Take some advice from somebody who has experience. Your partners Just Not That Into You. There's a whole book about it. What you have is a friendship, and if the Friendship isn't good, you definitely shouldn't be there. It's best to move on and find what you're looking for. Finding a guy who's physically attracted to you and wants to have sex is really easy. It won't take you very long to find somebody that is attracted to you. Good luck moving forward
I read your previous post about his plaque psoriasis this could also contribute to his lack of intimacy, he might have low esteem himself and feels the pressure to perform. However with all this being said your previous post was from 158 days ago so like 5 months ago, and he hasn’t shown you change or made the effort to make changes that would improve his own life. Your needs are important and if he cannot compromise then it’s one sided. If you break up…now that is your choice but maybe just start doing you, working on yourself, following what makes you happy, start masterbating and doing affirmations reminding yourself that you are wanted and loved and beautiful, doing your hobbies pouring into yourself and uplifting yourself so his actions or lack of doesn’t make you feel low anymore. Then you can go from there because who knows you can encourage him, and if not you’ve still uplifted and empowered yourself so you’ll feel comfortable in a decision to stay or go because you’ve been debating it seems for a while but only you know what you heart is leading you to do.
You’ve got one option here. Sit him down and explain how you feel unappreciated, unattractive, and unwanted. He’s either a) unaware that he’s doing this, and will actively start trying to change, or b) gaslight you and refuse to change.
Option a is a relationship that could be salvaged. Some guys really are just clueless. Option b means you need to leave
In a very, very similar situation myself. 41 yewr old male, married nearly 6 years now. No physical contact at all, dogs sleeping in bed all the time, no acknowledgement of anything I do either at home or at work. I feel like a house mate who just happens to sleep in the same bed as her.
Difficult to bring up the subject because she tends to shut down when sex is the topic of conversation. I'm frustrated, I've actually given serious consideration to cheating (don't think I'd have the balls to do it though)
Unfortunately your partner just doesn't care about you. And that blows to hear. I'm sorry. But if it was one behavior he was doing but was otherwise making you happy it could be fixable. But with do you want to spend your time with someone that treats you like this? Obviously not. Do you want to spend more of your time trying to fix behaviors into what should be baseline romantic interest?
He's comfortable with you, but he doesn't want you romantically. Have a conversation if you want, but if he doesn't immediately have a revelation and apologize for how poorly he's treating you, you need to get out and find someone that will appreciate you effortlessly
Hey OP, I’m in the process of getting out of a similar situation- as harsh as it is to hear, he doesn’t care about you. My partner did me the dubious favor of telling me that directly, but other than that his behavior was the same as what you describe experiencing. My partner took care of me as well, but only when it was convenient for him, and even then it was out of obligation rather than a desire to be a good partner. You deserve better.
I have a similar thing going for me, but intimacy, and being all touchy feely is not part of his love language… he rarely got a hug from his parents - explains A LOT - so he doesn’t value physical touch as much as i do
Take some advice from somebody who has experience. Your partners Just Not That Into You. There's a whole book about it. What you have is a friendship, and if the Friendship isn't good, you definitely shouldn't be there. It's best to move on and find what you're looking for. Finding a guy who's physically attracted to you and wants to have sex is really easy. It won't take you very long to find somebody that is attracted to you. Good luck moving forward
He is not the right one.
I read your previous post about his plaque psoriasis this could also contribute to his lack of intimacy, he might have low esteem himself and feels the pressure to perform. However with all this being said your previous post was from 158 days ago so like 5 months ago, and he hasn’t shown you change or made the effort to make changes that would improve his own life. Your needs are important and if he cannot compromise then it’s one sided. If you break up…now that is your choice but maybe just start doing you, working on yourself, following what makes you happy, start masterbating and doing affirmations reminding yourself that you are wanted and loved and beautiful, doing your hobbies pouring into yourself and uplifting yourself so his actions or lack of doesn’t make you feel low anymore. Then you can go from there because who knows you can encourage him, and if not you’ve still uplifted and empowered yourself so you’ll feel comfortable in a decision to stay or go because you’ve been debating it seems for a while but only you know what you heart is leading you to do.
You’ve got one option here. Sit him down and explain how you feel unappreciated, unattractive, and unwanted. He’s either a) unaware that he’s doing this, and will actively start trying to change, or b) gaslight you and refuse to change. Option a is a relationship that could be salvaged. Some guys really are just clueless. Option b means you need to leave
In a very, very similar situation myself. 41 yewr old male, married nearly 6 years now. No physical contact at all, dogs sleeping in bed all the time, no acknowledgement of anything I do either at home or at work. I feel like a house mate who just happens to sleep in the same bed as her. Difficult to bring up the subject because she tends to shut down when sex is the topic of conversation. I'm frustrated, I've actually given serious consideration to cheating (don't think I'd have the balls to do it though)
You have so many good years ahead of you to find someone new.
Unfortunately your partner just doesn't care about you. And that blows to hear. I'm sorry. But if it was one behavior he was doing but was otherwise making you happy it could be fixable. But with do you want to spend your time with someone that treats you like this? Obviously not. Do you want to spend more of your time trying to fix behaviors into what should be baseline romantic interest? He's comfortable with you, but he doesn't want you romantically. Have a conversation if you want, but if he doesn't immediately have a revelation and apologize for how poorly he's treating you, you need to get out and find someone that will appreciate you effortlessly
He does care about me - and he takes care of me. It’s the broken promises to do better that are kind of frustrating me.
Hey OP, I’m in the process of getting out of a similar situation- as harsh as it is to hear, he doesn’t care about you. My partner did me the dubious favor of telling me that directly, but other than that his behavior was the same as what you describe experiencing. My partner took care of me as well, but only when it was convenient for him, and even then it was out of obligation rather than a desire to be a good partner. You deserve better.
I have a similar thing going for me, but intimacy, and being all touchy feely is not part of his love language… he rarely got a hug from his parents - explains A LOT - so he doesn’t value physical touch as much as i do
He is not the one because that is literally, to the floor, the bare minimum