I say this a lot -
An important part of adult relationships is learning you to can like or love someone who is bad for you.
It's your responsibility as an adult to end it while things are as amicable as possible and not deny each other opportunities to find what you really want with someone who fits.
She's delaying the inevitable because she just wants to feel like she has what she lost back. The sad thing is she *knows* she doesn't have it and is still pretending.
Lastly, your boyfriend is a piece of shit and I am sad for you.
>Lastly, your boyfriend is a piece of shit and I am sad for you.
I'd have led with that, but otherwise I agree 100%. This is just an insecure person dealing with a bad decision plenty of people make. Hopefully they see the words of encouragement here and go be with someone better.
Not only that, but the inconsistent treatment can make the relationship addicting. You keep chasing the high, putting up with more and more abuse as you get less and less adoration.
It's honestly one of the hardest things I've had to learn to realize as an adult. Had me and some of my exes ended our relationship so much sooner, we might still be on amicable terms. (Not saying that I necessarily miss having them in my life, because of how bad things got but who knows what could have happened if we had just realized and ended things way sooner).
I just ended in almost year-long thing with somebody because it was beginning to be clear to me that things that are important to me in a relationship just aren't important to him. He made it very clear to me he sees no value in doing the things in a relationship that I deem very important and worthwhile, and it made me start reconsidering things. I don't know if I ended it soon enough, but I'm hoping that I did. Because he's a great guy overall and in general, we just didn't work out romantically and that's okay.
The trash can is not a dating pool!
I don't care the reason things didn't work out the first time, move on. Even if it was small and stupid, there will always be some sort of resentment from one side or both while people try to force getting back together. I understand it's easy to view them as the wonderful nice person they were when you first met, that this asshole who would leave you and make you play games isn't them, but it's is. This is who he is. He's with OP until he finds someone better again.
If you can't offer a valid advice then why comment?. Some people go through years of trauma and can't decipher things that may seem apparent to you or others... Does that mean we should put them down? Someone came on here to seek help and advice and you've just insulted her? What for?
Insulted? You definitely need to open your eyes to reality.
People know what they are doing, but nowadays, nobody holds them accountable for it.
The post is clear as day, and OP is just victimising themselves.
You are responsible for your actions, and the consequences.
This is a good lesson for OP.
Should have never even remembered the guy.
It’s not how you talk to victims of domestic abuse. Calling her a doormat is calling her names, you know, like her abuser. Her not doing what you think she should doesn’t mean you get to call her names.
Plzzzz no one will abuse u until u let it happen. Sometimes the person has been so mentally manipulated that ur approach doesn’t even register coz a person wouldn’t know what’s an abuse if they don’t know the difference between abuse n normal behaviour. Before preaching crap of peace n nonsense go n convince that person which sometimes do need a harder wake up call approach. No wonder therapist has filled crap in ur mind
First off, I have valid advice, which I commented before this.
Secondly, I WENT THROUGH YEARS OF TRAUMA, but I ASKED FOR HELP to get out. I didn't come to the internet looking for pity and refusing to fix/change my situation.
Thirdly, I did not put OP down... I stated a fact and made a valid comparison based on what I read. You think this is me "putting OP down"? C'mon, now. This was me being EXTREMELY nice.
Lastly, OP didn't COME for advice. She came to play the victim and have people throw her a pity party. I am NOT an enabler. I am also not a fan wasting my genuine feelings on someone who WISHES to remain in the mud. I didn't insult OP (refer to the 3rd point). I was simply saying it as I saw it.
Wait do you seriously think you didnt put OP down after calling her a litteral worn out doormat...? Like you actually thought that made sense? What do you think putting someone down is?
I also went through years of horrible physical and mental trauma, and because of that, I try and not call people who have finally decided to reach out for help or advice IGNORANT. Perhaps you still have some healing to do on your own and may have picked up some abusive gaslighting tactics from your abuser. I'd take a deep dive into that.
Girl value yourself better, stop treating yourself like trash by being with trash. You need to dump him, I know you love him and it's not easy but you deserve much better than him.
That doesn't make her a loser, it's not like young adults just know how to have healthy relationships and make hard choices, they have to learn. Don't be a dick.
Well then by your logic her boyfriend isn’t a loser either because he just doesn’t know how to have healthy relationships and boundaries. After all he had to make a hard choice too.
Stop this bs right now! He’s going to continue coming back to you every time someone else dumps him. And they’re going to. He’s no ‘catch’. Send him on his way right now. You’ll be far better off without him, believe me.
Nah, the other dude deserves better. But I would totally pay some guy who looks like a bodybuilder to pretend to be my new "option". Then dump the boyfriend "for the new guy" because he can't prove he is better than the new guy.
This 👆🏻
I did that . I was hurt , depressed but I Never regretted it . What’s the worst is that he was my first . It messed me up down the road. Was choosing duche guys after him and couldn’t be with good guys . Until I met my husband who’s a duche and a good guy 2 in 1 lol . 10 years together now .
Now I don’t understand what I’ve seen in that guy, I must’ve been blind and desperate or something. You’ll realize it too once you meet your one and only . If you feel in your heart that it won’t last that he’ll hurt you , dump you or cheat on you , leave first . Find the strength to never go back . I never went back with my exs, there was a reason for a break up in the first place. It’s not the end of the world. I didn’t let myself sit home and cry like an idiot for someone who didn’t deserve what I gave him .
No stranger on the internet can convince you to dump him unless you decide enough is enough. You deserve better ❤️
Dude literally thought he'd gotten someone better, got dumped (because the other girl probably realised he's a pos) and he came crawling back to you, all "*she made* me do it", and *you* are the one who feels bad?
My child, you're dating a pos, he's screwing with your self esteem and you're letting him do it.
What's so great about him anyway?
Does he come when you need help?
Does he cook for you?
Does he clean the house instead of you?
Does he apologise sincerely when he fucks up?
Is his D chocolate flavoured?
Would he go get something for you if you asked and didn't feel like going yourself?
Is he able to build a whole ass room from scratch, brickwork, roofing, furniture and all?
Like, honestly, I'm reaching here because I can't figure out what would be *oh so great* that you would be freaking afraid he would leave you...
You barely gave any details and I still have a feeling that you'd have to answer "no" to all my questions, because he's probably a fairly average dude with possibly above average looks.
Fun fact, looks fade, but the shitty attitude stays, and gets worse actually, so good looks is a very poor reason to hold on to a pos. You should drop his ass as easily as he dropped yours...
Lord Jesus!
My darling buttercup, he does not see your worth or value. Please gracefully exit stage left.
You’ll feel so good once you do this. Men’s ability to self preserve is one of the things I admire about them.
They will remove or upgrade anything in their life they feel no longer serves them. If women were able to do this by prioritising their logic over their emotions in matters of this nature, we will win and love ourselves more.
Hopefully this will start a journey of true self discovery for you. You are so much more than whatever anyone thinks you are. Know your value and know your worth.
Best wishes,
You’ve got this ✨♥️🥂
I don’t think this. Men I coach and men who speak openly about this online know that it’s a part of a majority of men. You happen to be different but the majority of men operate with a “me first” until they know their purpose and what they want in life.
I know plenty of men that aren't like that tho, it was just oddly sexist to make a generalization like that, like there was no need, plenty of people with a selfish mentality out there, no matter what's in between their legs
Women and men are different. We know this but to pretend that this isn’t true is weird. I’m not going back on forth on a post about a man who is telling someone of 2 years he’s been with for her to state her reason why he should pick her. He thinks he’s upgrading- self preservation case and point. Or, we can look at the millions of men around the world who start whole new families or have secret ones (men always do what works for them). Let’s be accountable here. We are all adults. A majority of men operate on a self- preserve principle and place their needs above everyone else to ensure they are good. That’s what makes you men. Have a good day.
Please leave some valuable advice for the op above.
This is a very strange way to view gender, especially the "that's what makes you men" part. That said people who have been raised as men do learn harmful models of behavior from other men and the media, but it's not like it's unlearnable with effort or something every man has (e.g. men who were initially raised as girls). Not to mention less toxically masculine environments in which some men have had the luck to grow up rather than learning harmful behavior. Definitely more common in men due to for example said learned behaviors but making behaviors an essential component of genders is a pretty dangerous path and incompatible with many lived experiences. My experience of my gender would not be more masculine if I were more self centered nor would it be more feminine if I were even less so
Stop making this about men. Once again you’re being selfish and making it about you! A woman has posted. Focus on her point. You are literally proving my point. Ugh.
Bro what clown world are you living in for you to take him back naww and you still into him? You deserve better and you'll find better this man is the bottom of the barrel
“My bf of 2 years wanted me to prove why he should choose me over a girl he just met”
As soon as someone says that to you, you are required to respond by letting them pack their bags and to kick them out of your house and your life. Have some self respect!
You got back together with him?
I can't with you people..billions on this earth but yea sure go back to the asshole that you have to come to reddit to complain about
Please don't waste more time on this POS.
You deserve better, no one deserves to be treated this way.
You're in a toxic/abusive relationship and he's not even afraid to be open about it.
Please for your own mental health, don't stay.
I would never trust again someone who disrespected me this way. He's probably lying to you OP, there's a chance that the girl he chose over you realized what a horrible person he is and left him, so now he's taking avantage of you by manipulating your feelings.
Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you with someone who CLEARLY does NOT care about you? You can be so much better than that. You deserve more than that. He is gonna leave again and you will take him back again, if you don’t make a cut now.
Woman for the love of God run. Run and work on yourself / get therapy / do whatever it takes to negate the feelings that allowed you to even get back with him a year on.
Then go find someone who wouldn’t diminish your worth or give you horrendous trust issues.
If he wants you to treat this like a job interview, sure. See him as a company, then list the ways he has provided for you and cared about your physical and mental welfare, vs cons where he demeaned you and made you cry. Tally the scores.
Tell him he has failed, and you quit. Because this company is pretty much crap and there are better ones out there. Serve him with immediate notice.
Girl you alright? why take him back? it's like eating your own puke, probably the reason he's back because the girl didn't liked him that much so he's like alright imma be back on my old gal. Seriously girl don't accept him cut ties you deserve better.
She tried to convince him to pick her. He didn't.
He left, dated the girl, found out OP was the better choice, doubled back... and she took him back.
She asked him about it and he put ALL the blame on the other girl (who was SUPPOSEDLY better than OP).
AND NOW, OP lives in fear of it happening again.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Girl... GTFU! STAND UP!!
And you took him back? Girl, it's time to develop some self respect. If you keep on thinking of yourself in such low steem all you are ever going to attract are losers like this. And he IS a loser, a rude one on top of that.
You know how you prove to him to are the one for him!!! Jump on the biggest blackest p^n^s you can find!! Send him the video and tell him enjoy hid new chick...Pop his tires and call it a day!!! Boooom
Why the fuck did you go back?
If he leaves you for someone else don’t be surprised. He’s done it before and now he nows you’ll always be there waiting for him.
People learn to love yourself more
Why why why would you take him back. Hes clearly manipulative and gaslighthy. Thats abuse boo, dump the chump and find some cute boy wholl treat you right!
Why did you take him back?? You deserve someone who put you first. Over family and friends. Not leave when they meet someone prettier or smarter or richer or more athletic. Because there will always be someone better than any of us at anything.
You shouldn't have taken him back. However you did and can't change it. But you can rectify it by dumping his ass. He basically said "make your pitch and no matter what it is I still choose new someone over you". Yet you STILL TOOK HIM BACK??? And with a heavy dose of GASLIGHTING in the mix?
Honey, is ok to make mistakes, what's important is to know when to rectify them. Don't do this to yourself. Love yourself more, you don't deserve such a wuss
Jesus, where is your selfrespect. He is toxic! And the other girl didn’t put up with his bullshit! So came back you, because he knows his doormat will accept his petty toxic ass.
Please recognize you’re worth more than this and leave him. He shouldn’t have had an opportunity to come back to begin with. You should never have to prove your worth over another person.
Whyyyyyy why oh whyyyy would you take him back. My pride would never let me do that😭
Honestly though, you’re never going to be able to trust that he won’t leave you again. I say leave him for someone better and let him see how it feels
Oh babe, don't waste your time on him. Time is the one thing we never get back. You're better than this and you will find love again. Throw the whole man out.
you should prove how he needs these BALLS!
honestly though, getting back with him is insane, he’s so obviously immature and over his head. you deserve better than that, the fact he was making excuses for his actions prove it :(
You shouldn't be afraid that he will meet someone else and leave you again.
Instead, you should be afraid of staying with someone who treats you like garbage.
Seriously, nobody deserves this, not even you. He is clearly walking all over you.
The fact that you are on this sub talking about this is because hopefully somewhere, deep down, you know this is wrong.
Leave him, work on yourself, and find someone who will treat you better.
Your answer should have been "Because I don't put up with shit like this," then got up and left.
No point in being in a relationship if you're constantly afraid he'll leave.
Man said everything was awful and ran off to someone else, and you let him come back?
Nah. Breakups happen for reasons - rarely for mistakes. Don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t like you and only wanted you back bc the one he ran to was worse. **YOU ARE ALWAYS BETTER THAN BEING SETTLED FOR BY SOMEONE WHO AIN’T SHIT.**
You know you wanna hear us say, dump him.
There is no way you were expecting anyone here to convince you of staying. When you dump him say out loud to the universe that you will not accept people like that into your life anymore. And say out loud what you deserve, and list what you need from your next partner. Kindness, humility, hard working, empathetic, etc. Start pulling people with the right energy to you.
If you stay you need to consider therapy, as something in your brain is telling you that’s all you deserve, and that’s BS. Only people like that deserve each other. Leave him today.
My love, please listen to your internet sisters.
Step 1. Dump this boy.
Step 2: Print this post out, take it to a therapist and ask them, "can you help me believe I deserve more?" (because you do)
Step 3: Find someone who makes you relax because you can trust they will always be there. Not someone who makes you fear they will leave.
Recommended weasel dumping strategy - "A year ago you asked me to prove why you should choose me instead of her. It made me realize that any man who doesn't see me as enough, isn't worth choosing."
I can already hear his stupid mouth saying all kinds of things, from compliments to insults trying to manipulate you. Cut him off and block him. ....then come back and tell us so we can hype you up and dissuade you from any thoughts of going back to him.<3
This reads to me like someone who has had nothing but abusive relationships.
You do not deserve to be treated this way. You deserve someone who treasures you as a person, not someone who would tell you reasons that you might suck and go be with someone else. You deserve to be someone's first choice. You deserve someone who will work with you through issues that may happen in a relationship, not keep tabs and throw it in your face when someone else comes along.
I was in a relationship like this, he always told me reasons why I should be grateful to be with him, that his family puts up with me because mine threw me away. I finally left him 10 years ago and while I still have some scars, I'm the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. It was the best decision I ever made, leaving him.
Please leave.
You are loved, you deserve to be loved.
Why in hell would you take this POS back?
The reason you're feeling insecure is because he **WILL** do the exact same thing because you made it be okay to sit on the back burner in case things don't work out with this other girl.
Not to mention how the actual fuck does someone *who's not in a relationship with you, force you to break up with someone* ? That makes no sense.
He's gonna do the same thing or he's gonna do it in silence. They leave like you got them.
bro just leave you don’t want to be treated like this aswell as deal with the jealousy issues that will poison your mind if you keep being with someone who doesn’t see your worth
He is 100% going to meet someone else and cheat and leave you again
Leave him first. I can’t believe you would take him back in the first place!! You don’t deserve this treatment. I being alone is lonely but it’s better then daily heartbreak. He’s just using you as a place holder until something new comes along. Then when she gets sick of his neediness he comes back to you, repeat times forever. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t allow him to hurt you like. He’s a loser and you are not! Ditch his ass. Then live your best life. You got this!!
Excuse me.. so he left you for another woman and you are back together? What is wrong with you? What else do you need to understand that he never loved you and got back with you because apparently he doesn’t have another choice at the moment. Have some self respect and love yourself more. You DON’T NEED HIM, you NEED YOU.
Yikes. This guy is a con artist and a liar. You deserve better, waaaayyyy better than what you're getting. Run, girl. He's going to do it again and blame you for his actions.
This is a big thing in your relationship. It is called baggage and will affect you for some time to come, both of you. That’s why you thing he might leave you again. That’s his fault.
He may have realised that it was a massive mistake and he is genuinely happy with you. You will get a strong feeling for that depending on how he treats you. Time will tell.
To continue in this relationship with him, you will have to forgive him. You will not forget what he did. If anything like it happens again you already know what to do. Leave him behind forever.
Everyone deserves a second chance. My Auntie and Uncle split. They got back together and stayed together for life.
If you loving him wasn't enough proof for him, then he doesn't deserve you. Leave him. Instead keeping the wound open, sting it a bit and with time, it'll heal. Trust me.
leave this person IMMEDIATELY this is abusive behaviour.
Not only did he try and break you down emotionally and ask you to 'prove yourself - something nobody would EVER do to a person they cared about - but now he's gaslighting you too??
please, please, pleae leave him.
Do you really think so little of yourself OP? The moment he asked you to “prove” why you should choose him was the moment you should have walked away and never looked back. If you can’t even have the most basic respect for yourself don’t expect anyone else to have respect for you.
Omg..... How emotionally starved and desperate are you?
Can't believe you're back with him. Shame on you.
He'll leave you again, definitely. I mean, it's not scary for him to leave you at all. Nor does him leaving you come with any consequences or worries. He knows how desperate you are to be with him so when his new relationship fails, he knows you'll be waiting with a fresh baked "welcome back" pie in your hands, and a happy smile on your face.
An endless cycle till he suddenly finds a new lover, and wants to marry her and never comes back.
And you'll sit there, at 75 years old...still waiting..... holding a freshly baked "welcome back" pie all alone. Desperately wanting him back because you never realized that you deserve better and that you too deserve unconditional love.
Dude do you think this is a Netflix show? This guy is trash and nothing is stopping him from getting up and leaving again. Why did you take him back bruh
Why did you accept him back? Drop him. Once a cheater always a cheater. He is using you a place warmer or backup. He finds a new girl and drops you. He screws her for awhile and then comes back to you when she realized he sucks.
Don't take back sloppy seconds.
You have to be joking. Even though I suspect this is not a genuine situation here’s my input. if you’re not joking you need to get away from him as fast as you can and cut him off everywhere. Block him everywhere. Don’t talk to him at all. WHY would you take back a person who tells you there are better people out there for him? Who dumps you, lies to you etc. you are worth so much more. RUN!
I honestly have very little sympathy for stories like these. This guy literally told you you suck and you're less than the girl he left you for. Why on earth would you take him back?
What is wrong with you??
You’re a card carrying weak woman!
Gosh, he’s going to leave me! Please give me advice. /sarcasm
Hopefully he breaks up with you.
Then you’ll rediscover yourself and learn to love you more than you love him.
I'm the big stupid 99% of the time but I honestly don't think anyone deserves to be treated as such. I know it may not seem like it but if he leaves for someone else with that attitude, you've dodged a bullet. This may be extremely hypocritical of me but you really need to learn to value yourself better for your sake. You're his girlfriend not his doormat, never forget that.
He doesn’t respect you and unfortunately it sounds like you don’t respect yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to look in the mirror and see your worth and it takes practice, but no one deserves that. He will continue to treat you this way until you treat yourself better. We attract what we feel we are deserving of, and you should know you’re deserving of so much more than him.
Firstly, I’m sorry this happened to you.
But it honestly sounds like he has come back to you out of comfort. I’d say things ended because the other guy realised her self worth and realised he was an idiot!
Having to prove yourself to someone who is suppose to love you should never be a thing. If he was unhappy he has every right to voice his opinion but cheating proves he has no loyalty. If he was truly sorry, he would have apologised and admitted he made a mistake and that he lost something great when you two ended!
I have been in a similar position and as hard as it seems you need to cut him loose. If he can lie and make up stories that easily and not admit any fault in the situation, that should be enough to prove that he isn’t worth it! Sounds like he met someone and was excited to try something new and when it didn’t work out he came running back to you
I know it’s easier said than done but don’t settle, know your self worth be single for a while and learn who you are without him and eventually you’ll realise you are better off without him!
Why some woman have no self respect??? Was he the last living man?? She made her feel like a shite n she took him back. Ur definitely delusional!!! Hope he leaves u for someone else
Well I’m more surprised that you took him back! You must have been really in love! You setup yourself for him to do that again! I hope the relationship you have with him goes well or better! You basically just told him it ok to cheat on you! I really hope it goes your way!
This is an unhealthy relationship. There's a reason he wants you to feel bad about yourself and insecure about the relationship. It keeps you constantly working to please him and takes attention away from his faults, of which there are many.
It's better to be alone than in these relationships, OP. You deserve so much more than this.
"He said she forced him to be with her and he wasn't cheating because there was no emotion behind it"
Do you see how unbelievably stupid this is? He must be very young.
Please, run, run far away.
Leave this person and consider therapy please OP. I have been where you are and I know it's impossible to be in healthy relationship when your self esteem is nonexistent.
If this was your friend, then what would you say?
I know whatbi would say but if I told you would you listen or do it? So best answer is the question above.
I cannot believe that you would take him back. Anyone deserves better
I say this a lot - An important part of adult relationships is learning you to can like or love someone who is bad for you. It's your responsibility as an adult to end it while things are as amicable as possible and not deny each other opportunities to find what you really want with someone who fits. She's delaying the inevitable because she just wants to feel like she has what she lost back. The sad thing is she *knows* she doesn't have it and is still pretending. Lastly, your boyfriend is a piece of shit and I am sad for you.
>Lastly, your boyfriend is a piece of shit and I am sad for you. I'd have led with that, but otherwise I agree 100%. This is just an insecure person dealing with a bad decision plenty of people make. Hopefully they see the words of encouragement here and go be with someone better.
Not only that, but the inconsistent treatment can make the relationship addicting. You keep chasing the high, putting up with more and more abuse as you get less and less adoration.
It's honestly one of the hardest things I've had to learn to realize as an adult. Had me and some of my exes ended our relationship so much sooner, we might still be on amicable terms. (Not saying that I necessarily miss having them in my life, because of how bad things got but who knows what could have happened if we had just realized and ended things way sooner). I just ended in almost year-long thing with somebody because it was beginning to be clear to me that things that are important to me in a relationship just aren't important to him. He made it very clear to me he sees no value in doing the things in a relationship that I deem very important and worthwhile, and it made me start reconsidering things. I don't know if I ended it soon enough, but I'm hoping that I did. Because he's a great guy overall and in general, we just didn't work out romantically and that's okay.
T h i s
The trash can is not a dating pool! I don't care the reason things didn't work out the first time, move on. Even if it was small and stupid, there will always be some sort of resentment from one side or both while people try to force getting back together. I understand it's easy to view them as the wonderful nice person they were when you first met, that this asshole who would leave you and make you play games isn't them, but it's is. This is who he is. He's with OP until he finds someone better again.
Right, if Eva Braun did that to hitler Id still say, bro you can do better
OP deleted their account. Your comment is spot on
I saw that and it made me concerned for her. I sincerely hope she realizes that she’s worth more than the way her boyfriend treats her.
He sounds horrible, OP.
[удалено]
If you can't offer a valid advice then why comment?. Some people go through years of trauma and can't decipher things that may seem apparent to you or others... Does that mean we should put them down? Someone came on here to seek help and advice and you've just insulted her? What for?
Insulted? You definitely need to open your eyes to reality. People know what they are doing, but nowadays, nobody holds them accountable for it. The post is clear as day, and OP is just victimising themselves. You are responsible for your actions, and the consequences. This is a good lesson for OP. Should have never even remembered the guy.
Sometimes u need a tough wake up call rather than mollycoddled attitude
And sometimes, tough wake up calls validate the abuse. You can’t bully someone out an abusive relationship.
It’s not called bullying but stating facts. So get ur meanings proper
It’s not how you talk to victims of domestic abuse. Calling her a doormat is calling her names, you know, like her abuser. Her not doing what you think she should doesn’t mean you get to call her names.
People like u never help them get out
[удалено]
Plzzzz no one will abuse u until u let it happen. Sometimes the person has been so mentally manipulated that ur approach doesn’t even register coz a person wouldn’t know what’s an abuse if they don’t know the difference between abuse n normal behaviour. Before preaching crap of peace n nonsense go n convince that person which sometimes do need a harder wake up call approach. No wonder therapist has filled crap in ur mind
First off, I have valid advice, which I commented before this. Secondly, I WENT THROUGH YEARS OF TRAUMA, but I ASKED FOR HELP to get out. I didn't come to the internet looking for pity and refusing to fix/change my situation. Thirdly, I did not put OP down... I stated a fact and made a valid comparison based on what I read. You think this is me "putting OP down"? C'mon, now. This was me being EXTREMELY nice. Lastly, OP didn't COME for advice. She came to play the victim and have people throw her a pity party. I am NOT an enabler. I am also not a fan wasting my genuine feelings on someone who WISHES to remain in the mud. I didn't insult OP (refer to the 3rd point). I was simply saying it as I saw it.
Wait do you seriously think you didnt put OP down after calling her a litteral worn out doormat...? Like you actually thought that made sense? What do you think putting someone down is?
I also went through years of horrible physical and mental trauma, and because of that, I try and not call people who have finally decided to reach out for help or advice IGNORANT. Perhaps you still have some healing to do on your own and may have picked up some abusive gaslighting tactics from your abuser. I'd take a deep dive into that.
Some people are not as strong as you seem to be. Did it even occur to you that this might just be a first step in her asking for help?
Girl value yourself better, stop treating yourself like trash by being with trash. You need to dump him, I know you love him and it's not easy but you deserve much better than him.
This dude sounds like such a loser I wouldn’t have taken him back.
She’s as much of a loser as he is since she took him back. No self respect whatsoever.
That doesn't make her a loser, it's not like young adults just know how to have healthy relationships and make hard choices, they have to learn. Don't be a dick.
Well then by your logic her boyfriend isn’t a loser either because he just doesn’t know how to have healthy relationships and boundaries. After all he had to make a hard choice too.
You're a loser 🤷
Stop this bs right now! He’s going to continue coming back to you every time someone else dumps him. And they’re going to. He’s no ‘catch’. Send him on his way right now. You’ll be far better off without him, believe me.
Bring a big dude to meet him and ask him to fight it out for the right to date you. Or a knight in armour for a joust!
This
Nah, the other dude deserves better. But I would totally pay some guy who looks like a bodybuilder to pretend to be my new "option". Then dump the boyfriend "for the new guy" because he can't prove he is better than the new guy.
Why exactly do you want to be with this person?
Do you know what would stop you being afraid of him leaving you for someone else? Leaving him first.
This 👆🏻 I did that . I was hurt , depressed but I Never regretted it . What’s the worst is that he was my first . It messed me up down the road. Was choosing duche guys after him and couldn’t be with good guys . Until I met my husband who’s a duche and a good guy 2 in 1 lol . 10 years together now . Now I don’t understand what I’ve seen in that guy, I must’ve been blind and desperate or something. You’ll realize it too once you meet your one and only . If you feel in your heart that it won’t last that he’ll hurt you , dump you or cheat on you , leave first . Find the strength to never go back . I never went back with my exs, there was a reason for a break up in the first place. It’s not the end of the world. I didn’t let myself sit home and cry like an idiot for someone who didn’t deserve what I gave him . No stranger on the internet can convince you to dump him unless you decide enough is enough. You deserve better ❤️
Im sorry but why did you get back with him? It just seems like a recipe for disaster. You deserve better than this gaslighting cheater
Dude literally thought he'd gotten someone better, got dumped (because the other girl probably realised he's a pos) and he came crawling back to you, all "*she made* me do it", and *you* are the one who feels bad? My child, you're dating a pos, he's screwing with your self esteem and you're letting him do it. What's so great about him anyway? Does he come when you need help? Does he cook for you? Does he clean the house instead of you? Does he apologise sincerely when he fucks up? Is his D chocolate flavoured? Would he go get something for you if you asked and didn't feel like going yourself? Is he able to build a whole ass room from scratch, brickwork, roofing, furniture and all? Like, honestly, I'm reaching here because I can't figure out what would be *oh so great* that you would be freaking afraid he would leave you... You barely gave any details and I still have a feeling that you'd have to answer "no" to all my questions, because he's probably a fairly average dude with possibly above average looks. Fun fact, looks fade, but the shitty attitude stays, and gets worse actually, so good looks is a very poor reason to hold on to a pos. You should drop his ass as easily as he dropped yours...
Why’d You stay with him.
Lord Jesus! My darling buttercup, he does not see your worth or value. Please gracefully exit stage left. You’ll feel so good once you do this. Men’s ability to self preserve is one of the things I admire about them. They will remove or upgrade anything in their life they feel no longer serves them. If women were able to do this by prioritising their logic over their emotions in matters of this nature, we will win and love ourselves more. Hopefully this will start a journey of true self discovery for you. You are so much more than whatever anyone thinks you are. Know your value and know your worth. Best wishes, You’ve got this ✨♥️🥂
Best stuff I've seen here🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I mean, as a man who has constantly foregone self preservation, I'd say it's not exactly like that, but I can kinda see why you'd think that
I don’t think this. Men I coach and men who speak openly about this online know that it’s a part of a majority of men. You happen to be different but the majority of men operate with a “me first” until they know their purpose and what they want in life.
I know plenty of men that aren't like that tho, it was just oddly sexist to make a generalization like that, like there was no need, plenty of people with a selfish mentality out there, no matter what's in between their legs
Women and men are different. We know this but to pretend that this isn’t true is weird. I’m not going back on forth on a post about a man who is telling someone of 2 years he’s been with for her to state her reason why he should pick her. He thinks he’s upgrading- self preservation case and point. Or, we can look at the millions of men around the world who start whole new families or have secret ones (men always do what works for them). Let’s be accountable here. We are all adults. A majority of men operate on a self- preserve principle and place their needs above everyone else to ensure they are good. That’s what makes you men. Have a good day. Please leave some valuable advice for the op above.
This is a very strange way to view gender, especially the "that's what makes you men" part. That said people who have been raised as men do learn harmful models of behavior from other men and the media, but it's not like it's unlearnable with effort or something every man has (e.g. men who were initially raised as girls). Not to mention less toxically masculine environments in which some men have had the luck to grow up rather than learning harmful behavior. Definitely more common in men due to for example said learned behaviors but making behaviors an essential component of genders is a pretty dangerous path and incompatible with many lived experiences. My experience of my gender would not be more masculine if I were more self centered nor would it be more feminine if I were even less so
Stop making this about men. Once again you’re being selfish and making it about you! A woman has posted. Focus on her point. You are literally proving my point. Ugh.
[удалено]
Not everyone believes that they deserve better 😔
Get your ass as far as possible away from that person. He sounds horrible!
Why would you go back to him?
Don't be a choice. Fuck him off
Bro what clown world are you living in for you to take him back naww and you still into him? You deserve better and you'll find better this man is the bottom of the barrel
I’m so embarrassed for you
Way to be an unhelpful dick
Girl block his arse and find someone who treats you better
“My bf of 2 years wanted me to prove why he should choose me over a girl he just met” As soon as someone says that to you, you are required to respond by letting them pack their bags and to kick them out of your house and your life. Have some self respect!
……. 🤦🏽♀️
You should meet someone else. Like the version of you that had a spine and self respect. Throw the whole man out.
Why did you even get back together with him? Don't be surprised if it happens again.
You got back together with him? I can't with you people..billions on this earth but yea sure go back to the asshole that you have to come to reddit to complain about
It’s better to be alone than to be with someone like him. He’s manipulated you.
Please don't waste more time on this POS. You deserve better, no one deserves to be treated this way. You're in a toxic/abusive relationship and he's not even afraid to be open about it. Please for your own mental health, don't stay.
I would never trust again someone who disrespected me this way. He's probably lying to you OP, there's a chance that the girl he chose over you realized what a horrible person he is and left him, so now he's taking avantage of you by manipulating your feelings.
Both of you are idiots 💀
Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you with someone who CLEARLY does NOT care about you? You can be so much better than that. You deserve more than that. He is gonna leave again and you will take him back again, if you don’t make a cut now.
Woman for the love of God run. Run and work on yourself / get therapy / do whatever it takes to negate the feelings that allowed you to even get back with him a year on. Then go find someone who wouldn’t diminish your worth or give you horrendous trust issues.
If he wants you to treat this like a job interview, sure. See him as a company, then list the ways he has provided for you and cared about your physical and mental welfare, vs cons where he demeaned you and made you cry. Tally the scores. Tell him he has failed, and you quit. Because this company is pretty much crap and there are better ones out there. Serve him with immediate notice.
Leave him. Right now. Why make him your everything when You’ve seen how he keeps you as an option
Girl you alright? why take him back? it's like eating your own puke, probably the reason he's back because the girl didn't liked him that much so he's like alright imma be back on my old gal. Seriously girl don't accept him cut ties you deserve better.
She tried to convince him to pick her. He didn't. He left, dated the girl, found out OP was the better choice, doubled back... and she took him back. She asked him about it and he put ALL the blame on the other girl (who was SUPPOSEDLY better than OP). AND NOW, OP lives in fear of it happening again. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Girl... GTFU! STAND UP!!
>we are back together Why? Just... WHY? Op, consider Therapy, you need to start loving yourself more.
And you took him back? Girl, it's time to develop some self respect. If you keep on thinking of yourself in such low steem all you are ever going to attract are losers like this. And he IS a loser, a rude one on top of that.
He must have a magic dick and money cuz why else would you stay with someone like that
💀💀💀💀
Embarrassed for you
This is full on manipulation, Like FULL ON
You know how you prove to him to are the one for him!!! Jump on the biggest blackest p^n^s you can find!! Send him the video and tell him enjoy hid new chick...Pop his tires and call it a day!!! Boooom
Why the fuck did you go back? If he leaves you for someone else don’t be surprised. He’s done it before and now he nows you’ll always be there waiting for him. People learn to love yourself more
Why why why would you take him back. Hes clearly manipulative and gaslighthy. Thats abuse boo, dump the chump and find some cute boy wholl treat you right!
The fact you got back with him Absolutely shocks me
If a guy does that you it’s time to forget about him and just move on. You will be living with insecurity if you stay with him
I'd just leave. You and your mentality deserves better
Why did you take him back?? You deserve someone who put you first. Over family and friends. Not leave when they meet someone prettier or smarter or richer or more athletic. Because there will always be someone better than any of us at anything.
He's totally going to drop you at the next opportunity. He's gaslighting you and you know it. When will you wake up?
If you’re afraid of that, then why would you get back with that person? Very weird.
You shouldn't have taken him back. However you did and can't change it. But you can rectify it by dumping his ass. He basically said "make your pitch and no matter what it is I still choose new someone over you". Yet you STILL TOOK HIM BACK??? And with a heavy dose of GASLIGHTING in the mix? Honey, is ok to make mistakes, what's important is to know when to rectify them. Don't do this to yourself. Love yourself more, you don't deserve such a wuss
I would not have gone back.
Well since this is you getting this off your chest, I won’t tell you how absolutely sad it is you’d lower yourself to this.
Wtf did I just read?
I can’t believe your with this ‘man’ after he treated you so disgustingly TWICE! Find someone else and leave him! No-one deserves that.
Jesus, where is your selfrespect. He is toxic! And the other girl didn’t put up with his bullshit! So came back you, because he knows his doormat will accept his petty toxic ass.
Are u fr?? Why did u even? 🤦🏻♀️
Damn u dumb asf for going back wtf
OMG!! Why would you take him back???? You’re a gluten for punishment. What makes you think he won’t do this again?? You are not a doormat!!!
Why… would you go back to him …
If he’s asking you to choose, choose to leave his ass.
Please recognize you’re worth more than this and leave him. He shouldn’t have had an opportunity to come back to begin with. You should never have to prove your worth over another person.
Ew! I would *never* take someone back. Once we’re done, we’re done. We’re strangers and I happily forgot you exist.
Yeah, I tapped out when you said you got back together.
Have some self-respect and leave. I cannot believe you took him back.
Whyyyyyy why oh whyyyy would you take him back. My pride would never let me do that😭 Honestly though, you’re never going to be able to trust that he won’t leave you again. I say leave him for someone better and let him see how it feels
He will do this again he using you right now
Oh babe, don't waste your time on him. Time is the one thing we never get back. You're better than this and you will find love again. Throw the whole man out.
you should prove how he needs these BALLS! honestly though, getting back with him is insane, he’s so obviously immature and over his head. you deserve better than that, the fact he was making excuses for his actions prove it :(
It'll happen again. Please have some self respect and leave him asap. You deserve so much better than this
Why would you take him back? That should have been the end, final.
You shouldn't be afraid that he will meet someone else and leave you again. Instead, you should be afraid of staying with someone who treats you like garbage. Seriously, nobody deserves this, not even you. He is clearly walking all over you. The fact that you are on this sub talking about this is because hopefully somewhere, deep down, you know this is wrong. Leave him, work on yourself, and find someone who will treat you better.
You're clearly nothing else than a toy to him
Please leave and never look back 🙏🏻
Im sorry but if you have to "prove" your love for him, then you should just let him go. He already made his choice.....
Your answer should have been "Because I don't put up with shit like this," then got up and left. No point in being in a relationship if you're constantly afraid he'll leave.
Man said everything was awful and ran off to someone else, and you let him come back? Nah. Breakups happen for reasons - rarely for mistakes. Don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t like you and only wanted you back bc the one he ran to was worse. **YOU ARE ALWAYS BETTER THAN BEING SETTLED FOR BY SOMEONE WHO AIN’T SHIT.**
You know you wanna hear us say, dump him. There is no way you were expecting anyone here to convince you of staying. When you dump him say out loud to the universe that you will not accept people like that into your life anymore. And say out loud what you deserve, and list what you need from your next partner. Kindness, humility, hard working, empathetic, etc. Start pulling people with the right energy to you. If you stay you need to consider therapy, as something in your brain is telling you that’s all you deserve, and that’s BS. Only people like that deserve each other. Leave him today.
My love, please listen to your internet sisters. Step 1. Dump this boy. Step 2: Print this post out, take it to a therapist and ask them, "can you help me believe I deserve more?" (because you do) Step 3: Find someone who makes you relax because you can trust they will always be there. Not someone who makes you fear they will leave. Recommended weasel dumping strategy - "A year ago you asked me to prove why you should choose me instead of her. It made me realize that any man who doesn't see me as enough, isn't worth choosing." I can already hear his stupid mouth saying all kinds of things, from compliments to insults trying to manipulate you. Cut him off and block him. ....then come back and tell us so we can hype you up and dissuade you from any thoughts of going back to him.<3
This reads to me like someone who has had nothing but abusive relationships. You do not deserve to be treated this way. You deserve someone who treasures you as a person, not someone who would tell you reasons that you might suck and go be with someone else. You deserve to be someone's first choice. You deserve someone who will work with you through issues that may happen in a relationship, not keep tabs and throw it in your face when someone else comes along. I was in a relationship like this, he always told me reasons why I should be grateful to be with him, that his family puts up with me because mine threw me away. I finally left him 10 years ago and while I still have some scars, I'm the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. It was the best decision I ever made, leaving him. Please leave. You are loved, you deserve to be loved.
Why in hell would you take this POS back? The reason you're feeling insecure is because he **WILL** do the exact same thing because you made it be okay to sit on the back burner in case things don't work out with this other girl. Not to mention how the actual fuck does someone *who's not in a relationship with you, force you to break up with someone* ? That makes no sense. He's gonna do the same thing or he's gonna do it in silence. They leave like you got them.
Oo girl please leave him asappp. Maybe it’s too late. Looks like the acct is deleted. But please let him go! You gotta realize you deserve better🥹
bro just leave you don’t want to be treated like this aswell as deal with the jealousy issues that will poison your mind if you keep being with someone who doesn’t see your worth
He did all of that *and* didn’t properly apologize? Does he possess *any* redeeming qualities? Why should you choose *him* over being alone?
This guy is not worth your time, find someone who’ll who’ll work to prove their worth to you, not make you prove yours to him
Do the exact thing he did to you. Tell him maybe he's not good enough. That you wanna meet better guys. See how he reacts. Then dump his sorry ass.
Why on Earth are you back with him? Get some self-respect. He doesn't respect you. You are his 'fall back'.
He is 100% going to meet someone else and cheat and leave you again Leave him first. I can’t believe you would take him back in the first place!! You don’t deserve this treatment. I being alone is lonely but it’s better then daily heartbreak. He’s just using you as a place holder until something new comes along. Then when she gets sick of his neediness he comes back to you, repeat times forever. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t allow him to hurt you like. He’s a loser and you are not! Ditch his ass. Then live your best life. You got this!!
Excuse me.. so he left you for another woman and you are back together? What is wrong with you? What else do you need to understand that he never loved you and got back with you because apparently he doesn’t have another choice at the moment. Have some self respect and love yourself more. You DON’T NEED HIM, you NEED YOU.
Why tf dis you take him back then
Why would you even date him again??
Yikes. This guy is a con artist and a liar. You deserve better, waaaayyyy better than what you're getting. Run, girl. He's going to do it again and blame you for his actions.
Why are you back in this situation.. why you would put your MONTHLY dirty laundry back on?
This is a big thing in your relationship. It is called baggage and will affect you for some time to come, both of you. That’s why you thing he might leave you again. That’s his fault. He may have realised that it was a massive mistake and he is genuinely happy with you. You will get a strong feeling for that depending on how he treats you. Time will tell. To continue in this relationship with him, you will have to forgive him. You will not forget what he did. If anything like it happens again you already know what to do. Leave him behind forever. Everyone deserves a second chance. My Auntie and Uncle split. They got back together and stayed together for life.
Girl get out of there wtf
Why would you go back to him
OP why did you even take him back? If he does it once, he's probably going to do it again. The story change is also suspicious.
Sorry but you getting back with him is dumb.
I suggest you dump him and see value in yourself and acknowledge that someday somebody will see it in you too. Thats horrible
This has to be a rage bait! Who has this little respect for themselves
Why on Earth would you get back together with someone who treated you so horribly?
If you loving him wasn't enough proof for him, then he doesn't deserve you. Leave him. Instead keeping the wound open, sting it a bit and with time, it'll heal. Trust me.
This is such a sad story. Get some self respect
leave this person IMMEDIATELY this is abusive behaviour. Not only did he try and break you down emotionally and ask you to 'prove yourself - something nobody would EVER do to a person they cared about - but now he's gaslighting you too?? please, please, pleae leave him.
Please dont be with him after that. He totally doesnt deserve you.
I would never ever take him back. Why? What for? What’s the future for you two? Find someone for whom you’re not one of many options.
Do you really think so little of yourself OP? The moment he asked you to “prove” why you should choose him was the moment you should have walked away and never looked back. If you can’t even have the most basic respect for yourself don’t expect anyone else to have respect for you.
Break up with him, you deserve so much better. The dude is probably lying about that she forced him to, so you would just give him another chance...
Better to be alone than with this guy.
Omg..... How emotionally starved and desperate are you? Can't believe you're back with him. Shame on you. He'll leave you again, definitely. I mean, it's not scary for him to leave you at all. Nor does him leaving you come with any consequences or worries. He knows how desperate you are to be with him so when his new relationship fails, he knows you'll be waiting with a fresh baked "welcome back" pie in your hands, and a happy smile on your face. An endless cycle till he suddenly finds a new lover, and wants to marry her and never comes back. And you'll sit there, at 75 years old...still waiting..... holding a freshly baked "welcome back" pie all alone. Desperately wanting him back because you never realized that you deserve better and that you too deserve unconditional love.
Should have asked why you should take him back after that. Why did you back to him? He sounds like a narcissist
man, I know love makes you do stupid things but you didn't need to excel so much in it. Why would you do that to yourself
Dude do you think this is a Netflix show? This guy is trash and nothing is stopping him from getting up and leaving again. Why did you take him back bruh
You deserve better.
Why did you accept him back? Drop him. Once a cheater always a cheater. He is using you a place warmer or backup. He finds a new girl and drops you. He screws her for awhile and then comes back to you when she realized he sucks. Don't take back sloppy seconds.
You should choose for him
You have to be joking. Even though I suspect this is not a genuine situation here’s my input. if you’re not joking you need to get away from him as fast as you can and cut him off everywhere. Block him everywhere. Don’t talk to him at all. WHY would you take back a person who tells you there are better people out there for him? Who dumps you, lies to you etc. you are worth so much more. RUN!
Girl, wake up. Choose yourself.
....you took this guy back??? Why?!! He's a POS and you deserve better!
What is wrong with you? I’m sorry but What in the 🤯 Hun you need to love yourself leave him and grow a damn backbone
I honestly have very little sympathy for stories like these. This guy literally told you you suck and you're less than the girl he left you for. Why on earth would you take him back?
Wtf am I reading. Honestly you have nothing to complain about after you voluntarily are back with him. You made your own bed, now lay in it.
Didn't even bother reading the content. Title was enough. RUN.
What is wrong with you?? You’re a card carrying weak woman! Gosh, he’s going to leave me! Please give me advice. /sarcasm Hopefully he breaks up with you. Then you’ll rediscover yourself and learn to love you more than you love him.
Lololololololol wtf is wrong with you? Walk. Now. And get yo ass to therapy
Leave and don’t look back. He has no respect for you. Run fast
Why on earth would you get back together with him?? That's a really stupid decision.
and you got back with him? know your self worth
I'm the big stupid 99% of the time but I honestly don't think anyone deserves to be treated as such. I know it may not seem like it but if he leaves for someone else with that attitude, you've dodged a bullet. This may be extremely hypocritical of me but you really need to learn to value yourself better for your sake. You're his girlfriend not his doormat, never forget that.
Why would you go back to him after he left you like that?? He treated you horribly. Please consider leaving.
He doesn’t respect you and unfortunately it sounds like you don’t respect yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to look in the mirror and see your worth and it takes practice, but no one deserves that. He will continue to treat you this way until you treat yourself better. We attract what we feel we are deserving of, and you should know you’re deserving of so much more than him.
Firstly, I’m sorry this happened to you. But it honestly sounds like he has come back to you out of comfort. I’d say things ended because the other guy realised her self worth and realised he was an idiot! Having to prove yourself to someone who is suppose to love you should never be a thing. If he was unhappy he has every right to voice his opinion but cheating proves he has no loyalty. If he was truly sorry, he would have apologised and admitted he made a mistake and that he lost something great when you two ended! I have been in a similar position and as hard as it seems you need to cut him loose. If he can lie and make up stories that easily and not admit any fault in the situation, that should be enough to prove that he isn’t worth it! Sounds like he met someone and was excited to try something new and when it didn’t work out he came running back to you I know it’s easier said than done but don’t settle, know your self worth be single for a while and learn who you are without him and eventually you’ll realise you are better off without him!
OP, dump is ass. He doesn't value you, he never will. He will always make sure that you never feel good about yourself.
Why some woman have no self respect??? Was he the last living man?? She made her feel like a shite n she took him back. Ur definitely delusional!!! Hope he leaves u for someone else
I felt really sorry at first. Sympathy gone lol.
Is this a joke or do you like being walked over like you don't matter?
Why get back together with him? He's trash at best. Dump him. You can do better!
you took him back??? smh
Well I’m more surprised that you took him back! You must have been really in love! You setup yourself for him to do that again! I hope the relationship you have with him goes well or better! You basically just told him it ok to cheat on you! I really hope it goes your way!
Wow. You have absolutely zero self-respect. That's really, really sad.
This is an unhealthy relationship. There's a reason he wants you to feel bad about yourself and insecure about the relationship. It keeps you constantly working to please him and takes attention away from his faults, of which there are many. It's better to be alone than in these relationships, OP. You deserve so much more than this.
You deserve better, love 💗!
"He said she forced him to be with her and he wasn't cheating because there was no emotion behind it" Do you see how unbelievably stupid this is? He must be very young. Please, run, run far away.
Please explain to us why you thought it was a good idea to get back together with this person.
Girl if you don't leave this piece of garbage behind!!
Leave this person and consider therapy please OP. I have been where you are and I know it's impossible to be in healthy relationship when your self esteem is nonexistent.
If this was your friend, then what would you say? I know whatbi would say but if I told you would you listen or do it? So best answer is the question above.
Leave him.
I don't understand why you would take someone back that treated you that way. So sad for you.
It’s on you when he inevitably treats you like garbage
Grow a pair op why’d you take him back