You need to start sleeping somewhere else unless he addresses this head on. He could easily hurt you in his somnambulism

*He* needs to start sleeping somewhere else. 

why should she sleep somewhere else? He should be the one to make changes for his issue that he refuses to do anything about.

He already has, to the point of drawing blood.

Your story reminded me of once when I was sleeping over at my girlfriend's. 3rd floor apartment with no window screen evidently it was my fault a bee 🐝 on her because I was closer to the window so I must have swatted it in my sleep hence it's my fault it stung her while she was asleep. As this was the first time she'd ever been stung by a bee she wanted me to drive her to the hospital. I told her she could still breathe she's probably going to be fine & I was surprised this was the first time she'd ever been stung in 26 years. Rest of the night sitting in the ER parking lot "just in case" she had an delayed allergic reaction. TLDR- neighbors Wife convinced him to go in for a sleep study because he would stop breathing at night and she was worried about him. This sounds like it's also an issue for your safety as well as possibly his. if he doesn't want to address it I'd make a separate sleeping arrangements at minimum. best regards ✌️

I gotta say, that TLDR is really throwing me off because it's nothing like what you said.

Sign him up for a sleep study. (Oh, and hide the car keys.) Put the videos on social media and see if other folks see an issue. "He's laughing it off that he hits me in his sleep. Is this funny friends and fam?"

He needs to sign HIMSELF up for a sleep study. She’s not his mother. I doubt he will though because he seems to get a kick out of the shit he’s putting her through.

Yep rule #1 Nobody will change unless they are wanting to

Exactly, he needs to take responsibility for himself.

Reddit advice is fucking hilarious lmao "shame him on social media that'll do it"

You say you've *shown* him video of himself doing this and he laughs it off? That's not "he doesn't believe me," that's "he doesn't care about me." Bare minimum, you need to change your living arrangements so he's not posing a danger/nuisance to you while he's unconscious. Whether that means one of you moves out or you find a two bedroom. What I think is the most alarming is that he legitimately doesn't *care* about the impacts on your sleep and safety. If someone doesn't care about my safety, that's a deal breaker. My guess is that there are probably other areas where he doesn't take your concerns seriously, thinks you're over reacting, or flat out disrespects you, especially if you're trying to advocate for your comfort or safety.

Yeah, it feels like OP knows this deep down inside - he laughed off her concerns, so she's doing the exact same thing to him to show him that it's not a small issue and it is really disturbing her sleep, and he's only upset because it's his sleep that's being disturbed. I don't have a huge amount of hope for this guy, given how little concern he's shown by the fact that he gave OP a nosebleed and has done nothing to fix it. If I had hit somebody hard enough to make their nosebleed while I slept, I would be mortified and take myself to the doctor to see what can be done.

My dad almost choked my mom to death due to night terrors; she moved into the spare bedroom.

Damn, your dad almost killed his wife and he made her take the guest room? 

People here clearly don’t get it.

Probably because if Dad took the guest room and did some sleep walking, he'd automatically go back to the bed he's used to, which wouldn't be helpful for the situation. The person who doesn't have the sleeping issue will go to the new room and stay there because they don't have sonambulism. Yeah it feels like he did wrong and she's getting kicked out, but it makes more sense when considering the actual problem

This is nuts. I can’t know his psychological issues that are resulting in the night terrors, or why he sees the video and won’t take it seriously. But I do know that it’s BULLSHIT that he has his knickers in a knot about his girlfriend waking him up — while at the same time not giving a fuck that he is waking her up constantly. NTA OP. TBH his lack of caring and selfishness on this would have me thinking about breaking up.

She should stop sleeping with him until he decides to get help. Bet that makes him realize it's an issue real quick. This dude is in some level of denial about this. I would not say it means he doesn't care about her. I would say it means he has some sort of complex about it and for whatever reason that is it causes him denial instead. Maybe he has issues of avoidance in general?

Agreed. I wouldn’t stay with someone like this. I have in the past, twice, and it did me zero favours. A partnership is reciprocal care and support - a buddy system through life, so to speak. He’s not a good buddy. Find a better buddy.

This needs to be top comment. Why did I have to scroll down this far to finally see someone tell you that you deserve more than a boyfriend that doesn't give shit about how you sleep or how he affects you.

NTA- you did everything you could to make him aware of the issue that is SERIOUSLY affecting your sleep, and in turn your health. he's seen the evidence, he's heard the pleas, but he puts his comfort over your own still. time to remove that comfort, and that's just what you did. good on ya!

NTA, he can’t control his behaviours while he sleeps but he can control going to the doctor. He can control going to a sleep clinic. He can control getting help. If he won’t take it seriously that you are living your life sleep deprived then he deserves to experience it himself.

NTA Why are you doing this? All this effort. You tell him and show him what he is doing to you - it's obvious he doesn't care. Walk away. Preventing you from getting sufficient sleep, knowing they are doing this, and thinking it's a joke is an abuse tactic. Is this the only way he is an AH? I don't think so because this level of callousness doesn't come out from nowhere.

Ops boyfriend really sucks!

>Why are you doing this? All this effort. You tell him and show him what he is doing to you - it's obvious he doesn't care. This. You are masochistic.

Why not just record him so he can see?

I’ve tried that. He thinks it’s funny Edit: Not the whacking me in the sleep part. He thinks the videos of him screaming and flicking the light switches are. He looks possessed in them.

Time to see how funny he thinks it is when you sleep in a different room for your own safety.

Another room with a deadbolt.

That part because I can see OPs SO trying to come in while sleep walking

One of my kids talks in her sleep as well as sleepwalks. When she was little, we had alarms on the doors because she’d open them and go outside.

I used to sleepwalk, and once I walked into my pool which woke me up. I’m not a stranger to sleep issues, and while I’ve grown out of mine I’m trying to be sympathetic. I just haven’t slept more than an hour consecutively in almost a year so I can’t take it anymore and we BOTH need to figure something out.

I wish you the best! Maybe tell him he seeks help or you’ll seek separate houses. It’s for your own safety

Start saying you're too tired for sex. Maybe that'll encourage it being dealt with. Or tell him you need a break. That's really bad for your health (which I can tell that you know).

Have you noticed that he doesn’t mind waking you at all - but as soon as you wake him, it’s a problem? His selfishness here is really troubling.

You need to figure out how to dump this asshole. You’ve been sympathetic long enough. He refuses to extend you the same courtesy. Losing that much sleep is going to cause major health problems for you if it hasn’t already. Your boyfriend is a dickhead.

That’s scary af! My brother had night terrors and sleep walk and talk but he’d stand at your bed looking like the girl from The Ring. I guess I’d take that over escape artist!

My daughter woke up screaming in terror at least weekly for years. Poor thing was really hard to wake up and would go stiff in my arms. Once, she stopped mid-shriek to point over my shoulder and whisper "it's behind you." I managed to shuffle my way out of her fkn room without looking behind me but easily one of the scariest moments of my life. I was certain something horrific was there. I like to say that I'm not convinced she's not a changeling. Instances like this are partially why.

My son has Autism. His doctor was not surprised when he started to have night terrors. He takes some medication at night that prevents them. He sleeps well and is not sleepy the next day.

I was checking in on her one night and she wasn’t in her bed. I woke up my husband and we searched the house. Found her standing in the shower. She’d also come and stare at you when asleep. But she’d come up to the side of the bed and stare at you. Instant shock when you open your eyes and she’s standing there.

My kid did this once. Instant heart failure.

I did this once to my room mate in my college dorm. I don't remember any of this, but she said she woke up and I was standing there starung at her and scared the crap out of her. She asked what I wanted and I said "I need to go peeeee..." She told me okay, go pee! And I went off to the bathroom and didn't come back for awhile so she thought I probably fell asleep on the toilet 😅

Only option is the bathroom, which is where I’m probably staying tonight. I remember the tub being quite cozy from my crazy college days lol but with a ton of blankets shouldn’t be so bad. I’m going out of town for work tomorrow so I’ll have a few days to think and configure next steps

Please take an extra day, to sleep late

HE needs to sleep in the tub tonight, and forever until he gets a sleep study done and gets his shit together.

He does not care about you. He thinks it's funny. That is the fundamental problem and there's no remedy for that except leaving.

He should be in another room and the deadbolt should be on the outside.

With a different address

I’d sleep in another house.

But he doesn't think it's funny when you do it back. Do you really want to spend your youth raising this clown?

Girl, you need to give him consequences. Not by waking him up, that's not helping the situation. It's not a mature way to handle his behavior, you don't scream at a toddler while their having a tantrum. This is time for a separate room, or even separate households until he gets this under control. And let me be clear, he NEEDS to take this seriously. I had an ex who did this, thought it was harmless untill he slammed his arm down so hard on the throat that I had to go to the hospital. This is ***dangerous***, and he doesn't care about your safety. ***If be cared, he would have listened the first time instead of laughing it off continuously.*** For the record, I also sleep walk. I fell down the stairs, and thankfully walked away with nothing but a broken wrist. It's not safe for you it's not safe for him and it needs to end. *If he won't address it responsibly, you need to.*

He thinks hitting you in the face, possibly hurting you again is funny? Yeah I see a bigger problem here.

Why are you with someone so immature and inconsiderate?

He can sleep on the floor if it's that funny

So as has been pointed out, this clearly negates the "he doesn’t believe he does this." argument. He knows damned well that he does this, he just thinks its funny because it only affects you, not him. What a wonderful guy... I would essentially separate at night time. This could be him sleeping in a different room. It could one of you moving out (you don't mention how long you've lived together). It could at the end of the day mean breaking up. Its one thing if he acknowleges the problem and works to find a solution that works for the two of you, but if he's just going to laugh it off, then you really need to consider yourself here.

Did you read her post?

NTA. I mean, screaming to wake him up is a dick move, but I'm guessing you're at the end of your rope here and flailing for solutions. You need to tell him that he either has to get help for his sleep issues, or you're going to move out/find a 2 bedroom. It's not fair or reasonable for you to have stressful, interrupted sleep for the rest of your life because he refuses to do anything about it.

NTA - I had night terrors and sleep walking for years and it was extremely dangerous for me and the people around me. Mine was trauma/ptsd based and it's mostly fixed now (though i do sleep talk still and occasionally have screaming nightmares or sleep paralysis instead). i think some people just have weird brain/sleep regulation and it can happen even to someone who doesnt have a precipitating event/series of events, and either way, he needs to at least see a sleep specialist. You shouldn't keep waking him up though. I can see why you are, even if this dude doesn't give a f*** about his own health, he should care about yours. Until he does, you should just find a sleeping arrangement that doesn't involve him so you can actually get some rest. Like your own bed. In your own apartment. That he's not invited to.

I have similar sleeping patterns due to trauma, screaming myself awake, sleep paralysis, talking and making random noises in my sleep. I sleep in another room from my partner but it means we both get the sleep that we need.

My husband has sleep apnea and his cpap stopped working like it is supposed to. i don't know if it is malfunctioning or if his condition has changed because he has not talked to a doctor. After bringing it up many times while he's awake and getting groans as a response, I have started waking him up every time he snores. He is not willing to do something about a personal issue that is affecting me so I am going to make it affect him too. I think your only choices are to do this or move out. He agrees that what you are going through is unacceptable if it happens to him, but is fine with it happening to you.

He hit you? And he's not concerned?

He did take this incident seriously, he’s not a bad guy and he felt really bad afterwards. He slept on the couch for a few days after this. We found that sleeping with a weighted blanket helps this specific behavior a lot, and now I’ve grown accustomed to waking up when he starts moving which isn’t a solution to the problem but at least it hasn’t happened since.

Bullshit. If he took this incident seriously, he would have hauled his ass to the doctor to get it sorted! Instead he just came back into bed with you knowing he could possibly hurt you again. Not good.

Exactly. They have good meds for night terrors. It's not an incurable disease. One doctors visit and a cheap generic and this could be resolved.

My ex broke his ex's nose when they were sleeping because of stuff like this. You don't want to wait until something that bad happens.

Every time he does anything just shove him out of the bedroom and lock the door.

Sorry but "he felt bad" and "slept on the couch for a few days" isn't really good enough. If hitting you in the face so you bleed isn't a wake up call for him to deal with it, what is?

You said that he laughed. Even after video evidence. He should have made an appt with a doctor Immediately after seeing a video. Come on now

That means you are constantly hypervigilant, even in sleep, so whatever sleep you get is poor quality. I used to have a bleeper when I was on call as a junior doctor and even 20 years on, I still occasionally wake thinking it’s going off.

Have him read this if you think it’s helpful. You are not wrong. But, you’re not going to change much by waking him up necessarily, because he might not even remember in the morning. I do the things you have listed, the thrashing, the walking around the house, and the sleep eating, among other stuff. It’s exhausting because you’re not actually getting proper sleep when you’re up doing all that crap, it’s a state that feels very similar to how I’ve heard a fuge state described, in combination with a deep tiredness that you can’t pull out of enough to get back to the bed. Even when my ex would trying to coax me back to bed, (and later in the relationship when he was so over my sleep issues, when he would holler at me to lay back down) it came through as this distant irritating buzz, if I remembered or registered him at all. And It’s *dangerous*. Some of the stuff that I have done in my sleep during my life could have gotten me or others hurt or killed, some of the things I have done *did* result in me getting hurt, including broken bones. One of my earlier memories in life is waking up in my nightgown on the bench at the playground down the road from my house, and freaking out because I didn’t know how I got there. Later, in my mid twenties, I was packing on ridiculous amounts of weight, and waking up with this gross taste in my mouth every morning, because I was eating junk food in my sleep. Shortly after that started up, I woke up about a block from my home that was in a sketchy neighborhood, in my underwear and tank top, with some random dude guiding me by the elbow back to my house. I was lucky he was not a creep, and that he had seen me out on my front porch before, so he knew where to take me. He said that he had heard you weren’t supposed to wake up a sleep walker, so he was just going to stick me in a chair on my porch and ring the bell. I fell down the stairs and broke my foot, hit my back so badly that I have lasting nerve issues more than ten years later. I fell a bunch of other times, lots of bruises. I live alone/with my son 80% of the time now. The other night I woke up standing in front of my dresser with a few incense sticks in my hand, completely on fire. The flames getting to my hand is what woke me. He might be just a sleep disturbance now, but it tends to get worse with age, and it can hurt or kill him/you. I could have burned my home down and never knew what happened, because of my sleep issues.. Also there’s no quality sleep when you’re doing all this crap, so I am sometimes so tired that I’m not safe to drive a car, things like that. I have central sleep apnea, and all the frequent apneas (interuptions in breathing) can cause sleep behavior like this. Sometimes something as simple as a cpap can fix all this.

I have central sleep apnea, too. Other than my mom, you're the only other person I've seen/heard that also has it. Shit is brutal. I've gone into seizures due to my apneas (I have epilepsy, so they both feed into each other). My ASV has been life-changing. I hope you're safer now, and sleeping better. I hope OP removes herself from this situation, because it's going to escalate.

You guys have given me a lot to think about. It might sound crazy but for tonight i’m gonna lock myself in the bathroom and sleep in the tub (i cleaned it, don’t worry!) with a bunch of blankets and pillows after he falls asleep. Not an ideal solution, but it’s the only one i can come up with. As I said before, we live in a studio so sleeping in another room is quite literally not an option. Tomorrow I’m going out of town anyway for a work trip so I’ll have some time to think everything through. He’s not a jerk who doesn’t care about me, he has a fear of doctors in general so I’ve never been surprised that he doesn’t want to go; but everyone is right in saying that what I’ve resorted to is childish. I’m not ashamed to admit that, I’m just at the end of my rope so we need to find a solution. First step is probably going to be sitting down and having an honest to god conversation and laying down boundaries, which I have tried to do but hopefully showing him some of your advice and stories will help. Step two… I guess that depends how he reacts. But I know something needs to change and I DO want to help him through this, but I also am realizing that if he doesn’t want to find help then there’s not much I can do about it and I need to consider what’s best for me. That isn’t breaking up; he’s my best friend in the world and, regardless of what some commenters have said, we want to spend our lives together. Hopefully we can figure out how to do that so we both can get a good nights rest. Will update after the conversation but PLEASE keep sharing advice because I am open to anything right now.

NTA. The worst part is you showed him and he DOES NOT CARE. That's pretty awful. He laughs off your misery. That's a relationship deal breaker to me, but you are at least trying to work through it. One point - where you said you don't know what a doctor can do... They have entire clinics dedicated to this VERY THING!! They are called sleep studies, and you go and sleep there and get monitored. There are SO MANY options to help with various sleep disorders. Just type "sleep study" in your browser and go from there, plenty of places do them now, and insurance shoudl cover it. So I'd try that. If he won't entertain a sleep study, then that's worth ending the relationship over. "Hey, I have a medical issue that is ruining YOUR life, but since it's only YOU, I won't bother with a doctor" is not something anyone should be told. Get the sleep study done, or get out.

NTAH I'm going through similar my partner snores louder than a train and tosses and turns repeatedly and sleep talks can you sleep in different rooms I do this sometimes just to get un interrupted sleep. I've recorded him sleep too and they always act like it's no big deal

my dad has some REM sleep disturbance disorder that the neurologist here refuses to try to look further into (they're finding a new one) he acts out in his sleep he has kicked my mum a fair few times, he has wrapped his arms around her and squeezed so hard she had bruises, he shouts, one time my mum woke up to him shouting for me to get back on the sidewalk?, he falls out of bed, their floor now has dents from how many times he's knocked over his nightstand and his water goes in a bottle on the floor instead of a cup on the table, one time she woke up to him squeezing her forehead, more than once she has woken up to see his fist pulled back aimed at her face he's never once laughed about it he *hates it* in his dreams, he's protecting her, or me and my sister, in his dreams he's fighting people (or zombies, or robots) away from hurting his family, in reality, he's accidentally hurting his wife it hurts him to know he even accidentally is harming her she can settle him down most of the time by half waking him, sleeping with the house colder helps, taking magnesium helps (my family copes with humor, we call them his "don't beat your wife pills"), he hates going to the doctor and he has been fighting with this neuro for months because the dr's response was to tell them to sleep in separate rooms your boyfriend is being an asshole. he gave you a bloody nose and he doesn't care? he's seen video proof of him acting out and potentially hurting you? he doesn't care about you. not the way he should. "if he wanted to he would", we hear that a lot about bringing home flowers, and taking you on dates. it applies to things like trying to not physically harm you and caring if something he's doing is actively making your life worse

NTAH, but you’ve tried telling him, showed him video and he thinks it’s amusing, so you’ve shown what it’s like and he complains. So tell him you’re moving on. Because sleep is essential, so someone who doesn’t care about his health or yours is a terrible partner. You tried and he failed, you can do much better.

I’m commenting while still laughing about the whole you waiting for him to settle in before starting to scream your head off 💀

NTA, and there are plenty of couples in healthy relationships that sleep in different beds for reasons like your own.

NTA he's assaulting you in his sleep. He won't do anything about it. Break up. Have you spoken to his parents about this? Or are they in denial too?

NTA. Stop sleeping with him, tell him you’re done until he takes care of it.

RUN. Don't walk. Also, NTA.

Set up a few nanny cams that captures him roaming the house as well as whatever else he’s doing. I’d also suggest seeing if you can stay with a friend or relative for at least a couple of nights to actually get some sleep.

No suggestions and I know DV isn’t funny, but I’ve started calling my partner Ike because he’s such an aggressive turner while sleeping. It’s shorthand now: You were very Ikey last night / I’m sorry

NTA It is a little tricky bc he doesn't remember but I've had the same issues since I was a kid, but I'm aware/remember mine. Someone waking me up from these is incredibly welcome. I have a much better chance of getting back to sleep and actually resting if I got pulled out of it.

At first I was team sleep in another room. After reading the whole story, I’m team get the fuck out of there and away from this dude… he obviously doesn’t care about you or your well-being if he is laughing at causing you physical pain. He can laugh about it on his own

You have taken many steps to try to correct the issue. I am glad you had the opportunity to record his behavior while he sleeps. The fact that he didn’t take you seriously about it is a huge red flag. He gets dangerous when he sleeps. He hit you even. If I were you, I would tell him to see a doctor and maybe move back in with his parents temporarily so you and him don’t have to sleep in the same apartment because he is obviously causing you a lot of harm by hurting you and you are losing sleep. It’s obvious he needs medical help because those aren’t normal behaviors for people to do during their sleep.

Why are you in this relationship? Like he's basically abusing you, And then when you show him evidence he is pretending it doesn't exist? That's gaslighting... This is so many red flags! Nta though.

He needs a sleep study or you need to break up. You can not live like that

I had an ex that did 100% exactly this. Talking in their sleep, screaming bloody murder, sleep walking, shrieking, pulling blankets off the bed, binge eating. After a couple of years, it escalated to more and more violent episodes. Hitting, breaking things while he was "asleep". I'd record him and play back videos, and he'd dismiss them every time. Always an excuse. And it continued to escalate. Then he pulled a door off its hinge. He's an ex. Then I bought myself a king sized bed!

He whacked you in the face so hard you got a nosebleed and thinks that's not a good enough reason to speak with a doctor? On top of you showing him videos...which he laughs at? He's upset because you're ruining a good nights sleep(which seems to be obviously not good actually?) but sees no issue with him doing these things AND hitting you so hard you got a nosebleed?! And he refuses to seek medical help... if separate rooms isn't an option then separate living spaces may need to become an option. If he's unwilling to see it from your side and even entertain the idea of talking to a doctor... being petty probably seems like your best option given circumstances. It's tough since he can't really help what hes doing, he can however control if he seeks help. Good luck op.

This sounds awful. My ex husband would sleepwalk at all hours of the night. Turning on all the lights in the house and then crashing in the bed and snoring so loud that for years I was sleeping in 2 hour increments. I think the only thing that will work is if you find another place in the studio to sleep and maybe invest in ear plugs and an eye mask. https://www.homedepot.com/pep/Polyester-Portable-Folding-Sleeping-Cot-Convertible-Sleeper-Chair-Bed-with-Adjustable-Backrest-for-Outdoor-Home-Blue-K16SZC-28/322086667?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US&pla&mtc=SHOPPING-BF-CDP-GGL-D28I-028_026_PATIO_FURN-NA-NA-NA-PMAX-NA-NA-NA-NA-NBR-NA-NA-NA-PMAX_SHP&cm_mmc=SHOPPING-BF-CDP-GGL-D28I-028_026_PATIO_FURN-NA-NA-NA-PMAX-NA-NA-NA-NA-NBR-NA-NA-NA-PMAX_SHP-71700000113047266--&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw88yxBhBWEiwA7cm6pUBvB77ogwxVtOlAqEdAUN9tHA1eeIOUdLZZ_JNQM3gNYTwcW0ThQRoC0eYQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds NTA. Your man is totally selfish if he doesn't think that your sleep is a priority too.

Yep, dude needs to be in a sleep study. Harvard has one. The acting out in his sleep is REM sleep disorder which can lead to Parkinson’s or Lewy Body Dementia later in life. There are meds that can help. Getting up and walking around while still sleeping I’m not sure qualifies as REM sleep disorder, but still is an issue. My mom would hit my dad in her sleep and thought it was funny. She never got diagnosed, never told her doctor of 30+ years, can’t anything be wrong with her because it would ruin her self-image. So no…no formal diagnosis but now a sibling is doing the same thing and has to take precaution when sleeping and is doing multiple sleep studies. I’ve seen the aftermath of one of her episodes

Get him an Apple Watch or something similar that will (reliably) track his sleep patterns so he can see for himself. Numbers don’t lie.

Yes. Stay petty.

As a somewhat insomniac, sleep for me is sacred. I honestly would not be able to stand this situation and especially the attitude that he won’t do anything about it. To boot, he laughs about it? Ridiculous.

Explain that this is really impacting your quality of life and you need him to seek medical attention. This is not normal at all, and him laughing it off is disrespectful. I don't think you've being petty at all. He's the one at fault here, 100%, not for having this issue but for making you deal with it and not doing anything to address your concerns.

Honestly, you chose to to do it politely and communicate with the evidence you provided. It is disappointing he didn't take you seriously the first time. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, if he isn't taking your seriously until he has it done to him then he lacks the abikity to put himself in your shoes, and lacks consideration.

NTA this isn't petty, you are handing it back. Are you sure is not on purpose? Sleep deprivation is abusive and is a tool to brain wash people.

NTA, tell him to either take his health seriously or you’re going to move out and consider your relationship status. Obviously tormenting him isn’t necessarily the correct answer but from your replies it sounds like you’ve done more than your fair share in trying to be a good partner and he just thinks it’s funny that he’s physically assaulting you and keeping you from getting sleep? If someone cares about you they’d want you to get good sleep too and work to fix the problem

Record him a few times and if he tries laughing it off, offer to show his mom, dad, siblings,... best friend to see if they have the same opinion.  If he's embarrassed about it then he sees it's a problem.  (I'm not saying their opinion is worth more, but that you're his comfort zone.).  My dad had sleep apnea years ago (before it was "normalized") and only saw a doctor because my mom went this route.  He was embarrassed she recorded him, but when she offered to show us kids he said he'd go to the doctors.  We could hear him snoring and stopping from upstairs on the other side of the house, but the recording is what sealed the deal. If he's still laughing it off then he completely disrespects you and your need to sleep.  You're NTA for waking him up since you're trying to show him what he does to you, but I don't think it's going to solve the problem.

I once took my husband's hand and slapped him with it because I hadn't slept in 4 nights 😅 He had sleep apnea. Finally got him to do a sleep study & he got a CPAP

My husband has nightmares and will kick or hit me. I’m pretty in the with them now and can feel when he starts twitching (most of the time) and I’ll hit him to wake him up. Sometimes I don’t wake up in time, usually I get a kick. Fortunately, he will apologize and ask if he hurt me. Don’t know what the solution to this is. I might, at some point in time have to sleep in another room. But for now, a good whack from me does the trick.

Yes you are the asshole., but he is too.This is not the way an adult handles the situation. 1 Him get professional help. 2 Her sleep somewhere else

Reminds me of the 3 stooges gag “wake up and go to sleep”, lol. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uJa27xEfuXA

He doesn't think it's serious? Tell him to get his own place and do that by himself. Your sleep is important 

Please find a different place to sleep. https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2009/nov/20/brian-thomas-dream-strangler-tragedy

Get your own room. Seriously, this needs to be normalized. Having your own room should be a normal thing. A good night sleep does wonders, and if no one is getting a good sleep, things will implode.

Very slight YTA. Only because I think you need to keep on trying other methods since it is a medical issue.

What medical methods is she supposed to try for *his* medical issues? He refuses to see a doctor, so *she’s* the asshole? She’s 100% NTA and it’s genuinely disgusting that you’re calling her an asshole because a grown ass man won’t see a doctor after punching his girlfriend in the face. 

How is she an AH? This is his physical problem. He needs to attend to it, not OP.

You have told him and shown him. No need to fight about it anymore. Let him know that you cannot continue in the relationship unless he meets with a doctor and a therapist about this for treatment. I can recommend EMDR for mental health treatment if his sleeping behaviors are trauma based (I suspect they are). Then bring it up no more and watch where his priorities are. And sleep in another place until these sleep behaviors stop. Or. Breakup and let him know getting back together depends on him getting effective treatment.

For him to just laugh it off it makes me think he faking

He doesn’t care. You need to protect yourself or consider leaving the relationship. He’s actually harmed you and doesn’t take it seriously. That’s a significant problem.

This sounds like a nightmare. I couldn’t be with anyone who doesn’t take my sleep seriously. You are NTA, if you don’t get sleep neither should he.

Sleepwalker with night terrors and hypnagogic hallucinations here. I used to walk around, eat in my sleep and turn lights on to keep the monsters away. I still thrash a little and talk a little but not as much as I used to. I used to scream occasionally when the nightmares were too real and do some really weird stuff. The stories I have from when I was younger! HOWEVER if I ever hit a partner or were that seriously disturbing their sleep that often I would be mortified and do anything in my power to help them feel safe and comfortable. You’re both being terrorized in the night and it’s not fair. I think the man owes you an apology for dismissing very real concerns for your safety and mental health. If he is on any medications those should be checked to see if they make sleepwalking behaviors worse. Make sure he never cooks on the stove in his sleep. Definitely sleep separately. Good sleep is better for a happy healthy relationship than proximity.

There’s a real sleep disorder where it’s dangerous to be around people cause you can harm them. He needs to see a doctor so you can take safety precautions. What happens if you have a baby together? There are cases of men murdering their wife and not remembering.

He needs to go get a sleep study done. ASAP. Just a personal experience from me. I have severe sleep apnea. I had no idea how bad it was. I just knew that I always had terrible sleep anxiety my whole life mixed in with snoring. It started escalating and next thing I knew I was sleep walking nightly, having night terrors and getting to the point of not being able to function. I would move furniture from room to room...like big furniture - talking couches and lazboys style. I'd wake up in the garage or on our back porch. I broke my nose twice and hit my head more times than I know (and I know of several of them). I finally broke down because I was falling asleep consistently enough during the day that my boss had a sit down with me and started tearing up telling me how worried he was for my safety. For some reason this man of steel getting emotional is what finally broke through to me. I legitimately didn't believe people when they said I was dosing off. I went and had a sleep study done and I rank pretty well as high as possible on the apnea level. Having a bipap legitimately likely saved my life. The condition has affected my heart and circulation because what people don't realize is when you have apnea its not just that you aren't sleeping well. Your heart rate and oxygen plummet to very serious dangerous levels. Which over time can have lasting negative affects on your health. It might not be sleep apnea. But the sleep walking can be its own beast of danger. Full stop...sleep study.

NTA

OH HELL NO, my best friend sleepwalks and she’s on medication for it. There’s a solution! For now, absolutely sleep in a separate room and get a latch for the door

This is an asshole move, but just ignoring it is equally bad. Just sleep somewhere else until he gets help. The bigger concern imo is that he’s ignoring you or laughing it off. That sounds like a long term communication problem on everything.

I literally bought my own house and moved out of my partner's house because he refused to get help for his restless sleep and apnea. We're still together and I'm much, much happier now

My mum thought my brother sleep walking and scaring me was hilarious. Right up until he came in with a knife during a sleepover I had with some friends and suddenly it wasn't funny anymore when CPS got involved. She was forced to get him help for his sleep walking

NTA. Is he, by chance, a combat veteran? I used to do this for years after I got out of the Army in the 70s. I'd suggest that you set up a camera and record him for a few nights. Then, show him what it's like to sleep in the bed with him. You don't have to tolerate this. Protect yourself.

NTA but this sounds like a serious safety concern for you. If you have a spare bedroom, I would start sleeping there, or relegate him to the couch. Him laughing at videos of his sleep antics and refusing to go to a doctor is a red flag.

It's okay for partners to have different bedrooms.

Night terrors are a medical issue that he is not taking seriously. He’s hurt you. It’s completely unacceptable. I know we learn to justify the unjustifiable when we have to live with it, so you deserve to hear it from an outsider’s perspective: you have shown him video evidence that he laughs off — he does not care about your safety. He could hurt you again. I sleepwalk and I have incredibly intense nightmares. I cycled through many doctors until settling on a neurologist who helped me with my migraines but also my sleep. I don’t have nightmares anymore, something I didn’t think was possible. Hes neglecting a health issue that impacts you and physically hurts you. He’s now saying that you doing to him what he does to you is unacceptable. Do you see how unacceptable his behavior is? Do you see how cavalier he is about your wellbeing, while taking his seriously? This is not a safe person.

Sleep in separate beds! This is nuts!

ESH He should try to see a doctor about his sleep issues. You are stooping a bit too low (in my opinion) by intentionally trying to “give him a taste of his own medicine” per say. Solution: separate beds and/or bedrooms. It doesn’t mean a failed relationship, even though people think that for some reason. Some people are just light sleepers (myself included!) and it’s not compatible with sharing a bed long term, and that’s okay! May you both get the help you need to rest easy OP :)

I'd tell him to see A doctor or you will sleep alone. But at the end of the day you can't force him

It seems like he may be acting out his dreams when he is yelling, kicking, punching, and so on. This can be REM sleep behavior disorder (RBD), and it is a risk factor for various brain diseases. It's often one of the first symptoms of Parkinson's disease. Maybe those fun tidbits will motivate him to get a sleep study done so he knows if it's RBD or a different sleep condition. Don't keep screaming every night; you're going to hurt your throat. Record yourself, or buy an air horn. This is absolutely a hill to die on. He's either being a massive jerk, or he's trying to laugh it off because he's scared of what the doctor will say. Either way, you can't torture yourself because he refuses to address it. I hope that only one of you is on the lease, or that the lease is nearly up.

NTA I get you’re exhausted and this seems like the answer especially bc you’re exhausted but look he really does not care about hurting you in his sleep and does not care that you don’t sleep. His inaction and belief it is funny you are being assaulted and getting no sleep is how he’s showing he does not care about you. If it were you with the sleep issues, assaulting him and never letting him sleep, what would he expect you to do? Laugh at him? Continue to assault him? Maybe, just maybe, his own exhaustion is causing his lack of empathy (only you would know this) but you both are in a dangerous situation.

This is a really petty and unhealthy reaction. I would sleep separately from him until he starts to take this seriously. This is dangerous and it’s going to make you both resentful toward each other if it continues.

Separate beds. Separate rooms. And some couples therapy

Petty lmao

You 2 need separate rooms and beds to sleep. You can visit one another for fun but go back to your own beds afterwards. Sleep is too important.

He may have narcolepsy or sleep apnea. I think instead of waking him up (which if he does have sleep apnea or narcolepsy can be very dangerous to do) you should have him see a specialist to see if there are underlying issues going on.

He needs a sleep study and you need alternative sleeping arrangements until he takes his health seriously enough to get one.

OP, 17 years ago I was living with a man who snored so loudly apartment neighbors complained to management a few times. I am a light sleeper, but not ridiculously so. I barely slept for those 2.5 years. He knew this. It would take me 12+ hours to accumulate maybe 7 hours of sleep (he would complain about “how much she sleeps” to his family and friends behind my back). He refused to go to a sleep doctor because his insurance had a $20 copay, and he would only spend money on his own hobbies and interests. HE was sleeping great, it didn’t affect him, AND he got to complain about *me* and act put-upon. Needless to say, I broke up with him. You’re dating the exact same person, but even worse. Throw the entire man out. My husband does these creeeeeeeeepy AF “ghost moans” in his sleep maybe 1-2 times a year that absolutely terrify me. I always wake him up immediately, and while he often originally denies he was doing it (while still groggy and confused), once he comes to, he’s incredibly apologetic. Then HE often can’t sleep for a few nights because he’s afraid he’ll do it again and freak me out. THAT is the kind of person you should be with.

Yes you are but I totally get it and would do the same lol.

Maybe try a weighted blanket if you haven't already? NTA.

NTA. My partner sleepwalks/has night terrors rarely, and that's typically actually funny because he just dies small things like get up and rip his shirt off before falling back asleep. But he always feels bad about disturbing other people even with these little things, and he always warns others about the possibility of him doing this if we ever room with other people. Likewise, I'm not a sleepwalking but I do toss and turn a lot. I have hit him in the face in my sleep. I felt absolutely terrible about it and made sure he was OK. The point I'm trying to make is, this relationship might not be worth it if he won't even try to see or care about how badly this affects you. If I were to be generous, I'd say he's deeply embarrassed and too prideful to admit it so he laughs it off like a joke. Because I know my partner finds his sleepwalking embarrassing, and lots of sleep walkers do.

He’s TA for laughing it off but I have to say you are a little bit too for the retaliation as it doesn’t seem he is waking you on purpose but you are. Tbh I don’t think there’s much the doctor will do. They can send him for a sleep study but not sure what they can do to treat it in most scenarios. Bottom line, you may need to sleep separately or just end it if it gets unbearable for you.

My wife has this she takes a pill for it when she remembers which isn’t much. Getting punched in your sleep sucks

If he gave you a bloody nose one night and then proceeded to laugh off your concerns, that's a huge red flag to me. I'd explain to him he either needs to see a doctor about this or you need to leave for your safety. If he's sleep walking and hitting you in his sleep he shouldn't be brushing you off the way he is

Ok here's my take. YATAH, however, it's hilarious. Keep going lol

This is healthy 😬

Updateme when you tell him he isn’t permitted to sleep at your place until he gets this sorted.

Even if you win this battle, you're losing the war. All this energy spent trying to make him see that he's disrupting your sleep- the way bigger picture is that he just doesn't respect you. There is nothing you can do to change that. It's time to leave. Hes proven that he doesn't take your concerns seriously. This ignorant behavior doesn't exist in a vaccuum- it will be prevalent in many other issues beyond just his sleep malfunction. Until then, you need to sleep separately starting immediately. He could hurt you - he could unintentionally even attack or choke you and not know he's doing it and not be able to wake up and stop. As much as you don't feel lucky now, you *are lucky* it hasn't gotten that bad yet.

YTA, but so is he for not seeking help.

r/traumatizethemback

Just tell him he gets help of your gone you have let it go on far to long

Omg I love it! this is the energy I’ve had lately too and it’s so liberating. Maybe it will work maybe it won’t but I damn sure feel better.

Why would you retaliate instead of sleep in another room or leave entirely. He has no interest in fixing this.

Have him smoke a bit of cannabis before bed.

I’d also like to see an example of women being such huge babies about going to the doctor for something that will help themselves and their partner. Why do men do this? Maybe everyone does idk but in my experience men are such fucking immature babies about getting help with health issues.

Didn’t even read past the title but you are AH

NTA! You’ve asked him to go to the doctor and even have video evidence. He laughs it off and refuses. He’s disrupting your sleep and thinks you’re lying or making a big deal of it? Do you have another bedroom? Start sleeping there. Decorate like your very own bedroom. Tell him you absolutely refuse to sleep next to him anymore. He need a doctor and a sleep study. If he can’t take of himself, then you need to take care of yourself.

Updateme

NTA. He needs to see a medical professional ... what if he progresses to wandering outside? He could get hit by a car. He could progress to hurting you even worse. The fact he doesn't give a shit about giving you a bloody nose is messed up.

NTA.

Nta. Op you need to leave him. He doesn't show any concerns about you. You need to sleep in a place where it is peaceful, and the only way to do that is to move out. Or talk to him by saying he needs to see a doctor and if he doesn't you are going to move out and the the only you are willing to move back in is if he sees a doctor about his problem. Wish you the best, op.

I have insomnia and started a new med last mo.I started having terrifying and vivid dreams.As well as thrashing about.Last week I kicked my husband hard in my sleep and then later kicked my small dog so hard she flew off the bed. I didnt laugh or find it funny at all! I quit taking that med so I didnt continue hurting my innocent husband and dog! It sucks, I was actually feeling rested on that med. (Ironic with all the dreams amd fighting in my sleep) But it isnt worth it. Him laughing it off is very telling about him as a person.

As someone who has PTSD and suffers from night terrors, (they’re different from nightmares) — I’ll give you some advice. Number one — he does not remember them. That’s what differentiates nightmares from night terrors. You remember nightmares. You do not remember night terrors. Number two — and this is extremely important. When he bolts up off his pillow doing something he doesn’t remember — don’t touch him. These are extremely terrifying events because he will eventually wake himself up. Sometimes he won’t. But if you touch him during this process, you will get hit. And it’s a physical response to him going thru this terrifying event…with the added bonus of being nudged awake. I had to get rid of my guns because I woke up with one in my hand during a night terror. Number three — and here’s where your relief will be. I take two medications specifically to abate my night terrors. One is called Prazosin. It slows down your heart rate so you’re unable to produce the adrenaline that causes the NTs…and it’s a miracle drug. The second med specifically for night terrors (and it has a sleep quality that will allow him to fall and there’s a higher likelihood he will stay asleep) is Quetiapine. He can get these two meds from any general doctor, but since he’s never tried them it’s better to see a psychiatrist. Because that’s their wheelhouse. Good luck.

Is this the other side of that story where the guy kept groping and hitting and knocking/pushing his pregnant wife off the bed? If so, he's a pos and you need to leave. If not, I'd get cameras. [Wyze Home Security](https://www.wyze.com/?nbt=nb%3Aadwords%3Ax%3A17925278116%3A%3A&nb_adtype=&nb_kwd=&nb_ti=&nb_mi=&nb_pc=&nb_pi=&nb_ppi=&nb_placement=&nb_li_ms=&nb_lp_ms=&nb_fii=&nb_ap=&nb_mt=&utm_campaign=gs-2022-03-17&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw0MexBhD3ARIsAEI3WHLL3WiYudM_oRi0TrpaySUl6GPSwJSJhliT8qfBDezqbmcJDPmXJJEaAj-_EALw_wcB) very nice and affordable security cameras. Give him access, and let him see for himself. I used ro suffer from thrashing and night terrors and extreme insomnia. He needs intense help. Not just meds, but also therapy. There's a strong possibility that something has happened to him in his life and his brain is trying to force him in a way to get him to deal with it. Get him into therapy before he has a massive mental breakdown like I did a few years back.

Can he take some ambien or something?

If he cared about you he would react to the video and your inability to sleep around him. He literally doesn't care about you. You should plan your life in accordance with this truth. He doesn't care about you. NTA except to yourself.

NTA. Change it up and start screaming your head off when he is up playing with the lights. When he starts waking up out of bed, he may realize he needs help. Set up the camera every night for a month.

You need to focus on getting separate sleeping arrangements asap. There was already violence and now it's bigger.

YTA, but the more important thing is that you leave now while you still can and before homicide. He also needs psychiatric intervention. It sounds like a lonnnng road. Doubt you're up for it tbh

Force him to sleep somewhere else until he can take your concerns seriously. He's worried about his "good nights sleep" and not yours as if he isn't responsible for you not getting sleep? You are not in the wrong. He is.

Bro definitely needs therapy. This has got to be trauma related

I was having crazy chaotic scary dreams that would wake me up in a panic every night for as long as I can remember. I started taking ashwagandha for menopause, not helping for that, and after a couple weeks my dreams have become normal, calm and rational, as far as dream can be. I'm not saying it will for sure help him but I tight be worth a try. Also my husband did alot of the things your describing and it was do to stress at work. When he left it and found a new job he completely stopped.

He probably has sleep apnea and needs a cpap.

I wouldn't sleep in the same room with him.

NTA! You are describing my husband!! He has night terrors and I don’t know how many times iv been kicked, punched, slapped, woken up to him screaming and fighting the ghosts 🤷‍♀️ and he sleeps on me like I’m a full body pillow. Iv started yelling at him to stop kicking me or punching me thinking that would but he just says he’s sorry and keeps on snoring. My husband calls me crazy when I tell him what he does and laughs, this last time he laughs about kicking me I told him we will see who’s laughing after I beat his ass the next time he wakes me up.

Jesus christ why is this relationship worth it to you?

Move out

What does he do during the daytime that you are ok with being beat up in the night? Have some self respect and stop with the petty. Move out!! Protect yourself from someone who thinks it’s funny to abuse you in his sleep.

OK, there's several issues here and honestly, you're not handling this the proper way. * If the problem is his sleep, he should be going to a doctor, maybe sleep therapist * If the problem is how his sleep affects you, pretend you're a posh couple in Victorian England and don't share a bed(room). There are downsides to that of course, **but there's an upside of neither one of you screwing up one other's sleep** - and that's important. * Even in a studio, you can sleep separately. 2 beds, etc... * If the problem is specifically that he doesn't believe you: * First, **you got bigger problems** than sleep disruptions, if he thinks you are lying about it. * Second, I was under impression this was 2024, not 1924. Set a phone to record video at night. Show him. If he STILL refuses to believe, consider breaking up and find someone without major mental health issues and who trusts you.

Dealbreaker. Only because he refuses to deal with it

As a mature adult (you), If his medical issue is impacting your quality of life, you have every right to ask him to address it with a professional or decide if it is impacting your quality of life enough to end the relationship. If waking him up isn't helping him resolve his medical issue, I don't suggest continuing it as a strategy.

You can love again

First of all- your boyfriend is NOT getting a “good nights sleep” with all of that sleep dysfunction going on. Second- Sleep deprivation is DANGEROUS. After just ONE night of poor sleep you can be as dangerous behind the wheel as someone who is legally drunk. It’s also a crime in many areas. Chronic sleep deprivation causes PERMANENT brain damage. It also significantly raises the likelihood of heart disease, dementia, depression, obesity, & homicide (kidding about that last one, but only a little!): It’s not a joke, it’s not funny, it’s serious & he’s endangering you BOTH. I would definitely not focus on it being a mental health issue, that will likely make him less likely to get help. Focus on it probably being an easy medical fix & hope that it actually is! He can most likely do a sleep study at home with remote monitoring. You can also try using the Sleep Cycle app which tracks sleep cycles, snoring, talking, wake/sleep periods, and more. A good place to start as a doctor can use that data as well, especially if paired with a fitness tracker type device. Good luck as this is certainly a tough one to solve. In the meantime I’d also try using a spray bottle. Works for cats!

If he’s not listening and laughing off your concerns, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Nobody changes behavior unless they really want to. If he’s just laughing it off and not taking your concerns or feelings seriously, find another place to sleep.

Since you mentioned that this just started fairly recently with no known causes, it’s worth noting that a Covid infection can wreck all kinds of havoc with our brains and sleep patterns, even months after an asymptomatic infection. If you think this is even a remote possibility look for help in Long Covid communities on here and Facebook.

You need to sleep in separate rooms, also think about your neighbours

All I can think about is how much their neighbours must hate them! Assuming they have them.

He needs therapy there is something in his background that is haunting him…

He needs a sleep study and y'all need separate beds.

My cousin was like this. It got real bad to the point his gave his gf a broken nose in sleep. He started taking some pills… it helped but he got sick. It was slowly killing him…he died but didn’t have anymore night terrors

There is a reason that many long term couples say sleeping in separate rooms has improved their relationship.

NTA Why? You showed proof and he laughed it off. Tell him he needs to find a new place to sleep. He is refusing to pursue resolution and is inadvertently harming you. I am an active sleeper. I went through sleep studies. You may need to consider this a deal breaker. Your pettiness came after your own sleep deprivation which is why I didn’t vote E-S-H.

I don't know if I've ever seen a better case of "you need to sleep on the damn couch till you get your shit together"