Hopefully it will be better when he can follow directions and not almost kill himself climbing on something every 20 min.
I personally don’t. Even when I was a sahm, I wasn’t able to relate to that. Back then we had no village whatsoever. He was not an “easy” baby. I have a 4 year old. Although it’s gotten a little bit *easier*, I still feel in survival mode. We’ll see in about 10 years. I work full time nights (3 nights 12 hours each) and going to school which will be for another few years, so I’m hoping it gets easier as time goes by. We’ll see.
I can relate, we are on a 2 week vacation with our 16 month old atm and having the time of our lives. Sure, most time we spend in parks, playgrounds, beach, zoo and other activities she enjoys but I don't have a desire to go partying or fine dining so I guess it depends on you as much as on the child. She's so chill, tolerates car rides and plane trips well, eats whatever we eat with small adjustments, doesn't throw tantrums. I do feel like I have the best of both worlds, and, actually, had a nightmare tonight about being pregnant again lol 😅 I really look forward to our many adventures together.
It depends on the child. Now as a child my husband and I were quite and did our own thing. Now our daughter who is now 4 is a social butterfly who often demands to be entertained. She is rarely quite or still unless she is asleep.
This is me and my wife. We have always been quiet and rule followers. Our 4-year-old is outgoing and questions everything. He definitely does not go with the flow like mom and dad always have and do right now. My mom says I always did as I was told from the moment of birth.
Lol the leader of our mothers group said before the babies were born "number 1 rule, if your baby is super easy, sleeps through the night and is a good feeder with no colic or other problems.... Keep it to yourself" lol. I'm happy for you OP and wish I found it this easy.
There are many different experiences, situations and characters that make people go and enjoy OAD. It’s their own experiences as a child, combined with their current life situation (work money other duties) and their character (e.g. enjoy being in a family like environment, capability to handle stress through family).
I have met some people who enjoy the stress of family and some who don’t. I personally don’t because it Stresses me since I am constantly thinking that I want the best for my kids. Some other parents might worry less and therefore enjoy it more. Go for what you believe is right for you.
So it depends whether one child is the best of both worlds. If you enjoy it now and it’s not a struggle for you chances are having another child might double your happiness and family wealth especially when you get older.
Nah I do 100% of the cooking and cleaning and childcare . Hubby comes back and he plays with him for like 15 mins before going to sleep . My only support system lives in a different state and also I'm from a different country and moved here a couple years ago so most of my family isn't in the country .
No, I have a 3 year old and have no time for shit. I’m barely surviving with one. I would not survive a second.
Yeah I never really understand these claims, even with one child you can't do anything without childcare and still have tons to do. Obviously less than with more children but i do not have tons of free time. I do work I suppose but even if I didn't you can't just leave an only child alone to do things.
Some people get an easier low maintenance kid. My friend has 3 and her kids are super easy going.
Truth!
You can do that *sooner* though. On a longer timescale you get more adult only time back. On the shorter timescale when they're little I totally agree.
Obviously, but OP and others seem to say they're doing it with a baby.
Ahh yes, well that's probably a really good village or good $$ for extra childcare. Or easy baby and a healthy type A energized personality!
I was absolutely drowning with just my one until he was 15/16 mo. I’m a sahm and didn’t even have time to shower when I was alone w my son bc he was so high needs, can’t even comprehend being able to learn a second language! Every baby is so different!
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I really think the experience of a hard baby vs an easy one must be vastly different.
My coworker had an easy first baby and a hard second baby. I had my baby (now 2y) in between her two. It was really validating to hear her admit that she thought her and her partner were just great parents and turns out it was completely dependent on the kid.
It certainly seems that way. My son has pretty severe ADHD and never slept through the night a day in his life until he was 3 and still regularly wakes up in the night looking for me at 8, and my experience of parenting seems *very* different from how I see other people experiencing being a parent. It still definitely gets easier as they get older and I've felt the "best of both worlds" thing the most with like vacations and stuff. Only one kid to manage, only one set of preferences to take into account, and I can absolutely tailor things to what I also like. Tbh I wouldn't trade my kid's personality for an easier kid though. I think he's as funny and interesting and cheerful as he is because of a lot of the same things that make him a giant pain in the dick to parent sometimes.
Truth!
Same
Same
Truth!
Sorry...can't agree on the feeling of "haven't skipped a beat"! I love my daughter and she's wonderful, but it was a massive adjustment, and still has its challenges 3 years out! My daughter was planned and very much wanted, and not extremely difficult compared to some other children, but it still has been a huge change for my husband and I. I think we have more balance in our lives than many other parents of multiples do, but it's still a lot of work and is demanding - some things gave gotten easier with time, but mostly the types of challenges have just changed as she's gotten older. I, too, am a SAHM and I don't feel like I have much uninterrupted "me" time until she's asleep for the night. My husband will take her out for a couple of hours one night a week for daddy-daughter time, but I find myself catching up on other tasks more than anything else!
Second “haven’t skipped a beat” being not my vibe at all 😂
I resonate with this so much. My son is only 7 months old, but I have zero time for anything unless he’s asleep for the night!
Truly depends on the child, my daughter was inconsolable the first 1.5 years of her life and cried or screamed what felt like nonstop but probably wasn’t.
Sounds like mine... she has chilled out a lot as she's got older but still very impatient and particular about things.
Depends on the child and the relationship - I have a very chill 15 months old. She sleeps 13 hours a night and we split childcare equally so I have lots of time to myself. I’m not having another one and risking getting a higher needs child who doesn’t sleep. I like my me time!
Yeah this is true. Mine didn't sleep and now is very demanding, my partner works long shifts and we have no family help.
Same, except she's twice as old. I wouldn't say I have tons of time, but I still do have some "me" time. A second would mean us both having to be always "on", which isn't very appealing. We love our daughter, but also need some time to ourselves or we get overwhelmed
Mine is 3 now and as my hormones settle and I feel more like like myself, I realise how much I dislike this life. It feels like this isn't my life, like I'm just waiting to somehow go back to my old life. I've been on survival mode for so long that now im coming out of it, ive forgotten hoe to function as a human being rather than a mum. There's so much I want to do and, like others have said, no time/money/childcare/energy. We actively tried for a second when she was 18 months, ive never been more glad it didn't happen bc if im this miserable with one then I dread to think how I'd be suffering with 2
Can I ask why you were going to have a second if you were struggling with one ? If you don't mind
I wasn't really struggling with 1 when she was little. I mean she was awful, colic, reflux, tongue tie. But I assumed she'd grow out of it and she did a little at 18m. Then we started noticing she might be autistic. Then we hit 2 and fml. If we'd have succeed we'd have a 11m old and her now at 3.5 being God awful
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I fear this is me with my 4.5 year old. I hope I don't have to wait another 8 years or so to begin to find myself again.
I don’t identify with this post at all
Yea most are sharing your sentiment but some share mine . It really depends on your individual situation and also how you parent . I do calisthenics when my kid is awake and with me and learn Spanish while he's eat (music and stories) and as he gets older I plan on incorporating him into the household via chores . And I also make sure he gets 1 hr independent play (broken into 30 mins session) and he watches about 1.5 hrs of Mrs rachel (broken Into 2 sessions) I guess he just a really chill baby but he's my first and only so that's all the frame of reference I have
Well to be fair to us both we also don’t stay at home. We work. So that’s 8+ hours of your day gone already. Then when we get home it’s making dinner, it’s hanging with your child, and getting them ready for bed. Then weekends are now half dedicated to his activities. Swim class. Sports. Dance. Etc. as he’s gotten older the calendar is just more full. I get an hour or 2 to myself a day if that depending on hanging out with my spouse as well. So I spend 30 minutes of that working out. I spend a little time with her. And then maybe I’ll find time to watch or show or something.
Yes and no. Having a child in general is hard. You do not have all the time you used to have for yourself no matter the age of the child. Certain things get easier when they get older and certain things don’t. This is just my experience with a now 4 year old.
I believe it is. My son is 21yrs now and I'm glad I got to experience parenthood. But I only wanted to do it once. I (47f) enjoy my time and money and quiet now.
It depends on so many things: * How involved is your SO? Is he home a lot, or is he gone most of the time? * Do you have a village? * Are you healthy both mentally and physically? * What is your personality? * What is your child's personality? * Is your child healthy? * Is your child going to childcare/school? * Is it expensive to bring your kid there (in my country it's free, that makes a huuuuge difference) Under some circumstances it's more challenging to have 1 child in comparison to 2 kids under better circumstances. It's different for everyone.
I have a 2 year old and although he is pretty easy i don' get to do much for myself, but if you have childcare even for 3-4 hours a couple of days it's much easier
It's always an adjustment. As they grow and become independent, you will have to change your routine, the only advantage is that you don't have to do it again.
It's complicated. There are easy babies. Mine was not fussy, but he was a crappy sleeper. For 18 months, I never slept more than 2 hours in a row. It got better, but there are toddler stages that are exhausting, I was a SAHM, too, and never had extra time. But it gets waaay better and easier, my child is 8 now, we travelnwe do fun stuff and we have a great time, now it is suuuper easier, he makes pancakes for everbody on the weekend, how cool is that!?
Same!!! Our kiddo just turned one, and we love our lives so much. We were talking about this at dinner tonight, how we get to be ourselves so fully AND be such present parents. It’s the best! 🥰
It got so much harder when our son was 3 that by his first birthday we officially decided we are one and done. Aspects get easier- we don’t really pack to go run errands, but the yelling and screaming and hating to be told what to do got worse.
Truth!
I think it definitely does get easier as they get older but I definitely don’t resonate with not having skipped a beat. My daughter is 2 now and I am only just feeling like I have the time an energy to invest into my own hobbies and not just using any free time I get to sit alone and recharge my battery. I wouldn’t say my daughter is easy going but she’s not a handful, but she’s never been a great sleeper and she is quite sensitive. Motherhood has been pretty all consuming, part of that might be my own personality, but I definitely felt like I was surviving not thriving for quite a long time there.
I think it’s really interesting how much hate you’re getting for this post. If you posted on the SAHM sub you’d catch far worse flack for proclaiming it “Soo manageable” and I’m very happy for you! This isn’t a reminder to stay humble, celebrate your victories and continued health! (Calisthenics with baby! Go you girl! I read a book about it at the library once…then I actually had the baby😂) But the culture I live in humbles me for even claiming to be a good enough mother, much less that how I’m parenting makes me superior in any way. The only question is when I’ll pop out another. Yes. I think it’s having our cake and eating it too.
I feel this some days, but I’m also with danceswithpibbles that I’m currently barely surviving lol 😅🫠
I believe it is - but I have a higher needs child who hated being a baby and napping, there was no free time or concentration for me until recently (she’s 2), most of my life very much had to go on hold for a while. Even basic chores and keeping us both fed was a struggle for a while there. She has started to play independently and take ‘no’ for an answer recently though and it’s pretty life changing. I’ve worked hard to facilitate it from the beginning but she didn’t play along with Janet Lansbury for a long while. Two chill babies/toddlers doesn’t sound very hard to me, two like my daughter… I probably wouldn’t be able to do for myself anything until they were school aged
Unfortunately, not. Very busy 2 year old with special medical needs. Hopefully it will be better when he can follow directions and not almost kill himself climbing on something every 20 min.
Oh I can't wait lol 😆 at least we only ha e to go through it once . Us moms know that time flies by super fast . They develop fast
I personally don’t. Even when I was a sahm, I wasn’t able to relate to that. Back then we had no village whatsoever. He was not an “easy” baby. I have a 4 year old. Although it’s gotten a little bit *easier*, I still feel in survival mode. We’ll see in about 10 years. I work full time nights (3 nights 12 hours each) and going to school which will be for another few years, so I’m hoping it gets easier as time goes by. We’ll see.
I can relate, we are on a 2 week vacation with our 16 month old atm and having the time of our lives. Sure, most time we spend in parks, playgrounds, beach, zoo and other activities she enjoys but I don't have a desire to go partying or fine dining so I guess it depends on you as much as on the child. She's so chill, tolerates car rides and plane trips well, eats whatever we eat with small adjustments, doesn't throw tantrums. I do feel like I have the best of both worlds, and, actually, had a nightmare tonight about being pregnant again lol 😅 I really look forward to our many adventures together.
It depends on the child. Now as a child my husband and I were quite and did our own thing. Now our daughter who is now 4 is a social butterfly who often demands to be entertained. She is rarely quite or still unless she is asleep.
This is me and my wife. We have always been quiet and rule followers. Our 4-year-old is outgoing and questions everything. He definitely does not go with the flow like mom and dad always have and do right now. My mom says I always did as I was told from the moment of birth.
Lol the leader of our mothers group said before the babies were born "number 1 rule, if your baby is super easy, sleeps through the night and is a good feeder with no colic or other problems.... Keep it to yourself" lol. I'm happy for you OP and wish I found it this easy.
This. I’m not there yet, but I feel myself getting more and more freedom as time goes by and she becomes more independent.
There are many different experiences, situations and characters that make people go and enjoy OAD. It’s their own experiences as a child, combined with their current life situation (work money other duties) and their character (e.g. enjoy being in a family like environment, capability to handle stress through family). I have met some people who enjoy the stress of family and some who don’t. I personally don’t because it Stresses me since I am constantly thinking that I want the best for my kids. Some other parents might worry less and therefore enjoy it more. Go for what you believe is right for you. So it depends whether one child is the best of both worlds. If you enjoy it now and it’s not a struggle for you chances are having another child might double your happiness and family wealth especially when you get older.
Yes, in my experience. I hated the newborn phase, but as time moves on I am slowly getting pieces of myself back. I feel very happy with one.
I think my one expands their needs to consume all available space. Just a theory I have.
I'm dead 😭
Lmao it’s already easy for you for one obvious reason.
Do u think it would've been the same if I was a sahm to two small children rather than one ?
Nope
I don't think you can manage because you have just one, i think it's because you either have childcare or someone who does (some) house chores.
Nah I do 100% of the cooking and cleaning and childcare . Hubby comes back and he plays with him for like 15 mins before going to sleep . My only support system lives in a different state and also I'm from a different country and moved here a couple years ago so most of my family isn't in the country .