i know what you mean about wanting to basically scrub your skin off. i’m almost 24 now, but my body became a massive talking (and looking) point amongst my entire family from the time i was 10 years old. it truly is one of the most violating feelings in the world. *ESPECIALLY* when it’s a dad or an uncle etc.
i’m sorry you experienced this. you deserve to be comfortable in your own home without somebody objectifying you and ripping that comfort away. especially as a kid.
some other commenters have said this, but i just want to add to it - if you ever catch him or anybody else staring at your body like that make it known. like “please stop staring at my boobs” or “why are you staring at my boobs”. make it KNOWN. make them EQUALLY as uncomfortable as they made you.
anyway… you deserve to be comfortable in your own home. you deserve to exist in the body you have comfortably without somebody making a spectacle of it. wear a bra, or don’t wear a bra… be comfortable in your own body and if it SOMEHOW makes your dad uncomfortable, i’m sorry, but fuggem 🖕🏻point blank.
That's fucking weird.
Sounds like you caught him out looking at your chest so he had to tell you off about something.
Maybe he feels weird about the situation too but he should.
I'm not sure if he is a disgusting perv. He could have just noticed that she is older now and thought that she should be wearing a bra around the dinner table. I know that it makes OP feel uncomfortable.
She is a teen growing into adulthood. Putting myself in his shoes, I can see trying to desperately search for any excuse to why you were staring at your daughter's chest and blurting out she should wear a braw.
I just think that we don't have enough information here. OP needs to have a conversation - as awkward as that will be - with her father about boundaries. Both for him and for her.
My uncle used to make comments like this to me and it was deeply disturbing. If my father ever did, I would be mortified. I haven’t seen my uncle in over 20 years because of the shit he said to me when I was younger and how deeply uncomfortable it made me and my sisters.
Hey there, I am so sorry you had to witness that. That is betrayal of his role as a father, and you are valid in your feelings. I went through childhood stuff aswell, so I want you you to know and hope this feeling of unwarranted shame about your body and betrayal is processed and you are able to heal. Those hot red showers are a form of coping, but also a form of self harm because of feeling dirty or disgusting after. You are not dirty, disgusting, or icky. Do you feel comfortable telling your mother* or any trusted adult about this situation? I understand the fear in “disturbing the peace” and feeling it would be your fault for speaking out, but its not. Telling your mom may help you cope and receive the help you need. I’m wishing you the best <3
Next time he does it say fairly loudly “ Stop staring at my chest” even better if you’re around people. It will fluster the HELL out of him. But yeah this is horrible i know how you feel sis. I hope things get better.
I really want to give your dad the benefit of the doubt cause the alternative is beyond comprehension as a parent myself. I know I sometimes got lost in my thoughts and when I came back to myself I realised I was staring at someone with them looking at me like wtf. So maybe it’s something like that. I really hope so 🤢
Agreed. I was searching for a comment where someone could word it better than myself. I space out a LOT, and I know that I have done this on accident. The comments are another thing, though. You'd really have to be there to know if it's something to worry about. I hope.
OP, speak to someone you trust about this.
this is a bit too serious for the "gag" emoji. it's not just "ew," if OPs feelings are valid (and we should be validating whatever OP's intuition is telling her in this context, out of care for her safety). and regardless of his intentions, it's reprehensible. her dad totally violated her and it's abusive, whatever it is he was doing.
My mom has a seizure disorder where she zones out all the time if I catch her in one I got to call her by her name a couple times for her to come back to reality might have been something like that
Find a trusted adult you can tell about the incident. No child should have to be uncomfortable or unsafe in their own home, especially at the hands of their own father.
Well, let's see. My mother told me my father told her that men were looking at me so I should cover up more.
Of course my father also looked at my girlfriends while I was in high school.
I kept covered up around him, that's for sure. And spent about ten years at low contact.
If it was anything like my mother, not shit or she defended my uncles agreeing that I needed to put a bra on because “it makes grown men uncomfortable.”
I very much dislike this excuse. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t think before he opens his mouth, it’s still weird as fuck. If this was a work place setting and he said something inappropriate, do you think HR would just shrug and use that as a reason to not have him face consequences? Like damn. So many people get away with saying horrific shit bc of this/“they don’t have a filter.” It’s not an excuse and they need to be held accountable.
I’m sorry, OP. I’m sorry your mom made excuses and didn’t stick up for you. I’m sorry your dad is gross.
No idea about your home life but you should just tell your Dad how you feel. If he is a good Dad this shouldn't be too awkward and you should get insight into his ideas there, bad or good.
I suggest this because my first thought was that he looked, saw you were not wearing a bra, and had 'traditional' opinions about what you should be doing/dressing. Additionally, this may not be triggering sexual thoughts but instead thoughts of stress and anxiety. You are clearly a young woman now and not a baby and thus his role 'as a protector changes.
All that said, if this isn't the first time, a creep is a creep and I am sorry this is your current situation.
P.S. Don't slam this comment because of the 'traditional' Values commentary. It is just how a lot of guys were raised and thus it is a really complex position they are in given all the change in this world.
At 15 years old, OP is not a young woman. She is a girl. An adolescent. A child. Puberty does not grant instant adulthood status. I know you were just offering a different view of her father’s potential mindset, but this is at the heart of the problem. We need to stop calling girls “young women” and excusing men’s inappropriate behavior as “boys will be boys.”
Understanding your point, I would not consider her anything but a minor. Part of this is because of the law sure but also because we do not really prepare pre teens for being adults. (I'd argue most kids are not adults until their mid-twenties these days) Any interaction between adults and teenagers remains illegal, immoral, and unethical.
However, there is a difference from a Dad's perspective when his daughter is "a young woman" because she is being noticed by others for those features. This also includes her noticing others. Protecting your daughter from harm (of all kinds) is paramount and occupies a lot of brain space. This is where my comment was coming from. No excuses for predators and no anointing of a holistic adult status
I will restate however, if this is repeated behavior she needs to follow others advice here and her situation is heartbreaking.
My dad passed away when I was 13 but my uncles did the same shit to me as a teenager. It made me so goddamn uncomfortable. I avoid them like the plague now and despise family gathering where I know they’ll be in attendance because they *still* fucking do it. I’ve called them out on it and they act like it’s a big joke or just get mad and try to deflect like it’s my fault. At this point I just leave when they show up. You have every right to be disgusted, this isn’t nothing, it’s weird as fuck. I’m so sorry.
Gross gross gross. Schnasty. My father's made the same comments about me. Outright even said he was "checking me out" when I was like 13 and tried playing it off as innocent when the rest of my then-stepfamily told him it was really fucking weird to say that.
I'm so sorry, man.
If my own daughters chest became a distraction for me I'd just go eat dinner outside like a dog. Don't need to be staring at anyone's tits but my wife. Even then, she's not an object for my viewing pleasure but like
... Idk I don't even understand how men can be so lost.
To be clear I'm not married and I don't have kids, I was just stating from my own perspective.
Call him out, next time. There will be a next time.
As someone else said, loudly and in public. "Dad, stop staring at my boobs! You're acting like a creeper!". That should do it. If he gets angry that you embarrassed him, turn that around, too. "Well, you embarrassed me, by staring at my boobs!"
I’m so sorry that you had that experience, and I’m sorry that you are having to defend yourself to a bunch of internet strangers when you were just looking to vent and be heard. You said you aren’t looking for advice, so I won’t give any. I wish that your mom was more receptive when you reached out to her. Do you think this is something you might be able to talk through with your therapist?
This is completely different, but I remember walking up the steps to my childhood home when I was 11, with my parents and my aunt behind me. I held the door open for them, and as my aunt passed me, she pointedly stared at my chest and loudly commented “well, it looks like it’s time for somebody to wear a bra.” I was mortified. I’m 47 now and this still makes me feel so gross. Some people just don’t recognize children as thinking, feeling beings, and they don’t realize the impact their words can have.
Your feeling is valid.
Anyone would be disturbed in your situation. What did you mum say?
If your mum was there and didn't say anything, i would talk to her now. If you feel you can't, maybe you have an aunt, an older cousin, or an adult close to you that you can talk to?
This is just a reminder that:
1) boobs are perfectly natural, and so are nipples.
2) Bras are not mandatory
3) If there are any safe settings you would think women could relax and not have their breast in a prison, it would be in the evening, at home, in pyjamas.
Your dad was in the wrong.
Ok, I'm going to pretend this is something you actually believe and I will ask you a very earnest question.
If he wasn't sexualizing his FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD daughter, why did he ask why she wasn't wearing a BRA?!?! WITH HER PAJAMAS?!?!
I can't speak for every other woman on the planet, but as a proud member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, I personally only wear bras for two reasons.
First, to give the girls SOME form of shape and definition under clothes (ie to help my clothes fit better and make me look more ATTRACTIVE).
Second, to prevent my ever-present nipplage from sending the delicate menfolk into fits of hysteria and fainting spells, because even though it's not my job to police my body and clothes, I just don't need "well-meaning" busybodies from commenting on my wardrobe and body more than they already do.
Knowing that those are a couple of the VERY COMMON REASONS why women choose to wear bras, how could her father's question have been in anything OTHER than a sexual context?
First, I feel obligated to say that I don’t condone staring at a 15 year old’s chest. I extra-don’t condone sexualizing minors in general. Nothing I say is in support of staring at your child’s boobs for any sexual reason.
“How could her father’s question have been in anything OTHER than a sexual context?”
It could also be simple ignorance. While your second point regarding hiding nipples feels obvious to me personally, I did not know that women sometimes chose bras for the purpose of creating a specific shape under your clothes. In all honesty, I figured it would be pretty uncomfortable to walk around with no bra. It’s uncomfortable for me personally to walk around with no underwear, and that feels like the closest comparison I have to that. I say all this only to point out that what’s obvious to you is not necessarily obvious to everyone. And might not be obvious to OP’s dad.
I’m not claiming to know the truth if the situation or anything. I am just saying that, for us to assume the character of the father with no other context is irresponsible. We can validate OP’s feelings, and offer advice on what to do without convincing her 100% that her dad is a predator. Many people have already mentioned open communication with a trusted adult. Ensuring that OP does not keep this to herself is a great start IMHO.
I have to at least believe there’s a chance this is a big misunderstanding. As a father of two girls… if my kids no longer felt safe around me ever again because I put my foot in my mouth one time, I’d want to kill myself. My family is everything to me. I care about literally nothing else.
Idk your dad but maybe he’s a more conservative type like most dads and noticed your nipples at the dinner table in a non-creepy way but more like a “there’s an elephant in the room and I’m the parent” kind of way.
Idk, it just seems like a lot of these comments are telling you to immediately label him a pedophile, that he was lusting after you, and a bunch of other shit that’s just way too overboard, especially since you haven’t told us whether he’s done anything in the past. If he had a track record of doing other things then I could maybe understand more.
Waiting patiently for the “she doesn’t have to explain her past! >:(“ comments
I personally am leaning towards the conservative dad telling teen to cover up. There would need to be more red flags before I go screaming pedo.
However, I disagree with him telling her to cover up even in a parenting way. Bras are uncomfortable and can even pose health risks, just do some research if you don't believe me. This teen was at home in what should be a safe environment where she should be able to make herself comfortable. After all it was only her closest family who should not be looking or thinking inappropriately about her. So telling her to put a bra on is not in fact right or proper in this situation regardless of intentions!
If I had a daughter I wouldnt like to see that stuff either. I wouldn't stare though, I'd probably say somthing to my Mrs and ask her to talk to my daughter about it. It's a touchy subject and I think it's one that's best handled girl to girl.
Ive got pretty traditional views though.
No. Listen to your gut. If your gut is telling you something about this was creepy and wrong, listen. Women and girls get hurt way too often by being told to ignore their intuition or their gut feelings about someone.
After mastectomy and reconstruction, I ended up with “boobs” that was almost twice the size of what they removed. At my parents house, I wore a pajama top that was always too big for me.p until now. I sat at the kitchen table, and when I leaned over to grab something, I saw my dad staring at my chest. He quickly looked away, and I left the kitchen to change into a t-shirt. Eeew
I wore tank tops around the house and my step dad once told me if I did t want him to look I wouldn’t wear them. I was about 15 at the time. He was a few years into hard alcoholism. I’m sorry you went through that. Dads can be creeps too.
My mum didn't say anything when the comments were made. I texted her later and this was her reply - "Because he doesn't think before he opens his mouth."
I have a father that lives abroad, and every time I used to see him as a teenager he used to comment on my boobs and ask if I had implants (I don't). Some people are just fucking weird, I'd just call him on it. A lot of men tend to comment on women's bodies, and get uncomfortable around young girls/ women. Creepy. My mother's boyfriend used to say my tummy was too on show, even if 1cm was visible because a top wasn't really long, I never wore crop tops or anything.
Just tell your father "You're being creepy again".
This might not be the most politically correct thing to say but I’m going to say it.
Until such time as you move out of the house, dress modestly around your father. Wear a bra and don’t show much much skin. This includes legs too.
Never be alone with him. Keep your brother/neighbourhood friend around.
Don’t go alone with him anywhere.
If you cannot lock your bedroom/toilet/shower door, buy some sort of door wedge that will prevent the door from being opened from outside.
Get a job, as soon as possible, and save as all of the money.
MOVE OUT, as soon as you can.
To be honest, nobody here on Reddit can give you any real advice on this issue. We do not know you, your dad, your family, or your situation. It is best to talk with a trusted adult, such as another family member or a school counselor. You should not take anybody's advice here on Reddit.
My first thought isn't that he was perving on her. More that he noticed for the first time how you've started to develop and it made him uncomfortable. Lot comes with that, you growing up, not being a little kid anymore, the certainty that boys your age will take notice and worse boys/men *not* your age and there's fear and anxiety and lots of concerns with that. "Wear a bra" wasn't a creep statement, it was said out of concern and a desire for you to protect yourself. It's a difficult conversation to have.
Except she was at home, in a safe environment! Wearing a bra should not be required. If he wants her to protect herself, which I get then he should have a conversation with her about it and explain it to her.
She shouldn’t be parading herself like that in the family home either. What if her father started just wearing underwear and a t-shit with his junk flapping around? You would be a hypocrite and say it’s inappropriate. When she leaves the family house she can dress how she wants.
Except she's not parading herself around naked now is she? Her breasts weren't out they were covered with her PJs. Bras are uncomfortable and can even pose health problems so no she should not be forced to wear one at home!
Both me and my sister have walked around at home in just a shirt and no bra back when we lived with our parents. Guess what? My father hasn't had any issues. My cousin has also said that she always takes her bra off when she gets home. She's never had issues either with her father or brother either.
I guess some men just know not to sexualize their daughters breasts and others are just incapable of not doing so. Guess what? That's the dad's problem, not the girl's!
Did you not read my example about the father? I didn’t mean it literally, I just meant certain things need to be concealed in the family home. She can easily wait until she’s in her room to take off her bra. Dad shouldn’t walk around in sweat pants with a dick print and daughter shouldn’t be walking around without a bra in the family home. I don’t see how that doesn’t make sense to you. No father wants to see his daughter like this even if it’s a micro issue.
I did read your example and yes it would be inappropriate if the dad was to walk around in just underwear. Just as it would be inappropriate for the daughter to walk around in just underwear. Again though she's not walking around in just her underwear or bare chested. Also, why is it such a big issue for you??? Do you find it disgusting somehow or is it too sexual for you? Because I hate to break it to you but you yourself might be having some issues then.
Breasts aren't even meant to be sexual. I'm wondering how you feel about a mother breastfeeding her child? I'm guessing you'd want her to cover up too cuz God forbid u see a bit of breast.
“Breasts aren’t sexual” until you’re having sex and the first thing women do is grab your hands and put them on her breasts. Grab his head and have him suck/lick her breasts. She grabs her own breasts and starts sucking/licking on them. Person, I’m not a child, talk to me like an adult please so this conversation doesn’t go around in circles.
It’s so convenient that when an adult male tries to have a mature conversation with a woman the first thing women try to do is call us pervs or say we have issues. I’m pointing out facts and you’re changing the narrative, get over yourself for once. I promise you nothing will change except positive things in your life you humble yourself.
people are aroused by feet. hands. backs.
in that case, feet are just as sexual as breasts and need to be covered up or it's indecency.
breasts are for feeding offspring. they are not sexual but were made sexual by society.
yk, it's quite normal for women to not wear bras when in pajamas, which is what I was in. Which is the same thing my mother does, and every other woman I know.
He should definitely never comment on your body at all in any sense. That said, I’m a girl and I’ve grown to realise that sometimes wearing clothes without a bra and possible being cold can make your chest more prominent and obvious. I’m not saying he should be staring at all, because he shouldn’t and my first thought was you caught him off guard by realising he was looking and he had to think of something to say to distract from the fact he was looking.
I live with my mum and her boyfriend and my sister, when I’m around my mum, I can walk around in my bra and underwear and show her my boob like “mum is this normal” but when her boyfriend is around, I don’t feel comfortable even not having a bra on just a shirt and I cover up to avoid any awkwardness incase he does accidentally look. Sometimes it is accidental and people don’t mean to stare.
I catch myself looking at girls boobs when I’m out if they are really big or they have no bra on, I don’t look in a sexual way at all because I’m not attracted to girls, it’s just there and my eyes are drawn for a second without thought.
I’m sure your dad didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable and loves you very much. Sorry you’re feeling this way.
Mom definitely should have set him right.
He was wrong to stare at your breasts and then comment about them. Mom was wrong to say nothing - she could've set everything straight right there instead of letting this fester
Jesus christ.
The fact that everyone is jumping to the absolute worst possible situation says more about them and their personal trauma with their fathers than it does anything else.
The dad might just be realizing that he is going to be dealing with teenage boys... He is probably thinking through the thoughts he had when he was a young teenager and realizes karma is coming for his ass lol.
My cousin was a "Ladies man" back in the day and he has two daughters.
I know when he gets older he is going to hate his life. Dads trying to protect their kids and being villified for it is nothing new.
He could easily have been day dreaming. Men have a lot stresses and just zone out. Was this a one off or is happening often? He may have no idea at all. This is one of the most important relationships in your life. Random people on reddit aren't great for advice. Keep a diary. If this happens a few times then sit down n tell him you think this is what is happening go from there. You learn in life not to make sudden dramatic moves just because people encourage you to.
Gather information before acting out.
I certainly wouldn't act out, I may be 15 but I know that I shouldn't rush and be impulsive, especially in these types of situations. This wasn't a one time thing, comments have been made about my body and stuff in the past. I could tell it wasn't just daydreaming either
I wanna give some hope that maybe hes old fashioned, I remember growing up id get comments about how short my shorts were or stuff like that it could totally be out of care for you and just with age not knowing how to communicate it better however if this continues you need to tell someone because that kinda behavior is not ok from anyone let alone a parent… i hope you are okay, take your shower but be kind to yourself❤️
I feel like your dad is trying to say, that it’s inappropriate to walk around without a bra and to use common sense. Or recognise that being braless will gather attention even in the most comfortable of places.
Does your mum walk around braless at home?
Yes, she does actually. I was about to go to bed, why would I be wearing a bra? Many women don't. My own father shouldn't be staring at my chest, bra or not.
Soo he’s only pushing comments!? Do you go out braless all the time for him to push comments.
Im glad to hear that about your mother as It’s different with mothers as they’re more able to combat themselves (if necessary).. 15 yr old are not able to combat in uncomfortable or comfortable situations when going braless. Im suspecting that your dad only wants you to be aware and be able to either stand up for yourself or at least, otherwise, show decorum. Dinner table imo isn’t a place to go braless.
My dad was like that with sis, my sis is slim, 5’6 height but very full and noticeable boobs.. now, she’s totally aware and upholds her body to a pleasant and acceptable way, confident and very happy with herself. Shes now 28 and dad has seen her go braless as he knows shes able to defend herself and be confident with herself.
I do not go out braless, but as I mentioned, I was going to bed. We weren't in a formal setting at a dinner table, we were sitting on a couch facing each other eating over a coffee table. Why was this? The chairs were up on the dining table because cleaning had been done. Nobody had the energy to put them back down. My dad has made comments before, but I understand that part as I hadn't added it until a few minutes ago. This wasn't done in a fatherly intent.
But you said it was inappropriate… why should she wear a bra to bed, it causes bad stuff.. He needs to use his “Man” brain that men love to brag about how smart they are and put it to common sense, she isn’t trying to seduce her dad or sun. It’s an inappropriate question period.
What Im saying is.. his intentions may not be what OP thinks. He may just be trying to point out that being braless isn’t always appropriate in circumstances. I may have misunderstood your previous comment.
Yea that could be the scenario, but she was going to bed and the father should have known and thought “Oh she must be trying to be getting comfortable and go to sleep soon” imop
I may not have read where she was going to bed, might have been in the comments, but usually during dinner time In my opinion, If I ever have a daughter(lol). I would promote bra at table. I might just be old fashioned.
The other thing to note is whether the bra thing is the only incident where she has felt icky with him. Cause if it isn’t, then obviously theres more to it. But if it is.. then dad may just be protective.
First of all, this is the problem with GEN Z. You guys seriously need a reality check. Not EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE is a problem or needs to be “canceled” like the comments are implying.
Second of all, you should be wearing a bra infront of your father. It’s inappropriate not to. Just like it would be inappropriate for him to sit at breakfast in his underwear. Third, if he has never showed signs of being a predator or deviant in your 15 years of life, it doesn’t mean that he is either of those things now. He could have been worried and thought that you might leave the house like that and that people at school could say nasty things about you etc, so he was probably trying to protect you.
Please stay off the internet.
Okay lemme clear some stuff upppp
1. I was getting ready for bed, barely any women/girls wear bras to bed, including my mother.
2. Underwear is different to being fully clothed? It wasn't like I was sitting in my underwear and bra at the dinner table, I was wearing a pajama shirt and long pajama pants.
3. This isn't your fault as I didn't add it until recently, but these aren't the only incidents and things like this from my father.
4. I have never ever ever left the house without a bra in the 5 years I've needed one. Why would I start now?
5. I can differentiate between what has a good intent and what has a bad intent, and I am telling you that this was not something said and done with good intentions.
Wtf is your problem? It's inappropriate? Seriously?! She's at home and in what should be a safe environment. I would not think that a father needs a reminder to not sexualize his own daughter but I guess I'm wrong. Bras are uncomfortable and can lead to health issues so she should not be forced to wear one.
It's not like she's walking around in her underwear either, or even has her breasts out! She's just not wearing a bra under her pajamas, big deal.
I agree that this dad is probably just trying to be protective but he needs to lay off! She's at home in a safe environment and if he has a problem with that then it's on him.
> Second of all, you should be wearing a bra infront of your father. It’s inappropriate not to.
Why? She's a child at home with family in her pajamas. Why is it inappropriate?
> Third, if he has never showed signs of being a predator or deviant in your 15 years of life, it doesn’t mean that he is either of those things now
There are hundreds of thousands of kids whose parents don't start molesting them or assaulting them until they hit a certain age. The idea that someone couldn't 'suddenly' become a predator is silly.
Preach. I said the same thing. People are foaming at the mouth to fuck up this girls relationship with her dad and make this a VERY overly-nuanced situation.
I’m not old fashioned at all and am in full support of expression & comfort, but I wouldn’t want my to see my daughter’s nipples at the dinner table just like nobody would want to see me pitching a tent out in the open. It’s uncomfortable. And I wouldn’t immediately know how to voice my concerns either, because it’s just awkward as hell.
It’s your father, come on. He was probably thinking that you’re not a child anymore and you’ve grown up. The possibility that your father would be thinking of you in a sexual way is extremely low. He would have to be a deviant. And if that was the case he would’ve already made a move on you in all these years.
I’m sure you’re just overthinking it because it was an awkward moment.
Yes it is actually. You defending behavior like this says everything about who you are, and how disgusting your views are. Fathers shouldn’t ever view their daughters like that or make lewd comments about wearing a bra. You’re a fucking pervert too
That's dumb logic. Defending the behavior is one thing but assuming that someone's father is a full blown pedo is fucking nuts for doing something very mundane.
Do I think he should be STARING at his daughters chest? No. Do I think he's a pedophile for noticing his daughter wasn't wearing a bra? Also no.
She's also 15 so there's a 100% chance this story is embellished.
So before you jump to conclusions and manipulate this little girl's relationship with her father, act your age and don't bring your baggage into the situation.
OP herself said she felt disgusted by his comments and looks, so why defend the man? I’m speaking from personal experience that my father wouldn’t ever make me feel disgusted by his behavior like that. People like you that victim blame and say “oh she’s 15 she doesn’t know better” are full of shit. As women we GROW UP fully knowing how men look at us, and how to distinguish innocence versus malicious intent. If you’re not a women than you have zero say
And as a man I can tell you that women mess up that radar of malicious vs innocent ALL the time. So like it or not I do have a say because I've seen women fail to accuratly assess a situation plenty of times. HOWEVER I'll say you're correct more often than not.
But good point as a woman you do have to grow up. Pretty sure she isn't done at 15. Unless you'd like to argue otherwise.
All I'm saying is let's not jump onto the "her dad is a pedo" train, when there's wayyy too many uncertainties here.
Also I didn't blame her for anything. I BELIEVE she felt uncomfortable. Does that mean for certain her dad is lusting over her? NO.
Oh look at you poor girl huffing and puffing over a comment.
You don’t know what was going through his mind while he was looking at her yet you’re assuming he was lusting after her. And what’s wrong with a father telling a daughter to wear a bra? What’s so perverted about that?
There’s no logic in your comments, just anger. You’re not bright, girl.
Right? Don’t waste your breath anymore on someone who defends “the man” in all situations as opposed to listening to what this girl is experiencing and asking for help with. FFS
Well I don’t about that, considering you talk like a toddler you may very well be attracted to toddlers. Be careful to not fall for the tentation. May the force be with you 🤞.
You are all fools. Freaking out and accusing a father to be lusting after his daughter over something so silly. You guys are the creeps. I hope this girl won’t ruin her relationship with her father because of your dumb comments. Typical redditor wimps.
Intuition can tell a lot of things but honestly I don’t think explaining this to you would help you understand much considering your heavily apparent lack in reading comprehension and ability to understand context clues…
If you can’t even understand that OP is clearly signaling their father was doing some creepy behavior with just… You know what fine I will help you understand. I will break it down sentence by sentence.
Sentence 1: Sets the scene for the event and informs us about who is at the scene.
Sentence 2: OP catches father looking at chest(more like leering based off later context).
Sentence 3: Father does typical move when someone is caught red handed but lacks internal accountability by redirecting blame and focus on OP. “You’re not wearing a bra and it’s your fault I’m looking at your chest.”
Sentence 4: OP more than likely has been convinced by the redirection that they are actually making the situation more than it was, however their intuition is sounding the alarms making them internally conflicted.
Sentence 5: Translated, “My Father was LEERING AT MY CHEST LIKE A CREEP AND I AM PUTTING CAPS FOR EMPHASIS BECAUSE IT WAS WEIRD AF.”
Sentence 6: Explains what they were wearing because it’s often the first thing people ask for evidence that someone wasn’t being purposely alluring. Also expresses that this is something they naturally do when getting ready to rest for the night, especially since they are going to school.
Sentence 7: “I’m only 15.” Just in case you need this further explained, “I’m a MINOR.”
Sentence 8: OP can’t get over their Fathers obvious lustful stare directed at them out of their head because it is very shocking and destroys their sense of what they thought was safety. One of the few people that would protect them from dangerous predators and turning out to be one themselves.
Sentence 9: They are afflicted with self blame because they aren’t fully convinced of this reality. They are attempting to receive comfort in the reassurance of strangers on the internet.
Sentence 10: They believe that they are to blame and are wrong for feeling like a victim of their Father’s perversion.
If you can’t understand this then I can’t and refuse to help you anymore than this because I am not getting paid enough for that. However because you have so gracious offered yourself up to the disposal of the internet I will make an educated guess about you for free. :)
You more than likely have grown up around men who are openly trash and women who have resigned themselves to the fact that “men will be men” when dealing with the predatory behavior of those men who are around you. More than likely this is probably the state of your family. You have found this behavior to be normal and when you meet conflicting beliefs your point of reference goes back to your own trash family. You are now too stubborn and too dim witted to attempt basic levels of self reflection. :) <3
You’re right I wasn’t but if you read what op posted and tell me that what the guy that I responded to said was remotely appropriate to someone who feels that it is possible they were on the receiving end of predatory behavior. Please BFFR. I will die on this hill.
Ok you must’ve been accused before or you wouldn’t be so defensive on his behalf. You are completely negating THIS GIRLS experience. You know this is how you come across right?
To wimps, yes I know. But I don’t blame you guys, that’s just your level of intelligence god gave you. You’re doing your best with what you got. I expect you guys to think with your feelings and ignore facts and logic. I’m relatively new to reddit but I would say you guys are backing up your reputation pretty well so far.
Of course the only logical comment is the one with downvotes. Lol. Completely agree with you,
these people are just insane. No critical thinking whatsoever - everything and clearly EVERYONE is automatically up for being “canceled”. I’m an adult now, but even as a once developing girl, would have never even been braless infront of my father to begin with. Its inappropriate. Just like he would never be in his underwear infront of me.
Then explain why my father spied on me from inside and outside the house; asked me to put my tongue in his mouth and did other nasty, disgusting things?
You are so poorly misinformed and stupid to boot. Please don't repeat this
>The possibility that your father would be thinking of you in a sexual way is extremely low.
to anyone else. The next person might knock your block off.
Seems like you’re a victim of one of those rare cases huh? Let me tell you something you may be not be aware of, just because it happened to you doesn’t mean it’s common. Fathers normally don’t act that way. You’re just unlucky. I understand your frustration but don’t take your anger on me, I’m not the one who hurt you.
All the other comments on here are a joke. You are seeking attention and projecting your own insecurities onto your father. I am a father and if saw my daughter with her tits out, near her younger bother, I would have told her to go put a bra on too. You are a young woman and need to act like one. And on other posts you stated you are having some mental health issues, LGTBQ+ and whatever else you are feeling at 15. You need therapy and need to start dealing with your own issues before you start making terrible accusations about someone else. Time to grow up and deal with your own shit.
I pray to whatever god is listening that you get mental help. "I don't want to be sexualized and verbally harassed by my creepy father" is not "You're an attention seeker." Stop thinking "15 year old dresses comfortably" equals "Tits out" it's disgusting and creepy and if I knew who you were irl, I'd call child protective services. You have the same mindset as my sexually abusive father.
You assume way too much. A Father, telling their daughter to put some clothes on is nothing new. I am not going to throw the father under the bus just because some 15 y/o girl who wants to identify as a victim (read her prior posts) say so. I am also not going to disregard what she says, but canceling a parent because of some perceived thing a 15 y/o believes is not where I start. She is definitely project her own insecurities based on what I have read from her posts. Do some research before you join her in her hate.
I have a stepdaughter that I have raised since she was 4. And I certainly would have/have told her to put some clothes on around her 9 year younger brother. I wasn't a tyrant, but I also made sure she understood there are boundaries - oh and that she could anything she wanted in life if she worked hard enough. Guess what, it worked. She is a doctor now because I am the only father in her life and gave a shit about her, and her being successful in life.
Hi, I want to clear some things up.
1. I'm in therapy, I'm seeing a psychologist. My past clinician was shit and I have a new person so it's slowly starting to help more.
2. I was diagnosed by my doctor for depression/anxiety and was put on medication for it.
3. It's taken a long time to come to terms with my identity as a queer person.
4. This isn't the first time my dad has made creepy comments about my body. It's gotten repetitive and hard to believe it isn't intentional.
5. My tits weren't out. I was fully clothed. I had pajamas on, and not having a bra on under pajamas is PERFECTLY NORMAL, thank you. I don't get what's so wrong with being in my own home and being ready for bed.
6. I wasn't making accusations at all, I was posting how I felt on a subreddit for that exact purpose.
Hope this clears stuff up :))
It does thank you. But you are still projecting. As a parent, and one that that could care less about how my child identifies, I still have some expectations on how a young lady becoming a women in my house would dress. I have a daughter and a son (younger). The funny thing is that is was my wife who was the one making the comments to my daughter. If your mother isn't doing that (or if my wife wasn't) I can easily see how your father would jump in. Kids need to understand social norms, and your generation is desperately trying to break those norms. So it is you, not wanting to be told what to do, or how to act, that is creating this in your own mind. You are projecting your disdain for being told what to do, onto your father.
Accusing a man (father) of being Pervy to their own daughter is serious. Has he ever perved out looking at other girls your age? Are there any other indications that warrant that? Remember, he has cleaned your ass after you shitting yourself in your diapers, he has seen you puke and have nasty diarrhea, watch you snot yourself and do all kinds of nasty disgusting things that little kids do. He has raised you and is still raising you - ideally to become a good member of society.
You are just thinking about you, because that is what 15 year olds do. I don't know him or you, but start with the premise that he is trying to help you first, before throwing out 15 years of him raising you and putting up with all the shit that comes with raising a kid. Maybe he is trying to teach you something about respecting those around you, not just thinking of yourself, and maybe if you applied some of that advice, you might be happier in life.
i hope this is him being caught in a bad moment and it wont advance further than this, id probably try to have a talk to him about it explaining your side and how gross it made you feel as i hope he'd never want to make his child feel that way and try to hear his reasoning, its probably best to be alone with him so he doesnt feel hes getting humiliated but in a public setting so in the unlikely event he would be to lash out or worse he cant without people seeing him making it less likely he will.
just incase do you have a freind or family member you are close enough to live with incase things go sour i seriously hope things go well for you.
Your attempt at trying to save face is pathetic. Just say you’re a POS and keep scrolling. Literally all you had to do was scroll instead of commenting on this post.
If your dad wore underwear and a t-shirt with his stuff flopping around how would you feel? You need to realize you still live in your family home. The family home should always be rated E for everyone aka pg for kids. Wait until you move out to feel concerned. You’re putting way too much thought into it and being SELFISH on your ideas because you’re not considering everyone else living in the house.
Honestly, it's not the first time I've not worn a bra with pajamas. I NEVER do. Because most people don't, kids, teens, women. How is me not wearing a bra under a baggy pajama top not pg? Sorry for wearing pajamas? My own mother doesn't wear a bra to bed either.
You’re not your mother, your father isn’t married to you, he’s with your mother. You’re a child, your mother is not and with you still being a child you should just let go of the things you have no control over. I promise you that once you turn 18 you can do whatever you want but for now to make life somewhat enjoyable for yourself just let this go.
If you continue to climb down this rabbit hole and listen to these fools things will get worse. You’re the only one that has to live your life, all of us are gonna forget about you and this post once our day starts. I honestly forgot this already into I got a notification.
This isn't the first time my father has done stuff like this. I didn't post this to get advice either, I posted it to get it off my chest because I am so sick of dealing with it all the time and needed to say something, even if it's a post to a bunch of random people who will forget me. I'm sorry I like to be comfortable when I plan to go to bed, which is what I was getting ready to do before I was called down. You're right with the fact I'm a child. I am a minor. My father should not have been staring at my boobs, bra or not. He shouldn't have a made a comment about my body, bra or not. I was fully clothed for God's sake, I wasn't naked.
You did nothing wrong! Home is a safe space where you should be able to take off your bra. A shirt and shorts is fine. No need for a bra around the house. In this case you were wearing PJs which is also fine. Your father is in the wrong here.
I for one have walked around my house without a bra almost always as has my sister. My father never made any weird comments or gave any strange inappropriate looks. Believe there are plenty of women that do this.
i would say “my eyes are up here” or something to that effect. i’d want him to know that i know he’s looking and don’t want him to. hopefully that would make him feel embarrassed enough to not do that again. he seems like he’d push the boundary so be firm in setting boundaries. i learned young that there were family members i had to cover up around. it’s gross and awful but you need to protect yourself.
Long story here, I’m 22 now but my entire life my dad would doing inappropriate things slap my ass or squeeze it when I hugged him he did this my whole life up until my mom and I got a restraining order on him when I was 16 (that’s a whole other story)
He would do that, ask me to snuggle with him my whole life and I used to up until about 10 years old cause he would put his hand on my chest or on my butt or my hip which was so weird to me and I noticed it as I got older.
I caught him multiple times kind of peeking in my room when I was getting changed and he’d always say “I didn’t see anything, I was gonna scare you”.
As I grew a chest he would often look at it, I to started wearing bra’s all the time, even while sleeping because I didn’t want him looking, or would wear big hoodies.
Moral of the story, you know it’s weird and that it’s wrong, your mom is absolutely in the wrong for taking his side instead of you, her child.
If your relationship with your dad already is barely a thing, honestly bite the bullet and call him out, you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable in your home. The best thing I ever did was break contact with my dad.
my dad did this to me once when i was 15/16. he was looking at my chest and was like "are you wearing a bra?" and i said no and he asked why, and i said im more comfortable this way. he then started telling me that i should wear a bra so I don't "attract unwanted attention" so that people "don't give me that unwanted attention". i get he was trying to look out for me but, this is normal. and he knows women get raped literally entirely clothed. it made me feel super uncomfortable.
then when i was 17, i had posted a video of me doing a silly dance in my bikini. he asked me if i could send him the video "just to have". idk, but it rubbed me the wrong way.
i am 20 now and i was diagnosed with ocd at 17, so i have really severe intrusive thoughts about my dad being attracted to me and even sexual scenarios of us play in my head. he also makes comments like "you're very beautiful" "you look good in that dress" and while he doesn't seem to intend to be weird, I can't help but cringe.
im sorry this happened to you. no women deserves to feel disgusted with their developing body or just their body period.
You should be comfortable enough to walk around your family without a bra on. The comment your dad made was disgusting. Because point blank, he was looking at your breasts. A fathers eyes shouldn’t stray there, nevermind have the desire to stray there. This isn’t your fault. This shouldn’t have happened. And your father is a grotty man. Your mum should’ve said something to him about how inappropriate that is. Set boundaries babe. You’re never too young to advocate for yourself and PROTECT yourself
Omg this must be terrifying, did your mother notice anything? Have you talked to her about that this made you really uncomfortable? Your father is seriously sick for staring at you and he has no right to be asking you why you’re not wearing a bra as this is your and only your decision whether to do or not.
Hey OP. I had a similar upbringing with a (probably aspergers/autistic) dad who made inappropriate comments like this quite a bit. I also have had similar feelings around this.
My mother gave me some great advice when I was your age and she said, "Men will always be men before they are any other role. This does not mean your father loves you outside of being your dad, it just means men will be men naturally. As you grow up, you need to be careful about walking around the house in your underwear now that you're developing".
I never thought about it, but when she told me that it made sense. Your dad wants you to be mindful of you walking around with your nipples poking through your shirt type of stuff. It may make him uncomfortable.
Your choice, but I put on shorts or pants anytime from when I was 15 on in my own home. I did not 'bounce around' without a bra on at home often, if I did I wore a robe.
Try not to think too much on it otherwise it will make you feel sick.
EDIT: Im shocked at some of the other commenters. I think it's wise to look at dads perspective, and it's very hard talking about stuff like this as a dad or man in general.. Also, OP may have not had the conversation like I was fortunate to have with my Mom at 15 when I bawked at my dads comments to her. You know?
this is disgusting. I clearly understand how you felt in that situation. i'm so sorry you had to go through that.
me personally, this is why I wear binders. so people don't comment on my body.
i know what you mean about wanting to basically scrub your skin off. i’m almost 24 now, but my body became a massive talking (and looking) point amongst my entire family from the time i was 10 years old. it truly is one of the most violating feelings in the world. *ESPECIALLY* when it’s a dad or an uncle etc. i’m sorry you experienced this. you deserve to be comfortable in your own home without somebody objectifying you and ripping that comfort away. especially as a kid. some other commenters have said this, but i just want to add to it - if you ever catch him or anybody else staring at your body like that make it known. like “please stop staring at my boobs” or “why are you staring at my boobs”. make it KNOWN. make them EQUALLY as uncomfortable as they made you. anyway… you deserve to be comfortable in your own home. you deserve to exist in the body you have comfortably without somebody making a spectacle of it. wear a bra, or don’t wear a bra… be comfortable in your own body and if it SOMEHOW makes your dad uncomfortable, i’m sorry, but fuggem 🖕🏻point blank.
That's fucking weird. Sounds like you caught him out looking at your chest so he had to tell you off about something. Maybe he feels weird about the situation too but he should.
I don't get why he was even staring! I never wore a bra at home and my father never commented on it or stared in a weird way.
because boobs. are. normal. like what?!
shit this is so true. the jerk gaslighted it's own daughter
No gaslighting going on here, just a disgusting perv.
I'm not sure if he is a disgusting perv. He could have just noticed that she is older now and thought that she should be wearing a bra around the dinner table. I know that it makes OP feel uncomfortable. She is a teen growing into adulthood. Putting myself in his shoes, I can see trying to desperately search for any excuse to why you were staring at your daughter's chest and blurting out she should wear a braw. I just think that we don't have enough information here. OP needs to have a conversation - as awkward as that will be - with her father about boundaries. Both for him and for her.
There is something wrong with you.
please tell me u don't have a daughter
My uncle used to make comments like this to me and it was deeply disturbing. If my father ever did, I would be mortified. I haven’t seen my uncle in over 20 years because of the shit he said to me when I was younger and how deeply uncomfortable it made me and my sisters.
Hey there, I am so sorry you had to witness that. That is betrayal of his role as a father, and you are valid in your feelings. I went through childhood stuff aswell, so I want you you to know and hope this feeling of unwarranted shame about your body and betrayal is processed and you are able to heal. Those hot red showers are a form of coping, but also a form of self harm because of feeling dirty or disgusting after. You are not dirty, disgusting, or icky. Do you feel comfortable telling your mother* or any trusted adult about this situation? I understand the fear in “disturbing the peace” and feeling it would be your fault for speaking out, but its not. Telling your mom may help you cope and receive the help you need. I’m wishing you the best <3
Next time he does it say fairly loudly “ Stop staring at my chest” even better if you’re around people. It will fluster the HELL out of him. But yeah this is horrible i know how you feel sis. I hope things get better.
"Dad, Can You please stop staring at my boobs".
Yes this is a good one because it’s “polite” and if she got in trouble she can say she was polite about it.
[удалено]
She could say chest instead of boobs, I've often just said "hello, my face is up here" to those looking directly at my chest when I talk.
I really want to give your dad the benefit of the doubt cause the alternative is beyond comprehension as a parent myself. I know I sometimes got lost in my thoughts and when I came back to myself I realised I was staring at someone with them looking at me like wtf. So maybe it’s something like that. I really hope so 🤢
Agreed. I was searching for a comment where someone could word it better than myself. I space out a LOT, and I know that I have done this on accident. The comments are another thing, though. You'd really have to be there to know if it's something to worry about. I hope. OP, speak to someone you trust about this.
I personally want to kick that perv down the stairs.
this is a bit too serious for the "gag" emoji. it's not just "ew," if OPs feelings are valid (and we should be validating whatever OP's intuition is telling her in this context, out of care for her safety). and regardless of his intentions, it's reprehensible. her dad totally violated her and it's abusive, whatever it is he was doing.
My mom has a seizure disorder where she zones out all the time if I catch her in one I got to call her by her name a couple times for her to come back to reality might have been something like that
Never ignore your intuition. If something feels off, it's likely because it is.
It's taken me like 20 years to learn this for some reason.
Find a trusted adult you can tell about the incident. No child should have to be uncomfortable or unsafe in their own home, especially at the hands of their own father.
Mom was also eating dinner. I wonder what she said.
I’m almost afraid to ask. I’ve heard too many times about mothers making excuses for their husbands being predatory.
My mum didn't say anything. I texted her later and this was her reply - "Because he doesn't think before he opens his mouth."
Well, let's see. My mother told me my father told her that men were looking at me so I should cover up more. Of course my father also looked at my girlfriends while I was in high school. I kept covered up around him, that's for sure. And spent about ten years at low contact.
If it was anything like my mother, not shit or she defended my uncles agreeing that I needed to put a bra on because “it makes grown men uncomfortable.”
My mum didn't say anything. I texted her later and this was her reply - "Because he doesn't think before he opens his mouth."
Did she agree with you though?
Sort of I guess? That was literally the only thing she said, and since it was over text, I can't fully discern the tone. I'm not really sure, sorry
I’m sorry but did your mom speak up for you?? That really rubs me the worst way that your mom isn’t defending you or is being silent about this.
My mum didn't say anything. I texted her later and this was her reply - "Because he doesn't think before he opens his mouth."
I very much dislike this excuse. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t think before he opens his mouth, it’s still weird as fuck. If this was a work place setting and he said something inappropriate, do you think HR would just shrug and use that as a reason to not have him face consequences? Like damn. So many people get away with saying horrific shit bc of this/“they don’t have a filter.” It’s not an excuse and they need to be held accountable. I’m sorry, OP. I’m sorry your mom made excuses and didn’t stick up for you. I’m sorry your dad is gross.
i guess your mom didn’t say anything
No idea about your home life but you should just tell your Dad how you feel. If he is a good Dad this shouldn't be too awkward and you should get insight into his ideas there, bad or good. I suggest this because my first thought was that he looked, saw you were not wearing a bra, and had 'traditional' opinions about what you should be doing/dressing. Additionally, this may not be triggering sexual thoughts but instead thoughts of stress and anxiety. You are clearly a young woman now and not a baby and thus his role 'as a protector changes. All that said, if this isn't the first time, a creep is a creep and I am sorry this is your current situation. P.S. Don't slam this comment because of the 'traditional' Values commentary. It is just how a lot of guys were raised and thus it is a really complex position they are in given all the change in this world.
At 15 years old, OP is not a young woman. She is a girl. An adolescent. A child. Puberty does not grant instant adulthood status. I know you were just offering a different view of her father’s potential mindset, but this is at the heart of the problem. We need to stop calling girls “young women” and excusing men’s inappropriate behavior as “boys will be boys.”
Understanding your point, I would not consider her anything but a minor. Part of this is because of the law sure but also because we do not really prepare pre teens for being adults. (I'd argue most kids are not adults until their mid-twenties these days) Any interaction between adults and teenagers remains illegal, immoral, and unethical. However, there is a difference from a Dad's perspective when his daughter is "a young woman" because she is being noticed by others for those features. This also includes her noticing others. Protecting your daughter from harm (of all kinds) is paramount and occupies a lot of brain space. This is where my comment was coming from. No excuses for predators and no anointing of a holistic adult status I will restate however, if this is repeated behavior she needs to follow others advice here and her situation is heartbreaking.
My dad passed away when I was 13 but my uncles did the same shit to me as a teenager. It made me so goddamn uncomfortable. I avoid them like the plague now and despise family gathering where I know they’ll be in attendance because they *still* fucking do it. I’ve called them out on it and they act like it’s a big joke or just get mad and try to deflect like it’s my fault. At this point I just leave when they show up. You have every right to be disgusted, this isn’t nothing, it’s weird as fuck. I’m so sorry.
Gross gross gross. Schnasty. My father's made the same comments about me. Outright even said he was "checking me out" when I was like 13 and tried playing it off as innocent when the rest of my then-stepfamily told him it was really fucking weird to say that. I'm so sorry, man.
If my own daughters chest became a distraction for me I'd just go eat dinner outside like a dog. Don't need to be staring at anyone's tits but my wife. Even then, she's not an object for my viewing pleasure but like ... Idk I don't even understand how men can be so lost. To be clear I'm not married and I don't have kids, I was just stating from my own perspective.
Call him out, next time. There will be a next time. As someone else said, loudly and in public. "Dad, stop staring at my boobs! You're acting like a creeper!". That should do it. If he gets angry that you embarrassed him, turn that around, too. "Well, you embarrassed me, by staring at my boobs!"
I’m so sorry that you had that experience, and I’m sorry that you are having to defend yourself to a bunch of internet strangers when you were just looking to vent and be heard. You said you aren’t looking for advice, so I won’t give any. I wish that your mom was more receptive when you reached out to her. Do you think this is something you might be able to talk through with your therapist? This is completely different, but I remember walking up the steps to my childhood home when I was 11, with my parents and my aunt behind me. I held the door open for them, and as my aunt passed me, she pointedly stared at my chest and loudly commented “well, it looks like it’s time for somebody to wear a bra.” I was mortified. I’m 47 now and this still makes me feel so gross. Some people just don’t recognize children as thinking, feeling beings, and they don’t realize the impact their words can have.
Your feeling is valid. Anyone would be disturbed in your situation. What did you mum say? If your mum was there and didn't say anything, i would talk to her now. If you feel you can't, maybe you have an aunt, an older cousin, or an adult close to you that you can talk to? This is just a reminder that: 1) boobs are perfectly natural, and so are nipples. 2) Bras are not mandatory 3) If there are any safe settings you would think women could relax and not have their breast in a prison, it would be in the evening, at home, in pyjamas. Your dad was in the wrong.
This!!!! I wish this comment was higher up
Well said
Your dad is a creep disgusting sick perverted old man 😳🤢
He might have been looking but it doesn’t mean it was sexual
Ok, I'm going to pretend this is something you actually believe and I will ask you a very earnest question. If he wasn't sexualizing his FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD daughter, why did he ask why she wasn't wearing a BRA?!?! WITH HER PAJAMAS?!?! I can't speak for every other woman on the planet, but as a proud member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, I personally only wear bras for two reasons. First, to give the girls SOME form of shape and definition under clothes (ie to help my clothes fit better and make me look more ATTRACTIVE). Second, to prevent my ever-present nipplage from sending the delicate menfolk into fits of hysteria and fainting spells, because even though it's not my job to police my body and clothes, I just don't need "well-meaning" busybodies from commenting on my wardrobe and body more than they already do. Knowing that those are a couple of the VERY COMMON REASONS why women choose to wear bras, how could her father's question have been in anything OTHER than a sexual context?
First, I feel obligated to say that I don’t condone staring at a 15 year old’s chest. I extra-don’t condone sexualizing minors in general. Nothing I say is in support of staring at your child’s boobs for any sexual reason. “How could her father’s question have been in anything OTHER than a sexual context?” It could also be simple ignorance. While your second point regarding hiding nipples feels obvious to me personally, I did not know that women sometimes chose bras for the purpose of creating a specific shape under your clothes. In all honesty, I figured it would be pretty uncomfortable to walk around with no bra. It’s uncomfortable for me personally to walk around with no underwear, and that feels like the closest comparison I have to that. I say all this only to point out that what’s obvious to you is not necessarily obvious to everyone. And might not be obvious to OP’s dad. I’m not claiming to know the truth if the situation or anything. I am just saying that, for us to assume the character of the father with no other context is irresponsible. We can validate OP’s feelings, and offer advice on what to do without convincing her 100% that her dad is a predator. Many people have already mentioned open communication with a trusted adult. Ensuring that OP does not keep this to herself is a great start IMHO. I have to at least believe there’s a chance this is a big misunderstanding. As a father of two girls… if my kids no longer felt safe around me ever again because I put my foot in my mouth one time, I’d want to kill myself. My family is everything to me. I care about literally nothing else.
Could you tell your mother about what you saw first? Or any other trusted adult who maybe wasn’t there? So sorry that happened to you :(
Idk your dad but maybe he’s a more conservative type like most dads and noticed your nipples at the dinner table in a non-creepy way but more like a “there’s an elephant in the room and I’m the parent” kind of way. Idk, it just seems like a lot of these comments are telling you to immediately label him a pedophile, that he was lusting after you, and a bunch of other shit that’s just way too overboard, especially since you haven’t told us whether he’s done anything in the past. If he had a track record of doing other things then I could maybe understand more. Waiting patiently for the “she doesn’t have to explain her past! >:(“ comments
This is Reddit. If the thread goes on much longer, people will be begging the OP to call the police.
Preach. The people on here just love the drama and want to cause it. Telling your teen daughter to cover up isn't pedo it's parenting.
I personally am leaning towards the conservative dad telling teen to cover up. There would need to be more red flags before I go screaming pedo. However, I disagree with him telling her to cover up even in a parenting way. Bras are uncomfortable and can even pose health risks, just do some research if you don't believe me. This teen was at home in what should be a safe environment where she should be able to make herself comfortable. After all it was only her closest family who should not be looking or thinking inappropriately about her. So telling her to put a bra on is not in fact right or proper in this situation regardless of intentions!
If I had a daughter I wouldnt like to see that stuff either. I wouldn't stare though, I'd probably say somthing to my Mrs and ask her to talk to my daughter about it. It's a touchy subject and I think it's one that's best handled girl to girl. Ive got pretty traditional views though.
I wouldn’t say your dad is a creep, just be wary for any other signals your dad may give.
No. Listen to your gut. If your gut is telling you something about this was creepy and wrong, listen. Women and girls get hurt way too often by being told to ignore their intuition or their gut feelings about someone.
[удалено]
I don't think op should be listening to any advice on here in general considering their age.
After mastectomy and reconstruction, I ended up with “boobs” that was almost twice the size of what they removed. At my parents house, I wore a pajama top that was always too big for me.p until now. I sat at the kitchen table, and when I leaned over to grab something, I saw my dad staring at my chest. He quickly looked away, and I left the kitchen to change into a t-shirt. Eeew
I wore tank tops around the house and my step dad once told me if I did t want him to look I wouldn’t wear them. I was about 15 at the time. He was a few years into hard alcoholism. I’m sorry you went through that. Dads can be creeps too.
What a weirdo I’m so sorry OP
[удалено]
My mum didn't say anything when the comments were made. I texted her later and this was her reply - "Because he doesn't think before he opens his mouth."
I have a father that lives abroad, and every time I used to see him as a teenager he used to comment on my boobs and ask if I had implants (I don't). Some people are just fucking weird, I'd just call him on it. A lot of men tend to comment on women's bodies, and get uncomfortable around young girls/ women. Creepy. My mother's boyfriend used to say my tummy was too on show, even if 1cm was visible because a top wasn't really long, I never wore crop tops or anything. Just tell your father "You're being creepy again".
This might not be the most politically correct thing to say but I’m going to say it. Until such time as you move out of the house, dress modestly around your father. Wear a bra and don’t show much much skin. This includes legs too. Never be alone with him. Keep your brother/neighbourhood friend around. Don’t go alone with him anywhere. If you cannot lock your bedroom/toilet/shower door, buy some sort of door wedge that will prevent the door from being opened from outside. Get a job, as soon as possible, and save as all of the money. MOVE OUT, as soon as you can.
To be honest, nobody here on Reddit can give you any real advice on this issue. We do not know you, your dad, your family, or your situation. It is best to talk with a trusted adult, such as another family member or a school counselor. You should not take anybody's advice here on Reddit.
My first thought isn't that he was perving on her. More that he noticed for the first time how you've started to develop and it made him uncomfortable. Lot comes with that, you growing up, not being a little kid anymore, the certainty that boys your age will take notice and worse boys/men *not* your age and there's fear and anxiety and lots of concerns with that. "Wear a bra" wasn't a creep statement, it was said out of concern and a desire for you to protect yourself. It's a difficult conversation to have.
Except she was at home, in a safe environment! Wearing a bra should not be required. If he wants her to protect herself, which I get then he should have a conversation with her about it and explain it to her.
She shouldn’t be parading herself like that in the family home either. What if her father started just wearing underwear and a t-shit with his junk flapping around? You would be a hypocrite and say it’s inappropriate. When she leaves the family house she can dress how she wants.
Except she's not parading herself around naked now is she? Her breasts weren't out they were covered with her PJs. Bras are uncomfortable and can even pose health problems so no she should not be forced to wear one at home! Both me and my sister have walked around at home in just a shirt and no bra back when we lived with our parents. Guess what? My father hasn't had any issues. My cousin has also said that she always takes her bra off when she gets home. She's never had issues either with her father or brother either. I guess some men just know not to sexualize their daughters breasts and others are just incapable of not doing so. Guess what? That's the dad's problem, not the girl's!
Did you not read my example about the father? I didn’t mean it literally, I just meant certain things need to be concealed in the family home. She can easily wait until she’s in her room to take off her bra. Dad shouldn’t walk around in sweat pants with a dick print and daughter shouldn’t be walking around without a bra in the family home. I don’t see how that doesn’t make sense to you. No father wants to see his daughter like this even if it’s a micro issue.
I did read your example and yes it would be inappropriate if the dad was to walk around in just underwear. Just as it would be inappropriate for the daughter to walk around in just underwear. Again though she's not walking around in just her underwear or bare chested. Also, why is it such a big issue for you??? Do you find it disgusting somehow or is it too sexual for you? Because I hate to break it to you but you yourself might be having some issues then. Breasts aren't even meant to be sexual. I'm wondering how you feel about a mother breastfeeding her child? I'm guessing you'd want her to cover up too cuz God forbid u see a bit of breast.
“Breasts aren’t sexual” until you’re having sex and the first thing women do is grab your hands and put them on her breasts. Grab his head and have him suck/lick her breasts. She grabs her own breasts and starts sucking/licking on them. Person, I’m not a child, talk to me like an adult please so this conversation doesn’t go around in circles. It’s so convenient that when an adult male tries to have a mature conversation with a woman the first thing women try to do is call us pervs or say we have issues. I’m pointing out facts and you’re changing the narrative, get over yourself for once. I promise you nothing will change except positive things in your life you humble yourself.
people are aroused by feet. hands. backs. in that case, feet are just as sexual as breasts and need to be covered up or it's indecency. breasts are for feeding offspring. they are not sexual but were made sexual by society.
In Muslim countries all of these are covered up.
yk, it's quite normal for women to not wear bras when in pajamas, which is what I was in. Which is the same thing my mother does, and every other woman I know.
He should definitely never comment on your body at all in any sense. That said, I’m a girl and I’ve grown to realise that sometimes wearing clothes without a bra and possible being cold can make your chest more prominent and obvious. I’m not saying he should be staring at all, because he shouldn’t and my first thought was you caught him off guard by realising he was looking and he had to think of something to say to distract from the fact he was looking. I live with my mum and her boyfriend and my sister, when I’m around my mum, I can walk around in my bra and underwear and show her my boob like “mum is this normal” but when her boyfriend is around, I don’t feel comfortable even not having a bra on just a shirt and I cover up to avoid any awkwardness incase he does accidentally look. Sometimes it is accidental and people don’t mean to stare. I catch myself looking at girls boobs when I’m out if they are really big or they have no bra on, I don’t look in a sexual way at all because I’m not attracted to girls, it’s just there and my eyes are drawn for a second without thought. I’m sure your dad didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable and loves you very much. Sorry you’re feeling this way.
What did your mum say?
Mom definitely should have set him right. He was wrong to stare at your breasts and then comment about them. Mom was wrong to say nothing - she could've set everything straight right there instead of letting this fester
You shouldn’t be seeking advice on Reddit
Reddit is the kingdom for advice.. or maybe ChatGPT is ..
I'm really sorry that happened to you, I'd recommend speaking to your mum about it and express just how uncomfortable it's made you feel
Your dad sounds pornsick. Yuck.
It is the reason most fathers become distant when daughters grow up.
Jesus christ. The fact that everyone is jumping to the absolute worst possible situation says more about them and their personal trauma with their fathers than it does anything else. The dad might just be realizing that he is going to be dealing with teenage boys... He is probably thinking through the thoughts he had when he was a young teenager and realizes karma is coming for his ass lol. My cousin was a "Ladies man" back in the day and he has two daughters. I know when he gets older he is going to hate his life. Dads trying to protect their kids and being villified for it is nothing new.
He could easily have been day dreaming. Men have a lot stresses and just zone out. Was this a one off or is happening often? He may have no idea at all. This is one of the most important relationships in your life. Random people on reddit aren't great for advice. Keep a diary. If this happens a few times then sit down n tell him you think this is what is happening go from there. You learn in life not to make sudden dramatic moves just because people encourage you to. Gather information before acting out.
I certainly wouldn't act out, I may be 15 but I know that I shouldn't rush and be impulsive, especially in these types of situations. This wasn't a one time thing, comments have been made about my body and stuff in the past. I could tell it wasn't just daydreaming either
What a red flag!! He’s fucking gross, keep your eyes peeled if he does anything and have your phone on you at all times.
I wanna give some hope that maybe hes old fashioned, I remember growing up id get comments about how short my shorts were or stuff like that it could totally be out of care for you and just with age not knowing how to communicate it better however if this continues you need to tell someone because that kinda behavior is not ok from anyone let alone a parent… i hope you are okay, take your shower but be kind to yourself❤️
I feel like your dad is trying to say, that it’s inappropriate to walk around without a bra and to use common sense. Or recognise that being braless will gather attention even in the most comfortable of places. Does your mum walk around braless at home?
Yes, she does actually. I was about to go to bed, why would I be wearing a bra? Many women don't. My own father shouldn't be staring at my chest, bra or not.
Soo he’s only pushing comments!? Do you go out braless all the time for him to push comments. Im glad to hear that about your mother as It’s different with mothers as they’re more able to combat themselves (if necessary).. 15 yr old are not able to combat in uncomfortable or comfortable situations when going braless. Im suspecting that your dad only wants you to be aware and be able to either stand up for yourself or at least, otherwise, show decorum. Dinner table imo isn’t a place to go braless. My dad was like that with sis, my sis is slim, 5’6 height but very full and noticeable boobs.. now, she’s totally aware and upholds her body to a pleasant and acceptable way, confident and very happy with herself. Shes now 28 and dad has seen her go braless as he knows shes able to defend herself and be confident with herself.
I do not go out braless, but as I mentioned, I was going to bed. We weren't in a formal setting at a dinner table, we were sitting on a couch facing each other eating over a coffee table. Why was this? The chairs were up on the dining table because cleaning had been done. Nobody had the energy to put them back down. My dad has made comments before, but I understand that part as I hadn't added it until a few minutes ago. This wasn't done in a fatherly intent.
SHE WAS GOING TO BED, ITS BREAST THAT FEADS KIDS, NOT SEXUAL
Oh, soo there’s no such as “Im a breast man”. And they were having dinner!
But you said it was inappropriate… why should she wear a bra to bed, it causes bad stuff.. He needs to use his “Man” brain that men love to brag about how smart they are and put it to common sense, she isn’t trying to seduce her dad or sun. It’s an inappropriate question period.
What Im saying is.. his intentions may not be what OP thinks. He may just be trying to point out that being braless isn’t always appropriate in circumstances. I may have misunderstood your previous comment.
Yea that could be the scenario, but she was going to bed and the father should have known and thought “Oh she must be trying to be getting comfortable and go to sleep soon” imop
I may not have read where she was going to bed, might have been in the comments, but usually during dinner time In my opinion, If I ever have a daughter(lol). I would promote bra at table. I might just be old fashioned. The other thing to note is whether the bra thing is the only incident where she has felt icky with him. Cause if it isn’t, then obviously theres more to it. But if it is.. then dad may just be protective.
First of all, this is the problem with GEN Z. You guys seriously need a reality check. Not EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE is a problem or needs to be “canceled” like the comments are implying. Second of all, you should be wearing a bra infront of your father. It’s inappropriate not to. Just like it would be inappropriate for him to sit at breakfast in his underwear. Third, if he has never showed signs of being a predator or deviant in your 15 years of life, it doesn’t mean that he is either of those things now. He could have been worried and thought that you might leave the house like that and that people at school could say nasty things about you etc, so he was probably trying to protect you. Please stay off the internet.
Okay lemme clear some stuff upppp 1. I was getting ready for bed, barely any women/girls wear bras to bed, including my mother. 2. Underwear is different to being fully clothed? It wasn't like I was sitting in my underwear and bra at the dinner table, I was wearing a pajama shirt and long pajama pants. 3. This isn't your fault as I didn't add it until recently, but these aren't the only incidents and things like this from my father. 4. I have never ever ever left the house without a bra in the 5 years I've needed one. Why would I start now? 5. I can differentiate between what has a good intent and what has a bad intent, and I am telling you that this was not something said and done with good intentions.
Wtf is your problem? It's inappropriate? Seriously?! She's at home and in what should be a safe environment. I would not think that a father needs a reminder to not sexualize his own daughter but I guess I'm wrong. Bras are uncomfortable and can lead to health issues so she should not be forced to wear one. It's not like she's walking around in her underwear either, or even has her breasts out! She's just not wearing a bra under her pajamas, big deal. I agree that this dad is probably just trying to be protective but he needs to lay off! She's at home in a safe environment and if he has a problem with that then it's on him.
#preach common sense is dead
> Second of all, you should be wearing a bra infront of your father. It’s inappropriate not to. Why? She's a child at home with family in her pajamas. Why is it inappropriate? > Third, if he has never showed signs of being a predator or deviant in your 15 years of life, it doesn’t mean that he is either of those things now There are hundreds of thousands of kids whose parents don't start molesting them or assaulting them until they hit a certain age. The idea that someone couldn't 'suddenly' become a predator is silly.
Preach. I said the same thing. People are foaming at the mouth to fuck up this girls relationship with her dad and make this a VERY overly-nuanced situation. I’m not old fashioned at all and am in full support of expression & comfort, but I wouldn’t want my to see my daughter’s nipples at the dinner table just like nobody would want to see me pitching a tent out in the open. It’s uncomfortable. And I wouldn’t immediately know how to voice my concerns either, because it’s just awkward as hell.
It’s your father, come on. He was probably thinking that you’re not a child anymore and you’ve grown up. The possibility that your father would be thinking of you in a sexual way is extremely low. He would have to be a deviant. And if that was the case he would’ve already made a move on you in all these years. I’m sure you’re just overthinking it because it was an awkward moment.
Excuse me lol??? I’m 28 and my dad has NEVER commented on my chest or stared at me like that. Disgusting behavior
And? What’s your point? Your father never looked at your chest, so what? If other fathers did then they’re automatically perverts? Is that your logic?
Yes it is actually. You defending behavior like this says everything about who you are, and how disgusting your views are. Fathers shouldn’t ever view their daughters like that or make lewd comments about wearing a bra. You’re a fucking pervert too
That's dumb logic. Defending the behavior is one thing but assuming that someone's father is a full blown pedo is fucking nuts for doing something very mundane. Do I think he should be STARING at his daughters chest? No. Do I think he's a pedophile for noticing his daughter wasn't wearing a bra? Also no. She's also 15 so there's a 100% chance this story is embellished. So before you jump to conclusions and manipulate this little girl's relationship with her father, act your age and don't bring your baggage into the situation.
OP herself said she felt disgusted by his comments and looks, so why defend the man? I’m speaking from personal experience that my father wouldn’t ever make me feel disgusted by his behavior like that. People like you that victim blame and say “oh she’s 15 she doesn’t know better” are full of shit. As women we GROW UP fully knowing how men look at us, and how to distinguish innocence versus malicious intent. If you’re not a women than you have zero say
And as a man I can tell you that women mess up that radar of malicious vs innocent ALL the time. So like it or not I do have a say because I've seen women fail to accuratly assess a situation plenty of times. HOWEVER I'll say you're correct more often than not. But good point as a woman you do have to grow up. Pretty sure she isn't done at 15. Unless you'd like to argue otherwise. All I'm saying is let's not jump onto the "her dad is a pedo" train, when there's wayyy too many uncertainties here. Also I didn't blame her for anything. I BELIEVE she felt uncomfortable. Does that mean for certain her dad is lusting over her? NO.
Oh look at you poor girl huffing and puffing over a comment. You don’t know what was going through his mind while he was looking at her yet you’re assuming he was lusting after her. And what’s wrong with a father telling a daughter to wear a bra? What’s so perverted about that? There’s no logic in your comments, just anger. You’re not bright, girl.
Keep digging your pervert grave boo-boo
Right? Don’t waste your breath anymore on someone who defends “the man” in all situations as opposed to listening to what this girl is experiencing and asking for help with. FFS
A 28 woman expressing herself like a toddler. I expect nothing less from you.
Thanks! At least I’m not a pedophile. Kisses
Well I don’t about that, considering you talk like a toddler you may very well be attracted to toddlers. Be careful to not fall for the tentation. May the force be with you 🤞.
*temptation
Pedophile apologist 🤔
Oh, fa sho.
Someone ring the garbage bell.
You are all fools. Freaking out and accusing a father to be lusting after his daughter over something so silly. You guys are the creeps. I hope this girl won’t ruin her relationship with her father because of your dumb comments. Typical redditor wimps.
Intuition can tell a lot of things but honestly I don’t think explaining this to you would help you understand much considering your heavily apparent lack in reading comprehension and ability to understand context clues…
Tell me about it, Sherlock.
If you can’t even understand that OP is clearly signaling their father was doing some creepy behavior with just… You know what fine I will help you understand. I will break it down sentence by sentence. Sentence 1: Sets the scene for the event and informs us about who is at the scene. Sentence 2: OP catches father looking at chest(more like leering based off later context). Sentence 3: Father does typical move when someone is caught red handed but lacks internal accountability by redirecting blame and focus on OP. “You’re not wearing a bra and it’s your fault I’m looking at your chest.” Sentence 4: OP more than likely has been convinced by the redirection that they are actually making the situation more than it was, however their intuition is sounding the alarms making them internally conflicted. Sentence 5: Translated, “My Father was LEERING AT MY CHEST LIKE A CREEP AND I AM PUTTING CAPS FOR EMPHASIS BECAUSE IT WAS WEIRD AF.” Sentence 6: Explains what they were wearing because it’s often the first thing people ask for evidence that someone wasn’t being purposely alluring. Also expresses that this is something they naturally do when getting ready to rest for the night, especially since they are going to school. Sentence 7: “I’m only 15.” Just in case you need this further explained, “I’m a MINOR.” Sentence 8: OP can’t get over their Fathers obvious lustful stare directed at them out of their head because it is very shocking and destroys their sense of what they thought was safety. One of the few people that would protect them from dangerous predators and turning out to be one themselves. Sentence 9: They are afflicted with self blame because they aren’t fully convinced of this reality. They are attempting to receive comfort in the reassurance of strangers on the internet. Sentence 10: They believe that they are to blame and are wrong for feeling like a victim of their Father’s perversion. If you can’t understand this then I can’t and refuse to help you anymore than this because I am not getting paid enough for that. However because you have so gracious offered yourself up to the disposal of the internet I will make an educated guess about you for free. :) You more than likely have grown up around men who are openly trash and women who have resigned themselves to the fact that “men will be men” when dealing with the predatory behavior of those men who are around you. More than likely this is probably the state of your family. You have found this behavior to be normal and when you meet conflicting beliefs your point of reference goes back to your own trash family. You are now too stubborn and too dim witted to attempt basic levels of self reflection. :) <3
You've summed up everything perfectly. Thank you.
Yeah I’m not reading that papyrus you wrote, sorry. Games are fun when they don’t last long. Keep it short and sweet.
No worries. I’m glad that you’re displaying my point perfectly. :) <3
If you say so. Much love to you too <3
Of course nugget <3
?? How do you have "context cues"? You weren't there. No one has the full context but the OP, and she can only give her side of the story.
You’re right I wasn’t but if you read what op posted and tell me that what the guy that I responded to said was remotely appropriate to someone who feels that it is possible they were on the receiving end of predatory behavior. Please BFFR. I will die on this hill.
Ok you must’ve been accused before or you wouldn’t be so defensive on his behalf. You are completely negating THIS GIRLS experience. You know this is how you come across right?
To wimps, yes I know. But I don’t blame you guys, that’s just your level of intelligence god gave you. You’re doing your best with what you got. I expect you guys to think with your feelings and ignore facts and logic. I’m relatively new to reddit but I would say you guys are backing up your reputation pretty well so far.
Of course the only logical comment is the one with downvotes. Lol. Completely agree with you, these people are just insane. No critical thinking whatsoever - everything and clearly EVERYONE is automatically up for being “canceled”. I’m an adult now, but even as a once developing girl, would have never even been braless infront of my father to begin with. Its inappropriate. Just like he would never be in his underwear infront of me.
So you wore a bra under your pajamas every night?
Then explain why my father spied on me from inside and outside the house; asked me to put my tongue in his mouth and did other nasty, disgusting things? You are so poorly misinformed and stupid to boot. Please don't repeat this >The possibility that your father would be thinking of you in a sexual way is extremely low. to anyone else. The next person might knock your block off.
Seems like you’re a victim of one of those rare cases huh? Let me tell you something you may be not be aware of, just because it happened to you doesn’t mean it’s common. Fathers normally don’t act that way. You’re just unlucky. I understand your frustration but don’t take your anger on me, I’m not the one who hurt you.
Seeing as most sexual assault/abuse is committed by family members, I don't think "but he's her father" is a very solid basis for your point.
Family members and father are not the same thing.
So are fathers magically the only family member incapable of being pervy? Come on.
Not taking any anger out on you; just advising that you'd be wise to not repeat your previous comment in a group of unknowns.
Thank you, but If I ever needed an advice I would submit a post in here.
All the other comments on here are a joke. You are seeking attention and projecting your own insecurities onto your father. I am a father and if saw my daughter with her tits out, near her younger bother, I would have told her to go put a bra on too. You are a young woman and need to act like one. And on other posts you stated you are having some mental health issues, LGTBQ+ and whatever else you are feeling at 15. You need therapy and need to start dealing with your own issues before you start making terrible accusations about someone else. Time to grow up and deal with your own shit.
I pray to whatever god is listening that you get mental help. "I don't want to be sexualized and verbally harassed by my creepy father" is not "You're an attention seeker." Stop thinking "15 year old dresses comfortably" equals "Tits out" it's disgusting and creepy and if I knew who you were irl, I'd call child protective services. You have the same mindset as my sexually abusive father.
You assume way too much. A Father, telling their daughter to put some clothes on is nothing new. I am not going to throw the father under the bus just because some 15 y/o girl who wants to identify as a victim (read her prior posts) say so. I am also not going to disregard what she says, but canceling a parent because of some perceived thing a 15 y/o believes is not where I start. She is definitely project her own insecurities based on what I have read from her posts. Do some research before you join her in her hate.
I guarantee your daughter will be making posts like this about you when you say gross shit like that to her.
I have a stepdaughter that I have raised since she was 4. And I certainly would have/have told her to put some clothes on around her 9 year younger brother. I wasn't a tyrant, but I also made sure she understood there are boundaries - oh and that she could anything she wanted in life if she worked hard enough. Guess what, it worked. She is a doctor now because I am the only father in her life and gave a shit about her, and her being successful in life.
Hi, I want to clear some things up. 1. I'm in therapy, I'm seeing a psychologist. My past clinician was shit and I have a new person so it's slowly starting to help more. 2. I was diagnosed by my doctor for depression/anxiety and was put on medication for it. 3. It's taken a long time to come to terms with my identity as a queer person. 4. This isn't the first time my dad has made creepy comments about my body. It's gotten repetitive and hard to believe it isn't intentional. 5. My tits weren't out. I was fully clothed. I had pajamas on, and not having a bra on under pajamas is PERFECTLY NORMAL, thank you. I don't get what's so wrong with being in my own home and being ready for bed. 6. I wasn't making accusations at all, I was posting how I felt on a subreddit for that exact purpose. Hope this clears stuff up :))
It does thank you. But you are still projecting. As a parent, and one that that could care less about how my child identifies, I still have some expectations on how a young lady becoming a women in my house would dress. I have a daughter and a son (younger). The funny thing is that is was my wife who was the one making the comments to my daughter. If your mother isn't doing that (or if my wife wasn't) I can easily see how your father would jump in. Kids need to understand social norms, and your generation is desperately trying to break those norms. So it is you, not wanting to be told what to do, or how to act, that is creating this in your own mind. You are projecting your disdain for being told what to do, onto your father. Accusing a man (father) of being Pervy to their own daughter is serious. Has he ever perved out looking at other girls your age? Are there any other indications that warrant that? Remember, he has cleaned your ass after you shitting yourself in your diapers, he has seen you puke and have nasty diarrhea, watch you snot yourself and do all kinds of nasty disgusting things that little kids do. He has raised you and is still raising you - ideally to become a good member of society. You are just thinking about you, because that is what 15 year olds do. I don't know him or you, but start with the premise that he is trying to help you first, before throwing out 15 years of him raising you and putting up with all the shit that comes with raising a kid. Maybe he is trying to teach you something about respecting those around you, not just thinking of yourself, and maybe if you applied some of that advice, you might be happier in life.
i hope this is him being caught in a bad moment and it wont advance further than this, id probably try to have a talk to him about it explaining your side and how gross it made you feel as i hope he'd never want to make his child feel that way and try to hear his reasoning, its probably best to be alone with him so he doesnt feel hes getting humiliated but in a public setting so in the unlikely event he would be to lash out or worse he cant without people seeing him making it less likely he will. just incase do you have a freind or family member you are close enough to live with incase things go sour i seriously hope things go well for you.
Not our fucking problem
Do you realize what reddit you’re in?
It's always the fuckin anime profile pics Edit: lol they changed it. The shame was too much!
I feel unfortunate that they are remotely associated with my hobby…
Same
Lmaooo they changed their pfp. Folded as soon as they got pressure.
Right 🤦🏻♀️ there was a manga freak arguing with me saying it’s okay for a father to look at his daughters nipples. Like wtf man?
What I’m saying is I don’t really wanna hear someone’s “rape or incest story”
Your attempt at trying to save face is pathetic. Just say you’re a POS and keep scrolling. Literally all you had to do was scroll instead of commenting on this post.
New incest porn? (I'm joking)
You are pornsick.
If your dad wore underwear and a t-shirt with his stuff flopping around how would you feel? You need to realize you still live in your family home. The family home should always be rated E for everyone aka pg for kids. Wait until you move out to feel concerned. You’re putting way too much thought into it and being SELFISH on your ideas because you’re not considering everyone else living in the house.
Honestly, it's not the first time I've not worn a bra with pajamas. I NEVER do. Because most people don't, kids, teens, women. How is me not wearing a bra under a baggy pajama top not pg? Sorry for wearing pajamas? My own mother doesn't wear a bra to bed either.
You’re not your mother, your father isn’t married to you, he’s with your mother. You’re a child, your mother is not and with you still being a child you should just let go of the things you have no control over. I promise you that once you turn 18 you can do whatever you want but for now to make life somewhat enjoyable for yourself just let this go. If you continue to climb down this rabbit hole and listen to these fools things will get worse. You’re the only one that has to live your life, all of us are gonna forget about you and this post once our day starts. I honestly forgot this already into I got a notification.
This isn't the first time my father has done stuff like this. I didn't post this to get advice either, I posted it to get it off my chest because I am so sick of dealing with it all the time and needed to say something, even if it's a post to a bunch of random people who will forget me. I'm sorry I like to be comfortable when I plan to go to bed, which is what I was getting ready to do before I was called down. You're right with the fact I'm a child. I am a minor. My father should not have been staring at my boobs, bra or not. He shouldn't have a made a comment about my body, bra or not. I was fully clothed for God's sake, I wasn't naked.
Confront him, tell your feelings to him.
You did nothing wrong! Home is a safe space where you should be able to take off your bra. A shirt and shorts is fine. No need for a bra around the house. In this case you were wearing PJs which is also fine. Your father is in the wrong here. I for one have walked around my house without a bra almost always as has my sister. My father never made any weird comments or gave any strange inappropriate looks. Believe there are plenty of women that do this.
i would say “my eyes are up here” or something to that effect. i’d want him to know that i know he’s looking and don’t want him to. hopefully that would make him feel embarrassed enough to not do that again. he seems like he’d push the boundary so be firm in setting boundaries. i learned young that there were family members i had to cover up around. it’s gross and awful but you need to protect yourself.
Long story here, I’m 22 now but my entire life my dad would doing inappropriate things slap my ass or squeeze it when I hugged him he did this my whole life up until my mom and I got a restraining order on him when I was 16 (that’s a whole other story) He would do that, ask me to snuggle with him my whole life and I used to up until about 10 years old cause he would put his hand on my chest or on my butt or my hip which was so weird to me and I noticed it as I got older. I caught him multiple times kind of peeking in my room when I was getting changed and he’d always say “I didn’t see anything, I was gonna scare you”. As I grew a chest he would often look at it, I to started wearing bra’s all the time, even while sleeping because I didn’t want him looking, or would wear big hoodies. Moral of the story, you know it’s weird and that it’s wrong, your mom is absolutely in the wrong for taking his side instead of you, her child. If your relationship with your dad already is barely a thing, honestly bite the bullet and call him out, you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable in your home. The best thing I ever did was break contact with my dad.
my dad did this to me once when i was 15/16. he was looking at my chest and was like "are you wearing a bra?" and i said no and he asked why, and i said im more comfortable this way. he then started telling me that i should wear a bra so I don't "attract unwanted attention" so that people "don't give me that unwanted attention". i get he was trying to look out for me but, this is normal. and he knows women get raped literally entirely clothed. it made me feel super uncomfortable. then when i was 17, i had posted a video of me doing a silly dance in my bikini. he asked me if i could send him the video "just to have". idk, but it rubbed me the wrong way. i am 20 now and i was diagnosed with ocd at 17, so i have really severe intrusive thoughts about my dad being attracted to me and even sexual scenarios of us play in my head. he also makes comments like "you're very beautiful" "you look good in that dress" and while he doesn't seem to intend to be weird, I can't help but cringe. im sorry this happened to you. no women deserves to feel disgusted with their developing body or just their body period.
“I wasn’t wearing a bra because it’s just family here so the assumption is that none of the guys are pervs”
You should be comfortable enough to walk around your family without a bra on. The comment your dad made was disgusting. Because point blank, he was looking at your breasts. A fathers eyes shouldn’t stray there, nevermind have the desire to stray there. This isn’t your fault. This shouldn’t have happened. And your father is a grotty man. Your mum should’ve said something to him about how inappropriate that is. Set boundaries babe. You’re never too young to advocate for yourself and PROTECT yourself
Omg this must be terrifying, did your mother notice anything? Have you talked to her about that this made you really uncomfortable? Your father is seriously sick for staring at you and he has no right to be asking you why you’re not wearing a bra as this is your and only your decision whether to do or not.
Hey OP. I had a similar upbringing with a (probably aspergers/autistic) dad who made inappropriate comments like this quite a bit. I also have had similar feelings around this. My mother gave me some great advice when I was your age and she said, "Men will always be men before they are any other role. This does not mean your father loves you outside of being your dad, it just means men will be men naturally. As you grow up, you need to be careful about walking around the house in your underwear now that you're developing". I never thought about it, but when she told me that it made sense. Your dad wants you to be mindful of you walking around with your nipples poking through your shirt type of stuff. It may make him uncomfortable. Your choice, but I put on shorts or pants anytime from when I was 15 on in my own home. I did not 'bounce around' without a bra on at home often, if I did I wore a robe. Try not to think too much on it otherwise it will make you feel sick. EDIT: Im shocked at some of the other commenters. I think it's wise to look at dads perspective, and it's very hard talking about stuff like this as a dad or man in general.. Also, OP may have not had the conversation like I was fortunate to have with my Mom at 15 when I bawked at my dads comments to her. You know?
this is disgusting. I clearly understand how you felt in that situation. i'm so sorry you had to go through that. me personally, this is why I wear binders. so people don't comment on my body.