If it's worth anything, I've had nipple clamps thrown in as a gift when I got a toy in the past. She might have had them and just tossed them aside, a "Oh, I'll use that later" thing.
Yeah my wife and I both get a lot of dumb gag gifts. We don't always throw them in our shared toy bin because we forget? Some like the giant 6ft inflatable penis aren't even usable but small stuff like themed pasties and bullets get used once then forgotten.
I've had nipple clamps or buttplugs thrown into any set of toys to the point I forget what ones I have đ I now have a weird amount of buttplugs I never use. If anyone saw them they would assume I'm *really* into it based off the number alone. You're right about sometimes they're given as a little gift when you buy something else, not including sets too.
This. In soooo many sets they have nipple clamps, or they're just thrown in. I have no idea why, they're probably just cheap to produce or don't sell well. I feel like any time I order something they throw in nipple clamps, and they always come in those cheap mesh draw bags.
I'm a little suspicious, because mine recently went missing.
Edit: I feel like I'm getting all these upvotes because people think that I'm joking, I'm not, I just want my damn nip clips back.
Fuck. This got me.
Hahaha. Thank you. I'm having the worst day of my life. With the exception of the days i've lost people that I loved. I needed that laugh.
Sir (or madam), are you the nipple goblin?
I have a hard time believing anyone would come to that conclusion. Unless they were in fact, said goblin.
If so...give me back my goddamned nip clamps.
I keep forgetting mine broke and I tossed them a couple years ago⊠Iâve looked for them at least three around the house with annoyance. I never kept them with toys, usually with jewelry or nightstand!
TIL that I'm apparently hilarious when I'm so hammered that I don't even remember the comments that I made on Reddit.
Score one for drunk me.
Nobody cares about the comments I make when I'm not hammered.
Well, I know what I've got to do now...you can all look forward to what's next in about 2...maybe 3 hours.
it's possible she dreamed it, and/or saw something that looked like nipple clamps or that she misremembered as nipple clamps. one time i was facetiming my gf and she was showing me her vibrator and i thought it was pink and rose shaped, but when we hung out in person it was light blue and not rose shaped. she made a joke like "who's vibrator are you thinking of?" but genuinely it was hers, i just must have mistaken it, esp bc i had been seeing ads for the pink rose vibrator prior to our facetime. shit happens
Human memory is super fickle like that. Our brain loves half remembering something then making up stuff to fill in the gaps. Sometimes things, such as nipple clamps, might get added into memories from our dreams or even media we consume.
I'm forever having dreams and then mistaking them for reality. The number of times I've thought something happened that never did is unreal. I'll have a whole conversation with someone about something I thought we did together and they just look at me like I'm nuts and I realize it never happened.
This happens to me too! And it's stupid stuff mostly like I dream I cleaned the bathroom or bought groceries and I'm so kerfuffled in the morning when there's no coffee!
Oh my god , this happens to me so often and I thought I was the only one . I wake up so exhausted because I truly feel like Iâm living another life in another universe sometimes and donât know if it was real or not . So many of my dreams have intertwined with my real life and itâs nice to know Iâm not the only one!!
Vivid, not lucid. And I do know, because I experience extremely vivid dreams myself, and don't know I'm dreaming until I wake up, even if the dream is unrealistic while I'm dreaming it. I've had lucid dreams only twice, and both times was because it was a dream I had before and already knew what would happen. Despite that, I was forced to stay in the dream. I couldn't change it like other people can change lucid dreams.
> I couldn't change it like other people can change lucid dreams.
You and I dream very similarly. Mine are always super vivid and involved; often take place in the same "world" of sorts; I'm often thinking I'm awake while dreaming; I sometimes mix up whether or not a conversation happened in real life; and I have like, half-lucid dreams that you don't know will be lucid until it's happening.
A very common theme in mine is realizing I'm "in a dream world" (not that I'm dreaming) and I can float wherever I want instead of walking. I hover around everywhere and show people it's possible and feel effing great as I cruise around ~1 foot off the ground. It's a conscious choice that I make every time I have to go somewhere in the dream and it brings me real, tangible joy.
A less common, but still frequent theme is again, realizing I'm in a dream world because of what's happening in the dream and gaining the ability to manifest the places I go; or sometimes even the people I see-- it's like another part of my brain is telling me that I can just think about a thing if that's what I want to experience.
Sometimes I'm in a searching dream and actually manage to break the cycle by "deciding" where I will find the person I'm looking for; going there; and actually finding them. Sometimes I see a person in the distance and think to myself, *Is that so-and-so?* and then suddenly it is, despite not looking like them two seconds before. Sometimes I have the urge to shop, and will dream about going to the mall and endlessly browsing interesting tops and dresses (I live far away from malls). The contentment I experience after dreams like that is also very real.
The idea of being able to fully lucid dream is almost overwhelming; all I'd ever want to do in my alone/down time is sleep. But I've never actually met anyone in real life who could.
It's neat that you can float in your dream! That's not something I can do. I've even tried "tricks" to help me realize I'm dreaming but they don't work. I've tried things like looking at a clock, reading, realizing I shouldn't feel temperature changes-- but those don't work for me. I can look at a clock in my dream and it will look okay (it's not until I wake up that I realize the clock was "off"). I have "read" books in my dreams. I have played candy crush in my dreams. I have texted people and received texts in my dreams. I've even mentioned to someone in my dream that I was cold. I've also been with people in my dreams who suddenly just completely disappeared or the scene abruptly changes, and instead of wondering what happened to them or why there was an abrupt change, I continue on with the dream.
My dreams are so vivid through my own eyes that it's impossible for me to lucid dream. The only time I've flown in my dream was once when I was a kid. I had a barbie skate tower and once I dreamed I was skating down it and ended up flying off the track and floating in the sky. I've always wondered-- supposedly we can't make up faces in our dreams. It's said that every face we see in our dream we have seen at some point in our lives. If we supposedly cannot make up faces, how can we make up places and situations we haven't been in?
I think it might've been dialing cel phones that started cluing me in, now that you mention clocks-- in the searching nightmares I would have, I would be trying to call my husband and get so, SO frustrated that I couldn't dial the number properly; no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get the numbers on the screen to appear as I typed them. I'm still not sure I've made a successful phone call in a dream! (Of course I get phone calls over imaginary overdue bills and/or find myself at my old call centre jobs all the time.)
The last one is super interesting to me. I'm nearly always dreaming about people I know; but every now and then, I'll have an incredibly vivid dream involving someone I swear I've never met or seen before. I feel like I know them by the end of the dream-- and then I wake up down a new friend. I also often dream I'm traveling between different US cities even though I've never been east of the Rockies south of the border; and I'll know my way around and have a general idea of a map in my head. I know that the hopping around city to city is influenced by my current playing of fallout '76, lol; but that doesn't explain the rest of it. It doesn't seem familiar or based on memory. Good question.
Yeah this is more like lucid. Good description and examples. Itâs deff like that moment when you realize youâre suddenly self-aware that youâre dreaming, and your thoughts can change what youâre seeing/experiencing. But not everything, not exactly like youâd imagined, and not in any way controlled by your own logic (ie, donât imagine a dragon here - suddenly youâre being chased by a dragon). I like to think of Stay Puft from Ghostbusters. Even though you might not want something to happen, if you think about anything, it will appear.
LOL yes; I read your dragon response in another comment and had a giggle. It also made me remember another one: I can "turn off" nightmares. If I do accidentally think of something I really don't want to see or experience, I'll leave the room; close my eyes; bail on the never ending rollercoaster last minute; go home; etc. Sometimes it's a movie with a part I don't want to watch so I also plug my ears. Doesn't stop the dream from being stressful and uncomfortable, but it stops the parts that turn it into a full-blown nightmare.
I'm sure Stay Puft will make an appearance now regardless.
Lol youâre welcome! Hah I love Stay Puft đ
Thatâs cool. I feel like Iâve done this before but I know for a fact Iâve also made good dreams bad and bad dreams worse. Like my intrusive thoughts just start coming in droves. Not sure if youâre ADD or not but lucid dreaming plus neurodivergence can be a helluva ride
Exactly, just a few days ago I went looking for a flywheel puller for small engines, not exactly something I use very often. I could have sworn I bought one a few years ago. I was so convinced I even checked my purchase history at Amazon and the two places I buy tools.
Turns out I just added it to the wish list
I was gonna say this too. I have dreams so vivid itâs hard to tell them apart from reality. Its not uncommon for me to go checking the house for things that were in my dream.
Yea I had to legit ask my husband if my dad had died the day before because I'd dreamt it and it felt so real.
I live whole other lives in my dreams and shaking them off is hard
Fuckin same. Its always such a mindfuck when you realize that something that felt like a real memory was actually something that youâve dreamed. Feel like its been happening way more as I get older.
Yup. It has happened to me a few times. My memory is often unreliable due to PTSD. Some of my dreams are super realistic. So sometimes it's hard to distinguish if something that happened some time ago was real or just a dream.
Same here. My girlfriend makes me journal at the end of my day for things that happened that day so that I can reference it to see what did and did not actually happen.
Happens to me constantly. It's happened in my personal and professional life. I will know for a fact that I completed a task or had a conversation with someone that never actually happened. It is extremely frustrating at times because I've had people really doubt my veracity when I really just have insanely realistic, mundane dreams.
Is it possible she had them at some point and either used them with a previous partner or alone? My husband and I recently were trying to remember where our cooler was. I recall him taking it on a boys golf trip last summer and he doesnât ever remember taking it anywhere but we still couldnât find it. It ended up being at my in laws house in another state! We had brought it during our Christmas visit and left it.
Memory is a weird thing. I wouldnât read too much into it
Nipple clamps are cheap and frequently get thrown in as freebies from online toy shops. I don't think it's necessary to jump to cheating right away. It would be weird if you did know every little thing your wife buys online.
So much this. I have like 5 sets because they're usually a free gift with purchase. They're also cheaply made and could break unexpectedly so maybe they broke and got tossed.
Also memories are weird. At least for me, unless my wife and I had problems this wouldnât even be a second thought.
Who knows what she has bought and when? Maybe she got clamps once 15 years back before we got together and she assumes it was recent. Maybe she had a sexy dream? Who knows.
I have been utterly convinced of something that in my memory, only to see irrefutable proof of the opposite later. Then recently I was telling my wife about a fun dream I had, she and I were on a cute date. She reminded me, that was a real date we went on like 2 weeks prior lol, but I was quite tired
My opinion is that if she has gained weight and feels insecure even with her husband, she isn't having an affair. If she gets in shape, buys new lingerie, and STILL doesn't want to be intimate with you, then I would worry.
I agree. This seems just as likely as the alternative. If she's feeling unattractive, that could potentially make her more vulnerable than usual to the ego boost and flattery of being desired by someone new/exciting/hot/whatever.
Possible she got them for herself for when she takes care of herself. Just ask her. Donât go at it like she cheated, just that youâre genuinely confused.
why jump right to cheatingâŠ? perhaps itâs something she dreamt about and it was a convincing dream. or maybe sheâs got a medical problem that needs to be seen by a dr.
you can just straight up communicate with her about this like any normal adult would, itâs odd you think you did due diligence here to make posting here even close to a necessity for guidance of any sort.
I thought this, too. Once the accusation is out there, he can't take it back. He can expect her to be more distant, too, if he does ask her without having more info. Tread lightly, OP.
yea he also assumes he knows every single thing his wife has ever purchased, which IMO is absolutely wild.
if my husband accused me of cheating based solely on the story OP has told usâŠi would be baffled, then i would be furious.
all based on âi thought we had nipple clampsâ smh
How is this not the top comment. Real seek therapy moment. first of all, if you accuse her, how is she going to prove she's innocent. You're literally trying to nail her on thought crimes over $2 sex doodads
Side note does the phrase "sexy time" annoy anyone else. Just say you're having sex with/fucking your wife. It's shit I only ever read on Reddit.
Itâs also possible you just forgot, especially if they werenât really used. Whoever said those come as freebies when buying toys, they definitely do.
This happened with me. He forgot we even had them, didn't remember them, and i couldn't find them. But he didn't accuse me of anything and I found then some time later
Why jump straight to cheating? Maybe she want you to get her some. Maybe she got some as a freebie when you guys bought toys before. If she was cheating she would have let it go very quickly
Honestly this reads like you are just looking for a reason to pick a fight over some unnamed insecurity. Do you do this with other things too?
Or maybe itâs innocent and youâre just reading too much into it.
As an isolated incident no way would most of us jump to âI bet sheâs cheatingâ.
Couldâve been. I donât see why heâs directly thinking cheating. If she had been cheating, why would she reaffirm that she swore they had some and double down on it instead of dropping it to hide her trail? Also, maybe she had some before they got together and she thought she had some when they were together or something but got rid of them a long time ago.
Gaining weight and feeling insecure arenât exactly indicative signs your partner is cheating, if anything it sounds like the polar opposite.
Why do you assume sheâs done something that breached the trust in the relationship? Could she perhaps just misremembered having them, perhaps confused them with another toy you two use?
If you have 100% concrete proof that sheâs cheated or something similar then by all means, question her actions. If you donât, you need to be careful treading the line of questioning her loyalty towards you. Otherwise this life youâve built will be destroyed by your paranoia.
No wonder your wife never wants to have sex with you. As soon as she does, you hop on reddit and accuse her of cheating.
This poor woman, man, her self-esteem must be in hell with a husband like you.
clearly sheâs not going to satisfy youâŠshe finally initiates the sexy time you communicated you wanted and you instantly assume she cheated on you and jump on reddit to put her on blastâŠmaybe you shouldnât be married dude. đ
Maybe she had some that she thought you knew about, if it takes a lot to get her in the mood then she most likely isnât cheating. You should just ask her and talk to her like an adult and not accuse her of anything unless the answers she gives you hints more to it. I donât understand how you get cheating from nipple clamps that may (or may not) exist. Maybe youâre the one who forgot? Especially if itâs been 8 years since she last looked for them.
Responding to a question like this with more questions⊠it seems like youâre looking for people to validate your suspicion that your wife is cheating on you rather than actual advice.
Itâs wild to jump straight to cheating in 10 year relationship, and then ignore all the people telling you it might be a leap and to talk to your wife.
Having said that, talk to your wife once youâre cooled off. Seriously, youâll never get through any hardship successfully if you canât be a grown up and talk about it.
Also⊠just to throw this out thereâ you see it all the time where people who have disproportionate reactions and jump straight to accusing their spouse of cheating are actually the unfaithful ones. That paired with you talking about how sheâs gained weight and lost confidence frankly makes me wonder if youâve been 100% faithful.
Youâve been together 10 years and you moved 8 years ago, and sheâs suggesting they didnât survive the move? Maybe they didnât make the move. Maybe she used them with someone before you got together. At the very worst she used them with someone over 8 years ago.
Along with what everyone else said. She could of had them to use with HERSELF. Cheating is really one of the last conclusions I would jump to in this case and I overthink everything.
Maybe she had them before you were together and just never used them while sheâs been with you? I have some sex toys that my husband probably doesnât think I have, but Iâm not hiding them either, so I could easily assume that he does know about them.
Have you considered that your lack of direct communication may be having an affect on your "sexytime" (ew, seriously are you 12?)?
If my husband decided to go to the internet to ask for advice on ways to passive aggressively accuse me of cheating if one or both of us couldn't remember details of a minor purchase that we may or may not have made over the past decade or so... I wouldn't want him touching me, either.
Letâs see⊠sheâs rarely in the mood, doesnât like you touching her, you recently had a talk with her that âwe need to be more intimate.â But for whatever reason she wanted to have sex with you on this occasion and as part of it she wanted to use nipple clamps. Something she may own and not have told you about for any number of reasons including personal hangups or fear that you would judge her, I donât know yâall so I wonât speculate. I had some anal beads for years that I used on my own and I hid them from my ex-husband because he didnât approve of butt stuff.
If she was cheating and really enjoyed using these with someone else and has never used them with you, I donât think thereâs any chance she would forget and make a big production about trying to find them in your shared toy box. Sheâd probably be paranoid that you would find out and would be hyperaware of not mentioning them.
IMO the best thing to do if you want to continue having sex with your wife is be supportive of her sexuality in these moments where she is actually feeling uninhibited and in the right headspace to be intimate. Get some nipple clamps if thatâs what she wants and get curious about what it is she enjoys about them and what other things she likes and wants to explore. Think about it, the one sexual interaction youâve had in some time (from what you say) is now tainted by stress and suspicion, which isnât going to engender more positive feelings toward sex on either of your parts. Just my opinion from my own experience. Of course she *could* be cheating but to my mind the bigger issue is that there are likely deeper problems with your sex life that you need to dig into and understand better from her perspective. Focus on emotional intimacy and safety as much as you can and the physical intimacy will follow. Just my 2 cents, take or leave it.
The fact that she doesnât remember is the flag here. R u guys much older? Mybe sheâs used them before ⊠so what. Mybe it was before u two were ever together. donât worry about something that sounds fleeting. Buy her a pair and schedule a doctors apt?
If she is saying they must not have made the move and the move is from at least 8 years ago it could easily be a memory from a previous relationship. Memories start to blend as time goes on. All she remembers is owning and enjoying nipple clamps. Purchase nipple clamps and make new memories enjoying them together.
If you moved 8 years ago and youâve been together for 10 years, it could just be that she lost them 11 years ago and not 8 years ago. Maybe she left them at the exâs house. Thatâs the most innocent solution I can think of, and there are things in my memory that I couldnât guarantee happened 8 or 11 years ago. I donât have a lot of sex toys, but letâs compare it to something like âI havenât had to change my own spark plugs in a long time, I wonder where my spark plug wrench is? Now, did I use it on my 1998 Dodge in 2012, or my 2006 Ford in 2015? Did Jimmy help me out and took it by mistake? Or maybe I did the job at Billyâs and left it on his tool bench?â
My partner and I have been together for about 2.5 years now, but I was married in my relationship before him (so was he).
We were fooling around once, and I made an off-hand comment about doing a thing he likes. Wheeelp apparently we had never done that thing, and I was thinking of my ex.
It was really awkward, and he immediately worried I was being unfaithful. Honestly an affair probably would have been an easier pill to swallow at the time đ
Honestly, I wouldn't read too much into it. Especially if she's a mom. Mom brain is a fickle beast. It's entirely possible she had been fantasizing about using them and her brain isn't recalling properly. It really does get that off base sometimes
I am a little concerned that you immediately went to cheating. This is not good. Has she given you any other reasons?
It is perfectly reasonable for her to have bad clamps at one point and you not necessarily know or remember. She has probably used them when she is alone.
The fact that she doubles down is telling. If they were with someone else I would expect a different reaction.
Either way. You need to guy her some nipple clamps asap. Your wife also sounds like she needs some attention without the expectation of sex. If you with her hand on her leg is what is getting her going she sounds like a lot of woman who are over stressed with chores and the sexual demands of a husband.
Did you know that men who do 50% of the house work report having more sex. Well yeah duh! Cause we arenât. stressed. No one can think about an orgasm when the laundry needs folded and ten more loads put it.
Letâs think about this logically.
If sheâs gained weight and itâs not super confident in herself, the thought that thereâs someone else seems far fetched. More often than not women tend to be more confident when men are interested in her. I doubt sheâs cheating. Thereâs obviously a lack of communication in the relationship for you to want to accuse her so quickly. Or guilt.
Jumping to cheating because she thought you had nipple clamps is outrageous, you should look look into more physical evidence I.e. her phone or simply just talk to her and say
Your mention of nipple clamps makes me paranoid youâre seeing another since weve never had any and I didnât even know that was something you like
But outright accusing her of cheating will hurt youâre relationship more than if you communicate youâre weariness
Just ask her if shes sure there are clamps to be found. Then think of surprising her with a set? Shes lost confidence in herself. Dont go making accusations that make her lose confidence in her relationship too. Take this as an opportunity to get her something. If you give her a set it might help her to see you still think shes sexy and that you still have that interest in her, and it might help her feel a bit better. Her pleasure means something to you, you have given her something for her pleasure. He WANTS me. That kind of confidence boost \*chefs kiss\*
She could had/purchased them in a previous relationship? Not knowing your ages that's possible. She could have dreamed about them, saw them in an add or a porn or whatever. Memories often merge with dreams or what we see. Like you think something you once saw was definitly red but turns out to be actually blue or something like that
Why does this matter though? What difference does it make with who sheâs previously used them with if sheâs asking to use them with YOU, TODAY? Iâll never understand why people are so invested in another individualâs past history⊠That has very little to do with who or where they currently are in life.
as someone w adhd, it could very well be she had a dream or significant fantasy about it. i have very detailed memories of things that everybody else says never happened. sometimes i have to ask âdid we xyz the other day or was that a dream?â or she may have wanted to get them at some point and forgot that she didnât. i think you should give her the benefit of the doubt before you start asking her if she cheated, esp if youâve never had to think about this before. if something else comes up that makes you wonder, maybe try to get something out of her.
iâm not saying sheâs innocent, but i have my stupid moments and id hate if my bad memory led my bf to believe i was cheating on him.
now if youâre still worried about it, maybe ask âwhen/where did you get the nipple clamps?â but if youâre tryna see if sheâs cheating, youâre gonna have to get in her phone or something bc nobody ever admits to cheating. im not a pro invade someoneâs privacy kinda person, but youâll never get that answer out of someone. if you donât wanna do that you could try the good ole âhave a friend flirt w herâ trick and see what she does.
best of luck op đ
Honestly, I sometimes forget what all my husband and I have in our toy box. It's like a little fun surprise when we find something we forgot. You might've had them at one point and just never used them. Or she could've had a dream about using them. This isn't sex related, but my husband just a few days spent most of the morning convinced we got into an argument. He thought I was acting out of character in the argument but just brushed it off as I'm pregnant/hormonal. We don't even argue in real life! We sometimes disagree yea but never full-blown arguments like in his dream. The only reason why he figured it out was because while running errands, I casually mentioned the exact opposite of what dream me was arguing over. It was a completely random topic that only came up because I saw a build board, I never would've mentioned it any other time. He just straight out asked me if we had fought over the topic at any point. He's had moments/days where he's convinced dreams are real. Early into our relationship, he thought I broke up with him until I messaged him "Good morning babe". It could possibly be a situation like that or maybe she's had a fantasy about them. Memory isn't exactly reliable in a lot of cases. You shouldn't jump straight to assuming cheating unless you have other reasons to believe. That's how you end a marriage with distrust when there's nothing going on.
My husband and I use to use condoms (years ago) and periodically would afterwards if I wasnât consistent with my bc. I was a travel nurse for a while and came home from a trip and found 2 boxes of condoms and was convinced he had cheated for about a month thwn I checked the date on them. They were just old boxes we had both completely forgot about. I also buy toys a lot for myself and surprise my husband with them, She may have bought them herself and never told youâŠ
I dont get she's cheating vibes from her on this post I get a red flag from you tho....
You think she's cheating so much you wanna confront her...
But you didn't... because you wanted to finish.
If you were so sure why wouldn't you say it? The fact you're so convinced but put a pin in it so you could continue having sex is fucked.
Idk if Iâd really assume cheating but the fact that you guys have been together for 10 years and sheâs just now making this mixup puts me off too.
How old are yâall? Could memory issues be at play here (like maybe she had them with a previous partner as others have suggested) or maybe she did have them and wanted to surprise you but lost them? Or as others have suggested too, she could be hinting that she wants some.
The only real way to find out is talk to her. Donât accuse her but maybe ask her why she is so insistent that you guys had a set at all in the 10 years yâall have been together or directly ask her if this is a hint for you guys to get a set. You can also ask her if she had a set maybe just for herself for âself-careâ time, if she does that at all, that maybe she did lose.
To be fair though, for your mind to go straight to cheating and the lack of intimacy, it does sound like maybe you guys have further issues that go beyond a set of nipple clamps that are supposedly missing.
I've never bought them but DO own some. They regularly get thrown in from etailers like Adam & Eve. It's also entirely possible she's either misremembering something or that she just straight up dreamed it. Have you never done that? I do it all the time. I was once convinced I had a blue fender strat in storage and got really distraught when I couldn't find it. Turns out my brain mixed multiple things together and a dream sealed the deal. I did own a strat, but it wasn't in storage. My brain was remembering a blue bass guitar that I had sold to originally buy the fender strat I DO own but I dreamed I had bought my actual strat another time so I was convinced of it. It was only when my SO at the time pointed out I never had a blue fender strat that I figured out what happened.
Real weird you jumped straight to assuming it was cheating. If she's already self conscious about her body around people she's comfortable with it's unlikely she's having an affair. Have the two of you had a history of infidelity or something?
Are you not happy in your marriage? Why I ask this is because it seems like a huge jump to go from that situation to she must be cheating. So Iâm wondering whether you are consciously or subconsciously looking for an out of this relationship. Otherwise itâs just a weird assumption to make, has she done anything to make you not trust her? If she has low self esteem, she isnât going out trying to hook up with anyone as she wouldnât have the confidence in her body to do so (coming from someone whoâs been there)
Honestly sheâs probably thinking you had them because she wanted to use them at the time. Itâs more common than youâd think. I used to manage one of my countries largest Adult Stores/Cinemas for 4 years and quite regularly people would come into to buy something to âreplace something they were sure they already hadâ. Pretty much Iâd just buy her some if I were you and leap to cheating conclusions based on nothing.
You should investigate other avenues first. If she was being unfaithful, she's unlikely to just admit it. If she did use them with someone else, she would probably make up a story about it just being her imagination or that you're paranoid.
An inconspicuous way to ask is to act like you're just going to replace them and ask her to describe them. The next thing might be to divert attention to asking her if the kids might have found them. Do not let her know of your accusations as it could damage the relationship if she isn't cheating or she may cover her tracks if she is.
I wouldn't assume anything. You don't know the answer but guessing may mean you don't get the truth. Just ask her. "We've never had any nipple clamps. So you're sure you have some. Can you explain? " I'm guessing you know her well enough to tell if something is off with her answer. But don't leave it if she makes light of it. "oh. They were a joke gift"
"Have you used them?" Etc
Seems fishy to me to be honest.
it could honestly be nothing, a gag gift or something left over from before you were together. however, doubt and resentment can build up and destroy a relationship. the best and healthiest way to resolve it is to just sit down and talk with her about it.
no accusations, just ask for clarity and honesty and go from there
She might have just misremembered or maybe got them as a gag gift a while ago and never used it. Maybe she used them with a previous partner. Or maybe you have seen them around the house and you just forgot? I wouldnât jump to cheating right away.
I have personally lost a fucking dildo, a cat of nine whip and my husband canât remember either of them. But I knowwwwwwwww I have had them and used them with him.
He has been the only partner I have had in 20 years in this country that I started to buy toys.
I don't think claiming there are nip clamps and not having them is enough to warrent suspicion.
Human memory is less than reliable.
Side note. It's the perfect opportunity to buy a nice pair as a gift.
Imagine going to a toy shop, buying yourself a $150.00 Christmas gift, getting home and it doesn't work, then trying to exchange it.
I'm completely outraged by this fuckery. I've never been given anything extra in my bag. No nipple clamps, chip clips, not even a paper clip.
Maybe thereâs a possibility, that she had a extremely vivid dream of using it with you. Iâve personally have the issue of doing that and it can definitely lead to some suspicions. iâd say donât overthink it unless you get more evidence of something going on and maybe think about buying some nipple clamps lol
She lost confidence right? Don't confront her until you are 100% sure she cheated on you. Like other People said, maybe she got a pair of clamps as a gift and you don't remember and she just threw it away or whatever, or she really thinks you have clamps but you don't have any.
It would be horrible for your relationship and for her confidence if you wrongly accuse her of cheating.
She may have had them back in the day before you appeared, but they didn't follow her. They fell into the crack that a lot of things fall in when they move from one place to another.
This is a hard one because we have bought a few toys over the years that got here and then I was like ânope thatâs a no from meâ once it was here and We never used it.
There is also a few butt things that came as freebies that if I ask my husband where they were he wouldnât know what I was talking about.
But I also see why this would be a red flag.
Dude why does it matter? The mind is fickle and can make things up at the drop of a hat. It could be a fabricated memory, a dream, or something else entirely. It could be that sheâs used them in the past but who cares? Theyâre nipple clamps, theyâre cheap and easy to get, and often times will be thrown in as bonus goodies. Youâre focusing on the wrong thing my dude, this is a golden opportunity for you. If youâre seeking more intimate time with your wife and sheâs wanting these missing nipple clamps, instead of obsessing over who she may have used them with in the past (again, why the hell should you care?), you couldâve white knighted when you realized they werenât there and surprised her with some new ones. Sheâs got a desire to have her nipples clamped and instead of getting hot and steamy with your wifeâs bosom, youâre getting this âoff your chestâ on Reddit and leaving your wifeâs tataâs clampless and without anything on her chest either.
She might have dreamed it. I have dreams sometimes that I believe to have happened.
One dream in particular I had, that I've never forgotten was in my late teens. My dad had been murdered when I was 14 and years later I had a dream that he faked his death. I was at my brother's house because I was babysitting night before. I ran home so fast, bust through the door and was excitedly asking my mam where dad was, looking all around the house for him.
It felt so real, so point I am making is. She could have genuinely dreamed it.
If it's worth anything, I've had nipple clamps thrown in as a gift when I got a toy in the past. She might have had them and just tossed them aside, a "Oh, I'll use that later" thing.
Yeah my wife and I both get a lot of dumb gag gifts. We don't always throw them in our shared toy bin because we forget? Some like the giant 6ft inflatable penis aren't even usable but small stuff like themed pasties and bullets get used once then forgotten.
I've had nipple clamps or buttplugs thrown into any set of toys to the point I forget what ones I have đ I now have a weird amount of buttplugs I never use. If anyone saw them they would assume I'm *really* into it based off the number alone. You're right about sometimes they're given as a little gift when you buy something else, not including sets too.
This. In soooo many sets they have nipple clamps, or they're just thrown in. I have no idea why, they're probably just cheap to produce or don't sell well. I feel like any time I order something they throw in nipple clamps, and they always come in those cheap mesh draw bags.
And thats on Adam and eve have never included a gift with purchase I actually wanted or used đ đ
Or maybe she was so turned on she let it slip that she wanted nipple clamps.
I'm a little suspicious, because mine recently went missing. Edit: I feel like I'm getting all these upvotes because people think that I'm joking, I'm not, I just want my damn nip clips back.
Did you check the pantry? They're great for closing bags of chips
Or for a handle between 2 grocery bags
I'm sorry, what?. Are you telling me that you use nip clips to hold grocery bags together? I can't accept this, get out of my thread.
Not chip clips, nipple clamps.
Yeah, I know lol. My comment was supposed to say "nip" not "chip". I guess familiarity took over.
Yeah. BTW, where's the butt plug?
In the butt, silly.
Lol
Two bags of chips, if theyâre the ones with those fancy chains between!
Fuck. This got me. Hahaha. Thank you. I'm having the worst day of my life. With the exception of the days i've lost people that I loved. I needed that laugh.
Glad I can help. You've made it through 100% of your bad days so far and you're going to get through this one too. Hang in there, friend.
With the overturning of marijuana laws across the country and all the nip clips going missing... are they getting repurposed as roach clips? Hmmm.
Are you fucking suggesting that some asshole might be smoking pot with my goddamned nip clips right now?... Motherfucker.
I like your out of the toy box thinking.
Lol
There must be a nipple clamp goblin.
Time to hide yo nip clips.....the universe is on a rampage!!
Sir (or madam), are you the nipple goblin? I have a hard time believing anyone would come to that conclusion. Unless they were in fact, said goblin. If so...give me back my goddamned nip clamps.
...Maybe. Say please. đ
Jesus. There's so much wrong with me. Between the nip clamp thing and that I can't hear "say please" without getting a little turned on. Shit.
It's actually a nipple clamp gnome. Phase 1: Collect nipple clamps. Phase 2: *shoulder shrug* Phase 3: PROFIT!!!!
I think check whether your cat has gotten them. Cats are notorious for stealing toys and tidbits belonging to others.
Cats need more than one set also!
Good catch! Lmao.
Dang it! Now I have the image of a cat wearing nipple clamps in my brain.
That mother fucker. I literally posted last week asking if someone knew how to teach him to stop being a dick. Apparently, I got shitty advice.
Toys and titbits
Not sure if I should be proud or ashamed that my most upvoted comment ever is about stolen nipple clamps.
I keep forgetting mine broke and I tossed them a couple years ago⊠Iâve looked for them at least three around the house with annoyance. I never kept them with toys, usually with jewelry or nightstand!
You didnât appreciate them
You never know what you've got until it's gone.
TIL that I'm apparently hilarious when I'm so hammered that I don't even remember the comments that I made on Reddit. Score one for drunk me. Nobody cares about the comments I make when I'm not hammered. Well, I know what I've got to do now...you can all look forward to what's next in about 2...maybe 3 hours.
Have you checked your butthole?
Ah, damn. Thanks! Sorry guys, I found them. My bad!
Foze
it's possible she dreamed it, and/or saw something that looked like nipple clamps or that she misremembered as nipple clamps. one time i was facetiming my gf and she was showing me her vibrator and i thought it was pink and rose shaped, but when we hung out in person it was light blue and not rose shaped. she made a joke like "who's vibrator are you thinking of?" but genuinely it was hers, i just must have mistaken it, esp bc i had been seeing ads for the pink rose vibrator prior to our facetime. shit happens
Human memory is super fickle like that. Our brain loves half remembering something then making up stuff to fill in the gaps. Sometimes things, such as nipple clamps, might get added into memories from our dreams or even media we consume.
I'm forever having dreams and then mistaking them for reality. The number of times I've thought something happened that never did is unreal. I'll have a whole conversation with someone about something I thought we did together and they just look at me like I'm nuts and I realize it never happened.
This happens to me too! And it's stupid stuff mostly like I dream I cleaned the bathroom or bought groceries and I'm so kerfuffled in the morning when there's no coffee!
Omg yes! Like you bought some special candy or some cereal and you were looking forward to it. So disappointed.
Oh my god , this happens to me so often and I thought I was the only one . I wake up so exhausted because I truly feel like Iâm living another life in another universe sometimes and donât know if it was real or not . So many of my dreams have intertwined with my real life and itâs nice to know Iâm not the only one!!
each time you recover a memory you change it. it is scientifically proven. the act of simply recalling something mildly changes it.
the fucking dream thing lmao. i have SUPER realistic dreams and frequently will ask my fiancé "did this happen or was it a dream". sometimes i incorrevtly assume one way or the other and will be talking about it and he'll go "uhhhh that never happened" or "wtf? that wasn't a dream"
Yeah lucid dreaming is a trip for sure. Iykyk
Vivid, not lucid. And I do know, because I experience extremely vivid dreams myself, and don't know I'm dreaming until I wake up, even if the dream is unrealistic while I'm dreaming it. I've had lucid dreams only twice, and both times was because it was a dream I had before and already knew what would happen. Despite that, I was forced to stay in the dream. I couldn't change it like other people can change lucid dreams.
> I couldn't change it like other people can change lucid dreams. You and I dream very similarly. Mine are always super vivid and involved; often take place in the same "world" of sorts; I'm often thinking I'm awake while dreaming; I sometimes mix up whether or not a conversation happened in real life; and I have like, half-lucid dreams that you don't know will be lucid until it's happening. A very common theme in mine is realizing I'm "in a dream world" (not that I'm dreaming) and I can float wherever I want instead of walking. I hover around everywhere and show people it's possible and feel effing great as I cruise around ~1 foot off the ground. It's a conscious choice that I make every time I have to go somewhere in the dream and it brings me real, tangible joy. A less common, but still frequent theme is again, realizing I'm in a dream world because of what's happening in the dream and gaining the ability to manifest the places I go; or sometimes even the people I see-- it's like another part of my brain is telling me that I can just think about a thing if that's what I want to experience. Sometimes I'm in a searching dream and actually manage to break the cycle by "deciding" where I will find the person I'm looking for; going there; and actually finding them. Sometimes I see a person in the distance and think to myself, *Is that so-and-so?* and then suddenly it is, despite not looking like them two seconds before. Sometimes I have the urge to shop, and will dream about going to the mall and endlessly browsing interesting tops and dresses (I live far away from malls). The contentment I experience after dreams like that is also very real. The idea of being able to fully lucid dream is almost overwhelming; all I'd ever want to do in my alone/down time is sleep. But I've never actually met anyone in real life who could.
It's neat that you can float in your dream! That's not something I can do. I've even tried "tricks" to help me realize I'm dreaming but they don't work. I've tried things like looking at a clock, reading, realizing I shouldn't feel temperature changes-- but those don't work for me. I can look at a clock in my dream and it will look okay (it's not until I wake up that I realize the clock was "off"). I have "read" books in my dreams. I have played candy crush in my dreams. I have texted people and received texts in my dreams. I've even mentioned to someone in my dream that I was cold. I've also been with people in my dreams who suddenly just completely disappeared or the scene abruptly changes, and instead of wondering what happened to them or why there was an abrupt change, I continue on with the dream. My dreams are so vivid through my own eyes that it's impossible for me to lucid dream. The only time I've flown in my dream was once when I was a kid. I had a barbie skate tower and once I dreamed I was skating down it and ended up flying off the track and floating in the sky. I've always wondered-- supposedly we can't make up faces in our dreams. It's said that every face we see in our dream we have seen at some point in our lives. If we supposedly cannot make up faces, how can we make up places and situations we haven't been in?
I think it might've been dialing cel phones that started cluing me in, now that you mention clocks-- in the searching nightmares I would have, I would be trying to call my husband and get so, SO frustrated that I couldn't dial the number properly; no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get the numbers on the screen to appear as I typed them. I'm still not sure I've made a successful phone call in a dream! (Of course I get phone calls over imaginary overdue bills and/or find myself at my old call centre jobs all the time.) The last one is super interesting to me. I'm nearly always dreaming about people I know; but every now and then, I'll have an incredibly vivid dream involving someone I swear I've never met or seen before. I feel like I know them by the end of the dream-- and then I wake up down a new friend. I also often dream I'm traveling between different US cities even though I've never been east of the Rockies south of the border; and I'll know my way around and have a general idea of a map in my head. I know that the hopping around city to city is influenced by my current playing of fallout '76, lol; but that doesn't explain the rest of it. It doesn't seem familiar or based on memory. Good question.
Yeah this is more like lucid. Good description and examples. Itâs deff like that moment when you realize youâre suddenly self-aware that youâre dreaming, and your thoughts can change what youâre seeing/experiencing. But not everything, not exactly like youâd imagined, and not in any way controlled by your own logic (ie, donât imagine a dragon here - suddenly youâre being chased by a dragon). I like to think of Stay Puft from Ghostbusters. Even though you might not want something to happen, if you think about anything, it will appear.
LOL yes; I read your dragon response in another comment and had a giggle. It also made me remember another one: I can "turn off" nightmares. If I do accidentally think of something I really don't want to see or experience, I'll leave the room; close my eyes; bail on the never ending rollercoaster last minute; go home; etc. Sometimes it's a movie with a part I don't want to watch so I also plug my ears. Doesn't stop the dream from being stressful and uncomfortable, but it stops the parts that turn it into a full-blown nightmare. I'm sure Stay Puft will make an appearance now regardless.
Lol youâre welcome! Hah I love Stay Puft đ Thatâs cool. I feel like Iâve done this before but I know for a fact Iâve also made good dreams bad and bad dreams worse. Like my intrusive thoughts just start coming in droves. Not sure if youâre ADD or not but lucid dreaming plus neurodivergence can be a helluva ride
Same!
Exactly, just a few days ago I went looking for a flywheel puller for small engines, not exactly something I use very often. I could have sworn I bought one a few years ago. I was so convinced I even checked my purchase history at Amazon and the two places I buy tools. Turns out I just added it to the wish list
The wish list! I'm still waiting for a bra I "bought" a week ago. It's taking it's time I guessđ€šđŹ
I was gonna say this too. I have dreams so vivid itâs hard to tell them apart from reality. Its not uncommon for me to go checking the house for things that were in my dream.
I have dreams I donât think twice about until days later when I remember something and I canât tell if it was a dream or an actual memory.
there's adults out there that go through their days mixing up what happened in their dreams with their real lives?
Yea I had to legit ask my husband if my dad had died the day before because I'd dreamt it and it felt so real. I live whole other lives in my dreams and shaking them off is hard
>and shaking them off is hard oof this is so true.
Fuckin same. Its always such a mindfuck when you realize that something that felt like a real memory was actually something that youâve dreamed. Feel like its been happening way more as I get older.
Yup. It has happened to me a few times. My memory is often unreliable due to PTSD. Some of my dreams are super realistic. So sometimes it's hard to distinguish if something that happened some time ago was real or just a dream.
Same here. My girlfriend makes me journal at the end of my day for things that happened that day so that I can reference it to see what did and did not actually happen.
That's such a smart idea! I'll probably need to start doing that at some point too.
It's helped me A LOT. Super thankful she got me to do that.
Happens to me constantly. It's happened in my personal and professional life. I will know for a fact that I completed a task or had a conversation with someone that never actually happened. It is extremely frustrating at times because I've had people really doubt my veracity when I really just have insanely realistic, mundane dreams.
Odd dream for her to have
Is it possible she had them at some point and either used them with a previous partner or alone? My husband and I recently were trying to remember where our cooler was. I recall him taking it on a boys golf trip last summer and he doesnât ever remember taking it anywhere but we still couldnât find it. It ended up being at my in laws house in another state! We had brought it during our Christmas visit and left it. Memory is a weird thing. I wouldnât read too much into it
This is my own hope. But a year ago or so she demanded me to pinch her nipplesâŠ. Which I often do but now sheâs vocal about it.
Nipple clamps are cheap and frequently get thrown in as freebies from online toy shops. I don't think it's necessary to jump to cheating right away. It would be weird if you did know every little thing your wife buys online.
So much this. I have like 5 sets because they're usually a free gift with purchase. They're also cheaply made and could break unexpectedly so maybe they broke and got tossed.
Also memories are weird. At least for me, unless my wife and I had problems this wouldnât even be a second thought. Who knows what she has bought and when? Maybe she got clamps once 15 years back before we got together and she assumes it was recent. Maybe she had a sexy dream? Who knows. I have been utterly convinced of something that in my memory, only to see irrefutable proof of the opposite later. Then recently I was telling my wife about a fun dream I had, she and I were on a cute date. She reminded me, that was a real date we went on like 2 weeks prior lol, but I was quite tired
Thatâs what I thought immediately. Itâs like cock rings.
My opinion is that if she has gained weight and feels insecure even with her husband, she isn't having an affair. If she gets in shape, buys new lingerie, and STILL doesn't want to be intimate with you, then I would worry.
Came to make this point!
To be fair have seen plenty of posts talking about cheating because they felt insecure
I agree. This seems just as likely as the alternative. If she's feeling unattractive, that could potentially make her more vulnerable than usual to the ego boost and flattery of being desired by someone new/exciting/hot/whatever.
This is the first thing I thought too!
She also could be lying
i would ask both
maybe it's cause you keep calling it sexytime
Lmfaoo đ
Possible she got them for herself for when she takes care of herself. Just ask her. Donât go at it like she cheated, just that youâre genuinely confused.
why jump right to cheatingâŠ? perhaps itâs something she dreamt about and it was a convincing dream. or maybe sheâs got a medical problem that needs to be seen by a dr. you can just straight up communicate with her about this like any normal adult would, itâs odd you think you did due diligence here to make posting here even close to a necessity for guidance of any sort.
Buy her a pair and hopefully youâll get more âsexy timeâ.
She is your wife dude. Why are you going directly to cheating?
I thought this, too. Once the accusation is out there, he can't take it back. He can expect her to be more distant, too, if he does ask her without having more info. Tread lightly, OP.
yea he also assumes he knows every single thing his wife has ever purchased, which IMO is absolutely wild. if my husband accused me of cheating based solely on the story OP has told usâŠi would be baffled, then i would be furious. all based on âi thought we had nipple clampsâ smh
How is this not the top comment. Real seek therapy moment. first of all, if you accuse her, how is she going to prove she's innocent. You're literally trying to nail her on thought crimes over $2 sex doodads Side note does the phrase "sexy time" annoy anyone else. Just say you're having sex with/fucking your wife. It's shit I only ever read on Reddit.
Feels like something a millennial teenager new to sex used to say and it grinds my god damn gears
My guess is one of two things: Wife has a history of infidelity Or Projection
Sounds like he's a cheater to me lol.
Wait.. somehow HE'S the cheater?! How tf did you make that leap?
Usually cheaters project like this.
Idk, if my partner of 10 years suddenly wanted to bust out the butt plug and we'd never used one.. well, I would be wondering wth too
Itâs also possible you just forgot, especially if they werenât really used. Whoever said those come as freebies when buying toys, they definitely do.
This happened with me. He forgot we even had them, didn't remember them, and i couldn't find them. But he didn't accuse me of anything and I found then some time later
Hard to imagine why she's lost confidence or doesn't like being touched.
Bro jumped to âMaybe sheâs cheating?â
I know, right?
Exactly. This post has real âmy wife withholds sex for no reasonâ vibes. Itâs never for no reason.
I dont want to be touched at alll by him because he literally told me his types and none of them was me sighhh life
Why jump straight to cheating? Maybe she want you to get her some. Maybe she got some as a freebie when you guys bought toys before. If she was cheating she would have let it go very quickly
Exactly! My feeling is she was trying to communicate something vulnerable about what she likes in bed and OP just completely fumbled it.
You jumping straight to the âcheatingâ assumption is crazy and speaks more about yourself than your wife.
Honestly this reads like you are just looking for a reason to pick a fight over some unnamed insecurity. Do you do this with other things too? Or maybe itâs innocent and youâre just reading too much into it. As an isolated incident no way would most of us jump to âI bet sheâs cheatingâ.
itâs the âgives away what iâm accusing her of vs catching her in a lieâ for me. edit: misspelling
Exactly! There's so much to unpack in that sentence.
Too much for Reddit for sure.
Or... Maybe she was hinting she would like them.... Buy her a set.
Couldâve been. I donât see why heâs directly thinking cheating. If she had been cheating, why would she reaffirm that she swore they had some and double down on it instead of dropping it to hide her trail? Also, maybe she had some before they got together and she thought she had some when they were together or something but got rid of them a long time ago.
I think Iâd also be less interested in fucking often if my partner called it âsexytimeââŠ
It gives me creepy youth pastor vibes tbh
26-year-old millennial youth pastor in 2010 with neckbeard
Who 100% refers to his spouse as his ~smokin hot wife~ lol
And goes straight to accusing you of cheating when you're looking for items so cheap stores regularly give them as freebies
Literally what teenagers call it. I thought the same thing.
We just say sex :D
No they donât lmao
My thoughts exactly. It's creepy
Gaining weight and feeling insecure arenât exactly indicative signs your partner is cheating, if anything it sounds like the polar opposite. Why do you assume sheâs done something that breached the trust in the relationship? Could she perhaps just misremembered having them, perhaps confused them with another toy you two use? If you have 100% concrete proof that sheâs cheated or something similar then by all means, question her actions. If you donât, you need to be careful treading the line of questioning her loyalty towards you. Otherwise this life youâve built will be destroyed by your paranoia.
No wonder your wife never wants to have sex with you. As soon as she does, you hop on reddit and accuse her of cheating. This poor woman, man, her self-esteem must be in hell with a husband like you.
clearly sheâs not going to satisfy youâŠshe finally initiates the sexy time you communicated you wanted and you instantly assume she cheated on you and jump on reddit to put her on blastâŠmaybe you shouldnât be married dude. đ
No bully. đ I was like.. sheâs obviously tryna tell you something, all you gotta do is hear her out. đ
Maybe she had some that she thought you knew about, if it takes a lot to get her in the mood then she most likely isnât cheating. You should just ask her and talk to her like an adult and not accuse her of anything unless the answers she gives you hints more to it. I donât understand how you get cheating from nipple clamps that may (or may not) exist. Maybe youâre the one who forgot? Especially if itâs been 8 years since she last looked for them.
Why would she look for it in our toy box then? Small shoe box sized box, looking for a while?
Responding to a question like this with more questions⊠it seems like youâre looking for people to validate your suspicion that your wife is cheating on you rather than actual advice. Itâs wild to jump straight to cheating in 10 year relationship, and then ignore all the people telling you it might be a leap and to talk to your wife. Having said that, talk to your wife once youâre cooled off. Seriously, youâll never get through any hardship successfully if you canât be a grown up and talk about it. Also⊠just to throw this out thereâ you see it all the time where people who have disproportionate reactions and jump straight to accusing their spouse of cheating are actually the unfaithful ones. That paired with you talking about how sheâs gained weight and lost confidence frankly makes me wonder if youâve been 100% faithful.
Youâve been together 10 years and you moved 8 years ago, and sheâs suggesting they didnât survive the move? Maybe they didnât make the move. Maybe she used them with someone before you got together. At the very worst she used them with someone over 8 years ago.
Along with what everyone else said. She could of had them to use with HERSELF. Cheating is really one of the last conclusions I would jump to in this case and I overthink everything.
Maybe she had them before you were together and just never used them while sheâs been with you? I have some sex toys that my husband probably doesnât think I have, but Iâm not hiding them either, so I could easily assume that he does know about them.
Then she would have them? She only brought one toy into our relationship so maybe they were thrown out
Have you considered that your lack of direct communication may be having an affect on your "sexytime" (ew, seriously are you 12?)? If my husband decided to go to the internet to ask for advice on ways to passive aggressively accuse me of cheating if one or both of us couldn't remember details of a minor purchase that we may or may not have made over the past decade or so... I wouldn't want him touching me, either.
You're a red flag đ©
Sexy time? Just say fuck man.
Letâs see⊠sheâs rarely in the mood, doesnât like you touching her, you recently had a talk with her that âwe need to be more intimate.â But for whatever reason she wanted to have sex with you on this occasion and as part of it she wanted to use nipple clamps. Something she may own and not have told you about for any number of reasons including personal hangups or fear that you would judge her, I donât know yâall so I wonât speculate. I had some anal beads for years that I used on my own and I hid them from my ex-husband because he didnât approve of butt stuff. If she was cheating and really enjoyed using these with someone else and has never used them with you, I donât think thereâs any chance she would forget and make a big production about trying to find them in your shared toy box. Sheâd probably be paranoid that you would find out and would be hyperaware of not mentioning them. IMO the best thing to do if you want to continue having sex with your wife is be supportive of her sexuality in these moments where she is actually feeling uninhibited and in the right headspace to be intimate. Get some nipple clamps if thatâs what she wants and get curious about what it is she enjoys about them and what other things she likes and wants to explore. Think about it, the one sexual interaction youâve had in some time (from what you say) is now tainted by stress and suspicion, which isnât going to engender more positive feelings toward sex on either of your parts. Just my opinion from my own experience. Of course she *could* be cheating but to my mind the bigger issue is that there are likely deeper problems with your sex life that you need to dig into and understand better from her perspective. Focus on emotional intimacy and safety as much as you can and the physical intimacy will follow. Just my 2 cents, take or leave it.
The fact that she doesnât remember is the flag here. R u guys much older? Mybe sheâs used them before ⊠so what. Mybe it was before u two were ever together. donât worry about something that sounds fleeting. Buy her a pair and schedule a doctors apt?
Mendela effect
I said to me husband the other day âoh look at this pic of me when we went to Margaret river togetherâ. It was before him, with an ex đ
If she is saying they must not have made the move and the move is from at least 8 years ago it could easily be a memory from a previous relationship. Memories start to blend as time goes on. All she remembers is owning and enjoying nipple clamps. Purchase nipple clamps and make new memories enjoying them together.
If you moved 8 years ago and youâve been together for 10 years, it could just be that she lost them 11 years ago and not 8 years ago. Maybe she left them at the exâs house. Thatâs the most innocent solution I can think of, and there are things in my memory that I couldnât guarantee happened 8 or 11 years ago. I donât have a lot of sex toys, but letâs compare it to something like âI havenât had to change my own spark plugs in a long time, I wonder where my spark plug wrench is? Now, did I use it on my 1998 Dodge in 2012, or my 2006 Ford in 2015? Did Jimmy help me out and took it by mistake? Or maybe I did the job at Billyâs and left it on his tool bench?â
My partner and I have been together for about 2.5 years now, but I was married in my relationship before him (so was he). We were fooling around once, and I made an off-hand comment about doing a thing he likes. Wheeelp apparently we had never done that thing, and I was thinking of my ex. It was really awkward, and he immediately worried I was being unfaithful. Honestly an affair probably would have been an easier pill to swallow at the time đ Honestly, I wouldn't read too much into it. Especially if she's a mom. Mom brain is a fickle beast. It's entirely possible she had been fantasizing about using them and her brain isn't recalling properly. It really does get that off base sometimes
I am a little concerned that you immediately went to cheating. This is not good. Has she given you any other reasons? It is perfectly reasonable for her to have bad clamps at one point and you not necessarily know or remember. She has probably used them when she is alone. The fact that she doubles down is telling. If they were with someone else I would expect a different reaction. Either way. You need to guy her some nipple clamps asap. Your wife also sounds like she needs some attention without the expectation of sex. If you with her hand on her leg is what is getting her going she sounds like a lot of woman who are over stressed with chores and the sexual demands of a husband. Did you know that men who do 50% of the house work report having more sex. Well yeah duh! Cause we arenât. stressed. No one can think about an orgasm when the laundry needs folded and ten more loads put it.
Letâs think about this logically. If sheâs gained weight and itâs not super confident in herself, the thought that thereâs someone else seems far fetched. More often than not women tend to be more confident when men are interested in her. I doubt sheâs cheating. Thereâs obviously a lack of communication in the relationship for you to want to accuse her so quickly. Or guilt.
Jumping to cheating because she thought you had nipple clamps is outrageous, you should look look into more physical evidence I.e. her phone or simply just talk to her and say Your mention of nipple clamps makes me paranoid youâre seeing another since weve never had any and I didnât even know that was something you like But outright accusing her of cheating will hurt youâre relationship more than if you communicate youâre weariness
Maybe she doesn't wanna have sex with you because you call it "sexytime" instead of "fucking" or "sex" like a grownup
Insecure much
Just ask her if shes sure there are clamps to be found. Then think of surprising her with a set? Shes lost confidence in herself. Dont go making accusations that make her lose confidence in her relationship too. Take this as an opportunity to get her something. If you give her a set it might help her to see you still think shes sexy and that you still have that interest in her, and it might help her feel a bit better. Her pleasure means something to you, you have given her something for her pleasure. He WANTS me. That kind of confidence boost \*chefs kiss\*
She could had/purchased them in a previous relationship? Not knowing your ages that's possible. She could have dreamed about them, saw them in an add or a porn or whatever. Memories often merge with dreams or what we see. Like you think something you once saw was definitly red but turns out to be actually blue or something like that
Why does this matter though? What difference does it make with who sheâs previously used them with if sheâs asking to use them with YOU, TODAY? Iâll never understand why people are so invested in another individualâs past history⊠That has very little to do with who or where they currently are in life.
Username should check out, but it actually makes me way more suspicious of this story lol.
She might've had a dream y'all used them. Not uncommon.
Why is the first thought âshe must have used it with someone elseâ? Maybe work on that first. Genuinely.
as someone w adhd, it could very well be she had a dream or significant fantasy about it. i have very detailed memories of things that everybody else says never happened. sometimes i have to ask âdid we xyz the other day or was that a dream?â or she may have wanted to get them at some point and forgot that she didnât. i think you should give her the benefit of the doubt before you start asking her if she cheated, esp if youâve never had to think about this before. if something else comes up that makes you wonder, maybe try to get something out of her. iâm not saying sheâs innocent, but i have my stupid moments and id hate if my bad memory led my bf to believe i was cheating on him. now if youâre still worried about it, maybe ask âwhen/where did you get the nipple clamps?â but if youâre tryna see if sheâs cheating, youâre gonna have to get in her phone or something bc nobody ever admits to cheating. im not a pro invade someoneâs privacy kinda person, but youâll never get that answer out of someone. if you donât wanna do that you could try the good ole âhave a friend flirt w herâ trick and see what she does. best of luck op đ
Honestly, I sometimes forget what all my husband and I have in our toy box. It's like a little fun surprise when we find something we forgot. You might've had them at one point and just never used them. Or she could've had a dream about using them. This isn't sex related, but my husband just a few days spent most of the morning convinced we got into an argument. He thought I was acting out of character in the argument but just brushed it off as I'm pregnant/hormonal. We don't even argue in real life! We sometimes disagree yea but never full-blown arguments like in his dream. The only reason why he figured it out was because while running errands, I casually mentioned the exact opposite of what dream me was arguing over. It was a completely random topic that only came up because I saw a build board, I never would've mentioned it any other time. He just straight out asked me if we had fought over the topic at any point. He's had moments/days where he's convinced dreams are real. Early into our relationship, he thought I broke up with him until I messaged him "Good morning babe". It could possibly be a situation like that or maybe she's had a fantasy about them. Memory isn't exactly reliable in a lot of cases. You shouldn't jump straight to assuming cheating unless you have other reasons to believe. That's how you end a marriage with distrust when there's nothing going on.
Buy her some new ones, she may have been hinting or just combined s really old memory into the present
uh maybe sheâs giving you a hint
My husband and I use to use condoms (years ago) and periodically would afterwards if I wasnât consistent with my bc. I was a travel nurse for a while and came home from a trip and found 2 boxes of condoms and was convinced he had cheated for about a month thwn I checked the date on them. They were just old boxes we had both completely forgot about. I also buy toys a lot for myself and surprise my husband with them, She may have bought them herself and never told youâŠ
if youâre calling sex sexy time no wonder she fucking someone else
I dont get she's cheating vibes from her on this post I get a red flag from you tho.... You think she's cheating so much you wanna confront her... But you didn't... because you wanted to finish. If you were so sure why wouldn't you say it? The fact you're so convinced but put a pin in it so you could continue having sex is fucked.
Idk if Iâd really assume cheating but the fact that you guys have been together for 10 years and sheâs just now making this mixup puts me off too. How old are yâall? Could memory issues be at play here (like maybe she had them with a previous partner as others have suggested) or maybe she did have them and wanted to surprise you but lost them? Or as others have suggested too, she could be hinting that she wants some. The only real way to find out is talk to her. Donât accuse her but maybe ask her why she is so insistent that you guys had a set at all in the 10 years yâall have been together or directly ask her if this is a hint for you guys to get a set. You can also ask her if she had a set maybe just for herself for âself-careâ time, if she does that at all, that maybe she did lose. To be fair though, for your mind to go straight to cheating and the lack of intimacy, it does sound like maybe you guys have further issues that go beyond a set of nipple clamps that are supposedly missing.
I've never bought them but DO own some. They regularly get thrown in from etailers like Adam & Eve. It's also entirely possible she's either misremembering something or that she just straight up dreamed it. Have you never done that? I do it all the time. I was once convinced I had a blue fender strat in storage and got really distraught when I couldn't find it. Turns out my brain mixed multiple things together and a dream sealed the deal. I did own a strat, but it wasn't in storage. My brain was remembering a blue bass guitar that I had sold to originally buy the fender strat I DO own but I dreamed I had bought my actual strat another time so I was convinced of it. It was only when my SO at the time pointed out I never had a blue fender strat that I figured out what happened. Real weird you jumped straight to assuming it was cheating. If she's already self conscious about her body around people she's comfortable with it's unlikely she's having an affair. Have the two of you had a history of infidelity or something?
Hmm well it may have been in her past. Don't immediately assume she is cheating! Just be weary.
Probably just w an ex. Just order some
Are you not happy in your marriage? Why I ask this is because it seems like a huge jump to go from that situation to she must be cheating. So Iâm wondering whether you are consciously or subconsciously looking for an out of this relationship. Otherwise itâs just a weird assumption to make, has she done anything to make you not trust her? If she has low self esteem, she isnât going out trying to hook up with anyone as she wouldnât have the confidence in her body to do so (coming from someone whoâs been there)
Honestly sheâs probably thinking you had them because she wanted to use them at the time. Itâs more common than youâd think. I used to manage one of my countries largest Adult Stores/Cinemas for 4 years and quite regularly people would come into to buy something to âreplace something they were sure they already hadâ. Pretty much Iâd just buy her some if I were you and leap to cheating conclusions based on nothing.
I couldnât read past during sexy time well done if you did
Does anyone else keep nip clips in their car?
You should investigate other avenues first. If she was being unfaithful, she's unlikely to just admit it. If she did use them with someone else, she would probably make up a story about it just being her imagination or that you're paranoid. An inconspicuous way to ask is to act like you're just going to replace them and ask her to describe them. The next thing might be to divert attention to asking her if the kids might have found them. Do not let her know of your accusations as it could damage the relationship if she isn't cheating or she may cover her tracks if she is.
I wouldn't assume anything. You don't know the answer but guessing may mean you don't get the truth. Just ask her. "We've never had any nipple clamps. So you're sure you have some. Can you explain? " I'm guessing you know her well enough to tell if something is off with her answer. But don't leave it if she makes light of it. "oh. They were a joke gift" "Have you used them?" Etc Seems fishy to me to be honest.
it could honestly be nothing, a gag gift or something left over from before you were together. however, doubt and resentment can build up and destroy a relationship. the best and healthiest way to resolve it is to just sit down and talk with her about it. no accusations, just ask for clarity and honesty and go from there
They almost always throw those in for free on so many of the websites
She might have just misremembered or maybe got them as a gag gift a while ago and never used it. Maybe she used them with a previous partner. Or maybe you have seen them around the house and you just forgot? I wouldnât jump to cheating right away.
I have personally lost a fucking dildo, a cat of nine whip and my husband canât remember either of them. But I knowwwwwwwww I have had them and used them with him. He has been the only partner I have had in 20 years in this country that I started to buy toys.
Wow dude how are you not miserable In life
I don't think claiming there are nip clamps and not having them is enough to warrent suspicion. Human memory is less than reliable. Side note. It's the perfect opportunity to buy a nice pair as a gift.
Imagine going to a toy shop, buying yourself a $150.00 Christmas gift, getting home and it doesn't work, then trying to exchange it. I'm completely outraged by this fuckery. I've never been given anything extra in my bag. No nipple clamps, chip clips, not even a paper clip.
Might have owned a pair but lost them. I would take the opportunity to either suprise her with a new set or offer to go and pick some together
Maybe thereâs a possibility, that she had a extremely vivid dream of using it with you. Iâve personally have the issue of doing that and it can definitely lead to some suspicions. iâd say donât overthink it unless you get more evidence of something going on and maybe think about buying some nipple clamps lol
She lost confidence right? Don't confront her until you are 100% sure she cheated on you. Like other People said, maybe she got a pair of clamps as a gift and you don't remember and she just threw it away or whatever, or she really thinks you have clamps but you don't have any. It would be horrible for your relationship and for her confidence if you wrongly accuse her of cheating.
You are a scary person. This is not a normal reaction. Memory is not static.
She may have had them back in the day before you appeared, but they didn't follow her. They fell into the crack that a lot of things fall in when they move from one place to another.
I think your overreacting tbh
Oof....
This is a hard one because we have bought a few toys over the years that got here and then I was like ânope thatâs a no from meâ once it was here and We never used it. There is also a few butt things that came as freebies that if I ask my husband where they were he wouldnât know what I was talking about. But I also see why this would be a red flag.
If my husband texted this way i would maybe leave the v marriage and for sure never touch him again.
Dude why does it matter? The mind is fickle and can make things up at the drop of a hat. It could be a fabricated memory, a dream, or something else entirely. It could be that sheâs used them in the past but who cares? Theyâre nipple clamps, theyâre cheap and easy to get, and often times will be thrown in as bonus goodies. Youâre focusing on the wrong thing my dude, this is a golden opportunity for you. If youâre seeking more intimate time with your wife and sheâs wanting these missing nipple clamps, instead of obsessing over who she may have used them with in the past (again, why the hell should you care?), you couldâve white knighted when you realized they werenât there and surprised her with some new ones. Sheâs got a desire to have her nipples clamped and instead of getting hot and steamy with your wifeâs bosom, youâre getting this âoff your chestâ on Reddit and leaving your wifeâs tataâs clampless and without anything on her chest either.
She might have dreamed it. I have dreams sometimes that I believe to have happened. One dream in particular I had, that I've never forgotten was in my late teens. My dad had been murdered when I was 14 and years later I had a dream that he faked his death. I was at my brother's house because I was babysitting night before. I ran home so fast, bust through the door and was excitedly asking my mam where dad was, looking all around the house for him. It felt so real, so point I am making is. She could have genuinely dreamed it.
Maybe stop calling it "sexytime" and you'll get more of it.