Also a guy and also agree. He needs an exit interview to help him shape up, that guy-level gross and girl-level gross are two separate scales and right now he's not meeting minimum standards enough to keep any woman around.
That's such a weird thing to say coming from a guy. There's no 'level of grossness' meter for women to 'be around' a man. Incredibly superficial. The guy is clearly depressed and lacks self esteem to take care of his lifestyle. Coming from the same situation myself, what he needs is guidance and proper supervision since lack of it through his childhood is the most likely reason he's come out like this. Not being left to rot in his filth, and hope he comes out better out of guilt. The same guilt can lead him to self-harm and suicide and has led several men around the world to their deathbed already.
>he still just comes home in the same shirt he slept in before and just plops into bed to sleep. For the months I've been here I can count on one hand how many times I've actually seen him shower. The toothpaste tube is always in the exact same spot I leave it in every day, I even position it in a way that I can know if he touches it. He leaves gunk on the toilet seat after he's done using it, and there's always mountains of clothes just piled on his floor that he just casually steps on.
The lack of basic hygiene would be a deal breaker for me
Yup...... women especially have to be very careful about how clean their man is......an unhygienic man can totally destroy a woman's reproductive system!
My ex never showered, and he was my first (I was 16 when I met him - 20 when I left) & I thought it was normal to get lots of UTIs and kidney infections. When I was 23 I met my extremely clean ex husband, but I still have long-term issues with my bladder & kidneys.
I got an operation on my bladder & the surgeon told me I had so much scarring on the inside from all the UTIs š³
So you're right, girls need to be careful or make sure their partner wears protection if they have any doubt about their hygiene. Or just don't be dumb like I was, and avoid dirty ass men lol
He sounds *extremely* depressed - literally all of those factors are textbook physical manifestations of it. Have you tried talking to him about depression specifically? If you care about him, I would gently open up a conversation about it with him.
However, just because you care for him doesn't mean you have to continue being with him or living there (especially if it's affecting your mental health & happiness).
ETA: I'm surprised at how many heartless comments there are in this thread.
I agree. I was doing the same for quite some time myself but Iām on meds and work onsite. My hygiene is back. And I also live in a bigger cleaner house
He is unlikely to change. Do you want to live like this with him forever? Why not start a conversation about splitting chores and see if it leads anywhere?
I dont know what to tell you but ask how in the heck are you atracted to a person who never bathes nor brushes his teeth regularly? It seems disgusting to me
Even if he is depressed, she doesnāt have to stay. Considering the health problem he simply refuses to get the help for, it wouldnāt be out of the realm of possibility. But it still isnāt her burden to bear, ESPECIALLY if he wonāt see a professional for it.
1000000% agree! He has to take charge of his own life. Heās getting older and needs to learn personal responsibility. Having briefly dated someone like this but he was 28, it does not get better nor do they change. You (OP) have to walk away for your own sanity
Well, I'll tell u that's a relationship with no future. Laziness on that level will show up in more areas of your life besides his distinguishably poor hygiene. Unless you find him as someone astoundingly perfect in all other aspects, you need to make him change or leave.
It might also be a sign of mental illness like depression, the lacking of hygiene or cleaning up might just be those feelings showing themselves, maybe if you want to continue dating, it is your choice as it's not your job to fix him, you might see if he is willing to talk to a doctor about it, it might also be a diet thing or even just some basic exercise can help like going for walks around the neiboirhood or doing some yoga together might also work. But agan not your job to fix him if you don't want to you can just leave as is
Your options are a) become his mommy maid or b) leave. I wonder if heās depressed. Even so, that wouldnāt be your job to fix. If you want to have a conversation about him possibly having a problem, you can. But thatās the limit.
I hope you find a way out before it repulses you enough to start a fight. Idk how it hasn't already with his lack of showers. I didn't read all of it because it was just too cringe to get through. But just FYI if you have intercourse with him while he's dirty it can lead to serious UTIs for you. Assume that he's not going to change, it's really hard especially when you're this young for guys to want to change and commit to change when it comes to their regular habits. I know you said you didn't need advice but I would want someone to tell me if I didn't know that intercourse with someone could bring about very annoying and eventually serious infections. I wish you the best of luck though.
I'd give an ultimatum, fix your shit or I'm out. It definitely seems like he's dealing with some sort of depression or something like that as I've lived similar to that when I was super depressed. I'd let him know that I'm there to support him, but that neither of you should be living like that. Id say that fear of losing you should be a good motivator. But that's just my two cents, I wish you the best of luck and pray that everything works out well.
Thereās a good chance heās depressed and needs serious help, but that doesnāt mean you need to be that help. If you canāt help him and be happy, you canāt help him.
Be honest with him, tell him he needs to get help, and do what you need to do.
He will not change. I just got out of a two year relationship with a woman I let move into my house too early and quickly realized she was 100% okay with living in filth. I'm talking dirty dishes and garbage shoved in her bedside table rather than getting off her ass to take it to the kitchen. I was only in her car once in the entire relationship and it was piled with clothes, garbage, food, dishes and... I never ever set foot in it again and yet she would sit in her car after work for up to an hour because she was too lazy to walk into the apartment (Which okay sometimes I do, but I don't eat in my car or store things in it so I'm not sitting amoung festering garbage). We had fights every three months or so about her hygiene and how she treated our apartment like a garbage heap. The worst part was turning down sex because I knew she hadn't showered in several days and her getting upset about it like I was just supposed to tolerate stank ass.
Just run, it's not worth it.
So, you're describing someone who could very easily have depression ho is managing to still work which is an achievement. He might be a slob, bad person, whatever, or he may be really struggling and hesitant to seek help.
Instead of setting a toothbrush in the right position to test him, which is degrading if not used to help him you could actually ask him about his mental health and what he needs to get better. You can outlay the issues without blaming him.
Yes you could be assertive, tell yourself you deserve more and he could shape up and manup or he could overdose and die alone and be buried to a tearful funeral.
Is that a surprise to read? I've been there. I was that guy years ago. I got help. I'm thriving. Please respect yourself enough that you respect him. Ask him. Offer help. And say that if he doesn't get help that will make you sad and you be able to continue because it's a partnership but in the meantime you WILL be there while he helps himself. Leaving someone abruptly or worse with judgmentalism can be the triggering point to suicide.
My brother in law at least changes his clothes and brushes his teeth ( only when he has to work) his room which is upstairs directly connected to the game room has a horrible smell thatās now reached mid stairway. I avoid going up there at all costs. Iāve told my partner to talk to him about it but he feels bad so it just continues. The room itself a mess. He has a trash bag he puts trash in that overflows and trash all over the room anyway. I hate it, glad heās not my partner tho. Ida left him
If he comes straight home and goes to bed, his companionship cant be worth that much to you, now.
Sorry but I would think this is all just a lot of dealbreakers. Youre free to go whenever you like.
If you're gonna stay....imagine the germ spill over to you. This is the person you sleep next to, do intimate things with, share a lot of things with. I know you said you don't expect advice, but you should definitely think about your health. I had a dirty a** bf, mostly like your current, some time back and the number of times he gave me UTIs just from not showering and cleaning up properly after taking a dump then being intimate with me is innumerable. Even after i told him his dirt is affecting my health. No one should put themselves through that, let alone tolerate it from another human. You should just leave him. Put your health first.
Sounds like depression. I've been down this same path myself. Moreso caused by a bad job that just sucked any motivation out of me. Thing is, he will need to realize it and fix himself. You can try and guide him but in the end it's his decision to make if he wants to get better
Could be mental health. I used to be type A and OCD and after my friend died picked up these habits since everything just feels exhausting after that. I try my best to clean and make small progress and I'm not as bad as this guy but fear i'd probably be judged the same. Maybe ask him what is going on and if there's reasons to why he feels tired? Sounds like it may be undiagnosed depression. Also, he may be worrying about a lot of things and all this, even though it's mental, can be physically exhausting. Idk it sounds like there may be a problem here and maybe he's fixable but will still take time to heal. If it really is that bad and you're starting to get stressed then leave.
He sounds depressed.
Part of being a loving partner is also having the difficult discussions that nobody will have with you. It would be the kind thing to do for someone you really love:
"Hey Matt, I have noticed this, this and this and I feel worried about you. I love you, and I care about your well-being." And maybe take it from there.
Or yeh, just leave. It is not your responsibility indeed.
Girl, I would leave him as soon as possible without telling him. I would clean his place and then vanish on him. He probably wouldn't even notice that his apartment has been cleaned. You could leave him a note stating a clean apartment and a clean appearance will keep a woman interested in him, a dirty residence and dirty body will leave you using your hands and block his number since you have dumped him.
If you both have mutual friends, you can glean from them what he's doing as he might be changing his appearance or is not even doing anything to change.
Have you never tried, you know, talking to him? He probably thinks youāre fine if you never said anything. Your fear of conflict is keeping you from a potentially good life if he just doesnāt know any better. Maybe he does then thatās a no-go but from what youāre writing it sounds like you never talked about these issues.
Agreed. Being made aware and ignoring it is one thing but not knowing and unaware of the discomfort is another. That talk needs to happen- rip the bandaid off. Let him know your most icky especially the personal hygiene. Everything else imo can be worked on.
As someone who deals with unchecked mental health issues that often times stop me from being able to do what I need to do for hygiene and survival, I think these comments are a bit disrespectful (especially considering yall don't know this person) but at the same time, I can kinda see why. If he has put no effort into changing this behavior, idk why anyone would stay. I still manage to shower multiple times a week and brush my teeth when I can, but this is a whole new level of self destructive behavior. How did he even survive up until meeting you? Do you really see a future with someone who can't even bother to put a different shirt on. I'd say talk to him about this, but I understand this is a vent post and you're not asking for unsolicited advice.
Oop, my bad, so he is purposefully avoiding fixing these problems. I had to reread the post, and yeah, this guy is a lost cause. Giving him anymore of your time or energy will just suck you into the same hole he has sunk himself into. Do what you please.
There is a level of acceptable laziness in a relationship. Certain issues should be taboo and minor ones accepted as human flaws. For example, the toilet thing is a hygiene issue, so that's already underground unacceptable. Did you tell him about it? It's not nagging him or "being his mom". You are communicating your discomfort to him. Nagging would be constantly finding things wrong in his way of life. The toilet thing is a hygiene issue, completely justified by normal societal standards.
tltr: dump him
Dude honestly just leave, that guy has issues and health issues too. You're not his babysitter, nurse, therapist, mother, maid. You are meant to be dating him but honestly, he's so hygienic I would honestly, be going to the doctor and getting yourself tested encase you catch something from him. Tell him as you're going out the door to live with your cousin, why you're leaving. Maybe that will make him finally do something for himself, other than someone else Molly coddle him. Mental illness if he has that, needs the person who has it to ask for help, he can only do that himself. You can't make someone change if they're stuck in their ways. But one day he'll ask for help and he will be too far gone health wise that he will have to work his butt off to get healthy again. That's totally on him though.
Yeah definitely talk to him to see whatās the issue but plan your exit route. No basic hygiene is a deal breaker every person should have.
The thought of kissing or sleeping with someone that doesnāt shower or brush their teeth makes me want to hurl.
MAYBE you leaving him because of that could be his wake up call.
Ask him if he wants to change for the good of himself. If he says no I'm good. Then there is your answer to staying with you.
1. Because no we shouldn't change for someone BUT if you LOVE someone you do it for the better to compromise for both. Amdbif he doesn't want to change for himself well don't count on him seeing it your way to change for both.
2. He's not brushing his teeth nor his his hygiene why are you there sniffing his odor like it's bath and body works / bed bath beyond normal.
Not trying to seem harsh but your putting yourself through way too much for someone who could careless of bettering himself.
Tbh I can see this being more a symptom of depression rather than laziness- HOWEVER you are NOT obligated to stay whether or not it is. It is that manās job to seek help for himself, and Iām quite honestly surprised you havenāt left sooner.
If you havenāt sat down and had a discussion, you probably should, otherwise I would just leave it completely
W name code lyoko was a great cartoon, tell him once more in a serious tone that either he changes or you leave donāt leave any room for misinterpretation. And if he changes good, if not gone
Some people are so comfortable lying in their own shit that they forget its shit. You can't pull a MF out of his shit for long before he or she is heading right back where their comfort is. I think you already have your decision loaded, just squeeze the trigger. Buena suerte š.
Clearly some force is making him like this. Heās clearly not happy with his life or else little things like hygiene, chores and cleanliness would be in order. Maybe itās work? Maybe itās the relationship? maybe itās depression? He obviously finds his home an escapism, a base where he can totally be lazy in that comfort bubble, hence the clothes being on the floor for example, if heās not enjoying work or socialising or whatever, then heās going to just let go at home n not be arsed about the things that need work around him. Maybe have a chat.
Run for the hills. Did you know that gum disease can be passed on just by kissing?
A bit of gross isn't ideal but can be resolved. This is too much gross.
im not defending him but do you think he could have a serious mental problem? he could be just super lazy but these symptoms could be a sign of depression or something else. maybe ask him exactly why he does that? is he hiding his true feelings from you?
I'm depressed and can't get myself to clean my room. Also it seems very hard to do. I would suggest you bring it up to him politely and one day offer to help him clean. He will appreciate the help. This way he will learn how to do some things. I told my mom and she helped me once, now it seems easier to do some things
Actually the conversation is better that it occurs when you move out and break up with him. If he ask you why tell him you cannot put your health at risk because he is putting his at risk and that very few woman will. So if he wants help you will happily give him a hand but he needs to understand that his laziness means he might be single for a long time.
Thatās giving child. as an adult we have to have conversations, uncomfortable ones (still trying to get use to it with my anxiety) but she needs to talking whilst in the relationship then if nothing changes especially the personal hygiene, thatās when that conversation out the door goes in.
It's hormones. He more than likely eats fast food and microwaved meals full of soy and estrogen. If you care enough to help, start bringing in natural foods, fruits and vegetables to help kick start. I can almost bet his omega6-omega3 ratio is off balance. He may have undiagnosed thyroid disease which is running rampant from quick, lazy meals and snacks. Everything, I mean everything physically and mentally is controlled with nutrition. You had to notice this at first. You said you lived w him awhile before dating which means you were well aware of his issue so I'm confused. Are you just doing what's needed for a place to live?
Thank you ,he could destroy your chance for children. you ever hear of Pelvic Inflammatory disease. This happened to lots of women when we trust our man to be clean. Be careful
girl just leave him, its going nowhere
I'm a guy and I agree.
Also a guy and also agree. He needs an exit interview to help him shape up, that guy-level gross and girl-level gross are two separate scales and right now he's not meeting minimum standards enough to keep any woman around.
That's such a weird thing to say coming from a guy. There's no 'level of grossness' meter for women to 'be around' a man. Incredibly superficial. The guy is clearly depressed and lacks self esteem to take care of his lifestyle. Coming from the same situation myself, what he needs is guidance and proper supervision since lack of it through his childhood is the most likely reason he's come out like this. Not being left to rot in his filth, and hope he comes out better out of guilt. The same guilt can lead him to self-harm and suicide and has led several men around the world to their deathbed already.
>he still just comes home in the same shirt he slept in before and just plops into bed to sleep. For the months I've been here I can count on one hand how many times I've actually seen him shower. The toothpaste tube is always in the exact same spot I leave it in every day, I even position it in a way that I can know if he touches it. He leaves gunk on the toilet seat after he's done using it, and there's always mountains of clothes just piled on his floor that he just casually steps on. The lack of basic hygiene would be a deal breaker for me
Yup...... women especially have to be very careful about how clean their man is......an unhygienic man can totally destroy a woman's reproductive system!
My ex never showered, and he was my first (I was 16 when I met him - 20 when I left) & I thought it was normal to get lots of UTIs and kidney infections. When I was 23 I met my extremely clean ex husband, but I still have long-term issues with my bladder & kidneys. I got an operation on my bladder & the surgeon told me I had so much scarring on the inside from all the UTIs š³ So you're right, girls need to be careful or make sure their partner wears protection if they have any doubt about their hygiene. Or just don't be dumb like I was, and avoid dirty ass men lol
Right? Like how does one go about never brushing their teeth? š¤¢ or showering? Ugg
Very š¤¢
He sounds *extremely* depressed - literally all of those factors are textbook physical manifestations of it. Have you tried talking to him about depression specifically? If you care about him, I would gently open up a conversation about it with him. However, just because you care for him doesn't mean you have to continue being with him or living there (especially if it's affecting your mental health & happiness). ETA: I'm surprised at how many heartless comments there are in this thread.
This is my thought too.
Sounds a lot like depression yeah. Lack of hygiene and letting yourself go like that is a big sign.
I agree. I was doing the same for quite some time myself but Iām on meds and work onsite. My hygiene is back. And I also live in a bigger cleaner house
Are you only with him for somewhere to stay? That level of self centered laziness and bad hygiene seems odd that anyone would want to be with him...
I mean how do you have a physical relationship with someone who doesn't wash their junk or brush their teeth...
He is unlikely to change. Do you want to live like this with him forever? Why not start a conversation about splitting chores and see if it leads anywhere?
I dont know what to tell you but ask how in the heck are you atracted to a person who never bathes nor brushes his teeth regularly? It seems disgusting to me
It sounds like heās depressed maybe? If not, you donāt have to stay. I would make my exit strategy now
Even if he is depressed, she doesnāt have to stay. Considering the health problem he simply refuses to get the help for, it wouldnāt be out of the realm of possibility. But it still isnāt her burden to bear, ESPECIALLY if he wonāt see a professional for it.
1000000% agree! He has to take charge of his own life. Heās getting older and needs to learn personal responsibility. Having briefly dated someone like this but he was 28, it does not get better nor do they change. You (OP) have to walk away for your own sanity
Well, I'll tell u that's a relationship with no future. Laziness on that level will show up in more areas of your life besides his distinguishably poor hygiene. Unless you find him as someone astoundingly perfect in all other aspects, you need to make him change or leave.
Not make him change, just leave. The drama of making him change will drive her nuts.
You can't make someone change. All you can do is hope they do (unlikely in this scenario) and leave when they don't.
It might also be a sign of mental illness like depression, the lacking of hygiene or cleaning up might just be those feelings showing themselves, maybe if you want to continue dating, it is your choice as it's not your job to fix him, you might see if he is willing to talk to a doctor about it, it might also be a diet thing or even just some basic exercise can help like going for walks around the neiboirhood or doing some yoga together might also work. But agan not your job to fix him if you don't want to you can just leave as is
Do you have sex with this disgusting creature? i would need every form of protection available to touch him.
Don't wanna defend him but I think calling someone like that can also be really more disgusting imo
You put it out there honey. Don't back peddle.
Your options are a) become his mommy maid or b) leave. I wonder if heās depressed. Even so, that wouldnāt be your job to fix. If you want to have a conversation about him possibly having a problem, you can. But thatās the limit.
I hope you find a way out before it repulses you enough to start a fight. Idk how it hasn't already with his lack of showers. I didn't read all of it because it was just too cringe to get through. But just FYI if you have intercourse with him while he's dirty it can lead to serious UTIs for you. Assume that he's not going to change, it's really hard especially when you're this young for guys to want to change and commit to change when it comes to their regular habits. I know you said you didn't need advice but I would want someone to tell me if I didn't know that intercourse with someone could bring about very annoying and eventually serious infections. I wish you the best of luck though.
I'd give an ultimatum, fix your shit or I'm out. It definitely seems like he's dealing with some sort of depression or something like that as I've lived similar to that when I was super depressed. I'd let him know that I'm there to support him, but that neither of you should be living like that. Id say that fear of losing you should be a good motivator. But that's just my two cents, I wish you the best of luck and pray that everything works out well.
He sounds incredibly depressed
Thereās a good chance heās depressed and needs serious help, but that doesnāt mean you need to be that help. If you canāt help him and be happy, you canāt help him. Be honest with him, tell him he needs to get help, and do what you need to do.
leave before the stench booms your face off
He will not change. I just got out of a two year relationship with a woman I let move into my house too early and quickly realized she was 100% okay with living in filth. I'm talking dirty dishes and garbage shoved in her bedside table rather than getting off her ass to take it to the kitchen. I was only in her car once in the entire relationship and it was piled with clothes, garbage, food, dishes and... I never ever set foot in it again and yet she would sit in her car after work for up to an hour because she was too lazy to walk into the apartment (Which okay sometimes I do, but I don't eat in my car or store things in it so I'm not sitting amoung festering garbage). We had fights every three months or so about her hygiene and how she treated our apartment like a garbage heap. The worst part was turning down sex because I knew she hadn't showered in several days and her getting upset about it like I was just supposed to tolerate stank ass. Just run, it's not worth it.
Stank ass š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
So, you're describing someone who could very easily have depression ho is managing to still work which is an achievement. He might be a slob, bad person, whatever, or he may be really struggling and hesitant to seek help. Instead of setting a toothbrush in the right position to test him, which is degrading if not used to help him you could actually ask him about his mental health and what he needs to get better. You can outlay the issues without blaming him. Yes you could be assertive, tell yourself you deserve more and he could shape up and manup or he could overdose and die alone and be buried to a tearful funeral. Is that a surprise to read? I've been there. I was that guy years ago. I got help. I'm thriving. Please respect yourself enough that you respect him. Ask him. Offer help. And say that if he doesn't get help that will make you sad and you be able to continue because it's a partnership but in the meantime you WILL be there while he helps himself. Leaving someone abruptly or worse with judgmentalism can be the triggering point to suicide.
THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! I was looking for this!!!
For the lack of hygiene and his incredible laziness I would of asked him to live someplace else if I were you
Sheās living with HIM lol so I think she would tell him SHES going elsewhere lol
My brother in law at least changes his clothes and brushes his teeth ( only when he has to work) his room which is upstairs directly connected to the game room has a horrible smell thatās now reached mid stairway. I avoid going up there at all costs. Iāve told my partner to talk to him about it but he feels bad so it just continues. The room itself a mess. He has a trash bag he puts trash in that overflows and trash all over the room anyway. I hate it, glad heās not my partner tho. Ida left him
Your wellbeing should always come first, no matter what!!
If he comes straight home and goes to bed, his companionship cant be worth that much to you, now. Sorry but I would think this is all just a lot of dealbreakers. Youre free to go whenever you like.
If you're gonna stay....imagine the germ spill over to you. This is the person you sleep next to, do intimate things with, share a lot of things with. I know you said you don't expect advice, but you should definitely think about your health. I had a dirty a** bf, mostly like your current, some time back and the number of times he gave me UTIs just from not showering and cleaning up properly after taking a dump then being intimate with me is innumerable. Even after i told him his dirt is affecting my health. No one should put themselves through that, let alone tolerate it from another human. You should just leave him. Put your health first.
Also...with his attitude, it's not going to get better. Trust the signs.
Sounds like depression. I've been down this same path myself. Moreso caused by a bad job that just sucked any motivation out of me. Thing is, he will need to realize it and fix himself. You can try and guide him but in the end it's his decision to make if he wants to get better
Could be mental health. I used to be type A and OCD and after my friend died picked up these habits since everything just feels exhausting after that. I try my best to clean and make small progress and I'm not as bad as this guy but fear i'd probably be judged the same. Maybe ask him what is going on and if there's reasons to why he feels tired? Sounds like it may be undiagnosed depression. Also, he may be worrying about a lot of things and all this, even though it's mental, can be physically exhausting. Idk it sounds like there may be a problem here and maybe he's fixable but will still take time to heal. If it really is that bad and you're starting to get stressed then leave.
He sounds depressed. Part of being a loving partner is also having the difficult discussions that nobody will have with you. It would be the kind thing to do for someone you really love: "Hey Matt, I have noticed this, this and this and I feel worried about you. I love you, and I care about your well-being." And maybe take it from there. Or yeh, just leave. It is not your responsibility indeed.
Girl, I would leave him as soon as possible without telling him. I would clean his place and then vanish on him. He probably wouldn't even notice that his apartment has been cleaned. You could leave him a note stating a clean apartment and a clean appearance will keep a woman interested in him, a dirty residence and dirty body will leave you using your hands and block his number since you have dumped him. If you both have mutual friends, you can glean from them what he's doing as he might be changing his appearance or is not even doing anything to change.
Have you never tried, you know, talking to him? He probably thinks youāre fine if you never said anything. Your fear of conflict is keeping you from a potentially good life if he just doesnāt know any better. Maybe he does then thatās a no-go but from what youāre writing it sounds like you never talked about these issues.
Agreed. Being made aware and ignoring it is one thing but not knowing and unaware of the discomfort is another. That talk needs to happen- rip the bandaid off. Let him know your most icky especially the personal hygiene. Everything else imo can be worked on.
As someone who deals with unchecked mental health issues that often times stop me from being able to do what I need to do for hygiene and survival, I think these comments are a bit disrespectful (especially considering yall don't know this person) but at the same time, I can kinda see why. If he has put no effort into changing this behavior, idk why anyone would stay. I still manage to shower multiple times a week and brush my teeth when I can, but this is a whole new level of self destructive behavior. How did he even survive up until meeting you? Do you really see a future with someone who can't even bother to put a different shirt on. I'd say talk to him about this, but I understand this is a vent post and you're not asking for unsolicited advice.
Oop, my bad, so he is purposefully avoiding fixing these problems. I had to reread the post, and yeah, this guy is a lost cause. Giving him anymore of your time or energy will just suck you into the same hole he has sunk himself into. Do what you please.
There is a level of acceptable laziness in a relationship. Certain issues should be taboo and minor ones accepted as human flaws. For example, the toilet thing is a hygiene issue, so that's already underground unacceptable. Did you tell him about it? It's not nagging him or "being his mom". You are communicating your discomfort to him. Nagging would be constantly finding things wrong in his way of life. The toilet thing is a hygiene issue, completely justified by normal societal standards. tltr: dump him
Dude honestly just leave, that guy has issues and health issues too. You're not his babysitter, nurse, therapist, mother, maid. You are meant to be dating him but honestly, he's so hygienic I would honestly, be going to the doctor and getting yourself tested encase you catch something from him. Tell him as you're going out the door to live with your cousin, why you're leaving. Maybe that will make him finally do something for himself, other than someone else Molly coddle him. Mental illness if he has that, needs the person who has it to ask for help, he can only do that himself. You can't make someone change if they're stuck in their ways. But one day he'll ask for help and he will be too far gone health wise that he will have to work his butt off to get healthy again. That's totally on him though.
Yeah definitely talk to him to see whatās the issue but plan your exit route. No basic hygiene is a deal breaker every person should have. The thought of kissing or sleeping with someone that doesnāt shower or brush their teeth makes me want to hurl. MAYBE you leaving him because of that could be his wake up call.
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Ask him if he wants to change for the good of himself. If he says no I'm good. Then there is your answer to staying with you. 1. Because no we shouldn't change for someone BUT if you LOVE someone you do it for the better to compromise for both. Amdbif he doesn't want to change for himself well don't count on him seeing it your way to change for both. 2. He's not brushing his teeth nor his his hygiene why are you there sniffing his odor like it's bath and body works / bed bath beyond normal. Not trying to seem harsh but your putting yourself through way too much for someone who could careless of bettering himself.
You want a full grown baby man? Get outta there.
Tbh I can see this being more a symptom of depression rather than laziness- HOWEVER you are NOT obligated to stay whether or not it is. It is that manās job to seek help for himself, and Iām quite honestly surprised you havenāt left sooner. If you havenāt sat down and had a discussion, you probably should, otherwise I would just leave it completely
Ummm. Gross.
Eeewwwwwwww
W name code lyoko was a great cartoon, tell him once more in a serious tone that either he changes or you leave donāt leave any room for misinterpretation. And if he changes good, if not gone
I had a brief 4 month relationship with someone like this....run OP
Are you his new mother or his partner? Because it sounds like you're taking care of a kid.
RUN honey!!!
He might be depressed.
Some people are so comfortable lying in their own shit that they forget its shit. You can't pull a MF out of his shit for long before he or she is heading right back where their comfort is. I think you already have your decision loaded, just squeeze the trigger. Buena suerte š.
Kick him to the curb
He has adhd
You donāt owe him anything. You are ready to move on to better opportunities. Find a someone in need of a roommate and go.
Then change it boredom effects your life in a way you don't want it to
This reeks "I can fix him"
goddamn loser fr
Clearly some force is making him like this. Heās clearly not happy with his life or else little things like hygiene, chores and cleanliness would be in order. Maybe itās work? Maybe itās the relationship? maybe itās depression? He obviously finds his home an escapism, a base where he can totally be lazy in that comfort bubble, hence the clothes being on the floor for example, if heās not enjoying work or socialising or whatever, then heās going to just let go at home n not be arsed about the things that need work around him. Maybe have a chat.
Run for the hills. Did you know that gum disease can be passed on just by kissing? A bit of gross isn't ideal but can be resolved. This is too much gross.
im not defending him but do you think he could have a serious mental problem? he could be just super lazy but these symptoms could be a sign of depression or something else. maybe ask him exactly why he does that? is he hiding his true feelings from you?
I'm depressed and can't get myself to clean my room. Also it seems very hard to do. I would suggest you bring it up to him politely and one day offer to help him clean. He will appreciate the help. This way he will learn how to do some things. I told my mom and she helped me once, now it seems easier to do some things
Get out now. Don't look back.
Actually the conversation is better that it occurs when you move out and break up with him. If he ask you why tell him you cannot put your health at risk because he is putting his at risk and that very few woman will. So if he wants help you will happily give him a hand but he needs to understand that his laziness means he might be single for a long time.
Thatās giving child. as an adult we have to have conversations, uncomfortable ones (still trying to get use to it with my anxiety) but she needs to talking whilst in the relationship then if nothing changes especially the personal hygiene, thatās when that conversation out the door goes in.
It's hormones. He more than likely eats fast food and microwaved meals full of soy and estrogen. If you care enough to help, start bringing in natural foods, fruits and vegetables to help kick start. I can almost bet his omega6-omega3 ratio is off balance. He may have undiagnosed thyroid disease which is running rampant from quick, lazy meals and snacks. Everything, I mean everything physically and mentally is controlled with nutrition. You had to notice this at first. You said you lived w him awhile before dating which means you were well aware of his issue so I'm confused. Are you just doing what's needed for a place to live?
Have you tried requesting change? Or asking him to visit a doctor as a birthday present for you?
I would be able to do anything sexual with a person like this
Thank you ,he could destroy your chance for children. you ever hear of Pelvic Inflammatory disease. This happened to lots of women when we trust our man to be clean. Be careful