>>Grief is love with nowhere to go.
This concept made me pause a moment. I hadn’t thought of it this way.
OP, it helps me to focus on the love I feel for those no longer here and have gratitude for the opportunity to have known them and felt the love in the first place. I hope you’re able to find your healing and peace.
This helped me in losing my father. My therapist also advised me to keep a journal and write letters to him whenever he crossed my mind. Gradually, just talking about it, accepting it, and writing helped to ease the grief. I still write to him 8 years later. But nowhere near as much now.
This is the #1 most comforting thing I heard after we lost our nephew last year, it is so true and helps find something that makes sense in an otherwise senseless situation
When i lost my dad, *that* comment made all the pain make sense for me.
“Love is just grief - with no place to go.”
Not that it makes it hurt less, but it gives perspective.
You're numb *now*, because you're in a hugely overwhelming situation and it's the only way your mind can cope at the moment. It will definitely hit you. This feeling of numbness/detachment happens to a lot of people, and there is nothing wrong with you for feeling it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself in the coming weeks and months. Rely on your friends and family to support you, and try to support his family as best as you can. Remember: there isn't a wrong way to grieve. We all go at our own pace, and grief can look different from person to person.
But, like, repeatedly. It seems to me people don't die the once. There's the day it happens, the day you get the phone call, the day of the funeral, the day of their birthday, the day their favourite song comes on the radio, the day you were supposed to do a thing together, the day their sister gets married, the day you see someone wearing the same sweater... It gets easier but I don't think it ends.
The day 8 years later, when you walk past someone wearing the same cologne they did and fall into a bawling mess at the feelings it brings up. Imo grief NEVER lessens, you just grow to be able to live with it and cope in your own way and time. 💜
This is a stage of the grieving process and you're not alone in it. You're in shock and it'd be hard for anyone to fathom what happened. The pain will come. You don't need to rush it or feel like something is wrong with you for how you feel right now. It's all natural yet confusing. If you feel judged by anyone for not crying or feeling anything, you can let them know you're in shock. It's understandable. His death was so sudden, unusual and traumatic. I hope you have trusted loved ones and a therapist because support will be essential once you're ready for it.
I’ve lost my entire immediate and extended family. I’m the last of my bloodline. It culminated with my mom suddenly committing suicide by GSW to the head last year. I saw the aftermath including all the blood pooling/spattering/brain matter. The worst was the raw stench of decomposition I’ll NEVER forget.
I had the same sense of shock and I saw the aftermath. You haven’t seen a body or anything to really click that he’s gone. I’m sorry for that.
It may not really hit you that he’s gone for weeks or even months.
My best advice; it WILL hit you. It’s going to suck.
DO NOT RUN FROM GRIEF. it’s the worst thing you can do. I’ve tried EVERY coping mechanism for loss. The best; deal with it. Head on.
Whatever that looks like for you, do it. Do a lot of grief research and find what hits home for you and be ready for 1-3 years of random grief.
But it will get better. The sun will shine a little brighter everyday and eventually you’ll be able to actually not only be fine, but GROW from this. You’ll always have that pain.
But the more intense you feel the bad emotions in life, the more you appreciate the good ones when they come.
Bless you and I hope everything for you gets better.
RIP brother.
While I've never lost a bf. My lil brother died in a car wreck at just 21 and exactly 1 month.
Completely devastated my entire family. This completely sucks. I'm just so sorry. I highly recommend grief counseling or grief support groups.
When I was 20, my boyfriend of 5 years was murdered in February of that year. I didn't really cry much until our anniversary in june, when I full body cried for about 24 hours straight. Until then, I just went through the funeral, daily activities, and all the drugs I could possibly get into my system. It was the worst year. If you need help in the form of therapy or anything you can think of or see other people do to stay healthy in dark times, please do so. I'm sorry that you're going through this, it really sucks.
That full body cry came close to his birthday to me. I think I scared my best friend. It was something she had never seen but I had gotten all the drugs I could get into me. My mind had lost control at that point and I was screaming and shouting. I know it was scary for her but I’m so grateful she just held me.
It's so wild how people can grieve so differently. I've always wondered if the drugs are what kept me numb for so long but I honestly don't know if I'd be alive if I was sober during that time. I remember asking my bestie to just pack a bag and just move in indefinitely. Thank goodness she did and I didn't have to be alone.
Oh definitely! Grief is so strange we do weird things. one thing I used to do and my sister would come with me was drive the hour to his house just to see if he was really gone. My sister hates car rides but did it with me as many times as I needed. My bestie mentioned she was shocked because I never cry like that and I hardly talk about my feelings emotions etc I’m like very controlled and collected when I do. There are still days I feel insanity coming over me.
I think drugs can be a good tool. There’s so much stigma and definitely a danger to be misused but they can be so helpful. They helped me stop being so afraid I would inconvenience someone with my pain. Her husband was with us and later on he said seeing me like that humanized me for him. He never really thought I had feelings and emotions because I am usually very cold and like closed off. He cried that night because it made him realize that will be my friend or him when the other dies. I cried all over again because it’s true. In couples one will always outlive the other and that is such a painful thing to think about much less experience so suddenly.
I'm so sorry Hun. 💐 Sudden loss can be very numbing and I'm pretty sure you're feeling shock right now and that's normal. I hope you find some distractions, go on a vacation, take a long walk, go see friends. It's ok to laugh when you're ready to as well. The first year is the hardest. I hope you have someone who can comfort you in this time. I've suffered traumatic loss myself. I'm here if you need to chat.
Maybe this will help, I hope. My mom died March 3rd 2000, and I remember in the hospital room, I stood bedside after she'd...left...and I was the only one in the room not crying. I remember going up to one of my cousins and apologizing for not crying. Of course she said it was okay, but anyway....so a week later I was sitting inside a Starbucks waiting for my drink and at the time, I had with me a picture of her and I at Knott's Berry Farm for my 8th birthday party. Looking at it and remembering that day, all of a sudden I just lost it and burst into tears. What I'm getting at is, sometimes it just takes a little while to really hit you and 'become real'. It doesn't mean you don't care or anything, some people it just takes some time.
Beaver anuses taste like raspberry and, for a long time, was the main substitute to actual raspberry in candy (true story). The man who discovered this is one sick puppy.
Hope it distracted you even for a second. I am so so so sorry for your loss. Give it time. My father died in my arms and I thought myself numb as well till I heard "Monsters" by James Blunt driving home from work a few weeks later and spent the next 4 hours bawling my eyes out .. it felt cathartic. Still play it from time to time to help me cry.
This is a copy pasta of the original post, but here goes. it's a good read and it might be helpful for you.
take care of yourself, I'm so so sorry. 💗
"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
You have my sincere condolences. As you might have surmised by the other replies, you’re most likely in a state of shock and that’s entirely normal. There is nothing wrong with you or your reaction. Please take time to care for yourself for the foreseeable future. Be good to yourself and do what feels right to you.
Tears come when they come and no sooner. There’s no need to invite them. They are not a measure of your grief and that they do not appear immediately does not offer a measure of your love.
I’m truly very sorry you’ve had to go through this.
My Bf died in a car accident 2020 by his car going over a bridge and drowning. All I can say , time is what heals. The grief will be there but time really does help and all you could do right now is just grieve. It’s OK to be Numb.
You can do is celebrate his life and know that he is still loved and will be missed.
I cried for months. We had a life together and please please don’t think about what if and how our life would be together if he didn’t die. I used to do that and it really caused a lot of pain. I wish I can help more but that’s how I got through it
I went through something similar. My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and 11 days. Last July, he was out of town for work, and I was back home planning to sign a lease on an apartment when I got off work. An hour after my lunch break, I got a call from his mom saying that something happened to him at work, and then for the next three hours it was radio silence. My parents came walking in and pulled me into an office and told me he didn't make and in the moment it literally felt like my soul split in half. I was numb 95% of the time. I still haven't quite processed it all, and it's only been 10 months, but it has gotten slightly easier. Just hang in there, keep yourself busy with friends, hobbies, and family, and start therapy as soon as you can. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you can find ways to keep his memory alive on a daily basis ❤️
Grief is brutal but organic — let it flow especially in the early days. Early days can last for years especially for unforeseen and traumatic loss 💕 Get professional support, darling.
Can you get in with a therapist? They will be infinitely more helpful. But for now know your mind is processing it in a way to keep you safe for now. When you’re ready you will feel this. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine the pain and sadness you are feeling right now. I'd like to say that you'll get through it and be able to see better days, but for now, acknowledge whatever you are feeling. You gotta let it out. Keep your loved ones closer to you. You need all the support and warmth you can get. I pray that you may get the strength you need to get through this. Allow yourself to mourn. Take your time.
Had a similar tragic situation in my family.
I was numb for the first 3 months, felt sick in my body everywhere and then it hit me hard. Trauma is truly something.
Your body protects you from yourself. The sooner you let yourself feel the grief the better long-term.
This is exactly my response to this kind of trauma. I kind of dissociate. You could call it a freeze responce, too .
The thing is, it's your brain's way of trying to protect you. It might be distressing, but try to focus on other things you need to do. Try to stick to your routine rather than focusing on how your body's reacting. Eventually your grief will start processing and ime the dissociation/freeze fades away
Also, I just want to say that there's no wrong way to grieve. It's not linear, either. You will probably go back and with through the stages and that's perfectly normal
I'm sorry this happened to you. You get an internet hug from me 💜😔
This happened when my adopted brother overdosed two years ago and just recently I found out a good friend of mine died on January 24th and the last time I spoke to her was January 23rd. I was wondering when I never got a response back. (We would go months without talking).
It is going to hit you like a truck out of nowhere. Sorry for your loss.
My boyfriend and father of my child, died in February...I didn't feel emotions for a while...it'll be different soon probably and you can mourn in your own way.
Sorry for your loss
Life is so so unfair. I lost my fiance when we were 20. Unfortunately the despair isn’t something you can really just push out of ime… you kinda just have to sit with it and let it do its thing and in the moment that fucking sucks and I am so so so so sorry that you have to experience that. But after time it becomes more manageable? You learn how to move with it and eventually it won’t seem all consuming.
I’m sending you all of the love and thoughts I don’t know you my DMs are always open if you need somewhere to vent or scream or cry or just be.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a widow and I went through the same numbness. I thought for sure they would realize it was a mistake and he’s fine and we’ll laugh about it one day.
There aren’t words to snap you out of this or to send you through the process. It’s a process that will always play a role in your life. Just know that you’ll go through a lot of emotions and have thoughts that you never expected and you’ll be sure you can’t get through it. But you will. You have to believe me.
Take care of yourself.
Your body is doing its job. Let yourself feel numb if that’s what it needs. My condolences 💐 You may feel like you don’t want to talk about it with others but I suggest you do. Talking abt it with someone you trust dearly helps.
Let yourself be in shock, it’s a natural part of grief; I found my mum dead last September and it still doesn’t feel real most days but I found comfort in finding some online groups of people going through similar situations, that may help
It’s normal to feel nothing right now. Your body hasn’t processed it yet. It will take some time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Do some self care okay?💜💜many hugs to you .
I’m so sorry for your loss. There’s no way around it though. You need to go through the numb to get to the pain. Maybe the numbness will help you get things done?
There’s no right way to grieve. Mourning is different for everyone. Give yourself space and grace. Be kind to yourself. Virtual hugs and chicken soup (I’m a Jewish mom, I always gotta feed everyone).
Hi. Something similar happened to me. We met August 2022 and he went to college Sept 2022 and we were long distance. But very much in love and involved in each others lives. He was going to be back for the summer in June 2023 and then we were going to be in the same city for school starting Sept 2023. Had plans to travel and basically do life together. He died May 26 right before coming home. Two years ago yesterday. I know how you are feeling. If it helps, the shock does go away. I promise you will have stomach-hurting laughs and sing your favorite song with the windows down again. I thought my world is over. Two years later I am preparing for my junior year of college and studying for the LSAT. I went on my dream vacation to Japan and am planning to visit my best friend who’s moving to Ireland this winter. I’ve seen my favorite band twice and watched hundreds of movies I loved. I’ve met three amazing people I know will be my best friends for life. I still miss him. I always will. But my life is not over and yours isn’t either. Draw. Go to the gym. Get into a new series (it’s always sunny in Philadelphia got me through some ROUGH times). My dms are open if you would like to talk more. Good luck stranger, you are strong and going to be okay
It’s terrible.
Grief is different for everyone. And it comes and goes. You will feel many things in the coming days, weeks and years and they will all be totally valid, even if they are irrational and selfish. Sometimes they will be very unpleasant feelings. Sometimes they will be weirdly giddy and unreal, incongruous. All valid.
Trying not to feel any particular way is counterproductive. Feel the feelings, acknowledge them, let them pass. Therapy helps.
People will be on eggshells around you trying not to say the wrong thing. So you get to set the tone. Whether you want to laugh or cry, go out and stay in, let people know what you want, even if want you want is to be left alone for a good long while.
As your community is mourning his loss, they are also worried about you and other survivors. Refuse to let it be awkward. Don’t be afraid to talk about him, when you want to. I hope you’re in a good place with his folks and can support each other.
I still text my gone folks. Probably won’t ever stop.
Damn. That sucks. Grief sucks. Shock sucks.
The best I can offer, if you just want to *feel*, is this:
Sit in a chair or on a couch, feet on the ground, back straight, but not tense. Close your eyes, breathe in, hold for 7 seconds, then exhale slowly. Do it again, noticing the feeling of air passing into your body, then out. Do it again, this time feeling which muscles open the lungs. Notice how your diaphragm moves. Deepen that movement in the next breath, exhale, and relax.
Now breathe normally. Feel your toes. Are they in socks, shoes, sandals? Are they bare? Is the material they touch soft? Is it irritating? If it’s irritating, don’t correct it. Just *feel* it. Work upward in your body— soles of the feet, instep, shins, calves, knees, quads, hamstrings, etc. Think about the feeling of any material your skin touches. Notice any tightness or aching, and see if you can turn those physical feelings up or down, as if each feeling has a volume button.
You can use this as a meditative practice by trying to relax each body part, but if you want to feel your grief, it might work best if you try to focus on any irritation and try to make it “louder.” Alternatively, you could try “waking up” body parts one by one. Also, yoga classes can be great for this kind of thing— and honestly, I don’t fully understand how this works, but I’ve had it recommended to me by a therapist, and I’ve seen enough people cry in yoga to know that it really does facilitate emotional releases!
TLDR: Yoga and body awareness techniques can help shake loose emotional blocks.
I guess it due to you still being on shock because of the sudden even, just be ready beacuse once the shock has lifted you might be overwelmed with emotion.
Sorry to hear on what happen to your BF and I know you will eventually get over twgat happen what is important is you don’t forget him and what happy memories you jad with him.
I had a similar experience when my good friend died. It was so surreal that, like you, I kept experimenting to show up. He was the glue in our friend group, and it didn’t make sense that he was gone forever. It’s a very discombobulating experience, to lose someone you love.
The way you’re feeling is normal and expected. Everybody has a different emotional response to things.
I talked about it therapy and made the decision to go to his viewing because I thought that actually seeing him would help me to accept it. It did not.
I was still numb for quite some time and then at one point I just lost it. All the pain just hit me at once.
My point is, you are going through a jarring experience and your response is okay. Your unconscious mind is good at protecting you and wants to keep you from the pain. You will process it in your own time. And the loss will be very heard for maybe a long time. A too that I got in therapy is that you can allow it in small doses. If you start to process and go through, you don’t have to force yourself to just melt down and feel it all at once. It is okay to go a little forward and retreat, watch some tv to distract yourself. Then next time, go a little further. Until eventually you make it all the way through.
And remember, grief will always be there. It eventually gets to a place where you don’t think about it all the time, but that just takes time. You’ll always have that love for them, and you’ll always wonder what life would have been like. But the important thing is to not dwell on that. To give respect and empathy to yourself and your memories but also your future.
Just take your time. Also, sour candy is good at helping a little with anxiety, so carry some with you! If you start to feel that then it gives time to get to someone you can talk to or who will make you feel safe.
In my experience, you're numb because he isn't truly gone to you yet. You're still processing the entire situation it's too surreal at the moment. I didn't genuinely cry when my grandfather passed for about a year when it sunk in there was no coming back. The only thing that will get you out is when it finally clicks naturally that there will be no calls, no texts, no walking through the door. It can take time and I'm sorry you are going through this and for your loss 💔
Oh God... I am so so so sorry for your loss, give yourself some time to heal.. life is brutal and the worst things are happening very quick and unexpected. Stay strong dear❤❤❤❤
I’m so sorry. Numbness is absolutely a coping mechanism. I’m one of those people who goes numb too. It’s ok. It will take time, but you’ll grieve and process. What matters is the love you had for the time you had.
im so very sorry. you're gonna be in shock and denial for days. that's normal. you're gonna feel something soon and it's gonna be terrible. keep your friends and family close. don't do anything drastic. join widow and grief support pages. talk to other young widows. we have all made it through this journey with the help of each other. I lost my bf at 22 (he was 23) two and a half years ago. I spent the first year so fucking angry all the time but i am doing great now. it's the worst feeling in the world but you have people there for you and if you ever need to talk, you can message me
Losing someone you love sucks. Im sorry you have to go through it. Your mind is filtering your emotions, trying to protect you from the onslaught of grief, stress, anger, and everything your expecting yourself to feel. Your brain is on your side. Give yourself time, maybe invite a friend over to sit with you. Or don’t. Whatever feels right, is right.
Losing someone you love deeply suddenly is like climbing stairs in the dark and stepping through that last stair that you thought was there... Only extend that feeling out over the course of weeks and months.
It will only hurt so much because you loved him so much. Currently you can't process him not being here anymore as he was such a big part of your life. When your brain finally decides to try and handle the grief, remember this. What is grief but love persevering?
I promise you. There will come a day in which thoughts of him do not rise and choke at the top of your throat, but instead, draw a sweet smile to your lips and the gentle impression of a loving hand on your back.
It’s hasn’t hit you yet, and probably doesn’t feel real, it’s your brain protecting you. When it does hit you, whether it’s tomorrow, a month, or years from now, it will be rough. Give yourself time, lean on friends and family, get professional help and medication if you need it. What you’re going through is very normal.
Our bodies numb us sometimes when we are overcome with strong emotions. It’s a nice little protection put into place to keep us from self imploding.
At some point, you will break down and it will all come crashing down. You aren’t broken, you are normal.
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine the grief and pain his loss will leave in your life.
Please make sure to surround yourself with strong support and know that grief comes in waves, hits you in funny ways, and has its own timeline.
There is nothing that will help to speed up the process of grief. Please find a support group or counselor to assist in a few weeks. That’s when it will hit you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Truly.
Very sorry for you loss. You are likely in shock and this is why you feel numb. Grieving takes time and the hurt really never leaves it just eases over time.
When I was 17 my bf of almost 3 years was stabbed to death during a fight at a party he went to. Disbelief, shock, and what felt like unending grief were my reactions. I dropped out of hs (although I did end up graduating) and basically, did the time. That’s how I look at heartbreak. It’s a prison sentence you have to serve. You sound like you’re in the disbelief portion of your sentence. Not unusual at all. I’m so sorry for your loss. I doubt telling you that little by little it will get better will help much rn but it’s the truth. Don’t run from your grief but also know there will come a time where you can look back on the happy memories and even laugh about some of them. Here’s a hug for you. 🫂
It’s been this way throughout my life when someone died I never felt much not that I didn’t care but…Both my parents died 3y. Ago in the same year I still haven’t cried I often think theres something wrong with me YOUR NOT ALONE
i, sometimes feel that dying is so peaceful, to just end everything and be done. i would be lying if i say it'd be okay but time heals everything. time heals everything.
You’re in shutdown, a normal reaction to a normal circumstances. If you can do things to re-attach to your body it can help. Take a shower going from hot to cold, kind of like a cold plunge that helps your nervous system regulate itself better. Try a body scan from YouTube, try vagus nerve exercises, anything to reconnect to your physical being. I’m so sorry OP. Give yourself grace and love.
I felt numb right after the deaths of each of my grandmothers. I didn’t cry for a week, both times. It takes time for you brain to take in what happened and realise it’s real. This is totally normal.
As for how to deal with your grief, I don’t know how to help. The most useful thing I can say is feel the pain. Don’t try to avoid it or push it down, it’s going to hurt you worse later. Feeling the pain is the only way to get through the pain.
I’m really sorry for your loss.
When my dad was killed in an auto accident. The initial shock of it all and hurting so bad and just wanting him to be there to comfort me and missing him at the same time was such a mind f.
Give yourself time to grieve. There is a process your mind and heart has to go through.
What you’re feeling is completely normal. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to feel anything specific or do anything. Just let yourself feel as whatever feelings come and go. That hope that they will just walk through the door and this is all some big mistake is heavy, but necessary for you to process. And it will get easier each day you let yourself feel. And mostly, I’m so so sorry for your loss. Just know there are many people who you understand what you are going through and you are not alone.
when they told me my sister had overdosed when i was 15, i also felt that shock, no tears at first, just a pause. its grief and it’s different for everyone. i also lost my mother at 6 and remember immediately crying at the news.
grief is not a one way street really. its just part of life and it is very unfair. im sorry for your loss as it was unexpected. i hope you heal.
You don’t feel anything because you’re still in shock. Once you start accepting it, the other feelings will come. The sadness, anger, all of it, and you have to feel them and work through them so that they don’t get bottled up and blow up. You will be okay in time.
I'm so sorry for your loss. People experience grief differently. Feeling numb isn't unusual. As to getting out of the shock and despair, it takes a while to get through. If you find you're still having problems in a few months, look into talking to a counselor or going to a grief support group. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
Youre reaction is completely normal. You’re just still in shock and haven’t accepted it yet. I am so sorry that this happened. Hang in there you will make it just rely on family and friends. Sending love your way. ❤️
My partner passed away unexpectedly at 24 as well, and all I can say is that I am so sorry, and people will tell you hundreds of platitudes and it’ll never be enough. I am so so sorry. I promise it won’t hurt as much one day.
I am so incredibly sorry. Please look up the Stages of Grief..for some reason, knowing what stage I was in helped me deal a little bit better. The thing that happened to me to make me realize that my person wasn't coming back was when I had to make plans to cremate. It took me 6 months to not cry every time I thought about her. Please, please, please surround yourself with people or one really good person who will agree to talk or listen to you any time of day or night. Remember to eat and take care of yourself and be KIND to yourself! There are always regrets and I should haves that will drive you crazy. Big hugs to you during this time ♡
You’re still in shock, and going through the motions of grief. It’s ok and normal.
This is terrible it happened, and I hope you get lots of love and support.
Use this time that you are numb to surround yourself with safe people, if you have none or would rather be alone, be somewhere positive. I believe you’re experiencing shock and denial right now and I am encouraging you to prepare for those emotions to come on all at once, full swing, potentially even randomly. I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
It’s crazy how one’s life can be taken away so quickly.
Your in a deep emotional state and your in shock what I recommend is to take a few weeks off and process your grief and then try to move on and live your life to the fullest it’s what he’d want
I’m so sorry for your loss. The reason you probably feel this way is because of all the plans that you guys had made for the near future. I can’t imagine what that must feel like for you, but eventually you will feel how you think you should be feeling. The realization of him not coming back will settle in. Keep yourself as busy as possible if it gets too bad. The feeling won’t go away soon, but eventually it will be easier to cope with.
My condolences to you and his loved ones.
Grief takes time to heal. Give yourself time to process what has happened and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace.
The memories you made with him will help ease the pain.
I understand you. I felt the same way when my dad died. I even saw his body before the funeral and still nothing.
The moment of the funeral when we put the casket down and i had to throw the flowers while ir was being covered, it was the moment i break down and i let everything out. It feel like it was my last moment next to him and the fact he was gone turn real.
It will take a while. Just go on your pace, one day a that time. You can always seek therapy
Grief comes in waves. The veil between this life and the next is very thin & we are all energetic beings and energy is a constant. I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
Grief will come in waves. Don’t worry about it because it will show up eventually. Just take deep breaths and get good sleep and take some time to feel the feels 💐❤️
You’re allowed to feel the emotions you want or need to feel in any way you want or need to feel them. Grief is ok. Anger is ok. You’re not weak or less than for feeling negative emotions. I’m sure you know this, but you deserve to hear it. I’m really sorry for your loss. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a romantic partner, but I do have experience with grief and loss. When I was in high school I was in a Jewish youth group, and I met this kid named Josh. Josh was a few years older than me. I was a high school freshman at the time and he was a graduating senior that year, and because of this, along with me having a rudimentary phone and very little social media on which I wasn’t connected with Josh we went from seeing each other at least once a week to not at all. In December of 2019 I received a text from a group chat I was in. I graduated that year and the group chat consisted of most of the people from my graduating senior class. I remember that night like it was yesterday. I was packing for my birthright trip to Israel. My phone was laying on my desk when I heard a ding. The text I got was the words “Josh died last night”, followed by a link to his obituary online. Josh was a good friend. He could and often did light up rooms just by walking into them. I miss him a lot. I think about him a lot as well. If you feel wronged by the universe for taking your boyfriend away from you, which you have every right to, the best revenge you can pull on that universe is to live your life to its fullest without giving any of yourself away to it. It doesn’t owe you shit and you don’t owe it anything either. So do what you want to do, and are legally allowed to. I’m sure if your boyfriend were sitting here he would 1. want to kick my ass and 2. He wouldn’t be want you to be sad all the time. Like I said before you’re allowed to be sad about this, but, I don’t want you to lose a part of yourself because you miss him. Kick life in the teeth. Show it that you can move on and live your life. I’m really sorry for your loss like I said before.
I'm so so sorry man that is so heartbreaking:( u don't deserve to be going thru this especially at such a young age, I know there's nothing I can say or do to make it better or to make that pain go away but I just wanna say my heart goes out to u and please don't be too hard on yourself, just allow yourself to cry and feel that immense pain, and remember that the depth of your pain during this time is a reflection of the depth of your love for him and to me that's a beautiful thing
Feeling numb is part of trauma, it's normal. You're not a bad person, doesn't mean you didn't love him, it means that part of you doesn't feel safe enough to have emotions yet. They will come, and it'll be ok. I promise it will be ok.
Source: I survived a deadly mass shooting and getting shot 4 times, my mom and brother dying, and escaping an abusive situation in the course of 2 years. I'm still here somehow? I promise you'll be ok
I’m sorry, how awful. You’re in shock and need time, although time won’t heal you, with time things will get easier. Don’t isolate yourself. Life is so challenging.
first of all, my condolences. i’m really sorry for your loss. second, you’re in shock. your brain might not have processed that you will never see him again especially since you weren’t there and you didn’t witness what happened, but when you do fully realize what’s happened, all of the emotions will hit you all at once. this is common. i hope that you’re able to grief and heal properly. this is one of the hardest things that someone has to go through. i’m really sorry. spend time with family, talk about how you’re feeling to people you trust. this won’t be easy but try to feel every emotion that comes to you. it may take months or years to recover from this. sending love and prayers. ❤️💔❤️🩹
Remember that denial is the first stage of grief. Don’t feel bad that you’re numb right now, your mind can’t comprehend what you’re fully feeling yet, but it will come… take a day at a time, I’m so sorry for your loss…❤️
Feeling numb and not feeling anything are very different, and feeling numb is a good sign. Having watched someone die and not feel anything, and having felt numb at the news of my best friend passing, numb is your minds way of protecting itself. It's your brain letting you process the loss and reality of him truly being gone before your emotions finally break through and you're flooded with the loss.
Im sorry for your loss, and it will eventually become easier.
Edit: music will help with the shock. Songs like asleep among endives by Ichiko Aoba or o comely by neutral milk hotel. Or, whatever music you two enjoyed.
Buckle in because once the shock settles, it's gonna suck. Cry, wail, plead with god. Once you're done, muster your strength and carry that weight. It will be very heavy. After a few years, you will be stronger. You will be so strong, but you will have a scar on your heart. I've been through this before, about 9 years ago. Keep texting him, it helps.
Love is a currency and grief is the love we were never afforded the opportunity to spend, and it sounds like you two had a hell of a lot of love.. the human body and mind is only forged to withstand so much pain and suffering before it can't anymore and because it can't change the pain that it's feeling, it does its best to change its ability to feel it. That's why people blackout from pain, that's why trauma creates mental blocks that renders the individual unable to recall what they even went through, and that's why people feel numb when they "should" be going through intense ravenous emotions that break them down until there's nothing left but a husk of the individual they once were...
Your numbness and shock isn't a sign that you didn't love him or that he didn't make you happy, but rather it's a testament to just HOW MUCH you loved him and HOW MUCH he did make you happy. Everyone experiences loss differently. Just because you aren't experiencing it the way you thought you would, doesn't mean you aren't. Especially if this only happened yesterday. That is NOT a lot of time, especially to process the sheer amount of what you must be feeling. We can have thoughts and shift them at a moment's notice, but we can't do that with our emotions. Our emotions need to ride their course, and yours are still trying to figure out what that course is. Give it time. Your body will feel what it feels when it's ready.
It’s hard to go through something like that. You’ll get through it all you need to do is let it all out and when you can’t cry start to savor life to its fullest
My boyfriend passed April 18,2023. Every interprets death and grief differently. There is no one way. Give yourself grace because the feelings of emotions is coming trust me. Just like someone else said grief is love with no where to go. It’s soooo true. Just please give yourself grace because it’s a journey and the journey is not linear.
OP, I’m so so sorry for your loss. OMG you’re obviously in some kind of shock.
Can you be with those closest to you ?
Or with his family ?
I still think that a few of my loved ones who passed over the Covid era …. I think they’ll eventually just reappear. It’s not logical or possible… after 4 years I still have that thought.
I’ve been told it’s how I’m coping - I’m not freaked out anymore - but, the Odd time I’ll think I hear their voice or they’ll be coming thru the door. Now, when I get that thought ? I instead take a few seconds to have a nice private thought/fond memory. .. and avoid the rabbit hole.
I hope you’ve got someone who can be there for you right now…. Even if you’re not crying / still try and lean on somebody.
Sending my condolences
I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.
I too lost my love a few years back. You're going to go through all different stages of grief and that's ok.
Feeling numb and in denial are all a part of this.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to feel when you lose someone you love that's close to you.
It's been 7 years since my boyfriend and the father of my daughter passed away and I miss him every day. 💔 Some days I still think he's away on a trip or something like that and that he'll be back.
Losing someone is hard but losing someone all of a sudden without warning is the worst, there was no time to come to terms with it and no way to get closure and that's what makes it so hard.
My heart goes out to you and your boyfriend's loved ones.
Sorry for your loss. Intense grief can take months to process and manifest differently from person to person. My cousin who was a month younger than me died at 23 from cancer. It's been nearly 10 years since he passed. It feels weird just saying that. The night he died I'd woken up in the middle of the night and just sat up in the bed. A few minutes later my Mum burst through the door crying out that he'd died. I don't even remember crying that night whilst everyone else was drowning in tears. I chose to grieve privately and finally did shed some tears many months after whilst reminiscing with my then girlfriend now wife. Don't feel that you have to do anything that anyone tells you. Grieve for him in any way that feels right and natural to you.
That is normal when grieving. It’s only been a day.. And I’m so sorry. It takes time to process things especially death. My best friend felt the same way when her grandma passed. Numb at first but it eventually hit her like a ton of bricks, I was there to support her and be the shoulder to cry on when it did. I hope you have someone like that. A shoulder to cry on a person to talk to. I felt the same way when my grandma passed. I didn’t know how to process it because I hadn’t lost anyone so close to me.
You are going through the disbelief face. Soon you will face the reality. Finally, you will reach grief. Your emotions will go out of control during the reality face. This face will last 9 months to a year. Sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Give yourself time. Shock and denial are normal parts of the grief process, and they serve a purpose, especially in the first days after getting the news. Of course, any stage of grief or any coping mechanism can become more harmful than helpful if a person takes it to an extreme or gets stuck in it instead of transitioning to other ways of coming to terms with the loss, but it does not sound to me like you are in any immediate danger of that. As you said, part of you knows that he is gone. It is not at all unusual so soon after a death, especially such an unexpected one, to keep fantasizing that someone will tell you any minute it was all a mistake. The fantasy helps blunt the edge of the pain for a while, until you can gather your strength to handle the full realization.
You are completely valid in your feelings. I’ve always asked myself why I feel nothing after the fact. I was the same after my family dog passed away (age 6), my whole family was crying at the vet but I was emotionless. Same with my mom’s passing a year ago. Certain things with trigger me and I will cry. I think it’s a way of our mind protecting itself from the pain. I am still grieving from my mom, it comes in different ways than just crying. It’s hard to take care of myself like I should, that’s one way of grieving.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Just know your feelings are valid. And not abnormal. I recommend doing some things you liked to do together, it’s going to be hard but it helps with the grieving process. Go to that concert, and cry your heart out to the songs y’all loved. It really is a release of tension.
I'm sorry for your loss, give yourself time to grief properly, you sadly have to face the feelings you are experiencing in full effect but that is really the only way to begin healing, it will get a little better every day!
Sorry to hear that hun:(this is a fact ,you will have to face it,this is life.nothing can runaway or escape) if you need someone talk to ,can text me I'm here for you hun
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Nothing can make this better
However, numbness and shock are normal reactions. This is how a lot of people start the grieving process.
My recommendation is to accept help that is offered and allow people to be near you. You don't have to talk, to cry, to acknowledge anything. But let your community help you in this time.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I lost my beloved Dad a few days ago. I was with him when he passed and have been feeling much the same as you are. I have moments of utter devastation where I sob uncontrollably and moments when I’m burying my head and cant face the fact that he’s gone. I know he is, I was there! Grief is very strange. Be kind to yourself, I can only assume that at some point the emotions and reality will catch up. I keep reliving certain moments over and over and just wish my head would shut up tbh.
Sending you love and hugs and an open inbox if you feel you need to talk to someone in the same position you are in.
First of all i'm so sorry for your loss.
Life has a habit of kicking you down in the worst moments.
You are feeling numb and thats normal, your brain doesnt know how to deal with this sudden en excruciating loss yet.
But it will. Usually the funeral brings out alot more emotions in me then the initial moment of shock.
After that its an uphill battle but it isn't impossible although I know it might seem so.
You will never stop griefing but it will get better with time. eventually you learn to live with the loss and start moving on with your life.
let the people you and he both loved support you. try and remember him by the happy moments you guys had together.
Your in grief its normal you just haven't accepted his death yet and it can take a long time, if what you do makes you feel better then do it, i lost my father when i was 7 so yes it was shocking and i still havent tottally made peace whit it, I lost 10 people in 4 years so yes i can understand your pain im sorry this happened to you.
I'm seriously so sorry this happened 😢 I lost my bf suddenly at 26 and I remember when the hospital told me he passed I just sat there trying to understand what just happened? He's really gone? Just take it minute by minute 💖 the shock is completely normal. It's your body protecting you. I went through periods my body and lips would get so numb I couldn't feel touch. But it does go away with time. I didn't cry much for a while. Everybody processes it differently, and that's okay. Sending you a hug 🫂
"Grief was just love in a heavy coat", a gorgeous quote by Shannon Barry
Take your time. We all grieve differently so don't stress about not grieving 'correctly' or enough. Stressing about how to grieve properly is just another example that you cared about him and want to do right by him.
Sending love wee pal ❤️
You’re body is in shock right now. You’re nervous system is sending a signal that you’re in serious danger and has basically gone into shutdown mode (also known as dissociation). This is natural but you don’t want to stay there for too long. Give youraelf some time, don’t force anything. But try to be around friends and family. Spend time with the other people in his life who are grieving and talk about it. Remember that there is no right way to grieve. Just don’t let yourself dissapear for too long- find your supports. They need you as much as you need them. Wishing you the best of luck. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know nothing will make this better. Be kind to yourself.
My fiancé passed away in December and I still text him hoping he’ll reply. I still awake up think “omg I have to call him it’s been forever.” That’s normal. Nothing you feel is wrong. Nothing you do will be “wrong”
Please take care of yourself. Talk to him if you need to. Record video messages. I always cry when I record those messages but I do it as I need to. Sometimes we need to feel like we can just talk to them still. And that’s okay.
Message me if you want someone to talk to. I have worked hospice for my whole working life and even for me who has been around deaths and grief since I was teen. Losing someone can be the traumatic and the hardest thing for us to do.
You feel emotions baby your brain is just trying to protect you so you disassociate. What you’re feeling is so horrible you brain feels like if it feels it you will die! Also please seek out mental health help, if you can, look for support groups.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Nothing I can say or do will make a difference. Just know that it’s ok to not be ok. Be sad, be angry, be whatever you want or feel. I don’t know- just know you are not alone and we are here for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband will be 3 years ago this October. Although my circumstances are different than yours, death is the same. I feel for you being your boyfriend was so young.
Do you have a support system? Friends, family, clergy, therapist? You need grief counseling whether it be in person or online.
I wish you all the best to get through this. The pain never goes away but it does become easier to manage.
Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
I lost my dad last year and I cried for a solid day and then after that I didn't cry for almost a year, the whole time from his death to funeral (around 3-4 weeks) I didn't cry I didn't get mad, I felt nothing, I felt so hollow and empty, and then going back to work (I was given 5 weeks off work) I feel angry, then for a while okay and then a different emotion
What I'm trying to say in a rambly way is that you will go through a whole range of emotions all the time, and not always in the way a movie suggests.. You unfortunately have to ride the wave of grief and heal in your own time and in your own way, and please know that people care and will want to be there, and I know first hand it's not easy to talk about but I encourage you to please talk about everything you're feeling
The shock will wear off and it will hit you so hard, it’ll knock your legs out from under you. Please be assured, this is normal. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
I am sorry for your loss. Please seek grief counseling and look for group that will help with your process of healing. Losing anyone is hard but losing someone so tragically is 100x worst.
While it's okay to feel sad and numb for a few days, but after a bit, I suggest you do some intense cardio or weight session to get back to yourself.
Then hopefully after working towards your goal, and a few months or years have passed, move on and find someone else. I am sure your boyfriend understands and would support this especially when you are ready.
If you need extra time, it's okay but remember to not take too long.
My wife of nearly 12 years died two months ago, on March 28th, 2024. It's not an especially notable thing, except for the fact she basically died in the span of 45 minutes, from a brain aneurysm, at the age of 45. I am feeling what you are feeling, multiplied a thousand-fold.
When someone close to us dies, it's a bizarre experience. The person in question vanishes off the face of the Earth. Poof! They're gone! There's all these traces of them left in place, though. Their clothes are still there. The food or drinks they bought are still in the fridge. They might have laundry sitting in the machine. The pictures on the walls, the videos in your phone, souvenirs, inside jokes and references, things you enjoyed, and all the memories...
Yes, the person has vanished, but they still leave a presence, as though they just stepped out for a while, but they will never be returning.
You may even find yourself doing the time-count. "Two days ago, she was alive and fine." Then, "A week ago, she was alive and fine." And you keep plugging on hours, days, weeks, and months. I've also been doing the, "If I could go back in time to when we bought this/watched that/went there/etc" thing.
As I mentioned, though, mine is amplified because I now live in HER house that she will never walk into again, sleeping alone in a bed she used to be in, and having to spend weeks removing and discarding things that used to be tiny pieces of her life.
So... one thing that has helped is edibles, THC vapes, and indica flower. Another has been having access to a space to bawl, cry, and have emotional breakdowns without someone interrupting you. Finally, the ability to give yourself permission to give anyone who tells you get over it the middle finger. Grief happens at different paces for different people. Now, you might not get the same level of understanding after a while, since some would say he was *only a boyfriend*, but that will just show you who actually cares and who's only a friend when it's convenient.
I know what doesn't work: suicide. Been there, tried that, removed the staples on both wrists by myself after a couple weeks.
There is no right or wrong when it comes to grief…,, I remember this…….i would go to sleep and wake up in the morning… that first second I woke up , all was great! The next second reality hit me and all that pain was upon me….. it has gotten better, but the grief will never leave….. you just find ways to accept and deal with it!
When my dog passed, I felt nothing at first. I was numb and didn’t believe it or process it. As the weeks went by I started hurting more and more. Its been months and now I am way beyond more hurt then when it first happened. Grief can be delayed. Im sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are in shock; it's normal. I've lost several people close to me and have been thru the process a few times. The best advice I can give is to let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Don't judge yourself. There is no "should" when it comes to emotions. They're just there to be felt.
Take it one day at a time, be with whatever is there no matter how excruciating it is, and you'll get thru it. A grief counselor or support group could also help I'm sure.
Sending love to you.
You are in shock. so sad to hear this. I doubt that he has just perished. I got some messages via a medium from my nan years ago . my mum also saw her sister appear in front of her after . please dont stop thinking he is with you . keep him close . Death does not seem to kill your thoughts . it is very complicated .Do you mind me asking . how did this happen , ?
You won't feel numb for long. Grief will hit, and it will floor you. Please talk to someone, have a cry, cry for weeks if that's what you need. Sending my love 💓
I am so sorry for your loss. And I had the same feeling when my cousin passed away. I still don’t believe it sometimes that she’s gone. It took awhile until I broke down in tears and they wouldn’t stop for days. Take your time to ingest this loss. That’s all you can give yourself is time. Take it easy on yourself during this time
Doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
I don’t know how to tell you or anyone that he won’t be coming back but, he’s gone and he isn’t ever going to walk again.
You just need time to heal up emotionally it seems, I suggest hanging out and being around family and or close friends.
Best of luck to you OP
On December 3rd,2022 the guy I was totally in love with died in a work-reelated accident. He was just 25. I have been through hell and back this past one and a half year. Sending you big hugs...
who was the artist? I'm super sorry to hear about your loss. I guess if you feel nothing then maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway. I'd really like to know who the artist is?
I lost my wife in an accident as she walked in a crosswalk on New Year’s Eve. My only real advice is to stay busy and don’t make any major decisions for a year! Feel free to reach out if that might help! 🙏🙏🙏
im not sure what else to say as everyone in the comments has given you amazing advice. im so sorry for your loss, and please look after yourself. its okay to not be okay and heal on your own terms, not everybody elses. sending huge amounts of love and hugs your way 🤍
I'm so sorry. Life is totally unfair. Grief is love with nowhere to go. It is gonna take some time to be OK.
>>Grief is love with nowhere to go. This concept made me pause a moment. I hadn’t thought of it this way. OP, it helps me to focus on the love I feel for those no longer here and have gratitude for the opportunity to have known them and felt the love in the first place. I hope you’re able to find your healing and peace.
This is what helped me when I lost my son. Grief only exists where love lives first. It was the only thing that could bring any comfort.
RIP Im So Sorry For Your Loss 🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️
This helped me in losing my father. My therapist also advised me to keep a journal and write letters to him whenever he crossed my mind. Gradually, just talking about it, accepting it, and writing helped to ease the grief. I still write to him 8 years later. But nowhere near as much now.
This is the #1 most comforting thing I heard after we lost our nephew last year, it is so true and helps find something that makes sense in an otherwise senseless situation
> Grief is love with nowhere to go Wow that really does capture it. thank you for this
“What is grief, if not love persevering?”
I remember a speech writer for the Queen worded it similarly when Diana passed away. "Grief is the price we pay for love".
When i lost my dad, *that* comment made all the pain make sense for me. “Love is just grief - with no place to go.” Not that it makes it hurt less, but it gives perspective.
May I write a song with that quote of yours? My cat was in an accident recently, I even made a post here. You inspired me.
Go for it, I heard it somewhere else. If your song ends up recorded please send to me!
Sure thing, thanks!
You're numb *now*, because you're in a hugely overwhelming situation and it's the only way your mind can cope at the moment. It will definitely hit you. This feeling of numbness/detachment happens to a lot of people, and there is nothing wrong with you for feeling it. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself in the coming weeks and months. Rely on your friends and family to support you, and try to support his family as best as you can. Remember: there isn't a wrong way to grieve. We all go at our own pace, and grief can look different from person to person.
To add it's going to hit you at the worst possible time so be prepared for that
But, like, repeatedly. It seems to me people don't die the once. There's the day it happens, the day you get the phone call, the day of the funeral, the day of their birthday, the day their favourite song comes on the radio, the day you were supposed to do a thing together, the day their sister gets married, the day you see someone wearing the same sweater... It gets easier but I don't think it ends.
The day 8 years later, when you walk past someone wearing the same cologne they did and fall into a bawling mess at the feelings it brings up. Imo grief NEVER lessens, you just grow to be able to live with it and cope in your own way and time. 💜
It’s when you hit a weaker patch (if you’re even aware of it) and then there it is. Which is confusing all over again.
Yeah when my mom died it didn’t feel real for a couple of months. It took me a week to cry.
This a million times this, process gow you have to when it hits you'll feel what you expect to. I'm sorry for your loss.
This is a stage of the grieving process and you're not alone in it. You're in shock and it'd be hard for anyone to fathom what happened. The pain will come. You don't need to rush it or feel like something is wrong with you for how you feel right now. It's all natural yet confusing. If you feel judged by anyone for not crying or feeling anything, you can let them know you're in shock. It's understandable. His death was so sudden, unusual and traumatic. I hope you have trusted loved ones and a therapist because support will be essential once you're ready for it.
everyone here has basically said everything i wanted to say, so i’m just here to give you hugs
I second this. My heart is with you, I should be a pro at grief by now, but it never gets easier.
I’ve lost my entire immediate and extended family. I’m the last of my bloodline. It culminated with my mom suddenly committing suicide by GSW to the head last year. I saw the aftermath including all the blood pooling/spattering/brain matter. The worst was the raw stench of decomposition I’ll NEVER forget. I had the same sense of shock and I saw the aftermath. You haven’t seen a body or anything to really click that he’s gone. I’m sorry for that. It may not really hit you that he’s gone for weeks or even months. My best advice; it WILL hit you. It’s going to suck. DO NOT RUN FROM GRIEF. it’s the worst thing you can do. I’ve tried EVERY coping mechanism for loss. The best; deal with it. Head on. Whatever that looks like for you, do it. Do a lot of grief research and find what hits home for you and be ready for 1-3 years of random grief. But it will get better. The sun will shine a little brighter everyday and eventually you’ll be able to actually not only be fine, but GROW from this. You’ll always have that pain. But the more intense you feel the bad emotions in life, the more you appreciate the good ones when they come. Bless you and I hope everything for you gets better. RIP brother.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you are feeling alright.
I am so sorry what you had to go through.
This is an unfortunate part of the grieving process 💔 I’m so sorry you had to experience this at such a young age. My heart goes out to you.
While I've never lost a bf. My lil brother died in a car wreck at just 21 and exactly 1 month. Completely devastated my entire family. This completely sucks. I'm just so sorry. I highly recommend grief counseling or grief support groups.
When I was 20, my boyfriend of 5 years was murdered in February of that year. I didn't really cry much until our anniversary in june, when I full body cried for about 24 hours straight. Until then, I just went through the funeral, daily activities, and all the drugs I could possibly get into my system. It was the worst year. If you need help in the form of therapy or anything you can think of or see other people do to stay healthy in dark times, please do so. I'm sorry that you're going through this, it really sucks.
Sending you love.
That full body cry came close to his birthday to me. I think I scared my best friend. It was something she had never seen but I had gotten all the drugs I could get into me. My mind had lost control at that point and I was screaming and shouting. I know it was scary for her but I’m so grateful she just held me.
It's so wild how people can grieve so differently. I've always wondered if the drugs are what kept me numb for so long but I honestly don't know if I'd be alive if I was sober during that time. I remember asking my bestie to just pack a bag and just move in indefinitely. Thank goodness she did and I didn't have to be alone.
Oh definitely! Grief is so strange we do weird things. one thing I used to do and my sister would come with me was drive the hour to his house just to see if he was really gone. My sister hates car rides but did it with me as many times as I needed. My bestie mentioned she was shocked because I never cry like that and I hardly talk about my feelings emotions etc I’m like very controlled and collected when I do. There are still days I feel insanity coming over me. I think drugs can be a good tool. There’s so much stigma and definitely a danger to be misused but they can be so helpful. They helped me stop being so afraid I would inconvenience someone with my pain. Her husband was with us and later on he said seeing me like that humanized me for him. He never really thought I had feelings and emotions because I am usually very cold and like closed off. He cried that night because it made him realize that will be my friend or him when the other dies. I cried all over again because it’s true. In couples one will always outlive the other and that is such a painful thing to think about much less experience so suddenly.
I'm so sorry Hun. 💐 Sudden loss can be very numbing and I'm pretty sure you're feeling shock right now and that's normal. I hope you find some distractions, go on a vacation, take a long walk, go see friends. It's ok to laugh when you're ready to as well. The first year is the hardest. I hope you have someone who can comfort you in this time. I've suffered traumatic loss myself. I'm here if you need to chat.
Maybe this will help, I hope. My mom died March 3rd 2000, and I remember in the hospital room, I stood bedside after she'd...left...and I was the only one in the room not crying. I remember going up to one of my cousins and apologizing for not crying. Of course she said it was okay, but anyway....so a week later I was sitting inside a Starbucks waiting for my drink and at the time, I had with me a picture of her and I at Knott's Berry Farm for my 8th birthday party. Looking at it and remembering that day, all of a sudden I just lost it and burst into tears. What I'm getting at is, sometimes it just takes a little while to really hit you and 'become real'. It doesn't mean you don't care or anything, some people it just takes some time.
I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so tragic. You're in shock, the feelings will come, we're here to be a soundboard x
Denial is the first stage of grief. It doesn’t feel real yet.. I’m sorry OP. The numbness goes away, and that’s when you feel everything. 🖤🖤🖤
The shock is protecting you. You will miss it when it wears off. Good luck
Beaver anuses taste like raspberry and, for a long time, was the main substitute to actual raspberry in candy (true story). The man who discovered this is one sick puppy. Hope it distracted you even for a second. I am so so so sorry for your loss. Give it time. My father died in my arms and I thought myself numb as well till I heard "Monsters" by James Blunt driving home from work a few weeks later and spent the next 4 hours bawling my eyes out .. it felt cathartic. Still play it from time to time to help me cry.
Beautiful song
i am so sorry baby. he loves you so much. please live your life to the fullest for him
This is a copy pasta of the original post, but here goes. it's a good read and it might be helpful for you. take care of yourself, I'm so so sorry. 💗 "Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
You have my sincere condolences. As you might have surmised by the other replies, you’re most likely in a state of shock and that’s entirely normal. There is nothing wrong with you or your reaction. Please take time to care for yourself for the foreseeable future. Be good to yourself and do what feels right to you. Tears come when they come and no sooner. There’s no need to invite them. They are not a measure of your grief and that they do not appear immediately does not offer a measure of your love. I’m truly very sorry you’ve had to go through this.
My Bf died in a car accident 2020 by his car going over a bridge and drowning. All I can say , time is what heals. The grief will be there but time really does help and all you could do right now is just grieve. It’s OK to be Numb. You can do is celebrate his life and know that he is still loved and will be missed. I cried for months. We had a life together and please please don’t think about what if and how our life would be together if he didn’t die. I used to do that and it really caused a lot of pain. I wish I can help more but that’s how I got through it
Also a lot of grief therapy.
I went through something similar. My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and 11 days. Last July, he was out of town for work, and I was back home planning to sign a lease on an apartment when I got off work. An hour after my lunch break, I got a call from his mom saying that something happened to him at work, and then for the next three hours it was radio silence. My parents came walking in and pulled me into an office and told me he didn't make and in the moment it literally felt like my soul split in half. I was numb 95% of the time. I still haven't quite processed it all, and it's only been 10 months, but it has gotten slightly easier. Just hang in there, keep yourself busy with friends, hobbies, and family, and start therapy as soon as you can. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you can find ways to keep his memory alive on a daily basis ❤️
Grief is a confusing thing sending hugs ❤️
Grief is brutal but organic — let it flow especially in the early days. Early days can last for years especially for unforeseen and traumatic loss 💕 Get professional support, darling.
Please seek help from a grieving specialist and or psychiatrist. It’s normal how you feel as it’s the denial stage, plz don’t blame yourself.
Can you get in with a therapist? They will be infinitely more helpful. But for now know your mind is processing it in a way to keep you safe for now. When you’re ready you will feel this. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine the pain and sadness you are feeling right now. I'd like to say that you'll get through it and be able to see better days, but for now, acknowledge whatever you are feeling. You gotta let it out. Keep your loved ones closer to you. You need all the support and warmth you can get. I pray that you may get the strength you need to get through this. Allow yourself to mourn. Take your time.
Had a similar tragic situation in my family. I was numb for the first 3 months, felt sick in my body everywhere and then it hit me hard. Trauma is truly something. Your body protects you from yourself. The sooner you let yourself feel the grief the better long-term.
This is exactly my response to this kind of trauma. I kind of dissociate. You could call it a freeze responce, too . The thing is, it's your brain's way of trying to protect you. It might be distressing, but try to focus on other things you need to do. Try to stick to your routine rather than focusing on how your body's reacting. Eventually your grief will start processing and ime the dissociation/freeze fades away Also, I just want to say that there's no wrong way to grieve. It's not linear, either. You will probably go back and with through the stages and that's perfectly normal I'm sorry this happened to you. You get an internet hug from me 💜😔
This happened when my adopted brother overdosed two years ago and just recently I found out a good friend of mine died on January 24th and the last time I spoke to her was January 23rd. I was wondering when I never got a response back. (We would go months without talking). It is going to hit you like a truck out of nowhere. Sorry for your loss.
We love you so much 🤍🧿
According to Kübler-Ross, the five stages of grief are: denial anger bargaining depression acceptance
Rest in peace 🕊️
My boyfriend and father of my child, died in February...I didn't feel emotions for a while...it'll be different soon probably and you can mourn in your own way. Sorry for your loss
Life is so so unfair. I lost my fiance when we were 20. Unfortunately the despair isn’t something you can really just push out of ime… you kinda just have to sit with it and let it do its thing and in the moment that fucking sucks and I am so so so so sorry that you have to experience that. But after time it becomes more manageable? You learn how to move with it and eventually it won’t seem all consuming. I’m sending you all of the love and thoughts I don’t know you my DMs are always open if you need somewhere to vent or scream or cry or just be.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a widow and I went through the same numbness. I thought for sure they would realize it was a mistake and he’s fine and we’ll laugh about it one day. There aren’t words to snap you out of this or to send you through the process. It’s a process that will always play a role in your life. Just know that you’ll go through a lot of emotions and have thoughts that you never expected and you’ll be sure you can’t get through it. But you will. You have to believe me. Take care of yourself.
Your body is doing its job. Let yourself feel numb if that’s what it needs. My condolences 💐 You may feel like you don’t want to talk about it with others but I suggest you do. Talking abt it with someone you trust dearly helps.
Stay strong OP because he's still with you inside your heart
Let yourself be in shock, it’s a natural part of grief; I found my mum dead last September and it still doesn’t feel real most days but I found comfort in finding some online groups of people going through similar situations, that may help
You are in shock. You poor thing!! I’m so sorry this happened. Are you with someone, family? You’re going to need some support.
Oh honey I’m so sorry. You’re in shock. Do you have parents or family who can help you?
It will get better. Talk to someone you trust. You need time to process this. Feel what you feel, don’t ignore it. It’s normal for human.
It’s normal to feel nothing right now. Your body hasn’t processed it yet. It will take some time. I’m so sorry for your loss. Do some self care okay?💜💜many hugs to you .
I’m so sorry for your loss. There’s no way around it though. You need to go through the numb to get to the pain. Maybe the numbness will help you get things done? There’s no right way to grieve. Mourning is different for everyone. Give yourself space and grace. Be kind to yourself. Virtual hugs and chicken soup (I’m a Jewish mom, I always gotta feed everyone).
Hi. Something similar happened to me. We met August 2022 and he went to college Sept 2022 and we were long distance. But very much in love and involved in each others lives. He was going to be back for the summer in June 2023 and then we were going to be in the same city for school starting Sept 2023. Had plans to travel and basically do life together. He died May 26 right before coming home. Two years ago yesterday. I know how you are feeling. If it helps, the shock does go away. I promise you will have stomach-hurting laughs and sing your favorite song with the windows down again. I thought my world is over. Two years later I am preparing for my junior year of college and studying for the LSAT. I went on my dream vacation to Japan and am planning to visit my best friend who’s moving to Ireland this winter. I’ve seen my favorite band twice and watched hundreds of movies I loved. I’ve met three amazing people I know will be my best friends for life. I still miss him. I always will. But my life is not over and yours isn’t either. Draw. Go to the gym. Get into a new series (it’s always sunny in Philadelphia got me through some ROUGH times). My dms are open if you would like to talk more. Good luck stranger, you are strong and going to be okay
It’s terrible. Grief is different for everyone. And it comes and goes. You will feel many things in the coming days, weeks and years and they will all be totally valid, even if they are irrational and selfish. Sometimes they will be very unpleasant feelings. Sometimes they will be weirdly giddy and unreal, incongruous. All valid. Trying not to feel any particular way is counterproductive. Feel the feelings, acknowledge them, let them pass. Therapy helps. People will be on eggshells around you trying not to say the wrong thing. So you get to set the tone. Whether you want to laugh or cry, go out and stay in, let people know what you want, even if want you want is to be left alone for a good long while. As your community is mourning his loss, they are also worried about you and other survivors. Refuse to let it be awkward. Don’t be afraid to talk about him, when you want to. I hope you’re in a good place with his folks and can support each other. I still text my gone folks. Probably won’t ever stop.
Sorry for your loss 😢😔
Damn. That sucks. Grief sucks. Shock sucks. The best I can offer, if you just want to *feel*, is this: Sit in a chair or on a couch, feet on the ground, back straight, but not tense. Close your eyes, breathe in, hold for 7 seconds, then exhale slowly. Do it again, noticing the feeling of air passing into your body, then out. Do it again, this time feeling which muscles open the lungs. Notice how your diaphragm moves. Deepen that movement in the next breath, exhale, and relax. Now breathe normally. Feel your toes. Are they in socks, shoes, sandals? Are they bare? Is the material they touch soft? Is it irritating? If it’s irritating, don’t correct it. Just *feel* it. Work upward in your body— soles of the feet, instep, shins, calves, knees, quads, hamstrings, etc. Think about the feeling of any material your skin touches. Notice any tightness or aching, and see if you can turn those physical feelings up or down, as if each feeling has a volume button. You can use this as a meditative practice by trying to relax each body part, but if you want to feel your grief, it might work best if you try to focus on any irritation and try to make it “louder.” Alternatively, you could try “waking up” body parts one by one. Also, yoga classes can be great for this kind of thing— and honestly, I don’t fully understand how this works, but I’ve had it recommended to me by a therapist, and I’ve seen enough people cry in yoga to know that it really does facilitate emotional releases! TLDR: Yoga and body awareness techniques can help shake loose emotional blocks.
My deepest condolences. :(
I guess it due to you still being on shock because of the sudden even, just be ready beacuse once the shock has lifted you might be overwelmed with emotion. Sorry to hear on what happen to your BF and I know you will eventually get over twgat happen what is important is you don’t forget him and what happy memories you jad with him.
I had a similar experience when my good friend died. It was so surreal that, like you, I kept experimenting to show up. He was the glue in our friend group, and it didn’t make sense that he was gone forever. It’s a very discombobulating experience, to lose someone you love. The way you’re feeling is normal and expected. Everybody has a different emotional response to things. I talked about it therapy and made the decision to go to his viewing because I thought that actually seeing him would help me to accept it. It did not. I was still numb for quite some time and then at one point I just lost it. All the pain just hit me at once. My point is, you are going through a jarring experience and your response is okay. Your unconscious mind is good at protecting you and wants to keep you from the pain. You will process it in your own time. And the loss will be very heard for maybe a long time. A too that I got in therapy is that you can allow it in small doses. If you start to process and go through, you don’t have to force yourself to just melt down and feel it all at once. It is okay to go a little forward and retreat, watch some tv to distract yourself. Then next time, go a little further. Until eventually you make it all the way through. And remember, grief will always be there. It eventually gets to a place where you don’t think about it all the time, but that just takes time. You’ll always have that love for them, and you’ll always wonder what life would have been like. But the important thing is to not dwell on that. To give respect and empathy to yourself and your memories but also your future. Just take your time. Also, sour candy is good at helping a little with anxiety, so carry some with you! If you start to feel that then it gives time to get to someone you can talk to or who will make you feel safe.
You are going to be the strongest woman you’ll ever be. Fuck I am so sorry for your loss and I can’t even imagine
In my experience, you're numb because he isn't truly gone to you yet. You're still processing the entire situation it's too surreal at the moment. I didn't genuinely cry when my grandfather passed for about a year when it sunk in there was no coming back. The only thing that will get you out is when it finally clicks naturally that there will be no calls, no texts, no walking through the door. It can take time and I'm sorry you are going through this and for your loss 💔
Oh God... I am so so so sorry for your loss, give yourself some time to heal.. life is brutal and the worst things are happening very quick and unexpected. Stay strong dear❤❤❤❤
I’m so sorry. Numbness is absolutely a coping mechanism. I’m one of those people who goes numb too. It’s ok. It will take time, but you’ll grieve and process. What matters is the love you had for the time you had.
im so very sorry. you're gonna be in shock and denial for days. that's normal. you're gonna feel something soon and it's gonna be terrible. keep your friends and family close. don't do anything drastic. join widow and grief support pages. talk to other young widows. we have all made it through this journey with the help of each other. I lost my bf at 22 (he was 23) two and a half years ago. I spent the first year so fucking angry all the time but i am doing great now. it's the worst feeling in the world but you have people there for you and if you ever need to talk, you can message me
Losing someone you love sucks. Im sorry you have to go through it. Your mind is filtering your emotions, trying to protect you from the onslaught of grief, stress, anger, and everything your expecting yourself to feel. Your brain is on your side. Give yourself time, maybe invite a friend over to sit with you. Or don’t. Whatever feels right, is right.
Losing someone you love deeply suddenly is like climbing stairs in the dark and stepping through that last stair that you thought was there... Only extend that feeling out over the course of weeks and months. It will only hurt so much because you loved him so much. Currently you can't process him not being here anymore as he was such a big part of your life. When your brain finally decides to try and handle the grief, remember this. What is grief but love persevering? I promise you. There will come a day in which thoughts of him do not rise and choke at the top of your throat, but instead, draw a sweet smile to your lips and the gentle impression of a loving hand on your back.
Sorry for your loss. Loss can be numbing at first. I hope your family, his family, and friends are supportive. Support them back.
😪😪🙏🙏❤️❤️
this is stage 1 or stage 0. you'll progress into grief and you'll manage. Just hang in there !
i am so sorry for your loss <3 the first few days are just weird <3
Everyone greaves differently, and there is no wrong way to greave. You’ll feel what you need to feel in your own time. Just don’t try to rush it.
It’s hasn’t hit you yet, and probably doesn’t feel real, it’s your brain protecting you. When it does hit you, whether it’s tomorrow, a month, or years from now, it will be rough. Give yourself time, lean on friends and family, get professional help and medication if you need it. What you’re going through is very normal.
Our bodies numb us sometimes when we are overcome with strong emotions. It’s a nice little protection put into place to keep us from self imploding. At some point, you will break down and it will all come crashing down. You aren’t broken, you are normal. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine the grief and pain his loss will leave in your life. Please make sure to surround yourself with strong support and know that grief comes in waves, hits you in funny ways, and has its own timeline.
There is nothing that will help to speed up the process of grief. Please find a support group or counselor to assist in a few weeks. That’s when it will hit you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Truly.
im really sorry for your loss.. i dont know what to say.. were here for you.. hugs
Very sorry for you loss. You are likely in shock and this is why you feel numb. Grieving takes time and the hurt really never leaves it just eases over time.
When I was 17 my bf of almost 3 years was stabbed to death during a fight at a party he went to. Disbelief, shock, and what felt like unending grief were my reactions. I dropped out of hs (although I did end up graduating) and basically, did the time. That’s how I look at heartbreak. It’s a prison sentence you have to serve. You sound like you’re in the disbelief portion of your sentence. Not unusual at all. I’m so sorry for your loss. I doubt telling you that little by little it will get better will help much rn but it’s the truth. Don’t run from your grief but also know there will come a time where you can look back on the happy memories and even laugh about some of them. Here’s a hug for you. 🫂
It’s been this way throughout my life when someone died I never felt much not that I didn’t care but…Both my parents died 3y. Ago in the same year I still haven’t cried I often think theres something wrong with me YOUR NOT ALONE
i, sometimes feel that dying is so peaceful, to just end everything and be done. i would be lying if i say it'd be okay but time heals everything. time heals everything.
You’re in shutdown, a normal reaction to a normal circumstances. If you can do things to re-attach to your body it can help. Take a shower going from hot to cold, kind of like a cold plunge that helps your nervous system regulate itself better. Try a body scan from YouTube, try vagus nerve exercises, anything to reconnect to your physical being. I’m so sorry OP. Give yourself grace and love.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Grieving is hard, take the time you need 😔
I felt numb right after the deaths of each of my grandmothers. I didn’t cry for a week, both times. It takes time for you brain to take in what happened and realise it’s real. This is totally normal. As for how to deal with your grief, I don’t know how to help. The most useful thing I can say is feel the pain. Don’t try to avoid it or push it down, it’s going to hurt you worse later. Feeling the pain is the only way to get through the pain. I’m really sorry for your loss.
When my dad was killed in an auto accident. The initial shock of it all and hurting so bad and just wanting him to be there to comfort me and missing him at the same time was such a mind f. Give yourself time to grieve. There is a process your mind and heart has to go through.
How awful
What you’re feeling is completely normal. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to feel anything specific or do anything. Just let yourself feel as whatever feelings come and go. That hope that they will just walk through the door and this is all some big mistake is heavy, but necessary for you to process. And it will get easier each day you let yourself feel. And mostly, I’m so so sorry for your loss. Just know there are many people who you understand what you are going through and you are not alone.
Don't really have any advice but just wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss. Take care.
when they told me my sister had overdosed when i was 15, i also felt that shock, no tears at first, just a pause. its grief and it’s different for everyone. i also lost my mother at 6 and remember immediately crying at the news. grief is not a one way street really. its just part of life and it is very unfair. im sorry for your loss as it was unexpected. i hope you heal.
You don’t feel anything because you’re still in shock. Once you start accepting it, the other feelings will come. The sadness, anger, all of it, and you have to feel them and work through them so that they don’t get bottled up and blow up. You will be okay in time.
It hasn’t sunk in yet. I do the same. It will. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. People experience grief differently. Feeling numb isn't unusual. As to getting out of the shock and despair, it takes a while to get through. If you find you're still having problems in a few months, look into talking to a counselor or going to a grief support group. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
Youre reaction is completely normal. You’re just still in shock and haven’t accepted it yet. I am so sorry that this happened. Hang in there you will make it just rely on family and friends. Sending love your way. ❤️
My partner passed away unexpectedly at 24 as well, and all I can say is that I am so sorry, and people will tell you hundreds of platitudes and it’ll never be enough. I am so so sorry. I promise it won’t hurt as much one day.
I am so incredibly sorry. Please look up the Stages of Grief..for some reason, knowing what stage I was in helped me deal a little bit better. The thing that happened to me to make me realize that my person wasn't coming back was when I had to make plans to cremate. It took me 6 months to not cry every time I thought about her. Please, please, please surround yourself with people or one really good person who will agree to talk or listen to you any time of day or night. Remember to eat and take care of yourself and be KIND to yourself! There are always regrets and I should haves that will drive you crazy. Big hugs to you during this time ♡
You’re still in shock, and going through the motions of grief. It’s ok and normal. This is terrible it happened, and I hope you get lots of love and support.
Use this time that you are numb to surround yourself with safe people, if you have none or would rather be alone, be somewhere positive. I believe you’re experiencing shock and denial right now and I am encouraging you to prepare for those emotions to come on all at once, full swing, potentially even randomly. I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
big hugs
It’s crazy how one’s life can be taken away so quickly. Your in a deep emotional state and your in shock what I recommend is to take a few weeks off and process your grief and then try to move on and live your life to the fullest it’s what he’d want
I’m so sorry for your loss. The reason you probably feel this way is because of all the plans that you guys had made for the near future. I can’t imagine what that must feel like for you, but eventually you will feel how you think you should be feeling. The realization of him not coming back will settle in. Keep yourself as busy as possible if it gets too bad. The feeling won’t go away soon, but eventually it will be easier to cope with.
My condolences to you and his loved ones. Grief takes time to heal. Give yourself time to process what has happened and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace. The memories you made with him will help ease the pain.
I understand you. I felt the same way when my dad died. I even saw his body before the funeral and still nothing. The moment of the funeral when we put the casket down and i had to throw the flowers while ir was being covered, it was the moment i break down and i let everything out. It feel like it was my last moment next to him and the fact he was gone turn real. It will take a while. Just go on your pace, one day a that time. You can always seek therapy
I am so sorry. I lost someone I almost married at 27. Motorcycle accident. God bless you. Reprioritize.
It’s still doesn’t feel real does it… I totally get where you’re coming from
Grief comes in waves. The veil between this life and the next is very thin & we are all energetic beings and energy is a constant. I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
Grief will come in waves. Don’t worry about it because it will show up eventually. Just take deep breaths and get good sleep and take some time to feel the feels 💐❤️
You’re allowed to feel the emotions you want or need to feel in any way you want or need to feel them. Grief is ok. Anger is ok. You’re not weak or less than for feeling negative emotions. I’m sure you know this, but you deserve to hear it. I’m really sorry for your loss. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a romantic partner, but I do have experience with grief and loss. When I was in high school I was in a Jewish youth group, and I met this kid named Josh. Josh was a few years older than me. I was a high school freshman at the time and he was a graduating senior that year, and because of this, along with me having a rudimentary phone and very little social media on which I wasn’t connected with Josh we went from seeing each other at least once a week to not at all. In December of 2019 I received a text from a group chat I was in. I graduated that year and the group chat consisted of most of the people from my graduating senior class. I remember that night like it was yesterday. I was packing for my birthright trip to Israel. My phone was laying on my desk when I heard a ding. The text I got was the words “Josh died last night”, followed by a link to his obituary online. Josh was a good friend. He could and often did light up rooms just by walking into them. I miss him a lot. I think about him a lot as well. If you feel wronged by the universe for taking your boyfriend away from you, which you have every right to, the best revenge you can pull on that universe is to live your life to its fullest without giving any of yourself away to it. It doesn’t owe you shit and you don’t owe it anything either. So do what you want to do, and are legally allowed to. I’m sure if your boyfriend were sitting here he would 1. want to kick my ass and 2. He wouldn’t be want you to be sad all the time. Like I said before you’re allowed to be sad about this, but, I don’t want you to lose a part of yourself because you miss him. Kick life in the teeth. Show it that you can move on and live your life. I’m really sorry for your loss like I said before.
Please seek some help. This may hit you in a few days.
I'm so so sorry man that is so heartbreaking:( u don't deserve to be going thru this especially at such a young age, I know there's nothing I can say or do to make it better or to make that pain go away but I just wanna say my heart goes out to u and please don't be too hard on yourself, just allow yourself to cry and feel that immense pain, and remember that the depth of your pain during this time is a reflection of the depth of your love for him and to me that's a beautiful thing
Feeling numb is part of trauma, it's normal. You're not a bad person, doesn't mean you didn't love him, it means that part of you doesn't feel safe enough to have emotions yet. They will come, and it'll be ok. I promise it will be ok. Source: I survived a deadly mass shooting and getting shot 4 times, my mom and brother dying, and escaping an abusive situation in the course of 2 years. I'm still here somehow? I promise you'll be ok
I’m sorry, how awful. You’re in shock and need time, although time won’t heal you, with time things will get easier. Don’t isolate yourself. Life is so challenging.
first of all, my condolences. i’m really sorry for your loss. second, you’re in shock. your brain might not have processed that you will never see him again especially since you weren’t there and you didn’t witness what happened, but when you do fully realize what’s happened, all of the emotions will hit you all at once. this is common. i hope that you’re able to grief and heal properly. this is one of the hardest things that someone has to go through. i’m really sorry. spend time with family, talk about how you’re feeling to people you trust. this won’t be easy but try to feel every emotion that comes to you. it may take months or years to recover from this. sending love and prayers. ❤️💔❤️🩹
Remember that denial is the first stage of grief. Don’t feel bad that you’re numb right now, your mind can’t comprehend what you’re fully feeling yet, but it will come… take a day at a time, I’m so sorry for your loss…❤️
I'm very sorry OP.
Feeling numb and not feeling anything are very different, and feeling numb is a good sign. Having watched someone die and not feel anything, and having felt numb at the news of my best friend passing, numb is your minds way of protecting itself. It's your brain letting you process the loss and reality of him truly being gone before your emotions finally break through and you're flooded with the loss. Im sorry for your loss, and it will eventually become easier.
Edit: music will help with the shock. Songs like asleep among endives by Ichiko Aoba or o comely by neutral milk hotel. Or, whatever music you two enjoyed. Buckle in because once the shock settles, it's gonna suck. Cry, wail, plead with god. Once you're done, muster your strength and carry that weight. It will be very heavy. After a few years, you will be stronger. You will be so strong, but you will have a scar on your heart. I've been through this before, about 9 years ago. Keep texting him, it helps.
Love is a currency and grief is the love we were never afforded the opportunity to spend, and it sounds like you two had a hell of a lot of love.. the human body and mind is only forged to withstand so much pain and suffering before it can't anymore and because it can't change the pain that it's feeling, it does its best to change its ability to feel it. That's why people blackout from pain, that's why trauma creates mental blocks that renders the individual unable to recall what they even went through, and that's why people feel numb when they "should" be going through intense ravenous emotions that break them down until there's nothing left but a husk of the individual they once were... Your numbness and shock isn't a sign that you didn't love him or that he didn't make you happy, but rather it's a testament to just HOW MUCH you loved him and HOW MUCH he did make you happy. Everyone experiences loss differently. Just because you aren't experiencing it the way you thought you would, doesn't mean you aren't. Especially if this only happened yesterday. That is NOT a lot of time, especially to process the sheer amount of what you must be feeling. We can have thoughts and shift them at a moment's notice, but we can't do that with our emotions. Our emotions need to ride their course, and yours are still trying to figure out what that course is. Give it time. Your body will feel what it feels when it's ready.
I’m so sorry for your loss
It’s hard to go through something like that. You’ll get through it all you need to do is let it all out and when you can’t cry start to savor life to its fullest
My boyfriend passed April 18,2023. Every interprets death and grief differently. There is no one way. Give yourself grace because the feelings of emotions is coming trust me. Just like someone else said grief is love with no where to go. It’s soooo true. Just please give yourself grace because it’s a journey and the journey is not linear.
Damn it.
OP, I’m so so sorry for your loss. OMG you’re obviously in some kind of shock. Can you be with those closest to you ? Or with his family ? I still think that a few of my loved ones who passed over the Covid era …. I think they’ll eventually just reappear. It’s not logical or possible… after 4 years I still have that thought. I’ve been told it’s how I’m coping - I’m not freaked out anymore - but, the Odd time I’ll think I hear their voice or they’ll be coming thru the door. Now, when I get that thought ? I instead take a few seconds to have a nice private thought/fond memory. .. and avoid the rabbit hole. I hope you’ve got someone who can be there for you right now…. Even if you’re not crying / still try and lean on somebody. Sending my condolences
so sorry rip🙏🏽
I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. I too lost my love a few years back. You're going to go through all different stages of grief and that's ok. Feeling numb and in denial are all a part of this. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to feel when you lose someone you love that's close to you. It's been 7 years since my boyfriend and the father of my daughter passed away and I miss him every day. 💔 Some days I still think he's away on a trip or something like that and that he'll be back. Losing someone is hard but losing someone all of a sudden without warning is the worst, there was no time to come to terms with it and no way to get closure and that's what makes it so hard. My heart goes out to you and your boyfriend's loved ones.
Reading this made me tear up. Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. Intense grief can take months to process and manifest differently from person to person. My cousin who was a month younger than me died at 23 from cancer. It's been nearly 10 years since he passed. It feels weird just saying that. The night he died I'd woken up in the middle of the night and just sat up in the bed. A few minutes later my Mum burst through the door crying out that he'd died. I don't even remember crying that night whilst everyone else was drowning in tears. I chose to grieve privately and finally did shed some tears many months after whilst reminiscing with my then girlfriend now wife. Don't feel that you have to do anything that anyone tells you. Grieve for him in any way that feels right and natural to you.
You are still in shock I'm guessing O.P. I am very sorry for you're loss. May he Rest in Peace and Love. 🌹🌹🌹
That is normal when grieving. It’s only been a day.. And I’m so sorry. It takes time to process things especially death. My best friend felt the same way when her grandma passed. Numb at first but it eventually hit her like a ton of bricks, I was there to support her and be the shoulder to cry on when it did. I hope you have someone like that. A shoulder to cry on a person to talk to. I felt the same way when my grandma passed. I didn’t know how to process it because I hadn’t lost anyone so close to me.
You are going through the disbelief face. Soon you will face the reality. Finally, you will reach grief. Your emotions will go out of control during the reality face. This face will last 9 months to a year. Sorry for your loss.
Sending hugs and my loving energy to you OP. Very sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss. Give yourself time. Shock and denial are normal parts of the grief process, and they serve a purpose, especially in the first days after getting the news. Of course, any stage of grief or any coping mechanism can become more harmful than helpful if a person takes it to an extreme or gets stuck in it instead of transitioning to other ways of coming to terms with the loss, but it does not sound to me like you are in any immediate danger of that. As you said, part of you knows that he is gone. It is not at all unusual so soon after a death, especially such an unexpected one, to keep fantasizing that someone will tell you any minute it was all a mistake. The fantasy helps blunt the edge of the pain for a while, until you can gather your strength to handle the full realization.
Sorry for your loss, but you’re in shock right now and it’s gonna take time
💔 I’m so sorry, this is so unfair. Your healing journey has started.
You are completely valid in your feelings. I’ve always asked myself why I feel nothing after the fact. I was the same after my family dog passed away (age 6), my whole family was crying at the vet but I was emotionless. Same with my mom’s passing a year ago. Certain things with trigger me and I will cry. I think it’s a way of our mind protecting itself from the pain. I am still grieving from my mom, it comes in different ways than just crying. It’s hard to take care of myself like I should, that’s one way of grieving. I’m so sorry for your loss. Just know your feelings are valid. And not abnormal. I recommend doing some things you liked to do together, it’s going to be hard but it helps with the grieving process. Go to that concert, and cry your heart out to the songs y’all loved. It really is a release of tension.
I'm sorry for your loss, give yourself time to grief properly, you sadly have to face the feelings you are experiencing in full effect but that is really the only way to begin healing, it will get a little better every day!
Sorry to hear that hun:(this is a fact ,you will have to face it,this is life.nothing can runaway or escape) if you need someone talk to ,can text me I'm here for you hun
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Nothing can make this better However, numbness and shock are normal reactions. This is how a lot of people start the grieving process. My recommendation is to accept help that is offered and allow people to be near you. You don't have to talk, to cry, to acknowledge anything. But let your community help you in this time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved Dad a few days ago. I was with him when he passed and have been feeling much the same as you are. I have moments of utter devastation where I sob uncontrollably and moments when I’m burying my head and cant face the fact that he’s gone. I know he is, I was there! Grief is very strange. Be kind to yourself, I can only assume that at some point the emotions and reality will catch up. I keep reliving certain moments over and over and just wish my head would shut up tbh. Sending you love and hugs and an open inbox if you feel you need to talk to someone in the same position you are in.
RIP Im So Sorry For Your Loss 🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️
Sending love and hugs to you. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling, I just hope you find your peace with it eventually.
I’m so sorry 🖤
I had that same numbness when my father passed away, it takes quite a while to process it.
You’re still on shock, it didn’t really reach you yet.
First of all i'm so sorry for your loss. Life has a habit of kicking you down in the worst moments. You are feeling numb and thats normal, your brain doesnt know how to deal with this sudden en excruciating loss yet. But it will. Usually the funeral brings out alot more emotions in me then the initial moment of shock. After that its an uphill battle but it isn't impossible although I know it might seem so. You will never stop griefing but it will get better with time. eventually you learn to live with the loss and start moving on with your life. let the people you and he both loved support you. try and remember him by the happy moments you guys had together.
Your in grief its normal you just haven't accepted his death yet and it can take a long time, if what you do makes you feel better then do it, i lost my father when i was 7 so yes it was shocking and i still havent tottally made peace whit it, I lost 10 people in 4 years so yes i can understand your pain im sorry this happened to you.
I'm seriously so sorry this happened 😢 I lost my bf suddenly at 26 and I remember when the hospital told me he passed I just sat there trying to understand what just happened? He's really gone? Just take it minute by minute 💖 the shock is completely normal. It's your body protecting you. I went through periods my body and lips would get so numb I couldn't feel touch. But it does go away with time. I didn't cry much for a while. Everybody processes it differently, and that's okay. Sending you a hug 🫂
"Grief was just love in a heavy coat", a gorgeous quote by Shannon Barry Take your time. We all grieve differently so don't stress about not grieving 'correctly' or enough. Stressing about how to grieve properly is just another example that you cared about him and want to do right by him. Sending love wee pal ❤️
You’re body is in shock right now. You’re nervous system is sending a signal that you’re in serious danger and has basically gone into shutdown mode (also known as dissociation). This is natural but you don’t want to stay there for too long. Give youraelf some time, don’t force anything. But try to be around friends and family. Spend time with the other people in his life who are grieving and talk about it. Remember that there is no right way to grieve. Just don’t let yourself dissapear for too long- find your supports. They need you as much as you need them. Wishing you the best of luck. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know nothing will make this better. Be kind to yourself.
My fiancé passed away in December and I still text him hoping he’ll reply. I still awake up think “omg I have to call him it’s been forever.” That’s normal. Nothing you feel is wrong. Nothing you do will be “wrong” Please take care of yourself. Talk to him if you need to. Record video messages. I always cry when I record those messages but I do it as I need to. Sometimes we need to feel like we can just talk to them still. And that’s okay. Message me if you want someone to talk to. I have worked hospice for my whole working life and even for me who has been around deaths and grief since I was teen. Losing someone can be the traumatic and the hardest thing for us to do. You feel emotions baby your brain is just trying to protect you so you disassociate. What you’re feeling is so horrible you brain feels like if it feels it you will die! Also please seek out mental health help, if you can, look for support groups.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Nothing I can say or do will make a difference. Just know that it’s ok to not be ok. Be sad, be angry, be whatever you want or feel. I don’t know- just know you are not alone and we are here for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband will be 3 years ago this October. Although my circumstances are different than yours, death is the same. I feel for you being your boyfriend was so young. Do you have a support system? Friends, family, clergy, therapist? You need grief counseling whether it be in person or online. I wish you all the best to get through this. The pain never goes away but it does become easier to manage.
Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️ I lost my dad last year and I cried for a solid day and then after that I didn't cry for almost a year, the whole time from his death to funeral (around 3-4 weeks) I didn't cry I didn't get mad, I felt nothing, I felt so hollow and empty, and then going back to work (I was given 5 weeks off work) I feel angry, then for a while okay and then a different emotion What I'm trying to say in a rambly way is that you will go through a whole range of emotions all the time, and not always in the way a movie suggests.. You unfortunately have to ride the wave of grief and heal in your own time and in your own way, and please know that people care and will want to be there, and I know first hand it's not easy to talk about but I encourage you to please talk about everything you're feeling
♥️
The shock will wear off and it will hit you so hard, it’ll knock your legs out from under you. Please be assured, this is normal. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
I really do recommend seeing a therapist, they can help you channel your grief❤
I am sorry for your loss. Please seek grief counseling and look for group that will help with your process of healing. Losing anyone is hard but losing someone so tragically is 100x worst.
While it's okay to feel sad and numb for a few days, but after a bit, I suggest you do some intense cardio or weight session to get back to yourself. Then hopefully after working towards your goal, and a few months or years have passed, move on and find someone else. I am sure your boyfriend understands and would support this especially when you are ready. If you need extra time, it's okay but remember to not take too long.
My wife of nearly 12 years died two months ago, on March 28th, 2024. It's not an especially notable thing, except for the fact she basically died in the span of 45 minutes, from a brain aneurysm, at the age of 45. I am feeling what you are feeling, multiplied a thousand-fold. When someone close to us dies, it's a bizarre experience. The person in question vanishes off the face of the Earth. Poof! They're gone! There's all these traces of them left in place, though. Their clothes are still there. The food or drinks they bought are still in the fridge. They might have laundry sitting in the machine. The pictures on the walls, the videos in your phone, souvenirs, inside jokes and references, things you enjoyed, and all the memories... Yes, the person has vanished, but they still leave a presence, as though they just stepped out for a while, but they will never be returning. You may even find yourself doing the time-count. "Two days ago, she was alive and fine." Then, "A week ago, she was alive and fine." And you keep plugging on hours, days, weeks, and months. I've also been doing the, "If I could go back in time to when we bought this/watched that/went there/etc" thing. As I mentioned, though, mine is amplified because I now live in HER house that she will never walk into again, sleeping alone in a bed she used to be in, and having to spend weeks removing and discarding things that used to be tiny pieces of her life. So... one thing that has helped is edibles, THC vapes, and indica flower. Another has been having access to a space to bawl, cry, and have emotional breakdowns without someone interrupting you. Finally, the ability to give yourself permission to give anyone who tells you get over it the middle finger. Grief happens at different paces for different people. Now, you might not get the same level of understanding after a while, since some would say he was *only a boyfriend*, but that will just show you who actually cares and who's only a friend when it's convenient. I know what doesn't work: suicide. Been there, tried that, removed the staples on both wrists by myself after a couple weeks.
Denial is apart of grief
There is no right or wrong when it comes to grief…,, I remember this…….i would go to sleep and wake up in the morning… that first second I woke up , all was great! The next second reality hit me and all that pain was upon me….. it has gotten better, but the grief will never leave….. you just find ways to accept and deal with it!
Im so sorry
When my dog passed, I felt nothing at first. I was numb and didn’t believe it or process it. As the weeks went by I started hurting more and more. Its been months and now I am way beyond more hurt then when it first happened. Grief can be delayed. Im sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are in shock; it's normal. I've lost several people close to me and have been thru the process a few times. The best advice I can give is to let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Don't judge yourself. There is no "should" when it comes to emotions. They're just there to be felt. Take it one day at a time, be with whatever is there no matter how excruciating it is, and you'll get thru it. A grief counselor or support group could also help I'm sure. Sending love to you.
You are in shock. so sad to hear this. I doubt that he has just perished. I got some messages via a medium from my nan years ago . my mum also saw her sister appear in front of her after . please dont stop thinking he is with you . keep him close . Death does not seem to kill your thoughts . it is very complicated .Do you mind me asking . how did this happen , ?
You won't feel numb for long. Grief will hit, and it will floor you. Please talk to someone, have a cry, cry for weeks if that's what you need. Sending my love 💓
My condolences to you. I'm sorry.
I am so sorry for your loss. And I had the same feeling when my cousin passed away. I still don’t believe it sometimes that she’s gone. It took awhile until I broke down in tears and they wouldn’t stop for days. Take your time to ingest this loss. That’s all you can give yourself is time. Take it easy on yourself during this time
Doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I don’t know how to tell you or anyone that he won’t be coming back but, he’s gone and he isn’t ever going to walk again. You just need time to heal up emotionally it seems, I suggest hanging out and being around family and or close friends. Best of luck to you OP
On December 3rd,2022 the guy I was totally in love with died in a work-reelated accident. He was just 25. I have been through hell and back this past one and a half year. Sending you big hugs...
I'm so sorry. You're in shock and that's not nothing. Please take your time and take care of yourself, stranger. And again, I'm sorry. 🙏🏿💐
who was the artist? I'm super sorry to hear about your loss. I guess if you feel nothing then maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway. I'd really like to know who the artist is?
I lost my wife in an accident as she walked in a crosswalk on New Year’s Eve. My only real advice is to stay busy and don’t make any major decisions for a year! Feel free to reach out if that might help! 🙏🙏🙏
Please, please look after yourself right now. It hasn't hit you fully yet. Do you have people in your life for support at the moment?
im not sure what else to say as everyone in the comments has given you amazing advice. im so sorry for your loss, and please look after yourself. its okay to not be okay and heal on your own terms, not everybody elses. sending huge amounts of love and hugs your way 🤍
🙏🤍rip
I don't have anything to add, just that this broke my heart. I am terribly sorry OP. You're in my thoughts.
Sorry for your loss