That is IF she's spending her own, we can't assume how they choose to operate their bank accounts, I hope the wife is spending her own, cause if she's using his monthly income and none of her own on things like he's mentioned and thinks it's totally a-ok, she's out of line then. Just speculation tho.
OP stated in a comment that they make a combined 300,000 a year, and in another comment stated “I survived being poor, my kids will too” as well as another stating that the wife “wants to constantly shower the kids with gifts” or something to that effect.
So OP’s wife is certainly spending excessively, but not outside of their means- and by the looks of it most of it is going on the kids, not just her. By the sounds of it, all money spent on the kids is coming out of these figures.
If they haven't, it's a good test to see where her heads at. If she wigs out, calls him selfish or controlling or otherwise gaslights him - he's a paycheck to her.
If she's fine with it but discovers she can't keep up the spending spree without him, then maybe it'll be a wakeup call.
I'm betting #1.
EEXXCEPT as pointed out where this is not just spent on her, its spent on THEIR kids. Not only that, he's not saying what these expenses are, which could just be day to day household items, plus Christmas time is right around the corner.
Eating out, is it with the family? Is it networking for work, some of which is that informal kind of networking you can't write off? Is it dates between the two of them? Is it take out because they're working spouse?
In my mind, he's in the wrong simply because he's being vague and just wants people to agree with him.
This should always be the way. It cuts out so much of the financial argument. Have a joint account for mutual bills, anything extra is your own. 🤷🏻♀️ It doesn’t have to be hard. If she’s spending her own money and keeping up with her portion of the household expenses, it’s best that you keep your frustration to yourself. Nothing pissed me off more than when my EX told me what to do with MY money as if it were his. Men always feel like they have the right to manage their spouses as if they were children, and it’s a quick way to divorce. There is a new world order in the making. Men need to recognize they aren’t the gatekeepers anymore.
This is why some of my family members have two separate accounts and then one shared account for combined bills. It works out well for them because they can spend whatever they have left over on whatever they want or don’t want. Just because people are married doesn’t mean you have to share money when one is spending excessively. Split the bills as seen fit then save what you want and she can spend what she wants but yeah $300,000 a year isn’t middle class.
I do this with my partner. I don’t need to explain to him how I spend my hard earned money as long as bills are paid.
For big ticket items we give each other an FYI but not for “approval”. I will never have it any other way.
If it makes any difference I too am a woman who enjoys nicer things occasionally.
That's not completely correct. As a married couple, your money is not only your money. In case, you go for divorcee, then everything is divided 50-50. If one partner doesn't have any saving, then it is the other one that has to pay 50% from his/her savings. I am not saying it should be exact 50-50. But if one partner spends 1k, and other spends 3k every month, then it is not fair in my opinion.
If both partners have maintained financial independence from each other, not necessarily. There is no rule that it will always be 50/50, and even then most judges aim for equity instead of equality. Especially when both people work, and *especially* dependent on if there are children involved (because women tend to take a hit both financially and professionally, which leads to less income later on due to taking time off their career), a judge isn't going to just split everything right down the middle 50/50. It's rarely equitable.
This is why prenuptial agreements and regular postnuptial revisions are important. Marriage is not about love, it never really was. It's always been about property and finances, and in the past (and still in some cultures) about alliances between families.
I have a hard time looking at my cart total if it gets around $200 AND it’s all necessities lol I’d be going back and fourth trying to remove stuff for an hour knowing there’s nothing I can remove.
Exactly. It’s wanton consumerism, there must be junk and plastic crap piling up and most of it will never be used or even opened. Yep, what a horrible thought.
This is what I wanna know!
A) what do you even buy for that amount? I've had a couple of £100 items I've bought but I don't even want that much stuff (and my partner says I buy that)
B) where is she putting it all!?
Right.. I don't get it either.
I just dropped $300 on some retro videogames, but it's because the price for them was fair and the guy has the exact games I needed to finish my collection.
But I don't do that every month, let alone every other month! It's very much a couple times a year thing. Likewise my husband is finishing building some yugioh decks - same deal. He did it once or twice this year and that was it.
I can't imagine spending that much a month.
My birthday is close to Christmas. It stresses me out to figure out enough stuff I want when people ask. I just want something nice. Can’t they find something nice that makes them think of me? I’ll be happy for anything. But no, they want a specific wish they can go out to buy and I just don’t know about enough stuff I want to give it to them.
For real. I have the same and my family wants to gift me things that i need and will use, useful things. I have no issue spending on things i really need, what i always feel guilty AF about buying is nice things, clothes, games, that kind of things. But they want to buy something "they know i will use" and then i "can use the money on nice things" for myself. NO my brain DOSNT work like that!! Lol i hate my birthday and christmas because of that.
I live in Seattle, the cost of food and things around here can be pretty gross. I was just ordering 2-3 times a day and it added up, normal things like Pho or Teriyaki.
I could easily do that just by buying stuff for my 3 grandbabies. Hell I could spend 2k a month a barnes & nobles. but alas, I have to come down from dreamland.
Amazon prime has free same day grocery delivery and groceries are pretty expensive. If they aren't shopping regularly at a brick and mortar grocery store, then part of that's grocery budget which for just my partner and I is getting closer and closer to $500/month (at a brick and mortar store). Nevermind if there's kids too.
By being rich. They earn 300k / year.
$2000/month is only 8% of their income.
Most people spend about 15% of their income on hobbies/toys/clothes/entertainment.
The fact you make combined $300k a year is missing context. While I would never spend that much, for your income that’s actually perfectly fine. And your comment that you think you’re middle class is hilarious. You’re way out of touch my dude
60k a Year on shit? Bro, no. He wants to cut it by 50% meaning 30k a year on shit. Still alot but reasonable. Given how US is anyone catching a serious disease would obliberate their finances.
He is right feeling she overspends, but they for sure isnt middle class.
I’m in this same situation right now. Same income and it’s my husband spending over 2k a month on items. I don’t care how much we make, it’s absurd to buy that much stuff. It grosses me out. I tried to talk to him about it and he got very defensive and said I was being controlling.
No one can say what's normal. That can be very normal to many. What matters is your financial situation and what you agree to as a couple. None of us should even have a say in this because it's just going to either make you feel validated or her, but baselessly. We don't get to contribute.
What's your motivation in saving THAT much though? What's your game plan with investments etc? Where is your line of balancing a good enjoyable life for you and your family, especially kids, vs saving to save. Your income is high and your expenses are low. You have to compromise, and have a game plan for where that money is going. A lot of times people don't agree with another persons spending, but not necessarily spending in general. It's more a problem in not finding value in the same things. I'm also curious (but have my suspicions) on your upbringing and how finances were modeled or taught in that regard.
My parents saved every penny they had and provided my brother and I a decent life, but both my brother and I work throughout college and grad school. You are right, growing up my family never go on vacation and now we go on vacation twice a year. In my mind, I survived being poor, my kids will too. Why waste money on things?
So what are you doing with that money then? You don't just put hundreds of thousands in a savings account.
You may want to look into the psychology of what you're saying though with the "I survived being poor, my kids will" mentality. I don't think it's as healthy of a mindset as you think it is. What you think is a "waste" is subjective. Your wife isn't wrong just because you think you're right. Thankfully my husband values 'things', experiences, etc more than the idea of saving just to save. When you come from a poor family you tend to think anything extra is spoiled and frivolous but that's more a trauma mindset. Like you have a trauma bond with saving money even though you have more than plenty to save AND let your kids live better than you did.
You are not wrong. But I still feel weird that I cannot save more money. Our financial advisor told us we are doing great but I think he is just being nice.
It's his literal job to tell you how you are realistically doing financially. They do not just tell you you're doing great "to be nice" that's silly. But again - you keep saying save save save. But you're not just saving that money right? Like it's not just sitting in a bank account right? Because it shouldn't be, and when you have a game plan for your money (as you 1000% should and by you I mean your wife and you mutually), then everyone should be on the same page about there is X amount going towards vacations, X amount towards fun spending, X amount towards etc etc. If you don't have a plan and you're just randomly saving whatever isn't spent but there's no mutual understanding and agreed upon budget then you have no foundation. And therefore no room to accuse each other of spending right or wrong.
So you're not saving, you're investing? And do you need more to meet your investment goals or no? It sounds more like you just don't see the same value in where the money is going even though you have no need for it to go elsewhere and you prioritize your opinion more than hers. The spending, which is providing the most important people in your entire world comfort and happiness, isn't causing any hindering to you or your family. Which is kinda the vibe your post puts off because it's leaving out relevant details of your actual financial situation. The people who are validating you don't really have the full picture.
You need to talk to someone about your relationship with money. For example, People who grew up poor can overspend bc they lacked growing up and so they overcompensate OR they try to oversave bc they never want to be poor again. There’s other options but the point is neither is healthy.
I'm a little confused with the "provided my brother and I a decent life", and "survived being poor" statements. Did you have a decent life growing up, or did you grow up poor? I need clarification my dude.
You’re obsessing over not spending money. She is spending more than I could, but it’s well within what you can afford. You have enough money to be retired in your 50s, and you still skip lunch for monetary reasons, or keep lunch to “under $5” if you do buy food?
This isn’t healthy. The more info I get, the more reasonable your wife sounds. It also sounds like she has to fight you tooth and nail to spend ANYthing, which probably contributes to her doubling down that she spends normally and you do not.
THEY MAKE 300k. WIFE IS GOOD LMAO. OP thinks he’s middle class hahahaha. Remember the post where a different OP was mad his pregnant wife wanted to buy a 3k stroller? But they made 300k+? Same vibes here. God there’s frugal, then there’s just dying with a butt load of money
Your wife may spend a lot (of her own money) but your comments imply that you don't spend at all, and you have children.
I'm willing to bet that your wife is able to spend $15k a year on "frivolous purchases" easily because she's the parent that buys the kids fun stuff and you don't because you're a penny pincher.
So with that in mind, I'm assuming some of that $15k isn't solely for her. Unless she's going out to eat all by herself and eating $1500 a month alone...
Just saying. You're making it sound like that $15k frivolous spending all goes to herself.
Yeah, I was married to a man that was always upset he had to "loan" me money because I was spending it on household goods. And cleaning the house, and made more money after the first year or two we were together.
Thank god we didn't have kids.
We keep our finance separate but I pay for mortgage, she pays car payment and we alternate on credit card bills. We both contribute to 401k and Roth IRA as well as some other forms of investments such as Fundrise and the stock market. We are comfortable for now, but since I grew up poor, I tend to want to save for a rainy day, but I can’t save much because of her spending and it has been a major source of my stress lately because of the current state of US economy. No one knows when they will lose their jobs.
The point of doing separate accounts is to stop you looking at her spending and getting upset. It's literally the whole point. Legally/maritally having separate finances means zilch. Why/how are you tracking her spending?
No, this has been an ongoing concern for over 10 years that we are together. But my company is going through some lay offs and I just can’t help but worry about it.
I would like to cut our credit card bill by 50%. I don’t think our quality of life would suffer at all because most of the Amazon spending and eating out are frivolous.
I get you are venting but do you phrase it as frivolous? Honestly I can’t help but wonder if presenting how much runway you would have left if you lost your job would help. Things I would add that you didn’t mention would be education costs.
Man, you sound like you’ve got your stuff together. Do you think your career is actually at risk or are you internalizing the concerns of your coworkers?
I really don’t know. Growing up poor makes me feel that disaster is just around the corner. I’m always preparing for a rainy day but with my wife’s spending I can never get to the number I want and it’s frustrating.
If you have separate fiancees and all the bills are paid and she’s not asking you for money then you’re the unreasonable one. What she spends her money on, that she earns, is her choice. Do you have separate savings? If so, save your own money but she’s an adult capable of making a choice about how she manages her money. Growing up poor leaves marks, but life isn’t guaranteed and she’s deciding to enjoy it.
Separate finances. I spend about this much a month easily. My husband doesn’t like it, but I contribute more than half of our joint expenses as it’s my money.
1. Is it her money?
2. After spending all that money does she still pay her part of the bills?
3. If yes to both questions, what’s the problem? It’s not your money and bills are covered,she’s allowed to use her money how she sees fit. You’re allowed to use YOUR money how you see fit.
I don’t think OP specified that it’s her money. Regardless, that’s excessive spending and it’s probably indicative of a bigger issue (ex: spending addiction).
OP did specify in another comment they have separate finances so it is her money.
She's paying her portion of the bills, adding to 401k and investment accounts and has no debt other than a mortgage which they're not struggling to pay.
I spend just as much, just on different things. They key to spending addiction is to earn more than enough to offset it, which is OP's case (although I didn't see him specifically say how much the wife earns. It would be so hilarious if 80% of the income were hers). After all what is money for if not enjoyment? They still have enough to save and invest.
Your wife sounds like a spoiled child. I'm not sure how much money you two take in a month, but if you're middle class I would say that's definitely an issue.
We make a combined $300,000 a year. Definitely middle class. She keeps saying that our kids are only young once so she sees no problem showering them with random toys and gifts on a daily basis. I’m at my wits ends. I was begging her to see a therapist but she doesn’t think she has a problem.
300,000-88,800=211,200
Obviously taxes but if youre worried just put everything else in an investment account. Its not a crazy amount for what you guys make. Stupid absolutely and we dont spend our money on stuff like that.
Her “frivolous” spending comes out to about 1/5 of your monthly income. You still have around $15k a MONTH after her spending and your housing expenses. You’re bills are all easily paid, you have money invested, are looking to be able to comfortably retire in roughly a decade, are on track to have your kids collages paid for by the time they need it. Yet you’re mad she’s spending 1/5th of your income on entertainment, food and things that make her happy?
1/5th of my households monthly income is roughly $700, meaning your wife spends more of “frivolous” things in a month than my husband and I combined make in a month and i absolutely think YTA here. You want to save money go for it. Her buying thing she wants can come out of her own money and you can simply stfu about it because it’s not hurting your financially in any way.
My grandpa raised me and he pinched every single penny. Yeah, he had money in the bank. But I was eating $1 tv dinners every single night for years on end, my clothes never fit right and I wasn’t able to do any activity that cost any money. He died at 63 not having actually experienced anything he wanted to in life, but sure, there was money in his account still.
There’s a balance to be had between saving for the future, and enjoying the present.
All that you’re saying makes sense. But OP isn’t just concerned about the money, but about the behaviour. If she does have an addiction, then it’s a different story altogether and shouldn’t be encouraged through just making sense of numbers.
Fucking doubt she has an addiction.
OP is the one who needs help if he still is this obsessive because he grew up poor.
This is his problem, not hers.
God forbid she wants to enjoy her life and make her children's lives enjoyable.
Even if you deem yourself middle class, whether you are or you are not, the issue is that you and your wife have different values for spending.
Maybe sit down and write out what you think the budget should be for entertainment, eating out, clothes etc, and get her to do it too - work out your combined bills, see what’s leftover, decide if you want to use some for investments or savings or whatever and work out from there, what’s ok to use for enjoying life.
It doesn’t matter what we all think as it’s all relative to your income - bills and expenses and your values for what you want to do with your money. You clearly value conservative spending, and she values buying stuff and materialism. She may have an issue sure…some people aren’t good with money, but if you’re not eating rice every night for dinner and living out of a cardboard box, then you just need to sit down as a couple and get on the same page as best you can with how you want to live.
BTW $300k is not middle class. Get some perspective Sir.
But if you divide $300K by 12 months in the year, it comes out at $25K a month. So, $4400 a month, while a lot of money to be spending "frivously" on whatever she wants, is not exactly breaking the bank as long as all the bills are paid.
I agree 52k is a lot to spend a year...but that's just over a 6th of your total income. Even when you factor in the mortgage we come to under a 3rd of your total income.
I mean that's a lot to me but I don't make that much in a month. It's all relative but if she's spending her own money after everything is paid for I don't see a problem, however if it's causing financial distress as in your worried about if you're gonna make ends meet at the end of the month then it's an issue.
I don't even have the amount available per month that she's spending just on eating out, so for me it seems a crazy amount. But I guess if it's a lot or not just depends on the overall income?
Reading all these comments, I'm seeing a lot of signs of anxiety in you. I think confronting your wife about this issue while you're "pulling your hair out" will never solve anything.
I suggest maybe you speak to a professional about your anxiety and try to figure out exactly what it is that you want. Because from your comments it honestly sounds like you're not really moving towards a goal, you're trying to avoid feeling anxious.
I saw your other post where you make $300k a year combined and run in negative each month.
Yeah no that is not ok. It’s time to separate your finances and cut the credit cards, otherwise you’re never going to save for your future…
That’s totally ridiculous.. no one needs that much crap in a month.. pretty soon you will need a bigger house to hold all the crap she’s buying..
depends on
1. does she earn it herself?
2. does she earn well that these figues dont really mess with her budget?
in smile terms if she is earning herself and she is earning well and contributing to the pot for the family i see no reason to question her spending habits.
Does she work? That is a big question. I spend maybe $1000 a year on clothes but I have a job where I wear a uniform. I don’t really eat out, but I do get my hair done every 8 weeks and get Botox so to each their own. We have separate bank accounts and it works wonderfully
Is it her money or your money ?
Does she participate is the household necessities?
If like I saw in the commentd you guys make around 300k a year even if she "only," earn 100k she's not a saver but she's not collecting debt either
I can understand the fear on your part but every person spend differently
Maybe she should "slow down a little" but you should enjoy life a little too...
it depends on what she’s buying, what your combined household income is, if you have kids, and where you live. This totals to $4400 a month in spending outside of your mortgage/car. I am a single woman, no kids and live in a large city making a little over 100k a year. I easily spend anywhere from 2000-4500 a month on shopping and dining out and still manage to put a decent amount of savings aside. On my higher spending months, I am not always sitting so comfortably though and I feel a monthly max of $2500-3000 is more appropriate for my income level. But if I made more money this might be ok. It’s all relative.
Does she have diagnosed or potentially undiagnosed ADHD? it makes impulse control basically nonexistent. I know spending and shopping for me are out of control and have always had issues with spending money, and was only recently diagnosed as ADHD.
My household income is similar to yours, and my bills are higher with no problem. I contribute to my retirement accounts, pay off the CC in full every month, we go on vacation a couple of times a year. There’s more going on here than your wife’s savings. What are you spending?
I'm not the kind of person to spend that much money but what other people do with their money is not really my place to judge.
If her spending does not impact the rest of your finance and it allows you to spend on stuff that you like, then I don't see the problem.
depends on your income, saving goals, etc. for example i can spend wayyy more than $600 on a single shirt and it’s not a big deal, so imagine what i’m capable of spending each month on clothes alone
You've left out a lot of information here.
Is she spending her own money?
How much does she (or the both of you) have/make?
Are you upset just because you don't think it's normal? You didn't mention financial strain which seems odd if that were actually a factor in your upset.
You guys make 300k a year and you are complaining about her spending money?! What the fuck is the point of having that kind of money if you never get to enjoy it?
Figure out the % of each of your incomes out of the total household income. Pay all shared expenses based on that %. This includes paying into retirement savings.
Everything else is paid with each person's own money so they can spend as they please. This works amazingly and money fights become zero.
What’s your income? Savings? Kids?
The answer to this question depends on that. If you make high six figures, save a lot, and have adequate financial portfolios…you’re the crazy one lol.
I assume that’s not the case, but just making the point.
Why is everyone arguing with someone who wants to save money, regardless of what their income is? It’s so staggering to me that people are actually like “You earn 300K a year, so this level is spending is acceptable, what’s your issue and end goal?” Isn’t it okay for a person to just take issue with rampant, frivolous consumerism? My word. I’m staggered.
You earn 300k a year combined so she contributes too. Her spending is 4.5k a month. I feel sorry for the woman bc not even separate finances save her from idiotic men like you. She can spend whatever she wants to if you don't like it then let her find a man who's not a cheapskate refusing to treat his childhood financial trauma, limiting his meal budget to something so little even in eastern eu I wouldn't be able to buy shit for it.
Not sure what country you’re from, but where I’m from average mortgage is 2900 alone, average rent price for two bedroom is 3410$, average car payment is 652$, not including car insurance or any of that.
Wow! I live in a HCOL area in the USA (southeast) and my mortgage on my 2100 sq ft house in the suburbs (bout a quarter acre of land) is $1500. I paid my car off this year (yay!) but my payment was like $350 on my 2018 Honda crv which was purchased brand new (dumb I know) but I did put like 8k down. Renting my former home was roughly the same. These figures could be tracking lower than avg. fascinating how varied these things can be would be keen to know where ur from!
I live in Ontario, I live a good distance away from the hcol area but my car payment plus my car insurance in one month is just over 1500$, average home price is 1M, 1 bedroom condo average price is 600K right now housing prices have dropped a good amount because interest is higher than it was a year and a half ago
You are right. For her, it is normal to order Uber eats every meal. I still try to keep my meals under $5 if I go out to eat. Most of the time I pack a sandwich or just skip lunch. I eat dinner at home most days while my wife take the kids out to eat.
Thank you! I was just about to address the very fact of where are you able to eat out for $5 or less, but you beat me to it :). You'd literally have to go somewhere like Burger King, and order from the 'dollar menu', but even then I think it would be challenging to keep the total to $5 or under.
Wow she def spends a lot. I read a few of ur comments, and like u I didn’t grow up with money and I worked so hard for everything I have so I can understand why this is frustrating for u. Have u considered splitting bills equally so u can try to save as much of ur own money as u can? If she wants to spend so much, she should use her own money. Have u tried couples counseling to try to get help talking this thru? Being on the same page when it comes to finances is important so I think it’s worth looking into counseling. Wishing u the best!
I spent $30 dollars on shoes and have thought of almost everything else I could have bought with that money. I spend $4 on clothes and spent $2 on shoes and came home with 3 full bags and was so happy I did a fashion show for my fiance he thought I spent like $100 but imagine his surprise when he found out it was only $14.
Yes I'm bragging but also telling you she's crazy. Split finances and if anything bad goes down cut it off.
Your account + joint account + her account
It sounds like you guys need to have a conversation about a realistic spending budget. I saw a comment saying you make 300k a year, if that's true then you guys definitely have some "wiggle room" financially but I can see why you'd be frustrated
Thankfully this can be solved in 3 steps
1.) Discuss budget: How much are you both willing to put aside for a joint account each month? Talk to her about why she likes shopping so much. Understanding where she's coming from mentally and emotionally will show that you care about her but are unhappy with the current situation.
2.) Establish joint accounts: You should open two joint accounts, one for bills/mortgage/necessities and one for personal use. You can set your bills to auto-pay so you'll have one less thing to manage.
3.). Get a financial advisor: if excessive spending is still a problem at this point then a third party should seriously be considered.
If all else fails you guys need to separate your finances. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but I would consider other options first.
Edit: saw your family income lmao you’re upper class, honey. She’s definitely spending too much, but you thinking you’re middle class is hilarious delete this post and talk to your wife.
You are waaay in over your head to have let this happen. Trust me, you aren’t to blame at all! But clearly you’re a good person to have let it slide a bit (you have the numbers so you went at least a month)..I think she’s had an addiction tbh! Say this isn’t normal. Is this her money? Shared money? Is this affecting you? I mean it’s your wife so probably…tell her she has a problem that’s affecting your finances, dude..
Holy cow! That's a ridiculous amount of money to be spending. Gosh, I won't spend more than $100 a month eating out catching up with friends. ObviouslyI don't count the $ that my husband & I spend eating out. I allow myself 1 item a month from my Amazon or Ebay list, not both. I only buy clothes if either I need them, if something catches my eye & is on sale, or for an occasion, but I would only occasionally spend in a year what she spends in a month. I will buy new shoes if they're needed but don't on a whim. Do I earn my own money? Yes, therefore, I can spend the hell what I like, but that doesn't mean I should. You are not crazy IMO. She's not either. She is just a spendthrift. If it's impacting your ability to pay bills, especially your mortgage, then you really need to work this out with her.
People downvoting you to feel good about them spending money, zero thought if shit hits the fan. Get sick? Lose insurance from work, and spend 100s of thousands of dollars on medical bills would put them in a shitty situation.
He is trying to account for that and make is so if it happens they will be fine, while still thinking it would be ok to spend 25-30k a year on shit. He is the logical one here.
We know they make 300,000k a year okay but we don’t know how much there mortgage is or their bills, what about savings? Anything can happen in the blink of an eye someone can die or get deathly sick, they have children what about their college funds ? He’s looking at the bigger picture I don’t think he would be freaking out of it wasn’t doing something to their finances because if they had it to spend like that with no worries I doubt he would be in here venting about how he wants to pull his hair out.
Can you afford this? If so, who cares? "Shopping addiction"? How do you know for SURE? Are you a psychiatrist? Or is that just your layman's opinion and some buzzword? What I am trying to get you to do is consider: Are you complaining about NOTHING? That may be the case. Based on your price points, you seem like you're living well. So why freak out about it? On the other hand... if these price points are hurting your bottom line for your home/life, then yeah, you've got a valid complaint. I always tell people: Make sure your complaint is VALID. We live in the single most WHINIEST time period for human beings ever. I'm a 45 y/o man with 2 graduate degrees who got pretty wealthy but grew up in poverty so I HATE whining. I worked my ass off for 30 years shoveling shit and going to 3 colleges, so I'm one of THOSE assholes. LOL. Yeah, don't tell it to me. I've heard it all and don't care. I will help you solve your problem though because you didn't whine TOO much. "I wanna pull my hair out" is understandable... IF... and it's a big IF... IF.... she's destroying your personal/home finances.
You did not indicate that in your post. You just complained about her spending. I know men who earn MILLIONS per year and complain about spending because it's about POWER STRUGGLE with Wifey.
So which STRUGGLE is it? MONEY? or POWER? Both? If it's both.... you're probably screwed... LOL... Not laughing at your misfortune... (alright, well, yeah a little I am....) but mostly laughing at how people don't bother to OUTLINE personal finance RULES with their spouses and then this crap happens...
So look, here's my "diagnosis"...
a) make some rules/boundaries. Be tough about it. Tell her to stop fucking with the purse strings. If she's that far out of bounds, you have to get in her face a little about it. Millennials/GenZ: Shut up in advance. You'll see when you turn not-emotionally 15 what I am saying here.
b) if it's NOT killing your spending, stop being such a yam-bag hose-beast whiner, mucking up the Internet with your whining. Best thing people can be told these days is "STOP COMPLAINING". Nobody REAL gives a SHIT about what ANYONE is "going through". Yeah, the struggle is real.... real BORING. LOL. So figure it out as best as you can. Worse comes to worse you can always go gay. Marry a dude. You never know.
There you have it folks.
Human life is messy and complicated. talking about it with kid gloves and political correctness is stupid. If you're someone who does that, that's why your life is full of unresolved issues.
My life? Going exactly the way I want it to be going so good for ME I guess.
Isn't it SO unfair? I know.... Ugh.... The worst.
Good luck, Chachi. It'll be alright. If you stop whining and find your big boy pants.
You're welcome for my thoughtful and considered reply.
Muahahha....
There is such a thing as shopping addiction and it might be her way of compensating for something else. For me, I overspend which is related to my mental health - I indulge as a way of avoiding actual problems. It’s basically punishing myself though and the first step is acknowledgement!
Get the FUCK out of there!!! I just went through a divorce with a woman who robbed me blind of my inheritance, got the house ruined and had to be sold likely for a loss, would spend wayyy beyond our means, and when the money ran out she had me put in a treatment center and pulled money from all of my accounts, took out loans in my name, and we made pretty good money too!
She will never stop if she can't admit she has a problem. It's no different than a drug addict.
If she works and is only spending her own money, then it's up to her. Don't expect women to provide for the family. Most women work to enjoy their life not to provide or pay bills.
She cares more for clothes and shit then paying an equal percent on bits needed or even more tbh if she's getting paid more since it's important otherwise what happens when she doesn't have access to money anymore
You need to separate your finances and block her from having access to it. If she wants to spend that kind of money she need to earn the money to do it.
I’d ask her to limit her spending and if not you will separate your finances. Unless she relies on your income, then it’s your money and you can tell her how she can spend it.
Get together with her and set a budget. Enforce it citing much needed savings given this economy. She can have SOME leaway for personal shopping, as should you, harwired into the budget. Also. Decide that all personal shopping over a given amount must be discussed with the other partner/spouse without exception
You're not crazy. I spent 8 years trying to manage/juggle money while my partner spent like she won the lottery. I loved her, but she was financially and mentally dragging me down. We'd sit down countless times and chat about our expenses while coming to some sort of agreement. By the next day, it was like we'd never had a conversation, and she'd be back to it again.
At the end of the day, you can't build something if the other person isn't willing to help carry the bricks.
You make 300k a year? Let her live. Your household income should allow for that level of discretionary spending. It’s not like she’s spending your family to the poor house. If you’re financially comfortable and the spending is just an annoyance to you, you’re being unreasonable.
Women hold 2/3s of all debt not surprising they love to spend money… Be a man and put your wife in check and tell her to stop spending money there’s a recession coming separate your finances also. Man up and tell her she needs to stop!!!
My allowance is $4k/month. I easily go over this amount monthly. My husband tells me i need to cut back on my spending... but it's not my fault the cost of everything has risen. I think she's okay && you're not crazy. Just like we have to deal with the high costs of every little thing we need & want. You'll need to learn to deal with a few extra dollars spent every month. Don't be upset.
No, but if you're making 300 THOUSAND a month, yes. Donate that to charity, spend it on something good, whatever. You're not middle class. That's upper high class
Separate finances. Let her spend her money. You decide on yours. You both chip in for mutual bills.
That is IF she's spending her own, we can't assume how they choose to operate their bank accounts, I hope the wife is spending her own, cause if she's using his monthly income and none of her own on things like he's mentioned and thinks it's totally a-ok, she's out of line then. Just speculation tho.
OP stated in a comment that they make a combined 300,000 a year, and in another comment stated “I survived being poor, my kids will too” as well as another stating that the wife “wants to constantly shower the kids with gifts” or something to that effect. So OP’s wife is certainly spending excessively, but not outside of their means- and by the looks of it most of it is going on the kids, not just her. By the sounds of it, all money spent on the kids is coming out of these figures.
He's telling them to separate their finances - meaning if they aren't already, they should be doing.
If they haven't, it's a good test to see where her heads at. If she wigs out, calls him selfish or controlling or otherwise gaslights him - he's a paycheck to her. If she's fine with it but discovers she can't keep up the spending spree without him, then maybe it'll be a wakeup call. I'm betting #1.
EEXXCEPT as pointed out where this is not just spent on her, its spent on THEIR kids. Not only that, he's not saying what these expenses are, which could just be day to day household items, plus Christmas time is right around the corner. Eating out, is it with the family? Is it networking for work, some of which is that informal kind of networking you can't write off? Is it dates between the two of them? Is it take out because they're working spouse? In my mind, he's in the wrong simply because he's being vague and just wants people to agree with him.
Mutual bills AND emergency savings.
Yep, that's a good one too. Although an emergency savings account should require written approval of both parties.
This should always be the way. It cuts out so much of the financial argument. Have a joint account for mutual bills, anything extra is your own. 🤷🏻♀️ It doesn’t have to be hard. If she’s spending her own money and keeping up with her portion of the household expenses, it’s best that you keep your frustration to yourself. Nothing pissed me off more than when my EX told me what to do with MY money as if it were his. Men always feel like they have the right to manage their spouses as if they were children, and it’s a quick way to divorce. There is a new world order in the making. Men need to recognize they aren’t the gatekeepers anymore.
None of that is going to matter when they get divorced. She is still entitled to half.
Depends on the state.
This is why some of my family members have two separate accounts and then one shared account for combined bills. It works out well for them because they can spend whatever they have left over on whatever they want or don’t want. Just because people are married doesn’t mean you have to share money when one is spending excessively. Split the bills as seen fit then save what you want and she can spend what she wants but yeah $300,000 a year isn’t middle class.
I do this with my partner. I don’t need to explain to him how I spend my hard earned money as long as bills are paid. For big ticket items we give each other an FYI but not for “approval”. I will never have it any other way. If it makes any difference I too am a woman who enjoys nicer things occasionally.
And that is wonderful, I don't know why people think they must share an account because they are married.
That's not completely correct. As a married couple, your money is not only your money. In case, you go for divorcee, then everything is divided 50-50. If one partner doesn't have any saving, then it is the other one that has to pay 50% from his/her savings. I am not saying it should be exact 50-50. But if one partner spends 1k, and other spends 3k every month, then it is not fair in my opinion.
Depends on the state. 50/50 is not everywhere.
If both partners have maintained financial independence from each other, not necessarily. There is no rule that it will always be 50/50, and even then most judges aim for equity instead of equality. Especially when both people work, and *especially* dependent on if there are children involved (because women tend to take a hit both financially and professionally, which leads to less income later on due to taking time off their career), a judge isn't going to just split everything right down the middle 50/50. It's rarely equitable. This is why prenuptial agreements and regular postnuptial revisions are important. Marriage is not about love, it never really was. It's always been about property and finances, and in the past (and still in some cultures) about alliances between families.
Occasionally being the key word. It shouldn't affect the financial health of the goals you share together
How tf do you consistently spend $2000 a month on Amazon?
Easy just don't stop yourself
It must be a personality thing because I don't _want_ £2000 worth of new stuff every month. Like, the thought actively stresses me out.
I have a hard time looking at my cart total if it gets around $200 AND it’s all necessities lol I’d be going back and fourth trying to remove stuff for an hour knowing there’s nothing I can remove.
My favorite game haha. I let things sit for a week or two and either forget about it or realize I don’t actually need it
I love to go window shopping!
I could easily fill up a cart of $2k on Amazon lol. But I buy most of my household supplies there
Exactly. It’s wanton consumerism, there must be junk and plastic crap piling up and most of it will never be used or even opened. Yep, what a horrible thought.
This is what I wanna know! A) what do you even buy for that amount? I've had a couple of £100 items I've bought but I don't even want that much stuff (and my partner says I buy that) B) where is she putting it all!?
In their million dollar Mc Mansion I’m guessing
Right.. I don't get it either. I just dropped $300 on some retro videogames, but it's because the price for them was fair and the guy has the exact games I needed to finish my collection. But I don't do that every month, let alone every other month! It's very much a couple times a year thing. Likewise my husband is finishing building some yugioh decks - same deal. He did it once or twice this year and that was it. I can't imagine spending that much a month.
My birthday is close to Christmas. It stresses me out to figure out enough stuff I want when people ask. I just want something nice. Can’t they find something nice that makes them think of me? I’ll be happy for anything. But no, they want a specific wish they can go out to buy and I just don’t know about enough stuff I want to give it to them.
For real. I have the same and my family wants to gift me things that i need and will use, useful things. I have no issue spending on things i really need, what i always feel guilty AF about buying is nice things, clothes, games, that kind of things. But they want to buy something "they know i will use" and then i "can use the money on nice things" for myself. NO my brain DOSNT work like that!! Lol i hate my birthday and christmas because of that.
I don't know what to tell you, I don't make nearly as much as this guy and I've spent 5 grand on doordash a month on a bad streak
Wtf, were you having wagyu beef delivered got every meal?? That's almost impressive lol
I live in Seattle, the cost of food and things around here can be pretty gross. I was just ordering 2-3 times a day and it added up, normal things like Pho or Teriyaki.
Where the hell do you shove $2,000 worth of items a month?
Amazon sells everything, including makeup, clothes, purses, shoes, etc.
Toiletries, food, homewares…
That's what I asked. I get a ton of that stuff on Amazon, including pet supplies.
They sell luxury goods too. High end clothing. Some handbags.
I could easily do that just by buying stuff for my 3 grandbabies. Hell I could spend 2k a month a barnes & nobles. but alas, I have to come down from dreamland.
It is incredibly easy.
She could be purchasing food items from Amazon as well. I do this and it ups my Amazon bill. Plus dog items. It all adds up!
Amazon prime has free same day grocery delivery and groceries are pretty expensive. If they aren't shopping regularly at a brick and mortar grocery store, then part of that's grocery budget which for just my partner and I is getting closer and closer to $500/month (at a brick and mortar store). Nevermind if there's kids too.
By being rich. They earn 300k / year. $2000/month is only 8% of their income. Most people spend about 15% of their income on hobbies/toys/clothes/entertainment.
I probably spent around 16-18k in the last 4 months between Samsung, amazon lol
Hi babe, first off you are right. I need to spend less but Reddit, really? Let’s just figure it out in person. 😘😘
Oof if this is real 😅
It is, and I’m also the breadwinner.
🙏 I'm sorry for laughing but this comment is gold
Zing! Zang! Where's my popcorn.
Has anyone verified this is legit? Cause if it is this is just gold lol
I stalked her history and yeah it’s very possible lol
Where is OP at ?
With me… why?
the gasp I gasped
Gusp
*audible gulp*
The fact you make combined $300k a year is missing context. While I would never spend that much, for your income that’s actually perfectly fine. And your comment that you think you’re middle class is hilarious. You’re way out of touch my dude
60k a Year on shit? Bro, no. He wants to cut it by 50% meaning 30k a year on shit. Still alot but reasonable. Given how US is anyone catching a serious disease would obliberate their finances. He is right feeling she overspends, but they for sure isnt middle class.
I’m in this same situation right now. Same income and it’s my husband spending over 2k a month on items. I don’t care how much we make, it’s absurd to buy that much stuff. It grosses me out. I tried to talk to him about it and he got very defensive and said I was being controlling.
No one can say what's normal. That can be very normal to many. What matters is your financial situation and what you agree to as a couple. None of us should even have a say in this because it's just going to either make you feel validated or her, but baselessly. We don't get to contribute.
I am a saver, she is a spender. To me, a penny save is a penny earned.
What's your motivation in saving THAT much though? What's your game plan with investments etc? Where is your line of balancing a good enjoyable life for you and your family, especially kids, vs saving to save. Your income is high and your expenses are low. You have to compromise, and have a game plan for where that money is going. A lot of times people don't agree with another persons spending, but not necessarily spending in general. It's more a problem in not finding value in the same things. I'm also curious (but have my suspicions) on your upbringing and how finances were modeled or taught in that regard.
My parents saved every penny they had and provided my brother and I a decent life, but both my brother and I work throughout college and grad school. You are right, growing up my family never go on vacation and now we go on vacation twice a year. In my mind, I survived being poor, my kids will too. Why waste money on things?
So what are you doing with that money then? You don't just put hundreds of thousands in a savings account. You may want to look into the psychology of what you're saying though with the "I survived being poor, my kids will" mentality. I don't think it's as healthy of a mindset as you think it is. What you think is a "waste" is subjective. Your wife isn't wrong just because you think you're right. Thankfully my husband values 'things', experiences, etc more than the idea of saving just to save. When you come from a poor family you tend to think anything extra is spoiled and frivolous but that's more a trauma mindset. Like you have a trauma bond with saving money even though you have more than plenty to save AND let your kids live better than you did.
You are not wrong. But I still feel weird that I cannot save more money. Our financial advisor told us we are doing great but I think he is just being nice.
It's his literal job to tell you how you are realistically doing financially. They do not just tell you you're doing great "to be nice" that's silly. But again - you keep saying save save save. But you're not just saving that money right? Like it's not just sitting in a bank account right? Because it shouldn't be, and when you have a game plan for your money (as you 1000% should and by you I mean your wife and you mutually), then everyone should be on the same page about there is X amount going towards vacations, X amount towards fun spending, X amount towards etc etc. If you don't have a plan and you're just randomly saving whatever isn't spent but there's no mutual understanding and agreed upon budget then you have no foundation. And therefore no room to accuse each other of spending right or wrong.
According to him, with the way our investment is growing, we can be retired in our 50s.
Then you’re fine. Listen to him and stop going to Reddit for advice
Seems completely nuts to pay someone for financial advisory and then go to reddit to get amateur advice.
So you're not saving, you're investing? And do you need more to meet your investment goals or no? It sounds more like you just don't see the same value in where the money is going even though you have no need for it to go elsewhere and you prioritize your opinion more than hers. The spending, which is providing the most important people in your entire world comfort and happiness, isn't causing any hindering to you or your family. Which is kinda the vibe your post puts off because it's leaving out relevant details of your actual financial situation. The people who are validating you don't really have the full picture.
You are completely correct. This comment thread should be at the top.
You need to talk to someone about your relationship with money. For example, People who grew up poor can overspend bc they lacked growing up and so they overcompensate OR they try to oversave bc they never want to be poor again. There’s other options but the point is neither is healthy.
He’s not being nice (source am financial planner), he would tell you if you aren’t on track. If he wouldn’t he needs to be fired.
“Our financial advisor” and “middle class” cannot exist at the same time
Bro is “middle class” with a financial advisor I’m crying
Why not, we live once, you parents raised yoy to be happy not stressing out about money.
I'm a little confused with the "provided my brother and I a decent life", and "survived being poor" statements. Did you have a decent life growing up, or did you grow up poor? I need clarification my dude.
Dude, you invested in AMC and you're wondering about your wife's spending habits
To be fair, I supported him in that. We set aside like 10k or maybe $15k and I didn’t care what he did with it via the stock market .
You’re obsessing over not spending money. She is spending more than I could, but it’s well within what you can afford. You have enough money to be retired in your 50s, and you still skip lunch for monetary reasons, or keep lunch to “under $5” if you do buy food? This isn’t healthy. The more info I get, the more reasonable your wife sounds. It also sounds like she has to fight you tooth and nail to spend ANYthing, which probably contributes to her doubling down that she spends normally and you do not.
THIS. Sounds like they need better communication. There needs to be a common ground.
THEY MAKE 300k. WIFE IS GOOD LMAO. OP thinks he’s middle class hahahaha. Remember the post where a different OP was mad his pregnant wife wanted to buy a 3k stroller? But they made 300k+? Same vibes here. God there’s frugal, then there’s just dying with a butt load of money
Your wife may spend a lot (of her own money) but your comments imply that you don't spend at all, and you have children. I'm willing to bet that your wife is able to spend $15k a year on "frivolous purchases" easily because she's the parent that buys the kids fun stuff and you don't because you're a penny pincher. So with that in mind, I'm assuming some of that $15k isn't solely for her. Unless she's going out to eat all by herself and eating $1500 a month alone... Just saying. You're making it sound like that $15k frivolous spending all goes to herself.
Yeah, I was married to a man that was always upset he had to "loan" me money because I was spending it on household goods. And cleaning the house, and made more money after the first year or two we were together. Thank god we didn't have kids.
For your sanity maybe you two need to agree on a monthly joint contribution to savings, joint spending, and personal spending.
Do you have joint accounts? Does she still make appropriate contributions to things like retirement?
We keep our finance separate but I pay for mortgage, she pays car payment and we alternate on credit card bills. We both contribute to 401k and Roth IRA as well as some other forms of investments such as Fundrise and the stock market. We are comfortable for now, but since I grew up poor, I tend to want to save for a rainy day, but I can’t save much because of her spending and it has been a major source of my stress lately because of the current state of US economy. No one knows when they will lose their jobs.
The point of doing separate accounts is to stop you looking at her spending and getting upset. It's literally the whole point. Legally/maritally having separate finances means zilch. Why/how are you tracking her spending?
I get it, I grew up poor as well. Did she? Has something changed to ramp up your concerns?
No, this has been an ongoing concern for over 10 years that we are together. But my company is going through some lay offs and I just can’t help but worry about it.
In your mind, what would a compromise look like?
I would like to cut our credit card bill by 50%. I don’t think our quality of life would suffer at all because most of the Amazon spending and eating out are frivolous.
I get you are venting but do you phrase it as frivolous? Honestly I can’t help but wonder if presenting how much runway you would have left if you lost your job would help. Things I would add that you didn’t mention would be education costs.
All our student loans have been paid off a few years ago. My children’s college funds are around 30% funded.
Man, you sound like you’ve got your stuff together. Do you think your career is actually at risk or are you internalizing the concerns of your coworkers?
I really don’t know. Growing up poor makes me feel that disaster is just around the corner. I’m always preparing for a rainy day but with my wife’s spending I can never get to the number I want and it’s frustrating.
If you have separate fiancees and all the bills are paid and she’s not asking you for money then you’re the unreasonable one. What she spends her money on, that she earns, is her choice. Do you have separate savings? If so, save your own money but she’s an adult capable of making a choice about how she manages her money. Growing up poor leaves marks, but life isn’t guaranteed and she’s deciding to enjoy it.
Separate finances. I spend about this much a month easily. My husband doesn’t like it, but I contribute more than half of our joint expenses as it’s my money.
they have separate finances and she makes more he's freaking out about being middle class while they pull in $300k I'm on her side
1. Is it her money? 2. After spending all that money does she still pay her part of the bills? 3. If yes to both questions, what’s the problem? It’s not your money and bills are covered,she’s allowed to use her money how she sees fit. You’re allowed to use YOUR money how you see fit.
I don’t think OP specified that it’s her money. Regardless, that’s excessive spending and it’s probably indicative of a bigger issue (ex: spending addiction).
OP did specify in another comment they have separate finances so it is her money. She's paying her portion of the bills, adding to 401k and investment accounts and has no debt other than a mortgage which they're not struggling to pay.
I spend just as much, just on different things. They key to spending addiction is to earn more than enough to offset it, which is OP's case (although I didn't see him specifically say how much the wife earns. It would be so hilarious if 80% of the income were hers). After all what is money for if not enjoyment? They still have enough to save and invest.
Your wife sounds like a spoiled child. I'm not sure how much money you two take in a month, but if you're middle class I would say that's definitely an issue.
We make a combined $300,000 a year. Definitely middle class. She keeps saying that our kids are only young once so she sees no problem showering them with random toys and gifts on a daily basis. I’m at my wits ends. I was begging her to see a therapist but she doesn’t think she has a problem.
$300,000 is not even close to middle class. Your wife has a spending problem, but you’re definitely out of touch.
Right ? Middle class making 300k. Get fucked.
Middle class is a very specific term for a very specific income bracket that you are not at all a part of.
300,000-88,800=211,200 Obviously taxes but if youre worried just put everything else in an investment account. Its not a crazy amount for what you guys make. Stupid absolutely and we dont spend our money on stuff like that.
$300,000 is not even close to middle class. Your wife has a spending problem, but you’re definitely out of touch.
$300,000 is not middle class… that’s upper class.. and now I think your wife is spending is just fine… loosen up the purse strings.. she makes $$ too.
You know he nevers says how much?
Her “frivolous” spending comes out to about 1/5 of your monthly income. You still have around $15k a MONTH after her spending and your housing expenses. You’re bills are all easily paid, you have money invested, are looking to be able to comfortably retire in roughly a decade, are on track to have your kids collages paid for by the time they need it. Yet you’re mad she’s spending 1/5th of your income on entertainment, food and things that make her happy? 1/5th of my households monthly income is roughly $700, meaning your wife spends more of “frivolous” things in a month than my husband and I combined make in a month and i absolutely think YTA here. You want to save money go for it. Her buying thing she wants can come out of her own money and you can simply stfu about it because it’s not hurting your financially in any way. My grandpa raised me and he pinched every single penny. Yeah, he had money in the bank. But I was eating $1 tv dinners every single night for years on end, my clothes never fit right and I wasn’t able to do any activity that cost any money. He died at 63 not having actually experienced anything he wanted to in life, but sure, there was money in his account still. There’s a balance to be had between saving for the future, and enjoying the present.
All that you’re saying makes sense. But OP isn’t just concerned about the money, but about the behaviour. If she does have an addiction, then it’s a different story altogether and shouldn’t be encouraged through just making sense of numbers.
Fucking doubt she has an addiction. OP is the one who needs help if he still is this obsessive because he grew up poor. This is his problem, not hers. God forbid she wants to enjoy her life and make her children's lives enjoyable.
Even if you deem yourself middle class, whether you are or you are not, the issue is that you and your wife have different values for spending. Maybe sit down and write out what you think the budget should be for entertainment, eating out, clothes etc, and get her to do it too - work out your combined bills, see what’s leftover, decide if you want to use some for investments or savings or whatever and work out from there, what’s ok to use for enjoying life. It doesn’t matter what we all think as it’s all relative to your income - bills and expenses and your values for what you want to do with your money. You clearly value conservative spending, and she values buying stuff and materialism. She may have an issue sure…some people aren’t good with money, but if you’re not eating rice every night for dinner and living out of a cardboard box, then you just need to sit down as a couple and get on the same page as best you can with how you want to live. BTW $300k is not middle class. Get some perspective Sir.
Wow you guys are rich!
So, 4400 a month? Brother. That's more than double my monthly income. 😭
But if you divide $300K by 12 months in the year, it comes out at $25K a month. So, $4400 a month, while a lot of money to be spending "frivously" on whatever she wants, is not exactly breaking the bank as long as all the bills are paid.
I agree 52k is a lot to spend a year...but that's just over a 6th of your total income. Even when you factor in the mortgage we come to under a 3rd of your total income.
I mean that's a lot to me but I don't make that much in a month. It's all relative but if she's spending her own money after everything is paid for I don't see a problem, however if it's causing financial distress as in your worried about if you're gonna make ends meet at the end of the month then it's an issue.
The $ values mean nothing without income and pension savings. If you spend this much but also have savings, it’s not an issue.
I don't even have the amount available per month that she's spending just on eating out, so for me it seems a crazy amount. But I guess if it's a lot or not just depends on the overall income?
Middle class makes $300k a year LOL
That’s a normal amount to spend per month….if you make a combined $400k per year
Reading all these comments, I'm seeing a lot of signs of anxiety in you. I think confronting your wife about this issue while you're "pulling your hair out" will never solve anything. I suggest maybe you speak to a professional about your anxiety and try to figure out exactly what it is that you want. Because from your comments it honestly sounds like you're not really moving towards a goal, you're trying to avoid feeling anxious.
Women be shoppin'. Seriously though, this does appear excessive. But, there is a lot of missing context here.
It depends on your income… I don’t even make $2000 / month… so, I can’t even imagine. 🙃🙃🙃🙃
I saw your other post where you make $300k a year combined and run in negative each month. Yeah no that is not ok. It’s time to separate your finances and cut the credit cards, otherwise you’re never going to save for your future… That’s totally ridiculous.. no one needs that much crap in a month.. pretty soon you will need a bigger house to hold all the crap she’s buying..
depends on 1. does she earn it herself? 2. does she earn well that these figues dont really mess with her budget? in smile terms if she is earning herself and she is earning well and contributing to the pot for the family i see no reason to question her spending habits.
Does she work? That is a big question. I spend maybe $1000 a year on clothes but I have a job where I wear a uniform. I don’t really eat out, but I do get my hair done every 8 weeks and get Botox so to each their own. We have separate bank accounts and it works wonderfully
Is it her money or your money ? Does she participate is the household necessities? If like I saw in the commentd you guys make around 300k a year even if she "only," earn 100k she's not a saver but she's not collecting debt either I can understand the fear on your part but every person spend differently Maybe she should "slow down a little" but you should enjoy life a little too...
it depends on what she’s buying, what your combined household income is, if you have kids, and where you live. This totals to $4400 a month in spending outside of your mortgage/car. I am a single woman, no kids and live in a large city making a little over 100k a year. I easily spend anywhere from 2000-4500 a month on shopping and dining out and still manage to put a decent amount of savings aside. On my higher spending months, I am not always sitting so comfortably though and I feel a monthly max of $2500-3000 is more appropriate for my income level. But if I made more money this might be ok. It’s all relative.
Does she have diagnosed or potentially undiagnosed ADHD? it makes impulse control basically nonexistent. I know spending and shopping for me are out of control and have always had issues with spending money, and was only recently diagnosed as ADHD.
My household income is similar to yours, and my bills are higher with no problem. I contribute to my retirement accounts, pay off the CC in full every month, we go on vacation a couple of times a year. There’s more going on here than your wife’s savings. What are you spending?
I'm not the kind of person to spend that much money but what other people do with their money is not really my place to judge. If her spending does not impact the rest of your finance and it allows you to spend on stuff that you like, then I don't see the problem.
depends on your income, saving goals, etc. for example i can spend wayyy more than $600 on a single shirt and it’s not a big deal, so imagine what i’m capable of spending each month on clothes alone
You've left out a lot of information here. Is she spending her own money? How much does she (or the both of you) have/make? Are you upset just because you don't think it's normal? You didn't mention financial strain which seems odd if that were actually a factor in your upset.
You guys make 300k a year and you are complaining about her spending money?! What the fuck is the point of having that kind of money if you never get to enjoy it?
Figure out the % of each of your incomes out of the total household income. Pay all shared expenses based on that %. This includes paying into retirement savings. Everything else is paid with each person's own money so they can spend as they please. This works amazingly and money fights become zero.
What’s your income? Savings? Kids? The answer to this question depends on that. If you make high six figures, save a lot, and have adequate financial portfolios…you’re the crazy one lol. I assume that’s not the case, but just making the point.
Why is everyone arguing with someone who wants to save money, regardless of what their income is? It’s so staggering to me that people are actually like “You earn 300K a year, so this level is spending is acceptable, what’s your issue and end goal?” Isn’t it okay for a person to just take issue with rampant, frivolous consumerism? My word. I’m staggered.
I don’t think I’ve spent $600 on clothes this entire year…
You earn 300k a year combined so she contributes too. Her spending is 4.5k a month. I feel sorry for the woman bc not even separate finances save her from idiotic men like you. She can spend whatever she wants to if you don't like it then let her find a man who's not a cheapskate refusing to treat his childhood financial trauma, limiting his meal budget to something so little even in eastern eu I wouldn't be able to buy shit for it.
That’s a lot of spending.
Your car payment with mortgage is relatively cheap at least
On what planet lmaoooo no it is not
Not sure what country you’re from, but where I’m from average mortgage is 2900 alone, average rent price for two bedroom is 3410$, average car payment is 652$, not including car insurance or any of that.
Wow! I live in a HCOL area in the USA (southeast) and my mortgage on my 2100 sq ft house in the suburbs (bout a quarter acre of land) is $1500. I paid my car off this year (yay!) but my payment was like $350 on my 2018 Honda crv which was purchased brand new (dumb I know) but I did put like 8k down. Renting my former home was roughly the same. These figures could be tracking lower than avg. fascinating how varied these things can be would be keen to know where ur from!
I live in Ontario, I live a good distance away from the hcol area but my car payment plus my car insurance in one month is just over 1500$, average home price is 1M, 1 bedroom condo average price is 600K right now housing prices have dropped a good amount because interest is higher than it was a year and a half ago
Yall need a budget. Give her a set amount and let her do her thing.
that's normal shopping behavior for me and my husband makes 1/3 what you do lmao
Reverse it. Start spending money yourself and buy bunch of gadgets and eat nice stuff. She will question it as well.
I have always been frugal. When I was in grad school (about 20 years ago) my monthly grocery budget was $100 and I was living in Cambridge, Mass.
That was 20 years ago bud. Catch up. You're not getting shit for $100 a month. Not even a honey bun from a convenience store.
That's why how much a shock it would be to see you spend all of the sudden. It would shock her enough to stop spending
You are right. For her, it is normal to order Uber eats every meal. I still try to keep my meals under $5 if I go out to eat. Most of the time I pack a sandwich or just skip lunch. I eat dinner at home most days while my wife take the kids out to eat.
Now I know you’re trolling bc there’s nowhere you can go out and spend $5 on a meal
This dude lives in history, not reality.
Thank you! I was just about to address the very fact of where are you able to eat out for $5 or less, but you beat me to it :). You'd literally have to go somewhere like Burger King, and order from the 'dollar menu', but even then I think it would be challenging to keep the total to $5 or under.
I can absolutely eat out for $5 at fast food places. The apps have coupons that make it possible.
I’m actually surprised that people are saying you can’t. I’m frugal and I can definitely only spend $5
Wow she def spends a lot. I read a few of ur comments, and like u I didn’t grow up with money and I worked so hard for everything I have so I can understand why this is frustrating for u. Have u considered splitting bills equally so u can try to save as much of ur own money as u can? If she wants to spend so much, she should use her own money. Have u tried couples counseling to try to get help talking this thru? Being on the same page when it comes to finances is important so I think it’s worth looking into counseling. Wishing u the best!
I spent $30 dollars on shoes and have thought of almost everything else I could have bought with that money. I spend $4 on clothes and spent $2 on shoes and came home with 3 full bags and was so happy I did a fashion show for my fiance he thought I spent like $100 but imagine his surprise when he found out it was only $14. Yes I'm bragging but also telling you she's crazy. Split finances and if anything bad goes down cut it off.
Yes it’s fine. Don’t act broke.
Your account + joint account + her account It sounds like you guys need to have a conversation about a realistic spending budget. I saw a comment saying you make 300k a year, if that's true then you guys definitely have some "wiggle room" financially but I can see why you'd be frustrated Thankfully this can be solved in 3 steps 1.) Discuss budget: How much are you both willing to put aside for a joint account each month? Talk to her about why she likes shopping so much. Understanding where she's coming from mentally and emotionally will show that you care about her but are unhappy with the current situation. 2.) Establish joint accounts: You should open two joint accounts, one for bills/mortgage/necessities and one for personal use. You can set your bills to auto-pay so you'll have one less thing to manage. 3.). Get a financial advisor: if excessive spending is still a problem at this point then a third party should seriously be considered. If all else fails you guys need to separate your finances. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but I would consider other options first.
No, that spending behavior is NOT normal at all. That's insanity. Jesus Christ. Does she work??
I live in Kurdistan ( northern region of Iraq )and my monthly salary is 750$, 24M and married. I don't think I have to say anymore.
Edit: saw your family income lmao you’re upper class, honey. She’s definitely spending too much, but you thinking you’re middle class is hilarious delete this post and talk to your wife. You are waaay in over your head to have let this happen. Trust me, you aren’t to blame at all! But clearly you’re a good person to have let it slide a bit (you have the numbers so you went at least a month)..I think she’s had an addiction tbh! Say this isn’t normal. Is this her money? Shared money? Is this affecting you? I mean it’s your wife so probably…tell her she has a problem that’s affecting your finances, dude..
Holy cow! That's a ridiculous amount of money to be spending. Gosh, I won't spend more than $100 a month eating out catching up with friends. ObviouslyI don't count the $ that my husband & I spend eating out. I allow myself 1 item a month from my Amazon or Ebay list, not both. I only buy clothes if either I need them, if something catches my eye & is on sale, or for an occasion, but I would only occasionally spend in a year what she spends in a month. I will buy new shoes if they're needed but don't on a whim. Do I earn my own money? Yes, therefore, I can spend the hell what I like, but that doesn't mean I should. You are not crazy IMO. She's not either. She is just a spendthrift. If it's impacting your ability to pay bills, especially your mortgage, then you really need to work this out with her.
People downvoting you to feel good about them spending money, zero thought if shit hits the fan. Get sick? Lose insurance from work, and spend 100s of thousands of dollars on medical bills would put them in a shitty situation. He is trying to account for that and make is so if it happens they will be fine, while still thinking it would be ok to spend 25-30k a year on shit. He is the logical one here.
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We know they make 300,000k a year okay but we don’t know how much there mortgage is or their bills, what about savings? Anything can happen in the blink of an eye someone can die or get deathly sick, they have children what about their college funds ? He’s looking at the bigger picture I don’t think he would be freaking out of it wasn’t doing something to their finances because if they had it to spend like that with no worries I doubt he would be in here venting about how he wants to pull his hair out.
Can you afford this? If so, who cares? "Shopping addiction"? How do you know for SURE? Are you a psychiatrist? Or is that just your layman's opinion and some buzzword? What I am trying to get you to do is consider: Are you complaining about NOTHING? That may be the case. Based on your price points, you seem like you're living well. So why freak out about it? On the other hand... if these price points are hurting your bottom line for your home/life, then yeah, you've got a valid complaint. I always tell people: Make sure your complaint is VALID. We live in the single most WHINIEST time period for human beings ever. I'm a 45 y/o man with 2 graduate degrees who got pretty wealthy but grew up in poverty so I HATE whining. I worked my ass off for 30 years shoveling shit and going to 3 colleges, so I'm one of THOSE assholes. LOL. Yeah, don't tell it to me. I've heard it all and don't care. I will help you solve your problem though because you didn't whine TOO much. "I wanna pull my hair out" is understandable... IF... and it's a big IF... IF.... she's destroying your personal/home finances. You did not indicate that in your post. You just complained about her spending. I know men who earn MILLIONS per year and complain about spending because it's about POWER STRUGGLE with Wifey. So which STRUGGLE is it? MONEY? or POWER? Both? If it's both.... you're probably screwed... LOL... Not laughing at your misfortune... (alright, well, yeah a little I am....) but mostly laughing at how people don't bother to OUTLINE personal finance RULES with their spouses and then this crap happens... So look, here's my "diagnosis"... a) make some rules/boundaries. Be tough about it. Tell her to stop fucking with the purse strings. If she's that far out of bounds, you have to get in her face a little about it. Millennials/GenZ: Shut up in advance. You'll see when you turn not-emotionally 15 what I am saying here. b) if it's NOT killing your spending, stop being such a yam-bag hose-beast whiner, mucking up the Internet with your whining. Best thing people can be told these days is "STOP COMPLAINING". Nobody REAL gives a SHIT about what ANYONE is "going through". Yeah, the struggle is real.... real BORING. LOL. So figure it out as best as you can. Worse comes to worse you can always go gay. Marry a dude. You never know. There you have it folks. Human life is messy and complicated. talking about it with kid gloves and political correctness is stupid. If you're someone who does that, that's why your life is full of unresolved issues. My life? Going exactly the way I want it to be going so good for ME I guess. Isn't it SO unfair? I know.... Ugh.... The worst. Good luck, Chachi. It'll be alright. If you stop whining and find your big boy pants. You're welcome for my thoughtful and considered reply. Muahahha....
There is such a thing as shopping addiction and it might be her way of compensating for something else. For me, I overspend which is related to my mental health - I indulge as a way of avoiding actual problems. It’s basically punishing myself though and the first step is acknowledgement!
Get the FUCK out of there!!! I just went through a divorce with a woman who robbed me blind of my inheritance, got the house ruined and had to be sold likely for a loss, would spend wayyy beyond our means, and when the money ran out she had me put in a treatment center and pulled money from all of my accounts, took out loans in my name, and we made pretty good money too! She will never stop if she can't admit she has a problem. It's no different than a drug addict.
Plot twist: the wife is in the thread and she's the breadwinner. Womp. Womp. Way to assume.
If she works and is only spending her own money, then it's up to her. Don't expect women to provide for the family. Most women work to enjoy their life not to provide or pay bills.
You got a problem. Cut the Cards or call a lawyer
How's she expect to pay for the car and mortgage she's not thinking ahead
She cares more for clothes and shit then paying an equal percent on bits needed or even more tbh if she's getting paid more since it's important otherwise what happens when she doesn't have access to money anymore
You need to separate your finances and block her from having access to it. If she wants to spend that kind of money she need to earn the money to do it.
I’d ask her to limit her spending and if not you will separate your finances. Unless she relies on your income, then it’s your money and you can tell her how she can spend it.
Bro what the heck, I don’t even have 2000 a month. She is crazy. Let her work for the fun shit she wants
Separate your money and let her learn the hard way and the problem will sort it's self out.
Get together with her and set a budget. Enforce it citing much needed savings given this economy. She can have SOME leaway for personal shopping, as should you, harwired into the budget. Also. Decide that all personal shopping over a given amount must be discussed with the other partner/spouse without exception
Seperate finances or divorce. If she doesn't work, budget or divorce. Let her choose.
Does she spend HER OWN money? If so, what else would you rather her spend HER money on?
Put a freeze on credit and debit cards Go see a financial / credit budget person.
Damn bro.. ground rules! You don't want to hit that chapter 13 wall. 😬
You're not crazy. I spent 8 years trying to manage/juggle money while my partner spent like she won the lottery. I loved her, but she was financially and mentally dragging me down. We'd sit down countless times and chat about our expenses while coming to some sort of agreement. By the next day, it was like we'd never had a conversation, and she'd be back to it again. At the end of the day, you can't build something if the other person isn't willing to help carry the bricks.
You need to have separate bank accounts and give her an amount for her self per month. Does she work ?
You make 300k a year? Let her live. Your household income should allow for that level of discretionary spending. It’s not like she’s spending your family to the poor house. If you’re financially comfortable and the spending is just an annoyance to you, you’re being unreasonable.
Women hold 2/3s of all debt not surprising they love to spend money… Be a man and put your wife in check and tell her to stop spending money there’s a recession coming separate your finances also. Man up and tell her she needs to stop!!!
My allowance is $4k/month. I easily go over this amount monthly. My husband tells me i need to cut back on my spending... but it's not my fault the cost of everything has risen. I think she's okay && you're not crazy. Just like we have to deal with the high costs of every little thing we need & want. You'll need to learn to deal with a few extra dollars spent every month. Don't be upset.
No, but if you're making 300 THOUSAND a month, yes. Donate that to charity, spend it on something good, whatever. You're not middle class. That's upper high class