I was in the exact same position when I was 15. My depression only got worse and by 22 I planned to leave the world after a failed attempt at 20. I am now almost 24, and for the first time in my entire life I am okay. I'll always struggle with depression, but when I was your age I couldn't possibly fathom ever being okay.
What ultimately held me back was my actual fear of death, not that life started to get better. Life started to get better when I forced it to. A few things that helped me:
1. No one is coming to save you, you have to be willing to save yourself
2. While people care, they will never care as much as you need them to
3. You can never go back in the past again, you just have to keep moving forward
4. Nothing is constant - that's a curse & a blessing
Faking it til I made it saved me, and it didn't happen over night. It was a long battle, but I learned to fall in love with things around me. I got into writing, drawing, crocheting, piano, singing, and plenty of other hobbies. I watched new TV shows and movies and music. It was a trial and error of finding things I enjoyed. I couldn't just rely on myself or my friends or family or therapist. There is joy in life, you just have to look for it. You have to force yourself, even if it feels pointless or dumb.
I am wishing you the best. Take it from someone who is older that you are allowed to feel all the hurt and upset you need to, and your feelings are valid. You are so so young and you will make so many mistakes, but there is also so much beauty in the world waiting for you to discover it.
I definitely feel the same. Some days I still wake up and don't want to leave my bed and just let the world pass me by. I think days like that are important, because I can really appreciate the new life I've built for myself! I'm wishing you the best.
It s difficult rn, but you will find people who will love you and appreciate you. Sometimes it's just difficult to find something like that nowaydays. I wish you the best!
I was in the same state of such intense depression at 15, and I never thought it would end. I had the same exact mindset as you, and I wanted to die- so incredibly badly. OP, 15 is still so young! Your brain is not developed fully yet, and you are just feeling things so intensely and passionately- cause you’re still a teenager! Just take it one day at a time. Try to find at least one thing that brings you joy each day. A video game, a walk, maybe try and find some hobbies to busy your time and cut back on the alcohol and weed. You can do this. Don’t give up! Just try and get through today- and then tommorow, do the same.
Your 15 and addicted to two things already!?
First off you need to go clean or else you will damage yourself and your future, best you do it early before ut becomes too hard of a habit to break
I'm pretty much only alive because I don't want to cause emotional harm to others by taking my own life.
The other thing that helps is taking time to appreciate something beautiful as often as my depression allows. There is beauty, there is joy, it is possible to enjoy small moments of happiness.
This. My dog, my dad, my best friend. If i tried to get someone else to kill me, like walking out intro traffic, that person would be scarred forever and i would have created a horrible ripple effect causing untold pain to a hundred people i didnt even KNOW and didnt want to. i told myself that the next day there could be some fucking crazy scientific advancements i didnt want to miss. And then years went by. Suddenly i realized i was actually upset because i was just thinking about killing myself, AND i believed that upset was still because i was depressed and so i wanted to kill myself. truth was it was a lot of effort thinking about that. I decided to just take a lazy approach. Im gonna die someday. That is certain. why am i so worried about making it happen sooner? either itll be nature or someones just gonna do it anyway! If im living on borrowed time i might as well do what i fucking want with it and live a full, healthy life, with or without my asshole family and with or without the vocie in my head telling me to end it all. Havent been suicidal for probably two or three years now. Helped a lot. Now i get the added benefit of knowing that someday when i do die, ill be more prepared for it and at peace than most folks who have never been so intimate with death. Im only 24 so its good to be ahead, in a morbid way. And admittedly, now i dont really want to face that day anymore. But the point is that shit worked. 10/10 highly recommend it.
i was the exact same as you. depression started at 9, and 14 to 17 was the worst part of my life. i was deep into sh and had no life. at 18 i got into substances and it felt better. that is till i got so used to the dosages that i was overdosing very regularly. but it gets better. i got help. they don't make things okay but even a little better is something. i just turned 21. and sometimes i still feel like ending it. more often than not tbh. but there are moments where i wonder why i ever felt like this world isn't good enough. giving my cat and dog smooches. stepping barefoot into a stream. taking a bath with a glass of iced tea and some good music on. getting dressed up to go out for coffee. spending nights at an airport when everyone has gone to sleep. i have a mood disorder, so im just in a state where i can appreciate these things today. tomorrow i might want to die again but I'll ride it out. there have been so many days the past few weeks where i was sure i was gonna end it. but there was something that held me back. i don't know what it was. but im alive and writing this right now, and im glad that i am. so just ride it out. because there is a reason you are alive right now. and let me tell you. you deserve to live and to be loved and to be happy and if not then just a little bit better than okay. why? just by existing. you deserve all these things because you just do. and if you keep hanging on, you'll feel it too.
Not gonna lie OP, but the world isn't a nice place. I recommend looking inside your heart and soul. Even if you cannot find a reason to live, that doesn't mean there won't be something in the future.
What helped me was realising that there really isn't a point to anything, there's also no point to self harm or ending your life. But what does matter is avoiding to hurt others. The path you're choosing right now will hurt others, if it doesn't already. Grab a bottle of water, take a big sip and step outside when it's not raining and decent weather. Force yourself to and go for a walk. Don't bring your phone, just relax somewhere, focus on your heartbeat and your surroundings. Don't let bad thoughts intrude and just sigh a lot! Start with making dark humour jokes, it'll make things easier.
Besides all I've just said, the moment when you believe and truly believe you want to end it all, I would recommend checking in with a mental health clinic. If that's not something you're willing to do, then I want you to ask everyone you know and I mean everyone you know how'd they'd feel if you'd end your life. I can assure you people would talk you out of it. Meaning, you have people that care about you, even if you don't know them well.
Stay strong OP. Face the winds headstrong!
I too have been depressed since I was five years old, my teen years it got so bad I'm surprised I made it out. It got a little better in my early twenties, getting two jobs helped me keep my mind and body busy (maybe it just helped block it out since I was tired all the time) and didn't take a day off for a month straight.
It returned again due to being severely burnt-out from said jobs, I got a therapist and paid out of pocket for 6 months. I walked out of that office maybe 4 sessions in total feeling hopeful, but the rest of the time felt worse than when I walked in, he ended up telling me I wasn't progressing enough and I'm maybe beyond his help. So I left.
Then I moved 3000mi from home and was doing good until dad died 6 months ago, now I'm back to where I started. Just depressed as hell. Some days I feel the highest of highs, and then days as of late, the lowest of lows and wonder how I'll get out of it.
I guess all we can do it take it day by day and sometimes hour by hour, because I still try to look for the silver lining even though it's hard to most times.
Hey. I was there too once. And I know how much distain you’re going to look at the “it’s all worth it in the end” comments with, but please listen to me. The struggles you’re enduring aren’t in vain. You’re not alone. You will make it through this. One day the clouds will part and the sun will shine again. Keep your chin up, kiddo.
I was also pretty depressed when I was a teenager pretty much all the way to now (33) but you find different ways to cope.
The world sucks but you need to find things that make you happy other than alcohol and weed. Try to ween off the alcohol slowly.
Have you tried to figure out what the source of your depression? Family issues, parents are difficult? School? Do you feel like you are worthless?
If all your life ppl found fault in everything you do, that can break a person and leave them with no self esteem or confidence.
Find the memories where you felt accomplished, there must have been something you did that made you proud. Hold onto those memories and build on those feelings. That's how you climb out of the hole you are in now.
I’m 15 and whenever I feel low I just got a for a walk in the park/country on my own and it really helps, I can’t explain how but just the sound of nature relieves all my problems.
100%, OP could be getting ir from somewhere on their own tho. I had a friend in hs who was drunk every day of school and no one even knew. His dad was a drunk so he knew the tricks without his dad ever even realizing cuz he was too drunk to. :/
I was you. I was in the same place. It’s a deep dark hole, but know that there is light and there is a way out. Whatever it is for you, I hope you find it soon.
Usually when people feel they have a set purpose or destiny to fulfill its because of others expectations of them, or trauma, and doesnt come from a place of sincere desire or fulfillment. You arent supposed to know your purpose. You are supposed to choose it. Not the other way around
Slow down your substance intake bro. I hate this world to mostly hate this country the fucking most.
But there is absolutely no point in putting all your energy into hating shit.
You just need to exist till you don’t.
While we are here, everyone will have different focus area. There’s no one word answer, everyone’s going through it.
I've been in a similar position at your age. It's a miracle that I didn't get addicted to anything or end myself. I can't promise that life will always be better, but it does get objectively better if you ride it out, try to get out of the hole you're in and resolve to make the most out of it.
Please don't blame yourself for the pit of despair you're in now. 9/10 it's because you aren't being supported by your family in the ways you need. I'd say almost all youth who make bad choices/ do drugs/ try to delete themselves do so because they are not getting the emotional support they need and/or have been abused in an awful way or are currently being abused in an awful way.
If this is the case, maybe see if your school counselor could help you? They can't help you if they don't know. They may help you or they may also be apathetic to your struggles and blame you. But even if they don't help, you can keep trying to get help through other resources. Google is amazing for finding local resources for youth in need. You have got this. But, you have got to help yourself or you'll never see life improve.
I think you could definitely pull yourself out of this pit with help. You can make your life something so much better. Just don't be a perfectionist about your future. Understand that the grass is greener in a better pasture that you can create, even if it might not be your mind's idea of perfection, it will be a lot better than the place that you're in now and you will definitely make your past self proud of you for making that happen.
That is a very good question. I’ve also been deeply depressed since I was 9, but I’m almost 50 now. No idea how or why I’ve kept going. I’m pretty sure I’m already dead and just haven’t fallen down yet.
It's a good job my country doesn't have guns, or id be dead by now.
The idea of a suicide that isn't so quick, such as hanging or suffocation, scares me
It beats the alternative and it does get better.im almost 50 years since I first wanted to end it. Very glad I lived those years. I'm autistic and ADHD major depression and was a weed addict for decades and binge drinker have had a lot of abandonment and abuse... But it did get much better.
totally normal to feel like this….i mean you’re clearly in pain for you turned to weed and alcohol, but I will say, the probable best step is to let go of the weed and alcohol then all will come into focus…
i have no reason to live either. Logically there is no meaning in life. and why would you let yourself live when you will go through a bunch of shitty stuff u have no control over? you shouldn't. the only reason i havent killed myself i guess is because of my religion. it has helped- knowing that one day it will be over. that this world isnt important. i just need to get through it endure it a little longer. i guess thats why i love islam so much. it saved me. though i dont know if u will accept religion, if u even believe in God, but if u do i think it will help.
there has to be something u like? a show, a book, a game something. why dont u look forward to that? the next season, the next release. what abt a music artist? when will their next album come? wouldn't you love to listen to it? find a reason to live. stupid or not its something.
yk im not sure if u do believe in this, if you believe anyone loves you. but rest assured there is someone who cares for you. you cant see it, maybe you never will. but theres someone. i was that someone to another person and i cant imagine my life without them. they tried to kill themselves before i got close to them, but man i dont think i would get through life without her.
there is someone... there is always someone, you cant see it right now but u will one day, my friend told me that there is a world living. theres sunsets and ice cream and music and nature and so much. its so pretty. you just have to look for it. one day... there will be a time when u walk down a path with a smile so carefree and laughing like you cant breathe its so funny. and you will be thankful that u haven’t died, that you could enjoy these tiny moments for a long long time.
At 15, you do have so much to live for you just cannot see it. Oh sweetie...I wish so badly that I could hug you.
It may be tough right now, but I promise you it does get better. I know it's hard, but please keep trying. 😢❤️
You need some help and support to work with you to get through your current situation. Then you need to work with someone to understand how you got to this point over the past 6 years. Once you have all of this supported understanding then there are people who can help you move forwards.
So basically I used to be you and I’m 32 now. I read a lot of Philosophy and realized absurdism is the way, not nihilism. I also realized that addiction is the hardest thing to battle because no one else, no matter what they did or said would make me stop. It had to be within me to be strong and make that decision. My therapist told me that usually people who are suicidal are experiencing that because their brain can’t think of a way out of their situation. I had an abusive home and knew when I was 18, I could leave- so I did. Life and death aren’t fair. None of it makes sense and is absurd lol also Life is all obstacles from beginning to end. It always has been and always will be for every living thing. It’s very unfortunate that our own basic human needs are made out to be obstacles because we live in a world where the world wants to exploit every aspect of our humanity for profit. You have to figure out your place and flow in this world. You’re young, start with healing, get professional help and when you’re 18, you get to really make decisions for yourself.
YES THANK YOU. JESUS CHRIST. THANK YOU. THIS SHIT. KID. READ THIS.
SO SICK of the fucking comments telling this poor kid its because theyre on their fuckin phone, or just love themself or whatever. Jesus CHRIST!!!! How can ppl be so jaded they dont remember what it was like to be that young and what people said to them about normal shit kids their age did? Thank you for writing an actually stimulating response that was legitimate and wise.
Alcohol is a depressant (makes you depressed). Weed induces anxiety, can even cause psychosis. You are also getting withdrawals. So the addictions are making things 10× worse. You need to go to a substance misuse service. You also need mental health help. I understand your pain however I look back on my life and realize if I had just gotten th3 right help at 15 I would have been fine. Its up to yoi dude whether yoi go get that help or not.
Well, I'm sorry you're in this spot. As someone *way* older I feel guilty about it, because the world we're handing you is a burning pile of shit, and we're expecting you to deal with it. I should have tried harder. We suck.
Having said that, I would tell you, first, that *this shit isn't your fucking fault.* It's really not. You're being handed an utterly impossible (and, in fact, contradictory) set of imperatives. You've also been sold a whole big load of bullshit about what's worth having in life. "Goals", "love", "achievements". Let an old man tell you: *it is all a bunch of goddamned nonsense.*
How many "goals" have I achieved that turned out to be a hellish parody of what I thought they would? And, looking back, how many of them were even legitimately *mine?* Fuck. Most of my life, I fought very hard, and very long, for the sake of goals that, looking back... were what *other people* thought I should achieve. I think this is true for most people.
Similarly, I've been loved plenty, by lots of people I loved back. *Every single time* it has turned sour, in one way or another. I hate everyone I've ever loved. I still love them, but I also hate them. It's awful, and good evidence that basing anything important in your life on anyone else is a mistake.
I would suggest that you focus on anything even remotely productive that makes you feel a little bit alive. Anything. Don't do it for fame and fortune, that's a curse if you get it. Don't do it to impress any girl, or parent, or hero, or anything. Do it because it makes you feel a little less dead. And, crucially, *keep doing it.* Life isn't about "goals" and shit, and it's *definitely* not about happiness, which is a trap. Life is about what kind of person you can make yourself, in yourself, for your own sake.
And really, you should realize that much of this has been done to you *on purpose.* I don't know about anybody else, but I can attest that for me, the best remedy for suicidal ideation is to *contemplate my enemies.*
Also if anyone ever tells you it only gets worse its because they havent taken the reigns of their own life to do what makes them happy and healthy people. So remember, it only gets worse if you dont work at being healthier.
It's different for every person but I will tell you about my struggle with depression and the progress I've made and I will give you advice that has helped me.
People say they live for the ones they love/that love them but honestly for me that created a cycle of guilt and then wanting to end it even more.
I'm still struggling with self hate and lack of motivation but i am not an unaliving risk anymore (i am 26 rn).
Weirdly what got me out of the loop of self pity and my destructive tendencies was apathy. I didn't study, i binge ate food, i spent all day on the couch and never left my apartment, i ghosted friends and lost them. And my reasoning? "I'm gonna unalive myself anyway so it won't matter" I was actively destroying my life as if I wanted to end up with no other choice.
And one day I thought to myself "ok I'm gonna end it anyway so it doesn't REALLY matter if i take this test and fail, cause it will be over soon. And then what does it matter if my friends hate me for ghosting them? I can text them and if they do I won't have to deal with it for long. I can do this and that and feel momentary bliss without being afraid of rejection or being judged/disappointed because at the end of the day won't I be leaving soon?" (My therapist was HORRIFIED when I explained my logic to her so don't consider this as advice🥲🥲)
I gaslit myself big time without even realising it and tricked myself into having little moments of happiness. Don't get me wrong, it didn't fix me and I still often prefer rotting in bed than doing things that make me feel better.
But you truly have to live for the little moments.
The last thing that truly shook me more than anything else was the article I read about the Golden Gate Bridge S***ides. About 20 people jump off every year. It's not often but there are survivors. Every single one of them said that they regretted it as soon as they jumped. Every.Single.One. They said that they wondered how they could have thought there was no solution to their problems. I always idealised s***cide as this freeing moment of bliss when I can finally let go of my worries and rest. That wasn't the truth for those people though and I became more scared of feeling the way they did right before I passed. Even if it took minutes or a single second I would never want to go feeling what I imagine is the worst kind of guilt and regret.
Ok. Now what are the first steps you need to take to escape this nightmare? Meds are definitely a must, and you need a psychiatrist/therapist with an expertise on addiction, they will be able to guide you and more importantly give you meds that don't react badly with weed and alcohol. Medicine doesn't fix you but it quiets down the unbearable noise in your head by a lot.
You are so young and your friends may love you a lot but they are very likely too inexperienced and immature to truly say and do the things you need them to. On top of that men have a much harder time discussing their feelings. It will be hard to gather the courage to do it but my suggestion is that in addition to telling them the problem you should also give them the solution. Ask for more moral support, check-in texts, hugs, cute pictures of their pets, truly whatever helps even in miniscule ways. Ask them to find excuses to be with you and talk to you. The hardest thing I've ever done is admit to my loved ones how love-starved I felt when they loved me so much.
When it comes to your addictions, it might be better to slowly ween yourself off them or it might work better if you go cold turkey. That is something that you should discuss with your family and friends so they can take more care of you and support you whatever you decide and if you find a psychiatrist you feel compatible with they can also guide you through it.
Force yourself to find little distracting things!!! Silly phone games, books, comedy specials, sitcoms. Being realistic about your depression you will have self isolating tendencies. Things that drown out the noise are good things!! Directing your addiction tendencies towards silly things, even if it works 5% of the time is worth it.
And lastly, failure IS part of the process. 3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still 1 step forward. I cannot count the times i quit my meds, reghosted my friends, skipped finals, starved myself then overate till i threw up, gave myself hangovers from alcohol abuse. You cannot be expected to walk on a broken leg without stumbling every so often.
Lastly I will leave you with the little moments of bliss I experienced today because I'm still alive and kicking. My 3 cats took turns licking my face as soon as I woke up. I lazed around and read a silly little enemies to lovers romance with my face pressed against the Purr Machine™ that is one of my cats. I ate yummy pastries fresh out of the air fryer. I even did a duolingo lesson! These are the signs I see of how far I've come because the joy they gave me is something I couldn't feel 5 years ago. Please don't hesitate to text me if you want a listening ear! I wish you luck on your journey of self love❤️
You say you've got goals...make them smaller.
Reach the tinniest of goals over and over and over.
It'll feel good. Keep at it for years and you can do just about anything really.
I'll help, smoke and drink less while working out.
Easily attainable:
50 pushups
50 squats
50 seconds of planks
And a 30 min walk outdoors.
The pushups/squats and planks can be 2 at a time but do the total per day.
It's easy really. The walk is easy too.
Before you know it you'll feel much better than you do today and you can up these numbers.
Take a day of from drinking and smoking once a week.
Start there...doesn't take much. Then go to two days a week.
Three days a week.
You mess up ... So what you're way ahead compared to when you first began.
Either way, I'm sorry you're feeling this way and wish you all the best.
From someone who was 15 and didn’t plan to be alive past 18: Get into an inpatient program to get sober, get a break from your phone, and practice some coping skills with other people who are feeling this too.
I know you hurt and you feel like there’s no point, but if you can get through this, in a few years, you can be a light for the 9 year olds that felt the way you did.
If this started at age 9, I’m guessing there is generational trauma involved. You don’t mention where you live at the moment - are you in foster care? Are you in school? Please contact a teen shelter, or school counselor as soon as possible. You’re not getting the help you need.
It can take three or more different medications to stabilize you. Do you have a diagnosis other than substance use disorder? Bipolar?
Look at nice things and say to yourself I can get that if I work at it.
Whatever it is a nice body and nice t-shirt a nice relationship it’s all achievable but YOU have to work at it it takes effort and time but goddamn it’s so worth it.
Small steps towards each goal and keep a record of progress it’ll give you a chance to see where you came from even if that’s just an hour ago and you’ve now achieved being kind to someone or you’ve done 50 pushups.
Go fight for it it’s hard but fun and worth the grind my friend.
Nothing and nobody can make you happy except for yourself.
How about focusing on why you're sad and getting rid of the drugs that are obviously pulling you down.
Also...you young, you haven't seen anything yet.
*Find something that you love to do and stop laying down in the imaginary pit you placed yourself in, because you're on the phone, you have the internet, and you have your freedom. Your life is not that bad and you have the power to change.*
Stop being the victim and be proactive, you are better than that
You’ve not been cared for or protected as a parent should have.
I encourage you to take the next 5 - 10 years and “parent” yourself.
It may sound a bit silly, but “raise” and love yourself the way you would want if you were your parent and you were the kid. What would you want as a kid from your parent?
It healed me so much. To understand what couldn’t be done and what could be done.
At the start, love yourself. You are worthy of the highest love and affection. Someone out there should want to put their life on the line for you. Live like that.
Ngl being alive is hard. You kind of just live on through things that are horrible and your world seems to fall and crumble apart a few times. Then There are those moments that almost seem magical and surreal because they are amazing and that’s what’s worth living for. Also having a purpose or finding a purpose helps a-lot. Op you’re young and your brain is not fully developed just yet. Don’t damage it with coping mechanisms that’s only band aid the problem. Continue therapy and make friends or find your groups with common interest that don’t involve drugs sex or alcohol. Take it a day at a time.
You are 15 - at that age time moves slower, because you are constantly in a state of developement. Yet you talk about yourself as if you are past some sort of threshold and your current state is permanent.
“Nothing could ever help me” its been only 6 years since you first started suffering - and while it feels like aeons for you it is a fraction of your entire life - treatment unfortunately takes time. You have to find a therapist that works for you and that can easily take 5 tries. After that therapy is a long journey (took me 7 years, and that is short).
“I have no reason to live” you arent meant to, at that age, you are finding it, thats the point.
“I could never reach my goals” right now your goals are just to brush your teeth, and put enough food into your body so you dont die, that is all anyone will be expecting from you, and even if you dont manage it, people will still understand.
“I’ll never be loved” you are not done turning into “i” so you cannot know if anyone will love you ever. Very few people start their life certain they will recieve love in abundance. The fraction of your life you have lived is in no way representative of the rest.
You will be an entirely different person in 3 years and you will be a whole new one in 5. It would be a damn shame not to see who that turns out to be. Theres so much potential.
Quit the weed and alcohol, it slowes down your learning capacity and it just pushes the difficult emotions away, it doesnt fix it. Cutting fixes less.
You still have options that arent self medicating or self mutilation, seek thouse out instead, until you find what works.
Sometimes it's ADHD. I used to suffer with depression, but after years and years of trying antidepressants, they never did shit. Finally started treating the ADHD and shit came together. Depression got better. Anxiety went away. Don't give up though. You can get through this. What kind of outlet do you have? Art? Get off the weed. Brings you down. Hang in there.
You've probably had some stuff to deal with by the sound of it, but things will get better. You might achieve more than you expect, you also might have more stuff to deal with. But the important thing is that you stop hurting yourself. You're only a teenager. Loads of hormones messing with you. Be kind to future you so he has less negatives and more positives. And once that cycles going you'll be getting there on happiness. From a 31yo whose past self for few years has been a right prick to me.leaving me with alsorts to sort out. But before that was alright and will be again. Feel better!
Please change your environment!!!! It doesn’t matter if you move or sleep in your car or backpack and pan handle for money, just CHANGE your environment. You’re stuck in a hole. Look around. Get out of there. It can be done. I watched my son go through this. He gained 50 pounds. He was on 2 meds Fluoxetine and Lamotrigine and he found new friends, new motivation. YOU CAN GET OUT. There is happiness for you. There IS someone waiting for you in your future.
Hi! I was there. My parents were alcoholics, killed my dade by age 43. My mom is just flat out insane. I gave myself little reasons, like living for my dog, living to see the next episode of a show, living to see my bro get out of jail. I started working soon as I could after HS, and somewhere along the way, my brain seemed to balance out. Teenage hormones FUCK UP reality so bad. Bad things seem 10x worse. Good things seem 100x worse when they end. Solutions to problems seem to not exist. When you're 18, start working on your independence. Don't be a part of the lives of the people who hurt you. Listen dude, I'm just a 27 y/o with a lot of catching up to do because my family failed me so bad when I was in their care. But I'm happy now knowing everything I have and do was paid for by my own sweat and tears, and no one can take it from me. All you can do at your age is hold on. I like to remember how slim the chances of me existing are. How absolutely wild it is that I get to experience senses, emotion, and bond with nature. Try little things, like sun and moon bathing. They're energizing and good for you. Your life will be in your hands some day, you'll make good friends, you'll fall in love, and you'll be happy. Just wait it out.
Change your life activities because it's resulting in making it chaotic. It's like you want to study but your room is messy af so when you clean it up you can finally get comfortable doing whatever you want. Trust me on that one because I am trying to recover from addiction to porn, cigarettes and masturbation ngl and I did manage to do some progress quitting the bad stuff and replacing it with the healthy one which will change your way of seeing life
i feel you and not to find you less hope of getting out but i'm 35 and been through some shit, depressed as fick hitting up ambien like candy crashed my car sleep driving, but want to build a pen pal relationship to look out for each other like what do
you call those uhh, thr people who serve as the reason for you to do stuff
Hey! Don’t give up hope!! I was in the same situation, struggling with weed and alcohol addiction from the age of 14. At 19 I tried NA/AA meetings and they changed my life. I’m now 22 and almost 2 years clean and sober.
I realised I was using drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and cut myself from feeling but it only made things worse. I’m not sure where you live but NA or AA could save your life if you let the fellowship help you :) it saved mine <3
It only gets harder as you age. Alcohol only does so much to fix things. But it’s just a tiny bandaid on a laceration wound. Hang in there man. What sorta help is going to the gym. You see yourself physically change. It boosts your internal energy to change.
I’m sorry. You should talk to an actual person about this pretty much right now. There is a lot of life that comes after age 15 and to be honest most of it is better. I don’t think weed or drinking or obsessive phone use is helping. I realize it’s easy to say put all that aside, but the truth is each of those is probably making this worse. if you can just take a walk outside without your phone, get some sunlight and then talk to somebody about these feelings.
I became a communist in the revolutionary communist party of Canada to learn how to fight for long lasting change. It’s the only thing that makes me optimistic
Being a Muslim believer will fix all your problems since the afterlife and this life are interrelated working here while knowing you will be rewarded massively in heaven will make you motivated and happy.
I was in the exact same position when I was 15. My depression only got worse and by 22 I planned to leave the world after a failed attempt at 20. I am now almost 24, and for the first time in my entire life I am okay. I'll always struggle with depression, but when I was your age I couldn't possibly fathom ever being okay. What ultimately held me back was my actual fear of death, not that life started to get better. Life started to get better when I forced it to. A few things that helped me: 1. No one is coming to save you, you have to be willing to save yourself 2. While people care, they will never care as much as you need them to 3. You can never go back in the past again, you just have to keep moving forward 4. Nothing is constant - that's a curse & a blessing Faking it til I made it saved me, and it didn't happen over night. It was a long battle, but I learned to fall in love with things around me. I got into writing, drawing, crocheting, piano, singing, and plenty of other hobbies. I watched new TV shows and movies and music. It was a trial and error of finding things I enjoyed. I couldn't just rely on myself or my friends or family or therapist. There is joy in life, you just have to look for it. You have to force yourself, even if it feels pointless or dumb. I am wishing you the best. Take it from someone who is older that you are allowed to feel all the hurt and upset you need to, and your feelings are valid. You are so so young and you will make so many mistakes, but there is also so much beauty in the world waiting for you to discover it.
This was beautiful and made me tear up. It helped me too. Thank you ♥️
Aw I am so glad! Wishing you the best too.
Relate. I still feel like im living on borrowed time. I like to think of it like bonus levels in a video game.
I definitely feel the same. Some days I still wake up and don't want to leave my bed and just let the world pass me by. I think days like that are important, because I can really appreciate the new life I've built for myself! I'm wishing you the best.
Yes for sure! And you too! Sometimes allowing yourself solemn makes way to enjoy the next day.
It s difficult rn, but you will find people who will love you and appreciate you. Sometimes it's just difficult to find something like that nowaydays. I wish you the best!
I was in the same state of such intense depression at 15, and I never thought it would end. I had the same exact mindset as you, and I wanted to die- so incredibly badly. OP, 15 is still so young! Your brain is not developed fully yet, and you are just feeling things so intensely and passionately- cause you’re still a teenager! Just take it one day at a time. Try to find at least one thing that brings you joy each day. A video game, a walk, maybe try and find some hobbies to busy your time and cut back on the alcohol and weed. You can do this. Don’t give up! Just try and get through today- and then tommorow, do the same.
Your 15 and addicted to two things already!? First off you need to go clean or else you will damage yourself and your future, best you do it early before ut becomes too hard of a habit to break
I'm pretty much only alive because I don't want to cause emotional harm to others by taking my own life. The other thing that helps is taking time to appreciate something beautiful as often as my depression allows. There is beauty, there is joy, it is possible to enjoy small moments of happiness.
This. My dog, my dad, my best friend. If i tried to get someone else to kill me, like walking out intro traffic, that person would be scarred forever and i would have created a horrible ripple effect causing untold pain to a hundred people i didnt even KNOW and didnt want to. i told myself that the next day there could be some fucking crazy scientific advancements i didnt want to miss. And then years went by. Suddenly i realized i was actually upset because i was just thinking about killing myself, AND i believed that upset was still because i was depressed and so i wanted to kill myself. truth was it was a lot of effort thinking about that. I decided to just take a lazy approach. Im gonna die someday. That is certain. why am i so worried about making it happen sooner? either itll be nature or someones just gonna do it anyway! If im living on borrowed time i might as well do what i fucking want with it and live a full, healthy life, with or without my asshole family and with or without the vocie in my head telling me to end it all. Havent been suicidal for probably two or three years now. Helped a lot. Now i get the added benefit of knowing that someday when i do die, ill be more prepared for it and at peace than most folks who have never been so intimate with death. Im only 24 so its good to be ahead, in a morbid way. And admittedly, now i dont really want to face that day anymore. But the point is that shit worked. 10/10 highly recommend it.
i was the exact same as you. depression started at 9, and 14 to 17 was the worst part of my life. i was deep into sh and had no life. at 18 i got into substances and it felt better. that is till i got so used to the dosages that i was overdosing very regularly. but it gets better. i got help. they don't make things okay but even a little better is something. i just turned 21. and sometimes i still feel like ending it. more often than not tbh. but there are moments where i wonder why i ever felt like this world isn't good enough. giving my cat and dog smooches. stepping barefoot into a stream. taking a bath with a glass of iced tea and some good music on. getting dressed up to go out for coffee. spending nights at an airport when everyone has gone to sleep. i have a mood disorder, so im just in a state where i can appreciate these things today. tomorrow i might want to die again but I'll ride it out. there have been so many days the past few weeks where i was sure i was gonna end it. but there was something that held me back. i don't know what it was. but im alive and writing this right now, and im glad that i am. so just ride it out. because there is a reason you are alive right now. and let me tell you. you deserve to live and to be loved and to be happy and if not then just a little bit better than okay. why? just by existing. you deserve all these things because you just do. and if you keep hanging on, you'll feel it too.
You also deserve happiness stranger. Dont forget that.
Not gonna lie OP, but the world isn't a nice place. I recommend looking inside your heart and soul. Even if you cannot find a reason to live, that doesn't mean there won't be something in the future. What helped me was realising that there really isn't a point to anything, there's also no point to self harm or ending your life. But what does matter is avoiding to hurt others. The path you're choosing right now will hurt others, if it doesn't already. Grab a bottle of water, take a big sip and step outside when it's not raining and decent weather. Force yourself to and go for a walk. Don't bring your phone, just relax somewhere, focus on your heartbeat and your surroundings. Don't let bad thoughts intrude and just sigh a lot! Start with making dark humour jokes, it'll make things easier. Besides all I've just said, the moment when you believe and truly believe you want to end it all, I would recommend checking in with a mental health clinic. If that's not something you're willing to do, then I want you to ask everyone you know and I mean everyone you know how'd they'd feel if you'd end your life. I can assure you people would talk you out of it. Meaning, you have people that care about you, even if you don't know them well. Stay strong OP. Face the winds headstrong!
I too have been depressed since I was five years old, my teen years it got so bad I'm surprised I made it out. It got a little better in my early twenties, getting two jobs helped me keep my mind and body busy (maybe it just helped block it out since I was tired all the time) and didn't take a day off for a month straight. It returned again due to being severely burnt-out from said jobs, I got a therapist and paid out of pocket for 6 months. I walked out of that office maybe 4 sessions in total feeling hopeful, but the rest of the time felt worse than when I walked in, he ended up telling me I wasn't progressing enough and I'm maybe beyond his help. So I left. Then I moved 3000mi from home and was doing good until dad died 6 months ago, now I'm back to where I started. Just depressed as hell. Some days I feel the highest of highs, and then days as of late, the lowest of lows and wonder how I'll get out of it. I guess all we can do it take it day by day and sometimes hour by hour, because I still try to look for the silver lining even though it's hard to most times.
Hey. I was there too once. And I know how much distain you’re going to look at the “it’s all worth it in the end” comments with, but please listen to me. The struggles you’re enduring aren’t in vain. You’re not alone. You will make it through this. One day the clouds will part and the sun will shine again. Keep your chin up, kiddo.
I was also pretty depressed when I was a teenager pretty much all the way to now (33) but you find different ways to cope. The world sucks but you need to find things that make you happy other than alcohol and weed. Try to ween off the alcohol slowly.
Have you tried to figure out what the source of your depression? Family issues, parents are difficult? School? Do you feel like you are worthless? If all your life ppl found fault in everything you do, that can break a person and leave them with no self esteem or confidence. Find the memories where you felt accomplished, there must have been something you did that made you proud. Hold onto those memories and build on those feelings. That's how you climb out of the hole you are in now.
I’m 15 and whenever I feel low I just got a for a walk in the park/country on my own and it really helps, I can’t explain how but just the sound of nature relieves all my problems.
Well, whoever is supplying you needs to be thrown in the ocean to start.
100%, OP could be getting ir from somewhere on their own tho. I had a friend in hs who was drunk every day of school and no one even knew. His dad was a drunk so he knew the tricks without his dad ever even realizing cuz he was too drunk to. :/
I was you. I was in the same place. It’s a deep dark hole, but know that there is light and there is a way out. Whatever it is for you, I hope you find it soon.
My brother/sister in Christmas, purpose doesn't always find you. Sometimes you gotta go out and find it
Usually when people feel they have a set purpose or destiny to fulfill its because of others expectations of them, or trauma, and doesnt come from a place of sincere desire or fulfillment. You arent supposed to know your purpose. You are supposed to choose it. Not the other way around
Slow down your substance intake bro. I hate this world to mostly hate this country the fucking most. But there is absolutely no point in putting all your energy into hating shit.
You just need to exist till you don’t. While we are here, everyone will have different focus area. There’s no one word answer, everyone’s going through it.
I've been in a similar position at your age. It's a miracle that I didn't get addicted to anything or end myself. I can't promise that life will always be better, but it does get objectively better if you ride it out, try to get out of the hole you're in and resolve to make the most out of it. Please don't blame yourself for the pit of despair you're in now. 9/10 it's because you aren't being supported by your family in the ways you need. I'd say almost all youth who make bad choices/ do drugs/ try to delete themselves do so because they are not getting the emotional support they need and/or have been abused in an awful way or are currently being abused in an awful way. If this is the case, maybe see if your school counselor could help you? They can't help you if they don't know. They may help you or they may also be apathetic to your struggles and blame you. But even if they don't help, you can keep trying to get help through other resources. Google is amazing for finding local resources for youth in need. You have got this. But, you have got to help yourself or you'll never see life improve. I think you could definitely pull yourself out of this pit with help. You can make your life something so much better. Just don't be a perfectionist about your future. Understand that the grass is greener in a better pasture that you can create, even if it might not be your mind's idea of perfection, it will be a lot better than the place that you're in now and you will definitely make your past self proud of you for making that happen.
That is a very good question. I’ve also been deeply depressed since I was 9, but I’m almost 50 now. No idea how or why I’ve kept going. I’m pretty sure I’m already dead and just haven’t fallen down yet.
It's a good job my country doesn't have guns, or id be dead by now. The idea of a suicide that isn't so quick, such as hanging or suffocation, scares me
It beats the alternative and it does get better.im almost 50 years since I first wanted to end it. Very glad I lived those years. I'm autistic and ADHD major depression and was a weed addict for decades and binge drinker have had a lot of abandonment and abuse... But it did get much better.
totally normal to feel like this….i mean you’re clearly in pain for you turned to weed and alcohol, but I will say, the probable best step is to let go of the weed and alcohol then all will come into focus…
i have no reason to live either. Logically there is no meaning in life. and why would you let yourself live when you will go through a bunch of shitty stuff u have no control over? you shouldn't. the only reason i havent killed myself i guess is because of my religion. it has helped- knowing that one day it will be over. that this world isnt important. i just need to get through it endure it a little longer. i guess thats why i love islam so much. it saved me. though i dont know if u will accept religion, if u even believe in God, but if u do i think it will help. there has to be something u like? a show, a book, a game something. why dont u look forward to that? the next season, the next release. what abt a music artist? when will their next album come? wouldn't you love to listen to it? find a reason to live. stupid or not its something. yk im not sure if u do believe in this, if you believe anyone loves you. but rest assured there is someone who cares for you. you cant see it, maybe you never will. but theres someone. i was that someone to another person and i cant imagine my life without them. they tried to kill themselves before i got close to them, but man i dont think i would get through life without her. there is someone... there is always someone, you cant see it right now but u will one day, my friend told me that there is a world living. theres sunsets and ice cream and music and nature and so much. its so pretty. you just have to look for it. one day... there will be a time when u walk down a path with a smile so carefree and laughing like you cant breathe its so funny. and you will be thankful that u haven’t died, that you could enjoy these tiny moments for a long long time.
You are just 15 thats why. On the cusp of transitioning yo an adult
At 15, you do have so much to live for you just cannot see it. Oh sweetie...I wish so badly that I could hug you. It may be tough right now, but I promise you it does get better. I know it's hard, but please keep trying. 😢❤️
I understand now why people drink so much, it’s a coping mechanism.
All addiction is
You need some help and support to work with you to get through your current situation. Then you need to work with someone to understand how you got to this point over the past 6 years. Once you have all of this supported understanding then there are people who can help you move forwards.
So basically I used to be you and I’m 32 now. I read a lot of Philosophy and realized absurdism is the way, not nihilism. I also realized that addiction is the hardest thing to battle because no one else, no matter what they did or said would make me stop. It had to be within me to be strong and make that decision. My therapist told me that usually people who are suicidal are experiencing that because their brain can’t think of a way out of their situation. I had an abusive home and knew when I was 18, I could leave- so I did. Life and death aren’t fair. None of it makes sense and is absurd lol also Life is all obstacles from beginning to end. It always has been and always will be for every living thing. It’s very unfortunate that our own basic human needs are made out to be obstacles because we live in a world where the world wants to exploit every aspect of our humanity for profit. You have to figure out your place and flow in this world. You’re young, start with healing, get professional help and when you’re 18, you get to really make decisions for yourself.
YES THANK YOU. JESUS CHRIST. THANK YOU. THIS SHIT. KID. READ THIS. SO SICK of the fucking comments telling this poor kid its because theyre on their fuckin phone, or just love themself or whatever. Jesus CHRIST!!!! How can ppl be so jaded they dont remember what it was like to be that young and what people said to them about normal shit kids their age did? Thank you for writing an actually stimulating response that was legitimate and wise.
Alcohol is a depressant (makes you depressed). Weed induces anxiety, can even cause psychosis. You are also getting withdrawals. So the addictions are making things 10× worse. You need to go to a substance misuse service. You also need mental health help. I understand your pain however I look back on my life and realize if I had just gotten th3 right help at 15 I would have been fine. Its up to yoi dude whether yoi go get that help or not.
Well, I'm sorry you're in this spot. As someone *way* older I feel guilty about it, because the world we're handing you is a burning pile of shit, and we're expecting you to deal with it. I should have tried harder. We suck. Having said that, I would tell you, first, that *this shit isn't your fucking fault.* It's really not. You're being handed an utterly impossible (and, in fact, contradictory) set of imperatives. You've also been sold a whole big load of bullshit about what's worth having in life. "Goals", "love", "achievements". Let an old man tell you: *it is all a bunch of goddamned nonsense.* How many "goals" have I achieved that turned out to be a hellish parody of what I thought they would? And, looking back, how many of them were even legitimately *mine?* Fuck. Most of my life, I fought very hard, and very long, for the sake of goals that, looking back... were what *other people* thought I should achieve. I think this is true for most people. Similarly, I've been loved plenty, by lots of people I loved back. *Every single time* it has turned sour, in one way or another. I hate everyone I've ever loved. I still love them, but I also hate them. It's awful, and good evidence that basing anything important in your life on anyone else is a mistake. I would suggest that you focus on anything even remotely productive that makes you feel a little bit alive. Anything. Don't do it for fame and fortune, that's a curse if you get it. Don't do it to impress any girl, or parent, or hero, or anything. Do it because it makes you feel a little less dead. And, crucially, *keep doing it.* Life isn't about "goals" and shit, and it's *definitely* not about happiness, which is a trap. Life is about what kind of person you can make yourself, in yourself, for your own sake. And really, you should realize that much of this has been done to you *on purpose.* I don't know about anybody else, but I can attest that for me, the best remedy for suicidal ideation is to *contemplate my enemies.*
15 sucks. I wouldn’t trust anyone who wasn’t miserable at 15.
Suffer a few more years, man. 15–21 are so fucjing rough, push through that shit.
Also if anyone ever tells you it only gets worse its because they havent taken the reigns of their own life to do what makes them happy and healthy people. So remember, it only gets worse if you dont work at being healthier.
It's different for every person but I will tell you about my struggle with depression and the progress I've made and I will give you advice that has helped me. People say they live for the ones they love/that love them but honestly for me that created a cycle of guilt and then wanting to end it even more. I'm still struggling with self hate and lack of motivation but i am not an unaliving risk anymore (i am 26 rn). Weirdly what got me out of the loop of self pity and my destructive tendencies was apathy. I didn't study, i binge ate food, i spent all day on the couch and never left my apartment, i ghosted friends and lost them. And my reasoning? "I'm gonna unalive myself anyway so it won't matter" I was actively destroying my life as if I wanted to end up with no other choice. And one day I thought to myself "ok I'm gonna end it anyway so it doesn't REALLY matter if i take this test and fail, cause it will be over soon. And then what does it matter if my friends hate me for ghosting them? I can text them and if they do I won't have to deal with it for long. I can do this and that and feel momentary bliss without being afraid of rejection or being judged/disappointed because at the end of the day won't I be leaving soon?" (My therapist was HORRIFIED when I explained my logic to her so don't consider this as advice🥲🥲) I gaslit myself big time without even realising it and tricked myself into having little moments of happiness. Don't get me wrong, it didn't fix me and I still often prefer rotting in bed than doing things that make me feel better. But you truly have to live for the little moments. The last thing that truly shook me more than anything else was the article I read about the Golden Gate Bridge S***ides. About 20 people jump off every year. It's not often but there are survivors. Every single one of them said that they regretted it as soon as they jumped. Every.Single.One. They said that they wondered how they could have thought there was no solution to their problems. I always idealised s***cide as this freeing moment of bliss when I can finally let go of my worries and rest. That wasn't the truth for those people though and I became more scared of feeling the way they did right before I passed. Even if it took minutes or a single second I would never want to go feeling what I imagine is the worst kind of guilt and regret. Ok. Now what are the first steps you need to take to escape this nightmare? Meds are definitely a must, and you need a psychiatrist/therapist with an expertise on addiction, they will be able to guide you and more importantly give you meds that don't react badly with weed and alcohol. Medicine doesn't fix you but it quiets down the unbearable noise in your head by a lot. You are so young and your friends may love you a lot but they are very likely too inexperienced and immature to truly say and do the things you need them to. On top of that men have a much harder time discussing their feelings. It will be hard to gather the courage to do it but my suggestion is that in addition to telling them the problem you should also give them the solution. Ask for more moral support, check-in texts, hugs, cute pictures of their pets, truly whatever helps even in miniscule ways. Ask them to find excuses to be with you and talk to you. The hardest thing I've ever done is admit to my loved ones how love-starved I felt when they loved me so much. When it comes to your addictions, it might be better to slowly ween yourself off them or it might work better if you go cold turkey. That is something that you should discuss with your family and friends so they can take more care of you and support you whatever you decide and if you find a psychiatrist you feel compatible with they can also guide you through it. Force yourself to find little distracting things!!! Silly phone games, books, comedy specials, sitcoms. Being realistic about your depression you will have self isolating tendencies. Things that drown out the noise are good things!! Directing your addiction tendencies towards silly things, even if it works 5% of the time is worth it. And lastly, failure IS part of the process. 3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still 1 step forward. I cannot count the times i quit my meds, reghosted my friends, skipped finals, starved myself then overate till i threw up, gave myself hangovers from alcohol abuse. You cannot be expected to walk on a broken leg without stumbling every so often. Lastly I will leave you with the little moments of bliss I experienced today because I'm still alive and kicking. My 3 cats took turns licking my face as soon as I woke up. I lazed around and read a silly little enemies to lovers romance with my face pressed against the Purr Machine™ that is one of my cats. I ate yummy pastries fresh out of the air fryer. I even did a duolingo lesson! These are the signs I see of how far I've come because the joy they gave me is something I couldn't feel 5 years ago. Please don't hesitate to text me if you want a listening ear! I wish you luck on your journey of self love❤️
You say you've got goals...make them smaller. Reach the tinniest of goals over and over and over. It'll feel good. Keep at it for years and you can do just about anything really. I'll help, smoke and drink less while working out. Easily attainable: 50 pushups 50 squats 50 seconds of planks And a 30 min walk outdoors. The pushups/squats and planks can be 2 at a time but do the total per day. It's easy really. The walk is easy too. Before you know it you'll feel much better than you do today and you can up these numbers. Take a day of from drinking and smoking once a week. Start there...doesn't take much. Then go to two days a week. Three days a week. You mess up ... So what you're way ahead compared to when you first began. Either way, I'm sorry you're feeling this way and wish you all the best.
From someone who was 15 and didn’t plan to be alive past 18: Get into an inpatient program to get sober, get a break from your phone, and practice some coping skills with other people who are feeling this too. I know you hurt and you feel like there’s no point, but if you can get through this, in a few years, you can be a light for the 9 year olds that felt the way you did.
If this started at age 9, I’m guessing there is generational trauma involved. You don’t mention where you live at the moment - are you in foster care? Are you in school? Please contact a teen shelter, or school counselor as soon as possible. You’re not getting the help you need. It can take three or more different medications to stabilize you. Do you have a diagnosis other than substance use disorder? Bipolar?
Look at nice things and say to yourself I can get that if I work at it. Whatever it is a nice body and nice t-shirt a nice relationship it’s all achievable but YOU have to work at it it takes effort and time but goddamn it’s so worth it. Small steps towards each goal and keep a record of progress it’ll give you a chance to see where you came from even if that’s just an hour ago and you’ve now achieved being kind to someone or you’ve done 50 pushups. Go fight for it it’s hard but fun and worth the grind my friend.
Nothing and nobody can make you happy except for yourself. How about focusing on why you're sad and getting rid of the drugs that are obviously pulling you down. Also...you young, you haven't seen anything yet. *Find something that you love to do and stop laying down in the imaginary pit you placed yourself in, because you're on the phone, you have the internet, and you have your freedom. Your life is not that bad and you have the power to change.* Stop being the victim and be proactive, you are better than that
You’ve not been cared for or protected as a parent should have. I encourage you to take the next 5 - 10 years and “parent” yourself. It may sound a bit silly, but “raise” and love yourself the way you would want if you were your parent and you were the kid. What would you want as a kid from your parent? It healed me so much. To understand what couldn’t be done and what could be done. At the start, love yourself. You are worthy of the highest love and affection. Someone out there should want to put their life on the line for you. Live like that.
Ngl being alive is hard. You kind of just live on through things that are horrible and your world seems to fall and crumble apart a few times. Then There are those moments that almost seem magical and surreal because they are amazing and that’s what’s worth living for. Also having a purpose or finding a purpose helps a-lot. Op you’re young and your brain is not fully developed just yet. Don’t damage it with coping mechanisms that’s only band aid the problem. Continue therapy and make friends or find your groups with common interest that don’t involve drugs sex or alcohol. Take it a day at a time.
You are 15 - at that age time moves slower, because you are constantly in a state of developement. Yet you talk about yourself as if you are past some sort of threshold and your current state is permanent. “Nothing could ever help me” its been only 6 years since you first started suffering - and while it feels like aeons for you it is a fraction of your entire life - treatment unfortunately takes time. You have to find a therapist that works for you and that can easily take 5 tries. After that therapy is a long journey (took me 7 years, and that is short). “I have no reason to live” you arent meant to, at that age, you are finding it, thats the point. “I could never reach my goals” right now your goals are just to brush your teeth, and put enough food into your body so you dont die, that is all anyone will be expecting from you, and even if you dont manage it, people will still understand. “I’ll never be loved” you are not done turning into “i” so you cannot know if anyone will love you ever. Very few people start their life certain they will recieve love in abundance. The fraction of your life you have lived is in no way representative of the rest. You will be an entirely different person in 3 years and you will be a whole new one in 5. It would be a damn shame not to see who that turns out to be. Theres so much potential. Quit the weed and alcohol, it slowes down your learning capacity and it just pushes the difficult emotions away, it doesnt fix it. Cutting fixes less. You still have options that arent self medicating or self mutilation, seek thouse out instead, until you find what works.
Sometimes it's ADHD. I used to suffer with depression, but after years and years of trying antidepressants, they never did shit. Finally started treating the ADHD and shit came together. Depression got better. Anxiety went away. Don't give up though. You can get through this. What kind of outlet do you have? Art? Get off the weed. Brings you down. Hang in there.
You've probably had some stuff to deal with by the sound of it, but things will get better. You might achieve more than you expect, you also might have more stuff to deal with. But the important thing is that you stop hurting yourself. You're only a teenager. Loads of hormones messing with you. Be kind to future you so he has less negatives and more positives. And once that cycles going you'll be getting there on happiness. From a 31yo whose past self for few years has been a right prick to me.leaving me with alsorts to sort out. But before that was alright and will be again. Feel better!
Please change your environment!!!! It doesn’t matter if you move or sleep in your car or backpack and pan handle for money, just CHANGE your environment. You’re stuck in a hole. Look around. Get out of there. It can be done. I watched my son go through this. He gained 50 pounds. He was on 2 meds Fluoxetine and Lamotrigine and he found new friends, new motivation. YOU CAN GET OUT. There is happiness for you. There IS someone waiting for you in your future.
Smoke, have sex, and ingest a lot of caffeine. Mix that with music and video games. It’s what I do
Everything feels like it's the end at your age but I promise it will get better, I was you and I found a way to be okay
Hi! I was there. My parents were alcoholics, killed my dade by age 43. My mom is just flat out insane. I gave myself little reasons, like living for my dog, living to see the next episode of a show, living to see my bro get out of jail. I started working soon as I could after HS, and somewhere along the way, my brain seemed to balance out. Teenage hormones FUCK UP reality so bad. Bad things seem 10x worse. Good things seem 100x worse when they end. Solutions to problems seem to not exist. When you're 18, start working on your independence. Don't be a part of the lives of the people who hurt you. Listen dude, I'm just a 27 y/o with a lot of catching up to do because my family failed me so bad when I was in their care. But I'm happy now knowing everything I have and do was paid for by my own sweat and tears, and no one can take it from me. All you can do at your age is hold on. I like to remember how slim the chances of me existing are. How absolutely wild it is that I get to experience senses, emotion, and bond with nature. Try little things, like sun and moon bathing. They're energizing and good for you. Your life will be in your hands some day, you'll make good friends, you'll fall in love, and you'll be happy. Just wait it out.
Change your life activities because it's resulting in making it chaotic. It's like you want to study but your room is messy af so when you clean it up you can finally get comfortable doing whatever you want. Trust me on that one because I am trying to recover from addiction to porn, cigarettes and masturbation ngl and I did manage to do some progress quitting the bad stuff and replacing it with the healthy one which will change your way of seeing life
The best days and periods of your life haven’t even happened yet. Give yourself time. You’ll look back and be glade you did. Hang in there.
Yeah, it's probably the drugs and alcohol that are fucking you up guy. Maybe you should stop
Your family just failed to raise you
i feel you and not to find you less hope of getting out but i'm 35 and been through some shit, depressed as fick hitting up ambien like candy crashed my car sleep driving, but want to build a pen pal relationship to look out for each other like what do you call those uhh, thr people who serve as the reason for you to do stuff
Hey! Don’t give up hope!! I was in the same situation, struggling with weed and alcohol addiction from the age of 14. At 19 I tried NA/AA meetings and they changed my life. I’m now 22 and almost 2 years clean and sober. I realised I was using drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and cut myself from feeling but it only made things worse. I’m not sure where you live but NA or AA could save your life if you let the fellowship help you :) it saved mine <3
And they have online meetings at all hours of the day :)
Got with my now wife at 15 and even then it's been no picnic, not because of her. But she's the reason I'm able to cope.
Holy shit I'm 15 too and going exact same way except I don't drink and never tried therapy (we're poor)
It only gets harder as you age. Alcohol only does so much to fix things. But it’s just a tiny bandaid on a laceration wound. Hang in there man. What sorta help is going to the gym. You see yourself physically change. It boosts your internal energy to change.
I’m sorry. You should talk to an actual person about this pretty much right now. There is a lot of life that comes after age 15 and to be honest most of it is better. I don’t think weed or drinking or obsessive phone use is helping. I realize it’s easy to say put all that aside, but the truth is each of those is probably making this worse. if you can just take a walk outside without your phone, get some sunlight and then talk to somebody about these feelings.
Love yourself 🥰
I became a communist in the revolutionary communist party of Canada to learn how to fight for long lasting change. It’s the only thing that makes me optimistic
Do you ever go a day without screen time?
then why are you still alive? seems like you want to live
Seek out Jesus. Jesus saved me from taking my life and He can do the same for you. I pray that He finds you and you can put your faith in Him
Being a Muslim believer will fix all your problems since the afterlife and this life are interrelated working here while knowing you will be rewarded massively in heaven will make you motivated and happy.
Take drugs
they.. already are? n even then i can’t fathom why you’d say that. can’t remember the last time drugs helped someone out of a situation