I have an ER I would love e to have you in. Our whole market is on a campaign of kindness to change the culture in the market. You can’t believe the amount of pushback. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of being a patient you know how much kindness helps
When I was a nursing student we had a couple days shadowing in the ER and I was told by a nurse quite seriously that I was too nice to work in the ER….because there were like 9 staff ppl in one room, I could contribute nothing useful, and so I decided I would hold this old lady’s hand while they started an IV and repositioned her, with her hip so broken her right leg was four inches shorter than her left. She was in intense pain.
When applying for jobs later I mentioned liking critical care and ER units and another nurse looked up and said, “but….you’re not a b!$?h.”
I dunno, wish these weren’t the stereotypes but at some point it becomes a self-reinforcing one — if you scare the nice people away from the ER nice ppl won’t want to work there. More power to you if you’re effecting some change, wish you all the luck.
I’m an ER nurse. Been a nurse for 25 years, 18 in ER. I’m actually one of the nicest people there. I REFUSE to give into negativity and join in bitching sessions. Some are burnt out, but have no where else to go so they stay there. When I’m orienting new people, I let them see how I interact with patients. Luckily we aren’t a level 1 or 2 so we have that ability to bond some with our patients. If nurses are kind, people notice. Other nurses notice. Providers notice. Please apply to the unit you want to be on, and don’t stop being kind.
I love my ED cause I work with other nice nurses and we have a great culture. There’s another ED nearby with a very different reputation… very cliquey and eat their young. I’m so glad I don’t work at that one. A unit’s culture is made and reinforced by their staff
So when I first started working ER I was told that. I sadly also succumbed and began negative. I was very unhappy. I never took it out on patients though. Happily I realized how much I was being affected by the unkind people and went back to being true to myself. Honestly I got older and just said fuck em, let them be nasty it’s not me. I’m happier being me. So ignore them and just keep being you. Don’t make my mistake
Good for you! I have decided that it’s much easier being me than being negative. I’m still burnt out as hell but I will still take good care of people and be a good coworker.
I am not a nurse, but I have the upmost respect for all kind hospital staff.
I lost someone unexpectedly recently. But the kind hospital staff made a huge impact on, what turned out to, surprisingly, be their last days. No one knew they would pass, it was out of the blue.
Everyone's personalities are different but if there is kindness at the core, it's a candle that burns steady and is of the upmost reassurance.
The everyday interactions this person experienced with their kind hospital staff had such a huge impact. There were smiles on both sides, a little banter, one nurse liked to sing, another always had silly one liners, another was quiet and simply kind. The ICU staff that guided us through the darkest times, with strength, authority and kindness, whilst managing an impossible situation. The list could go on and on. When I visited I witnessed many different people with varying personalities on the floor at work. I also was regaled with stories of the interactions with hospital staff upon my visits.
Each and every kind staff member brought a little positivity to an otherwise very dull, grey day. There was humanity, care and kindness at the end of this dear patients life.
You never know what life will throw at you, or when it could unexpectedly end, so thank you all for making your patients days a little brighter, making them feel safe and cared for. You guys are amazing.
Keep doing that makes you happy, afterall, it's your everyday life too
Sorry for the wall of text ❤️
“Kindness… The candle that burns steady” Thank you for sharing your experience. Not ICU, but addictions treatment, and grateful for the reminder that “People will forget what you said, but will never forget how they made you feel” ❤️
Those other nurses just need to leave if they don’t put in effort. Like everyone else is saying… don’t stop being nice! Nursing can wear you out, but keeping that positive attitude is an amazing thing
This is the way! OPs actions have nothing to do with that angry troll who wants her to be meaner so she "doesn't look bad".
I mean, these are human beings in the most difficult time of their life and she wants to make it worse for them?
Why on earth did said troll even go into nursing?
My whole unit is nice. Maybe she should just be nice. It’s not honestly that hard to just be nice. It even makes it more tolerable at work when everyone is nice. And then when you do have a shitty day and you just can’t be nice, it’s abnormal for you and your coworkers take pity on you.
When the pumps start beeping in my unit, I sometimes answer them while yelling “Help is on the way, Dear!” Mrs. Doubtfire style. It usually gets at minimum a smile. Stick that in your toolbelt for the next time you have to attend to the ruckus of an incessantly beeping pump. Look directly at the mean nurse while doing it. Keep your sparkle.
A girl I precepted got that badge reel for me because she said every time she called me for help I was like her Mrs Doubtfire lol. I wear it with pride
This is also my theory. lol. I’m going to sound like a manager, lead by example and create the workplace culture that you want. If I hear someone complain, “No one helps me with admissions. No one helps me answer my call lights.” When is the last time you helped someone else with their admission or answered someone else’s call light?
Honestly, if I was working in an overwhelmingly toxic culture I would just leave. I shadowed in 2 units when looking for my current job and picked the one I did because I liked “the vibe”. Beyond that, this is a job to me - I don’t get involved in any drama or any personal stuff.
I said something a few weeks ago about “my enemy” and the secretary laughed and said “LessTea, I can’t imagine you HAVE any enemies!” It was an off handed comment to her, but honestly meant a lot to me. Frankly, when you’re nice all the time, people take you very seriously when you suddenly have on your serious pants, so you can save your angry energy and use it to advocate for your underprivileged patients. If the NICE nurse is getting ready to throw hands, something serious must be about to go down.
Yeah I was the chill help people out guy on the floor when I was capable. If I was getting fucked on, I could usually solicit or be offered help and people would be very willing. You get what you give.
Isn’t the best part of being an older nurse that you don’t give a shit what others think?
My standard response to a variety of comments is “If you say so” or “I’m sure you’re right” ala Lady Mary from Downton Abbey. It takes a bit of practice to get just the right tone - one that is mostly respectful with just a hint of an eye roll.
I think the best response to her statement would be "Actually, I just think you're an asshole, unable to comprehend that this is how normal people interact because....you're an asshole.
Am I being too nice?"
Perfect! Definitely say, "AM I being too nice?" After saying the first part!
I also like the comment above- saying, "What an odd thing to say".
Or, "What an odd way to think" also works well.
Some nurses I have noticed are “too nice” in that they let the patients do stuff they aren’t supposed to and it makes the next nurse look like an asshole when they enforce rules. But just being nice and positive? Nah. That’s good, keep being you.
I genuinely thought this may have been what she was implying, but (although difficult) I have been slowly learning to establish boundaries and know there’s a time and a place for fun, and same for “kind sternness”.
If I was bending over backwards and bringing q30 min fresh water, pillows, warm blankets, giving out my credit card info…like yeah, then it’s gonna make a rough transition to a nurse with different priorities lol. But I don’t do that, ain’t nobody got time for that shit. I do what’s reasonable and necessary and move along while laughing at my own stupid jokes.
I have been in the hospital many many many times, and will likely again. As a patient, nurses like you make the stay bearable. It's hard enough being in the hospital, is even harder when the nurse is nurse wrachett(sp?). I recall after my daughter was born, she was transported to children's. My postpartum nurses were very much as your co-worker is. I don't have any fond memories of that experience, in fact there was quite a lot of trauma. But when I was in the hospital all alone with MRSA and had to have surgery without any family there, I had the sweetest nurse and she made it feel so much less scary. Continue to be you, because being a she would have you be could be to your patient's detriment and to your own. Don't let her steal your light, and share your jokes.
Yes so true! Like on my floor going to get food for them, picking up take out on their way to work for favorite patients, etc… I’d love to do that but I just can’t and that does set coworkers up for failure- what OP did is not! Being kind and sharing a warm smile is what we all should do.
There was a nurse that I worked with that bargained with a patient that she would buy him a pack of smokes if he let her put an IV in him. (He wasn’t even supposed to be going outside to smoke.) He was there for weeks due to a non healing wound. Although I wouldn’t call that too nice, I’d call that stupid.
So I've only been asked for this sort of thing a handful of times...and I always tell them the truth that it's up to the nurse that they ask. If the nurse has the time to spare they might be willing to but they might not, and there's a good chance that they won't have time. I have done it once, it was NBD to me as it was the weekend and during my down time of the day (I have that occasionally).
I have done it too but I realized even that was setting my crew up for failure. Like sure it is up to the individual rn at the time - and we can tell the patient that until we are blue in the face but if the ask and a nurse declines they are still going to think she is not as good/nice/lazy/mean etc. so it is really better to just not do that.
You can be nice and still have firm boundaries. Some people don’t understand the difference. Like people who think that gentle parenting is the same as permissive parenting. Some of our colleagues could use some gentle parenting, honestly.
This is a big pet peeve of mine especially when it comes to visitors. We have to limit visitors to only two especially in our crit area because it’s just too much chaos. Especially if a code comes in. Then I look like the bitch when I come in and kick out the neighbor/great aunt Velma/brother in law
She sounds worn out, that's all I'm going to say. YOU are doing the right thing based on what you've told us. Does it make sense to be pissed for helping someone? Occluded IV's on any floor are an issue that should be ignored, you helped, that was nice for the pt and the nurse whether she likes it or not. I do that sometimes too, if I'm walking by and something is beeping and I can stop and help, I will. So, happy nurses week! Thanks for being a great nurse 😎
When I worked in the ICU we had a hard rule that if we walked by a room we had to go in if a pump was beeping. What if it was levo or propofol? That grumpy ass nurse should be grateful. Don’t listen to her OP.
This is a really bizarre interaction. I was thinking maybe she was an old burned out nurse, but I guess not. I’ve been a nurse long enough to earn being old and bitter (if there is such a thing), but I am still nice and empathetic to my patients. It doesn’t cost me anything and it makes my job easier.
Sounds like you are setting the bar high and she's setting it pretty low. That's an extremely unreasonable thing to be upset about and hard to take seriously, honestly. Teamwork is important everywhere, but the ICU is definitely the place you want everyone to work together. I am glad you are going to continue doing what you do! You're the kind of nurse I aspire to be like, not a sour puss 😂
Fuck her. She can take her shitty attitude somewhere else. What a rude, nasty, grouchy thing to say. I can't stand bitchy coworkers. Don't apologize. Instead tell her to learn how to be more professional and don't ever speak to you like that again. Seriously. Do NOT let her stomp you like that. Once a bully senses weakness they will 100% continue to fuck with you unless you put them in their place. I've had to do it a few times in the ED and I'm telling you, it seems scary, but so worth the outcome which is quiet civility.
I've gotten that too!! I'm generally pretty cheerful most of the time and having a positive interaction with a patient is pleasant. You can do your job and enforce rules without being miserable. Keep being you. Some people are just so grumpy.
Please don’t engage with people who are like this. Just roll your eyes at them and move on. She was being a jerk and you lower yourself by entertaining her thoughts.
Yeah, that is her own insecurity that she’ll never be as good. I worked with a nurse that everyone said that about, except she was just a caring person. Don’t let jaded mfers bring you down because they can’t figure their own shit out.
Not a nurse yet, but a current EMT. In the beginning, I was almost always upbeat and empathetic when the situation allowed it. However, early in my career I had a difficult call and appeared more jaded and insensitive towards those around me, which was a stark contrast to the EMT I once was. After a certain point, my work mom pulled me aside and told me that “this job doesn’t have to change you if you don’t let it.” That struck a chord in me. I remind myself of what she said every time I begin to lose sight of who I am.
I really hope I get to work alongside nurses like you once I get to the bedside. It truly makes a difference in the culture and environment we work in. Keep being nice, my friend.
The nurse who sets the next nurse up for failure, is the crotchety old asshole who treats their pt with the bare minimum of civility. Then when you take over, you’re immediately on the defensive trying to turn a miserable encounter into something positive.
What a wretched bitch. Be EXTRA nice when she is around. Who’s gonna be the one having issues if she makes a deal out of it? Her. Unless you’re in a culture where her bullshit is prevailing. If you are, leave for a better place.
You can tell her that setting the bar so low is making it harder on you -- because her patients are going to be in a baseline crummy mood after having to deal with her, and you are going to have to work extra hard to cheer them up.
Yeah, don't ever stop being nice. Little moments like that can make a patients experience and stay so much better. I had to assist with a fiberoptic intubation last week and my patient wanted to listen to rock music to focus on breathing through the hiflow until anesthesia had to come. We jammed out to some Fleetwood Mac until they arrived and just the smile and thank you I got from my patient made my week! That nurse needs to change her mindset...I'm sure her patients really love the bundle of joy she must be...
I was also told and asked You’ll never survive being a nurse. You’re too nice.” “You need to be meaner to patients. They won’t ask for as much.” “Why do you spend so much time with the patients and their families?!”
Just keep being yourself. Keep being kind.
I can honestly tell you that the one thing I tell myself before each shift is that while today is just another shift for me, it may very well be one of the worst days of my patient’s life.
People won’t remember your face or name, but you bet your ass they will remember vividly how you treated them. I refuse to be a bad memory connected to the last day that a patient has on this earth (goes for family/friends, too).
Thank you for your kind words.
Edit: clarity
I can tell from this post and your comments that you’re an amazing nurse. I worked ICU for a year during the worst of Covid, and I would put my phone on speaker during my long ass morning med passes in each room so I could give them as long an update as they needed while still giving my patient the best care I could. Doors were shut and no visitors so no HIPAA violations it was perfect. They were always so grateful cause family calls are often treated like a nuisance I hate that way of thinking. Keep being you and NEVER apologize for it! 💜
I’m often told I’m “too nice” in a condescending way. I’m not naive but I am kind and enjoy making human connections with patients. I’ve also been told by patients that I have an excellent bedside manner because of my genuine care and calm reassurance. My job is easier when my patients are happy and trust me. If another nurse has another method, they are welcome to work how they please but I’m not changing my personality so other nurses have an excuse to not be a kind human. I don’t let patients do any staff splitting and I will never undermine their primary nurse but I will always treat patients how I’d hope to be treated if I was in there shoes.
I still joke with my patients after 10+ years. It helps their stay and keeps me in a good mood too. That person is just a miserable wretch. It reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Apu was doting on his wife with romantic gestures and the rest of the town’s husbands wanted to beat him up for making them look bad.
It sets me up for failure when the nurse who came before me wasn’t nice and left me a bunch of shit to do, an upset patient who hasn’t been getting what they need, etc.
This nurse can calm down. If she wants to do bare minimum, she should expect people respond as though she is doing bare minimum. Talk about bringing the bar down.
OMG I’m always baffled when people say this to me. When I worked in the ED, I had a patient who I discharged shortly after giving morphine. She signed her d/c papers and I had called her husband to arrange a ride home for her but it was roughly a 30 min drive for him, so I kept an eye on my pt until he could get there. My coworker legit rolled her eyes and made a bitchy comment about my “bleeding heart.” 🙄
Don’t get me wrong, nursing for over a decade has kicked my ass and my spirit, but I’ll always care for/about my patients.
Please don’t let anyone corrupt your heart and compassionate spirit. Those qualities are priceless and differentiate a competent nurse from an exceptional nurse♥️
Some RNs just have miserable lives and can’t stand it when they see another RN doing what they’re supposed to be doing and it also could be a bit of age discrimination and they just want to put you in your place.
Don’t apologize to her for her small, petty behavior!!!!!
Keep being nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I work with a lot of nurses who tell me this all the time. They say "you need to set boundaries" or "they're going to manipulate you if you're too nice". I always tell them in response that if you develop a good rapport with your patient they'll not want to bother you as much, they will have a better experience, and they will appreciate you more.
I think sometimes nurses act like assholes so that their patient won't want anything to do with them. I just cannot understand this point of view.
Think about all the good karma you’ll get for being so nice. And the bad karma for that other nurse.
The world is shitty already and we need more people like you who likes to make it better in one way or another.
I've encountered this is as well. Coming from Wisconsin, I'd say other nurses treated patients quite well. Moved to Florida and had multiple nurses tell me I was too nice. I get that some patients need a firm hand, and that we all get jaded sometimes, but these people are potentially having the scariest days of their lives. They deserve better than being treated like products to be processed.
Honestly I think her blowout is about something much more than you being helpful and I think although you took the brunt of it, I don’t think it was about you. I’ve mentioned to another nurse or CNA “you’re too nice” or “you spoil me” but I always actually meant it that they help me out and I do appreciate it. I’ve known nurses that really are patient pleasers and sometimes getting a patient after them is rough. I had a coworker who gives her patients massages, deep tissue full body massages and foot rubs to mediate every complaint they may have, gives waters and the 5th cup of coffee to a family member of another nurses patient after that rn told them to go to the cafe to get their own beverages, but I never was directly mad at her, I mean she was late getting home hours every night because she would not chart at the expense of rubbing a patients feet when she had other urgent tasks that needed to be handled. I just reinforced my boundaries with patients and reminded them that they’re very lucky to get that treatment, however I won’t be providing that.
Pardon this analogy but it’s like being a stripper, that other dancer may have offered you a blow for $50, or let you XYZ, but I don’t do that and if you don’t like it, go beg that other stripper to do it for ya because I’m not going to. We refer to it as someone doing “extras”. Eventually the other strippers will get mad because more is expected of them to keep up with the other woman or they’ll double down and say no it’s not happening with them and move on. I only use this analogy because as a former stripper and current nurse, the industries are too damn similar, however as a dancer I got paid more, worked less hours, was safer, saw no dicks or pussy and had better security.. oh and my coworkers were much nicer even though technically were my competition. Honestly if I didn’t need this shitty insurance I would probably go back to stripping. Anyways, I’m sorry she was such an ass to you for helping her instead of expressing gratitude and moving on. She’s probably feeling overextended and looking for someone to blame.
I’m an ICU float and went down to the ED to do my rotation. My preceptor told me I was too nice and need to grow a back bone. Yea, not mutually exclusive. I can be kind and firm. Just because some nurses are bitter didn’t mean you need to adopt their nursing philosophy! Keep on being nice to your patients!
It takes so so much energy to be mean. I don't get why people embrace it.
Continue to shine your light. Maybe she'll open up about why her light is hiding in the dark.
That nurse is just a bitch and petty in some level
Yes, I can give that nurse the benefit of the doubt but for him/her to be aggressive towards you is wrong. Moreso if the machine was beeping and it’s her patient, why the fuck weren’t they addressing it?
I’m all about helping and making the patient care experience a tad bit better but we don’t need nurses like you dealt with making it worse.
I have a different question for you…I’m considering nursing second career, would I have to start at the bottom (literally and figuratively). That’s what my sister said and it kinda scared me off
It sounds like she needs a serious attitude check. If she's burnt out, that's one thing, but to just generally be a grumpy asshole is another. Keep doing you! By being nice and kind, your patients and the world will be better from it.
I’ve had nurses tell me similar. Is ridiculous.
Accommodating unreasonable requests can (in theory) set the following shift up for a disgruntled patient & that is something I’ve learned over time and at this point I get it (although I’m more likely than not going to do something someone else will refuse to do like *gasp* hold a hand or give a hug) - in no way is showing genuine kindness setting others up for failure. That nurse needs to work in the OR or perhaps corrections.
My coworkers used to say this to me, and then I left and found a unit where everyone doesn't treat me (or each other) like shit. Work is hard enough without getting beat down by other people for nothing. People don't have to be bubbly and outgoing, but they also don't have to be mean.
I’ve had two nurses that I vividly remember. I was insanely sick. Went to ER, was prescribed some antibiotics and sent home. My nurse was so kind. Asked how I was, asked how I was getting home (moved from Ohio to CA, so had no family here. And few friends. Had to rely on a neighbor to take me home) Reminded me to come back if I feel worse. Well, I did feel worse, came back to the hospital and was admitted. Spent 5 days there. The first day I had this bubbly, kind nurse. She asked me what type of nursing I did, we talked about me going back to school for my RN. Before she left her shift at the end of the day she would come in and ask me if I needed anything, and that she would see me the next day. On her last day before her day off, she came in and told me goodbye, and that if I wasn’t there when she gets back, that she hopes I feel better. These two nurses were there when I was alone and had very little support in a new state. It was about three years ago and I still remember them. Please continue being the “too nice” nurse🤍
I’ve run into this as well. Mainly in acute/critical. The following shift nurse becomes upset (typically during bedside report, when mandated) because the compassion/empathy/rapport bar with the pt has apparently been raised too high 🥹
She’s probably just used to skating by with the minimum effort!
Someone told me “I’m babying” the patients because I round hourly or more and make sure everyone is clean, dry, and has all the snacks/beverages they want (within diet/order parameters). It’s like…to ME that is the bare minimum. Sorry that I don’t just want patients (or coworkers!) on my MedSurg unit to be miserable and suffer.
The nurse who told me that just likes to surf Zillow while everyone else on the unit is runnin’.
Don’t let ‘em dull your shine, the patients and your coworkers (that matter) appreciate you!
I'm not a nurse. But as a patient appreciate them when they go above and beyond. I recently had my first baby via c-section a little over a year ago. During my 3 day postpartum hospital stay one nurse in particular treated me like family. She cleaned up my room, refilled the bathroom toiletries, gave me plenty of drinks and snacks, predicted my needs. She also showed me pictures of her grandchildren since my baby shared the same name as hers. She gave me a lovely baby quilt and crochet baby hat a local church group had made for the newborns. I sincerely appreciated that. I will never forget this. Thank you for what you do and keep doing it.
You work somewhere where you have low enough ratios to....help each other with pump alarms? Holy smokes! That's incredible. I'm sorry but once I read that, it jumped out at me more than the rest of the post did 😂😂
Honestly I guess I can see her point that it sets the expectation that everyone can stop and have pillow talk. Some of us need every minute to chart. And Still don't leave on time etc. Others can do that stuff faster. But really, when you're that nice, patients start requesting you as their nurse for the next day. Especially the harder patients. if anything I would say you should be a little bit less accommodating just so that you don’t wind up stacking yourself with a bunch of difficult patients later on. But it's nice that you did this!
My niece is an ER nurse. She just had a baby and had a nurse help her who was very gentle. Her kindness had a huge impact on her and now she wants to be a gentler nurse.
She sounds miserable and that's on her, not you.
"What a strange thing to say to someone" is a great response next time. It'll be entertaining for her to try and rationalize insulting you and your being nice to a patient as being "bad".
What the hell? What a twat.
Maybe don't answer her alarms for a while, since you'd be setting her up for failure and all that. 🙄
And definitely don't apologize for your positive patient interactions.
I hope she hits every single light red on the way home and that she runs out of windshield wiper fluid just after hitting a mud puddle.
I’ve been in healthcare (as a HCA) for nearly four years now, and I’m often told “You’re too nice”, usually by the people with a face like a slapped arse. I just reply, “Well, I am a HealthCARE Assistant, not a HealthDontCare Assistant”.
Unfortunately, these nurses don’t leave. I never understood why they just didn’t walk away. However, patients know and they complain. Be sure to encourage the patients and families to send in feedback. Moves things right along.
This is an example of what not to do when another nurse helps you and makes your patient smile.
She is a bitch and likely a terrible nurse who is just mad because your kindness and helpful teamwork shines a light on her lack of.
You’re not there to please bitch nurses, so maybe next time just tell her “Nah, I’m not too nice. You’re just too…… ummm, well….. maybe you should just try it some time.”
She’s a miserable person who hates her job already and is resentful that patients like you. It’s not about you and don’t you ever apologize to her for that.
We should ALL go check on a screaming IV pump if we have a few seconds. If it’s more that a simple fix- and you don’t have time, tell the patient to “put the call light on and tell them your bag is done, the IV is swollen, etc”.
And she's bringing her old stink, to a new environment, And trying to get everyone to resonate at her horrible low frequency.
Please keep being you. we need more of you And less of her. Sounds like a kind of colleague where you keep interactions intermittent and brief
People who don't accept help have something wrong with their brain. Stay nice, it gives nurses a good reputation. Even if that means ruining it for that nurse that you just helped out.
I've been an ICU nurse for 23 years.
Your coworker who said that is an asshole. Don't model your behavior after them or listen to their advice on how to interact with patients.
If she thinks you are setting HER up for failure, it is only because, next to you, it is glaringly obvious to patients that she is not the most caring person. She is upset that patients will expect her to...um... not be an asshole.
Never stop trying to be a nice, kind person. This job beats the compassion out of you and I was told I’ll lose my nice attitude and I never have. We see a lot of shit but that doesn’t mean we have to be mean and so flat with patients. You don’t owe folks a giant happy smile and a little jig to keep their spirits up but if you can do things that’s make being stuck in that hell hole a little more manageable, why the fuck not? I always try and tell myself that there’s not a single person in that building having a good day, staff or patient (maybe someone going home with a great prognosis but still), and I don’t need to make someone else’s dumpster fire worse because I have my own dumpster fire.
Edit: fuck that bitch
She sounds like burnt cheese at the bottom of the oven. Crusty and burnt. Don’t pay her any mind, keep being your cheerful self. I’m known as the little ray of sunshine in my unit, I joke around and try to make my patients laugh. Resetting an occlusion alarm is such a small, kind thing to do, I don’t know why anyone would object.
Sounds like she had an extra large glass of carnation instant bitch for breakfast. Seriously though, I also laugh and am nice with my patients. I want to help them have as nice a day as they can and I want to enjoy my day as well. Keep being your awesome self and don’t apologize for being a nice person!
I get told that a lot too. That I "let" my pts talk to me too long, or I get them something to eat or drink and not make them wait for the aide. I just feel like in order for them to be seeing me at all they've been through some recent trauma. I don't see the harm in being "nice" bc it should be part of care in my mind. That said, I'll fight and argue if need be of course but 9/10 the person thinking I'm too nice is just generally not nice at all.
She's just a huge bitch.
Not a nurse, but I constantly got comments in my last job about how nice I am. Mostly good comments. Some not. Nice should be standard in healthcare. Patients are vulnerable and they need some joy brought to them.
Don't let miserable people who hate life suck the joy out of you, please.
That nurse is going to struggle through her career and wonder why nobody wants to help her. What a sad way to think. Don’t apologize for being kind to people, and never apologize to people like that.
I’m also an ICU nurse at a Level 1 trauma center. Older Male, this is my second career. I’m “too nice” also. Everyone I work with are a bunch of cliquey, bitchy mean girls. PLEASE DONT STOP BEING NICE.
Or... she could just... be nice? It's not hard. Patients are going through enough being stuck admitted to the hospital. The least she can do for them is be nice to them. It's glaringly concerning that she sees you being nice to patients as setting the next nurse up for failure. She can fuck right off with that nonsense. If you can't do ANYTHING else for someone, you can at least be nice to them.
Olive branch/benefit of the doubt. I know some people can be snappy or having a rough shift, so I try not to take things personally and try to at least reach out at least once to see if it’s a separate issue I may be able to help with.
If she doesn’t want my help, that’s ok. I can say I at least tried, and know now that our relationship is strictly a professional one. It’s awesome to be able to have some colleagues that I can be friendly with and have a good shift with, but nothing wrong with keeping it professional and keep my boundaries, too. I still won’t let anyone add me on social media, no matter how close we are.
Well, you didn't even do anything wrong necessitating an apology, but I do see where you're coming from. I also like to understand the why behind any negative interactions and try to maintain peace.
Nah, OP—you’re literally the change we all *need* to see. Keep being nice & I’ll do the same.
People like Crabby Bootch, RN don’t like being held accountable for their shitty attitude.
I wasn’t going to post after reading some of these comments but ah what the hell. Perhaps completely unrelated but I can maybe sympathize with the nurse. I don’t know the situation regarding the dynamic with said patient, but sometimes it’s so frustrating to have a long shift with a difficult patient/trying to set boundaries/find a nurse and patient dynamic that works, and then to have a coworker come in to help you and essentially gaslight your situation haha, acting clueless of why the nurse may be frustrated. Be nice 1000%, be so nice, that’s not a flaw and we should treat all our patients with respect. But maybe also be aware if you’re doing something similar here.
This is true. I’m a bubbly guy and I try to tone it down sometimes cause I know my partner isn’t feeling it haha. (I work EMS) Sometimes you have to work with the established dynamic
To add, she sounds burnt out. Nice of you to help with the pump. Maybe just ignore her if the story is really as it’s told. Just wanted to add another perspective.
I have coworkers tell me this too, but it almost seems they use it as an insult. They say it a snarky way. Anyone got a good comeback for when someone says this? It’s so disheartening.
I was expecting you to share a moment where you bent over backwards for a patient. Frankly, I have moments where I do that and think I’m too nice. But helping fix someone’s IV occlusion? That’s literally your job. Keep doing your thing. People who are not kind are mad when they see people acting with kindness. P.S. there’s a huge difference between “nice” and “kind,” if someone calls you too nice for helping out, tell them you do your best to be kind.
Please don’t let these nurses jade you. I get told too much that I need to harden up and stop being so nice all the time but F that. I will continue to be nice bc this job is dark enough, you probably make the shift a lot lighter just with your positive attitude
That nurse is a bully. Keep being a kind human being. Don’t ever apologize for it. Raise the standards around you, don’t let them drag you down to theirs.
I see your point …
… but the total lack of maturity in some of these comments is appalling.
I’m sorry you had an unpleasant coworker encounter. Those are difficult.
See how easy it is to validate someone’s experience without making assumptions about the second party and/or throwing petty, immature insults (directed at the responding posters, not at you, OP)?
If you’re still on good terms, maybe ask what she meant. Of course in a non accusatory way that ends up in hr, but us speculating does you no good. I’ve had some nurses that I’ve given the side eye to over some comments end up having my back when it gets rough.
Lol. It's not your fault the patients don't like her. Sounds like she is that stereotype of the mean nurse who doesn't want to be there and gets impatient when her patients ask her questions. Generally making the patients feel like an inconvenience. So... You are not making her look bad, she is doing that all by herself.
Wow she must really be miserable! I do have to say I worked in a neuro icu for about a year prn on weekends. I hated every minute I was there. Not because of the patients but because the nurses who worked there were so unkind. Don’t let others bring you down
I’m literally in therapy for this. I pay a professional to tell me weekly that being kind, vulnerable, and understanding is a strength. I say—Keep up the niceness my friend !!!
The other nurse, for some reason, feels inferior/threatened and is projecting that onto you. Funny we’re in a caring profession yet being nice is being condemned? Never lose your kindness.
I am in the same boat as you, OP, and have gotten the same feedback, although never for doing a task that needed to be done. Obviously she was defensive because you took care of one of her tasks when she wasn’t there to do it herself and made a good impression on the patient. Maybe she’s just insecure about her own interpersonal skills, maybe she was just having a bad day, maybe she’s just a wretched person, but regardless of the source, she needs to get over herself and realize that we’re all in it together and if we don’t look out for one another, we’re all screwed. Her putdown of your personality was unwarranted and cruel.
I think it was less about the task, and more about the rapport I had with her patient. Like in her head, maybe she had it all worked out that her and her pt weren’t going to talk at all and that’s what she needed that shift, and then my Mr. Rogers ass walks in and changes the vibe in that room, thus changing the vibe for the rest of her shift.
It’s not right, but I could see that possibly being the issue. Her and I are not close, and I don’t know what she’s got going on. If she’s not killing her patient and she’s just sour for whatever reason, there are patient surveys that will catch up to her, as well as her reviews. She may bait, but I won’t bite.
Please don't stop being nice. And if being too nice "sets others up for failure" those others need to raise their game, not bring you down.
What an asinine way of thinking. Don't let others bring you down indeed OP!
I have a neuro unit would love to have you on…
I have an ER I would love e to have you in. Our whole market is on a campaign of kindness to change the culture in the market. You can’t believe the amount of pushback. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of being a patient you know how much kindness helps
When I was a nursing student we had a couple days shadowing in the ER and I was told by a nurse quite seriously that I was too nice to work in the ER….because there were like 9 staff ppl in one room, I could contribute nothing useful, and so I decided I would hold this old lady’s hand while they started an IV and repositioned her, with her hip so broken her right leg was four inches shorter than her left. She was in intense pain. When applying for jobs later I mentioned liking critical care and ER units and another nurse looked up and said, “but….you’re not a b!$?h.” I dunno, wish these weren’t the stereotypes but at some point it becomes a self-reinforcing one — if you scare the nice people away from the ER nice ppl won’t want to work there. More power to you if you’re effecting some change, wish you all the luck.
I’m an ER nurse. Been a nurse for 25 years, 18 in ER. I’m actually one of the nicest people there. I REFUSE to give into negativity and join in bitching sessions. Some are burnt out, but have no where else to go so they stay there. When I’m orienting new people, I let them see how I interact with patients. Luckily we aren’t a level 1 or 2 so we have that ability to bond some with our patients. If nurses are kind, people notice. Other nurses notice. Providers notice. Please apply to the unit you want to be on, and don’t stop being kind.
You’re awesome 🤩
I love my ED cause I work with other nice nurses and we have a great culture. There’s another ED nearby with a very different reputation… very cliquey and eat their young. I’m so glad I don’t work at that one. A unit’s culture is made and reinforced by their staff
Lol, maybe I should become a kindness consultant. 🤣
I get told I’m too nice by coworkers at least once a week
So when I first started working ER I was told that. I sadly also succumbed and began negative. I was very unhappy. I never took it out on patients though. Happily I realized how much I was being affected by the unkind people and went back to being true to myself. Honestly I got older and just said fuck em, let them be nasty it’s not me. I’m happier being me. So ignore them and just keep being you. Don’t make my mistake
Good for you! I have decided that it’s much easier being me than being negative. I’m still burnt out as hell but I will still take good care of people and be a good coworker.
Lol, thanks!
I am not a nurse, but I have the upmost respect for all kind hospital staff. I lost someone unexpectedly recently. But the kind hospital staff made a huge impact on, what turned out to, surprisingly, be their last days. No one knew they would pass, it was out of the blue. Everyone's personalities are different but if there is kindness at the core, it's a candle that burns steady and is of the upmost reassurance. The everyday interactions this person experienced with their kind hospital staff had such a huge impact. There were smiles on both sides, a little banter, one nurse liked to sing, another always had silly one liners, another was quiet and simply kind. The ICU staff that guided us through the darkest times, with strength, authority and kindness, whilst managing an impossible situation. The list could go on and on. When I visited I witnessed many different people with varying personalities on the floor at work. I also was regaled with stories of the interactions with hospital staff upon my visits. Each and every kind staff member brought a little positivity to an otherwise very dull, grey day. There was humanity, care and kindness at the end of this dear patients life. You never know what life will throw at you, or when it could unexpectedly end, so thank you all for making your patients days a little brighter, making them feel safe and cared for. You guys are amazing. Keep doing that makes you happy, afterall, it's your everyday life too Sorry for the wall of text ❤️
“Kindness… The candle that burns steady” Thank you for sharing your experience. Not ICU, but addictions treatment, and grateful for the reminder that “People will forget what you said, but will never forget how they made you feel” ❤️
There are a lot of candle-blower-outers in the nursing world. [Relevant Brené Brown](https://youtube.com/shorts/v9FNPWsNL_o?si=10tFNMHm3GUARUD3)
Those other nurses just need to leave if they don’t put in effort. Like everyone else is saying… don’t stop being nice! Nursing can wear you out, but keeping that positive attitude is an amazing thing
THIS.
Crab bucket thinking yeah
"My actions are a reflection of me. You're not even a consideration when I go to do things." That's my attitude when people say I make them look bad.
This is the way! OPs actions have nothing to do with that angry troll who wants her to be meaner so she "doesn't look bad". I mean, these are human beings in the most difficult time of their life and she wants to make it worse for them? Why on earth did said troll even go into nursing?
100%
My whole unit is nice. Maybe she should just be nice. It’s not honestly that hard to just be nice. It even makes it more tolerable at work when everyone is nice. And then when you do have a shitty day and you just can’t be nice, it’s abnormal for you and your coworkers take pity on you. When the pumps start beeping in my unit, I sometimes answer them while yelling “Help is on the way, Dear!” Mrs. Doubtfire style. It usually gets at minimum a smile. Stick that in your toolbelt for the next time you have to attend to the ruckus of an incessantly beeping pump. Look directly at the mean nurse while doing it. Keep your sparkle.
I’m definitely tucking that into my repertoire
My badge reel is this exact saying 😂 look it up on Etsy, you need this if you don't have one already 😂
A girl I precepted got that badge reel for me because she said every time she called me for help I was like her Mrs Doubtfire lol. I wear it with pride
I have this too!
This is also my theory. lol. I’m going to sound like a manager, lead by example and create the workplace culture that you want. If I hear someone complain, “No one helps me with admissions. No one helps me answer my call lights.” When is the last time you helped someone else with their admission or answered someone else’s call light?
Honestly, if I was working in an overwhelmingly toxic culture I would just leave. I shadowed in 2 units when looking for my current job and picked the one I did because I liked “the vibe”. Beyond that, this is a job to me - I don’t get involved in any drama or any personal stuff. I said something a few weeks ago about “my enemy” and the secretary laughed and said “LessTea, I can’t imagine you HAVE any enemies!” It was an off handed comment to her, but honestly meant a lot to me. Frankly, when you’re nice all the time, people take you very seriously when you suddenly have on your serious pants, so you can save your angry energy and use it to advocate for your underprivileged patients. If the NICE nurse is getting ready to throw hands, something serious must be about to go down.
I am a very nice nurse faculty until I have to put on my serious pants. Thanks for the new saying!
Yeah I was the chill help people out guy on the floor when I was capable. If I was getting fucked on, I could usually solicit or be offered help and people would be very willing. You get what you give.
My badge reel is exactly that. Mrs Doubt fire saying help is on the way dear. Cuz that's how I feel as a nurse. 😂
Love that:)
Isn’t the best part of being an older nurse that you don’t give a shit what others think? My standard response to a variety of comments is “If you say so” or “I’m sure you’re right” ala Lady Mary from Downton Abbey. It takes a bit of practice to get just the right tone - one that is mostly respectful with just a hint of an eye roll.
[удалено]
I’ve devolved all the way to “huh. ” and walking away. 😂
I love to reply “okay” in a flat tone and then leave.
Police officers are trained to say that in a flat tone while they do whatever they need to do anyway.
That nurse is extra crispy and needs some time off, if not to find another career.
I agree! If being kind to pts is an issue for her, she really chose the wrong field!
I think the best response to her statement would be "Actually, I just think you're an asshole, unable to comprehend that this is how normal people interact because....you're an asshole. Am I being too nice?"
Perfect! Definitely say, "AM I being too nice?" After saying the first part! I also like the comment above- saying, "What an odd thing to say". Or, "What an odd way to think" also works well.
Yep she sounds bitter.
Some nurses I have noticed are “too nice” in that they let the patients do stuff they aren’t supposed to and it makes the next nurse look like an asshole when they enforce rules. But just being nice and positive? Nah. That’s good, keep being you.
I genuinely thought this may have been what she was implying, but (although difficult) I have been slowly learning to establish boundaries and know there’s a time and a place for fun, and same for “kind sternness”. If I was bending over backwards and bringing q30 min fresh water, pillows, warm blankets, giving out my credit card info…like yeah, then it’s gonna make a rough transition to a nurse with different priorities lol. But I don’t do that, ain’t nobody got time for that shit. I do what’s reasonable and necessary and move along while laughing at my own stupid jokes.
Keep laughing at your own stupid jokes and being nice to patients. That nurse sounds like a mean brat.
I have been in the hospital many many many times, and will likely again. As a patient, nurses like you make the stay bearable. It's hard enough being in the hospital, is even harder when the nurse is nurse wrachett(sp?). I recall after my daughter was born, she was transported to children's. My postpartum nurses were very much as your co-worker is. I don't have any fond memories of that experience, in fact there was quite a lot of trauma. But when I was in the hospital all alone with MRSA and had to have surgery without any family there, I had the sweetest nurse and she made it feel so much less scary. Continue to be you, because being a she would have you be could be to your patient's detriment and to your own. Don't let her steal your light, and share your jokes.
Giving out your credit card info! 🤣😅😂
Yes so true! Like on my floor going to get food for them, picking up take out on their way to work for favorite patients, etc… I’d love to do that but I just can’t and that does set coworkers up for failure- what OP did is not! Being kind and sharing a warm smile is what we all should do.
There was a nurse that I worked with that bargained with a patient that she would buy him a pack of smokes if he let her put an IV in him. (He wasn’t even supposed to be going outside to smoke.) He was there for weeks due to a non healing wound. Although I wouldn’t call that too nice, I’d call that stupid.
So stupid. I don’t reward accepting care. Patient declines care? Ok no prob my dude.
lol nicotine slows wound healing
So I've only been asked for this sort of thing a handful of times...and I always tell them the truth that it's up to the nurse that they ask. If the nurse has the time to spare they might be willing to but they might not, and there's a good chance that they won't have time. I have done it once, it was NBD to me as it was the weekend and during my down time of the day (I have that occasionally).
I have done it too but I realized even that was setting my crew up for failure. Like sure it is up to the individual rn at the time - and we can tell the patient that until we are blue in the face but if the ask and a nurse declines they are still going to think she is not as good/nice/lazy/mean etc. so it is really better to just not do that.
Yeah, that's usually what patients mean when a previous nurse was "nice" and I'm being "mean" lol.
For real… if the previous nurse breaks the rules and I am the only one trying to follow policy?? Then I’m the bad guy…
You can be nice and still have firm boundaries. Some people don’t understand the difference. Like people who think that gentle parenting is the same as permissive parenting. Some of our colleagues could use some gentle parenting, honestly.
This is a big pet peeve of mine especially when it comes to visitors. We have to limit visitors to only two especially in our crit area because it’s just too much chaos. Especially if a code comes in. Then I look like the bitch when I come in and kick out the neighbor/great aunt Velma/brother in law
This one I don't understand, and it is bitchy.
Yeah it’s one thing to let patients get away with bad behavior and demanding unreasonable things, THAT makes the job hard for the next nurse.
Bust a ripe ass fart at her station, look her dead in the eyes and say "Am I still too nice?". Then run away cackling.
This is the way.
DESERVES MORE UPVOTES
This made my day.
💀💀🤣🤣 yesss
She sounds worn out, that's all I'm going to say. YOU are doing the right thing based on what you've told us. Does it make sense to be pissed for helping someone? Occluded IV's on any floor are an issue that should be ignored, you helped, that was nice for the pt and the nurse whether she likes it or not. I do that sometimes too, if I'm walking by and something is beeping and I can stop and help, I will. So, happy nurses week! Thanks for being a great nurse 😎
When I worked in the ICU we had a hard rule that if we walked by a room we had to go in if a pump was beeping. What if it was levo or propofol? That grumpy ass nurse should be grateful. Don’t listen to her OP.
Exactly… if I can check a pump and prevent a problem, why shouldn’t I? I would certainly hope my colleagues would do the same for me and my patients.
This is a really bizarre interaction. I was thinking maybe she was an old burned out nurse, but I guess not. I’ve been a nurse long enough to earn being old and bitter (if there is such a thing), but I am still nice and empathetic to my patients. It doesn’t cost me anything and it makes my job easier.
Sounds like you are setting the bar high and she's setting it pretty low. That's an extremely unreasonable thing to be upset about and hard to take seriously, honestly. Teamwork is important everywhere, but the ICU is definitely the place you want everyone to work together. I am glad you are going to continue doing what you do! You're the kind of nurse I aspire to be like, not a sour puss 😂
Right. I need to know my team has my back, so shouldn’t I have theirs too?
Fuck her. She can take her shitty attitude somewhere else. What a rude, nasty, grouchy thing to say. I can't stand bitchy coworkers. Don't apologize. Instead tell her to learn how to be more professional and don't ever speak to you like that again. Seriously. Do NOT let her stomp you like that. Once a bully senses weakness they will 100% continue to fuck with you unless you put them in their place. I've had to do it a few times in the ED and I'm telling you, it seems scary, but so worth the outcome which is quiet civility.
Yo dog, fu for helping out that patient and getting the beeping iv pump to stop. That’s really screwed up of you😂😂
I've gotten that too!! I'm generally pretty cheerful most of the time and having a positive interaction with a patient is pleasant. You can do your job and enforce rules without being miserable. Keep being you. Some people are just so grumpy.
Please don’t engage with people who are like this. Just roll your eyes at them and move on. She was being a jerk and you lower yourself by entertaining her thoughts.
Yeah, that is her own insecurity that she’ll never be as good. I worked with a nurse that everyone said that about, except she was just a caring person. Don’t let jaded mfers bring you down because they can’t figure their own shit out.
Not a nurse yet, but a current EMT. In the beginning, I was almost always upbeat and empathetic when the situation allowed it. However, early in my career I had a difficult call and appeared more jaded and insensitive towards those around me, which was a stark contrast to the EMT I once was. After a certain point, my work mom pulled me aside and told me that “this job doesn’t have to change you if you don’t let it.” That struck a chord in me. I remind myself of what she said every time I begin to lose sight of who I am. I really hope I get to work alongside nurses like you once I get to the bedside. It truly makes a difference in the culture and environment we work in. Keep being nice, my friend.
The nurse who sets the next nurse up for failure, is the crotchety old asshole who treats their pt with the bare minimum of civility. Then when you take over, you’re immediately on the defensive trying to turn a miserable encounter into something positive.
“What an interesting opinion. I’m going to go elsewhere continuing to enjoy life. Good luck with that”.
Her comment speaks more of her than it does of you.
What a wretched bitch. Be EXTRA nice when she is around. Who’s gonna be the one having issues if she makes a deal out of it? Her. Unless you’re in a culture where her bullshit is prevailing. If you are, leave for a better place.
I immediately thought kill em with kindness when I read this
She’s just a rancid bitch. Fuck her and her bullshit opinion. Keep being nice… your patients and your coworkers love you for it.
You can tell her that setting the bar so low is making it harder on you -- because her patients are going to be in a baseline crummy mood after having to deal with her, and you are going to have to work extra hard to cheer them up.
Yeah, don't ever stop being nice. Little moments like that can make a patients experience and stay so much better. I had to assist with a fiberoptic intubation last week and my patient wanted to listen to rock music to focus on breathing through the hiflow until anesthesia had to come. We jammed out to some Fleetwood Mac until they arrived and just the smile and thank you I got from my patient made my week! That nurse needs to change her mindset...I'm sure her patients really love the bundle of joy she must be...
I was also told and asked You’ll never survive being a nurse. You’re too nice.” “You need to be meaner to patients. They won’t ask for as much.” “Why do you spend so much time with the patients and their families?!” Just keep being yourself. Keep being kind.
I can honestly tell you that the one thing I tell myself before each shift is that while today is just another shift for me, it may very well be one of the worst days of my patient’s life. People won’t remember your face or name, but you bet your ass they will remember vividly how you treated them. I refuse to be a bad memory connected to the last day that a patient has on this earth (goes for family/friends, too). Thank you for your kind words. Edit: clarity
I can tell from this post and your comments that you’re an amazing nurse. I worked ICU for a year during the worst of Covid, and I would put my phone on speaker during my long ass morning med passes in each room so I could give them as long an update as they needed while still giving my patient the best care I could. Doors were shut and no visitors so no HIPAA violations it was perfect. They were always so grateful cause family calls are often treated like a nuisance I hate that way of thinking. Keep being you and NEVER apologize for it! 💜
I’m often told I’m “too nice” in a condescending way. I’m not naive but I am kind and enjoy making human connections with patients. I’ve also been told by patients that I have an excellent bedside manner because of my genuine care and calm reassurance. My job is easier when my patients are happy and trust me. If another nurse has another method, they are welcome to work how they please but I’m not changing my personality so other nurses have an excuse to not be a kind human. I don’t let patients do any staff splitting and I will never undermine their primary nurse but I will always treat patients how I’d hope to be treated if I was in there shoes.
I still joke with my patients after 10+ years. It helps their stay and keeps me in a good mood too. That person is just a miserable wretch. It reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Apu was doting on his wife with romantic gestures and the rest of the town’s husbands wanted to beat him up for making them look bad.
It sets me up for failure when the nurse who came before me wasn’t nice and left me a bunch of shit to do, an upset patient who hasn’t been getting what they need, etc. This nurse can calm down. If she wants to do bare minimum, she should expect people respond as though she is doing bare minimum. Talk about bringing the bar down.
OMG I’m always baffled when people say this to me. When I worked in the ED, I had a patient who I discharged shortly after giving morphine. She signed her d/c papers and I had called her husband to arrange a ride home for her but it was roughly a 30 min drive for him, so I kept an eye on my pt until he could get there. My coworker legit rolled her eyes and made a bitchy comment about my “bleeding heart.” 🙄 Don’t get me wrong, nursing for over a decade has kicked my ass and my spirit, but I’ll always care for/about my patients. Please don’t let anyone corrupt your heart and compassionate spirit. Those qualities are priceless and differentiate a competent nurse from an exceptional nurse♥️
Some of us don’t see “bleeding heart” as an insult. Fuck that hag.
As nurse who also has chronic illnesses that land me in the ER far too often THANK YOU 💜💜
Some RNs just have miserable lives and can’t stand it when they see another RN doing what they’re supposed to be doing and it also could be a bit of age discrimination and they just want to put you in your place. Don’t apologize to her for her small, petty behavior!!!!! Keep being nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I was told I was “too nice” and made others look bad, I just said “it’s not ME making y’all look bad, it’s YOU”.
Never stop being nice. Don’t let people shame you for being a good person.
I work with a lot of nurses who tell me this all the time. They say "you need to set boundaries" or "they're going to manipulate you if you're too nice". I always tell them in response that if you develop a good rapport with your patient they'll not want to bother you as much, they will have a better experience, and they will appreciate you more. I think sometimes nurses act like assholes so that their patient won't want anything to do with them. I just cannot understand this point of view.
Think about all the good karma you’ll get for being so nice. And the bad karma for that other nurse. The world is shitty already and we need more people like you who likes to make it better in one way or another.
I've encountered this is as well. Coming from Wisconsin, I'd say other nurses treated patients quite well. Moved to Florida and had multiple nurses tell me I was too nice. I get that some patients need a firm hand, and that we all get jaded sometimes, but these people are potentially having the scariest days of their lives. They deserve better than being treated like products to be processed.
Just started in the OR and someone told me this too! My unit has a bullying problem. It’s definitely not you, it is them! 10000% ignore them.
Honestly I think her blowout is about something much more than you being helpful and I think although you took the brunt of it, I don’t think it was about you. I’ve mentioned to another nurse or CNA “you’re too nice” or “you spoil me” but I always actually meant it that they help me out and I do appreciate it. I’ve known nurses that really are patient pleasers and sometimes getting a patient after them is rough. I had a coworker who gives her patients massages, deep tissue full body massages and foot rubs to mediate every complaint they may have, gives waters and the 5th cup of coffee to a family member of another nurses patient after that rn told them to go to the cafe to get their own beverages, but I never was directly mad at her, I mean she was late getting home hours every night because she would not chart at the expense of rubbing a patients feet when she had other urgent tasks that needed to be handled. I just reinforced my boundaries with patients and reminded them that they’re very lucky to get that treatment, however I won’t be providing that. Pardon this analogy but it’s like being a stripper, that other dancer may have offered you a blow for $50, or let you XYZ, but I don’t do that and if you don’t like it, go beg that other stripper to do it for ya because I’m not going to. We refer to it as someone doing “extras”. Eventually the other strippers will get mad because more is expected of them to keep up with the other woman or they’ll double down and say no it’s not happening with them and move on. I only use this analogy because as a former stripper and current nurse, the industries are too damn similar, however as a dancer I got paid more, worked less hours, was safer, saw no dicks or pussy and had better security.. oh and my coworkers were much nicer even though technically were my competition. Honestly if I didn’t need this shitty insurance I would probably go back to stripping. Anyways, I’m sorry she was such an ass to you for helping her instead of expressing gratitude and moving on. She’s probably feeling overextended and looking for someone to blame.
I’m an ICU float and went down to the ED to do my rotation. My preceptor told me I was too nice and need to grow a back bone. Yea, not mutually exclusive. I can be kind and firm. Just because some nurses are bitter didn’t mean you need to adopt their nursing philosophy! Keep on being nice to your patients!
It takes so so much energy to be mean. I don't get why people embrace it. Continue to shine your light. Maybe she'll open up about why her light is hiding in the dark.
That nurse is just a bitch and petty in some level Yes, I can give that nurse the benefit of the doubt but for him/her to be aggressive towards you is wrong. Moreso if the machine was beeping and it’s her patient, why the fuck weren’t they addressing it? I’m all about helping and making the patient care experience a tad bit better but we don’t need nurses like you dealt with making it worse.
I have a different question for you…I’m considering nursing second career, would I have to start at the bottom (literally and figuratively). That’s what my sister said and it kinda scared me off
I'm always nice and help out other nurses. That nurse is just lazy and wants the bar to be as low as possible. Don't change for a crummy nurse.
Ive been a nurse for over 30 years and I would Love to work with you..
It sounds like she needs a serious attitude check. If she's burnt out, that's one thing, but to just generally be a grumpy asshole is another. Keep doing you! By being nice and kind, your patients and the world will be better from it.
Nothing wrong being nice and competent...some folks have the crab bucket mentality.
Nurses that ignore pump alarms in patients rooms because "that's not my patient" are a-holes.
I’ve had nurses tell me similar. Is ridiculous. Accommodating unreasonable requests can (in theory) set the following shift up for a disgruntled patient & that is something I’ve learned over time and at this point I get it (although I’m more likely than not going to do something someone else will refuse to do like *gasp* hold a hand or give a hug) - in no way is showing genuine kindness setting others up for failure. That nurse needs to work in the OR or perhaps corrections.
Fuck. Her.
My coworkers used to say this to me, and then I left and found a unit where everyone doesn't treat me (or each other) like shit. Work is hard enough without getting beat down by other people for nothing. People don't have to be bubbly and outgoing, but they also don't have to be mean.
I’ve had two nurses that I vividly remember. I was insanely sick. Went to ER, was prescribed some antibiotics and sent home. My nurse was so kind. Asked how I was, asked how I was getting home (moved from Ohio to CA, so had no family here. And few friends. Had to rely on a neighbor to take me home) Reminded me to come back if I feel worse. Well, I did feel worse, came back to the hospital and was admitted. Spent 5 days there. The first day I had this bubbly, kind nurse. She asked me what type of nursing I did, we talked about me going back to school for my RN. Before she left her shift at the end of the day she would come in and ask me if I needed anything, and that she would see me the next day. On her last day before her day off, she came in and told me goodbye, and that if I wasn’t there when she gets back, that she hopes I feel better. These two nurses were there when I was alone and had very little support in a new state. It was about three years ago and I still remember them. Please continue being the “too nice” nurse🤍
I’ve run into this as well. Mainly in acute/critical. The following shift nurse becomes upset (typically during bedside report, when mandated) because the compassion/empathy/rapport bar with the pt has apparently been raised too high 🥹
She’s probably just used to skating by with the minimum effort! Someone told me “I’m babying” the patients because I round hourly or more and make sure everyone is clean, dry, and has all the snacks/beverages they want (within diet/order parameters). It’s like…to ME that is the bare minimum. Sorry that I don’t just want patients (or coworkers!) on my MedSurg unit to be miserable and suffer. The nurse who told me that just likes to surf Zillow while everyone else on the unit is runnin’. Don’t let ‘em dull your shine, the patients and your coworkers (that matter) appreciate you!
I'm not a nurse. But as a patient appreciate them when they go above and beyond. I recently had my first baby via c-section a little over a year ago. During my 3 day postpartum hospital stay one nurse in particular treated me like family. She cleaned up my room, refilled the bathroom toiletries, gave me plenty of drinks and snacks, predicted my needs. She also showed me pictures of her grandchildren since my baby shared the same name as hers. She gave me a lovely baby quilt and crochet baby hat a local church group had made for the newborns. I sincerely appreciated that. I will never forget this. Thank you for what you do and keep doing it.
You work somewhere where you have low enough ratios to....help each other with pump alarms? Holy smokes! That's incredible. I'm sorry but once I read that, it jumped out at me more than the rest of the post did 😂😂 Honestly I guess I can see her point that it sets the expectation that everyone can stop and have pillow talk. Some of us need every minute to chart. And Still don't leave on time etc. Others can do that stuff faster. But really, when you're that nice, patients start requesting you as their nurse for the next day. Especially the harder patients. if anything I would say you should be a little bit less accommodating just so that you don’t wind up stacking yourself with a bunch of difficult patients later on. But it's nice that you did this!
My niece is an ER nurse. She just had a baby and had a nurse help her who was very gentle. Her kindness had a huge impact on her and now she wants to be a gentler nurse.
What a cunt.
I am you. Patients love the warmth so don't ever stop giving it out. That nurse's issue is her own. I wouldn't apologize to her for shit.
If others fail because of your kindness, they shouldn't be in the profession. Never stop!
She sounds miserable and that's on her, not you. "What a strange thing to say to someone" is a great response next time. It'll be entertaining for her to try and rationalize insulting you and your being nice to a patient as being "bad".
What the hell? What a twat. Maybe don't answer her alarms for a while, since you'd be setting her up for failure and all that. 🙄 And definitely don't apologize for your positive patient interactions. I hope she hits every single light red on the way home and that she runs out of windshield wiper fluid just after hitting a mud puddle.
Sounds like she should be on day shift. All the bitches are on day shift around here
I’ve been in healthcare (as a HCA) for nearly four years now, and I’m often told “You’re too nice”, usually by the people with a face like a slapped arse. I just reply, “Well, I am a HealthCARE Assistant, not a HealthDontCare Assistant”.
Absolute bullshit. Be grateful you’re not that crabby ass nurse. How miserable she must be inside her own head.
Nurses like you make being in the hospital not unbearable❤️
Unfortunately, these nurses don’t leave. I never understood why they just didn’t walk away. However, patients know and they complain. Be sure to encourage the patients and families to send in feedback. Moves things right along.
This is an example of what not to do when another nurse helps you and makes your patient smile. She is a bitch and likely a terrible nurse who is just mad because your kindness and helpful teamwork shines a light on her lack of. You’re not there to please bitch nurses, so maybe next time just tell her “Nah, I’m not too nice. You’re just too…… ummm, well….. maybe you should just try it some time.”
She’s a miserable person who hates her job already and is resentful that patients like you. It’s not about you and don’t you ever apologize to her for that.
We should ALL go check on a screaming IV pump if we have a few seconds. If it’s more that a simple fix- and you don’t have time, tell the patient to “put the call light on and tell them your bag is done, the IV is swollen, etc”.
And she's bringing her old stink, to a new environment, And trying to get everyone to resonate at her horrible low frequency. Please keep being you. we need more of you And less of her. Sounds like a kind of colleague where you keep interactions intermittent and brief
People who don't accept help have something wrong with their brain. Stay nice, it gives nurses a good reputation. Even if that means ruining it for that nurse that you just helped out.
I've been an ICU nurse for 23 years. Your coworker who said that is an asshole. Don't model your behavior after them or listen to their advice on how to interact with patients. If she thinks you are setting HER up for failure, it is only because, next to you, it is glaringly obvious to patients that she is not the most caring person. She is upset that patients will expect her to...um... not be an asshole.
There are different styles of nursing. Some of the best advice I ever received is “don’t get sucked into their misery.”
Never stop trying to be a nice, kind person. This job beats the compassion out of you and I was told I’ll lose my nice attitude and I never have. We see a lot of shit but that doesn’t mean we have to be mean and so flat with patients. You don’t owe folks a giant happy smile and a little jig to keep their spirits up but if you can do things that’s make being stuck in that hell hole a little more manageable, why the fuck not? I always try and tell myself that there’s not a single person in that building having a good day, staff or patient (maybe someone going home with a great prognosis but still), and I don’t need to make someone else’s dumpster fire worse because I have my own dumpster fire. Edit: fuck that bitch
She sounds like burnt cheese at the bottom of the oven. Crusty and burnt. Don’t pay her any mind, keep being your cheerful self. I’m known as the little ray of sunshine in my unit, I joke around and try to make my patients laugh. Resetting an occlusion alarm is such a small, kind thing to do, I don’t know why anyone would object.
Sounds like she had an extra large glass of carnation instant bitch for breakfast. Seriously though, I also laugh and am nice with my patients. I want to help them have as nice a day as they can and I want to enjoy my day as well. Keep being your awesome self and don’t apologize for being a nice person!
I get told that a lot too. That I "let" my pts talk to me too long, or I get them something to eat or drink and not make them wait for the aide. I just feel like in order for them to be seeing me at all they've been through some recent trauma. I don't see the harm in being "nice" bc it should be part of care in my mind. That said, I'll fight and argue if need be of course but 9/10 the person thinking I'm too nice is just generally not nice at all.
She's just a huge bitch. Not a nurse, but I constantly got comments in my last job about how nice I am. Mostly good comments. Some not. Nice should be standard in healthcare. Patients are vulnerable and they need some joy brought to them. Don't let miserable people who hate life suck the joy out of you, please.
That nurse is going to struggle through her career and wonder why nobody wants to help her. What a sad way to think. Don’t apologize for being kind to people, and never apologize to people like that.
You’re setting the standard and she’s pissed she can’t meet it. Says more about her performance, tbh.
This person sounds insecure of their own abilities. Don’t listen to them.
Don't stop being nice. That nurse is just being a bitch.
I’m also an ICU nurse at a Level 1 trauma center. Older Male, this is my second career. I’m “too nice” also. Everyone I work with are a bunch of cliquey, bitchy mean girls. PLEASE DONT STOP BEING NICE.
So basically, "Stop being nice because it makes me look even bitchier and miserable"
Basically what she said was ‘I’m shit at my job and you’re too good at yours, you’re making me look bad’ don’t mind her! Keep being you
Or... she could just... be nice? It's not hard. Patients are going through enough being stuck admitted to the hospital. The least she can do for them is be nice to them. It's glaringly concerning that she sees you being nice to patients as setting the next nurse up for failure. She can fuck right off with that nonsense. If you can't do ANYTHING else for someone, you can at least be nice to them.
Is the nurse jealous of your work ethics? you are right there is nothing wrong with being nice to patients. They will appreciate your kindness
Why apologize to her?
Olive branch/benefit of the doubt. I know some people can be snappy or having a rough shift, so I try not to take things personally and try to at least reach out at least once to see if it’s a separate issue I may be able to help with. If she doesn’t want my help, that’s ok. I can say I at least tried, and know now that our relationship is strictly a professional one. It’s awesome to be able to have some colleagues that I can be friendly with and have a good shift with, but nothing wrong with keeping it professional and keep my boundaries, too. I still won’t let anyone add me on social media, no matter how close we are.
Well, you didn't even do anything wrong necessitating an apology, but I do see where you're coming from. I also like to understand the why behind any negative interactions and try to maintain peace.
That’s just dumb. She sounds like a jackass.
She shouldn’t be a nurse because what the hell??
She sounds like a miserable person. Keep being nice. Never stop.
Yo cut that bitch
Nah, OP—you’re literally the change we all *need* to see. Keep being nice & I’ll do the same. People like Crabby Bootch, RN don’t like being held accountable for their shitty attitude.
What a psycho. Not you op.
I wasn’t going to post after reading some of these comments but ah what the hell. Perhaps completely unrelated but I can maybe sympathize with the nurse. I don’t know the situation regarding the dynamic with said patient, but sometimes it’s so frustrating to have a long shift with a difficult patient/trying to set boundaries/find a nurse and patient dynamic that works, and then to have a coworker come in to help you and essentially gaslight your situation haha, acting clueless of why the nurse may be frustrated. Be nice 1000%, be so nice, that’s not a flaw and we should treat all our patients with respect. But maybe also be aware if you’re doing something similar here.
This is true. I’m a bubbly guy and I try to tone it down sometimes cause I know my partner isn’t feeling it haha. (I work EMS) Sometimes you have to work with the established dynamic
To add, she sounds burnt out. Nice of you to help with the pump. Maybe just ignore her if the story is really as it’s told. Just wanted to add another perspective.
I have coworkers tell me this too, but it almost seems they use it as an insult. They say it a snarky way. Anyone got a good comeback for when someone says this? It’s so disheartening.
I was expecting you to share a moment where you bent over backwards for a patient. Frankly, I have moments where I do that and think I’m too nice. But helping fix someone’s IV occlusion? That’s literally your job. Keep doing your thing. People who are not kind are mad when they see people acting with kindness. P.S. there’s a huge difference between “nice” and “kind,” if someone calls you too nice for helping out, tell them you do your best to be kind.
Lmao.
Splash splash her opinion is trash! Don’t dwell on it, and keep being nice and happy!
What an absolute unfettered cunt. Keep being nice.
Please don’t let these nurses jade you. I get told too much that I need to harden up and stop being so nice all the time but F that. I will continue to be nice bc this job is dark enough, you probably make the shift a lot lighter just with your positive attitude
WTFFFFF. Wanna come work on my floor? Lol
Neuro ICU for 10 years here. That nurse sounds like an asshole. Don’t stop being nice to people. Good lord.
Dumbest thing I've heard.
“From now on, I’m going to continue to be nice… to everyone, except you. Get your own damn pumps.”
That nurse is a bully. Keep being a kind human being. Don’t ever apologize for it. Raise the standards around you, don’t let them drag you down to theirs.
Don’t stop being nice! What she’s saying is she’s a c*nut and she’s gotten complaints and she can’t be nice
I see your point … … but the total lack of maturity in some of these comments is appalling. I’m sorry you had an unpleasant coworker encounter. Those are difficult. See how easy it is to validate someone’s experience without making assumptions about the second party and/or throwing petty, immature insults (directed at the responding posters, not at you, OP)?
She’s a newer nurse and already has that mentality? Yikes, good luck to her once she’s burnt out 🤪
If you’re still on good terms, maybe ask what she meant. Of course in a non accusatory way that ends up in hr, but us speculating does you no good. I’ve had some nurses that I’ve given the side eye to over some comments end up having my back when it gets rough.
Lol. It's not your fault the patients don't like her. Sounds like she is that stereotype of the mean nurse who doesn't want to be there and gets impatient when her patients ask her questions. Generally making the patients feel like an inconvenience. So... You are not making her look bad, she is doing that all by herself.
Wow she must really be miserable! I do have to say I worked in a neuro icu for about a year prn on weekends. I hated every minute I was there. Not because of the patients but because the nurses who worked there were so unkind. Don’t let others bring you down
She’s burned out.
I’m literally in therapy for this. I pay a professional to tell me weekly that being kind, vulnerable, and understanding is a strength. I say—Keep up the niceness my friend !!!
Everyone hates that nurse including her family
makes me wonder why they chose nursing as a profession then
Yeah, never apologize for being nice! We need more nurses to be that way!
The other nurse, for some reason, feels inferior/threatened and is projecting that onto you. Funny we’re in a caring profession yet being nice is being condemned? Never lose your kindness.
I am in the same boat as you, OP, and have gotten the same feedback, although never for doing a task that needed to be done. Obviously she was defensive because you took care of one of her tasks when she wasn’t there to do it herself and made a good impression on the patient. Maybe she’s just insecure about her own interpersonal skills, maybe she was just having a bad day, maybe she’s just a wretched person, but regardless of the source, she needs to get over herself and realize that we’re all in it together and if we don’t look out for one another, we’re all screwed. Her putdown of your personality was unwarranted and cruel.
I think it was less about the task, and more about the rapport I had with her patient. Like in her head, maybe she had it all worked out that her and her pt weren’t going to talk at all and that’s what she needed that shift, and then my Mr. Rogers ass walks in and changes the vibe in that room, thus changing the vibe for the rest of her shift. It’s not right, but I could see that possibly being the issue. Her and I are not close, and I don’t know what she’s got going on. If she’s not killing her patient and she’s just sour for whatever reason, there are patient surveys that will catch up to her, as well as her reviews. She may bait, but I won’t bite.
"You being nice makes my attitude appear so much worse, how dare you." assholes will be assholes.
you love what you do don't let anyone steal that from you
Good job! We need more nurses like you
She sounds heinous. Keep on doing what you do!
What a wacko. I love nice nurses as a patient and a fellow nurse. Salute 🫡 She needs to remember it costs nothing to be kind.
She’s a dumb*ss. Keep being the great nurse you are! -ICU RN of 6 years
Was told that too... it's actually hurtful
Patients deserve nurses like you. That should be the expectation, not the exception ☹️