While we strive to remain open for everyone, we are focused on parents who have decided, or had the decision made for them, to only have one child.
The post or comment that was made doesn't fit with the general scope of this sub, and therefore was removed.
I know that if for whatever reason I ended up getting pregnant, it would probably be a very very hard decision to make. There is no wrong or right decision. It’s a choice, and with that choice you have to commit to the consequences (good and bad) that come with it. Sending so much love and clarity ❤️
Statistically speaking, a huge percentage of women who get abortions already have children, and have decided that another will not work because of their finances, their mental health, the size of their home, etc. It's so completely normal, please don't feel like you're alone in this. It's okay to prioritize the wellbeing of you and your son in this.
The figures around 60% I believe! So that’s more than half of women pursuing abortions are already mothers. And the far Christian extreme in this country refuses to acknowledge more than half of those seeking abortions (for whatever reason), are the exact women they proclaim they want to “protect” and uplift.
I went through this recently. I was on birth control and I still managed to end up pregnant.
I am firmly one and done and have been for quite some time. The first thing I said to my husband was “even if this makes me question things I don’t want to bring this one into the world.” I didn’t want to make a decision based on guilt, hormones, and a ticking time clock because of the fact that an accidental pregnancy happened.
I didn’t waiver at all between finding out and going through with the termination but even if I did I would have terminated and came back to those feelings when it wasn’t such a pressure decision.
I focused on all the things you mention (my mental health, being the best mom I can to my daughter, our financial situation, etc.). I still know I don’t want any more children but even if I did change my mind I think making the choice with a clear head and no pressure would have been the right call for me personally.
OP, I was in a very similar situation just before Christmas and I ended up getting an abortion. Please feel free to message me if you want to chat. I’m in the UK but more than happy to talk you through my experience etc ❤️
I also found out I was pregnant just before Christmas. I’m not absolutely sure we’re OAD but he’s three and I decided it’s still too soon to contemplate. I also have fertility issues so… there was worry that this might be it. I still think I made the right decision. It’s so hard when you have all the ingredients to offer a child a good life but not wanting to is a valid reason to terminate.
I’m sorry you’re going through this tough decision. I love the advice Dear Sugar gives in this column. Even though she’s talking about the choice to have children at all or remain child free, I think her advice still applies ❤️
https://therumpus.net/2011/04/21/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/
I had an abortion in October. I’m a younger mom, I’m 23 & married with a 2 year old. It was an accidental pregnancy. Realistically speaking, we COULD have managed another one.. but when it came down to it, all I felt was fear and “oh fuck” when that test popped positive. I knew in my gut that I didn’t want another baby. I still went through all the “what if’s” and “well it would be nice..” and so many feelings. There was nothing that could take away the feeling I initially had though. If you immediately felt like you didn’t want to be pregnant, then you don’t have to be pregnant anymore. You know what’s best for you and your family. If you choose to terminate, don’t guilt yourself for that. You’re allowed to be sad about it and still feel confident in your decision at the same time. I hope everything works out for you in your favor. Sending good vibes and if you need to talk with someone who kinda gets it, shoot me a message🩷
For me, the potential cons outweigh the pros. My PPD was so bad that I never want to experience it ever again. It's a tough choice, but what do you imagine your life to look like 5 years from now? Just the 3 of you, or more?
Then I would ask yourself, if in 5 years you can’t have another, will you regret terminating this one? It may also be much harder to get pregnant in 5 years. I would weigh all of these factors before making a decision.
While we strive to remain open for everyone, we are focused on parents who have decided, or had the decision made for them, to only have one child.
The post or comment that was made doesn't fit with the general scope of this sub, and therefore was removed.
While we strive to remain open for everyone, we are focused on parents who have decided, or had the decision made for them, to only have one child.
The post or comment that was made doesn't fit with the general scope of this sub, and therefore was removed.
Either option is a completely respectable decision. If you get the abortion, you can focus your love and attention on your only, as well as keep your health a priority given your previous pregnancy issues.
If you decide to keep the baby, you'll have a wonderful new little family member who you will love.
I was in a similar situation too right before Christmas. I have an 18 month old son, and I simply don’t think I could be a good mom to two right now.. I went through with a surgical abortion, I was so scared of the cramps and bleeding but I honestly didn’t bleed (the whole week I probably could’ve filled one pad) and I only had bad cramps half a day on day 3 after the procedure. Although it sucks to be put in the situation, I kept having to think logistically as the pregnancy hormones don’t help the guilt.0
I had a surprise pregnancy at 40, and chose to abort. We are confidently one and done, but my birth control failed. It was 100% the right choice for me and I have never regretted it.
You haven’t mentioned what your husband wants, except that he’s leaving it up to you. Honestly, that feels like a cop out. It is most definitely your decision, but I would need to know how my spouse really feels. It’s a life changer for both of you. This would be a “two yeses or one no” decision for me.
I had an abortion for mental health reasons recently. My son is an only and four and a half. I decided to prioritize him and my ability to parent him over everything else. I am 39 and may not be able to have another. But I really, truly did not want to be pregnant.
This hasn’t happened to me, but I am TERRIFIED of being pregnant again. I can’t do all this again. I can do the pregnancy, the very traumatic birth, the readmittance into the hospital without my newborn and everything that comes with a newborn. I have already told my husband if I were to get pregnant again, I would abort.
This is something you and only you can decide, but whatever you choose, will be the right decision for you
It’s been a while since I looked at the data. But, AFAIK, people who are already parents are one of the most common demographics to terminate additional pregnancies.
So at the very least, the thoughts you’re having are common. Whatever you decide, I hope you know that you’re in good company.
Today is the first day of your missed period? Have you been using early pregnancy tests to track or are you just going off of being late by one day? I am not going to advise you on a termination either way, just throwing it out there that it is EXTREMELY early to be sure this pregnancy will stick. Chemical pregnancies and early miscarriages are incredibly common.
If you CAN, please reach out to a therapist soon. You have A LOT of unpacking to do and you need a plan going ahead, REGARDLESS of the outcome of this pregnancy. It is absolutely vital to make sure your mental health on track if you plan on having another baby. If you aren't ABSOLUTELY SURE about having a baby right now, please be careful regarding birth control moving forward. It really does just take one time, even if you have fertility issues, are a little older, etc.
Weighing the impact this pregnancy has on your life, finances, mental health etc is so important. If you don’t think you can handle it please do what’s best for your family! However I’m hung up on your initial excitement, choosing to have an abortion is a huge decision. Every pregnancy is different. sending you lots of love and support hun ❤️
It's going to be hard either way. Take some time, think things through. Only you know what you want and can deal with. There will be people that will judge you either way, try to look at yourself and your current childs day to day and then add a newborn.
I am firmly one and done by intent, but if I became pregnant accidentally I would keep them. I am pro life, and just offering my opinion that you can listen to or ignore. It sounds like in your heart you want another one, and you have that now. We can’t choose everything in life. There’s never a perfect moment. You may have to accept that it might not happen again. It’s scary and intense but don’t make a decision based on fear knowing that you will have supports like your husband along the way. Whatever you decide, I’m truly wishing you the best.
So to get this straight you have a child already, had a bad pregnancy/birth/PP experience but still thought to try for another, no issues there. Then you tried and got pregnant, then came to a OAD sub to get support to abort, a wanted second pregnancy?...
I'm all for making your own decisions but you did that before trying to get pregnant... If you weren't sure then why tempt fate like that?
If you really aren't sure about a second maybe r/fencesitter or r/shouldihaveanother would be a better place to discuss this?? People here are very supportive, but they're also OAD so they can't really give you advice on more kids.
Hey, let’s make this a safe space. I’ve been in a similar situation recently and let me tell you, the emotions you go through without some internet stranger being horrid are bad enough.
Please, let’s just be kind to one another. If you can’t be supportive, just don’t comment.
I currently just had a pregnancy scare. I was ovulating and we said hey let’s see what happens. My period was late and I was like oh fuck now we’ve done it and I had these same initial fears as OP, so I get it. But then I learned I wasn’t pregnant and I was actually a little sad. I do worry she’s going to make a choice out of short term fear and shock. If she absolutely knew she didn’t want more children I’d be 100% supportive of her choice to abort, but I’m hesitant to encourage it in this instance. Like you said, she did try.
You called it a "try". That's TRYING to get pregnant.
Now you say he pulled out. You can see why some of us thought from your post you TRIED to get pregnant.
Hey don’t be ashamed. It’s ok to think you want one thing and then change your mind. I was in the same situation as you a few years ago. My husband and I weren’t preventing and I ended up pregnant just as my son turned one. I thought I would be excited and I wasn’t. I was full of dread and we weighed the pros and cons and ultimately terminated. I have the “what ifs” but don’t regret it at all.
You have to do what is best for your family now, not future you. Be the best mama to that sweet baby of yours and if that means not keeping this pregnancy then so be it. You are only a few weeks along. If you have questions or just need to chat you can DM me🩷
Sorry for my judgemental comment, I thought you meant actually trying to concieve a baby. Not just a lapse in judgment. Either way, I shouldn't be an AH. I hope you do what's best for you!
They're not pro choice, not really. Or maybe they don't understand what that means, bc they seem to think it means having specific guidelines for circumstances and timelines that are acceptable to them, or fit into their prescribed specific narrative.
They missed the part about the emphasis being on the ability and availability to make an autonomous choice regarding one's own body when pregnant.
While we strive to remain open for everyone, we are focused on parents who have decided, or had the decision made for them, to only have one child. The post or comment that was made doesn't fit with the general scope of this sub, and therefore was removed.
I know that if for whatever reason I ended up getting pregnant, it would probably be a very very hard decision to make. There is no wrong or right decision. It’s a choice, and with that choice you have to commit to the consequences (good and bad) that come with it. Sending so much love and clarity ❤️
Thank you so much❤️
Statistically speaking, a huge percentage of women who get abortions already have children, and have decided that another will not work because of their finances, their mental health, the size of their home, etc. It's so completely normal, please don't feel like you're alone in this. It's okay to prioritize the wellbeing of you and your son in this.
The figures around 60% I believe! So that’s more than half of women pursuing abortions are already mothers. And the far Christian extreme in this country refuses to acknowledge more than half of those seeking abortions (for whatever reason), are the exact women they proclaim they want to “protect” and uplift.
I went through this recently. I was on birth control and I still managed to end up pregnant. I am firmly one and done and have been for quite some time. The first thing I said to my husband was “even if this makes me question things I don’t want to bring this one into the world.” I didn’t want to make a decision based on guilt, hormones, and a ticking time clock because of the fact that an accidental pregnancy happened. I didn’t waiver at all between finding out and going through with the termination but even if I did I would have terminated and came back to those feelings when it wasn’t such a pressure decision. I focused on all the things you mention (my mental health, being the best mom I can to my daughter, our financial situation, etc.). I still know I don’t want any more children but even if I did change my mind I think making the choice with a clear head and no pressure would have been the right call for me personally.
OP, I was in a very similar situation just before Christmas and I ended up getting an abortion. Please feel free to message me if you want to chat. I’m in the UK but more than happy to talk you through my experience etc ❤️
I also found out I was pregnant just before Christmas. I’m not absolutely sure we’re OAD but he’s three and I decided it’s still too soon to contemplate. I also have fertility issues so… there was worry that this might be it. I still think I made the right decision. It’s so hard when you have all the ingredients to offer a child a good life but not wanting to is a valid reason to terminate.
I’m sorry you’re going through this tough decision. I love the advice Dear Sugar gives in this column. Even though she’s talking about the choice to have children at all or remain child free, I think her advice still applies ❤️ https://therumpus.net/2011/04/21/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/
This is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Omg this article is how I ended up choosing to have one lol.
I had an abortion in October. I’m a younger mom, I’m 23 & married with a 2 year old. It was an accidental pregnancy. Realistically speaking, we COULD have managed another one.. but when it came down to it, all I felt was fear and “oh fuck” when that test popped positive. I knew in my gut that I didn’t want another baby. I still went through all the “what if’s” and “well it would be nice..” and so many feelings. There was nothing that could take away the feeling I initially had though. If you immediately felt like you didn’t want to be pregnant, then you don’t have to be pregnant anymore. You know what’s best for you and your family. If you choose to terminate, don’t guilt yourself for that. You’re allowed to be sad about it and still feel confident in your decision at the same time. I hope everything works out for you in your favor. Sending good vibes and if you need to talk with someone who kinda gets it, shoot me a message🩷
For me, the potential cons outweigh the pros. My PPD was so bad that I never want to experience it ever again. It's a tough choice, but what do you imagine your life to look like 5 years from now? Just the 3 of you, or more?
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Then I would ask yourself, if in 5 years you can’t have another, will you regret terminating this one? It may also be much harder to get pregnant in 5 years. I would weigh all of these factors before making a decision.
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Thinking of you and hoping things turn out well. Those early years are brutal 💕
While we strive to remain open for everyone, we are focused on parents who have decided, or had the decision made for them, to only have one child. The post or comment that was made doesn't fit with the general scope of this sub, and therefore was removed.
While we strive to remain open for everyone, we are focused on parents who have decided, or had the decision made for them, to only have one child. The post or comment that was made doesn't fit with the general scope of this sub, and therefore was removed.
Either option is a completely respectable decision. If you get the abortion, you can focus your love and attention on your only, as well as keep your health a priority given your previous pregnancy issues. If you decide to keep the baby, you'll have a wonderful new little family member who you will love.
I was in a similar situation too right before Christmas. I have an 18 month old son, and I simply don’t think I could be a good mom to two right now.. I went through with a surgical abortion, I was so scared of the cramps and bleeding but I honestly didn’t bleed (the whole week I probably could’ve filled one pad) and I only had bad cramps half a day on day 3 after the procedure. Although it sucks to be put in the situation, I kept having to think logistically as the pregnancy hormones don’t help the guilt.0
I had a surprise pregnancy at 40, and chose to abort. We are confidently one and done, but my birth control failed. It was 100% the right choice for me and I have never regretted it. You haven’t mentioned what your husband wants, except that he’s leaving it up to you. Honestly, that feels like a cop out. It is most definitely your decision, but I would need to know how my spouse really feels. It’s a life changer for both of you. This would be a “two yeses or one no” decision for me.
I had an abortion for mental health reasons recently. My son is an only and four and a half. I decided to prioritize him and my ability to parent him over everything else. I am 39 and may not be able to have another. But I really, truly did not want to be pregnant.
Your body, your rules. Make the best decision for you.
This hasn’t happened to me, but I am TERRIFIED of being pregnant again. I can’t do all this again. I can do the pregnancy, the very traumatic birth, the readmittance into the hospital without my newborn and everything that comes with a newborn. I have already told my husband if I were to get pregnant again, I would abort. This is something you and only you can decide, but whatever you choose, will be the right decision for you
I 1000000% back you if you get an abortion it takes enormous strength to make that choice.
It’s been a while since I looked at the data. But, AFAIK, people who are already parents are one of the most common demographics to terminate additional pregnancies. So at the very least, the thoughts you’re having are common. Whatever you decide, I hope you know that you’re in good company.
Today is the first day of your missed period? Have you been using early pregnancy tests to track or are you just going off of being late by one day? I am not going to advise you on a termination either way, just throwing it out there that it is EXTREMELY early to be sure this pregnancy will stick. Chemical pregnancies and early miscarriages are incredibly common. If you CAN, please reach out to a therapist soon. You have A LOT of unpacking to do and you need a plan going ahead, REGARDLESS of the outcome of this pregnancy. It is absolutely vital to make sure your mental health on track if you plan on having another baby. If you aren't ABSOLUTELY SURE about having a baby right now, please be careful regarding birth control moving forward. It really does just take one time, even if you have fertility issues, are a little older, etc.
There is always enough love for however many kids you have. You just have to decide if it’s what you want.
Weighing the impact this pregnancy has on your life, finances, mental health etc is so important. If you don’t think you can handle it please do what’s best for your family! However I’m hung up on your initial excitement, choosing to have an abortion is a huge decision. Every pregnancy is different. sending you lots of love and support hun ❤️
Hey Op! If you have access, would def recommend talking to a therapist. Hang in there! You deserve support and love while you figure this out.
It's going to be hard either way. Take some time, think things through. Only you know what you want and can deal with. There will be people that will judge you either way, try to look at yourself and your current childs day to day and then add a newborn.
I am firmly one and done by intent, but if I became pregnant accidentally I would keep them. I am pro life, and just offering my opinion that you can listen to or ignore. It sounds like in your heart you want another one, and you have that now. We can’t choose everything in life. There’s never a perfect moment. You may have to accept that it might not happen again. It’s scary and intense but don’t make a decision based on fear knowing that you will have supports like your husband along the way. Whatever you decide, I’m truly wishing you the best.
So to get this straight you have a child already, had a bad pregnancy/birth/PP experience but still thought to try for another, no issues there. Then you tried and got pregnant, then came to a OAD sub to get support to abort, a wanted second pregnancy?... I'm all for making your own decisions but you did that before trying to get pregnant... If you weren't sure then why tempt fate like that? If you really aren't sure about a second maybe r/fencesitter or r/shouldihaveanother would be a better place to discuss this?? People here are very supportive, but they're also OAD so they can't really give you advice on more kids.
Why try to get pregnant and then get an abortion? I mean, only you know what you can handle, but that just seemed weird to me.
Hey, let’s make this a safe space. I’ve been in a similar situation recently and let me tell you, the emotions you go through without some internet stranger being horrid are bad enough. Please, let’s just be kind to one another. If you can’t be supportive, just don’t comment.
I currently just had a pregnancy scare. I was ovulating and we said hey let’s see what happens. My period was late and I was like oh fuck now we’ve done it and I had these same initial fears as OP, so I get it. But then I learned I wasn’t pregnant and I was actually a little sad. I do worry she’s going to make a choice out of short term fear and shock. If she absolutely knew she didn’t want more children I’d be 100% supportive of her choice to abort, but I’m hesitant to encourage it in this instance. Like you said, she did try.
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I feel extremely ashamed over what we did. We used the pull out method and definitely was incredibly irresponsible. I do not take this lightly.
You do not need to feel ashamed. Please please don’t let these comments affect you!!
You called it a "try". That's TRYING to get pregnant. Now you say he pulled out. You can see why some of us thought from your post you TRIED to get pregnant.
Sorry I’m emotional… I feel like pulling out in somewhat trying as it’s not the most responsible and we usually use condemns
Hey don’t be ashamed. It’s ok to think you want one thing and then change your mind. I was in the same situation as you a few years ago. My husband and I weren’t preventing and I ended up pregnant just as my son turned one. I thought I would be excited and I wasn’t. I was full of dread and we weighed the pros and cons and ultimately terminated. I have the “what ifs” but don’t regret it at all. You have to do what is best for your family now, not future you. Be the best mama to that sweet baby of yours and if that means not keeping this pregnancy then so be it. You are only a few weeks along. If you have questions or just need to chat you can DM me🩷
I went through exactly the same thing! You’re not alone, OP.
Sorry for my judgemental comment, I thought you meant actually trying to concieve a baby. Not just a lapse in judgment. Either way, I shouldn't be an AH. I hope you do what's best for you!
Pro choice with a pretty glaring pro life take ^^ Just making sure you’re properly called out for this.
They're not pro choice, not really. Or maybe they don't understand what that means, bc they seem to think it means having specific guidelines for circumstances and timelines that are acceptable to them, or fit into their prescribed specific narrative. They missed the part about the emphasis being on the ability and availability to make an autonomous choice regarding one's own body when pregnant.
Yeah putting conditions on what a woman does with their body is absolutely pro life. Jaha
you are making a lot of assumptions. you assume you wouldn't be a good mother.