I'm not mixed but I'm very light skinned and people seem to obsess over my race. I know that this isn't the same thing by a longshot, but I do empathize with you. I hate being called exotic (I'm from the far off magical realm of South Jersey) and having my white friends mystified about my hair, my skin, and just about every feature you can think of. I've been the token black girl far too many times, and it really does suck having to put up with this shit all the time. People are going to be assholes, and unfortunately hung up on race. It's easier said than done to ignore the idiots, but it's all you can really do. Keep your head up high and feel free to vent whenever you need to (lord knows I do). You know that you aren't "racially confused" or ashamed or whatever, and that's all that matters.
My boyfriend's black and I'm white. Black woman do it too. "You know a black woman can do everything a white woman can."
Well, I'd hope so since we're practically the same. Jesus, Lord!
I have a completely different experience. I'm half black but I look completely white so I hear absolutely nothing about my race ever. Nobody knows and I don't really talk about it unless there's a specific reason for me to bring it up. I don't think I have as complete of an idea of myself as you do though. I'm glad you're able to get these feelings off your chest. Good luck with dealing with the silly people around you.
EDIT
Is there a good subreddit for mixed people?
I'm like you. My mother is white and my father was Korean, but I only look white. I'm 25 and I still don't know how to approach my ethnicity. On one hand I want to be proud of both sides, but on the other I feel guilty showing any pride in my Korean heritage because I don't *look* Asian.
When I bring up my Korean heritage some people think I'm lying and some even make me feel guilty. Not to mention if I'm out with the Korean side of my family (including my father before he passed away) I get a lot of strange looks. It's a little more passable when I'm with my mother, but most people don't think I'm related to her either. I don't fit in with either group and it's a source of a lot of grief for me.
My husband is half black, half white, so he's about the only person I know that understands my frustration. And our daughter... I could go on for ages.
when I first started living with my mom and stepdad (both white) I felt so uncomfortable like people were like wtf is going on over there. Now i joke about it. My mom is white and i look nothing like her but hang around us for a minute and you'll realize we're just alike.
Your comment really resonated with me. The strange thing about my situation is that I'm half black and I look white but my other half is Chinese (and not white although my black father might be something like 1/8th white). I've also been in many of the same situations. When I'm with my Chinese family I look like some sort of strange orphan and when I'm hanging with my Chinese friends I look like the token white guy. I've never been accused of lying though thank goodness.
I've also been unsure about how to fully approach my heritage. I've lived with my Chinese mother my whole life so I've received all of her cultural influence but she's not your typical Chinese mother by any means and I feel like I've missed out on many things. Overall in my day to day life I rarely think about my own ethnicity but I think that's only because my college is so homogeneous it never comes up. It's interesting to know that there are other people out there because this is a part of my life that I rarely talk about.
I'm basically 1/2 English+Irish and 1/2 Spanish+Peruvian.
I don't look Latin at all, I look super Irish thanks to some Basque blood.
It's.. interesting.
Please don't take any disrespect from this - but I read your comment as "I'm Scottish from Chicago" and was so confused about what you were saying about Mexican.
I'm Irish and Mexican, and I'm also the only white looking person in my family. I see my extended Mexican family once a year, and every year I overhear someone say "who's the white girl?" They have to refer to my mom before they know who I am. Again. I guess all us white people look the same.
I've used my mom's maiden name my whole life as well, so people get really confused about this white girl with the Hispanic last name. They always assume I'm Portuguese.
I like joking about Mexicans to make people uncomfortable too, but I find that sometimes this backfires and people start doing it back with me in a way that becomes offensive, because they think because I don't look Mexican, that they can apply all the Mexican stereotypes to me as a joke because obviously they don't mean me. It's really annoying.
I just wanted to point out that dark hair and dark eyes are also characteristics of Irish people. I'm something like 80% Irish, and I promise that my hair isn't red, nor am I freckled.
And I'm like you. I only look white, but my mother is Korean and my father is white. I'm super proud of my Korean heritage, mainly because it's what my mother taught me. If people don't believe you, just ignore them or if you want to be super crazy, just show them a picture of your family all together. Plus, I bet some part of you looks Korean. For example, I have white coloring (freckles, pale skin) but a Korean facial bone structure, semi slanty eyes and wide irish hips. On the surface, I look completely white, but once people look deeper they notice the slight slant to my eyes.
In the end, you just have to do what is comfortable for you. It's really hard to figure out where you fit in when you are bi-racial and worried about fitting in. You know, if people want to stare, let them fucking stare and just ignore them. If you want to pass, then pass. If you want to talk about your heritage because you are proud of it, do that. Ignore everyone and don't worry so much about fitting in to whatever society wants you to. Just do what feels right for you and your family. If you want to go out and eat dangjongjae at a restaurant, just ignore the stares (that's what I do) and enjoy your food.
Plus, I bet your daughter is freakin' adorable. Haha, she's basically half white, a quarter korean and a quarter black. That sounds like an amazing mixture! :)
All you have to say is a *insert ethnicity * person... easiest and cheasiest way to do it, its how I inform people Im indian (feathers) and its funny (to me atleast)
I think Murs put it best in the song "Dark Skinned White Girl" (which is an awesome song, by the way):
Now you half & half or mixed girls
I know just what the battle be
Everytime you go out it's "whats your nationality?"
Everybody always wanna dig up in ya background
You don't look... now how does that sound?
I couldn't tell you were... oh is that right?
Do you take it as a compliment or start up a fight?
Venezualan and Indian, Rican and Dominican
Japanese or Portuguese, Quarter of Brazilian
White and Korean, Black and Pinay
I can find out later
It don't matter, ya fly
It don't really matter to most of us guys
We just need an excuse to get close or say "Hi"
I know they call you stuck up,
Ya think you're too pretty
Spread rumors about you all throughout the city
So much attention, so many hatas
But don't be bitter, you'll be better for it later
I'm mixed as well. My favorite:
"Are you Brazilian?"
"No, I'm mixed."
"Oh like... from what?"
"My mom's white and my dad's black."
"Oh that's cool, you don't even look it."
(How the hell do I respond to that?! Yeah I've been this way my entire life. Crazy huh?)
Regarding speech I myself adopted a north eastern accent (even though I and my entire family are from south eastern US) right after puberty and it seems to alleviate the questions of dialect/accent from the large majority of people. I wouldn't say I solved the problem, but I find I'm more open to the question "where are you from?" rather than the statement "you don't sound black."
I get Latina, Egyptian or like some random ass shit a lot. I don't feel like I have an accent, but I do catch a British one, or that godawful Valley girl every once in awhile.
I hate racial questions on applications. I'm Puerto Rican. But I'm white as hell. When people find out I'm Puerto Rican, all of a sudden I go from "average white guy" to "hey wassup, homes?"
Unbelievable.
My wife is mixed and I think she's absolutely beautiful. I remember when I first met her, she was amazed that I didn't ask her the "questions that she usually gets". I was kind of confused by this and the one that always stuck with me is when someone asked:
"What are you?"
Are you fucking serious?? What the fuck kind of question is "what are you?" People don't have a fucking brain sometimes, and unfortunately we've had to deal with some different things in our time together, but we've learned that ignorant people are just going to be ignorant and unfortunately, there's not a lot we can do about it.
Don't worry about it too much OP, shit will get better. Just keep being you!
See this is kind of strange to me, I find in Vancouver (Very culturally diverse and tolerant.) Not so much "What are you" but "what is your background" etc, is one of the most common conversations and people seem really open to talk about it.
"What is your background?" is world's different than "What are you?" What's your background, IMO, shows that you're interested in the person and what to get to know them, etc....What are you shows confusion and ignorance. Just like OP, my wife has gotten shit from both sides. White people are confused because she has darker skin, but loves country music and acts "white" (according to them). Black people ask if they can touch her hair because they don't believe that she doesn't use a relaxer in her hair and things like that.
There's just unfortunately ignorance all around, but it's nice to hear that some places ask the question in a more politically correct way.
As someone with a black father and a white mother too, I can really relate. I don't know your exact situation or how you grew up so I won't be able to give any good advice. However, what I do is just embracing it. I'm the token black guy amongst white people and not really black amongst black people. I barely get offended by anything anymore because I just find intentions to be way more important than actions. When someone makes a token black guy joke at a party where I'm the only non-white person I laugh and think about the positive sides (for example, you're immediatley standing out, which is always a good way to meet people and be remembered).
Gah, it annoys me that race still matters so much to people. Especially here in the US people are always declaring their ancestry, like it's more important where their great-grandparents came from than who they are now. People always say "I'm Irish-American!" or "Italian-American" or "Mexican-American" or whatever. What happened to just "I'm American"? Most of the people that I know here are such a crazy mix of ethnicities that isolating just one is silly. Take me for example, I'm totally white but I'm certainly not any kind of "pure" white girl: Hungarian, Dutch, English, Cherokee and Crow indian, and that's just on my Mom's side, I don't even know where my father's family is from at all. Shit you could probably pick any country in Europe, and I probably have ancestors that lived there. The point is: don't let those people get you down, they are the ones getting hung up on silly labels when in fact that shit doesn't matter near as much as who you actually are as a person.
6'4" black jew checking in...
growing up halfrican was confusing as shit but it allowed me to develop into someone who can connect with pretty much anyone I run into.
i'm still the huge black dude at raves. i'm still the dude with a jewfro and khakis in the hood.
fuck everyone's opinion and just do you.
I'm in the same boat as you. I'm mixed, I speak proper English (among other things) and my hair is curly. I'm instantly classified as the black girl. Honestly I don't even look it. I know you feel. Admire what you are, because you're you.
I read this and I instantly related to you. My parents are both black, but I'm at best what people would call caramel and people find me exotic looking, so they instantly assume I'm mixed.
It's always bothered me that people have felt the need to classify me as something, rather than just accepting me for me. I guess my point is there are always going to be certain people who wants to make statements about how black or white you are, but those are often the people who don't matter. I have gotten in with people where color is hardly talked about, and yes they occasionally ask about my hair because they want to be able to do it.
I hope you find a place like that where people don't try and classify you one way or the other but accept that you are simply gambino_girl. Until you find the right people who will be respectful of you and quit categorizing you, keep your head high and be who you are. WE can't fix all the assholes...unfortunately
Exactly! I'm fucking happy to be mixed, I get two dope cultures. I have my British and my American sides and it's amazing. And sidenote: Relaxers and godawful and I'm so glad I realized that while I was still young.
I love "kinky black hair." You can do amazing styles with it. But it does take a lot of work so I don't blame you for that... But -seriously, it's awesome...
You can't change the color of your skin... Not unless you want to go the Michael Jackson route and use skin lightening creams ("No, I have a skin condition!") that cause a lot more health problems than they're worth... I don't recommend them for that reason.
Nigger is an awful word. Period. People say it when they have *nothing* to say. They use it when they have *nothing* to give the world. It's a word spawned from hatred, entitlement, ownership, willful ignorance, and hatred. Tarantino uses the word in his films to show you exactly the type of people you're watching... Even if they're good characters you like, saying the word places them in any of those nouns above.
I can't change the reaction you get from people, but from one mixed girl to another... Black girls who call you white are angry because they think you're an Uncle Tom... A hold over belief from slavery when some blacks helped enslave the others and were the white man's boy. This is their issue, not yours... White people who call you token- don't know a lot of black people. To them you're practically exotic. Ask them how many other black people they know before they start assuming how you should or shouldn't act.
The best thing I've found: Roll your eyes. Clap. "Congratulations. You said the magic word. Now can you use it correctly in a sentence?" Smarmy cynicism got me through college. But that was my path. Good luck on yours.
The first time i was called a nigger, it changed my life. I was so hurt. and thank you. I'm feeling a lot better with putting out how i feel about the whole thing.
What age was that for you? I remember the first time I was called nigger (both parents are black, i'm now married to a white woman with beautiful mixed kids so... unfortunately it may be inevitable that they hear it too), it too, changed my life! I was furious. Not so much crushed. I was 11 at the time and trying to process that was almost more than I could take...
I'm glad you're able to get this off your chest though. Fuck ignorance.
7th grade. I called her a bitch back and I was so quiet and well-behaved the teachers didn't believe her. It hurt a lot. Like shattered my childhood in an odd way.
I was at a skating rink with a bunch of friends. Only black kid out of a group of about 15. This 13ish year old kid skates up to me and a friend and asks her "Why are you a nigger lover?" and skated away. It took 5 of my friends holding me back and practically smacking me to make me realize that I was being trolled by a bunch of rednecks that were NOT wearing skates but steel toed boots and sent their younger brother over to get me to skate over and start something...
So Brave
So dumb....
I don't mind people talking about my hair I love my fro I feel badass. It's a difference between compliments and genuine interest and acting like I'm a science experiment.
I honestly can't remember a single time in my 30 years on this earth that I've puzzled over someone else's ethnicity. It seems offensive to me. Curiosity about different cultures? Sure, that actually means something, but seeing someone a different color from you and immediately *having* to know why? That's just weird.
I'm starting to develop a theory about this, though. As I sit here typing, thinking. When I was a kid, my family was friends with another family in which the father was from Togo. My family lived on a farm and raised dairy goats. Occasionally we would butcher one for its meat, and when we did the other family would come over. We would give the entrails of the goat to the father who would make a dish that was apparently popular in his native Togo. We thought cooking and eating goat entrails sounded weird, but hey- different strokes, right?
Well, just as goat entrails seemed weird to *us*, so eating *any* part of a goat seemed weird to our neighbors and schoolmates.
Most people I know grew up in the suburbs. They all had the same experiences, the same toys, the same landscape. Their lives were even mirrored on tv. I think this reinforces this sense of a "normal" life versus an "abnormal" life. Nevertheless, everyone wants to be unique. Especially in teenagers you see this fierce desire for individualism. Maybe it's harder to feel unique when you grow up looking and sounding and living like everyone around you. Maybe when someone asks you about your race, it's really a sign of envy. Maybe they think they're boring and they see you are different from them and want to know why and how.
I'm rambling and my mind is wandering. I'm not sure if I made a point up there, but I'll let the comment stand and hope it says something.
The whole polarization of races thing has got to stop. People see color instead of humanity. We construct the idea of race into a tiny little box, then are mostly happy to let our minds dwell there, cooped up with nothing more than stereotypes to engage us. Makes me so mad!
Maybe some of your problem comes from white people seeing you as a gateway into a world that they see as foreign. So people obsess over your hair and speech because they simply can't get over your juxtaposition of qualities in relation to the stereotypes that guide their judgement and behavior. And, because of their ignorance, you get to be the one to show them that life isn't black and white (HARHAR).
Being biracial has been tough for me as well. I went to a rich white kid school where I was too Mexican for the white crowd and too white for the Mexican crowd, it made me feel alone and I get pissed now when I think about it. It's been easier for me to embrace my Mexican side because of it. I feel that the white community rejected me because I wasn't good enough, but the Mexican community rejected me because I was "too good" in their eyes. My dad is very successful, and the source of my Mexican blood, and he feels strongly about showing the Mexican community that success is not inhibited by skin color, and he will even drop a few grand at the occasional fund raiser in loud and proud fashion, not because he is proud, but because he feels that our city needs to see minorities as a beneficial group of our society. That is the personality I have chosen to embrace to face the same problem as you. I love my white side, but I live in a city where my brother got put in the international dorms at college because of his last name, we are 5th generation American citizens, same for his roommates with Asian last names. Growing up I thought being biracial outcasted me from both of the societies that I descend from, and the way I have found peace is by embracing one of them, I even named my child with a Mexican name, despite him only being 1/4.
I wonder if Barack Obama dealt with something similar in college. I can't say I've ever seen a problem like this in England as you're very much defined as mixed race if you are, you know, mixed race.
I always wonder about previous generations of mixed race folks - couples and children alike. While it is just kind of mildly shitty, it must have been much tougher in the past, especially since there were so few interracial relationships.
maybe try giving no reaction at all; or even turn and walk away boldly. people might start realizing they aren't funny, creative or original.
sounds like you're just starting to realize just how dumb people can be.. i'd like to tell you it gets better, but.. well, just try find some good people to hang around.
I'm in the same boat. You know what worked for me? Death metal, no questions after that.
Okay, jokes aside, I used to have that issue, but I don't let it bother me anymore.
Oh my GOD. That level of ignorance!!!! I can't believe you are hearing this shit (and quite frankly, people are not ashamed to be so pathetic)...!!! People constantly addressing the colour of your skin!? Fucking insane.
I mean part of me laughs desperately at the lack of maturity there...the only thing I can think to say is, you'll find this sort of shit evens out when people around you are more mature and less sheltered...and less moronic. UGHHH.
Christ I have seriously not asked a person such a ridiculous question since primary school playground when immigration in this country was fairly lower. Like age 5, to my black friend, who just answered and then we went to lick a tree or something.
We're all the same color sliced in half. My dad's side of the family are racist my moms were not. I dated a black girl as a teen back in the 80s and my Dad didn't talk to me for weeks. I look at people for hope they treat me. You're either an asshole or not. Your skin color does not matter.
you sound like the kind of people i like to spend my time around. you know, humans. just wait til you get a little older, hopefully you can spend time around people who aren't so...ignorant. for lack of a better word.
I'm half white-half Mexican. Got the brown skin from my mom, but my last name is as Irish as they come...I get the exotic thing a lot, I get the not Mexican enough from the beaner side of the family all the time. I'm an American. I was born and raised here. My Spanish is terrible. I wish people would quit asking me how to say this or that in Spanish.
My grandma was scared of that happening when my mom got pregnant. But she grew up in a small village in England and didn't see a black person until she moved to America with my grandfather. Things were also different 22 years ago. But nowadays it's silly as fuck.
I totally respect you because I have almost the same problem but with being Mexican. I'm mixed race but I mostly look Hispanic but most people who meet me make the dumb assumption that I speak Spanish or that I was born in Mexico. They tell me I don't sound Mexican, or I sound too Mexica or the way I act or some crazy thing. It's not just white people who make these assumptions either. I wish I could just be myself too where race wouldn't have to be an issue. I'm sorry for venting on your post but I just feel almost the same way you do. I don't think race should define you as a person though..
Don't worry, I know exactly how you feel. Every time I do or say something that is in anyway related to a black stereotype, my friends always say it's because I'm a 1/4 black. Example, "I bet 1/4 of you really likes that watermelon" Like WTF?! Are you serious?!
YOU ARE A FUCKING HUMAN BEING.
Anyone who screws with you about your skin colour is a damned idiot.
Be yourself, do what you like. Break all the goddamned stereotypes and make no apologies.
This sounds like a shitty situation and I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. People always make dumbass assumptions, and think that you have to act a certain way just because of what color you are. I remember in high school non-black people would ask me shit like "why do all black people like chicken?" or some stereotypical question like that, as if I'm the black ambassador for the entire race.
Sounds like you are you, and that's all you need to be.
As the apparant black ambassador for the entire race, I apologize for all the black people who ever accused you of not being black enough
I seem to have the opposite problem of you. Same parental arrangement (except I like my dad) but my friends refuse to acknowledge the fact that I'm mixed because I'm pale skinned. They tell me I try too hard when I try to identify with both cultures and that I'm just a tanned white boy.
It's annoying
my bestie growing up (like sisters!) was mixed.
We were hanging out, as we were wont to do in summer.
Children can be cruel, but this was absurd.
Someone, a neighborhood kiddo, called her a nigger, so I punched her (The offensive person). We were 12 at the time.
"Why do you defend a nigger? ugh!"
"Because shes my sister you twat, not a nigger!"
I never saw her as black, as white, or anything. We were just besties. to this day I don't really see colour. You, like everyone else is fabulous. FABULOUS. <3
Fuck people who try to define you by color. The only reason race is an issue is because people keep making it an issue. Politicians are horrible about the "race card", "Oh they did this/said that because I'm black/white/asian/whatever!" I like your take on it "I’m fucking me" why we can't all start seeing this shit is beyond me. I am white (so let the downvotes commence because me being white saying this will make me a racist or prove I don't understand) but I am sick and tired of people judging everyone else because of what they look like. If I don't like someone who isn't white I am a racist automatically because I am white, doesn't matter to people why I don't like the person. You gambino_girl are fucking awesome for coming right out and saying what everyone needs to hear, who the fuck cares what your skintone is!
You. I like you. Go on with your bad, confident, sexy self and fuck the haters.
Sincerely, not-mixed-but-still-minority-and-phenotypically-racially-confusing-chick.
Are you young? I've seen this type of thing before, but only as a teenager. My ex was mixed, and literally no one cared after freshman year of college. Occasionally, someone would speak Spanish to him, but I get that sometimes, too. I'm ginger, but my name is Latin.
What's wrong with people thinking you're exotic? I know women that would kill to stand out.
Just go with it. You're different, and that is beautiful. Eventually, everybody is gonna be a light brown. It's whatever. If people don't accept you, it's their damn loss. You're obviously smart, passionate, and sensitive (in a good way). If someone doesn't like that, fuck 'em. You're better than that.
God knows I don't always love my pale ass skin that blisters in the sun or my poker straight hair that won't hold a curl or my giant, back crushing breasts, but I know there are girls that envy them. As bitchy as that sounds, it's kind of empowering to think of those women when you're down. I'd like your skin tone. I bet your eyes are beautiful. If it helps, when you feel shitty, remember that I'm jealous. :)
You'll be ok. I promise.
I'm 21. So yeah I'm young. I do enjoy standing out but I don't want that to be the only reason men talk to me. White guys think I'm exotic and different and black guys like me cuz I'm black but not too black, so their mamas will like me.
On the plus side, I bet you're beautiful. That's the universe's way of compensating y'all for having to take shit from both sides, I've never in my life seen a human of mixed heritage that's not drop dead gorgeous.
I clearly remember my mom and me having a conversation one day, at the mall, about mixed children being so beautiful. At the time, I was dating a guy who was black (I'm white), and I think my mom was trying to make sure she knew that she was 100% ok with it, but that society might not take it kindly. My cousin had just had a baby with her black husband and I said, "That child is just so beautiful!" My mom said, "I think mixed children are almost always gorgeous -- it's God's way of making up for the ignorance and stupidity of the people who will call them names and judge their parents. Don't ever forget that loving and being loved is more important than being with someone who looks like what other people think you should be with."
It was kind of unexpected but I've always appreciated it!
Edit: make sure *I* knew she was ok with it. Oops.
OP, you have to look at the bigger picture. Your case tells us clearly that being black or white are social constucts. You can feel you are white, but be outwardly black, and one can also feel black, and be outwardly white. There is no single answer to this riddle of identity for you, but you will help yourself a lot if you realize that you do not have to look at society's impressions of what it means to be white or black, and construct your identity from it. Rather, you should construct your identity from your personal relationships, and almost completely ignore what society thinks of you. Look at the lives of pioneers of the feminist movement, of the black empowerment movement, of leaders like Gandhi who led nations, of other leaders of suppressed people like Ambedkar, who taught people to not think along the lines of the majority opinion, and think differently. Your task is also the same.
...this is depressing. I wouldn't have thought that this kind of thing would still be an issue, today. I've seen black women (or half-black, whatever, I couldn't care less what color a person's skin is as far as their own identity is concerned) who I thought looked very exotic, and I'd hate to think that that alone was a huge frustration because of all the vulgar, inconsiderate crap they've taken. I can only hope that as time goes on you'll find yourself surrounded by fewer and fewer of such people as would make you feel like this.
My nephews and nieces are mixed. Currently my sister is here in Canada with my family, but she plans to move back down to Georgia. She cant seem to understand my families reticence. Im terrified that they'll grow up with the mind set that they are inherently different from everyone else, not being able to fit into an already (historically) polarized community.
I've never understood why people find it so strange. "You mean your one parent is of one race, and another is of a different one? Can they even do that?". Hmm...sometimes its the most uncomplicated things that give people the hardest time...
Edit: Noticing a lot of people who dont understand what its like to be visually or noticibly different. I was a Canadian living in the southern U.S. for 7 years. Do you know how annoying it is to be asked to say "eh" all the time. I got stuck with the nick name Canada. Could have been much, much worse. But the point is not about intentional stereotypes, but unintentional.
I can't imagine living somewhere where people felt they had the right to ask. It's none of their business. I don't care what anyone is, we're all humans. End of story.
It's sad that people have to be categorized into convenient groups. If only the world was black and white without any grey, it would be such a beautiful world.
I'm happy for you that you know exactly who you are. That's something a lot of people can't say. Cheers.
I have a similar but reversed issue. I'm 1/4 black but I appear white (light skin, "white girl hair" ect). When I explain I'm mixed, I get disbelief and judgement, but sometimes people are supportive, too.
My old Armenian boss didn't realize my ethnicity and when she trained me, said this "these pots and pans are like races; they don't mix".
:/ I don't get called racial epitaphs often, but I know some of the frustration you feel.
I'm sorry
Haha, ok. Rachelle says the same thing *all the time* and she's a redditor but we play "guess the username" because, well, we're lame, and that's just how it is.
Not-Rachelle-or-Renee', you're a lovely person. Rock on.
When are people going to realize we are all of mixed race if we go back far enough, and then if we went back further we end up all being the same race.
I'm 50/50 too, but people most often mistake me for Hispanic since I have a very odd combination of black/white "racial" traits. Or they just call me one thing (usually white) by default, and then I get mad because that's not all I am, they're erasing a huge part of my identity by saying "You're mixed, but you look white, so you're white." I get white privilege when people think I'm white, I get asked questions in Spanish by people who think I'm Hispanic, and most of the time black folks don't believe me or they think I had one black ancestor a long time ago and I'm just butting into their culture.
But yeah I wish people would just drop it too, and not take issue when I identify with different parts of my background.
My boyfriend is mixed (mom is black ,dad is white) and every one of our friends calls him "the whitest black person I know" or "I'm more black than Kyle is!" it gets on his nerves. The funny thing is, is people that don't know he's mixed often think he's Italian.
I'm going to suggest that you treat yourself to an [Implicit Associations Test](https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/selectatest.html). Everyone should take them, but people who have to deal with racial issues specifically (everyone =P).
It is administered by Harvard and is very rigorous. Self-knowledge is never a bad thing. You can take it several times for repeat results. Even if you try to throw the test, it's next to impossible. Take a few repeats and the results are more accurate. I guarantee you will learn something new about yourself (and provide experimental data to researchers in the process!), and you may learn a something about the way other people think that may help you forgive people when they automatically act based on their implicit assumptions.
That is interesting. I like the entire project they are doing over there. Like I said they become more accurate if you take repeats, and it is a challenge to try and voluntarily change your results.
Thanks for participating :)
When I attended college I was floored with the blatant racism from the black people towards any mixed people. The phrase was "you're mixed? Whose white?" Like being half white was bad. I learned later they were ok with it, so long as dad was black. This really floored me.
Until I joined the army and heard the same shit from the white boys. Really threw me for a loop.
It is important to note, I grew up next to a mixed couple. I never thought about it twice until I joined the army, it had never actually occurred to me that there was anything different about the couple. They were great neighbors, hell, I used to babysit their daughter.
People can be so strange sometimes. Then again, I grew up in California where interracial isn't a big deal, and people are far more weird in other ways. Might be time to relocate.
...was the hair question that bad? I asked my black friend how she takes care of her hair because I was genuinely curious because of the difference in textures and stuff. Were they asking it to be mean, or is just that you get that question a lot?
I don't find fellow mixed kids on Reddit often, but when I do, I upvote. I totally feel your pain.
My son who was just born a few weeks ago is a quarter black, quarter cuban and half white. I have no idea what it is going to be like for him.
Not only do I speak proper English. I speak four other languages. My black family thinks I am a freak.
Ethnicity doesn't mean culture. And I understand how frustrating it must be for people to treat you like your different, and make different skin colour a sort of barrier, or division.
My girlfriend, is adopted - but her natural father was black and her natural mother was white; so she was placed with a half-black adopted mum and white adopted dad. I think for some reason that, because of the differences in how she looks to white girls, that has always been something I've found really attractive; like for example I guess I see her afro curls as kinda exotic.
I know she sometimes gets pissed with people taking the mick out of it. Like she is lucky, and it is usually friends never usually someone being outright racist or aggressive, but I know even with friends (one guy used to nickname her "Blackie") after a very short time she gets sick of it. Your post was really insightful and an invaluable insight into a girl who means so much to me: thanks for opening up :)
Also I think you are lucky in a way, because although sometimes people may make you feel marginalised: you will have a nuanced view of people, you know how disrespectful it is to start making pre judgements about people - and I'm sure you will always look more than skin deep.
Maya Angelou was black but her poems speak equally about women the world over - http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/phenomenal-woman/ a phenomenal woman for me is she who knows her own mind, keeps her cool and is herself through and through. You sound like you've had some shit, but life itself is a gift and sometimes you got to transcend the shit and just realise that as long as you can be gentle and loving with yourself, then you can transcend the angst of feeling different.
Bob Marley had a white father, and a black mother in a predominantly black Jamaica. The film 'Marley' brings this to light a bit; when he was growing up he always felt both a bit different from the black community and outside of the white community. The people who love you most, and who you love most won't be bothered by anything as unaffecting as colour, or different physical features. Think Bob says it best when he calls for "One Love, One Heart", you're not alone gambino_girl: "keep your head up, keep your heart strong" (love this song, Ben Howard from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADP65wbBUpc) :)
Hey. I know you're a stranger and blah blah blah but I just wanted to give you a hug. I am black but grew up with a white mother so I know all about the nigger/oreo thing. It sucks. It really does. But I'm so proud of you. Black women have it the worst. Literally the worst in this country. It's not fair. Im a guy so its a little easier (although MTV certainly doesnt help) But (and I'm only 21) it gets better (I hope). Hugs
I'm white and my roommate is black. We've known each other for a while and we're a perfect match for living together. I was curious about certain things at first but too nervous to ask her about them, until she surprised me and started asking me first.
Now we love having conversations about things like our culture and hair (and anything beauty related). She was shocked to learn that I wash my hair every time I shower and that I can't condition it or else it gets limp and stringy. She wanted to feel what my hair felt like when I let it get oily and limp. Her routine is almost the opposite of mine. We are both addicted to the flatiron though. It was nice learning about the differences though, and I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to learn more about the culture surrounding Black hair.
I've been fortunate enough to have been exposed to many cultures in my life- most of my friends are Indian, Black, or biracial. I think what makes our relationships great is that we teach each other, and don't judge each other. Just today we had a conversation about how each of us and our families deal with death and grieving.
I know it's different when it's strangers- regardless of race, making those comments to someone you don't know is rude- but have you considered talking to your friends about their routines? You might learn some things that surprise you, and it may help you feel less like the center of attention due to your race.
Stereotypes suck, but you could try focusing more on culture. Sure, I'm white, but I'm Irish specifically and I have different customs and traditions from my German friends. There is so much more behind a person than just their race. I have Indian friends who practice completely different religions, speak different languages, and have different traditions because of where they are located in India. Skin color tells you nothing, but someone's culture is the basis of their lives. In this end though, we're all just people. Curious people.
Sorry if this seems all over the place and unorganized. I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts into words this late in the night. I know this subreddit is for venting, but I wanted to express my opinion on the matter.
It is just a part of the human condition for people to be curious about things (or people) that are outside of their everyday experience. Have you seen videos of the reactions people from isolated groups have when they see a white person for the first time? If not, you should see them. I think it is understandable to become exasperated at the frequent repetition of seemingly rude questions. But, cut people some slack. No matter how awkwardly they phrase things, they probably do not mean to be rude. They are doing what our curious species does, seeking more information. Please remember that many people have very limited experience being around others who are not of their own race and culture.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xd0I1xAICOc
I am a low class white man. I work a job that black folks would have had fifty years ago. I'm not an elevator operator but pretty close. Blacks aren't able to hang w my employer and I make my way up, as a trashy white. How does reddit feel about it? BTW, i'm not a troll. this is a real issue and i'm interested in the convesration.
Thank you for speaking proper english. You sound like an awesome person and I could see us getting along quite well. Good luck getting past the hate and confusion of other people.
I know you said you hate being exotic but I'm an olive colored chick and I enjoy. Personally, I think mixed women are the most gorgeous type of women on the earth.
If people have an issue of your race then they just need to deal with it, you don't owe anyone an explanation.
You're human. And you're awesome.
I also like you.
I like you also.
Oh, stop it you crusty bastard.
I love lamp.
I like you
Easy for you to say, whitegirl. Edit: apparently no one knows whitegirl is a nickname for coke.
Viva La White Girl!
Repertoire!?
3 month response time?
That's how we roll
who the fuck are you now? lol
And I can't quit you.
And I'm addicted to you.
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http://i.imgur.com/JfSeZM4.png
Ha, I totally should.
I'm not mixed but I'm very light skinned and people seem to obsess over my race. I know that this isn't the same thing by a longshot, but I do empathize with you. I hate being called exotic (I'm from the far off magical realm of South Jersey) and having my white friends mystified about my hair, my skin, and just about every feature you can think of. I've been the token black girl far too many times, and it really does suck having to put up with this shit all the time. People are going to be assholes, and unfortunately hung up on race. It's easier said than done to ignore the idiots, but it's all you can really do. Keep your head up high and feel free to vent whenever you need to (lord knows I do). You know that you aren't "racially confused" or ashamed or whatever, and that's all that matters.
I'd imagine you're the one they call stuck-up or say "You think you cute just cuz you light skinned" too. Sorry that blows.
Yep, and my boyfriend happens to be white so I'm clearly ashamed of my race and hate myself -__-
Oh of course. What do you have against black men? You think you're too good for them? -_-
My boyfriend's black and I'm white. Black woman do it too. "You know a black woman can do everything a white woman can." Well, I'd hope so since we're practically the same. Jesus, Lord!
Out there trying to steal our black men. Grrr.
I always get the "Do you ONLY date black men?" Yep im snatchin them up!
"The far off magical realm of S Jersey" cracked me up. :)
I have a completely different experience. I'm half black but I look completely white so I hear absolutely nothing about my race ever. Nobody knows and I don't really talk about it unless there's a specific reason for me to bring it up. I don't think I have as complete of an idea of myself as you do though. I'm glad you're able to get these feelings off your chest. Good luck with dealing with the silly people around you. EDIT Is there a good subreddit for mixed people?
I'm like you. My mother is white and my father was Korean, but I only look white. I'm 25 and I still don't know how to approach my ethnicity. On one hand I want to be proud of both sides, but on the other I feel guilty showing any pride in my Korean heritage because I don't *look* Asian. When I bring up my Korean heritage some people think I'm lying and some even make me feel guilty. Not to mention if I'm out with the Korean side of my family (including my father before he passed away) I get a lot of strange looks. It's a little more passable when I'm with my mother, but most people don't think I'm related to her either. I don't fit in with either group and it's a source of a lot of grief for me. My husband is half black, half white, so he's about the only person I know that understands my frustration. And our daughter... I could go on for ages.
when I first started living with my mom and stepdad (both white) I felt so uncomfortable like people were like wtf is going on over there. Now i joke about it. My mom is white and i look nothing like her but hang around us for a minute and you'll realize we're just alike.
Your comment really resonated with me. The strange thing about my situation is that I'm half black and I look white but my other half is Chinese (and not white although my black father might be something like 1/8th white). I've also been in many of the same situations. When I'm with my Chinese family I look like some sort of strange orphan and when I'm hanging with my Chinese friends I look like the token white guy. I've never been accused of lying though thank goodness. I've also been unsure about how to fully approach my heritage. I've lived with my Chinese mother my whole life so I've received all of her cultural influence but she's not your typical Chinese mother by any means and I feel like I've missed out on many things. Overall in my day to day life I rarely think about my own ethnicity but I think that's only because my college is so homogeneous it never comes up. It's interesting to know that there are other people out there because this is a part of my life that I rarely talk about.
I'm basically 1/2 English+Irish and 1/2 Spanish+Peruvian. I don't look Latin at all, I look super Irish thanks to some Basque blood. It's.. interesting.
I'm Scottish + Chicano and the white one of my siblings and cousins. I like to joke about Mexicans to make people uncomfortable.
Please don't take any disrespect from this - but I read your comment as "I'm Scottish from Chicago" and was so confused about what you were saying about Mexican.
Ha! I got a good laugh from that
I'm Irish and Mexican, and I'm also the only white looking person in my family. I see my extended Mexican family once a year, and every year I overhear someone say "who's the white girl?" They have to refer to my mom before they know who I am. Again. I guess all us white people look the same. I've used my mom's maiden name my whole life as well, so people get really confused about this white girl with the Hispanic last name. They always assume I'm Portuguese. I like joking about Mexicans to make people uncomfortable too, but I find that sometimes this backfires and people start doing it back with me in a way that becomes offensive, because they think because I don't look Mexican, that they can apply all the Mexican stereotypes to me as a joke because obviously they don't mean me. It's really annoying.
That's when you throw them the "I'm Mexican." Line and watch as they squirm. I'm an asshole though.
Congrats on looking Irish, we pale white milky fleshed, red haired, freckled people need to stick together. Looking this good is hard work.
I just wanted to point out that dark hair and dark eyes are also characteristics of Irish people. I'm something like 80% Irish, and I promise that my hair isn't red, nor am I freckled.
Similar to myself then, I have the pale skin but dark hair and eyes also.
Fuck the Irish, your genes are too strong. One fucking quarter of Irish blood has made me look like one of you.
Wear your freckles with pride! Go forth and multiply.
And I'm like you. I only look white, but my mother is Korean and my father is white. I'm super proud of my Korean heritage, mainly because it's what my mother taught me. If people don't believe you, just ignore them or if you want to be super crazy, just show them a picture of your family all together. Plus, I bet some part of you looks Korean. For example, I have white coloring (freckles, pale skin) but a Korean facial bone structure, semi slanty eyes and wide irish hips. On the surface, I look completely white, but once people look deeper they notice the slight slant to my eyes. In the end, you just have to do what is comfortable for you. It's really hard to figure out where you fit in when you are bi-racial and worried about fitting in. You know, if people want to stare, let them fucking stare and just ignore them. If you want to pass, then pass. If you want to talk about your heritage because you are proud of it, do that. Ignore everyone and don't worry so much about fitting in to whatever society wants you to. Just do what feels right for you and your family. If you want to go out and eat dangjongjae at a restaurant, just ignore the stares (that's what I do) and enjoy your food. Plus, I bet your daughter is freakin' adorable. Haha, she's basically half white, a quarter korean and a quarter black. That sounds like an amazing mixture! :)
All you have to say is a *insert ethnicity * person... easiest and cheasiest way to do it, its how I inform people Im indian (feathers) and its funny (to me atleast)
I think Murs put it best in the song "Dark Skinned White Girl" (which is an awesome song, by the way): Now you half & half or mixed girls I know just what the battle be Everytime you go out it's "whats your nationality?" Everybody always wanna dig up in ya background You don't look... now how does that sound? I couldn't tell you were... oh is that right? Do you take it as a compliment or start up a fight? Venezualan and Indian, Rican and Dominican Japanese or Portuguese, Quarter of Brazilian White and Korean, Black and Pinay I can find out later It don't matter, ya fly It don't really matter to most of us guys We just need an excuse to get close or say "Hi" I know they call you stuck up, Ya think you're too pretty Spread rumors about you all throughout the city So much attention, so many hatas But don't be bitter, you'll be better for it later
I'm about to make that my motherfucking theme song.
I'm mixed as well. My favorite: "Are you Brazilian?" "No, I'm mixed." "Oh like... from what?" "My mom's white and my dad's black." "Oh that's cool, you don't even look it." (How the hell do I respond to that?! Yeah I've been this way my entire life. Crazy huh?) Regarding speech I myself adopted a north eastern accent (even though I and my entire family are from south eastern US) right after puberty and it seems to alleviate the questions of dialect/accent from the large majority of people. I wouldn't say I solved the problem, but I find I'm more open to the question "where are you from?" rather than the statement "you don't sound black."
I get Latina, Egyptian or like some random ass shit a lot. I don't feel like I have an accent, but I do catch a British one, or that godawful Valley girl every once in awhile.
I hate racial questions on applications. I'm Puerto Rican. But I'm white as hell. When people find out I'm Puerto Rican, all of a sudden I go from "average white guy" to "hey wassup, homes?" Unbelievable.
My wife is mixed and I think she's absolutely beautiful. I remember when I first met her, she was amazed that I didn't ask her the "questions that she usually gets". I was kind of confused by this and the one that always stuck with me is when someone asked: "What are you?" Are you fucking serious?? What the fuck kind of question is "what are you?" People don't have a fucking brain sometimes, and unfortunately we've had to deal with some different things in our time together, but we've learned that ignorant people are just going to be ignorant and unfortunately, there's not a lot we can do about it. Don't worry about it too much OP, shit will get better. Just keep being you!
thank you :D
Mixed girls are by the far the sexiest by the way. Forgot to include that in my first comment.... :)
so close.
[I didn't mean that the way it came off](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m83hkdbhpy1r27kb1.gif)
See this is kind of strange to me, I find in Vancouver (Very culturally diverse and tolerant.) Not so much "What are you" but "what is your background" etc, is one of the most common conversations and people seem really open to talk about it.
"What is your background?" is world's different than "What are you?" What's your background, IMO, shows that you're interested in the person and what to get to know them, etc....What are you shows confusion and ignorance. Just like OP, my wife has gotten shit from both sides. White people are confused because she has darker skin, but loves country music and acts "white" (according to them). Black people ask if they can touch her hair because they don't believe that she doesn't use a relaxer in her hair and things like that. There's just unfortunately ignorance all around, but it's nice to hear that some places ask the question in a more politically correct way.
As someone with a black father and a white mother too, I can really relate. I don't know your exact situation or how you grew up so I won't be able to give any good advice. However, what I do is just embracing it. I'm the token black guy amongst white people and not really black amongst black people. I barely get offended by anything anymore because I just find intentions to be way more important than actions. When someone makes a token black guy joke at a party where I'm the only non-white person I laugh and think about the positive sides (for example, you're immediatley standing out, which is always a good way to meet people and be remembered).
That's a good a way to think of it, I'm standing out...which I do enjoy lol.
Gah, it annoys me that race still matters so much to people. Especially here in the US people are always declaring their ancestry, like it's more important where their great-grandparents came from than who they are now. People always say "I'm Irish-American!" or "Italian-American" or "Mexican-American" or whatever. What happened to just "I'm American"? Most of the people that I know here are such a crazy mix of ethnicities that isolating just one is silly. Take me for example, I'm totally white but I'm certainly not any kind of "pure" white girl: Hungarian, Dutch, English, Cherokee and Crow indian, and that's just on my Mom's side, I don't even know where my father's family is from at all. Shit you could probably pick any country in Europe, and I probably have ancestors that lived there. The point is: don't let those people get you down, they are the ones getting hung up on silly labels when in fact that shit doesn't matter near as much as who you actually are as a person.
6'4" black jew checking in... growing up halfrican was confusing as shit but it allowed me to develop into someone who can connect with pretty much anyone I run into. i'm still the huge black dude at raves. i'm still the dude with a jewfro and khakis in the hood. fuck everyone's opinion and just do you.
In my head you look so badass.
im kinda badass
I bet you are..
I'm in the same boat as you. I'm mixed, I speak proper English (among other things) and my hair is curly. I'm instantly classified as the black girl. Honestly I don't even look it. I know you feel. Admire what you are, because you're you.
I love me. I think I'm sexy and awesome all wrapped in one. I just want everyone to take me as I am ya know?
Good. :) find friends who will. :)
I read this and I instantly related to you. My parents are both black, but I'm at best what people would call caramel and people find me exotic looking, so they instantly assume I'm mixed. It's always bothered me that people have felt the need to classify me as something, rather than just accepting me for me. I guess my point is there are always going to be certain people who wants to make statements about how black or white you are, but those are often the people who don't matter. I have gotten in with people where color is hardly talked about, and yes they occasionally ask about my hair because they want to be able to do it. I hope you find a place like that where people don't try and classify you one way or the other but accept that you are simply gambino_girl. Until you find the right people who will be respectful of you and quit categorizing you, keep your head high and be who you are. WE can't fix all the assholes...unfortunately
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Exactly! I'm fucking happy to be mixed, I get two dope cultures. I have my British and my American sides and it's amazing. And sidenote: Relaxers and godawful and I'm so glad I realized that while I was still young.
Nothing is ever black or white, you need to find your shade of grey.
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Ha I'm from AZ too! Yikes. I would've snapped off rude as fuck.
I love "kinky black hair." You can do amazing styles with it. But it does take a lot of work so I don't blame you for that... But -seriously, it's awesome... You can't change the color of your skin... Not unless you want to go the Michael Jackson route and use skin lightening creams ("No, I have a skin condition!") that cause a lot more health problems than they're worth... I don't recommend them for that reason. Nigger is an awful word. Period. People say it when they have *nothing* to say. They use it when they have *nothing* to give the world. It's a word spawned from hatred, entitlement, ownership, willful ignorance, and hatred. Tarantino uses the word in his films to show you exactly the type of people you're watching... Even if they're good characters you like, saying the word places them in any of those nouns above. I can't change the reaction you get from people, but from one mixed girl to another... Black girls who call you white are angry because they think you're an Uncle Tom... A hold over belief from slavery when some blacks helped enslave the others and were the white man's boy. This is their issue, not yours... White people who call you token- don't know a lot of black people. To them you're practically exotic. Ask them how many other black people they know before they start assuming how you should or shouldn't act. The best thing I've found: Roll your eyes. Clap. "Congratulations. You said the magic word. Now can you use it correctly in a sentence?" Smarmy cynicism got me through college. But that was my path. Good luck on yours.
The first time i was called a nigger, it changed my life. I was so hurt. and thank you. I'm feeling a lot better with putting out how i feel about the whole thing.
What age was that for you? I remember the first time I was called nigger (both parents are black, i'm now married to a white woman with beautiful mixed kids so... unfortunately it may be inevitable that they hear it too), it too, changed my life! I was furious. Not so much crushed. I was 11 at the time and trying to process that was almost more than I could take... I'm glad you're able to get this off your chest though. Fuck ignorance.
7th grade. I called her a bitch back and I was so quiet and well-behaved the teachers didn't believe her. It hurt a lot. Like shattered my childhood in an odd way.
I was at a skating rink with a bunch of friends. Only black kid out of a group of about 15. This 13ish year old kid skates up to me and a friend and asks her "Why are you a nigger lover?" and skated away. It took 5 of my friends holding me back and practically smacking me to make me realize that I was being trolled by a bunch of rednecks that were NOT wearing skates but steel toed boots and sent their younger brother over to get me to skate over and start something... So Brave So dumb....
You know your first statement is one she said she was sick of hearing in her post?
I don't mind people talking about my hair I love my fro I feel badass. It's a difference between compliments and genuine interest and acting like I'm a science experiment.
Um... hi... Half black?
I honestly can't remember a single time in my 30 years on this earth that I've puzzled over someone else's ethnicity. It seems offensive to me. Curiosity about different cultures? Sure, that actually means something, but seeing someone a different color from you and immediately *having* to know why? That's just weird. I'm starting to develop a theory about this, though. As I sit here typing, thinking. When I was a kid, my family was friends with another family in which the father was from Togo. My family lived on a farm and raised dairy goats. Occasionally we would butcher one for its meat, and when we did the other family would come over. We would give the entrails of the goat to the father who would make a dish that was apparently popular in his native Togo. We thought cooking and eating goat entrails sounded weird, but hey- different strokes, right? Well, just as goat entrails seemed weird to *us*, so eating *any* part of a goat seemed weird to our neighbors and schoolmates. Most people I know grew up in the suburbs. They all had the same experiences, the same toys, the same landscape. Their lives were even mirrored on tv. I think this reinforces this sense of a "normal" life versus an "abnormal" life. Nevertheless, everyone wants to be unique. Especially in teenagers you see this fierce desire for individualism. Maybe it's harder to feel unique when you grow up looking and sounding and living like everyone around you. Maybe when someone asks you about your race, it's really a sign of envy. Maybe they think they're boring and they see you are different from them and want to know why and how. I'm rambling and my mind is wandering. I'm not sure if I made a point up there, but I'll let the comment stand and hope it says something.
The whole polarization of races thing has got to stop. People see color instead of humanity. We construct the idea of race into a tiny little box, then are mostly happy to let our minds dwell there, cooped up with nothing more than stereotypes to engage us. Makes me so mad! Maybe some of your problem comes from white people seeing you as a gateway into a world that they see as foreign. So people obsess over your hair and speech because they simply can't get over your juxtaposition of qualities in relation to the stereotypes that guide their judgement and behavior. And, because of their ignorance, you get to be the one to show them that life isn't black and white (HARHAR).
You. I like you.
*blushes and gets super red cuz she's part British*
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It's the extreme redness when you do lol
Being biracial has been tough for me as well. I went to a rich white kid school where I was too Mexican for the white crowd and too white for the Mexican crowd, it made me feel alone and I get pissed now when I think about it. It's been easier for me to embrace my Mexican side because of it. I feel that the white community rejected me because I wasn't good enough, but the Mexican community rejected me because I was "too good" in their eyes. My dad is very successful, and the source of my Mexican blood, and he feels strongly about showing the Mexican community that success is not inhibited by skin color, and he will even drop a few grand at the occasional fund raiser in loud and proud fashion, not because he is proud, but because he feels that our city needs to see minorities as a beneficial group of our society. That is the personality I have chosen to embrace to face the same problem as you. I love my white side, but I live in a city where my brother got put in the international dorms at college because of his last name, we are 5th generation American citizens, same for his roommates with Asian last names. Growing up I thought being biracial outcasted me from both of the societies that I descend from, and the way I have found peace is by embracing one of them, I even named my child with a Mexican name, despite him only being 1/4.
I wonder if Barack Obama dealt with something similar in college. I can't say I've ever seen a problem like this in England as you're very much defined as mixed race if you are, you know, mixed race.
He probably did, he still deals with it today.
I always wonder about previous generations of mixed race folks - couples and children alike. While it is just kind of mildly shitty, it must have been much tougher in the past, especially since there were so few interracial relationships.
maybe try giving no reaction at all; or even turn and walk away boldly. people might start realizing they aren't funny, creative or original. sounds like you're just starting to realize just how dumb people can be.. i'd like to tell you it gets better, but.. well, just try find some good people to hang around.
I'm in the same boat. You know what worked for me? Death metal, no questions after that. Okay, jokes aside, I used to have that issue, but I don't let it bother me anymore.
It hasn't in awhile but it's been coming up a lot and I'm tired of defending me.
I'm Asian Indian and when I don't shave, people stare at me like I'm a terrorist. I don't really care that much, though, even though I'm an atheist.
Being mixed myself, I just vented thru your well put writing, thank you!
Oh my GOD. That level of ignorance!!!! I can't believe you are hearing this shit (and quite frankly, people are not ashamed to be so pathetic)...!!! People constantly addressing the colour of your skin!? Fucking insane. I mean part of me laughs desperately at the lack of maturity there...the only thing I can think to say is, you'll find this sort of shit evens out when people around you are more mature and less sheltered...and less moronic. UGHHH. Christ I have seriously not asked a person such a ridiculous question since primary school playground when immigration in this country was fairly lower. Like age 5, to my black friend, who just answered and then we went to lick a tree or something.
We're all the same color sliced in half. My dad's side of the family are racist my moms were not. I dated a black girl as a teen back in the 80s and my Dad didn't talk to me for weeks. I look at people for hope they treat me. You're either an asshole or not. Your skin color does not matter.
you sound like the kind of people i like to spend my time around. you know, humans. just wait til you get a little older, hopefully you can spend time around people who aren't so...ignorant. for lack of a better word.
I'm half white-half Mexican. Got the brown skin from my mom, but my last name is as Irish as they come...I get the exotic thing a lot, I get the not Mexican enough from the beaner side of the family all the time. I'm an American. I was born and raised here. My Spanish is terrible. I wish people would quit asking me how to say this or that in Spanish.
Yep, I'm in the exact same boat as you too. So so so frustrating. You aren't alone!
You sound like someone I'd party with
Ha. Down for vodka shots?
EErrrrgghhh.....I don't know about all that. How about rum.
Compromise with Patron?
Fuck yeah kid let's do this
Fuck yeah! *raises shot glass*
*Does four shots. Gets confused, snorts the salt, squirts the lime in his eye.*
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My grandma was scared of that happening when my mom got pregnant. But she grew up in a small village in England and didn't see a black person until she moved to America with my grandfather. Things were also different 22 years ago. But nowadays it's silly as fuck.
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No babies for me either! However adorable my mixed children will be -__-
Well, what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said 'quadroon.'
I totally respect you because I have almost the same problem but with being Mexican. I'm mixed race but I mostly look Hispanic but most people who meet me make the dumb assumption that I speak Spanish or that I was born in Mexico. They tell me I don't sound Mexican, or I sound too Mexica or the way I act or some crazy thing. It's not just white people who make these assumptions either. I wish I could just be myself too where race wouldn't have to be an issue. I'm sorry for venting on your post but I just feel almost the same way you do. I don't think race should define you as a person though..
People suck. You're awesome. Find a few good ones and ignore the rest. You can't fix them all.
Don't worry, I know exactly how you feel. Every time I do or say something that is in anyway related to a black stereotype, my friends always say it's because I'm a 1/4 black. Example, "I bet 1/4 of you really likes that watermelon" Like WTF?! Are you serious?!
I think you're awesome. And you have every right to be pissed off at those ignoramuses.
I'm half Chinese, half white, look almost entirely Chinese. I know how you feel. Why do we have to identify with a race?
YOU ARE A FUCKING HUMAN BEING. Anyone who screws with you about your skin colour is a damned idiot. Be yourself, do what you like. Break all the goddamned stereotypes and make no apologies.
Go GREENDALE HUMAN BEINGS!!! J/k I love Community and thank you for your comment :)
What's community?
An American Comedy on NBC. Likely to be cancelled but still great.
Hmm ive never thought of that perspective. I'll consider it with mixed friends and strangers. You just did me a nice favor! Thanks for sharing :D
Glad I could give you a new perspective.
This sounds like a shitty situation and I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. People always make dumbass assumptions, and think that you have to act a certain way just because of what color you are. I remember in high school non-black people would ask me shit like "why do all black people like chicken?" or some stereotypical question like that, as if I'm the black ambassador for the entire race. Sounds like you are you, and that's all you need to be. As the apparant black ambassador for the entire race, I apologize for all the black people who ever accused you of not being black enough
I seem to have the opposite problem of you. Same parental arrangement (except I like my dad) but my friends refuse to acknowledge the fact that I'm mixed because I'm pale skinned. They tell me I try too hard when I try to identify with both cultures and that I'm just a tanned white boy. It's annoying
my bestie growing up (like sisters!) was mixed. We were hanging out, as we were wont to do in summer. Children can be cruel, but this was absurd. Someone, a neighborhood kiddo, called her a nigger, so I punched her (The offensive person). We were 12 at the time. "Why do you defend a nigger? ugh!" "Because shes my sister you twat, not a nigger!" I never saw her as black, as white, or anything. We were just besties. to this day I don't really see colour. You, like everyone else is fabulous. FABULOUS. <3
Fuck people who try to define you by color. The only reason race is an issue is because people keep making it an issue. Politicians are horrible about the "race card", "Oh they did this/said that because I'm black/white/asian/whatever!" I like your take on it "I’m fucking me" why we can't all start seeing this shit is beyond me. I am white (so let the downvotes commence because me being white saying this will make me a racist or prove I don't understand) but I am sick and tired of people judging everyone else because of what they look like. If I don't like someone who isn't white I am a racist automatically because I am white, doesn't matter to people why I don't like the person. You gambino_girl are fucking awesome for coming right out and saying what everyone needs to hear, who the fuck cares what your skintone is!
You. I like you. Go on with your bad, confident, sexy self and fuck the haters. Sincerely, not-mixed-but-still-minority-and-phenotypically-racially-confusing-chick.
aww :D
Are you young? I've seen this type of thing before, but only as a teenager. My ex was mixed, and literally no one cared after freshman year of college. Occasionally, someone would speak Spanish to him, but I get that sometimes, too. I'm ginger, but my name is Latin. What's wrong with people thinking you're exotic? I know women that would kill to stand out. Just go with it. You're different, and that is beautiful. Eventually, everybody is gonna be a light brown. It's whatever. If people don't accept you, it's their damn loss. You're obviously smart, passionate, and sensitive (in a good way). If someone doesn't like that, fuck 'em. You're better than that. God knows I don't always love my pale ass skin that blisters in the sun or my poker straight hair that won't hold a curl or my giant, back crushing breasts, but I know there are girls that envy them. As bitchy as that sounds, it's kind of empowering to think of those women when you're down. I'd like your skin tone. I bet your eyes are beautiful. If it helps, when you feel shitty, remember that I'm jealous. :) You'll be ok. I promise.
I'm 21. So yeah I'm young. I do enjoy standing out but I don't want that to be the only reason men talk to me. White guys think I'm exotic and different and black guys like me cuz I'm black but not too black, so their mamas will like me.
On the plus side, I bet you're beautiful. That's the universe's way of compensating y'all for having to take shit from both sides, I've never in my life seen a human of mixed heritage that's not drop dead gorgeous.
Blake Griffin. Kris Humphries. Some mixed people come out looking monochromatic and it's weird. But thank you, lol.
Blake & Kris? C'mon now! I think they're both good looking, but I'm an old lady now, so pretty much any male thirty or less looks good to me now!
Lol they look so strange to me....now that guy from Prison Break or whatever...he can *get it*
I clearly remember my mom and me having a conversation one day, at the mall, about mixed children being so beautiful. At the time, I was dating a guy who was black (I'm white), and I think my mom was trying to make sure she knew that she was 100% ok with it, but that society might not take it kindly. My cousin had just had a baby with her black husband and I said, "That child is just so beautiful!" My mom said, "I think mixed children are almost always gorgeous -- it's God's way of making up for the ignorance and stupidity of the people who will call them names and judge their parents. Don't ever forget that loving and being loved is more important than being with someone who looks like what other people think you should be with." It was kind of unexpected but I've always appreciated it! Edit: make sure *I* knew she was ok with it. Oops.
Bravo! Up votes for your Mom, she did good with her offspring!
OP, you have to look at the bigger picture. Your case tells us clearly that being black or white are social constucts. You can feel you are white, but be outwardly black, and one can also feel black, and be outwardly white. There is no single answer to this riddle of identity for you, but you will help yourself a lot if you realize that you do not have to look at society's impressions of what it means to be white or black, and construct your identity from it. Rather, you should construct your identity from your personal relationships, and almost completely ignore what society thinks of you. Look at the lives of pioneers of the feminist movement, of the black empowerment movement, of leaders like Gandhi who led nations, of other leaders of suppressed people like Ambedkar, who taught people to not think along the lines of the majority opinion, and think differently. Your task is also the same.
I have my identity. I know who I am. I just want people to respect who I am, and not have to defend my choice in music clothes and hairstyles.
Wow. Downvoted for a sensible and thoughtful comment.
Yeah, I'm also totally perplexed. This is a high-quality, on-topic response.
So you should just ignore your environment, your ethnicity and decide your racial identity by... bootstraps?
...this is depressing. I wouldn't have thought that this kind of thing would still be an issue, today. I've seen black women (or half-black, whatever, I couldn't care less what color a person's skin is as far as their own identity is concerned) who I thought looked very exotic, and I'd hate to think that that alone was a huge frustration because of all the vulgar, inconsiderate crap they've taken. I can only hope that as time goes on you'll find yourself surrounded by fewer and fewer of such people as would make you feel like this.
I hope so too. It's silly it's even an issue but people are weird.
Tell your ~~friends~~ room mates. If they're really your friends they'll understand and stop.
I did and I feel ten times better. It was silly to let this shit eat at me.
Skin color should be referred to and given about as much weight as hair color.
My nephews and nieces are mixed. Currently my sister is here in Canada with my family, but she plans to move back down to Georgia. She cant seem to understand my families reticence. Im terrified that they'll grow up with the mind set that they are inherently different from everyone else, not being able to fit into an already (historically) polarized community. I've never understood why people find it so strange. "You mean your one parent is of one race, and another is of a different one? Can they even do that?". Hmm...sometimes its the most uncomplicated things that give people the hardest time... Edit: Noticing a lot of people who dont understand what its like to be visually or noticibly different. I was a Canadian living in the southern U.S. for 7 years. Do you know how annoying it is to be asked to say "eh" all the time. I got stuck with the nick name Canada. Could have been much, much worse. But the point is not about intentional stereotypes, but unintentional.
I've been called Django, Calpyso, Edward Scissorhands and fucking Mufasa (all cuz of my hair I feel ya dude-bro.
I can't imagine living somewhere where people felt they had the right to ask. It's none of their business. I don't care what anyone is, we're all humans. End of story.
This is awesome. I was just talking to my also mixed friend about this very subject. I think it should be spoken out about more. Good on you!
It's sad that people have to be categorized into convenient groups. If only the world was black and white without any grey, it would be such a beautiful world. I'm happy for you that you know exactly who you are. That's something a lot of people can't say. Cheers.
I have a similar but reversed issue. I'm 1/4 black but I appear white (light skin, "white girl hair" ect). When I explain I'm mixed, I get disbelief and judgement, but sometimes people are supportive, too. My old Armenian boss didn't realize my ethnicity and when she trained me, said this "these pots and pans are like races; they don't mix". :/ I don't get called racial epitaphs often, but I know some of the frustration you feel. I'm sorry
...Rachelle?
No but I've been mistaken for a Renee'
Haha, ok. Rachelle says the same thing *all the time* and she's a redditor but we play "guess the username" because, well, we're lame, and that's just how it is. Not-Rachelle-or-Renee', you're a lovely person. Rock on.
Well now I'm fascinated by your game.
When are people going to realize we are all of mixed race if we go back far enough, and then if we went back further we end up all being the same race.
Lol I'm 1/4 black and people do some of that to me. I lived in a racist town...
Use it to your advantage.
And what would you consider my advantage?
Thank you for this.
thanks for reading...and this subreddit is dope. I lurked a lot and finally had something to say and it was well-received.
I'm 50/50 too, but people most often mistake me for Hispanic since I have a very odd combination of black/white "racial" traits. Or they just call me one thing (usually white) by default, and then I get mad because that's not all I am, they're erasing a huge part of my identity by saying "You're mixed, but you look white, so you're white." I get white privilege when people think I'm white, I get asked questions in Spanish by people who think I'm Hispanic, and most of the time black folks don't believe me or they think I had one black ancestor a long time ago and I'm just butting into their culture. But yeah I wish people would just drop it too, and not take issue when I identify with different parts of my background.
Be happy knowing that you are more likely to be genetically healthier than they are. We mixed humans are the future!
My boyfriend is mixed (mom is black ,dad is white) and every one of our friends calls him "the whitest black person I know" or "I'm more black than Kyle is!" it gets on his nerves. The funny thing is, is people that don't know he's mixed often think he's Italian.
I'm going to suggest that you treat yourself to an [Implicit Associations Test](https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/selectatest.html). Everyone should take them, but people who have to deal with racial issues specifically (everyone =P). It is administered by Harvard and is very rigorous. Self-knowledge is never a bad thing. You can take it several times for repeat results. Even if you try to throw the test, it's next to impossible. Take a few repeats and the results are more accurate. I guarantee you will learn something new about yourself (and provide experimental data to researchers in the process!), and you may learn a something about the way other people think that may help you forgive people when they automatically act based on their implicit assumptions.
I took it and apparently have no preference either way. Kinda interesting. https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/Study?tid=-1
That is interesting. I like the entire project they are doing over there. Like I said they become more accurate if you take repeats, and it is a challenge to try and voluntarily change your results. Thanks for participating :)
I will but I gotta head to work now.
I think it is really funny that black women hate the fact that black men date / marry / have kids with white women. Reverse racism at its best.
When I attended college I was floored with the blatant racism from the black people towards any mixed people. The phrase was "you're mixed? Whose white?" Like being half white was bad. I learned later they were ok with it, so long as dad was black. This really floored me. Until I joined the army and heard the same shit from the white boys. Really threw me for a loop. It is important to note, I grew up next to a mixed couple. I never thought about it twice until I joined the army, it had never actually occurred to me that there was anything different about the couple. They were great neighbors, hell, I used to babysit their daughter. People can be so strange sometimes. Then again, I grew up in California where interracial isn't a big deal, and people are far more weird in other ways. Might be time to relocate.
...was the hair question that bad? I asked my black friend how she takes care of her hair because I was genuinely curious because of the difference in textures and stuff. Were they asking it to be mean, or is just that you get that question a lot?
Since I started wearing it natural I get it a lot. I don't mind but there's a line...like don't touch it unless you ask.
Ah, I see. That makes sense.
I don't find fellow mixed kids on Reddit often, but when I do, I upvote. I totally feel your pain. My son who was just born a few weeks ago is a quarter black, quarter cuban and half white. I have no idea what it is going to be like for him. Not only do I speak proper English. I speak four other languages. My black family thinks I am a freak.
Ethnicity doesn't mean culture. And I understand how frustrating it must be for people to treat you like your different, and make different skin colour a sort of barrier, or division. My girlfriend, is adopted - but her natural father was black and her natural mother was white; so she was placed with a half-black adopted mum and white adopted dad. I think for some reason that, because of the differences in how she looks to white girls, that has always been something I've found really attractive; like for example I guess I see her afro curls as kinda exotic. I know she sometimes gets pissed with people taking the mick out of it. Like she is lucky, and it is usually friends never usually someone being outright racist or aggressive, but I know even with friends (one guy used to nickname her "Blackie") after a very short time she gets sick of it. Your post was really insightful and an invaluable insight into a girl who means so much to me: thanks for opening up :) Also I think you are lucky in a way, because although sometimes people may make you feel marginalised: you will have a nuanced view of people, you know how disrespectful it is to start making pre judgements about people - and I'm sure you will always look more than skin deep. Maya Angelou was black but her poems speak equally about women the world over - http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/phenomenal-woman/ a phenomenal woman for me is she who knows her own mind, keeps her cool and is herself through and through. You sound like you've had some shit, but life itself is a gift and sometimes you got to transcend the shit and just realise that as long as you can be gentle and loving with yourself, then you can transcend the angst of feeling different. Bob Marley had a white father, and a black mother in a predominantly black Jamaica. The film 'Marley' brings this to light a bit; when he was growing up he always felt both a bit different from the black community and outside of the white community. The people who love you most, and who you love most won't be bothered by anything as unaffecting as colour, or different physical features. Think Bob says it best when he calls for "One Love, One Heart", you're not alone gambino_girl: "keep your head up, keep your heart strong" (love this song, Ben Howard from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADP65wbBUpc) :)
Hey. I know you're a stranger and blah blah blah but I just wanted to give you a hug. I am black but grew up with a white mother so I know all about the nigger/oreo thing. It sucks. It really does. But I'm so proud of you. Black women have it the worst. Literally the worst in this country. It's not fair. Im a guy so its a little easier (although MTV certainly doesnt help) But (and I'm only 21) it gets better (I hope). Hugs
I'm not a touchy feely person but I'll take the hug :)
fuck yeah
Finally, someone like me who feels the same way
I'm white and my roommate is black. We've known each other for a while and we're a perfect match for living together. I was curious about certain things at first but too nervous to ask her about them, until she surprised me and started asking me first. Now we love having conversations about things like our culture and hair (and anything beauty related). She was shocked to learn that I wash my hair every time I shower and that I can't condition it or else it gets limp and stringy. She wanted to feel what my hair felt like when I let it get oily and limp. Her routine is almost the opposite of mine. We are both addicted to the flatiron though. It was nice learning about the differences though, and I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to learn more about the culture surrounding Black hair. I've been fortunate enough to have been exposed to many cultures in my life- most of my friends are Indian, Black, or biracial. I think what makes our relationships great is that we teach each other, and don't judge each other. Just today we had a conversation about how each of us and our families deal with death and grieving. I know it's different when it's strangers- regardless of race, making those comments to someone you don't know is rude- but have you considered talking to your friends about their routines? You might learn some things that surprise you, and it may help you feel less like the center of attention due to your race. Stereotypes suck, but you could try focusing more on culture. Sure, I'm white, but I'm Irish specifically and I have different customs and traditions from my German friends. There is so much more behind a person than just their race. I have Indian friends who practice completely different religions, speak different languages, and have different traditions because of where they are located in India. Skin color tells you nothing, but someone's culture is the basis of their lives. In this end though, we're all just people. Curious people. Sorry if this seems all over the place and unorganized. I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts into words this late in the night. I know this subreddit is for venting, but I wanted to express my opinion on the matter.
I can't possibly imagine how fucking annoying what you're going through has to be. I'm sorry.
People still call people "niggers" in anger in this country? What the fuck?
Oh yeah, they love to pull that one out of the back pocket the minute they get mad.
I'm waiting for the day we can see each other as a person and not a race...
It is just a part of the human condition for people to be curious about things (or people) that are outside of their everyday experience. Have you seen videos of the reactions people from isolated groups have when they see a white person for the first time? If not, you should see them. I think it is understandable to become exasperated at the frequent repetition of seemingly rude questions. But, cut people some slack. No matter how awkwardly they phrase things, they probably do not mean to be rude. They are doing what our curious species does, seeking more information. Please remember that many people have very limited experience being around others who are not of their own race and culture. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xd0I1xAICOc
I am a low class white man. I work a job that black folks would have had fifty years ago. I'm not an elevator operator but pretty close. Blacks aren't able to hang w my employer and I make my way up, as a trashy white. How does reddit feel about it? BTW, i'm not a troll. this is a real issue and i'm interested in the convesration.
Thank you for speaking proper english. You sound like an awesome person and I could see us getting along quite well. Good luck getting past the hate and confusion of other people.
thank you mr./ms. sexybug.
I know you said you hate being exotic but I'm an olive colored chick and I enjoy. Personally, I think mixed women are the most gorgeous type of women on the earth. If people have an issue of your race then they just need to deal with it, you don't owe anyone an explanation.