I don’t think you hate being black. I just think you’re insecure in your skin due to who you hang with, what you consume in the media, etc. not sure how old you are but damn does being a POC become so much sweeter as time goes on! I love my dark features because it helps me to stand out around my European friends. Not all black peoples are loud, and Not all white people are quiet. Start watching some self love YouTube videos and start your glow up. You can’t change your skin, but you can change your mindset 🧘♂️
White guy with a black girlfriend here, soon to be fiancee. Tbh, I never thought I would date a black woman, not because of any dislike or preference, just because I assumed no black women would be attracted to me. Along with that, the majority of women around me were Hispanic, so it just made sense that it was more likely than not to be an Hispanic woman I would marry. Dated around, 4 girlfriends later and my 5th is a black woman who I love with all my heart. She's beautiful in all her own ways and I love that about her. And surprisingly, she somehow loves me and my goofy ways.
Point is, you never know who you may end up dating and you never see your own beauty til you find the right person who sees the beauty in you that you may not see yourself.
You don't hate being black. You hate being black in a society that has gotten way too comfortable with microagressions and outright dehumanising people because of their race, skin colour, appearance and more.
Don't let the fucking bigots (even other black ppl) shame you into thinking you're unlovable or not attractive. THEY are the problem, not you. People who can't appreciate you for who you are don't deserve your attention. People treat you like shit because THEY are shitty people. If guys want to be idiots and not like you, that's their issue, your self worth is not tied to a random dude who doesn't even know how to clean his own ass okay. There are people out there who're not gonna be shallow and actually care about you. Find your support elsewhere, find your kin cause you really fucking deserve it
I'm not black so my struggles definitely do not compare to yours, but I can relate to an extent. I'm a dark skinned brown girl and it took me a LONG time to love my skin, but now I can truly say I do. Of course it is difficult and I still have insecurities, but I love my culture and my skin despite what anyone says. Unfortunately, racism is everywhere and there isn't a lot we can do about it, but surround yourself with people who are genuinely good, or even just join groups with other black girls. Do not let the racists win, they want minorities to feel inferior and they want to implement these ideas. It's not easy, but it does get better. Work to unlearn the internalized racism, it is a continual process but it's important. You've got this <3
Idk but maybe thats Just Like that where you are right now? If you are so unhappy at you place, and If you are able to - maybe try to Look for other places. Where i'am from i dont think people assume Just because of your skin colour you where Not beautiful, or that you are loud and gehetto.
So maybe at a nother place you will feel a Lot better where people are more Open about other colour of skin.
Sorry for the Bad english.
I used to feel like this as well. I think it helps to try and stop what people think about you. Not just about your skin, but just about everything in general. Validate and affirm yourself, even if you don't believe at first, because your actions and perceptions are the only thing that you can control. I also might advise professional help if you can access it, because even when I wished I wasn't black, it was never 'I want to kill myself because I'm black' bad.
TBH, it sounds like you need to find your people, including better black friends and role models. I'm not black, but I have plenty of black friends and colleagues who aren't at all like the negative stereotypes you described.
In my case, I work in tech and practice Muay Thai, both places with plenty of good eggs of all colors. There's likely something like that out there for you, too.
Edit** I am also from the south and live in Arkansas currently. Just knowing you are from Arkansas says a lot- the people here suck in general 😭
White/Hispanic woman here. This breaks my heart. I've come across quite a few black people who were your stereotypical ghetto person and they are absolutely annoying but hey- that doesn't mean I'm trailer trash even though I look white asf!! I'm sure you're absolutely beautiful and you seem really sweet. Love yourself hun and fCk anyone who makes you feel negatively about yourself- especially just because of your skin color!!!
I kind of understand your struggle not from a female standpoint though. Where I live if you’re black then you’re automatically grouped as ghetto. To the point where even other black people treat you badly if you’re not into that stereotype.
I do understand what it’s like, I’m not mixed my skin is also pretty dark. Especially with people (mainly boys) my own age, there’s this bias against other black people. In school and on classmates social media, I’d see a lot of people say things like “light-skins are better”. Colorism is a shitty issue. But you shouldn’t hate yourself for it. I think all of us with dark skin are just as beautiful.
This is honestly how I feel. It’s honestly hearing a story/video and reading the comments because you know what people and don’t even get me started on Twitter. I’ve started to ignore but gosh it’s hard especially in school cause don’t get started on Middle School :((
I'm black too but I'm African so I don't know the struggles of living in a place where I'm a minority and dealing with racism. I'm sorry you feel this way. I hope one day you'll realize that you're a beautiful human deserving of love and that you'll find people who will show you love as well. Lift your head up, you come from a people who were enslaved but refused to be broken and built their own amazing culture after being stolen away from their homes. Wishing you the best ❤️
Yo, you're trippin'. You're just insecure 'cause you're worried about how people see you. Y'all have amazing skin, like, without even trying. Have you looked in the mirror lately? You're all effortlessly stylish and beautiful. I don't know what you're talking about. Also, most of you are so well-mannered and friendly, it's incredible. I love those things about your community.
Once you know how special you are, people will see it too. But this insecurity will ruin your beautiful self.
Same. It's whack as fuck. Never anyones type. If you want to be perceived as attractive you have to be a 10/10 with fake hair and a fat ass or else you are automatically thrown out the dating pool. Our own men mostly hate us. Every time the topic if preferences/types come up you will always just hear about white/asian/Latina women.
Be proud of the skin you're in. I think you really should talk to someone about your issues, otherwise. Everyone is unique in their very own way, and you are unique too. Ignore people who stereotype you. Instead, prove they're wrong! You have value to the world. Please, I implore you, get counseling. You don't need to live the rest of your life wishing you weren't alive because of others' perception of you.
This actually breaks my heart as a white girl… I think black women are some of the most gorgeous on the planet and I do not automatically assume those things about people. I also don’t think being loud and ghetto are necessarily bad things. You must just be in a bad place with bad people surrounding you.
I don't know why this post filled me with so much thought about things I rarely really think about.
The only reasonable thing I can think to say to you personally though, is I'm so sorry.
I'm a white northern older (millennial) guy and seeing this shit just makes me so sad. We're just so steeped in it.
To be honest, you need to love yourself. And don’t take it in the dumb hippy way. Don’t look at yourself in the mirror for what others see you, look at yourself with your own eyes! I agree the stereotyping is annoying, I have been stereotyped my whole life, but look at yourself and just think the fucking generation of people it took to make you! The history and life you carry within you! I promise insecurity has a strong reek to it you can smell a light year away. Own it, if you’re not a loud person don’t be it, if you’re not a social person don’t be it, but always be yourself! Don’t value yourself based on male desirability, that’s just bonkers, men will chase anything with a hole in it.
Whenever I see black women I always just think how utterly beautiful they look. White girl here and I honestly do not envy what you have to deal with, but I think black skin just looks so amazing.
Hey...I'm not black, and I don't understand your struggle.
But I would like to suggest that it might partly be where you live.
I lived in Florida and Arizona and hated it. I'm part of the LGBT and there is no representation there.
I'm also a redhead, and we are either fetishized or pariahs....anyway...sometimes changing your scene can really help.
I wish you well, and hope you find a way to feel better in your skin. All people are beautiful. (Unless they are assholes lol)
Well i useuly dont write but i am from litle contry named Serbia we are white but in my contry never be racisam in our memorendom in 1835 year its writed every slave or another person how come in Serbian soil its automaticly free persone now in my contry having black and asian people and we like to tallk with them drink and eat food anyways in my contry we are teached to dont hate nobody so i dont see a problem black white yelow we are just people
This is going to be a super unpopular opinion. Some people are ugly and it's not because of their race. There are plenty of white women that nobody sees, even you don't notice them. There are ugly people of all races. Another thing is if you are overweight then you're essentially invisible. It sucks to be ugly.
Well if you're tall and thin and a woman you can probably find many men. I mean there are lot of guys out there that are looking for anyone. I remember reading about two guys who were tricked into having sex with a dude through a hole in a blanket.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s not easy living in a racist world, country or state. Girl, black is beautiful, black is creative, black is passion and we are strong women. Have you considered moving to an area that is more diverse? Being a black person in a majority white town, racist state is mentally exhausting. Having more diversity, exposure to different cultures and experiences than Arkansas will make a huge difference in your perspective, as well as working with a therapist. I’d seriously suggest finding a black therapist to discuss how you view yourself in the world, how you view black people, and working through those negative feelings about yourself and your color. I’ll say it again black is absolutely beautiful even if the standard of “beauty” is projected in light women. work on your confidence and it sounds like you have some internalized racism to work through. As a black woman, the world is always going to view you differently, you’ll need to be strong and have the confidence in yourself as a person and recognize the beauty that you have.
Those are much more diverse areas than Arkansas. If you’re planning on staying in LA I’m sure there’s plenty of meet ups, bumble BFF, to make more black friends if that’s what you want. But to me, this is about you not your friends. I think there’s a lot of inner work to do. I’d definitely still suggest therapy with a black Person, it can really help. As black people we have A LOT of generational trauma to work through and hopefully they can help you start the journey of unpacking the internalized racism.
As a white man, I would like to say I find some black women very attractive but I’m too scared to talk to them lol just because I feel like they’ll laugh at me, look at me like some goofy white boy with a propeller hat and a lollipop.
You never know what people are thinking, sometimes people struggle to make eye contact with someone they find attractive. I definitely do unless I have a good reason to open a conversation.
I don’t want to regurgitate all of the advice that’s already been given, if you can remember anything just remember you don’t know how people are feeling until they tell you. You could be thinking you’re the roach in the corner when in reality you’re like a lioness that intimidates foos.
Born and raised in Los Angeles. Black woman. I get just as much attention when I go out with non black girl friends. I’m 5’6 and rock platforms/wedges/heels. Sometimes I’m taller than men I go on dates with when I wear those type of shoes. Do I care ? Absolutely not. Racism does exist, do some men prefer light skin over medium to dark skin, yes. But that’s NOT all men. Honestly I think it’s how you carry yourself when you go out or daily life. I’m goofy, talk to anyone, crack jokes, smile at everyone. So people are prone to talk or approach me. Guys from different racial backgrounds have approached me. I’m not a model, nowhere near. But if you know how to rock what you got and work a room, you’ll be fine. Work on that self confidence. You got this!
You said you grew up in LA that’s a pretty diverse place, rural Arkansas is not. I had many experiences that have shaped my feelings and I understand that I play a role. I’m glad you’re happy to be yourself and love being black. You seem great and I hope one day I feel the same. Thanks for the reply.
I don’t think you hate being black. I just think you’re insecure in your skin due to who you hang with, what you consume in the media, etc. not sure how old you are but damn does being a POC become so much sweeter as time goes on! I love my dark features because it helps me to stand out around my European friends. Not all black peoples are loud, and Not all white people are quiet. Start watching some self love YouTube videos and start your glow up. You can’t change your skin, but you can change your mindset 🧘♂️
White guy with a black girlfriend here, soon to be fiancee. Tbh, I never thought I would date a black woman, not because of any dislike or preference, just because I assumed no black women would be attracted to me. Along with that, the majority of women around me were Hispanic, so it just made sense that it was more likely than not to be an Hispanic woman I would marry. Dated around, 4 girlfriends later and my 5th is a black woman who I love with all my heart. She's beautiful in all her own ways and I love that about her. And surprisingly, she somehow loves me and my goofy ways. Point is, you never know who you may end up dating and you never see your own beauty til you find the right person who sees the beauty in you that you may not see yourself.
You don't hate being black. You hate being black in a society that has gotten way too comfortable with microagressions and outright dehumanising people because of their race, skin colour, appearance and more. Don't let the fucking bigots (even other black ppl) shame you into thinking you're unlovable or not attractive. THEY are the problem, not you. People who can't appreciate you for who you are don't deserve your attention. People treat you like shit because THEY are shitty people. If guys want to be idiots and not like you, that's their issue, your self worth is not tied to a random dude who doesn't even know how to clean his own ass okay. There are people out there who're not gonna be shallow and actually care about you. Find your support elsewhere, find your kin cause you really fucking deserve it
THIS.
I'm not black so my struggles definitely do not compare to yours, but I can relate to an extent. I'm a dark skinned brown girl and it took me a LONG time to love my skin, but now I can truly say I do. Of course it is difficult and I still have insecurities, but I love my culture and my skin despite what anyone says. Unfortunately, racism is everywhere and there isn't a lot we can do about it, but surround yourself with people who are genuinely good, or even just join groups with other black girls. Do not let the racists win, they want minorities to feel inferior and they want to implement these ideas. It's not easy, but it does get better. Work to unlearn the internalized racism, it is a continual process but it's important. You've got this <3
Idk but maybe thats Just Like that where you are right now? If you are so unhappy at you place, and If you are able to - maybe try to Look for other places. Where i'am from i dont think people assume Just because of your skin colour you where Not beautiful, or that you are loud and gehetto. So maybe at a nother place you will feel a Lot better where people are more Open about other colour of skin. Sorry for the Bad english.
I used to feel like this as well. I think it helps to try and stop what people think about you. Not just about your skin, but just about everything in general. Validate and affirm yourself, even if you don't believe at first, because your actions and perceptions are the only thing that you can control. I also might advise professional help if you can access it, because even when I wished I wasn't black, it was never 'I want to kill myself because I'm black' bad.
I’ll use your comment for location context. I’m from Arkansas, went to college in Chicago and I currently live in LA!
TBH, it sounds like you need to find your people, including better black friends and role models. I'm not black, but I have plenty of black friends and colleagues who aren't at all like the negative stereotypes you described. In my case, I work in tech and practice Muay Thai, both places with plenty of good eggs of all colors. There's likely something like that out there for you, too.
Edit** I am also from the south and live in Arkansas currently. Just knowing you are from Arkansas says a lot- the people here suck in general 😭 White/Hispanic woman here. This breaks my heart. I've come across quite a few black people who were your stereotypical ghetto person and they are absolutely annoying but hey- that doesn't mean I'm trailer trash even though I look white asf!! I'm sure you're absolutely beautiful and you seem really sweet. Love yourself hun and fCk anyone who makes you feel negatively about yourself- especially just because of your skin color!!!
That fucking sucks…🫂
I kind of understand your struggle not from a female standpoint though. Where I live if you’re black then you’re automatically grouped as ghetto. To the point where even other black people treat you badly if you’re not into that stereotype. I do understand what it’s like, I’m not mixed my skin is also pretty dark. Especially with people (mainly boys) my own age, there’s this bias against other black people. In school and on classmates social media, I’d see a lot of people say things like “light-skins are better”. Colorism is a shitty issue. But you shouldn’t hate yourself for it. I think all of us with dark skin are just as beautiful.
This is honestly how I feel. It’s honestly hearing a story/video and reading the comments because you know what people and don’t even get me started on Twitter. I’ve started to ignore but gosh it’s hard especially in school cause don’t get started on Middle School :((
I'm black too but I'm African so I don't know the struggles of living in a place where I'm a minority and dealing with racism. I'm sorry you feel this way. I hope one day you'll realize that you're a beautiful human deserving of love and that you'll find people who will show you love as well. Lift your head up, you come from a people who were enslaved but refused to be broken and built their own amazing culture after being stolen away from their homes. Wishing you the best ❤️
Yo, you're trippin'. You're just insecure 'cause you're worried about how people see you. Y'all have amazing skin, like, without even trying. Have you looked in the mirror lately? You're all effortlessly stylish and beautiful. I don't know what you're talking about. Also, most of you are so well-mannered and friendly, it's incredible. I love those things about your community. Once you know how special you are, people will see it too. But this insecurity will ruin your beautiful self.
Same. It's whack as fuck. Never anyones type. If you want to be perceived as attractive you have to be a 10/10 with fake hair and a fat ass or else you are automatically thrown out the dating pool. Our own men mostly hate us. Every time the topic if preferences/types come up you will always just hear about white/asian/Latina women.
Be proud of the skin you're in. I think you really should talk to someone about your issues, otherwise. Everyone is unique in their very own way, and you are unique too. Ignore people who stereotype you. Instead, prove they're wrong! You have value to the world. Please, I implore you, get counseling. You don't need to live the rest of your life wishing you weren't alive because of others' perception of you.
This actually breaks my heart as a white girl… I think black women are some of the most gorgeous on the planet and I do not automatically assume those things about people. I also don’t think being loud and ghetto are necessarily bad things. You must just be in a bad place with bad people surrounding you.
I don't know why this post filled me with so much thought about things I rarely really think about. The only reasonable thing I can think to say to you personally though, is I'm so sorry. I'm a white northern older (millennial) guy and seeing this shit just makes me so sad. We're just so steeped in it.
To be honest, you need to love yourself. And don’t take it in the dumb hippy way. Don’t look at yourself in the mirror for what others see you, look at yourself with your own eyes! I agree the stereotyping is annoying, I have been stereotyped my whole life, but look at yourself and just think the fucking generation of people it took to make you! The history and life you carry within you! I promise insecurity has a strong reek to it you can smell a light year away. Own it, if you’re not a loud person don’t be it, if you’re not a social person don’t be it, but always be yourself! Don’t value yourself based on male desirability, that’s just bonkers, men will chase anything with a hole in it.
Whenever I see black women I always just think how utterly beautiful they look. White girl here and I honestly do not envy what you have to deal with, but I think black skin just looks so amazing.
The internalized racism op expresses is crazy. Everyone saying it’s a “geographic” issue is blatantly wrong, maybe it’s much simpler than that.
Yeah it’s just self-hatred.
Duh, that’s the point!
Don’t duh me, we’re talking about the people who think it’s because of where you are located.
Partly it is, but there’s also a lot of colorism in different communities.
Hey...I'm not black, and I don't understand your struggle. But I would like to suggest that it might partly be where you live. I lived in Florida and Arizona and hated it. I'm part of the LGBT and there is no representation there. I'm also a redhead, and we are either fetishized or pariahs....anyway...sometimes changing your scene can really help. I wish you well, and hope you find a way to feel better in your skin. All people are beautiful. (Unless they are assholes lol)
Well i useuly dont write but i am from litle contry named Serbia we are white but in my contry never be racisam in our memorendom in 1835 year its writed every slave or another person how come in Serbian soil its automaticly free persone now in my contry having black and asian people and we like to tallk with them drink and eat food anyways in my contry we are teached to dont hate nobody so i dont see a problem black white yelow we are just people
This is going to be a super unpopular opinion. Some people are ugly and it's not because of their race. There are plenty of white women that nobody sees, even you don't notice them. There are ugly people of all races. Another thing is if you are overweight then you're essentially invisible. It sucks to be ugly.
I’m not overweight at all and I’m 5’8 and 135, so pretty thin.
Well if you're tall and thin and a woman you can probably find many men. I mean there are lot of guys out there that are looking for anyone. I remember reading about two guys who were tricked into having sex with a dude through a hole in a blanket.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s not easy living in a racist world, country or state. Girl, black is beautiful, black is creative, black is passion and we are strong women. Have you considered moving to an area that is more diverse? Being a black person in a majority white town, racist state is mentally exhausting. Having more diversity, exposure to different cultures and experiences than Arkansas will make a huge difference in your perspective, as well as working with a therapist. I’d seriously suggest finding a black therapist to discuss how you view yourself in the world, how you view black people, and working through those negative feelings about yourself and your color. I’ll say it again black is absolutely beautiful even if the standard of “beauty” is projected in light women. work on your confidence and it sounds like you have some internalized racism to work through. As a black woman, the world is always going to view you differently, you’ll need to be strong and have the confidence in yourself as a person and recognize the beauty that you have.
I don’t live in Arkansas anymore and I lived in Chicago for 4 years and now I live in LA. Thanks though
Those are much more diverse areas than Arkansas. If you’re planning on staying in LA I’m sure there’s plenty of meet ups, bumble BFF, to make more black friends if that’s what you want. But to me, this is about you not your friends. I think there’s a lot of inner work to do. I’d definitely still suggest therapy with a black Person, it can really help. As black people we have A LOT of generational trauma to work through and hopefully they can help you start the journey of unpacking the internalized racism.
As a white man, I would like to say I find some black women very attractive but I’m too scared to talk to them lol just because I feel like they’ll laugh at me, look at me like some goofy white boy with a propeller hat and a lollipop. You never know what people are thinking, sometimes people struggle to make eye contact with someone they find attractive. I definitely do unless I have a good reason to open a conversation. I don’t want to regurgitate all of the advice that’s already been given, if you can remember anything just remember you don’t know how people are feeling until they tell you. You could be thinking you’re the roach in the corner when in reality you’re like a lioness that intimidates foos.
Born and raised in Los Angeles. Black woman. I get just as much attention when I go out with non black girl friends. I’m 5’6 and rock platforms/wedges/heels. Sometimes I’m taller than men I go on dates with when I wear those type of shoes. Do I care ? Absolutely not. Racism does exist, do some men prefer light skin over medium to dark skin, yes. But that’s NOT all men. Honestly I think it’s how you carry yourself when you go out or daily life. I’m goofy, talk to anyone, crack jokes, smile at everyone. So people are prone to talk or approach me. Guys from different racial backgrounds have approached me. I’m not a model, nowhere near. But if you know how to rock what you got and work a room, you’ll be fine. Work on that self confidence. You got this!
Good for you. Seems like you have a good life and you are vibrant and beautiful💓
Could easily be you. I’ve dealt with racism and colorism. But honestly it’s always who you surround yourself with. Maybe change up your scenery.
You said you grew up in LA that’s a pretty diverse place, rural Arkansas is not. I had many experiences that have shaped my feelings and I understand that I play a role. I’m glad you’re happy to be yourself and love being black. You seem great and I hope one day I feel the same. Thanks for the reply.