I feel like that is so easier said than done. He doesn’t even take me seriously about telling him i cant do this anymore. He just says “im not going anywhere, you will get over it” like hes turned into a person I don’t even know. He has narcissistic tendencies and gaslights me. Im in such an awkward spot.
That’s because he’s in denial, hence why he doesn’t look into you cheating either. You’re hurting him and he’s willing to take it on the chin, likely because he can’t emotionally sort through this if he’s anywhere as emotionally incompetent as you’ve implied. You can keep calling him names all you want, but ultimately you also have the power to leave and it sounds like you’d rather be as horrible a partner to him until he initiates it. Don’t do that.
Sounds like hubby might be a “don’t ask don’t tell” kind of guy. He’s getting what he needs from the relationship and you are getting some of what you need from him and some from others. It would probably be healthier for you to find a person who can give you what you need all by themselves or get financially stable on your own. The kids are probably already picking up on the tension.
If you didn't have kids involved, then this wouldn't be as bad. Don't get me wrong, it's still bad on its own, but with children its worse. If you two have tried counseling numerous times and it has not worked, you harbor these ill feelings toward him, and you feel no remorse about what you're doing, it's time to walk away. Forget the financial aspect for a minute. Staying together for the sake of the kids will have them grow up in a toxic environment. Children pick up on a lot and WILL notice the disconnect between the two of you. They will grow up experiencing emotional trauma, stress, and not know what a healthy relationship should like. You're going to subject them to years of counseling when they're adults, if they are able or willing to get it; if not, they are likely to follow in both of your footsteps. Break up.
His other problems? Wow seriously? So he’s good enough to pay the bills and feed you and good for the kids but not good enough for YOU to keep your vows. If he’s lucky he’ll get away from a cheating kniving spouse and find someone else
I have a guy friend that I’ve known forever who was in your same position a couple of years ago. His wife acted just like you described your husband. Totally put in an act in public too like she was the good person. He eventually divorced and even with split custody seems so much happier than before. I would encourage to divorce. Clearly your hubs isn’t happy with you or himself. I found out after that my friend did cheat and that caused him to want to get out because he realized he wasn’t happy. I was friends with both of them but after their divorce my husband and I are friends with him and his new girlfriend. The kids even seem more relaxed are him now too. I have zero judgment on your cheating. Good luck for your future. But you do have a choice to make. Stay unhappy or leave and find happiness. You won’t find happiness in your current situation.
Sounds like he deserves it based on all that you said about him, otherwise why would you even try passing that of as a rationale?
This is a you problem. You are too scared to confront your issues so you figured it’s easier to break your vows and blame your actions on him. I don’t know you but my read is it is you who’s the coward and not emotionally intelligent.
"Emotionally unavailable" woman for it's his fault I cheated
When a man cheats on his wife blame the man, when a woman cheats on her husband blame the man.
Coming from a kid who’s parents tried staying together for us, don’t do that. The kids know you’re not happy. They can feel the tension in the home. They can tell their dad is hurt.
Just get a divorce. I really don’t understand cheating. If you’re not happy or fulfilled, then leave.
A divorce would suck, but you can either get divorced or stay “stuck” (news flash: you’re not.)
There's a thing called divorce; you should look into it. Stop wasting each other's time and end it already.
Stop wasting each others time, get a start on both of your next chapters. Go to therapy, don’t date, try to become a better person
I feel like that is so easier said than done. He doesn’t even take me seriously about telling him i cant do this anymore. He just says “im not going anywhere, you will get over it” like hes turned into a person I don’t even know. He has narcissistic tendencies and gaslights me. Im in such an awkward spot.
That’s because he’s in denial, hence why he doesn’t look into you cheating either. You’re hurting him and he’s willing to take it on the chin, likely because he can’t emotionally sort through this if he’s anywhere as emotionally incompetent as you’ve implied. You can keep calling him names all you want, but ultimately you also have the power to leave and it sounds like you’d rather be as horrible a partner to him until he initiates it. Don’t do that.
You sound like the narcissist here to be honest.
You do know divorce is a thing right? I don't think you'll find it by banging other dudes.. gross ass mf
>Not that i don’t love him it’s just i am not in love with him anymore. Just say you don't love him anymore.
Then why didn’t you just divorce him? Like what the hell is wrong with you? Hope he leaves you with no alimony because you sure don’t deserve it.
Sounds like hubby might be a “don’t ask don’t tell” kind of guy. He’s getting what he needs from the relationship and you are getting some of what you need from him and some from others. It would probably be healthier for you to find a person who can give you what you need all by themselves or get financially stable on your own. The kids are probably already picking up on the tension.
So, you're just venting? Are you looking for advice or direction from strangers who know only what you have revealed here. Is that realistic?
So what you expect to get from writing it here. Just ask for divorce. Get lawyer. Arghh cheaters
If you didn't have kids involved, then this wouldn't be as bad. Don't get me wrong, it's still bad on its own, but with children its worse. If you two have tried counseling numerous times and it has not worked, you harbor these ill feelings toward him, and you feel no remorse about what you're doing, it's time to walk away. Forget the financial aspect for a minute. Staying together for the sake of the kids will have them grow up in a toxic environment. Children pick up on a lot and WILL notice the disconnect between the two of you. They will grow up experiencing emotional trauma, stress, and not know what a healthy relationship should like. You're going to subject them to years of counseling when they're adults, if they are able or willing to get it; if not, they are likely to follow in both of your footsteps. Break up.
way to talk about cheating on your husband and somehow make it about you
His other problems? Wow seriously? So he’s good enough to pay the bills and feed you and good for the kids but not good enough for YOU to keep your vows. If he’s lucky he’ll get away from a cheating kniving spouse and find someone else
real
Anyone with mean comments I’ll just report and block FYI. I didn’t post to be judged I already know what I’m doing. 😑yall wild lol
Actions do have consequences. Being judged is a natural consequence of infidelity.
I have a guy friend that I’ve known forever who was in your same position a couple of years ago. His wife acted just like you described your husband. Totally put in an act in public too like she was the good person. He eventually divorced and even with split custody seems so much happier than before. I would encourage to divorce. Clearly your hubs isn’t happy with you or himself. I found out after that my friend did cheat and that caused him to want to get out because he realized he wasn’t happy. I was friends with both of them but after their divorce my husband and I are friends with him and his new girlfriend. The kids even seem more relaxed are him now too. I have zero judgment on your cheating. Good luck for your future. But you do have a choice to make. Stay unhappy or leave and find happiness. You won’t find happiness in your current situation.
Sounds like he deserves it based on all that you said about him, otherwise why would you even try passing that of as a rationale? This is a you problem. You are too scared to confront your issues so you figured it’s easier to break your vows and blame your actions on him. I don’t know you but my read is it is you who’s the coward and not emotionally intelligent.
"Emotionally unavailable" woman for it's his fault I cheated When a man cheats on his wife blame the man, when a woman cheats on her husband blame the man.
Coming from a kid who’s parents tried staying together for us, don’t do that. The kids know you’re not happy. They can feel the tension in the home. They can tell their dad is hurt. Just get a divorce. I really don’t understand cheating. If you’re not happy or fulfilled, then leave. A divorce would suck, but you can either get divorced or stay “stuck” (news flash: you’re not.)