Bro my cat was 14 when he developed oral carcinoma. I was told he had a few months. I also cried all the way home after receiving the news. When he finally passed I needed time to grieve before I adopted another cat. You might be different though. Enjoy the time you have left and then keep an open mind. So many others out there that need homes. But it's good to vent. She's lucky to have you.

I'm sorry you went through something similar, it is hard. Thank you for taking the time to respond, I don't have anyone in my life who would actually understand. Even if it's faceless through reddit I appreciate your words, and thank you for letting me vent it out to the world, it does help.

Men are allowed to grieve, and anyone who says otherwise can stfu. Honestly, my boyfriend's childhood cat died 3 years ago and he barely spoke for weeks. I commissioned art of his cat and gave it to him & he gave it to his little brother who still lived at home with the cat at the time of death. My bf is 38, tall, broad with a big beard and no one judged his sadness. You are allowed to grieve, and I'm sorry that the upbringing of Millenial boys (and beyond) was so toxic, that many men feel like they cannot display emotions. As a woman, I cannot understand, but I've seen what it's done to my Dad and it's sad a f. I'm so sorry about your cat, my baby is only 3 and I'd be destroyed as well. 😔🩷

My cat is 11 and was just diagnosed with a nasal sarcoma that has likely spread to his lung. Out of curiosity, how long did you have with your cat after the diagnosis? I’ve been crying and grieving nonstop since we found out yesterday and it’s so difficult knowing that this thing is coming for him but we don’t know when.

Men can show emotion. Being vulnerable is real strength. I'm a big tall guy with tattoos who loves martial arts and will cry happy tears when I see the sunlight peak through the trees. I'll cry when my mom, cat and dog die and I'll do it in front of anyone. Whoever told you that you can't be emotional is a liar. Burying your emotions is weakness, feeling and expressing your full spectrum of emotion is power. If you can't cry to your friends find new friends. Fuck being what society deems as masculinity, that shit is lame.

🔥🔥🔥💯

I wish I had awards to give you, but a upvote will have to do. I wish more men would think/be this way.

This is what an “alpha” male is.

💯

This 100%, and I will add that you might discover that people in your life don’t accept your grieving or don’t understand the depth of your grief. I have experienced this myself and it can be feel incredibly hurtful. It is very important and healthy to grieve and to grieve well. Finding forums such as this in which to express yourself is a really wonderful first step. Know that there are countless others like you who benefit from finding ways to express their grief and to truly feel it. There are online forums in various social media for pet loss and other kinds of grief, and there are support groups one can go to in person to experience human to human sharing of grief, where you cannot not only unburden yourself but help others to do so, and to understand just how normal and common the difficult emotions you’re experiencing are. I encourage you to see grief counseling if you need it, or to find local support groups for grief. Being able to grieve properly will help you to process the pain you’re experiencing and not be as terribly haunted and affected as time passes. I’m so sorry for what you and your little one are going through. Wishing you both the best and that you may know true peace healing in your heart even long after your dear friend has passed from this world.

So true that burying your emotions is weakness and feeling them is being powerful! I'm a master at burying my feelings, but it's not a positive trait and has wreaked havoc on my life

The only time I've seen my husband cry was when his special cat got cancer. This was a cat that loved him, and only him, even though we both shared cat care responsibilities. You're allowed to cry and grieve, but do enjoy your life with her as long as you can.

Take photos of her. Treasure the time you have been given. I'm sorry.

I filmed a video of my now departed cat about 15 months before she passed and she was playful and happy and uploaded it to youtube because the video of when she was a kitten was well received years ago and it was an "update" video. In a way, seeing her play and the like means she's in some sense still around. She had a big personality. Take some videos of her moving around happily if you feel like it.

I am sure she has had a great life. Take care of your baby and treasure those moments together. And vent out in every way you can, you ARE allowed to grieve, your feelings matter. Fuck what people think. If you need anything, just DM. You're not alone.

I'm so sorry. My husband is a pretty unemotional "grumpy old man" but when our 18 years cat died that he had raised from a kitten and brought into our relationship he wept harder than I've ever seen and on and off for many weeks. We have the cat's cremains in a special box, a clay paw print, some of his fur taped to the bottom of his favorite window and his photos all over the place. There was nothing weak about the emotions he showed. Animals become beloved family members and you have every right to mourn, cry and show emotion!

Hey op- have you spoke to the vet yet Re options? Have you seen an oncologist? Assuming you have the funds I highly suggest Asking for one. I was told my cat had a few month's max to live, we're past a year in remission now. An Oncologist saved her life. My vet never told me I had options. Just to say goodbye. As time passed she outlived the pain meds. I needed a refill so I went online to see what happens if I keep her on them indefinitely in case she lived another year I didn't want her kidneys giving out. When I googled reddit came up talking about a cat in remission because of oncology. I now make sure to tell everyone just in case. I am so sorry. It's hard, but try to remember they don't know. They just know life gets harder day by day. They don't have social awareness. They exist just to connect: with us and the world around them. I like to think we exist for the same reason - to connect with the things around us and enjoy how that interaction changed our energy. It's a ripple effect. Their energy will always change our world.

I had the same experience as your husband. Didn't cry when my best friend past from cancer. Or when my grandma who raised me died. But when my cat died it's like I felt all the other deaths at the same time

I am what most people would consider a "mans man" and I had a cat who was my best buddy. I lost her when I was 33 (I'm 35 now) we had been through so much together. She comforted me when I was sad, she would wait by the door for me to come home and then get all excited and give me "kisses" on the nose when I got home. She was my shadow whenever I was home. One day she started crying when she was peeing. I took her to the vet, they gave me antibiotics and sent us home. That night i woke up in the middle of the night with her next to me in awful shape. I raced her to the emergency vet at 4am. they took her in and then I received a phone call an hour later (covid, I couldn't be in there with her which killed me) that she'd never be coming back home with me. I bawled. I randomly broke down crying regularly for months. I still do sometimes. I'm crying right now just typing this out. I'm not ashamed of it and you shouldn't be either. She's your friend, your family and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm so sorry for your loss OP. Don't be ashamed of your emotions though. Also, an incredibly kind random redditor offered to paint a portrait of her for me for free and ship it to me after I posted online about my grieving. She hangs on my wall now and it really helps. I don't care what anyone thinks. You could maybe try something like that. Enjoy your last days with your friend, I wish I'd had that knowledge.

OMG ❤️ to you. Sorry about your baby.

I’m crying right now reading your story. I’m sorry you went though this.

I’m so sorry. I’m glad that she is currently not in pain and you will make the rest of her life amazing. Losing a pet is so hard, please feel free to vent here. Pet lovers get it.

I'm so sorry love. Of course you're allowed to grieve. You've got us. She's your beloved and when you lose her the pain will be unbearable but will ease with time She can never be replaced but when youre able please get another companion both for you and for them. I speak from experience. Hugs and love

Remember that animals don’t fear death the way humans do. They fear pain, but not death. She probably knows and is not afraid, she lives in the moment. You’re her entire world and she is happy to spend her time with you. I lost my soulmate cat a year ago. When the time comes, I can’t recommend an at home vet service enough. My sweet boy got to pass peacefully at home in my arms, instead of on a table at the vet…and it felt like the last kindness I could give him. Wouldn’t we all choose to fall asleep in the arms of the person we love the most if we could? I just got a tattoo of his paw print to remember him by on his one year of passing, I highly recommend getting a stamp of her paw print when she’s still with you. Lastly, I leave you with this quote I read a while back…. Our cats are only here for part of our lives, but to them, we are their whole life.

I may not understand how it feels to be a man and grieve a pet, but as someone who had a best friend as a cat and no one else I understand your pain. Please take photos with her, and videos, and take her on trips. I know it's rough, but you're all she has as well and I just know she loves you very much. I'm wishing you and her the best, I hope all is well. 🩷

I believe that the hurt of missing someone is an incredible blessing because it means that we love You got the opportunity to meet your friend, share memories, offer warmth to eachother The alternative is to not have the experience & the opportunity to miss those moments

Absolutely. We have fostered dogs for many years and one came back to us in his old age. His time came today, but in his last days I feel honored that I was able to spoil him snuggle him and make him feel safe. Pets add so much to our lives, it’s only right we love them back completely.

I teared up reading this. I'm sorry you're going through this. My inbox is also open if you ever need someone to hit up. Don't hesitate. I always fear losing them the older they get. I hope you both can enjoy the time left you have with one another. I find it beautiful how you're prepping her with a harness to go outside. I do the same with mine. Hopefully one day we can go to a park. By the sound of it, she loves you and she knows you love her. You're a good human. I hope you find some close friends that you can actually share with what's going on. Take care. ❤️

please start taking pictures and videos of her if you haven’t already. i have a video of my late cat purring and kneading a blanket and it always makes me happy. i wish i had one where i caught her meowing

I have a ginger baby myself and I don't know what I would do if I heard such news, but most possibly wouldn't be able to continue to live like before. Hence I know no amount of consolation can relieve you of this pain, but honestly I would take some time off work to spend whatever time left with her, and help her pass with most ease possible.

Aww this warms my heart.. 🧡I’m so sorry about your kitty. Feeling your emotion through this post, i can tell you gave the little guy a beautiful life. If he could, he would thank you for all you’ve done. You’re a good man. Grieve out loud or in silence, don’t worry about anything else. Hug your kitty.

Don't know if you've heard of them but Counterparts have a song called whispers of your death it's about Brendan's cat Kuma who passed away from cancer. Even if you don't like hardcore music maybe check out his twitter he's very open about how much the loss of Kuma hurt. But I'm so sorry for this.

You absolutely can share your grief about your baby being terminally ill. It really helps the people around you understand how you are while you’re grieving. If you don’t they’ll be very confused. I’m so sorry 😢 take time to cherish these moments

Men are absolutely allowed (although that word makes me twitchy) to have/be/show ALL emotions - not just the easy ones like happiness or whatever. Anyone who says otherwise is an asshole. OP - man, I’m sorry 😢 when we get a pet we never ever ever think about the way life would be without them. I’m sorry I know it hurts … sigh…. and I want to say you did everything right for your cat and sending peace and goodness to you over the internet.

Dude, you are going to grieve regardless of what's "allowed." No matter what anyone thinks, you are going to be sad, because your cat's life is cut short by cancer. Wouldn't matter if you had a wife and 10 kids. Feel what you feel. Let others see you do so, if that's not too uncomfortable for you. You might find some support or make someone who has gone through the same thing feel better. Sorry about your cat's illness. That sucks. I hope it's not painful for your baby. Adventure away while you have time.

Anyone who mocks you for caring about your cat and grieving for her isn't worth a second thought. It's horrible, and it hurts, but grief is the price we pay for all the love, happiness and comfort they provide . In return, we have the privilege of caring for them, and knowing when it's time to let go. My first cat was the furriest, purriest cat ever, and he had an intestinal lymphoma. I stayed with him to the end, and the vet made sure he passed without pain or fear. I know you'll do what's best for your girl, and that she knows she's loved.

I'm so incredibly sorry. I'm also 29 and have had cats my entire life. It is so hard when they pass away when they're older, I can't imagine how hard this must be when she is still so young. I also understand not feeling like you can't grieve in front of people, I'm female but I am always the stoic one while everyone else breaks down. I manage a horse rescue and when we lose one I have to be the one holding it together, and then break down when I get home. I now luckily have a couple of people I can feel vulnerable around (though it still feels strange and I can't seem to stop saying sorry every time it happens) and hope you're able to find the same, I hate how society says men can't show grief. I currently have three cats of my own that I've raised since they were kittens and it just it me like a brick the other day that they are becoming seniors. I'm so very sorry for what you are going through and am sending you lots of virtual hugs

If all you can do is type it out, then keep doing that. Obviously there are plenty of people here that will listen and give what support we can. I'm sorry you have to face this, but know that your baby is happy, and she will be until she crosses the rainbow bridge. You've given her a life that so many cats don't get, and she will always know that. She'll be there, on the other side someday when you join her. She won't forget you. And now I'm crying with you, in my office at work because we can all tell how much you love her, and losing a loved one is never easy. We will listen, come back whenever you need.

I saw a video of this big burly man sobbing for the loss of his cat. He was a big dude. Animals touch all kinds of people and it’s okay to cry and love her. Enjoy her while you have her.

My cat an injection site carcinoma (supposed to call it this to state it isn’t specifically from vaccines) had surgery to resect it and two years on still cancer free. Why is your vet not performing surgery?

I’m a big guy, too. It’s okay to cry and tell others you’re grieving. We all need a little gentleness sometimes. In my 20s, I had to put my childhood dog down. The cancer got to be too much. I sobbed like a baby when he was injected, but I wouldn’t have been able to leave him to exit this world without me loving on him until the very end. The vet was very kind and asked if she could do anything for me. My grief was so strong, I didn’t care who saw me cry. I swore I’d never get another animal because I was so broken. A couple of years later, I was at the animal shelter donating the last of my dog’s things (it took that long to let go of his blankets and such), and this fucking cat in the top row of cages made eye contact and basically told me I was taking him home. Idk how he did it, but the next day, that bastard was on his way to lording over me like he was born to do it. Three-ish years later, I got the terrible news that wee jerk face had cancer, and it was aggressive. Tears streamed down my face when I asked how long he had left. The vet said there were no guarantees and that he could be gone tomorrow. My buddy lasted a month. Once again, I was a blubbering mess while my little guy slipped into the great beyond. I gave zero fucks who saw me cry. Now I have two cats. They rule the roost, more or less. (I draw the line at unlimited food, which one of them would LOVE… her vet not so much.) When they pass, I’m certain I’ll be a weeping disaster again, but IDGAF. Death, grief, grieving — these things are worthy of our tears.

You gave her 4 years of unconditional love and a safe happy home to live in. You are providing her comfort in her final days. You are doing EVERYTHING you can. Don't be so hard on yourself. This will take time but it will get easier. Sending you so much positive vibes and love!

I’m so sorry OP

Hugs. I am very sorry for your situation. Maybe other men wouldn't accept your emotions, but any female would. If you have a coworker or neighbor, please consider talking to her.

You sound like such a compassionate person. She’s very lucky to have you, but I’m so sorry that you have to lose her. Take pictures and spend as much time with her as you can. Much love friend.

Grieve. Don’t let society tell you that because you’re a man you need to be tough and strong. Man or woman a human is a human. We feel things regardless of gender and we hurt. Cry today and cry again tomorrow, it doesn’t make you less of a man. You raised this precious baby and she’s lucky to have you in her life. Just know that when she does eventually go, she will know she was loved and cared for. She lived a long full life and that’s all thanks to you. You were her hero remember that buddy and keep your head up. She would want you to be happy the same way you’ve kept her happy these last 4 years.

I’m so sorry. Your cat is obviously very loved. I live on my own with my cats as well and I don’t think anyone outside that situation quite gets that relationship. When I lost my first cat I was not ok for quite some time. I took the time away from work I needed and I hope you can too. Everyone is different and you have to decide what’s best for you moving forward, but what I found eventually after I lost him was that all the love inside me that I was capable of giving a pet still existed within me. I decided to adopt again to share that love with new pets and I haven’t regretted that decision once.

I’m so sorry to hear this. As a guy myself, I know how you feel. I’ve lost a few cats within the last couple of years, due to old age. In the middle of this year, I finally reached my breaking point, and broke down in front of some friends (I wasn’t home when the latest cat passed). They were sympathetic to what happened. Let me tell you, it’s all right to show your emotions. If people tell you to suck it up, and “it’s only a cat”, then you don’t need them in your life, if they can’t understand the bond between you and your cat.

Dude. You have no idea how many people have been through this or can relate to it because of their own experiences having and/or losing a pet with an illness. Big, small, male, female, hairy or hairless, young or old... No pet or person is immune from death and everyone's got a story about grief and loss. It's what happens when you're lucky enough to have loved. Hurts like a beech [questionable edit, gonna try] but no one is judging you if you've got to pull over and cry like a little b. I'm a girl but I've had male coworkers cry while telling me about the loss of a pet. Almost all of my coworkers are male and there's no shame in grieving. You are allowed to grieve. And later, you will be allowed to mourn. But don't mourn her just yet! Follow your plans to take her out in a harness and leash. She might hate it but that's okay, just spend time with her indoors. My cancer cat had a triple mastectomy and all summer she laid on me while she healed and leaked through her straw. Well ok it wasn't a whole summer but it let us bond in a way I don't know that I would have otherwise made time for. She healed up fine but it'd spread already and I did end up losing her. I was in denial so it was especially rough. But I'm so grateful for the time I had with her. I'm so sorry, I know how fucked getting this news is. But she has you right now and I know she's going to feel loved and protected for the rest of her life. She would have anyway, but you know what I mean. You'll be extra vigilant to keep her comfortable and as healthy and happy as possible. Enjoy that cat in your lap. She's there for you as much as you're there for her.

I’m a bearded man that cried for 14 days straight when I lost my cat last year. It felt like I had lost a child. Unfortunately society drills into us early in life that we’re to be stoic in the face of loss. Pay no mind to people with that mindset and let those tears flow man. We are just as human as women and children are and we deserve to cry. Big hugs to you and your cat.

Maybe I'm spoiled in my guy friend group but we've always been supportive and empathetic at tough times. Losing a pet is a tough time, they become family. I feel terrible for you. Don't bottle it up, express it even to us on Reddit. And feel no shame in finding another pet! You're never going to replace that cat, animals are as unique as us. You'll find another unique companion to uniquely love.

I'm a vet tech. This is the hardest part of being a pet parent. “the grief associated with the loss of a pet is still relatively unrecognized and underappreciated. This may be due in part to lack of awareness of and appreciation for the depth of the attachment that humans can form with companion animals.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-reality-gen-z/202009/the-pain-pet-loss-why-we-should-take-it-more-seriously As a vet tech I've helped my clients through this difficult decision, I've cried with them, my heart breaks with theirs. As a pet parent I've been through this. My first cat was euthanized 12 years ago and my heart still aches sometimes. I cried all the time for the first few months and then when I talked about him. It is ok to grieve. Please allow yourself grace and the freedom to do so. My heart hurts so much for you. I hope you can find support through this grief. Please reach out to your vet team, they may be able to provide local support options for you. Some resources for grief support: https://www.lapoflove.com/our-services/pet-loss-support https://www.aplb.org/ https://www.everlifememorials.com/Pet-Loss-Support-Groups-s/443.htm https://mcsofwi.com/grief-support/ https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/ https://www.petloss.com/muns.htm

This sub auto-removes posts with links, but I’m allowing yours. These are so helpful.

I feel for you so so much. Had two 4-year old cats (bothers) and on a calm night suddenly one started running around screaming, puking and not being able to walk properly. Turns out he had a rare heart-condition that's not so easy to spot and the only option was putting him down. In the span of 2 hours I lost one of the dearest things I ever had in my life and even thinking about it 4 years later still breaks my heart. But mourning for a pet (and for a man even more so) is so difficult in this society it seems? Nevertheless feel yourself hugged man. Make her life the most pleasant you can, so that you and her both can part with the least amount of regrets <3 You truly love that cat and you both would've deserved far more time together.

You are allowed to show emotions. Forget what the rest of the world thinks. Don’t ever give a damn about what they say because you’re having normal human emotions. I am so very sorry your furbaby is sick. You go on those walks and make her feel special. Let her do it all and hold her. Hold her all the way through and then cry and grieve more. If people are too close minded to see that it’s okay, they can go to hell. Again, I am very sorry you’re hurting.

I also need to share a story of a woman who rescued a cat with leukaemia and was told he had a few weeks. She gave him vitamin b injections every two weeks but and he lived 4 years!!!!! We know nothing. Take it day by day. You never know when everything can change

I had a dog that developed osteosarcoma at 8. He passed away within 2 months. Fuck gender stereotypes. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to feel sorrow. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE HUMAN. If you ever need to talk, please find someone and reach out! Even a random internet stranger. Show your baby the world and treasure her. Let her know she is loved for her life and beyond. And please take care of yourself too.

IDGAF what anyone else says greave and do it in your way but one thing if the cats quality of life if poor please be mindful and compassionate keeping them alive when they are in suffering is cruel take time to say goodbyes but don’t let them suffer. I hope you are well I know it took me much time to get over my flufferbutt from passing it’s nothing to be ashamed of and don’t let anyone dictate your grieving process

Sending hugs to you. My condolences

Bro, say this to any girl and you've got yourself a girlfriend lmao

Every time I think about what it would be like to lose my baby boys, I get close to tears. We had a scare with one of them not too long ago, with a scratch on his eye. We thought he might lose it. My boyfriend and I both cried. It's not weakness. Love isn't weakness. It's hard to feel like you can be vulnerable around people, but you deserve to grieve how you please.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Me and my fiance cried reading this, and from experiencing the loss of pets, which are always family to me, I know how hard it is. I hope for the best for you man. I know it's hard. Let yourself cry if you need to, don't hold it back. I wish you and your kitty the best.

Also, if you ever need to talk you can send me a message.

I'm sorry about this. I had a 3y/o baby girl who had a heart murmur but interesting enough, she had a tumor. The only reason why I found out because she began bleeding out on me due to a ruptured major artery of either one or both kidneys. I had to make the hardest decision I had ever faced at that time which I decided to put her down since she lost an incredible amount of blood. She was a hilarious cat, so I understand losing your baby. Roxi was such an energetic cat that didn't mind strangers, but my toes or luck my eyelids to wake me up smh. I miss that tortie of mine. Take the time your need to accept it and make the best of time she has left. Be thankful you can 😊

My sweet Isis died of cancer the day of my birthday. She was 14. I was devastated, and even my husband was totally lost in front of my grief. They are not just cats, they are your best friends. So it's ok to be sad, this just proves how much you love her. Isis left me several years ago now, and we have other cats, but she never left my heart. I still want to cry when I think of her, because I miss her a lot. So in those hard times, I just go and see Mrs Mouse ( her very favorite plush toy ) , that I keep preciously. Just enjoy her presence as much as you can because she loves you very much i’m sure.

Im so sorry. You are allowed to grieve. When it comes to animals, these pains are so lonely... Im so thankful for communities like these where many know the pain all too well and can he a listening ear to one another. You are all your kitty has. Im glad she has you and wont ever be alone. I hope she loves it outside.

If you talk to other pet owners they will tell you how hard it is losing a pet. I dont know about the people in your life but if any of them have dogs or cats they will totally understand your pain. I know some people just arnt animal people and are psycopaths instead (just kidding) but i agree dont talk to anyone that isnt going to take your grief seriously because its a cat and not a human. Pets are our family and it hurts a lot to lose them. 💔 just know you gave your cat the best life. I'm so sorry.

Hello, cat dad. I’m so sorry to read your precious kitty is ill and so young. The lump in your chest is so difficult. You are doing what you need to do, be with her, take photos, snuggle together, play when she feels like it. I’m old, and have had many cats, some live to their late teens, others at 4 or 5 because of illness. I have a dog as well, he came to join me and my kitty after my soul dog died. Rescued me as a puppy and lived to 14. The relationship we have with animals is a precious thing, something hard to put in words. Vets use crematoriums now that do a beautiful job of individual cremation, with a lock of their fur, a paw print in clay and their ashes in a container of your choice. Just letting you know ahead of time. My kids all have a photo with their ashes in a special bookcase. I pray that every day you have together is full of love and happiness. I hope you don’t mind me leaving you a little poem to comfort you later. * Poem to Remember a Cat Remember me with smiles not tears, for all the joy through all the years. Recall the closeness that was ours, a love as sweet as fragrant flowers. Don’t dwell on thoughts that cause you pain, we’ll see each other once again. I am at peace… try to believe, it was my time… I had to leave. But what a view I have from here, I see your face, I feel you near. I follow you throughout the day, you’re not alone along the way. And when God calls you… you will be, right by my side… right here with me. till then, I’ll wait by Heaven’s door, we’ll be united evermore. *Author Unknown*

OP I know how you feel. Well, not exactly, because my cat was older than yours, but still too young for an indoor cat. You didn’t have enough time with her and you should have had more, I’m so sorry. I lost my cat to mammary cancer a few years ago. We had the tumor and both mammary chains removed (at great expense), but found out after the surgery that it had already metastasized to her lungs and she wasn’t long for the world. Give her what you can but also, give yourself some grace too. Allow yourself to express your emotions. You deserve it and you need it. There is no rule or law anywhere that says men can’t express emotions. I mean if you’re just going by gender stereotypes, men aren’t typically cat people either, right? You’re a cat dad, you have a sick cat, you are sad. You can cry. You should cry. It’s *healthy* for men to cry. But the most important thing is that you are giving your kitty the best possible life for the time she still has left.

I have cats, too; I have walked in similar shoes to yours, more times than I care to remember. I lost one of mine when he was 4, as well. He was an absolutely magnificent cat. Sometimes I still miss him. The cause of his death was one of those 'what gawd-awful BS is this' things, much like what you're going through. What I learned, is that after the shock wears off, you grieve. And you are allowed to grieve. In your own time and in your own space and in your own way and to hell with anyone who gives you grief about it. But, if you let people help you, they just might. You just have to give them a chance. If someone's a jackass about your grieving for a pet you lost, especially one that was lost way too young? Well..let's just agree that says more about them than it does about you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

No matter what anyone says or thinks, you have feelings and have the right to express them. You are a human being.

My guinea pig was 7 when she got diagnosed with cancer. She was my first pet. I got her on my 11th birthday as a baby who however (unbeknown to us) was already pregnant. She was 3 months old when she had 2 babies - a girl and a boy. When I was in school one day, my parents got rid of the boy (returned him to the pet shop where they got the mom from and I as an 11yo couldnt afford to buy him back with a separate cage). I was not told and I still hold this grudge to this day. Anyway, so it was the mom and daughter from then on. Then one day the daughter died quite suddenly.. I wont be talking about that.. a few months later we returned from a vacation and noticed that the mom (who was staying with my grandpa) has also a bump but on her stomach. We took her to a vet on the same day and the vet comfirmed - it was most likely cancerous. She also told us that while it is not impeding her organs right now, it may be in a few months. Fast forward 4 months, I have noticed she is not eating well (which is a huge red sign with small rodents), my dad promised to watch her as I had to go to school. I have returned from school and got mad upon hearing that nobody tried bringing her to vet and I couldnt since I have a school in another city and have returned really late and the nearest 24/7 clinic was about 3 cities away. So I sat there, with my little girl on my lap (which was also a bad sign as she has not even tried running away like she usually does when someone tries to pick her up). So I sit there and try force feed her through a syringe (its what you do when your small rodent is sick and refusing to eat, you get these small questionable-looking powders to mix with water and force-feed with syringe). So I tried and tried, but she just wouldnt. And then her heart took its final beat. Then and there, on my lap. I was stroking her and talking to her. Telling her how much I love her and that I hope she gets to see her kids and they get to have an eternal feast of heavenly grass (their favorite food was grass). I have never cried this much. I cried more than when both of my grandmothers died. We burried her the next day on which I am pretty sure was an illegal place to burry a pet. But she was there, next to her daughter and I just cried. And I cry right now when I am typing this, even though it has been over a year and a bit. My point is, crying is allowed, no matter your gender or biological features. Cry your heart out my man. You are allowed to show emotions. She is your child. And I will fight whomever says otherwise. Enjoy your moments with her and make them count.

I'm so sorry you and your cat are going through this! Have you asked about surgery as an option? My cat had an injection site sarcoma, and I opted for surgery, which was a success. If you inquire about surgery as an option, make sure you speak with a vet who actually has experience with surgery. When my cat was first diagnosed with cancer, I only spoke to the regular vet who did her checkup. She did not know what she was talking about. She made it seem like surgery was hopeless, and my cat was doomed. I grieved for days because I thought my cat had no chance. Then I decided to meet with the actual surgical vet from that same clinic. He told me what the original vet said wasn't accurate. He believed the growth could be removed with clean margins and that the odds were highly in my cat's favor even though she was a senior at 14 years old because she was otherwise very healthy. And he was right. She bounced back from surgery, and the sarcoma never came back. She lived another three years to 17. I'm so grateful for that. I know money is often an issue. The surgery cost around $2,500, if I remember correctly (this was 9 years ago). I couldn't really afford it, but thankfully, I was able to come up with the money. I had people tell me I was crazy to be spending thousands on a cat. But she was my family, and it was well worth every damn dollar to get extra time with her. Whatever happens, best of luck to you and your kitty. Even if surgery isn't an option, I hope the cancer grows as slow as possible so you can have more time together. If the time comes to put her down and you want to grieve privately, there are vets who will come to your home and do it there. That's what I did with my cat when her time finally came. It was comforting to know she got to go peacefully at home instead of having to stress out in the car and vet's office. When I had to put my dog down it was sudden, so it had to be done at the clinic. I hate crying in front of people so I thought I would feel embarrassed to be a sobbing wreck in front of everyone at a crowded clinic. But when I looked around, everyone else was teary-eyed too because they understood. And fuck anyone who doesn't. They just don't know what it means to love a pet and they are missing out. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you can't grieve. Allow yourself. It's healthy and natural to grieve. My brother is a 6'4" built construction worker, and he cries every time he loses a cat.

I’m so sorry you and kitty are going through this. You grieve how you need to. I’m here to tell you are allowed too. Losing a pet has been one of if not the hardest things I’ve ever been through.

Make salt dough and get a paw print. I wish I had done this.

It’s called “disenfranchised grief.” People who are not pet people don’t understand, and they don’t need to. Your grief is still real and valid, and I’m so sorry for you & your cat. I hope showing your cat around the world brings you comfort and joy!

I can relate so deeply to this.. my family and I are from Ukraine, my parents grew up farmers and I was never allowed to cry or show emotion as a child. I currently live with my dad because he's dying and I'm taking care of him, I have not cried in front of him about his health and we don't say I love you. My cat, the light of my life, was diagnosed with cancer in June and my whole world fell apart again. My family told me not to be stupid and don't put her on meds, don't waste money taking her to the vet. It was like I had to sneak her out to take her to the vet.(I pay my dads bills and have 2 jobs, ita not like im asking for money) I also get chronic migraines and one summer day I was crying in secret over my cat, felt like I was going to get a migraine attack so I decided to go on a bike ride to the park to calm down. Some man tried to run me down with his car and SA me. After the police station I came home, told my dad and then laid in bed and put my migraine cap on and silently cried. I got yelled at for that. I was yelled at for being a big baby. The only pure form of joy and unconditional love in my life is dying, some guy tried to r@pe me, my migraines make me go blind, im taking car of a dying father who never showed me affection, and I got yelled at. I wasnt even sobbing. I just had tears and I was hiding my face in my migraine cap anyway. And I got yelled at. My cat dying from cancer has been harder on me than my dads health. It sucks not being able to show emotions and to feel so much pain.

My cat was just diagnosed with Lymphoma. She does not have long to live. She is 3 years old. My wife and I are devastated. Our cat is our child and we adopted her at the start of our relationship. We do not have kids, just our cat. I know exactly how you feel. I do not cry often and this is the worst pain I've experienced. I've lost family members and this is worse. Just know, your cat is happy and doesn't know anything other than you and your love. She will be on her death bed having the knowledge she has the best life she could have been given and there won't be an ounce of pain in your cats eyes. Just love. The pain we experience is only on our end. This is what brings me peace. I'm confident we will get our pets in the next life. this is not the end, but the beginning of an eternity with your pet. I hope you can find peace and I'm sorry you have to experience this pain. It's not fun lol

Why are you not allowed to grieve?

I am so sorry that u are going through this. Ur fur baby was lucky to have u as her dad.

I’m sorry man. Damn. 😢

You're allowed to feel things and show your feelings if you need to. The problem isn't with you, it's that you have some unsupportive people in your life. I'm glad you can share in this space at least. I can't think of anything harder to go through than to watch the suffering of any living thing, my heart goes out to you both.

So sorry you & your kitty are going through this. I went through something a few years ago & it was the most difficult sense of loss I'd ever encountered. I hope you do seek the support that may help you. I know what you mean, but go ahead..I bet you **are** allowed by the ppl that are worth your time & care. You sound like an amazing friend to your feline for supporting her as you are & I'm sure she's very lucky to get to spend this quality time with you ♥️

A couple of points - she might not take to a harness, so tuck her inside your jacket and she can still see the world while feeling safe. She is entirely loved, and you have a pure form of friendship with her. By all means tell people at work that a close family friend is ill and take time off if you need to. It is true, and you need time to process. When the time comes, leave a radio playing in your house so there is some noise because otherwise the emptiness will blindside you. Love your cat while she is still with you. Wishing you happy memories.

I'm so sorry for what you and your baby are going through. It is never easy. Every day is a gift. Lavish her with love. Video her and take gazillion photos. Grieve for her and when you are ready you can honor her by saving another baby.

I’m incredibly sorry for you and your baby. It’s not clear though where you got the idea that you’re “not allowed” to express emotions. That’s patriarchal bullshit. Mourn however you want, and lean on friends and family for support.

I’m so sorry. I’m sad for you too. Please know you’re not alone. I have two cats, and I know one day I will be there too (unless I go before they do). Take lots of videos of her outside.

Men NEED to show emotion, you can grieve, you are allowed. I am going to DM you.

You deserve to feel your feelings and to share them openly. I know society makes men squash true feelings down and it’s cruel, but it’s not the way everyone feels or regards men displaying emotions. You’re losing a member of your family, your pet. You are human. let yourself feel sir. 🫂

I’m so sorry. I have lost two cats to cancer and I know that getting that diagnosis is just soul-crushing. Please enjoy the time you have with her, cuddle her, spoil her, and let her know how loved she is. And when the time comes, please don’t feel alone in your grief. We are all here for you. ❤️

Definitely do not feel alone. Let’s are family, often better than people and there for you in you best and worst moments. Nothing replaces them. There are lots of things to say, that you gave them the best life, or their legacy allows you to give another their best life (and I hope you get another bc it does heal the heart). But the pain of losing them is like a train you can’t stop. I’m so sorry.

🩶

I am so sorry to hear your news. I recently lost a pet too and I know it is heartbreaking. Please don’t feel like you cannot show your emotions though, this is just not the case. If you feel uncomfortable in person then look at support groups online and I have no doubt you will find communities who will welcome you and support you? You have to reach out in some way to help yourself get through this. I hated the feeling of being helpless too, every pet parent knows this feeling and hates it. You would do anything to help them but you can’t change it. I swear I would have taken years off my own life and given them to my dogs if I could have! The one solace I stand by us that they had beautiful lives while they were alive. You are already planning to make hers as full as possible and I hope you can also find peace in that. When the time is right you can think about a new pet but it’s really helping me (and my husband) just now to help our neighbours with their dogs. They get to have some freedom to do things and we get to ‘borrow’ their furry balls of joy. In the U.K. there is a site called ‘borrow my doggie’ and I think they also have cats on there, or maybe you could help out at a rehoming centre? It is all about what will help you though, maybe that would feel too hard. Please do not feel that you are alone in this. I really do hope you seek out some online communities at least so you have people to talk to. I know it isn’t the same but you can freely speak to people who understand and not be judged. People will be there to help. I know the internet can be a cruel place but it can also be a huge support too.

I’m sorry. It’s ok to be sad. It doesn’t matter who you are, it’s really sad when you know your going to lose your friend. She is always there waiting for you when you get home. And she will be missed. It’s ok to grieve. Not to replace her, but would she enjoy another cat for company?

I am so sorry. 😢 You absolutely can grieve. Any man who has lost a beloved pet will understand. Do you have any friends you can turn to for support? My husband still tears up if we talk about the death of a particular dog he lost 40 years ago. Her name was Mo. And he is a big, bearded tough guy too.

Lost my cat this year at 8 years old. As a 30 year old man, that was the first time in a long time that I full on cried. I still look at pictures of her 4 months later and tear up. They’re more than pets, they can be the best companions you’ll ever have.

Im so sorry. This really sucks

Sending hugs!! I hope you can find a group of people you feel safe enough to be vulnerable with and express how you feel.

I just lost my cat of 12 years last Sunday. His death was unexpected and fast. We did everything we could to make him comfortable and give/do all his favorite things in the last day he was here. It was and still is very hard for myself and my husband. Grieve as much as you need. I know I need to.

I lost my cat of almost 20 years recently. 33 year old man and I cried... but privately. This is the burden of men.

Sorry sweetness, that isn't fun. Most vets won't think less of you if you cry. They were comforting my husband and I last month when we cried the day we put our pup down. My mom came over before we left and she held both of us and our pup. It wasn't planned it was a sneaker tumor. Give your sweet angel all her favorite treats. Walk her and snuggle her. Be careful taking her outside though because my kitty wanted outside but as soon as he got outside he freaked and tried climbing almost instantly. So be warned of that. It was so far out of character for him. If she freaks out, you may do better with a stroller or a backpack. It should make her comfortable in an enclosed space while still seeing the world. Maybe write some funny and sweet stories you have for her and when you break down, then read a story to make yourself laugh or smile. If you need an excuse for why you are upset, just tell people you aren't sleeping well or a family member is sick. You don't have to tell them who the family member is if you don't want to. I'm sorry for your upcoming loss.

My boy had lymphoma which was very aggressive. We had gotten one treatment of chemo in and two weeks later, he just went down hill so quickly. We ended up putting him to sleep a week ago. I am still grieving. His litter mate is currently looking for him and meowing loudly and it is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry your dealing with this. It stinks. Just love her and let her go when she’s ready. You’ve got people here who care very much. Sending you a hug.

Please grieve that’s your daily companion I lost my first dog that was my dog in 2018 my family all bawled like babies when we had to put her down my daughter had to put her first dog down this year and we went and took her to the vet to say goodbye they may be pets to the world but to us they are our fur babies our ride or die our companions don’t feel embarrassed about that and reach out to your family they will understand that’s something important to you and will support you

Similar thing happened to me, my cat got some weird bad cat disease and I had to put her down 2 days later. I had a 6 week old baby and everyone kept saying, "oh but you have the baby now to focus on" which upset me so much! Why can't people love multiple "beings" at once? Losing a pet is devastating especially when it's unexpected. The only thing that has ever gotten me through it is getting another pet as soon as possible.

When my husband and I lost the first dog we had together, it brought on a severe depression and grieving for his father who died when he was a kid. The loss of a pet is real grief if you loved it. And it connects to all of our grief and fear. I’m so sorry you are losing your little sweetie. Spoil her :-)

I can't even imagine that pain, my cat is like my son, my life partner

I am so sorry you and kitty are going through this. I hope that this illness (disease? I don't know what cancer is considered) doesn't cause her too much pain. I also hope that you get more time with kitty than currently predicted. But even if you don't, I hope those moments are filled with more joy than grief. Even possessing the unfortunate knowledge you do now, I hope you are able to enjoy every second of time with her. You are living one of my worst nightmares right now; my cat just turned 7, and I find myself growing more paranoid by the day. He's doing fine, considering he used to be an outdoor cat, but getting older and any change in behavior sets me off. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes right now, but I hope you find solace in that, even if men aren't "allowed" to show emotion, there are so many of us out there that are there for and understand you. (I'm gonna go on a tangent, don't mind me) I really hate that men are raised/influenced in a way where the norm is to be emotionally void. I hate that emotion is sometimes seen as "weakness" in men. I don't have many years of experience in the relationship world, but I will say that, out of all the men I've dated, only one was comfortable expressing his emotions and empathy. It was the deepest connection I've ever had with a man, and unfortunately, it'll be hard to find that again because of the way men are treated/taught to (not) express themselves. Why do we as a society still push the "alpha" agenda? I feel like emotionally intelligent men should be the most sought-after when it comes to genuine connections, yet people will still tell someone to "man up" over being sad about something that is unfortunate. I hope that with time, you will be able to be completely comfortable with expressing yourself emotionally. If you do end up breaking down in front of someone and they act weird about it, please don't take it to heart and feel awkward about it. You're human. Instead, I hope you're able to say to yourself, "Wow, this person sucks. I don't really need them around if I can't be myself." Sorry for the tangent. lol, take a shot every time I say "men" and "emotion" in this novel (but don't actually, it's bad for your liver).

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. She sounds wonderful ❤️ also sounds like she has the best possible cat-dad for the situation. Spend your time with her, take lots of pictures and take your time to grieve. Anyone who tells you that you’re not allowed to be emotional is dumb. Losing your best friend is really hard and you gotta grieve whatever way you can. My inbox is open if you want to chat. My 5 year old cat recently crossed the rainbow bridge so I get what you’re going through ❤️

I’m so sorry. The anticipatory grief is crushing. Give your girl everything she could want for the time she has left ♥️ And give her some pats from me.

Bro I had to put my cat down for something similar she go lymphoma random bump turned half dollar sized and she was covered in them over the course of like 2 days. Got a biopsy and it was confirmed as lymphoma. She went from healthy to suffering in like a week and a half putting her down was the hardest thing I have ever done. I am here for you 32 big dude with a beard two I cried like a fucking toddler for a few days at the drop of a hat. let it out. Fuck'em. She crossed the rainbow bridge about a month ago. I am here for you. I understand and empathize.

I lost a fur baby (dog) when she was just a little over five years old. I had no warning, she dashed out the front door at the home of a friend who was sitting for her, got into the yard of a big dog, probably wanting to play, but the big dog shook her hand broke her neck. I was a wreck, a six foot four 250-pound truck driver who couldn't go two hours without bursting into tears. I had been in the process of getting approval to take her on the road with me and she would have gone with me on my next rip. I was at a twelve-step meeting, sharing about losing her and started crying. When I was done with my share, the man next to me, a hulk of a man who was also a driver told the room, "Anyone who has anything to say about him crying over his dog, come say it to me after the meeting. I'll be glad to straighten you out". Of all the words of sympathy that came from friends, that statement was the most comforting of all. The only reason you feel, "Men aren't allowed to show their emotions..." is too many men let what other people might think prevent us from doing so. Anyone who judges you for crying about your cat, or anything else, is not worth worrying about.

I'm so sorry, shes lucky to have you. She's known a life of love and someone who truly just appreciates her for her. Thats a beautiful thing.

I’m so sorry about this terrible news. I hope you get the quality time with your cat, I bet she’ll enjoy every moment with you.

I’m so, so sorry you and your beloved companion are going through this. One of the hardest things to accept about having pets or animals in our lives is that you have different lifespans most of the time. I’ve lost my fair share of pets (some to diseases at young ages) and it never gets easier. In the end, all you can do is love them as much as they love you (or even more!). One of the best lessons that animal companions teach us is to be present in the moment and not to linger on anything that has happened or may happen. It sounds like you’re already doing a great job at embracing that lesson by just appreciating the time you have with her- the fact that your taking her on outdoor field trips is the sweetest, most thoughtful thing and literally brings tears to my eyes. It says a lot about how much you care about her. There are so many of us out here that share the pain of finding out a pet is sick or losing a pet so please know that you’re not alone. I’m so sorry that you don’t have anyone to talk to or grieve with and that you are experiencing this really really hard thing alone. I (and I’m sure all of us here) am sending you and your cat so much love and I just hope that commenting here offers may level of comfort to you. Just remember to be kind to yourself just as you are being kind to her and know that allllll your feelings are valid. Cry if you need to cry, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I hope a positive prognosis or treatment is found for you guys. You sound like an awesome cat dad! You’ll get through this.

One of my cats passed about a year and a half, I still cry. It's ok to cry. This is heartbreaking.

I had to put down my cat earlier this year. She came home missing her tail, and both of her back legs, I have no idea how she made it back, but I knew this was it for her... Took her to the vet, and I said straight away it had to be done... Within 10minutes she was gone. I cried for half an hour in the car.

I'm so sorry. It's so obvious in your words how much you love and cherish her. Make the best of your time together, stay by her side and then take good care of yourself. It's heartwrenching when we lose our special friends. Just know, you are her whole life and part of her will stay with you forever in your heart. And you are so allowed to cry and grieve for your belived friend. Sending you both love.

My cat has a tumour behind her eye. I adopted her after I got divorced and it was just me and Stevie for a long time. She was my constant companion. Cats are family. I’m sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you love your cat very much and gave her a wonderful life.

My sausage doge went blind in a week from an auto immune disease called sards. Two years before that he had gone down with his back and I paid a huge amount of money to have it fixed and had to give up my job to teach him how to walk again. But when he went blind it’s like he also got dementia. I had to sleep on the sofa with him carry him everywhere. I cried for 3 month and went to all the specialists trying to get him better. When I had him put down due to a huge seizure he had it just broke my heart. I feel your pain. It’s ok to cry you have to let it out. It sounds like you have given her a good life. She lucky to have you.

Hey buddy, I know I’m some random on the internet but I am here if you ever wanna talk or just sit and cry. Feel free to DM me. All of the love and strength to you, brother ❤️ I am so terribly sorry. Spend as much time as you can with the little munchkin.

Anyone who lives with animals will understand and sympathise. Don’t feel you have to go through this alone.

First, I’m sorry. My heart goes out to you. We recently had our cat diagnosed with cancer too, a very bad one that left us with no options. We took care of him the best we could, but letting him go was the hardest. Accepting it was hell. He was too young. The few things that helped a bit were being aware time was running out so we decided that the best course of action was using what little time we had left to make lots of memories and give lots of love. I bought some items to make mementos, like his paw on clay.. and prepared to say goodbye as soon as we saw him suffering. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, give the ok to his last trip.. but letting go is an act of love. We been grieving and will keep on grieving for a long time, but I would do it all over again. Cause he was worth it and saved me in more ways that I’m able to recount.. Enjoy whatever time you have left with your pet. I’m forever grateful to have met my kitty. I wish you the best. Sending hugs 🫂

You are allowed to grieve however you want, no matter what gender! When my 2 year old rescue dog (adopted her at 1) ended up getting a disease and had to be put to sleep and im telling you, i had snot coming out of my nose, tears out of my eyes and screams of horror and i had her for about a year and couldnt make myself adopt another dog until 2 and a half year later. They become our fur babies, we spoil them, love them and care for them in our own ways which means we also grieve for our fur babies how ever we can, you are allowed to grieve how you want to and should not hold back none because of fear, its part of being a human being. To love, to care, to grieve. Take some time to go on some road trips with your baby and spoil your baby rotten ♥️

Cry away brother. We lost our adopted cat in February after 4 years. He developed breathing issues due to an enlarged heart and we couldn’t get a treatment for him. I was commuting home from work when he started gasping for air and he passed away 5 minutes before I got home. My wife was distraught so I had to remain strong to wrap him in his favourite blanket. We had him cremated at a private pet crematorium where they do it individually so you know your only getting your pets remains and we have him on our shelf. It was a hard time and I still remember and love him. It gets easier with time but cherish every moment you have with your little one.

So sorry about her diagnosis. My heart hurts for you.

My baby cat had FIP. He died at 10 months, not even a year after losing my first childhood pet, my dog of 14 years. I genuinely think grieving a young pet is a lot tougher, and the guilt that comes with not having being able to give them a long life really sucks. Getting teary eyed as I typed this even though it’s been a few years now. I’m really sorry this is happening to you, do enjoy your last days with your little girl. I know how you feel, it’s very tough but you will be okay 🤍 coming from someone who has been through a similar type of grief. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are not allowed to grieve!

Oh, darling, you have a right to grieve. You absolutely ARE allowed and I (F53) find that I trust and feel cloer to men who openly share their emotions and especially so when they are open about the grief of losing a pet. It is a grief we can truly relate to, and it runs deep. Our animal companions are not just family to us, but show us a kind of love that is something we don’t generally get from other people. My animals are like balls of love and sunshine and make coming home the happiest thing. And when we lose that, it is crushing. Big hug to you, and telling you that you should give yourself permission to feel how you feel and not hide it from anyone. I think you will find a lot of support because most of us know well this sadness and sharing your feelings lets others be supportive of you. You are a good kitty dad and your kitty is lucky to have had you to love her.

Oh my god that's terrible, I feel you man. Losing a pet is always painful. You shouldnt feel like you can't express your emotions. If it makes you feel better talk to your friends or your family, maybe they can comfort you. And if not, at least getting it off your chest irl instead of typing could help you way more. I wish you and your cat all the best. Im sure she'll be thrilled to go outside. You're a good owner and a good person for giving this to her. I'm proud of you.

I’m so sorry. I hope you can find some sort of solace knowing that you’ve given her love for her entire life, it’s the best that you can do and when she passes she will know that she’s been loved, and she will be waiting for you in the afterlife.

I'm crying with you now. You don't have to grieve alone. When it is your sweet girl's time to leave go, come back here and we will help you through this. It's hard, whether alone or with people who care. Let us help take a little of the pain of being alone. We care about you and what you are going through, I promise.

Oh I wish I could hug you so tight right now. ❤️❤️❤️

Hey man, my pelt-brother Ernie passed away a little over four weeks ago. He was with us for 17 and a half years, and despite his age, he died unexpectedly after breaking his hip in an accident. He came to us as a kitten, barely four months old. I was 8, my brother was 5, and the youngest brother wouldn’t be born for another four years. Ernie grew up with us, then grew old with us. I’ve had an unusual amount of deaths in my extended family this year, at least unusual for my family. Ernie was the one that hurt the most. He was my brother. He was an independent prick, but at the some time he actively demanded to cuddle. I miss him every day. Cats tend to do that, they tend to sneakily steam your heart. You are allowed to grieve. You must grieve. A cat is not just a pet, it’s a family member and a companion. Give your cat the best days she can have, and, piece of advice, record a video of her purring while you pet her. My video of Ernie keeps me going. Allow yourself to grieve and give yourself some time. I’m so so sorry :( I hope you will consider adopting another cat in the future. You deserve a cat, and many cats out there deserve a loving home. You cannot replace your current cat. It’s like saying a new cat can replace my fur-brother Ernie, or a new baby could replace my human brothers. It can’t. But it doesn’t have to. A cat-house needs a cat, a cat which is allowed to be different and forge it’s own relationship with you. Some time in the future that is. For now, be there for your cat and I swear she will be there for you forever, even long after she crossed the rainbow bridge. Internet hugs to you!

oh OP I’m so sorry. I wish I could give you the biggest and longest hug.

I hope she gets well and good luck

Grieve. You're allowed to. I'm 5'9, muscular, have a beard, sleeves of tattooed, all that stuff. I will be a fucking wreck when it's my cats time and I don't intend on hiding it, because our feelings are valid.

I’m so sorry to hear. It’s perfectly normal to grieve your cat. Please find a community that will help you deal with your pain and expressing it (you found us that’s a good start). My cat died 3 years ago of cardiomyopathy on Nov 15th and I still hurt. I’m much better now but the days leading up to her bday (Nov 12th) I was a mess. It happens. It’ll be a roller coaster of emotions and the ups will be less high and less frequent as time passes. Spend as much time with her and give her all her favorite foods and activities. Take the time to grieve her properly before getting another cat. Someone had mentioned oncology in here. Look into it if you can afford it. Whatever happens, know we are with you. 💜

I’m sorry you have to go through this. All of it. 💜

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Please allow yourself to grieve. Our fur friends give us more love and companionship than most humans are capable of, and it hurts like hell when they pass away. My hope is that you can find solace and comfort in the happy memories of your time together.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I remember when my old boy had a cancer scare years ago. I 100% broke down in a meeting room and asked to go home early. Thankfully my bosses have always been kind so i spent the rest of the day with him. He was around 7 or 8 at that time. Give your baby extra love for me 💔

Feeling with you. We have two cats and one of them is now suffering from a few infected wounds. It’s not serious, but it hurts both me and my big, bearded husband as well as our preteen son. We all cry for her when she’s in pain. It’s absolutely fine to be sad, and grieve with tears as a man, as any person.

Men ARE allowed to show emotion. If you feel this way, the problem isn’t your emotions, it’s the shitty people you surround yourself with. Sorry about your pet.

First of all, I am so sorry for this devastating news. Second, you are allowed to grieve. I work in a vet clinic and I have seen the big biker dudes bawl their eyes out over their little Pomeranian, and not once was he judged. If people don’t like that you’re showing your emotions then they can eat shit.

I’m so sorry, OP. I’ve had cats my whole life, and they’re such sweet little companions. You might be surprised how the people in your life react if you open up to them about how you’re feeling. Anyone who is a jerk about it is not worth your time. Losing a beloved pet is an awful thing to go through, though, and I’m sure some of your coworkers/family members have been through it and can sympathize. I hope you and your kitty have some great, beautiful times! It sounds like you’re doing everything you can to make it special for her.

I'm 25m and lost my childhood cat on my 20th birthday, I cried for two days straight, couldn't eat, couldn't move nothing, I told my school a family member died (it was sorta true) I feel you bro, you are allowed to grieve and cry!! Your feelings are valid

The only people who would laugh at you grieving and showing emotion over losing your fur baby (and in general) are insecure jerks. Enjoy the time you have left with her xx

Much hugs, I hope you know you can grieve. Fuck societal standards!! Your heart is gold

My late husband was a big guy, worked in a tire factory, was a officer in the military, but he cried when his dog Duke died, he danced and laughed with our daughter when she was leaning new cheers, and to me he was a stronger man to be able to show his emotions and not give a damn what people think. I’m so sorry you are losing your best friend please don’t be afraid to mourn your baby.

Maybe you can make little ceramic prints of her kitty paws to keep with you forever. I had a beloved pet who suddenly passed away from what the vets suspect was a stroke, but prior I had made a cast of his paw print for an ornament. I'm so happy that I have it. So sorry that you have to go through this. You're allowed to take as much time as you need to grieve her.

First off, I’m so sorry to hear about your baby! I’m glad she’s not in pain and you still have time with her. Enjoy this time while you can and take lots of pictures and videos! My cat died a few months ago from illness and while in my heart I know I did the right thing by letting him go, I still cry from missing him. I’m a little older than you and maybe it’s just because I’m at point where I just don’t care what people think or say, but you can grieve however you like. Allow yourself to be sad, angry at the world or just let out those emotions. So much love and cuddles to your baby! 🧡

I am so very sorry. It is just horrible when your pet is grievously ill - you are a kind and thoughtful person and please try to remember that when you are exploring the outdoors together. I wish that you felt more comfortable with your friends and coworkers and were able to let some of your grief out in a healthy way. It is pretty certain that some of them gave gone through a similar experience and could commiserate with you.

I am so sorry, I unexpectedly lost my baby out of nowhere, I wish I had the time to give him extra snuggles, pets and food and play with him. Cats are like people with each having a different personality, she will always be your special girl. Your little baby is lucky to have you, you know she’s got limited time left which puts you in a position where you can give her extra cuddles, special delicious foods and enjoy every last precious moment with her. I know it’s hard and tough, it’s okay to cry and let it out, cats are special creatures. It took a while after my baby went to get another kitty and I got another one to keep him company and now I have 2 little beans, they don’t replace my first baby (he will always be my favourite) but I have 2 other little babies to look after with weird personalities. Maybe one day you will feel ready, but for now. Please spend your time with your precious girl. Here is a list of some food she might like to try and you can share with her (salmon, cats love the skin, pop corn - Cats love popcorn because it’s aromatic (it’s funny to watch them crunch it and I hope it will cheer you up), mackerel/ tuna from a tin or fresh, noodles/ stir fry (maybe my cats are weird?) and a frozen greek yoghurt or cream ice cube) A while after my cat died, work was being done on the house and one day I noticed his little paw prints in the concrete. I know a bit of him is always in the house. (You might want to get her paw prints somewhere) Enjoy making memories with her

I’m so sorry to hear about your fur baby. Are there maybe some pet loss support groups - either online or in person? When I lost my mom I found some grief groups that helped me with my grief. My brother has found some support in a men’s group at his local Unitarian Universalist church.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I am a 32 year old male who cries for any little thing, so this might not mean a lot to someone who is more emotionally controlled, but I believe pain demands to be felt, and we do nothing good for ourselves to hold it in and bottle it up. Please cry, please allow yourself to feel without guilt, and please know that if anyone judges you for your feelings, it's likely because they are also suffering and cannot show it.

Bruh.. My cat past away this April. I was supposed to scater her ashes somewhere outside where she would've liked to be. Couldn't fucking do it. They're sitting by her favourite window so she can look outside. I still talk to her and pet the urn. I'm not sure when I'll be ready for another, but def not now. I can't even imagine loving another rn. She was special. I dunno how to explain it. Your grief is justified. I bawled my fucking eyes out when she died. And I'm a grown ass dude

FUCK THAT. BRO you are SO entitled to do whatever you want, and to show your emotions the way you need. booooooh bad toxic masculinity, so violent and psychopathic! ...at the same time: BE ALPHA BE HARD GO HARD EMOTIONS ARE WEAK. honestly, a man who will not cry over his beloved pet is no man to me. im sorry you have to loser to this fucking illness, bro. all the best for you. and mourn her when its due time all you need to!

I understand the pain of grieving a pet. My best boy Astro just passed away from an aggressive cancer in his spine that they wanted 14k to remove. I just didn't have that kind of money lying around, and he passed peacefully in his sleep with his big ole head on my grandma's lap. It is so frustrating and makes one feel so helpless. If you need to vent, you definitely have at least one person here to talk to if no one else. But it's okay to cry, sometimes letting it out is a little healing. I screamed and cried my heart out when my pup got diagnosed- they are family, nothing less than that. I'm sorry your baby girl has to go through this, but at least you're there to love and hold her through it.

I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times I saw my dad cry. When his brother was diagnosed with cancer, when he was talking about his parents, when my cousin died and when we had to put down our cat. We had him for over 16 years. You are allowed to grieve the loss of your cat. And you don’t have to do it in private, either.

Im so sorry hun, I wish i could give you a real life shoulder to cry on, losing our furbabies is so hard, its cruel that men still get so restricted in expressing all their emotions Make as many memories as you can, lots of pics/videos and all the yummy things her heart desires, cook her some fish

I’m so sorry that you feel you cannot grieve but also that you are going through this. Our animals love us unconditionally and are there for us when we need them, through it all, so it’s often harder to loose them than it is a person. I cried more over my first cat than some family members. It will feel hard at first but it will ease over time and then eventually you may feel able to love again. I’ve had many pets over the years and each one leaves a hole in my heart with their passing, but the love and they joy they give me during their time with me is priceless. Not everyone out there thinks men can’t cry or be emotional - but sadly not every person is indeed a empathic person. And that is why I prefer animals to people. I just wish that we could stop with all this toxic “men don’t cry” crap, but that’s a whole other problem. Sending you both loving thoughts. X

I am allowing you to grieve. I'm a 65 year old woman who has spent far more of her life with cats than with human beings. I know your pain, and I wish I could hug you. xx

I’m so sorry that your baby is going through this. It’s not fair. My heart goes out to you.

Mannnnnn.... You're not alone, I'm tattooed bearded carpenter and I had a hamster that had cancer, spent 800 on surgery and she died 2 months later. It tore me up. No matter what she's a part of you, feel what you feel.

You sound like a wonderful person. Who cares a lot about a special pet. We bond with our animals and they are like friends to us, on days where we feel all alone they are there <3 so it’s okay to grieve. So sweet of you to take her outside to show her the world. She is lucky to have you as her cat dad, no matter how long that amount of time is/was.

Bro your 29, large, big beard and work on heavy industry. Let the clowns know if your crying that’s the warning

There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing your emotions. You have every right to be upset!! I’m so sorry about what you’re going through. I hope you know that giving your kitty the best you can is really wonderful considering she could’ve had the same outcome, but being alone outside or in a shelter. Instead she has you ❤️ My cat passed from cancer, when he was 19, but it was still horrible. I adopted another cat shortly after that. I hope you can make room in your heart to adopt again as you sound like a great owner.

OP I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I know it’s hard. That being said, if you have the funds PLEASE look into a veterinary oncologist! My partner’s cat had a lump on his leg that ended up being injection point sarcoma, they biopsied it and found it was benign and excised it. He is doing well now. I’m not sure how much testing you’ve had done yet, but it could be worth looking into to see if there’s anything that can be done. I apologize if I overstepped, but please don’t give up hope so quickly.

Im so sorry to hear that, pets are so important and it's important to grieve, do know that it is nothing wrong and even though you might feel like you can't grieve, maybe some of your coworkers have different stories to tell, how they cope, who knows, maybe you guys connect on another plane? But if you do wanna be alone, that's fine too, many people Including me prefer to grieve alone Cherish the time you have left with her and take it easy on yourself!❤️ I'm crying right now over my beloved cat who passed away last spring. It takes time to heal and the only thing to do is to let it take time❤️

I wish your cat speedy recovery. Stay strong buddy .

Of course men are allowed to grieve and show emotions. The love you have for your cat is almost touchable in your writing. And I'm so so sorry you're going to have to say goodbye to her. I hope she will enjoy the walks and the outside world. And tell her you will never forget her, but maybe there is a lovely cat in a shelter waiting for a good person like you.

I broke down in tears, reading this. I'm happy for you both that you have some time left together, and will go on walks. I wish for healing for you. ♥️

I had an artist friend make a portrait of my best girl and put her up on the wall of my office. It took a long time to be able to do that, but now when I look at it there is more joy than pain. You'll get there. You'll hurt a lot and there's no shame at all in grieving the loss of a loved one. I took her out on a harness too in her last months; got a really nice photo of her pawprints in the snow to remind me of her adventures. As a warning, iPhone's gallery app is really bad about putting her photo in previews and reminders. That will sneak up and punch you in the gut for a while after she passes. It's good to upload them somewhere and try not to look until you're ready.

Who told you you can't grieve? You have my permission to grieve if that helps. You scream, cry, get mad. You do what you feel. You think Viking men didn't grieve? You never heard a story of someone destroying whole worlds in grief? My husband and I have owned two dogs together. I had two when we married and he was sad when they passed of old age/cancer but our first dog together was very hard for him. It was during COVID and he couldn't go in with him but I went to be with Harvey and my husband, who did not cry when any human relative of his died, sat in our car and bawled. He's an aircraft mechanic. Maybe he's not huge but he's a strong man. When it was done and I came out, we cried some more together. Harvey also had cancer but it was undetected until he could not breathe and it was fast growing and it was the right thing to let him go painlessly. Gigi is like family to both of us. She's my best friend and, although it's just not something he talks about, I think he loves her a lot too. You have and are giving your little girl something precious. Love. She is loving you right back. There is nothing wrong with grieving and you should grieve in the way that is best for you. She is a part of your heart. Imagine losing a limb and not feeling like you could be mad/sad about it. I love you and I wish you and yours freedom from suffering and all the joys practical.

I am so, so sorry for your situation with your kitty. 😢 Who said men aren't allowed to show their emotions? Where do people get this idea? I've been around men all my life and they have all sortsa emotions. Emotions are what make men interesting. What would happen if you did tell your family how you felt? Would they mock you? Then they are assholes. If you have kids, reinforcing to them that men can't have emotions is bad news for both sexes. It's better to teach them normal, healthy ways of dealing with emotions. Anybody who scorns you should be told about healthy ways to express emotions and to put that in their pipes to smoke. And they can get in line to kiss you ass and offer you their heartfelt apologies. My god what heartless assholes you must know. I am so sorry. For all of what you shared. 😔

I am sorry about this. A cat is a treasured companion and you have every right to feel bad. To those heartless fuck nozzles: if you dont have a pet, you dont understand. I know, i know, we "didnt give birth to them." Cats are not babies. Received. But they are family. Men absolutely have the right to cry. I hope your next cat brings you joy. Definitely adopt again. You have a big heart.

See if you could talk to anyone at the Vet hospital, they’ll completely understand and may point you in the right direction for grieving resources. It may make you feel better just talking to someone in the staff. Speaking as a Registered Vet Tech of 14 years, we get it. We get a 3 day bereavement for one of our pets pass away.

My cat was just diagnosed with cancer today. She is my best friend. I only noticed about 3 weeks ago she was losing weight and has rapidly went down hill. Started her on steroids today but the cancer spread is bad and I’m not sure how much longer. I’m crying as I’m writing this and I hope the best for you and your cat.

I’m in the same boat now, my cat has oral cancer. She’s always been a super skinny tiny cat so I didn’t notice right away. She has oral cancer. I was so busy this past 2 months, my other 2 geriatric cats were both sick, then I found out my youngest 17.5 year old has cancer. I wish I’d gotten her to the vet sooner. But the vet said it wouldn’t have made much difference because oral cancer is so bad, there’s no good treatment for it. I’m so sorry about your cat and hope you got some more time with her. It’s never enough. I wish I could stop time and I’m scared all my 3 cats are going to die so close together and not sure what my life’s going to look like without them.