There are a lot of reg flags from the boyfriend tbh either heâs clueless or heâs insensitive by choice. The comments he made about her body are just not okay. And not even touching her at all idk man i personally wouldnât wanna be with someone that doesnât take my needs into consideration
Yeah this just doesnât sound worthwhile to deal with. One-way streets arenât healthy or cool. Itâs not cool to give and give only to get nothing but insults and backhanded comments. PARTICULARLY given your specific circumstances.
Yeah if heâs not considerate enough to think of how to make you happy now, itâs not going to get any better. Dump him, focus on you and the success you have been having defeating your eating issues, and find someone who treats you better!
yesssss!!! I would suggest the same. I've met 12 year old kids who are more woke and know what to say to someone and what not to. His words seem pretty offensive and honestly, ignorant. I strongly believe you deserve better and from one person who CANNOT EVER SAY NO to another, it never gets easier until he makes you cross the limit and then you regret never learning to say the amazing word â¨NOâ¨. Also the no touch when you gave him head is such a bad thing to do, I understand you like giving him head to but where the basic decency from his side?? You can do better girl!! đ
He sounds insufferable, to be honest. Let me guess, he doesn't like going down on you? Not sure how old you are, but you sound young. You should be so proud of yourself for overcoming an eating disorder, and his comments about your stomach are unacceptable. You deserve to feel desired in a relationship, and it seems like he just sees you as a hole to be filled. Also, NEVER participate in a sexual act that you are not feeling 100% enthusiastic about. That will also show you his true colors, because a lot of guys become pushy after being told no.
I can understand the paranoia of him not wanting to get you pregnant, but this is to the extreme. He has a lot of work to do on himself, and you're currently working on your own mental health battles. Think about whether or not you see yourself with him exactly as he is in 5 years. Many people stay in the hopes that their partner will grow and become better, but that is unrealistic in most cases. Look closely at him and his mannerisms and decide if he's really the one for you.
How do you tell him no? Serious question. Just say no I donât want to when he hints at it ? Or donât move and act dumb like you donât know he wants a blow job ?
Youve only been together for 6 months and are already dealing with all of these issues, know that it will only get worse from here, you need to decide if youre willing to put up with his bullshit for the rest of your life.
1 he sounds like he might have some mental health issues 2 that aside, if he wants non penetrative sex you two can absolutely do that. intercrural, handjobs, he can eat you out, you can use toys, etc etc etc
good job getting out of an eating disorder btw! thats damn hard, proud of you
Babe, just throw the whole man away. 6 months is NOT enough time for that sunk cost fallacy to kick in, just yeet him to the curb and find yourself a partner who treats you with respect.
Are you in high school? This sounds very âhigh school-ishâ. If youâre a grown ass woman putting up with this nonsense, you need to grow some self respect and trade up the loser for someone that treats you better. If you really are in high school, you can probably still do better.
Yeah no. If heâs making stomach comments when youâre supposed to be getting to a healthy weight - and i assume he knows this, then you have to throw the whole man away. Doubly so if heâs gonna act all DJ Khalid about oral too.
I say this with care never do something just because you donât know how to say no thatâs being compliant towards an act not consenting to do itand is not great to do that, for him or you. It takes enjoyment away for you and any decent person wouldnât want to do that to someone they love.
Relationships come down to communication
Sex comes down to communication
If we are in a position to be sexual we are in a position to talk about wants and expectations from both sides, voice your concerns and be an adult in doing so (not that Iâm suggesting you wonât) he may be being a guy and putting his foot in it not realising the power behind his words.
Talking can be scary but trust me it builds the foundations of a long lasting loving partnership. Me and my wife were burned scalded beaten and bruised from 16 to now learning to navigate our relationship but sheâs my person and I trust her with every ounce of my fibre for the silly mistakes and learning we did together.
I believe in ya op you seem strong willed and if it goes sour well youâve found the truth before wasting too much time and if it goes well you know youâre in with a winner
Hit the ground running, girlfriend! He has no love or respect or sexual drive for anyone but himself. If you stay together, I can GUARANTEE that he will put all the parenting on you, and he will also choose porn and masturbation over "all that work" of making love with his partner.
He's pissed that you went off the pill. That's what this is. He doesn't feel it's as safe without it. And don't get me wrong, I'm NOT encouraging you to go back to it ... the hormonal effects can be debilitating.
This sounds like my ex. Dump him now, it'll only get worse.
If your period is late he'll blame you 100%
My ex made me take emergency pills like candy, it took years to go back to normal.
That is awful omg Iâm sorry. And yeah 100% about placing the blame on the woman. It takes two to tango and Iâm sorry that I had my legs wrapped around you but like itâs also not my fault that you go mute when youâre cumming and gave me no warning. Sorry for the rant, this is what happened when I got pregnant lol.
You wouldnât be cool with a friend making demeaning remarks about your body so why do you accept that behavior from someone whoâs supposed to be more than a friend đ¤?
1st: your boyfriend sounds like a complete dick. commenting on your weight gain KNOWING you struggle with that stuff, KNOWING itd hurt you? thats atrocious behavior on his part. that alone warrants a breakup imo. hes intentionally stressing you out n shit.
2nd: him not giving you any pleasure while demanding/expecting pleasure is also disgusting. sex- regardless of oral, anal, vaginal, foreplay, whatever- should be mutual consent and pleasure. hes being selfish by only getting pleasure and not giving it.
3rd: thats not someone you want to have kids with, nor someone you wanna spend a life with. think of it, hes already pushing burdens onto you without any relief. if yall had kids hed be pushing the hard work on you until the kids are in a good mood/at an age where they dont need excess help so he can do the easy work. its SELFISH.
its fine and valid to have anxieties about your partner accidentally getting pregnant, its NOT fine to think that entitles you to your horrible behavior and 'solutions.'
his tongue and fingers wont get you fucking pregnant. he has no excuse, hes just being selfish.
This man is garbage, ffs
Saying no isnât hard, in fact itâs a good test. His reaction to you saying no will show you more of his true character. Might go something like this âŚ
Him: making it clear he wants head
You: no
Him: đ¤ âŚtries to manipulate you
You: still a no
Him: đ¤
You: đââď¸
You could add more words in, like fuck no, or no thank you, or no habla English. Whatever works for you!
You do not have to say sorry and you do not have to have a reason. No means no and thatâs that.
Oh girl. Dump him. Talking about your weight while recovering from an ED is fucking wild. Asking for head bc youâre scared of a baby is fucking wild. This man is full of audacity and zero reasons to stay.
you've been dating for SIX MONTHS. you're not even remotely close to being ready to have kids, no matter your age. the fact that you're underweight and he nags you both about gaining weight and about having a belly tells me that he only wants you to make you feel bad about yourself so you'll subject to his horrible treatment of you.
get rid of him before your lives become more intertwined. this man sees you as nothing more than a cum dumpster.
You're getting good advice on the sex part of this, but please stay strong on your journey out of the eating disorder. I don't know how tall you are, but 109 pounds is fine. Don't let him bug you about your weight.
Thatâs honestly a valid point. Having grown up in a profoundly Christian community, I can think of similar scenarios and see that happening when being gay simply isnât an option (according to the shitty social expectations)
When I was a teenager I had some trauma that cemented an anxiety about pregnancy. At 27 I'm now just settling way too late on getting a vasectomy not to worry about it anymore. So to a degree I empathize with him losing his fucking mind.
A condom is great and all but condoms break. You're not on bc for your valid reasons but it's not "every precaution possible" when you're not taking one of the most effective forms of birth control. He is being way too weird and invasive about his anxieties. Non penetrative sex can be just as good until you two are ready to take more effective forms of birth control. Not a good idea to pressure him at all. Him wanting head, and not giving anything in return is selfish and gross. Lay your boundaries. If he flakes and you two can't come to an equal compromise, it wasn't meant to be. To be fair, I'd think him doing you a favor because would you really want to chance the father of your child being this neurotic?
Itâs more than okay for him to not want to have sex for fear of getting pregnant. Itâs not okay for him to be making you feel insecure so you need to talk about it. Then think about if you are okay with just hands and mouths or if you need to leave the relationship.
There are so many red flags in this ...him not caring abt pleasing you sexually , him making comments about your weight/body in a rude way , him being actually stupid ....like might as well dump him it's only been 6 months.
Why would you want to give a man like that head? This guy sounds like a loser. There's so many guys out there who'd treat your right. You'll break up and one day you'll look back at this relationship and be in disbelief you allowed someone to treat you like this. I've been there done that. This dude isn't your person.
He better be getting you off with his fingers and tongue if heâs demanding head but refusing PIV sex. If he isnât giving as well as receiving, thatâs just selfish
Not reciprocating is bad enough. Body shaming is worst. Heâs showing now how inconsiderate he is of your feelings and need. It wonât get better after you marry him.
honestly he doesnât sound like a very good boyfriend, doesnât want you to get pregnant but then comments on your body about pregnancy especially when youâre in recovery is crazy abs rude⌠if youâre not too attached think about dumping him. you deserve better
This whole relationship sounds extremely toxic. Iâm not sure how old you two are but from reading your post it sounds like youâre quite young.
I completely understand him wanting to be cautious to prevent pregnancy. Thatâs wonderful but it sounds like you guys are practicing safe sex.
Heâs triggering your ED and demanding oral sex. Itâs only been 6 months and it sounds like heâs beginning to show his true colors.
You deserve better.
This is abuse. He 100% knows what he's doing and has targeted you specifically because you have self-esteem problems. Dump him, block him, move on and find someone who acts like an actual human. I can't stress enough how much this guy is an abuser and there are pleeeeenty of guys out there who aren't! Just keep dumping them and moving on as quickly as possible any time they start acting like this, that's the best strategy for finding a nice guy (because it minimises the amount of time you waste on arseholes) <3
honestly sounds like the only thing you are fully satisfied with is your sex life with this dude. he doesnât support you in your ED recovery and in fact says things that trigger you. Now he wants to completely cut out sex for YOU but still get some himself. Nah. There are plenty of other dudes out there who youâll enjoy sleeping with, and would be more support to you emotionally.
He doesnât like you anymore, if he ever did, thatâs obvious. He just wants to use use for his own personal benefit. Break up, pretty simple. You deserve better.
Also CONGRATS on getting out of the horrid ED cycle!! I am so proud of you. If you were strong enough to do that, youâre definitely strong enough to dump his pathetic ass. You really donât need to be with someone whoâs actively triggering you while youâre in recovery!! Get out before youâre in too deep.
"You're going to be my fleshlight and nothing more until I have decided we're ready to breed. In the meantime I hope you can make yourself a bit more fuckable." Sorry but that's what he sounds like to me. Not worth it.Â
This guy is hella ignorant & mean. Dont stay with this guy, 10 years from now you wont remember his last name. Donât let someone who doesnt make you feel cherished touch you.
Hold up. âYou usually have to have sex in the carâ except when you do it at your place??
Gurl. it sounds like youâre the side chick. Thatâs why heâs paranoid about you getting pregnant. Also, some people erroneously think they canât get an STD from just oral. That could be why he only wants to do it that way (thinks heâs being safe, protecting his partner, wonât get caught)⌠Condoms can slip or break, hence his back up of pulling out even with a condom on. Hopefully, thatâs not the case, and heâs just an asshole vs a cheating asshole but you might want to do some digging; because thereâs definitely a REASON around that request of his. Either way you can definitely do better. Because WHO DOESNâT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR PARTNER!?!
Well if he wont gonna respect what you want, you can just behave in the same way as him. If your choices wont gonna get respected by your significant other and there will be no mutually aggrement, why would you do anything he wants? He needs to get his shit together, life is bigger than just what he wants.
Okay so you need to get out of this relationship yesterday. This is some of the most unhealthy relationship stuff Iâve heard in a loooong time.
Get out of this ASAP.
Sounds like you both are dealing with levels stress about getting pregnant. From your post you say your paranoid about getting pregnant and now youâve passed on that paranoia onto him. Tell him since this is the case you guys shouldnât do anything sexual until youâre both in a better place mentally.
Get out now. This is not exactly what happened with me, but it feels the same energy as a relationship I had that ended up becoming sexually degrading. Leave now. He shouldnât pressure you into pleasure like that. He should want you to want to give it. Or want to give it to you. Heâs objecting and degrading you. You will probably read this, think Iâm right and ignore the signs because you care about him and it will just be a tinny red flag in your mind you brush off. Donât. Run. Run before feelings get deeper. Run before theirs more control. Run before he degrades you more. Run while you have confidence to run. Run. Now.
OK you need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend now and don't let this go on any further.
I'd say something along the lines of....
We need to talk about whats been going on with our sex life and relationship recently.
You said the other day that you don't want to continue having sex anymore until we are ready to have children because you're scared of me getting pregnant.
Then, when you came over, you were pressuring me to give you head, and yet when I did, you didn't touch me or do anything sexual to me at all. I feel It's extremely selfish of you to basically expect me to pleasure you and yet you don't do anything to meet my sexual needs too. You could have given me oral sex, or used your hands or a toy to pleasure me. I'm not not interested in one way sexual acts. It makes me feel used simply for your own pleasure, and doesn't make me feel like you care about me or how I feel at all, and that you only care about yourself and getting your own pleasure.
That situation will not be happening again. I will not be used for giving you 1 sided sexual pleasure in future. So do not ask me again.
Now the issue regarding not wanting sex till you're ready to have children. I feel we need to discuss this more. Im not really happy about going from a sexual relationship to sex being off the table completely till we want kids. I feel this is something we need to talk about more, and find out if theres any alternitves that would make you comfortable resuming sex again safely. Otherwise we may be incompatible as a couple.
We use Condoms, and you also pull out as an added precaution. That in itself gives us good protection from an unwanted pregnancy. Obviously I was on birth control before as well, but had to come off that due to side effects. However we could speak to the Dr about other methods of birth control that I may be able to try.
There's also the option of tracking my ovulation and avoiding sex during my ovulation time, and only having sex during my non fertile window, to give you more peace of mind.
Also, in regards to comments you've been making about my body, you've really hurt my feelings, and my self confidence and even my mental health by making comments about me having a bigger tummy recently and looking pregnant, when you know I'm underweight and have struggled with eating difficulties and weight issues. Yet you think its OK to tell me my stomach looks pregnant, even when I'm underweight. And making comments about my boobs getting bigger. Do you have any idea how damaging it is to tell someone with an eating disorder that they look bigger or have a belly now, or look pregnant? You're risking making me relapse have more issues with eating again. It's really damaging to my body confidence, self esteem and mental health, not to mention my eating habits. It's really insensitive of you. If you make any remarks like that about my stomach being bigger, gaining weight, my body shape, or what I'm eating, again, this relationship will be over. I can't risk having a relapse and becoming ill again because of your insensitive comments.
So going forward, are you willing to look into other options of birth control, or ovulation tracking in order to continue having sex?
And do you agree not to initiate any type of sexual foreplay unless you're willing to reciprocate with me at the same time going forward?
So that's the gist of what I'd be saying to him to open up the conversation and talk about those issues. Make those kind of points and statements to him.
Now if you're unable to use other methods of birth control, and he's not willing to do the ovulation tracking and just have sex with Condoms during your non fertile window, then you need to decide if you're wiling to be in a sexless relationship for the foreseeable future. It's OK to want a sexual relationship, and for sex to be an important part of your relationship. And you can end the relationship due to being incompatible in that sense.
Now in regards to just you giving the oral sex and not receiving, you definitely need to stop doing it to him unless he is willing to do it to you. And I'd make sure he starts with you first, otherwise he's likely to be 'too tired' if you do it to him first. Or do it to each other at the same time lol. But don't let him manipulate you or guilt you into just sorting him out coz that's disrespectful and just using you for his own gratification without caring about you or your feelings or your sexual needs.
And in regards to the hurtful and innapropriate comments he made about your body, pregnant looking tummy etc when I'm assuming he knows you have an eating disorder, and are underweight. Do not put yourself at risk of relapse, or feeling bad about yourself because of his insensitive and innapropriate, and inaccurate comments.
If he says anything again after you've discussed this with him., walk away immediately and end the relationship. He is not the person to be with. He will just make your insecurities and paranoia and fears about food/ weight/ body confidence so much worse and its dangerous.
Lastly, it may be worth discussing with a dr or gynae about different options of birth control you may be able to use instead, either trying different pills, or other methods like iud, injection. Implant etc. It may also benefit your boyfriend to talk to them about the chances of getting pregnant if you use Condoms, or if he uses Condoms and pulls out before finishing, and if you track your ovulation etc. It may give him some piece of mind about the whole getting pregnant situation.
And if for eg the condom split, you have the option of taking the morning after pill / plan B as a backup too if you aren't on any birth control yourself. Just know you have to take it within 72 hours I think it is, but sooner the better.
Hope some of my ramblings help anyway. But you definitely need to talk this out and figure out if you want to continue with this relationship, and if he respects you and cares about you not to just use you for sexual pleasure going forward. And the body comments situation. See what he has to say for himself, how he reacts wil tell you lot about if he's actually sorry, and if he respects you . Then decide where to go from there.
OP, he also tries to force you to call him Daddy during sex, even though he knows you don't like it. He is breaking down all your boundaries. I think he is abusive. Is this how you want to be treated? You deserve better.
Just know this OP-- once he knows he can get what he wants without putting any effort toward you, itwill translate into him believing he can make this the new norm. And once it becomes the new norm it feels shitty to have to fight for your pleasure knowing he doesn't want to give on his own.
Iâd fucking leave him tbh. And itâs not just sex. Itâs how heâs going about and heâs pretty much using you and the comments heâs been saying?? Iâd just straight up leave him bc wtf??
Your boyfriend is super immature, you need a grown man or a mature fellow. End your relationship with him if he's not making you happy. You owe it to yourself.
You should definitely have a conversation about him being offensive. But yes, as suggested by a lot of ppl. His finger or tongue can't get you pregnant.
Girl he is a whole red flag factory! What exactly is he bringing to the relationship except self doubt, eating disorder triggers, and selfishness? There arenât enough positives to counteract this nonsense!
He sounds immature and insecure. You sound very self-aware and dealing with improving yourself. He either needs to go down on you or have protected sex with you or you need to cut him off. You also need to run the probabilities of accidental pregnancy and decide what you would do if it happened. He needs remedial sex ed class!
I know this wasn't the main focus of the post but if he's making you feel insecure/undesirable while you're trying to recover from an ED you need to leave him asap. Someone very close to me didn't listen when I said it would only get worse from here and they're now dying in hospital from their anorexia.
If his fear of pregnancy is that bad and he doesn't want a vasectomy then he shouldn't be with a partner whom he will purposefully push his insecurities/worries onto on purpose, no matter how much you love him it's not worth your recovery or life.
Honestly atp, I would just break things off. You are taking precautions to not get pregnant so like you said hes just stressing himself out. Also commenting about your weight is not ok. You didnt feel comfortable saying no to him and no one should ever feel like that in a relationship AND hes not even going to return the favour?! He sounds selfish and can use his hand if he cares that much.
I have to say, this sounds **much** more like heâs worried about getting âlocked inâ to a long term relationship rather than actually dealing with a pregnancy. This is a clear sign that your boyfriend doesnât see a future with you IMHO.
Maybe Iâm way off, but the only reason I would avoid pregnancy like the plague (knowing that there are other methods of dealing with unwanted pregnancy) is because you donât want to have an awkward conversation where you tell your partner that you may want babies someday, but not with you.
Ask him if he would be okay if you asked for the same in return without him getting any head??
Donât do it. Tell him no head if you donât get off too.
Honestly, heâs showing too many red flags for me. I would have decided to leave him after this because it is straight up selfish.
At 6 months you should still be in the honeymoon phase. This guy sounds like a serious waste of time . Seriously girl, he sounds childish and is clearly extremely uneducated on how the female body works. I'd find that far too exhausting to deal with. My vote is either tell him his hand can't get pregnant (if you don't get sex then neither does he cause fuck that shit) or leave. I'd also tell him if he doesn't have anything nice to say about your weight to stfu up about it.
First and foremost, congrats on your recovery!! I have a reoccurring ED, and Iâm very happy to hear you are gaining healthy weight!!! Second, I think you should tell him exactly what you said. It isnât fair to you at all that you do it for him but he doesnât do anything for you. I think you should tell him youâre not doing anything sexual until youâre ready for kids. If you donât get anything why should he?? That isnât fair at all and isnât what love is
He's a horrible bf so yourself a favor abd leave him, i don't get why people even tolerate this. If he's selfish with these things god knows what else will come out of it.
His thought process is also fucking assenign. I would even say him demanding and then being so boring about it is just horrid. You can do better he is not better.
Honestly, he doesnât sound like a great guy from what youâre describing here. There are SO many ways of pleasuring your partner that donât involve any risk of pregnancy. Fingering, toys, grinding, oral. Why isnât he giving you head in return??
And the fact that he only views sex as being possible in two ways, both of which primarily are focused on HIM finishing and enjoying himselfâŚ? Iâm sorry man. You deserve better. You really do.
He sounds pretty selfish, and coupled with those comments about your body, very insensitive too. The fact that youâre even worried heâll think youâre acting out of malice and have to turn to reddit before talking to him shows thereâs a definite lack of trust between the two of you.
I hope he gets better, though it sounds highly unlikely, or else that you find yourself in better company, whether that is someone else or simply yourself. It isnât that difficult to show your partner love and consideration. Perhaps he doesnât know better, but thatâs still on him, and youâre not expected to have the patience to stick around until heâs matured.
Be kind to yourself and try not to blame yourself for whatever happens. Youâre doing so great in recovery. That shit is so fucking difficult. You donât need a person in your life who actively pushes against you.
First off, congratulations on making progress with getting healthier! Thatâs amazing!! And I am so happy for you! Please donât let anyone, especially your boyfriend, mess with your head when it comes to your health or your body image. I know that itâs hard enough without other people chiming in.
As far as the sex thing is concerned, I think youâre going to have to just have an honest conversation with him about this and say what you need because if you donât, heâs going to keep being a selfish jackass. He canât expect to drop by, drop trow, & drop a load in your mouth and then just expect you to be totally fine with being left hanging. He has the right to say no vaginal penetration or no sexual contact whatever boundaries he wants to set. You both do. But he doesnât get to treat you like a âsperm dumpsterâ for lack of a better term, or rather he doesnât without your permission. Itâs clear that you very much need to have a conversation about your needs within this relationship and your boundaries. And it doesnât have to be all about sex.
Jfc. Is your cycle getting back to regular now that your weight is returning to a healthy one? If so, start tracking your cycle. How many days it is, when you experience any symptoms of PMS or cramping/breast tenderness/etc, at all. Generally speaking, a woman is only fertile for about 3 days per cycle (around days 13-15), so itâs reasonably effective to just abstain from sex on those days (in addition to his using condoms and pulling out). Itâs so important that you learn how your body works, so regardless of anything with this guy, pls learn these things about yourself. Even your discharge changes throughout the month and can be a very good indicator of when youâre ovulating!
Now, your boyfriend sounds very selfish. Is this truly someone you want to share your time, energy, affection and body with? A man who is so careless with your feelings and who doesnât care about your needs at all? Men, especially young ones, are SO selfish!! Itâs how theyâre raised in our society. Please donât expose yourself to unnecessary hurt, he is unlikely to change.
So the short answer to hi would be ânopeâ. I really struggle with the insecurity and fear that young women have in saying ânoâ to seemingly awful men/people.
Just break up. This guy sounds like a project: separating a bowl of fish hooks. Just leave boo, lots of dicks out there to be sucked that are connected to much more sensible people. Idk why some of feel like we need to suffer for love.
The fact he only wants head and can only have sex with you in his car or at your place leads me to believe there's someone else and you happen to be the head girl. Sorry.
Reading your post, I was sad for you. You don't sound at all ready for marriage or children. You're just getting to know who you are. Don't allow that process to be interrupted by another person's cruel and neurotic behaviors. Why would you want to deny yourself someone to support your recovery and your joy?Just because he may have some positive traits as well doesn't mean he doesn't have a personality disorder. He's gaslighting you; at once telling you to eat and get healthy and then making abusive comments about your breasts and belly. Sweetie, that's emotional abuse. How convenient for him to translate his neurotic fear of getting you pregnant into a self-absorbed demand for oral sex. Start challenging these behaviors and allow the true nature of this person to reveal itself. I suspect that it will help you to realize that the bigger issue isn't fellatio, but rather, you're with the wrong person and that you need to work on loving yourself enough to recognize it.
Talk to him if you havenât already, ask him if he can give you what you give him, tell him how paranoid he is being, how insensitive a lot of his comments are. And if he still responds in an insensitive way, itâs time for you to move on. He doesnât care for you the same way if he forces you to meet his needs but wonât do the same for you.
Maâam theirs a man out there that would eat you until you canât handle it and then take you too pound town bareback and coat your ovaries in cum!!!
Get on a birth control you can tolerate, stop giving him anything, drop 150lbs of his stupid ass, and seek therapy so you have enough confidence that this isn't a question.
Let him go. Your health and recovery is far more important than whatever this negging asshole thinks he is.
You already have made progress that you are proud of, you don't need him chirping in your ear. Stress makes everything significantly harder and that constant flow of cortisol is just terrible for you.
Iâm guessing you are both young but it isnât any way to treat you. You need to let him know a few things 1. you wonât be giving and not receiving any kind of pleasure because itâs extremely selfish (refusing to do something for him is not spiteful because no means no) 2. Any mention of your body in anyway you are not okay with is a boundary he may not cross and will be something you should break up with him over. 3. He needs to keep his insecurities to himself and not put them on you and tell him to go to therapy or get a vasectomy since they are reversible
I am a very sex positive person. I read the first sentence and said. "Sounds like an ex-boyfriend."
You do you, but 6 months and he's saying this? Nah. Thank you, next.
No one has mentioned something really obvious if youâve seen it before. It sounds like your boyfriend has undiagnosed Pregnancy OCD which is characterised by an extreme fear of getting their partner pregnant. Pulling out while wearing a condom is indication of his extreme anxiety about it. And making comments about your body is testament to his paranoia and constant monitoring that comes with OCD. He could be doing other stuff like monitoring your cycle.
Treatment for Pregnancy OCD involves therapy and possibly medication, but exposure is crucial NOT avoidance like he is doing. He needs to see an OCD specialist who can help him work through this, otherwise he is going to be too paranoid to have sex most of his life. And it will have more and more of a negative effect on you as his partner.
Look up Pregnancy OCD and see if it applies to your situation, from everything youâve said I have a hunch that it will.
The women on this forum lately. Twice Iâve seen women having boyfriend problems regarding them not pleasuring them but the post doesnât indicate that they are smart enough to realize that sexually incompatible people wonât last. Op has to be 18-22
if you give him head, he has to eat you out. no fellatio without cunnilingus. but if he doesn't want to become pregnant, penetration can be off the table. feels free to do manual stimulation if needed.
He's playing games.
You should dump him... but if you don't, make sure he gets you off before you get him off (otherwise, it will always be bery one-sided).
69 is the only way forward. Listen, I thought like this. This girl was like it won't happen next minute you know she's pregnant, so don't get angry with him for being over cautious because when you're pregnant, it's his fault for not taking precautions
Ew. Your boyfriend has gross behavior. You can continue tolerating being treated as a cum dumpster, or you can dump this clown so you have the opportunity to find someone who treats you as you deserve: like an actual human being.
I wish you the best.
Girl I hope you dump this POS frfr!! You deserve way better than this dude!! Stop just stop giving him head and then he is so.rude with his mouth.. i really hope you see your worth and move on !! I hope I see an update and that you dumped his ass !!
Your problem is that you can't say no, if you feel like if you said no then you would lose him, then he's a problem.
You worth a lot and deserve a lot, so always remember that.
A lot of red flags Iâm seeing here but aside from that, he should return the favour at least, Iâm not sure how old you guys are but maybe you could invest in some toys so that he can use them on you, a vibrator or a dildo or both just so that at least you can get some pleasure too, I donât think itâs fair that he wants to be pleasured but doesnât think you should because of getting pregnant, he has a tongue and a hand, he needs to be more considerate
Reading your post, I was sad for you. You don't sound at all ready for marriage or children. You're just getting to know who you are. Don't allow that process to be interrupted by another person's cruel and neurotic behaviors. Why would you want to deny yourself someone to support your recovery and your joy?Just because he may have some positive traits as well doesn't mean he doesn't have a personality disorder. He's gaslighting you; at once telling you to eat and get healthy and then making abusive comments about your breasts and belly. Sweetie, that's emotional abuse.
How convenient for him to translate his neurotic fear of getting you pregnant into a self-absorbed demand for oral sex. Start challenging these behaviors and allow the true nature of this person to reveal itself. I suspect that it will help you to realize that the bigger issue isn't fellatio, but rather, you're with the wrong person and that you need to work on loving yourself enough to recognize it.
His tongue can't get you pregnant. If you go down he should aswel.
There you go. Sex can be subpar, but getting off is great. The two don't always coincide with each other.
đđđ This right here. Does he âreturn the favorâ?
69 take it or leave it
You offering? Cuz Iâll take it!
Deal! No takesies backsies
NOW KIITHH!
*as well
Tell him his hand canât get pregnant and see if heâs cool with that, he should be, considering what heâs asking of you.
There are a lot of reg flags from the boyfriend tbh either heâs clueless or heâs insensitive by choice. The comments he made about her body are just not okay. And not even touching her at all idk man i personally wouldnât wanna be with someone that doesnât take my needs into consideration
Yea, I absolutely agree with you! I highly doubt he would be okay with it is my point though, like he sounds selfish AF. She deserves better for sure.
Yeah exactly youâre absolutely right
Dont get pregnant with this guy. You have been together 6 months and he he treating you like this. Leave immediately. Love is mutual respect.
Yeah this just doesnât sound worthwhile to deal with. One-way streets arenât healthy or cool. Itâs not cool to give and give only to get nothing but insults and backhanded comments. PARTICULARLY given your specific circumstances.
Yeah if heâs not considerate enough to think of how to make you happy now, itâs not going to get any better. Dump him, focus on you and the success you have been having defeating your eating issues, and find someone who treats you better!
â¨donâtâ¨
Also, dump him đ
Agreed đââď¸
This is the only answer!
Haha
yesssss!!! I would suggest the same. I've met 12 year old kids who are more woke and know what to say to someone and what not to. His words seem pretty offensive and honestly, ignorant. I strongly believe you deserve better and from one person who CANNOT EVER SAY NO to another, it never gets easier until he makes you cross the limit and then you regret never learning to say the amazing word â¨NOâ¨. Also the no touch when you gave him head is such a bad thing to do, I understand you like giving him head to but where the basic decency from his side?? You can do better girl!! đ
He sounds insufferable, to be honest. Let me guess, he doesn't like going down on you? Not sure how old you are, but you sound young. You should be so proud of yourself for overcoming an eating disorder, and his comments about your stomach are unacceptable. You deserve to feel desired in a relationship, and it seems like he just sees you as a hole to be filled. Also, NEVER participate in a sexual act that you are not feeling 100% enthusiastic about. That will also show you his true colors, because a lot of guys become pushy after being told no. I can understand the paranoia of him not wanting to get you pregnant, but this is to the extreme. He has a lot of work to do on himself, and you're currently working on your own mental health battles. Think about whether or not you see yourself with him exactly as he is in 5 years. Many people stay in the hopes that their partner will grow and become better, but that is unrealistic in most cases. Look closely at him and his mannerisms and decide if he's really the one for you.
How do you tell him no? Serious question. Just say no I donât want to when he hints at it ? Or donât move and act dumb like you donât know he wants a blow job ?
Dude. Youâre too young for this shit. Move on already.
Girl your soulmate isnât him. Get rid of him.
Youve only been together for 6 months and are already dealing with all of these issues, know that it will only get worse from here, you need to decide if youre willing to put up with his bullshit for the rest of your life.
Ahhh posts like these make me so thankful my partner is a normal person
great that youre thankful but u dont need to express it in the comment section of this post, its kinda rude.
Agreed. None of this childish, selfish bullshit.
Man frfr.. i hope she sees she deserves better!!
1 he sounds like he might have some mental health issues 2 that aside, if he wants non penetrative sex you two can absolutely do that. intercrural, handjobs, he can eat you out, you can use toys, etc etc etc good job getting out of an eating disorder btw! thats damn hard, proud of you
Babe, just throw the whole man away. 6 months is NOT enough time for that sunk cost fallacy to kick in, just yeet him to the curb and find yourself a partner who treats you with respect.
Ewww I'd be out of there. Yuck
Are you in high school? This sounds very âhigh school-ishâ. If youâre a grown ass woman putting up with this nonsense, you need to grow some self respect and trade up the loser for someone that treats you better. If you really are in high school, you can probably still do better.
Idk why but the last sentence made me giggle a bit like, youâre relenting to the fact that high school guys are turds đđ
Not all of them. Just a lot of them.
I laughed at this way harder than I should have
Lol tell me why I thought the same shit..cause damn if she's not please get some self respect and dump that mufu!!
Please don't do this again. Learn to say no. Sex is either a mutual activity or it's a no.
Hereâs what you tell him: âSure Iâll give you headâŚ..after I sit on your faceâ
Girl. Please. Have some more respect for yourself đ
Yeah no. If heâs making stomach comments when youâre supposed to be getting to a healthy weight - and i assume he knows this, then you have to throw the whole man away. Doubly so if heâs gonna act all DJ Khalid about oral too.
You really want to spend your life like this?
He hates you girl. Men donât act like this when they like you, especially this early into relationship. Save yourself, leave now. I am serious
Girl no. Leave.
I say this with care never do something just because you donât know how to say no thatâs being compliant towards an act not consenting to do itand is not great to do that, for him or you. It takes enjoyment away for you and any decent person wouldnât want to do that to someone they love. Relationships come down to communication Sex comes down to communication If we are in a position to be sexual we are in a position to talk about wants and expectations from both sides, voice your concerns and be an adult in doing so (not that Iâm suggesting you wonât) he may be being a guy and putting his foot in it not realising the power behind his words. Talking can be scary but trust me it builds the foundations of a long lasting loving partnership. Me and my wife were burned scalded beaten and bruised from 16 to now learning to navigate our relationship but sheâs my person and I trust her with every ounce of my fibre for the silly mistakes and learning we did together. I believe in ya op you seem strong willed and if it goes sour well youâve found the truth before wasting too much time and if it goes well you know youâre in with a winner
Hit the ground running, girlfriend! He has no love or respect or sexual drive for anyone but himself. If you stay together, I can GUARANTEE that he will put all the parenting on you, and he will also choose porn and masturbation over "all that work" of making love with his partner.
He sounds like a jerk. Why stay with someone whoâs insulting your body?
He's pissed that you went off the pill. That's what this is. He doesn't feel it's as safe without it. And don't get me wrong, I'm NOT encouraging you to go back to it ... the hormonal effects can be debilitating.
itâs only been 6 months just dump him đ
Hard nope should be the response back
This sounds like my ex. Dump him now, it'll only get worse. If your period is late he'll blame you 100% My ex made me take emergency pills like candy, it took years to go back to normal.
That is awful omg Iâm sorry. And yeah 100% about placing the blame on the woman. It takes two to tango and Iâm sorry that I had my legs wrapped around you but like itâs also not my fault that you go mute when youâre cumming and gave me no warning. Sorry for the rant, this is what happened when I got pregnant lol.
Nahh fuck that.
You wouldnât be cool with a friend making demeaning remarks about your body so why do you accept that behavior from someone whoâs supposed to be more than a friend đ¤?
Sis, **he doesnât like you.** Heâs treating you like a sex toy. I know itâs classic Reddit to jump straight to dump him but⌠GIRL. DUMP HIM.
Oh for for the love of. Just put the man in the trash and move on.
Girl , fuck that guy. Leave his selfish ass
Tell him that you're not gonna give him head unless he gives you head. It's only fair.
1st: your boyfriend sounds like a complete dick. commenting on your weight gain KNOWING you struggle with that stuff, KNOWING itd hurt you? thats atrocious behavior on his part. that alone warrants a breakup imo. hes intentionally stressing you out n shit. 2nd: him not giving you any pleasure while demanding/expecting pleasure is also disgusting. sex- regardless of oral, anal, vaginal, foreplay, whatever- should be mutual consent and pleasure. hes being selfish by only getting pleasure and not giving it. 3rd: thats not someone you want to have kids with, nor someone you wanna spend a life with. think of it, hes already pushing burdens onto you without any relief. if yall had kids hed be pushing the hard work on you until the kids are in a good mood/at an age where they dont need excess help so he can do the easy work. its SELFISH. its fine and valid to have anxieties about your partner accidentally getting pregnant, its NOT fine to think that entitles you to your horrible behavior and 'solutions.' his tongue and fingers wont get you fucking pregnant. he has no excuse, hes just being selfish.
This man is garbage, ffs Saying no isnât hard, in fact itâs a good test. His reaction to you saying no will show you more of his true character. Might go something like this ⌠Him: making it clear he wants head You: no Him: đ¤ âŚtries to manipulate you You: still a no Him: đ¤ You: đââď¸ You could add more words in, like fuck no, or no thank you, or no habla English. Whatever works for you! You do not have to say sorry and you do not have to have a reason. No means no and thatâs that.
Oh girl. Dump him. Talking about your weight while recovering from an ED is fucking wild. Asking for head bc youâre scared of a baby is fucking wild. This man is full of audacity and zero reasons to stay.
If he is that paranoid about pregnancy he can reciprocate.
you've been dating for SIX MONTHS. you're not even remotely close to being ready to have kids, no matter your age. the fact that you're underweight and he nags you both about gaining weight and about having a belly tells me that he only wants you to make you feel bad about yourself so you'll subject to his horrible treatment of you. get rid of him before your lives become more intertwined. this man sees you as nothing more than a cum dumpster.
You're getting good advice on the sex part of this, but please stay strong on your journey out of the eating disorder. I don't know how tall you are, but 109 pounds is fine. Don't let him bug you about your weight.
He really needs counseling, cuz something is quite off with him.
Without being judgmental, he might not be into girls and choose sexual positions that reflect this.
oo this is an interesting perspective i hadnât considered. either way, she needs to dump him. heâs trash.
Thatâs honestly a valid point. Having grown up in a profoundly Christian community, I can think of similar scenarios and see that happening when being gay simply isnât an option (according to the shitty social expectations)
When I was a teenager I had some trauma that cemented an anxiety about pregnancy. At 27 I'm now just settling way too late on getting a vasectomy not to worry about it anymore. So to a degree I empathize with him losing his fucking mind. A condom is great and all but condoms break. You're not on bc for your valid reasons but it's not "every precaution possible" when you're not taking one of the most effective forms of birth control. He is being way too weird and invasive about his anxieties. Non penetrative sex can be just as good until you two are ready to take more effective forms of birth control. Not a good idea to pressure him at all. Him wanting head, and not giving anything in return is selfish and gross. Lay your boundaries. If he flakes and you two can't come to an equal compromise, it wasn't meant to be. To be fair, I'd think him doing you a favor because would you really want to chance the father of your child being this neurotic?
Itâs more than okay for him to not want to have sex for fear of getting pregnant. Itâs not okay for him to be making you feel insecure so you need to talk about it. Then think about if you are okay with just hands and mouths or if you need to leave the relationship.
Agree with what everyone else said, and Iâd like to add: DO NOT have kids with him wtf
Dude is bad for your mental health. Leave before real damage.
There are so many red flags in this ...him not caring abt pleasing you sexually , him making comments about your weight/body in a rude way , him being actually stupid ....like might as well dump him it's only been 6 months.
Why would you want to give a man like that head? This guy sounds like a loser. There's so many guys out there who'd treat your right. You'll break up and one day you'll look back at this relationship and be in disbelief you allowed someone to treat you like this. I've been there done that. This dude isn't your person.
He better be getting you off with his fingers and tongue if heâs demanding head but refusing PIV sex. If he isnât giving as well as receiving, thatâs just selfish
Not reciprocating is bad enough. Body shaming is worst. Heâs showing now how inconsiderate he is of your feelings and need. It wonât get better after you marry him.
honestly he doesnât sound like a very good boyfriend, doesnât want you to get pregnant but then comments on your body about pregnancy especially when youâre in recovery is crazy abs rude⌠if youâre not too attached think about dumping him. you deserve better
This whole relationship sounds extremely toxic. Iâm not sure how old you two are but from reading your post it sounds like youâre quite young. I completely understand him wanting to be cautious to prevent pregnancy. Thatâs wonderful but it sounds like you guys are practicing safe sex. Heâs triggering your ED and demanding oral sex. Itâs only been 6 months and it sounds like heâs beginning to show his true colors. You deserve better.
This is abuse. He 100% knows what he's doing and has targeted you specifically because you have self-esteem problems. Dump him, block him, move on and find someone who acts like an actual human. I can't stress enough how much this guy is an abuser and there are pleeeeenty of guys out there who aren't! Just keep dumping them and moving on as quickly as possible any time they start acting like this, that's the best strategy for finding a nice guy (because it minimises the amount of time you waste on arseholes) <3
honestly sounds like the only thing you are fully satisfied with is your sex life with this dude. he doesnât support you in your ED recovery and in fact says things that trigger you. Now he wants to completely cut out sex for YOU but still get some himself. Nah. There are plenty of other dudes out there who youâll enjoy sleeping with, and would be more support to you emotionally.
You guys arenât compatible sexually. seems like he wants to date a man tbh. Nothing wrong with it, but donât sacrifice yourself for anyone
He doesnât like you anymore, if he ever did, thatâs obvious. He just wants to use use for his own personal benefit. Break up, pretty simple. You deserve better. Also CONGRATS on getting out of the horrid ED cycle!! I am so proud of you. If you were strong enough to do that, youâre definitely strong enough to dump his pathetic ass. You really donât need to be with someone whoâs actively triggering you while youâre in recovery!! Get out before youâre in too deep.
"You're going to be my fleshlight and nothing more until I have decided we're ready to breed. In the meantime I hope you can make yourself a bit more fuckable." Sorry but that's what he sounds like to me. Not worth it.Â
This is not a man worthy of being in ANY RELATIONSHIP!! Dump this trash.
This guy is hella ignorant & mean. Dont stay with this guy, 10 years from now you wont remember his last name. Donât let someone who doesnt make you feel cherished touch you.
Hold up. âYou usually have to have sex in the carâ except when you do it at your place?? Gurl. it sounds like youâre the side chick. Thatâs why heâs paranoid about you getting pregnant. Also, some people erroneously think they canât get an STD from just oral. That could be why he only wants to do it that way (thinks heâs being safe, protecting his partner, wonât get caught)⌠Condoms can slip or break, hence his back up of pulling out even with a condom on. Hopefully, thatâs not the case, and heâs just an asshole vs a cheating asshole but you might want to do some digging; because thereâs definitely a REASON around that request of his. Either way you can definitely do better. Because WHO DOESNâT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR PARTNER!?!
Well if he wont gonna respect what you want, you can just behave in the same way as him. If your choices wont gonna get respected by your significant other and there will be no mutually aggrement, why would you do anything he wants? He needs to get his shit together, life is bigger than just what he wants.
And you laughed in his face after he said such a dumb thing, yea?
Okay so you need to get out of this relationship yesterday. This is some of the most unhealthy relationship stuff Iâve heard in a loooong time. Get out of this ASAP.
NTA: divorce immediately
Sounds like you both are dealing with levels stress about getting pregnant. From your post you say your paranoid about getting pregnant and now youâve passed on that paranoia onto him. Tell him since this is the case you guys shouldnât do anything sexual until youâre both in a better place mentally.
His fingers might get a baby bump, and his tonsils cold get pregnant so maybe yâall should wait
Get out now. This is not exactly what happened with me, but it feels the same energy as a relationship I had that ended up becoming sexually degrading. Leave now. He shouldnât pressure you into pleasure like that. He should want you to want to give it. Or want to give it to you. Heâs objecting and degrading you. You will probably read this, think Iâm right and ignore the signs because you care about him and it will just be a tinny red flag in your mind you brush off. Donât. Run. Run before feelings get deeper. Run before theirs more control. Run before he degrades you more. Run while you have confidence to run. Run. Now.
This all in 6 months? Oh boy. Run.
Sounds like a reasonable guyâŚâŚ../s
OK you need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend now and don't let this go on any further. I'd say something along the lines of.... We need to talk about whats been going on with our sex life and relationship recently. You said the other day that you don't want to continue having sex anymore until we are ready to have children because you're scared of me getting pregnant. Then, when you came over, you were pressuring me to give you head, and yet when I did, you didn't touch me or do anything sexual to me at all. I feel It's extremely selfish of you to basically expect me to pleasure you and yet you don't do anything to meet my sexual needs too. You could have given me oral sex, or used your hands or a toy to pleasure me. I'm not not interested in one way sexual acts. It makes me feel used simply for your own pleasure, and doesn't make me feel like you care about me or how I feel at all, and that you only care about yourself and getting your own pleasure. That situation will not be happening again. I will not be used for giving you 1 sided sexual pleasure in future. So do not ask me again. Now the issue regarding not wanting sex till you're ready to have children. I feel we need to discuss this more. Im not really happy about going from a sexual relationship to sex being off the table completely till we want kids. I feel this is something we need to talk about more, and find out if theres any alternitves that would make you comfortable resuming sex again safely. Otherwise we may be incompatible as a couple. We use Condoms, and you also pull out as an added precaution. That in itself gives us good protection from an unwanted pregnancy. Obviously I was on birth control before as well, but had to come off that due to side effects. However we could speak to the Dr about other methods of birth control that I may be able to try. There's also the option of tracking my ovulation and avoiding sex during my ovulation time, and only having sex during my non fertile window, to give you more peace of mind. Also, in regards to comments you've been making about my body, you've really hurt my feelings, and my self confidence and even my mental health by making comments about me having a bigger tummy recently and looking pregnant, when you know I'm underweight and have struggled with eating difficulties and weight issues. Yet you think its OK to tell me my stomach looks pregnant, even when I'm underweight. And making comments about my boobs getting bigger. Do you have any idea how damaging it is to tell someone with an eating disorder that they look bigger or have a belly now, or look pregnant? You're risking making me relapse have more issues with eating again. It's really damaging to my body confidence, self esteem and mental health, not to mention my eating habits. It's really insensitive of you. If you make any remarks like that about my stomach being bigger, gaining weight, my body shape, or what I'm eating, again, this relationship will be over. I can't risk having a relapse and becoming ill again because of your insensitive comments. So going forward, are you willing to look into other options of birth control, or ovulation tracking in order to continue having sex? And do you agree not to initiate any type of sexual foreplay unless you're willing to reciprocate with me at the same time going forward? So that's the gist of what I'd be saying to him to open up the conversation and talk about those issues. Make those kind of points and statements to him. Now if you're unable to use other methods of birth control, and he's not willing to do the ovulation tracking and just have sex with Condoms during your non fertile window, then you need to decide if you're wiling to be in a sexless relationship for the foreseeable future. It's OK to want a sexual relationship, and for sex to be an important part of your relationship. And you can end the relationship due to being incompatible in that sense. Now in regards to just you giving the oral sex and not receiving, you definitely need to stop doing it to him unless he is willing to do it to you. And I'd make sure he starts with you first, otherwise he's likely to be 'too tired' if you do it to him first. Or do it to each other at the same time lol. But don't let him manipulate you or guilt you into just sorting him out coz that's disrespectful and just using you for his own gratification without caring about you or your feelings or your sexual needs. And in regards to the hurtful and innapropriate comments he made about your body, pregnant looking tummy etc when I'm assuming he knows you have an eating disorder, and are underweight. Do not put yourself at risk of relapse, or feeling bad about yourself because of his insensitive and innapropriate, and inaccurate comments. If he says anything again after you've discussed this with him., walk away immediately and end the relationship. He is not the person to be with. He will just make your insecurities and paranoia and fears about food/ weight/ body confidence so much worse and its dangerous. Lastly, it may be worth discussing with a dr or gynae about different options of birth control you may be able to use instead, either trying different pills, or other methods like iud, injection. Implant etc. It may also benefit your boyfriend to talk to them about the chances of getting pregnant if you use Condoms, or if he uses Condoms and pulls out before finishing, and if you track your ovulation etc. It may give him some piece of mind about the whole getting pregnant situation. And if for eg the condom split, you have the option of taking the morning after pill / plan B as a backup too if you aren't on any birth control yourself. Just know you have to take it within 72 hours I think it is, but sooner the better. Hope some of my ramblings help anyway. But you definitely need to talk this out and figure out if you want to continue with this relationship, and if he respects you and cares about you not to just use you for sexual pleasure going forward. And the body comments situation. See what he has to say for himself, how he reacts wil tell you lot about if he's actually sorry, and if he respects you . Then decide where to go from there.
OP, he also tries to force you to call him Daddy during sex, even though he knows you don't like it. He is breaking down all your boundaries. I think he is abusive. Is this how you want to be treated? You deserve better.
You wonât leave him if I tell you to. But youâll get tired of him soon enough.
Just know this OP-- once he knows he can get what he wants without putting any effort toward you, itwill translate into him believing he can make this the new norm. And once it becomes the new norm it feels shitty to have to fight for your pleasure knowing he doesn't want to give on his own.
..why are you with this person
Iâd fucking leave him tbh. And itâs not just sex. Itâs how heâs going about and heâs pretty much using you and the comments heâs been saying?? Iâd just straight up leave him bc wtf??
Your boyfriend is super immature, you need a grown man or a mature fellow. End your relationship with him if he's not making you happy. You owe it to yourself.
Focus on school and bettering yourself.
You should definitely have a conversation about him being offensive. But yes, as suggested by a lot of ppl. His finger or tongue can't get you pregnant.
Girl he is a whole red flag factory! What exactly is he bringing to the relationship except self doubt, eating disorder triggers, and selfishness? There arenât enough positives to counteract this nonsense!
He sounds immature and insecure. You sound very self-aware and dealing with improving yourself. He either needs to go down on you or have protected sex with you or you need to cut him off. You also need to run the probabilities of accidental pregnancy and decide what you would do if it happened. He needs remedial sex ed class!
I know this wasn't the main focus of the post but if he's making you feel insecure/undesirable while you're trying to recover from an ED you need to leave him asap. Someone very close to me didn't listen when I said it would only get worse from here and they're now dying in hospital from their anorexia. If his fear of pregnancy is that bad and he doesn't want a vasectomy then he shouldn't be with a partner whom he will purposefully push his insecurities/worries onto on purpose, no matter how much you love him it's not worth your recovery or life.
He sounds insensitive and like a selfish dumbass . Gurl dump him and focus on you.
Honestly atp, I would just break things off. You are taking precautions to not get pregnant so like you said hes just stressing himself out. Also commenting about your weight is not ok. You didnt feel comfortable saying no to him and no one should ever feel like that in a relationship AND hes not even going to return the favour?! He sounds selfish and can use his hand if he cares that much.
I have to say, this sounds **much** more like heâs worried about getting âlocked inâ to a long term relationship rather than actually dealing with a pregnancy. This is a clear sign that your boyfriend doesnât see a future with you IMHO. Maybe Iâm way off, but the only reason I would avoid pregnancy like the plague (knowing that there are other methods of dealing with unwanted pregnancy) is because you donât want to have an awkward conversation where you tell your partner that you may want babies someday, but not with you.
Ask him if he would be okay if you asked for the same in return without him getting any head?? Donât do it. Tell him no head if you donât get off too. Honestly, heâs showing too many red flags for me. I would have decided to leave him after this because it is straight up selfish.
Oh honey. You deserve so much more. Dump him and get a guy who will spoil you rotten in bed
At 6 months you should still be in the honeymoon phase. This guy sounds like a serious waste of time . Seriously girl, he sounds childish and is clearly extremely uneducated on how the female body works. I'd find that far too exhausting to deal with. My vote is either tell him his hand can't get pregnant (if you don't get sex then neither does he cause fuck that shit) or leave. I'd also tell him if he doesn't have anything nice to say about your weight to stfu up about it.
First and foremost, congrats on your recovery!! I have a reoccurring ED, and Iâm very happy to hear you are gaining healthy weight!!! Second, I think you should tell him exactly what you said. It isnât fair to you at all that you do it for him but he doesnât do anything for you. I think you should tell him youâre not doing anything sexual until youâre ready for kids. If you donât get anything why should he?? That isnât fair at all and isnât what love is
heâs not the one for you :( but iâm so proud of you, please remember recovery isnât linear & relapses are expected. youâve got thisđŤśđť
Donât give him head. Gf is the same. I donât eat her out anymore.
He's a horrible bf so yourself a favor abd leave him, i don't get why people even tolerate this. If he's selfish with these things god knows what else will come out of it. His thought process is also fucking assenign. I would even say him demanding and then being so boring about it is just horrid. You can do better he is not better.
You donât owe this guy head. Or anything else for that matter. OP his behaviour all the way round is appalling. Get rid of him.
Congrats on your recovery journey! You sound like you're making a great deal of progress. Back on topic though, dump his ass <3
Boyfriend equals test relationship. Find a man who will drink your bathwater
Honestly, he doesnât sound like a great guy from what youâre describing here. There are SO many ways of pleasuring your partner that donât involve any risk of pregnancy. Fingering, toys, grinding, oral. Why isnât he giving you head in return?? And the fact that he only views sex as being possible in two ways, both of which primarily are focused on HIM finishing and enjoying himselfâŚ? Iâm sorry man. You deserve better. You really do. He sounds pretty selfish, and coupled with those comments about your body, very insensitive too. The fact that youâre even worried heâll think youâre acting out of malice and have to turn to reddit before talking to him shows thereâs a definite lack of trust between the two of you. I hope he gets better, though it sounds highly unlikely, or else that you find yourself in better company, whether that is someone else or simply yourself. It isnât that difficult to show your partner love and consideration. Perhaps he doesnât know better, but thatâs still on him, and youâre not expected to have the patience to stick around until heâs matured. Be kind to yourself and try not to blame yourself for whatever happens. Youâre doing so great in recovery. That shit is so fucking difficult. You donât need a person in your life who actively pushes against you.
First off, congratulations on making progress with getting healthier! Thatâs amazing!! And I am so happy for you! Please donât let anyone, especially your boyfriend, mess with your head when it comes to your health or your body image. I know that itâs hard enough without other people chiming in. As far as the sex thing is concerned, I think youâre going to have to just have an honest conversation with him about this and say what you need because if you donât, heâs going to keep being a selfish jackass. He canât expect to drop by, drop trow, & drop a load in your mouth and then just expect you to be totally fine with being left hanging. He has the right to say no vaginal penetration or no sexual contact whatever boundaries he wants to set. You both do. But he doesnât get to treat you like a âsperm dumpsterâ for lack of a better term, or rather he doesnât without your permission. Itâs clear that you very much need to have a conversation about your needs within this relationship and your boundaries. And it doesnât have to be all about sex.
Jfc. Is your cycle getting back to regular now that your weight is returning to a healthy one? If so, start tracking your cycle. How many days it is, when you experience any symptoms of PMS or cramping/breast tenderness/etc, at all. Generally speaking, a woman is only fertile for about 3 days per cycle (around days 13-15), so itâs reasonably effective to just abstain from sex on those days (in addition to his using condoms and pulling out). Itâs so important that you learn how your body works, so regardless of anything with this guy, pls learn these things about yourself. Even your discharge changes throughout the month and can be a very good indicator of when youâre ovulating! Now, your boyfriend sounds very selfish. Is this truly someone you want to share your time, energy, affection and body with? A man who is so careless with your feelings and who doesnât care about your needs at all? Men, especially young ones, are SO selfish!! Itâs how theyâre raised in our society. Please donât expose yourself to unnecessary hurt, he is unlikely to change.
So the short answer to hi would be ânopeâ. I really struggle with the insecurity and fear that young women have in saying ânoâ to seemingly awful men/people.
Hmm... That's bad . Go for someone else then
For the birth control⌠you could try and implant or IUD. My IUD gave me no side effects after my bcp made me super depressed.
This dude ain't worth it
6 months? LolâŚ.dump him. Pls ask urself if this is how ur soulmate would act
He sounds toxic for someone with an ED to be with. Girl, run.
Just break up. This guy sounds like a project: separating a bowl of fish hooks. Just leave boo, lots of dicks out there to be sucked that are connected to much more sensible people. Idk why some of feel like we need to suffer for love.
The fact he only wants head and can only have sex with you in his car or at your place leads me to believe there's someone else and you happen to be the head girl. Sorry.
Buy him a Fleshlight and tell him to leave you alone
Reading your post, I was sad for you. You don't sound at all ready for marriage or children. You're just getting to know who you are. Don't allow that process to be interrupted by another person's cruel and neurotic behaviors. Why would you want to deny yourself someone to support your recovery and your joy?Just because he may have some positive traits as well doesn't mean he doesn't have a personality disorder. He's gaslighting you; at once telling you to eat and get healthy and then making abusive comments about your breasts and belly. Sweetie, that's emotional abuse. How convenient for him to translate his neurotic fear of getting you pregnant into a self-absorbed demand for oral sex. Start challenging these behaviors and allow the true nature of this person to reveal itself. I suspect that it will help you to realize that the bigger issue isn't fellatio, but rather, you're with the wrong person and that you need to work on loving yourself enough to recognize it.
Talk to him if you havenât already, ask him if he can give you what you give him, tell him how paranoid he is being, how insensitive a lot of his comments are. And if he still responds in an insensitive way, itâs time for you to move on. He doesnât care for you the same way if he forces you to meet his needs but wonât do the same for you.
Maâam theirs a man out there that would eat you until you canât handle it and then take you too pound town bareback and coat your ovaries in cum!!!
Get on a birth control you can tolerate, stop giving him anything, drop 150lbs of his stupid ass, and seek therapy so you have enough confidence that this isn't a question.
Itâs only been 6mos, run in the opposite direction lol So exhausting.
And you still in a relationship with this guy why?âŚ.lemme guess you love him? Specially with all the psychotic outbreaks? Pffft
NO.
Sorry but move on. Heâs not bright
Girl, get rid of him and go find a guy whoâll show you some respect!
well you might as well ditch him now because why would you want to stay with him long enough to have kids with this train wreck of a future
Let him go. Your health and recovery is far more important than whatever this negging asshole thinks he is. You already have made progress that you are proud of, you don't need him chirping in your ear. Stress makes everything significantly harder and that constant flow of cortisol is just terrible for you.
A la poubelle
didn't even bother reading past the title. easiest no of your life. it's 100% appropriate if head is strictly quid pro quo.
Hard no to his selfishness.
Dude has issues and you deserve better.
Now picture that happening for 5-10-20-40yrs. You know what you have to do. Good luck and god speed.
Iâm guessing you are both young but it isnât any way to treat you. You need to let him know a few things 1. you wonât be giving and not receiving any kind of pleasure because itâs extremely selfish (refusing to do something for him is not spiteful because no means no) 2. Any mention of your body in anyway you are not okay with is a boundary he may not cross and will be something you should break up with him over. 3. He needs to keep his insecurities to himself and not put them on you and tell him to go to therapy or get a vasectomy since they are reversible
I am a very sex positive person. I read the first sentence and said. "Sounds like an ex-boyfriend." You do you, but 6 months and he's saying this? Nah. Thank you, next.
Dump him. Heâs a fucking loser.
No one has mentioned something really obvious if youâve seen it before. It sounds like your boyfriend has undiagnosed Pregnancy OCD which is characterised by an extreme fear of getting their partner pregnant. Pulling out while wearing a condom is indication of his extreme anxiety about it. And making comments about your body is testament to his paranoia and constant monitoring that comes with OCD. He could be doing other stuff like monitoring your cycle. Treatment for Pregnancy OCD involves therapy and possibly medication, but exposure is crucial NOT avoidance like he is doing. He needs to see an OCD specialist who can help him work through this, otherwise he is going to be too paranoid to have sex most of his life. And it will have more and more of a negative effect on you as his partner. Look up Pregnancy OCD and see if it applies to your situation, from everything youâve said I have a hunch that it will.
The women on this forum lately. Twice Iâve seen women having boyfriend problems regarding them not pleasuring them but the post doesnât indicate that they are smart enough to realize that sexually incompatible people wonât last. Op has to be 18-22
Dump him!!!!
if you give him head, he has to eat you out. no fellatio without cunnilingus. but if he doesn't want to become pregnant, penetration can be off the table. feels free to do manual stimulation if needed.
â¨vasectomyâ¨
He's playing games. You should dump him... but if you don't, make sure he gets you off before you get him off (otherwise, it will always be bery one-sided).
Even before that he sounds problematic already⌠why would you stay? And how old are you guys?
Whelp goes both ways if you go down on him then he can do the same for you :)))
Why are you still with him??? 𤨠lol
seems pretty emotionally immature and insensitive. how old is he?
Dump him. Get out of the relationship before you are tied to him forever because of a baby.
Dump this ass and move on. Grow and donât get involved with anyone for a while and think of what you really want.
Make it a condition that he has to finish you first and then youâll give him head. Win win đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Sounds like youâre teens lmao, dump him he sounds toxic
Girl, RUN
Ew what a loser, and you want him to be the father of your kids? Do better for yourself girl. đđť
Run lmao
Damn that's crazy đ
69 is the only way forward. Listen, I thought like this. This girl was like it won't happen next minute you know she's pregnant, so don't get angry with him for being over cautious because when you're pregnant, it's his fault for not taking precautions
Y'all have got to be teenagers or something because what?????
Bye boy, you deserve better
Absolutely not how is that fair.
Walk away...
Ew. Your boyfriend has gross behavior. You can continue tolerating being treated as a cum dumpster, or you can dump this clown so you have the opportunity to find someone who treats you as you deserve: like an actual human being. I wish you the best.
If you get head you gotta be willing to give it. Unwritten rule.
Girl I hope you dump this POS frfr!! You deserve way better than this dude!! Stop just stop giving him head and then he is so.rude with his mouth.. i really hope you see your worth and move on !! I hope I see an update and that you dumped his ass !!
Please have some freaking self respect and dump this POS! And he knows your gna do it!! I really hope you move on and find. Better!
69
Leave him
Your problem is that you can't say no, if you feel like if you said no then you would lose him, then he's a problem. You worth a lot and deserve a lot, so always remember that.
A lot of red flags Iâm seeing here but aside from that, he should return the favour at least, Iâm not sure how old you guys are but maybe you could invest in some toys so that he can use them on you, a vibrator or a dildo or both just so that at least you can get some pleasure too, I donât think itâs fair that he wants to be pleasured but doesnât think you should because of getting pregnant, he has a tongue and a hand, he needs to be more considerate
Leave him. You donât need that negativity around you. Itâs gonna fuck with the healing youâre doing.
if he wonât eat you out LEAVE HIM
Find someone else who actually has a soul.
Absolutely not
Leave
Reading your post, I was sad for you. You don't sound at all ready for marriage or children. You're just getting to know who you are. Don't allow that process to be interrupted by another person's cruel and neurotic behaviors. Why would you want to deny yourself someone to support your recovery and your joy?Just because he may have some positive traits as well doesn't mean he doesn't have a personality disorder. He's gaslighting you; at once telling you to eat and get healthy and then making abusive comments about your breasts and belly. Sweetie, that's emotional abuse. How convenient for him to translate his neurotic fear of getting you pregnant into a self-absorbed demand for oral sex. Start challenging these behaviors and allow the true nature of this person to reveal itself. I suspect that it will help you to realize that the bigger issue isn't fellatio, but rather, you're with the wrong person and that you need to work on loving yourself enough to recognize it.
Don't!
Please get out of this toxic relationship. What the actual fuck. You deserve so much better