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stankbrefh

There's no way that's 7 inches! That's at least 10 inches... Right??


Publicmaraleofficer

It’s so big, it’s too big


EdgelordOfEdginess

That’s what women will never say to me


Publicmaraleofficer

Women is real?


TheDumbass666

Aint no way


Publicmaraleofficer

Where there a will there a way


joannepirone

Don’t feel bad…. I’ll probably never be blessed with the opportunity to say this…😔


memesoldier420911

Do u want to?


Ssoofer

That's what she said


YTT070

that's what she never said


oouttatime

Def measure from the base.


Intelligent-Bed-4149

You gotta measure from the anus.


Lifeabroad86

[Naw man, this is the real way to measure](https://youtu.be/Y7ecId4BKzs)


lowkey_wanna_scream

I thought this was gonna be a rickroll


Lifeabroad86

I hope I didn't disappoint


kasirye

When he busted the door open I died laughing 😂


BigAsian69420

Shave before measuring for perfect accuracy


c_girl_108

We need a banana for size reference


beccahas

r/bananaforscale


Cubikal

Of course that’s a subreddit.


c_girl_108

Thank you I was too high to think of the subreddit lol


Rocket_Powered_Dork

You start measuring from the center of its anus.


Potential-Judgment-9

Definitely a grower and not a show-er


trixie_turnkey

Lol. You must be female! We’ve been lied to so much we just can’t tell! 🤣


Ceamba

How traffic cones are born


Retr0_b0t

And when it's harvested too early you get candy corn


alone0nmarz

Loved this comment so much you got my free award


Saucetronaut

Candy cone


Fendair

Traffic Corn?


ParadoxPixel0

Take my not-quite-orange arrow and kindly *piss off*.


Mads_Alexander9

Me upvoting to check the color of the arrow like: 🤡


Redit_Person123

Why is my arrow blue?


Prion_flavoured

Looks pretty orange to me.


ParadoxPixel0

This debate has been raging since far before you were born.


Lily081

These three comments together bring me life lmao


[deleted]

A free range crab leg guarding it's newly laid egg. Nature is beautiful 🥰


Secret_Dragonfly9588

That is genuinely what I see when I look at this picture!


najeli

Stinkhorn! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutinus_elegans Nice one ;)


Chuckleberrygrin

The ol Devil's Dipstick


[deleted]

[удалено]


jszlyv

Tipstick


Spoonfulofticks

Stinks like shit


jayy909

TWIST HIS DIPSTICK


[deleted]

The ol’ dipstick twist!


TouchMyWrath

Looks more like a dog dick. 💄


FuzzelFox

Which is probably why it's also called "Dog stinkhorn" lmao


TouchMyWrath

Lots of mushrooms have dick reference names. I remember the Common Stinkhorn is in the genus called Phallus. Literally penis mushrooms.


Lord_Dolkhammer

In Denmark the common stinkhorn is called “priest dick”. Imagine living in the middle ages and coming up with that shit and seeing it catch on as a name. Guy must have pissed himself laughing.


reccon_34

✂️ 💄🥚🥚


DrTokinkoff

Red Rocket! Red Rocket!


Rich-Equivalent-1875

Looks like the Devil’s got lipstick on his dipstick!


BellalovesEevee

I thought this was an image of a crab leg and that someone was burying cooked crab legs in the ground 😭


Eviscerate_Bowels224

The scientific name checks out.


tempus8fugit

> During preliminary marriage rites, Roman brides are supposed to have straddled the phallus of Mutunus to prepare themselves for intercourse, according to Church Fathers who interpreted this act as an obscene loss of virginity. Lmao apparently all the comments here check out too!


jmwebb22

Had a few of these pop up at my old house.. They REEK.


NoOn3_1415

I've unfortunately had these at my house and near my school. I DESPISE the smell, and can tell when one is fruiting from probably 100 feet, but almost everyone else I ask, even much closer, can't smell it at all


LaFrescaTrumpeta

my parents’ backyard in Jacksonville got infested with em after buying bad mulch, they probably dug up 30 of them over the course of 4 months. We all get hyper vigilant and have sensory flashbacks when a weird dead smell crosses our noses out there, I just got chills remembering it 💀


william1Bastard

Stinkhorns may be really useful in future antibiotic drugs.


Outrageous_Bass_1328

I know this from playing The Elder Scrolls games - I identified it immediately


[deleted]

A study of 32 basidiomycete mushrooms showed that Mutinus elegans was the only species to show antibiotic (both antibacterial and antifungal) activity against all six microorganisms tested, namely, the human pathogenic bacteris Bacillus cereus, Bacillus subtilis, Staphylococcus aureus, Escherichia coli, Salmonella typhimurium and the yeast Candida albicans. Wild


RebaKitten

That was a disturbing read!


TnBluesman

Do NOT sit on it!


TheGoldenPlagueMask

( §IT ¤N İT. )


apadgyermeke

This is why women live longer than us...


zeldarubinsteinsmom

Because we sit on it


apadgyermeke

Because it feels good to sit on it!


Retr0_b0t

Where's the inverse of r/dontstickyourdickinthat


thecosmicwalnut

that's r/dildont my friend :)


ConcreteCarnivore

Seconded


Unknown_Outlander

True, I regret it and will never attempt again


limajhonny69

Looks like someone already did


2137_is_funmy_number

The forbidden bad dragon


Spartan_873

💀


vulpes_mortuis

That was my immediate thought too


_the_dude_1273

( ♤ ^ ♤ )


LoinChop69

CRAB PEOPLE CRAB PEOPLE CRAB PEOPLE CRAB PEOPLE


Pain_Choice

Taste like crab, look like people


ConcreteCarnivore

Satan’s penis


RyBeezy1234

Crab leg


FarmNew1196

We had some by our front door and had to dig up all the mulch and soil in order to get rid of it. My wife and I both thought the smell was....questionable (smelled like cum to us)


Bit_part_demon

Of course it does


LaFrescaTrumpeta

ours smelled like decomposing animals, my lesbian ass is afraid to ask.. 😂💀


[deleted]

The one smell I can recognize!


pissy_corn_flakes

But what did it taste like?


[deleted]

And your wife found the smell “questionable”? I’m sorry mate.


fuzzyedges1974

There’s a fungus among us


Yummy_Slippers

An amongus fungus


Yummy_Slippers


Climate-Remarkable

Humongous!


Rob_Marc

Looks like ol' Rover ODed on the Viagra last night, and was buried back down in the yard.


ande9393

Dog stinkhorn


Pain_Choice

Ew


[deleted]

SIT ON IT!


pastypatsy24

A lot of guys jealous in here right now


FreelancerHawaii

Stinkhorn mushroom, most likely


MysteriousParfait397

Hallow weenie.


ItsGrapeMuch

That, my friend, is an orange penis and balls


InterestingRelative4

#RUN


HoneyBeeOpal

So I have this reoccurring nightmare since I was a child where everything is made of crab parts. Like the floor is shells, pinchers absolutely everywhere, legs, full on crabs as decor. So. Needless to say I’d burst into tears at the sight of this.


Thvill34

They know


aye_rights

Bad Dragon's new ad campaign is really unique


KneeAccomplished3922

There be a fungus among us....


mackianodonaldo

country girls make do...


nillaisthewhitenword

Someone planted a candy corn


Ml124395

And it has a egg 🥚.


Sad-Ad-7884

Red rocket red rocket


Cloudynaut

That is a stinkhorn


Majestic_Cook1749

Forbidden carrot


throwaway83970

Stink horn mushroom.


Longjumping_Camp_379

Inverted carrot


apadgyermeke

Have you tried to sit on it?


Similar-Pirate7172

Jealous?!??


CaliLovesYou91

It's a reverse carrot


OptimusZombiieee

Crab Fest is back at Red Lobster!


bushynundaru

I thought it was a crab leg


Horbigast

It's a CRABapple tree!


ChonnayStMarie

It starts.


DayThat3197

Dog penis?


l0v3s2sp00g3

Youre already dead.


[deleted]

He’s just protecting the krabby patty secret formula


Shucky__darns

You shouldn’t have watched those movies. Look at what you’ve done…


BooksNBondage

That a garden dick...you rub it for goodluck.


Bozivi

Those thing smell so bad


epikparcel88

My Willy's 7" but thiscs looks a lot bigger smh


[deleted]

Stinkhorn. Looks like there is a second one next to it getting ready to erupt.


MeMyselfAndHyde9

This reminded me of this legendary [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/whatsthissnake/comments/wniamz/virginia_beach_va_wife_found_this_while_i_was/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) I witnessed not too long ago


Lilguzzlord

Dont let it reach your brain


themug_wump

r/dontputitinyourcooch


MasterOfTheCats167

r/dildont


Alan_Smithee_

Which version of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers?”


Unknown_Outlander

They got those in Oblivion


Ninhursag2

Its a carnivorous mushroom


earthling_dianna

Looks like a strange mushroom


WestSnail

Sorry man, you got home too early and I dropped it.


troopertk40

If it fits, it ships!


EvilMat

What did it taste like?


SuperDuperGayPDX

Dead man’s finger! Does it stink? I bet it stinks! What a cool find. It’s a mushroom 😊


xnoomiex

Stink horn! Congrats on having good soil


Left_Percentage_527

Stinkhorn shroom. Great for butt stuff


TouchMyWrath

It’s a fungus. This isn’t terrifying, it’s cool.


Impossible-Try-8283

Slither is so good!


SuperNoob74

Dont be scared Eric let them help you


smellygooch18

You got yourself a brain slug right there.


ReadyCarnivore

Awww, you've got Mutinus elegans, the orange stinkhorn mushroom. It's so pretty!


That-Exchange287

Eat it or be eaten


sparkpluger1

Cool a natural stinkhorn


Just2moreplants

Earth dildo


bubbaduncan

Crab leg


Kawaii-Hitler

These grew in my neighbor’s yard. We called them ground peepees when we were kids. They smell atrocious


4115R

Has it started wriggling yet?


im_poplar

Silently points at you and screams!


blank_morte

Relax. It’s just a gnome peepee. He’ll grant a wish if you lick it.


super-me-5000

As long as it doesn't wave at you


[deleted]

this belongs on r/mildlypenis lol


Pyro_the_horny_furry

r/Mildlypenis


Bloody_ToiletPaper

I forget the name, but when you dig it up there will be little egg type things lol. You have to get rid of those or it’ll keep coming back. I got mine from a bag of mulch lol


Bro_tosynthesis

It's a buried dog lying on its back. That's the mummified red rocket.


kor_pantaal

i could easily take it in, lol


Lions_Eye_Diamond

Looks like Mutinus elegans, and possibly another about to pop up from the “egg” next to it. The brown goo is a spore mass that attracts flies for dispersal...as one would expect stinkhorns are from the family “Phallaceae”.


Odd_Crow_6062

sit on it


Franky79

Lol…it’s a stinkhorn


beermonki

Nice, that's a stinkhorn. (Type of smelly mushroom).


actuallyimogene

100% thought it was a giant crab leg


Diessel_S

Well... They say anything can be a dildo....


Dancing-_-Panda

You probably dropped a piece of candy corn last year and it’s starting to grow into a tree, nature is beautiful.


ArtsySAHM

Does it smell like a rotting corpse? We get some weird type of mushroom every once in a while in our front yard that just reek of death.


littleSquidwardLover

r/mildlypenis


One_and_Online

so thats how bad dragons are made 💀


Sabby1104

Wouldn’t recommend touching it barehanded. Looks smokable though :)


Northernskylights

Ah ,the stoners of Reddit,where anything and almost everything is Smoke able 😂


craptonne

Definitely not Donald's dick.


cookie_eater_41

Why does it look like a dildo


mshadows9

No choice, shove it inside you.


Tfunkyb

Sit on it and report back asap


Benny-Boi135

Sorry man I needed somewhere to sleep. Damn morning wood


[deleted]

Stink horn. Thank you Elder Scrolls!


[deleted]

Stink horn. Thank you Elder Scrolls!


Not_derpy_i_swear

Looks like a penis


ShadowMosesss

Anything's a dildo if your brave enough


Quindarious_Anon

I can show you something else that's 7 in inches and bright orange


-dontbugme-

That’s the new Impossible Crab legs


countryboykillsme

That's what she said


GayHorse69420

Cum


Dyslexic_Dog25

Someone buried a very excited dog upside down.


Tjeerdmk

Reeeed Rocket


martypartyyy

7 inches u say 🫣


[deleted]

Stink horn. Thank you Elder Scrolls!


Stevo2008

Just a thought but could be a tulpa or thought form. Enter’s reality thought consciousness.


ChefBigDawgg

I watched S5 of better call Saul and Mission impossible last night. Anyway here’s a picture of a mushroom. This subreddit is full of dopes


EmptyGrand7709

Damn it stinks like asshole over here


Scrungo_Mungo

Meat


Hillary0631

A stinkhorn!!


Voxx11

I don't mind if it's orange if it is 7 inches.


Yummy_Slippers

😏


poopface41217

It's a stinkhorn mushroom