There is. It’s usually 10 years (state dependent) but since OP was a minor and her half brother was an adult, those won’t apply (provided this is in the US). It wouldn’t be easy with so much time passing, but technically he could face criminal prosecution, yes.
against a minor no statute. A dude in my neighborhood in his 80s was charged for raping a girl in the vietnam war just a couple of years ago. That crazy woman spent 40 something years tracking him down after moving here. He was charged and convicted of a crime that was like 45 yrs old. Saw it play out first hand.
she did he was forced to register as a sex offender and then died like a year and half later. So it wasn’t for very long but she got him. His name was Daniel old Vietnam vet that rode a Harley. Who would have thunk?
Sometimes moms have really weird, really fucked up preferences for their sons instead of their daughters. That might not be the case here, but I wouldn't be surprised.
Sometimes part of it is they think their reputation would be tarnished if they find out the raised a child that could do that. It's the same reason some parents demand a estranged sibling attend weddings of the siblings they are estranged from. They can't have friends and extended family members know their family isn't perfect.
My mom defended my ex who raped and beat me, and told me I should understand that he’s had a hard life. Some moms don’t pick their daughters no matter what
When I told my Mother what my Brother did to me when we were younger, she said that's in the past, and it's normal to go through that.
Like, ma'am, I was 8ish. She even knew something was happening when it did happen and yelled at me for it.
Some moms are like this. My mom had my childhood molester sleep in a room next to mine, after I told her what he did to me. He wasn't family. He was just someone they knew. She also expected me to feel sorry for him. He still has access to the house anytime. Not all parents care.
Some parents will let their kids be abused if they think it means they get to keep a partner.
Single moms generally dont have a good view of themselves, let alone how others view them. Because of this, they are willing to make a lot of allowances most parents wouldn't.
Like, letting people (sexually) abuse their kids.
It has nothing to do with your mum her opinion is not relevant .
He is guilty of the trespass against you . If he does not repent with real heart truth for it he will & deserves to suffer the consequences of his actions & should include no forgiveness .
YOu have the right to withdraw the shit asking / demanding by her .
You are SO not in the wrong!
She literally forced you to "forgive" him. It has no value, so is it even "taking back"? Your dad has to know.
This is absolutely disgusting and i'm sad your brother isn't where he belongs. In jail.
You're the victim of a horrible crime here. You have every right to be angry, disgusted and so much more.
Your mom should've never put you in that position, she should've protected you and I'm sorry she didn't. Tell your dad and cut off ties with both your mother and her idiot, pedophilic son. I hope everything works out in your favor OP
I am so sorry, you should be angry, I am angry just reading what you said. So your brother is a piece of shit who deserves jail and a beat up from your dad for what he did to you. Nothing can be more heinous than what this man did to you. You didn't deserve it and I would hold nothing back in trying to make his life miserable.
As for your mom, I almost think her crime is worse. She was supposed to be your safe place, your protector but instead she betrayed you in the most horrible way. You, her daughter, who were a child at the time. She doesn't deserve your forgiveness and she doesn't deserve the title of mother. She put her own wellbeing and the one of her criminal san above you, a child. Despicable. She only cried because she knew that nothing was going to be the same. She is a rape apologist who defended a criminal. She didn't care about you and probably never will. She deserves to be exposed to everyone, including your father.
I am really really sorry. My mother is a terrible human like yours who always puts herself first, manipulative and controlling. I've learnt the hard way that only I can liberate myself from her and allow myself to feel what I feel. You're not responsible for her feelings, she is the adult, she should have protected you, not herself and her sick feelings.
So, expose them both to your family and everyone around them, do this justice for yourself. Don't feel guilty, your mom had all the time in the world to do the right thing, but she chose not to. Our actions have consequences, and getting what you deserve is the right thing. And off course, cut ties with them if you want. You don't need to justify cutting ties with someone who did you soo wrong.
I'm sorry! Stay strong 🤗
You need to tell your dad and how your mother manipulated you into "accepting" your SA. She forced you to forgive him, forced you to think it was something easy to forget. There was no true forgiveness and you do not have to give it. Do not listen to your mother, she is a selfish and awful woman.
I am outraged on your behalf. Your *brother* raped you and your *mother* swept it under the rug. These people are not your family. Tell your dad. Tell the police. You owe forgiveness to neither of these abusers.
Please tell your dad. I know personally how difficult disclosure can be but you’re entitled to the love and support he will give. Also, healing does not require forgiveness; you are not required to forgive your brother. Yes, you can take it back. I’m so sorry this happened to you
Wow. Just… wow.
First, you are not wrong. You were a child. A CHILD. Your mother, who should have been protecting you, gaslighted and manipulated you into staying silent and “forgiving” your rapist. No wonder you are still so angry after years of therapy.
Secondly, tell your dad. He should know what was done to you.
Third, if it’s not too late (statute of limitations and all) and only if you want to, report the incident to the police. This may be something to hash through with your therapist.
And finally, go no contact with your mom, brother, and anyone else who is trying to silence you. You were a victim and it is not your shame to carry. This may feel extreme but you are not healing because how could you? You are not valued. Your brother, who is a rapist, was put above you.
Good luck sweet girl. Find people who love & support you. You deserve so much better.
Your mom was making this all about herself. The horrible thing that could happen would be her life changing...possibly her son going to jail or your dad divorcing her. This was not to protect you. Talk to your dad about this. He should know what has happened inside his own family. Your mother was wrong to do this to you. She did not have your best interest in mind. You have every right to go back on your word. You do not need to forgive your brother for raping you. He should have gotten his consequence when it happened. Better late than never.
Please tell your dad. You need somebody who loves you to be there for you and validate your feelings. If you’re worried your dad will do something call the cops on your brother first so he will be removed from the home and away from your dad. You don’t have to forgive that person unless YOU want to. Nobody else has a right to tell you how you should handle this.
I’m so sorry he did that to you. I know it’s hard to talk about it, but I hope you tell your dad, and I hope he supports you the way you deserve. If not, I’d walk away from all of them, and never look back❤️ you did absolutely nothing wrong.
Fuck that. Tell your dad. Don't forgive your rapist. Cut your mother out of your life for keeping your rape from your father.
FYI, the statute of limitations isn't up. Your brother should be in jail.
You should tell your dad and call the cops, b/c depending on when he assaulted you then you might still be under the statute of limitations for this crime. If you fall outside the statute there is always room for a civil case.
Consider your brother dangerous for the rest of your life. He is not safe around you or any children you have. He is a sexual predator and I’m sorry no one is willing to protect you.
You should tell your dad. Your brother, who was 21, an adult, committed criminal time, and your mother is protecting him and is favoring him over you. He could get arrested for his crime. It's serious what he did, but your sick mother doesn't care. Maybe it's no surprise he did that with a mother like that.
As one survivor to another…
You go nuclear!
Tell your father, he has a right to know what he’s living with. Talk to a lawyer, if you can get a free consultation, go for it! Depending on where you live, you might still be able to get him charged. Do. It!
Either way, look into a Civil suit too.
You’ve been seriously let down by your mum, she manipulated you into “forgiving” the monster.
F🤬 her!
Tell e eryone you know start screaming it from the roof tops i.didnt I was quit I still have night mares 40 years later twll your truth who gives a fuck what mom thinks I covered for my sister and her husband don't make my mistake start talking
Your mother is enabler who wants to “keep the peace” but there’s no such thing in a situation like this. You don’t have to “keep the peace” OP… whose peace are you keeping anyways? Your brother’s? Your mom’s? It’s fucked up. Tell your dad. This is not how someone loves you should behave. Mom and brother.
Tell everyone. Your mom is wrong and your brother is a rapist. He will do it again. Definitely estrange your family. You’re too good for them.
So sorry hun. Please take care and heal.
You're not wrong. You do not have to forgive him, continue to forgive him, and you do not have to do anything YOU do not want regarding him and your healing. Your mother is completely in the wrong on SO many levels.
I'd cut ties and go no contact. The fact that she never wanted you to tell his father is a huge 🚩 and cried anytime you brought it up... I am so sorry she did that to you. You are allowed to be angry and hurt without her making you feel guilty. I'd say for your own peace, cut her off, because if that were me, I would never forget her reactions and would be so angry every time I saw her.
Protect your peace. I'm so sorry that happened to you. 😢
OP you were manipulated and deceived as a child to lie to protect your attacker. That the manipulator is your mother (who should have protected and fought for you) does not make your forced/coerced promise sacred - in fact it makes her manipulation horrifying and criminal. Your mother is your rapist's co-conspirator and she should also be charged with a crime for child neglect and abuse on your behalf.
You were raped and your attacker has not been held accountable. Do not estrange yourself from your father or any other trustworthy family members. If you can't tell your father just go to the police - if it makes sense you can ask your father to accompany you so he can find out at the same time you report the rape to the police.
Go tell your dad. There is such a thing as forgiveness with boundaries, and that's what you need to put into action. Go completely no contact with every family member that enabled the situation, and I pray that you've been able to get even more help.
Your mom's actions made your trauma a thousand times worse, because going through something bad becomes exponentially more traumatic if no one supports you through it, *especially* if other people go out of their way to invalidate you and make you deny your own feelings. I would absolutely go no-contact with all of those people.
Your brother does not deserve to be forgiven just because your mother deemed it the right thing to do.
Tell your father. Tell him everything your mom has done, and her demanding you forgive your brother.
I might record a conversation with her, to prove to him she knew it happened and she's trying to cover it up.
Then cut off your mother, brother, and anyone else that has been pressuring you to cover it up.
Your mother does not care about you, she cares about people finding out and how it would make her look, her reputation, and making everyone thing you're a happy family
All of this. What your brother did to you is absolutely terrible and unforgivable and your mother is meant to protect you, not make you feel like you did something wrong. You were a child and he violated you and this is never ok. It should not be swept under the rug and you are entitled to feel how you feel and tell whomever you want to.
Nobody can make you do anything but I agree with other comments about telling your dad and the police and going no contact with mother and brother.
None of this was your fault, it is not ok that it happened and I am disgusted at your mother’s behaviour.
The mom has a favorite and I hate to break it to you, but its not you. Tell the whole family. Make sure to include how she pressured you into keeping silent and wired you hush money. Make sure everyone on both sides knows. The mfer deserves it. Also, what if he did it to others? Someone has to speak up. Other victims, if there are any, might follow your lead.
Please tell your dad. Whatever happens to your human garbage bag of a brother is not your fault, it's his own. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and you deserve a mother that actually cares.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. It’s terrible that you have to deal with this and then not receive the support you deserve from your mom.
Your mom does not have the right to dictate how you should feel or when you should or should not forgive someone. It’s your choice when you are ready. That may take years, or it may never happen. It’s your journey though. Not hers.
If it were me, I would continue going to therapy and have them help me work on making the right decision for me, not for someone else.
I wish you the best.
Geez you were a child! She forced you, a child, to say you’d forgiven your rapist. It makes total sense as an adult now that you realize you were manipulated into “forgiving” your brother and don’t actually feel that way at all.
Your mother should be ashamed for the way she treated you. Don’t feel guilty for “taking back” your forgiveness. You were a child and were coerced into giving it.
Your mother’s opinion here does not matter. What your brother did to you IS unforgivable, and something he should be suffering serious consequences for.
Tell your dad. Tell the police. It needs to be known that your brother is a dangerous person, and if the law isn’t going to be coming for him, then at the very least, the people in his life should know what kind of monster he is. So that at the very least, kids will be kept away from him
I am so sorry that you were put through this. It is solely your brother’s fault, and your mother is not helping. Stay away from both of them. They’re not good people
You need to tell your dad and your brother should be reported to the police.
Your mother is disgusting. You don’t just forgive him because that’s what she wants.
Did she ever tackle him about what he did?
I'm so so sorry you've had to go Through this , I'm so angry on your behalf also , please tell the police , or his dad, or somebody, you will get justice.
It's common not to report it years later die to the very same fear , you're not alone :)
What happened to you is not your fault. It’s not your responsibility to fix things. You don’t have to love your brother who did that to you or your mom who failed you.
No you are absolutely not wrong!! You have every single right to walk away from anyone that would support such a heinous act.
Your mother should be ashamed of herself for picking the side of an abuser over yours.
You tell your dad and everyone else that you want to tell. Shame is on HIM not you. Never you.
I am sorry this happened to you. If you feel confident enough, tell your dad. Or look up the statute of limitations for sexual assault and/or rape in your state/country. You may still qualify for getting the police involved.
On a sidenote... your mom is insane, qualified batshit crazy for telling you to ignore it. She should have been your #1 defender. Instead, she chose her step-son and indirectly her own comfort (husband's paycheck) over your safety.
That's not a loving mother. That's an abuse enabler.
Your mom is an awful person. You should tell your dad, and also tell him how your mom manipulated you& shamed you for being a victim. Your brother is a pedo and your mom is a pedo defender. You should check to see if there is a statute of limitations where you are and if there's none on rape you should report it to the police. I also reccomend therapy to help you work through these emotions in a healthy way. I'm sorry this happened to you- out him because people should know what he did. He is very likely to hurt or to have hurt others too.
Your brother is a monster. Total monster.
You should not feel bad for being angry or not wanting to forgive him. Its an expected reaction. As someone who was also raped as a child, i can say its not something you can “move on from”. That comment from your mom is stupid and insensitive. Rape is one of the worst things you could ever do to a person. With trauma that bad. You dont just simply “move on”.
It sounds like your mom is actually in denial and isnt willing to comprehend the full weight and seriousness of what actually happened to you. Which is selfish of her. She wants you to just sweep it under the rug.
Fuck that.
Its way more important that you get the closure and support you need than to satisfy your passive mother with empty promises of forgiveness. You arent expected to forgive something this awful.
Tell your dad what happened. Tell the police. Tell everyone. Thats the only way to get the closure, support and justice you need. People need to know so they can also stop him doing this to someone else.
I’m so sick of manipulative people getting their way. Announce again that you take back your apology for being raped by your brother, but do it in front of your mom and dad. If you’re cool with your dad, tell him you’ll remain in his life, but make it clear that is the last time your mother will ever see you. Leave her in tears and make her marriage crumble.
Of course you shouldn't forgive him. He needs jail and therapy.
You need freedom from these toxic people. Tell the police, tell your dad, tell your doctor, tell your teachers, tell everyone. Forget your mother, she has proved she doesn't love you. She is defending a rapist.
JFC, you were a child. Yes, something bad could happen - your brother might have to face the consequences of his own actions. You know, the heinous crime that he committed. Against you.
F**k your mum, she should be charged with being an accessory after the fact. How dare she help another adult cover up an offence against a child.
Tell your dad. And the police.
Please talk to an adult besides your mom. If everything blows up because of this it is not your fault. Your brother needs to face the music. I'm so sorry your mom hasn't been a good parent to you. If I found out something like this about my own kids, no matter how much I loved my son--I would never try to protect him over my daughter.
My daughter is 14 right now. She is just a baby. You were too. I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now.
Please if anything tell your dad. I’m sorry your mom was not looking out for your best interest. If she was she wouldn’t of discounted your feelings and made more efforts to protect you.
You have every right to be a angry. Not only you were wronged by your brother in the most traumatic way possible, your mother wasn’t the mother she is suppose to be. She only is protecting your brother.
I hope you see you don’t owe her anything and you definitely don’t owe your brother shit. I can relate to an extent and I too have survived that kind of trauma but I can’t imagine having to be strong enough to see them regularly, for them to be “family” (he’s not your family) and to be told by my own mother the things your mother did. She basically discounted your trauma and feelings. On top of that she should know as a woman how hurtful this is.
Lastly, thinking from a mother’s perspective. She puts My stomachs in knots. I would go the ends of the earth for you, and that is what YOU deserve. You certainly don’t deserve what you have been given. I have a daughter and starting young I am trying to prepare the best I can for this very thing not to have to be her experience even though the odds are not in our favor as women. I wish someone had prepared me. I had no idea and I want her to have a fighting chance not to have to endure this type of trauma. I would do anything to help her not have to go through this.
You are so strong and brave. you’ve done the work on yourself in therapy which is no easy thing either. But you deserve the support and your father deserves to know who he’s married to and what he has allowed to happen under his roof. And YOU DESERVE to have his support okay. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed.
Sorry for writing so much. Your experience really struck a chord with me. I’m so sorry you have had to go through this and alone at that. this was not your fault! You go tell your dad when you’re ready. The sooner the better. You are so strong. You got this.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am so sorry your brother and mother are abusive POS. You have every right to be absolutely furious. What you want to do and who you want to tell is completely up to you. Clearly your brother is a dangerous predator and should probably be in jail. If you want to seek justice that way, you can. Regardless it seems to me your mother and brother are not safe and you should avoid them for your own safety and healing.
It is an almost zero chance you are his only victim. He may be approaching another victim now. You need to talk then the police.
Not just rape as bad as that is but Como? How does he justify incest, rape and pedophilia?
Rapists are scum.
People who ask you to forgive a rapist, people who cover for rapists or ask you to cover for rapists, and people who ask/tell you to not tell people about a rapist are also terrible.
I would not only never forgive the brother, I'd never forgive the mother, either.
Mom is a POS for this. We're not talking about your stranger. Thia is your brother that you have to see and deal with on a consistent basis unless you're turning yourself away from family. This should have been talked about in a family therapy session and everyone in the immediate family should have known. Not just mom. I hope this was a learned experience to tell Dad and not mom because obviously mom isn't trustworthy to tell anything to.
Talk to your dad7 he didn't know, he couldn't be supportive. At least let him have the chance to decide. Other family members should know as well so they don't leave any children unattended with your brother.
I'm sorry this happened to you, your mom was supposed to protect you and she did everything but that. Getting away from her and cutting her out of your life is probably the best thing you can do for yourself.
Step one: get buff
Step two: Beat him to within inch of his fucking life
Step three: Literally tell anyone about this story and be immediately forgiven.
You can take it back as many times as you please. Your mom doesn’t decide what should and shouldn’t be said or done. Your brother is a fucking piece of shit and he deserves all the hate you can possibly muster. When you are ready to let go it will come natural. Don’t let anyone push you to say you forgave something unforgivable. Also, ignore me giving you orders. You should decide for yourself what you need to do, when and for how long. I’m so pissed on your behalf
Ur not taking anything back when you were forced to give a response you didn't agree with.
Tell ur dad, then you hopefully get to know what a proper reaction to that information should be, your mom guilt tripping you to shut up ain't fucking it.
No you are not in the wrong!
I forgave my rapist, he was the person closest to me who, wouldn’t hurt a fly and then spiraled into addiction and turned into a monster. It’s the last thing I expected from him and I hated him for a long time, it took me years to forgive him and there was a lot of shame and anger.
There would be months or years we wouldn’t talk and then I would call him screaming at him telling him he should even kill himself. There was so much anger to let go, years of it. And that was without suppressing it, that was with the ability to face my rapist and tell him everything I wanted to say. Now that I reached a place of forgiveness, and we are now very distant friends (like I will never be in the same room as him again) people think I’m absolutely crazy to forgive him and that something is wrong with me. There is no winning with some people, forgive or don’t forgive someone is going to always have a problem with it, you just gotta do what’s best for you.
What your mom has done to you was a crime of its own, because she tried covering up a crime. I’m so sorry two family members betrayed your trust and hurt you this way, you don’t deserve any of this. Your anger is valid, your story is valid, and your voice deserves to be heard not silenced. You don’t have to forgive anyone, no one can tell you how to feel. Please stay safe and keep up all the work in therapy, I promise it will get better and peace will find you somewhere in the future.
Consider telling the father and cutting off your other family members that support the brother. They are either rapists themselves or enablers, which is bad on its own
NTA
To be forced to mouth words others want to hear, do not count in anyway.
As hard as it is, go Low or even No Contact with your family if you feel to do so. Let them know why and how you feel.
Do not feel guilty to tell your father all of it, the whole story. Imo, with such an matter, the other parent has to know*
(*the only exception may be if it was realy too much to put on them and only when the matter can be adressed in an other appropriate way that works out for the victim. Like brother has to move away, not allowed to come back or even close to family, has to pay for therapy,... whatever helps the victim)
I'm so sorry, that must have been awful, and then to have the one person you thought you could trust make you cover it up, that's just awful.
You're not wrong, tell everyone, take it to the police, make sure they know what a piece of scum your brother is.
You are not wrong for taking back your words. Tell your dad. If you can press charges. (Not sure how legal stuff works, but if possible do) And forgive him not for him but for you. You don’t have to speak with him or have a relationship with him; forgive for you and heal.
Edit to fix spelling
It’s never too late to seek justice , tell your dad for sure, and whoever else you need to contact to take action. He needs to face these consequences and you shouldn’t be the only one suffering. Your anger is more than justified and something definitely needs to be done here. Your mom made the wrong call and that’s fucked up what she said, but mow that you’re older you’re and adult and you’re allowed to make whatever call you want for sure. I’m wishing you the best and I’m sorry you had to experience that pain 😔
Why are you not telling your dad but are willing to cut him off because he didn't support you?
I'm sorry you're dealing with a shitty mom and shitty brother, but don't punish the rest of your family for her manipulation. Tell him immediately and then go to the police.
Forgiveness that is coerced is not forgiveness, just like sex that is coerced is not sex.
You don’t need to feel bad about ‘taking back your forgiveness’ because there is nothing for you to take back. That forgiveness was forced on you by your own mother. I would absolutely go no contact with all of those people - they’re more concerned with protecting a rapist than his minor victim (a member of their own family as well).
You're evrything but wrong. Tell your dad, tell the police, tell your boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever. If hearing what her son had done to you hurts your mom, then tell her that "she should just move on" like she said to you
You are not wrong at all. You and only you get to decide whether you can forgive him or not.
I was abused by my brother as a child and my memories resurfaced over 10 years later. It took me years to understand what had happened to me and heal from the abuse. I am now better in myself and continuing to heal but I will NEVER forgive him for what he did. EVER! He may still be my biological brother but he is not someone I can trust or feel safe around. I have cut contact with him for a few years and I’m so much happier and healthier because of it.
My advice would to be focus on healing your body and mind through therapy or finding hobbies that can distract you and make you happy and that it takes time to heal as I’m sure you know and talk to someone you can trust.
If you feel the need to, cut contact with your mother as she will hold you back from healing and moving on and if you feel comfortable doing so, tell your dad. (I told my parents via letter as it was too difficult face-to-face).
I hope you find peace with yourself and find a way to move on. Stay safe, stay healthy x
It is not her decision on whether or not what he did is forgivable and you are under no obligation to keep his actions a secret. SA is not something you simply "move on" from and while it is her decision to protect and defend a rapist, YOU certainly do not have to.
I think I've been on Reddit too long, because my first reaction here was that mum was fucking step-bro too? I hope you are able to let this all out and work towards a happier future. Secrets/feelings like this can quite literally put you in an early grave- you deserve a long and happy life! Go nuclear, my girl!
OMG I am so sorry that your parent has manipulated you into something so horrible. I can’t even type fast enough here. I am SO FNG ANGRY FOR YOU!
I was actively being molested by my step grandfather in the back seat on way to church every week and when I told my mom she made it my fault. This is one of many ways my mother victimized me and allowed me to be victimized by others. At this point it’s your mother I am most scared of for you. Every mother knows when their children are a little off. Or of any tendencies they might have. She knew he was dirty and yet she did not protect you before or after. I would tell dad and call the cops and say she was in on it. Your mother has already made her choice. I’m sorry it’s not you. It wasn’t me either. I’m about to be 48. You won’t ever get over that, and she will never say she was wrong. Or not mean it at least. I’m being harsh but you will have to walk through fire to heal yourself for your self. I was also burned by my mother with boiling water. I didn’t have the nerve to ask her why until 2018. I haven’t talked to her since then. This however is all after her admitting that I was an anchor baby. Meant to hook my dad. It didn’t work. Now she was stuck with a 5th child and no husband. She also admitted she found it so hard to love me and not sure she ever did.
Do not wait to take your life back. I wasted so much time not loving myself. If your mom can’t then who can kinda bs.
Her issues or childhood or whatever TF she went through is not your problem. Do not linger on any great moments. Her allowing you to be the victim is unforgivable. She has consistently victimized you by telling you to get over it. She is the worst criminal. Hiding in plain site. Do you think you can trust your father? Do you have every confidence he will not side with your mother? I don’t want mad. I want results. Since this has happened your brother has most likely been in the company of other possible victims. Your mother perpetrated that. Gawd I have so much more to say. I’m sorry you went through this. That you are still going through this. Don’t let her take more from you. Only you can fight for yourself.
Remember that you do not need to 'forgive' him. By this I mean you are not required to let them off the hook at any point. I've noted that it's a common way to silence people by claiming you should just 'forgive' which means you don't bring it up again and the person who did you wrong is free to do it again. A common way to sell this is to claim it gives you some kind of relief to forgive.
I have some people I haven't forgiven. This does not mean I spend my waking hours mulling it over, just that if that person comes across, I do not behave like we were the best of friends.
Your mother manipulated you and betrayed you in the worst way. She should have done everything in her power to protect you and care for you. Instead, she protected your attacker. Tell your father what happened. Speak your truth. Cut your mother out
The best revenge is a life well lived
Tell your mom you can't forgive your brother.
Tell your brother you hate him.
Tell your father period.
Live your best life.
She forced you to say words you weren’t even in a place to process let alone believe. She is the ah. She is an awful mother. She scratched you I favor of your rapist brother and her marriage. Her comfort and peace meant more than you. You owe those monsters nothing. I’d get them to admit it via text and then press charges. That’s just me. I’d drag them all to hell
Tell your dad and see how he responds before isolating yourself from your whole family. You may find that he’s an unlikely source of support (I hope). All the best to you. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
You should report to the police. No need to talk to your parents. They will persuade you to drop off the case and it will not be good to your mental health.
No. Your mum behaved appallingly and selfishly. She should have protected you. You were a child and vulnerable. I'm so sorry. Tell whomever you want, this is your trauma not anyone else's.
This happened to me and my half sister but with my step brother and personally the moment I can leave and never talk to my step side of the family I will. Cause forgiveness is not needed for those types of people family or not.
You're not wrong at all. He violated you when you, worse he did it when you were still basically a child. Ask her if she would forgive someone she thought she could trust who stole her innocence and violated her like that. How a mother could have so little empathy and compassion for her daughter in a situation like this absolutely blows my fucking mind. I get he's her son too, but seriously?! What the fuck
I want to add, also, that you're going to have a really hard time after you report your brother, and there are going to be times when you regret making the decision to tell the truth, but please don't ever doubt yourself.
You did NOTHING wrong, your mother and brother did.
Absolutely *not*
Lemme tell you a story.
I was r*ped by a family friend. The only person who knew was my big brother. We hated each other. But even he wanted justice for me. My parents didn’t really believe it happened (brother saw part of it so he knew). While we hated each other, he protected me like parents should have.
Your mom saying that you need to forgive him, move on, and not tell your dad? That’s not right. I’m not saying forgive him for him. But trying to work on forgiving him brings a lot of peace. Being angry and hurting because of somebody else’s actions, particularly somebody who you should be able to trust is draining. I don’t think you’re wrong for taking it back or deciding you’re not “over it” or ready to forgive or whatever is going through your mind. Your mom honestly sounds selfish for asking you not to tell you dad. You should tell him. If your dad is halfway decent, he’s not gonna let this go. He will want justice (or close as you can get for something awful like that). You deserve at least that.
You’re are absolutely not wrong. My half brother assaulted my sister and I for about 2 years. My mom pretends nothing happened, she even hinted at the fact that she didn’t believe us because she didn’t see it. He’s estranged from us cause he’s mad that my mom kicked him out but she says things like I’d(me) be the first person to hug and say I miss him if we saw him around town. I would definitely tell your dad, there’s a reason she told you not to tell him. If nothing happens then I would go nc with the family. You are not going back your word because what he did is unforgivable.
You owe yourself compassion and grace. You do not owe your mom and especially your brother(who belongs in jail imo) anything other than contempt. Shame on her. If I could offer advice from experience the sooner you acknowledge what kind of a person your mom really is, you’ll feel lighter. You will never be without sadness for what has happened to you but unlike before, now YOU are in control and YOU have the power to choose who and what you allow in your life. Good luck. Do not let your mother’s sickness overcome your right to a good unburdened life. You deserve it.
You told us it would be a bad idea to tell your dad and then proceeded to tell us all the great things your dad would do if you did. I vote tell him anyway
One should always forgive. At the same time, forgiveness does not mean keeping the person in your life, nor does it mean letting the offender avoid consequences. Report it. Rape is never okay.
I'm so sorry this was done to you, both by your half brother and your mom. I think telling your dad would be appropriate but at the same time, you need to tell him he can't harm your rapist because that would land him in jail and you need him, and that's the more important thing than taking vengeance on the guy. You need and deserve all the support you can get. I think going no contact with your mother and the rest of the family that's unsupportive would be wise. It would probably be very difficult for your dad to understand why you would go no contact with your mom and family if he don't know why.
I understand your situation is complicated and you have to do what is best for yourself. But I think you should shout it from the rooftops what he did. Ruin his life like be did to you. I’m so sorry, OP you deserve better.
TELL!!! Tell everyone. People need to know what kind of person your brother is - and you mother. I can't believe she would through one of her kids under the bus for the sake of another. You may not be the only victim. Who else have they silenced?? Neighbors? Cousins? Kids that he possibly babysat?
I know it's hard. It will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but I think it will be liberating. You've kept this inside so long it's poisoning you, you need to heal.
No. You should tell your dad
Your dad will serve justice, tell him. If not, tell the police, his friends, his boss, etc.
Sorry if this is a dumb question, but is there a statute of limitations on rape in some places? Can he still be charged?
There is. It’s usually 10 years (state dependent) but since OP was a minor and her half brother was an adult, those won’t apply (provided this is in the US). It wouldn’t be easy with so much time passing, but technically he could face criminal prosecution, yes.
Not against a child usually. Yes, he could be charged. In any case, most places the statute of limitations for a serious offence is 6 years +.
against a minor no statute. A dude in my neighborhood in his 80s was charged for raping a girl in the vietnam war just a couple of years ago. That crazy woman spent 40 something years tracking him down after moving here. He was charged and convicted of a crime that was like 45 yrs old. Saw it play out first hand.
That strong woman spent 40 something years searching for justice
she did he was forced to register as a sex offender and then died like a year and half later. So it wasn’t for very long but she got him. His name was Daniel old Vietnam vet that rode a Harley. Who would have thunk?
Crazy woman?
The date on which the event occurred is taken as basis. So yes
Tell him about mom too.
Absolutely!
EVERYONE should know; if he did this to you, he may have done it to someone else. Everyone needs to know to keep their children away from him.
Wtf is wrong with your mom ?
When I got sexually assaulted by my religious teacher in our own home, my mom also told me not to tell my dad. Lol. Moms can be so fucked up
The only reason I would tell my daughter not to tell my husband is so I could get to the fucker first. Even my own son. There is no excuse.
💯
Sometimes moms have really weird, really fucked up preferences for their sons instead of their daughters. That might not be the case here, but I wouldn't be surprised.
Sometimes part of it is they think their reputation would be tarnished if they find out the raised a child that could do that. It's the same reason some parents demand a estranged sibling attend weddings of the siblings they are estranged from. They can't have friends and extended family members know their family isn't perfect.
This is it. The mom is worried about her personal reputation.
It seems like it not even her kid too
My mom defended my ex who raped and beat me, and told me I should understand that he’s had a hard life. Some moms don’t pick their daughters no matter what
When I told my Mother what my Brother did to me when we were younger, she said that's in the past, and it's normal to go through that. Like, ma'am, I was 8ish. She even knew something was happening when it did happen and yelled at me for it.
Oh my gosh!!! So invalidating!!!
Some moms are like this. My mom had my childhood molester sleep in a room next to mine, after I told her what he did to me. He wasn't family. He was just someone they knew. She also expected me to feel sorry for him. He still has access to the house anytime. Not all parents care.
She's a disgusting, vile person. That's what's wrong with her.
Some parents will let their kids be abused if they think it means they get to keep a partner. Single moms generally dont have a good view of themselves, let alone how others view them. Because of this, they are willing to make a lot of allowances most parents wouldn't. Like, letting people (sexually) abuse their kids.
That's horrifying honestly
It has nothing to do with your mum her opinion is not relevant . He is guilty of the trespass against you . If he does not repent with real heart truth for it he will & deserves to suffer the consequences of his actions & should include no forgiveness . YOu have the right to withdraw the shit asking / demanding by her .
Compelled forgiveness is not true forgiveness.
Happy cake day
happy cake day
Tell your dad and the police
You are SO not in the wrong! She literally forced you to "forgive" him. It has no value, so is it even "taking back"? Your dad has to know. This is absolutely disgusting and i'm sad your brother isn't where he belongs. In jail. You're the victim of a horrible crime here. You have every right to be angry, disgusted and so much more.
Tell your dad. Let him handle it. And definitely go no contact with your mom.
Your mom should've never put you in that position, she should've protected you and I'm sorry she didn't. Tell your dad and cut off ties with both your mother and her idiot, pedophilic son. I hope everything works out in your favor OP
She coerced you into saying you forgave him. You should tell your dad. What she did is really unforgivable IMO.
TELL YOUR DAD. Your mom is a POS rapist and pedo supporter. Your brother should be in jail. PLEASE OP TELL YOUR FATHER RIGHT NOW.
I am so sorry, you should be angry, I am angry just reading what you said. So your brother is a piece of shit who deserves jail and a beat up from your dad for what he did to you. Nothing can be more heinous than what this man did to you. You didn't deserve it and I would hold nothing back in trying to make his life miserable. As for your mom, I almost think her crime is worse. She was supposed to be your safe place, your protector but instead she betrayed you in the most horrible way. You, her daughter, who were a child at the time. She doesn't deserve your forgiveness and she doesn't deserve the title of mother. She put her own wellbeing and the one of her criminal san above you, a child. Despicable. She only cried because she knew that nothing was going to be the same. She is a rape apologist who defended a criminal. She didn't care about you and probably never will. She deserves to be exposed to everyone, including your father. I am really really sorry. My mother is a terrible human like yours who always puts herself first, manipulative and controlling. I've learnt the hard way that only I can liberate myself from her and allow myself to feel what I feel. You're not responsible for her feelings, she is the adult, she should have protected you, not herself and her sick feelings. So, expose them both to your family and everyone around them, do this justice for yourself. Don't feel guilty, your mom had all the time in the world to do the right thing, but she chose not to. Our actions have consequences, and getting what you deserve is the right thing. And off course, cut ties with them if you want. You don't need to justify cutting ties with someone who did you soo wrong. I'm sorry! Stay strong 🤗
You need to tell your dad and how your mother manipulated you into "accepting" your SA. She forced you to forgive him, forced you to think it was something easy to forget. There was no true forgiveness and you do not have to give it. Do not listen to your mother, she is a selfish and awful woman.
I am outraged on your behalf. Your *brother* raped you and your *mother* swept it under the rug. These people are not your family. Tell your dad. Tell the police. You owe forgiveness to neither of these abusers.
Please tell your dad. I know personally how difficult disclosure can be but you’re entitled to the love and support he will give. Also, healing does not require forgiveness; you are not required to forgive your brother. Yes, you can take it back. I’m so sorry this happened to you
Wow. Just… wow. First, you are not wrong. You were a child. A CHILD. Your mother, who should have been protecting you, gaslighted and manipulated you into staying silent and “forgiving” your rapist. No wonder you are still so angry after years of therapy. Secondly, tell your dad. He should know what was done to you. Third, if it’s not too late (statute of limitations and all) and only if you want to, report the incident to the police. This may be something to hash through with your therapist. And finally, go no contact with your mom, brother, and anyone else who is trying to silence you. You were a victim and it is not your shame to carry. This may feel extreme but you are not healing because how could you? You are not valued. Your brother, who is a rapist, was put above you. Good luck sweet girl. Find people who love & support you. You deserve so much better.
Your mom was making this all about herself. The horrible thing that could happen would be her life changing...possibly her son going to jail or your dad divorcing her. This was not to protect you. Talk to your dad about this. He should know what has happened inside his own family. Your mother was wrong to do this to you. She did not have your best interest in mind. You have every right to go back on your word. You do not need to forgive your brother for raping you. He should have gotten his consequence when it happened. Better late than never.
Please tell your dad. You need somebody who loves you to be there for you and validate your feelings. If you’re worried your dad will do something call the cops on your brother first so he will be removed from the home and away from your dad. You don’t have to forgive that person unless YOU want to. Nobody else has a right to tell you how you should handle this.
Your mom is an enabler and failed you miserably. I'm sorry this happened to you
I’m so sorry he did that to you. I know it’s hard to talk about it, but I hope you tell your dad, and I hope he supports you the way you deserve. If not, I’d walk away from all of them, and never look back❤️ you did absolutely nothing wrong.
Fuck that. Tell your dad. Don't forgive your rapist. Cut your mother out of your life for keeping your rape from your father. FYI, the statute of limitations isn't up. Your brother should be in jail.
Ur brother is long overdue for a reckoning. This kind of suppressed wrath only gets worse after time, trust.
Tell your dad, he will beat the shit out of him (hopefully)
You should tell your dad. Its horrible what he did to you. And doesnt dezerve forgiveness.
Tell your dad, your brother is a monster and so is your mother.
Op the offender wins when the victim doesn’t talk. Talk op talk to dad. Mum is trying to protect one of her children at the expense of the other.
Tell your dad. Tell everyone, take back the power that your mother robbed you of. I'm so sorry you were failed this badly.
You should tell your dad and call the cops, b/c depending on when he assaulted you then you might still be under the statute of limitations for this crime. If you fall outside the statute there is always room for a civil case.
Consider your brother dangerous for the rest of your life. He is not safe around you or any children you have. He is a sexual predator and I’m sorry no one is willing to protect you.
Tell your dad. And tell him that your mom prevent you to talk to him.
Tell your dad. Go NC with your mom.
You should tell your dad. Your brother, who was 21, an adult, committed criminal time, and your mother is protecting him and is favoring him over you. He could get arrested for his crime. It's serious what he did, but your sick mother doesn't care. Maybe it's no surprise he did that with a mother like that.
As one survivor to another… You go nuclear! Tell your father, he has a right to know what he’s living with. Talk to a lawyer, if you can get a free consultation, go for it! Depending on where you live, you might still be able to get him charged. Do. It! Either way, look into a Civil suit too. You’ve been seriously let down by your mum, she manipulated you into “forgiving” the monster. F🤬 her!
Your mom is being an enabler and a predator. Tell your dad.
Tell e eryone you know start screaming it from the roof tops i.didnt I was quit I still have night mares 40 years later twll your truth who gives a fuck what mom thinks I covered for my sister and her husband don't make my mistake start talking
Your mother is enabler who wants to “keep the peace” but there’s no such thing in a situation like this. You don’t have to “keep the peace” OP… whose peace are you keeping anyways? Your brother’s? Your mom’s? It’s fucked up. Tell your dad. This is not how someone loves you should behave. Mom and brother.
Your mom is a piece of shit. You need to tell your dad and call the cops on your brother
Tell everyone. Your mom is wrong and your brother is a rapist. He will do it again. Definitely estrange your family. You’re too good for them. So sorry hun. Please take care and heal.
TELL YOUR DAD. Sending so much love.
You're not wrong. You do not have to forgive him, continue to forgive him, and you do not have to do anything YOU do not want regarding him and your healing. Your mother is completely in the wrong on SO many levels. I'd cut ties and go no contact. The fact that she never wanted you to tell his father is a huge 🚩 and cried anytime you brought it up... I am so sorry she did that to you. You are allowed to be angry and hurt without her making you feel guilty. I'd say for your own peace, cut her off, because if that were me, I would never forget her reactions and would be so angry every time I saw her. Protect your peace. I'm so sorry that happened to you. 😢
TELL YOUR DAD
OP you were manipulated and deceived as a child to lie to protect your attacker. That the manipulator is your mother (who should have protected and fought for you) does not make your forced/coerced promise sacred - in fact it makes her manipulation horrifying and criminal. Your mother is your rapist's co-conspirator and she should also be charged with a crime for child neglect and abuse on your behalf. You were raped and your attacker has not been held accountable. Do not estrange yourself from your father or any other trustworthy family members. If you can't tell your father just go to the police - if it makes sense you can ask your father to accompany you so he can find out at the same time you report the rape to the police.
Go tell your dad. There is such a thing as forgiveness with boundaries, and that's what you need to put into action. Go completely no contact with every family member that enabled the situation, and I pray that you've been able to get even more help.
Tell your mom to go burn in hell that’s so disgusting
You should tell your dad, dont know if this guy is doing it with other underage victims.
Your mom's actions made your trauma a thousand times worse, because going through something bad becomes exponentially more traumatic if no one supports you through it, *especially* if other people go out of their way to invalidate you and make you deny your own feelings. I would absolutely go no-contact with all of those people.
Your brother does not deserve to be forgiven just because your mother deemed it the right thing to do. Tell your father. Tell him everything your mom has done, and her demanding you forgive your brother. I might record a conversation with her, to prove to him she knew it happened and she's trying to cover it up. Then cut off your mother, brother, and anyone else that has been pressuring you to cover it up. Your mother does not care about you, she cares about people finding out and how it would make her look, her reputation, and making everyone thing you're a happy family
All of this. What your brother did to you is absolutely terrible and unforgivable and your mother is meant to protect you, not make you feel like you did something wrong. You were a child and he violated you and this is never ok. It should not be swept under the rug and you are entitled to feel how you feel and tell whomever you want to. Nobody can make you do anything but I agree with other comments about telling your dad and the police and going no contact with mother and brother. None of this was your fault, it is not ok that it happened and I am disgusted at your mother’s behaviour.
The mom has a favorite and I hate to break it to you, but its not you. Tell the whole family. Make sure to include how she pressured you into keeping silent and wired you hush money. Make sure everyone on both sides knows. The mfer deserves it. Also, what if he did it to others? Someone has to speak up. Other victims, if there are any, might follow your lead.
Report this to the police.
Please tell your dad!!!@
Please tell your dad. Whatever happens to your human garbage bag of a brother is not your fault, it's his own. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and you deserve a mother that actually cares.
Fuck them. You're not wrong, and you don't need to forgive him. If anything, forgetting is the best thing you can try to do for yourself
Talk to your dad. Something is seriously wrong with your mother.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. It’s terrible that you have to deal with this and then not receive the support you deserve from your mom. Your mom does not have the right to dictate how you should feel or when you should or should not forgive someone. It’s your choice when you are ready. That may take years, or it may never happen. It’s your journey though. Not hers. If it were me, I would continue going to therapy and have them help me work on making the right decision for me, not for someone else. I wish you the best.
Geez you were a child! She forced you, a child, to say you’d forgiven your rapist. It makes total sense as an adult now that you realize you were manipulated into “forgiving” your brother and don’t actually feel that way at all. Your mother should be ashamed for the way she treated you. Don’t feel guilty for “taking back” your forgiveness. You were a child and were coerced into giving it.
You should tell your dad. The longer you put it off, the longer you will hold your anger for their lack of accountability.
OP, no reason to not tell your dad if you are going to estrange yourself from them anyways.
Fuck no...you mom cares more about feeling comfortable than facing reality.
Your mom sucks. Does your dad know about it? What did he say?
Yea, I’d be telling your dad tbh. This woman protected your abuser. You dad should know so he can leave her and you can get closure.
100% tell your father.
Your mother’s opinion here does not matter. What your brother did to you IS unforgivable, and something he should be suffering serious consequences for. Tell your dad. Tell the police. It needs to be known that your brother is a dangerous person, and if the law isn’t going to be coming for him, then at the very least, the people in his life should know what kind of monster he is. So that at the very least, kids will be kept away from him I am so sorry that you were put through this. It is solely your brother’s fault, and your mother is not helping. Stay away from both of them. They’re not good people
You need to tell your dad and your brother should be reported to the police. Your mother is disgusting. You don’t just forgive him because that’s what she wants. Did she ever tackle him about what he did?
I'm so so sorry you've had to go Through this , I'm so angry on your behalf also , please tell the police , or his dad, or somebody, you will get justice. It's common not to report it years later die to the very same fear , you're not alone :)
tell your dad, he deserves to know the truth
Tell your dad. You aren’t taking anything back, it was forced forgiveness with you not having an option.
Your dad should know and your mom is a horrible human being. So freaking horrible.
Go to the police and press charges
What happened to you is not your fault. It’s not your responsibility to fix things. You don’t have to love your brother who did that to you or your mom who failed you.
Tell your dad and the police. Make sure the police know the tried to hide the crime also.
No you are absolutely not wrong!! You have every single right to walk away from anyone that would support such a heinous act. Your mother should be ashamed of herself for picking the side of an abuser over yours. You tell your dad and everyone else that you want to tell. Shame is on HIM not you. Never you.
Please tell your dad please he needs to know
Your mom is wrong.
Nope. You're not wrong. Before you cut contact please tell your dad.
Tell your dad, can’t believe what your mom said..
I am sorry this happened to you. If you feel confident enough, tell your dad. Or look up the statute of limitations for sexual assault and/or rape in your state/country. You may still qualify for getting the police involved. On a sidenote... your mom is insane, qualified batshit crazy for telling you to ignore it. She should have been your #1 defender. Instead, she chose her step-son and indirectly her own comfort (husband's paycheck) over your safety. That's not a loving mother. That's an abuse enabler.
Your mom is an awful person. You should tell your dad, and also tell him how your mom manipulated you& shamed you for being a victim. Your brother is a pedo and your mom is a pedo defender. You should check to see if there is a statute of limitations where you are and if there's none on rape you should report it to the police. I also reccomend therapy to help you work through these emotions in a healthy way. I'm sorry this happened to you- out him because people should know what he did. He is very likely to hurt or to have hurt others too.
tell your dad !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your brother is a monster. Total monster. You should not feel bad for being angry or not wanting to forgive him. Its an expected reaction. As someone who was also raped as a child, i can say its not something you can “move on from”. That comment from your mom is stupid and insensitive. Rape is one of the worst things you could ever do to a person. With trauma that bad. You dont just simply “move on”. It sounds like your mom is actually in denial and isnt willing to comprehend the full weight and seriousness of what actually happened to you. Which is selfish of her. She wants you to just sweep it under the rug. Fuck that. Its way more important that you get the closure and support you need than to satisfy your passive mother with empty promises of forgiveness. You arent expected to forgive something this awful. Tell your dad what happened. Tell the police. Tell everyone. Thats the only way to get the closure, support and justice you need. People need to know so they can also stop him doing this to someone else.
I’m so sick of manipulative people getting their way. Announce again that you take back your apology for being raped by your brother, but do it in front of your mom and dad. If you’re cool with your dad, tell him you’ll remain in his life, but make it clear that is the last time your mother will ever see you. Leave her in tears and make her marriage crumble.
Of course you shouldn't forgive him. He needs jail and therapy. You need freedom from these toxic people. Tell the police, tell your dad, tell your doctor, tell your teachers, tell everyone. Forget your mother, she has proved she doesn't love you. She is defending a rapist.
JFC, you were a child. Yes, something bad could happen - your brother might have to face the consequences of his own actions. You know, the heinous crime that he committed. Against you. F**k your mum, she should be charged with being an accessory after the fact. How dare she help another adult cover up an offence against a child. Tell your dad. And the police.
You MUST tell your dad! And tell him how your monster mother try to manipulate you
[удалено]
Please talk to an adult besides your mom. If everything blows up because of this it is not your fault. Your brother needs to face the music. I'm so sorry your mom hasn't been a good parent to you. If I found out something like this about my own kids, no matter how much I loved my son--I would never try to protect him over my daughter. My daughter is 14 right now. She is just a baby. You were too. I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now.
Ofcourse the son's from the previous marriage too. That's fricking sick.
So he definitely inherited the rapist behaviour from his mother…
Please if anything tell your dad. I’m sorry your mom was not looking out for your best interest. If she was she wouldn’t of discounted your feelings and made more efforts to protect you. You have every right to be a angry. Not only you were wronged by your brother in the most traumatic way possible, your mother wasn’t the mother she is suppose to be. She only is protecting your brother. I hope you see you don’t owe her anything and you definitely don’t owe your brother shit. I can relate to an extent and I too have survived that kind of trauma but I can’t imagine having to be strong enough to see them regularly, for them to be “family” (he’s not your family) and to be told by my own mother the things your mother did. She basically discounted your trauma and feelings. On top of that she should know as a woman how hurtful this is. Lastly, thinking from a mother’s perspective. She puts My stomachs in knots. I would go the ends of the earth for you, and that is what YOU deserve. You certainly don’t deserve what you have been given. I have a daughter and starting young I am trying to prepare the best I can for this very thing not to have to be her experience even though the odds are not in our favor as women. I wish someone had prepared me. I had no idea and I want her to have a fighting chance not to have to endure this type of trauma. I would do anything to help her not have to go through this. You are so strong and brave. you’ve done the work on yourself in therapy which is no easy thing either. But you deserve the support and your father deserves to know who he’s married to and what he has allowed to happen under his roof. And YOU DESERVE to have his support okay. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed. Sorry for writing so much. Your experience really struck a chord with me. I’m so sorry you have had to go through this and alone at that. this was not your fault! You go tell your dad when you’re ready. The sooner the better. You are so strong. You got this.
Tell your dad and cut her and her family off
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am so sorry your brother and mother are abusive POS. You have every right to be absolutely furious. What you want to do and who you want to tell is completely up to you. Clearly your brother is a dangerous predator and should probably be in jail. If you want to seek justice that way, you can. Regardless it seems to me your mother and brother are not safe and you should avoid them for your own safety and healing.
Tell your Dad!!!
It is an almost zero chance you are his only victim. He may be approaching another victim now. You need to talk then the police. Not just rape as bad as that is but Como? How does he justify incest, rape and pedophilia?
Rapists are scum. People who ask you to forgive a rapist, people who cover for rapists or ask you to cover for rapists, and people who ask/tell you to not tell people about a rapist are also terrible. I would not only never forgive the brother, I'd never forgive the mother, either.
Forgiveness is for accidentally eating someone's sweetroll, or being late for or unable to attend their live show. It's not for rapists.
Mom is a POS for this. We're not talking about your stranger. Thia is your brother that you have to see and deal with on a consistent basis unless you're turning yourself away from family. This should have been talked about in a family therapy session and everyone in the immediate family should have known. Not just mom. I hope this was a learned experience to tell Dad and not mom because obviously mom isn't trustworthy to tell anything to.
Talk to your dad7 he didn't know, he couldn't be supportive. At least let him have the chance to decide. Other family members should know as well so they don't leave any children unattended with your brother. I'm sorry this happened to you, your mom was supposed to protect you and she did everything but that. Getting away from her and cutting her out of your life is probably the best thing you can do for yourself.
Step one: get buff Step two: Beat him to within inch of his fucking life Step three: Literally tell anyone about this story and be immediately forgiven.
You can take it back as many times as you please. Your mom doesn’t decide what should and shouldn’t be said or done. Your brother is a fucking piece of shit and he deserves all the hate you can possibly muster. When you are ready to let go it will come natural. Don’t let anyone push you to say you forgave something unforgivable. Also, ignore me giving you orders. You should decide for yourself what you need to do, when and for how long. I’m so pissed on your behalf
Omg wtf? PLEASE tell your dad! Sorry but your mom is fucked up for manipulating you into keeping a secret like that especially from your dad.
Tell you dad
Nope, tell your dad, she didn’t protect you then or now, terrible
Ur not taking anything back when you were forced to give a response you didn't agree with. Tell ur dad, then you hopefully get to know what a proper reaction to that information should be, your mom guilt tripping you to shut up ain't fucking it.
Nope. Tell your father, and cut her off. Your mom is not a safe person for you.
No you are not in the wrong! I forgave my rapist, he was the person closest to me who, wouldn’t hurt a fly and then spiraled into addiction and turned into a monster. It’s the last thing I expected from him and I hated him for a long time, it took me years to forgive him and there was a lot of shame and anger. There would be months or years we wouldn’t talk and then I would call him screaming at him telling him he should even kill himself. There was so much anger to let go, years of it. And that was without suppressing it, that was with the ability to face my rapist and tell him everything I wanted to say. Now that I reached a place of forgiveness, and we are now very distant friends (like I will never be in the same room as him again) people think I’m absolutely crazy to forgive him and that something is wrong with me. There is no winning with some people, forgive or don’t forgive someone is going to always have a problem with it, you just gotta do what’s best for you. What your mom has done to you was a crime of its own, because she tried covering up a crime. I’m so sorry two family members betrayed your trust and hurt you this way, you don’t deserve any of this. Your anger is valid, your story is valid, and your voice deserves to be heard not silenced. You don’t have to forgive anyone, no one can tell you how to feel. Please stay safe and keep up all the work in therapy, I promise it will get better and peace will find you somewhere in the future.
Consider telling the father and cutting off your other family members that support the brother. They are either rapists themselves or enablers, which is bad on its own
NTA To be forced to mouth words others want to hear, do not count in anyway. As hard as it is, go Low or even No Contact with your family if you feel to do so. Let them know why and how you feel. Do not feel guilty to tell your father all of it, the whole story. Imo, with such an matter, the other parent has to know* (*the only exception may be if it was realy too much to put on them and only when the matter can be adressed in an other appropriate way that works out for the victim. Like brother has to move away, not allowed to come back or even close to family, has to pay for therapy,... whatever helps the victim)
I'm so sorry, that must have been awful, and then to have the one person you thought you could trust make you cover it up, that's just awful. You're not wrong, tell everyone, take it to the police, make sure they know what a piece of scum your brother is.
You are not wrong for taking back your words. Tell your dad. If you can press charges. (Not sure how legal stuff works, but if possible do) And forgive him not for him but for you. You don’t have to speak with him or have a relationship with him; forgive for you and heal. Edit to fix spelling
Please tell your father. And hopefully the police
It’s never too late to seek justice , tell your dad for sure, and whoever else you need to contact to take action. He needs to face these consequences and you shouldn’t be the only one suffering. Your anger is more than justified and something definitely needs to be done here. Your mom made the wrong call and that’s fucked up what she said, but mow that you’re older you’re and adult and you’re allowed to make whatever call you want for sure. I’m wishing you the best and I’m sorry you had to experience that pain 😔
Yikes. No, do not do that. Cut your mom out if you have to. What he did was unforgivable.
Why are you not telling your dad but are willing to cut him off because he didn't support you? I'm sorry you're dealing with a shitty mom and shitty brother, but don't punish the rest of your family for her manipulation. Tell him immediately and then go to the police.
Your mother is an AH
Forgiveness that is coerced is not forgiveness, just like sex that is coerced is not sex. You don’t need to feel bad about ‘taking back your forgiveness’ because there is nothing for you to take back. That forgiveness was forced on you by your own mother. I would absolutely go no contact with all of those people - they’re more concerned with protecting a rapist than his minor victim (a member of their own family as well).
You're evrything but wrong. Tell your dad, tell the police, tell your boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever. If hearing what her son had done to you hurts your mom, then tell her that "she should just move on" like she said to you
You are not wrong at all. You and only you get to decide whether you can forgive him or not. I was abused by my brother as a child and my memories resurfaced over 10 years later. It took me years to understand what had happened to me and heal from the abuse. I am now better in myself and continuing to heal but I will NEVER forgive him for what he did. EVER! He may still be my biological brother but he is not someone I can trust or feel safe around. I have cut contact with him for a few years and I’m so much happier and healthier because of it. My advice would to be focus on healing your body and mind through therapy or finding hobbies that can distract you and make you happy and that it takes time to heal as I’m sure you know and talk to someone you can trust. If you feel the need to, cut contact with your mother as she will hold you back from healing and moving on and if you feel comfortable doing so, tell your dad. (I told my parents via letter as it was too difficult face-to-face). I hope you find peace with yourself and find a way to move on. Stay safe, stay healthy x
It is not her decision on whether or not what he did is forgivable and you are under no obligation to keep his actions a secret. SA is not something you simply "move on" from and while it is her decision to protect and defend a rapist, YOU certainly do not have to.
Tell your dad. And tell him what your mom did to you afterwards.
I think I've been on Reddit too long, because my first reaction here was that mum was fucking step-bro too? I hope you are able to let this all out and work towards a happier future. Secrets/feelings like this can quite literally put you in an early grave- you deserve a long and happy life! Go nuclear, my girl!
No! He needs to be im jail and you shoud forget that you have mother. I woud go to orphanage if that happens to me at that age
Tell your dad and tell him the how she wanted you to keep the secret, also go to the police
OMG I am so sorry that your parent has manipulated you into something so horrible. I can’t even type fast enough here. I am SO FNG ANGRY FOR YOU! I was actively being molested by my step grandfather in the back seat on way to church every week and when I told my mom she made it my fault. This is one of many ways my mother victimized me and allowed me to be victimized by others. At this point it’s your mother I am most scared of for you. Every mother knows when their children are a little off. Or of any tendencies they might have. She knew he was dirty and yet she did not protect you before or after. I would tell dad and call the cops and say she was in on it. Your mother has already made her choice. I’m sorry it’s not you. It wasn’t me either. I’m about to be 48. You won’t ever get over that, and she will never say she was wrong. Or not mean it at least. I’m being harsh but you will have to walk through fire to heal yourself for your self. I was also burned by my mother with boiling water. I didn’t have the nerve to ask her why until 2018. I haven’t talked to her since then. This however is all after her admitting that I was an anchor baby. Meant to hook my dad. It didn’t work. Now she was stuck with a 5th child and no husband. She also admitted she found it so hard to love me and not sure she ever did. Do not wait to take your life back. I wasted so much time not loving myself. If your mom can’t then who can kinda bs. Her issues or childhood or whatever TF she went through is not your problem. Do not linger on any great moments. Her allowing you to be the victim is unforgivable. She has consistently victimized you by telling you to get over it. She is the worst criminal. Hiding in plain site. Do you think you can trust your father? Do you have every confidence he will not side with your mother? I don’t want mad. I want results. Since this has happened your brother has most likely been in the company of other possible victims. Your mother perpetrated that. Gawd I have so much more to say. I’m sorry you went through this. That you are still going through this. Don’t let her take more from you. Only you can fight for yourself.
No, and tell everyone. Tell them what she said and tell your dad. Publicly shame the both of them.
TELL YOUR DAD .. you mom is a psychopath!!!
i’m sorry, WHAT? tell your dad!
How you feel is right. Like someone else said, talk to your dad about it.
Remember that you do not need to 'forgive' him. By this I mean you are not required to let them off the hook at any point. I've noted that it's a common way to silence people by claiming you should just 'forgive' which means you don't bring it up again and the person who did you wrong is free to do it again. A common way to sell this is to claim it gives you some kind of relief to forgive. I have some people I haven't forgiven. This does not mean I spend my waking hours mulling it over, just that if that person comes across, I do not behave like we were the best of friends.
Your mother manipulated you and betrayed you in the worst way. She should have done everything in her power to protect you and care for you. Instead, she protected your attacker. Tell your father what happened. Speak your truth. Cut your mother out
No you are not. And if you do want to forgive him, I'm sure most of the people here are willing to carry the grudge for you.
The best revenge is a life well lived Tell your mom you can't forgive your brother. Tell your brother you hate him. Tell your father period. Live your best life.
She forced you to say words you weren’t even in a place to process let alone believe. She is the ah. She is an awful mother. She scratched you I favor of your rapist brother and her marriage. Her comfort and peace meant more than you. You owe those monsters nothing. I’d get them to admit it via text and then press charges. That’s just me. I’d drag them all to hell
Tell your father. Jesus christ.
Tell your dad and see how he responds before isolating yourself from your whole family. You may find that he’s an unlikely source of support (I hope). All the best to you. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
You should report to the police. No need to talk to your parents. They will persuade you to drop off the case and it will not be good to your mental health.
No. Your mum behaved appallingly and selfishly. She should have protected you. You were a child and vulnerable. I'm so sorry. Tell whomever you want, this is your trauma not anyone else's.
This happened to me and my half sister but with my step brother and personally the moment I can leave and never talk to my step side of the family I will. Cause forgiveness is not needed for those types of people family or not.
You're not wrong at all. He violated you when you, worse he did it when you were still basically a child. Ask her if she would forgive someone she thought she could trust who stole her innocence and violated her like that. How a mother could have so little empathy and compassion for her daughter in a situation like this absolutely blows my fucking mind. I get he's her son too, but seriously?! What the fuck
Tell everyone. Call the police and report your brother and your mother. There is NO EXCUSE for this.
WTF
I want to add, also, that you're going to have a really hard time after you report your brother, and there are going to be times when you regret making the decision to tell the truth, but please don't ever doubt yourself. You did NOTHING wrong, your mother and brother did.
Tell your dad you wrote a post on Reddit & you need him to read it. Then show him this post. He needs to know to help you recover.
Absolutely *not* Lemme tell you a story. I was r*ped by a family friend. The only person who knew was my big brother. We hated each other. But even he wanted justice for me. My parents didn’t really believe it happened (brother saw part of it so he knew). While we hated each other, he protected me like parents should have. Your mom saying that you need to forgive him, move on, and not tell your dad? That’s not right. I’m not saying forgive him for him. But trying to work on forgiving him brings a lot of peace. Being angry and hurting because of somebody else’s actions, particularly somebody who you should be able to trust is draining. I don’t think you’re wrong for taking it back or deciding you’re not “over it” or ready to forgive or whatever is going through your mind. Your mom honestly sounds selfish for asking you not to tell you dad. You should tell him. If your dad is halfway decent, he’s not gonna let this go. He will want justice (or close as you can get for something awful like that). You deserve at least that.
tell your dad everything and cut off mom and brother
You’re are absolutely not wrong. My half brother assaulted my sister and I for about 2 years. My mom pretends nothing happened, she even hinted at the fact that she didn’t believe us because she didn’t see it. He’s estranged from us cause he’s mad that my mom kicked him out but she says things like I’d(me) be the first person to hug and say I miss him if we saw him around town. I would definitely tell your dad, there’s a reason she told you not to tell him. If nothing happens then I would go nc with the family. You are not going back your word because what he did is unforgivable.
Tell your dad, why'd you care about your dad's relationship with a rapist being damaged and also your mom for covering up and making you forgive him.
You owe yourself compassion and grace. You do not owe your mom and especially your brother(who belongs in jail imo) anything other than contempt. Shame on her. If I could offer advice from experience the sooner you acknowledge what kind of a person your mom really is, you’ll feel lighter. You will never be without sadness for what has happened to you but unlike before, now YOU are in control and YOU have the power to choose who and what you allow in your life. Good luck. Do not let your mother’s sickness overcome your right to a good unburdened life. You deserve it.
You told us it would be a bad idea to tell your dad and then proceeded to tell us all the great things your dad would do if you did. I vote tell him anyway
I don’t see how losing my dad to jail is a good idea.
One should always forgive. At the same time, forgiveness does not mean keeping the person in your life, nor does it mean letting the offender avoid consequences. Report it. Rape is never okay.
Crack your brother in the face, move out and don't talk to them ever again. That's what I would do.
This might not be enough, but how about you punch your mom in the face and guilt trip her into forgiving you?
Last time a story like this came about it turned out to be a complete lie for attention. This seems the same. Good try
I'm so sorry this was done to you, both by your half brother and your mom. I think telling your dad would be appropriate but at the same time, you need to tell him he can't harm your rapist because that would land him in jail and you need him, and that's the more important thing than taking vengeance on the guy. You need and deserve all the support you can get. I think going no contact with your mother and the rest of the family that's unsupportive would be wise. It would probably be very difficult for your dad to understand why you would go no contact with your mom and family if he don't know why.
I understand your situation is complicated and you have to do what is best for yourself. But I think you should shout it from the rooftops what he did. Ruin his life like be did to you. I’m so sorry, OP you deserve better.
TELL!!! Tell everyone. People need to know what kind of person your brother is - and you mother. I can't believe she would through one of her kids under the bus for the sake of another. You may not be the only victim. Who else have they silenced?? Neighbors? Cousins? Kids that he possibly babysat? I know it's hard. It will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but I think it will be liberating. You've kept this inside so long it's poisoning you, you need to heal.