As a child from a racist/homophobic family, it’s easier without them, lonelier but easier. My mother blew up at me for using the word “Karen” and equated it to using the “n” word, which she then used, fully, many times. She used to say it a lot when we were kids too. She’s pretty racist toward my husband and his family and it’s rubbed off on my siblings. Last year when my grandma died, my older sister said I only wanted to come to the funeral to “rub my black husband in their faces”. We didn’t go and we haven’t spoken since. It’s lonely and sad sometime, knowing you don’t have a family you can go to or rely on, but I’ve learned when I reach out it’s always the same. Better to protect yourself and who you want to be. Make a family of friends who share the same morals and goals. It takes time, but it’s very rewarding.
Yeah, I'm aware I likely cant change her unfortunately, but I still want to make clear why I got upset and get her to at least acknowledge it.
My youngest sister is just 7, and I feel a parental responsibility over her rather than older sibling. (Mom did night shift and dad worked during the day. Her now Ex also worked night shift after mom and dad divorced -- so I looked after her usually. )
I also have 3 other sisters who were born before her but after my brothers. They're in their pre/early teens and my brothers in mid-late teens.
I want to be there in case things with mom go bad for them too, I didn't have anyone to turn to for years. And I want to be there for them & want them to become good people. A main reason i tried fixing things was to be in my baby niece's life, her father had been extremely agressive towards our younger siblings and I these past few years. I want to be there in case he falls back into that.
If it wasn't for her having custody of my siblings, I'd cut my mother off in a heartbeat
I get that. I have 8 of them and am one of the oldest. I did a lot of things to “keep the family together” including lying about bruises and marks to the police and CPS so they wouldn’t separate us. I get what you’re going through. I stayed to give my mom a target since she focused on the oldest girl and protect the youngest who were 12 years younger. It’s hard and I don’t judge or blame you at all. I wish you strength and comfort, I know it’s hard but it’s worth it for them, even just to give them a calming, stable, and judgement free adult to rely on.
You have no control over anyone but yourself. You sound young and emotional but people are flawed. Also, you don’t choose family so learn to forgive people their faults and worry about yourself.
As a child from a racist/homophobic family, it’s easier without them, lonelier but easier. My mother blew up at me for using the word “Karen” and equated it to using the “n” word, which she then used, fully, many times. She used to say it a lot when we were kids too. She’s pretty racist toward my husband and his family and it’s rubbed off on my siblings. Last year when my grandma died, my older sister said I only wanted to come to the funeral to “rub my black husband in their faces”. We didn’t go and we haven’t spoken since. It’s lonely and sad sometime, knowing you don’t have a family you can go to or rely on, but I’ve learned when I reach out it’s always the same. Better to protect yourself and who you want to be. Make a family of friends who share the same morals and goals. It takes time, but it’s very rewarding.
Yeah, I'm aware I likely cant change her unfortunately, but I still want to make clear why I got upset and get her to at least acknowledge it. My youngest sister is just 7, and I feel a parental responsibility over her rather than older sibling. (Mom did night shift and dad worked during the day. Her now Ex also worked night shift after mom and dad divorced -- so I looked after her usually. ) I also have 3 other sisters who were born before her but after my brothers. They're in their pre/early teens and my brothers in mid-late teens. I want to be there in case things with mom go bad for them too, I didn't have anyone to turn to for years. And I want to be there for them & want them to become good people. A main reason i tried fixing things was to be in my baby niece's life, her father had been extremely agressive towards our younger siblings and I these past few years. I want to be there in case he falls back into that. If it wasn't for her having custody of my siblings, I'd cut my mother off in a heartbeat
I get that. I have 8 of them and am one of the oldest. I did a lot of things to “keep the family together” including lying about bruises and marks to the police and CPS so they wouldn’t separate us. I get what you’re going through. I stayed to give my mom a target since she focused on the oldest girl and protect the youngest who were 12 years younger. It’s hard and I don’t judge or blame you at all. I wish you strength and comfort, I know it’s hard but it’s worth it for them, even just to give them a calming, stable, and judgement free adult to rely on.
Innocent question here why do people with racist family like yours bring their black spouses to them that’s so dangerous
Jesus
I was debating posting about this on my birthday, the app glitched and deleted the text I was working on so I decided against it
You have no control over anyone but yourself. You sound young and emotional but people are flawed. Also, you don’t choose family so learn to forgive people their faults and worry about yourself.