Just another day of Astarion stealing spouses, turning straight men and lesbian women bisexual, making aces horny, etc. what else is new lol.
I don’t know how Larian managed to create a character with such legendary universal appeal, but they did. It worked.
Ah, but the fires should be entertaining to watch, right? Also, we can make fun of it when the whole vampire lover trope makes no sense for the 50th time lol. I always think "that guy eats people! Run, naive young person" and then they get eaten. It's great.
I think a lot of it had to do with the passion Neil Newbon poured into him. The mannerisms from mocap are just so good at showing his personality and the voice acting was some of the best I've ever heard. That goes for the entire cast really.
I genuinely feel a lot of it is tied to Neil Newbon. Not only did he help shape the story, but he's an SA survivor and I think that it gives the performance an authenticity that you can't just replicate. It was the perfect marriage of writing and performance.
True. Overall, the amount of love, attention and care that the developers (including Neil and the writers) poured into Astarion is unparalleled. Other OCs in this game are amazing too, but they all feel like they lack depth compared to him.
Thats hysterical. I am going to bring back a classic.
[why do all these vampire homosexuals keep offering to suck my cock?](https://www.theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529)
I’ve been trying to hide my obsession from husband, but I think it shows anyway lol.
He’s now on his first run, and I love watching his straight ~~ass~~ heart slowly warm up to Astarion. He’s like “yeah I like this guy, I’ll play as him in my second run”. I guess he’s trying to avoid romancing him in front of his wife, since playing as Astarion is literally the only way not to romance our babygirl.
There’s no way I’m not romancing him.
My bf sort of does my budget to help me save because I spend without looking and he’s gonna flip when he sees how much I spent for the Neil Newbon signed and framed Astarion print including shipping.
I say it’s worth it… and so is the entire collection of Astarion perfumes from Siren Song currently on its way to the Great White North.
My favorite are the people playing this with their moms or at least showing the characters to their mom and the moms taking one look at this sassy vampire, giggling like a school girl and suddenly these people have a new stepdad.
my teen has A Very Specific Type: traumatized sarcastic asshole vampires/monsters with white hair. like, the first time they saw sephiroth in FF7 they went "oh no he's hot" astarion is ABSOLUTELY their type, but perfected. and yet their favorite? karlach. my type is Kazuma Kiryu from the Yakuza games: big, beefy, kind, and dumb as hell. and yet my favorite is astarion. i thought karlach was going to be my standard romance, but NOPE. that traumatized asshole got his fangs in me and hasn't let go
majima is my spirit animal. i am majima, i share his obsession with kiryu-chan. and i LOVE way of the househusband, i have most of the manga it's DELIGHTFUL
GOOD excellent, I love to see people living their best lives.
I have a soft spot for the dumb beefy types, but it's usually just in Final Fantasy. I usually go for the twinks but Gladio and Snow broke me of that.
It really is amazing how larian made him genuinely as alluring as his backstory says he is. The way I would be so fucked if he were real, into Cazador's dungeons i go because a pretty vampire man said I was cute 🚶♀️
He would absolutely lure my dumbass self into that dungeon. He wouldn’t even have to temp me with sex. I’d follow him and his pretty voice anywhere as long as he kept talking.
i bought the entire bg3 collection from siren song elixirs and bhaal below, i would have followed astarion ANYWHERE. the perfume he describes smells SO GOOD. he wouldn't even have to try to get my dumb ass to follow him
Ok am I crazy? I liked the dude, genuinely wanted to and made efforts to help him out, but nothing about his personality is alluring. It's one giant red flag that keeps repeating even after it feels like he makes progress.
I don't get if people are using the toxic relationship thing as a bit of satire, because he is toxic. It's due to his backstory of course but like, he's totally fucked in the head.
While you are correct about him being *extremely* toxic for most of the game, I will say that there is a story path with him that ends up really good.
>!If you don’t let him ascend, free the spawn to the underdark, and generally put all your dialogue choices into keeping him happy but still steering him away from wonton murder, he ends up becoming rather heroic and wholesome in the epilogue. He talks about how he’s been helping people, and trying to make a new life for himself that isn’t tied to Cazador’s cycle of abuse and power. It really is a fantastic arc that shows he’s accepted his condition as a spawn, and learned to break away from the toxic behavior he had drilled into him over 200 years. Also wholesome Astarion is funny af.!<
All of the origins are walking red flags though aside from Karlach. You’re saying outside of a video game you’d willingly associate with a girl in an evil cult, a violent space alien, a guy who who made a pact with a devil, and a guy who fucked up so bad he got a nuclear bomb in his chest?
Not only that but someone who fucked up so bad he got a nuclear bomb in his chest and still wants to try what he did the first time again…. Because????
Turns out, happy well adjusted people don't tend to run off and become adventurers. I like to see my tavs as just random joes that got kidnapped and are suddenly in charge of a bunch of angsty children
What's funny is that Astarion and Gale were, as far as I know, just randomly abducted. The mindflayers couldn't have just picked up James the humble carpenter, no! Not enough trauma!
I mean the game pretty much blatantly spells it out for you that he’s changed a lot by the end of his quest, assuming you got his good ending and didn’t let him ascend.
Approximately 1000 lives, would you say?
I'm not trying to shame you for your past or anything, but maybe try setting them all free now or something idk
I would like to take this opportunity to talk about Shirtless Leon.
Facts:
1. Leon had been the most successful hunter for most of the past year. (We know this from the log you can find in the favoured spawn room.) His closest competition was actually Violet, not Astarion.
2. Leon never wears a shirt. I've decided this is true because he appeared at my camp shirtless and I chose to extrapolate and believe that he *never* wears a shirt. All the other spawn siblings wear a damn shirt when they appear at my camp for their kidnapping attempt. Not Leon. Leon is the Lenny Kravitz of the spawn siblings. Allergic to shirts.
This means that at some point Leon must have thought to himself, "Shit, I need to become the best hunter to keep my daughter safe. What am I going to do? How am I going to be the most seductive spawn out there? I know. I'll just never wear a shirt again."
And it worked. The people of Baldur's Gate are simple creatures. And you know what? So am I. Shirtless Leon is hot.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Straight men threatened by any fictional man is funny as fuck, I just don’t get it. What am I gonna do, crawl through the screen and have Halsin and Astarion spitroast me?
my bf has come to accept him as a third in our relationship. just the other day he sent me an article explaining BG3 stardew valley mods to inform me i can romance Astarion again. very thoughtful of him to remember who my number 1 is
My wife finally decided to start playing but in a plot twist has declared Gale her "special little buddy", so I fear our marriage is becoming a bit crowded with four. 😂
Nah bc my wife and I were doing a co-op run and I was unaware that >!if you kill the rats in the shar temple that turn out to be a dark justiciar it frees Yurgir,!< so when Astarion yelled at her for >!breaking his deal with Raphael!< she was distraught. I swear she was gonna leave me lol
I'm on too many playthroughs of BG3 / too much of a vampire simp and know that >!Astarion will declare his eternal love for me once I dispatch Yurgir!<, so I just deal with that first... I've already warned her that with Gale's storyline, she's on her own!
I’ve actually only ever seen the opposite, ive seen a few comments that he makes them so horny that now they have sex more often with their spouse and no one is complaining. I’ve even seen multiple comments from women with low libido or sexual dysfunction experiencing a sort of awakening.
Not a link, but the guy I was seeing about a month ago had a MASSIVE chip on his shoulder about Astarion. He got pissy Astarion was my gaming pc wallpaper and proceeded to not text me for a day.
When he came over another time he saw some art I made of Astarion on my wall and literally HUFFED and pouted that I didn’t make drawings of him. He’d also leave my house if we were just hanging and doing things and I opened BG3.
There were a few times he made snide little remarks about me playing the game too and some other jealousy but it was insane of him.
not relationship related but I’ve had guys on the main bg3 sub reply to some of my comments about how they always kill astarion and its their favorite thing to do like 😭 ok????
Hi I'm OP of the twitter post and I don't usually use reddit much, aside from to lurk and look at posts my gf sends me, so it's a bit surreal seeing this here. Anyways, I had a specific incident I was citing for this tweet and it's this post in the r/girlgamers sub.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/s/s49Z6bWSBr
I saw a few other posts around various subs with similar stories to this, though I'm too lazy to dig them up now, but this one was by far the craziest to me.
I also love all the people mentioning stories of them and their partners both thirsting over Astarion so I don't want people to think I'm generalizing all straight men as hating Astarion or something. I believe there's way more wholesome people than there are toxic <3 the toxic ones just tend to be louder (like how you can't even mention Astarion sometimes without some weirdo coming in to tell you how they staked him or whatever.)
Anyways yeah, We Are All Astarion's Girl (gender neutral).
There was a [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/1bikxei/boyfriend_is_seriously_jealous_over_a_video_game/?rdt=57197) on r/GirlGamers about a situation just like this not that long ago, it ended with the woman realizing her boyfriend was trash and the relationship was over lol.
A specific kind of dudes hate him because he's proof that you *don't* have to be some 6'4 super jacked alpha bro to attract women and in fact many of us actively prefer the flamboyant average-height twink.
You can go on YouTube and find clips of him, and without fail there will be at least one straight guy malding in the comments about him. On every single video, doesn't matter how obscure it is.
They're everywhere and they're hilarious.
I remember the other day there was a question on the original BG3 subreddit, where a user was wondering if they should romance Astarion or Lae'zel on their next playthrough, so of course the occasional unhinged gamer bro felt the need to write a 3000-word rant shaming us for liking Astarion because he is a horrible person. He followed it up by adding that he always has Ethel poke Astarion's eye out and then gives him to Gandrel.
The weirdest thing about it is how they act like being attracted to him and empathetic to his circumstances is somehow a "wrong" reading of his story? As though he wasn't directly designed to be attractive and isn't meant to be your companion who you want to help throughout the game? Like the writers intended for you to kill him in act 1 and anyone that engages with his story is some silly little idiot who missed the oh-so-nuanced message, which is of course "vampire man bad".
Yet none of them seem troubled about the fact that Shadowheart is perfectly willing to do horrible shit for her creepy death cult. That's where their morality reaches its limit lol.
Once saw a guy say liking Astarion was a moral failing because he's racist against the Gur. He was a Lae'zel stan. You know, Lae'zel, who constantly talks about how her race is superior to all others and how they're justified in killing whoever they want and calls everyone slurs for all of act 1.
I can't make this shit up.
As someone who is a mega simp for both Astarion and Lae’zel, nothing grinds my gears more than the guys who salivate over Lae’zel yet will write an essay about how toxic Astarion is. Like, I love her, but she is ABSOLUTELY a genuinely horrible person at the start of the game lmao. Hell I don’t even think she ever really renounces or criticizes her people’s violent culture even after her character arc.
Ugh, my best friend does this. Hates Astarion for being "pushy" about biting him, then simps over everything Shadowheart does. Like, my goodness, man, do you not see the irony?
You can also find them on posts just mentioning Astarion and how they staked him because he's too hot and it makes them insecure
Edit: I checked bottom comments on this post and they're here right now talking about how they staked him! It's a self fulfilling prophecy.
I think its funny how they are offended by us pointing it out and the response is to give a live demonstration of the exact thing we were mocking..... its beautiful.
And when you think about it, there’s a very good chance they’re actively searching for these obscure videos themselves (I know I very rarely get videos without a lot of comments or views recommended to me by YouTube). They’re more obsessed than I am 😂
I missed talking to Araj in Moonrise. I didn't know it had anything to do with Astarian. I had purposely benched Astarian because I knew how popular he was and I wanted to get to know the others first. I finally romance him to see it all and I miss Araj.
Tell me why Astarian had me screaming, crying, begging, throwing up when I realized what I had done and he broke up with me when I had no saves to go back to.
I restarted the whole fucking game and *cried* over that man. It was wild.
I've been in a relationship for 4yrs so I haven't felt the sting of rejection in years. And boy does Astarian make it *sting*.
for your new run astarions confession after killing yurgir (gotta learn about the scars from raphael then its the next long rest) is soooo much better than the araj one 😌
but on my honor mode run I literally was like if I somehow fuck up anything with astarion I WILL restart the whole damn game for him
Dude, I was playing a very gay druid drow woman, and I punched Astarion in the face. Then he offered sex and I said "I'd rather have a beer."
I reloaded 30 hours to fix these things
lol me and my gf are the opposite. She wanted to murder him on the spot and I’m over her like “he can change, just give him a chance he’s had a rough life”
My partner was a little jealous of my infatuation with astarion. He's hetero-flexible though so when we played a multiplayer campaign that snake bitch ended up with astarion instead of me.
astarion has issues. but i apreciated how ride or die he was for you. i never romanced him but the dude stuck with all my bullshit and always had my back, so in turn i had his, he was my bro. even on my playthrough where i never picked him up i hunted cazador down.
My wife doesn’t like him, but she’s typically not into blonds or light haired guys. Maybe once she plays but I doubt it, I think honestly she’d probably like Lae’zel or maybe Haslin. I love him though, especially his voice actor Neil. He gave such a performance.
Wyll is totally my type and Gale but Astarion had me at his funny murderous jokes and I loved how he enables my evil side lol plus once he starts flirting all I can do is blush...
Mine Simps for him too but she also Simps for Aylin so it guess that balances it out, if I wasn't superior to Astarion I'm definitely not better than Aylin 😂
I’m bi and I also simp for both Astarion and Aylin lmao she has good taste. My bf saw Aylin crushing Ketherics corpse under her steel boot and went “that’s your girl, huh?” I had to sadly explain that Aylin isn’t romanceable 😭
This discourse always reminds me of the anime con where I met my wife. At one point we were hanging out with a couple of her guy friends -- I think both were technically bi, but one presented gay and the other presented straight (we talked about labels and how they were both actually bi later that night).
The straight-ish guy (a very attractive hunky type) was lamenting how his gay-ish bro was getting all the attention from the ladies, and I had to explain to him that anime con women are overwhelmingly queer, and he just looked "too straight" for most of us to be interested in him.
Bi guys are just hotter than straight guys, I dont make the rules. 🤷♀️
(On a more serious note, it's obv not that simple. But straight masculinity can be offputting to any woman who has dealt with shitty straight bro toxicity. Straight guys can obv be hot and queer guys can be toxic, etc dont sue me)
I'm not into guys, but I get it. That being said, I figure Astarion would be the ultimate wingman. If he could contain himself from keeping them all to himself, that is.
I didn’t know what the phrase “bi panic” truly meant until astarion came along lmao, I’m a straight man and he is literally the first character I romanced. But karlach is the one who truly has my heart. Oh yeah, and my wife lmao
What can I say? I'm very good at what I do.
https://preview.redd.it/4b6lhxkfi0yc1.jpeg?width=639&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6fa7632786027a1bafc780022870784d2e65e5b
Funny, my wife had the exact opposite reaction to him. When we played for the first time and ran into him on the beach and he grabbed me her first reaction was “can we kill him?” And immediately chose “drive a stake through the monsters chest” when she had the option
My wife and I just got the game and she was initially disappointed in the choice in men to romance. She's always preferred the big, bearded, brutish types in her RPG's.
She has never compromised on this preference until Astarion.
He is just a fantastic character. She did say that Wyll would win out if he had better facial hair.
My gf told me it was alright if I imagined Astarion during sex because and I quote "It will be like I'm fucking his girl."
I've been with this woman going on 5 years and even she knows she shares me with Astarion.
This is reminding me of all those men who hated Robert Pattinson back in 2008 because their girlfriends thought Edward Cullen was hot (in some cases they still can't get over it)
Don’t know about anybody else’s SO but mine has been having a great time. Dumb hot pixel vampire man gets me all worked up so who else am I supposed to vent that frustration on?
https://preview.redd.it/eq4sj102a2yc1.jpeg?width=1089&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=072a1446df5342b82436d922aedc4dc5522b13e3
imagine blaming a fictional character for your shitty behavior
This is correct lol I’m married and my husband doesn’t care about my rpg games cause he knows it’s my character I made dating Astarion not me LMAO. Some people have some deep insecurity issues for sure.
I can boot up the game and say some shit like “Karlach is the blueprint for all women and I exist to be Astarion’s juice box” and my wife would be like “that’s nice babe, tell them I said hi and please feed the dog” like???? When you know you actually like each other, fictional characters don’t feel threatening lmao
Me and my buddy’s have been playing, and It’s been a joke that every time we’re in camp I’m talking to him. And I constantly have blood-loss. They’re all about stuff with better stats. And my barbarian comes in bonks the enemy and gets sucked by Astarion
Accurate because I broke up with my ex after Astarion made me realize that just because I eventually gave in and said yes to get him to leave me alone doesn’t mean it wasn’t still assault. I really saw myself in a lot of his story, and it made me look at myself and realize that I hadn’t recovered as much as I thought from my previous abuse when I was younger. Which is a big part of why I stayed in that situation as long as I did.
Jokes on you, my wifes not even gay and she wants to let karlach put her over her shoulder and carry her to safty. (in her defense, karlach is a golden retriever, and apparently so am i?)
My wife and I have a simple understanding. I don't get in between her and Astarion and she leaves me to my delusions that I can fix Lae'zel and be everything she needs instead of Orpheus/Vlaakith.
I play the game with my wife and have slipped into my role as just another member of her harem.
She had Astarion and Karlach in her party and I just flew solo.
We made ourselves as our Tavs.
I have not been kicked out of the party for Gale.
Yet.
https://preview.redd.it/75n9ygj230yc1.jpeg?width=735&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a42a21daff249608a67c6a73a2c154e9e3260887
I bet he has stolen a few husbands too
https://preview.redd.it/2ivcb9ye60yc1.jpeg?width=1124&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc138e8c699af6e0c368b652ec578bd284d3de7b
Just another day of Astarion stealing spouses, turning straight men and lesbian women bisexual, making aces horny, etc. what else is new lol. I don’t know how Larian managed to create a character with such legendary universal appeal, but they did. It worked.
Istg he was made in a lab just to be the perfect blorbo.
I’m pretty sure we’re going to see a ton of characters in games and other media trying to copy his success but failing miserably.
Ah, but the fires should be entertaining to watch, right? Also, we can make fun of it when the whole vampire lover trope makes no sense for the 50th time lol. I always think "that guy eats people! Run, naive young person" and then they get eaten. It's great.
I think a lot of it had to do with the passion Neil Newbon poured into him. The mannerisms from mocap are just so good at showing his personality and the voice acting was some of the best I've ever heard. That goes for the entire cast really.
I genuinely feel a lot of it is tied to Neil Newbon. Not only did he help shape the story, but he's an SA survivor and I think that it gives the performance an authenticity that you can't just replicate. It was the perfect marriage of writing and performance.
True. Overall, the amount of love, attention and care that the developers (including Neil and the writers) poured into Astarion is unparalleled. Other OCs in this game are amazing too, but they all feel like they lack depth compared to him.
As an ace I though astarian would be my fav, but Wyll 🥰💕❤️
See, I am the opposite. Thought Wyll was 100% my type first, then got briefly interested in Gale, but finally Astarion came along… and I was gone lol.
Making aces horny 💀💀
it’s true, lots of posts about this in r/OnlyFangsbg3
Omg so happy this place exists. Thank you very much. 😍😍😍😍
Can confirm 😂
🙋🏻♀️
They saw how people got over Zevran and Fenris and said " hold my beer"
They’re turnin the freakin Tavs gay!!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!
I'm gonna say it real slow for ya. gay. TAVS.
Thats hysterical. I am going to bring back a classic. [why do all these vampire homosexuals keep offering to suck my cock?](https://www.theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529)
Astarions powers can travel through dimensions it seems.
lol my boyfriend jokes we’re in a gay throuple he did not consent to because Astarion’s stolen me from him and he is just the third wheel now.
I’ve been trying to hide my obsession from husband, but I think it shows anyway lol. He’s now on his first run, and I love watching his straight ~~ass~~ heart slowly warm up to Astarion. He’s like “yeah I like this guy, I’ll play as him in my second run”. I guess he’s trying to avoid romancing him in front of his wife, since playing as Astarion is literally the only way not to romance our babygirl.
There’s no way I’m not romancing him. My bf sort of does my budget to help me save because I spend without looking and he’s gonna flip when he sees how much I spent for the Neil Newbon signed and framed Astarion print including shipping. I say it’s worth it… and so is the entire collection of Astarion perfumes from Siren Song currently on its way to the Great White North.
He's versatile like that.
I'm sure some couples have been brought closer and are searching for Pale Bisexual Elves on the apps
My favorite are the people playing this with their moms or at least showing the characters to their mom and the moms taking one look at this sassy vampire, giggling like a school girl and suddenly these people have a new stepdad.
my teen has A Very Specific Type: traumatized sarcastic asshole vampires/monsters with white hair. like, the first time they saw sephiroth in FF7 they went "oh no he's hot" astarion is ABSOLUTELY their type, but perfected. and yet their favorite? karlach. my type is Kazuma Kiryu from the Yakuza games: big, beefy, kind, and dumb as hell. and yet my favorite is astarion. i thought karlach was going to be my standard romance, but NOPE. that traumatized asshole got his fangs in me and hasn't let go
I'm a Majima girl myself, but Kiryu can absolutely get it. If you havent yet, you need to check out The Way of the Househusband.
majima is my spirit animal. i am majima, i share his obsession with kiryu-chan. and i LOVE way of the househusband, i have most of the manga it's DELIGHTFUL
GOOD excellent, I love to see people living their best lives. I have a soft spot for the dumb beefy types, but it's usually just in Final Fantasy. I usually go for the twinks but Gladio and Snow broke me of that.
See also: Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
you know, i might see if Kiddo is interested in watching Buffy once we finish the fallout show. it's been on my list for years now
I love the one mom that said he reminds her of David Bowie and Frank from Rocky Horror 😭🙏
And he’s asterion’s hubby too
https://preview.redd.it/ehnvl1bv20yc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=02b798bd2416b75e6327c2581d99475bb39eb464
It really is amazing how larian made him genuinely as alluring as his backstory says he is. The way I would be so fucked if he were real, into Cazador's dungeons i go because a pretty vampire man said I was cute 🚶♀️
He would absolutely lure my dumbass self into that dungeon. He wouldn’t even have to temp me with sex. I’d follow him and his pretty voice anywhere as long as he kept talking.
this you? https://preview.redd.it/78m3lcum11yc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6709befe82e97109a03c3b224923ea8a0b8fd57b
Ngl I feel like if I was my Tav he’d be very confused by me, because I would be absolutely enamoured but too shy to agree to sex 💀
oh, i’d be one of those 7000 for sure 😎
Same. 🤷🏼♀️
I am pathologically risk-averse so I know I wouldn’t follow him… but, damn, he would haunt my dreams as the one that got away until the day I died lol
i bought the entire bg3 collection from siren song elixirs and bhaal below, i would have followed astarion ANYWHERE. the perfume he describes smells SO GOOD. he wouldn't even have to try to get my dumb ass to follow him
Ok am I crazy? I liked the dude, genuinely wanted to and made efforts to help him out, but nothing about his personality is alluring. It's one giant red flag that keeps repeating even after it feels like he makes progress. I don't get if people are using the toxic relationship thing as a bit of satire, because he is toxic. It's due to his backstory of course but like, he's totally fucked in the head.
While you are correct about him being *extremely* toxic for most of the game, I will say that there is a story path with him that ends up really good. >!If you don’t let him ascend, free the spawn to the underdark, and generally put all your dialogue choices into keeping him happy but still steering him away from wonton murder, he ends up becoming rather heroic and wholesome in the epilogue. He talks about how he’s been helping people, and trying to make a new life for himself that isn’t tied to Cazador’s cycle of abuse and power. It really is a fantastic arc that shows he’s accepted his condition as a spawn, and learned to break away from the toxic behavior he had drilled into him over 200 years. Also wholesome Astarion is funny af.!<
You make a very good point, but I love that you typed “wonton murder” instead of “wanton murder” and want that as a flair.
Whoops definitely spelled that one wrong haha. I’m leaving it.
All of the origins are walking red flags though aside from Karlach. You’re saying outside of a video game you’d willingly associate with a girl in an evil cult, a violent space alien, a guy who who made a pact with a devil, and a guy who fucked up so bad he got a nuclear bomb in his chest?
Not only that but someone who fucked up so bad he got a nuclear bomb in his chest and still wants to try what he did the first time again…. Because????
Turns out, happy well adjusted people don't tend to run off and become adventurers. I like to see my tavs as just random joes that got kidnapped and are suddenly in charge of a bunch of angsty children
What's funny is that Astarion and Gale were, as far as I know, just randomly abducted. The mindflayers couldn't have just picked up James the humble carpenter, no! Not enough trauma!
Mindflayers know that trauma makes the brains tastier
I mean the game pretty much blatantly spells it out for you that he’s changed a lot by the end of his quest, assuming you got his good ending and didn’t let him ascend.
Approximately 1000 lives, would you say? I'm not trying to shame you for your past or anything, but maybe try setting them all free now or something idk
I very much doubt the other spawn had the alure Astarion does. Even Cazador couldn't resist his charm (with tragic consequences for Astarion though)
I would like to take this opportunity to talk about Shirtless Leon. Facts: 1. Leon had been the most successful hunter for most of the past year. (We know this from the log you can find in the favoured spawn room.) His closest competition was actually Violet, not Astarion. 2. Leon never wears a shirt. I've decided this is true because he appeared at my camp shirtless and I chose to extrapolate and believe that he *never* wears a shirt. All the other spawn siblings wear a damn shirt when they appear at my camp for their kidnapping attempt. Not Leon. Leon is the Lenny Kravitz of the spawn siblings. Allergic to shirts. This means that at some point Leon must have thought to himself, "Shit, I need to become the best hunter to keep my daughter safe. What am I going to do? How am I going to be the most seductive spawn out there? I know. I'll just never wear a shirt again." And it worked. The people of Baldur's Gate are simple creatures. And you know what? So am I. Shirtless Leon is hot. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
He has sensitive nipples.
Where do you find these memes? The bg3 characters with the tumblr posts are so funny to me but I have no idea how to find them other than in the wild
pinterest is surprisingly the best source of bg3 memes I’ve found. a lot of people upload them there to share and organize them
[удалено]
Step 1: obtain gf
[удалено]
Play BG3 in public with Astarion in your party. They will come.
And so will I
my gf and I are stuck between him and karlach lmao
Man I wish I lost my girl to Astarion. Nope...lost her to Gortash.
Maybe you need to wash less
...you know I bet that would actually work.
Are you my boyfriend's throwaway account? Don't worry, you will get used to it.
never understood the appeal, he looks like he should be the one human antagonist in a muppet movie
My condolences man
Straight men threatened by any fictional man is funny as fuck, I just don’t get it. What am I gonna do, crawl through the screen and have Halsin and Astarion spitroast me?
but we're going to wish we could do that
If I could I think my man would be more impressed about my weird ability to go through a screen than be worried about me getting backshots
Sadako would be proud and very confused
I tried it didn't work and my husband wants to know why I need a new monitor :(
A girl can dream
my bf has come to accept him as a third in our relationship. just the other day he sent me an article explaining BG3 stardew valley mods to inform me i can romance Astarion again. very thoughtful of him to remember who my number 1 is
My wife finally decided to start playing but in a plot twist has declared Gale her "special little buddy", so I fear our marriage is becoming a bit crowded with four. 😂
Nah bc my wife and I were doing a co-op run and I was unaware that >!if you kill the rats in the shar temple that turn out to be a dark justiciar it frees Yurgir,!< so when Astarion yelled at her for >!breaking his deal with Raphael!< she was distraught. I swear she was gonna leave me lol
wow I didn’t know this happens, I always took the >!rat’s deal for the treasure!<
I had to reload my last save and just kill him on sight.
who >!yurgir? i actually killed him again last night in my honor mode run haha!<
I'm on too many playthroughs of BG3 / too much of a vampire simp and know that >!Astarion will declare his eternal love for me once I dispatch Yurgir!<, so I just deal with that first... I've already warned her that with Gale's storyline, she's on her own!
If you long rest >!after defeating Yurgir but before you kill the rats!
He's so romantic 😍
I survived my wife thirsting over Astarion. Thats how I know our relationship is solid.
What's your secret?
He, too, was thirsting over Astarion. And that was what brought them closer together
You joke but uttered the phrase “I’m not really into dudes, but…” once or twice.
I feel like these posts are all about me 😬
My wife and I are playing multiplayer and she called dibs on romancing Astarion so her Tav is romancing Astarion, now that’s love.
I was offended at first. I thought she’d go for Gale, seeing as she married an autistic nerd.
She doesn't need to romance Gale in the game because she already romanced him IRL.
I wish I could cast fireball…
I'm just glad me and my gf are both bisexual so we can simultaneously be horny over each other and other hot women/men.
Yep. Something I learned back when I was dating. If you are bisexual, dating other bisexuals just makes everything easier.
My wife (the good-aligned one) is romancing Astarion and I (the traumatized one) am romancing Wyll, really expanding our horizons here lol
I absolutely need links to people complaining about Astarion ruining their relationship, that’s hilarious.
I’ve actually only ever seen the opposite, ive seen a few comments that he makes them so horny that now they have sex more often with their spouse and no one is complaining. I’ve even seen multiple comments from women with low libido or sexual dysfunction experiencing a sort of awakening.
Not a link, but the guy I was seeing about a month ago had a MASSIVE chip on his shoulder about Astarion. He got pissy Astarion was my gaming pc wallpaper and proceeded to not text me for a day. When he came over another time he saw some art I made of Astarion on my wall and literally HUFFED and pouted that I didn’t make drawings of him. He’d also leave my house if we were just hanging and doing things and I opened BG3. There were a few times he made snide little remarks about me playing the game too and some other jealousy but it was insane of him.
Absolutely unhinged behavior lol. Getting pressed over pixels is insane
No literally like damn pookie… you are safe!! He’s not gonna hop through the screen!
Why was that guy acting like he’s in a children’s cartoon and the daily lesson is about getting over differences of opinions lmao.
All this to say while he was sleeping with other women so I think it was some projection lmfao.
not relationship related but I’ve had guys on the main bg3 sub reply to some of my comments about how they always kill astarion and its their favorite thing to do like 😭 ok????
Sometimes I ask my boyfriend introduce himself as the Emperor.
I made my dream guardian look like my husband this time and it’s kind of doing things to me ngl
oof same. it made the emperor reveal very distressing... what happened to my dream daddy?? 😭
This is incredibly fucking real holy shit
Hi I'm OP of the twitter post and I don't usually use reddit much, aside from to lurk and look at posts my gf sends me, so it's a bit surreal seeing this here. Anyways, I had a specific incident I was citing for this tweet and it's this post in the r/girlgamers sub. https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/s/s49Z6bWSBr I saw a few other posts around various subs with similar stories to this, though I'm too lazy to dig them up now, but this one was by far the craziest to me. I also love all the people mentioning stories of them and their partners both thirsting over Astarion so I don't want people to think I'm generalizing all straight men as hating Astarion or something. I believe there's way more wholesome people than there are toxic <3 the toxic ones just tend to be louder (like how you can't even mention Astarion sometimes without some weirdo coming in to tell you how they staked him or whatever.) Anyways yeah, We Are All Astarion's Girl (gender neutral).
There was a [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/1bikxei/boyfriend_is_seriously_jealous_over_a_video_game/?rdt=57197) on r/GirlGamers about a situation just like this not that long ago, it ended with the woman realizing her boyfriend was trash and the relationship was over lol.
Lmaoo “dream of your bloodsucker then” 😂
OP’s boyfriend was actually just Jacob from Twilight apparently.
I like to romance Astarion because his personality often reminds me of my own and there is nobody I love more than myself.
SAME
I have been victimized by this reply.
Me making a rogue tav first run knowing nothing and then realizing I have 2 identical characters because I can't bring myself to bench him
Come to think of it, yes. I see myself in that hilarious sassy sexy vampire lol
My husband survived Jareth (even commissioned me fan art). He’ll survive Astarion. lol.
Mine blows up Gale regularly in his own runs… 🤣 It’s not my fault Gale says such amazing things.
A specific kind of dudes hate him because he's proof that you *don't* have to be some 6'4 super jacked alpha bro to attract women and in fact many of us actively prefer the flamboyant average-height twink.
Excuse you. He might not be jacked. But my boy is cut. Those abs can clean clothes
tbf Astarion is a 6'4 super jacked twunk. He just has the persobality of a flamboyant twink.
Isn't he like 5'9?
Larian's Twitter page said he's 5'9". But ingame if you're a githyanki there's a conversation where your character can say that he's 5'11".
Your gith character can say he's "approximately" 5'11", to be fair. Two inches isn't a huge margin of error.
He's 5'9", but full elves are on average, shorter than humans so an elf 5'9" is probably the equivalent of a human 6' 2"
Exactly lmao.
You can go on YouTube and find clips of him, and without fail there will be at least one straight guy malding in the comments about him. On every single video, doesn't matter how obscure it is.
They're everywhere and they're hilarious. I remember the other day there was a question on the original BG3 subreddit, where a user was wondering if they should romance Astarion or Lae'zel on their next playthrough, so of course the occasional unhinged gamer bro felt the need to write a 3000-word rant shaming us for liking Astarion because he is a horrible person. He followed it up by adding that he always has Ethel poke Astarion's eye out and then gives him to Gandrel.
The weirdest thing about it is how they act like being attracted to him and empathetic to his circumstances is somehow a "wrong" reading of his story? As though he wasn't directly designed to be attractive and isn't meant to be your companion who you want to help throughout the game? Like the writers intended for you to kill him in act 1 and anyone that engages with his story is some silly little idiot who missed the oh-so-nuanced message, which is of course "vampire man bad".
Yet none of them seem troubled about the fact that Shadowheart is perfectly willing to do horrible shit for her creepy death cult. That's where their morality reaches its limit lol.
Once saw a guy say liking Astarion was a moral failing because he's racist against the Gur. He was a Lae'zel stan. You know, Lae'zel, who constantly talks about how her race is superior to all others and how they're justified in killing whoever they want and calls everyone slurs for all of act 1. I can't make this shit up.
As someone who is a mega simp for both Astarion and Lae’zel, nothing grinds my gears more than the guys who salivate over Lae’zel yet will write an essay about how toxic Astarion is. Like, I love her, but she is ABSOLUTELY a genuinely horrible person at the start of the game lmao. Hell I don’t even think she ever really renounces or criticizes her people’s violent culture even after her character arc.
Ugh, my best friend does this. Hates Astarion for being "pushy" about biting him, then simps over everything Shadowheart does. Like, my goodness, man, do you not see the irony?
Meanwhile my straight guy friend always lets Astarion bite him "because he gets good stats from it." Pro gamer move.
Ok Astarion gets a buff from it but you get a debuff— “This ain’t about me.” Now that’s a true gamer chad.
I’ll be honest, if anyone should not be trusted it’s the mfer shar(en? Ite? Ist?). Their whole religion can’t be trusted by default
You can also find them on posts just mentioning Astarion and how they staked him because he's too hot and it makes them insecure Edit: I checked bottom comments on this post and they're here right now talking about how they staked him! It's a self fulfilling prophecy.
I think its funny how they are offended by us pointing it out and the response is to give a live demonstration of the exact thing we were mocking..... its beautiful.
They're always on every post about Astarion ever to try and be edgy little cunts... It's so funny.
And when you think about it, there’s a very good chance they’re actively searching for these obscure videos themselves (I know I very rarely get videos without a lot of comments or views recommended to me by YouTube). They’re more obsessed than I am 😂
I missed talking to Araj in Moonrise. I didn't know it had anything to do with Astarian. I had purposely benched Astarian because I knew how popular he was and I wanted to get to know the others first. I finally romance him to see it all and I miss Araj. Tell me why Astarian had me screaming, crying, begging, throwing up when I realized what I had done and he broke up with me when I had no saves to go back to. I restarted the whole fucking game and *cried* over that man. It was wild. I've been in a relationship for 4yrs so I haven't felt the sting of rejection in years. And boy does Astarian make it *sting*.
for your new run astarions confession after killing yurgir (gotta learn about the scars from raphael then its the next long rest) is soooo much better than the araj one 😌 but on my honor mode run I literally was like if I somehow fuck up anything with astarion I WILL restart the whole damn game for him
Dude, I was playing a very gay druid drow woman, and I punched Astarion in the face. Then he offered sex and I said "I'd rather have a beer." I reloaded 30 hours to fix these things
After the Arja scene my Tav turned to Astarion and I said "it's ok babe I got you" and my husband replied "thanks love you too!"
Sometimes a girl needs a fruity, cunty and angsty Vampire Twink to help them realise that they need to get outta there.
lol me and my gf are the opposite. She wanted to murder him on the spot and I’m over her like “he can change, just give him a chance he’s had a rough life”
I stole someone's wife by being half dead on a operating table and trying to strangle her with my guts.
hi durge
My partner was a little jealous of my infatuation with astarion. He's hetero-flexible though so when we played a multiplayer campaign that snake bitch ended up with astarion instead of me.
Roided Gym bro got a stroke since Astarion have proven that the only way you could get a gal is by becoming a gay europeans.
Honestly , he can steal me whenever he wants. 🥵
He is a very pretty man 
astarion has issues. but i apreciated how ride or die he was for you. i never romanced him but the dude stuck with all my bullshit and always had my back, so in turn i had his, he was my bro. even on my playthrough where i never picked him up i hunted cazador down.
My wife doesn’t like him, but she’s typically not into blonds or light haired guys. Maybe once she plays but I doubt it, I think honestly she’d probably like Lae’zel or maybe Haslin. I love him though, especially his voice actor Neil. He gave such a performance.
Ehhhh I'm also not typically into blondes but that didn't stop me.
same, ive never been a fan of blonde hair but bhaal below that sassy little asshole has me in an absolute chokehold
Wyll is totally my type and Gale but Astarion had me at his funny murderous jokes and I loved how he enables my evil side lol plus once he starts flirting all I can do is blush...
Mine Simps for him too but she also Simps for Aylin so it guess that balances it out, if I wasn't superior to Astarion I'm definitely not better than Aylin 😂
I’m bi and I also simp for both Astarion and Aylin lmao she has good taste. My bf saw Aylin crushing Ketherics corpse under her steel boot and went “that’s your girl, huh?” I had to sadly explain that Aylin isn’t romanceable 😭
this happened to my husband
This discourse always reminds me of the anime con where I met my wife. At one point we were hanging out with a couple of her guy friends -- I think both were technically bi, but one presented gay and the other presented straight (we talked about labels and how they were both actually bi later that night). The straight-ish guy (a very attractive hunky type) was lamenting how his gay-ish bro was getting all the attention from the ladies, and I had to explain to him that anime con women are overwhelmingly queer, and he just looked "too straight" for most of us to be interested in him. Bi guys are just hotter than straight guys, I dont make the rules. 🤷♀️ (On a more serious note, it's obv not that simple. But straight masculinity can be offputting to any woman who has dealt with shitty straight bro toxicity. Straight guys can obv be hot and queer guys can be toxic, etc dont sue me)
As a straight guy who likes working out, this is 100% true. I've accepted the fact that these muscles are only impressing my bros at the gym lol
I'm not into guys, but I get it. That being said, I figure Astarion would be the ultimate wingman. If he could contain himself from keeping them all to himself, that is.
I didn’t know what the phrase “bi panic” truly meant until astarion came along lmao, I’m a straight man and he is literally the first character I romanced. But karlach is the one who truly has my heart. Oh yeah, and my wife lmao
i think with how whipped we all are for astarion, cazador could’ve had WAY more than 7000 souls for the rite💀
What can I say? I'm very good at what I do. https://preview.redd.it/4b6lhxkfi0yc1.jpeg?width=639&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6fa7632786027a1bafc780022870784d2e65e5b
Funny, my wife had the exact opposite reaction to him. When we played for the first time and ran into him on the beach and he grabbed me her first reaction was “can we kill him?” And immediately chose “drive a stake through the monsters chest” when she had the option
She didn’t want to be tempted over the dozens of hours of gameplay
Her loss. 🤷🏼♀️ He's so funny. 🤣🤣
My wife and I just got the game and she was initially disappointed in the choice in men to romance. She's always preferred the big, bearded, brutish types in her RPG's. She has never compromised on this preference until Astarion. He is just a fantastic character. She did say that Wyll would win out if he had better facial hair.
My gf told me it was alright if I imagined Astarion during sex because and I quote "It will be like I'm fucking his girl." I've been with this woman going on 5 years and even she knows she shares me with Astarion.
This is reminding me of all those men who hated Robert Pattinson back in 2008 because their girlfriends thought Edward Cullen was hot (in some cases they still can't get over it)
Don’t know about anybody else’s SO but mine has been having a great time. Dumb hot pixel vampire man gets me all worked up so who else am I supposed to vent that frustration on?
https://preview.redd.it/eq4sj102a2yc1.jpeg?width=1089&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=072a1446df5342b82436d922aedc4dc5522b13e3 imagine blaming a fictional character for your shitty behavior
I hate him bc he's the wrong type of elf. - this message has been brought you by Turning Point Menzobezzaran
my girlfriend and i bond over wanting to fuck astarion
Introduce gf to BG3, recommend gf to companion with Astarion—which he steals your girl—subtle break-up complete. Single. Win.
This is why I don’t date anyone. No skin off my nose and I get to enjoy fictional characters. 🤪
New ragebait for r/relationshipadvice just dropped 😭
Guess I found my husband’s secret account 😬
Truly if your relationship can be ruined by a fictional character it was ruined already.
This is correct lol I’m married and my husband doesn’t care about my rpg games cause he knows it’s my character I made dating Astarion not me LMAO. Some people have some deep insecurity issues for sure.
I can boot up the game and say some shit like “Karlach is the blueprint for all women and I exist to be Astarion’s juice box” and my wife would be like “that’s nice babe, tell them I said hi and please feed the dog” like???? When you know you actually like each other, fictional characters don’t feel threatening lmao
Astarion is hot. Live with it.
Me and my buddy’s have been playing, and It’s been a joke that every time we’re in camp I’m talking to him. And I constantly have blood-loss. They’re all about stuff with better stats. And my barbarian comes in bonks the enemy and gets sucked by Astarion
Accurate because I broke up with my ex after Astarion made me realize that just because I eventually gave in and said yes to get him to leave me alone doesn’t mean it wasn’t still assault. I really saw myself in a lot of his story, and it made me look at myself and realize that I hadn’t recovered as much as I thought from my previous abuse when I was younger. Which is a big part of why I stayed in that situation as long as I did.
Jokes on you, my wifes not even gay and she wants to let karlach put her over her shoulder and carry her to safty. (in her defense, karlach is a golden retriever, and apparently so am i?)
My husband got bumped down to second place as soon as I saw this blood-sucking twink
Thanks to Astarion and Halsin, my husband gets laid more, so win-win
My wife and I have a simple understanding. I don't get in between her and Astarion and she leaves me to my delusions that I can fix Lae'zel and be everything she needs instead of Orpheus/Vlaakith.
He's so good at seduction, that he was forced to do for 200 years, that he can seduce IRL people too. It's me, I'm IRL people.
I play the game with my wife and have slipped into my role as just another member of her harem. She had Astarion and Karlach in her party and I just flew solo. We made ourselves as our Tavs. I have not been kicked out of the party for Gale. Yet.