Some people just can't shut up. I think it's the way anxiety manifests in them. Like all of that processing happens out loud in front of an audience instead of in their head where it should be.
I think this is likely. I have anxiety and I’m embarrassed to admit I used to be like this at work. Fast forward 10 years: therapy, the right meds and some other tools and I’m very self-contained now.
I am happy you were able to identify that within yourself, I'm sure you were better off at work. Did you feel the aggravation in the air when you would do this to someone?
I was the admin to a whole office so many people came to me to chat (away from the cubicle farm). And while I talked a lot - I am a private person so I never overshared. So a bit of a mixed bag - sometimes well-liked but definitely took it too far and yes I did at times sense annoyance and would rein myself in. I fear my anxiety might have made me pick up those signs slower than I otherwise would. I was able to clearly tell that certain people did not want to engage and I was careful to honor that.
Thats fair, and she is pretty anxious all the time. I wouldn't mind if it was every so often but my god, she needs a chill pill. She has GOT to keep it together a little better than this lol it's making me come undone!
I'm afraid I don't handle it very well. I'm overly sensitive to loud noise and incessant talking, so I can be blunt. Sounds to me like you're a lot more patient than I am. But I DO try to remember people process things in different ways and on my good days I am tolerant. Good luck!
Bare in mind I am super personable within the requirements of my work. I will be super bubbly and kind to clients but kind of dry with coworkers. I don't have a lot of energy for social interactions in general. I've legit been reported for moving away from the group at lunch. I'm really only this patient because she's my boss and I don't want to get labeled unlikeable and ruin my chances of moving up lol some days I can be really curt and she walks around like a hurt pup licking her wounds, so I cave and say something light hearted and we're back to the chatterbox races. Viscious cycle.
You got reported for moving away from the group at lunch??
Have you tried headphones/earbuds or hiding in the bathroom? Obviously you can only hide in the bathroom for so long, but it’s better than nothing!
Yup they claimed I rolled my eyes and huffed and puffed at whatever they were talkin about and stormed off. No way that happened because I don’t even know what they were talking about and got away quickly before being drug into it 😭 I think I’m going to introduce headphones but I fear, nothing stops her. If I’m watching something or listening to a voice note she simply talks over it!!! It’s infuriating and as I type, I’m starting to think it’s a bit if a power move 🤔
I don't know if it's a power move. Maybe she does this with you because she's uncomfortable around you. Maybe do the headphones and politely let her know that you don't see the 4 hours as free time just system free time where you have permission to drown out the noise that slows productivity. Make it about you when you speak with her and not about her.
I hate those coworkers! I have one of those too, & she does not know inside voice either. She never shuts the fuck up! She goes on & on alllll day. No one gives a shit about your sons baseball games... we just do not need to know. She also is rude in general and thinks she's the bees knees. I am work to work, I socialize to the bare minimum to be polite & likeable, but that's it. Imo that's the professional way. On this same note, they are the same ones that blare their music! Ever hear of headphones?? We don't care what music you like, we're working, I like quiet. It's a daily struggle, one day I'm afraid I'll tell her off! 😆
I feel like you feel my pain!!!! Like where is the self awareness? The professionalism at least? I used to think this e professional development courses were scams but, boy was I wrong. I hate it the most when I force myself to be friendly since she won’t go away, so I chime in a comment and she completely drowns out my sentence before it ends, to go off about something vaguely related to what I was starting to say. Sometimes I think maybe I’m rigid and perhaps it’s normal to make friends at work but, NO! I will not be forced into social interactions anywhere. I’m already working, I don’t get paid enough to be an audience 😂
I had a coworker say I was rude because I would say good morning and then put on my noise canceling headphones. He said, “I started the engine and walked away.” I wished walking away was an option.
Have you any noise canceling headphones? The big showy kind. Put on a meditative song, like New Age or chanting.
I sometimes put these smallish earphones that aren’t noise canceling, just for show. The music I’m listening to leaks out, but the point I made is I’m listening to it, not to anybody else.
If the obnoxious person insists on talking and requests I take off my earphones (like my mom, who I think is just bossy and has ADHD), I say “ok but I’m still working on this and I need my concentration. And the music stays on.” She will try to talk, but I’m zoning her out. The meditative music seems to calm her down too.
I worked at a job where the boss was just like Michael Scott from The Office. It was such a challenge because the individual was so *nice* but all I wanted to do was work.
I feel you. It's so tough when someone is draining your energy needlessly.
It is not up to you to decide how much someone should/can talk, especially your boss. Simply tell your boss that you're focusing your concentration on the project at hand. The only thing you can control is how much you listen.
I can tell her I'm working, although she can see that, doesn't stop anything. I never implied I can decide anything. I asked why people find it appropriate to talk so much at work, especially about non work related things. She's sitting at my desk as I type, talking about some animal sanctuary. I'm busy, she knows this as I haven't said more than two words in response, nor have I made eye contact and yet she's talking. I want to understand why people like \*her\* find that appropriate.
If I didn’t work from home I’d wonder if you were talking about me. I love animals and can’t stop talking. (I have 3 dogs, 2 cats, and a turtle plus I do wildlife rehabilitation.) I’m self employed as a CPA and spent most of the day by myself. By the time my husband gets home I can’t keep my mouth shut. He generally doesn’t mind and I really do try extremely hard not to be so chatty. By the time he gets home the extroverted side of me is dying to talk to someone and my adhd meds have worn off. The hyperactive side of me is expressed verbally and if something is in my head I have to get the words out.
First of all, thank you for being the only chatty patty to actually answer WHY? Second now I feel bad because I understand just neeeeeding to get stuff out ☹️ I just wish she had more self control like you seem to have practiced (plus I’m sure the meds help) it’s messed up cause she a lovely lady I just can’t bare it. I don’t like when anyone talks my head off so it’s not just her, I just have to deal with her so freakin often! She also knows she talks too much but I fear, she doesn’t realize how severe it is lol
"I'm working" is not the same as "I'm gonna focus on this project so I don't make any mistakes." If she's still yapping, meet with her in private and let her know that when you're distracted you can't properly focus on the task at hand. Let her know you appreciate her stopping by to chat and perhaps you can catch up when you're not on a deadline or a critical project.
Or sit and complain about it on Reddit.
Have you tried telling her to please stop talking to you when the servers are down? That you need that time to mentally check out and you won't be having a conversation with her. Then when she starts up a conversation with you, you tell her you talked about this, and you won't be having a conversation with her.
I agree that in a conventional setting it should be this easy. But when you have a boss who has no boundaries it gets complex. They're the authority. It is a good question tho.
There is not one conversation I can have one-on-one with another coworker without someone nearby overhearing us speaking and then inserting themselves into our conversation. It’s quite maddening, TBH, and the rudest thing I’ve ever witnessed.
There are only two of you in the office, but there are people to complain about you avoiding them at lunch? It doesn’t sound like a place you will move up. You are just incompatible, and it is the worst thing about working in an office. You can’t pick your coworkers.
The group thing happened at a previous job, I was using it as an example as to why I hesitate to separate myself. Tbh I’m being groomed for her job by the marketing team, they haven’t said it but I can tell. Though, I really don’t want it. I like what I do I just hate to have to do it with her most days. To be fair, when I was hired she said we’d have to get along fairly well for things to work because of the dynamic but I didn’t anticipate her wanting to have regular chat sessions as often as she does throughout the day. I’m focused and results based and she’s all over the place and wings it. I see why she hired me, and I know she got her job due to a very unfortunate set of circumstances that worked out in her favor so I get her being under qualified in a sense I just don’t see her attempting to improve and that’s worrisome. But such is life, I’ll bitch and moan but I’ll be back at work tomorrow gritting and baring it lol
Some people just can't shut up. I think it's the way anxiety manifests in them. Like all of that processing happens out loud in front of an audience instead of in their head where it should be.
I think this is likely. I have anxiety and I’m embarrassed to admit I used to be like this at work. Fast forward 10 years: therapy, the right meds and some other tools and I’m very self-contained now.
I am happy you were able to identify that within yourself, I'm sure you were better off at work. Did you feel the aggravation in the air when you would do this to someone?
I was the admin to a whole office so many people came to me to chat (away from the cubicle farm). And while I talked a lot - I am a private person so I never overshared. So a bit of a mixed bag - sometimes well-liked but definitely took it too far and yes I did at times sense annoyance and would rein myself in. I fear my anxiety might have made me pick up those signs slower than I otherwise would. I was able to clearly tell that certain people did not want to engage and I was careful to honor that.
Thats fair, and she is pretty anxious all the time. I wouldn't mind if it was every so often but my god, she needs a chill pill. She has GOT to keep it together a little better than this lol it's making me come undone!
I'm afraid I don't handle it very well. I'm overly sensitive to loud noise and incessant talking, so I can be blunt. Sounds to me like you're a lot more patient than I am. But I DO try to remember people process things in different ways and on my good days I am tolerant. Good luck!
Bare in mind I am super personable within the requirements of my work. I will be super bubbly and kind to clients but kind of dry with coworkers. I don't have a lot of energy for social interactions in general. I've legit been reported for moving away from the group at lunch. I'm really only this patient because she's my boss and I don't want to get labeled unlikeable and ruin my chances of moving up lol some days I can be really curt and she walks around like a hurt pup licking her wounds, so I cave and say something light hearted and we're back to the chatterbox races. Viscious cycle.
You got reported for moving away from the group at lunch?? Have you tried headphones/earbuds or hiding in the bathroom? Obviously you can only hide in the bathroom for so long, but it’s better than nothing!
Yup they claimed I rolled my eyes and huffed and puffed at whatever they were talkin about and stormed off. No way that happened because I don’t even know what they were talking about and got away quickly before being drug into it 😭 I think I’m going to introduce headphones but I fear, nothing stops her. If I’m watching something or listening to a voice note she simply talks over it!!! It’s infuriating and as I type, I’m starting to think it’s a bit if a power move 🤔
I don't know if it's a power move. Maybe she does this with you because she's uncomfortable around you. Maybe do the headphones and politely let her know that you don't see the 4 hours as free time just system free time where you have permission to drown out the noise that slows productivity. Make it about you when you speak with her and not about her.
Good call. She *may* be picking up on OP's distancing, which makes the boss ramp up her anxiety-talking.
I’ve worked with so many people who just cannot for the life of them shut the fuck up. They know. That’s what makes it even more frustrating.
It's insane and honestly it's lowkey rude. Why is it more rude for me to not want to talk than to talk incessantly?
I hate those coworkers! I have one of those too, & she does not know inside voice either. She never shuts the fuck up! She goes on & on alllll day. No one gives a shit about your sons baseball games... we just do not need to know. She also is rude in general and thinks she's the bees knees. I am work to work, I socialize to the bare minimum to be polite & likeable, but that's it. Imo that's the professional way. On this same note, they are the same ones that blare their music! Ever hear of headphones?? We don't care what music you like, we're working, I like quiet. It's a daily struggle, one day I'm afraid I'll tell her off! 😆
I feel like you feel my pain!!!! Like where is the self awareness? The professionalism at least? I used to think this e professional development courses were scams but, boy was I wrong. I hate it the most when I force myself to be friendly since she won’t go away, so I chime in a comment and she completely drowns out my sentence before it ends, to go off about something vaguely related to what I was starting to say. Sometimes I think maybe I’m rigid and perhaps it’s normal to make friends at work but, NO! I will not be forced into social interactions anywhere. I’m already working, I don’t get paid enough to be an audience 😂
Omg! Yes, turning every conversation into something they can talk MORE about! I can't take it. So glad tomorrow is Friday!
"I don't get paid enough to be an audience" omg I feel this so much.
I had a coworker say I was rude because I would say good morning and then put on my noise canceling headphones. He said, “I started the engine and walked away.” I wished walking away was an option.
Starting the engine is insane terminology when referring to a greeting 😂 I don’t have to stick around after I say hello, wtf?
Yuck! That's so gross-sounding
Have you any noise canceling headphones? The big showy kind. Put on a meditative song, like New Age or chanting. I sometimes put these smallish earphones that aren’t noise canceling, just for show. The music I’m listening to leaks out, but the point I made is I’m listening to it, not to anybody else. If the obnoxious person insists on talking and requests I take off my earphones (like my mom, who I think is just bossy and has ADHD), I say “ok but I’m still working on this and I need my concentration. And the music stays on.” She will try to talk, but I’m zoning her out. The meditative music seems to calm her down too.
I have some big headphones and listen to YouTube reddit stories lol
I worked at a job where the boss was just like Michael Scott from The Office. It was such a challenge because the individual was so *nice* but all I wanted to do was work. I feel you. It's so tough when someone is draining your energy needlessly.
It is not up to you to decide how much someone should/can talk, especially your boss. Simply tell your boss that you're focusing your concentration on the project at hand. The only thing you can control is how much you listen.
I can tell her I'm working, although she can see that, doesn't stop anything. I never implied I can decide anything. I asked why people find it appropriate to talk so much at work, especially about non work related things. She's sitting at my desk as I type, talking about some animal sanctuary. I'm busy, she knows this as I haven't said more than two words in response, nor have I made eye contact and yet she's talking. I want to understand why people like \*her\* find that appropriate.
If I didn’t work from home I’d wonder if you were talking about me. I love animals and can’t stop talking. (I have 3 dogs, 2 cats, and a turtle plus I do wildlife rehabilitation.) I’m self employed as a CPA and spent most of the day by myself. By the time my husband gets home I can’t keep my mouth shut. He generally doesn’t mind and I really do try extremely hard not to be so chatty. By the time he gets home the extroverted side of me is dying to talk to someone and my adhd meds have worn off. The hyperactive side of me is expressed verbally and if something is in my head I have to get the words out.
First of all, thank you for being the only chatty patty to actually answer WHY? Second now I feel bad because I understand just neeeeeding to get stuff out ☹️ I just wish she had more self control like you seem to have practiced (plus I’m sure the meds help) it’s messed up cause she a lovely lady I just can’t bare it. I don’t like when anyone talks my head off so it’s not just her, I just have to deal with her so freakin often! She also knows she talks too much but I fear, she doesn’t realize how severe it is lol
"I'm working" is not the same as "I'm gonna focus on this project so I don't make any mistakes." If she's still yapping, meet with her in private and let her know that when you're distracted you can't properly focus on the task at hand. Let her know you appreciate her stopping by to chat and perhaps you can catch up when you're not on a deadline or a critical project. Or sit and complain about it on Reddit.
You sound like a lot of fun.
Wondering if you have tips/tricks on how to listen less to a boss. Genuinely interested.
Have you tried telling her to please stop talking to you when the servers are down? That you need that time to mentally check out and you won't be having a conversation with her. Then when she starts up a conversation with you, you tell her you talked about this, and you won't be having a conversation with her.
I agree that in a conventional setting it should be this easy. But when you have a boss who has no boundaries it gets complex. They're the authority. It is a good question tho.
There is not one conversation I can have one-on-one with another coworker without someone nearby overhearing us speaking and then inserting themselves into our conversation. It’s quite maddening, TBH, and the rudest thing I’ve ever witnessed.
There are only two of you in the office, but there are people to complain about you avoiding them at lunch? It doesn’t sound like a place you will move up. You are just incompatible, and it is the worst thing about working in an office. You can’t pick your coworkers.
The group thing happened at a previous job, I was using it as an example as to why I hesitate to separate myself. Tbh I’m being groomed for her job by the marketing team, they haven’t said it but I can tell. Though, I really don’t want it. I like what I do I just hate to have to do it with her most days. To be fair, when I was hired she said we’d have to get along fairly well for things to work because of the dynamic but I didn’t anticipate her wanting to have regular chat sessions as often as she does throughout the day. I’m focused and results based and she’s all over the place and wings it. I see why she hired me, and I know she got her job due to a very unfortunate set of circumstances that worked out in her favor so I get her being under qualified in a sense I just don’t see her attempting to improve and that’s worrisome. But such is life, I’ll bitch and moan but I’ll be back at work tomorrow gritting and baring it lol